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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:19,742 Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce 4 00:03:19,826 --> 00:03:21,744 a legend in our industry. 5 00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:26,040 She's the most successful president in the history of our network 6 00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:30,128 and, for the past five years, has kept us at the very top of the ratings. 7 00:03:30,795 --> 00:03:33,089 She's our maverick, our wild card, 8 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:36,175 and today she's going to take us right to the edge. 9 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,970 Please welcome a giant, a genius 10 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:42,265 and the hardest-working person in television, 11 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:44,934 Joanna Eberhart! 12 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,281 Thank you all so much! 13 00:03:58,364 --> 00:03:59,741 Thank you! 14 00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:04,078 - Joanna! - That feels good. 15 00:04:04,162 --> 00:04:07,332 Especially coming from such a fantastic group of people 16 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:10,710 from all across our great nation, our network affiliates. 17 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,795 Give yourselves a great big hand. 18 00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:15,089 You deserve it! 19 00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:19,594 I want a big, fat Christmas bonus! 20 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:22,347 Just kidding. But not really, because... 21 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,307 I am so excited, I am so on fire, 22 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:28,061 I am so guts-and-glory passionate about what I am about to show you. 23 00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:30,480 So get ready, because on Monday nights, 24 00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:34,525 the whole world will be watching a man, a woman and a buzzer. 25 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:46,454 Are you ready for the final gender challenge? 26 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,959 - Who makes more money? - I do. 27 00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,920 Who enters Ironman triathlons every year and wins? 28 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,129 I do. 29 00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:58,049 Who wishes they were married to a sexy lesbian? 30 00:04:58,132 --> 00:04:59,592 - I do. - I do. 31 00:04:59,676 --> 00:05:00,885 It's Tara! 32 00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:10,603 And... 33 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,231 on Thursdays... 34 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,942 No, this is not just a TV show. 35 00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:19,320 No, this is a breakthrough, breakout, break-all-the-rules, 36 00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,364 bring-on-the-Emmys mega-smash! 37 00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:23,866 Yes! 38 00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:29,163 Can I present to you this planet's ultimate reality phenomenon? 39 00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:31,916 I Can Do Better. 40 00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:47,598 We will be right there as happily married couples 41 00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:51,060 are flown first class to a tropical island paradise, 42 00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:55,106 where they will be completely surrounded by professional prostitutes. 43 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:59,277 And at the end of the week... Well, let's take a peek. 44 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:03,239 It's been a week and Hank, our personnel manager from Omaha, 45 00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:05,992 has spent the entire seven days with Vanessa, 46 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:08,036 a call girl and exotic dancer. 47 00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:09,829 Yeah, it's been amazing. 48 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:14,333 And I'll admit we've had some fun in the hot tub and all. 49 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:18,046 But do you want to know something? All we did was talk. 50 00:06:18,838 --> 00:06:20,131 Because I love my wife. 51 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:24,844 And the only place I want to be is back in Omaha with my Barbara. 52 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:28,222 Tough break, Nessa. 53 00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:32,894 Barbara, you spent Monday with Rocky, our bodybuilder and male escort, 54 00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:37,940 Tuesday through Thursday with the entire cast of the Triple X film Hung Jury, 55 00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:41,611 and you spent the entire weekend with Tonkiro. 56 00:06:48,701 --> 00:06:52,622 Now it's time for the final decision. Barbara, it's yours to make. 57 00:06:52,705 --> 00:06:54,540 Is it gonna be Omaha? 58 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,087 Or Omahunks? 59 00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,755 Well... 60 00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:05,301 Before I came on this show, I only had sex with one man, 61 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,053 and that was usually Hank. 62 00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:11,432 I love Hank deeply and forever with all my heart, 63 00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:13,726 and I would never do anything to hurt him. 64 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,271 But I can do better! 65 00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:28,950 The battle of the sexes! As old as time but as current... 66 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:30,451 Why? 67 00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:33,788 Uh, excuse me? 68 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,289 Why did you do it? 69 00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:39,085 Oh, my God! It's Hank from I Can Do Better. 70 00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:41,045 Hank, everyone! 71 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,802 No, stop it! 72 00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:52,348 I love Barbara. I had a family. I had a life. 73 00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,893 Hank, I know it hurts. 74 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,479 Love isn't easy. 75 00:07:58,563 --> 00:08:03,109 Relationships aren't easy, not for anyone. 76 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:06,654 But now you know the truth about Barbara. 77 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:11,742 You are gonna move on with your life and you're gonna meet someone wonderful, 78 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:14,162 and America is gonna love you. 79 00:08:14,245 --> 00:08:15,246 Yes. 80 00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:20,960 Whoo! 81 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:27,508 Yeah. I got a great idea for another hot new show. 82 00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:30,678 - Tell it to us. - It's called... 83 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:33,306 - Let's Kill All The Women. - He's got a gun! 84 00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,891 Oh, my God! 85 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:44,984 Joanna, are you all right? 86 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:49,113 I am great, raring to go. The police were sensational. 87 00:08:49,197 --> 00:08:52,283 - And not a scratch. - You haven't heard. 88 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,076 About what? 89 00:08:57,455 --> 00:08:59,207 That man Hank. 90 00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:02,835 Right before he tried to kill you, he went to see his ex-wife 91 00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:05,171 and five of her new boyfriends. 92 00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:07,798 - He did? - He shot all of them. 93 00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:11,344 The wife is in critical condition and four guys are on life-support. 94 00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:13,054 - Tonkiro? - He's fine. 95 00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:16,307 - Thank God. - So you know what this means. 96 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,143 Of course. 97 00:09:19,227 --> 00:09:21,854 We pay for their medical treatment, every penny, 98 00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:26,651 we get them the very best therapists, childcare, rehab, whatever they need. 99 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:30,112 We fly them to New York, first class, for a prime time special: 100 00:09:30,196 --> 00:09:32,531 Hank and Barbara: Let The Healing Begin. 101 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,869 You're not listening. We can't wear this. 102 00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:39,288 The lawsuits alone may bankrupt the network. 103 00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:42,750 All your new shows, the whole lineup, the affiliates won't touch them. 104 00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,127 We have shareholders. 105 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:48,798 We can't let you sink the network. 106 00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:53,177 But we wish you only the best. 107 00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:26,544 Of course. 108 00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:33,718 Thank you for being so classy and taking this so well. 109 00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:03,581 Joanna, we just wanted to say that this is so not fair. 110 00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:11,589 Goodbye, everybody! 111 00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:14,383 All the best! 112 00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,206 Jo. 113 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,210 Ah, Walter. 114 00:11:50,086 --> 00:11:53,089 - What happened? - Well... 115 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,884 - You had a complete nervous collapse. - Oh. 116 00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:01,138 The doctors say there's a lot of work to do, but you're going to be just fine. 117 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:04,892 And Pete made this for you. 118 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:10,314 - Ah, that's so sweet. - Isn't it? 119 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:13,734 And I wanted you to know that, the minute I heard the news, 120 00:12:13,818 --> 00:12:16,195 I called the network and I quit. 121 00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:20,616 - You did that for me? - Of course. 122 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,952 I know I was only a vice president, 123 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,663 but I could never work for those people. 124 00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,833 Not after the way they treated you. 125 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:34,713 - Walter. - Do you remember what today is? 126 00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,133 It's our anniversary. 127 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:42,346 Oh, Walter. 128 00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:47,685 I'm so sorry. 129 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:51,397 Maybe that man who tried to shoot me, maybe he was right. 130 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,816 Maybe I've become the wrong kind of woman. 131 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,193 Maybe I've made all of the wrong decisions. 132 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:01,323 Could we get away and start over? 133 00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:05,119 And get it right, our marriage? 134 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:15,254 - But why are we moving? - To Connecticut? 135 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,882 We're moving so we can all kick back 136 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:21,093 and have a great new life in this beautiful new town. 137 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:39,737 - Name? - Kresby. 138 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,656 - Welcome to Stepford. - Thanks. 139 00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:30,788 - What do you think, guys? - Good. 140 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:31,956 Honey? 141 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:44,093 Hello, everyone. I'm Mrs. Wellington. 142 00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:46,220 Welcome to Stepford. 143 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,847 I'm with Stepford Realty. We spoke on the phone. 144 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,934 - You must be Walter. - So nice to meet you in person. 145 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:55,187 And the little ones. I bet you're Pete. 146 00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:57,565 - Duh. - Pete. 147 00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:01,569 - He's every bit as handsome as his dad. - Thank you. 148 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:05,030 Kimberly! Aren't you just the cutest little bug's ear? 149 00:15:05,114 --> 00:15:07,074 Bugs don't have ears. 150 00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:10,744 Isn't she sassy? And a little sad. 151 00:15:11,579 --> 00:15:14,206 And this must be Joanna. 152 00:15:14,290 --> 00:15:17,167 - Electroshock? - But she's doing great. 153 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,421 Hello, little Energizer. 154 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:26,051 The minute Walter called, I knew this was the perfect house for you. 155 00:15:26,135 --> 00:15:29,346 It's the top of the line, here at Stepford Estates, 156 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,891 and it's got everything an American family could ever need. 157 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,270 - And may I present to you... - Look at this! 158 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,273 - This is amazing! - ...the Great Room. 159 00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,358 I call it cozy. 160 00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,903 And it's also a smart house. 161 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:47,990 Now, this controls the security system. 162 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:55,831 - All secure. - It talks to the refrigerator. 163 00:15:55,914 --> 00:16:00,628 We need juice. 164 00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,631 The system also monitors all the commodes, 165 00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:07,176 where it will test your urine for blood sugar, protein and body fat. 166 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:09,261 Flush toilets. 167 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,640 Isn't that great, kids? 168 00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,933 - I'm gonna go check my room! - Me, too! 169 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,938 - Now, Walter, will you be commuting? - No. 170 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:25,402 No. Joanna and I both left the network. 171 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,571 Look, the puppy. 172 00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:30,574 Robo Rover 3000. Come on, boy, come on! 173 00:16:30,658 --> 00:16:31,950 Come on, come on! 174 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:51,447 Joanna! 175 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:54,324 The town is over 200 years old. 176 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:58,078 It was founded by George Washington, and Martha just loved it. 177 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,039 Stepford is Connecticut's family paradise. 178 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:04,418 It has no crime, no poverty and no pushing. 179 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,632 What is that? Up on the hill? 180 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:13,677 That's our Stepford Men's Association, 181 00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:17,389 where all our wonderful guys can get together and stay out of our hair. 182 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,684 Am I right? 183 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:24,688 - Where do the women go? - To the Simply Stepford Day Spa. 184 00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,161 Good morning, ladies. 185 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,163 Good morning, Claire. 186 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:45,834 I would like you all to welcome our newest citizen to Stepford. 187 00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:49,129 - Joanna. - Good morning, Joanna. 188 00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:55,469 - Are we ready to work out? - Oh, yes! 189 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,388 Places and poles, please. 190 00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:09,066 Wait. You work out dressed like this? 191 00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:12,152 Well, of course. 192 00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:15,948 Whatever we do, we always want to look our very best. 193 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:19,952 I mean, why, imagine if our husbands saw us 194 00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,204 in worn, dark, urban sweat clothes, 195 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,624 with stringy hair and almost no makeup. 196 00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:27,292 Oh, good heavens. 197 00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:32,005 Now, today you are in for a special treat. 198 00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:36,260 Because we are working on a series of exercises which I personally invented, 199 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,720 based on simple, household tasks. 200 00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,848 I call my program Claireobics. 201 00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,975 Because her name is Claire. 202 00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:47,938 All right, now it's time to slim and scrub. 203 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:51,191 Let's all be washing machines. 204 00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,609 And... 205 00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,611 Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga 206 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:57,406 Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga 207 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,825 Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga 208 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:02,077 Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga 209 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,371 Come on, Joanna! 210 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:08,625 Spin cycle, ladies. And... whoosh! 211 00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,044 And... whoosh! 212 00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:12,212 And... whoosh! 213 00:20:12,296 --> 00:20:13,839 And... whoosh! 214 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,138 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 215 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,390 - Who's the man? - You the man. You the man. 216 00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,768 - Walter? - How're you? 217 00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:09,895 - Walter Kresby. - Good to see you. 218 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:12,731 I'm Stan Peters. Come in. Mike said you were coming... 219 00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:19,571 Hear ye, hear ye! Come one, come all. 220 00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:21,990 And happy Fourth of July. 221 00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:26,036 At 1:30 will be the children's Stars and Stripes face-painting... 222 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,245 Isn't this great? 223 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:31,208 A real, old-fashioned town picnic. You can't get this in Manhattan. 224 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,418 Which is why we're gonna stay ten minutes, 225 00:21:33,502 --> 00:21:35,462 make an appearance and get out of here. 226 00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:39,925 Kids, I'm really sorry about this, but let's try and have fun. 227 00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:42,260 - Mom, it's a picnic. - Chill. 228 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,221 Go ahead, have fun. 229 00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:48,183 - Ten minutes? - Walter, you just don't get it. 230 00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:51,061 These women are deranged, flight attendant-friendly. 231 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:53,146 - They're gonna be all over me. - Joanna! 232 00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:56,525 Here we go. 233 00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:58,986 - Hi, Joanna... - Hi. 234 00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:04,157 - Hi, Walter. - Hi. 235 00:22:04,241 --> 00:22:07,244 - You look great. - I love you in khakis. 236 00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:11,707 They're new. A little experiment. 237 00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:14,459 Now I know why they call it Banana Republic. 238 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:20,424 Excuse me! Excuse me. Excuse me, ladies. 239 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,843 Excuse me. Excuse me. 240 00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:24,761 Excuse me. 241 00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:26,805 Excuse me! 242 00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:29,933 Am I the only one who finds all of this disturbing? 243 00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:33,687 We are celebrating our nation's birthday. But there are no African-Americans, 244 00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:36,106 no Native-Americans, no Asian-Americans... 245 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:39,192 Oh, my God! Hey. 246 00:22:39,776 --> 00:22:42,571 You're Joanna Eberhart. You got such a raw deal. 247 00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:45,407 Aren't you Bobbie Markowitz? I love your books. 248 00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:48,952 Especially the last one, about your relationship with your mother. 249 00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:51,705 - I Love You, But Please Die. - Hey, baby. 250 00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,541 Baby, look what I did. Look. 251 00:22:56,585 --> 00:22:59,504 Happy Fourth of July, everybody. 252 00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:02,883 - Excuse me. Is this guy bothering you? - Yes, he's my husband. 253 00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:05,802 - Hey, Kresbo-man. - Hey, Dave. 254 00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,971 - How do you know each other? - Men's Association. 255 00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:09,264 That place. 256 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:11,558 - Finish the laundry? - I finished a chapter. 257 00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:13,477 - Did you make sandwiches? - Did you? 258 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,395 - Where are the kids? - What kids? 259 00:23:15,479 --> 00:23:17,731 - Are you two okay? - We're fine. 260 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:20,525 - Come on, I need a cookie. - See what I mean? 261 00:23:20,609 --> 00:23:23,570 Jerry, it's a bake sale. An actual bake sale. 262 00:23:23,653 --> 00:23:26,865 It's like some sort of heavenly diorama at the Smithsonian, 263 00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:28,867 in the Hall of Homemakers. 264 00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:30,577 Oh, no. Stop it. 265 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,829 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 266 00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:35,248 - That is not cobbler! - Roger... 267 00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:37,667 Could we reel it in a couple of hundred yards? 268 00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,336 How do you keep your figures? 269 00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:42,756 Is there a huge vat of cobbler vomit somewhere? But worth it? 270 00:23:42,839 --> 00:23:44,549 - Roger? - I'm sorry. 271 00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:46,802 - That is... - It's fabulous. 272 00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:50,472 - Jerry thinks that I overdo everything. - Excuse me. 273 00:23:50,555 --> 00:23:55,143 - Aren't you Roger Bannister? - The amazing architect, from The Times? 274 00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:58,438 - Thank you. This is Jerry Harmon. - Corporate attorney. 275 00:23:58,522 --> 00:24:01,191 - But he's getting the help he needs. - Stop it. 276 00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:03,276 - We're new. - Oh, my God. Joanna Eberhart. 277 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,904 - I love the shows. - Thank you. 278 00:24:05,987 --> 00:24:08,949 And Bobbie Markowitz. Love the books. 279 00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:11,576 How did this happen? Where did you come from? 280 00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:14,788 I mean, right here in Stepford: people! 281 00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:20,210 Attention! Fourth of July funsters! 282 00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:22,129 Grab your partners, 283 00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:27,717 'cause it's time for some sizzling Stepford square dancing! So come on in! 284 00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:30,053 - A square dance? - Cowgirls? 285 00:24:30,137 --> 00:24:32,013 - We're in hell. - Yeah. 286 00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,515 - Come on, Bobbie. - Oh, Dave... 287 00:24:44,776 --> 00:24:47,362 - Howdy! - Howdy! 288 00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:49,406 Is everyone ready to kick up your heels 289 00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:52,200 for some barn-bustin' Stepford high steppin'? 290 00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:54,452 Yeah! 291 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,871 Okay. 292 00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:58,415 Bow to your partners, lose your cares 293 00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:04,880 Stepford stallions love their mares 294 00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:09,259 Alamen left, alamen right 295 00:25:10,802 --> 00:25:13,013 Rope that filly, she won't bite 296 00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:17,517 All join hands and circle sweet 297 00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,396 Please your cowboy with your feet 298 00:25:29,613 --> 00:25:32,240 - Nice shirt, Stan! - Thanks. 299 00:25:55,889 --> 00:25:57,224 Yippee-ky-ay. 300 00:25:57,307 --> 00:25:59,935 Yippee-ky-ay, yippee-ky-ay. 301 00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:02,020 - Yippee-ky-ay. - Honey... 302 00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:04,231 - Calm down, baby. - Yippee-ky-ay. 303 00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:06,733 Do-si-do, do-si-do. Do-si-do, do-si-do. 304 00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:08,401 - Back up, guys. - Do-si-do, do-si-do. 305 00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:14,824 - Jesus! - Do-si-do, do-si-do. 306 00:26:14,908 --> 00:26:16,993 Excuse me. Excuse me. 307 00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:20,372 - It's okay. - Excuse me! 308 00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:24,668 Right, okay. Don't try to move her, make sure her windpipe is clear... 309 00:26:24,751 --> 00:26:27,587 - She's drunk. - She's blonde. 310 00:26:27,671 --> 00:26:28,672 You're not a doctor. 311 00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:30,674 I can take care of this. 312 00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,717 - I ran a network. - Somebody call 911? 313 00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:34,302 - Mike's here. - Mike. 314 00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:41,184 - Mike! - Do-si-do, do-si-do. 315 00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:43,228 - Mike. - It's okay. I'm here. 316 00:26:43,311 --> 00:26:44,896 Walt, the missus. 317 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:46,731 - Jo. - The missus? 318 00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:49,317 Walter, what is your problem? 319 00:26:50,402 --> 00:26:52,612 I'm... Hey! 320 00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,781 Uh, excuse... 321 00:26:59,744 --> 00:27:01,204 What was that? 322 00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:05,500 Herb, Dave, give me a hand and get Sarah right into my Hummer. 323 00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:08,086 - Your Hummer? - It's a sweet ride. 324 00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:11,339 - It's roomy. - We need an ambulance. 325 00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:14,884 You shouldn't be moving her. She might need oxygen, paramedics... 326 00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:19,848 - Everything isn't always about you. - Walter. 327 00:27:19,931 --> 00:27:24,811 She'll be fine. It's too much sun, she's dehydrated. 328 00:27:24,894 --> 00:27:26,688 Dehydrated? Are you crazy? 329 00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:31,651 - Jo! Sorry about this, Mike. - Joanna... 330 00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:35,488 This is a very special moment. I would like you to meet... 331 00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:37,949 - Mike Wellington. - My husband. 332 00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:40,869 - Oh. - You must be the famous Joanna. 333 00:27:40,952 --> 00:27:44,664 You're even prettier than in the newspapers. They don't do you justice. 334 00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:47,917 That woman is very sick. I should be going with her. 335 00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:51,087 She'll get all the help she needs. Trust me, little lady. 336 00:27:57,218 --> 00:28:01,931 That woman had a seizure and she was practically levitating. 337 00:28:02,015 --> 00:28:05,435 I have told you five million times, I phoned Herb. 338 00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:10,315 He said that Sarah is fine, she just needed some fluids, like Mike said. 339 00:28:10,398 --> 00:28:13,860 - She was sparking. - She was dancing. 340 00:28:13,943 --> 00:28:15,403 Why wasn't there a doctor? 341 00:28:15,487 --> 00:28:16,821 - And why... - The kids. 342 00:28:19,115 --> 00:28:20,617 Why... 343 00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:24,120 Walter. Walter. 344 00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:26,915 Why did everyone automatically listen to that Mike person? 345 00:28:26,998 --> 00:28:29,042 Why was everyone standing there? 346 00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:31,211 You mean, why weren't they listening to you? 347 00:28:31,294 --> 00:28:35,006 - That's not what I'm saying! - Jesus Christ, Joanna. 348 00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:37,050 - What? - You were fired. 349 00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:40,595 Your kids barely know you and our marriage is falling apart. 350 00:28:40,678 --> 00:28:43,348 Your attitude makes people want to kill you. 351 00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:47,811 It makes people try to kill you. That's what we're doing here. 352 00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:51,147 The people in this town have been nothing but friendly 353 00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,691 and welcoming and wonderful to you. 354 00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,569 And you've been nothing but snide and suspicious. 355 00:28:56,653 --> 00:29:00,657 And at the picnic, you humiliated me. Well, I can't do it anymore. 356 00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:04,160 I can't keep fighting you for every inch of everything. 357 00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:07,038 Game over. Marriage over. 358 00:29:07,122 --> 00:29:09,040 No! 359 00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:10,583 - No! - No, what? 360 00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:12,544 Please don't go. 361 00:29:12,627 --> 00:29:14,712 - Why not? - Because you're right. 362 00:29:18,091 --> 00:29:20,718 Wait, I'm sorry. I don't think I heard that. What did you just say? 363 00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:28,143 - I said, "You're right." - About? 364 00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:30,520 About everything. 365 00:29:33,356 --> 00:29:35,483 Oh. About me. 366 00:30:02,135 --> 00:30:04,846 Do you know why I signed on at the network? 367 00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:09,434 'Cause I thought that if I was around, I could help you lighten up. 368 00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:13,480 - You did? - Yeah, I did. 369 00:30:13,563 --> 00:30:16,941 What was that one show called? I Can Do Everybody. 370 00:30:18,109 --> 00:30:20,612 See, that's what I mean. I wanted to make you laugh. 371 00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,949 That's so sweet, but I... 372 00:30:26,659 --> 00:30:31,706 I was busy, I was running a network, Walter. 373 00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:35,126 You were so busy that we haven't made love in over a year. 374 00:30:35,210 --> 00:30:38,671 - I know. - Well, I miss you. 375 00:30:40,006 --> 00:30:44,135 But I've always loved you so much, I... 376 00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:46,930 You know that. 377 00:30:48,097 --> 00:30:49,766 Why? 378 00:30:50,975 --> 00:30:53,269 Because. Because... 379 00:30:54,604 --> 00:30:56,648 you're goofy and you're... 380 00:30:57,607 --> 00:31:00,068 you're handsome and you're... 381 00:31:00,944 --> 00:31:03,238 You're my Walter. 382 00:31:05,073 --> 00:31:07,450 And because when you play computer chess, 383 00:31:07,534 --> 00:31:12,247 you do that little... victory dance. 384 00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:14,457 - I do not. - Yes, you do. 385 00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:16,209 No, I don't. 386 00:31:16,876 --> 00:31:18,127 Mm-hmm. 387 00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:26,010 If I'm not the smartest, and the best of the best, 388 00:31:26,094 --> 00:31:30,098 and the most successful, then I don't know, who am I? 389 00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:32,267 Do you want to find out? 390 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:35,353 How? 391 00:31:37,188 --> 00:31:40,316 First of all, we're in the country now, so no more black. 392 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,944 - No more black? Are you insane? - You heard me. 393 00:31:43,027 --> 00:31:47,115 Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating Manhattan career bitches wear black. 394 00:31:47,198 --> 00:31:48,533 Is that what you want to be? 395 00:31:49,534 --> 00:31:51,661 Ever since I was a little girl. 396 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,126 Do I really look okay? 397 00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:03,423 - Can I be honest? - Mm-hmm. 398 00:32:03,506 --> 00:32:05,758 - You look kinda like Betty Crocker. - I know. 399 00:32:05,842 --> 00:32:10,138 - At Betty Ford. - We need milk. 400 00:32:10,221 --> 00:32:13,808 Thank you. I'm trying to make an effort to change. 401 00:32:13,891 --> 00:32:16,227 Last night, my husband was a different person. 402 00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:18,479 He was strong, he was forceful. 403 00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:21,274 - He was commanding. - Like your refrigerator. 404 00:32:21,357 --> 00:32:23,151 Nobody said it was going to be easy, 405 00:32:23,234 --> 00:32:26,029 being a homemaker and a stay-at-home mom. 406 00:32:26,112 --> 00:32:28,656 It's the toughest job in the world, right? 407 00:32:28,740 --> 00:32:32,368 That may be, but these Stepford women, they're a whole other dimension. 408 00:32:32,452 --> 00:32:35,830 Like yesterday. That poor lady, Sarah Sunderson. 409 00:32:35,913 --> 00:32:37,832 Walter said she's fine. 410 00:32:37,915 --> 00:32:40,126 You said she was shooting off sparks from her ears. 411 00:32:40,209 --> 00:32:41,753 - That's the first sign. - Of what? 412 00:32:41,836 --> 00:32:43,296 Cheap jewelry. 413 00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,966 - We should go see her. - Why? 414 00:32:47,050 --> 00:32:49,177 Because we need to be supportive. 415 00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:53,014 That's how people behave outside of Manhattan. They care about each other. 416 00:32:53,723 --> 00:32:56,643 In New York, if one of your neighbors got sick, what would you do? 417 00:32:56,726 --> 00:32:58,436 - Call her. - To see if she was gonna die. 418 00:32:58,519 --> 00:33:00,980 - So we could get the apartment. - Let's go. 419 00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:03,149 Up! Up! Up! 420 00:33:05,443 --> 00:33:06,486 Sarah? 421 00:33:08,321 --> 00:33:09,864 Yoo-hoo. 422 00:33:09,947 --> 00:33:11,240 Yoo-hoo? 423 00:33:11,324 --> 00:33:13,159 - Is she in there? - Roger! 424 00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:15,244 - It's open. - That's amazing. 425 00:33:15,328 --> 00:33:17,455 - That's so sweet. - And so trusting. 426 00:33:23,294 --> 00:33:26,756 - Roger. - Look at this place. 427 00:33:27,924 --> 00:33:30,134 Sarah? Sarah? 428 00:33:33,179 --> 00:33:35,473 Oh, Herb! 429 00:33:35,556 --> 00:33:37,183 Roger! 430 00:33:40,269 --> 00:33:41,813 Oh, Herb! 431 00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:47,026 Oh, yes! Oh, yes! 432 00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:49,445 - Make me beg! - Yeah! 433 00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:53,741 I'm so lucky! 434 00:33:53,825 --> 00:33:55,910 - Oh, my God! - Is that a DVD? 435 00:33:55,993 --> 00:33:57,370 No, it's them. 436 00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:02,667 You're the king! 437 00:34:04,711 --> 00:34:06,003 Yes! 438 00:34:21,394 --> 00:34:23,479 I'm going up there. 439 00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:26,023 - Why? - I want some. 440 00:34:26,107 --> 00:34:27,859 Roger! 441 00:34:35,950 --> 00:34:39,162 - Baby, grab me some nachos. - Yes, dear. 442 00:34:40,246 --> 00:34:42,331 We should get out of here! 443 00:34:44,792 --> 00:34:46,252 What's this? 444 00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:51,632 - Roger, put it down. - What? Oh, come on. 445 00:34:51,716 --> 00:34:52,800 Roger. 446 00:34:52,884 --> 00:34:54,594 Why does it say "Sarah"? 447 00:34:54,677 --> 00:34:55,887 Put it down. 448 00:34:55,970 --> 00:34:57,930 Let's get out of here. This is not right. 449 00:34:58,014 --> 00:35:00,767 - Roger, come on. - For God's sake! 450 00:35:00,850 --> 00:35:04,645 - We're trespassing! - We have to get out of here. 451 00:35:04,729 --> 00:35:08,357 - Okay, it's totally useless. - Come on, we have to go! 452 00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:17,742 - Oh, my God. - Hurry, hurry, hurry. 453 00:35:23,998 --> 00:35:26,167 I can't believe we did that. 454 00:35:27,084 --> 00:35:28,836 I'm so embarrassed. 455 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,547 I'm mortified. I'm famished. 456 00:35:35,968 --> 00:35:38,054 - Bobbie! - Yeah? 457 00:35:38,137 --> 00:35:39,847 Are you making anthrax? 458 00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:42,975 Excuse me? I've been busy. My new book. 459 00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:46,187 But can't you hire someone to clean? Someone brave? 460 00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:49,106 Dave says I gotta do it myself, like Sarah Sunderson. 461 00:35:49,190 --> 00:35:52,193 - Could you believe her? - Darling, her home is spotless. 462 00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:56,781 And she's having incredible sex in the middle of the day with her husband. 463 00:35:56,864 --> 00:35:59,951 I'm sorry, but my shrink says I need creative chaos. 464 00:36:00,034 --> 00:36:01,619 My therapist says I need boundaries. 465 00:36:01,702 --> 00:36:05,289 My doctor said I need enough electricity to jump-start Vegas. 466 00:36:05,373 --> 00:36:07,708 - Have you ever done Zoloft? - Kid stuff. 467 00:36:07,792 --> 00:36:11,379 Xanax. I worship Xanax. I'm old-fashioned. 468 00:36:11,462 --> 00:36:15,383 I like Prozac with a Viagra chaser. You're up and you're up! 469 00:36:15,466 --> 00:36:18,803 - Oh, Roger. - Viagra! 470 00:36:18,886 --> 00:36:22,682 Hey, is there something that you need to tell us? 471 00:36:22,765 --> 00:36:23,766 Well... 472 00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:27,144 Sharing! Okay. 473 00:36:30,731 --> 00:36:34,360 Jerry and I have been at couples counseling, for over a year. 474 00:36:35,611 --> 00:36:38,531 And finally, I just couldn't take it anymore. 475 00:36:38,614 --> 00:36:41,492 I howled, "You've became a gay Republican." 476 00:36:42,201 --> 00:36:44,620 And he said, "What's wrong with that?" 477 00:36:45,371 --> 00:36:48,749 I said, "That's like wanting to be gay with a bad haircut." 478 00:36:48,833 --> 00:36:50,251 Exactly. 479 00:36:50,334 --> 00:36:53,296 The counselor suggested we move to the 'burbs. 480 00:36:53,379 --> 00:36:56,424 - To find a balance. - We moved here as a last resort. 481 00:36:57,216 --> 00:36:59,260 Court order. Don't ask. 482 00:36:59,343 --> 00:37:02,096 Okay. I know this is unthinkable, 483 00:37:02,179 --> 00:37:07,101 but what if we could actually learn how to be happy? 484 00:37:07,184 --> 00:37:10,855 Without Paxil, or compulsive overeating. 485 00:37:11,772 --> 00:37:14,400 What if we gave this whole thing a try? 486 00:37:14,483 --> 00:37:16,444 For real. The whole Stepford thing. 487 00:37:33,544 --> 00:37:35,171 Whoo! 488 00:37:35,254 --> 00:37:36,297 Hey, yeah! 489 00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:38,925 Only one can survive. 490 00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,552 Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! 491 00:37:47,183 --> 00:37:49,936 Let's go, baby. Rip her bra off! 492 00:37:51,562 --> 00:37:54,440 Yeah! 493 00:37:54,523 --> 00:37:57,360 Zeus rules the universe! 494 00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:03,699 And Ted owes Walter 20 big ones. 495 00:38:04,659 --> 00:38:07,662 - Ah! To be a man! - Whoo! 496 00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:13,125 So, Walt. 497 00:38:13,209 --> 00:38:16,379 You and Stepford. It seems like a real match. 498 00:38:16,462 --> 00:38:20,508 I'll say. I mean, the town and the houses. 499 00:38:20,591 --> 00:38:22,385 This place. 500 00:38:22,468 --> 00:38:26,931 It's like a dream. It's like... the way life was meant to be. 501 00:38:27,723 --> 00:38:30,851 And all of your wives. Oh, my God. 502 00:38:31,602 --> 00:38:35,731 Oh, my God. They're so... So, um... 503 00:38:35,815 --> 00:38:37,733 Sweet? 504 00:38:37,817 --> 00:38:39,527 Sizzlin'? 505 00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:41,070 Superfine. 506 00:39:04,510 --> 00:39:05,720 Well... 507 00:39:07,138 --> 00:39:09,557 We are all so thrilled to be here 508 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,018 at the Stepford Book Club, I can't tell you. 509 00:39:13,769 --> 00:39:19,900 Now, I have just finished the third volume of Robert Caro's "Life of Lyndon Johnson," 510 00:39:19,984 --> 00:39:23,112 and I am dying for the next installment. 511 00:39:24,613 --> 00:39:28,659 Well, that's all marvelous. 512 00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:30,703 But today we are going to discuss... 513 00:39:30,786 --> 00:39:35,791 Well, it is probably the most important book any of us will ever read. 514 00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:39,795 Yes, it is provocative, but it is also inspiring. 515 00:39:41,255 --> 00:39:44,967 The Heritage Hill Special Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury 516 00:39:45,051 --> 00:39:47,011 of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles. 517 00:39:58,064 --> 00:40:02,193 This book said to me, "Let's celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ 518 00:40:02,276 --> 00:40:05,071 - with yarn." - Yarn. 519 00:40:05,654 --> 00:40:09,658 Now, Bobbie, we realize you're probably feeling a bit uncomfortable 520 00:40:09,742 --> 00:40:12,411 with this week's book, because you're... 521 00:40:12,495 --> 00:40:14,580 - What's the word I'm looking for? - New? 522 00:40:14,663 --> 00:40:16,248 - Scared? - Cranky? 523 00:40:16,332 --> 00:40:18,834 - Jewish. - Same thing. 524 00:40:18,918 --> 00:40:21,837 But the Heritage Hill series is very inclusive. 525 00:40:21,921 --> 00:40:25,966 In fact, there is a whole chapter about Chanukah. 526 00:40:26,050 --> 00:40:29,136 I just loved the chapter on pine cones. 527 00:40:29,220 --> 00:40:31,680 They're not just for wreaths and centerpieces. 528 00:40:31,764 --> 00:40:35,893 You can use pine cones to create a very special Yuletide menorah. 529 00:40:35,976 --> 00:40:39,313 Your pine cone snowman could be Jewish. Just add a beanie. 530 00:40:40,064 --> 00:40:43,359 Or maybe I could use hundreds of pine cones to spell out the words, 531 00:40:43,442 --> 00:40:47,822 "Big Jew" in letters 15 feet tall in the snow on my front yard. 532 00:40:53,119 --> 00:40:55,121 That's a wonderful idea. 533 00:40:57,915 --> 00:41:01,252 - That's fantastic. - So sweet! 534 00:41:01,335 --> 00:41:05,214 I love the idea of creating a life-size Santa Claus all out of pine cones. 535 00:41:05,297 --> 00:41:06,882 Okay, I love that. 536 00:41:07,591 --> 00:41:11,178 I'm going to use a pine cone in my Nativity as the baby Jesus. 537 00:41:11,929 --> 00:41:14,598 I'm going to attach a pine cone to my vibrator 538 00:41:14,682 --> 00:41:16,892 and have a really Merry Christmas. 539 00:41:21,063 --> 00:41:24,650 Here comes Santa Claus Right down Santa Clause Lane 540 00:41:24,733 --> 00:41:29,155 He's got a bag that's filled with toys For boys and girls again 541 00:41:29,238 --> 00:41:32,950 Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle Oh, what a beautiful sight 542 00:41:33,033 --> 00:41:37,204 So jump in bed, cover up your head Santa Claus comes tonight! 543 00:41:37,288 --> 00:41:39,373 Santa Claus comes tonight 544 00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:45,296 - Joanna, how's she fitting in? - Well... 545 00:41:46,964 --> 00:41:48,174 Okay. 546 00:41:49,008 --> 00:41:50,968 - I'm among friends, right? - Of course. 547 00:41:51,051 --> 00:41:53,012 So... 548 00:41:53,095 --> 00:41:55,973 Joanna and I had this big talk. 549 00:41:57,099 --> 00:42:00,019 And we were really open with each other, I mean... 550 00:42:00,102 --> 00:42:01,812 We really got it all out. 551 00:42:02,646 --> 00:42:04,148 And I think from now on, 552 00:42:05,983 --> 00:42:08,319 she's going to be very, very different. 553 00:42:12,781 --> 00:42:16,327 You think Joanna's really going to change? 554 00:42:16,911 --> 00:42:19,997 Yes, I do. Absolutely. 555 00:42:21,165 --> 00:42:23,375 And how long have you been married? 556 00:42:32,927 --> 00:42:34,803 - Ted. - Yes? 557 00:42:34,887 --> 00:42:37,097 Don't you owe Walter $20? 558 00:42:42,853 --> 00:42:44,980 That's absolutely right, I do. 559 00:42:45,773 --> 00:42:46,815 Babe! 560 00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:57,701 Yes, darling? 561 00:42:57,785 --> 00:43:00,788 Walt, sit down. 562 00:43:04,792 --> 00:43:05,834 I need 20. 563 00:43:07,211 --> 00:43:09,838 - You know my PIN. - Of course. 564 00:43:59,513 --> 00:44:01,223 She gives singles. 565 00:44:33,380 --> 00:44:35,549 Are these all for day camp tomorrow? 566 00:44:35,632 --> 00:44:37,843 I want you to be proud of me, honey. 567 00:44:39,553 --> 00:44:41,055 Watch this. 568 00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:42,765 Ball. 569 00:44:45,893 --> 00:44:50,064 - Aren't robots cool? - Oh, yeah. 570 00:44:50,147 --> 00:44:52,858 May I speak to the man of the house? 571 00:44:52,941 --> 00:44:55,486 - Stud bud! - Funkmaster Markowitz! 572 00:44:55,569 --> 00:44:58,739 - Stone Cold Thrilla Killa Kresbo! - Cupcakes anyone? 573 00:44:58,822 --> 00:45:02,493 - Cupcakes! - Cupcakes. Right on time. 574 00:45:02,576 --> 00:45:05,496 Jo, these are smokin'. Why don't you make stuff like this? 575 00:45:05,579 --> 00:45:09,333 - Why don't you? - Because I have a penis. 576 00:45:09,416 --> 00:45:12,419 - We should get moving. - We've got a meeting. 577 00:45:12,503 --> 00:45:15,506 - At the Men's Association. - When will you be home, honey? 578 00:45:20,094 --> 00:45:21,136 When I'm home. 579 00:45:41,990 --> 00:45:43,575 Call a sitter! 580 00:45:52,543 --> 00:45:54,920 Bobbie, are you sure about this? 581 00:45:55,003 --> 00:45:57,881 We're not spying. We're just visiting. 582 00:45:57,965 --> 00:46:02,594 Fellas, I can't tell you how happy we are to welcome all of this new blood. 583 00:46:02,678 --> 00:46:04,763 - You said it. - That's right. 584 00:46:04,847 --> 00:46:07,224 I love, love this space. 585 00:46:07,307 --> 00:46:10,853 It's very Ralph Lauren meets Sherlock Holmes. 586 00:46:10,936 --> 00:46:14,148 - It says, "I have taste and a scrotum." - You promised. 587 00:46:14,231 --> 00:46:15,649 - Whore. - Bore. 588 00:46:16,650 --> 00:46:18,944 - Sorry. - No, Jerry. 589 00:46:19,027 --> 00:46:21,613 You're gonna find Stepford is very open-minded. 590 00:46:21,697 --> 00:46:25,075 We welcome you and your partner just like any other couple. 591 00:46:25,159 --> 00:46:26,577 - Absolutely. - Sure. 592 00:46:26,660 --> 00:46:28,454 - That's right. - Girlfriend. 593 00:46:30,038 --> 00:46:31,957 Miss... Miss Thing. 594 00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:36,295 - To Stepford! - Stepford! 595 00:46:47,014 --> 00:46:48,849 Damn! Come on, let's go. 596 00:46:48,932 --> 00:46:51,518 You think this is all right, sneaking around? 597 00:46:51,602 --> 00:46:53,187 Add it up. 598 00:46:53,270 --> 00:46:57,149 All the women around here are perfect sex kitten bimbos. 599 00:46:57,232 --> 00:47:01,361 All the men are drooling nerds. Doesn't that seem strange? 600 00:47:01,445 --> 00:47:03,322 - Not to me. - Why not? 601 00:47:03,405 --> 00:47:05,657 - I work in television. - Oh, come on. 602 00:47:08,076 --> 00:47:10,829 I think Joanna's right. I think Stepford is the answer. 603 00:47:10,913 --> 00:47:13,123 - She's a great gal. - Or she will be. 604 00:47:18,337 --> 00:47:20,714 Come on, help me up. 605 00:47:20,797 --> 00:47:23,759 - We shouldn't be here. - Oh, come on. 606 00:47:23,842 --> 00:47:27,888 - Don't be such a chicken. - I should be home with my cupcakes. 607 00:47:27,971 --> 00:47:31,600 Why? Because you only made 5,000 of them? 608 00:47:31,683 --> 00:47:35,229 - We're trespassing. - Only if we get caught. 609 00:47:36,813 --> 00:47:39,441 Damn, I can't see a thing. 610 00:47:39,525 --> 00:47:42,402 - There's the light, there it is. - No, Bobbie... 611 00:47:58,961 --> 00:48:01,380 It's like some alien freak show. 612 00:48:01,463 --> 00:48:03,882 Why? They're just family portraits. 613 00:48:03,966 --> 00:48:05,008 That's what I said. 614 00:48:09,846 --> 00:48:11,557 The lights! 615 00:48:15,018 --> 00:48:16,645 We should get out of here. 616 00:48:20,691 --> 00:48:22,192 Should we run? 617 00:48:28,323 --> 00:48:29,908 Oh, my God. 618 00:49:03,150 --> 00:49:04,651 Clarice? 619 00:49:06,403 --> 00:49:09,072 - Hi, girls! - Roger! 620 00:49:09,156 --> 00:49:11,575 - You scared us! - What are you doing? 621 00:49:11,658 --> 00:49:13,118 What's going on? 622 00:49:13,201 --> 00:49:15,579 Do they have hookers, or old Playboys or cable porn? 623 00:49:16,246 --> 00:49:18,040 Oh, please, they barely have throw pillows. 624 00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,252 - They're coming! - The menfolk. 625 00:49:22,336 --> 00:49:24,379 - Call us. - Okay. 626 00:49:25,505 --> 00:49:26,840 Rog? 627 00:49:29,384 --> 00:49:31,887 What was it? Did you see anyone? 628 00:49:31,970 --> 00:49:35,515 Not a soul. But what's back here, anyway? 629 00:49:35,599 --> 00:49:38,518 In all of these rooms? Storage? Sweaters? 630 00:49:38,602 --> 00:49:39,978 Bodies? 631 00:49:40,062 --> 00:49:42,731 - Jerry. - You see that door on your left? 632 00:49:44,733 --> 00:49:45,734 Check it out. 633 00:49:46,693 --> 00:49:48,403 Oh, boy. 634 00:49:51,823 --> 00:49:55,452 - I can't see anything, it's dark. - Use your flashlight. 635 00:49:55,535 --> 00:49:59,122 I feel like Nancy Drew in The Mystery of the Mid-life Crisis. 636 00:50:06,672 --> 00:50:10,092 - What am I looking for? - Look down. 637 00:50:23,855 --> 00:50:25,357 Jerry? 638 00:50:30,362 --> 00:50:31,613 Roger! 639 00:50:33,865 --> 00:50:35,784 - Roger. - Bobbie. 640 00:50:35,867 --> 00:50:38,620 - Roger. - Bobbie. 641 00:50:38,704 --> 00:50:39,705 Roger! 642 00:50:42,541 --> 00:50:45,877 Roger said there was nothing going on at the Men's Association. 643 00:50:45,961 --> 00:50:49,756 Why doesn't he answer the phone? It's been two days. 644 00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,427 Roger. Roger! 645 00:50:57,389 --> 00:51:00,517 Isn't that his favorite shirt? The Dolce & Gabbana? 646 00:51:05,981 --> 00:51:09,359 His Guccis. And the Versace. 647 00:51:09,443 --> 00:51:12,446 - Maybe he's donating. - To what? The gay homeless? 648 00:51:13,905 --> 00:51:15,365 He loved this. 649 00:51:16,491 --> 00:51:18,452 His program from Hairspray. 650 00:51:19,453 --> 00:51:21,455 - Oh, my God. - What is it? 651 00:51:23,623 --> 00:51:25,167 Viggo! 652 00:51:43,101 --> 00:51:44,978 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Jerry Harmon. 653 00:51:45,061 --> 00:51:49,608 I know I'm pretty new here, but already I feel so at home. 654 00:51:49,691 --> 00:51:51,943 Why did Jerry ask us to meet him here? 655 00:51:52,486 --> 00:51:57,240 ...proud that I can introduce Stepford's brand-new candidate for state senate. 656 00:51:57,324 --> 00:52:01,953 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Roger Bannister! 657 00:52:02,996 --> 00:52:04,080 What? 658 00:52:09,753 --> 00:52:11,338 He's wonderful. 659 00:52:21,431 --> 00:52:23,850 Thank you. Thank you so much. 660 00:52:25,268 --> 00:52:29,105 You may very well ask, what are my qualifications for higher office? 661 00:52:29,189 --> 00:52:34,319 I believe in Stepford, America and the power of prayer. 662 00:52:34,402 --> 00:52:37,197 Values I've discovered, thanks to my partner, 663 00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,784 in life and in the Lord, Jerry Harmon. 664 00:52:44,913 --> 00:52:46,581 Roger! Roger! 665 00:52:46,665 --> 00:52:49,000 Yes, is there a question? Mrs. Markowitz. 666 00:52:49,918 --> 00:52:54,214 - So you two are happy now? - More than ever. 667 00:52:54,297 --> 00:52:57,592 Because now I know being gay doesn't mean a guy has to be effeminate 668 00:52:57,676 --> 00:53:00,053 or flamboyant or sensitive. 669 00:53:00,136 --> 00:53:02,138 - I'm no sissy. - No! 670 00:53:02,222 --> 00:53:03,932 Way to go, Roger! 671 00:53:04,015 --> 00:53:07,310 - Roger! - Yes, Mrs. Walter Kresby. 672 00:53:07,394 --> 00:53:11,606 I don't understand. You were out there, you were Roger, and now... 673 00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:14,943 You're different. Your hair, your clothes. You're like someone else. 674 00:53:15,569 --> 00:53:18,697 - People change. - You can't stop Stepford! 675 00:53:18,780 --> 00:53:20,949 You can't stop Stepford! 676 00:53:21,032 --> 00:53:24,244 You can't stop Stepford! 677 00:53:24,327 --> 00:53:27,789 You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford! 678 00:53:27,873 --> 00:53:31,293 You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford! 679 00:53:31,376 --> 00:53:34,796 You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford! 680 00:53:48,018 --> 00:53:51,146 That's why we have to leave Stepford? I'm not following. 681 00:53:51,229 --> 00:53:56,943 Okay. Before, Roger was witty and stylish and ironic. 682 00:53:57,027 --> 00:53:58,987 - And I'm sure he still is. - No! 683 00:53:59,070 --> 00:54:02,115 Now he's making speeches in a Brooks Brothers suit. 684 00:54:02,198 --> 00:54:06,995 There's lots of ways to be gay. Don't try to make him into a stereotype. 685 00:54:08,288 --> 00:54:11,416 Bobbie is right. And she's leaving too. 686 00:54:11,499 --> 00:54:14,002 This place does something to people. 687 00:54:14,669 --> 00:54:18,632 All of the women are always busy and perfect and smiling. 688 00:54:18,715 --> 00:54:22,093 - All the men are always happy. - And that's a problem because... 689 00:54:22,177 --> 00:54:24,804 Because it's not normal. 690 00:54:24,888 --> 00:54:28,099 It's not the world. It's not us. 691 00:54:28,850 --> 00:54:31,478 And I'm picking up our kids from camp right now 692 00:54:31,561 --> 00:54:33,647 and we're getting out of here. 693 00:54:36,191 --> 00:54:37,817 With or without you. 694 00:54:57,837 --> 00:54:58,964 Secure. 695 00:55:01,091 --> 00:55:03,093 You'll never change, will you? 696 00:55:04,010 --> 00:55:05,804 Not really. 697 00:55:05,887 --> 00:55:07,722 Open the door. 698 00:55:14,437 --> 00:55:16,940 Unlock front. 699 00:55:17,023 --> 00:55:18,650 And you're right. 700 00:55:22,862 --> 00:55:24,364 About what? 701 00:55:26,700 --> 00:55:29,828 If you're that unhappy, then we should move. 702 00:55:30,745 --> 00:55:32,288 Maybe head back to the city. 703 00:55:33,289 --> 00:55:35,125 We could leave tomorrow. 704 00:55:37,377 --> 00:55:38,920 Thank you. 705 00:55:43,174 --> 00:55:44,884 Thank you. 706 00:56:11,536 --> 00:56:13,329 Huh? 707 00:56:19,544 --> 00:56:22,672 What you got there? Huh? 708 00:57:35,453 --> 00:57:36,579 Sweetcakes? 709 00:57:38,373 --> 00:57:40,625 It's 4:00 am. What are you up to? 710 00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:44,295 Just recipes for tomorrow. I'd like to get a head start. 711 00:57:44,379 --> 00:57:47,257 - On what? - Apple pie. Bobbie recommended it. 712 00:57:47,340 --> 00:57:48,716 I'll be right up. 713 00:57:52,220 --> 00:57:53,888 Walter? 714 00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:57,142 Babe? 715 00:58:20,498 --> 00:58:23,376 Bobbie? Bobbie! 716 00:58:27,213 --> 00:58:28,464 Oh, my God. 717 00:58:38,641 --> 00:58:39,809 Bobbie? 718 00:58:54,532 --> 00:58:55,867 Good morning, Joanna. 719 00:59:00,330 --> 00:59:02,165 Isn't it a lovely morning? 720 00:59:04,083 --> 00:59:06,502 That's a pretty color. 721 00:59:06,586 --> 00:59:09,505 - Mom! - Good morning, my precious ones. 722 00:59:09,589 --> 00:59:13,134 And thank you for leaving your requests on my email. 723 00:59:13,218 --> 00:59:16,721 Adam, you wanted peanut butter and jelly, no crusts, 724 00:59:16,804 --> 00:59:18,848 a Snickers bar and a Rolex. 725 00:59:18,932 --> 00:59:22,560 Ben, here's a whole-wheat burrito, a soy protein shake 726 00:59:22,644 --> 00:59:24,687 and three pieces of German chocolate layer cake. 727 00:59:24,771 --> 00:59:26,606 - From scratch? - Of course. 728 00:59:27,232 --> 00:59:31,778 And Max, you get bacon, lettuce and tomato on a lightly-toasted bagel. 729 00:59:31,861 --> 00:59:35,114 - What about my action figures? - There's Mace Windu and Amidala. 730 00:59:35,198 --> 00:59:37,408 - Where's Boba Fett? - They were out. 731 00:59:37,492 --> 00:59:40,411 - Mom! - Here's $500. 732 00:59:41,079 --> 00:59:42,580 All right. 733 00:59:43,164 --> 00:59:45,458 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Joanna. 734 00:59:45,541 --> 00:59:48,628 They grow up so fast. I think I'll have three more. 735 00:59:48,711 --> 00:59:51,256 Bobbie, listen to me. What have they done to you? 736 00:59:51,339 --> 00:59:53,549 What have they done to you? Is it drugs? 737 00:59:54,425 --> 00:59:56,094 Is it brainwashing? 738 00:59:56,177 --> 00:59:59,597 - Come on, talk to me. - Of course, but only for a minute. 739 00:59:59,681 --> 01:00:01,975 Then I have to get to work on this pigsty. 740 01:00:02,058 --> 01:00:04,143 - Coffee? - No. No coffee. 741 01:00:04,227 --> 01:00:06,813 Bobbie, last night I went online. 742 01:00:06,896 --> 01:00:10,066 I found out that all of the women here used to be big deals. 743 01:00:10,149 --> 01:00:13,861 I mean, big deals. CEOs, executives, judges. 744 01:00:13,945 --> 01:00:16,906 Sarah Sunderson, she used to run an airline. 745 01:00:16,990 --> 01:00:19,158 With that perfect skin? 746 01:00:19,242 --> 01:00:22,495 No! She didn't use to look like that. None of the women did... 747 01:00:22,578 --> 01:00:25,456 - Coffee? - No! No coffee! 748 01:00:26,249 --> 01:00:28,626 Bobbie. Bobbie. 749 01:00:29,377 --> 01:00:32,213 - This isn't you. - That's right, Joanna. 750 01:00:32,297 --> 01:00:35,925 This isn't me. It's a whole new me. 751 01:00:36,634 --> 01:00:41,723 I'm happy and I'm healthy because I understand what's important in life. 752 01:00:41,806 --> 01:00:43,141 Yes, your new book. 753 01:00:43,224 --> 01:00:46,185 That's what's important. My new cookbook. 754 01:00:46,269 --> 01:00:49,939 And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. 755 01:00:50,023 --> 01:00:53,359 It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. 756 01:00:53,443 --> 01:00:56,612 I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. 757 01:00:56,696 --> 01:00:58,698 - You need me. - Stay away from me. 758 01:00:58,781 --> 01:01:00,950 - You're driven. - Sometimes. 759 01:01:01,034 --> 01:01:02,618 And you're selfish. 760 01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:05,163 - You want to rule the world. - No. 761 01:01:05,246 --> 01:01:09,167 I can fix you. I can change you. 762 01:01:09,250 --> 01:01:13,755 What have they done to you? 763 01:01:13,838 --> 01:01:15,381 Let's get busy. 764 01:01:18,384 --> 01:01:19,844 Answer the phone. 765 01:01:20,845 --> 01:01:25,224 Hello. Is this the day camp? Oh. 766 01:01:25,308 --> 01:01:29,062 Yes, this is Joanna Eberhart. I would like to speak to my children. 767 01:01:29,812 --> 01:01:32,690 I'm coming to pick them up right now. 768 01:01:35,068 --> 01:01:36,652 What? 769 01:01:40,406 --> 01:01:41,991 Walter! 770 01:01:43,034 --> 01:01:44,535 Walter, where are you? 771 01:01:45,286 --> 01:01:47,413 I know you've got the kids. 772 01:01:47,497 --> 01:01:49,248 Pete? Kimberly? 773 01:02:52,395 --> 01:02:53,896 Oh, boys! 774 01:02:56,774 --> 01:02:57,817 Welcome. 775 01:03:15,418 --> 01:03:18,045 - Where are my children? - They're perfectly safe. 776 01:03:18,129 --> 01:03:20,173 Where are my children? 777 01:03:21,090 --> 01:03:23,384 - You'll see them soon. - Where's Walter? 778 01:03:30,099 --> 01:03:32,226 How could you do this? 779 01:03:33,060 --> 01:03:35,855 Ever since we met, you've beaten me at everything. 780 01:03:36,981 --> 01:03:38,566 You're better educated, 781 01:03:39,192 --> 01:03:40,902 you're stronger, you're faster, 782 01:03:40,985 --> 01:03:43,404 you're a better dancer, a better tennis player. 783 01:03:43,488 --> 01:03:47,700 You've always earned at least six figures more than I could ever dream of. 784 01:03:47,783 --> 01:03:51,579 You're a better speaker, a better executive. 785 01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:55,124 You're even better at sex. Don't deny it. 786 01:03:55,958 --> 01:03:57,877 I wasn't going to. 787 01:03:58,586 --> 01:04:01,214 - Well, don't I get anything? - You got me. 788 01:04:01,297 --> 01:04:03,508 No, I got to hold your purse. 789 01:04:03,591 --> 01:04:06,594 I got to tell the kids that you'd be late again. 790 01:04:06,677 --> 01:04:09,514 I got to tell the press that you had no comment. 791 01:04:09,597 --> 01:04:12,266 - I got to work for you. - With me. 792 01:04:12,350 --> 01:04:13,559 Under you! 793 01:04:14,644 --> 01:04:18,189 All of us. We married Wonder Women. 794 01:04:19,190 --> 01:04:22,568 Supergirls. Amazon queens. 795 01:04:22,652 --> 01:04:24,237 You know what that makes us? 796 01:04:24,904 --> 01:04:28,032 Smart. Worthy. Lucky. 797 01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:29,617 We're the wuss. 798 01:04:30,660 --> 01:04:34,622 The wind beneath your wings. Your support system. 799 01:04:34,705 --> 01:04:37,083 - We're the girl. - And we don't like it! 800 01:04:37,166 --> 01:04:39,585 - You're damn right. - We're men. 801 01:04:39,669 --> 01:04:41,837 And is this your answer? To kill us? 802 01:04:41,921 --> 01:04:45,675 No, nothing like that. We help you. We perfect you. 803 01:04:45,758 --> 01:04:47,343 By turning us into robots? 804 01:04:47,426 --> 01:04:50,596 Does any fraction of these women still exist? 805 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,932 Of course. Almost everything. 806 01:04:54,100 --> 01:04:56,769 - Should we show her? - Show me what? 807 01:04:56,852 --> 01:05:00,815 It's a promotional thing I've been working on for when we go global. 808 01:05:02,525 --> 01:05:05,361 Walt, I don't think you've seen this. 809 01:05:18,207 --> 01:05:20,751 Some guys ask, "How do we do it?" 810 01:05:20,835 --> 01:05:24,088 In layman's terms, it's really pretty simple. 811 01:05:24,171 --> 01:05:26,090 Come on along. 812 01:05:32,763 --> 01:05:36,017 First, we take a gloomy, dissatisfied woman. 813 01:05:36,100 --> 01:05:41,105 Then in a very private experience between husband and wife, 814 01:05:41,188 --> 01:05:46,235 he gently places her in our Female Improvement System. 815 01:05:47,153 --> 01:05:48,904 It's fully automated. 816 01:05:49,614 --> 01:05:51,782 And then, abracadabra, 817 01:05:51,866 --> 01:05:54,076 her transformation begins. 818 01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:56,954 First, we locate her brain. 819 01:05:57,622 --> 01:06:00,916 We insert a few nano-chips. 820 01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,251 Then we program them. 821 01:06:03,210 --> 01:06:06,464 Also we add some secret special ingredients. 822 01:06:09,675 --> 01:06:11,761 To avoid any accidents, 823 01:06:11,844 --> 01:06:15,014 the husband is kept at a comfortable distance. 824 01:06:15,097 --> 01:06:16,682 Safety first. 825 01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:22,772 Finally, we enhance her 826 01:06:22,855 --> 01:06:26,942 to fit the ideal Stepford wife specifications. 827 01:06:27,026 --> 01:06:28,277 And... 828 01:06:29,612 --> 01:06:30,946 voilà! 829 01:06:35,117 --> 01:06:36,744 Everything is copacetic! 830 01:06:40,289 --> 01:06:42,249 Welcome to the future. 831 01:06:46,712 --> 01:06:49,423 - It's a painting again. - What? 832 01:06:51,008 --> 01:06:55,054 I should explain. You see, my real name isn't Mike. 833 01:06:55,137 --> 01:06:57,973 It's just a nickname from where I used to work. 834 01:06:58,057 --> 01:06:59,558 Where? 835 01:06:59,642 --> 01:07:02,561 - Microsoft. - NASA. 836 01:07:02,645 --> 01:07:04,689 - Disney. - AOL. 837 01:07:04,772 --> 01:07:08,150 - Is that why the women are so slow? - Joanna. 838 01:07:08,234 --> 01:07:10,861 Is this what you really want? 839 01:07:12,321 --> 01:07:14,448 Women who behave like slaves? 840 01:07:14,532 --> 01:07:19,412 Women who are obsessed with cleaning their kitchens and doing their hair. 841 01:07:19,495 --> 01:07:22,039 Women who never challenge you in any way. 842 01:07:22,123 --> 01:07:24,959 Women who exist only to wait on you hand and foot. 843 01:07:25,042 --> 01:07:26,961 - Yeah. - That's right. 844 01:07:27,044 --> 01:07:29,004 Joanna, you're a brilliant woman. 845 01:07:29,088 --> 01:07:32,800 Surely you can appreciate, at the very least, the genius of the concept. 846 01:07:32,883 --> 01:07:36,804 Picture it. If you could streamline your spouse, 847 01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:42,017 if you could overhaul every annoying habit, every physical flaw, 848 01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:45,354 every moment, the whining and nagging, the farting in bed. 849 01:07:45,438 --> 01:07:49,984 Imagine if you could enjoy the person you love, 850 01:07:50,067 --> 01:07:51,986 but only at their very best. 851 01:07:53,779 --> 01:07:57,491 And the only reason for your anger, 852 01:07:57,575 --> 01:08:01,287 your resentment, your rage, is really very simple. 853 01:08:01,370 --> 01:08:04,665 You're furious because we thought of it first. 854 01:08:04,749 --> 01:08:08,127 While you were trying to become men, we decided to become gods. 855 01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:15,092 Let me ask you something. These machines, these Stepford wives, 856 01:08:15,176 --> 01:08:16,761 can they say, "I love you"? 857 01:08:18,345 --> 01:08:20,598 - Mike? - Of course. 858 01:08:20,681 --> 01:08:22,933 In 58 languages. 859 01:08:24,101 --> 01:08:26,187 But do they mean it? 860 01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,092 Enjoy. 861 01:09:34,129 --> 01:09:35,297 Walter. 862 01:09:57,820 --> 01:09:59,029 Walt... 863 01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:12,126 Joanna, right here. 864 01:10:58,547 --> 01:11:01,216 - Sarah. - Claire. 865 01:11:09,224 --> 01:11:11,894 - Marianne. - Charmaine. 866 01:11:16,565 --> 01:11:19,109 - Roger. - Roberta. 867 01:11:58,607 --> 01:12:00,901 Mike! 868 01:12:01,527 --> 01:12:03,070 Mike! Mike! Mike! 869 01:12:03,153 --> 01:12:05,948 Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! 870 01:12:15,791 --> 01:12:17,793 Good evening, everyone. 871 01:12:17,876 --> 01:12:20,796 What a delight to see all of our wonderful wives 872 01:12:20,879 --> 01:12:23,298 and their happy, happy husbands. 873 01:12:23,382 --> 01:12:26,176 Tonight is truly the highlight of our year, 874 01:12:26,260 --> 01:12:31,724 because tonight we honor our very newest citizens of Stepford. 875 01:12:31,807 --> 01:12:34,101 In my opinion, the cream of the crop, 876 01:12:34,184 --> 01:12:38,230 a couple that proudly proclaims Stepford 877 01:12:38,939 --> 01:12:40,566 the American way of love. 878 01:12:40,649 --> 01:12:41,859 Aw... 879 01:13:08,427 --> 01:13:10,179 Now... 880 01:13:12,097 --> 01:13:14,933 I'd like to ask my wonderful woman, my lovely wife, 881 01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:16,268 my bride, my best friend, 882 01:13:16,894 --> 01:13:20,355 to join me in a glorious midsummer night's waltz. 883 01:14:13,325 --> 01:14:15,619 - Is everything perfect? - Everything. 884 01:14:17,412 --> 01:14:19,414 Mike... 885 01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:20,749 Darling. 886 01:14:22,334 --> 01:14:24,711 - My pleasure. - It's an honor. 887 01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:30,467 - Champagne? - Allow me. 888 01:14:52,239 --> 01:14:56,535 Doors activate. Welcome, Member 1-9-5-6. 889 01:14:56,618 --> 01:14:58,412 Kresby, Walter. 890 01:15:06,587 --> 01:15:09,006 Entering secure area. 891 01:15:59,014 --> 01:16:01,225 Warning. Warning. 892 01:16:03,727 --> 01:16:05,604 Initiating. 893 01:16:18,367 --> 01:16:21,286 So, Joanna, are you enjoying Stepford? 894 01:16:21,370 --> 01:16:23,956 Oh, yes. The town is so splendid. 895 01:16:24,998 --> 01:16:27,000 Everyone is so kind. 896 01:16:28,585 --> 01:16:30,545 And then, of course, there's you. 897 01:16:33,924 --> 01:16:35,133 Me? 898 01:16:44,685 --> 01:16:46,728 It's simple really. Honey! 899 01:16:46,812 --> 01:16:49,356 - Grab me another scotch. - Right away, dear. 900 01:16:55,487 --> 01:16:57,572 Begin nano-reversal. 901 01:16:57,656 --> 01:17:00,117 Begin nano-reversal. 902 01:17:06,290 --> 01:17:08,208 Nano-reversal completed. 903 01:17:11,503 --> 01:17:14,298 Deleting Stepford program. 904 01:17:25,809 --> 01:17:29,604 File corrupted. Deleting vacuuming function. 905 01:17:36,069 --> 01:17:39,031 - Honey? - Oh, Herbert. 906 01:17:39,114 --> 01:17:42,159 Nano-reversal... Original personality... 907 01:17:42,242 --> 01:17:45,203 Deleting Stepford wives program. 908 01:17:48,248 --> 01:17:49,249 What is this? 909 01:17:58,467 --> 01:18:00,218 What am I wearing? 910 01:18:13,857 --> 01:18:16,526 Mike! Mike! There's something... 911 01:18:18,820 --> 01:18:21,156 unspeakable going on in the ballroom! 912 01:18:21,239 --> 01:18:24,201 You have to come right now! It's an apocalypse! 913 01:18:35,087 --> 01:18:36,171 What did you do to us? 914 01:18:36,797 --> 01:18:38,965 Mike! Mike! 915 01:18:42,427 --> 01:18:44,388 Men! Control your wives! 916 01:18:44,471 --> 01:18:46,473 Control your wives! 917 01:18:48,600 --> 01:18:49,851 It's not working! 918 01:18:56,316 --> 01:18:58,402 This is not Stepford! 919 01:18:58,485 --> 01:18:59,903 Mike! 920 01:19:02,030 --> 01:19:03,490 What's happening? 921 01:19:04,116 --> 01:19:09,037 I was in the garden and I was dreaming of your smile and your aftershave. 922 01:19:09,788 --> 01:19:11,039 Then I realized... 923 01:19:12,874 --> 01:19:15,210 I can do better. 924 01:19:26,304 --> 01:19:28,682 - Walt. - She's not a robot. 925 01:19:28,765 --> 01:19:31,435 - What? - She's not a robot? 926 01:19:31,518 --> 01:19:33,186 She never was. 927 01:19:42,863 --> 01:19:44,573 I couldn't do it. 928 01:19:46,241 --> 01:19:49,953 - Why not? - Because she's not a science project. 929 01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:52,789 Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack. 930 01:19:54,291 --> 01:19:56,668 - That's a shame. - No. 931 01:19:57,711 --> 01:19:59,546 That's a man. 932 01:20:07,137 --> 01:20:09,431 - I thought you were ready! - Yeah. 933 01:20:09,514 --> 01:20:12,809 I thought you were ready! I thought I knew you! 934 01:20:14,144 --> 01:20:17,355 - You're a disgrace... - Yeah, you tell him! 935 01:20:18,773 --> 01:20:20,692 ...to everything this town stands for. 936 01:20:22,611 --> 01:20:25,071 - To the future. - That's right! 937 01:20:26,656 --> 01:20:28,366 You're gonna have to pay for that! 938 01:20:34,206 --> 01:20:35,499 Don't you touch him! 939 01:20:36,124 --> 01:20:37,709 No! 940 01:21:13,161 --> 01:21:15,121 He's a Stepford husband? 941 01:21:17,415 --> 01:21:19,417 An angel. 942 01:21:21,211 --> 01:21:23,088 Now he's just... 943 01:21:24,631 --> 01:21:27,842 spare parts, thanks to you! 944 01:21:27,926 --> 01:21:30,804 What are you? Are you a person or a machine? 945 01:21:31,388 --> 01:21:32,681 I'm a lady. 946 01:21:32,764 --> 01:21:36,309 - A real lady? - Every inch. 947 01:21:36,393 --> 01:21:39,396 Wait. A real, real lady? Are you a human being? 948 01:21:39,479 --> 01:21:43,024 Yes. And I may very well be the only decent human being left. 949 01:21:43,108 --> 01:21:45,694 - In Stepford? - In the world! 950 01:21:45,777 --> 01:21:47,445 She's fabulous. 951 01:21:47,529 --> 01:21:51,783 All of this, Mike, the wives, Stepford. This was all your idea? 952 01:21:51,866 --> 01:21:55,120 Yes. All I wanted was a better world. 953 01:21:55,203 --> 01:21:59,874 A world where men were men, and women were cherished and lovely. 954 01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:02,419 Does anyone have a screwdriver? 955 01:22:04,045 --> 01:22:05,755 She's nuts. 956 01:22:14,264 --> 01:22:16,391 A world of romance and beauty. 957 01:22:17,684 --> 01:22:21,730 Of tuxedos and chiffon. A perfect world. 958 01:22:21,813 --> 01:22:26,443 - But you were married to a robot. - The perfect man. 959 01:22:27,319 --> 01:22:29,821 And all I wanted was to make you, all of you 960 01:22:30,488 --> 01:22:32,198 into perfect women. 961 01:22:32,282 --> 01:22:36,995 But we don't need to be perfect. How could you do this to us? 962 01:22:37,078 --> 01:22:39,247 Because I was just like you. 963 01:22:39,331 --> 01:22:41,666 Overstressed, overbooked, under-loved. 964 01:22:42,709 --> 01:22:46,921 I was the world's foremost brain surgeon and genetic engineer. 965 01:22:47,005 --> 01:22:51,259 I had top secret contracts with the Pentagon, Apple and Mattel. 966 01:22:52,052 --> 01:22:54,929 I was driven, exhausted. 967 01:22:55,013 --> 01:22:57,724 Until late one night I came home to find... 968 01:22:59,893 --> 01:23:01,269 Mike... 969 01:23:03,313 --> 01:23:04,773 with Patricia. 970 01:23:06,608 --> 01:23:07,942 My brilliant... 971 01:23:09,152 --> 01:23:10,487 blonde... 972 01:23:12,030 --> 01:23:15,075 21-year-old research assistant. 973 01:23:16,242 --> 01:23:17,952 It was all so... 974 01:23:20,538 --> 01:23:22,165 ugly. 975 01:23:24,376 --> 01:23:28,505 Then early the next morning, as I gazed across the breakfast table 976 01:23:28,588 --> 01:23:30,840 at their lifeless bodies, I thought... 977 01:23:32,509 --> 01:23:33,843 "What have I done?" 978 01:23:34,886 --> 01:23:36,596 But more importantly, 979 01:23:37,514 --> 01:23:40,558 "What could I do to make the world more beautiful?" 980 01:23:40,642 --> 01:23:42,560 I had the skills. 981 01:23:42,644 --> 01:23:46,356 But I needed help to realize my larger vision. 982 01:23:46,439 --> 01:23:47,732 And so I made... 983 01:23:49,359 --> 01:23:50,735 Mike. 984 01:23:51,820 --> 01:23:54,698 Because he was someone other men would listen to. 985 01:23:54,781 --> 01:23:56,658 And then I asked myself, 986 01:23:57,659 --> 01:24:01,705 "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" 987 01:24:03,373 --> 01:24:04,708 Connecticut. 988 01:24:05,875 --> 01:24:09,045 So I decided to turn back the clock. 989 01:24:09,838 --> 01:24:12,340 To a time before overtime. 990 01:24:12,424 --> 01:24:14,217 Before quality time. 991 01:24:14,300 --> 01:24:17,220 Before women were turning themselves into robots. 992 01:24:18,054 --> 01:24:19,931 - Back off! - Sorry. 993 01:24:20,014 --> 01:24:22,851 But why didn't you change the men, too? 994 01:24:22,934 --> 01:24:23,977 That's next. 995 01:24:25,478 --> 01:24:27,021 You're insane. 996 01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:31,484 I'm in love with a waltz and a town. 997 01:24:34,779 --> 01:24:36,114 And a man. 998 01:25:30,001 --> 01:25:32,629 Joanna, you produced the documentary... 999 01:25:32,712 --> 01:25:37,926 Stepford: the Secret of the Suburbs. And won... five Emmys, was it? 1000 01:25:38,009 --> 01:25:39,344 Six. 1001 01:25:39,427 --> 01:25:41,763 - She's shy. - And so humble. 1002 01:25:41,846 --> 01:25:45,183 And, Bobbie, your ordeal has led to a best seller. 1003 01:25:45,266 --> 01:25:48,728 I just can't hold a grudge, so I've written my first book of poetry. 1004 01:25:48,812 --> 01:25:54,234 It's all about hope and communication and the healing power of love. 1005 01:25:54,317 --> 01:25:55,860 What is it called? 1006 01:25:55,944 --> 01:25:57,904 Wait Until He's Asleep, Then Cut It Off. 1007 01:25:57,987 --> 01:25:59,948 - It's a page-turner. - I cried. 1008 01:26:00,031 --> 01:26:01,908 Now, Roger, good news. 1009 01:26:01,991 --> 01:26:04,327 You ran and won. You're in the State Senate. 1010 01:26:04,410 --> 01:26:06,913 - Independent. - Next stop, the White House. 1011 01:26:06,996 --> 01:26:09,791 - This country needs highlights. - Our hero. 1012 01:26:09,874 --> 01:26:14,379 Jo, Walter really came through for you. So how's your marriage now? 1013 01:26:14,462 --> 01:26:16,840 Is everything just... perfect? 1014 01:26:16,923 --> 01:26:20,510 No way. But we're doing just great. 1015 01:26:20,593 --> 01:26:25,765 Because now we know for sure it's not about perfection. 1016 01:26:25,849 --> 01:26:27,767 "Perfect." Perfect doesn't work. 1017 01:26:28,601 --> 01:26:31,521 What about those other husbands? Are they angry? 1018 01:26:31,604 --> 01:26:33,898 Do they still want all these women to be robots? 1019 01:26:33,982 --> 01:26:36,860 Of course. Men are pigs. They're disgusting. 1020 01:26:36,943 --> 01:26:39,445 They're frightened, little rodents. 1021 01:26:39,529 --> 01:26:41,781 - We're trying to help. Right, Bobbie? - Right. 1022 01:26:41,865 --> 01:26:44,033 We're trying to reeducate them. 1023 01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:48,037 - And where are they? - Oh, they're still in Stepford. 1024 01:26:48,121 --> 01:26:49,914 Under house-arrest. 1025 01:26:56,045 --> 01:26:59,007 Hey, you guys. Which aisle is quilted paper towels? 1026 01:26:59,090 --> 01:27:01,467 If I don't get the right kind, my wife's gonna kill me. 1027 01:27:01,551 --> 01:27:03,303 Aisle three. 1028 01:27:03,386 --> 01:27:05,471 No talking! Keep shopping! 72725

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