All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S02E02.1998.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

[Toilet Flushing]

I like a fresh bowl.

[Chuckles]

I understand.

-You enjoying yourself so far?
-I am actually.

Yeah. It's a nice group.

♪♪ [Drums Beating In Rhythm]

♪♪ [Continues]

John.

-Can I ask you something?
-Sure.

Are you...

-drawn to me?
-Poughkeep--[Stammering]

-Why--
-[Beeps]

[Toilet Flushing]

Why-Why would you ask that?

Well, sometimes women have
intuition about these things.

Mm-hmm.

-Plus Richard told me.
-Ah.

I have certain rules about
dating men I work with.

But I make them up as I go along.

-[Door Closes]
-It's official.

I hate her.

Did you tell Nelle Porter
I was drawn to her?

Yes. Sorry. Bygones.

[Inhales] Unacceptable.

What I tell you I have
an expectation of privacy.

Which I why I'm apologizing.

-Bygones squared.
-No.

John, do you know who Harold Wick is,
shock jock of the airwaves?

Of course you know him.

-He's vulgar.
-We're also suing him.

Nelle's client. Extremely hot copy.

We have an excellent chance
to boost our profile

and erode the First Amendment
in the process.

It's not often we get a case where
principle coincides with profit.

I'm not about to take time-out...

just because I breached some little
trust thing you and I got going.

We're late for the staff
meeting. Off we go.

[Door Opens]

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

Wait. Wait just a second. This woman--

Her name is Ling.

-Ling. She's the plant manager.
-Yes.

-Suing Harold Wick, the guy on the radio?
-Yes.

Does Harold Wick have anything
to do with this manufacturing plant?

-No.
-Then how--What am I missing?

He broadcasts a sexually charged program,

contributing to sexually charged
working environments all over,

especially places like
manufacturing plants...

dominated by male workers
with the I.Q. of meat.

We're suing a radio personality...

for contributing to sexual
harassment at a steel plant?

-Exactly.
-[All Laughing]

Oh, that is--I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're a good attorney,

but as a cause of action,
that is laugh-out-loud ridiculous.

Great. It's always more fun
when I give a cute guy a giggle

as I go about my business.

I could actually use another body on this.
Could you jump in?

No!

You-You have that-that motion
to compel on Roberts.

-Ally'll do it.
-What?

John's in trial. Georgia's second chair.

I'm in charge. That leaves you.
We all have work. Let's move.

I'll get you the file.

Fi-Fine.

Oh. I'm looking for Nelle Porter.
Could you help me, please?

-Well, her office would be--
-I tried her office.

-She wasn't there.
-Hence my need for help.

Have I come to the wrong person?

[Laughs] You would be her closest friend?

-I'm a client.
-[Nelle] Ling.

-Oh, Nelle.
-[Kissing]

-I'm extremely anxious.
-We'll get through it.

We're facing him.
And why have you switched firms?

You know how I am with change.

-Everything will be fine.
-I-I'm very anxious. I have to tell you--

Ling, it's just a deposition. Relax.

[Sighs]

Maybe it's just too much newness.

It was our anniversary,
so I wanted everything special.

That's why I took her
to a French restaurant.

-We ordered the chef's menu thing.
-Chef's menu?

It's a set thing.
Vichy cold soup, foie gras--

stuff you would never order
in a million years.

Do they tell you what you're
eating when they serve it?

Well, it's more tasty in French,
so we didn't really ask.

A French fry is good,
but pommes frites. [Chuckles]

We didn't really press 'em
on the translations.

-But eventually you did press them.
-On the meat, yes.

It was so good, I said I got to know
what kind of cut this is.

That's when they told me.

-What was it?
-Horse.

-Horse.
-As in Trigger. As in Secretariat.

They served me and my wife Mr. Ed.

What happened when they told
you what you'd just eaten?

I became nauseous, as did my wife.

Were there any other consequences
for you and your wife besides nausea?

We suffered sleeplessness,
even depression. We're both animal lovers.

Horse lovers in particular. The idea that
we ate one, it repulsed us. It still does.

[Horses Galloping, Whinnying]

-[Clicks]
-[Galloping Stops]

I apologize. One of my props went awry.

-Oh!
-I am so sorry.

Oh, That's all right.
Oh, you're Harold Wick.

I'm Elaine Vassal. I'm a huge fan.

Though I should say it quietly
since my office is suing you.

-I understand.
-We're here for the deposition.

Yeah. It'll be in the conference room.

May I just say,

on your show, you talk about
women as if they're all cheap.

You see, my entire life, I've been cheap.

And it wasn't until
I listened to your show...

that I realized I wasn't
alone in the world.

Well, I'm happy to have helped.

-You like horses?
-Very much.

Found the meat delicious even?
I don't like to eat 'em. It's perverse.

-You eat cows?
-That's different.

-Pigs?
-Yes, but--

Pan-roasted Cornish game hens?

Look, I'm not a vegetarian
and I'm not against eating meat.

But a horse, it's a noble beast.

-Ever go to the track?
-I've been.

Ever scream at a jockey to whip
the noble beast you bet to show?

-Objection.
-I'm not gonna get into a cruelty debate.

I'm sure we can all treat cats and dogs
better than we do,

but we'd never eat them.

It should be the same for horses.

Some people might like horse meat.
Shouldn't it be the individual's choice?

-Couldn't you just say "neigh"?
-That's real funny.

The point is is they didn't tell me.
If they had told me--

Yeah. You would've ordered the cow.

And you would be aware of the male
demographic makeup of your audience, sir?

I really don't think in graphic terms.

Well, sometimes.

I suggest you answer
the questions, Mr. Wick.

[Chuckles] I thought I did.

Uh, by the way,
you didn't tell me your name.

I think I did.

Oh, that's right. You're Nelle.

I like that. Nelle.
Sounds kind of naughty.

And you're Ling.

And-- Who's the spinner?

-Hey!
-Harold.

-Do you think this is a game?
-[Laughs] Of course it's a game.

Just because you're this
hot little foreign number...

and you hired these
two little nubile lawyers,

you think I'm gonna pop a chubby
and give you my money?

-Well, okay. What are you, Chinese?
-Mr. Wick.

Lucky I took some Viagra
with the Ibuprofen.

-You're even more vile in person.
-Ling.

-Ma'am, I'm sure you're a nice person.
-Harold.

You're not going
to intimidate us, Mr. Wick.

[Laughs] Don't think
that I don't know that.

I can't even look at you
without seeing a whip.

And you, I can't get a bead on.

I just know I'd like to take you home
and make you my nasty little whore.

[Door Opens]

Don't you think by suing him that we're
giving him exactly what he wants?

-This guy loves the publicity.
-Even so, we're doing what Ling wants.

Come on, Nelle. We're not gonna win this.

Don't be so sure.

Um--Uh, Nelle, uh,

what, um, is a... spinner?

I think it means...

perky personality.

♪ Ohh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ah-ooh ♪

♪ I guess you sunk in
Oh, yeah, you admit it and ♪

♪ Now I'm fumblin' somewhere deep within ♪

♪ Will I raise my glass
or will you kick my ass ♪

Where is she?
I'm very uncomfortable around new people.

She'll be here. Tell me, Ling.

When you resort to these
sexual harassment lawsuits,

do you worry about coming off,
say, weak, vindictive,

powerless little imp
in need of special help?

It runs so contrary to your personality,
which seems vicious.

I'm just making conversation
till, uh, Nelle gets here.

If you only knew the things
that are said about me.

I bet I could guess.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

-What did I miss?
-Oh. Nothing.

We're just, uh, chewing the baby fat.

I don't like your new firm. The lawyers
here are crazy, and the singer bugs me.

Come on. Let's go back up to the office.

♪ You yank me up and down
just like a yo-yo ♪

♪ Do you love me You're an anomaly ♪

♪ Or maybe you are just
unbelievably ordinary ♪♪

[Imitating Galloping Sounds]

-Uh--Uh, John.
-Ally. Hi.

-What was that?
-What?

Oh. Oh, that. It's a, uh,
demonstrative aid for my trial.

His name's Frawley.

I used to make cutout dolls of the bullies
at school. Frawley would kick them.

-He's a good horse.
-[Sighs]

-This case is upsetting you.
-Well, I think--

I've always thought we enjoy
a special covenant with the horse.

"Carry us high as we ride into battle,
and we won't eat you."

Do you think Georgia should first chair?

I--Actually, I would've been fine,

but the plaintiff brought up Mr. Ed.

Frawley and I used
to watch that show together.

-Why am I telling you this?
-Because you can.

When you're with me, it's the only time

that you're not the strangest person
in the room.

So go ahead. Get weird on me.

I'm cross-examining this guy.

And in my head, I'm thinking,

what if Wilbur went into
the barn one Thanksgiving...

and said, "We have no turkey, Ed.

I'm sorry."

Today it could happen. Oh,
yeah. November. Sweeps.

Hmm.

[Chuckles] Do you remember the song?

Excuse me?

♪ A horse is a horse
Of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course unless the horse ♪

♪ is the famous Mr. Ed ♪

[Together] ♪ Go right to
the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer
that you endorse ♪

♪ He always sets a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mr. Ed ♪

♪ I am Mr. Ed ♪♪ [Clears Throat]

[Man] But, Harold, why does she sue you?

Why does she sue me? Listen up, America.

She sues me because anyone today

with enough money to afford a lawyer
can buy some fame.

And you know what? She'll get it.

Especially since she has
that slutty little Asian thing going.

-American men love that, don't we, guys?
-[Horn Squeaking]

Listen, numb nuts. Listen up, America--

I must say, he's a little bit right.

What, that American men
like slutty Asian women?

He's right about her probably
ending up on the cover of Time.

It'll sell better than some
doctor curing cancer. [Sighs]

-You should see the way she dresses.
-Who?

Ling. It's like, "Look at my body now."

-"But just don't talk about it."
-Exactly.

You know, the men at the courthouse--

clerks and lawyers
and some of the judges even--

they talk about your short skirts.

They-They do?

Isn't that why you wear them? No.

I want them to talk about my legs.

They do, don't they?

Oh, yeah.

It's very low fat. It's high protein.

It's probably better for you
than Angus beef.

-But, Mr. Handy, a horse?
-You know what?

In Hindu, they'd probably have
something to say about us eating cows.

This is the United States of America.

In which there are many slaughterhouses
which produce horse meat.

In Japan, they eat them raw, like sashimi.

You don't think our equestrian
friends deserve better...

than to be offered up
on a plate at Sizzler--

Of course they deserve better.
So does the pig.

Now, you sound annoyed.

Surely you can appreciate this
animal is revered in our country.

What if, uh, Elizabeth Taylor ate
her horse in National Velvet?

Are you sure she didn't?

Mr. Handy, it would be a grave mistake...

to insult Elizabeth Taylor
in my courtroom.

I'm sorry, Your Honor.
But I'm on trial here.

I'm spending my own money to defend
against a suit based on blatant hypocrisy.

That man isn't sick.
He didn't suffer injury.

We're all in this room because of a notion
that it's unconscionable to eat a horse.

And to you, it's just perfectly okay?

We kill them for pet food. We turn
horses into paint thinner, for God's sake.

What does that do to their nobility?

Yes, but for pet food or paint thinner,
they can be euthanized.

But for human consumption,
the end has to be drug-free, right?

-Which means slaughter.
-Ah, well, if cruelty's the issue,

that brings us back
to the cow and the pig.

You just don't seem to be too
sympathetic on this at all, do you?

If people don't want to eat it,
they shouldn't order it.

But I shouldn't be hauled into
a courtroom for serving it.

[Man] It's preposterous.

Forget the issue
of free speech and censorship.

The idea that a radio personality can
be sued for sexual harassment...

by someone he's never met
or even talked about--

I must say, Ms. Porter,
your client does not work for Harold Wick.

This man has no connection
with the steel plant.

What possible duty does he have...

to ensure against any
discrimination that goes on there?

Your Honor, it was once held
that tobacco companies had no duty...

to people who didn't use their products...

until it was determined that nonsmokers
were also being hurt, and the law changed.

Our theory is basically
the same as secondhand smoke.

What he's putting out is finding
its way into the workplace.

Secondhand smoke?

We go after car companies
for polluting the air.

This man is syndicated
on more than 300 stations.

He goes on daily talking
about women's body parts,

saying God made females to be sex slaves.

-We call it free speech.
-Yes.

And the courts are willing
to clamp down on free speech...

when it causes oppression
and discrimination.

This stretches the scope of
sexual harassment to absurdity.

I'm not so sure. Under the law right now,

you can sue an employer for playing
Mr. Wick's broadcast in the workplace.

It's not even a question.
What we're saying in our complaint,

even though these broadcasts

aren't actually being played
at my client's steel plant,

this man is so pervasive and popular,

the things he says are
coming inside just the same.

So the court should just get in there and
legislate the content of radio programs?

Nope. He should be able
to say whatever he wants.

But if it results in discrimination
or a hostile work environment,

he should simply be held accountable.

And how would you ever prove
that what he says on the radio...

affects what the men think and
say at that manufacturing plant?

Maybe I couldn't. But that's
a question for the jury, not the judge.

-What's wrong?
-Nelle.

Don't tell me she's good.

She's great.

She's poised.

She doesn't pull at her hair.

Nothing comes out of her mouth
that she doesn't wanna come out.

She doesn't over-gesticulate.

And she made a completely implausible
cause of action seem totally believable.

That... bitch.

The judge didn't throw it out.

He took it under advisement.

We might even win.

Oh, Ally. I'm so sorry.

[Man] Harold! Harold!

Harold, how do you think
it went in there today?

Well, listen. Truth be told,

uh, I don't really know
what was said in there.

The other attorney
did most of the talking,

and she was just so yummy.

[Crowd Laughing]

[Harold] All I wanted to do was bite her.

[Crowd Laughing]

Part of me wants to sleep with him,

'cause I know if I did, I'd kill him.

Ouch.

Where's Nelle? She says she's gonna meet
me places. I always get stuck with you.

Terrible. I know.
What's that on your neck?

Oh. Chinese wattle.

Ow. Bygones.

You're a man without any nice
qualities as far as I can see,

with a funny name, Fish.

-Sticks and stones.
-Ling.

When I first saw you,
you know what I was thinking?

What?

Nothing. You made no impression at all.

When this case is over,

I promise I'll be taking
my business elsewhere.

No, you won't. I can tell.

[Laughs] What are you doing?

Oh. I'm, uh--I'm just
working on my closing.

It's the first draft, and I--I just
get a better feel with bare feet.

Huh.

Have you ever had horse meat?

Oh, thanks, but, uh,
I've actually already had dinner.

-Maybe another time.
-Fine.

I'm free Thursday night.
How about Thursday?

Thursday. That would--That would be good.

Good.

[Georgia] Ready?

You're still working on your first draft?

I may need you to close.

I-I haven't even questioned a witness.
The jury doesn't know me.

Well, you've been in court.

You can't just drop the summation
last second.

-We--
-I can't do this.

I'm not invested.

Wait a second.

-You've defended criminals.
-Mm-hmm.

Murderers even. You can't defend
a restaurant that serves horse meat?

I know it sounds silly.

But it is--it is as if I hear voices,

and they're telling me not to do this.

-What kind of voices?
-I would rather not say.

John, the law is completely on your side.

It would be conspicuous
for you not to get up.

Could even be malpractice.

Come on. We got to go.

-Mm-hmm.
-Hmm?

Is it Frawley?

-Excuse me?
-The voices.

Is Frawley telling you not to do this?

Frawley's not even speaking to me.

Well, then who? Wha-Wha-What voices?

I'm afraid if I tell you, I would...

win back the reputation of
strangest one in the room.

Here she is.

Ally, I have Nelle and vicious Ling.

They say the judge is
coming back with a ruling.

[Bailiff] All rise.

-Nice little turnout.
-Be seated.

It is heartening to see the community
take such an interest...

in our Constitution.

The sexual harassment claim is dismissed.

-[Woman Gasps]
-As a matter of law,

I find it untenable...

that a radio talk show host could be held
liable for employmental discrimination...

at a place where he does not work.

However, the complaint also alleges

negligent infliction
of emotional distress.

And that one is tricky.

Free speech is not always protected.

Bottom line-- if it is foreseeable...

that some product you put out
there is capable of causing harm,

liability is right around the corner.

Lawsuits have been brought
against Hollywood movies.

The talk show? It's likely next.

This is the most slippery
of slopes. If you start--

No question.

And a jury is free to say
we value free speech...

over the possible harm it causes.

But let's all face a fact here.

Mr. Wick isn't throwing out ideas
and political content.

For the most part, it's gratuitous,
titillating radio sex talk...

aimed for the young at mind.

It demeans women systemically.

I realize that nine out of 10
judges might dismiss this claim.

Unfortunately, Mr. Wick, you got me.

-[Woman Gasps]
-Motion to dismiss denied.

-Oh, my God.
-Thank you.

Thank you, Ally.

-I didn't do anything.
-Yes, you did.

The judge got mad at him.
You dressing up like this,

baiting him into calling you a spinner.

-It worked. Genius!
-I-I-I'm glad to do my part.

The ruling has sent shock waves
through all media circles, Michael.

Karen, what kind of precedent does
this set? Is Rush Limbaugh next?

Well, first, keep in mind that this
is just one state court ruling,

and it's certainly to be appealed.

And anyone suing Rush Limbaugh
would be hard-pressed to prove--

Cage & Fish. Just say
the name. Cage & Fish.

Reporting live from outside
the law offices of Cage & Fish,

-I'm Karen Martinetti.
-Yes! Good report.

Uh, Ling. Uh, congratulations.
I--I don't have the words.

-Yes.
-So, what do we do now?

-We dismiss.
-[Together] What?

We wanted to get the guy. We get him
best by getting out while we're ahead.

-I want money.
-I-I--Me too.

You'll never get it. They'll never settle.

They can't, on principle.
And on appeal, we'll lose.

Our case is basically an end
around the First Amendment.

But why just give up?

Our goal was to get even.
In victory we have credibility.

Now we make the First Amendment
our best friend in life.

What are you talking about?

I need to draft a statement. I'll be back.

Don't leave me alone with...

-him.
-[Sighs]

Alone again, you and me.
You probably feel special.

Ling, anyone with you is alone.

Decent people don't eat horses.

Sure. You can talk about the cows
and the pigs and the chickens...

and the hypocrisy of it all...

and cry, "Why should horses be different?"

But they are different.

They are companion animals,
and they are different.

If you ever stood up close to a horse,

it's a proud animal.

It's an animal seemingly with
the capacity for integrity,

with the capacity
for not only serving mankind...

but, oddly, wanting to.

And there's a dignity about them.

A dignity.

We should at least honor that in the end.

This case isn't about horses.

It's about people.

This person over here
is suing this person over here.

It's people.

And people eat animals.

You might not like it,

but the Constitution doesn't
start off, "We the horses."

Animals don't get rights.

We're not expected to rise
to some level of decency...

when it comes to livestock.

We're not expected to have feelings
for them, and why should we?

They taste good.

This thing about decency--
you have to stop it.

Because next, they'll go
after the hamburger.

If you attack horse meat
on grounds of decency,

I promise you the hamburger will be next.

It would be unavoidable.

'Cause if you've ever been
in a slaughterhouse,

if you've seen what happens to those cows,

you'd know that decency would spell
the end of an American institution.

And the sausage would be next.
And then the chicken wing.

We the people eat animals,

and we're not decent about it.

Now, my client, he's human.
He's also American.

And in this country, we have another
credo which is innate to us all.

As long as folks keep consuming it,
don't blame the guy who serves it up.

The plaintiff's counsel says we should...

allow the horse to keep
his dignity in the end.

We're human beings.

This is glue.

[Camera Shutters Clicking]

We're grateful to the court
for the validation,

and to the public for its support.

The reason I've decided
to dismiss this claim--

and you'll have to forgive
me for not going into detail--

it appears that certain physical
or psychological dysfunctions...

may be the root of Mr. Wick's
compulsion to fixate on sexual content.

I feel it would be wrong for me...

to exploit any of his
medical... inadequacies,

or conditions.

Suffice it to say, in light
of this new information,

I bear no ill will towards
Mr. Wick, and I wish him well.

[Reporters Clamoring]

I'm sorry. That's all.
The suit has been dismissed.

Have you learned
that he's impotent? Is that it?

-I'm not gonna parse the statement.
-[Reporters Clamoring]

That was the dirtiest pool
to its deepest depth,

and you did it looking like
you took the high road.

It's a treat to watch you work, Nelle.

-That was worthy of an earthworm.
-Thanks.

But we have no information
that he's impotent.

-So?
-So?

So what if he turns around and sues us?

This man's entire career is
predicated by his erection.

-We didn't say he was impotent.
-Well, you certainly implied it.

Well, he said something about
taking Viagra with Ibuprofen.

-That was a joke.
-It depends on how you interpret it.

If we made a mistake, oopsie.
He's a public figure.

He can't get us for being negligent.

He's got to prove reckless
disregard for the truth. He can't.

I told you. In the end,
the First Amendment's our buddy.

Dirty. Ugly. I could kiss you.
I could almost kiss you.

-But you won't.
-[Ally] You know what?

I think what you did stinks.

It was dishonest.

No more dishonest than you,
pretending to be a spinner.

I am not a spinner.

Bite my head off.

I still hate this firm.

[Clicks Teeth] Come on.
Let's go to the bar, celebrate.

[Sighs]

-[Toilet Flushes]
-Oh, Ally, I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

You knocked me into the toilet.

I was just practicing my dismount.

-You're gonna kill somebody someday.
-I'm sorry.

-[Panting]
-[Water Dripping]

-Look at me.
-Oh!

I-I was just thinking about how
this place is going down the toilet.

And then-then-then, boom!
I'm going down too.

What do you mean
we're going down the toilet?

Are you really gonna date her?

[Sighs] Well, I sort of
committed to Thursday.

-And plus, I mean, you know, I--
-You're drawn to her.

Well, I never meant to date her.

One minute I was just
practicing my summation.

The next I-- You really don't like her?

I don't know. It's just--

I'm worried about this place
becoming something different.

-[Door Opens]
-[Elaine] Ally. I have news.

The producer of the Harold Wick
show just called.

-Well, is-is he suing?
-No.

He's inviting you to be
a guest on his show tomorrow.

-I beg your pardon?
-He wants you.

Probably to engage you
in some cheap sex talk.

-[Blows]
-Shall I tell him yes,

or should I pass it to Nelle?

-You--
-You tell him I'll do it.

You will?

Yeah. Sure. I'll do it.

You could get creamed.

♪♪ [Humming]

You only die once.

I-I-I thought this was just radio.

Well, it goes out on cable too now.
You want some water, soda?

-Um, I-I'm--I'm fine.
-We'll start in about 10 minutes.

[Scoffs, Laughs]

And-And-And what, does he just come
down at the last second and plop down?

Pretty much. He doesn't like
the guests to get too comfortable.

Hmm. What a shock.

-She's doing what?
-Harold Wick. Now.

-Why?
-Why not? I've always wanted to do him.

But I have a rapier wit,
more suitable for the program.

It doesn't make sense. Appearing on
the show is the equivalent of endorsement.

This may be true,
but if we keep talking, we'll miss it.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Closing turned out
to be pretty good, John.

Well, thank you.

The spirit of it, however--I'm not
so sure it was in our client's interest.

I'm not billing him for my spirit.

I hope we don't lose.

'Cause that summation could
give him grounds for a new trial.

Then that would have been
very clever of me, wouldn't it?

[Announcer] Here's what
you've all been waiting for.

Three, two, one.

-Harold Wick!
-You're on.

I've been sued.
Everybody knows I've been sued.

But what everybody doesn't know...

is how sexy and trashy-looking
all of the lawyers are.

And so we're really lucky to have
Ally McBeal here for everybody to see.

-Hi, Ally.
-Good morning.

McBeal. McBeal.
I keep thinking that probably growing up,

you were some Cub Scout's happy meal.

[Laughs] Um--Uh, no.

Well, it beats having a Brownie,
I can tell you that.

Let's--Let's talk about
the case for a minute.

Firstly, is there any way
I could see you naked?

I-I don't think so, Harold.

[Wick] That's what I thought you'd say.

You have this phenomenal
tight little body. You know that.

[Laughs] I--I-I, uh--I do.

-You work on it?
-I do.

I was sitting in court,
and I was looking at you and Nelle.

By the way,
Nelle's kind of naughty, isn't she?

-I--I-I don't know.
-Come on. Come on.

-I don't know.
-I was looking at you,

and I was looking at Nelle,

and I was thinking, have the two
of you ever, uh, you know, together?

No. No. We're-We're just,
uh, business associates.

With that tight body of yours...

and Nelle's nasty little, uh--

Anyway, let's not go there.
Let's talk law, okay? Single. Lawyer.

Beautiful. Makes lots of money.

-I bet you can get laid anytime you want.
-Pretty much.

-[Laughs]
-So then tell me about

this press conference last night.

-Why is she doing this?
-You tell me.

You've known her the longest.

-This isn't Ally.
-A lot of people have been calling,

and they wanna know about
this sexual inadequacy thing.

-Have you been talking to my ex-wife?
-Yeah.

-I thought so. Come on.
-No, no.

Well, my ex-wife used to say...

that having sex with me was
kind of like being vaccinated.

-[Laughing]
-That hurt my feelings.

'Cause I always thought
it was a great three seconds.

Then you guys go and hold
a press conference.

Well, Harold, see, the three of
us were sitting there in court...

trying to turn you on,
and you just never made a move.

-We were hurt.
-Oh, please.

I don't understand this at all.

Let's talk about those skirts you wear.
What's that all about?

[Laughs] Well, you know, men are
constantly trying to mentally undress me.

I'm just trying to save
them some time, that's all.

Mmm, baby.

Come on over here and meet the big guy.

-[Laughs]
-[Horn Squeaking]

Ooh. Uh, no, no.
Thanks-Thanks, um, anyway.

Jury's back.

Let's gallop.

Sorry.

-The jury has reached its verdict?
-We have.

-What say you?
-In the matter of

Daley versus Paul's Bistro...

on the count of negligent
infliction of emotional distress,

we find in favor of the defendant.

-[Exhales]
-The jury is dismissed.

-Thank you for your service.
-[Gavel Raps]

I'm going to give you the benefit
of the doubt, and say thank you.

Sometimes sentiment
is just that, Mr. Handy,

and sometimes not.

Hmm. But a kook is always a kook.

Come on.

[Man] And we're clear.

-Good job. You were great.
-Thanks.

You were fabulous actually.

I was a little surprised
you agreed to come on.

Well, me too really.

-Why did you come on?
-Is anything off the record with you?

[Laughs] My public
persona is my livelihood.

Ally, what I do is not who I am.

I-I came--

Well, what you do, I don't always like it.

But it's at least presented
in the form of entertainment.

What we did at that press
conference--below the belt.

My coming on the show--

maybe it took some of the air
out of our show last night.

Anyway, it was an experience. [Chuckles]

Ally, you're a great lady.

-Go easy on us?
-Never.

Hmm.

The whole point was to make him suffer,
and she goes on his show charming.

-She was nice.
-Some people can't help being nice.

You know how it is.

None of us knew she was going to appear--

I had a sick feeling about
this law firm from the beginning.

I won't pay.

Oh. There she is. The little Judas.

So, how do you go on that show and
suds away everything we tried to--

What we did last night
was disgusting, Nelle.

Sorry. Technically,
I didn't betray any confidences,

and technically, I didn't do anything
to undermine our client's case.

And hey, I extended the firm's 15 minutes.

You gotta love that.

[Door Opens, Slams]

[Knocking]

Go to hell.

That was hurtful.

John, I'm sorry. I'm sor--I--

I thought you were--I-- [Groaning]

I just wanna say,

your concerns that this place might
become something different?

-Hmm.
-I share them.

You do?

But as long as we have you,

I know we'll keep what we have.

That might be the best thing
anyone's ever said to me.

Well--

In which case, I'll leave on that note.

They're for you, and nobody died.

What?

I peeked at the card.
"To one classy broad. Love, Harold."

Perhaps we have a new suitor.

♪ What kind of fool do you think I am ♪

♪ You think you can go on seeing him ♪

♪ Darling, after we made our plans ♪

♪ You said I'd be your number-one man ♪

♪ What kind of fool do you ♪

-♪ Think I am ♪
-♪ Do you think I am, yeah ♪

♪ Think I am ♪

♪ What kind of fool did you think I'd be ♪

Hey, guys.

A star is born.

-Thank you.
-Ally, in a million years--

I know. I don't know
what came over me. I--

You know what? It didn't hurt.

[Ally, Georgia Laugh]

-♪ Do you think I am ♪
-♪ Do you think I am ♪

Oh, what have we got going on up there?

I don't know, but it scares me a little.

You can dance. I wouldn't have guessed.

I'm an enigma.

-Yes, you are.
-♪ I got to be your number one ♪

♪ Or I ain't gonna love you at all ♪

You can't deny you're having fun, Ling.

Yes, I can.

♪ You run around all over town ♪

♪ You build me up
and then you let me down ♪

♪ What kind of fool do you think I am ♪

♪ Do you think I am ♪

♪ Think I am ♪

♪ Do you think I am ♪♪

[Woman] You stinker!