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♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,906
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
3
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,819
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,611
♪ On the Queensboro
Bridge tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,887
♪ Is cash my check and
drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:26,224
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life ♪
8
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:28,726
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
9
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,635
So, guys, tell Uncle Doug
what you did in school today.
10
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:40,539
What'd you... did
you write in cursive?
11
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,741
Did you climb the ropes? Eat
some paste? What went down?
12
00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:47,679
I wrote a book
about Thanksgiving.
13
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,348
You did? Can I see?
14
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:54,352
Oh, wow. Hey, nice
use of macaroni.
15
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,588
Oh, and pictures, too.
16
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:57,755
What's this?
17
00:00:57,824 --> 00:01:01,126
That's the Pilgrims
killing a turkey.
18
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,197
Huh. Little graphic.
19
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:09,568
You might want to ease
up on the red crayon
20
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,637
Come in.
21
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,407
Hey, guy. Hey.
22
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:16,775
Thanks for picking up my kids.
23
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,087
Your kids? Was that today?
24
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:19,111
What?!
25
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,923
I'm kidding. In
the kitchen, bud.
26
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,213
Don't do that, man.
27
00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:24,293
All right. Calm down.
Dinner's on the way.
28
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:25,562
Carrie's picking
up a bucket of KFC.
29
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,651
S'all good!
30
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,186
Sorry. I'm dying here.
31
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,821
O'Boyle stuck me
on the 8:00 shift.
32
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,623
He knows I got my kids all week.
33
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:32,769
Did you talk to him about it?
34
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,893
Yeah. He suggested I
ship them somewhere.
35
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:37,796
Then at least they could
be in the truck with me.
36
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:38,941
Hi, Dad. Hey.
37
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:41,266
Hey, what's up, little men?
38
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,712
Hey, guys. Oh!
39
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:46,170
OK, chicken in the house.
40
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,439
Oh, what the...
41
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,951
Where the hells's the bucket?
42
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:50,475
What?
43
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,577
I didn't go to KFC. I
went to that new place,
44
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,179
the Fresh 'N Healthy
Chicken Cafe.
45
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:58,149
Fresh 'N Healthy Chicken Cafe?
46
00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,218
Yeah.
47
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,786
What's wrong with that?
48
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:05,290
Fresh. B: healthy. C: cafe.
49
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,358
OK, you know what?
50
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,667
Let's take some of this passion
51
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,728
and cure a disease or something.
52
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,441
Here. Let me give you
some money for the food.
53
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,209
No, no, no, no. Don't
you pay her for this.
54
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,511
Don't you reward her.
55
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,701
Come on, guys.
56
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,214
Deacon, you and the
boys are still coming over
57
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,282
for Thanksgiving dinner, right?
58
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,317
Yep, we are all over it. OK.
59
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,286
I'll tell you who's all
over Thanksgiving.
60
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,342
Major here.
61
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,889
He wrote a book
about it and everything.
62
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,145
Did you, Major?
63
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,525
You want to read
it to everybody?
64
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:29,581
No.
65
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,726
You want me to read it for you?
66
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,651
OK. OK!
67
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:37,055
Thanksgiving by Major Palmer.
68
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:38,223
"I like Thanksgiving.
69
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,503
"You get to have turkey,
and potatoes, and gravy,
70
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:44,062
and pumpin pie..."
71
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,130
I think he means "pumpkin pie."
72
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,432
Thanks.
73
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,235
"We used to have Thanksgiving
with my mommy and daddy,
74
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:53,205
"but then they yelled
and got di-borced.
75
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,207
"Now we don't have a family,
76
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:59,578
so we're having Thanksgiving
with some white people."
77
00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:04,716
Hey, that's us.
78
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,855
I can't even give my kids a
decent family Thanksgiving.
79
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,758
I'm a horrible, horrible father.
80
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,126
I've never felt worse.
81
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,229
Does this mean you're
not gonna dry or...
82
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,969
I should be having
Thanksgiving over at my place,
83
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,103
bring all my relatives in.
84
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,538
That's what a good
father would do.
85
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,717
So do it. How?
86
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:28,741
I can't even find someone
87
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:29,986
to pick up my kids from school.
88
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,410
How am I gonna pull off
a whole big Thanksgiving?
89
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:33,479
I need a wife.
90
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:49,896
What are you looking at?
91
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,830
You.
92
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,612
Now, look, I'm gonna
throw something out here.
93
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,146
Now, don't shoot
it down right away.
94
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,871
Just let it wash over you.
95
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,673
OK.
96
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,782
I'm thinking of loaning
you out to Deacon.
97
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,680
What?
98
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,014
He's real upset.
99
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,883
He decided he wants to have
100
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,062
a big Thanksgiving at his place,
101
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,420
but he's crazy with
work and the kids and...
102
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:17,221
Look, bottom line is...
103
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,323
he needs a wife,
104
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,103
so I thought I'd loan
you to him, you know,
105
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,660
like I lent him my drill.
106
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:26,531
OK, couple of things.
107
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,736
First of all, I am
not a power tool,
108
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,639
and second, if I ever do
become someone else's wife,
109
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,474
it ain't gonna be
another truck driver.
110
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:39,811
Come on, Deacon's desperate.
111
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,213
It would just be for the week.
112
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,093
You gotta just pick the
kids up, make 'em dinner,
113
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,877
and then help him get
Thanksgiving organized.
114
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,084
I don't know.
115
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,430
It's the spirit of Thanksgiving.
116
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,520
For God sakes, the Pilgrims,
117
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,623
they gave their
wives to the Indians.
118
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,203
That's not what happened.
119
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,493
Well, they gave out
maize. I know that.
120
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,896
Do you even know what maize is?
121
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,699
Some kind of food
that was amazing. Oy.
122
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,346
Come on, Carrie.
You told me yourself.
123
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:04,714
You got an easy work week.
124
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,504
Your dad's out of town.
125
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:07,639
Come on.
126
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,109
All right.
127
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,477
I'll do it.
128
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,713
I'll be your best friend's wife.
129
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:16,982
Sweet.
130
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,153
No, Uncle Fred.
131
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,600
I can't pick you
up at the airport,
132
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,734
'cause I have to
pick up Nana Letty
133
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,491
from the nursing home.
134
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,304
Just take the shuttle
from the airport.
135
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,294
It'll drop you off right here.
136
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:31,930
No, the shuttle.
137
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,142
When you get off the plane,
138
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,834
just look for the sign.
139
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,269
The sign'll say, "shuttle."
140
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,105
Hang on a sec.
141
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,189
Someone requested
a mail-order bride?
142
00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:48,213
Yeah.
143
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,748
Come on in.
144
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,127
Look, thanks so much for coming.
145
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,228
You are saving my life.
146
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,663
Now, are you sure
you're up for this?
147
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,964
I gotta be honest with ya, Deac.
148
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,065
I think we should
have done this swap
149
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,622
a long time ago.
150
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:02,906
All right, honey, where
do you want me to start?
151
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,262
You want me to make some dinner?
152
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,474
Chase you around
with a rolling pin?
153
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:06,798
What do you like?
154
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,178
Well, uh, I'm actually
making some travel plans,
155
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,246
trying to get my family in,
156
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,547
so dinner would be great.
157
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,615
I picked up some ground beef.
158
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:13,683
The kids love meat loaf.
159
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,607
One loaf of meat
coming right up.
160
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,589
Wow, this looks great.
161
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,653
Thank you.
162
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:21,724
I'll get it.
163
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:22,868
I'll get it.
164
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,926
Hello.
165
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:27,954
Deacon: Hey, man.
166
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,065
What are you doing here?
167
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,132
I just thought I'd drop off
168
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:31,233
a little housewarming gift,
169
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:34,358
get the new couple
off on the right foot.
170
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:35,760
A fern.
171
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:39,130
Yeah, they sell everything
at gas stations now.
172
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:40,409
Hey, you wanna stay for dinner?
173
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:41,745
On your first night together?
174
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:42,812
Yeah, I'm sure you want
175
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:46,238
the loser best friend
hanging around.
176
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,084
Actually, I'm gonna
go catch a movie.
177
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,585
Oh... Oh, that
thing is dripping.
178
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:50,720
Let me throw a plate under this.
179
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:51,984
Oh, OK.
180
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,190
So, everything going OK?
181
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,247
Yeah, it's great.
182
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,459
You know, I know I
fought you on this one,
183
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,416
but I... I really feel
good, you know?
184
00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,629
I really feel like
I'm helping him.
185
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:00,930
You are. You're doing
a really good thing.
186
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:01,998
I'm very, very proud of you.
187
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,155
Now...
188
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,367
if I'm gonna make a
movie and a strip club,
189
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,857
I gotta scoot. All right.
190
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:06,992
Bye, baby.
191
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,068
All right, come on,
you guys. Dig in.
192
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,875
All right, what do you
guys say to Carrie?
193
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,709
Thank you, Carrie.
Thanks, Carrie.
194
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,000
You're welcome.
195
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,207
Thanks, Car.
196
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,885
Are you making
Thanksgiving dinner?
197
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,187
No, honey. Thanksgiving
isn't till Thursday.
198
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,756
I'm just making
a regular dinner.
199
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,860
Were there any black Pilgrims?
200
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,430
Black Pilgrims, no.
201
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,099
I don't think there were.
202
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:49,167
Why not?
203
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,669
Well, because the
Pilgrims were all white.
204
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,639
They came to America from
England on the Mayflower.
205
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,628
Then how did the
black people get here?
206
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,614
Would you like a cupcake?
207
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,382
Yeah! Yeah!
208
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,355
Hey, Maj.
209
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:12,468
What are you eating there?
210
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,291
Carrie gave me a cupcake.
211
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,160
Oh, OK.
212
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,930
Hey. Hey.
213
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,832
Listen, I picked up the turkey.
214
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,266
There was only one big one left.
215
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,501
I had to throw a few elbows,
216
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:24,869
but I got it.
217
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,004
Great.
218
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,917
Uh, look, I just saw
Major eating a cupcake.
219
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,051
Has he had dinner yet?
220
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,508
Oh, no.
221
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,644
Yeah, he was yammering
on about something.
222
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,746
You know, throw one of
those in their mouth and...
223
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,348
Yeah.
224
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:41,097
It's just I kind of have a no
dessert before dinner thing,
225
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,297
but, you know, it's cool.
226
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,155
No, you know
what? It is not cool.
227
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,389
I'm sorry.
228
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,458
I'll be right back.
229
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,400
Damn!
230
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,138
OK.
231
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,274
I got the cupcake back from him.
232
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,220
Great, thanks.
Everything's cool.
233
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:06,377
Yeah, the thing is
234
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,345
I had to give him
something to get it back,
235
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,259
so I sort of promised he
could stay up late tonight
236
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,616
and watch The Sopranos...
237
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,364
and I think a couple of people
are getting whacked tonight,
238
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,722
so you may have to have a
sit-down with him afterwards.
239
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,397
So Kaplan comes down
240
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,210
to say who gets to work
on the Fennerman case,
241
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,234
and guess who he picks.
242
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,235
Not me. Gina.
243
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,303
She is so sickening.
244
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,439
"Oh, I would love to
make extra copies for you."
245
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,341
"Oh, I would love to pick out
246
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,111
your wife's birthday
present for you."
247
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,312
You know what I would love?
248
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:46,383
I would love to beat her
with a toner cartridge.
249
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:47,752
What are you doing over there?
250
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:48,931
Uh, just trying to figure out
251
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,032
when my family's coming in,
252
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,167
you know, who's staying where.
253
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:55,226
Oh, and the way she dresses.
254
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,505
I mean, it's not
like I have to wear
255
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,797
a push-up bra to
justify my paycheck.
256
00:09:58,865 --> 00:09:59,976
You know, I'm good at what I do.
257
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,640
Mmm, yeah. You done with that?
258
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,079
Uh, with the glass? Not yet.
259
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,480
I'll take it in there
when I'm done.
260
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,649
Oh, great, so should I hold
off on running the dishwasher?
261
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:09,113
Yeah, just a couple
of minutes. OK.
262
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:21,052
Carrie: Like today.
263
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,486
Guess what she was wearing.
264
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,555
Take a guess.
265
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,390
Um, something inappropriate?
266
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,326
Not if you're on the
Dukes of Hazzard.
267
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,963
Capital "H", capital "O",
268
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,064
you know what I'm saying?
269
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,832
Right.
270
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,245
How ya doing on that
glass there, buddy?
271
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,149
Uh, you know what? Here.
272
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:40,917
All done... you know what?
273
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,285
Actually, why don't I throw
this in the dishwasher?
274
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,619
I'm sure you probably
gotta get going.
275
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,753
It's almost 9:00.
276
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:45,888
No, what are you talking about?
277
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,156
I have a lot of stuff
to do around here.
278
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,257
Oh, you've done enough.
279
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,081
Get out of here.
280
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,150
No.
281
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,484
It's no problem, really.
282
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,566
You mind if I step
out for a few minutes?
283
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,823
No. That's why I'm here.
284
00:10:58,892 --> 00:10:59,932
All right, uh,
285
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,259
catch ya later.
286
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,328
OK.
287
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,500
Welcome back to live coverage
288
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:13,637
of the Queens
Indoor Golf Classic,
289
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,973
brought to you by...
290
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:21,212
Frito Lay.
291
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,615
Put a little crunch
back into your life.
292
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,418
Heffernan just had a beautiful
up-and-down into the hamper.
293
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:29,198
He's set himself up for
the win with this shot.
294
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,890
He's just gotta get
it up over the couch
295
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,325
and into the cup on the landing
296
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,693
for the win.
297
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,278
Hey, man.
298
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:53,385
What's up?
299
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,573
Not much. What are you up to?
300
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,254
Just a little indoor golf,
301
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,649
a little stuffed pizza,
302
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,652
and at 9:00 on ESPN,
303
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,764
the National Spelling Bee.
304
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:02,898
There's an Indian
kid with a lisp
305
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,556
who is kicking ass.
306
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,198
You got the life here, man.
307
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:17,135
It do not suck.
308
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,444
So, how's the wife?
309
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,641
Oh, trouble in paradise?
310
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,112
She's driving me crazy.
311
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,291
Yeah, well, you should
have thought of that
312
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:30,596
before you slapped
the ring on her finger.
313
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,751
I'm serious.
314
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,132
What's the problem?
315
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,022
Well, first of all,
she's really not...
316
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,490
She's not great with kids.
317
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,602
That's not her fault.
318
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:41,737
We don't have any kids.
319
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,239
She hasn't had a chance
to get good with them.
320
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,164
OK, but she has had
the chance to cook.
321
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,478
You don't like her cooking?
322
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,634
Do you?
323
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,570
Exhibit "A".
324
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:56,841
Huh?
325
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,990
She can whip up
some pretty good stuff.
326
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,057
What'd she make for you?
327
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:03,114
Meat loaf.
328
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,720
And the way she goes on and on
329
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,322
about all the people
she hates at work,
330
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:12,435
which, as far as I can tell,
331
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,624
is everyone.
332
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:14,770
All right, she does not do that.
333
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:15,893
Guy, last week,
334
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,402
you told me you
were slicing a bagel,
335
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,030
and she was babbling
on about her boss,
336
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,099
and it was so brutal
337
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,377
that you actually
cut into your hand
338
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,401
just to make her stop.
339
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:25,814
Look, all right,
340
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:26,882
I'm lending you my wife, man.
341
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:27,950
Not a lot of guys would do that,
342
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,118
and, you know,
she's trying her best.
343
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,353
So instead of complaining,
344
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,777
maybe you should
start appreciating.
345
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,047
Hello?
346
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,615
Oh, hey, Car.
347
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:38,883
I'm not here.
348
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:55,900
Hey.
349
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,068
Oh, hey.
350
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,048
What's... what's...
What's going on?
351
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,240
Well, I was making a
sweet potato casserole,
352
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,009
but I ran out of
marshmallows, so...
353
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,247
I'm picking out some
of the Lucky Charms.
354
00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:11,482
They're a little crunchy,
355
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,750
but I bet ya they're gonna
be magically delicious.
356
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,562
Great.
357
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,358
Excuse me. Yeah.
358
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:26,998
Hey, Bud.
359
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:28,643
Everything OK down there?
360
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:31,535
I think Carrie gave
me Major's underwear.
361
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,582
Go change.
362
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:34,671
Thank you.
363
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,222
Hi. Hey, Holly.
364
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:41,323
What are you doing here?
365
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,458
I walk a dog in
your building now,
366
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,658
so I thought I'd stop by.
367
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:44,826
Listen, I heard
that you're hosting
368
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:45,894
Thanksgiving for your kids,
369
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:48,030
and I just think
that is so sweet.
370
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,253
I made you this.
371
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:00,464
There's someone else.
372
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,313
What are you talking about?
373
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,737
Holly. I want Holly.
374
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,006
What?!
375
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,774
I didn't look for
this to happen.
376
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:10,842
I didn't plan for it,
377
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,942
but she came to my door
378
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,044
with the best apple
pie I've ever tasted,
379
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,613
and she's great with my kids,
380
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,415
and she's quiet.
381
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,684
But yo...
382
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,186
But you just can't dump Carrie.
383
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,332
She loves being with you.
384
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,396
I've never seen her happier.
385
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,692
I got my whole family coming in.
386
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,094
I got my kids counting on me
387
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,262
for a perfect Thanksgiving.
388
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:32,629
I can't give 'em sweet potatoes
389
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,098
with Lucky Charms in 'em.
390
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,934
Oh, my God! That sounds great!
391
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,569
It's over, player.
392
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:39,637
Amazing.
393
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:40,737
Amazing.
394
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:41,839
OK.
395
00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:44,241
Fine, whatever.
396
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,144
I guess I'll tell her
tonight after dinner
397
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:49,213
or maybe before dinner.
398
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,450
You know what?
399
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,018
This whole thing was my idea.
400
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,953
I'll tell her. I just...
401
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,382
Gotta figure out a way
to let her down easy.
402
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,591
OK.
403
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,793
Thanks.
404
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,240
Couldn't you just stay with her
405
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:06,730
through the holidays?
406
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,404
Yeah, just a table for 2.
407
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,606
Sure, I'll hold.
408
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,477
Hey, babe.
409
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:19,545
Hey.
410
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,179
Turkey day tomorrow. Uh-huh.
411
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,625
You wanna discuss what
pants you're gonna wear?
412
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,889
Because the last 3 years,
you've chosen poorly.
413
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:28,586
Great, thank you.
OK, I will see you then.
414
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,989
Pack your bags. What?
415
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,824
Where have you
always wanted to go?
416
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,826
Spain?
417
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,598
How about the Spain of America?
418
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,667
Massachusetts.
419
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,736
You know that place in Stockbridge
you're always talking about?
420
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:46,805
The Red Lion Inn?
421
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:47,905
Well, tomorrow night,
422
00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:49,607
we're gonna have a
gourmet meal there
423
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,409
followed by a beautiful stay
424
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:53,544
in a standard room.
425
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,057
What are you talking
about tomorrow night?
426
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,159
It's Thanksgiving.
427
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,593
I have to help Deacon out.
428
00:16:58,617 --> 00:16:59,928
You already made
him plenty of stuff.
429
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,318
He's well on his way.
430
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,899
When's the last time we had a
romantic Thanksgiving together,
431
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,122
just the two of us?
432
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,368
You know what they say.
433
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:08,072
Thanksgiving is for lovers.
434
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,529
What's going on here?
435
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:12,637
Nothing. I just...
436
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,510
wanna spend Thanksgiving
alone with my wife.
437
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,200
Is that so crazy?
438
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,935
Wait a minute.
439
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,837
Are you jealous of all the time
440
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,472
I've been spending with Deacon?
441
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,442
Uh, yeah.
442
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:29,880
But you were the one who loaned
me out to him in the first place.
443
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,915
I mean, you practically
dragged me over there.
444
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,150
You gave us a fern.
445
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:36,654
And I was dying inside.
446
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,821
You know what?
447
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,690
I can't believe how
selfish you're being.
448
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:42,259
I can't back out on Deacon now.
449
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,360
He needs me.
450
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:50,321
Doesn't need you, really.
451
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:58,676
Hey, man.
452
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,977
Carrie. She's parking.
453
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,379
Ran up here. Has turkey.
454
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:02,558
I tried to stop her. I couldn't.
455
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,081
Has turkey!
456
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,017
OK, slow down.
457
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,296
What's going on?
458
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,288
I tried to get her off
this thing all night.
459
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,668
I tried to tell her
I was jealous.
460
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,269
I... I... I tried to take
her to Massachusetts.
461
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,626
She just won't give you up.
462
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,673
She still thinks
we're on for tonight?
463
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:18,697
Yeah.
464
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:19,842
I can't believe you.
465
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:20,909
This is important to me.
466
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,143
It's important to my kids.
467
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,345
Oh, enough of your
kids already, OK?
468
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,369
We get it. You reproduce.
469
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,666
Y-Y-Y-You're killing me here.
470
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,740
I've got Holly in the
kitchen basting a turkey.
471
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,720
Yeah, well, I got Carrie
coming up with another turkey.
472
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:32,888
So what are we
gonna do? I don't know!
473
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,992
We got 2 broads with 2 birds!
474
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,815
Hey, Doug.
475
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:38,964
Hi.
476
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,018
Hey, guys.
477
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:41,719
Hey. Hey.
478
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:44,288
Holly.
479
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,368
What are you doing?
480
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:47,591
I don't know.
481
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,059
Deacon, what's going on?
482
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,161
I don't know. Doug?
483
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,229
I don't know. Carrie?
484
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,300
Deacon asked me to
help out with Thanksgiving.
485
00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:00,971
No, Deacon asked me to
help out with Thanksgiving.
486
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:10,314
Actually, I never
asked you, Carrie.
487
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,115
Doug offered, and I accepted,
488
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,584
and you were great.
489
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,265
It's just that Holly might be
a slightly, slightly better cook,
490
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,655
so I asked her to step in.
491
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,390
So you just stuck me
in at the last minute
492
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,492
when you realized you
didn't like Carrie's cooking?
493
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,729
And you just let me walk
in here like a friggin' idiot?
494
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,999
And... And now, Carrie,
who I work for, hates me?
495
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,067
Ladies, ladies, ladies!
496
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:33,370
We can eat both dinners.
497
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,506
Like the Pilgrims
and the Indians,
498
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:39,142
we'll meet and
trade beads for land
499
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,011
or... or... or something.
500
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:44,014
No, no, I'm leaving. Excuse me.
501
00:19:44,082 --> 00:19:45,661
But I'll tell you
guys one thing.
502
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,162
The Johnson Beagles
are about to have
503
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,786
the best dinner of their lives.
504
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,757
Well, that's cleared up.
505
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,104
Let me just tell
you something, OK?
506
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,128
I just spent my entire week
507
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,708
taking care of your kids,
508
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:00,998
cooking your meals,
509
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,612
sharing stories with
you about my job,
510
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,180
but it's over for you, buddy,
511
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,381
'cause I have a man,
512
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:07,649
and he likes my cooking,
513
00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:08,851
and he likes my stories,
514
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,519
and he's gonna hear all of 'em
515
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,986
on the way up to Massachusetts.
516
00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,050
Come on, baby.
517
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,343
Yeah.
518
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,808
Hi. Can I help you?
519
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,410
Table for 14, please.
520
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:55,152
So, Kaplan comes
down and gives Renee
521
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,088
a stack of papers to file,
522
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,667
and you know she's
gonna fall flat on her face
523
00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,991
because she's like,
524
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:04,428
"uh, which letter
comes first? R or W?"
525
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:05,796
And I can't say anything
526
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,297
because I'm gonna look bitchy,
527
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:09,166
but who's gonna
have to redo everything
528
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,501
after she's done with it?
529
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,069
Hello.
530
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:13,804
So, while she's at lunch,
531
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,206
I refile everything
the right way,
532
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,641
and she comes back
533
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:18,776
and catches me doing it.
534
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,844
Now things are so
awkward between us,
535
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,223
I don't really know
what to say to her,
536
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:24,615
but the truth is... Oh, God!
537
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:25,684
Oh, my God.
538
00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,763
I tripped, and I hit the door.
539
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,787
Are you all right?
540
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:29,998
I killed my funny bone.
541
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:31,933
I better go downstairs,
put some ice on it... Aah!
542
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,990
OK, baby. Yeah.
36587
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