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1
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:15,080
OK, that's it.
2
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:17,248
I get to pick the next 5 movies.
3
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:19,250
What? It was great!
4
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,919
Yeah, a kid gets sliced in half
5
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:23,188
by a surfboard.
6
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,891
There's a feel-good moment.
7
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,893
It was called Slaughter Beach.
8
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,461
What were you expecting?
9
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,196
Come on, you gotta admit
10
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:34,166
that killer was pretty
freakin' scary, huh?
11
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,667
Surf's up.
12
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,169
Don't do that!
13
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,303
Why? Does it freak you out
14
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,305
when I say Surf's up?
15
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,006
Stop it! Stop what?
16
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:43,152
That voice!
17
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:47,011
What voice? This
is just the way I talk.
18
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,314
Would you like
an English muffin?
19
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,027
Come on! I mean it, stop it!
20
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,428
You know these movies
give me nightmares.
21
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,030
Here, take the garbage out.
22
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,520
Fine.
23
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,698
Hello?
24
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,434
Doug, Lowering Voice: Surf's up.
25
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:17,909
It's a shame you had to
leave the beach so early.
26
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:20,612
You were with the
boy who played guitar.
27
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,448
Well, he don't sing no more.
28
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:29,354
Carrie? Hello?
29
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,791
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
30
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,226
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
31
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,295
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
32
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:40,132
♪ On the Queensboro
Bridge tonight ♪
33
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:45,804
♪ But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
34
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:49,407
♪ Is cash my check and
drive right home to you ♪
35
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,712
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life ♪
36
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:57,716
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
37
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:07,458
All right, toothpaste,
razor blades, Kleenex.
38
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,194
Do we need anything else?
39
00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:13,231
Yeah, I'm getting this.
40
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,399
A ball?
41
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,612
Yeah, I'm getting a ball.
42
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,935
All right, put it back.
43
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,206
I'm not putting it back.
44
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,508
What do you need a ball for?
45
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,843
For bouncing.
46
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,512
All right, come on.
Put it back. Stop it.
47
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,724
Put it back! Fine.
48
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:28,680
If I'm not allowed
to get a ball,
49
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,727
then you're not
allowed to get...
50
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,817
your tampons. Yeah!
51
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:33,986
Yeah.
52
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,755
Bye-bye, "Sure and
Natural for light days."
53
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,268
All right, give it to
me. Don't be an idiot.
54
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,573
All right, let me just pick up
our pictures and we can go.
55
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,329
So, it's Saturday night.
What are we gonna do?
56
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,609
You wanna go to a movie?
57
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,010
Eh, I don't wanna
deal with parking.
58
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:49,034
You wanna rent?
59
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,713
Then you gotta
make the 2 trips...
60
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,938
One to rent and one to return.
61
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,707
It never ends.
62
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,855
Hi. I dropped off
some film the other day.
63
00:02:58,879 --> 00:02:59,811
Heffernan?
64
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,381
Let me take a look.
65
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:05,484
Yeah, here they are, right here.
66
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,464
I can ring the rest of that
stuff up for you here, too.
67
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,533
Oh. Great. Thank you.
68
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,801
We don't have to wait
in that line up front? No.
69
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,592
I mean, you'd ring us up
70
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,539
even if we weren't
getting pictures?
71
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,495
Yeah.
72
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,599
That is a hot little
secret, my friend.
73
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:21,733
That everything?
74
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:22,879
Oh, I just have to pick up
75
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,263
my dad's heart
medicine. I'll be right back.
76
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:30,142
And I can't get a ball.
77
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:36,848
All right, what do we got here?
78
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,182
You barbecuing.
79
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,518
Our fender when we got hit.
80
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:41,686
Oh!
81
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,788
This is when you made
me take that picture of you
82
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,268
in front of that
place, Doug's Diner,
83
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,759
'cause it was kind of
like it was your diner.
84
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,662
Oh, yeah.
85
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,530
Doug's Diner.
86
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,901
Oh, look, my cousin Becky.
87
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,647
OK, general
rule: If I'm not in it,
88
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,639
don't need to see it.
89
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:06,653
Hello?
90
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,348
Oh, hey, Dad.
91
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,761
I don't know, where are you?
92
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,819
I'm right here.
93
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,755
Welcome to the future, kids.
I am now the proud owner
94
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,657
of a cellular telephone.
95
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,060
Oh. Good for you, Dad.
96
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,661
I was in the mall this evening,
97
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,464
I saw a booth,
and I couldn't resist.
98
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,834
This little phone is
gonna set me free.
99
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,502
I could have a business
meeting from the beach.
100
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:34,818
Yeah, if you had a business
101
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:38,342
or a way to get to the beach.
102
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:39,277
Anyway, if you need to reach me,
103
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,847
my number: 555-LOGS.
104
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:45,083
Logs? Yes.
105
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,418
It's a phone number and a word.
106
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:48,820
Marvelous!
107
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:56,695
I'm guessing they didn't
have 555-NUTBAG.
108
00:04:56,763 --> 00:05:00,631
All right, let's see what's
in the second packet here.
109
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,936
Wait a minute. What?
110
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,405
I think we got
someone else's pictures.
111
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,941
Yeah, it says "Hofferman" here,
112
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,876
not "Heffernan."
113
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,156
We got someone else's pictures?
114
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,679
Yeah, I guess so.
115
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,159
Great, let me see 'em.
116
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,883
Doug!
117
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,884
You can't look at
somebody else's pictures!
118
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,453
That's wrong!
119
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,533
Oh, is it wrong to look at
other people's pictures?
120
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:24,856
Give!
121
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:28,793
All right, well, then slow down.
122
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,929
Slow down.
123
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,897
Nice-looking couple.
124
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,266
Mid-thirties, well-dressed.
125
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,568
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hofferman.
126
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,872
Or maybe Dr. And Mrs. Hofferman.
127
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:43,875
Or maybe Mr. And Dr. Hofferman.
128
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,255
Yeah, like she's a
doctor and he's not.
129
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,814
Like that happens ever.
130
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,416
Oh, look.
131
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:54,686
They ran that 10k
in Corona Park.
132
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,455
And here they are scuba-diving.
133
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,057
Man, these people
really get out, huh?
134
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,860
Here they are hiking.
135
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,363
Geez, this guy is playing guitar
136
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:07,198
on top of a mountain!
137
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,234
Are you gettin'
what I'm gettin'?
138
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,742
Uh, he no-likey girls so much?
139
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:13,905
No!
140
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,974
These people are amazing!
141
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,820
I mean, look at their
pictures compared to ours!
142
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,355
That's not a fair comparison.
143
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,978
They're doctors!
144
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,616
Doug, they run,
they... they hike,
145
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,017
they scuba-dive.
146
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,752
I mean, I can't even
find one of us here
147
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,754
where we're even standing up!
148
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,525
Come on. Whatever.
149
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:37,028
No, I'm serious.
I mean, we suck!
150
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,465
It is Saturday night,
and what have we done?
151
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,667
We went to a drugstore,
152
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,402
and now we're lying
around eating pizza,
153
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,238
even too lame to rent a movie.
154
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,640
I mean, we should be
out there doing stuff!
155
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,007
If you'll recall,
156
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,476
I wanted to buy a ball and
someone wouldn't let me.
157
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:57,616
Doug, come on!
158
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,551
I mean, we're
letting our lives go by.
159
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,219
We should be scuba-diving.
160
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,387
Uh-boy.
161
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,401
Come on, you said you
wanted to learn to scuba.
162
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,324
When?! When we were dating.
163
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,670
Of course I said it
when we were dating!
164
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,962
I was trying to make
you think I went outside!
165
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,475
All right, well, I still think
166
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,077
we need to live
a little bit more.
167
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,212
All because of these people?
168
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,646
Carrie, we don't even
know who they are!
169
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,004
They could be ax-murderers!
170
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:23,208
At least that's an activity!
171
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,809
Fine! We'll be ax-murderers.
172
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,313
Can we start with 555-LOGS-ie?
173
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,886
Hey, man.
174
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,021
Carrie's making
us go scuba-diving.
175
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,925
You and me?
176
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,726
No, me and her.
177
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,928
She wants us to be more active.
178
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,097
Can you picture
me in a wet suit?
179
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,867
Ooh, yeah, I just did,
180
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:52,237
and it wasn't zipped up.
181
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,740
OK, why wasn't it zipped up?
182
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,587
I don't know. It just popped
into my head unzipped.
183
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,531
I'm no happier about
this than you are.
184
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,213
Oh, this is brutal.
185
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:05,116
I gotta figure out some
way to get her off of scuba.
186
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,229
I gotta come up with something
187
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,630
that'll make her think
we're being active,
188
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,554
but in reality is very easy.
189
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,623
You got anything?
190
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,690
What about tennis?
191
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,031
OK, uh... archery.
192
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,733
Already look enough like Cupid.
193
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,402
Don't need the bow and arrow.
194
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,704
Hold on.
195
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,208
Hello?
196
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,709
Arthur: Deacon, it's Arthur.
197
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,345
I've recently purchased
a cellular telephone,
198
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,746
and I wanted to update
199
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,493
my contact information
so I could be reached
200
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,583
at any time, day or night.
201
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,418
My new number is 555-LOGS.
202
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,887
I look forward to
hearing from you soon.
203
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,658
Who is this again?
204
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,131
Instructor: So, just to get the
feel of breathing underwater,
205
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,578
I'm gonna ask you to put
your regulator in your mouth,
206
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,347
let the air out of your B.C.,
207
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,571
and float gently
down to the bottom.
208
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,973
Take a couple of
breaths down there,
209
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,852
and then just come
right back up. OK?
210
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,876
You three first.
211
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,564
He loves the water.
212
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,101
Hon?
213
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,859
Thank you very much.
214
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,238
Arthur, I hate leaving you here.
215
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,739
Are you sure you don't
want to finish our walk?
216
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,464
Absolutely. I've got
my caramel coffee,
217
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:00,699
my cell phone,
218
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,099
I'm part of the modern world,
219
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,635
and I'm loving it!
220
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,304
OK, well, I'll see you later.
221
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,518
Have a nice afternoon. If
you need to reach me, I'm at...
222
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:11,142
555-LOGS. Yeah, I know.
223
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,511
Would you like to hear
my humorous ring again?
224
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,979
Oh, no, thanks.
225
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,048
Didn't you like it?
226
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,982
It's the theme from
the movie Arthur.
227
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,819
Which is funny
'cause you're Arthur.
228
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,532
That's right. Yeah, it's just...
229
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,801
most people don't
have the whole song.
230
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,035
Anyway, I gotta go.
231
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,326
I'll see you Tuesday.
232
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,940
Hey. Nothing.
233
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,875
Sitting in Starbucks.
234
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:47,944
Actually, I already
saw that. It's awful.
235
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,615
I got one, too.
236
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,426
Hello? Oh, hey.
237
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,427
Yeah, I was just wondering
238
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,735
if you wanna get
manicures later.
239
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,547
Hi. Um...
240
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,427
do you have anything for
when you're scuba-diving
241
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:28,553
and you panic and you drag
a kid under the water, and...
242
00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:31,222
and he bites you?
243
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,891
Uh, I'm not sure.
244
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,393
Anything like "Bite Be Gone"
245
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:39,163
or "Boy-bite Be Gone"?
246
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,466
You could try this.
247
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,167
Oh, great. Thank you.
248
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:48,906
So you used a child
as your flotation device?
249
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,908
Classy move.
250
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,877
This is all Carrie's fault, OK?
251
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,545
And she's not letting
go of this, either.
252
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,847
Last night I heard her
talking about hang gliding.
253
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:59,917
Yeah, I'm the guy you want
dangling over a little town.
254
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,654
Ugh, this is ridiculous.
255
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,222
I mean, we get one roll
of strangers' pictures,
256
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:06,969
and all of a sudden,
she wants us to be them.
257
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,661
I'm sure their lives
aren't like that all the time.
258
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,029
What do you mean?
259
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,676
I mean, I'm sure if you
saw their next roll of pictures,
260
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,433
they'd be watching
TV in their underwear
261
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,701
just like the rest of us.
262
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,715
You know what? You're right.
263
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,839
Where you going?
264
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,609
I'm gonna see if the Hoffermans
have any more pictures here.
265
00:12:24,678 --> 00:12:26,722
You can't steal these
people's pictures again.
266
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,379
Hey, we returned the last pack
267
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,380
and everything worked out fine.
268
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,882
Now, make yourself useful and...
269
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,785
create a distraction.
270
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,987
Fine.
271
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,457
I'll go walk by the watches.
272
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,295
Hi. Uh...
273
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,510
just wanted to check to see
if I had any pictures ready.
274
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:48,333
What's the name?
275
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:49,867
Uh, it's, uh...
276
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,814
Heoffrmnmm.
277
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,138
What was that? Hoeoffernmn.
278
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,707
I'm sorry. One more time?
279
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,711
Hofferman, OK?
I'm Mr. Hofferman.
280
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,859
Might be under Dr. Hofferman.
281
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,717
They're right here.
Great, thank you.
282
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,364
Deacon: Hey, you got 'em?
283
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:11,889
Yup, let's see what the
Hoffermans are up to this week.
284
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,892
Whoa. What?
285
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,961
Hoffernipple.
286
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,138
Hey, sweet thang!
What's going on?
287
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,741
Well, I'm guessing you're not up
288
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,342
for a second try at scuba,
289
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,411
so I'm looking into
a few hiking trails
290
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,712
I think you can handle.
291
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,125
Great. Bring it on.
292
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,149
Really?
293
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,517
I was expecting you
to cry or run at me.
294
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,666
What? No! You know,
I've been thinking
295
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,301
about these Hofferman
folks, and you're right.
296
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,685
They do know a little
something about living life.
297
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:52,096
Really?
298
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,365
Well, I am glad
you feel that way
299
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:55,711
because I was looking
at their pictures again...
300
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:56,667
What?
301
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:57,813
I thought you returned those.
302
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,203
I kept the doubles.
303
00:13:59,271 --> 00:14:01,906
But, look, I didn't
see this the first time.
304
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,407
They have a dog!
305
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,809
Let's get a dog.
306
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,238
Sure, sure, we could
get a dog. Yeah?
307
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:10,239
And here's a few
other things we can do.
308
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,717
What's that?
309
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,319
The next set of
Hofferman pictures.
310
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,821
Oh, my God, you stole 'em?
311
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:17,822
Get 'em out! Get 'em out!
312
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,189
OK, all right.
313
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,003
This one here,
that's my favorite.
314
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,395
She's making him a waffle.
315
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,965
No, she's making him
a waffle in lacy lingerie.
316
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,702
So what are you saying?
You want me to do this?
317
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,937
This and...
318
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,304
this.
319
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,803
And a little of this...
320
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:43,225
and assuming we can
find the right kind of chair,
321
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:44,749
this.
322
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,219
Good God!
323
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:51,188
I'm not doing any
of those things!
324
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,590
But Mrs. Hofferman did.
325
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,592
Yeah, well, I'm not a ho.
326
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,861
And I'm not a scuba-diver,
327
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,941
but guess what we did
last Saturday, sister?
328
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:01,099
Yeah. Get some rest.
329
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,682
Yeah, hi. I told you
to sell those shares.
330
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:18,990
I don't want to hold onto them.
331
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,320
You're kidding?!
332
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,499
Hey, Mom.
333
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,733
Yeah, I'm off today.
334
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:25,989
Actually, the show started.
335
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:26,990
Girl: Did you download
their new song?
336
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:28,203
You're welcome.
337
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,838
No deal. Can you wait for me?
338
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,463
Aaaaah!
339
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:38,736
All right, you're a dirty
batter girl. Gimme the look!
340
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:43,040
OK, that's angry batter girl.
341
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,386
OK, could you just
take the picture, please?
342
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,044
Thank you. OK.
343
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,179
Now, pick up a piece of bacon.
344
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,847
All right.
345
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,615
Slap it! Slap it around!
346
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,984
Doug, come on!
347
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,052
There you go.
348
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,831
All right, food's all cooking.
349
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,954
What's next?
350
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:59,123
Uh, I'm not really sure.
351
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,025
We can do the sex,
then the waffles,
352
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:03,594
or the waffles, then the
sex. What do you think?
353
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,708
I don't know, honey.
This is kind of your baby.
354
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:11,169
OK, then I choose
sex, then waffles!
355
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:14,316
Gotta admit, thought you
were gonna go the other way.
356
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:16,207
I did. All right!
357
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,619
Let's get cracking. OK.
358
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,510
Get in here. All right.
359
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:31,422
Aah! Bacon grease!
360
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,623
What are you doing?!
361
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:36,005
I was trying to
unplug the waffle iron.
362
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,506
What are you worrying
about that now for?!
363
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,596
This is the sex part!
364
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,698
You worry about that
during the waffle part!
365
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,411
I am sorry. It's hard to focus
366
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,414
with a piercing whistle
in my ear. This...
367
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,148
This whole thing is ridiculous.
368
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,440
You know, let's just forget
it. Thanks for nothing.
369
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,253
I told you this
was a stupid idea.
370
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:53,978
Yeah, well, Mrs. Hofferman
didn't think it was so stupid.
371
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,814
You don't see her freaking
out over the waffle iron.
372
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,460
Oh, my God. You
are not getting on me
373
00:16:58,484 --> 00:16:59,561
about this, are you?
374
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,786
Oh, OK, all right. Who's this?
375
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:05,055
Uhh! Uhh! I'm gonna die!
376
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:08,626
I'm in 4 feet of water!
377
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,261
Well, excuse me for not knowing
378
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,063
how to breathe underwater!
379
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,799
I'm not a walrus. Shuttie.
380
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,871
OK, you know what else
you don't know how to do?
381
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,608
Keep a room nice.
I mean, look at this.
382
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,010
Mr. Hofferman doesn't throw
his clothes all over the floor.
383
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,079
No gum wrappers on the dresser.
384
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:29,424
That's maybe 'cause
Mrs. Hofferman
385
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,493
lets him go to the Knick
game with his buddies.
386
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:34,418
Well, why wouldn't she when
he buys her roses like these?
387
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,320
When was the last time
you bought me roses?
388
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,199
Well, maybe I
would if you would...
389
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,991
And we're back
to the chair thing.
390
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,661
All right, you know what?
391
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,340
Why don't you just
find Mrs. Hofferman
392
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,098
and have waffle sex with her?
393
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,800
Why don't you find Mr. Hofferman
394
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,067
and go scuba-diving with him?
395
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:51,402
I bet you his guitar sounds
396
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,838
even fruitier underwater!
397
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,987
The fruitiest thing I've
ever seen underwater
398
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:57,374
is you, my friend!
399
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:05,148
Look, what are we doing here?
400
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,550
I don't know.
401
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,120
The Hoffermans...
402
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,988
they're destroying us.
403
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,290
I know.
404
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,325
Look, we gotta stop
trying to be the Hoffermans.
405
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:16,994
I mean, we're the Heffernans.
406
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,774
It's like the Hoffermans,
only slightly worse.
407
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,297
And that's OK.
408
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,533
Exactly.
409
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,170
555-LOGS!
410
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,608
I don't know, part
of me really wants
411
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,410
to try out to be on Survivor,
412
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:34,845
but another part of me is like,
413
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,614
do I really want to expose
myself in that way, you know?
414
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,018
Excuse me.
415
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,953
Hello?
416
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,733
Oh, hi, Mrs. Gilgore.
417
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,490
Uh-huh. Sure, sure.
418
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:47,491
Yeah, hold on for one second.
419
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:48,492
Cupcake, it's your mommy.
420
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,671
She's on the phone.
She misses you
421
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,206
and wants to say hello.
422
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,097
Oh, for God's sake.
423
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,166
How dare you get
a cell phone call!
424
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:56,834
You're a dog, Cupcake!
425
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,169
A dog!
426
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,071
You wipe that smug
look off your face
427
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,506
or I'll do it for you.
428
00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:03,752
Arthur, maybe we should just...
429
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,475
Give me that!
430
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:06,944
Do you understand that there are
431
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,946
human beings out
there who need love?!
432
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,614
Think about it.
433
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,683
I curse the day I
ever bought this thing.
434
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,686
Uhh!
435
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:17,487
Um, that was mine.
436
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,240
So this is how we spend
our Saturday nights.
437
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,496
This is great.
438
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:27,564
We love each other,
and we love the drugstore.
439
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,666
Nothing to be ashamed of.
440
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,082
I'm getting a ball this time.
441
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,372
You can't stop me.
442
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,378
Where are you going?
443
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,913
Nowhere.
444
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,325
I just want to see
if the Hoffermans
445
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,882
have any more pictures.
446
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,884
Carrie, let it go.
447
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,130
We don't care, remember?
448
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,887
I know, I know. I just...
449
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,956
I just want to see
their dog one last time.
450
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,058
Clerk: May I help you?
451
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,938
Yes, I was wondering if
our pictures are ready?
452
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,795
The name's Hofferman.
453
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:00,898
Hi.
454
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,927
Hi. Hello.
455
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,804
Would you look at them?
456
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,486
OK, I admit they're magnificent.
457
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,643
But think of it this way,
458
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,788
they're here in a drugstore
459
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,557
on a Saturday night, too.
460
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:16,758
They're no better than us.
461
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:17,959
You're right. You're right.
462
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:18,983
Anything else?
463
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,250
Yeah, the suntan lotion.
464
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:21,319
Going somewhere good?
465
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,546
Mr. Hofferman: Actually, yes.
466
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,133
We're leaving tomorrow
for the Galápagos Islands
467
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:26,157
to do some
research for our book.
468
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,624
Damn it!
469
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,701
Why did we have to get
their pictures in the first place?
470
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,270
There's gotta be
one couple in here
471
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,105
that'll make us seem good.
472
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,143
Aha.
473
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,622
The "Sosdorffs." Yeah.
474
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,113
Let's see what you got.
475
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:52,583
Wow, nice sailboat.
476
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,353
Come on, help me.
477
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,960
Oh, man, this couple
knows Halle Berry!
478
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,917
Dump the bin! Dump the bin!
32764
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