All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S02E08.1998.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

I don't know, Elaine. You know how
particular he is about his toilet seat.

-It's also the scene of a painful memory.
-[Beeping]

And the bathroom, more than anything,
is a place to wipe the past away.

-What?
-[Gasps]

I don't know. I--

I just get this--

-Bad feeling?
-You too?

-Yes. Like something's gonna happen.
-What is it?

-I don't know, but it's creepy.
-[Elevator Bell Dings]

Nelle.
I need Nelle.

[All Together]
She's back.

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

-Try to stay calm.
-I'm overwrought.

Overwrought and calm is a bad combination.
I don't like that outfit.

-What's up?
-She's overwrought.

A group is trying to shut down her mud
wrestling club with a nuisance claim.

They're evidently going
into court today ex parte.

I'm gonna back up just half a step.
Mud wrestling club?

She owns one.

Wow. Where, uh, women--
In the mud, they--

Wrestle. And MOPE
is trying to shut it down.

[Sighs] Why is everyone out to get me?

I don't--I don't know. That's good.

MOPE? What's MOPE?

Mothers Opposed to
Pornographic Entertainment.

They're claiming the club destroys
the quiet enjoyment of the community--

Why would, uh, Ling
own her own porno club?

It's not porno.
There's not even any nudity.

It's just women in bathing suits.

-Wrestling.
-[Ally] Oh!

-It's sport.
-[Georgia Laughs]

-How could she own a place like that?
-And keep it a secret. Bygones.

Well, she basically bought it
as a tax write-off,

but it turned out to make a profit.

Anyway, they're trying to
shut her down ex parte.

They'll probably be using that
"women degradation" cliché.

I want to take the high road and
counter with women of our own.

-Georgia, Ally, Nelle--Dream team.
-[Women] No!

-Not a chance.
-Look, I hate to pull rank,

but this is the kind of case where
having female litigants is a plus.

We owe it to Ling to extend
our best efforts, not to mention...

this is a client with whom I'm still
trying to reach sexual fruition.

For once, I'll ask you to think about
someone other than yourselves.

Can you do that, Georgia?

Can you think about the senior
partner that signs your paycheck?

How about you, Ally? Could you possibly
consider somebody other than yourself?

I realize it involves using
a new muscle, but to me,

any job is meaningless unless it offers
the opportunity for personal growth.

-Off we go. Be lawyers.
-Hold on a second.

The judge is probably gonna
want a hearing, which means...

-I need somebody to check this place out.
-The mud club?

Well, I don't like surprises. Billy?

No! He's not... free.

-I'm not?
-[Nelle] I don't need him to wrestle.

-No! He's married.
-[Giggles]

That's why they have these places,
I thought--for married men.

I think you turned her.

-I'll go.
-I could go.

I'm actually a good spy. I briefly
considered a career in the C.I.A.

I have an ability to glide
through a room unnoticed.

A... spy?

Well, why don't you both go?
John and Richard--undercover.

You took a moment.

-It's all controlled by the same remote.
-I don't know, Elaine.

John, look. I've invented
an automatic seat warmer.

You know how awful it is
to sit on an ice-cold toilet,

especially in the morning.

You can set it for different temperatures,
going all the way up to simmer.

-Simmer?
-I like a warm seat.

-Of course, this has your auto flusher.
-[Beeps]

-Standard.
-[Toilet Flushing]

And check out this.

This feature is
for married couples,

because he always leaves
the seat up.

Would you like to test-drive?

If anybody "Lings" me in there,
I expect you all to object.

Oh, don't worry.

Hey, Georgia.

Ray! Hey.
How's it goin'?

-The same. How about you?
-The same.

-How's Jeannie?
-Jeannie? Oh, yeah.

Jeannie--Well, Jeannie became Cynthia,
and Cynthia and I are now over.

Ray.

Excuse me. We're in litigation.
I don't want her congenial.

-Could you please not engage her?
-[Nelle] Ling?

You're tugging me. Don't tug me.

-[Scoffs]
-Dumbest case.

-You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
-Uh-uh.

Mine's worse. Have you ever
heard of this group called MOPE?

-Uh-oh.
-[Nelle] There are no zoning laws...

which preclude this type
of commercial activity.

Well, we're not here on zoning.
We're here on nuisance.

But that takes into account
the zoning laws that--

If you choose to raise zoning
as grounds for--

We don't need to raise anything.

The burden is on you
to show cause--

You could give me the chance. I'm actually
capable of finishing a sentence.

Go ahead.

[Ray] First, traffic, congestion.
Second, the activity.

It stigmatizes the whole neighborhood.
It's the equivalent of a strip joint.

-What?
-Ms. Woo.

Your Honor, it is not a strip joint.
That slandered me.

I'd like to amend my answer to include
defamation, naming him and all of MOPE.

Ling!

Look, the bottom line is this place
is offensive to women.

It demeans the neighborhood.
It should be stopped.

I'd like to hear from one of
the complaining parties. Do we have any?

Miss Stokes lives in the neighborhood.

She's affected by the presence
of this club.

It's a filthy sex club.
And with all that filthy mud--

Uh, Ms. Stokes, we'll do this formally.

We'll hear from you after lunch.
2:00 sharp.

[Gavel Raps]

-You "Linged" me in there.
-With a hard "L." I heard it.

And the "G"--
Mmm.

[Growls]

-We'll get the next one.
-I hate this firm.

-All right, give it up.
-What?

-Ray! He's cute!
-[Scoffs] Tell me about it.

Law school classmate.
I had the biggest crush. Before Billy.

Did you go out?

One date. We couldn't
have had less in common.

He is a great guy.
Hey! I could fix you up.

-He's opposing counsel, Georgia.
-That could be good.

No!

Adversarial can be good
for a starting relationship.

Conflict can breed passion.

If he wasn't your type, how could he be
mine? You like all the men I like.

There was just the one!

-So, do you want to meet him or not?
-No.

-Okay.
-Yes.

A little one. A little meet.
An itty-bitty.

Okay.

I thought we'd make
separate entrances.

Sometimes, individuals
are innocuous...

-while couplings can be recognizable.
-[Toilet Flushing]

John, it's just a--
It's just a bar.

We're just going to get the lowdown
and give Nelle the scoop.

Lawyers frequent these adult
establishments. We could be spotted.

-I'd prefer separate entrances.
-I-I-I--

Field reconnaissance
isn't to be trivialized.

Fine.

It's a residential as well as
commercial neighborhood.

-People live there.
-But, Ms. Stokes, this is mud wrestling.

Aren't you taking it
a little seriously?

Well, when we talk about
raising our children,

we all like to strut about saying,
"It takes a village."

But I don't think the village
should embrace the idea

of reducing women
to sex objects.

But it's after-hours.
This is in a club.

Where men gather and salivate
over a bunch of women...

slithering around in the mud like
it was some kind of wild lubricant.

So, you would think all mud
wrestling clubs should go.

I think they shouldn't be in
residential areas, that's right.

-The same would be true of strip clubs?
-Of course.

-Movie theaters that show sex scenes?
-Well, some sex scenes,

if it has
something redeeming.

Who decides what's redeeming? MOPE?

There's a big difference between
movie sex scenes and what they do.

So, a movie theater showing sex scenes
and nudity, you have no problem with?

-I don't think pornography--
-Not pornography.

I'm talking about an R-rated movie
showing nudity in love scenes.

Look, I'm not gonna let you trap me with
your tricky, sleazy, sneaky questions.

A movie is a movie.
It's different than a place...

where muddy breasts get
slopped around in people's faces.

Permission to make a speech,
Judge?

I'd be delighted.

Mud wrestling
degrades the participants.

It creates
a negative image of women,

and having a place like that in
the community demeans that community.

And the women who perform the sex scenes
in the movies, they're not degraded?

-No.
-Why is that?

Because they're paid
tons of money.

You're up next, Ling.
And this could turn on your testimony.

-So that means, uh--Well, you know.
-We're dead.

-I want her off the case.
-Fine.

Georgia.

Ally, have-have
you actually met Ray Brown?

Uh--Uh, no. No, hi. Ally McBeat. Meat.

Meal. Beal. McBeal.
[Nervous Chuckle]

Uh, I-I--It takes me a while,
but I usually get it right.

Georgia said you'd maybe
like to get a drink sometime.

Oh. Um--

Well, uh, um--
It's just that, uh--

Well, so long as we don't
talk about the case.

-But-But I do get thirsty.
-Really?

-What's going on here?
-[Women] Ling!

People are being nice to
each other. Don't tug me.

Yeah, this is
a little strange.

-But I actually would like to--
-Great. Me too.

So I guess
I'll see you in court.

Yeah, yeah.
I-I guess so.

[No Audible Dialogue]

You came home just to
change your underwear?

-Yes.
-For a first date?

He's not gonna get near
my underwear, Renee.

Let's take your mind
out of where it thrives.

Was anything wrong with
the underwear you were wearing?

-It wasn't lucky.
-Excuse me?

I have lucky underwear,
okay?

Now, it may sound stupid to somebody
who gets lucky not wearing any.

But I have two little charms in
life--an old shoe, and a pair of--

Ooh. And I am not about to go
out on a date with an old shoe.

Well.

-Is this guy really that cute?
-Oh, not really.

He's, uh, kind of
"white bread," actually.

Oh, as opposed to Billy,
that wild thing?

[Chuckles] I think I like
him because he talks fast.

-He reminds me of Jack Webb.
-Who?

Jack Webb, the guy on Dragnet. I-I had
a crush on both him and-and Mr. Ed.

Well, we're not gonna go there.
But Jack Webb,

he talked really fast
with his voice down low.

[Chuckles] That's how Ray talks.

[Mimicking Ray] "Equivalent of the strip
joint, Your Honor.

The place should be shut down.

It hurts the whole community.
Offense to women."

Goose bumps.
[Giggling]

Don't ask me why.

She takes the stand first up,
so you need to go tonight.

-Can't Ling tell you what goes on there?
-Ling lies.

I'm ready.
I'm dressed in grays.

Well, what are you
looking for, Nelle?

I just want to confirm that there is no
nudity and that there's no touching.

-No touching? They wrestle.
-No sexual touching.

-Oh.
-Gray is a blend color.

-To blend in.
-Excellent.

I didn't even know you were here,
John. Ready?

-I am. But remember--
-Right. Separate entrances.

We're spies.

-He paid me no heed.
-It's the gray.

You just blend.

Thank you for
doing this, John.

Be careful.

Bring him to the bar. It will be easier.
I know him. Billy knows him.

If you guys don't click,
we can dilute it.

I'm not crazy about everybody
watching me on a first date.

Well, sometimes in a group situation,
there's less pressure.

I agree. In college,
I had a date with the varsity quarterback.

Talk about being nervous.

To take the pressure off,
I went out with the whole team.

[Gasps, Shudders]

-[Screams]
-What?

[Ally] Help me! I-I-I'm stuck.

-The-The seat went up.
-Uh, open the door.

I-I can't.
I'm--I'm stuck.

-What do you mean, you're stuck?
-I'm stuck.

-Oh.
-John?

Can-Can you open the latch
with your foot?

-I don't know.
-John, flip over the top.

-I can't dismount in.
-[Groans]

[Elaine]
God, she's in the bowl!

-Where's my camera?
-Can you move?

-[Richard] What's going on?
-Ally's fallen, and she can't get up.

[Gasping]
My-My-My hip is wedged.

Who left the seat up?

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Could I have your attention, please?

The unisex is temporarily
out of commission.

Ally's wedged inside
a toilet bowl.

We would appreciate your sensitivity
until this crisis is over.

Please, go about your work.

-It's almost 9:00.
-I'm-I'm sure she'll be right out.

You know how girls get before a date.

She's probably just has to
touch up her makeup.

Yeah.

-I'm afraid we're gonna have to break it.
-What?

The oil isn't loosening anything.
In fact, there could be some swelling.

-This could get worse.
-So you're going to smash my toilet?

-I don't know any other way.
-Well, you can't smash it.

Could you please hurry?

We'll just tap it
to break off the side of the bowl.

No!

John, it's past 9:00.
We're late for our mission.

-He's going to smash my bowl.
-It's my hip flexors that are stuck.

-I have big flexors.
-How we doin'?

Oh! Is he--
Is he waiting?

-Uh-huh. How long?
-Did you tell?

No. We didn't tell.
Relax.

-Oh! Oh!
-[Toilet Flushing]

[Chuckling]

Exactly what is it about her you think
I'll like, besides her being pretty?

Sense of humor.
I remember you liking that.

Mmm, yeah.

Do you remember, uh,
what it was I didn't like?

I think maybe long hair.

And Billy--I met Billy
the week after we went out.

-I don't think you liked that.
-No. No, no, no.

I definitely--
definitely didn't like that.

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if we had
had two dates before you met him--

You ever wonder?

Never.

-♪♪ [Rock]
-[Audience Cheering]

[Vonda] ♪ There's a man
who leads a life of danger ♪

♪ To everyone he meets
he stays a stranger ♪

♪ With every move he makes ♪

-♪ Another chance he takes ♪
-[No Audible Dialogue]

♪ Odds are he won't live
to see tomorrow ♪

♪ Secret agent man ♪

♪ Secret agent man ♪

♪ They've given you a number ♪

♪ And taken away your name ♪

-♪♪ [Vocalizing]
-[Man] Oh, yeah!

♪ Beware of pretty faces
that you find ♪

♪ A pretty face can hide
an evil mind ♪

♪ Oh, careful what you say ♪

♪ Don't give yourself away ♪

♪ Odds are you won't live
to see tomorrow--♪

-♪♪ [Stops]
-You've been made.

♪♪ [Humming]

You got some,
uh, mud--

[Man] Ladies and gentlemen,
hot babes in mud!

Put it together!
Make them feel good.

-[Cheering, Whooping]
-Thank you.

Now it's time for some audience
participation.

Let's have some fun in the mud.

-What's that man doing?
-Who's the highest bidder--

-He's auctioning a girl for a wrestle.
-[Man] Thirty dollars!

Thirty dollars--Thirty dollars, one time.
How about 40? Forty dollars--

-Jerry's bachelor party. Thank you.
-What are you doing?

-Investigating.
-How about 60 here?

-She didn't say to wrestle.
-I'm thorough.

Gone to the man sitting next to mud face.

-Excellent.
-All right.

Everybody, let's say hello
to our next wrestler.

-Say hello to Jennifer.
-[Cheering, Shouting]

Yeah. Mamacita. Whoo!

Do lots of people
get stuck in toilets?

-Elaine!
-Ma'am?

All right, everybody,
stand back.

-[Elaine] I want to see.
-Ma'am, get back.

-[Man #2] Here we go.
-[Man #3] Here we go.

-[Man #3] Watch yourselves.
-[Gasps]

Be gentle.

[Man On Radio] We are
attempting extrication at this time.

-Strike one.
-A little harder.

-[Ally Gasping]
-[Man] Come on.

-You're free.
-You're free, ma'am.

[Inhales, Exhales Sharply] Thank you.

Thank you. Um--
If-If-If you'll excuse me,

-I'm, um, uh--
-[Water Splashes]

[Stammering]
I'm, um,

late for a-a-a-a date.

[Man]
Ma'am, that's our blanket.

♪♪ [Pop]

[Vonda]
♪ But I love him ♪

♪ It's too late to have
a change of heart ♪

♪ I still love him ♪

♪ Tomorrow is his wedding day and
you'll be crying if you're smart ♪

♪ Foolish little girl ♪

♪ Fickle little girl ♪

♪ You didn't want him
when he wanted you ♪

♪ He's found another love
It's her he's dreaming of ♪

-♪♪ [Continues]
-What do you think is more degrading?

Wrestling in mud,
or being stuck in a toilet?

-Well, I haven't tried wrestling yet.
-What I don't understand is,

if you don't like your case,
why did you take it?

We took it on principle.
The "Ling" principle. Our senior partner--

Georgia, I don't think we should be
giving away all our trade secrets.

We shouldn't even be
discussing the case.

You're right.
Let's dance.

Uh, I'd-I'd love to,
but I have a sprained butt.

I'll go.

-All right.
-♪ He's found another love ♪

♪ It's her
he's dreaming of ♪

♪ And there's not a single thing
that you can do ♪

Why are they being friendly
with opposing counsel?

Who cares?

Are you ready with your testimony,
Ling? Maybe we should go over it again.

I'm ready. "Be likable, sympathetic,
sincere." Stop bugging me.

♪ Foolish little girl ♪

-So, Ray--Think you like him?
-I might.

I hear he's a great guy.
Maybe I'll get a chance to talk to him.

♪ It's her he's dreaming of ♪

♪ And there's not a single thing
that you can do ♪

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

-What's the big deal?
-The big deal?

If they're still interested
in each other?

Still attracted to each other
doesn't mean they'll do anything.

[Scoffs] They shouldn't be going out
to dinner at all if they're attracted.

-She--She's married.
-Wait a minute. You were there.

Only as a beard, maybe.

-Come on.
-No. I saw two twinkles in their eyes.

-One in his, and one in hers.
-What--What are you saying, Ally?

That old boyfriends
and-and old girlfriends...

can't even have lunch
or-or dinner together?

No!
Look at you and Matt.

Well, that was wrong
because we still--

Yeah!

But Georgia and Ray--

-Maybe they still.
-Maybe they don't.

What if they're
two mature adults...

who might still be attracted,
but are too responsible to ever act on it?

Can they have
lunch together?

No!
It's wrong.

Can they work side by
side in the same law firm?

Do--You tricked me.
It's different.

No, it isn't. Maybe that's
what's bothering you.

Maybe you
suddenly realize...

that all last year,

you were having some
kind of affair with Billy.

Mmm.

They-They just
smashed it.

Please, John. No-No funerals.
We'll get a new one.

-Uh, a fresh bowl. Would you just--
-Yeah.

-Well?
-Oh. Uh--

-No nudity. No sexual touching.
-The women were quite strong.

So, basically--

A bunch of guys staring at breasts and
butts, tongues hanging out. You know.

-So, nothing we didn't expect.
-Nope.

Boys being boys,
and girls being girls.

-[Bones Cracking]
-[Moans] Oh, that's good.

The idea that it degrades
women is ridiculous.

Every woman wants to be
thought of as desirable. Imagine.

They can go home at night and say,
"Even in mud, I look good."

You have to admit,
this activity does objectify them.

So?

Ling, how can it not be
a little degrading?

Women strutting around in bathing suits,
guys whooping--

-Could I respond to that?
-I wish you would.

First, the women there make
nearly $100,000 a year. How?

These drunken Neanderthals
hurl money at them.

Go into that club, you come out with
a lower opinion of men, trust me.

That could be true.

But these girls do make
that money with their bodies.

They make it by teasing men with something
they'll never get their hands on.

-That goes to the very essence of a woman.
-Excuse me?

Sex is a weapon. We all use it.
We tease. We tantalize.

We withhold. It's something
we do in almost every walk of life,

be it marriage, business--

God gave us that advantage
by giving men the dumb stick.

-It's hot in here, and there's no water.
-The dumb stick?

Penis.
They've all got them.

So as a woman, you see nothing wrong
with putting half-naked girls in a ring...

rubbing mud on their breasts for
the sole purpose of titillating men?

-No.
-Nothing at all?

Suppose we put 'em in a ring as boxers

and cheered for one
to knock the other unconscious.

Would that be better?

Are you comparing boxing
to mud wrestling?

Of course not.
Boxing is worse.

Talk about
reducing people.

Let's pay two men to beat
on each other. How rich.

You ever met any of
the women in your club?

Why should I?

Ever bothered
to check out their backgrounds?

Find out why it is they're in that ring
as objects of sexual desire?

It would be hypocritical for me to ask.
It would suggest I care.

Maybe a few of them feel
like they have little choice.

Perhaps for some,
it represents their only choice.

Well, then how lucky they are to
have you to take that choice away.

With feminists like you,
who needs chauvinism?

Ms. Woo,
try not to give speeches.

You let that old woman
give a speech.

What about the message it sends
to young girls? What-What--

What if you had a niece who came
to you and said, "Auntie Ling,

when I grow up,
I want to work in a mud wrestling club"?

As opposed to a nephew
who says...

he wants to play football so
he can eat, get fat and block?

As opposed to a niece who says,
"Auntie, I want to be a figure skater,

put on tight, sexy leotards
and win a gold medal"?

As opposed to a niece who says,
"Auntie, I want to be an actress

and pretend to fornicate...

on 70-millimeter screen with Dolby sound
accenting my every grunt and moan"?

As opposed to a nephew
who says, "Auntie"--

Ms. Woo.

I'm sorry, Your Honor,
but hypocrisy makes me wrought.

And why is there still no water?

Are you going to deny that women
are being exploited in your club?

Women are exploited
by the high heel shoe.

Women are exploited
by the idea that...

we have to paint our eyelashes
every day just to go to work.

-Again, Ms. Woo.
-I'm just responding to the question.

Pharmaceutical companies
spend billions of dollars...

convincing the world
that cellulite is evil.

Is that to empower women?
What world do you live in?

If anything, we should be glad to have
my club, because we exploit men.

-How is that?
-They're pigs.

Mankind is based on a kind
of "pigdom." In my club,

the women basically control the dumb
stick and take the men's money.

I'm getting tired.
[Panting]

She's my hero!
She's vicious.

I-I disagree with almost
everything she says.

She treats me like dirt.
And somehow, she's my hero.

When does the judge rule?

Nelle said she might want to call
at least one more witness.

And then I guess the future of
mud wrestling will be decided.

-So, I'll see you at dinner, huh?
-Sorry?

Aren't the four of us
going out again?

Oh. Oh.

Um--

Mmm, I'm not sure yet.

Hey.

You, um, want to tell me
what's going on?

Excuse me?

You're not looking after
my social life, Georgia.

-You're taking care of your own.
-What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about. This is--

This is about you
spending more time with Ray,

and I'm the device that allows you to tell
yourself that you're not betraying Billy.

[Laughs] Are you out of your mind?

Are you--

[Scoffs]

Fine. You say
you want to meet men.

I try to help.
Fine.

Sorry.

[Scoffs]

-You having fun on this case?
-It's okay. I prefer being a plaintiff.

But a defendant's nice too.
I get a martyr glow.

You know, Ling--

-Never mind.
-What?

If you need to share,
of course I'm here for you.

Did I smudge?

Last Saturday, I went out in
the morning to get some coffee.

I bumped into somebody
from my old firm.

He didn't recognize me at
first without my makeup.

Four years, I worked three offices away,
he didn't recognize me.

So?

So there are people who have
never seen me without makeup.

Nelle, when I hear you
talk this way,

it makes me wonder,
is there a point?

[Chuckles]

The point is, progress aside,

women are still things
to be looked at.

Objects.

These clubs don't help.

The other day,
I was shopping.

A man in the store actually growled at me.
This sexual growl.

And I don't think he was the least
bit embarrassed to do so.

I liked it.

-I'm not doing the summation.
-Excuse me?

Look, I can continue with the case,
but for the summation, I--

I want you.

You don't want me,
because I can't sell it.

Sideless.

♪♪ ["Hawaii Five-O" Theme]

♪♪ [Continues]

-[Needle Scratches Record]
-[Gasps]

Everything okay?

-It's fine.
-She just jumped out at you.

I'm a witness.

You could be right.

Remember when you went
out with-with that boy,

that 18-year-old
a couple months ago?

-Yeah.
-You said that you never intended...

for anything to happen,
or for it to go anywhere.

But you wanted to go on the date anyway,
just to remember.

What did you want
to remember?

I don't know. Um, staring into
the eyes of an 18-year-old, maybe.

One of the things about
being married, I guess--

You don't get that--
that date high.

-That-That little, you know--
-High.

Mmm.

It doesn't
mean anything.

-It's just a little--
-Affair.

-It is not an affair--
-Georgia, it was a version of one.

Two people communicate
their mutual interest

just smiling at each
other, dancing.

He's not--As far as he's concerned,
he's there with you, Ally.

He was not. He's doing
exactly what you're doing.

And it's-it's-it's--
it's-it's wrong.

Nothing is happening!
I--

I would never--
You know I wouldn't.

I do. But-But-But I also know...

that-that-that Billy going off
to look at mud wrestlers...

is less of an offense
than-than what's going on here.

[Sighs]

-[Nelle] You were a lawyer?
-I still am a lawyer.

-I just kind of practice on the side.
-What do you do for a living?

-I'm a dancer.
-A dancer?

I work at the Squat and Gobble.
It's a male strip club.

-You strip?
-I do.

Excuse me. What's the relevance here?
The Squat and Gobble...

isn't in this neighborhood.
It has nothing to do with this case.

You're free to disregard him
if you don't think he's relevant.

Speed it up.

Why dance instead of law?

Well, I make great money,
and I enjoy it.

I love dancing, and--

Well, I'll be honest. I get a kick out
of the way the women respond.

Uh, it's not something I'm gonna
do forever, but for now it's--

-But don't you find it degrading?
-No.

Wouldn't it bother you--
I mean, what if I were to say...

that all I want in life is to go over
every inch of your body with my tongue...

and make love till I dehydrate?

Wouldn't you feel like a victim?

I'd get over it.

That was kind of a stunt,
don't you think?

The point is, a man, a lawyer--

-Did any of us look at him as a victim?
-That's not the same.

-I like stunts.
-All right.

We give our final statements after recess,
then we're done.

I want Richard Fish to do it.

-[Together] What?
-Why?

We have an hour.
I'm gonna go get him.

-Ally.
-[Gasps]

-Um, hey, Ray.
-Can-Can I steal you a sec?

Uh--Uh, sure.

Uh, listen. Uh, I'd love to see you again.

Really?

Um--Oh. Oh.

Look, Ray, I'm gonna have to pass on that.

I mean, you're a great guy,
and-and you seem... fun.

But, um, under
the circumstances,

you being, uh,
opposing counsel--

I hope
you understand.

Well, I don't, actually.
G-Georgia led me to think--

Georgia's been doing a little
too much leading lately, I think.

Okay.

Um--

Yeah, well--

What did you
tell him?

Just that I hoped he wasn't feeling
degraded as a result of your fantasies.

-What?
-Kidding.

What did you
really say?

Just that I'm
not gonna date him.

Me? Why me?

Mud wrestling is a guy's thing,
that's why.

End of the day,
we need a guy to get up and explain it.

I haven't been in on the case.
You-You should be--

I don't get it. No woman does.
You went there.

You wrestled. From what I gather,
you had a good time.

[Chuckles, Mutters]

The judge is a man.
I need somebody who speaks his language...

to get up there
for the final push.

Just speak from
that thing inside you,

that thing inside all men
which makes a man a man.

-The dumb stick?
-Exactly.

-Oh. Hi.
-Georgia.

I just heard Fish is closing.
What's up with that?

-Oh. Don't ask me.
-So far today, I'm losing.

-Ally just said no to a date.
-Yeah, I heard.

I thought you said
she was interested.

Um, can--

I-I actually think
she was.

But, um, then,

she figured out
so was I.

[Chuckling]
What?

Not "interested"
interested...

like I'm interested in-in
pursuing something interesting.

But--It was fun being
in your company again,

and--

Well, Ally figured I was setting
the two of you up for my own--

And were you?

Not on purpose, but--

I mean, I had fun,
I must say.

I'm not sure Ally had
anything to do with it.

We should probably
get in there.

The problem was...
we never kissed.

They say that wonder can kind
of compound through time.

I'm sure if we had kissed--

We wouldn't wonder.

And you'd just be opposing
counsel in a bad tie.

-Yeah.
-Hmm.

-Besides, you're happily married.
-Very.

Hmm.

-[Klaxon Blaring]
-[Gasping] Whoa! Whoa!

Hey! Hi.
Uh, hey.

We're, uh, back in
for closings.

-We were just going in.
-Ah.

Oh. Here comes
our secret weapon.

♪♪ [Cow Bell Clanging]

-I hear the bells. I'm ready.
-You'd better be.

-Come on.
-Is everything okay?

It's fine.

It's a free country.
Women should be free to dance naked.

Men should be free to go watch.
People like Ms. Woo...

should be free
to run such a business.

It's a free country.
The problem is,

you can't be free
without equality.

You can't be free under oppression.
And these places--

strip clubs,
mud wrestling, whatever--

they do foster the notion
that women are sex objects.

They do reduce women.

And it's that stigma which contributes
to oppression against women,

the violence against women,
and gender inequality as a whole.

And no community should
be forced to put up with that.

Frankly, I'm-I'm tired of this equality
thing. I'd like to see a woman...

walk around all day with testosterone,
see how she likes that.

-♪♪ [Cow Bell Clanging]
-Your Honor--

[Clears Throat] as my
pretty client told you,

God punished man...

by giving him a taste
of Pandora's, uh--

And we were
left weaker for it.

Imagine, if you will--and
I do every day--the breast.

Is there anything particularly
aesthetic about a lump with a nipple...

that would cause a man to jeopardize his
marriage, his business, his presidency?

Two guys could be sitting,
sharing a pizza.

A 90-year-old woman passes by,
huge breasts hanging over her walker.

-They go, "Check out those!"
-[Judge] Mr. Fish.

What has this got to do with a...

Mud wrestling club.

Yeah. I'll tell you.

Once a man hits puberty, he gets
this sense he'll forever be part idiot.

It--It's debilitating. It hurts.

These strip clubs, you go,
you look around, you see the women.

Then you see all the men,
and you realize you're not alone.

The room is full of idiots.
It makes us feel better.

-And that's important?
-To be honest, yes.

It's-It's liberating.
You grow up hiding in closets...

with a flashlight and a copy of Playboy
trying not to get the pages sticky.

You wonder if you're some kind of deviant.
Fear of being a pervert.

It can drive you to be isolated,
perhaps antisocial.

You don't fit in.
You go to work at the post office.

You just don't belong.
You're different.

The insecurity
festers into neurosis.

All the while you're normal,
and you don't know it.

You go to this club.
You see... normal.

These places aren't just sex shops.
They stand to preserve our mental health.

-Yeah. Mm-hmm.
-♪♪ [Cow Bell Clanging]

I think the scientific word for these
establishments would be "silly."

But, unfortunately, we use sex to
sell almost everything these days.

Television, movies,
Diet Coke.

Night clubs feature comedians
telling graphic sex jokes,

many using violent sexual humor.

The dramatic movies
depict naked, explicit sex.

The comedies show semen
dripping from ears.

I think what's upsetting everybody
is not that these clubs fail...

to reflect community standards,
but more that maybe they do.

Could you just cut to it
and say that I've won?

Ms. Woo, as much as
this pains me, you win.

-I'm so pleased.
-[Chuckles]

-[Gavel Raps]
-♪♪ [Pop]

[Vonda]
♪ One fine day ♪

♪ You'll look at me ♪

♪ And you will know our love
was meant to be ♪

♪ One fine day ♪

Maybe we should go to
your club and celebrate there.

Please. It's disgusting.
And I'm not happy you wrestled.

♪ The arms I've longed for
will open wide ♪

Where's Georgia?

She, uh, went to the clerk's
office to get the papers.

You-You want to dance?

-Sure.
-♪ You're gonna want me for your girl ♪

Sorry about your bowl.

There'll be others.

I was very proud of you
going undercover.

-Well--
-You would have made a great spy.

♪ Who only wants
to run around ♪

Georgia.

Ray.
Still here?

Going home.
Bad day, I guess.

-Lost my case, Ally.
-[Elevator Bell Dings]

Yeah.

You know, of all the bad dates I had
in my life, you were the one that I--

-Um--
-[Clears Throat]

Well, we really didn't have
anything in common, did we?

-Not that I remember.
-Mmm.

-It would have been just--
-Physical.

Mmm.
[Clears Throat]

So, you're really happy?

Very.

I wish once, we'd--

-[Sighs]
-Georgia.

Under the heading
that it will go nowhere--

What are you doing?

-One kiss.
-We can't.

Not to lead to anything.
Just to know.

To know what
it would have been like.

I think we can guess what a kiss
would feel like, Raymond.

They're all
pretty much the same.

Yeah, you're right.

[Flicks Switch]

[Flicks Switch]

-Going nowhere?
-Right.

[Vonda]
♪ One fine day ♪

♪ You'll look at me ♪

♪ And you will know our love ♪

-♪ Was meant to be ♪
-[Flicks Switch]

-[Flicks Switch]
-I can't.

Okay.

-[Clanging]
-[Sighs]

I guess we hit ground.

Yeah.

Hmm.

-[Elevator Bell Dings]
-Good night.

♪ One fine day ♪

-♪ We'll meet once more ♪
-Night.

♪ And then you'll want the love
that you threw away before ♪

♪ One fine day ♪

♪ You're gonna want me
for your girl ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!