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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:52,301
♪ Fixed and Synced by
bozxphd.Enjoy The Movie ♪
2
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,652
Help me get
her in the car, ray!
3
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,521
Okay, but this bitch
heavy as hell, cuz!
4
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,657
Let me finger gangbang
her at least, homie!
5
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,092
Just help me get
her to the hospital!
6
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:00,826
- Okay, one finger then!
- Ray!
7
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,163
All right, but we
ain't goin' inside, homie.
8
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,831
We gonna go around
the emergency loop,
9
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,466
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies
10
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,368
that get shot in
the hood, homie.
11
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,371
Why you snuff her fine ass anyway, homie?
I wanted to bone, cuz.
12
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,339
She was possessed, ray!
Possessed?
13
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,175
Possessed like head
spinnin' around
14
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,342
vomitin' everywhere, possessed?
15
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,811
Or like possessed like kanye
16
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,279
when you take a picture of him?
17
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,780
Just drive like you
got warrants, please!
18
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,148
Nigga, I do got warrants!
19
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:26,218
Look! These right here!
Jaywalkin'!
20
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,720
For eating grapes in the grocery
store without payin' for 'em!
21
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,556
Shavin' my dog's
balls in public.
22
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,458
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, cuz.
23
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,159
I be ghost-ridin' my whip, cuz.
24
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:38,330
An altercation with my moms,
homie, but she provoked me, cuz!
25
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,599
Ray-ray, I think she's waking.
All right, here! Take this
26
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,367
and pistol-whip her with
the butt of the gun.
27
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,236
I'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend!
28
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,538
All right, nigga, well, you drive
and I'll pistol-whip that bitch!
29
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,541
Kisha, resist!
30
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,243
But you didn't!
31
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,746
I've seen you for the bitch that
you are, Malcolm.
32
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:58,317
What's she talkin' about, homie?
Booty pirates!
33
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:01,286
Nothing, she's possessed, man.
That's right, you fucker!
34
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,422
He's a ghostbuster!
35
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,324
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.
36
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,859
Was you in juvie, cuz?
37
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,261
If you don't cry, you ain't
no bitch in there, homie.
38
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:12,364
I didn't cry. Doodles on they dick.
Joke's on them, cuz.
39
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,733
By the powers vested to me,
40
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,336
that somebody gave me
while I was locked up...
41
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,172
Who are you? It's
father Williams, homie.
42
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,907
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, cuz.
43
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,376
I do a mean impression of the Butler.
Check it.
44
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,411
"I'm here for the boss. I'm
here to serve the boss."
45
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,714
Who are you? I'm forest
Whitaker, homie.
46
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:29,882
From the movie that's
like the help,
47
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,750
but he didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.
48
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:32,918
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!
I'm talkin' to Kisha.
49
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,255
Are you gonna let that
bitch choke you out, cuz?
50
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,190
You a bitch, homie...
51
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,558
Get the fuck off me!
52
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,793
Kisha! Kisha!
53
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,595
Oh, shit, she breathed
in my face, homie.
54
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,464
I'll get the bird flu,
it's contagious...
55
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,632
She blacked out, ray.
56
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,768
Get us to the hospital. Hurry!
57
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,437
Ray? Ray?
58
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,273
Oh, shit!
59
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:06,552
Oh, my God! Kisha? Kisha!
60
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,556
Ray?
61
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,957
Ray!
62
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,230
It's a good thing I drank
that hennessy earlier.
63
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,565
I can't feel shit, homie!
64
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,933
I think Kisha's dead.
65
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,468
Good! Let's get the
fuck outta here, homie!
66
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:27,272
Listen. We were never here.
67
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,475
I'm with you, cuz. All right.
Deuces!
68
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,377
We ghost hunters!
69
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,822
I don't know
about this place, baby.
70
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,225
You've said that about
every house we looked at.
71
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,893
There's just something creepy
about this place, like...
72
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,361
Give me the heebie-jeebies...
73
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,563
Like somethin' bad
happened in here.
74
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:55,834
Well, I love it. And I love you.
75
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,337
There you go, bribin' me with vagina.
Whatever works.
76
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,972
Know when I'm weak.
77
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,406
Disgusting.
78
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,943
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it,
79
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,712
but when you kissing the whole
entire sophomore class,
80
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,013
it's cool, huh?
81
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,549
Give me that damn camera,
you little gnat!
82
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:11,683
Oh, finger. Real creative. Wow.
83
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,951
Cut her some slack.
84
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,353
She's just goin'
through a phase.
85
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,388
Yeah, a phase.
It's called "whore."
86
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,558
Look at that. Last a lifetime.
Malcolm, stop!
87
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,926
No, see,
that's a phase.
88
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:21,994
Looks like he met
an imaginary friend.
89
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,395
It's normal.
90
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,997
What you doin' there, buddy?
91
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,531
Want to help me load some boxes?
92
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,500
Cool! All right. My man!
93
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,003
Sorry, Malcolm.
I can't.
94
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:32,738
Why not?
95
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,340
Tony says, "aw, hell no!
I ain't yo' slave!"
96
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,411
Is it me or does his imaginary
friend sound black?
97
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,779
Pretty progressive.
98
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,347
Why don't you and
your friend go play?
99
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,548
Okay.
100
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,984
That game sounds like fun!
101
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,886
Oh!
102
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,455
I don't like the
tripping game, Tony.
103
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,560
Look at all that sexy. Come here.
Give me a kiss.
104
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,929
Let's piss off your forefathers.
105
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,603
Malcolm, it's 2013. Interracial
relationships are not a big deal anymore.
106
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,837
Yeah, you tell that
to the sistas.
107
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,775
You know, they be like,
"I know he didn't!"
108
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:13,445
"He did not kiss that pasty
ass white bitch!" Pasty?
109
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,547
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips.
110
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,916
"Look at them, look
like baloney slices!"
111
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,951
"Uh-uh. See he
straight scrippin'
112
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,620
"and it don't make
no damn sense."
113
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,554
Come
here, shiloh junior.
114
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,022
There's my baby boy.
115
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,490
I
still can't believe
116
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,459
you named our dog shiloh junior.
117
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,896
Well, I was gonna name him
shiloh two or shiloh the sequel,
118
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:34,599
but he wouldn't answer to
those, so, shiloh junior it is.
119
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,535
C'mon! Hey, come
on, shiloh junior.
120
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,736
Hey, babe, are you gettin' this?
121
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,105
your obsession with
all these cameras.
122
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,541
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?
123
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,710
Hey, shiloh! Come on, baby.
124
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,678
You ready to go see your
new house, shiloh junior?
125
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,648
Come on, shiloh junior. Shiloh junior!
Hey, get inside.
126
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,649
Don't make me put
bass in my voice.
127
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,784
Hey! Shiloh!
128
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,653
God, I don't know
what's wrong with him.
129
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,023
Oh, fucking...
130
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,858
Oh, shit! Oh, breathe!
131
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,027
Come on, shiloh! Don't
go towards the light!
132
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,995
Call 9-1-1.
133
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,465
Tell 'em the dog is white!
Tell 'em the dog is white!
134
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,600
Oh, God. I got a pulse.
135
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,836
Breathe! Shiloh, like this.
136
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,441
Fuck! Oh, my back!
Oh, my fuckin' back!
137
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,009
Please, help me!
138
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,783
My fuckin' dog is a pancake!
139
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,153
Get me a goddamn pump!
140
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,395
It's working! Come on!
141
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,703
Meet me at the hospital!
142
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,408
The hospital's that way!
143
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,777
So young, never had
a chance to lick his balls.
144
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,813
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.
145
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,849
You know, I'm just so happy
I got to spend time with...
146
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,886
It's just every time I try
and say the name...
147
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,895
Shiloh!
148
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,766
Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God!
149
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,768
It's tingly in...
150
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,603
Oh, God!
151
00:07:21,073 --> 00:07:25,010
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!
It's time to go bye-bye.
152
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:31,450
Shiloh!
153
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,624
Junior.
154
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,897
I bet you could put a whole
lot of birth control in that.
155
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,599
I really hate you.
156
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,669
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.
157
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,204
What've you got there?
158
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,606
Just an old box that I
found in the basement.
159
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,775
Don't you think we should
return it to the prior owners?
160
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:57,943
If they wanted it,
they would've taken it
161
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,245
in the first place. Ooh.
162
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:03,215
Okay, look, Becky,
I'm not your dad.
163
00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:06,852
I'm just the guy that's like...
your mom.
164
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,654
So I'll make you a deal.
I'll let you keep the box
165
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,624
if you promise to try and make this
work between me and you, okay?
166
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,926
It's for your mom. Fine.
167
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:19,631
I think we're gettin' somewhere.
168
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,607
I'm just messin' with you, bro.
169
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,175
Oh, shit!
170
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,577
I just do that when I'm talkin'
to negritos. It's all good.
171
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,079
Did he just call me a nigger?
What's goin' on, bro?
172
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,081
I just moved in with
my girl right here
173
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,282
and we was just
Hi.
174
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:41,820
Are you serious? Dude, I live here, puto!
It's my house!
175
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,788
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
- Oh, my God.
176
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,891
I just assumed... You got
the gloves and the hat,
177
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,659
and the lawnmower and the truck.
178
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,929
Oh, 'cause I'm Mexican I must be Jose!
Are you?
179
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,564
No, fool! My name is Miguel!
180
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:53,865
Is that your truck?
181
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,268
- Yeah, that's my truck!
- Then who's Jose?
182
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,169
That's my middle name. You
wanna guess my last name?
183
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,571
No, no, no. Oh, come on.
184
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,705
You guys are here,
you might as well.
185
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,806
I don't know. Rodriguez?
186
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:02,874
That's racist, bro.
187
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,843
You asked... Did
he ask me or what?
188
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,912
I'm just
fuckin' with you!
189
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:10,982
For the record, my name is
Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez...
190
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,884
Smith.
191
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,119
What?
192
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,588
Your last name is Smith?
193
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,157
Yeah, I'm Mexican
on my mom's side.
194
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,327
So, why is there
Gonzalez on your truck?
195
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,163
Shit, would you trust your
garden to a guy named Smith?
196
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,333
Hey, my name is Malcolm, bro.
Yeah.
197
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,834
I bet your last name is Johnson.
198
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,703
See, that's some racist shit!
199
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:35,340
Am I right? But you're right!
200
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,842
Nice to meet you, man. Yeah,
it's a pleasure meeting you!
201
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,045
Nice to meet you. Tuesdays.
I can cut your grass on Tuesdays.
202
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,180
What can I say, I'm a
gardener by ethnic default.
203
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,885
Watch out, guera!
204
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,253
Hey. What?
205
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,254
You gon' try and
tease a brother?
206
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,889
That's an invite?
207
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,692
One, two, I'm done.
208
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,627
What's that? What?
209
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,729
Oh! That's Abigail. Ew.
210
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,631
I found her in the wardrobe
that was left here.
211
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,599
Yeah, well, put it back.
212
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,834
Hey, stop! She's creepy!
213
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,936
We look alike. Yeah,
same eyes and pigtails.
214
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,871
Wait, no, no, don't
put it on the bed!
215
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,251
Hey.
216
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,855
How you doin'?
217
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,757
You ain't gonna
say nothin', huh?
218
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,993
Girl, you stupid.
219
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,997
You don't want none of this?
Come here.
220
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,065
Oh, I can't play
with it but you can.
221
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:39,004
You gonna bite my lip?
Take that!
222
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,039
You fuckin' like this!
223
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,841
Uh-huh. It was gonna come.
224
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,342
It was gonna come!
225
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,248
Just wanna put the tip in.
I'm gonna put the tip in...
226
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,317
Ah! Ahh! Ahh!
227
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,921
Look at that. Mmm. Uh-huh.
228
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,923
Mmm, yeah.
229
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:02,227
You got that goody. Bite the
pillow, bite that fuckin' pillow.
230
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,134
You gonna eat my butt now.
Oh, shit!
231
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:13,438
Nigga, she...
She lickin' that.
232
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,875
You taste like doo-doo.
But I love it!
233
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,209
You on the pill? I don't
want to get you pregnant.
234
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,744
You wanna make
little doll babies?
235
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,079
They gonna have my
eyes with your eyes...
236
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,781
Oh, you gonna give me splinters!
237
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,887
Fuck this shit. I wanna cry!
It feels so...
238
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,995
Don't look. Don't look.
Hold on a second.
239
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:41,766
This side is wet with
soap, this one is dry.
240
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:46,838
I mighta leaked in you. I don't know
if I came, I leaked a little bit.
241
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,207
That's all right. You
ain't even ovulatin'.
242
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,009
Why you trippin'? Come
on, stop worrying.
243
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:59,818
Honey, we're home!
Oh, shit! You gotta go!
244
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,821
Malcolm!
245
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,223
Hi, honey! Um...
246
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,858
Hey, where are you?
247
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,827
You gotta go! We...
I'm just upstairs!
248
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,895
You gotta get outta here.
249
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,835
Fuck!
250
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,403
Ah! Shit!
251
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:27,078
Mmm.
252
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,082
"Hanging out."
253
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:35,854
Sounds a little soft for
my taste, but... fuck it.
254
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,528
Yeah, I don't think
this is right.
255
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,865
Maybe I should
download the manual.
256
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:00,879
What the...
257
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,085
Great. Get up here.
258
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,929
Can't breathe. Can't breathe.
259
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,264
Cut the camera.
Turn the camera off.
260
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,167
Wow.
261
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:27,906
I seen some shit, but that was...
That was crazy!
262
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:31,376
A demonic figure tried to
hang a family in the backyard.
263
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,878
I gotta keep this from
Megan and the kids.
264
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,180
Is it weird that I
was aroused by this?
265
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,148
Why is my dick
bending in my jeans?
266
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,960
Hello? Hello?
267
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,562
Twinkle, twinkle little star
268
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:52,997
who is this? Hello!
269
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,066
It's a nigger.
270
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,578
Oh, that's a
ugly motherfucker.
271
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,446
Is that Steven Tyler?
272
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,185
What the hell? Same tree!
273
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:21,025
Shit! Kisha?
274
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,868
Megan, what you doing? I almost
dumped the fuck out you!
275
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:34,038
You got to holler at me! You
can't just be walkin' up.
276
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,308
You gotta give me like a "whoop-ti-whoo,"
a "kakow!" Or a "tsh-tsh"!
277
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,510
Just make your own up.
Please announce yourself!
278
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,546
Honey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
279
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,882
I think I did.
280
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,985
Wait. So now I
look like a ghost.
281
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,586
Excuse me, where you
goin' with this?
282
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,989
So now I'm too pasty for you?
283
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,924
Malcolm, I can't do anything about that!
What do you mean?
284
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,260
Unless you want me to get
skin cancer from the sun.
285
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:58,162
And deep nasty wrinkles, and then
they'll have to give me chemo
286
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,398
and I'll lose all my hair, and then
I'll look like a nasty bald raisin!
287
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,100
Is that what you want?
Is that what you want?
288
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,636
No! I don't want you
to look like a raisin!
289
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,537
I don't like the raisin! I
don't like to date raisins!
290
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,506
I don't like the raisins
on Morgan Freeman's face!
291
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:09,974
I just don't like raisins.
292
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,509
I don't like the new
ones that Obama got,
293
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,011
the young raisins on his face!
294
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,445
I don't like raisins.
295
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:18,016
So please, don't
look like a raisin.
296
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:22,553
I need to go meditate and get
my chi back in alignment.
297
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,622
What chi? You were just...
298
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,167
Ah! Ahh!
299
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,603
Walk to the light! It's bedtime.
300
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,071
What you all dressed up for?
301
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,205
We goin' to a club? Mmm-mmm.
302
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,640
Foam party? No.
303
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,609
We goin' to a pajama jammy jam?
Just bed.
304
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,645
You gotta be more comfortable
with this relationship...
305
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:51,182
You're right. Put on some
sweat pants and some...
306
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,452
Oh, my Jesus lord!
Um, you're naked!
307
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,120
I am. Oh, wow.
308
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,590
I like being naked, though.
I could be naked all day.
309
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,627
All day? But come on,
that's not practical, hon.
310
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:07,565
You don't wanna be on the bus
naked or in Starbucks naked.
311
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,034
Why not? 'Cause that coffee
spill on you, it's hot!
312
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,402
It's gonna leave a scar.
313
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:12,403
Melt one of your nipples
off or somethin'.
314
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,571
Hey, hey, hey.
315
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,541
The camera's on, baby.
316
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:20,345
Good. Just make sure
you film my good side.
317
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,514
What the fuck? Are you serious?
318
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:27,051
We gonna get all angles on that...
oh, shit.
319
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:30,355
Baby, your creepy doll is
makin' my dick scared.
320
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,723
Just let her watch.
321
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:34,993
You just said the right
type of nasty shit!
322
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,566
Oh, God! I gotta
replenish my fluids.
323
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,537
After round two.
324
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:52,210
Whoo! Ah! Whoo!
325
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,712
Come on, Malcolm.
326
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,148
What,
aren't you done yet?
327
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,756
I am now. Ready for round three?
Seriously...
328
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:14,098
Baby, you gotta train for
some shit like this!
329
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,433
Come on, Malcolm,
bell's ringing.
330
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:16,734
Time for round four.
331
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,570
No, no, baby. My ding-ding
is knocked out cold.
332
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:20,638
I can't do it.
333
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,706
Corner's throwin' in the towel!
334
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,274
Let's go, Malcolm.
335
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,776
I gotta get some enswell
if we keep goin'!
336
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:26,144
Malcolm. Wait, no, baby!
337
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,315
Right now she is tearin' me up!
338
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,550
Oh, my God!
339
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,453
Aw!
340
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,621
Want me to choke you?
341
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,289
Is that what you like? Huh? Huh?
342
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,724
Stop being a bitch!
343
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,426
Yeah! Come on!
344
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,594
Oh! You want some of this?
345
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,130
You like that? It's kind
of like a blindfold
346
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:49,434
except you can't fuckin' breathe!
Huh? Are you crying?
347
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,302
That thing just moved!
348
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:52,804
Except you
can't fuckin' breathe!
349
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:55,306
Thing was watching!
350
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,609
You little... Who was watching?
351
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,478
Oh, baby, come here.
Check this out!
352
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,147
Oh, my God!
353
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,415
Did you see it?
354
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,617
How could I not? I
thought I was trippin'!
355
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,719
I am so fat! Look at me!
356
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,788
I look like a huge blubber ass!
357
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,356
I'm like miss piggy in there!
358
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,791
What're you talking about?
359
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,426
You said you were gonna
shoot my good side.
360
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,794
I did shoot your good side.
361
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,362
Look, I got all
that ass up in...
362
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:19,797
Look at all that ass, girl.
363
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,799
I'm black, brothers like an ass.
364
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,669
You know I do mean that
as a compliment, right?
365
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:29,340
You hate my vagina! You
think it's too loose!
366
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,775
It's not! It's only
on the outside,
367
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,877
but once you choose a wall,
it's pretty damn tight.
368
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,846
You know what, Malcolm,
I have had two kids!
369
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:36,814
I mean, do you think the
stork just dropped 'em off
370
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,182
on the doorstep?
371
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,818
No! You're knocked
up for nine months
372
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,820
and then your lady parts
are stretched to limits
373
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,423
you cannot even fathom!
374
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,892
Okay, baby. I think
your vagina's cute.
375
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,828
Erase the tape or we are
never having sex again.
376
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,197
Well, since you put it that way.
Erase the tape!
377
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,366
Okay, I'm erasin' the tape!
I want to see you do it.
378
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,869
I'm erasing the tape. I'm erasing it.
Erase it right now! Do it!
379
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:01,405
It's erasing. Baby, I like the
way it sounds. Erase the tape!
380
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,574
It's not loose! I like
the way it sounds!
381
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,243
Sound like a blown speaker.
Just...
382
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,380
You know, it's kinda like Doug e.
Fresh's beatbox.
383
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,283
When I'm hittin' it. It's just...
384
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,222
Mmm...
385
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:21,859
Who the hell's hittin' me?
Abigail?
386
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,461
You got a page?
387
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,797
"In a relationship
with Malcolm Johnson"?
388
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,800
I only hit it once! 27,000 views?
389
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,736
What in the hell?
390
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:35,740
I think I might've
fucked the wrong bitch.
391
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:39,243
Now she's blowin' up my cell phone?
Look at that.
392
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,480
Straight up stalker!
She's crazy!
393
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,551
Listen, it's time to turn
my camera game up a level.
394
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,720
I'm talkin' bathrooms,
countertops, computers,
395
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,757
stuffed animals,
mouths and asses!
396
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,693
It's goin' down everywhere!
I'm gonna live.
397
00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:01,666
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you.
398
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:05,570
Uh-huh. Perfect. Yeah,
and I got the ass, too.
399
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,238
All inconspicuous.
400
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,642
Told you, cameras everywhere.
401
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:14,946
Hey, Becky, wanna
play hide and clap?
402
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:16,581
Fuck off!
403
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,316
That's, "no, thank you."
404
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,651
Let's do this. Oh,
lady's blindfold.
405
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,386
You got this out your
momma's room, right?
406
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:25,323
Oh, boy. Things me and
your momma do with this!
407
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:29,927
Sometimes she ties my hands and flip
me over and toss that... salad.
408
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,296
Tony likes salad. Anyway.
409
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,599
I'll put this on. Let's do it!
410
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,669
One, two, three. First clap!
411
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:43,274
Come on. Give me a clap.
412
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,942
Okay.
413
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:48,312
Yeah, I'm gettin' close. I smell you.
I smell you.
414
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:52,283
You smell like kids, like worms,
coins and doo-doo. Like...
415
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,618
Shit!
416
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,357
Can we just play tag next time?
I just wanna play tag.
417
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,460
Wyatt? Wyatt?
418
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,696
Where you at, you little shit?
419
00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:13,671
Third clap.
420
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:17,742
A-ha!
421
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:22,446
I got you, Wyatt.
422
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,351
I win! You took
your blindfold off.
423
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:29,654
You're right, Tony.
Malcolm is an idiot.
424
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,356
Take your camera, loser.
425
00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:34,725
Yeah, I wanna learn
how to start a fire.
426
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,331
What the hell was that?
427
00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:42,700
I coulda swore...
428
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:48,673
Shit!
429
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:50,741
Fucked you up!
430
00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:56,013
Fuck, are you crazy? You
know who the fuck I is?
431
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:57,982
Malcolm! Baby?
432
00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,550
Oh, my God!
433
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:01,652
You can't be jumpin' out
on brothers like that.
434
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,554
You'll get knocked the
fuck out every time.
435
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:06,390
It was supposed to be a joke!
You okay?
436
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:07,925
'Cause I fucked you up!
437
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:10,094
Like, I hit you with the force,
like with the follow-through.
438
00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:12,930
I wanna instant replay that shit.
Damn!
439
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:14,732
'Cause you got froze.
You went...
440
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,543
"Please help me."
441
00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:28,846
God, I hope this works.
442
00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,583
What is that thing?
443
00:22:34,886 --> 00:22:36,620
That is not human.
444
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:51,102
That was weird.
445
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:25,403
A-ha!
446
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:26,604
I caught your ass!
447
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:28,072
No, you didn't.
448
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,807
Oh, shit!
449
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:45,956
Becky...
It's your box.
450
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:47,792
What?
451
00:23:47,794 --> 00:23:51,495
I want you to touch me.
452
00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:53,164
Mmm.
453
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,867
Okay.
454
00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:02,773
Not that box.
455
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:11,615
You know I love you and
those kids, right? Yeah.
456
00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:13,484
And I'm gonna do everything in my
power to keep you guys protected.
457
00:24:13,486 --> 00:24:14,819
Yeah.
458
00:24:17,489 --> 00:24:19,824
What was that? What?
459
00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:24,161
That! The wind?
460
00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:28,032
Nigga, the windows are closed!
Okay?
461
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:30,134
I'm tellin' you, that was
either a ghost or a demon.
462
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:32,069
Or maybe it was a demon
pregnant with a ghost.
463
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:36,707
Oh, this is cute!
464
00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:40,110
I will so wear this,
all day, every day.
465
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:45,716
Why the fuck are you excited?
It's a burglar!
466
00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:47,718
Either way it goes,
it's some scary shit!
467
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,753
Okay, not all
burglars are scary.
468
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:52,189
It is a burglar or a ghost! If
you talk to him, he'll leave.
469
00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:55,059
You shoot it in the face! If
you talk to him, he'll leave.
470
00:24:55,061 --> 00:24:57,561
And if the motherfucker's foot do this,
you shoot him in the face again!
471
00:24:57,563 --> 00:25:00,197
That is way too harsh.
What're you gonna do?
472
00:25:00,199 --> 00:25:02,566
I know what I'm gonna do.
What're you gonna do?
473
00:25:02,869 --> 00:25:06,003
You are not allowed to shoot
anyone in the face, mister!
474
00:25:17,048 --> 00:25:18,883
Becky?
475
00:25:18,885 --> 00:25:21,919
What in the... Becky! Oh, God!
476
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:24,655
Becky! Becky!
477
00:25:25,156 --> 00:25:27,124
Megan! Oh, my God!
478
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:29,860
Get me somethin', Megan! Becky!
479
00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:40,170
That shit's gross. That
fuckin' sound, it bothers me.
480
00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:41,672
Gimme!
481
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:49,213
Oh!
482
00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:50,714
That's all I got! Okay, gimme!
483
00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:58,055
Get that thing outta here!
I got an idea!
484
00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:02,593
Come on! Bitch, why
ain't you movin'? Fuck!
485
00:26:02,595 --> 00:26:04,962
See, now this is a good idea.
486
00:26:06,097 --> 00:26:08,098
All right. Goodnight, Becky.
487
00:26:09,634 --> 00:26:10,968
Night, sweetheart.
488
00:26:16,641 --> 00:26:18,208
Hey, buddy,
what you doin'?
489
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:20,277
Havin' a tea party. Oh.
490
00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:22,813
You wanna go outside and do somethin'
a little bit more masculine?
491
00:26:22,815 --> 00:26:26,216
Like play some football?
No, not really.
492
00:26:28,653 --> 00:26:30,888
Hey, don't sit there!
That's Tony's seat!
493
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,656
Oh, sorry.
494
00:26:32,658 --> 00:26:35,192
My bad, Tony.
495
00:26:35,194 --> 00:26:39,630
Tony says, "no problem,
bee-yotch." Want some tea?
496
00:26:39,632 --> 00:26:43,167
Uh... yeah. Sure.
497
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:48,706
Um, you know, Wyatt, about
your little buddy, Tony.
498
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:52,710
I don't think he's such a good
influence on you, know what I mean?
499
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:59,083
What the... That's straight vodka!
Tony calls it tea.
500
00:27:00,685 --> 00:27:03,220
He drinks a lot of tea.
501
00:27:03,222 --> 00:27:06,090
I really think you guys need
to stop this friendship.
502
00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:07,891
Tony doesn't think
that's such a good idea.
503
00:27:07,893 --> 00:27:10,361
You know what, you tell Tony
504
00:27:10,363 --> 00:27:14,031
that I said you and him ain't gonna
be friends no more, and that's final!
505
00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:20,638
On second thought, you and Tony
have a beautiful friendship.
506
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,842
Okay, I'll be downstairs doin' somethin'
with less spooky shit.
507
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:28,178
This isn't good. It's
happening again.
508
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:30,648
It's really fuckin' happening.
509
00:27:32,018 --> 00:27:33,817
What the fuck?
510
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,987
Who is it?
511
00:27:45,697 --> 00:27:47,031
Hello?
512
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,268
That's a spooky knock.
513
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,105
Oh, you better run!
514
00:27:55,107 --> 00:27:57,107
Knock on my door, come out there
and slap you...
515
00:27:58,210 --> 00:27:59,843
What the fuck!
516
00:28:00,378 --> 00:28:02,012
I got a knife!
517
00:28:10,288 --> 00:28:11,789
What the...
518
00:28:14,392 --> 00:28:17,361
"Miss me?" Abigail!
519
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:24,468
Oh, hell no! Look,
we gotta talk.
520
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:28,272
This is a mistake, okay? This shit
gotta stop. It's gone too far.
521
00:28:28,274 --> 00:28:32,476
You see this? "Miss me?" In the house
with Megan, are you fuckin' crazy?
522
00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:36,714
I take full responsibility, all right?
This is my bad.
523
00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:39,416
I don't mean to sound cliched.
It's not you, it's me.
524
00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:41,251
Don't play fuckin'
innocent with me,
525
00:28:41,253 --> 00:28:42,886
you knew I had a girl!
526
00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:44,488
I'm just being
selfish right now.
527
00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:47,124
I would love to have
you and Megan and...
528
00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:48,926
To be honest with you,
my stuffed animals.
529
00:28:48,928 --> 00:28:50,494
I'd like to bring
them in the mix.
530
00:28:50,496 --> 00:28:52,196
I'm tryin' to make this work.
531
00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:54,131
You're just not makin' it easy.
532
00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:57,401
I swear to... ah! Fuck!
533
00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,873
You see what you made me do?
Only you do this to me!
534
00:29:02,875 --> 00:29:06,477
Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky my
momma told me don't hit bitches!
535
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,380
Fuckin' yeah, bitch.
536
00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:14,284
True enough.
537
00:29:16,821 --> 00:29:20,390
Fuck, you scare my... I didn't touch you!
I didn't touch you!
538
00:29:20,392 --> 00:29:23,327
You get outta my life, I'll
get outta yours. I'm done.
539
00:29:29,134 --> 00:29:31,301
Make no mistake.
540
00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:34,338
After this, it's over.
541
00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:36,840
You ready to go again? Yeah.
542
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,314
Hello, Malcolm?
543
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:46,483
Hey, hey, Professor
wilde, how you doing?
544
00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:48,085
Malcolm, I'm glad
you reached out.
545
00:29:48,087 --> 00:29:49,853
What exactly am I
dealing with here?
546
00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:52,256
Well, the being you
described to me
547
00:29:52,258 --> 00:29:53,857
is a demon.
548
00:29:53,859 --> 00:29:54,992
Fuck, I knew it!
549
00:29:54,994 --> 00:29:56,794
A rare and obscure one
550
00:29:56,796 --> 00:29:59,229
from babylonian
times named aghoul.
551
00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:01,865
And he's a trickster!
552
00:30:01,867 --> 00:30:05,035
And chances are this is not your
first encounter with this demon.
553
00:30:05,037 --> 00:30:08,038
Have you had paranormal
experiences in your past?
554
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:10,207
Actually, yeah.
About a year ago.
555
00:30:10,209 --> 00:30:13,410
This is way worse
than I had thought...
556
00:30:14,947 --> 00:30:17,481
Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!
557
00:30:17,483 --> 00:30:19,550
Ah!
558
00:30:19,552 --> 00:30:22,052
Nigga, I thought somebody was shootin'!
Thai food!
559
00:30:22,054 --> 00:30:25,189
It's spicy going in, but it's
twice as spicy going out!
560
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:27,024
That's scientifically
impossible!
561
00:30:27,026 --> 00:30:30,260
I smell you in here!
What in the hell?
562
00:30:30,262 --> 00:30:31,862
Ah, excuse me.
563
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,100
I hire based on skill level.
564
00:30:37,102 --> 00:30:38,535
Are those titties?
565
00:30:38,537 --> 00:30:41,872
we're making meth,
not baby aspirin.
566
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:45,375
All the stories revolve
around aghoul's attempts
567
00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:48,579
to trick people into
bringing him into our world
568
00:30:48,581 --> 00:30:51,014
and it can come through
the form of a possession,
569
00:30:51,016 --> 00:30:52,916
a spirit that only
a child can see
570
00:30:52,918 --> 00:30:57,154
or an ancient object that
lures in the impressionable.
571
00:30:57,156 --> 00:30:59,857
So what you're saying is, something
is coming after me and my family.
572
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,458
Malcolm, that's exactly
what I'm saying.
573
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,560
Damn it, Jessica, you've got
your tit in the pseudoephedrine!
574
00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:05,128
Sorry, Malcolm. I
wish you good luck.
575
00:31:05,130 --> 00:31:06,463
Gotta get my breaking bad on.
576
00:31:18,943 --> 00:31:21,245
Tonight you drown.
577
00:31:24,482 --> 00:31:25,949
Not again.
578
00:31:29,587 --> 00:31:32,422
Sink. Sink. Sink.
579
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,960
Ruined a perfectly
good leather jacket!
580
00:31:36,962 --> 00:31:40,397
That's it. Now we drown.
Drown!
581
00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:41,565
Drown!
582
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:46,303
Prepare to meet hell.
583
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:49,172
Ow! God, that hurt!
584
00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:54,278
My balls. This isn't over!
585
00:31:55,980 --> 00:31:59,049
Is aghoul
the same demon
586
00:31:59,051 --> 00:32:00,083
that possessed Kisha?
587
00:32:02,154 --> 00:32:05,455
When are the
Republicans gonna slip
588
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:08,091
and call Obama the n-word?
589
00:32:08,093 --> 00:32:12,296
When are they gonna stop makin'
scary movies without the wayans?
590
00:32:12,298 --> 00:32:13,964
They fuckin' suck!
591
00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:24,374
What the hell?
592
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:33,583
What the heck...
593
00:32:44,362 --> 00:32:47,164
Steroids, bitch!
594
00:32:58,443 --> 00:33:01,244
You messed with the
wrong nigga today!
595
00:33:01,246 --> 00:33:03,146
Oh, my God!
596
00:33:05,416 --> 00:33:08,318
Baby, put it down!
What are you doing?
597
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,687
I come in the hallway,
this fuckin' creepy box
598
00:33:10,689 --> 00:33:13,223
with some weird fuckin'
lighting on it!
599
00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:16,526
And I knew that it was death in the box!
So I killed it!
600
00:33:16,528 --> 00:33:18,028
Baby, it was a gift!
601
00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:20,364
But it ain't Christmas.
602
00:33:20,366 --> 00:33:23,233
Baby, no. Kwanzaa?
603
00:33:23,235 --> 00:33:25,769
You were so upset when
shiloh junior died
604
00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:28,372
that the kids and I thought
we would get you...
605
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,378
Don't look. Don't look.
606
00:33:34,380 --> 00:33:37,280
Oh, my God! Wyatt, go upstairs.
Go to your room!
607
00:33:37,282 --> 00:33:39,583
I killed a baby.
608
00:33:39,585 --> 00:33:41,051
Oh, God, I think
it's still breathing.
609
00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:43,420
You're so fucking crazy.
610
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:44,755
He's still breathing.
611
00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:46,490
I gotta take him
out of his misery.
612
00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:48,125
- I gotta kill him!
- Oh, my God!
613
00:33:49,127 --> 00:33:51,028
No! Malcolm!
614
00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:01,138
Becky?
615
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,273
Yoo-hoo.
616
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:06,209
All right, let's see
what's in this box now.
617
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:07,344
Yeah.
618
00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:11,048
Oh, God! Whoo!
619
00:34:11,616 --> 00:34:13,617
Wow! That is rancid.
620
00:34:13,619 --> 00:34:16,453
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing. Just, uh...
621
00:34:16,455 --> 00:34:18,488
You know your pillows
have blue faces on 'em?
622
00:34:18,490 --> 00:34:19,556
Stay away from my box!
623
00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,725
Calm down! Would you calm down?
624
00:34:21,727 --> 00:34:24,294
I don't wanna calm down, I want
you to stay away from my box!
625
00:34:24,296 --> 00:34:27,731
Do you have to say "box" so loud?
What is going on in here?
626
00:34:27,733 --> 00:34:29,366
Nothing. We just, uh, playin'.
627
00:34:29,368 --> 00:34:31,635
Dolls 'n stuff.
628
00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:34,204
Malcolm came into my
room and touched my box.
629
00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,239
Malcolm, is this true?
630
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:38,475
Yes, but I only touched
it for like two seconds.
631
00:34:38,477 --> 00:34:40,777
It was stinking!
Like, it was rancid!
632
00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:43,513
Here, smell this. I don't
know how she play with that!
633
00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:46,783
He had two fingers in my
tight little box, mom.
634
00:34:46,785 --> 00:34:48,518
Stop lyin'. It is...
635
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,321
Baby, there's nothin'
tight about her box.
636
00:34:51,323 --> 00:34:54,191
It's fuckin' huge! I could
put my whole fist in it.
637
00:34:54,193 --> 00:34:57,427
Like, I almost was up to here for a second.
It's crazy big.
638
00:34:57,429 --> 00:35:00,630
You said, "no means no!" And that is
exactly what I said. I said, "no!"
639
00:35:00,632 --> 00:35:04,634
Time the fuck out. Hold up.
640
00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:07,571
She's trying to dateline
special a nigga!
641
00:35:07,573 --> 00:35:09,806
Where's Chris Hansen?
Chris! Chris!
642
00:35:09,808 --> 00:35:11,808
Chris, come on, I know
you out here somewhere!
643
00:35:11,810 --> 00:35:14,511
I know he's in here somewhere.
You tryin' to set a nigga up!
644
00:35:14,513 --> 00:35:16,446
Can I talk to you for a second?
Right now.
645
00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:17,514
There's something really strange
646
00:35:17,516 --> 00:35:21,351
Wyatt? Wyatt, see, Wyatt
used to be my boy.
647
00:35:21,353 --> 00:35:24,387
Like that was my lil' nigga,
like we was like, boom, boom.
648
00:35:24,389 --> 00:35:27,124
When my dog died, that
lil' nigga held me down!
649
00:35:27,126 --> 00:35:29,626
But lately, he hasn't even talked to me!
Like, he won't even play with me!
650
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:31,194
His little imaginary
friend, Tony?
651
00:35:31,196 --> 00:35:32,496
I don't think he's really...
652
00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:37,334
You're crazy, Tony.
...Imaginary.
653
00:35:37,336 --> 00:35:38,502
Did you see that shit?
654
00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:40,670
Look! You missed it!
655
00:35:40,672 --> 00:35:43,640
Okay, look, forget him. Becky.
656
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:46,910
There's something in that old box she
carries around that's making her go crazy!
657
00:35:46,912 --> 00:35:48,778
She sleeps with it,
she eats with it,
658
00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:50,714
she even goes to the
bathroom with it!
659
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:54,551
Who takes a shit with a box in their hand?
It's fuckin' weird!
660
00:35:54,553 --> 00:35:58,288
And by "weird" you mean
I'm a terrible mother.
661
00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:01,424
What? No. Wait. Where did you go?
Hold on. Hold on a minute.
662
00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:03,727
If you were just a little
bit less judgmental,
663
00:36:03,729 --> 00:36:06,596
she wouldn't feel like she needs to
carry her pain around in a "box"!
664
00:36:06,598 --> 00:36:09,699
This is not about me! It is
always about you, Malcolm!
665
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:12,235
"You're too fat, you're
a terrible parent,
666
00:36:12,237 --> 00:36:13,870
"you like black guys 'cause
they have bigger cocks!"
667
00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:17,574
That sounds like you!
Do you see this?
668
00:36:17,576 --> 00:36:22,312
That's not fuckin' normal! Okay, she
is just trying to get attention!
669
00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:26,416
When she was a baby, she would cry and
cry and cry all damn day in her crib
670
00:36:26,418 --> 00:36:29,586
until finally she realized I
wasn't gonna come and pick her up!
671
00:36:29,588 --> 00:36:32,789
If you were a parent you'd know it's
called the "cry it out method," Malcolm!
672
00:36:32,791 --> 00:36:35,425
Just pick the little bitch up!
673
00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,728
She needs to learn to self-soothe.
See what I'm saying?
674
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:43,400
That is called parenting. Wow!
Mother of the year.
675
00:36:43,402 --> 00:36:45,702
Thank you.
676
00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:48,672
That
crazy doll keyed my car!
677
00:36:48,674 --> 00:36:51,975
Whoo! Bro,
somebody fucked your car up!
678
00:36:51,977 --> 00:36:53,910
Yeah. You wouldn't know anybody
with an auto body shop, would you?
679
00:36:53,912 --> 00:36:58,448
Why, contrary to popular belief, all
Mexicans don't have body shops, man.
680
00:36:58,450 --> 00:36:59,649
What, you think we
all have low riders
681
00:36:59,651 --> 00:37:00,951
with a bunch of
primer all over it
682
00:37:00,953 --> 00:37:02,219
with a frickin' Mexican horn?
683
00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:03,520
You think I have like six kids
684
00:37:03,522 --> 00:37:04,821
and all my relatives
livin' there, huh?
685
00:37:04,823 --> 00:37:06,389
Probably chase chihuahuas
and make burritos,
686
00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:07,457
is that what you think? Dude...
687
00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:08,758
Look at the neighborhood, man!
688
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:09,926
I didn't think any of that!
689
00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:11,695
I just want my
fuckin' car fixed!
690
00:37:11,697 --> 00:37:14,464
I'm just
fuckin' with you, bro!
691
00:37:14,466 --> 00:37:16,433
You're so easy, man. Oh, shit.
692
00:37:16,435 --> 00:37:18,935
Man, I got a cousin, his name is
chucho, he can hook all that shit up.
693
00:37:18,937 --> 00:37:20,704
Stop fuckin' with the
crazy bitches, man.
694
00:37:20,706 --> 00:37:22,772
I gotta go, I got the family waiting.
All right? Be good, man!
695
00:37:22,774 --> 00:37:25,242
Where did she go?
696
00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:28,979
- Take it easy, vato!
- Where you goin'?
697
00:37:28,981 --> 00:37:31,448
Goin' to the swap meet. We're
gonna get some chihuahuas.
698
00:37:31,450 --> 00:37:33,383
Wow. Now that's racist!
699
00:37:34,986 --> 00:37:37,420
So I moved into the
house across the street
700
00:37:37,422 --> 00:37:38,989
and I just love it.
701
00:37:38,991 --> 00:37:41,725
The streets are so quiet.
It's perfect for a haunting.
702
00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:46,997
You know something, I
never got your name.
703
00:37:46,999 --> 00:37:50,500
Kisha? What in the fuck!
704
00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:53,670
You two know each other?
Oh. Well, yeah.
705
00:37:53,672 --> 00:37:58,608
You know the boyfriend that I told you
abandoned me and left me in a ditch to die?
706
00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:00,310
That's him.
707
00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:04,981
Awkward! Yeah!
708
00:38:04,983 --> 00:38:07,817
I think I'll let you
two have at it.
709
00:38:07,819 --> 00:38:10,987
And thank you so much, Megan,
for the coffee, really.
710
00:38:10,989 --> 00:38:14,557
And, Malcolm, it was
great seeing you.
711
00:38:15,694 --> 00:38:17,694
See you around, Malcolm.
712
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:19,362
Um...
713
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:22,632
Really?
714
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:25,535
How come you never
told me about her?
715
00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:28,038
Well, it was just a time in my
life I just wanted to forget.
716
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,840
Okay, well you need to start remembering.
She was fucking beautiful!
717
00:38:30,842 --> 00:38:34,010
She was aight. "Aight"?
718
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:36,846
I mean, she got nice legs. Legs.
719
00:38:36,848 --> 00:38:41,718
Little ass, but... Ass.
How 'bout all this?
720
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:45,021
It's fuckable. Okay? But that's the...
It's all this...
721
00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:48,892
She's crazy! She was crazy,
baby, like she was possessed!
722
00:38:48,894 --> 00:38:51,861
You mean she was possessive.
No, the bitch was possessed.
723
00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,697
What? Yes!
724
00:38:53,699 --> 00:38:55,999
First of all, she was
verbally abusive.
725
00:38:56,001 --> 00:38:59,903
Eat your
mother's pussy you fucking fuck!
726
00:38:59,905 --> 00:39:00,970
Okay.
727
00:39:02,574 --> 00:39:04,841
I don't know. It was
like she gave up.
728
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:07,043
Eventually I was able to drag
her to couples' therapy.
729
00:39:07,045 --> 00:39:09,045
Well, Dr. rousch, me
and my girlfriend,
730
00:39:09,047 --> 00:39:11,581
we're kinda goin' through
a little rough patch.
731
00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:13,516
I mean, she won't
communicate with me.
732
00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:15,919
No matter what I do,
she just sits there.
733
00:39:17,589 --> 00:39:21,091
Okay, and she'll growl a little bit.
Yes, I can hear that.
734
00:39:21,093 --> 00:39:25,095
And the smallest things just set her off.
Like crucifixes, or questions.
735
00:39:25,097 --> 00:39:27,464
Is that right, Kisha?
736
00:39:30,768 --> 00:39:32,135
You got a prescription
for "crazy bitch"?
737
00:39:32,137 --> 00:39:35,071
Malcolm, I'm so sorry.
738
00:39:35,073 --> 00:39:40,610
It sounds horrible. Well,
it wasn't all bad.
739
00:39:40,612 --> 00:39:43,980
Wait, I'm gonna come. Shut
up, you sound like a bitch!
740
00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:45,782
Oh!
741
00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:47,984
I think you just
knocked out a tooth!
742
00:39:49,888 --> 00:39:52,589
Whose ass is this, huh?
Whose ass is this?
743
00:39:52,591 --> 00:39:54,657
The devil's!
744
00:39:56,794 --> 00:39:58,928
See, now you just made it weird.
745
00:39:58,930 --> 00:40:01,931
Look at me, God damn it!
746
00:40:04,635 --> 00:40:07,504
Oh, my God, that was awesome!
747
00:40:08,773 --> 00:40:12,642
Baby, you're makin'
my toes do this.
748
00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:14,611
You're makin' my toes do this.
749
00:40:14,613 --> 00:40:15,979
Really, Malcolm?
750
00:40:15,981 --> 00:40:19,115
You know what they say
about the crazy ones.
751
00:40:19,117 --> 00:40:21,718
What? Too soon?
752
00:40:27,858 --> 00:40:30,460
There's something goin'
on with this box.
753
00:40:30,462 --> 00:40:32,529
I'm gonna get to the
bottom of this.
754
00:40:33,664 --> 00:40:36,466
What the heck is this
little pervert doing?
755
00:40:36,468 --> 00:40:37,667
Ah!
756
00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:41,538
Oh, dude, that is just weird!
757
00:40:43,208 --> 00:40:44,774
Oh, really?
758
00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:47,744
Oh, wow.
759
00:40:47,746 --> 00:40:51,681
What kind of sweet
tooth fairy is this?
760
00:40:51,683 --> 00:40:53,950
- This nigga need a daddy.
- "Dear diary.
761
00:40:53,952 --> 00:40:56,686
"I lost my virginity
to Joey today.
762
00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:58,822
"Actually, that's
not totally true.
763
00:40:58,824 --> 00:41:03,827
"I mean, I've only
had sex with 17 guys
764
00:41:03,829 --> 00:41:06,196
"but only in the butt,
so it doesn't count.
765
00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:10,967
"I mean, I've sucked a
lot of dicks, diary.
766
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:13,870
"I stopped counting after the
blowjob party at Ashley's house.
767
00:41:13,872 --> 00:41:15,939
"There must've been
30 or 40 guys there."
768
00:41:15,941 --> 00:41:19,075
She ain't got no bone in her neck.
She got that plastic man.
769
00:41:19,077 --> 00:41:23,079
Diary, I'll never
stop sucking dicks. Ever!"
770
00:41:23,081 --> 00:41:23,980
Wow.
771
00:41:26,851 --> 00:41:28,017
Oh, would
you look there?
772
00:41:28,019 --> 00:41:30,720
A mood ring. So,
what mood is that?
773
00:41:30,722 --> 00:41:32,222
It's called, "you're
not my father."
774
00:41:32,224 --> 00:41:34,224
Oh, yeah, that's bitchy
lil' white teenager.
775
00:41:34,226 --> 00:41:37,160
See, that'll get you slapped
in most black neighborhoods.
776
00:41:40,998 --> 00:41:42,899
Are you okay?
777
00:41:44,201 --> 00:41:45,935
Becky? Hey.
778
00:41:46,604 --> 00:41:47,937
Ouch!
779
00:41:50,140 --> 00:41:53,076
Ugh.
780
00:41:53,078 --> 00:41:56,246
That is some serious meat-mouth
you got goin' on there.
781
00:41:56,248 --> 00:42:00,750
It's easier going down than it
is coming up. Yeah, it's weird.
782
00:42:01,886 --> 00:42:04,220
Breath smell like sirloin.
783
00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:06,956
I hope that hole cold
ain't contagious.
784
00:42:09,628 --> 00:42:12,595
Professor, it's kinda loud there.
Um...
785
00:42:12,597 --> 00:42:13,863
Did I catch you at a bad time?
786
00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:19,168
Indica? I'm a sativa man. I
got important shit to do!
787
00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:22,105
Hold on! I'm at a party.
788
00:42:22,107 --> 00:42:23,940
I need some of my medicine.
789
00:42:27,279 --> 00:42:30,547
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
790
00:42:31,816 --> 00:42:33,883
Professor! Professor!
791
00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:35,852
Malcolm, that demon's
tryin' to get to you
792
00:42:35,854 --> 00:42:37,887
through your family and
he's not gonna stop!
793
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,622
You've got the
paranormal equivalent of
794
00:42:39,624 --> 00:42:40,590
a perfect storm, my friend!
795
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,760
Oh, shit! The po-po!
796
00:42:43,762 --> 00:42:45,228
Professor, please!
What's goin' on?
797
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:46,729
I got 12 ounces of crystal meth
798
00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:47,931
jammed up my anus. I
gotta get outta here!
799
00:42:47,933 --> 00:42:50,166
Police! Oh, fuck!
800
00:42:50,168 --> 00:42:52,569
Professor! Professor, please!
801
00:42:52,571 --> 00:42:55,271
Hands up now! I
can't go back in!
802
00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:58,074
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
803
00:42:59,311 --> 00:43:01,110
Oh, fuck.
804
00:43:01,112 --> 00:43:03,913
You're under arrest! You
on the screen, freeze!
805
00:43:08,852 --> 00:43:10,219
Hey, knothead!
806
00:43:10,221 --> 00:43:13,957
Oh, no, not my favorite shirt.
That bitch.
807
00:43:13,959 --> 00:43:15,692
What the...
808
00:43:16,827 --> 00:43:19,996
Oh, my God! Are you
fucking kidding me?
809
00:43:19,998 --> 00:43:21,898
No, no, no! Not my clothes! No!
810
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,666
Phew.
811
00:43:26,203 --> 00:43:28,838
Oh! Shit!
812
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,141
This crazy wooden bitch!
She's burning my clothes!
813
00:43:32,143 --> 00:43:35,845
Oh, my God! It's
fatal attraction.
814
00:43:35,847 --> 00:43:38,247
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
815
00:43:40,852 --> 00:43:42,819
Can I get you something to drink?
Sure, man.
816
00:43:42,821 --> 00:43:44,220
Tequila? Really, bro?
817
00:43:44,222 --> 00:43:46,022
What, you bring the
Mexican into your house
818
00:43:46,024 --> 00:43:48,725
and, "he must want Tequila,
we should give him Tequila.
819
00:43:48,727 --> 00:43:52,161
"I'm glad he parked his burro so now I
can offer him some of his beverage."
820
00:43:52,163 --> 00:43:56,332
I should've walked in here with a serape
and a sombrero for you, too, huh?
821
00:43:56,334 --> 00:43:57,934
That's what you wanted
really, wasn't it?
822
00:43:57,936 --> 00:43:59,302
You get me all worked up, man!
823
00:43:59,304 --> 00:44:02,271
Look, I could use a drink now.
824
00:44:02,273 --> 00:44:04,340
What kind of Tequila is it?
Is it silver?
825
00:44:04,342 --> 00:44:07,210
'Cause I can't drink that gold shit.
That's for cholos.
826
00:44:07,212 --> 00:44:09,345
Thank you, man. It's nice, man.
We're becomin' friends, right?
827
00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:11,848
Uh, now we are.
828
00:44:11,850 --> 00:44:13,983
I could trust you
with things, right?
829
00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:17,320
I'm good at that shit. The
neighbors next door to me
830
00:44:17,322 --> 00:44:19,188
don't even know there's a
black guy living here yet.
831
00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:22,058
So, what do you wanna talk about?
Um...
832
00:44:22,060 --> 00:44:24,761
Okay, you know the people that
lived in this house before me?
833
00:44:24,763 --> 00:44:26,763
Mmm-hmm.
834
00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:29,866
Was there anything strange goin' on,
like were they actin' weird or anything?
835
00:44:29,868 --> 00:44:33,903
You saw something a little...
836
00:44:33,905 --> 00:44:37,774
Spooky or supernatural?
I seen some shit.
837
00:44:37,776 --> 00:44:39,742
Come on, man, you don't
believe in that, do you?
838
00:44:39,744 --> 00:44:41,144
'Cause if you did, you know,
you'd have been like,
839
00:44:41,146 --> 00:44:43,346
"nigger, I'm out! The deuces."
840
00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:45,348
You mean to tell me you don't
believe in the paranormal?
841
00:44:45,350 --> 00:44:48,918
Of course I believe in that shit!
I'm half Mexican, bro!
842
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,120
I believe in all that shit
people don't believe in.
843
00:44:51,122 --> 00:44:56,893
Freakin' LA llorona, El cucuy,
chupacabra, bigfoot, obamacare.
844
00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:59,028
Interracial dating. Nuclear war.
845
00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:03,700
You name it, I'm all for it. Me personally,
I wouldn't stay one night in this house.
846
00:45:03,702 --> 00:45:07,270
Shit! Look, I'm gonna be
honest with you, bro.
847
00:45:07,272 --> 00:45:10,440
When I first found out that there was a
black guy movin' in the neighborhood,
848
00:45:10,442 --> 00:45:11,841
I was like,
849
00:45:11,843 --> 00:45:13,810
"There goes the property value.
850
00:45:13,812 --> 00:45:16,746
"I'm gonna have to keep the kids
inside, there's gonna be gangs,
851
00:45:16,748 --> 00:45:19,949
"I'm gonna have to cover up graffiti,"
but you turned out to be okay.
852
00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:23,986
You're really cool! You're very
accommodating. I think I can help you.
853
00:45:23,988 --> 00:45:25,221
Really?
854
00:45:26,324 --> 00:45:28,458
I need you to cut
the chicken's neck.
855
00:45:28,460 --> 00:45:32,128
Oh, hell fuckin' no! You wanna
get rid of the demon or not?
856
00:45:32,130 --> 00:45:35,031
I know, but can't we just go down to the
store and just like, buy a chicken?
857
00:45:35,033 --> 00:45:38,201
No, man! You need a
blood sacrifice.
858
00:45:38,203 --> 00:45:41,137
Right. Come here. Let's do it.
859
00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:43,239
Hold on! Hold up, wait a second!
Let me get my shit together.
860
00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:47,110
You gonna shit in my
baby's cereal, chicken?
861
00:45:47,112 --> 00:45:50,480
You wanna piss on my momma?
In her face?
862
00:45:54,085 --> 00:45:55,351
I'll fuck...
Don't you...
863
00:45:58,122 --> 00:46:00,323
Where did you get this chicken?
Your Uncle's farm?
864
00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:02,358
No! A cock fighting ring.
865
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:03,426
That's a dead motherfucker.
866
00:46:13,338 --> 00:46:15,338
Whassup, chicken? You scared?
Whassup?
867
00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:17,473
You don't want none of
this, motherfucker!
868
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:21,144
Oh, shit!
869
00:46:21,146 --> 00:46:23,246
Bite him back, Malcolm!
Bite him back!
870
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:31,120
Drown, bitch! I'm
gonna kill you.
871
00:46:33,323 --> 00:46:36,893
Watch what I do to your fuckin' baby!
872
00:46:39,164 --> 00:46:41,798
What you doin', man?
What'd you do?
873
00:46:45,068 --> 00:46:46,369
This pollo is loco!
874
00:46:52,543 --> 00:46:54,110
You got him, Malcolm!
That's right!
875
00:46:54,112 --> 00:46:57,980
Yeah, you fucked that chicken.
876
00:46:58,916 --> 00:47:00,016
Malcolm...
877
00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,855
Yeah!
878
00:47:05,857 --> 00:47:08,524
You about to go to that
great bucket in the sky!
879
00:47:08,526 --> 00:47:10,860
Tell the colonel I said hi!
880
00:47:14,966 --> 00:47:19,202
That was like an intense-ass
game of angry birds, man!
881
00:47:19,204 --> 00:47:22,271
Fuck, bro, you did it! I
think this house is clean!
882
00:47:22,273 --> 00:47:24,540
Well, maybe not clean, but
the demon's gone for sure.
883
00:47:24,542 --> 00:47:27,543
What the hell are we gonna do
with all this chicken, Malcolm?
884
00:47:27,545 --> 00:47:29,612
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy.
885
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:33,883
Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Hey.
886
00:47:33,885 --> 00:47:35,451
Cheers. Right on!
887
00:47:39,257 --> 00:47:41,457
What in the fuck?
888
00:47:44,394 --> 00:47:47,396
You! This ends now!
889
00:47:47,398 --> 00:47:51,367
You hear me, you googly-eyed
wooden bitch! Come on!
890
00:47:51,369 --> 00:47:55,371
You're making me bury
your fuckin' ass!
891
00:48:01,078 --> 00:48:02,645
Get in there!
892
00:48:02,647 --> 00:48:05,248
Die, you stink bitch!
893
00:48:05,250 --> 00:48:08,417
B-I-t...
894
00:48:08,419 --> 00:48:10,286
Fuckin' bitch!
895
00:48:12,256 --> 00:48:13,890
You want some of this?
896
00:48:17,262 --> 00:48:20,429
All right, prepare
to meet your maker!
897
00:48:20,431 --> 00:48:25,134
That's right, I'm sending
you back to Taiwan!
898
00:48:25,136 --> 00:48:27,270
You smell like piss and shit!
899
00:48:27,272 --> 00:48:29,438
Come on! You make me sick!
900
00:48:33,444 --> 00:48:36,145
You know what brown can do for me?
Take this!
901
00:48:36,147 --> 00:48:38,347
You sign! Get the
fuck outta here!
902
00:48:41,318 --> 00:48:44,153
Oh, see, I tried to
do it the easy way.
903
00:48:44,155 --> 00:48:46,489
Now you're gonna
make me violent.
904
00:48:46,491 --> 00:48:49,392
Come on, you... Get the fuck over here!
Shut up!
905
00:48:53,163 --> 00:48:55,498
How you like that, bitch?
I want you to watch.
906
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:58,234
Let's see you write it now!
907
00:48:59,002 --> 00:49:01,537
Miss me? This is fun.
908
00:49:01,539 --> 00:49:04,473
Oh, we about to have a barbecue.
Get in there.
909
00:49:04,475 --> 00:49:07,143
Yeah! Hey, how you doin'?
910
00:49:07,145 --> 00:49:09,445
You gonna fuckin'
burn today, baby!
911
00:49:12,517 --> 00:49:15,351
That's what fucking
hell feels like!
912
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:43,245
You fuckin'... fucking die!
913
00:49:43,247 --> 00:49:47,650
I will watch your life come out of you.
Just die, you little...
914
00:49:47,652 --> 00:49:51,053
I'll fuckin' cut your
goddamn eye out, you bitch!
915
00:49:51,055 --> 00:49:53,489
Malcolm!
916
00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,659
Malcolm! What did you do to our room?
Say fucking nothing.
917
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:58,661
Honey, it's not what it
looks like, okay? Really?
918
00:49:58,663 --> 00:50:00,496
It's not what it looks like.
Really?
919
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:04,633
Listen, listen to me. She's crazy!
It's not me, she's crazy!
920
00:50:04,635 --> 00:50:06,435
You're crazy. No, honey! Megan!
921
00:50:06,437 --> 00:50:08,004
You're crazy. It's not
what it looks like!
922
00:50:08,006 --> 00:50:10,039
Get away from me. I'm
not done with you,
923
00:50:10,041 --> 00:50:11,707
you fuckin' home-wrecker!
924
00:50:12,309 --> 00:50:15,077
God!
925
00:50:15,079 --> 00:50:18,014
See, nobody will listen to the
black guy till everybody dead!
926
00:50:18,016 --> 00:50:20,116
I see how you lookin' at me.
Let me tell you something.
927
00:50:20,118 --> 00:50:23,019
This house... This
house is haunted.
928
00:50:23,021 --> 00:50:25,521
You know that little doll that
you like so much? Abigail?
929
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:28,090
Yeah, well, let me tell you something
about Abigail. She's alive!
930
00:50:28,092 --> 00:50:30,659
That's right, she's alive!
931
00:50:30,661 --> 00:50:34,530
Not like "alive" alive, but
alive as in "is possessed."
932
00:50:34,532 --> 00:50:38,034
You know how I know? 'Cause it made
me have sex with it! Repeatedly!
933
00:50:38,036 --> 00:50:41,670
Upstairs, downstairs, in
the kitchen, in the yard!
934
00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:43,472
While you were
sleepin' next to us!
935
00:50:43,474 --> 00:50:45,608
Right there where
you're sitting, twice!
936
00:50:45,610 --> 00:50:48,210
And that's why, when you came
upstairs and you caught me
937
00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:50,679
and I was killing the doll,
because I was just like,
938
00:50:50,681 --> 00:50:52,348
"you're fuckin' up
my relationship!"
939
00:50:52,350 --> 00:50:55,051
And that box? It's cursed!
940
00:50:55,053 --> 00:50:58,721
That box and that box.
That's haunted with a demon.
941
00:50:58,723 --> 00:51:01,257
That box, cursed with dudes. But
that's a whole other story.
942
00:51:01,259 --> 00:51:04,360
And your son, his little imaginary
friend that teaches him curse words
943
00:51:04,362 --> 00:51:06,529
and gets him crunk off vodka!
944
00:51:06,531 --> 00:51:09,098
Yeah, yeah, I'm blowing
your spot, little man.
945
00:51:09,100 --> 00:51:12,234
Well, he's not so imaginary!
He's cray!
946
00:51:12,236 --> 00:51:14,570
No, no, no. You cray!
You cray-cray!
947
00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:18,107
You and your whole lot of other ethnic
words that's going out of style.
948
00:51:18,109 --> 00:51:21,377
You ain't funky fresh or dope.
So, how about that, cray-cray?
949
00:51:21,379 --> 00:51:23,712
Mom, he's scaring me.
950
00:51:23,714 --> 00:51:27,249
Is this the
nigga whose room exploded?
951
00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:30,786
I'm scaring you! Opie,
you something else!
952
00:51:30,788 --> 00:51:35,257
You know what, that's it. I've had enough
of this whole haunted house craziness!
953
00:51:35,259 --> 00:51:37,626
It's bad enough that
you think it's real,
954
00:51:37,628 --> 00:51:39,295
but now you're scaring the kids!
955
00:51:39,297 --> 00:51:41,730
I'm scaring the kids! Yes!
956
00:51:41,732 --> 00:51:44,834
Ain't that the pot callin'
the kettle a nigga!
957
00:51:44,836 --> 00:51:49,605
No, no, no, baby! Your kids are scaring me!
Okay?
958
00:51:49,607 --> 00:51:51,874
Look at this one! She's
Marilyn manson in the skin
959
00:51:51,876 --> 00:51:55,111
and Charlie manson in the eyes!
Her eyes look crazy, okay?
960
00:51:55,113 --> 00:51:57,413
That's a crazy woman
carrying around a box
961
00:51:57,415 --> 00:51:58,848
like fuckin' Lionel
from the peanuts,
962
00:51:58,850 --> 00:52:00,883
and he's hangin' out
with dead niggas
963
00:52:00,885 --> 00:52:03,886
and I'm crazy? Oh! So, what am I
supposed to do with all this?
964
00:52:03,888 --> 00:52:06,589
Maybe you weren't ready!
Maybe we moved in too soon.
965
00:52:06,591 --> 00:52:08,624
Maybe you're not
ready for a family!
966
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:10,593
But we come as a
package deal, okay?
967
00:52:10,595 --> 00:52:12,761
This ain't about you or them, okay?
You...
968
00:52:12,763 --> 00:52:17,133
Oh, shit. No! Hey!
Don't touch that shit!
969
00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:19,335
Don't touch it!
That's a demon ring.
970
00:52:19,337 --> 00:52:21,537
Don't you answer that, you hear?
971
00:52:21,539 --> 00:52:23,139
That's the devil
callin' right there.
972
00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:25,608
That is an evil ring!
You hear that?
973
00:52:25,610 --> 00:52:27,643
Yeah, I said it, a demon ring!
974
00:52:27,645 --> 00:52:30,679
And you can insta-tweet
that on your gram-o-vine!
975
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:32,781
Nobody touch it!
976
00:52:32,783 --> 00:52:34,884
Stop ringing!
977
00:52:37,454 --> 00:52:40,489
Stop ringing! Stop!
978
00:52:44,861 --> 00:52:46,762
Oh, that's a demon callin'.
979
00:52:46,764 --> 00:52:48,497
Uh, Malcolm? Your pocket.
980
00:52:51,334 --> 00:52:53,569
Huh. Oh.
981
00:52:53,571 --> 00:52:56,172
We gotta change my ringer.
982
00:52:56,174 --> 00:53:00,776
Why do we even have home phones anymore?
I mean...
983
00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:04,680
Yeah? Who is it?
984
00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:08,450
What the hell? Hey, how you
doin', officer? Come on in.
985
00:53:10,353 --> 00:53:12,454
We got a call about
a domestic dispute.
986
00:53:12,456 --> 00:53:13,822
Are you Malcolm Johnson?
987
00:53:13,824 --> 00:53:16,325
Uh, yeah, that's me, but
there's no dispute.
988
00:53:16,327 --> 00:53:17,493
I mean, I threw
the phone, but...
989
00:53:17,495 --> 00:53:19,762
You're under arrest.
Hey! For what?
990
00:53:19,764 --> 00:53:22,698
Oh, my God! Just raised
my voice a little bit!
991
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:24,867
Malcolm, our phone is broken.
I know what...
992
00:53:24,869 --> 00:53:27,870
It's the doll! It's the doll! It
was the doll, brother, listen!
993
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:29,371
This is all a misunderstanding.
994
00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:30,673
It was this doll. I was
fuckin' this doll, right?
995
00:53:30,675 --> 00:53:32,741
He's on pcp. Let's take him.
No, I'm not on pcp!
996
00:53:32,743 --> 00:53:34,276
You fuckin' bitch!
997
00:53:34,278 --> 00:53:35,411
You fuckin' bitch!
998
00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:36,712
You fuckin' bitch!
999
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:38,781
Malcolm, maybe this
is for the best.
1000
00:54:20,857 --> 00:54:23,692
Can't escape my wrath,
for I am death.
1001
00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:31,767
Now you burn. Fire.
1002
00:54:38,775 --> 00:54:39,742
Help!
1003
00:55:05,935 --> 00:55:07,970
What is...
1004
00:55:09,906 --> 00:55:11,807
Malcolm?
1005
00:55:18,782 --> 00:55:20,516
Malcolm? Mmm...
1006
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:23,952
Damn, son, you look fucked up!
1007
00:55:23,954 --> 00:55:27,723
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me!
1008
00:55:27,725 --> 00:55:31,327
Mom, your man's in here
pukin' like a little bitch!
1009
00:55:31,329 --> 00:55:32,461
See that shit, Tony?
1010
00:55:36,966 --> 00:55:40,636
Sometimes the victim may be
tormented by more than one demon.
1011
00:55:40,638 --> 00:55:42,705
These cases lead
to transference.
1012
00:55:42,707 --> 00:55:44,707
Trans-who? What the
fuck is that, dog?
1013
00:55:44,709 --> 00:55:46,075
Father Williams!
Mind your tongue.
1014
00:55:46,077 --> 00:55:47,810
You are a man of the cloth!
1015
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:50,779
Damn, man, ain't like I'm
rapin' motherfuckers no more,
1016
00:55:50,781 --> 00:55:52,348
you know what I'm sayin'?
1017
00:55:52,350 --> 00:55:55,050
Shit. Keep on wit' your
little lesson, brother.
1018
00:55:55,052 --> 00:55:56,719
Victims have also
been known to break
1019
00:55:56,721 --> 00:55:58,654
their own bones during
the possession.
1020
00:55:58,656 --> 00:56:00,589
True. That
happened to me.
1021
00:56:00,591 --> 00:56:03,359
I was first in prison, I was
tryin' to give myself head, right?
1022
00:56:03,361 --> 00:56:05,060
'Cause I ain't know nobody.
1023
00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:07,529
If I woulda knew somebody, I wouldn't
have had to do it to myself.
1024
00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:10,065
And it wasn't no gay shit.
First get that out your head.
1025
00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:12,668
That's enough! I've had
enough of your insolence!
1026
00:56:12,670 --> 00:56:15,371
My what? My insolence?
1027
00:56:15,373 --> 00:56:18,374
Dog, you going to bring up
my condition right now?
1028
00:56:18,376 --> 00:56:20,576
You gonna bring up
my diabetes, dog?
1029
00:56:20,578 --> 00:56:22,010
Talkin' about my insolence.
1030
00:56:22,012 --> 00:56:25,547
'Cause I like cake? Yeah,
I like cake, guys.
1031
00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:27,683
I like cake, birthday
cake, all kinds of cake.
1032
00:56:27,685 --> 00:56:29,718
I'm talking about,
cake, cake, cake!
1033
00:56:30,587 --> 00:56:31,754
Man, you know what?
1034
00:56:31,756 --> 00:56:32,821
I'm sick of your shit!
1035
00:56:35,159 --> 00:56:37,860
Get outta here! Everybody break out.
Take your boy with you.
1036
00:56:37,862 --> 00:56:40,596
Yeah. I mean really, man.
1037
00:56:41,464 --> 00:56:42,531
Ooh.
1038
00:56:42,866 --> 00:56:44,433
Malcolm?
1039
00:56:44,435 --> 00:56:45,934
Hey, father Williams!
1040
00:56:45,936 --> 00:56:47,436
Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell
you about callin' me that?
1041
00:56:47,438 --> 00:56:48,971
I'm sorry. Hey, Doug!
1042
00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:51,874
Roll down, man!
1043
00:56:51,876 --> 00:56:55,411
I'm sorry you caught that, man.
I'm so stressed out, man.
1044
00:56:55,413 --> 00:56:57,713
I had to shank a muthafucka.
You saw that, right?
1045
00:56:57,715 --> 00:56:59,081
I didn't see nothin'.
1046
00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:01,517
That's a good answer.
That's a good answer.
1047
00:57:01,519 --> 00:57:02,818
If you saw it...
'Cause I was gonna say
1048
00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:04,453
if you woulda said
yes, I woulda...
1049
00:57:04,455 --> 00:57:06,588
Oh, shit!
1050
00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:08,957
That's all right, I don't have nothin'.
That's the only one I had.
1051
00:57:08,959 --> 00:57:10,926
I used to have two shanks, but
I don't keep that anymore.
1052
00:57:10,928 --> 00:57:12,594
I stopped doin' two shanks
1053
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:13,796
'cause it just was a thang, and
1054
00:57:13,798 --> 00:57:15,597
everybody was like,
"two shanks."
1055
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:18,033
Yeah, so, how you doin'?
1056
00:57:18,035 --> 00:57:21,437
I, uh... I need your help.
1057
00:57:21,439 --> 00:57:23,071
It's happenin', Doug.
1058
00:57:23,073 --> 00:57:24,907
Hell no!
1059
00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:27,209
You know I'm not
comin' over there
1060
00:57:27,211 --> 00:57:29,011
and fuckin' with you and your
creepy lil' bitch again!
1061
00:57:29,013 --> 00:57:30,546
I ain't even with
that bitch no more!
1062
00:57:30,548 --> 00:57:32,047
I'm beggin' you, man, I
just need your help.
1063
00:57:32,049 --> 00:57:33,649
I just don't know
who else to go to.
1064
00:57:33,651 --> 00:57:35,984
Let me just explain to you
why I became a priest.
1065
00:57:35,986 --> 00:57:38,921
Now, obvious one is for
the little boys. Yes.
1066
00:57:38,923 --> 00:57:40,756
What're you talkin' about?
1067
00:57:40,758 --> 00:57:42,891
It's a joke, Malcolm!
1068
00:57:42,893 --> 00:57:46,028
Oh, God, no, it was a joke.
I did that, you know,
1069
00:57:46,030 --> 00:57:48,597
for the other priests and
we laugh, that's all.
1070
00:57:48,599 --> 00:57:52,568
But I don't know if I can help
you with your demon situation
1071
00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:55,204
because I haven't
been stayin' steady
1072
00:57:55,206 --> 00:57:58,006
on my demon fightin' skills, is
what I'm tryin' to tell you.
1073
00:57:58,008 --> 00:58:02,511
So Malcolm, day after day,
1074
00:58:02,513 --> 00:58:08,116
when you know you can't win, you're
just prolonging the inevitable!
1075
00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:11,019
All you gotta do is let them in.
1076
00:58:11,021 --> 00:58:12,554
Are you talkin' about the devil?
1077
00:58:12,556 --> 00:58:15,491
Worse. The Kardashians.
1078
00:58:15,493 --> 00:58:16,992
Yeah.
1079
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:19,261
Yeah, did you see 'em?
It's the crazy mama,
1080
00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:21,663
it's Kim, khloe, kourtney,
crazy, the two little ones...
1081
00:58:21,665 --> 00:58:24,967
They gonna be freaks. They
got lamar, they got Scott...
1082
00:58:24,969 --> 00:58:26,668
Rob, fat as a motherfucker,
1083
00:58:26,670 --> 00:58:28,203
Bruce with the acne.
Oh, Bruce...
1084
00:58:28,205 --> 00:58:30,539
What the fuck is wrong
with Bruce jenner face?
1085
00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:31,974
He look like a monster!
1086
00:58:31,976 --> 00:58:35,244
He scares me at night!
And he on in daytime.
1087
00:58:35,246 --> 00:58:37,613
He don't look like the nigga
that was on the wheaties box!
1088
00:58:37,615 --> 00:58:40,682
And kanye! And kanye!
And julianne hough!
1089
00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:44,920
I love it and I hate it. They
took kanye and they changed him.
1090
00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:46,922
Doug, you know... Doug...
1091
00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:48,524
You have to let go of me, Doug.
1092
00:58:48,526 --> 00:58:49,825
You can't...
1093
00:58:49,827 --> 00:58:51,560
Doug, you gotta let go of me!
1094
00:58:51,562 --> 00:58:55,264
There's no place you can hide.
He has a plan for you.
1095
00:58:55,266 --> 00:58:57,099
Doug, get off of me.
He will get you!
1096
00:58:57,101 --> 00:58:58,934
Doug, get your hands off me!
1097
00:58:58,936 --> 00:59:01,270
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1098
00:59:05,009 --> 00:59:09,278
Oh, you're the one that got
us out here in the hot heat!
1099
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,180
Making me bang all on the windows
with my good church hat!
1100
00:59:12,182 --> 00:59:14,850
Hon, I could be at home
watchin' that new madea movie!
1101
00:59:14,852 --> 00:59:18,020
with the little girl
from the fresh prince?
1102
00:59:18,022 --> 00:59:20,856
You know the one, she played the
head of NASA! With the aliens!
1103
00:59:20,858 --> 00:59:23,926
Boom! Madea goes
to Mars, that's it!
1104
00:59:23,928 --> 00:59:27,095
Hold up,
ain't you that brother
1105
00:59:27,097 --> 00:59:30,566
that just moved into
old Burton place?
1106
00:59:30,568 --> 00:59:33,001
Yeah, it's just...
With a white woman!
1107
00:59:33,003 --> 00:59:34,603
Well, she's not all
the way white.
1108
00:59:34,605 --> 00:59:37,573
She's a white woman,
damn near clear!
1109
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:41,810
Come on now, it's 2013. Interracial
relationships is not a big deal.
1110
00:59:41,812 --> 00:59:45,013
What? You need to tell
that to the lonely sista.
1111
00:59:45,015 --> 00:59:46,715
Look at this one right here.
Right here!
1112
00:59:46,717 --> 00:59:49,251
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!
1113
00:59:49,253 --> 00:59:53,088
Whoo! Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up.
We ain't got no defibrillator.
1114
00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:57,059
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.
1115
00:59:57,061 --> 00:59:59,661
- What is it, the fellatio?
- Uh...
1116
00:59:59,663 --> 01:00:01,063
That's what it is, they go deep.
1117
01:00:01,065 --> 01:00:02,698
You know they ain't
got no insides.
1118
01:00:02,700 --> 01:00:04,232
I think that's my cue to go.
1119
01:00:04,234 --> 01:00:07,202
Excuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.
1120
01:00:07,204 --> 01:00:08,904
Where you goin'?
1121
01:00:08,906 --> 01:00:10,105
Love is love.
You're so bitter.
1122
01:00:10,107 --> 01:00:15,243
Brothers be trippin'. That's why
I got me a white man at home.
1123
01:00:15,245 --> 01:00:17,079
Vanilla my flavor.
1124
01:00:20,717 --> 01:00:21,783
Hello, Malcolm.
1125
01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:22,918
Oh, Professor wilde, thank God.
1126
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:24,786
I've been tryin' to reach you!
1127
01:00:24,788 --> 01:00:26,755
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
I've been a bit tied up.
1128
01:00:26,757 --> 01:00:29,625
I haven't been able to
find any more on aghoul,
1129
01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:31,860
though my resources
are a bit limited.
1130
01:00:31,862 --> 01:00:34,229
Uh, Professor? Where
the hell are you?
1131
01:00:34,231 --> 01:00:37,132
Ooh, doin' a stretch
of five to 10.
1132
01:00:37,134 --> 01:00:39,101
Apparently, the authorities
frown on sellin' meth
1133
01:00:39,103 --> 01:00:41,269
to college students.
1134
01:00:41,271 --> 01:00:42,938
Yeah, apparently.
1135
01:00:42,940 --> 01:00:44,006
You need to hang up
1136
01:00:44,008 --> 01:00:47,943
come over here and kiss
me on my hot mouth.
1137
01:00:47,945 --> 01:00:50,112
I'm feelin' romantical.
1138
01:00:51,714 --> 01:00:53,715
Well, Malcolm, I suppose
I should get going.
1139
01:00:53,717 --> 01:00:55,317
But I will be e-mailing
you the contacts
1140
01:00:55,319 --> 01:00:56,685
of associates who'll
be able to help.
1141
01:00:56,687 --> 01:00:58,153
I don't mean to be
pushy, but any way
1142
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:00,088
you could do that
before you get raped?
1143
01:01:00,090 --> 01:01:02,057
What part of mandingo party
1144
01:01:02,059 --> 01:01:04,292
do you not understand?
1145
01:01:04,294 --> 01:01:06,962
It's time to power
the white rabbit.
1146
01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:09,431
You know. Dirty the snow.
1147
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:12,934
Don't!
That's not that bad.
1148
01:01:14,837 --> 01:01:17,072
Lights, please. Thank you.
1149
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:21,309
So after several exhausting
days of the exorcism,
1150
01:01:21,311 --> 01:01:24,846
I threw some holy water on
her, read an incantation
1151
01:01:24,848 --> 01:01:28,383
and the demon left
the woman's body.
1152
01:01:28,385 --> 01:01:31,920
I suppose I
just sat back and watched.
1153
01:01:31,922 --> 01:01:35,190
I mean, I'm just the medium
who puts her life in danger
1154
01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:37,859
every time she reaches
out to demonic forces.
1155
01:01:37,861 --> 01:01:40,295
But you've got a Bible and
a bottle of holy water,
1156
01:01:40,297 --> 01:01:41,797
so you make the world
a safer place!
1157
01:01:41,799 --> 01:01:44,199
The fact is, people,
is that God is real,
1158
01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:47,102
the devil is real,
and monsters exist.
1159
01:01:48,705 --> 01:01:51,773
Well... They're vicious,
terrifying entities!
1160
01:01:51,775 --> 01:01:54,342
But the good news is,
Santa claus doesn't exist
1161
01:01:54,344 --> 01:01:56,144
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy
1162
01:01:56,146 --> 01:01:57,446
coming down your chimney.
1163
01:01:57,448 --> 01:02:01,383
So, what exactly are you guys?
And who the fuck hired you?
1164
01:02:01,385 --> 01:02:04,286
You can call us ned and Noreen.
1165
01:02:04,288 --> 01:02:06,888
See? This is why you don't
hire from craigslist.
1166
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:08,056
Asshole!
1167
01:02:10,893 --> 01:02:14,229
I don't understand why you
always have to take the credit!
1168
01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:16,498
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover,
1169
01:02:16,500 --> 01:02:18,400
and I am the one with a gift!
It's not my fault
1170
01:02:18,402 --> 01:02:21,236
that ned comes before Noreen
in alphabetical order!
1171
01:02:21,238 --> 01:02:23,739
Is that why ned comes before
Noreen in the bedroom?
1172
01:02:23,741 --> 01:02:25,340
Just once I'd like
you to do that thing
1173
01:02:25,342 --> 01:02:26,808
with your thumb and
your forefinger.
1174
01:02:26,810 --> 01:02:32,047
Yeah, well, I would like you to do
that thing with my balls and the...
1175
01:02:32,049 --> 01:02:34,416
Hi! Hi! Can we help you?
1176
01:02:34,418 --> 01:02:37,252
Yes. Um, there's something
horrible happening in my house.
1177
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:39,921
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but I do!
1178
01:02:39,923 --> 01:02:42,057
I'm sure that there's a
rational explanation...
1179
01:02:42,059 --> 01:02:43,225
Please! They're white!
1180
01:02:43,227 --> 01:02:45,427
Oh, my God! Why
didn't you say that?
1181
01:02:45,429 --> 01:02:47,262
Yeah, you should lead with that!
1182
01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:50,766
I mean, if you're black we just
assume that your hauntings are
1183
01:02:50,768 --> 01:02:53,468
bill collectors or
racist police officers.
1184
01:02:53,470 --> 01:02:55,403
But 99% of all hauntings
1185
01:02:55,405 --> 01:02:57,405
happen to white people,
that's a fact.
1186
01:02:57,407 --> 01:03:00,242
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.
1187
01:03:00,244 --> 01:03:01,843
Thank you so much.
1188
01:03:01,845 --> 01:03:03,812
So we're here to
help you people.
1189
01:03:03,814 --> 01:03:06,248
And before you get worked up, I
mean "you people" as a couple.
1190
01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:07,983
It wasn't racist till
you explained it.
1191
01:03:07,985 --> 01:03:11,486
The bad news is you have
a demon in your house.
1192
01:03:11,488 --> 01:03:12,954
Here we go again.
1193
01:03:12,956 --> 01:03:16,258
Okay, wait. So the house
really is haunted?
1194
01:03:16,260 --> 01:03:19,961
Megan, it's not the
house that's haunted.
1195
01:03:19,963 --> 01:03:22,964
A-ha! I knew it! I knew it! It's
always the little white girl.
1196
01:03:22,966 --> 01:03:25,834
Think about it. The
exorcist, the last exorcism,
1197
01:03:25,836 --> 01:03:28,036
the exorcism of Emily rose.
All white girls.
1198
01:03:28,038 --> 01:03:29,171
'Cause there ain't no
black parents gonna have
1199
01:03:29,173 --> 01:03:30,472
no little white girl
talkin' like that.
1200
01:03:30,474 --> 01:03:32,140
"Bitch, who are you?
Who're you cursin' at?
1201
01:03:32,142 --> 01:03:33,809
"And turn the fuckin'
air down in here!"
1202
01:03:33,811 --> 01:03:36,311
Malcolm, Malcolm, just
listen for a second. Yes.
1203
01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:40,348
When we first met you, there
was something attached to you.
1204
01:03:40,350 --> 01:03:42,818
Oh, that was a hemorrhoid. That was...
it's good now.
1205
01:03:42,820 --> 01:03:45,253
This dark entity has
attached itself to him
1206
01:03:45,255 --> 01:03:47,489
and now it's feeding
off of all of you.
1207
01:03:47,491 --> 01:03:50,592
So what you're saying is that
this is all Malcolm's fault.
1208
01:03:50,594 --> 01:03:52,460
That's right. Your family
could've left here at
1209
01:03:52,462 --> 01:03:54,529
any time, but now you're stuck.
1210
01:03:54,531 --> 01:03:56,464
Like a piece of toilet paper
1211
01:03:56,466 --> 01:03:58,533
stuck on your shoe when
you leave the bathroom.
1212
01:03:58,535 --> 01:04:00,836
And your wife knew the whole
time, but she didn't tell you
1213
01:04:00,838 --> 01:04:03,839
because she wanted you to walk
around and look like an idiot.
1214
01:04:03,841 --> 01:04:07,242
Oh, get over it! I'm not
the one who had an affair
1215
01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:09,444
with some low-rent palm
reader from akron!
1216
01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:11,847
And you never would've known
if you weren't a psychic!
1217
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:13,415
But I am psychic, ned!
1218
01:04:13,417 --> 01:04:14,916
Oh! Ow.
1219
01:04:14,918 --> 01:04:17,018
Shit! What is that for?
1220
01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:19,321
What you'll be thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds.
1221
01:04:19,323 --> 01:04:21,289
"Thinking about doing to
Megan?" One, two, see?
1222
01:04:24,193 --> 01:04:26,261
Uh, guys, we came
on short notice.
1223
01:04:26,263 --> 01:04:28,330
We may need an extra
pair of hands.
1224
01:04:28,332 --> 01:04:30,031
Anyone you trust to help?
1225
01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:32,067
I know a guy. He's Mexican.
1226
01:04:34,170 --> 01:04:36,104
Megan, let's go
to your contacts.
1227
01:04:39,508 --> 01:04:41,343
Hey, nice camera. Right?
1228
01:04:41,345 --> 01:04:43,912
I take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.
1229
01:04:43,914 --> 01:04:46,047
Eh, somethin' like that. He sells
them out of the back of his truck.
1230
01:04:46,049 --> 01:04:48,516
It's a mobile operation. Let
me know if you want one.
1231
01:04:48,518 --> 01:04:50,585
Hey, ned, something weird.
1232
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,055
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.
1233
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:58,894
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on cp time.
1234
01:04:58,896 --> 01:05:01,529
The demon will manifest
itself in many ways.
1235
01:05:01,531 --> 01:05:03,598
To your son, it's his
imaginary friend.
1236
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,067
To your daughter it's the
voice inside the box.
1237
01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:08,570
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.
1238
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:11,907
See? It's a manifestation! You think
I'd bang a doll for no reason?
1239
01:05:11,909 --> 01:05:14,242
Malcolm! Shut up. What
we're about to do
1240
01:05:14,244 --> 01:05:17,312
is the first step in banishing
the demon to the netherworld.
1241
01:05:17,314 --> 01:05:19,180
Oh, what is that?
1242
01:05:19,182 --> 01:05:22,083
This helps me communicate
with the demon.
1243
01:05:22,085 --> 01:05:25,186
Organic, hydroponically
grown og kush.
1244
01:05:25,188 --> 01:05:26,321
Very strong.
1245
01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:31,126
This is some good shit.
1246
01:05:32,229 --> 01:05:34,095
Well, pass the mask, shit.
1247
01:05:34,097 --> 01:05:36,231
We grow it ourselves.
1248
01:05:36,233 --> 01:05:38,166
High water bill.
1249
01:05:38,168 --> 01:05:39,935
That's that shit right there!
1250
01:05:39,937 --> 01:05:41,336
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.
1251
01:05:44,307 --> 01:05:46,541
Tony, where are you?
1252
01:05:49,146 --> 01:05:51,680
Smells like that og kush.
1253
01:05:58,654 --> 01:05:59,654
Mom!
1254
01:06:02,158 --> 01:06:04,159
What... Becky!
1255
01:06:06,662 --> 01:06:08,330
Cool! Wyatt, get upstairs!
1256
01:06:08,332 --> 01:06:10,231
- Wyatt, come on!
- Fuck you, you bitch!
1257
01:06:12,368 --> 01:06:14,035
Why are you tying
my baby to a chair?
1258
01:06:14,037 --> 01:06:15,737
Because the bitch
got a demon in her!
1259
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:17,505
Make it stop!
1260
01:06:17,507 --> 01:06:20,408
This is some scary cucuy
shit right here, man.
1261
01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:22,210
I don't know who cucuy is.
1262
01:06:22,212 --> 01:06:24,012
A cucuy is a ghetto
Mexican bogeyman.
1263
01:06:24,014 --> 01:06:25,647
Oh, like George Lopez.
1264
01:06:25,649 --> 01:06:27,215
I know, huh?
1265
01:06:27,217 --> 01:06:30,085
I agree, it is scary as fuck.
1266
01:06:30,087 --> 01:06:32,554
This spirit is
more powerful than I thought.
1267
01:06:32,556 --> 01:06:35,390
We're gonna need to get a priest
and perform a real exorcism.
1268
01:06:35,392 --> 01:06:38,393
I know a guy! He's a
little unconventional.
1269
01:06:40,196 --> 01:06:42,297
I don't know, Malcolm.
1270
01:06:42,299 --> 01:06:44,199
I know, that bitch
don't look right.
1271
01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:45,533
No, why you gotta
call her a bitch?
1272
01:06:45,535 --> 01:06:47,302
You disrespecting the little ho.
1273
01:06:47,304 --> 01:06:49,070
Nigga, did you just sell me out?
1274
01:06:49,072 --> 01:06:51,239
There's certain words
that trigger white folk.
1275
01:06:51,241 --> 01:06:54,442
I mean, bitch, ho, slut.
No offense.
1276
01:06:54,444 --> 01:06:56,244
You can't say those words.
That's like our...
1277
01:06:56,246 --> 01:06:57,379
Hey!
1278
01:06:57,381 --> 01:06:58,513
What the hell are
you talking about?
1279
01:06:58,515 --> 01:06:59,714
Are you out your damn mind?
1280
01:06:59,716 --> 01:07:02,183
We would never say that.
1281
01:07:02,185 --> 01:07:04,486
Oh, we would behind
closed doors.
1282
01:07:04,488 --> 01:07:06,621
I mean, I wouldn't say it
in a bus or a waffle house.
1283
01:07:06,623 --> 01:07:11,126
or in the parking lot of a kfc,
but, yeah, I would say it.
1284
01:07:11,128 --> 01:07:13,061
Hey, I ain't your boy...
I got your back.
1285
01:07:13,063 --> 01:07:14,596
This is a lovely scarf
you're wearing.
1286
01:07:14,598 --> 01:07:16,598
It's a sash, you know
what I'm sayin'?
1287
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:19,134
I'm selling these. This a
part of my new clothing line,
1288
01:07:19,136 --> 01:07:20,735
"Jesus pieces," and I got, like,
1289
01:07:20,737 --> 01:07:22,604
the shoe that the
pope be wearin'.
1290
01:07:22,606 --> 01:07:26,408
In leather, suede, in green,
brown, and the pope hats!
1291
01:07:26,410 --> 01:07:29,611
I can't keep that shit, you
know niggers love big hats.
1292
01:07:29,613 --> 01:07:31,746
Okay, you know what, that's enough.
Thank you so much.
1293
01:07:31,748 --> 01:07:35,283
That's right. Can we help
my daughter, please?
1294
01:07:35,285 --> 01:07:37,318
Hell, she went really
white girl on me.
1295
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:39,287
"Oh, my God!" I
was like, "whoa."
1296
01:07:39,289 --> 01:07:42,290
Speaking of white... Are
you doin' cocaine again?
1297
01:07:42,292 --> 01:07:44,125
Cocaine? No, man,
this stuff's Molly!
1298
01:07:44,127 --> 01:07:47,195
Oh! Can I try?
1299
01:07:47,197 --> 01:07:49,097
Oh, wow.
1300
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,167
I'm gonna take a little
pinch for later.
1301
01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:53,768
He's just bringing drugs?
1302
01:07:53,770 --> 01:07:55,370
It's Molly. Wrap it up!
1303
01:07:55,372 --> 01:07:56,604
Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you
he was unconventional.
1304
01:07:58,442 --> 01:07:59,541
All right.
1305
01:08:00,777 --> 01:08:02,310
Hey, chill. Calm down, man.
1306
01:08:02,312 --> 01:08:04,212
Doug! Doug! Doug! Whoa.
1307
01:08:04,214 --> 01:08:05,713
Y'all some crazy
ass motherfuckers.
1308
01:08:05,715 --> 01:08:07,649
Y'all thought I was
gonna shoot this bitch?
1309
01:08:07,651 --> 01:08:10,385
I'm just gonna pistol-whip
her until she weakens.
1310
01:08:10,387 --> 01:08:12,454
You're not pistol-whipping
my daughter!
1311
01:08:12,456 --> 01:08:15,790
He know's what he's doing.
The man is a genius.
1312
01:08:18,395 --> 01:08:22,564
In the name of the father and
the holy ghost...
1313
01:08:22,566 --> 01:08:24,499
I need three other white people.
1314
01:08:24,501 --> 01:08:26,134
Peyton Manning!
1315
01:08:26,136 --> 01:08:27,402
Peyton Manning, kristen Stewart.
1316
01:08:27,404 --> 01:08:28,670
Paula deen!
1317
01:08:30,506 --> 01:08:33,808
Where's Doug? I can't find
his black ass in this dark!
1318
01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:34,876
Where the hell is he?
1319
01:08:34,878 --> 01:08:39,514
Like a forest creature in a cartoon.
Father Doug!
1320
01:08:39,516 --> 01:08:42,150
He's over here! He's over here!
1321
01:08:42,152 --> 01:08:44,285
Doug! Nigga, please, don't.
1322
01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,454
Father, please don't!
1323
01:08:46,456 --> 01:08:48,823
No, wait! It's better if he points
the gun at himself and not at us.
1324
01:08:48,825 --> 01:08:50,592
Just talk to him, Malcolm.
1325
01:08:50,594 --> 01:08:53,394
Listen to my voice, okay, Doug?
Listen to my voice.
1326
01:08:53,396 --> 01:08:56,197
This is not what niggas do!
We don't do suicide!
1327
01:08:56,199 --> 01:08:59,701
Murder, yes! Suicide?
That's what they do.
1328
01:08:59,703 --> 01:09:04,205
Yeah, we do that. I've
tried at least 20 times.
1329
01:09:04,207 --> 01:09:06,541
Motherfucker got me acting
all crazy, actin' the fool!
1330
01:09:06,543 --> 01:09:08,810
You know damn well I
wouldn't peel my own cap!
1331
01:09:10,514 --> 01:09:13,381
I can't stop it! I can't stop it!
Man, it keeps...
1332
01:09:13,383 --> 01:09:15,517
There's somethin' in my head that's
tellin' me to blow off my head.
1333
01:09:15,519 --> 01:09:17,785
Is it in here? Is it in there?
1334
01:09:17,787 --> 01:09:21,389
No, no, no! Yeah, up there!
1335
01:09:21,391 --> 01:09:23,625
Demon break. Who wants a mojito?
1336
01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:25,627
Oh, the black guy's
still got a gun.
1337
01:09:25,629 --> 01:09:28,563
Oh, God! This demon is
a son of a bitch, man!
1338
01:09:28,565 --> 01:09:31,533
Father, why have
you abandoned me?
1339
01:09:31,535 --> 01:09:35,303
Is it because I cuss a
lot, even during prayer?
1340
01:09:35,305 --> 01:09:37,338
"Amen, motherfucker,"
sounds dope.
1341
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:40,241
Is it because...
1342
01:09:40,243 --> 01:09:42,844
I don't get Ryan seacrest.
I don't get him.
1343
01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:46,247
I know what it is, 'cause I
dressed up as a foreclosure sign
1344
01:09:46,249 --> 01:09:48,550
when people was getting
kicked out of their house.
1345
01:09:48,552 --> 01:09:50,785
On Halloween I just
stood in the yard.
1346
01:09:50,787 --> 01:09:53,254
I knew it was wrong, but
it was funny to me.
1347
01:09:53,256 --> 01:09:55,557
Out of all of the people
on the Brady bunch,
1348
01:09:55,559 --> 01:09:58,293
it was Alice that
I wanted to fuck.
1349
01:09:58,295 --> 01:10:01,930
In the station wagon, on top of Mr.
Brady's architect desk.
1350
01:10:01,932 --> 01:10:04,365
Just used it for
protractors and rulers.
1351
01:10:04,367 --> 01:10:06,834
Is it because I
actually kinda thought
1352
01:10:06,836 --> 01:10:09,737
that it was okay that
Chris brown hit Rihanna?
1353
01:10:09,739 --> 01:10:12,473
I know that bitch hit him first, man!
She talk too much shit!
1354
01:10:12,475 --> 01:10:14,642
She an island girl.
"What you doin', Chris?
1355
01:10:14,644 --> 01:10:16,477
"Where you goin'? Who's this
bitch talkin' "about Chris?"
1356
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:18,279
Shut the fuck up, bitch!
1357
01:10:18,281 --> 01:10:19,314
Somebody help me.
1358
01:10:19,316 --> 01:10:20,915
Doug! Fight it, Doug!
1359
01:10:20,917 --> 01:10:24,452
No! Nigga, that's a bigass gun!
That's gonna hurt, nigga.
1360
01:10:24,454 --> 01:10:26,821
Malcolm, he has a
message for you.
1361
01:10:28,224 --> 01:10:29,857
He says...
1362
01:10:29,859 --> 01:10:31,392
"Hi, bitch."
1363
01:10:33,230 --> 01:10:34,929
Oh, my God! No!
1364
01:10:37,467 --> 01:10:39,934
We're gonna need another priest!
It's too late.
1365
01:10:39,936 --> 01:10:41,269
I have to perform the exorcism.
1366
01:10:41,271 --> 01:10:42,637
It's true.
1367
01:10:42,639 --> 01:10:44,606
Although ned's only
formal training was at
1368
01:10:44,608 --> 01:10:46,641
ghostbusters summer
camp back in 1988.
1369
01:10:46,643 --> 01:10:47,842
Never cross the streams.
Never cross them.
1370
01:10:47,844 --> 01:10:49,277
And he is dumb!
1371
01:10:49,279 --> 01:10:51,946
I mean, dumb, dumb, dumb!
1372
01:10:51,948 --> 01:10:54,816
The point is, you can do this!
1373
01:10:54,818 --> 01:10:56,584
Do you remember what you said
to me on our wedding night?
1374
01:10:56,586 --> 01:10:58,686
"I have whiskey dick and I'll make
it up to you in the morning."
1375
01:10:58,688 --> 01:11:02,857
No! You said God brought
us together for a reason.
1376
01:11:02,859 --> 01:11:05,360
That doesn't sound like me.
Must've been really drunk.
1377
01:11:05,362 --> 01:11:08,029
Just fucking do it, dummy! Okay.
1378
01:11:20,309 --> 01:11:21,809
Becky! Did it work?
1379
01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:24,045
Please help me. I'm
sorry for everything!
1380
01:11:24,047 --> 01:11:25,813
I think you did it!
1381
01:11:30,452 --> 01:11:32,720
Full inversion. We
got a full inversion.
1382
01:11:34,657 --> 01:11:36,557
Oh, fuck!
1383
01:11:36,559 --> 01:11:38,493
Oh, my God!
1384
01:11:38,495 --> 01:11:40,862
Time to die!
1385
01:11:41,997 --> 01:11:43,398
It was him! It was him!
1386
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:44,999
No, don't do me like that!
1387
01:11:45,001 --> 01:11:46,567
It actually was him.
1388
01:11:47,369 --> 01:11:48,569
Better him than me.
1389
01:11:48,571 --> 01:11:50,505
That looked
like it hurt, shit.
1390
01:11:55,344 --> 01:11:56,978
Whoo! Now, that's what
you call a blowjob.
1391
01:11:56,980 --> 01:11:58,579
A leaf blower?
1392
01:11:58,581 --> 01:12:00,481
Malcolm!
1393
01:12:00,483 --> 01:12:04,452
Demon, you leave our
daughter alone!
1394
01:12:05,555 --> 01:12:07,021
That's not your
daughter anymore!
1395
01:12:07,023 --> 01:12:08,823
I didn't mean like a
daughter-daughter...
1396
01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:12,026
I was just saying that... Seriously?
Malcolm, help her!
1397
01:12:12,028 --> 01:12:13,428
Okay. God damn it!
1398
01:12:13,430 --> 01:12:14,796
Go get 'em, buddy.
1399
01:12:16,031 --> 01:12:17,598
Wyatt, are you okay?
1400
01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:19,400
Yeah, but Becky?
1401
01:12:19,402 --> 01:12:21,336
She looks pretty fucked up.
1402
01:12:23,039 --> 01:12:27,408
How about you leave, and we'll
pretend none of this ever happened?
1403
01:12:27,410 --> 01:12:29,577
The bitch is mine!
1404
01:12:29,579 --> 01:12:31,112
You heard the man, the bitch is his.
I tried.
1405
01:12:31,114 --> 01:12:32,613
Seriously?
1406
01:12:32,615 --> 01:12:34,415
She said the bitch is his.
That's pretty emphatic.
1407
01:12:34,417 --> 01:12:36,718
Malcolm, please help me.
I'm so sorry.
1408
01:12:38,420 --> 01:12:42,457
Becky will rot in hell!
1409
01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:45,026
Okay, which one is it? Go rot in
hell or you want me to help you?
1410
01:12:45,028 --> 01:12:46,394
Malcolm, help her!
1411
01:12:46,396 --> 01:12:47,995
The bitch is confusing me!
1412
01:12:47,997 --> 01:12:52,500
Okay. Demon, you leave her alone!
You take me instead!
1413
01:12:52,868 --> 01:12:54,435
Deal.
1414
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:56,571
Wait, no, no, no. Here,
take him instead!
1415
01:13:01,643 --> 01:13:03,010
I haven't heard a demon
scream for a while.
1416
01:13:03,012 --> 01:13:04,579
I think it's safe to
go back up there.
1417
01:13:04,581 --> 01:13:05,980
I still have a bad feeling.
1418
01:13:05,982 --> 01:13:08,082
For God's sake, come on, guys!
1419
01:13:08,084 --> 01:13:10,385
Come on! All right.
1420
01:13:11,787 --> 01:13:15,656
Oh, my God! Wyatt, get
upstairs right now!
1421
01:13:15,658 --> 01:13:17,658
They're cuddling!
The demon's gone!
1422
01:13:17,660 --> 01:13:20,962
I did it! This house is clean!
1423
01:13:20,964 --> 01:13:24,098
Look at his eyes! They're rolling
to the back of his head!
1424
01:13:24,100 --> 01:13:27,468
That's the face that he makes
when he has an orgasm.
1425
01:13:27,470 --> 01:13:28,970
I think he's okay, you guys.
1426
01:13:28,972 --> 01:13:30,705
This is not over.
1427
01:13:30,707 --> 01:13:32,407
Are you guys watching this?
1428
01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:34,475
Yes, we're watching it, dummy!
1429
01:13:34,477 --> 01:13:36,544
I'm so intrigued by this.
1430
01:13:36,546 --> 01:13:40,815
Oh, man! He's all twisted
up like a chocolate pretzel!
1431
01:13:40,817 --> 01:13:43,117
Such flexibility
and the dexterity!
1432
01:13:43,119 --> 01:13:45,686
Oh, my God. This is
making me queasy!
1433
01:13:45,688 --> 01:13:47,855
It's like he could
suck his own dick.
1434
01:13:47,857 --> 01:13:50,425
I don't wanna suck my...
Please help me!
1435
01:13:50,427 --> 01:13:52,460
If I could do that, I don't think
I'd ever talk to you again.
1436
01:13:52,462 --> 01:13:54,996
Stop it, you unholy demon!
1437
01:13:54,998 --> 01:13:58,699
Oh! Oh! That is greasy shit!
Probably Murray's.
1438
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:02,136
The power of Christ compels you!
1439
01:14:02,138 --> 01:14:04,605
It burn like bum piss!
1440
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,174
That means it's working!
1441
01:14:06,176 --> 01:14:08,042
Pour the whole thing, like
I just won the super bowl!
1442
01:14:08,044 --> 01:14:09,110
Go! Oh, my God.
1443
01:14:09,112 --> 01:14:10,211
Are you crazy?
1444
01:14:14,150 --> 01:14:16,617
Is that all you got, bitch?
1445
01:14:18,620 --> 01:14:19,987
Oh!
1446
01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:34,836
Wait, guys! Stop!
Everybody, stop!
1447
01:14:34,838 --> 01:14:36,571
Malcolm, are you okay?
1448
01:14:36,573 --> 01:14:38,139
No, I think I'm gonna be sick.
1449
01:14:38,141 --> 01:14:39,841
What? Hold up.
1450
01:14:39,843 --> 01:14:42,543
Oh, God. Oh, God.
1451
01:14:43,178 --> 01:14:45,179
Oh, my God, I can't...
1452
01:14:45,647 --> 01:14:46,714
Oh.
1453
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:50,117
Puking like a runway model.
1454
01:14:50,119 --> 01:14:52,820
- I'm good. I'm good.
- Are you done?
1455
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,789
You're gonna want to
febreze all of this.
1456
01:14:54,791 --> 01:14:57,191
You're gonna wanna
just clean this.
1457
01:14:57,193 --> 01:14:59,093
I feel so much better now.
1458
01:14:59,095 --> 01:15:00,695
Whoo!
1459
01:15:00,697 --> 01:15:01,762
Oh!
1460
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:07,902
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit.
1461
01:15:07,904 --> 01:15:09,203
I gotta get the hell outta here.
1462
01:15:09,205 --> 01:15:11,239
Once they see a black
guy in a pool of blood,
1463
01:15:11,241 --> 01:15:12,707
you know who they're
gonna come after next.
1464
01:15:12,709 --> 01:15:14,876
I gotta go. Hey, watch out!
1465
01:15:14,878 --> 01:15:17,745
Now this place is clean.
1466
01:15:17,747 --> 01:15:18,713
It sounded better
when I said it.
1467
01:15:19,114 --> 01:15:20,815
Get the box.
1468
01:15:20,817 --> 01:15:22,216
Thank you guys so much.
1469
01:15:22,218 --> 01:15:23,885
No need to thank us.
We're happy to help.
1470
01:15:23,887 --> 01:15:25,753
Come on, ned.
1471
01:15:25,755 --> 01:15:28,222
And we'll just take Abigail with
us as well, for safekeeping.
1472
01:15:28,224 --> 01:15:30,157
Yeah, I know what you plan
on doing with that doll.
1473
01:15:30,159 --> 01:15:32,760
What? No, I'm a professional.
She's a freak bitch.
1474
01:15:32,762 --> 01:15:34,095
Stop it. Trust me.
1475
01:15:34,097 --> 01:15:36,931
Hey. How come Noreen ain't
pickin' up on the vibes?
1476
01:15:36,933 --> 01:15:38,199
You know how when you're
trying to last longer,
1477
01:15:38,201 --> 01:15:39,767
you think about baseball?
Mmm-hmm.
1478
01:15:39,769 --> 01:15:42,637
It's kind of like that.
Throws a haze in their head.
1479
01:15:42,639 --> 01:15:44,939
It's the only way to survive when
you're married to a psychic.
1480
01:15:44,941 --> 01:15:48,809
Come on, ned. I know you're
thinking about fucking that doll.
1481
01:15:49,244 --> 01:15:50,745
Hey, hey, hey.
1482
01:15:54,783 --> 01:15:57,752
You've had enough. Bye, doll.
1483
01:16:00,990 --> 01:16:05,793
It's so nice being able to
just relax on the couch
1484
01:16:05,795 --> 01:16:07,929
and watch the bachelorette.
Yeah.
1485
01:16:10,099 --> 01:16:11,332
Huh?
1486
01:16:12,267 --> 01:16:13,834
You didn't hear that?
1487
01:16:13,836 --> 01:16:15,636
What?
1488
01:16:15,638 --> 01:16:19,640
My nigga senses is tinglin'.
It's like my spidey senses.
1489
01:16:19,642 --> 01:16:22,810
Oh, would you hush? It is fine!
1490
01:16:22,812 --> 01:16:25,780
My white senses say we're fine.
1491
01:16:25,782 --> 01:16:28,282
Everything's okay. It's over.
1492
01:16:28,284 --> 01:16:30,217
Okay? It's over.
1493
01:16:30,219 --> 01:16:31,919
Okay, okay. I'm trippin'.
That's right.
1494
01:16:34,056 --> 01:16:36,090
...Dead white bitch!
1495
01:16:44,900 --> 01:16:47,301
You already know how it's going
down, motherfuckers, all right?
1496
01:16:47,303 --> 01:16:49,670
I looked on my dora
the explorer app,
1497
01:16:49,672 --> 01:16:51,172
this the motherfuckin'
correct address.
1498
01:16:51,174 --> 01:16:54,675
This ain't a drive-by, homie, okay?
This a walk-in, homie.
1499
01:16:54,677 --> 01:16:56,911
So ain't no escape plan!
My cousin is in here, cuz!
1500
01:16:56,913 --> 01:16:59,347
Y'all ready?
1501
01:16:59,349 --> 01:17:03,884
Hey, yo, Malcolm! Whassup, my niggie?
I'm here, cuz!
1502
01:17:04,252 --> 01:17:06,721
Oh, shit!
1503
01:17:06,723 --> 01:17:09,156
What the fuck are you
doin', man? I gotta run for it!
1504
01:17:09,158 --> 01:17:13,227
This is bullshit! Oh, my God!
I'm scared as fuck!
1505
01:17:17,734 --> 01:17:21,335
I'm good, dog. Let me get my
motherfuckin' bearings together, homie.
1506
01:17:23,339 --> 01:17:25,673
All right, let's
go up in there, cuz.
1507
01:17:25,675 --> 01:17:27,942
It smell like dead ass,
1508
01:17:27,944 --> 01:17:30,011
baloney and sweat socks
up in there, homie.
1509
01:17:30,013 --> 01:17:32,046
It smell like honey boo
boo's boo-boo, homie!
1510
01:17:32,048 --> 01:17:33,848
Malcolm?
1511
01:17:33,850 --> 01:17:35,216
Where you at, cuz?
1512
01:17:39,755 --> 01:17:41,722
Ain't nobody in here, cuz.
1513
01:17:41,724 --> 01:17:44,825
Oh, shit! Megan got fucked up!
1514
01:17:44,827 --> 01:17:47,428
Head twisted all
backwards, niggie.
1515
01:17:47,430 --> 01:17:50,731
Now, upon further
examination, my niggie,
1516
01:17:50,733 --> 01:17:53,868
this white bitch smell like she
been dead about a week, maybe two.
1517
01:17:53,870 --> 01:17:57,371
New
York, love & hip hop: Atlanta.
1518
01:17:57,373 --> 01:17:59,774
Don't nobody get killed on there,
but they need to, my nigga.
1519
01:17:59,776 --> 01:18:00,975
Stevie j., you know
what I'm sayin'?
1520
01:18:00,977 --> 01:18:03,811
This bitch smell
like poverty, cuz!
1521
01:18:03,813 --> 01:18:07,381
Yah! Taekwondo! Oh, shit!
1522
01:18:07,383 --> 01:18:10,017
They done killed the little
mini white bitch, too, cuz!
1523
01:18:11,887 --> 01:18:14,789
Fuck happened down here, cuz?
1524
01:18:15,857 --> 01:18:17,024
Hello?
1525
01:18:19,261 --> 01:18:20,428
Hello?
1526
01:18:20,430 --> 01:18:23,698
Oh, shit! There's
another dead body, cuz.
1527
01:18:23,700 --> 01:18:27,101
Who the fuck is it, though, huh?
Who the fuck is it?
1528
01:18:27,769 --> 01:18:30,271
Oh, God, it's Malcolm!
1529
01:18:30,273 --> 01:18:32,773
They done
kill my cuz, cuz!
1530
01:18:32,775 --> 01:18:35,242
It's like boyz n the hood,
he's supposed to go to college!
1531
01:18:35,244 --> 01:18:38,145
Why the fuck they let
doughboy live and Ricky dead?
1532
01:18:38,147 --> 01:18:40,214
Doughboy was the
evil nigga, cuz!
1533
01:18:40,849 --> 01:18:41,982
Oh!
1534
01:18:41,984 --> 01:18:44,118
I can't believe this!
1535
01:18:44,120 --> 01:18:46,854
See if the nigga got
some money, though.
1536
01:18:52,428 --> 01:18:54,995
What you hit me for, brah?
1537
01:18:54,997 --> 01:18:57,431
You know better than to be
poppin' up on me like that, cuz!
1538
01:18:57,433 --> 01:18:59,767
You get knocked out every
motherfuckin' time, homie.
1539
01:18:59,769 --> 01:19:03,137
World star! World star!
1540
01:19:03,139 --> 01:19:04,271
You
hit me with a brick!
1541
01:19:04,273 --> 01:19:05,906
Where's my family?
Are they okay?
1542
01:19:05,908 --> 01:19:07,374
Nigga, they dead as fuck!
1543
01:19:07,376 --> 01:19:09,410
All of them? Even
the little boy?
1544
01:19:09,412 --> 01:19:11,879
He's on the back of a motherfuckin'
milk carton, niggie!
1545
01:19:11,881 --> 01:19:14,115
Good. He may have lived.
1546
01:19:14,117 --> 01:19:15,816
Where's Kisha?
1547
01:19:15,818 --> 01:19:17,518
Nigga, I don't know where
the fuck Kisha is at, cuz!
1548
01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,254
Shh! Shh! She did this shit!
1549
01:19:20,256 --> 01:19:22,790
The white girl's neck,
snapped it back.
1550
01:19:22,792 --> 01:19:24,125
Kisha did that shit?
1551
01:19:24,127 --> 01:19:26,160
Nigga, that bitch
is gangsta, cuz!
1552
01:19:26,162 --> 01:19:30,331
Shh! I came down to the basement
on some creep shit, like...
1553
01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:32,933
I was just sittin' here waitin' for
this bitch, like, "nigga, what?"
1554
01:19:32,935 --> 01:19:34,201
"Bitch, you want some of this?"
1555
01:19:34,203 --> 01:19:36,003
So I'm gonna sit
here incog-negro
1556
01:19:36,005 --> 01:19:38,239
up under this blanket
like, nigga, like what.
1557
01:19:38,241 --> 01:19:41,342
Let my sneakers be all, so she
be like, "that nigga dead."
1558
01:19:41,344 --> 01:19:44,879
The throat, like, "bitch,
you want some of this?"
1559
01:19:44,881 --> 01:19:48,849
You can't kill me! I'm like a roach!
I don't die, I multiply!
1560
01:19:48,851 --> 01:19:52,486
I got God on my side, bitch!
1561
01:19:52,488 --> 01:19:56,857
Twinkle,
twinkle little star
1562
01:19:56,859 --> 01:19:59,026
she's right behind
me, isn't she?
1563
01:19:59,028 --> 01:20:01,796
How I wonder...
1564
01:20:01,820 --> 01:22:01,820
♪ English
- HI REMOVED - bozxphd.Hope it helped ♪
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