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1
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:27,679
[static]
2
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,730
How do I know if
it's recording?
3
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,212
MAN: Uh, the light is on.
4
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:41,215
Oh, yeah.
5
00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:43,173
Happy graduation.
6
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:45,654
Oh, we are going to
remember this moment
7
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,569
for the rest of our lives.
8
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,009
[scream]
9
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,141
I don't know how
to get the time
10
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,926
and date off of this thing.
11
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,406
MAN: Oh, [inaudible].
12
00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:01,670
Do something funny
for the camera.
13
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,586
[choking]
14
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,024
EDWIN: Is this the on button?
15
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:11,332
How do you get the
time and date off it?
16
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:12,594
Huh.
17
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,465
That's obnoxious.
18
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:18,252
Mom, this is--
this is Klown Kamp.
19
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:22,038
It's been an
interesting trip here.
20
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:25,650
As you can see, the bodies
that surround this room
21
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,392
and lay on the floor are
people I've murdered.
22
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,307
I'm sure you'll hear about it.
23
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,658
Other than this videotape,
it'll be on the news and stuff.
24
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,968
I hope you're not mad at me.
25
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,232
I-- I did it out
of spite, I guess.
26
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,321
I'm not sure exactly
why I did it.
27
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,028
And then we'll go
down this hall.
28
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:59,075
And, uh-- it's a nice hall.
29
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:01,512
I do a lot of
pacing in this hall.
30
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:04,472
I call it my friendly hall.
31
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,300
Here is the bathroom.
32
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:07,953
I-- I clean up in here.
33
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:11,522
I never wash my makeup
off totally though cause
34
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,437
I wanna be a clown forever.
35
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:17,789
Sometimes, I gaze in my face in
the mirror for hours and hours.
36
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,791
And here's my room.
37
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:22,272
And this is my bed.
38
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:26,363
And you can see I have made
it neatly, like you instructed
39
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,191
me on a daily basis to do.
40
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:31,673
It's the best way to
start out the day.
41
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:35,894
As you can see here, this
is my roommate's bed.
42
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,679
He leaves it a mess.
43
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,724
He's a slobberoo.
44
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,987
He's a pig of all kinds.
45
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:47,167
He farts and snores
and-- oh, there you are.
46
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:50,518
There you are, you
son of a bitch.
47
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:53,999
[screaming]
48
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,331
THEME SONG: I'm
going to Klown Kamp.
49
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:22,289
Klown Kamp.
50
00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:33,169
TV ANNOUNCER: May 15th, 1991.
51
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,084
The massacre at the Bonzo Ranch.
52
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:42,613
Many believe Edwin's
crimes are merely legend.
53
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,573
But these exclusive
crime scene photos
54
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:49,794
tell a grisly tale of yet
another unsolved clown murder.
55
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,672
[music playing]
56
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,680
TV ANNOUNCER: And
we're here at-- oh,
57
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:10,250
[inaudible] looks likes
Snickles is [inaudible].
58
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:13,165
TV ANNOUNCER: --get that kind
of detail from a machine.
59
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:14,036
No.
60
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,864
These are hand-painted.
61
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,474
Hand-painted.
62
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:20,216
They are painted by hand
which means-- that's right.
63
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,609
You can't get that--
-That's right.
64
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,132
TV ANNOUNCER: --kind of
detail from a machine.
65
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,613
Unless, of course, you
had a mechanical hand.
66
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:26,701
Whoo!
67
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,311
You can cast your vote for the--
68
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:33,490
EDWIN: Oh, hey.
69
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,715
[speaking spanish]
70
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:53,728
Authorities believe the
murder suspect escaped on foot
71
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,643
and is still at large.
72
00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,688
If you have any
information that could lead
73
00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,387
to the capture of
Edwin the Clown,
74
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:02,258
please call our
information hotline.
75
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,651
EDWIN: Come and get me.
76
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,182
TV ANNOUNCER: And
we're back here.
77
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:17,142
[speaking spanish]
78
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:18,535
Not the bumbling fool.
79
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:19,536
Fuck you.
80
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,886
[inaudible].
81
00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:25,325
[interposing voices]
82
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:42,559
[RAPPING] MC Murder 'N'
Da Maniac Circus Orchestra,
83
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,431
coming at you from Detroit.
84
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:48,130
Yeah, we're the cannibalistic,
crazy, killer clowns.
85
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,827
We warned you.
86
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,699
EDWIN: Oh, hm.
87
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:52,439
Paid advertisement.
88
00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:58,532
What the hell is he doing on TV?
89
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,185
Do you want to be a clown?
90
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:03,754
Bring laughter and joy to
children across the country?
91
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:05,234
Hello, everyone.
92
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,977
I'm Bonzo the Clown, and
I'm proud to announce
93
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:15,549
the grand pre-opening of
Klown Kamp at Bonzo Ranch.
94
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:18,203
EDWIN: What?
95
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:21,076
I'm gonna fucking kill
that son of a bitch!
96
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,958
Our beautiful 400-acre
facility has a start-of-the-art
97
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,264
pie-throwing range.
98
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,702
The brand new,
renovated [inaudible]
99
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:42,663
memorial theater, and
affordable student housing.
100
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:45,579
[crashing]
101
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,103
LENNY: Jelly beans.
102
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:49,974
Jelly beans, jelly
beans, jelly beans.
103
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,715
Will that be all?
104
00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:58,505
Uh, give me a family-size
pack of rubbers just in case.
105
00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,594
Oh, Vinnie.
106
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:01,377
Can I have a pickle?
107
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:02,465
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
108
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:03,727
Just calm down.
109
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,077
So where are you clowns headed?
110
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,210
Oh, we're going to Klown
Kamp at Bonzo Ranch.
111
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,646
We have an intensive program.
112
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,648
They have an intensive program.
113
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,389
That teaches comedy technique.
114
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,825
Teaching comedy technique.
115
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:15,913
Character development.
116
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:16,914
Character development.
117
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,960
And dramatic improvisation.
118
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:25,445
And improvi-- improv--
improv-- imporviblization.
119
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:29,492
And how to throw a pie.
120
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:31,581
And how to throw a pie.
121
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:34,105
Oh, yeah.
122
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:37,369
I heard they were opening
that place back up.
123
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:42,636
Never mind what you've heard.
124
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:51,035
You guys.
125
00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:52,515
Yeah.
126
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:53,951
Yeah, I like you guys.
127
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:09,619
There's a death curse.
128
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:14,319
You're all gonna die, except
for maybe the big fella.
129
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,582
Don't give him any money.
130
00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:18,541
I'm tellin' ya--
there's a death curse.
131
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,588
Don't go up to Camp
Sparkling Lake.
132
00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:26,331
There's a maniac up there
wearing a football helmet,
133
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,812
hacking people to pieces.
134
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:31,075
Uh, we're not going
to Camp Sparkling Lake.
135
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:32,686
We're going to Bonzo Ranch.
136
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:36,037
Oh, oh, oh.
137
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:39,823
Well, uh-- sorry to
bother you and never mind.
138
00:08:57,188 --> 00:09:01,453
Or was there a death
curse up there too?
139
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,455
TV NARRATOR: Bonzo the Clown
has entertained audiences
140
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,502
of all ages for over 30 years.
141
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:11,028
In Hollywood's golden
age, 1974 to 1991,
142
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,204
many successful
comedy entertainers
143
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:18,253
began their careers at Bonzo's
world famous Klown Kamp.
144
00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:21,038
Now by popular
demand, it's back.
145
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:24,476
[music "pomp and circumstance"]
146
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,283
Come on, Lenny, let's go.
147
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,110
Hurry up.
148
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,198
I'm trying.
149
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:51,242
-Come on, Lenny.
-It's heavy.
150
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:52,069
Come on.
151
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,723
Hurry up, Lenny.
152
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:54,724
Pick it up.
Come on!
153
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:55,638
I'm trying.
154
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:56,944
So heavy.
-God damn.
155
00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:57,945
I should've left you
in that trash can
156
00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,468
at the abortion clinic.
157
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,556
You want me to
help you with that?
158
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,819
Let me help you with that.
159
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,038
Pick it up!
160
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:04,952
Pick it up!
161
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:06,649
Pick it all up again!
162
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,391
You disgust me.
163
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:12,394
God, you're so pathetic.
164
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:13,395
Hurry up.
165
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:18,748
Seltzer.
166
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:35,939
Hold this.
167
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,009
That was a good trick.
168
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:02,792
Thank you.
169
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:03,750
A very--
170
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,926
You want to see my wiener?
171
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,014
No.
172
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:07,797
Oh, Philbert.
173
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:08,624
Squirts.
174
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:10,452
What are you doing here?
175
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,323
And I thought for sure
you'd be in jail by now.
176
00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:13,716
No.
177
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,413
I'm here to learn to
be a birthday clown.
178
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,111
Hi, I'm Philbert.
179
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,982
Balloons are my specialty.
180
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:20,331
Pleased to meet you.
181
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:23,465
They call me Puff,
Puff the Magic Clown.
182
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,989
Philbert, do you
want to see my wiener?
183
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,034
Mm, no.
184
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:28,557
I've already seen it.
185
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,211
So who's the old guy?
186
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,953
That's Bonzo from
that old show.
187
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,345
Another washed up TV clown.
188
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,607
Really?
189
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:38,001
The Bonzo?
190
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,699
I didn't even recognize him.
191
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,178
I grew up watching his show.
192
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,832
I knew he owned the
ranch, but I didn't
193
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:44,573
think he'd actually be here.
194
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,054
Why, he's the whole
reason I became a clown.
195
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:48,969
Are you sure you don't
want to see my wiener?
196
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:49,796
Yes.
197
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:50,666
No.
198
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:51,493
Yes.
199
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,016
No.
200
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:54,452
I mean, yes.
201
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:55,236
Whoa!
202
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:27,442
So nice to see other
clowns out here.
203
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,010
I'm headed to Bonzo Ranch.
204
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,187
Thanks so much
for picking me up.
205
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,841
You wanna smoke some hash?
206
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,893
Hey, you have a sunroof?
207
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,378
I am the wind.
208
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:14,315
You don't have to
go so fast, mister.
209
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:15,838
Slow down.
210
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:20,843
You're totally killing my buzz.
211
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,366
Hey, man.
212
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:26,370
Wasn't that the
turn right there?
213
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:29,809
Hey, where are you going?
214
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:33,290
[screaming]
215
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:13,243
LENNY: Playing with shit is fun.
216
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:14,723
This is great.
217
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,073
I-- I'm so excited.
218
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,641
Look, they have all the
pie cans, and there's the--
219
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:22,426
It's too fucking early, and
there ain't no goddamn coffee.
220
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:29,651
[fart]
221
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,355
Attention!
222
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:39,661
Move it, move it, you maggots.
223
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:43,143
Move, move, move.
224
00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:44,622
GERALD: Oh, my glasses.
225
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:53,240
I am Sgt. Thadius
Funnybone III.
226
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,852
From here on out, you
will address me as Sir.
227
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:07,819
I'm here to teach you the
skills and the techniques
228
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:12,215
to make people laugh.
229
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,087
[laugh track]
230
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:18,656
You will be put through
the most grueling clown,
231
00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:24,097
comprehensive, concentrated
training on this planet.
232
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,751
And if you want to
cry to your mommy,
233
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:29,841
you best go home
now, party clown.
234
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,669
Wipe that smile off your face.
235
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,934
You will learn
mime, table slides,
236
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:38,372
spit takes, juggling,
everything you're
237
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:42,071
gonna need to make little
boys and little girls
238
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:45,509
squeal with delight when
you walk in the room.
239
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,078
Got that, Nancy Boy?
240
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,341
This is the worst group
of clown I ever seen.
241
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:52,386
FUNNYBONE: You dumb, boy?
242
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,996
Don't be so hard on them, Tex.
243
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,955
I think they're going
to make a swell team.
244
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:59,610
Look like a bunch of
losers, you ask me.
245
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,134
Isn't there some hay
that needs baling?
246
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:13,189
You will be assigned a pie
tin and a seltzer bottle
247
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,191
with your name
clearly marked on it.
248
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:20,022
If you lose these items,
they will be replaced.
249
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:24,809
But it will be deducted
from your deposit!
250
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,202
Oh.
251
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,900
This little, pretty,
pink, pony clown, huh?
252
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,293
You think you're special?
253
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:32,078
You think because
your grandpappy
254
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,775
owns this ranch, that you can
just come and go as you please,
255
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:34,950
huh?
256
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,386
You're gonna get
special treatment?
257
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:37,648
Who's that?
258
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:38,606
FUNNYBONE: Well, you're wrong!
259
00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:39,650
Her name is Valerie.
260
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,262
She's Bonzo's granddaughter.
261
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:43,698
Wow.
262
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,178
She's beautiful.
263
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,180
You think you're too
good to be a clown?
264
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,398
VALERIE'S FATHER:
You're a clown.
265
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:49,443
FUNNYBONE: Too
good to be a clown?
266
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:50,661
Eat your cream pie.
267
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:58,234
You think you're too
good to be a clown.
268
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,149
You're gonna get it.
269
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:03,761
[slapping]
270
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:07,026
[crying]
271
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,464
Did you hear me?
272
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:12,509
Yes, sir.
273
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,643
You need a serious
attitude adjustment.
274
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:30,544
What the hell?
275
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:35,897
Who's there?
276
00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:42,469
[screaming]
277
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:11,106
EDWIN: So funny.
278
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,417
ANNOUNCER: So you
want to be a clown?
279
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:22,813
Lasting education, field
trip, presentation.
280
00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:26,469
The history of clowning dates
back to the beginning of time.
281
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,254
Clowns have been
around forever.
282
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:31,953
ANNOUNCER: Some say clowning is
the second oldest profession.
283
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,174
The second oldest profe-- I
wonder what number one was.
284
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:42,050
Hey, I made you something.
285
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,446
Hey, I want a balloon.
286
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:49,231
A penis?
287
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,015
Oh, what?
288
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,713
It's a pirate sword.
289
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,715
You know?
290
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:55,585
For pirates?
291
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:58,501
No thank you.
292
00:19:58,632 --> 00:19:59,807
I can make you a wiener dog.
293
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,765
ANNOUNCER: This is
no laughing matter.
294
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:04,725
I want a wiener dog.
295
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:07,684
[guitar playing]
296
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,643
[owl hooting]
297
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,221
PUFF: Wow, he's really good.
298
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:31,230
Uh, thank you.
299
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,580
Do you hear that?
300
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:34,929
Beautiful.
301
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:37,671
Now that's talent, huh?
302
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,239
We're gonna be frickin' rich.
303
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:44,155
And as his agent, I get 90%.
304
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,680
You all know this place
gots a death curse, right?
305
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:47,550
What did you say?
306
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,378
Ah, he's fuckin' lying.
307
00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:50,727
Nah, nah, nah.
308
00:20:50,858 --> 00:20:52,294
I ain't playing.
309
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:55,645
I know why this place
been closed for 15 years.
310
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:58,909
I ain't trying to scare
nobody, but yo, this place
311
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:03,305
gots a legend, a dark
secret, if you will.
312
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:05,655
It was was years
ago to this day.
313
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:11,270
Edwin came to Klown Kamp to
make his dreams come true.
314
00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:15,491
EDWIN'S MOTHER
[VOICEOVER]: Dear Edwin.
315
00:21:15,622 --> 00:21:18,364
I'm so very proud of you.
316
00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:19,887
Don't tell your father.
317
00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:22,977
He still thinks you should
be an inventory clerk.
318
00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:25,675
But I saved up to buy
something for you.
319
00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:27,721
EDWIN: Oh, Mom.
320
00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:29,766
EDWIN'S MOTHER [VOICEOVER]:
Live your dream, son.
321
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:30,724
Love, Mom.
322
00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:43,389
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]: But yo,
destiny had other plans.
323
00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:45,782
Edwin the Clown didn't
make no one laugh
324
00:21:45,913 --> 00:21:47,349
the whole time he was at camp.
325
00:22:01,537 --> 00:22:04,975
EDWIN: Stupid, stupid, stupid.
326
00:22:05,106 --> 00:22:08,065
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]: It was the
very last day of Klown Kamp.
327
00:22:08,196 --> 00:22:09,240
This was his last chance.
328
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:14,637
Yo, he knew if he didn't
get some laughs that night,
329
00:22:14,768 --> 00:22:17,423
his ass would
flunk the fuck out,
330
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:19,642
effectively ending
his circus career.
331
00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:20,513
Check it.
332
00:22:20,643 --> 00:22:22,079
He was nervous as hell.
333
00:22:22,210 --> 00:22:26,040
C-- can I please have a
volunteer from the audience?
334
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,175
Oh, thank you.
335
00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:32,394
Come on up, sir.
336
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:33,700
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]:
Then the moment
337
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:35,832
of truth flew down
like a bird bringing
338
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:38,792
worms to his little baby birds.
339
00:22:38,922 --> 00:22:42,752
Boy, you look like you're tired
and you've had a rough day.
340
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,407
But this time, he was prepared.
341
00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,801
He had a funny ass joke.
342
00:22:47,931 --> 00:22:51,674
Boy, I-- I bet you'd probably
like to have a seat, huh?
343
00:22:57,376 --> 00:23:00,204
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]:
It was his night.
344
00:23:00,335 --> 00:23:02,206
Nobody wanted to see him fail.
345
00:23:08,822 --> 00:23:11,520
[cell ringing]
346
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,745
Hello?
347
00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:20,964
No, I'm at Klown Kamp right now.
348
00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:22,966
I'm on a cellular phone.
349
00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:24,707
No, I'm not at home.
350
00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:26,709
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]: They
didn't have a no cell phones
351
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:27,710
policy back in the day.
352
00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:29,408
No, I need another chance.
353
00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:30,713
Thank you very much.
354
00:23:30,844 --> 00:23:31,714
That was Edwin.
355
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:32,628
No!
356
00:23:32,759 --> 00:23:35,631
No, no, no.
357
00:23:35,762 --> 00:23:38,329
I need just one more
chance, that's all I need.
358
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:40,331
Please move away
from the stage.
359
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:41,332
[babbling]
360
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:42,551
HOST: Does anybody hear me?
361
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:45,206
If I don't graduate,
I'm not gonna
362
00:23:45,336 --> 00:23:47,469
have all my dreams come true.
363
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,818
Get off the stage.
364
00:23:48,949 --> 00:23:49,993
Other people are waiting.
365
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:54,433
HOST: No pie throwing.
366
00:23:54,563 --> 00:23:55,434
No pie throwing.
367
00:23:58,524 --> 00:23:59,873
If I see another pie--
368
00:24:05,966 --> 00:24:07,271
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]:
That's when the phantom
369
00:24:07,402 --> 00:24:09,056
entered into his soul.
370
00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:18,369
It's not fair!
371
00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:23,853
BUZTER [VOICEOVER]: Edwin
didn't think it was fair
372
00:24:23,984 --> 00:24:25,638
that his routine got jacked.
373
00:24:25,768 --> 00:24:29,729
So the next day at graduation,
Edwin came back for his revenge
374
00:24:29,859 --> 00:24:31,948
against the whole camp.
375
00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:34,560
He sliced them, diced
them, cut them up.
376
00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:40,435
Shoved a gad up their ass,
splattered their guts.
377
00:24:44,178 --> 00:24:46,920
Shunned by a would
that he didn't create.
378
00:24:47,050 --> 00:24:49,749
They tried to escape,
but it was just too late.
379
00:24:49,879 --> 00:24:52,142
[RAPPING] He's an original
clown killer, murderer.
380
00:24:52,273 --> 00:24:54,493
Cap peeler, soul stealer.
381
00:24:54,623 --> 00:24:55,885
The maven of mayhem.
382
00:24:56,016 --> 00:24:57,974
With evil eyes, and
knives, and ice pick,
383
00:24:58,105 --> 00:25:00,455
and bloodlust
precision, he murdered
384
00:25:00,586 --> 00:25:02,849
the whole fucking camp.
385
00:25:02,979 --> 00:25:06,374
And he even ate some
of them while they
386
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:08,681
were still breathing.
387
00:25:08,811 --> 00:25:10,117
I think.
388
00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:12,728
He became a bona fide killer.
389
00:25:12,859 --> 00:25:16,776
Then he put all the
bodies into a clown car
390
00:25:16,906 --> 00:25:20,649
and dumped them in
that Sparkling Lake.
391
00:25:20,780 --> 00:25:23,260
Ain't no one heard
from him since.
392
00:25:23,391 --> 00:25:26,699
Some people say if
you listen real good,
393
00:25:26,829 --> 00:25:31,138
you can still hear him
practicing his routine.
394
00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:34,097
[screaming]
395
00:25:36,186 --> 00:25:37,492
No, guys, guys.
396
00:25:37,623 --> 00:25:38,928
No, it's just me.
397
00:25:39,059 --> 00:25:40,582
It's Gerald.
398
00:25:40,713 --> 00:25:42,366
Look, I got the glasses and
the nose my mom bought me.
399
00:25:42,497 --> 00:25:44,760
You're a bunch of
fucking pussies.
400
00:25:44,891 --> 00:25:47,502
Guys, I just, uh-- guys?
401
00:25:47,633 --> 00:25:50,505
[scream]
402
00:25:52,115 --> 00:25:53,987
Somebody help him!
403
00:25:54,117 --> 00:25:54,988
This guy's gone crazy.
404
00:25:55,118 --> 00:25:57,468
He's gotten mad cow disease.
405
00:25:57,599 --> 00:25:59,427
What the [thud]
fuck are you doing?
406
00:26:21,231 --> 00:26:22,929
Jesus, fuck.
407
00:26:23,059 --> 00:26:24,626
Get him off of me.
408
00:26:24,757 --> 00:26:26,497
Get him off.
409
00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:29,588
[crying]
410
00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:33,156
Get him off.
411
00:26:39,423 --> 00:26:40,947
I'm holding you liable.
412
00:26:41,077 --> 00:26:44,472
I am filing a class
action suit for the damage
413
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:46,256
you did to Lenny.
414
00:26:46,387 --> 00:26:47,301
-I saw birdies.
-Shut up.
415
00:26:47,431 --> 00:26:49,085
Birdies.
416
00:26:49,216 --> 00:26:50,696
I'll beat that rap just like
I beat your grandmama's pussy.
417
00:26:50,826 --> 00:26:52,872
And frankly, you're
lucky that big ass
418
00:26:53,002 --> 00:26:55,657
ape didn't pounce on me,
because I'll fuck him up.
419
00:26:55,788 --> 00:26:59,052
I'm a psychopathic
lunatic killer.
420
00:26:59,182 --> 00:27:01,750
And that's what I'm
gonna prove in court, huh?
421
00:27:01,881 --> 00:27:04,361
You're fucking with
some dark forces, bitch.
422
00:27:04,492 --> 00:27:05,580
Hi, Valerie.
423
00:27:05,711 --> 00:27:07,190
Look.
424
00:27:07,321 --> 00:27:09,453
Sausage is my breakfast
fever. [ECHO] Breakfast fever.
425
00:27:09,584 --> 00:27:11,455
VALERIE'S FATHER: Valerie.
426
00:27:11,586 --> 00:27:14,241
Valerie.
427
00:27:14,371 --> 00:27:16,896
Valerie.
428
00:27:17,026 --> 00:27:19,550
I just wanted to give you
a little kiss good night.
429
00:27:25,992 --> 00:27:26,645
Oh.
430
00:27:32,172 --> 00:27:33,913
You wanna see Daddy's wiener?
431
00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,439
[unzipping]
432
00:27:46,621 --> 00:27:47,404
Get the hell away from me.
433
00:27:58,241 --> 00:28:01,070
[crying]
434
00:28:16,129 --> 00:28:16,912
Sorry.
435
00:28:17,043 --> 00:28:17,913
Jesus.
436
00:28:18,044 --> 00:28:21,047
I didn't mean to scare you.
437
00:28:21,177 --> 00:28:23,266
Can I sit down?
438
00:28:23,397 --> 00:28:24,703
I don't care.
439
00:28:43,286 --> 00:28:46,812
You know, I've known
Squirts for a long time.
440
00:28:46,942 --> 00:28:49,728
He's just a misunderstood guy.
441
00:28:49,858 --> 00:28:51,120
Really.
442
00:28:51,251 --> 00:28:52,513
I mean, one time, at
the Children's Hospital,
443
00:28:52,643 --> 00:28:53,557
he actually--
444
00:28:53,688 --> 00:28:57,910
I don't even want to be here.
445
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,347
My grandpa wanted me to come.
446
00:29:00,477 --> 00:29:02,262
He doesn't understand though.
447
00:29:02,392 --> 00:29:03,306
I'm not a clown.
448
00:29:20,802 --> 00:29:26,025
Many of you have
thrown a pie to a face.
449
00:29:26,155 --> 00:29:32,640
But how many of you have
thrown a pie 500 yards?
450
00:29:42,476 --> 00:29:43,172
Holy shit.
451
00:29:46,175 --> 00:29:51,050
Now let's see what
you amateurs can do.
452
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:53,443
Well.
453
00:29:53,574 --> 00:29:57,752
Look who decided to
join us for class today.
454
00:29:57,883 --> 00:30:00,059
Are you two finished
jelly dicking around?
455
00:30:00,189 --> 00:30:02,757
You think you can come
and go as you please?
456
00:30:02,888 --> 00:30:05,629
Actually, sir, it's
entirely my fault.
457
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,285
Is that true, Pink Princess?
458
00:30:09,416 --> 00:30:13,681
Well then, I have an
errand for you, boy.
459
00:30:19,469 --> 00:30:20,775
Fuck you, Grandma Bonzo.
460
00:30:24,735 --> 00:30:26,085
Hey.
461
00:30:26,215 --> 00:30:27,782
These shoes are not for hiking.
462
00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:35,094
Oh, god.
463
00:30:35,224 --> 00:30:37,270
Buzter, you're a dick.
464
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:38,097
Dick.
465
00:30:38,227 --> 00:30:40,273
Dick.
466
00:30:40,403 --> 00:30:41,622
What are you doing here?
467
00:30:41,752 --> 00:30:43,363
Man, Funnybone's a bitch.
468
00:30:49,717 --> 00:30:51,675
We could use a
little help here.
469
00:30:51,806 --> 00:30:53,199
Hey.
470
00:30:53,329 --> 00:30:54,678
What are you listening to?
471
00:30:54,809 --> 00:30:56,028
Tsk.
472
00:30:56,158 --> 00:30:58,073
MC Murder 'N' the
Maniac Circus Orchestra.
473
00:30:58,204 --> 00:30:59,205
What the fuck you think, dog?
474
00:30:59,335 --> 00:31:00,815
Right.
475
00:31:00,946 --> 00:31:05,472
The three-cord rage-rock
with their drum machines and
476
00:31:05,602 --> 00:31:09,302
their sophomoric rap lyrics.
477
00:31:09,432 --> 00:31:12,392
Those guys are a fucking
disgrace to clown
478
00:31:12,522 --> 00:31:14,220
rap genre if you ask me.
479
00:31:14,350 --> 00:31:16,744
[scream]
480
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,224
Ah!
481
00:31:18,354 --> 00:31:19,399
Buzter!
482
00:31:19,529 --> 00:31:20,226
Buzter!
483
00:31:26,449 --> 00:31:28,060
It's my whole way of life.
484
00:31:28,190 --> 00:31:29,365
And I ain't gonna die for shit.
485
00:31:29,496 --> 00:31:30,192
Buzter!
486
00:31:30,323 --> 00:31:31,454
Buzter, no!
487
00:31:31,585 --> 00:31:34,327
Chill out, homie.
488
00:31:34,457 --> 00:31:36,024
What's that?
489
00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:38,722
Is that part of the camp?
490
00:31:38,853 --> 00:31:40,028
Oh shit!
491
00:31:40,159 --> 00:31:42,509
Holy shit.
492
00:31:42,639 --> 00:31:43,989
Oh.
493
00:31:44,119 --> 00:31:46,513
What are you talking about?
494
00:31:46,643 --> 00:31:48,950
I don't think this
is part of the camp.
495
00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:50,473
Stop.
496
00:31:50,604 --> 00:31:53,607
This will definitely--
definitely result in us
497
00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:54,913
not getting our deposit back.
498
00:32:04,009 --> 00:32:05,532
What is this place?
499
00:32:05,662 --> 00:32:07,447
This must be part
of the old Klown Kamp
500
00:32:07,577 --> 00:32:09,057
where the Edwin
murders went down.
501
00:32:09,188 --> 00:32:09,928
OK, I'm outta here.
502
00:32:10,058 --> 00:32:10,711
Hey.
503
00:32:13,888 --> 00:32:15,977
I thought you made that up.
504
00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:17,152
Nah, dog.
505
00:32:17,283 --> 00:32:18,197
All my homies know
who Edwin was.
506
00:32:18,327 --> 00:32:19,198
He's the original clown killer.
507
00:32:39,392 --> 00:32:40,915
There's food in here.
508
00:32:41,046 --> 00:32:43,744
Who's is this?
509
00:32:43,874 --> 00:32:44,571
Whoa, Frugo.
510
00:32:48,227 --> 00:32:49,271
Wait, Buzter.
511
00:32:49,402 --> 00:32:50,751
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
512
00:32:50,881 --> 00:32:51,752
Pfft.
513
00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:52,535
Frugo Lite.
514
00:32:55,147 --> 00:32:55,799
Hey, guys.
515
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:57,932
Told you.
516
00:32:58,063 --> 00:33:00,369
There's a sleeping bag in here.
517
00:33:00,500 --> 00:33:03,111
Someone was living here.
518
00:33:03,242 --> 00:33:04,112
Yep, I'm outta here.
519
00:33:04,243 --> 00:33:04,895
OK.
520
00:33:05,026 --> 00:33:06,114
Here we go.
521
00:33:06,245 --> 00:33:07,550
Fuckin' pussies.
522
00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,469
What the-- oh shit.
523
00:33:23,088 --> 00:33:25,873
Where the hell are those
boys with that seltzer?
524
00:33:29,877 --> 00:33:32,097
Got to warn them
about the death curse.
525
00:33:35,187 --> 00:33:36,579
Who's there?
526
00:33:36,710 --> 00:33:38,451
You shouldn't be out here.
527
00:33:38,581 --> 00:33:39,713
There's a death curse.
528
00:33:42,803 --> 00:33:45,588
[screaming]
529
00:33:53,161 --> 00:33:55,511
Damn, this is far.
530
00:33:55,642 --> 00:33:58,471
Stupid ass-- I tell
them to get the seltzer.
531
00:33:58,601 --> 00:34:00,212
I don't know what they're doing.
532
00:34:00,342 --> 00:34:04,346
I'll find them and use some--
that's what's gonna happen.
533
00:34:07,915 --> 00:34:08,785
What the hell?
534
00:34:11,875 --> 00:34:12,746
[laughter]
535
00:34:12,876 --> 00:34:14,095
Who's there?
536
00:34:14,226 --> 00:34:14,965
Wouldn't you like to know?
537
00:34:15,096 --> 00:34:16,750
Who's there?
538
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,708
You come back here.
539
00:34:18,839 --> 00:34:20,145
I'll find you.
540
00:34:20,275 --> 00:34:21,581
No, you won't, you idiot.
541
00:34:21,711 --> 00:34:24,932
Get back over here.
542
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,412
I'll find you.
543
00:34:26,542 --> 00:34:28,370
You've run from me.
544
00:34:28,501 --> 00:34:30,807
Over here.
545
00:34:30,938 --> 00:34:32,766
Over here.
546
00:34:32,896 --> 00:34:35,725
Remember me?
547
00:34:35,856 --> 00:34:37,205
Keep following me.
548
00:34:37,336 --> 00:34:38,641
Over here.
549
00:34:38,772 --> 00:34:40,643
Over here.
550
00:34:40,774 --> 00:34:43,385
Over here.
551
00:34:43,516 --> 00:34:44,256
You!
552
00:34:44,386 --> 00:34:45,126
I see you now.
553
00:34:45,257 --> 00:34:46,823
Oh, I'm gonna get you.
554
00:34:46,954 --> 00:34:48,651
I got you now.
555
00:34:48,782 --> 00:34:56,877
I-- what kind of
shenanigans is this?
556
00:34:57,007 --> 00:34:57,660
What?
557
00:34:57,791 --> 00:34:59,140
I'm right here.
558
00:35:12,762 --> 00:35:14,895
TV ANNOUNCER: --at Bonzo
Ranch and boost your chances
559
00:35:15,025 --> 00:35:18,290
at a high-salary career in the
fast-growing field of clowning.
560
00:35:18,420 --> 00:35:20,335
Learn hands-on with
industry professionals.
561
00:35:20,466 --> 00:35:22,859
We're located in Big
Shoe Valley, just a mile
562
00:35:22,990 --> 00:35:26,907
off the Sparkling Lake exit.
563
00:35:27,037 --> 00:35:28,213
Hey, I was watching that.
564
00:35:31,868 --> 00:35:32,869
Hey.
565
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,654
TV ANNOUNCER: 12
college students
566
00:35:34,784 --> 00:35:35,263
will compete against each other
to survive an entire weekend--
567
00:35:35,394 --> 00:35:35,959
Get a room.
568
00:35:39,049 --> 00:35:41,095
Hey, Vinnie.
569
00:35:41,226 --> 00:35:42,401
Cotton candy.
570
00:35:42,531 --> 00:35:44,359
I got cotton candy.
571
00:35:44,490 --> 00:35:45,360
I love cotton candy.
572
00:35:45,491 --> 00:35:46,318
You love cotton candy, huh?
573
00:35:46,448 --> 00:35:47,101
Makes me feel warm inside.
574
00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:47,884
You like it, huh?
575
00:35:48,015 --> 00:35:49,408
It's nice?
576
00:35:49,538 --> 00:35:50,583
I like-- there's so many
different colors, Vinnie.
577
00:35:50,713 --> 00:35:51,410
Like what?
Whadda you got there?
578
00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:52,628
I got blue.
579
00:35:52,759 --> 00:35:53,629
-Yeah, you got blue?
-I got green.
580
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:54,500
What else is there?
581
00:35:54,630 --> 00:35:55,675
My-- my favorite color.
582
00:35:55,805 --> 00:35:56,850
Tell me what your
favorite one is.
583
00:35:56,980 --> 00:35:58,112
Let me show you
my favorite color.
584
00:35:58,243 --> 00:35:58,852
-Yeah, what is it?
-It's the yellow.
585
00:35:58,982 --> 00:35:59,157
Shut the fuck up.
586
00:36:04,814 --> 00:36:06,773
Funnybone find you guys?
587
00:36:06,903 --> 00:36:10,037
No, we just got back.
588
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:12,822
Fuckin' beat.
589
00:36:12,953 --> 00:36:15,260
I'm glad some of us
are getting some action.
590
00:36:15,390 --> 00:36:17,175
Yo, Count Jerkula.
591
00:36:17,305 --> 00:36:19,133
You're gonna give your
dick a death curse, dog.
592
00:36:22,397 --> 00:36:24,791
I bet you, once we
graduate, we're gonna get
593
00:36:24,921 --> 00:36:26,575
clown groupies just like that.
594
00:36:26,706 --> 00:36:29,012
Yo, dog, there ain't no
such thing as clown groupies.
595
00:36:29,143 --> 00:36:30,057
Sure.
596
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,319
All entertainers get groupies.
597
00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:35,715
What?
598
00:36:35,845 --> 00:36:37,543
You think this is
a fuckin' costume?
599
00:36:37,673 --> 00:36:41,068
It's a way of life, dog.
600
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:42,765
GERALD: Sorry.
601
00:36:42,896 --> 00:36:44,245
Can you put it back
on the other channel?
602
00:36:44,376 --> 00:36:45,986
Shut the fuck up.
603
00:36:46,116 --> 00:36:47,161
Turn it to--
604
00:36:47,292 --> 00:36:47,944
Shut the fuck up.
605
00:37:04,352 --> 00:37:05,005
Hello?
606
00:38:03,106 --> 00:38:03,759
Hey.
607
00:38:03,890 --> 00:38:05,326
Hey.
608
00:38:05,457 --> 00:38:07,197
How's it going?
609
00:38:07,328 --> 00:38:08,634
OK.
610
00:38:08,764 --> 00:38:11,332
Um, actually, kind of
wanting to talk to you.
611
00:38:11,463 --> 00:38:14,204
You know, today, the
pie range earlier,
612
00:38:14,335 --> 00:38:15,815
you didn't have to do that.
613
00:38:15,945 --> 00:38:18,339
I-- I just wanted
to say thank you.
614
00:38:18,470 --> 00:38:19,122
You're welcome.
615
00:38:21,908 --> 00:38:24,867
Hey, we're gonna be
hanging out in the room
616
00:38:24,998 --> 00:38:27,914
drinking some beers later
if you want to join us.
617
00:38:28,044 --> 00:38:31,221
Um, actually, I think I'm
probably gonna go to bed.
618
00:38:31,352 --> 00:38:36,096
But thanks and, uh, have fun.
619
00:38:36,226 --> 00:38:38,490
Well, if you change your
mind, you know where we are.
620
00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:39,839
GERALD: All entertainers
get groupies.
621
00:38:39,969 --> 00:38:43,451
VINNIE: Shut the fuck up!
622
00:39:20,923 --> 00:39:21,663
Show me those puppies.
623
00:39:24,797 --> 00:39:27,582
[barking]
624
00:39:40,595 --> 00:39:41,901
Show her your wiener.
625
00:39:46,949 --> 00:39:48,734
Ah, I almost forgot
about the kitty.
626
00:40:03,226 --> 00:40:05,794
What's that?
627
00:40:05,925 --> 00:40:06,621
It's nothing.
628
00:40:06,752 --> 00:40:07,579
It's nothing.
629
00:40:07,709 --> 00:40:08,580
No.
630
00:40:08,710 --> 00:40:09,624
Stop it.
631
00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:11,974
Seriously, go check it out.
632
00:40:12,105 --> 00:40:12,758
Fine.
633
00:40:34,823 --> 00:40:36,477
Do you have a 3?
634
00:40:36,608 --> 00:40:38,784
Go fish, bitch.
635
00:40:38,914 --> 00:40:40,699
[glass breaking]
636
00:40:40,829 --> 00:40:41,569
What was that?
637
00:40:41,700 --> 00:40:42,440
Probably Edwin.
638
00:40:42,570 --> 00:40:43,615
He's coming to kill us.
639
00:40:43,745 --> 00:40:44,703
No, he's not.
640
00:40:44,833 --> 00:40:46,531
[knock on door]
641
00:40:49,490 --> 00:40:50,622
Save me, Buzter.
642
00:40:50,752 --> 00:40:51,492
Dude.
643
00:40:51,623 --> 00:40:52,798
Come on, dog.
644
00:40:52,928 --> 00:40:53,842
Oh, god.
645
00:40:53,973 --> 00:40:55,278
I don't like this at all.
646
00:40:58,281 --> 00:40:59,021
Was it a squirrel?
647
00:41:04,026 --> 00:41:05,593
Oh shit!
648
00:41:05,724 --> 00:41:06,855
Shh!
-Pervert.
649
00:41:06,986 --> 00:41:07,682
Dumb holes.
650
00:41:07,813 --> 00:41:09,075
What?
651
00:41:09,205 --> 00:41:11,077
What is it, Dung?
652
00:41:11,207 --> 00:41:11,904
Grab the beer.
653
00:41:12,034 --> 00:41:13,340
What's going on?
654
00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:15,647
Grab the beer!
655
00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:17,257
GERALD: Don't you ever
use the front door?
656
00:41:17,387 --> 00:41:19,302
[hip hop playing]
657
00:41:19,433 --> 00:41:20,826
Whoa!
658
00:41:20,956 --> 00:41:22,218
Good move.
659
00:41:22,349 --> 00:41:23,089
There's more.
660
00:41:23,219 --> 00:41:24,482
More beer?
661
00:41:24,612 --> 00:41:25,744
Girls!
662
00:41:25,874 --> 00:41:27,702
Girlies!
663
00:41:27,833 --> 00:41:29,399
Be cool, Gerald.
664
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:30,400
Sorry I slapped you.
665
00:41:30,531 --> 00:41:31,314
That was a little harsh.
666
00:41:31,445 --> 00:41:32,098
Yeah.
667
00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:32,925
Move it.
668
00:41:37,146 --> 00:41:39,975
[awkward laughter]
669
00:41:44,545 --> 00:41:45,851
Now where were we?
670
00:41:45,981 --> 00:41:48,810
[honking]
671
00:41:48,941 --> 00:41:50,290
That's it.
672
00:41:50,420 --> 00:41:52,771
That's it.
673
00:41:52,901 --> 00:41:54,555
Yeah.
674
00:41:54,686 --> 00:41:57,906
Oh jeez-- oh god.
675
00:41:58,037 --> 00:42:00,082
Oh-- oh god.
676
00:42:00,213 --> 00:42:01,867
[moan]
677
00:42:01,997 --> 00:42:04,739
Oh, here comes-- oh, here comes
the big tips and cream pie.
678
00:42:04,870 --> 00:42:08,656
[moans]
679
00:42:21,234 --> 00:42:23,279
[panting]
680
00:42:23,889 --> 00:42:25,151
Huh?
681
00:42:25,281 --> 00:42:27,066
Are you-- are you on
your period already?
682
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,553
[squeaking]
683
00:42:41,646 --> 00:42:43,996
[CHUCKLING] Look what I got.
684
00:42:44,126 --> 00:42:48,000
Your girlfriend gives good head.
685
00:42:48,130 --> 00:42:48,957
[crunch and honk]
686
00:42:49,088 --> 00:42:50,437
EDWIN: Get it?
687
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:51,917
Watch your head.
688
00:42:56,574 --> 00:43:01,840
Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce
you to some new friends.
689
00:43:01,970 --> 00:43:08,107
This is Mandy, Candy,
Dandy, and Aloise.
690
00:43:08,237 --> 00:43:08,934
Hi.
691
00:43:09,064 --> 00:43:10,631
GERALD: Hi, Aloise.
692
00:43:10,762 --> 00:43:13,808
And they love balloon animals.
693
00:43:13,939 --> 00:43:15,244
Wow, you guys
really are clowns.
694
00:43:15,375 --> 00:43:16,289
That's so cool.
695
00:43:16,419 --> 00:43:17,856
[laughter]
696
00:43:17,986 --> 00:43:20,032
[muffled laughter]
697
00:43:32,435 --> 00:43:34,089
Philbert?
698
00:43:34,220 --> 00:43:34,916
Guys?
699
00:43:38,050 --> 00:43:39,834
WHISPER: Oh, shit.
700
00:43:39,965 --> 00:43:42,750
[moans]
701
00:43:46,406 --> 00:43:48,756
MALE VOICE: You're
a-- I'm so bad.
702
00:43:48,887 --> 00:43:51,193
[moans]
703
00:43:52,804 --> 00:43:55,633
[balloon squeaks]
704
00:43:59,071 --> 00:43:59,680
MALE VOICE: Sweet.
705
00:44:02,988 --> 00:44:04,729
Stop it-- no, don't stop it!
706
00:44:12,606 --> 00:44:13,520
Hey, Vinnie!
707
00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:15,435
Hey Vinnie, I found a quickie.
708
00:44:18,525 --> 00:44:20,919
Well, we didn't get
woke up this morning.
709
00:44:21,049 --> 00:44:22,572
No one did.
710
00:44:22,703 --> 00:44:25,706
Half the clowns ain't here
and no one's seen Funnybone.
711
00:44:25,837 --> 00:44:29,623
Guess everyone was
having a party last night.
712
00:44:29,754 --> 00:44:30,842
What's that supposed to mean?
713
00:44:34,193 --> 00:44:36,761
So is there no class today?
714
00:44:36,891 --> 00:44:38,023
No.
715
00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:38,806
We got a substitute.
716
00:44:42,157 --> 00:44:43,376
[monkey noises]
717
00:44:56,302 --> 00:44:57,607
[whistles]
718
00:45:07,182 --> 00:45:08,749
This is weird.
719
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,142
I can't believe Funnybone
would leave that guy in charge.
720
00:45:10,272 --> 00:45:12,666
I can't believe I sold
Lenny's kidney for this.
721
00:45:18,803 --> 00:45:20,848
Why do you keep ignoring me?
722
00:45:20,979 --> 00:45:23,068
I saw you with those
girls last night.
723
00:45:26,375 --> 00:45:28,638
You did?
724
00:45:28,769 --> 00:45:31,206
OK-- OK, OK.
725
00:45:31,337 --> 00:45:34,340
Look at your eyes.
726
00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:35,776
Yeah.
727
00:45:35,907 --> 00:45:37,735
OK-- is that a bat?
728
00:45:37,865 --> 00:45:39,824
It's a bat.
729
00:45:39,954 --> 00:45:41,129
Birdie, birdie, birdie, birdie.
730
00:45:47,483 --> 00:45:48,658
No!
731
00:45:48,789 --> 00:45:49,877
Vinnie!
732
00:45:50,008 --> 00:45:51,487
I wasn't ready!
733
00:45:51,618 --> 00:45:53,881
It's not like we're
dating or anything.
734
00:45:54,012 --> 00:45:55,100
Yo.
735
00:45:55,230 --> 00:45:56,579
Pay attention.
736
00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:13,988
LENNY: Lenny?
737
00:46:17,035 --> 00:46:19,341
Bird, bird.
738
00:46:19,472 --> 00:46:21,648
Let me start over--
let me start over.
739
00:46:21,779 --> 00:46:22,605
OK.
740
00:46:22,736 --> 00:46:25,913
Um, uh.
741
00:46:26,044 --> 00:46:28,829
Just fucking spray
me, you moron!
742
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,353
Don't be so mean, Vinnie.
743
00:46:31,484 --> 00:46:32,441
[mocking noises]
744
00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:34,704
Fine!
745
00:46:34,835 --> 00:46:44,018
I'll show you-- take that!
746
00:46:44,149 --> 00:46:46,455
[screaming]
747
00:46:49,632 --> 00:46:52,897
[lenny whimpering in horror]
748
00:47:06,519 --> 00:47:08,390
[monkey noises]
749
00:47:09,565 --> 00:47:11,350
Somebody get some aloe!
750
00:47:25,973 --> 00:47:28,802
[hysterical whimpering]
751
00:47:33,111 --> 00:47:33,807
Vinnie!
752
00:47:46,124 --> 00:47:48,474
[crying]
753
00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:55,742
Vinnie!
754
00:48:09,625 --> 00:48:10,278
Pie?
755
00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:19,157
I like pie-- a lot.
756
00:48:21,463 --> 00:48:22,116
Hello?
757
00:48:35,782 --> 00:48:36,435
[inaudible]
758
00:48:39,612 --> 00:48:41,440
Best pie in the world.
759
00:48:44,617 --> 00:48:47,446
This is the best
pie in the whole--
760
00:49:18,564 --> 00:49:21,175
Hello?
761
00:49:21,306 --> 00:49:23,047
There's a death curse!
762
00:49:23,177 --> 00:49:24,744
And bears, too!
763
00:49:24,874 --> 00:49:25,963
Where Are them damn clowns?
764
00:49:35,059 --> 00:49:40,629
I forgot to take a left at
the old oak tree, didn't I?
765
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:42,196
Oh, you shouldn't be here.
766
00:49:42,327 --> 00:49:44,807
There's a death curse
and a maniac running
767
00:49:44,938 --> 00:49:48,159
around with a football helmet.
768
00:49:48,289 --> 00:49:48,942
Uh-oh.
769
00:49:49,073 --> 00:49:50,161
[grunt]
770
00:49:51,118 --> 00:49:53,468
[yelling]
771
00:49:54,556 --> 00:49:55,427
[honking]
772
00:49:55,557 --> 00:49:56,428
[screech]
773
00:49:56,558 --> 00:49:58,908
[crash]
774
00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:05,350
[disappointed groans]
775
00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:16,796
[ticking clock]
776
00:50:19,103 --> 00:50:19,755
[inaudible].
777
00:50:23,368 --> 00:50:24,282
You all right?
778
00:50:24,412 --> 00:50:26,066
Thanks, Buster.
779
00:50:26,197 --> 00:50:27,459
Sure, dog.
780
00:50:27,589 --> 00:50:30,244
We made it, buddy.
781
00:50:30,375 --> 00:50:31,985
I called 911.
782
00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:34,683
They won't send anyone because
they say there's a death curse.
783
00:50:34,814 --> 00:50:36,337
A death curse?
784
00:50:36,468 --> 00:50:38,078
Why didn't anybody warn us?
785
00:50:38,209 --> 00:50:40,298
You know I told you,
it's [inaudible].
786
00:50:40,428 --> 00:50:43,388
Shut up, Buster.
787
00:50:43,518 --> 00:50:46,434
Fuck-- what the fuck you
say, you faggot mother bitch?
788
00:50:46,565 --> 00:50:47,957
Get the fuck back here.
789
00:50:48,088 --> 00:50:49,916
PHILBERT: Buster, I can
make your dick disappear.
790
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:51,091
God-- jeez.
791
00:50:55,791 --> 00:50:56,444
[gurgle]
792
00:50:58,142 --> 00:51:00,187
God, I wish I had a first
aid kit or something.
793
00:51:00,318 --> 00:51:00,970
Hold on.
794
00:51:10,371 --> 00:51:13,026
You're just the life-saver,
aren't you, Puff?
795
00:51:13,157 --> 00:51:14,767
I have the outfit, too.
796
00:51:17,813 --> 00:51:19,946
I am so not wearing that.
797
00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:21,208
What?
798
00:51:21,339 --> 00:51:22,514
It came with the thermometer.
799
00:51:22,644 --> 00:51:23,428
[gurgle]
800
00:51:24,385 --> 00:51:26,735
[scream]
801
00:51:28,346 --> 00:51:31,175
[more screams]
802
00:51:33,481 --> 00:51:34,134
No!
803
00:51:37,355 --> 00:51:41,228
Yo-- I'm getting seriously
freaked out and shit.
804
00:51:41,359 --> 00:51:45,493
Listen, Edwin's here, and he's
going to kill us-- for reals!
805
00:51:45,624 --> 00:51:46,494
Buster, chill out.
806
00:51:46,625 --> 00:51:47,321
No!
807
00:51:47,452 --> 00:51:48,409
No!
808
00:51:48,540 --> 00:51:49,671
No, I don't want to chill out!
809
00:51:49,802 --> 00:51:51,020
I want to get the
fuck out of here!
810
00:51:51,151 --> 00:51:53,371
But we can't leave Vinnie!
811
00:51:53,501 --> 00:51:55,286
Vinnie's as good as dead, girl!
812
00:51:55,416 --> 00:51:56,896
With proper medical
attention, he
813
00:51:57,026 --> 00:51:58,202
could live a fulfilling life!
814
00:51:58,332 --> 00:51:59,681
That's a really good point.
That's true.
815
00:51:59,812 --> 00:52:00,726
He could live a fulfilling life.
816
00:52:00,856 --> 00:52:01,944
Well, I'm not so
sure, actually.
817
00:52:02,075 --> 00:52:02,771
His brain's--
818
00:52:02,902 --> 00:52:04,208
Listen!
819
00:52:04,338 --> 00:52:06,427
Y'all want to stand
here and motherfucking
820
00:52:06,558 --> 00:52:07,863
[inaudible] that's fine.
821
00:52:07,994 --> 00:52:10,388
But I'm getting the fuck
back home to Detroit--
822
00:52:10,518 --> 00:52:11,911
right fucking now!
823
00:52:12,041 --> 00:52:12,738
Gerald!
824
00:52:12,868 --> 00:52:13,826
Where you at?
825
00:52:13,956 --> 00:52:15,132
Let's get the fuck out of here!
826
00:52:15,262 --> 00:52:15,915
You going to be OK?
827
00:52:16,045 --> 00:52:19,266
[sobbing]
828
00:52:19,397 --> 00:52:21,181
I'm sure you should
really rinse off your face.
829
00:52:21,312 --> 00:52:22,051
[RAGGEDLY SCREAMING] No!
830
00:52:22,182 --> 00:52:23,444
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
831
00:52:23,575 --> 00:52:24,402
What were you thinking?
832
00:52:24,532 --> 00:52:25,359
I-- I don't know!
833
00:52:25,490 --> 00:52:26,969
I hate you, Puff!
834
00:52:27,100 --> 00:52:28,710
I'm sorry!
835
00:52:28,841 --> 00:52:31,060
I'm sure-- he obviously
died in his sleep.
836
00:52:31,191 --> 00:52:33,150
Didn't suffer at all.
837
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:34,325
I sleep like that all the time.
838
00:52:34,455 --> 00:52:35,108
Me too!
839
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:36,675
Yeah.
840
00:52:36,805 --> 00:52:38,372
I mean, at least he went
out-- you know, peacefully.
841
00:52:38,503 --> 00:52:39,808
Peacefully.
842
00:52:39,939 --> 00:52:40,766
I got to go.
843
00:52:40,896 --> 00:52:42,202
OK.
844
00:52:42,333 --> 00:52:44,726
I think he did too, and
his pants fell down.
845
00:52:44,857 --> 00:52:46,598
Let me know when you're done.
846
00:52:46,728 --> 00:52:48,426
PHILBERT: You have to pee, too?
847
00:52:48,556 --> 00:52:50,776
[whistling]
848
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:06,748
[thunder]
849
00:53:06,879 --> 00:53:08,707
[footsteps]
850
00:53:17,237 --> 00:53:18,630
BUSTER: Oh, shit!
851
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:22,329
GERALD: Oh Buster, save
me-- save me, Buster!
852
00:53:22,460 --> 00:53:23,635
Run!
Run!
853
00:53:23,765 --> 00:53:24,636
BUSTER: Oh no!
854
00:53:24,766 --> 00:53:27,595
[panicked whining]
855
00:53:29,815 --> 00:53:32,383
[laughter]
856
00:53:35,386 --> 00:53:37,779
GERALD: You-- you
don't have to kill me.
857
00:53:37,910 --> 00:53:42,654
I'm not even a clown--
look at the fake nose!
858
00:53:42,784 --> 00:53:46,484
I-- I just wanted to try it out.
859
00:53:46,614 --> 00:53:50,966
I-- I-- I think they should
have given you a second chance.
860
00:53:51,097 --> 00:53:53,055
Your joke-- it was hilarious!
861
00:53:55,884 --> 00:53:58,931
A whoopie cushion--
who would've thought?
862
00:53:59,061 --> 00:54:00,367
A whoopie cushion!
863
00:54:03,544 --> 00:54:06,852
[screaming laughter]
864
00:54:26,350 --> 00:54:28,177
I can't do it.
865
00:54:28,308 --> 00:54:29,657
Oh jeez.
866
00:54:32,791 --> 00:54:33,661
[hiphop playing faintly]
867
00:54:33,792 --> 00:54:36,142
I'm a killer.
868
00:54:36,273 --> 00:54:38,623
I'm a killer.
869
00:54:38,753 --> 00:54:41,408
I'm a killer.
870
00:54:41,539 --> 00:54:44,629
I'm a killer.
871
00:54:44,759 --> 00:54:45,586
I'm a killer!
872
00:54:48,937 --> 00:54:49,677
I'm a killer!
873
00:54:52,898 --> 00:54:54,291
I'm a killer!
874
00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:10,959
EDWIN: You look thirsty.
875
00:55:11,090 --> 00:55:13,179
Would you like a
refreshing beverage?
876
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:16,051
[laughter]
877
00:55:21,448 --> 00:55:24,016
Ugh, Frugo Lite!
878
00:55:24,146 --> 00:55:26,279
EDWIN: It's got less calories.
879
00:55:40,772 --> 00:55:42,556
Let's check that thermometer.
880
00:55:42,687 --> 00:55:44,384
[gurgle]
881
00:55:49,258 --> 00:55:49,955
Whoa!
882
00:56:01,793 --> 00:56:02,924
Now he wants chicken soup.
883
00:56:05,971 --> 00:56:08,930
Why would somebody do
that to Grandpa Bonzo?
884
00:56:09,061 --> 00:56:12,151
He'd never hurt anybody.
885
00:56:12,281 --> 00:56:14,719
But wasn't he a member
of the Klown Klux
886
00:56:14,849 --> 00:56:16,982
Klan back in the old days?
887
00:56:17,112 --> 00:56:20,289
And didn't they lynch hundreds
of mimes and trapeze artists?
888
00:56:20,420 --> 00:56:23,118
Hey, they did a lot
of charity work, too.
889
00:56:23,249 --> 00:56:25,251
I'm saying, kicking
puppies is just--
890
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:26,687
[loud sobbing]
891
00:56:32,780 --> 00:56:34,086
Valerie--
892
00:56:34,216 --> 00:56:35,087
[fart noise]
893
00:56:38,699 --> 00:56:41,659
Puff, this is time for jokes.
894
00:56:41,789 --> 00:56:43,748
That's not my gag!
895
00:56:43,878 --> 00:56:45,227
[glass breaking]
896
00:56:55,368 --> 00:56:56,674
Oh, good.
897
00:56:56,804 --> 00:56:58,197
Vinnie's OK.
898
00:56:58,327 --> 00:56:59,111
He's just sleeping.
899
00:56:59,241 --> 00:57:01,461
[relieved laughter]
900
00:57:03,898 --> 00:57:05,726
[scream]
901
00:57:10,514 --> 00:57:11,166
Run!
902
00:58:07,309 --> 00:58:10,530
PHILBERT: All right,
he went the other way.
903
00:58:10,661 --> 00:58:14,099
Hey, everything's
going to be all right.
904
00:58:14,229 --> 00:58:17,363
You don't understand.
905
00:58:17,494 --> 00:58:23,064
This is all my fault. I've
never told anybody this.
906
00:58:35,207 --> 00:58:35,860
[ECHOING] Valerie.
907
00:58:41,648 --> 00:58:43,520
Dad missed you.
908
00:58:49,090 --> 00:58:50,918
[slide whistle and a click]
909
00:58:51,049 --> 00:58:56,315
[ECHOING] Hey, what's that?
910
00:58:56,445 --> 00:58:58,273
Clowns don't use guns.
911
00:59:01,886 --> 00:59:03,670
Guns aren't funny!
912
00:59:03,801 --> 00:59:06,107
VALERIE [CRYING]: I
don't want to be a clown!
913
00:59:11,722 --> 00:59:17,031
Heavens to Betsy, Valerie,
what have you done?
914
00:59:17,162 --> 00:59:18,990
Don't worry, pumpkin.
915
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:21,470
Grandpa's just a leopard.
916
00:59:21,601 --> 00:59:22,559
We'll bribe the judge.
917
00:59:37,486 --> 00:59:38,879
No!
918
00:59:39,010 --> 00:59:41,795
[shouting in spanish]
919
00:59:47,932 --> 00:59:50,238
He looks guilty to me.
920
00:59:53,415 --> 00:59:55,417
Oh, don't worry, pumpkin.
921
00:59:55,548 --> 00:59:56,418
Bonzo!
922
00:59:56,549 --> 00:59:57,463
Did you frame the gardener?
923
00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:59,160
Is he just a pansy-- a fall guy?
924
00:59:59,291 --> 01:00:00,640
[interposing voices]
925
01:00:01,815 --> 01:00:02,816
How do you answer reports?
926
01:00:02,947 --> 01:00:03,643
No!
927
01:00:03,774 --> 01:00:05,384
No!
928
01:00:05,514 --> 01:00:07,299
--[inaudible] 9-year-old midget
hermaphrodites in Zanzibar!
929
01:00:07,429 --> 01:00:08,082
No, no, no!
930
01:00:08,213 --> 01:00:09,127
They're 12!
931
01:00:09,257 --> 01:00:10,868
I swear, they're 12!
932
01:00:10,998 --> 01:00:12,260
What about rumors that you've
got work done on your nose?
933
01:00:12,391 --> 01:00:13,784
No, it's a new nose--
it's real, it's real!
934
01:00:13,914 --> 01:00:15,307
Is it true you were
arrested in a Tokyo airport
935
01:00:15,437 --> 01:00:16,482
with a half ton of helium?
936
01:00:20,007 --> 01:00:21,835
Wait.
937
01:00:21,966 --> 01:00:25,578
What's that got to
do with anything?
938
01:00:25,709 --> 01:00:29,800
If Grandpa Bonzo
hadn't lost his TV show,
939
01:00:29,930 --> 01:00:33,760
he never would have opened this
camp and none of the murders
940
01:00:33,891 --> 01:00:34,587
would have happened.
941
01:00:39,070 --> 01:00:41,507
Grandpa Bonzo was the
only person I could trust.
942
01:00:45,163 --> 01:00:46,512
You can trust me, Valerie.
943
01:01:06,967 --> 01:01:09,317
[motor starting]
944
01:01:11,929 --> 01:01:12,756
PHILBERT: Come on!
945
01:01:17,891 --> 01:01:20,198
[HONKING HORN TO THE TUNE OF
"DIXIE"]
946
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:48,792
Run all the way to
town and don't stop.
947
01:01:48,922 --> 01:01:49,618
No!
948
01:01:49,749 --> 01:01:51,142
Yes!
949
01:01:51,272 --> 01:01:52,447
Don't worry about me.
950
01:01:52,578 --> 01:01:55,537
I'll be fine.
951
01:01:55,668 --> 01:02:00,368
I-- really like your pink hair.
952
01:02:00,499 --> 01:02:03,894
Go, now!
953
01:02:04,024 --> 01:02:04,851
Hey!
954
01:02:04,982 --> 01:02:07,332
I'm over here!
955
01:02:07,462 --> 01:02:08,812
Come after me!
956
01:02:32,879 --> 01:02:33,750
[relieved sigh]
957
01:02:36,883 --> 01:02:38,711
[motor revving]
958
01:02:39,843 --> 01:02:42,193
[tire squeal]
959
01:02:49,287 --> 01:02:50,157
Help me!
960
01:02:55,989 --> 01:02:56,642
Hello?
961
01:03:00,254 --> 01:03:02,126
Hello?
962
01:03:02,256 --> 01:03:02,909
Somebody!
963
01:03:06,652 --> 01:03:07,305
Anybody?
964
01:03:15,052 --> 01:03:17,315
Hello?
965
01:03:17,445 --> 01:03:19,839
Hello?
966
01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:23,712
[faint children's laughter]
967
01:03:27,151 --> 01:03:27,804
Anybody?
968
01:04:23,250 --> 01:04:24,164
Bill.
969
01:04:24,295 --> 01:04:26,906
Bill.
970
01:04:27,037 --> 01:04:28,777
I could use a new credit card.
971
01:04:33,739 --> 01:04:36,829
Oh my god!
972
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:38,309
EDWIN: Who's in there?
973
01:04:56,849 --> 01:05:00,157
[laughter]
974
01:05:09,296 --> 01:05:11,820
[sobbing]
975
01:05:12,734 --> 01:05:15,085
[screaming]
976
01:05:16,738 --> 01:05:19,045
[laughter]
977
01:05:27,358 --> 01:05:28,141
Ow!
978
01:05:28,272 --> 01:05:28,925
Ow.
979
01:05:39,370 --> 01:05:40,719
[monkey noises]
980
01:06:08,573 --> 01:06:09,443
VALERIE: No!
981
01:06:09,574 --> 01:06:10,227
No!
982
01:07:05,847 --> 01:07:08,067
[sobbing]
983
01:07:22,038 --> 01:07:25,215
VALERIE: Why are you doing this?
984
01:07:25,345 --> 01:07:26,651
A second chance.
985
01:07:29,567 --> 01:07:31,873
Alls I wanted to do
was to make people
986
01:07:32,004 --> 01:07:35,138
smile-- to make them happy!
987
01:07:35,268 --> 01:07:39,881
But nobody laughed-- nobody!
988
01:07:40,012 --> 01:07:41,927
Oh, how life could so cruel!
989
01:07:49,630 --> 01:07:53,417
[off-key carnival music playing]
990
01:07:57,508 --> 01:07:58,900
Test!
991
01:07:59,031 --> 01:08:01,860
Is this thing on?
992
01:08:01,990 --> 01:08:03,383
Oh.
993
01:08:03,514 --> 01:08:10,303
I-- I see we have a
lively bunch tonight.
994
01:08:10,434 --> 01:08:11,739
Anybody for [inaudible]?
995
01:08:14,873 --> 01:08:16,701
[phone ringing]
996
01:08:17,832 --> 01:08:18,703
What?
997
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:21,706
What is that?
998
01:08:21,836 --> 01:08:23,838
[hysterical screaming]
999
01:08:24,752 --> 01:08:26,145
Grandpa!
1000
01:08:26,276 --> 01:08:27,581
No!
1001
01:08:27,712 --> 01:08:28,626
No!
1002
01:08:28,756 --> 01:08:31,063
[ringing and screaming]
1003
01:08:39,202 --> 01:08:41,378
Please turn off
your cell phones!
1004
01:08:45,860 --> 01:08:47,210
Who likes magic?
1005
01:08:50,387 --> 01:08:51,257
I do.
1006
01:08:51,388 --> 01:08:53,390
I like it a lot.
1007
01:08:58,308 --> 01:08:59,961
Puff!
1008
01:09:00,092 --> 01:09:04,618
For my first trick, I will
saw my assistant in half!
1009
01:09:12,409 --> 01:09:14,541
Hey, what are you doing?
1010
01:09:14,672 --> 01:09:16,064
Huh?
1011
01:09:16,195 --> 01:09:20,025
[screaming and sawing]
1012
01:09:40,785 --> 01:09:41,438
Ta-dah!
1013
01:09:48,358 --> 01:09:49,968
Are you enjoying the show?
1014
01:09:50,098 --> 01:09:54,407
[sobbing]
1015
01:10:06,550 --> 01:10:11,163
I saved my funniest
trick for you!
1016
01:10:20,738 --> 01:10:22,130
Oh my god!
1017
01:10:28,267 --> 01:10:32,097
Turn-- turn and
face the audience.
1018
01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:35,056
Hello-- wave!
1019
01:10:35,187 --> 01:10:36,754
Wave!
1020
01:10:36,884 --> 01:10:37,537
Wave!
1021
01:10:57,165 --> 01:10:59,994
You look-- you look worn out.
1022
01:11:00,125 --> 01:11:03,955
Maybe you should have a seat.
1023
01:11:04,085 --> 01:11:05,609
Have a seat!
1024
01:11:05,739 --> 01:11:06,436
Please.
1025
01:11:34,464 --> 01:11:36,292
[fart sound]
1026
01:11:55,876 --> 01:12:00,185
[laughter]
1027
01:12:14,155 --> 01:12:18,029
[clapping]
1028
01:12:25,732 --> 01:12:29,562
Don't you have something to
say to this unsuspecting lady?
1029
01:12:29,693 --> 01:12:31,216
You've been clowned!
1030
01:12:36,569 --> 01:12:38,005
ANNOUNCER: That's
right, Valerie.
1031
01:12:38,136 --> 01:12:40,138
Every season, a
new class of clowns
1032
01:12:40,268 --> 01:12:42,227
will sign up for
what they think is
1033
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:45,448
an educational experience
before being savagely picked
1034
01:12:45,578 --> 01:12:48,015
off by a celebrity killer!
1035
01:12:48,146 --> 01:12:50,931
Each week, audiences call in
to vote for who dies next.
1036
01:13:05,772 --> 01:13:08,906
Valerie, dear, I'm pleased
to announced on national
1037
01:13:09,036 --> 01:13:12,431
television that you
are the final winner
1038
01:13:12,562 --> 01:13:14,651
of "You've Been Clown'd!"
1039
01:13:14,781 --> 01:13:17,349
Foxy McCool here--
yes, America!
1040
01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:20,047
Each week, millions of
you called our 900 number
1041
01:13:20,178 --> 01:13:21,440
to cast your vote!
1042
01:13:21,571 --> 01:13:24,312
It has been an amazing
competition, woo!
1043
01:13:24,443 --> 01:13:28,273
And at the end of it all,
Valerie wins by a landslide!
1044
01:13:28,404 --> 01:13:30,841
Now, you are so lucky,
because tonight on the show
1045
01:13:30,971 --> 01:13:33,147
we have none other than Tex!
1046
01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:34,932
Tex, now I believe you were
one of the first people
1047
01:13:35,062 --> 01:13:36,499
to get voted off the show.
1048
01:13:36,629 --> 01:13:38,936
How does that make you feel,
being such a big loser?
1049
01:13:39,066 --> 01:13:41,155
FAKE TEX: Valerie, remember
when I told you they were going
1050
01:13:41,286 --> 01:13:43,506
to foreclose on the ranch?
1051
01:13:43,636 --> 01:13:47,771
Well, in the end, it was bought
by RJO Studios of Hollywood.
1052
01:13:47,901 --> 01:13:48,902
They've offered
me an opportunity
1053
01:13:49,033 --> 01:13:51,122
to be back on national TV!
1054
01:13:51,252 --> 01:13:52,515
TEX: Where the fuck's my check?
1055
01:13:52,645 --> 01:13:54,168
Your check?
1056
01:13:54,299 --> 01:13:56,040
Oh Tex, I'm sorry, but you
didn't read the fine print!
1057
01:13:56,170 --> 01:13:57,433
Back to you, Bonzo!
1058
01:13:57,563 --> 01:13:59,043
Woo!
1059
01:13:59,173 --> 01:14:02,612
We'd like to thank our
special guest celebrity actor!
1060
01:14:02,742 --> 01:14:04,657
ANNOUNCER: You'll notice
that Edwin the killer clown
1061
01:14:04,788 --> 01:14:08,574
is none other than Vick Vickers,
from the "Vick Vickers Show."
1062
01:14:08,705 --> 01:14:09,923
Check your local listings.
1063
01:14:10,054 --> 01:14:12,273
[VICK VICKERS SHOW THEME SONG
PLAYING]
1064
01:14:14,101 --> 01:14:16,147
ANNOUNCER: Special thanks to
Joe Benton's Effects Factory
1065
01:14:16,277 --> 01:14:18,105
for providing all of
the state of the art
1066
01:14:18,236 --> 01:14:20,368
special effects.
"You've Been Clown'd"
1067
01:14:20,499 --> 01:14:26,244
has been brought to you by
Frugo, vendors of Frugo Lite!
1068
01:14:26,374 --> 01:14:28,681
I just found out about this
like a couple of minutes ago,
1069
01:14:28,812 --> 01:14:29,465
too!
1070
01:14:34,078 --> 01:14:35,993
ANNOUNCER: And every
contestant will
1071
01:14:36,123 --> 01:14:39,649
also receive the home version
of "You've Been Clown'd."
1072
01:14:39,779 --> 01:14:40,737
Clown your friends!
1073
01:14:40,867 --> 01:14:41,912
Clown your family!
1074
01:14:42,042 --> 01:14:43,783
Clown-- clown your enemies!
1075
01:14:43,914 --> 01:14:47,787
With "You've Been Clown'd."
1076
01:14:47,918 --> 01:14:49,136
Greetings!
1077
01:14:49,267 --> 01:14:51,312
I'm Vick Vickers,
and I'm an alcoholic.
1078
01:14:51,443 --> 01:14:54,881
I've been sober for 20 minutes,
and it's all thanks to Frugo.
1079
01:14:55,012 --> 01:14:56,317
[frugo theme playing]
1080
01:14:56,448 --> 01:14:57,884
Frugo!
1081
01:14:58,015 --> 01:14:59,277
And it's great for you
kids, because it'll take you
1082
01:14:59,407 --> 01:15:00,974
exactly where you want to be.
1083
01:15:01,105 --> 01:15:02,410
[frugo theme playing]
1084
01:15:02,541 --> 01:15:04,587
People ask me my
favorite flavor.
1085
01:15:04,717 --> 01:15:08,721
Sometimes it's red cream pie.
1086
01:15:08,852 --> 01:15:10,810
Extreme cotton
candy-- that's for me!
1087
01:15:10,941 --> 01:15:13,117
And whenever I'm in the
mood for a good root
1088
01:15:13,247 --> 01:15:15,946
vegetable-- Frugo onion!
1089
01:15:16,076 --> 01:15:17,556
[frugo theme playing]
1090
01:15:17,687 --> 01:15:21,125
Frugo is the magic drink
that has make me the celebrity
1091
01:15:21,255 --> 01:15:23,954
victim that I am today.
1092
01:15:24,084 --> 01:15:26,434
What a wild ride this has been.
1093
01:15:26,565 --> 01:15:30,656
Don't forget to tune in next
season when we'll have 12 new,
1094
01:15:30,787 --> 01:15:32,963
all unsuspecting
contestants who we'll
1095
01:15:33,093 --> 01:15:36,009
put through the hell, the
horrors, and the laughter
1096
01:15:36,140 --> 01:15:37,228
of "You've Been?
1097
01:15:37,358 --> 01:15:38,534
Clown'd."
1098
01:15:38,664 --> 01:15:40,927
You'll be clowned
like never before.
1099
01:15:41,058 --> 01:15:43,713
Thanks, ladies and
gentleman, and good night.
1100
01:15:49,109 --> 01:15:50,763
[frugo theme playing]
1101
01:15:50,894 --> 01:15:53,287
VICK: Frugo is the magic drink
that has made me the celebrity
1102
01:15:53,418 --> 01:15:55,072
victim that I am today.
1103
01:15:55,202 --> 01:15:57,422
EDWIN: I can't believe they got
that son of a bitch to play me!
1104
01:15:57,553 --> 01:15:59,598
I didn't give them
permission to do that.
1105
01:15:59,729 --> 01:16:03,384
My entertainment
lawyer screwed me!
1106
01:16:03,515 --> 01:16:07,998
Yeah, I was-- I was really
freaked out for awhile.
1107
01:16:08,128 --> 01:16:09,260
I mean, come on.
1108
01:16:09,390 --> 01:16:11,479
There was blood and
guts everywhere.
1109
01:16:11,610 --> 01:16:13,830
I was surprised to-- yeah.
1110
01:16:13,960 --> 01:16:16,093
I was surprised at who came out.
1111
01:16:16,223 --> 01:16:17,573
I was promised a bigger role.
1112
01:16:17,703 --> 01:16:19,705
I'm glad it had a happy ending.
1113
01:16:19,836 --> 01:16:23,013
[squeaking]
1114
01:16:23,143 --> 01:16:26,625
I just want to say I'm proud
of every one of those guys.
1115
01:16:26,756 --> 01:16:30,455
In my opinion,
they're all winners.
1116
01:16:30,586 --> 01:16:32,675
In the way that isn't
actually winning--
1117
01:16:32,805 --> 01:16:34,546
in that kind of more loser way.
1118
01:16:34,677 --> 01:16:36,983
Yo, out of the ashes
rises the phoenix
1119
01:16:37,114 --> 01:16:40,378
of the greatest rock and
roll story ever told,
1120
01:16:40,508 --> 01:16:42,032
and that's a Bust a Pie.
1121
01:16:42,162 --> 01:16:43,076
Check this shit.
1122
01:16:43,207 --> 01:16:44,948
This album coming out Tuesday.
1123
01:16:45,078 --> 01:16:47,733
I know there's no parental
advisory sticker on here,
1124
01:16:47,864 --> 01:16:50,649
but I can assure you
this shit is dirty.
1125
01:16:50,780 --> 01:16:51,824
Yeah, bitch
1126
01:16:51,955 --> 01:16:55,611
Just look at
him-- he's useless.
1127
01:16:55,741 --> 01:16:59,005
Can't sing "Happy Birthday,"
can't blow out a candle,
1128
01:16:59,136 --> 01:17:00,050
can't honk his horn.
1129
01:17:00,180 --> 01:17:02,052
[HIGH-PITCHED] Oh, fuck yeah.
1130
01:17:02,182 --> 01:17:03,749
I would like to cure cancer.
1131
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,186
EDWIN: Oh, that's beautiful.
1132
01:17:06,317 --> 01:17:10,016
I'd like to buy a
really big pickle.
1133
01:17:10,147 --> 01:17:10,800
EDWIN: What?
1134
01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:15,413
[HIGH-PITCHED] I
never loved you.
1135
01:17:15,543 --> 01:17:19,330
It's just not
true that steroids
1136
01:17:19,460 --> 01:17:21,245
enhance your funniness.
1137
01:17:21,375 --> 01:17:22,594
Although some of
the side effects,
1138
01:17:22,725 --> 01:17:23,769
like the shrinking
of the testicles,
1139
01:17:23,900 --> 01:17:25,858
can make one funnier.
1140
01:17:25,989 --> 01:17:28,818
Ah-- ah!
1141
01:17:28,948 --> 01:17:30,776
Hey Philbert, have you
talked to Valerie recently?
1142
01:17:30,907 --> 01:17:32,169
Woo?
1143
01:17:32,299 --> 01:17:35,520
Um-- all the crying
and all that bullshit--
1144
01:17:35,651 --> 01:17:38,175
you know, I could
kind of tell she
1145
01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:41,874
had some emotional problems.
1146
01:17:42,005 --> 01:17:43,659
So I don't even know
what she's doing now.
1147
01:17:46,531 --> 01:17:49,316
[faint voices]
1148
01:17:49,447 --> 01:17:50,796
[door slam]
1149
01:17:52,450 --> 01:17:55,714
NURSE: Dr. [inaudible] please.
1150
01:17:55,845 --> 01:17:57,498
EDWIN: Oh, that poor girl!
1151
01:17:57,629 --> 01:18:00,458
Look what those sons
of bitches did to her!
1152
01:18:00,588 --> 01:18:01,459
This show sucks!
1153
01:18:01,589 --> 01:18:02,503
Cheer up!
1154
01:18:02,634 --> 01:18:04,723
You've just won a lot of money!
1155
01:18:04,854 --> 01:18:06,116
EDWIN: Fuck you, Foxy McCool!
1156
01:18:06,246 --> 01:18:07,421
I'm going to kill you!
1157
01:18:07,552 --> 01:18:09,075
I'm gong to kill my lawyer!
1158
01:18:09,206 --> 01:18:11,948
I'm going to kill every one
of those fucking fuckers!
1159
01:21:36,369 --> 01:21:37,675
Hey, I'm having fun!
1160
01:21:37,805 --> 01:21:39,677
Look at me, I'm dancing!
1161
01:21:39,807 --> 01:21:42,898
I'm doing the, um-- you
know, before I had Frugo,
1162
01:21:43,028 --> 01:21:44,638
I couldn't get a date.
1163
01:21:44,769 --> 01:21:47,990
Now I go out with
John Travolta, Lance
1164
01:21:48,120 --> 01:21:51,123
Bass-- we have the best time!
1165
01:21:51,254 --> 01:21:52,429
Frugo Onion!
1166
01:21:52,559 --> 01:21:53,865
It's also good if
I'm not in the mood
1167
01:21:53,996 --> 01:21:55,649
to fuck my wife, because
then my breath stinks
1168
01:21:55,780 --> 01:21:56,868
and she'll leave
me alone and I can
1169
01:21:56,999 --> 01:21:57,782
go out with the gay hookers!
1170
01:22:24,809 --> 01:22:27,594
ANNOUNCER: Coming
up next, it's "Death
1171
01:22:27,725 --> 01:22:31,511
Curse," the reality show.
1172
01:22:31,642 --> 01:22:36,299
Can you survive the death curse?
1173
01:22:36,429 --> 01:22:39,041
We've resurrected
Camp Sparkling Lake's
1174
01:22:39,171 --> 01:22:42,261
infamous axe-wielding killer.
1175
01:22:42,392 --> 01:22:45,438
Now, 12 college students will
compete against each other
1176
01:22:45,569 --> 01:22:49,225
to survive an entire weekend
at Camp Sparkling Lake.
1177
01:22:49,355 --> 01:22:52,445
This week, Barbara
finds out that Cindy
1178
01:22:52,576 --> 01:22:55,231
has been sleeping with her
boyfriend-- and the killer,
1179
01:22:55,361 --> 01:22:56,145
too!
1180
01:22:56,275 --> 01:22:57,320
I thought he loved me.
1181
01:22:57,450 --> 01:23:02,107
And then he tried to kill me!
1182
01:23:02,238 --> 01:23:04,501
ANNOUNCER: And find out who
wins the sack race to earn
1183
01:23:04,631 --> 01:23:05,937
a pair of night vision goggles.
1184
01:23:12,596 --> 01:23:15,338
That and more, next.
77719
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