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1
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,895
Oh, my God,
do you have fleas?
2
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,723
What's going on?
No idea what you're talking about.
3
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:28,898
He's out of cigarettes.
4
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:35,644
That's why he's bugging out.
5
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:36,775
Kid has a serious
nicotine addiction.
6
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,647
No, I do not.
7
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,170
If you need to smoke that
bad, you know who has them.
8
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,867
No, nope.
Not talking to her.
9
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:43,217
Plus, she's pissed at me.
10
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,348
Look, fellas,
11
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:45,567
I am good.
12
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:50,093
I bet she'd bum a few
to Pudgie.
13
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,747
Least she could do
after stomping on his heart.
14
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,314
No way.
15
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,229
I'm not talking to her either.
16
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:58,014
And if you haven't noticed,
I'm not even saying her name.
17
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:01,757
Plus, I'm not the one
with a cigarette addiction.
18
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:02,845
Neither am I.
19
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:04,194
Hey, wake up!
20
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,978
Wake up, God damn it!
Where's the stash?
21
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,764
Don't hold out on me!
You are unraveling rapidly.
22
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,766
I am watching you.
Where's it at?
23
00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,289
You're supposed to be
my friend.
24
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,813
Not happening to me.
All these highlighters!
25
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,163
Trying to sleep right now.
26
00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:21,690
I want to apologize
for my behavior.
27
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,518
I'm not proud
of the way I acted
28
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,998
and I am ready to seek the help
I so desperately need.
29
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,739
So you've decided
to ask Alaska for cigarettes?
30
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:29,437
Never.
31
00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,830
I thought we agreed that
we weren't gonna use her name.
32
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,528
I tried to do this
cold turkey
33
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,486
and I am, admittedly,
too weak,
34
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:39,055
so we pool our resources
together and go to Coosa's.
35
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:40,665
How is that gonna work?
36
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,145
You need to be 18
and you don't have an ID.
37
00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:43,146
But you do.
It's never worked.
38
00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,582
You never tried.
39
00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:45,801
Because it will
never work.
40
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,672
Lara might have an ID.
41
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:50,980
She's sweet and kind
and she was into me.
42
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,982
"Was."
Operative word there.
43
00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:55,550
Maybe find another girl
and leave Lara alone.
44
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,769
Already puked on her.
Isn't that enough?
45
00:01:57,856 --> 00:01:59,380
Who cares
about Pudge's love life
46
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,686
when my lungs are burning
from all this fresh air?
47
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,427
Okay, fine.
48
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,125
We'll make a Coosa's run
ourselves.
49
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:09,259
We don't need...
she who will not be named.
50
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:34,241
Three packs
of Hurricane Lights.
51
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,287
You got ID?
52
00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:42,684
This is Alabama.
53
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:46,078
There's white
and everything else.
54
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,345
We good?
Pay the man, Mohammed.
55
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,042
Not even close.
56
00:02:53,129 --> 00:02:55,653
To be honest, it's so bad,
it just bummed me out.
57
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,655
You kids can either
buy yourselves some Twinkies
58
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,135
or get the hell out
of my store.
59
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,311
Can't believe
you paid 50 bucks
60
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:03,008
for that piece of shit.
61
00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:04,967
Oh, my Jesus.
62
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,361
She knows us well.
63
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,536
If they're from Alaska,
shouldn't we just
64
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:10,146
leave them here in protest?
65
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,366
And, what, let the next guy
who comes along
66
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:15,543
reap the only benefits of
a shitty ex-friend's remorse?
67
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,893
Might also be our last, best
chance to save the Colonel.
68
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,156
By killing him slowly,
69
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,853
one puff at a time.
70
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,681
I'm good with that.
71
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:27,990
Shit.
72
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:34,301
That pleasurable experience
lasted exactly zero seconds.
73
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:36,128
It's the assholes
we were looking for.
74
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,044
What'd you guys buy,
some cheese?
75
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:40,481
Uh, to feed the rat.
76
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,482
What's your point, Kev?
77
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,266
Do you see Alaska here?
78
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:46,138
Rumor has it that some of y'all
fed the rat on Thanksgiving.
79
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,531
Spent the whole week
with her too.
80
00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,620
That was a mistake.
81
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:51,274
One that won't be repeated.
82
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:53,058
Well, if you want
to stay safe,
83
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,190
just stay away from her.
84
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,583
No problem.
85
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:56,975
Well,
consider yourself warned.
86
00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:59,369
Alaska Young's gonna get
what she deserves.
87
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,782
Don't plan
on sitting here.
88
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:23,915
No rats.
89
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,269
There's Alaska.
There's Alaska.
90
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,618
That's the girl who...
91
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,403
Fucking shitbirds.
92
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,275
I almost feel bad for her.
93
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:38,103
Whatever they got planned,
you know it's gonna be brutal.
94
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,670
Stupid, but brutal.
95
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,151
It's not like
we can do anything.
96
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:44,153
We agreed
to ice her out, right?
97
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,156
Maybe we could... tip her off?
98
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:51,073
I mean, not stop what's
going downhill, obviously,
99
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:55,164
but let her know
something big is gonna happen.
100
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:57,166
Maybe an anonymous note.
101
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:59,037
Okay.
102
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:00,561
I had mentally decided
103
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,606
not to be a part
of this conversation,
104
00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,695
but based on the direction
that it's going in,
105
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:05,957
I have to interject.
106
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:08,177
Alaska would be
the first to tell us
107
00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:11,049
that's just reinforcing
the patriarchy
108
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,660
and that she can
take care of herself,
109
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:15,576
so... let her.
110
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,797
Why is his arm
around her?
111
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,190
Oh, shit.
112
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,974
I was hoping it wasn't true.
113
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,282
I may have heard a rumor.
And you didn't say nothing?
114
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:29,503
It wasn't substantiated.
Plus, you guys... broke up.
115
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:32,593
All right, everybody.
Eyes and ears on me.
116
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,464
Thank you, we're going
to get started.
117
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,292
I hope everybody
enjoyed themselves
118
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,339
over the Thanksgiving holiday.
119
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:43,168
Who's ready
to end the semester strong?
120
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,784
All right, uh,
we have a few things
121
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:51,263
that we need to get to.
122
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,787
College applications
need to be emailed
123
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,311
by the end of next week,
so proofread those essays
124
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:56,443
before hitting Send.
125
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:57,792
Thank you.
126
00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:00,098
Oh, and also,
as a reminder, uh,
127
00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:01,752
most of these applications
128
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,886
require a teacher's
recommendation
129
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:07,149
and I am available.
130
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:09,543
So I, uh, believe
that Ms. Moser...
131
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,283
Ms. Moser...
Holly has an announcement.
132
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,807
All right, welcome, Holly.
133
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,985
Whoo!
134
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,595
Reminder,
Culver Creek:
135
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,380
the Winter Dance
is almost here.
136
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,120
Who wants to know
this year's theme?
137
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,471
Drumroll, please.
138
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:29,171
This year's theme is...
139
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,521
ugly Christmas sweaters!
140
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,485
Buy your tickets now.
141
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,445
All right, great.
Thank you, Holly.
142
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:43,577
Thank you.
143
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:48,016
What, are they suddenly
Siamese twins
144
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,409
joined at the fucking hip?
145
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:52,716
Look, she wants to dance.
I love to dance.
146
00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:55,415
That can't be true.
And terrifying to imagine.
147
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:58,635
Okay, fine, I don't dance.
148
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:02,378
But I'm willing to try for her.
149
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:04,206
You should
think about it first.
150
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:05,773
No need to rush into anything.
151
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:09,254
I'm not rushing.
I'm realizing.
152
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:12,606
I've been chasing after Alaska,
and maybe this whole time,
153
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,303
the girl I was supposed
to be with
154
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,522
was right in front of me.
155
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,785
Maybe everything
that's happened
156
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:19,569
has led me to this moment.
157
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,311
To this dance.
158
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,055
This should go well.
159
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,360
Uh, one, please.
160
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,319
Um, allow me.
161
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,495
Two tickets, please.
What?
162
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,541
Miles,
you're cutting the line.
163
00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:35,977
Oh, no,
I'm not cutting.
164
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:38,806
I'm paying for you...
Come on!
165
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,199
And for me,
so we can go together.
166
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:43,463
And you do this
without asking me first?
167
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:47,205
Sorry, how many
and who's paying?
168
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,904
Um, one.
I'm sorry, Miles.
169
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:51,166
I just want to dance
with my friends
170
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,428
and study for my exams.
171
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,169
It is all the stress
I can handle.
172
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,435
I'd like one too.
173
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,481
I don't deserve to go
with you now, Lara.
174
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,134
I understand that.
175
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:05,049
But I hope that
by the night of the dance,
176
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,661
I've won your trust
and you've changed your mind.
177
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,967
Prepare to be swept
off your feet.
178
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:12,361
If you're buying
for yourself,
179
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,145
you need to go
to the back of the line.
180
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,234
Right, yeah.
No, of course.
181
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,020
Sorry.
182
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,134
Hey, Hyde.
How's it hanging?
183
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:48,310
Just enjoying
some fresh air.
184
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:50,660
And quiet.
185
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:54,446
Yeah, well, this wasn't
my first choice either,
186
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,971
but I'm afraid
you're all I have left.
187
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,713
Finally, the kids
at this school
188
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,150
can agree on something.
189
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:03,412
They all hate me.
190
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,110
Nice to know
I represent rock bottom.
191
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:09,940
I fucked up.
192
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:19,036
Like I always do.
193
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,734
So...
194
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:25,477
Now I'm all alone.
195
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,740
In hell.
196
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,133
So...
197
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:30,961
can I please
just sit here with you
198
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,529
and not be alone...
199
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:36,401
for as long as it takes
to finish my sandwich?
200
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:46,586
Do you know why I'm drawn
to Buddhism, Ms. Young?
201
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,500
Mm-mm.
202
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,068
They don't believe in hell.
203
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:53,157
Or heaven, for that matter.
204
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:57,945
People don't have
eternal souls.
205
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:01,252
Instead, they are
a bundle of energy
206
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:04,429
reincarnating endlessly
207
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:07,737
until it eventually reaches...
208
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,826
enlightenment.
209
00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:15,005
Meaning... as painful
as this is,
210
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:17,617
it will change.
211
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:35,243
I fucking love you, Hyde.
212
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,614
All right, Melville,
213
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,181
let's finally do this shit.
214
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,383
Stop staring.
215
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:29,689
Don't flatter yourself.
216
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,168
Your snoring is keeping me up.
217
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:33,127
I'm not snoring.
I'm reading.
218
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,607
Did you know
that during World War II,
219
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,305
Romania fought
for both sides...
220
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,655
Fine, it's your breathing.
I'm barely breathing.
221
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,179
Exactly, I keep feeling
compelled to check
222
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,790
and make sure
you're still alive.
223
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,487
It's very disconcerting.
224
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,970
Are you sure that this
concern for my well-being
225
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,711
doesn't have to do
with anything else?
226
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,190
Like what?
227
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,714
Like guilt?
228
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:58,152
Knowing the Weekday Warriors
are planning to do something
229
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,893
and not doing
anything about it...
230
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,895
What is there to do?
231
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:03,723
I mean, you said it
yourself, Pudge.
232
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,551
Alaska Young is fully capable
of taking care of herself.
233
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:09,032
Plus, she started all this,
so whatever happens,
234
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:11,121
it's on her.
235
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,564
You know what?
I'm sick of arguing.
236
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:22,089
It's stuffy in here.
I need some air.
237
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,655
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
238
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:57,749
Not Márquez.
239
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:01,275
Motherfuckers!
240
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,378
Alaska?
241
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,119
Move!
What's going on?
242
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,208
Pudge.
Man, relax.
243
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:22,818
Ain't nobody trying
to look at your little wiener.
244
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,080
It's about Alaska.
245
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,473
You ain't gon' believe
what they did.
246
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,778
I told you,
I don't want to know.
247
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,780
It's bad.
It's worse than I ever seen.
248
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,874
This is too damn far.
249
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,443
What'd I tell you?
250
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:41,358
Her Life's Library.
251
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:44,448
We can't let this shit
go unavenged.
252
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,059
If we do this,
253
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,539
we're letting her off the hook
for all of it.
254
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,890
We don't have a choice.
255
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,587
Weekday Warriors
made sure of that.
256
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:53,893
Right, Pudge?
257
00:14:57,331 --> 00:15:00,160
This is awful...
258
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,206
But I didn't cause it,
259
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:05,034
and so I can't be a part
of fixing it.
260
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,906
Sorry.
261
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,603
Man, screw him.
262
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,561
We got all the firepower
we need right here.
263
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:13,086
That's right,
the OG three.
264
00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:15,566
Culver Creek's
original pranksters.
265
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,092
We're about to pull off
the most epic prank
266
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,224
the Creek has ever seen.
267
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,662
What did you have in mind?
268
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,099
♪ We get high
in back seats of cars ♪
269
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:27,839
So we flash
a flashlight...
270
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,799
♪ We break into mobile homes ♪
271
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:33,367
♪ We go to sleep
to "Shake Appeal" ♪
272
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:36,718
♪ Never wake up on our own ♪
273
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:37,849
♪ That's the way
we get by ♪
274
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:41,070
♪ To way we get by ♪
275
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,246
♪ Oh, that's the way
we get by ♪
276
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,422
♪ To way we get by ♪
277
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:56,216
♪ We go out
in stormy weather ♪
278
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,480
♪ We rarely practice discern ♪
279
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:02,613
♪ We make love
to "Some Weird Sin" ♪
280
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,399
♪ We seek out the taciturn ♪
281
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,662
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
282
00:16:07,749 --> 00:16:09,881
♪ To way we get by ♪
283
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,634
I know you're stressed
about midterms.
284
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:26,289
Maybe this will help.
285
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:29,423
It's the Miles Halter
Study Guide Starter Pack.
286
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:30,772
Still working on the branding.
287
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,556
It's got sharpened pencils,
288
00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:34,515
No Doz, study snacks.
289
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,377
♪ That's the way
we get by ♪
290
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,683
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
291
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:25,696
Hi.
292
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:31,050
Uh, hi.
293
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,317
Well, if that's it...
294
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:40,189
No, wait, um...
295
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,061
I had this whole plan.
296
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:46,630
I was gonna cook you
a romantic Romanian meal.
297
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:51,026
Um, I even did some research
as to what that would entail.
298
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:55,161
Apparently that would entail
an oven, which I do not have,
299
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,859
so I went to Maureen
in the cafeteria
300
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:00,340
to see if she would
maybe help me out,
301
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,646
but she just laughed
in my face.
302
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,736
But she did give me
something much better
303
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:09,479
than Romanian cooking lessons.
304
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:14,223
But it's not bufriedo day.
305
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:17,400
You might wanna look a little,
uh, closer at the wrapper.
306
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,714
How could I say no?
307
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,237
Okay.
308
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:31,893
Okay, great.
I'll see you at the dance.
309
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,852
Hello, Mr. Starnes.
Oh, good afternoon.
310
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,724
Just here to sign out
for a couple days.
311
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,117
Taking these rascals
home with me
312
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,118
to the trailer park
this weekend.
313
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:40,554
Oh, that so?
314
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,599
Yeah, Takumi here
just felt left out
315
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:44,558
when he heard about
Dolores' homemade pies
316
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:45,646
over Thanksgiving.
317
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,387
Well, that makes two of us.
318
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,215
I just need to call your mother
319
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,651
and make sure she knows
you're on your way.
320
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,087
Yeah, yeah, of course.
321
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:53,219
Sure.
322
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,573
It's like he barely lives here.
323
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,662
Apparently
his wife left him.
324
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:04,317
She's just waiting for him
to sign the divorce papers.
325
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,101
I have very good
sourcing on this.
326
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,885
Poor man.
327
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:09,887
I just hope my mom plays along.
328
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,504
Hello?
Hello, Mrs. Martin?
329
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:20,159
This is Dean Starnes calling.
330
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,813
Okay, so what did he do now?
331
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:25,599
Oh, no, ma'am.
No, Chip's not in any trouble.
332
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,340
Well, yet.
333
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,472
Uh, he tells me he's spending
the weekend at home
334
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:31,735
and bringing Mr. Hikohito
and Ms. Young with him.
335
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,955
Alaska?
Oh, that's just wonderful.
336
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,479
Is it?
You sound surprised.
337
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,177
That son of mine,
he listens to his mama
338
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:39,613
more than he lets on.
339
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,223
Tell him that
dinner is in the oven
340
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,790
and I'll be expecting them.
341
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:44,095
Okay, thanks.
342
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,880
Lovely woman, your mother.
343
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:47,795
Although it's too bad
you'll be missing the dance.
344
00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:50,145
Uh, I for one have been
dusting off
345
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,494
some of my classic moves.
346
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,279
You never go to the dances.
347
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:54,454
Uh, no, true.
348
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:55,759
Uh, historically,
I have avoided
349
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,631
school social functions,
350
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,763
but I find myself with an
excess of free time these days
351
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,635
and, uh, I actually found
the perfect tie
352
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,028
when I was clearing out, um...
353
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,428
Well...
354
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,256
just in time
to shake things up.
355
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:17,738
I knew my moms
would come through.
356
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,566
Just hope she forgives me
when she finds out the truth.
357
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,481
Which is why
you need to call her.
358
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:23,613
Yes... or you could.
359
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,311
Women find you irresistible.
360
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:26,834
Or we actually spend
the weekend at your mom's,
361
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:27,835
because from where
I'm standing,
362
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,140
this plan's a bust.
363
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,098
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Wait.
364
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,099
What do you mean?
365
00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:32,361
Did you not hear the man?
366
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:33,667
The Eagle is gonna be
at the dance,
367
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,538
and that was not
a part of the plan.
368
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,542
Maybe this is
actually better.
369
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,240
I mean, everybody we need
to be worried about
370
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:43,285
will be under
one sad disco ball.
371
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:45,026
Could make things easier
for our lookout.
372
00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:46,593
We have a lookout?
373
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:49,639
No.
374
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,685
No way.
375
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:55,210
Do you not see this ridiculous,
itchy sweater that I'm wearing?
376
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,734
I literally couldn't
ignore it if I wanted to.
377
00:20:57,821 --> 00:21:00,781
And trust me, Pudge,
I want to.
378
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,696
But what I'm about to ask you
is important.
379
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,654
Yeah, so is my date
with Lara.
380
00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:07,570
I know.
You're completely over Alaska.
381
00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:10,399
I'm almost buying it, but what
I'm about to ask of you
382
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:11,966
will not interfere
with your date.
383
00:21:12,053 --> 00:21:14,664
If the Eagle, Longwell,
or Kevin leave the dance,
384
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,449
I just need you
to flash this little guy
385
00:21:16,536 --> 00:21:18,364
into the computer lab twice.
386
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,104
Takumi will take it from there.
387
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:22,237
It's as simple as clicking
the on and off button.
388
00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:23,630
Yeah, you say that now,
389
00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:25,284
but I know it's not gonna be
that simple...
390
00:21:25,371 --> 00:21:28,112
Pudge, you're not
doing this for Alaska.
391
00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,680
You wouldn't be saving her ass.
You'd be saving mine.
392
00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:31,899
I'm doing this.
393
00:21:31,986 --> 00:21:33,074
You know what I have
on the line
394
00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:34,684
if this shit goes sideways.
395
00:21:41,517 --> 00:21:43,171
Fine.
396
00:21:43,258 --> 00:21:44,825
For you.
397
00:21:44,912 --> 00:21:45,913
But don't tell Lara.
398
00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:54,835
♪ Here's the thing ♪
399
00:21:54,922 --> 00:21:56,489
♪ We started off friends ♪
400
00:21:56,576 --> 00:21:59,143
♪ It was cool,
but it was all pretend ♪
401
00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:02,799
♪ Yeah, yeah,
since you've been gone ♪
402
00:22:06,194 --> 00:22:08,327
Lee, I don't think
I've seen you at a dance
403
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:11,242
in all the years
I've worked here.
404
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,027
Uh, to be honest, Brigid,
the thought of spending
405
00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:15,595
another Friday night in front
of the "Ghost Whisperer"
406
00:22:15,682 --> 00:22:17,423
made me want to put
a gun to my head.
407
00:22:19,990 --> 00:22:21,383
For you, Lara.
408
00:22:21,470 --> 00:22:23,994
How many cookies
do you think Lara's gonna eat?
409
00:22:24,081 --> 00:22:26,083
Oh, I just wanted
an assortment.
410
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:29,391
Choices.
411
00:22:29,478 --> 00:22:31,350
Maybe later
we could play a game
412
00:22:31,437 --> 00:22:33,526
and see how many cookies
we can eat at once.
413
00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:34,875
Sounds hot.
414
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:37,704
Uh... um, thank you.
415
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:40,097
♪ I'm so moving on ♪
416
00:22:40,184 --> 00:22:42,622
Yeah, I should
probably get back.
417
00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:43,840
You and Longwell.
418
00:22:44,841 --> 00:22:46,321
Yeah, what about it?
419
00:22:48,062 --> 00:22:50,107
It's just hard imagining
anyone measuring up
420
00:22:50,194 --> 00:22:51,282
to the Colonel.
421
00:22:52,196 --> 00:22:53,633
You can tell your roommate
422
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,244
that I've found someone
who doesn't feel the need
423
00:22:56,331 --> 00:22:58,202
to punch the world
in the face, so...
424
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:01,597
Bye.
425
00:23:07,211 --> 00:23:09,300
Would you like to dance?
426
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,476
I probably
should have said this
427
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:12,129
before I spent the entire week
428
00:23:12,216 --> 00:23:14,262
trying to get you to go
to this thing with me,
429
00:23:14,349 --> 00:23:17,657
but, um...
430
00:23:17,744 --> 00:23:22,183
I don't... I don't dance.
431
00:23:22,270 --> 00:23:24,707
Oh, uh...
432
00:23:24,794 --> 00:23:26,056
okay.
433
00:23:26,143 --> 00:23:27,406
♪ I'm so moving on ♪
434
00:23:27,493 --> 00:23:28,711
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
435
00:23:44,553 --> 00:23:46,773
Gotta admit,
you pretty clever...
436
00:23:46,860 --> 00:23:48,252
for a rat.
437
00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:52,561
We are the most intelligent
of the rodents.
438
00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:03,050
♪ She like
my Dolce & Gabanna ♪
439
00:24:05,269 --> 00:24:06,619
♪ I'm so cold ♪
440
00:24:10,057 --> 00:24:11,580
Mmm, very good.
441
00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:14,148
Mm-hmm.
That's very impressive.
442
00:24:15,584 --> 00:24:17,630
Six, okay?
You ready?
443
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:22,809
Oh, no.
444
00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:23,810
Hmm?
445
00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:31,731
I... I have a request.
446
00:24:33,428 --> 00:24:35,256
Why were you running?
447
00:24:35,343 --> 00:24:37,519
Oh, um...
448
00:24:37,606 --> 00:24:40,435
I was just, um...
I wanted to request a song.
449
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,916
Oh, but then I... I remembered
that I don't dance.
450
00:24:44,439 --> 00:24:46,528
Um, can I have
some of that water?
451
00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:48,312
Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay.
452
00:24:48,399 --> 00:24:50,271
I have a reputation, sir.
I can't.
453
00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:53,709
Ms. Blowker, I don't want
to pull rank here, but I will.
454
00:24:53,796 --> 00:24:55,668
I've made a request.
I'd like it honored.
455
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:57,278
Spin some wax.
456
00:24:57,365 --> 00:24:59,106
Fine.
457
00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:03,240
My request.
458
00:25:07,331 --> 00:25:08,245
♪ Ay ♪
459
00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:16,297
Do you want to Macarena?
460
00:25:16,384 --> 00:25:18,038
It's a very simple dance.
461
00:25:18,125 --> 00:25:20,214
And then poor Madame O'Malley
462
00:25:20,301 --> 00:25:21,911
doesn't have
to humiliate herself.
463
00:25:21,998 --> 00:25:24,827
Um, yeah.
464
00:25:24,914 --> 00:25:26,829
Okay!
Sure, why not?
465
00:25:26,916 --> 00:25:29,266
♪ They all want me,
they can't have me ♪
466
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:31,791
♪ So they all come
and dance beside me ♪
467
00:25:31,878 --> 00:25:33,967
♪ Move with me,
chant with me ♪
468
00:25:34,054 --> 00:25:36,273
♪ And if you could,
I'd take you home with me ♪
469
00:25:39,625 --> 00:25:41,540
You wanna get out of here?
470
00:25:41,627 --> 00:25:43,454
Mm-hmm.
471
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,195
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪ SINGERS: ♪ Ay ♪
472
00:25:52,507 --> 00:25:55,162
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
♪ Ay ♪
473
00:25:55,249 --> 00:25:56,946
Um, Lara, I'll be right back.
474
00:25:57,033 --> 00:25:58,687
I promise you,
I'll be right back.
475
00:26:17,532 --> 00:26:19,447
Mm.SARA:
476
00:26:19,534 --> 00:26:21,231
Hey.
Hmm?
477
00:26:22,972 --> 00:26:24,844
Uh, let's go
back to my room.
478
00:26:24,931 --> 00:26:26,802
No. No,
I'm not getting caught
479
00:26:26,889 --> 00:26:28,587
like Paul and Marya.
480
00:26:30,066 --> 00:26:32,329
I know a better place.
481
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,248
♪ Ay ♪
482
00:26:45,299 --> 00:26:47,475
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪ SINGERS: ♪ Ay ♪
483
00:26:54,264 --> 00:26:56,397
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
♪ Ay ♪
484
00:26:56,484 --> 00:26:58,181
There you are.
485
00:26:59,574 --> 00:27:01,663
I'm not the one
who keeps running off.
486
00:27:02,446 --> 00:27:03,534
I'm so sorry.
487
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,101
Tell me the truth.
488
00:27:06,363 --> 00:27:07,930
Did you really want
to bring me to this dance,
489
00:27:08,017 --> 00:27:09,279
or is it just a cover
490
00:27:09,366 --> 00:27:11,630
for whatever prank
you are clearly doing?
491
00:27:12,848 --> 00:27:15,416
I promise, Lara,
492
00:27:15,503 --> 00:27:17,853
I really wanted to go with you
493
00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:19,855
and I'm having
such a great time.
494
00:27:19,942 --> 00:27:23,554
I just told Takumi
that I'd help him
495
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:27,863
with this one little
recon mission, and I did.
496
00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:30,823
It's over...
497
00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:33,303
and I'm really sorry.
498
00:27:35,305 --> 00:27:38,395
Next time, just tell me
the truth, okay?
499
00:27:49,929 --> 00:27:52,192
I think I can
handle this one.
500
00:27:54,498 --> 00:27:56,326
Please.
501
00:27:56,413 --> 00:28:00,200
♪ And high up above
or down below ♪
502
00:28:03,029 --> 00:28:05,161
♪ When you're too in love
to let it go ♪
503
00:28:05,248 --> 00:28:07,207
Come with me.
504
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,646
♪ But if
you never try ♪
505
00:28:11,733 --> 00:28:13,387
♪ You'll never know ♪
506
00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:17,434
Am I doing this right?
Mm-hmm.
507
00:28:17,521 --> 00:28:20,046
Okay.
Perfect.
508
00:28:26,139 --> 00:28:32,841
♪ Lights will
guide you home ♪
509
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:35,322
♪ And ignite ♪
510
00:28:35,409 --> 00:28:38,194
Wow.
511
00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:39,892
Sorry.
512
00:28:39,979 --> 00:28:42,068
You're actually
a very good dancer.
513
00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:43,852
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
514
00:28:43,939 --> 00:28:46,115
Cool.
515
00:28:46,202 --> 00:28:48,727
The only other person
I've ever slow-danced with
516
00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:50,946
was, um, my grandma,
517
00:28:51,033 --> 00:28:54,907
and even she said
I was no Fred Astaire.
518
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:04,612
We seem to be down
Mr. Chase and Ms. Harbart.
519
00:29:04,699 --> 00:29:07,354
Let them have their fun, hmm?
520
00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:12,228
Okay, okay.
521
00:29:16,363 --> 00:29:18,278
It's just...
522
00:29:18,365 --> 00:29:19,714
Brigid, I've gone
two years in this job
523
00:29:19,801 --> 00:29:21,150
without a teen pregnancy,
524
00:29:21,237 --> 00:29:23,196
and it's not because
I let the kids have fun.
525
00:29:23,283 --> 00:29:26,155
It's because I practice
eagle-eyed vigilance.
526
00:29:26,242 --> 00:29:27,678
Uh...
527
00:29:32,509 --> 00:29:34,860
You smell nice.
528
00:29:36,513 --> 00:29:38,254
Yeah.
529
00:29:38,341 --> 00:29:40,169
You too.
530
00:29:41,605 --> 00:29:44,652
♪ Tears stream ♪
531
00:29:44,739 --> 00:29:47,873
♪ Down your face ♪
532
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,700
♪ When you lose something ♪
533
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,355
Shit, um, come with me.
534
00:29:52,442 --> 00:29:53,879
Please.
535
00:29:53,966 --> 00:29:56,098
This way.
536
00:30:00,624 --> 00:30:02,801
Can we go back
to the dance now?
537
00:30:02,888 --> 00:30:04,977
Um...
538
00:30:07,109 --> 00:30:08,763
We have to go
to Longwell's room.
539
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:09,764
I'll explain on the way.
540
00:30:09,851 --> 00:30:13,202
Uh...
I promise.
541
00:30:18,947 --> 00:30:20,296
In my experience,
they usually try
542
00:30:20,383 --> 00:30:22,124
to go to the girls' dorm first.
543
00:30:22,211 --> 00:30:24,779
Oh, could... could you
slow down just a little?
544
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:26,607
These shoes are a bit hard
to walk in.
545
00:30:26,694 --> 00:30:28,000
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, sorry.
546
00:30:28,087 --> 00:30:29,915
Well, I mean,
they are teenagers, Brigid,
547
00:30:30,002 --> 00:30:31,525
so we don't have a lot of time.
548
00:30:31,612 --> 00:30:34,093
Come on, uh, Sara's dorm
is right down here.
549
00:30:34,180 --> 00:30:36,704
"One challenge I had
was during a debutante ball.
550
00:30:36,791 --> 00:30:40,142
"I was about to escort my date
to the dance floor
551
00:30:40,229 --> 00:30:42,971
"when I heard a gurgle
emanate from my belly.
552
00:30:43,058 --> 00:30:46,496
"I thought it was indigestion
from too many protein shakes,
553
00:30:46,583 --> 00:30:48,281
"but it was not.
554
00:30:48,368 --> 00:30:49,848
"It was diarrhea.
555
00:30:49,935 --> 00:30:53,373
Okay, "I learned that, A,
humans have the capacity
556
00:30:53,460 --> 00:30:55,679
"to make much more diarrhea
than you think,
557
00:30:55,766 --> 00:30:58,291
"B, diarrhea
stains permanently,
558
00:30:58,378 --> 00:31:01,424
and C, diarrhea has
a silent H."
559
00:31:01,511 --> 00:31:04,036
"This is why I believe
Dookie University"...
560
00:31:04,123 --> 00:31:05,864
"Dookie."
561
00:31:05,951 --> 00:31:09,128
"Would be the perfect fit
for me and my large colon."
562
00:31:09,215 --> 00:31:10,390
That's brilliant.
563
00:31:12,958 --> 00:31:14,394
What you doing here?
564
00:31:14,481 --> 00:31:15,830
Our lookout sent me
on a decoy mission,
565
00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:16,787
but Longwell and Sara
weren't headed
566
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,615
to the dorms after all,
567
00:31:18,702 --> 00:31:19,921
so I thought I'd stop by
and see how things are going.
568
00:31:20,008 --> 00:31:21,575
Sara?
Where'd she go?
569
00:31:21,662 --> 00:31:23,055
The woods.
Like the old campfire spot?
570
00:31:23,142 --> 00:31:24,665
I don't know, maybe.
571
00:31:24,752 --> 00:31:27,798
Dude, that is Colonel
and Sara's preferred location
572
00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:30,801
for illicit activities
of a sexual nature.
573
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,499
Oh, shit.
574
00:31:32,586 --> 00:31:34,457
That's our fucking spot,
literally.
575
00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:36,633
Takumi, take over the essay.
No, no, he needs to go back.
576
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,375
This isn't the plan.
That's our spot!
577
00:31:39,462 --> 00:31:42,465
Chip can be a real romantic
when he wants to be.
578
00:31:46,817 --> 00:31:48,428
Where's he going?
Um...
579
00:31:49,864 --> 00:31:52,127
Ignore him, no time.
580
00:31:54,651 --> 00:31:56,305
Eagle...
581
00:31:56,392 --> 00:31:57,916
Eagle.
Breathe, Pudge, breathe.
582
00:31:58,003 --> 00:31:59,656
The Eagle is on his way.
583
00:31:59,743 --> 00:32:01,267
He is in Sara's room,
but then he is coming here.
584
00:32:01,354 --> 00:32:02,355
The application doesn't
allow us to hit Send
585
00:32:02,442 --> 00:32:03,791
until it's fully finished,
586
00:32:03,878 --> 00:32:05,184
and we still have
two more essay questions.
587
00:32:06,141 --> 00:32:07,447
You know
that sign that says,
588
00:32:07,534 --> 00:32:09,884
"Break glass
in case of emergency"?
589
00:32:09,971 --> 00:32:12,191
I'm that glass,
but I require assistance.
590
00:32:12,278 --> 00:32:13,279
Miles?
591
00:32:14,758 --> 00:32:16,935
Fine.
Thanks, Pudge.
592
00:32:17,805 --> 00:32:19,589
All right,
first things first.
593
00:32:19,676 --> 00:32:22,114
Pudge, lose that sweater.
It's not stealthy.
594
00:32:22,201 --> 00:32:24,246
We'll divert the Eagle
while you two write.
595
00:32:24,333 --> 00:32:25,987
Rendezvous at the barn
when we're done.
596
00:32:26,074 --> 00:32:27,510
Oh, lock the door.
597
00:32:27,597 --> 00:32:28,990
Maybe they went back
to the dance.
598
00:32:29,077 --> 00:32:30,687
I appreciate
that optimism, Brigid,
599
00:32:30,774 --> 00:32:31,950
but I could smell
the pheromones
600
00:32:32,037 --> 00:32:33,734
coming off those two
at the gym.
601
00:32:33,821 --> 00:32:35,040
We gotta go
to Longwell's room.
602
00:32:35,127 --> 00:32:37,346
You know, I think
I'll just head back.
603
00:32:37,433 --> 00:32:38,695
Oh, damn it.
604
00:32:38,782 --> 00:32:40,349
I'm doing it again.
605
00:32:40,436 --> 00:32:41,655
I'm putting the job
before everything else.
606
00:32:41,742 --> 00:32:43,091
This is exactly
what Lois accused me of.
607
00:32:43,178 --> 00:32:44,745
Hey, no.
608
00:32:44,832 --> 00:32:47,443
I meant because someone needs
to chaperone the dance.
609
00:32:47,530 --> 00:32:49,402
Oh, yeah.
610
00:32:49,489 --> 00:32:50,794
No, of course.
Right, yeah.
611
00:32:52,318 --> 00:32:53,841
Uh, thank you.
612
00:32:55,103 --> 00:32:57,366
You know, for my Macarena.
613
00:32:57,453 --> 00:32:59,238
Yeah.
614
00:32:59,325 --> 00:33:00,979
Yeah, no, you're welcome.
615
00:33:01,066 --> 00:33:02,981
Yeah.
616
00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:18,083
♪ When I dance,
they call me Macarena ♪
617
00:33:18,170 --> 00:33:20,563
♪ And the boys say
que soy buena ♪
618
00:33:20,650 --> 00:33:22,087
♪ They all want me ♪
619
00:33:22,174 --> 00:33:23,784
What are you doing?
620
00:33:23,871 --> 00:33:26,874
I was a goddamn Boy Scout,
Pudge, so I'm always prepared.
621
00:33:26,961 --> 00:33:30,051
What the hell is that?
It's my fox hat.
622
00:33:30,138 --> 00:33:31,487
Why are you wearing
your fox hat?
623
00:33:31,574 --> 00:33:34,273
'Cause no one can catch
the motherfucking fox.
624
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,666
Light it.
625
00:33:36,753 --> 00:33:39,713
♪ Hey, Macarena, ay ♪
626
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,019
Now run!
627
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,502
Mr. Chase, Ms. Harbart.
628
00:33:46,589 --> 00:33:48,113
I'm coming in.
629
00:33:56,817 --> 00:33:57,948
What the hell?
630
00:34:10,396 --> 00:34:12,702
♪ Hey, Macarena, ay ♪
631
00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:16,880
Stop!
I will call the police!
632
00:34:16,967 --> 00:34:19,318
He's bluffing.
He's scared of bad publicity.
633
00:34:20,971 --> 00:34:23,800
♪ Hey, Macarena, ay ♪
634
00:34:26,977 --> 00:34:28,631
Done!
635
00:34:28,718 --> 00:34:31,025
It is a literary masterpiece.
Forgive my bragging.
636
00:34:31,112 --> 00:34:32,592
A sympathetic portrait
637
00:34:32,679 --> 00:34:35,551
of living with
irritable bowel syndrome.
638
00:34:35,638 --> 00:34:38,076
I have one more,
but I'm stuck.
639
00:34:39,033 --> 00:34:40,339
Hit me, sister.
640
00:34:40,426 --> 00:34:42,558
"Who is your role model
and why?"
641
00:34:42,645 --> 00:34:44,952
"Tom Cruise."
Okay.
642
00:34:45,039 --> 00:34:48,173
"He never ages,
he has a great run,
643
00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:50,218
and he probably
never gets diarrhea."
644
00:34:50,305 --> 00:34:53,178
"He never gets diarrhea."
645
00:34:54,309 --> 00:34:56,050
Yes, we did it!
Oh, success.
646
00:34:56,137 --> 00:34:58,574
Now hit Send and let's
get the hell out of here.
647
00:35:01,403 --> 00:35:02,796
How was the dance?
648
00:35:02,883 --> 00:35:04,841
Was it all ugly sweaters
and warm punch?
649
00:35:04,928 --> 00:35:06,843
Uh, it was lame,
650
00:35:06,930 --> 00:35:08,802
but we were having
a really good time.
651
00:35:08,889 --> 00:35:12,675
Um, I like Miles,
and I think he likes me.
652
00:35:14,286 --> 00:35:16,462
I am good for him.
653
00:35:20,727 --> 00:35:22,511
Come on,
I'll buy you a drink.
654
00:35:22,598 --> 00:35:26,341
I think we lost him.
Oh, we're back at the lake.
655
00:35:26,428 --> 00:35:29,170
Slight error
in navigation, but no biggie.
656
00:35:29,257 --> 00:35:31,868
We'll just get
to the barn lakeside.
657
00:35:31,955 --> 00:35:33,305
All right.
658
00:35:45,099 --> 00:35:46,753
The fox is not a fan
of the swan. Come on!
659
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:48,450
Run, Pudge!
660
00:35:48,537 --> 00:35:50,235
Run for your life!
661
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:57,633
So I creep
into the woods
662
00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:58,939
and I hear them arguing,
663
00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,462
so I start
waving my flashlight around
664
00:36:00,549 --> 00:36:02,029
and start clearing my throat
like I'm the Eagle,
665
00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:04,466
and then I hear them,
like, whisper-arguing.
666
00:36:04,553 --> 00:36:06,294
Then all of a sudden,
Longwell takes off
667
00:36:06,381 --> 00:36:08,470
with his fucking pants
around his ankles.
668
00:36:08,557 --> 00:36:09,645
He just left Sara behind?
669
00:36:09,732 --> 00:36:10,994
Yeah, she had to walk
670
00:36:11,081 --> 00:36:13,171
all the way back
to the dance by herself.
671
00:36:13,258 --> 00:36:15,477
If Longwell was scared
of the Eagle,
672
00:36:15,564 --> 00:36:17,262
just wait till Sara
get through with him.
673
00:36:17,349 --> 00:36:19,829
I just I hope I didn't ruin
my own brilliant plan.
674
00:36:19,916 --> 00:36:22,745
Oh, no, Operation
Tell Duke About the Dookie
675
00:36:22,832 --> 00:36:24,747
was perfectly executed.Mm-hmm.
676
00:36:24,834 --> 00:36:28,098
Lara, an essay-writing machine,
Takumi, a diversionary genius.
677
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:30,231
Did you hear those fireworks?
Casualty!
678
00:36:30,318 --> 00:36:31,537
We have a casualty!
679
00:36:31,624 --> 00:36:33,278
What happened?
680
00:36:33,365 --> 00:36:35,323
Our hero's left butt cheek
was dinner for the swan.
681
00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:37,499
And there ain't much
meat on that scrawny thing.
682
00:36:37,586 --> 00:36:39,240
Miles might get
an infection or... or rabies.
683
00:36:39,327 --> 00:36:40,850
Do swans carry rabies?
684
00:36:40,937 --> 00:36:43,201
No, but he could
get the bird flu, though.
685
00:36:43,288 --> 00:36:45,986
Don't worry, the fox
has a first aid kit.
686
00:36:46,073 --> 00:36:48,075
Wait, don't you think we should
get a... a medical professional
687
00:36:48,162 --> 00:36:50,686
in case of the rabies
or potential bird flu?
688
00:36:50,773 --> 00:36:52,427
Pudge, if you go to the
hospital, we all get busted,
689
00:36:52,514 --> 00:36:53,950
so quit being a baby,
pull down your pants,
690
00:36:54,037 --> 00:36:54,908
and let me wipe your ass.
691
00:36:54,995 --> 00:36:56,431
Yeah.
692
00:36:56,518 --> 00:36:57,650
All right,
now the antiseptic.
693
00:36:57,737 --> 00:36:59,042
Here it comes.
It may sting.
694
00:36:59,129 --> 00:37:01,175
Aww, man!
695
00:37:01,262 --> 00:37:03,046
Does it need stitches?
I can sew.
696
00:37:03,133 --> 00:37:05,571
Well, crochet.
Wait, my ass is not a quilt.
697
00:37:05,658 --> 00:37:08,226
I don't think so,
but it does look gross.
698
00:37:08,313 --> 00:37:11,272
No, Lara, don't look!
That's not date appropriate!
699
00:37:11,359 --> 00:37:13,143
Sorry, I did not
see anything, Miles.
700
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:15,494
Anesthesia.
I have anesthesia.
701
00:37:15,581 --> 00:37:17,060
There we go, Pudge.
702
00:37:17,147 --> 00:37:20,194
Nothing a little
Strawberry Hill can't fix.
703
00:37:24,067 --> 00:37:26,156
I knew that was good
for something.
704
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,639
Um...
705
00:37:30,726 --> 00:37:32,032
Squeeze my hand, hmm?
706
00:37:32,119 --> 00:37:34,252
Squeeze my hand
until the stinging stops.
707
00:37:35,427 --> 00:37:37,907
Man, that swan
was really no joke.
708
00:37:41,215 --> 00:37:42,564
He almost had me.
709
00:37:42,651 --> 00:37:45,175
Well, at least
you are not concussed.
710
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,003
Oh, yeah.
No, it's okay.
711
00:37:52,226 --> 00:37:55,011
I thought I could
take you to the hospital, but...
712
00:37:55,098 --> 00:37:57,623
Attention.
713
00:37:57,710 --> 00:38:02,062
We are gonna play a game.
714
00:38:02,149 --> 00:38:04,630
It is called
"Best Day/Worst Day."
715
00:38:04,717 --> 00:38:06,632
I ain't never heard
of no game like that before.
716
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,808
That's because
I just made it up.
717
00:38:08,895 --> 00:38:11,550
The rules are simple:
everyone tells their story.
718
00:38:11,637 --> 00:38:13,682
Whoever has the best one
doesn't have to drink.
719
00:38:13,769 --> 00:38:15,945
Then we keep going
until one of y'all quits.
720
00:38:16,032 --> 00:38:17,730
Well, how do you know
it's gonna be one of us?
721
00:38:17,817 --> 00:38:20,820
Well, I'm the best drinker
and the best storyteller.
722
00:38:23,562 --> 00:38:26,086
Pudge.
723
00:38:26,173 --> 00:38:27,566
You may begin.
724
00:38:27,653 --> 00:38:30,090
Um...
725
00:38:30,177 --> 00:38:32,440
can I have a second to think?
726
00:38:32,527 --> 00:38:34,224
Can't be that good
if you gotta think about it.
727
00:38:37,053 --> 00:38:38,968
Today's my best day.
Come on, man.
728
00:38:39,055 --> 00:38:40,666
No, seriously.
729
00:38:40,753 --> 00:38:43,277
Seriously.
730
00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:45,584
I...
731
00:38:45,671 --> 00:38:48,369
went on a date with
a pretty Romanian girl.
732
00:38:49,849 --> 00:38:52,112
I watched the Eagle
do the Macarena,
733
00:38:52,199 --> 00:38:53,896
I shot off fireworks,
734
00:38:53,983 --> 00:38:57,596
and I was almost eaten alive
by a feral swan.
735
00:38:57,683 --> 00:39:01,034
But now I'm here...
736
00:39:02,949 --> 00:39:04,646
With all of you.
737
00:39:07,606 --> 00:39:09,042
It feels pretty magical.
738
00:39:09,129 --> 00:39:11,610
That is so corny.
739
00:39:11,697 --> 00:39:14,656
Yeah, it is corny
and my butt is bleeding
740
00:39:14,743 --> 00:39:16,963
and I probably have
the bird flu,
741
00:39:17,050 --> 00:39:20,749
but today is my best day.
742
00:39:20,836 --> 00:39:23,099
My best day...
743
00:39:23,186 --> 00:39:24,927
I was eight years old.
744
00:39:25,014 --> 00:39:26,973
My mom and I went to the zoo.
745
00:39:27,060 --> 00:39:30,019
I liked the giraffes
and she liked the gorillas.
746
00:39:32,413 --> 00:39:34,284
End of story.
747
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:35,373
Best day ever.
748
00:39:35,460 --> 00:39:37,070
What?
That is so lame.
749
00:39:37,157 --> 00:39:38,463
That was your best day?
What's wrong with that?
750
00:39:38,550 --> 00:39:39,638
Yes.
I liked it.
751
00:39:39,725 --> 00:39:41,422
Which is why
you get to go next.
752
00:39:41,509 --> 00:39:44,991
Okay, um...
753
00:39:45,078 --> 00:39:47,602
my best day
is the day I won
754
00:39:47,689 --> 00:39:50,953
the sixth grade spelling bee.
755
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,999
We had just moved here
756
00:39:53,086 --> 00:39:56,394
and my parents
barely spoke English
757
00:39:56,481 --> 00:39:58,221
but they helped me practice.
758
00:39:58,308 --> 00:40:02,008
And then when I won,
it was like...
759
00:40:02,095 --> 00:40:03,444
the biggest deal.
760
00:40:03,531 --> 00:40:06,447
They stood up
and clapped so loud.
761
00:40:06,534 --> 00:40:08,231
And I loved that feeling.
762
00:40:08,318 --> 00:40:10,016
Embarrassed...
763
00:40:11,974 --> 00:40:13,672
But proud.
764
00:40:15,717 --> 00:40:17,284
All right, I lose.
765
00:40:17,371 --> 00:40:20,592
My best day
was when I lost my virginity.
766
00:40:20,679 --> 00:40:22,071
Twice.
767
00:40:22,158 --> 00:40:23,769
And if you think
I'm gonna tell you that story,
768
00:40:23,856 --> 00:40:26,075
you gotta get me a whole lot
drunker than this, suckers.
769
00:40:28,643 --> 00:40:30,776
Well...
770
00:40:30,863 --> 00:40:33,082
my best day
hasn't happened yet,
771
00:40:33,169 --> 00:40:36,216
but I can see it.
772
00:40:37,870 --> 00:40:41,351
Best day'll be the day
I buy my mom a house.
773
00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:43,266
A big fucking house
774
00:40:43,353 --> 00:40:44,833
right in the middle
of Mountain Brook
775
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,401
right next to the
Weekday Warriors' parents.
776
00:40:47,488 --> 00:40:51,318
I'll drive her there
and I'll hand her the keys...
777
00:40:52,580 --> 00:40:54,756
Just like they do on TV.
778
00:40:55,975 --> 00:40:59,413
I'ma just be like...
779
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:01,459
"We home, Ma."
780
00:41:07,377 --> 00:41:09,902
Man, that'll be
the best day of my life.
781
00:41:14,210 --> 00:41:16,474
Okay, Colonel.
782
00:41:16,561 --> 00:41:18,737
You won that round.
783
00:41:18,824 --> 00:41:20,652
Now what's your worst day?
784
00:41:26,875 --> 00:41:29,878
My worst day...
785
00:41:29,965 --> 00:41:31,924
was the day my dad left.
786
00:41:32,881 --> 00:41:34,056
I just...
787
00:41:36,276 --> 00:41:40,106
Kept waiting for him to call
and explain it.
788
00:41:42,717 --> 00:41:44,240
But he never did.
789
00:41:46,765 --> 00:41:49,202
I don't know, I...
790
00:41:49,289 --> 00:41:51,813
thought he might have wanted
to say good-bye.
791
00:42:01,562 --> 00:42:04,478
Well, uh, you got me beat.
792
00:42:04,565 --> 00:42:07,525
I was 11... mm...
793
00:42:09,135 --> 00:42:12,094
And my mom made me sign up
for a soccer team,
794
00:42:12,181 --> 00:42:14,488
but I sucked.
795
00:42:14,575 --> 00:42:16,490
Like, I was really bad.
796
00:42:16,577 --> 00:42:18,666
I was always riding the bench.
797
00:42:18,753 --> 00:42:20,712
But then this one game,
798
00:42:20,799 --> 00:42:23,279
the coach put me in
for some reason,
799
00:42:23,366 --> 00:42:26,935
and I was so excited.
800
00:42:27,022 --> 00:42:30,373
But I... I didn't realize
that, um...
801
00:42:30,460 --> 00:42:32,724
we switched sides
at... at halftime.
802
00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:36,554
Shit, Pudge,
you scored for the wrong team.
803
00:42:36,641 --> 00:42:38,207
Yeah.
804
00:42:38,294 --> 00:42:41,820
The worst part
was, uh, the bus ride home.
805
00:42:41,907 --> 00:42:44,692
Sitting with all these kids
806
00:42:44,779 --> 00:42:46,520
who hated me.
807
00:42:46,607 --> 00:42:48,696
So glad you were able
to put your life back together.
808
00:42:52,308 --> 00:42:57,009
Uh, my worst day was, uh,
June 9, 1999.
809
00:42:58,663 --> 00:43:01,840
My grandmother died
in a car accident in Japan.
810
00:43:01,927 --> 00:43:03,711
I was supposed to visit her
two days later,
811
00:43:03,798 --> 00:43:06,366
spend the whole summer
with her.
812
00:43:06,453 --> 00:43:07,846
The only time
I ever got to see her
813
00:43:07,933 --> 00:43:10,109
was before she was cremated.
814
00:43:10,196 --> 00:43:11,763
Damn.
815
00:43:11,850 --> 00:43:14,679
We are a sad group of friends.
816
00:43:15,418 --> 00:43:17,072
Minus you, Pudge.
817
00:43:17,159 --> 00:43:19,205
Thanks.
818
00:43:19,292 --> 00:43:20,946
Lara?
819
00:43:21,033 --> 00:43:22,687
Um...
820
00:43:26,429 --> 00:43:30,390
My worst day
is the day we left Romania.
821
00:43:30,477 --> 00:43:33,741
It wasn't until the day before
that my parents told me
822
00:43:33,828 --> 00:43:37,223
I wasn't allowed
to bring Rukmina, my dog.
823
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,184
For six years,
she had been my best friend,
824
00:43:42,271 --> 00:43:44,622
and I had to leave her
with strangers.
825
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:50,192
Fucking dog stories.
826
00:43:50,279 --> 00:43:52,325
They get me
every time.
827
00:43:52,412 --> 00:43:55,241
Oh.
828
00:43:55,328 --> 00:43:56,982
All right.
829
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,552
It's your turn, buddy.
830
00:44:10,822 --> 00:44:13,651
The day after my mom
took me to the zoo,
831
00:44:13,738 --> 00:44:16,958
I was upstairs
doing my homework...
832
00:44:18,525 --> 00:44:22,703
When I heard a scream
from the kitchen.
833
00:44:25,488 --> 00:44:28,709
And I ran downstairs and...
834
00:44:28,796 --> 00:44:32,670
saw my mom lying on the floor
holding her head, jerking.
835
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,936
I freaked out.
836
00:44:38,023 --> 00:44:39,459
I should have called 911,
837
00:44:39,546 --> 00:44:43,158
but all I did
was just scream and cry...
838
00:44:43,245 --> 00:44:45,465
until she stopped jerking.
839
00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:49,948
I thought
she was just asleep...
840
00:44:52,167 --> 00:44:55,649
And that...
841
00:44:55,736 --> 00:44:58,652
whatever had hurt her
didn't anymore,
842
00:44:58,739 --> 00:45:02,787
so I sat down next to her...
843
00:45:02,874 --> 00:45:05,833
until my dad came home
an hour later.
844
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,749
And he started yelling at me,
"Why didn't you call 911?"
845
00:45:08,836 --> 00:45:11,621
And he tried to do CPR,
but by then, she was...
846
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,798
she was plenty dead.
847
00:45:15,756 --> 00:45:17,584
Aneurysm.
848
00:45:17,671 --> 00:45:20,761
Worst day.
I won. You drink.
849
00:45:29,117 --> 00:45:31,685
Your dad blamed you?
How could he not?
850
00:45:31,772 --> 00:45:33,643
You were a kid.
Kids can dial 911.
851
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:35,428
They do it all the time.
852
00:45:35,515 --> 00:45:36,821
I just didn't.
853
00:45:40,694 --> 00:45:42,304
Why didn't you tell me?
854
00:45:44,176 --> 00:45:45,960
It never came up.
855
00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:51,052
I need some air.
856
00:45:58,973 --> 00:46:00,366
Someone should go
be with her.
857
00:46:32,485 --> 00:46:34,617
You wanted to know
why I ratted...
858
00:46:39,927 --> 00:46:41,886
And why I can't go home.
859
00:46:45,628 --> 00:46:47,805
Well, now you know.
860
00:46:52,244 --> 00:46:54,507
Because I fuck everything up.
861
00:46:55,508 --> 00:46:56,901
That's not true.
862
00:46:58,990 --> 00:47:00,774
You were just a little kid.
863
00:47:03,168 --> 00:47:05,170
Nothing's your fault
when you're a little kid.
864
00:47:05,257 --> 00:47:08,129
That's what it means
to be a kid.
865
00:47:08,216 --> 00:47:09,783
I was afraid
of what you'd think
866
00:47:09,870 --> 00:47:11,524
when you knew the truth.
867
00:47:12,873 --> 00:47:14,788
Well, now you know.
868
00:47:20,185 --> 00:47:21,882
You're still here.
869
00:47:27,279 --> 00:47:29,063
Why are you still here?
870
00:47:34,329 --> 00:47:36,636
Because...
871
00:47:42,294 --> 00:47:44,122
I'm your friend.
872
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:50,215
Cool...
873
00:47:50,302 --> 00:47:51,912
friend.
874
00:48:15,022 --> 00:48:18,025
♪ People ♪
875
00:48:18,112 --> 00:48:22,029
♪ They don't mean
a thing to you ♪
876
00:48:22,116 --> 00:48:26,077
♪ They move
right through you ♪
877
00:48:26,164 --> 00:48:28,079
♪ Just like your breath ♪
878
00:48:31,909 --> 00:48:33,519
♪ But sometimes ♪
879
00:48:40,047 --> 00:48:42,920
You came back.Yeah.
880
00:48:43,007 --> 00:48:45,400
Is that okay?
Yeah, it's okay.
881
00:48:48,882 --> 00:48:50,231
Hi.
882
00:48:54,105 --> 00:48:56,411
Can I kiss you?
883
00:48:56,498 --> 00:48:58,196
Yes.
884
00:48:58,283 --> 00:49:00,415
You can kiss me.
885
00:49:00,502 --> 00:49:02,287
♪ I forget
I'm still awake ♪
886
00:49:04,158 --> 00:49:06,508
♪ I fuck up ♪
887
00:49:06,595 --> 00:49:10,904
♪ And say these things
out loud ♪
888
00:49:10,991 --> 00:49:14,690
♪ My old friend ♪
889
00:49:18,216 --> 00:49:22,350
♪ I swear I never meant
for this ♪
890
00:49:22,437 --> 00:49:28,008
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
891
00:49:31,185 --> 00:49:36,451
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
892
00:49:39,715 --> 00:49:44,894
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
893
00:49:44,982 --> 00:49:49,856
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
894
00:49:49,943 --> 00:49:54,643
♪ An honest mistake ♪
895
00:50:08,483 --> 00:50:12,226
♪ Never meant, never meant ♪
896
00:50:19,190 --> 00:50:23,281
♪ Never meant, never meant ♪
897
00:50:23,368 --> 00:50:26,936
♪ Oh, I swear,
I never meant ♪
898
00:50:27,024 --> 00:50:29,156
♪ An honest ♪
899
00:50:29,243 --> 00:50:31,724
♪ An honest mistake ♪
900
00:50:31,811 --> 00:50:36,424
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
901
00:50:39,079 --> 00:50:43,910
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
902
00:50:47,783 --> 00:50:52,832
♪ Don't look at me that way ♪
903
00:50:52,919 --> 00:50:57,706
♪ It was an honest mistake ♪
904
00:50:57,793 --> 00:51:02,276
♪ An honest mistake ♪
62957
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