All language subtitles for Disenchantment.S03E03.1080p.WEB.H264-STRONTiUM

Hey!

Star light, bar fight,
first star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,
eat the dish I fish tonight.

Please bring Dad and Bean back.

A shooting star! Did it work?

Oh, God.

Prayer games are over.

Hurry up and get into bed.

It's Tuesday night.
You-know-what begins in 20 minutes.

Sex bingo!

Shh. Tuck him in.

Tsk-tsk.

The pillow goes under his head,
not over it.

And remember, Derek,

shooting stars are angels
plummeting to Hell.

Good night.

Well, that's no angel.
It's a seagull on fire.

What is that?
Some kind of clown car grave?

I can't believe my various eyes!

Archdruidess, we have a problem.

All these things ever see is a problem.

Rising from the dead is witchcraft.

Could Tiabeanie actually be a witch?

Ah, no such thing.

You know it's just a good excuse
to dispose of all the weirdos

and free-thinkers and masturbators. Ugh.

Hi, Pendergast.

Dad, what are you talking about?

That's not Pendergast.

That's the poet who wrote
those mean nursery rhymes about you

that all the babies
in Dreamland memorized.

Listen, you can hear it right now.

♪ Old King Zøg
Dumb as a frog ♪

♪ Brains of a monkey
Balls of a hog ♪

See?

Bye, Pendergast.

And the king lives, too.

What happened? We burnt them at the stake,

but now they're alive
and completely raw and ungrilled.

There's no other explanation.
Bean possesses powerful magic.

She'll kill us all with her
goo-goo hoo-doo voodoo walla-walla...

Ow!

Shut up and let me think.

I'll tell you exactly what's happening.

Someone must have helped
those troublemakers escape death,

and I'm gonna find out who.

Derek, honey,
you have some special visitors.

Now, all you have to
tell those sweet boys…

Where is the little bastard?

Yay!

He's remarkably speedy
for such a beachball of a boy.

Oh, Bean, you're alive!
I'm sorry for everything.

Never ever, ever, ever
burn me alive at the stake again.

All right, Luci, your turn.

I should torment you
for the rest of your life,

but I got my hands full with your sister.

Okay, your turn, Elfo.

I'm gonna break all your toys. Oh!

And Old Daddy, you're back home.

Oh! I love you
so much more than New Daddy.

I won't say that doesn't hurt.

Why, hello, sire. How are you feeling?

About me, in particular?

Huh? Who said that?
Who wanna know how I'm feelin'?

Oh, I'll tell you how I'm feelin'.

Raise the drawbridge.

I'm feelin' great!

Lower the drawbridge.

'Cause down there I realized
important stuff I wasn't aware of before.

Raise the drawbridge.

About myself.

Lower the drawbridge.

I learnt there's an enemy
lurkin' among us.

Raise the drawbridge.

And its name is mental illness
and the stigma that accompanies it.

Believe me, I know,
'cause I've been to Hell and back.

I've seen things
no human eyeballs should ever see.

I made noises
no human earholes should ever hear.

I, I, I…
What, what, what…

But I also discovered
the most important thing in life.

And then I forgot it.

And now, I just wanna lie down.

So lower the goddamn drawbridge,
will ya, huh?

Lower the goddamn drawbridge,
will ya, huh?

I think we're getting away with it.

Zøg's too crazy
to remember anything we did to him.

How can we be sure?

Ugh! I swear, these tight, sexy clothes

were designed
to cut off cognitive thinking.

I was hoping you'd at least
keep that look for the party, Dagmar…

I mean, Bean.

Um… Hmm.

Now these boots
were made for thinking.

Yay.

Fellow Dreamlanders,
our difficult period has passed.

A beloved king
and father was gravely wounded,

but miraculously recovered.

I know that blue kid.
He lives in my building.

A sister was accused of being a witch
and a brother burned her at the stake.

These are the things
that we will look back on at holidays

and laugh and laugh.

So, Bean, I want you to know
I love you, and you're pardoned.

Your crimes are forgiven.

Aw.

- Wait, all of them?
- Uh, yeah, sure.

Yes! Oh.

Once again,
the rich white girl gets away with it.

Justice!

And in this spirit,
I would also like to pardon the following.

"Elfo, Luci,
and last but not least, Old Man Touchy,

on the condition that
you promise you will never touch again."

I promise.

I lied!

To be honest,
I'm glad the execution didn't take.

That's what happens
when you ask a bonfire to do an ax's job.

Otherwise, you'd be one dead witch.

Thanks, Stan, but once again, not a witch.

Just what a resurrected witch would say.

Oh! Act casual, she's looking right at us.

Hey, girl.

Weird. Why is Odval being so friendly?

And why is everyone
so casual about the fact

that Dad and I are supposed to be dead?

What about me?

Nobody cared
either time I came back to life.

I was disappointed both times.
Disappointment's a form of caring.

Excuse me, but is anyone else
bothered by the rules of this world?

I mean, people get
turned to stone or burned alive,

and the next thing you know,
they're walking around, no harm, no foul.

I mean, I myself
was shot with a flaming arrow...

Who did that?

They say,
"Heavy is the head that wears the crown."

That's why it belongs
on the heaviest fathead around.

And here he comes now.
My dad, your king, King Zøg.

Yay.

Give me that.

Get outta here.

Thank you! Thank you very much.

This is for all the kids out there
who dream of becomin' a king.

Keep dreamin',
'cause I'm the only king here forever.

All hail our only king here forever!

And if you forget,
you get your head chopped off!

Now, start cheerin'!

Free drinks in the courtyard,
ya boozebags!

Okay, revolution's postponed
for another day.

Anyway, I guess
it's better to be respected

for who I am, not what I am, right?

Who you are is a nobody,
and what you are ain't nothin'!

Raise the drawbridge!

Who's that lurking in the dark alley?

Perhaps new friends?

- Greetings, ragamuffins! May I play?
- Sure.

Wanna play a little game
called "Like This Whapsee"?

Like This Whapsee? Well, how do you play?

- Like this. Whap! See?
- Ow.

Hey, ain't you a king or somethin'?

Oh, I'm not a majesty anymore.
I'm a common idiot just like you fellas.

Then I guess
you won't be needin' this crown.

Yeah. I suppose I don't need it. Huh.

Say, what's the big idea agreein' with us?

Zippidee, Doo-Dah, barrelize him!

But we ain't got no barrel.
We traded it for these crates.

I can pretend I'm in a barrel.

Stop bein' so agreeable!

All right.

Ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

Wow! Listen to Zøg's laughter.

Someone must be getting executed.

Oh, Bean, get over here.
You gotta look at this.

Again, sire?

Mmm-hmm.

Pendergast! Oh, it's funny
'cause it's true.

I dreamed of this moment for so long,
but I'm more worried than validated.

I ain't talkin' to you.
I'm talkin' to the head.

Ah!

Dad, what's wrong with you?

Ask Pendergast.

He knows everything.

Yikes.

Okay, that's enough.

Oh, no! I hope I die this time!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

I don't belong in the castle.
I don't belong with the common folk.

Maybe the scary woods will accept me?

Oh, a warning sign! "Beware of…" Uh-oh.

I better not finish reading it
or I'll get too frightened.

Are you sure?

Yes, Ma, I did wash my taint.

I didn't.

You're a sociopath.

Murbish, Tertz, we're looking
for Pendergast. Have you seen him?

Not since he told us to meet up with him
to help Zøg. Remember?

Oh, yeah. Pendergast never showed up.

Good thing, 'cause we didn't either.

What was Pendergast
supposed to help my dad do?

We'll never know.

Well, where is Pendergast now?

We'll never know.

Well, this has been a waste of time.

We'll never know.

Hey, Detective Dumbass,
have you checked his locker?

What the...

It's Pendergast!

Oh, my God! Who did this?

He looks so different
with his head sliced off.

Oh, hello, pretty pony.

Don't be afraid.
Here, you want something to eat?

Aw.

Huh?

Ah! Cut it out! Ouch!

All right, eager beaver.

Find the queen, win the dough.
Where she stops, nobody knows.

It's in the middle.

That one there, in the middle.

You gotta play this, pally.

Oh, I don't know. How much does it cost?

Whatever you got.

That's what I got.

I know. It's in the middle again.

Wha… But I'm sure I saw...

Sorry, pally, better luck next time.

- What's that noise?
- Coppers! Skedeedle!

Aw, it's just a tender little mouse.

Oh, help me. Help me, I need help.

Hey! I don't hear any coins droppin'.
Where's all your goddamn money?

I just lost everything
in a card game except my pants.

You have the worst luck
I've ever seen.

I don't know how
this can get any more degrading.

Hey, there.

My name's Derek. Who are you?

Well, no one's ever asked before.

Name's Sagatha.

You're beautiful.

What are ya, blind?

Please, don't tell me
you're gonna rob and beat me, too?

- Why, you got any money?
- Well, not anymore.

Well, you look rich.
Maybe we can work somethin' out.

But right now,
I gotta get you outta here fast.

The owl orgy starts in three minutes.

Poor Pendergast.

Turn him over, boys.

Look, a hole in his armor.

That's disgusting.

A bullet.

If we find the gun,
we've got the murderer.

Okay, let's split up.

Elfo, you start on the top floor.
Luci, you start on the bottom.

- You two stay here and guard the body.
- Yes, ma'am.

We'd never let something happen
to our headless friend Pendergast.

♪ Old King Zøg
Dumb as a frog ♪

♪ Brains of a monkey
Balls of a hog ♪

You're not gonna drown me, are you?

Hey, where's the profit in that?

Whoa!

Welcome to Fairyland,
where anything goes.

For free?

Maybe I will drown you.

Don't ever walk barefoot around here.

And never eat at the strip clubs.

You know what really freaks me out?

When I opened that locker
and Pendergast's body fell forward,

it's as if the killer
planned it that way, you know?

Leaning the body
right up against the door like that.

What a sick bastard.

"Oh, hello, I'm Elfo."

"I'm afraid of the dark."
"I'm afraid of decapitated bodies."

"I'm afraid of dying alone."

Oh. Okay, you know what? Kissy was right.

You have a toxic personality,
so just go your way and I'll go mine.

Hey, Stan,
you seen Pendergast's head lately?

I don't know. Look in the back.

Hi, I'm the head of Pendergast.

Yeah, you better run.

Oh.

Okay, ball. I need answers.

Where's the gun?

No, wait, wait, wait.
That's not it. That's not it.

I have it. This is the real question.
Here we go.

Who killed Pendergast?

"The walls have eyes"?

That makes no sense.
Stupid ball, erase that answer.

Ow! What the hell, ball?

Oh, my! Finger lightning!

Bean is a witch.

Unless she cast a spell on me
to make me believe she's a witch.

Which would make her a witch.

In which case, the witch…

Oh, Sorcerio, am I crazy?

Yes, darling.

But often, the craziest thoughts
are the most true, ya nutloaf!

I bet there's a clue
in Odval's office.

I'm sure to find evidence of witchcraft
in the princess' bedroom.

Whoa! I mean… Hi. Odval.

I was just, uh…

Out for a midnight stroll? Why, so was I.

Terrific.

We can stroll together.

Well, I simply must be going.

I have a thing with a guy.

Yes. I, too, must be going, for I…

have a guy with a thing.

Hmm.

Pull up a log
and meet the fairies.

This here is my new friend, Derek.

Ooh, he's a big one. What's his story?

- Says he's a prince.
- No way.

I say we get together
and make this prince a man.

Right now,
you're a delicate dandelion puff.

We'll teach you how to be
a big, manly marshmallow.

See, Derek,
there are two types of men in the world.

Dirty dogs always runnin' around
lookin' for action,

and then there's the sweet kittycats.

I have little cat feet.

Yeah, yeah, shut up about the feet.

Oh!

Oh, Oddie, it's not couples therapy
if only one of us is putting in the work.

Argh! Don't sneak up on me like that.
What do you got to report?

- Oh, nothing. Just Elfo's a little jerk.
- You're a little jerk.

Shut up, you're both little jerks.
Now, look for the gun.

I wonder what "the walls have eyes" means.

Can I help?

Derek, we're gonna teach you
the ways of the world.

Each of us has a specialty.

Roxanne, economics.
Karly, linguistics. Snarla, bitterness.

Hey, Derek, down here.

One, stand up tall
and suck your stomach in.

Two, speak with authority.

Three, assume most people
are out to get you.

Four, only date someone
who actually likes ya.

Who's there to cheer you on,
who makes you laugh,

who brings you soup when you're sick,
and ice cream when you're lazy,

who gives you that special tingle.

And when you meet this gal,
don't let her go.

Well, that sounds like you.

The hell are you talkin' about?
I was thinkin' someone more like Snarla.

He can't handle what I got.
It's incurable.

When I said "help,"
I meant with a cup of tea or a biscuit.

I don't know where the gun is.

And even if I did,
I couldn't say, only hint.

Odval would have my job.
I hate that it's a man's world.

Come on, guys,
we gotta find that gun fast.

Hmm.

Hey, look. This thing is hollow.

- And there's the gun.
- The gun?

You better hide.
Odval's coming.

- Miss Moonpence.
- Yes, Minister?

I have a council meeting.
Did you finish those budgetary amendments?

Yes, Minister.

You made sure they're in my handwriting?

Yes.
I sent them down with Sorcerio.

Sorcerio?

Oh, no, that wrinkled old buffoon
always mixes up the pages.

Thanks, Miss Moonpence.

Hey.
It's dark in here.

Oh, man, I can't get this thing open.

Sorry, Elfo, I tried jiggling the latch.
You live in there now.

We gotta get outta here.
Odval could be back any second.

Ahem.
Sometimes, it takes a woman

to pick up the man's world
and run with it.

Put me down.
I don't like being carried.

Whoops.

Hello?

Luci, stair! Stair, stair, stair!

There he goes.

- It's not funny.
- Just picture it.

Ah. Finally.

Ah!

What's that rushing water sound?

At least we found the gun.

Do you think my eyes
and bowels will stop spinning eventually?

Yeah, probably, but please
stop making eye contact in the meantime.

Without this gun,
Odval won't be able to shoot anybody else.

Okay, Elfo.

Ow! I'm cured.

Point out all of Bean's hiding spots
so we can stash the gun.

Okay, this bedpost unscrews,
Bean's drugs are in there.

False bottom in the bathtub
where Bean makes her bathtub gin.

False bottom in the sofa
where Bean makes her sofa gin.

And this is where I hide.

I'm not in there now.

Done. Gun hidden.

You're not telling me where, are you?

Not a chance in hell.

Ow.

Okay, kid,
we're gonna work on your gullibility.

You're too trusting.

Now go up there,
but don't get bamboozled by the cards.

Watch the dealer.

Watch his hands, watch his sleeves,

watch his pockets,
and watch your watch while you're at it.

Hey, it's the guy who always loses.

Wanna try again? Everyone's a winner.

All you gotta do is find the queen.

Not so fast! Caught you!

Go ahead. I don't need you.
I don't need nobody.

Hmm.

You're not getting away
this time, you trouser-taker!

Ow! She bit me!

Ow! Hmm.

Hmm. Ah.

Ow!

Breaking an old woman's cane.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Hey! I am proud.

You did it.
And you got your pants back, too.

Thanks to you, Sagatha.

You were a baby,
but now you're a man, baby.

It's time to go home.

What the hell happened to Prince Derek?

He looks like someone
who just came of age, he does.

Guess you ain't
king of the crates no more, huh?

Oh, hi, Bean. I'm a man now.

Shut up, Derek. I'm looking for a traitor.

Oh, you're always doing that.

Yeah, well, this one shot Pendergast.
With a gun.

The gun you shot Dad with?

You pardoned me for that. No backsies.

Your attention, please!
Derek has a mustache now!

Greetings! I have
something important to say.

Sagatha, will you give me
your hand in marriage?

My hand? Wha…

Ah, I've married worse.

What say you, Father?

I've always wanted
teeny tiny grandchildren!

They can ride around in your pocket, sire.

Oh, wow. I did not expect that.

I had a whole passionate speech
ready to go.

Anyone still wanna hear it?

No?

Well, okay, then, let's have a wedding!

Now arriving
on his cute little pony,

believe it or not, that's the bridegroom!

Girls, girls, girls,
this is a classy affair.

More cleavage.

I meant butt cleavage.

And last but not least or she'd kill me,

former Queen of Dreamland,
now Pirate Queen of the Seventeen Seas,

you guessed it, Oona!

Hello, darlings!

Oh, mother! You came!

Yes. And I bring lovely wedding gift
for new bride.

Oh, sorry. I forget to take off price tag.

There you are. In your face.

You think you're better than me? Oh.

Yeah? Yeah?

There you go, bitch. Suck on it!

Zøggy, I'm so proud
our little boy is marrying anything.

This means so much to whoever I am.

Are you all right? Or are?

Zøggy.

Shh.

Quiet! Don't do that!

Don't we just look
absolutely bewitching in our dress?

What about you, mister?

If looks could kill,
you'd be arrested for double murder.

What a lovely couple.

Are you kidding? I'm so out of his league!

Hey, Oona, hey!

Crazy girl!

Hey, what is wrong with your father?
I ask because...

Zøggy!

He was buried alive
and he didn't take it too well.

Dearly beloved and the accursed,
we are gathered here today to celebrate...

Who in the world
is making that god-awful noise?

It's Zøg!

Zøg did it.

Are you finished?

Yes, yes, yes!

To celebrate a truly bizarre
whirlwind romance...

Wait, hold on.

Okay, I'm done.

And finally, I promise never
to use a fly swatter, even in anger,

and to believe in you
just like you believe in me.

And now, Sagatha, your vows.

Oh, this ought to be good.

I got a nice thing going.

I don't wanna mess it up
by opening my big mouth.

If any of you has reason why
these two should not be married, clam up.

They obviously don't care
what you or anyone thinks.

Now, everyone bow their heads in prayer.

Or disgust.

But do it, 'cause all the other
major religions do it,

so it must mean something.

Stop the wedding!
There's a traitor in the church!

It's Odval! Odval killed Pendergast.

He shot him
and then he chopped his head off!

Nonsense. Why, look,
Pendergast is right here.

Pendergast! You're alive!

Odval never had the nerve.

How did you get the gun?

Lots of people
have access to your room, Bean.

I'm sorry, Bean.
She threatened to shoot me.

Shut up, Turbish.

But I now realize
she couldn't have without the gun.

Missed me!

Ow.

And now, it's time for the final shaddup.

Don't do it!

- Shaddup!
- No!

Oh, Turbish! Turbish, are you dead?

No, I'm alive.
I hid big skillet under tunic.

Did you say "big skillet"?

I wish you had more horsepower, Smokey.

Well, she's gone forever.

I wonder if she'll miss her road map.

Give me that.

Steamland.