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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:15,309 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:19,971 --> 00:00:22,432 [DOUG] You really gonna leave all this for business school? 3 00:00:22,598 --> 00:00:23,641 I was thinkin' about it. 4 00:00:23,808 --> 00:00:25,018 Well, don't. 5 00:00:25,185 --> 00:00:26,979 The best is yet to come. 6 00:00:27,146 --> 00:00:28,604 [LENNY] Hey, honey, I'm home. 7 00:00:28,771 --> 00:00:30,523 You know, I was thinking about you and Bambi, 8 00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:31,731 seeing you two together like that... 9 00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,110 Like what? 10 00:00:33,277 --> 00:00:34,987 But she came to, um... 11 00:00:35,154 --> 00:00:37,281 over to, uh, borrow this bra. 12 00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:38,490 - [BAMBI] Oh, yes. - Mm-hmm. 13 00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:40,576 I lost mine in a well. 14 00:00:40,742 --> 00:00:42,036 [DOUG] Constance Papadopoulos. 15 00:00:42,203 --> 00:00:44,538 - I love it. - [DOUG] I pitched her on investing in Bottom Dollar. 16 00:00:44,705 --> 00:00:46,665 No, look, she's-she's retired from shipping. 17 00:00:46,832 --> 00:00:48,292 She... no. She has zero publishing experience. 18 00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:50,086 I just hear "deep pockets 19 00:00:50,253 --> 00:00:52,255 with no big ideas of what to do with a magazine." 20 00:00:52,422 --> 00:00:53,756 Why didn't I think of that? 21 00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,341 You don't have to. That's why you got me. 22 00:00:55,508 --> 00:00:57,343 Maybe I have one good chapter left. 23 00:00:57,510 --> 00:00:59,888 I cannot believe he was right. 24 00:01:00,054 --> 00:01:01,973 [CONSTANCE] Yes, he was. But do we need him? 25 00:01:05,143 --> 00:01:06,519 [T. REX'S "CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION" PLAYING] 26 00:01:06,686 --> 00:01:07,897 [CAMERA SHUTTERS SNAPPING] 27 00:01:08,063 --> 00:01:10,858 ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:11,901 --> 00:01:13,319 [SINGER] ♪ Yeah ♪ 29 00:01:14,861 --> 00:01:17,698 [CROWD CHEERING] 30 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,035 [SINGER] ♪ Well, you can bump and grind... ♪ 31 00:01:21,202 --> 00:01:22,870 [CROWD CHANTING] 32 00:01:23,037 --> 00:01:25,624 ♪ It's good for your mind ♪ 33 00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:27,292 ♪ Well, you... ♪ 34 00:01:27,459 --> 00:01:29,211 Now this is what I call a comeback, huh? 35 00:01:29,377 --> 00:01:31,629 Yeah, baby. 36 00:01:31,795 --> 00:01:33,840 [SINGER] ♪ No, you won't fool ♪ 37 00:01:34,007 --> 00:01:36,468 ♪ The children of the revolution ♪ 38 00:01:36,635 --> 00:01:38,011 ♪ No, no... ♪ 39 00:01:38,177 --> 00:01:41,098 When I bought this company three weeks ago, 40 00:01:41,175 --> 00:01:43,803 this is exactly the kind of cultural happening 41 00:01:43,969 --> 00:01:45,512 that I hoped to become a part of. 42 00:01:45,679 --> 00:01:49,015 And I have this man and his global vision 43 00:01:49,182 --> 00:01:51,310 to thank for pulling me out of a premature retirement 44 00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:54,522 and hosting this historic event. 45 00:01:54,689 --> 00:01:57,692 You know, a lot of people counted us out. 46 00:01:57,859 --> 00:02:01,988 But we are back, and we are better than ever 47 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:03,906 with the hottest new movie 48 00:02:04,073 --> 00:02:06,493 to launch the hottest new company, BDP. 49 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,536 Remember that name. 50 00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:10,873 We're becoming a major player in media. 51 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,791 And, sure, Minx is our flagship, 52 00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:16,170 but we're gonna be so much more than just one magazine. 53 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,422 I'm CFO, chief fun officer. 54 00:02:18,589 --> 00:02:20,716 And I'm art director, which is an actual title. 55 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,718 We're building a catalog of new magazines. 56 00:02:22,885 --> 00:02:24,970 Hosting fancy parties like this one. 57 00:02:25,138 --> 00:02:26,389 There might even be some merchandise 58 00:02:26,556 --> 00:02:27,849 - coming your way. - [CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS] 59 00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:29,726 You said you wanted splashy. 60 00:02:29,893 --> 00:02:31,560 - Is this splashy enough? - Well, it's a beginning. 61 00:02:31,727 --> 00:02:33,438 Where's our star editor? Not here yet? 62 00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:34,647 Oh, Joyce? Uh, she's coming. 63 00:02:34,814 --> 00:02:35,857 She loves red carpets. 64 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,275 She absolutely loves them. 65 00:02:37,442 --> 00:02:41,906 [PROTESTERS SHOUTING "PORN-NO"] 66 00:02:42,072 --> 00:02:43,616 [PROTESTERS] Faith not filth. Faith not filth. 67 00:02:43,782 --> 00:02:46,368 Faith not filth. Faith not filth! 68 00:02:46,535 --> 00:02:48,703 [STREAKER] Whoo! Yeah. 69 00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:56,337 [CAMERA SHUTTERS SNAPPING] 70 00:02:58,131 --> 00:02:59,758 - Hello! - Where were you? 71 00:02:59,925 --> 00:03:01,927 [JOYCE] Oh, sorry. The 101 was crazy. 72 00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:03,427 No, it wasn't. That's how we got here. 73 00:03:03,594 --> 00:03:05,387 Okay, fine. I was writing my editor's letter. 74 00:03:05,554 --> 00:03:06,890 A fine thank-you for giving her the bigger office. 75 00:03:07,057 --> 00:03:08,183 They're the same size. 76 00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:09,559 The glass creates an optical illusion. 77 00:03:09,726 --> 00:03:12,102 - They are not. - [JOYCE] Look, it's the first issue with the new owner. 78 00:03:12,187 --> 00:03:14,105 I wanted to make the right statement, okay? 79 00:03:14,272 --> 00:03:18,276 And, um, speaking of, are we sure that Deep Throat 80 00:03:18,443 --> 00:03:20,445 is really putting our best foot forward? 81 00:03:20,612 --> 00:03:22,113 Oh, I think so. It's a really feminist tale. 82 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,616 It's about a woman searching for an orgasm. 83 00:03:23,783 --> 00:03:25,660 Yeah, which she finds via a clitoris 84 00:03:25,826 --> 00:03:28,287 conveniently located inside of her mouth? 85 00:03:28,454 --> 00:03:29,497 It's always in the last place you look. 86 00:03:29,664 --> 00:03:31,082 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 87 00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:32,543 This is our big launch, Joycey, 88 00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:34,001 just smile and make us look good. 89 00:03:34,168 --> 00:03:35,253 - Have a little fun. - All right. 90 00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:36,754 This is a big win for us. 91 00:03:36,921 --> 00:03:38,130 - [JOYCE] Yeah. - Oh, my gosh, 92 00:03:38,297 --> 00:03:39,465 there are so many fabulous people here. 93 00:03:39,632 --> 00:03:40,717 Any new names on the, uh, guest list? 94 00:03:40,884 --> 00:03:44,137 Red Buttons, the Alans... Alda and Arkin... 95 00:03:44,304 --> 00:03:45,472 and, you're never gonna believe this, 96 00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:47,182 Warren frickin' Beatty. 97 00:03:47,349 --> 00:03:48,976 - [CHUCKLES] - Connie's gonna love this. 98 00:03:49,142 --> 00:03:50,602 Porn has gone mainstream. 99 00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:51,895 - We should have an after-party, right? - Yes. 100 00:03:52,062 --> 00:03:53,062 - [JOYCE] No. No. - [DOUG] Yes, let's do 101 00:03:53,063 --> 00:03:54,313 - an after-party. - God no. 102 00:03:54,481 --> 00:03:56,191 The second this is over, I'm at home in the bath. 103 00:03:56,358 --> 00:03:57,534 Joan Didion has a new piece in the Paris Review. 104 00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,112 I've been saving it. 105 00:03:59,278 --> 00:04:01,489 - It's 7,000 words, no pictures. - It's a quick read. 106 00:04:01,656 --> 00:04:02,949 - [CAMERA SHUTTERS SNAPPING] - [SCREAMING] 107 00:04:03,116 --> 00:04:04,116 [DOUG] Rich, go take some photos. 108 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,492 Bambs, mingle. 109 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,120 When you see Warren Beatty, let me know. 110 00:04:07,287 --> 00:04:09,289 - I wanna meet him. - Definitely. 111 00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:10,456 What about me? 112 00:04:10,623 --> 00:04:12,208 You're management, baby. 113 00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,751 You're not lifting a finger. You just enjoy your night. 114 00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:17,298 Well, we are certainly a long way from Seneca Falls. 115 00:04:17,464 --> 00:04:18,674 [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Yeah. 116 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:19,842 [CONSTANCE] Come have a drink with me. 117 00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:21,300 - With pleasure. - You guys have fun. 118 00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:23,053 We will. Nice cane, by the way. 119 00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:24,597 It's a walking stick. Churchill had one. 120 00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:25,931 So did Willy Wonka. 121 00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:27,766 Oh, let him have his moment. 122 00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:29,643 Poor man already feels like an appendage. 123 00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,061 - [TIMMY] Mr. Renetti... - What? 124 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,314 [TIMMY] ... I'm Timmy, the projectionist. 125 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,732 [DOUG] Okay. 126 00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,482 [TIMMY] Sorry, sir, we have a problem. 127 00:04:35,649 --> 00:04:36,900 Deep Throat is missing. 128 00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:38,986 [CAMERA SHUTTERS SNAPPING] 129 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,698 [PRETTY'S "FUNHOUSE" PLAYING] 130 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,451 ♪ ♪ 131 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,412 [SINGER] ♪ Uhn, ahh ♪ 132 00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:50,999 [DOUG] Okay. [INDISTINCT] 133 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,542 Why are you freakin' me out, Timmy? 134 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,253 - They're right here. - Yes, the canisters. 135 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,631 [DOUG] Okay? 136 00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,509 What am I lookin' at here? 137 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,303 That's Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 138 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,472 a five-time Academy Award nominated musical fantasy 139 00:05:04,639 --> 00:05:06,349 set during World War II. 140 00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,017 Three adorable moppets are placed in the care 141 00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:10,019 of an apprentice witch played by Angela Lansbury. 142 00:05:10,186 --> 00:05:11,937 Apprentice? The woman's nearly 70 years old. 143 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:15,025 - [SIGHS] - [TIMMY] Miss Lansbury's in her early 40s. 144 00:05:15,192 --> 00:05:16,401 She just has one of those faces. 145 00:05:16,568 --> 00:05:19,571 Well, unless somebody comes on that face in the second act, 146 00:05:19,738 --> 00:05:21,490 this audience is gonna eat me alive. 147 00:05:21,657 --> 00:05:22,741 What can I say, Doug? 148 00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,326 My old lady made me hire her son. 149 00:05:24,493 --> 00:05:27,079 He's a fuckin' moron. 150 00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:29,164 Yeah, Dwight, I'm talkin' about you. 151 00:05:29,331 --> 00:05:31,084 Aw, you really fucked me on this one, you know that? 152 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,418 [CLIFF] You think you got it bad? 153 00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:34,878 I'd hate to be at that birthday party in Palos Verdes. 154 00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:38,048 [PERSON] I'm gonna slide up and down the banister. 155 00:05:38,215 --> 00:05:40,093 I thought the bed was gonna fly. 156 00:05:40,259 --> 00:05:41,969 I guess you could drive over there. 157 00:05:42,136 --> 00:05:43,262 [DOUG] It's a two-hour drive. 158 00:05:43,429 --> 00:05:44,889 Jesus fucking Christ. 159 00:05:45,056 --> 00:05:46,391 I have a theater full of people. 160 00:05:46,557 --> 00:05:47,684 My boss is here. 161 00:05:47,851 --> 00:05:50,145 You are in luck. 162 00:05:50,311 --> 00:05:52,398 There's another copy of the film nearby. 163 00:05:52,564 --> 00:05:53,898 Bob Evans been sittin' on it. 164 00:05:54,065 --> 00:05:55,233 [TINA] Who the hell is Bob Evans? 165 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,402 [DOUG] He's some Hollywood hotshot, 166 00:05:56,568 --> 00:05:57,653 and I think he did The Godfather. 167 00:05:57,820 --> 00:05:58,895 Here, give me that. Give me that. Come here. 168 00:05:58,904 --> 00:06:00,280 - [JOYCE] Director? - [DOUG] Uh, no. 169 00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:01,531 - [JOYCE] Writer? - [DOUG] I... I don't know. 170 00:06:01,532 --> 00:06:03,575 All I know is, he's been spankin' it to this movie 171 00:06:03,742 --> 00:06:05,120 - for two weeks straight. - [RICHIE] Ali MacGraw 172 00:06:05,286 --> 00:06:06,955 left him for Steve McQueen. Cut the guy some slack. 173 00:06:07,122 --> 00:06:08,414 [TINA] Doug, what the hell are we doin'? 174 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,541 It's 30 minutes there. It's 30 minutes back. 175 00:06:10,708 --> 00:06:12,042 Please... I'll-I'll vamp for the crowd. 176 00:06:12,209 --> 00:06:13,503 Just please do this for me. 177 00:06:14,045 --> 00:06:15,045 [RICHIE] Thomas Guide? 178 00:06:15,171 --> 00:06:16,423 [DOUG] It's in the back seat. 179 00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:18,550 And, please, easy on the brakes. 180 00:06:18,717 --> 00:06:20,969 It's a very expensive car. 181 00:06:21,136 --> 00:06:22,137 Thank you, guys. I love you, I love you, 182 00:06:22,263 --> 00:06:23,763 I love you. 183 00:06:23,930 --> 00:06:26,558 [PROTESTERS SHOUTING "PORN-NO"] 184 00:06:30,061 --> 00:06:31,480 [EXHALES] 185 00:06:31,647 --> 00:06:32,773 - Everything all right? - Oh, with me? 186 00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:34,483 Fantastic. Thank you for asking. 187 00:06:34,650 --> 00:06:37,486 ♪ ♪ 188 00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:41,282 Who's that? Who's that? 189 00:06:41,449 --> 00:06:43,367 - Hmm? - Who was that? 190 00:06:43,534 --> 00:06:45,161 - I don't know. Is he famous? - [BAMBI] Hi! 191 00:06:45,327 --> 00:06:47,246 - [LENNY] Hey. - I didn't think you guys were gonna show. 192 00:06:47,414 --> 00:06:48,665 [SHELLY] Yeah, me neither, 193 00:06:48,832 --> 00:06:50,208 especially after I buried the first invitation 194 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,294 at the bottom of the trash can. 195 00:06:52,461 --> 00:06:53,503 But then the second one showed up 196 00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:54,669 and this one got his hands on it, 197 00:06:54,754 --> 00:06:55,963 so here we are. 198 00:06:56,131 --> 00:06:57,924 This scene is wild. 199 00:06:58,091 --> 00:06:59,342 - [SHELLY CLEARS THROAT] - You know what? I am. 200 00:06:59,509 --> 00:07:00,509 I'm gonna unbutton the second button. 201 00:07:00,635 --> 00:07:01,635 - Yes, fun. - [SHELLY] No, no, no. 202 00:07:01,762 --> 00:07:03,221 You have that eczema patch. 203 00:07:03,388 --> 00:07:04,515 Oh, just put the chain over it. It'll be foxy. 204 00:07:04,682 --> 00:07:06,350 [SHELLY] No, no, no. I got it. I got it. 205 00:07:06,517 --> 00:07:07,517 - I got it. It's okay. - [BAMBI GIGGLES] 206 00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:08,603 That's perfect. Thank you. 207 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:10,145 You guys, drinkies. 208 00:07:10,312 --> 00:07:11,480 I'm Chief Fun Offering my services. 209 00:07:11,646 --> 00:07:13,649 Um, uh, two Jack and Cokes, 210 00:07:13,816 --> 00:07:14,942 unless you have anything stronger. 211 00:07:15,109 --> 00:07:16,486 Um, I'll see what they have. 212 00:07:16,652 --> 00:07:17,945 - Mm-hmm. - [JOYCE] Oh, my God. 213 00:07:18,112 --> 00:07:19,363 Thank God you're here. 214 00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:20,656 You can keep me company at this bacchanal. 215 00:07:20,823 --> 00:07:23,535 - [SIGHS] - Is that... uh, is that... 216 00:07:23,702 --> 00:07:25,204 is that... no, don't... is it Telly Savalas? 217 00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:26,369 [SHELLY] That could be any bald head. 218 00:07:26,496 --> 00:07:27,622 [LENNY] No, no. Look at the gleam. 219 00:07:27,789 --> 00:07:29,040 That's him. That's Telly Savalas. 220 00:07:29,207 --> 00:07:31,835 - I know it. - [JOYCE] God, the Lamberts at Deep Throat. 221 00:07:32,002 --> 00:07:33,504 What is the world coming to? 222 00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:35,839 Well, this film is the talk of the dental community. 223 00:07:36,006 --> 00:07:37,925 Yeah, if that smug Peter Strom wants to brag 224 00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,553 about his porcelain veneers again, then I'm gonna say, 225 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,262 "Oh, really? Well, guess what I got to see. 226 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,680 I got to see"... Yul Brynner. 227 00:07:43,847 --> 00:07:45,057 - Oh, is it? - [GASPS] I knew 228 00:07:45,224 --> 00:07:46,265 - it was a celebrity skull. - I do like Yul. 229 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,311 [BELL CLANGING] 230 00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:49,687 Now the movie's gonna start and I didn't say hi. 231 00:07:49,854 --> 00:07:51,523 Uh, you can talk to him after. 232 00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:53,359 - Shall we do this? - [LENNY] Maybe we're sitting by him. 233 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,619 - [JOYCE] All right... - Are we sitting by him? 234 00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:56,110 [SHELLY] No, we're definitely not. We're not seated by him. 235 00:07:56,153 --> 00:07:57,570 - How do you know? - Please don't. Please don't. 236 00:07:57,737 --> 00:07:59,572 [BAMBI] That's such a snazzy jacket, Lenny. 237 00:07:59,739 --> 00:08:01,074 - [LENNY] Thank you. - [BAMBI GIGGLES] 238 00:08:01,241 --> 00:08:02,867 I don't get to, uh, trot it out very often, 239 00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:04,035 - but... - [SHELLY] You know what? 240 00:08:04,036 --> 00:08:05,204 Let's be close to the aisle. 241 00:08:05,371 --> 00:08:06,831 - [DOUG] Okay. Ooh. - [SHELLY] Yeah? 242 00:08:06,997 --> 00:08:07,997 - [LENNY] You want me to go... - [BAMBI] Oh, that's so cute. 243 00:08:07,998 --> 00:08:09,083 Your bladder's the size of a pea. 244 00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:10,459 - [SHELLY] Uh, Joyce... - [JOYCE] Yeah. 245 00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:11,794 [SHELLY] You know what? You need to sit here. 246 00:08:11,961 --> 00:08:13,420 - We have sister business. - [BAMBI] Oh, okay. 247 00:08:13,587 --> 00:08:14,755 Prigger! Joyce! 248 00:08:14,922 --> 00:08:16,382 Can I talk to you for a second? Now? 249 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:18,926 - [SHELLY SIGHS] - [JOYCE] I'm so sorry, Bambi. 250 00:08:19,092 --> 00:08:20,636 [BAMBI] Okay. Yup. 251 00:08:20,803 --> 00:08:22,222 Okay. Sorry. Excuse us. 252 00:08:22,389 --> 00:08:24,432 [BAMBI GIGGLES] Sorry. 253 00:08:24,599 --> 00:08:26,226 - Just scootch that on over. - [SHELLY] Oh. 254 00:08:26,393 --> 00:08:27,393 [BAMBI] Okay, what do you think? 255 00:08:27,394 --> 00:08:28,727 Popcorn, nachos, dog of corn? 256 00:08:28,894 --> 00:08:31,022 Oh, uh, nachos, please. 257 00:08:31,189 --> 00:08:33,024 I have seen popcorn hulls get jammed 258 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,401 right up into the gumline. 259 00:08:34,568 --> 00:08:36,319 - Yeah. - Your job is so interesting. 260 00:08:36,486 --> 00:08:38,114 Oh. 261 00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:39,407 Do you judge people when they get cavities, 262 00:08:39,574 --> 00:08:41,534 or is it nice to feel needed? 263 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,493 Well, is it crazy if I say 264 00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:45,370 - it's a little bit of both? - [BOTH CHUCKLE] 265 00:08:45,537 --> 00:08:47,582 - [LAUGHS] - [BAMBI] No. 266 00:08:47,748 --> 00:08:48,748 No, well, that's what I was saying... 267 00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:50,251 [JOYCE] Oh, no. 268 00:08:50,418 --> 00:08:53,448 Something gone awry with your mob-distributed illegal film? 269 00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:55,396 Okay, listen, Joyce, I-I might have to get up there 270 00:08:55,397 --> 00:08:56,309 and vamp a little bit for the crowd, 271 00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,968 and-and-and I might pull you up, okay? 272 00:08:58,135 --> 00:08:59,635 And I'm gonna need you, if you get up there, 273 00:08:59,802 --> 00:09:01,262 to talk about the... kind of the lady Minx 274 00:09:01,429 --> 00:09:02,470 perspective of the movie to keep people going. 275 00:09:02,471 --> 00:09:03,515 All right, the Minx perspective is gonna 276 00:09:03,682 --> 00:09:05,851 be quite happy in her seat, eating Nonpareils, okay? 277 00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:07,693 - Want one? - No, I don't want a Nonpareil. 278 00:09:07,769 --> 00:09:09,396 Those are disgusting. 279 00:09:10,814 --> 00:09:13,026 - Fuck. - [TIRES SCREECH] 280 00:09:13,192 --> 00:09:14,443 [CAR DOORS CLOSE] 281 00:09:16,820 --> 00:09:18,697 - [INTERCOM BUZZES] - [GARBLED VOICE] What? 282 00:09:18,864 --> 00:09:20,157 [TINA] We're here for the reels. 283 00:09:20,324 --> 00:09:22,994 [GARBLED VOICE] 284 00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,537 [TINA] No. Not Lady Sings the Blues. 285 00:09:24,704 --> 00:09:27,415 - Deep Throat. - [VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 286 00:09:27,582 --> 00:09:29,709 Okay, thank you. You too. 287 00:09:30,919 --> 00:09:33,504 - Kevin's coming down. - [RICHIE] If you say so. 288 00:09:33,671 --> 00:09:35,126 [DOUG] Welcome, everybody, 289 00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:39,303 to the biggest and baddest social event of 1973. 290 00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:42,389 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 291 00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:44,683 This movie is too hot for New York City. 292 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,518 They couldn't handle it. 293 00:09:46,685 --> 00:09:48,812 - Chicago couldn't handle it. - [LAUGHTER] 294 00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:50,814 But this is LA, baby. 295 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:55,028 - Can we handle it? - [TIMMY MUTTERS] 296 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,738 Oh. 297 00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:04,120 But first, I wanna introduce 298 00:10:04,287 --> 00:10:06,790 Minx's own Joyce Prigger. 299 00:10:06,957 --> 00:10:09,167 Come on up, Joycey. 300 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,461 You're gonna love her. I know I do. 301 00:10:11,629 --> 00:10:13,673 Get up, Joycey. 302 00:10:13,839 --> 00:10:16,216 [BAMBI] Joyce! Joyce! Joyce! Joyce! Joyce! 303 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,219 Joyce! Joyce! Whoo! 304 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,555 Whoo! 305 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,933 Surely we can work something out, guys. 306 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:27,353 Shutting this down seems to be an extreme reaction to this situation. 307 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,064 You placed ads on billboards. 308 00:10:29,231 --> 00:10:30,357 You got those drive time idiots 309 00:10:30,524 --> 00:10:32,024 to yammer about it on the radio. 310 00:10:32,191 --> 00:10:34,235 Then you wave your klieg lights across the city 311 00:10:34,402 --> 00:10:36,153 for a movie that's banned in half the country. 312 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,572 You tied the DA's hands. 313 00:10:37,739 --> 00:10:40,659 Friends, you're killin' me right now. 314 00:10:40,826 --> 00:10:42,244 [JOYCE] As we're all aware, 315 00:10:42,411 --> 00:10:45,414 Michelangelo was repulsed by the female form. 316 00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:47,958 - Um... uh... - [AUDIENCE MUTTERING] 317 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,419 Uh, his greatest depictions... [CHUCKLES WEAKLY] 318 00:10:50,585 --> 00:10:53,755 ... were of virginal, untouched Mary. 319 00:10:53,922 --> 00:10:55,466 [CHUCKLES WEAKLY] 320 00:10:58,845 --> 00:11:00,471 - [FEEDBACK WHINES] - Uh... 321 00:11:00,638 --> 00:11:02,056 Have you guys seen the movie? 322 00:11:02,223 --> 00:11:04,142 It's more arthouse than it is porn. 323 00:11:04,308 --> 00:11:05,435 You know what it's about? It's about a woman 324 00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:06,978 - searching for pleasure... - Mr. Renetti, 325 00:11:07,145 --> 00:11:08,604 this is not a negotiation. 326 00:11:08,771 --> 00:11:11,316 If a single frame of Deep Throat hits that screen, 327 00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:14,737 we're gonna arrest you and everyone here. 328 00:11:14,903 --> 00:11:17,281 [CANISTERS CLATTER] 329 00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:19,700 You guys really know how to rain 330 00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:21,952 on someone's parade, you know that? 331 00:11:22,119 --> 00:11:23,412 I just don't know what I'm gonna tell 332 00:11:23,579 --> 00:11:24,705 all those people in the theater. 333 00:11:24,872 --> 00:11:26,081 I got no Deep Throat now 'cause of you. 334 00:11:26,248 --> 00:11:27,791 Well, better you say it here 335 00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:28,960 than from the inside of a jail cell. 336 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,173 [SECOND COP] Good night, Mr. Renetti. 337 00:11:33,338 --> 00:11:36,008 [DOUG] I got egg all over my face, officers. 338 00:11:36,175 --> 00:11:38,094 You win again. 339 00:11:38,261 --> 00:11:39,679 - I lose again. - [ENGINE RUMBLES] 340 00:11:39,846 --> 00:11:41,347 Thanks for nothin', officers. 341 00:11:41,514 --> 00:11:44,017 [ENGINE REVS] 342 00:11:46,604 --> 00:11:49,105 [RICHIE] Deep dish pizza, 343 00:11:49,272 --> 00:11:51,775 a lake as big as an ocean, 344 00:11:51,941 --> 00:11:52,941 - the Cubbies... - Is that a haiku? 345 00:11:53,026 --> 00:11:54,945 [RICHIE] No. 346 00:11:55,112 --> 00:11:56,489 I was just listing all the things 347 00:11:56,655 --> 00:11:58,115 that you missed out on by turning down 348 00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:00,826 - the University of Chicago. - [SIGHS] Don't start. 349 00:12:00,993 --> 00:12:02,746 Running Minx is my business school. 350 00:12:02,913 --> 00:12:05,414 Tina, you're not running Minx. You're running errands. 351 00:12:05,581 --> 00:12:07,958 Doug can distract us with all the new titles he wants, 352 00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:10,669 but we're still his gofers. 353 00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:13,590 - [KEVIN CLEARS THROAT] - [TINA] Oh. 354 00:12:13,757 --> 00:12:15,008 There's supposed to be six. 355 00:12:15,175 --> 00:12:16,384 Yeah. [SIGHS] Bob wanted to give 356 00:12:16,551 --> 00:12:18,053 the last three one more viewing. 357 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:19,513 - He's had it for a week. - [KEVIN] I don't know, man. 358 00:12:19,514 --> 00:12:20,722 The engagement sequence cheers him up. 359 00:12:20,889 --> 00:12:22,015 All right, I'll drive back with the first set. 360 00:12:22,182 --> 00:12:23,183 You stay and take a cab with the rest. 361 00:12:23,350 --> 00:12:24,350 [RICHIE] Wha... 362 00:12:25,435 --> 00:12:27,521 Oh, Porn Schlepping 101. I love that MBA program. 363 00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,067 - [EXHALES] - [KEVIN] Is that grass? 364 00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:32,944 No. 365 00:12:33,111 --> 00:12:35,570 [THE SCREAMING GYSPY BANDITS' "PREMATURELY" PLAYING] 366 00:12:35,737 --> 00:12:38,324 [BRAKES SCREECH] 367 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,867 - [DOUG] Do you have 'em? - [TINA] Yes. 368 00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:41,077 Yes. 369 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:44,915 Oh, Tina, hallelujah. 370 00:12:45,082 --> 00:12:46,542 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 371 00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:48,793 Tell me you weren't ridin' the brakes like that the whole time. 372 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,045 [TINA] Would you quit worrying? 373 00:12:50,212 --> 00:12:51,504 [DOUG] You kill the brakes when you do that. 374 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,632 Uh, very good guess, but no, that is the perineum. 375 00:12:53,799 --> 00:12:55,634 [AUDIENCE CHUCKLES] 376 00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:59,012 Warren, for the 12th time, I know you know, all right? 377 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:02,725 We all know you now. Right? 378 00:13:02,892 --> 00:13:06,186 Gentlemen, does any man in this room 379 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,398 besides Warren Beatty over there, 380 00:13:09,565 --> 00:13:11,818 know where the clitoris is on a female body? 381 00:13:11,985 --> 00:13:13,695 [SHELLY] Absolutely not. 382 00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,196 Yes, good sir. 383 00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:17,574 The little nubbin under the beret. 384 00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:20,369 Ew. Jeez. 385 00:13:20,536 --> 00:13:22,620 - But yes. Yes, yes. - [APPLAUSE] 386 00:13:22,787 --> 00:13:24,622 It's the nubbin. 387 00:13:24,789 --> 00:13:27,167 The nubbin, everybody. All right, now, let's... 388 00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:31,755 hey-hey, ladies and gentlemen, you've had enough of me. 389 00:13:31,922 --> 00:13:34,258 Are you ready for the absurdist 390 00:13:34,425 --> 00:13:36,970 cinematic spectacle of our time, 391 00:13:37,136 --> 00:13:38,512 Deep Throat? 392 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,390 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 393 00:13:44,561 --> 00:13:47,272 [FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING] 394 00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:51,109 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 395 00:13:51,276 --> 00:13:54,112 ♪ ♪ 396 00:13:55,113 --> 00:13:58,116 [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 397 00:13:58,283 --> 00:13:59,451 [RICHIE] So do all of Bob's assistants 398 00:13:59,618 --> 00:14:01,579 have to wait for him to jerk off? 399 00:14:01,746 --> 00:14:03,122 I'm actually a VP at Paramount. 400 00:14:03,289 --> 00:14:04,624 [RICHIE CHUCKLES] 401 00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,292 But I started as his assistant, 402 00:14:06,459 --> 00:14:08,251 and he can't stop thinkin' of me that way. 403 00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:10,922 [SIGHS] The things he makes me do. 404 00:14:11,088 --> 00:14:14,967 [CHUCKLES] You know, if I ever have an assistant, 405 00:14:15,134 --> 00:14:18,137 I swear I'm gonna be so nice to him. 406 00:14:18,304 --> 00:14:20,140 - I do have an assistant. - [RICHIE] Mm. 407 00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:21,307 [KEVIN] Who do you think is standing 408 00:14:21,433 --> 00:14:23,643 - outside Bob's door right now? - [RICHIE GIGGLES] 409 00:14:25,770 --> 00:14:28,065 No. No. I'm getting loopier by the second, so... 410 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,235 And if I like you loopy? 411 00:14:36,366 --> 00:14:38,201 [BOB] Kevin, I'm done. I need 412 00:14:38,368 --> 00:14:39,660 - a strawberry milkshake... - [KEVIN SIGHS] 413 00:14:39,826 --> 00:14:40,827 [BOB] ... and a menthol cigarette. 414 00:14:40,994 --> 00:14:42,955 Also, I, uh, fired your assistant. 415 00:14:43,121 --> 00:14:44,332 He won't stop crying. 416 00:14:44,499 --> 00:14:45,917 - Duty calls. - Mm. 417 00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:49,504 Can you get me a cab? 418 00:14:51,631 --> 00:14:52,633 I have a better idea. 419 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,134 [TIRES SQUEAL] 420 00:14:55,301 --> 00:14:56,511 [DOCTOR] Listen, having a clitoris 421 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,054 deep down at the bottom of your throat 422 00:14:58,221 --> 00:14:59,847 is better than having no clitoris at all. 423 00:15:00,014 --> 00:15:03,769 That's easy for you to say. [WEEPS] 424 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:06,063 Suppose your balls were in your ear. 425 00:15:09,024 --> 00:15:10,317 Why, then I could hear myself coming. 426 00:15:10,484 --> 00:15:13,279 [LAUGHTER] 427 00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,573 Listen, we have the problem solved. 428 00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:18,535 All we have to do now is find a solution. 429 00:15:18,702 --> 00:15:20,662 - [BOTH CHUCKLE] - [LINDA] Like what? 430 00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:21,997 - [LENNY CHUCKLES] - [LINDA WEEPS] 431 00:15:22,163 --> 00:15:24,332 [DOCTOR] Like-like deep throat. 432 00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:25,666 [SHELLY] Sorry, sorry, sorry. 433 00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:26,834 - Oh, my God. - [LINDA] Deep what? 434 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,378 [DOCTOR] Deep throat. 435 00:15:28,545 --> 00:15:30,046 [LINDA] You make it sound so easy. 436 00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,549 [DOCTOR] Well, it is. 437 00:15:32,716 --> 00:15:35,386 Try it. You'll like it. 438 00:15:35,553 --> 00:15:37,888 [LINDA] Well, what have I got to lose? 439 00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:40,182 - [DOCTOR] Come dear. - [DOUG] How much time we got left, Timmy? 440 00:15:40,349 --> 00:15:42,434 Seven, maybe eight minutes. 441 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,437 [DOUG] Well, it-it's better to give the audience 442 00:15:44,603 --> 00:15:46,397 some Deep Throat than no Deep Throat, right? 443 00:15:46,564 --> 00:15:48,357 No. It's way worse. 444 00:15:48,524 --> 00:15:50,109 - See this crack? - [DOUG] Yeah. 445 00:15:50,276 --> 00:15:52,362 [TIMMY] Sound of Music, '66. We spooled out 446 00:15:52,529 --> 00:15:53,947 right as the Nazis rushed in. 447 00:15:54,114 --> 00:15:55,746 [DOUG] All right, so we are about to give blue balls 448 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:56,746 to this entire theater. 449 00:15:56,782 --> 00:15:57,782 Is that what you're telling me right now? 450 00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,618 Yes, sir. 451 00:15:59,785 --> 00:16:02,456 [DOUG] Teens? Teens? Please. 452 00:16:02,622 --> 00:16:04,291 I need you. 453 00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:07,377 I need you to go find Richie and figure out what the holdup is. 454 00:16:07,544 --> 00:16:08,628 By the time I get there and back, 455 00:16:08,795 --> 00:16:10,173 this reel'll be long done. It doesn't m... 456 00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:11,465 No, I have a plan for that. I have a plan for that. 457 00:16:11,466 --> 00:16:12,465 I'm gonna have Joyce go up there 458 00:16:12,466 --> 00:16:13,550 and tap dance a little bit. 459 00:16:13,717 --> 00:16:15,135 - Please. Please. - Okay, but it... 460 00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:19,640 - it just doesn't make sense. - [DOUG] I... I... I need you to go, please. 461 00:16:19,807 --> 00:16:21,976 - I'm begging you. - Ooh, okay. Yep. 462 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,480 [SIGHS] Oh, God. 463 00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:30,860 It's a lot. Right? 464 00:16:31,027 --> 00:16:32,445 I've mostly been watching the crowd 465 00:16:32,612 --> 00:16:34,113 - instead of the screen. - What? Oh, no. 466 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,533 I-I-I had a large cola. 467 00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:38,494 You know, after three kids, whoosh, goes right through ya. 468 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:39,952 Well, Lenny seems to be having a good time. 469 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,580 [SHELLY] Oh, yeah. Mark my words, 470 00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,039 he's in there workshopping a Deep Throat joke 471 00:16:43,207 --> 00:16:44,375 he'll be telling for years. 472 00:16:46,585 --> 00:16:47,961 [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY] 473 00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:49,922 [SHELLY] Huh? Ow! 474 00:16:50,089 --> 00:16:52,217 What's wrong with you? 475 00:16:52,384 --> 00:16:54,594 [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY] 476 00:16:54,761 --> 00:16:56,137 - Joan Didion? - Oh, my God. 477 00:16:56,304 --> 00:16:58,806 Is it the auth... Joan Didion? Is she here? 478 00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:03,436 - [JOYCE] Hi. Hi. - [SHELLY] Oh, God. 479 00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:05,688 - I'm, uh... I'm Joyce... - [JOAN] Joyce Prigger, yeah. 480 00:17:05,855 --> 00:17:07,190 I enjoyed your little performance. 481 00:17:07,357 --> 00:17:10,403 Oh, God. Blech. [CHUCKLES] 482 00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:11,737 What are you doing here? 483 00:17:11,904 --> 00:17:14,030 Forming an opinion. 484 00:17:14,197 --> 00:17:17,451 I wanted to see what all the... the fuss was about. 485 00:17:17,618 --> 00:17:19,161 Well, people are here. [CHUCKLES] 486 00:17:19,328 --> 00:17:21,288 You know, and people are really laughing. 487 00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:24,791 But I-I think that's because of the collective anxiety 488 00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:27,421 of watching something so unsettling on screen. 489 00:17:27,587 --> 00:17:30,881 The laughter's a nervous release, you know? 490 00:17:31,048 --> 00:17:32,716 [CHUCKLES] 491 00:17:32,883 --> 00:17:34,009 I think they're laughing 'cause it's a comedy. 492 00:17:34,176 --> 00:17:35,846 Yes. I-I agree. 493 00:17:36,012 --> 00:17:37,431 Well, I don't think it was their intent, 494 00:17:37,597 --> 00:17:39,516 but, uh, regardless, 495 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,685 they seem to have stumbled onto something. 496 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:42,979 And will you excuse me? 497 00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:48,316 [MOUTHING WORDS] 498 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,489 Hey, Joan? 499 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,993 Um, fun idea just occurred to me. 500 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,913 - [JOAN PEEING] - What if you wrote about this for Minx? 501 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,164 [JOAN] Uh... 502 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,082 Just some small musings, really. 503 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:06,544 Just you... just your thoughts on what it all means. 504 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:11,341 [JOAN] It is possible to continue this conversation at another time? 505 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,344 [JOYCE] Well, uh, actually, 506 00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:18,515 um, we're having an after-party, 507 00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:21,143 um, which you should come to. 508 00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:23,270 Um, and we can... we can chat there 509 00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,356 if you like and talk about life 510 00:18:25,523 --> 00:18:28,568 and star signs and... [CHUCKLES] 511 00:18:28,735 --> 00:18:29,861 - Um... - [JOAN] Oh. 512 00:18:30,028 --> 00:18:32,237 - There you go. - [JOAN] Yeah. 513 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,324 Is this in the valley? 514 00:18:36,451 --> 00:18:38,036 - [PROJECTOR WHIRRING] - [BANG ON DOOR] 515 00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:40,079 Help me push this against the door. 516 00:18:40,246 --> 00:18:41,581 - It might buy us some time. - [DOUG] Stop it. 517 00:18:45,753 --> 00:18:47,170 [JOYCE] Her-her-her eyes were smiling. 518 00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:48,588 You know? Like-like-like, 519 00:18:48,755 --> 00:18:51,800 - from ear to ear. Oh! - [CANISTERS CLATTER] 520 00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:55,095 [DOUG] Oh, God, no! [GROANS] 521 00:18:55,262 --> 00:18:56,555 - [SHELLY] Oh! Oh, God. - [DOUG GRUNTS] 522 00:18:56,722 --> 00:18:57,723 [SHELLY] Oh, that's terrible. 523 00:18:57,890 --> 00:18:59,308 [DOUG] Find reel four. 524 00:18:59,476 --> 00:19:00,643 - [JOYCE] All right. Jesus. - [RICHIE] Oh, okay. 525 00:19:00,644 --> 00:19:01,978 I haven't seen any of it. How am I supposed to know 526 00:19:02,144 --> 00:19:03,270 - what's in reel four? - [DOUG] Shout it out. 527 00:19:03,437 --> 00:19:05,856 - I'll know. - [RICHIE] I've got, uh, pubic shaving. 528 00:19:06,023 --> 00:19:07,441 Is this the nurse making whoopie? 529 00:19:07,608 --> 00:19:09,486 There's a straw coming out of her vagina. 530 00:19:09,653 --> 00:19:11,530 That's Coke dildo. [PANTS] 531 00:19:11,696 --> 00:19:12,864 Coke dildo starts reel four. 532 00:19:13,031 --> 00:19:14,031 [DOUG] All right, give me reel four. 533 00:19:14,074 --> 00:19:15,867 It's reel four. Give it to me. 534 00:19:16,034 --> 00:19:17,411 Thank you. Come on. 535 00:19:17,577 --> 00:19:19,371 [JOYCE] Oh, my God. Give me that. 536 00:19:19,538 --> 00:19:20,705 - Come on. - [DOUG] Fuck! 537 00:19:20,872 --> 00:19:23,792 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS] 538 00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:25,628 [SINGER] ♪ Something's wrong ♪ 539 00:19:25,795 --> 00:19:27,797 - [BOTH YELL] - [JOYCE] Je... God, reel four. 540 00:19:27,964 --> 00:19:30,258 ♪ ♪ 541 00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:32,718 [DOCTOR] Case 358. Albert Finster. Age 25. 542 00:19:32,885 --> 00:19:34,554 Bachelor. 543 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,180 Has an obsession in finding out 544 00:19:36,347 --> 00:19:38,808 that things really do go better with Coke. 545 00:19:38,975 --> 00:19:41,352 - Relax your muscles... - [PROJECTOR WHIRS] 546 00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:43,188 [PROJECTOR BEEPS] 547 00:19:43,355 --> 00:19:45,107 [SINGER] ♪ I'd like to try ♪ 548 00:19:45,274 --> 00:19:47,734 [LAUGHTER] 549 00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:51,655 ♪ Please don't think less of me ♪ 550 00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:54,241 ♪ I'd like to drink a little Coke ♪ 551 00:19:54,408 --> 00:19:56,243 [JOYCE] All right. 552 00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,704 Oh. Thank you. [CHUCKLES] You're very kind. 553 00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:00,373 Thank you. 554 00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:02,625 Hi, hello. 555 00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:04,418 Did you enjoy it? Love your boa. 556 00:20:04,585 --> 00:20:06,169 'Kay, thank you. Great to meet you. 557 00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:08,673 Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. 558 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,341 All right, you should put some ice on that, 559 00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:12,093 because we have an after-party to host. 560 00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:14,012 Thought you nixed that. Who was it, Joyce Carol Oates 561 00:20:14,178 --> 00:20:15,763 in the bathtub, reading a book or something? 562 00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:18,225 No, it's Joan Didion, and she's coming to the party, okay? 563 00:20:18,392 --> 00:20:22,228 She might actually be writing about Deep Throat for our magazine. 564 00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,188 Oh, God, this really is a cultural phenomenon. 565 00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:25,774 - Uh... it's not gonna happen. - [JOYCE] Hi. 566 00:20:25,941 --> 00:20:27,192 We don't have time to throw a party. 567 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:28,861 What? No, it's fine. Constance is all over it. 568 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,321 She's got a caterer on retainer. 569 00:20:30,487 --> 00:20:32,072 - Constance... - [JOYCE] Yeah. 570 00:20:32,239 --> 00:20:34,159 ... is gonna stock the booze for one of our parties? 571 00:20:34,326 --> 00:20:35,534 - Yeah. - [DOUG CHUCKLING] No. 572 00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:36,869 - [JOYCE] Why? - No, no, if we're gonna do it, 573 00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,203 it's gotta be Tina. I'll send Tina. 574 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,520 - She knows what good... - Tina! Where is Tina? 575 00:20:39,622 --> 00:20:41,248 I haven't seen her all evening. Thank you. 576 00:20:42,292 --> 00:20:43,752 Hi! Oh, my God, hi. 577 00:20:46,421 --> 00:20:47,546 ["IF IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S GONNA BE ALL NIGHT" PLAYING] 578 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:48,882 [BAMBI CHUCKLES] Enjoy! 579 00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:52,177 ♪ ♪ 580 00:20:53,303 --> 00:20:54,804 - Great choice. - [SINGER] ♪ Oh, baby ♪ 581 00:20:54,971 --> 00:20:56,973 ♪ If it's all right... ♪ 582 00:20:57,140 --> 00:20:58,391 [LENNY] No, no, I liked it. I liked it. 583 00:20:58,559 --> 00:21:00,686 Of course, I've had a lot of women patients, 584 00:21:00,853 --> 00:21:01,896 but the only thing I've ever found 585 00:21:02,063 --> 00:21:04,357 in the back of a woman's throat is esophageal cancer. 586 00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:05,650 - [CHUCKLING] - So another... oh, yeah. 587 00:21:05,816 --> 00:21:07,234 Hey, you're driving. 588 00:21:07,401 --> 00:21:08,736 [BAMBI] Oh, the green ones are for focus. 589 00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:10,863 Astronauts take them to survive reentry. 590 00:21:11,030 --> 00:21:13,407 - You can have half. - [BAMBI] Ooh. 591 00:21:13,408 --> 00:21:15,739 - Give it. - [KEVIN] I love what you did with the lens flare. 592 00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:16,977 It makes you feel like someone's looking. 593 00:21:16,978 --> 00:21:18,037 [RICHIE] Most people get derailed 594 00:21:18,038 --> 00:21:19,539 - by the monster cock. - [CHUCKLES] 595 00:21:19,706 --> 00:21:21,582 Oh. Funny and talented. 596 00:21:21,749 --> 00:21:23,250 Hope you're ready to hit the big time. 597 00:21:23,417 --> 00:21:24,961 - [RICHIE CHUCKLES] Okay. - [GLASSES CLINK] 598 00:21:25,128 --> 00:21:27,631 [DOUG] Well, the difference is, cane's got a crook, 599 00:21:27,798 --> 00:21:29,925 whereas this baby right here... check that out. 600 00:21:30,092 --> 00:21:33,429 Nepalese fire opal. 601 00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,890 - They say it's cursed. - [LAUGHTER] 602 00:21:36,057 --> 00:21:38,475 [CHUCKLES] I say it's expensive. 603 00:21:38,642 --> 00:21:40,268 - [BAMBI] Ahem. - [DOUG] A great piece. 604 00:21:40,435 --> 00:21:43,981 [SINGER] ♪ I know you're gonna make it all right ♪ 605 00:21:44,148 --> 00:21:46,943 [LAUGHTER] 606 00:21:51,949 --> 00:21:53,408 [PERSON] Oh, yeah? When I was a kid, 607 00:21:53,574 --> 00:21:54,951 I thought a blow job was someone 608 00:21:55,118 --> 00:21:56,703 literally blowing on your dick. 609 00:21:56,869 --> 00:21:58,580 No, the first time I saw a penis, 610 00:21:58,747 --> 00:22:00,833 I thought it was a long belly button. 611 00:22:00,999 --> 00:22:04,086 What kind of wackos send these unsolicited? 612 00:22:04,253 --> 00:22:06,338 Aw, grandpa thinks he belongs in a magazine. 613 00:22:06,505 --> 00:22:07,965 [LAUGHTER] 614 00:22:08,132 --> 00:22:09,800 That's Wayne. He has a purple heart. 615 00:22:09,967 --> 00:22:11,260 [JOYCE] Yeah. And a purple penis. 616 00:22:12,636 --> 00:22:15,598 Um... 617 00:22:15,765 --> 00:22:17,183 [PERSON] Hey, can I get a refill? 618 00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:19,185 [LAUGHTER] 619 00:22:19,352 --> 00:22:20,729 [SINGER] ♪ Now, I know that when I take you... ♪ 620 00:22:24,065 --> 00:22:25,734 [CONSTANCE] Ah, nothing more attractive 621 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:28,319 than a man doing the dishes. 622 00:22:28,486 --> 00:22:30,321 You know, if you were 20 years younger, 623 00:22:30,488 --> 00:22:31,990 I might just lock you away in my tower. 624 00:22:32,157 --> 00:22:33,659 [DOUG] Well, if you were ten years older, 625 00:22:33,826 --> 00:22:35,286 - I might let ya. - [CONSTANCE CHUCKLES] 626 00:22:35,453 --> 00:22:36,829 I'm just sayin' my goodbyes. 627 00:22:36,996 --> 00:22:38,289 Not bad for our maiden voyage, huh? 628 00:22:38,456 --> 00:22:39,664 What do you think? You happy? 629 00:22:39,831 --> 00:22:41,459 I especially appreciate the way you handled 630 00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:45,129 the debacle with the missing reels and the police. 631 00:22:45,296 --> 00:22:46,839 - What police? - [CONSTANCE] Mm-hmm. 632 00:22:47,006 --> 00:22:48,006 I know that you're used to taking care 633 00:22:48,007 --> 00:22:50,969 of all these things by yourself, but use me. 634 00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:54,014 I was the DA's third-largest donor, 635 00:22:54,181 --> 00:22:55,890 and that prickly son of a bitch owes me. 636 00:22:56,056 --> 00:22:57,516 Good to know. 637 00:22:57,683 --> 00:22:59,853 But I like what I saw tonight, Douglas. 638 00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:01,980 I'm very excited to roll up our sleeves 639 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,690 and see where this is gonna go. 640 00:23:03,857 --> 00:23:04,857 Me too. 641 00:23:04,941 --> 00:23:06,694 Oh, and by the way, 642 00:23:06,861 --> 00:23:10,363 awfully generous of you to give Joyce the larger office. 643 00:23:10,530 --> 00:23:11,865 You are a gentleman. 644 00:23:16,078 --> 00:23:17,121 [DOUG SIGHS] 645 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:21,333 Your car is on Mulholland 646 00:23:21,459 --> 00:23:24,087 somewhere between Coldwater and Laurel Canyon. 647 00:23:24,254 --> 00:23:25,755 That Rolls is a piece of shit, and so are you. 648 00:23:25,922 --> 00:23:27,173 I shouldn't have sent you, 649 00:23:27,174 --> 00:23:28,298 but there was no way I could have reached... 650 00:23:28,299 --> 00:23:29,675 Laurel and Coldwater? 651 00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:31,093 That's a two-mile stretch, Teens. 652 00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:32,638 [TINA] Tough shit. 653 00:23:32,805 --> 00:23:35,474 I just walked into a big-ass party that I wasn't invited to 654 00:23:35,641 --> 00:23:37,976 for a movie I didn't get to see. 655 00:23:38,143 --> 00:23:39,143 [DOUG] Go back to the party, guys. 656 00:23:39,186 --> 00:23:41,188 Have fun. Tina, please, 657 00:23:41,355 --> 00:23:42,356 you think that was my intention? 658 00:23:42,523 --> 00:23:43,732 There was no way I could reach you. 659 00:23:43,899 --> 00:23:45,943 [TINA] Résumés for my replacement. 660 00:23:46,109 --> 00:23:48,362 I am the managing editor, Doug, not your secretary. 661 00:23:48,529 --> 00:23:50,573 If you need me, I'll be drinking 662 00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:52,867 your secret Scotch in Joyce's office. 663 00:23:53,034 --> 00:23:54,410 That's where the fun seems to be. 664 00:23:54,577 --> 00:23:58,206 - [LAUGHTER] - The... the... the only thing 665 00:23:58,373 --> 00:23:59,541 I've found at the back of a woman's throat 666 00:23:59,707 --> 00:24:02,210 - is a swollen uvula. - [ALL LAUGH] 667 00:24:03,419 --> 00:24:05,004 Okay, these pills are definitely making me funnier. 668 00:24:05,171 --> 00:24:06,757 - Can I have the other half now? - [SHELLY] No. It's 2:00 a.m. 669 00:24:06,924 --> 00:24:08,384 The sitter probably thinks we're dead. 670 00:24:08,551 --> 00:24:10,177 Okay, so what's another hour? 671 00:24:10,344 --> 00:24:11,970 You've had enough, okay? 672 00:24:12,136 --> 00:24:14,974 Y-you can tell all your friends tomorrow at the club 673 00:24:15,140 --> 00:24:18,477 about your big party with the porn stars. 674 00:24:18,644 --> 00:24:21,272 That's what you think this night is about? 675 00:24:21,438 --> 00:24:23,066 Shell... 676 00:24:25,318 --> 00:24:27,528 Something is going on with you, and I don't know what. 677 00:24:27,695 --> 00:24:29,238 And I-I don't quite know why, but I just figured 678 00:24:29,305 --> 00:24:30,363 it would be good for us to get away 679 00:24:30,364 --> 00:24:32,366 from the kids and the house and the responsibilities, 680 00:24:32,492 --> 00:24:33,493 try to have a little fun together? 681 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:36,496 I would like that, too, 682 00:24:36,663 --> 00:24:39,457 to have some fun with you. 683 00:24:40,001 --> 00:24:42,253 Look, I love you. 684 00:24:42,420 --> 00:24:43,920 And-and whatever this is, 685 00:24:44,087 --> 00:24:45,630 I wanna figure it out with you. 686 00:24:45,797 --> 00:24:46,798 Do whatever it takes. 687 00:24:49,135 --> 00:24:50,887 I do still have that other half, so... 688 00:24:53,264 --> 00:24:54,640 [LENNY CHUCKLES] 689 00:24:54,807 --> 00:24:56,392 [SINGER] ♪... to your lips, darlin' ♪ 690 00:24:57,895 --> 00:25:01,731 ♪ It's poison to some ♪ 691 00:25:01,898 --> 00:25:03,107 [SHELLY SIGHS] Come with me. 692 00:25:03,274 --> 00:25:04,317 I know a place. 693 00:25:06,028 --> 00:25:07,821 [INDISTINCT] ... kiss. 694 00:25:08,614 --> 00:25:10,490 - [BOTH] Oh. - [RICHIE] Watch out, 695 00:25:10,657 --> 00:25:11,950 the cabinet on the left is a little wobbly. 696 00:25:12,117 --> 00:25:14,161 - [SHELLY] Okay. - [RICHIE CHUCKLES] 697 00:25:17,497 --> 00:25:18,874 [JOAN] You're the belle of the ball. 698 00:25:19,041 --> 00:25:21,168 [JOYCE] Joan! Hi. 699 00:25:21,335 --> 00:25:23,254 I didn't know you were here. Hi. 700 00:25:23,421 --> 00:25:24,714 [JOAN] That's by design. 701 00:25:24,881 --> 00:25:25,881 [JOYCE] Oh. 702 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:29,384 Is that your notebook? 703 00:25:29,551 --> 00:25:31,804 Are you-are you considering writing the piece? 704 00:25:31,971 --> 00:25:34,766 [SIGHS] I don't think I have much to say about Deep Throat. 705 00:25:35,767 --> 00:25:38,186 Oh. Really? 706 00:25:38,353 --> 00:25:39,855 Mm. 707 00:25:40,022 --> 00:25:42,191 But doesn't it seem like people are longing 708 00:25:42,358 --> 00:25:46,027 for a way to be more open about sexuality 709 00:25:46,194 --> 00:25:50,199 and-and to ask questions without feeling shame? 710 00:25:50,366 --> 00:25:53,535 And so they've turned this ridiculous movie into this spectacle 711 00:25:53,702 --> 00:25:56,455 to give themselves a way to do just that. 712 00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:58,166 And, do you know, I don't think it stops there. 713 00:25:58,333 --> 00:26:00,250 I-I think... I don't know. 714 00:26:00,417 --> 00:26:02,294 This feels like the beginning of something. 715 00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:04,755 [SINGER] ♪ It's poison for some ♪ 716 00:26:04,922 --> 00:26:06,841 Sounds like you've already started writing it. 717 00:26:07,008 --> 00:26:09,177 [SINGER] ♪ So wait like a lady ♪ 718 00:26:09,344 --> 00:26:13,390 ♪ Lady, lady, lady ♪ ♪ Lady, lady, lady ♪ 719 00:26:13,557 --> 00:26:15,517 ♪ Wait like a lady ♪ ♪ Wait like a lady ♪ 720 00:26:15,684 --> 00:26:17,769 ♪ Lady, lady, lady... ♪ 721 00:26:17,936 --> 00:26:20,480 [DOUG SIGHS] 722 00:26:21,189 --> 00:26:23,484 - [BAMBI] Hey. - [DOUG] Hey. 723 00:26:23,651 --> 00:26:25,319 Well, this is the biggest party we've ever thrown. 724 00:26:25,486 --> 00:26:26,779 [DOUG] Oh, by far. 725 00:26:28,698 --> 00:26:30,032 Ernest Borgnine and Warren Beatty 726 00:26:30,199 --> 00:26:31,409 came to blows in the parking lot. 727 00:26:31,575 --> 00:26:34,036 What? Why didn't anybody come tell me? 728 00:26:34,203 --> 00:26:36,414 It wasn't a fair fight. 729 00:26:36,580 --> 00:26:37,957 Ernie dropped with one punch. 730 00:26:38,124 --> 00:26:40,252 Ugh, I fucking missed everything. 731 00:26:43,797 --> 00:26:45,590 I think I like the old parties better. 732 00:26:45,757 --> 00:26:47,843 Yeah. Porn's gone mainstream. 733 00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:54,599 [TYPEWRITER CLACKING] 734 00:26:56,602 --> 00:26:58,354 [GROANS] 735 00:27:00,106 --> 00:27:01,274 [TYPEWRITER DINGS] 736 00:27:02,899 --> 00:27:05,611 ["NUMBER ONE" PLAYING] 737 00:27:05,778 --> 00:27:08,614 ♪ ♪ 738 00:27:10,241 --> 00:27:14,455 [SINGER] ♪ My daddy said ♪ 739 00:27:16,582 --> 00:27:21,628 ♪ Son, the time's done come ♪ 740 00:27:23,464 --> 00:27:26,550 ♪ I'm gonna turn you loose and let go your hand ♪ 741 00:27:26,717 --> 00:27:30,513 ♪ You got to go in the world and prove yourself a man ♪ 742 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,725 ♪ 'Cause you been put down here ♪ 743 00:27:34,892 --> 00:27:36,518 ♪ To be number one ♪ 744 00:27:36,685 --> 00:27:38,395 ♪ You've got to rise in the morning ♪ 745 00:27:38,562 --> 00:27:40,398 ♪ And meet the sun ♪ 746 00:27:40,565 --> 00:27:43,401 ♪ You gotta sit at the table and break the bread ♪ 747 00:27:43,568 --> 00:27:45,070 ♪ And if the blood in your veins ♪ 748 00:27:45,236 --> 00:27:46,988 ♪ Is runnin' red ♪ 749 00:27:47,156 --> 00:27:48,865 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 750 00:27:49,032 --> 00:27:51,701 ♪ Or you might as well be dead ♪ 751 00:27:51,868 --> 00:27:54,704 ♪ ♪ 752 00:27:57,583 --> 00:28:01,796 ♪ My daddy said ♪ 753 00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:08,260 ♪ Son, the time's done come ♪ 754 00:28:10,930 --> 00:28:14,351 ♪ You got to look all around ♪ ♪ Find a solid stone ♪ 755 00:28:14,518 --> 00:28:16,019 ♪ You got to make things ready ♪ 756 00:28:16,186 --> 00:28:20,106 ♪ And build yourself a home ♪ 757 00:28:20,272 --> 00:28:22,317 ♪ 'Cause you been put down here ♪ 758 00:28:22,484 --> 00:28:24,361 ♪ To be number one ♪ 759 00:28:24,528 --> 00:28:25,779 ♪ You got to rise in the morning ♪ 760 00:28:25,946 --> 00:28:28,115 ♪ And meet the sun ♪ 761 00:28:28,281 --> 00:28:30,868 ♪ You got to sit at the table and break the bread ♪ 762 00:28:31,035 --> 00:28:32,954 ♪ And if the blood in your veins ♪ 763 00:28:33,121 --> 00:28:34,746 ♪ Is runnin' red ♪ 764 00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,248 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 765 00:28:36,414 --> 00:28:38,251 ♪ Or you might as well be dead ♪ 766 00:28:38,417 --> 00:28:40,044 [DOUG] Eighteen. 767 00:28:42,463 --> 00:28:44,590 Motherfuck. 768 00:28:45,341 --> 00:28:48,887 [SINGER] ♪ My daddy said ♪ 769 00:28:52,181 --> 00:28:56,186 ♪ Son, the time's done come ♪ 770 00:28:58,397 --> 00:28:59,982 ♪ You got to find you a woman ♪ 771 00:29:00,149 --> 00:29:02,317 ♪ And treat her good ♪ 772 00:29:02,484 --> 00:29:05,405 ♪ Do your duty like you know you should ♪ 773 00:29:05,572 --> 00:29:08,866 ♪ You'll never have to worry 'bout bein' alone ♪ 774 00:29:09,032 --> 00:29:11,952 ♪ The woman's gonna make you a happy home ♪ 775 00:29:14,664 --> 00:29:16,541 ♪ 'Cause you been put down here ♪ 776 00:29:16,708 --> 00:29:18,501 ♪ To be number one ♪ 777 00:29:18,668 --> 00:29:20,336 ♪ You got to rise in the morning ♪ 778 00:29:20,503 --> 00:29:22,338 ♪ And meet the sun ♪ 779 00:29:22,505 --> 00:29:25,300 ♪ You got to sit at the table and break the bread ♪ 780 00:29:25,466 --> 00:29:26,843 ♪ And if the blood in your veins ♪ 781 00:29:27,010 --> 00:29:28,636 ♪ Is runnin' red ♪ 782 00:29:28,803 --> 00:29:30,764 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 783 00:29:30,931 --> 00:29:35,311 ♪ Or you might as well be dead ♪ 784 00:29:40,065 --> 00:29:42,943 ♪ Then you ought to be a man ♪ 785 00:29:43,110 --> 00:29:48,575 ♪ Or you might as well be dead ♪ 786 00:29:54,413 --> 00:29:57,209 ♪ ♪ 787 00:29:57,210 --> 00:30:02,210 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 58456

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