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1
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♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,906
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
3
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,819
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,877
♪ On the Queensboro
Bridge tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ But I don't care,
'cause all I wanna do ♪
6
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,353
♪ Is cash my check and
drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,435
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life ♪
8
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,394
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
9
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,378
Carrie: Well, OK, great. So...
10
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:42,707
So, that price for my dad's
cruise includes everything, right?
11
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,510
I mean, all shows?
12
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:45,844
What about gratuities?
13
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:49,214
Because the man does not tip.
14
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,994
I'd hate to see Gopher
and Isaac get stiffed,
15
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,952
you know what I'm sayin'?
16
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,332
Yeah, I guess you would
hear those kinda jokes a lot.
17
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:57,456
OK, well, thanks.
18
00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,291
Alrighty, bye-bye.
19
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,160
Who is the luckiest
father in the world?
20
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:05,663
Phew. I'm gonna go
with the Osmond dad.
21
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,299
No, I was talkin' about my dad.
22
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,267
I am getting him a cruise
23
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,236
to Bermuda for Christmas!
24
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,138
Oh, wow, what a generous gift!
25
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,439
He's gonna love that!
26
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,551
I know. I usually get him a robe
27
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,109
or one of those old
man caps he likes,
28
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,355
but I thought, you
know, why not dig
29
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,544
into my pocket this year
30
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,213
and do something special?
31
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,948
Aw, I'd love to give my
dad something like this.
32
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:27,419
Course, I'd have
to find him first.
33
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,823
Anyway, Holl,
34
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,669
uh, we're gonna be,
uh, doin' a little thing here
35
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:34,871
for Christmas on Saturday.
36
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,172
Deacon's comin'
by with the kids.
37
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,273
If you're free.
38
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,341
Really? Yeah.
39
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,045
Oh, my God, I'd love
to! Thank you, Carrie!
40
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,644
Oh, no problem.
Anything special you like?
41
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:45,070
Just a bucket of
eggnog and a ride home.
42
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:50,041
Damn.
43
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,042
What?
44
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,755
I screwed up. I
ate all the franks.
45
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:56,748
Now all I have left is a
crappy bowl of beans.
46
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,050
Yeah. It's like Raisin Bran
47
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,719
after you finish
all the raisins.
48
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,323
Right. That's
exactly what it's like.
49
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,760
Come in!
50
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,929
Hey, guys! Both: Hey, Spence.
51
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:13,365
Look what I got.
52
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,111
What the hell is that?
53
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,468
Hello?
54
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,014
You don't remember that
from when we were kids?
55
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,439
That's a vintage Joe
Rogers action figure,
56
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:23,074
circa 1975.
57
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,788
OK, this isn't an
action figure. It's a doll.
58
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,791
Yeah, the only action that
guy's gettin' is with Ken.
59
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:31,794
Yeah, you guys laugh it up,
60
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,729
but this happens to
be a collectors' item,
61
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:36,254
cost me 70 bucks on eBay.
62
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,733
You paid 70 bucks just for that?
63
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:40,425
Uh, and 6 outfits?
64
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,961
That's crazy, man. I tell ya,
65
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,708
the only old toy I'd shell
out any cash for is Mentalo.
66
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:46,809
You remember Mentalo?
67
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,177
Oh, yeah, that's the
dude with the big head
68
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,380
with the turban that told
your future. It was like, uh...
69
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:53,704
My sources from beyond
the grave say... proceed!
70
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,084
Yeah! That's it!
71
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,852
That's the one,
man. I loved that toy.
72
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,509
You know what?
73
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,489
I might try and track
one of those down.
74
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,481
Mentalo was a weak-ass toy, man.
75
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,984
"Weak-ass"? Are you on pot?
76
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:09,187
It was nothing but a
glorified magic 8-ball.
77
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,522
Magic 8-ball? Ohh-ohh!
78
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:12,768
"Try again later."
79
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:13,992
Phht!
80
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:19,275
Hey, Arthur, ready for our walk?
81
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:22,100
Just wrappin' a gift.
I'll be right with you.
82
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,369
Chopsticks. Who are those for?
83
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,371
Look at the initials.
84
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,207
"C.H."
85
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,009
For "Carrie Heffernan."
86
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,422
Wow, you had them monogrammed?
87
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:36,314
No, the owner of the Cantonese
Hut had them monogrammed.
88
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,648
2 lunches a week,
89
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:38,757
a coat with ample sleeves,
90
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:41,953
and, voilà, here
comes Santy Claus!
91
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:45,223
So, that's all you're gonna
get Carrie? Some chopsticks?
92
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:48,071
Some chopsticks? I'm
gettin' her a gross of them!
93
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:51,829
She can eat like Charlie
Chan till she's 100.
94
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,932
Arthur, are... are you sure
that's a nice enough gift?
95
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,734
Trust me, it's fine.
96
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,870
She'll probably just get
me another old man cap.
97
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:00,538
I don't know how
many more of those
98
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:03,708
I can "accidentally"
leave on the bus.
99
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,377
Trust me, Arthur,
100
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:06,889
I think you're gonna
wanna get her something
101
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,014
a little bit nicer this year.
102
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,082
Why?
103
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,584
Do you know what
she's gettin' me?
104
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:14,719
Me?
105
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,432
No! How would I know?
106
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,489
You're silly.
107
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,690
Spill it, or I'll tell
people you beat me.
108
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:22,427
I don't beat you!
109
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,428
My word against yours,
110
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,397
and I can bruise
myself up pretty easy.
111
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,399
I'm like a ripe banana.
112
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,734
All right, fine, fine.
113
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,103
She's getting you a
cruise to Bermuda.
114
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,172
A cruise to Bermuda!
115
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,707
What a thoughtful
and generous gift!
116
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,776
Damn her!
117
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,612
Now I'll have to get
her a nice gift, too.
118
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,124
What do you think she wants?
119
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,281
Oh, I... I don't know.
120
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,661
Then you're gonna
have to find out.
121
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,518
Oh, no, no! I... I
don't wanna do that.
122
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:47,630
You don't, and so help me,
123
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,288
I'll knock myself
into next week!
124
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,728
Hey.
125
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,197
I just got off the phone
with the travel agent.
126
00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:01,400
About my dad's cruise.
Guess what her name is.
127
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,545
I don't know.
128
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,001
Gertrude!
129
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,637
And she sounded younger than us!
130
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,672
Isn't that weird?
131
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:08,974
Uh-huh.
132
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:10,075
What are you doin'?
133
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,055
I'm bidding on a
mint-condition Mentalo,
134
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,011
and I'm 30 seconds away
135
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,847
from reelin' him in.
136
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,249
Oh, crap. Someone's
tryin' to outbid me!
137
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:22,086
Back off, Rosiefan19!
138
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,923
Wait a minute. You're
bidding 180 bucks?
139
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,457
Are you insane?
140
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,537
Stop it. Stop it. Knock it off.
141
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,972
No, you knock it
off. Sto... Get off!
142
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,328
Get off, woman!
143
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:32,631
Nice!
144
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,878
That was the only
Mentalo on eBay!
145
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:38,970
Doug, you can't spend
$180 on a stupid toy.
146
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,717
Oh, yeah? Just last week,
you put twice that much
147
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,074
into some I.R.A. that
we can't even touch.
148
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,342
And, needless to say,
149
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,110
can't tell our future!
150
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,924
Will you stop? Come on,
151
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,059
we're already spending
way too much this Christmas.
152
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,695
My dad's cruise alone is
costing over 600 bucks.
153
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,597
Well, why are you gettin' him
that stupid cruise, anyway?
154
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,365
Why don't you just get
him another old man cap?
155
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,890
He told me he left
the last one on the bus.
156
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,959
I'm getting him the cruise.
157
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,239
Why are you so obsessed
with this toy, anyway?
158
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,096
I don't know. It just... I...
159
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,899
I guess it reminds me of a
simpler time in my life, you know?
160
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:11,436
A time when I didn't have
to worry about payin' bills
161
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,705
or goin' after that
big promotion.
162
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,708
OK, you've never
done either of those.
163
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,710
But I know I should,
164
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,613
and it's very stressful, OK?
165
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,715
You just don't know
what Mentalo meant to me.
166
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,823
Woman: Dougie, come on down!
167
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,526
Pa's takin' you fishin'
down at the crick.
168
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,860
Coming!
169
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:41,699
Mentalo, are we gonna
hook any catfish today?
170
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:45,036
The spirit world tells me...
171
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,370
yes.
172
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,506
Hot dog!
173
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,378
"The crick"?
174
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,280
Yeah, the crick.
175
00:06:56,349 --> 00:07:01,386
OK, where was there
a crick in Queens?
176
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,032
All right, take it easy,
OK? I'm just makin' a point.
177
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,622
And that point is,
I loved Mentalo.
178
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:05,890
He made me happy.
179
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,470
And if my sister hadn't
have smashed him
180
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,561
after I made fun of her
for gettin' her period,
181
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,830
he'd be makin' me
happy to this day.
182
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:29,614
Hey!
183
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:30,915
Hey, Holl.
184
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:32,517
Wrappin' gifts.
185
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,951
Hey, you're a wrapper.
186
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,256
Right.
187
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:39,657
If you were wrapping those gifts
188
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,203
and then you slapped
me around a little bit,
189
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,027
you'd be a gangsta
wrapper. You know?
190
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,996
♪ Boom, boom, shh, boom, boom ♪
191
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,765
♪ Wickie, wickie,
wickie, wickie, wick ♪
192
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,714
I'm sorry, did I
forget to pay you, or...
193
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,238
No! No.
194
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,417
I... I need your
help with something.
195
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,441
I have to buy, um, a gift,
196
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,575
uh, for my cousin.
197
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,344
And I wanna get her
something really nice.
198
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,878
Um, do you have any suggestions?
199
00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:02,525
Well, what kinds of
things does she like?
200
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,415
What do you like?
201
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,950
Me?
202
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:08,331
Yeah. I mean, you guys
have, like, the exact same taste.
203
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,166
I mean, you guys were practically
separated at birth, you know?
204
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,968
I mean, not
surgically, more like
205
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,727
as if one of you
was, like, stolen.
206
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,898
Get a little head start on
that eggnog there, Holl?
207
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:22,433
No, I guess I'm just
kinda freaked out
208
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,846
'cause I really
need to get this gift.
209
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,014
I mean, do you have any ideas?
210
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,348
I mean, remember, nice.
211
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:27,939
OK, nice. Um...
212
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,242
Oh! Well, I saw this gorgeous
burgundy leather jacket at Wilsons.
213
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,222
That's great! Great!
What... What size?
214
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,979
How would I know?
215
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,192
Well, what size are you?
216
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,216
And then I'll just add one.
217
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:39,428
She's got a little
junk in the trunk,
218
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,692
if you know what I mean.
219
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,589
Well, I'm a...
I'm a size 2. I...
220
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,868
That's perfect! That's
great. That's great.
221
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:46,972
Thanks!
222
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:50,428
Oh, my God.
223
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,529
"Oh, my God" what?
224
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,599
I just realized what
Holly was doing.
225
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,145
I think Holly's gonna get me
226
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:59,036
a really expensive leather
jacket for Christmas.
227
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,984
Why? Well, I guess she was
really touched that I invited her
228
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,253
over here to celebrate with us.
229
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,576
Crap!
230
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,757
How's it gonna look when
she hands me a leather jacket
231
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,749
and I hand her a
Lady Gillette gift pack?
232
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:13,618
Like you're a penny-pinchin' ho.
233
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,255
Ohh! Now I have to
get her something nice!
234
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,657
Man, between that
and my father's cruise,
235
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,771
there's no way I
can afford all this.
236
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,427
What am I gonna do?
237
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:26,230
Hmm. If we only had
some kind of device
238
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,267
to help us see the future.
239
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:30,434
Oh, well.
240
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,426
OK. Well, now I understand
241
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,362
why you like these toy fairs.
242
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,732
You're like the James
Dean of this crowd.
243
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,022
Do you want a Mentalo or not?
244
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,503
Damn right I do. I'm sick
of Carrie pushin' me around.
245
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:56,672
First it's "Eat one
vegetable a week." Now this.
246
00:09:56,696 --> 00:10:00,899
Well, my friend Kenny says he's
got one, so let's go check it out.
247
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,468
Hey, Kenny!
248
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:06,337
Hu-bey, Spu-bence!
249
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,217
Bu-be ru-bight wu-bith you-bou.
250
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,241
Cool.
251
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,344
So, why does he, uh...
252
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,490
Why is he talkin' like that?
253
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,714
Kenny likes to speak Ubbi Dubbi.
254
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,383
What?
255
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,718
Ubbi Dubbi.
256
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,565
The language from
the old Zoom show?
257
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:23,721
Ubbi Dubbi!
258
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,023
Get with it.
259
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:27,792
Yeah, I'm the loser. OK.
260
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,573
Su-bo... Oh.
261
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:31,896
Uh, this is my friend Doug.
262
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,565
He's lookin' for the Mentalo.
263
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,467
U-bi ju-bust su-bold u-bit.
264
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:37,914
What? What? What did he say?
265
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,303
He said he just sold it!
266
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,216
What? Wha... Kenny,
what happened?
267
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,618
Wu-bell, thu-be thu-bing...
268
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,602
Talk English, man!
269
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:47,757
The thing is, some guy
made a really good offer.
270
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,215
Was it Rory? That bastard.
271
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,393
No, it wasn't one
of the regulars.
272
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:54,252
It was some... some tall
black guy with a beard.
273
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,800
Actually, he was wearing
an I.P.S. cap just like his.
274
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,624
Deacon?
275
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:00,892
Hang on.
276
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:01,961
Was it...
277
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,128
this guy?
278
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,009
You have a picture of
Deacon in your wallet?
279
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,634
Don't worry.
You're in there, too.
280
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,114
Yup, that's him. Just bought
it, like, half an hour ago.
281
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:13,304
Sorry.
282
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,673
He called Mentalo weak-ass!
283
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,520
Why the hell would he buy it?
284
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,911
Maybe he bought it for you.
285
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,679
What? For Christmas.
286
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:23,459
No, we said we weren't
gettin' each other gifts.
287
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,660
Although, you know what,
288
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,529
maybe since we invited
him over for Christmas,
289
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,564
he decided to get
me one after all.
290
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:29,921
There ya go.
291
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,734
Ohh. God. That is
the Deac-man for ya.
292
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:32,890
Mm-hmm.
293
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,870
Well, you know what?
I'm gonna get him a gift.
294
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,472
I'm gonna get him
a great one, too.
295
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,997
Uh, how 'bout a Bionic
Woman cocktail set?
296
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:45,955
How 'bout you take my
picture out of your wallet?
297
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,642
Hi, Gertrude?
298
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,288
Carrie Heffernan. Listen,
299
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,112
about my dad's cruise,
300
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,061
turns out the package I selected
301
00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,584
is a little pricey
for me right now.
302
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,452
Are there any cheaper options?
303
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:07,758
OK, any way we can knock
the price even lower than that?
304
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,606
Oh, I don't know, maybe he
could, uh, bunk with the crew
305
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:14,832
or clean up after the magician?
306
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,301
Uh, excuse me, Gert,
307
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,136
but I am a good daughter, OK?
308
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:22,117
Just turns out that I had some
other gift obligations arise,
309
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,586
and I just can't
afford it right now.
310
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,009
Besides,
311
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,879
it's not like he's buying
me anything so great.
312
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,480
$198.50...
313
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,081
60...
314
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:34,051
1, 2, 3. There you go.
315
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:38,055
Well, some lucky lady's going to be
having a merry Christmas this year.
316
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,557
Ah, shut up.
317
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,565
Deacon: Coming.
318
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,034
Hey!
319
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,570
Merry Christmas eve day!
320
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,172
Same to you.
321
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,085
I love you, man. Bring it in.
322
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,229
Bring it in, man. Bring it in!
323
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,612
OK, player, let's end
this while it's still good.
324
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:02,714
Right.
325
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,062
So, uh, what brings you by?
326
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,518
Oh, I was just in
the neighborhood,
327
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,620
just pickin' up a
couple things at Target.
328
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,922
Or, as I like to call it,
329
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,257
Tar-"get me one of
everything in here," right?
330
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,366
'Cause they got... They
got everything there, right?
331
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,128
Oh, yeah.
332
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,629
Just out of
curiosity, what's, like,
333
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,231
your favorite thing
in the whole place?
334
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,299
I don't know.
335
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:24,035
Oh, oh. They just got
this new plasma TV.
336
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,038
50 inches! That sucker's crazy!
337
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:30,541
Plasma TV, huh? Uh-huh.
338
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,578
What's your
second-favorite thing?
339
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,416
I guess either the titanium
golf clubs or the Jet Ski.
340
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,620
What's your favorite thing
near the cash register?
341
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,056
Wait...
342
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,702
you're not thinking about
gettin' me something, are you?
343
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,371
'Cause we said
no Christmas gifts.
344
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,994
Ri-i-ght...
345
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,274
Seriously, man, 'cause
I didn't get you anything.
346
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:55,066
Ri-i-ght...
347
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,534
All right, why do you
keep saying "ri-i-ght"?
348
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,571
'Cause I know you
got me something.
349
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,706
But I didn't.
350
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,075
Ri-i-ght...
351
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,043
Would you stop that?
352
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,745
You really didn't?
353
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:10,014
No. Then where is it?
354
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,348
Where's what?
355
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,550
The Mentalo you bought
from the Ubbi Dubbi dude!
356
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,863
You're trippin'! Yeah.
357
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,088
The only thing I'm trippin'
over is your dirty lies!
358
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,356
You know, this
is very insulting.
359
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,858
In the bedroom!
360
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,927
That's even more insulting.
361
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,506
You're... You're
wasting your time!
362
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,997
Oh, am I?
363
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,866
Ha ha ha!
364
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,268
Huh.
365
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:32,937
That's weird.
366
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,705
I can't believe you, man!
367
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,819
OK, so I bought
Mentalo. Big deal.
368
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,220
I didn't do anything wrong.
369
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,655
Oh, please. You heard
me say I wanted to get one!
370
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,389
Oh, so because you said
the word "Mentalo" out loud,
371
00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:42,858
you deserve it more than I do?
372
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,660
Yeah! Well, too bad. It's mine!
373
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,616
Well, why do you
want it, anyway?
374
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,885
You said it was a weak-ass toy!
375
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,720
'Cause I was hurtin', man.
376
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,991
I've been wanting this toy
since I was 12 years old.
377
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,401
Damn!
378
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,905
Do you like your
new toy, Winthrop?
379
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,751
I suppose it's all right, Mummy.
380
00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:11,008
Just all right?
381
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,754
What I really wanted was a pony.
382
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,545
Boy's Mother: Oh. Very well.
383
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,914
Anderson, to the
stables, please.
384
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,103
Thank you ever so much, Mummy!
385
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,092
Oh, damn!
386
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,899
"Thank you ever so much, Mummy"?
387
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,980
OK, so maybe I
embellished a little.
388
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:41,116
The point is, Mentalo was something
that kids with money could buy,
389
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:43,752
something a kid from the
streets could never have.
390
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,577
The streets? Your
father was a dentist.
391
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,623
Yeah, but he wouldn't
buy me a Mentalo.
392
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:50,681
It wasn't "educational" enough.
393
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,083
But I always wanted one,
394
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,791
and now I finally have it.
395
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,697
And as my best friend,
you should understand
396
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,821
how important this is to me.
397
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,556
But you know what?
398
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,103
If this toy means more to you
399
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,239
than our friendship, then fine.
400
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,962
Go ahead.
401
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,663
Take it.
402
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:10,268
Mentalo, should I
start working out more?
403
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:14,438
The voices from
beyond the grave say...
404
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,374
no.
405
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,378
You've done it again,
my turbaned friend.
406
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,381
Oh, look, Mentalo.
407
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:26,684
There's the mean lady who
didn't want us to be together.
408
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,873
Wait a second. You...
You got a Mentalo?
409
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,088
That's right, and I'm
keeping it, so step away.
410
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,368
So, let me get this straight,
411
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,158
even after I told you not to,
412
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,138
you went out and
bought it anyway?
413
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,129
No, Deacon did, and I took his.
414
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:39,396
Oh, God.
415
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,110
Well, you gotta give it back.
416
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,266
Get outta here!
417
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,034
Doug, trust me,
418
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,948
you wanna give it back to him.
419
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,104
I don't trust you,
420
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,006
and I'm not giving
it back to him.
421
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,875
I am telling you, give it back!
422
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,179
And I'm telling you, no!
423
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:56,447
Do it! No!
424
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,926
Doug! Why do you even care?
425
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,895
Because I bought
you one, you idiot!
426
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,185
You did?
427
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,321
Yes! Yeah, for Christmas.
428
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,889
Your stupid crick
story actually got to me,
429
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,470
so I found one way up in Nyack.
430
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,571
So, between that
and the gold earrings
431
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,495
that I had to buy for Holly,
432
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,641
it's costing me a fortune.
433
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,977
That's why I had to
cancel my dad's cruise.
434
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,101
Well, why didn't you tell
me you got me a Mentalo?
435
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,537
It was a Christmas gift.
436
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,439
I feel horrible.
437
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,875
All I got you was a
Far Side calendar.
438
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,110
Well, that's OK,
439
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,547
because I am getting a
leather jacket from Holly.
440
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:30,993
So you're gonna give
it back to Deacon?
441
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,683
I will. I will. I...
442
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:33,684
I'll just give it
to him tomorrow
443
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,486
when he comes over for Christmas
444
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,688
like I'm being the bigger man.
445
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,523
And then I'll act all surprised
446
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,925
when I get my Mentalo.
447
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,060
That's a good idea, right?
448
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:44,395
Mm-hmm.
449
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,631
I wasn't asking you.
450
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,966
The spirits say...
451
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,801
proceed.
452
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,036
Uh-huh.
453
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,455
Oh, I get it.
454
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,411
I get it.
455
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,181
"Remove funny bone."
456
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,549
Right there.
457
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,453
Aah!
458
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,022
All right, enough of
the holiday yakety-yak.
459
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,931
Let's get down to the
real reason we're here...
460
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:16,360
Wrapped merchandise.
461
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,728
Deacon, this one's for you,
462
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,363
and it looks like from... Doug.
463
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,165
Well, what do you
know? Here you go, bud.
464
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,400
No, thanks.
465
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:25,803
Come on. My sources
from beyond the grave say...
466
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:27,905
you'll like it.
467
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:29,853
You mean it's...
Batteries included.
468
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:34,878
Thanks, man.
469
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,787
Well, it is yours, and
I did steal it from you.
470
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:37,969
Ah, bring it in.
471
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,252
All right, guys, save it
for under the mistletoe.
472
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,786
All right, Holly.
473
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,054
Here you go.
474
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,023
This is for you.
Merry Christmas.
475
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,769
Carrie, you didn't need
to get me anything.
476
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,394
Ohh, I think I did.
477
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,863
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
478
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:55,666
It's gold earrings! Oh, my God!
479
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,146
This is the best
gift I've ever gotten!
480
00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,770
Hope you like it.
481
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,004
Ohh!
482
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,751
I do! Gosh, I'm
kind of embarrassed
483
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,286
about my gift to you, though.
484
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,143
Oh, please, I'm
sure whatever it is,
485
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:08,245
I'm sure I'll be delighted.
486
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:13,085
This is it?
487
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,551
Yeah. OK.
488
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,521
Is it folded?
489
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,523
A lot?
490
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:21,071
Silly, open it up! OK.
491
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:25,462
A mug?
492
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,309
Yeah, I painted it
at Color Me Mine.
493
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,410
It's for your hot cocoa. Look,
494
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,935
it says "Merry Swiss-mis."
495
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,347
"Swiss-mis." I... Yeah!
496
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,338
I get it. That's gr-great.
Well, thank you.
497
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,074
All right, sweetheart,
our turn to swap.
498
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,708
Here you go. OK...
499
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,346
Thank you. And here you go.
500
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,282
Ohh, what a lovely box.
501
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:50,020
I have a feeling my
ship has come in.
502
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:55,225
Wait a minute.
503
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:57,328
You bought me
the leather jacket?
504
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,463
Another old man cap?
505
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,131
Where's my cruise?
506
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,400
How'd you know about the cruise?
507
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,768
She told me!
508
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,271
He said he was
gonna punch himself!
509
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,084
I can't believe this.
I get a stupid cap,
510
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,753
and this stranger gets a
pair of beautiful gold earrings!
511
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:12,710
Hey!
512
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,712
I had to get her
the gold earrings!
513
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,047
I thought she was
buying me a leather jacket!
514
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,417
Plus I had to get Doug
his freakin' Mentalo.
515
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,751
Hey!
516
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,953
This is Mental Man!
517
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,990
It's the same thing.
518
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,059
Mental Man is the
cheap knockoff!
519
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,694
What's the difference?
520
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,797
Fez...
521
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,433
turban! Wake up, woman!
522
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:38,847
Who cares about that crap?
523
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,416
I'm supposed to go to Bermuda!
524
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,372
I already got my shots!
525
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,617
All right, butt out, Arthur, OK?
526
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:43,573
Doug, leave him alone!
527
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:44,574
Hey, calm down.
528
00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:45,575
Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
529
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:46,676
You got Mentalo.
530
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,690
Look, Mental Man's
pretty good, too.
531
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,359
Then trade with me. Oh,
I don't want no knockoff.
532
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,715
Well, what's the difference?
533
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,362
Your parents didn't love you
enough to buy you either one!
534
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,818
Shut up, man!
535
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,798
Give me the Mentalo!
Get away from me!
536
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,200
Give me the Mentalo!
Leave me alone!
537
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,157
Stop that!
538
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,960
So? What are we
doing about my problem?
539
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:06,129
Dad, I can't afford to send
you on the cruise right now.
540
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:07,898
I'll send you for
your birthday, OK?
541
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:08,999
Fine!
542
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,346
You can have this back
543
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,869
when I set sail!
544
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,071
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
545
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:15,840
That cap I got you is great!
546
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:18,409
Arthur: I can't
stand those caps!
547
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,344
Carrie: Oh, that's...
548
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:22,980
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
549
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,549
♪ And a happy New Year ♪
550
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,185
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
551
00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:32,356
♪ And a happy New Year ♪
552
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:36,694
Richard Nixon: So I
guess that's the question.
553
00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:38,095
Should I do it?
554
00:21:38,163 --> 00:21:41,264
Should I guarantee myself
an unconditional pardon,
555
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:44,534
resign the presidency
of the United States?
556
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:50,975
Mentalo: My sources from
beyond the grave say... proceed.
557
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,111
Rosemary,
558
00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:55,946
get me Ron Ziegler.
559
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:59,549
I need to arrange
a press conference.
38957
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