All language subtitles for An.idiot.abroad.S01E05.aAF.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

And he's a friend.

He's a typical little englander,
and he doesn't like

going out of his comfort zone.

Bollocks are squashed.

I just think that it'd be amazing
to send him around the world.

What we'd like to see is him
experience other cultures,

other peoples, and see if, in any way, we
can change his outlook on the world.

I've been to many exotic places.

I genuinely think travel
broadens the mind.

I want him to hate it.

I want him to hate every minute
of it for my own amusement.

[ Firecrackers popping ]

Nothing is funnier than Karl in a
corner being poked by a stick.

I am that stick.

And now I have the might of Sky behind me.

[Bleep]

[Bleep]

This is one of the funniest, most
expensive practical jokes I've ever done.

And it's gonna be great.

Just let me go home!
Jesus.

Sync by honeybunny
www.MY-SUBS.com

Karl, we've arranged for you to go
to Egypt to see the great pyramids.

I mean, there is a remarkable
site, truly one of the seven

wonders of the world.

Now, what do you know
about the great pyramids?

Over 4,000 years old.

4,000 years old.

Are they the oldest
thing on the world?

[ Laughs ]

I told you, he needs an absolute.

He needs an absolute.

Yeah, they're the oldest
thing on the world.

I mean, that's pretty amazing,
that I'm gonna see the

oldest thing on the world.

They're not the oldest thing
on the world, are they?

How do you think they built it?

They took their time.

Didn't have any distractions.

Now you see workmen, it's like,
"you got to get it done.

We've got another job on."

Back then, they'd just be going,
"this is what we've got to do.

Get it done.

Get it built.

Go for that shape."

And each day, they would have
just... the foreman went, "go for

that shape," and they
went, "all right."

Yeah.

Right.

Go on, then.
Enjoy the pyramids.

All right.

I think we've got to
send him economy.

I think we've got to put him up
in shacks and awful hotels, and

that will be funny.

The nice hotel seems
to have gone now.

That's not good, is it?

This is grim 'round here.

And something looks grim in the
dark, you know it's not gonna be

better in the day, don't you?

We had here Michael
Palin, monty python.

And has he been back since?

No.

Thank you.

How long are we here?

Huh?

How long are we here for?

[ Horns honking ]

[ Dog barking ]

I don't know what... this is... this is
a bit of a... it's a little bit grim.

Look at it.

Did Ricky and Steve know this was...
Well, they knew Michael Palin stayed here.

Yeah, I know, but it
was 30 years ago.

A lot's changed.

You know, I was still at school.

How many days am I here?

There's a piano right
outside the room.

When do they start
playing that piano?

'Cause it's literally right there.

If they start having
a sing-along, I'm...

[bleep]

Sit on that.

Sit on that.

Is there a mattress on it?

Sit on it.

Honest to God, sit on that.

It is unbelievable.

Oh, God.

How am I gonna sleep?

[ Horns honking ]

It's a bit cozy, you know.

Ricky will be all over the moon
with this when he sees this

'cause he wants to annoy me.

I don't know how this is
teaching me anything about sort

of, you know, being Egyptian.

I mean, the fella who owns
the place, his dad's 96.

There's no way he lived to be 96
by living on a bed like that in

a dump room like this, having
them out there all night beeping.

I'll leave it there.

I don't know what I'm going to
be doing today, 'cause I haven't

heard from Ricky and Steve yet.

So I'm just gonna go, you
know, go out for a wander...

Walk about, deal with
some locals, you know.

That's the plan, really.

No, thanks, mate.
Drink.

A what?
Cold drink.

Coca-cola, sprite, water, tea, cafe,
nescafe, cappuccino, mango, beer.

All drink, 10 pound.

Yeah, I'm all right at the moment.

I might pop in later on.

My name is Sharif, okay?

Sharif.
Sharif.

Welcome to Egypt.
Cheers, Sharif.

I'll be here, okay?

I'll be there for a drink
if I want to get a drink.

Cheers.
It's all right.

I've just had a word with Sharif.

He's gonna look after me.

Sharif, no cafe.

That's eat?

Yes.
Oh, okay.

So, if I want a drink, see you,
and see you for something to eat.

Cheers.

Thank you.
Bye-bye.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, yeah.

That's good.

Have a nice time.
I will.

Thanks a lot.

Cheers.

Come back here.

If I want a drink or something.

My name's Sharif.

He's Sharif.

No, no.

My name's Sharif, Omar Sharif.

Omar Sharif.

He's Sharif.

Omar Sharif.

I'll pop in there if I'm hungry.

I'm not hungry at the moment.

All right.

Honestly, it's all right.

Yeah, it's all right.

What do you want, a drink?

I'm just walking through.

If I get thirsty, I'll pop by.

Do you know what?

I'm not hungry at the moment.

Yes?
Yeah, I was back there.

I sort of got off
food a little bit.

I'm okay at the moment.

Thanks a lot.

Cheers.

[Bleep]

I've already got some.

Don't smoke.

If I wanted a watch,
I'd buy one off you.

Don't need.

It's for a woman.

My girlfriend's head
is slightly bigger.

I don't need any glasses.

[Bleep]

If there's one thing that's done
me head in since I've been here,

it's all this.

You can't walk down there.

Forget, like, just using it as a cut
through, 'cause it's not a shortcut.

It can't be a shortcut, 'cause you
get stopped every few seconds.

Yeah, all right.

So, I mean, I bet she left
the house when she was 10.

I'll tell you, seriously, it takes you
forever to get anything done here.

Hi.

Didn't sleep at all.

I'm gonna go over and
see the pyramids today.

That's the plan.
That's why I'm in Egypt, isn't it?

I mean, I wish I could
have seen them sooner.

You know, the sooner I see them,
the sooner I can go home, but,

yeah, Steve's sorted out some
local bloke who's got a camel.

He's gonna take me over
there on one of them.

When I was younger, I got on
a horse, and someone sort of

burned the horse's ass.

It bolted, and I was on it
and falling off the edge.

So I've always said I'd never go on any
animal that's sort of bigger than me.

So it's a little bit crazy, but it seems
to be the way they get around here anyway.

They're all using
donkeys and camels.

So as long as nobody is neighbour
with a fag end,

it should be alright, really.

It's crazy here, though, isn't it?

It's the non-touristy
bit, isn't it?

This is what it's all about.

So, yeah, I'm meeting this fella.

Need to use his toilet straightaway.
Is that rude?

No, it should be all right.

Mahmoud.
Hi.

How are you doing?
Fine.

Good to see you.
Good to see you, too.

I'm Karl.
Welcome.

Come in.
How you doing?

Do you mind if I use
your toilet quickly?

It's just that I've drank a
lot of coffee this morning.

That's my family here.

Hello.

Who's that?

Cooking tea.

Is that your girlfriend?

She's my mother.

Your mother!

Come on, man.

She's not your mother.

She is.

Can I ask how old she is?

She's 38.

She is my mother.

In our family, we marry
when we're very young.

How old are you?

I'm 22, and I have child.

I needed that.

Much better.

That's me and my wife.

Is that it now for life?

Are you settled now?

You'll stay with this woman?

I can have one if I want.

If feel like I want
one, then I can.

Four women.

You're allowed four women?

Yes, four women I can
have if I want to.

But I'm happy until now, but I
don't know what's gonna happen.

Pace yourself.

I mean, you're only 22.

Spread it out a
little bit, you know.

Do you know, like, how snow white had,
like, a happy... miserable one.

She had, like, a mixture.

Would you go for a totally
different woman so that if

you're in the mood for someone to be
happy, you go, "oh, I'll see her today"?

Yes.

Life is too short, man.

One, two, three.

Hang on a minute.

Hold on tight on here.

[ Camel grunts ]

Whoa!

Bloody high up, this, isn't it?

All right.

You just need to hold well.

I'm holding on.

Hi.

I'm holding on.

[ Horn honking ]

Me bollocks are squashed.

[ Farting noise ]

Is that you or the camel?

Huh?

Is that you?

What?

That sounded human.

That's the camel, man.

Well, you know, rocking left
and right makes things happen.

What you've got to remember is,
I'm getting the back draft.

[ Laughs ]

How are you doing?

Hi.

It's chronic, isn't it, today?

Can't even see the pyramids.

Come all this way, and
that's the view you get.

I mean, the idea is now that I
stand there and I'm blown away.

That's what's meant
to happen, isn't it?

I mean, I am getting blown away, but
mainly by the wind that's going on there.

We got a sand storm, and
I've got sand in me eyes.

I can't see anything anyway,
even if it was a clear day.

It's a bit annoying.

You know, I thought it would
feel more special than this.

I keep getting messages from home.

I mean, Susan's moaning
about the boiler again.

That's starting to play up.

Normally that's my problem,
but now I'm away.

I've made it her problem.

And them I'm also getting messages...
I'll show you this one, from Ricky.

He just keeps sending stuff 'cause he
knows it costs me money to receive them.

There's just something on there.

70 pounds.

'Cause he knows that it's cost me
about 70p for him to send that.

There's nothing else in there.
He's not asking, "how are you?"

You know?
"What are you up to?

What have you seen?

Are you enjoying it?"

"70p."

That's all he said.

So why are you wearing this?

This is comfy wear, isn't it?

I mean, this is like pajamas
at the end of the day.

I mean, the problem is, I've been
getting mossie bites and stuff.

So I wanted something with sort
of long sleeves on it to sort of

keep them away.

It's just comfy.

Loads of room in it.

Normally pajamas sort of roll up your
arms and legs and that, but this is...

You know, it's all
right, isn't it?

I mean, that's the good
thing if you lived here.

You could just sort of... if
you start work at 9:00, you

could get out of bed about
five to, keep it on.

Straight off.

Steve sent me a text.

It said meet up with
a lad called Achmed.

He's gonna show me
around the place.

[ Shouting indistinctly ]

Good work.

Now here, there's a gap.
What do you reckon?

Now.
Yeah?

Good job.
Easy.

Now you're Egyptian.

Brilliant.

Oh, wow.

If you saw that at home, you'd
presume it was a pet shop.

What's a pet shop?

Oh.

No, no, no.

That's for food, only for food.

So, when you look at that, do you
go, "Mmm," rather than "aww."

Well, yeah.

We eat them.

What's this stuff?

Cotton.

Feel?

Egyptian cotton.

So what would people do with this?

For mattresses.

I could do with that,
actually, at the hotel.

Right.

We'll do a bit of
practice about haggling.

You need to haggle, otherwise,
you will get ripped off.

Hang on.

So I come in your shop.

I'm browsing.

I'm looking around.

Right.

This is the finest piece we have,
and it's for 100... 100 English.

Seems a bit expensive, that.

Now you need to tell me... you
need to tell me... just reduce it.

You say 10.

So you want me to buy
the water, then?

I didn't really come
in here for that.

I came here for an
ashtray, for a present.

Do you sell ashtrays?

No.

Okay.

Have you got an ashtray?

No, no, no.

No?

I'll leave you then.

[ Chuckles ]

Right.

I'd sack you.

If you had a shop, I
would get rid of you.

If I owned the shop and you
worked in there, that's rubbish.

Hey, my friend, how can
I take your money?

[ Laughs ]

$1,000 sale, please.

[ Laughs ]

Welcome to Cairo.

Welcome.

You lost me.

I will go lower than 160.

160 is nothing.

What about 90?

[ Laughs ]

You want to get it for free?

Eh, never mind.

You are a very clever guy, but
I don't agree with your price.

Egyptian wool.

Egyptian.

120.

I thought you agreed 110.

No, I said 120 for you.

Do I get money off
with the nose missing?

No.

Well, I've been out all day, you
know, seeing how the locals

live, which is what
it's all about.

Thought the day was coming to an
end, thought I'd be able to, you

know, relax a little bit, and I
just got a message from Ricky

and Steve saying they sorted out
a place for something to eat

tonight, which is
a bit of a worry.

I'll get you the special of the
day, typical Egyptian food.

Cheers.

Thanks a lot.

It's a bit annoying.

He's just cooking
something for me.

I don't know what it is.

I don't like hummus that much.

Hummus, couscous... anything like that,
I just don't have that sort of stuff.

It's not a meal.

It's a garnish.

I would have loved just
chicken and chips.

Just something not
too challenging.

I just want a meal.

I'm hungry.

I never experimented
that much with food.

I've had pasta until
I was about 21, 22.

All right.

Brilliant.

I got a bit of a taste of that at the
end, and I'm sure I knew what it was.

I'll have a bit again.

I'm sure I've had it before.
Okay.

It's rubbery.
Rubbery.

Chewy.

Corn beefy.

How about testicle?

That's a testicle?

Uh-huh.

And the chewy one, penis.

Normally on Monday, probably
have a little bit of lamb that's

leftover from Sunday dinner or
something, and yet, you know,

this Monday night [Bleep]

Bollocks, couple of eyes, a bit
of tongue, you know, for garnish.

I never thought I'd
be saying that.

It's supposed to be
good for you as a male.

But why do you use
everything to that degree?

We kind of eat everything.

Nothing goes to waste.

Besides, it's delicious.

Yeah, I said... Well, I
didn't say delicious.

I didn't say delicious.

You put words in me mouth,
along with other things.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Hello?

Hello?

What?

It's, uh... [ horn honking ]

Can you hear that?

There's just car horns
and that, constant.

Oh, God!

Anyway, the hotel's
pretty depressing.

What, the little... little hat?

No, I wasn't planning
on sort of rushing out.

Yeah, but I told you, when in Rome,
I'm happy to go along with it.

I'll eat pasta.

[ Laughs ]

But when in Egypt...
They don't say, do they,

"when in Egypt, have a
bollock for lunch"?

See you later.

Yeah.

[ Beep ]

When Michael Palin goes working
around the world, is this what

it's like for him?

Has he got racket going
on like that outside?

Has he got mates calling
him up, annoying him?

I mean, when Palin went around
the world in 80 days, I wonder

if that was a scheduled time or if
he just said, "I'm sick of this.

Can we speed it up?"

Is that better?

I don't know.

[ Sighs ]

I'd be quite happy going
home now, honestly.

You know, I've been
here a few days.

All right, I haven't seen the
pyramids yet, but I bet most of

the locals haven't, 'cause
that's what happens, isn't it,

when you live somewhere?

You don't bother seeing the
sort of touristy stuff.

I haven't even seen
Buckingham Palace yet.

The weather's bad, isn't it?

So what then to do?

Do you know what I mean?

So I'm just killing time,
really, till it clears up.

Steve started out with Achmed to
show me around the museum, which

apparently is world-famous.

That's what Steve said.

And I was like, "what do
you mean, world-famous?"

He's like, "yeah, yeah.

It's a world-famous museum."

And I said, "I haven't
heard of it."

He said, "what do you mean,
you haven't heard of it?"

I said, "I haven't heard of it."

So, Karl, I would like you to
join on a journey through time.

The moment we walk in, a long history
splendor and mystery will be unfolding.

I will breathe life into history.

So, I'm not looking forward to
going 'round it, to be honest.

I mean, I don't go to museums
at home, so I don't see what

difference it makes just
'cause it's in Egypt.

So you have clockwise from
predynastic to early dynastic,

old kingdom, middle
kingdom, new kingdom.

So look here.

The pharaoh is harpooning.

9 years old boy king.

You cannot see the
hippo he's harpooning.

Why not?

This is the magic.

Because with magic, that
hippo will come into life.

So, again, coffin within a coffin,
sarcophagus within a sarcophagus.

You can see the cartouche.

The cartouche is the name of
the pharaoh, the boy king.

At some point, he was
bringing back a pigmy.

Was it a portrait?

Can you avoid
portraying the pharaoh?

This is very hard, of course, to reconcile,
'cause the soul will be searching.

The Ka wants to find the pharaoh,
the boy king Tutankhamen.

Yes, you have the cartouche with the
boy king, but it helps even more...

Coming in here with Achmed, it's
like a kid in a sweets shop.

It's just... show you
this, show you that.

It's mental.

And you can't take it all in.

It's like going Christmas shopping on,
you know, Christmas Eve in a department

store.

There's too much going on.

There's too much to look at.

There's too many people.

You're being pushed along.

It's a nightmare.

I want to call it a day here
and get back to, I don't know,

eating [Bleep] Bollocks again.

Seems more fun than this to me.

That just seems to me
like a bit over the top.

A lot of gold, a bit sort
of Pete Stringfellowish.

It's exactly the same as me aunt
Nora's house with ornaments.

She keeps buying one and then
she has to buy a new shelf to

put the ornaments up.

It's like I haven't got enough
room to buy another shelf.

She fills that and another.

And that's what I'm saying about
Achmed saying they're expanding it.

You know, yeah, they say they're
expanding it so more people can

get in, but you know for the fact,
"oh, you've got more room, have you?

Bring some more in.

Get digging again."

It's just the same.

Can I get two pieces of chicken?

Two.

What?

It's a KFC for deaf people.

So what do I have to do?
I don't understand.

Me to point?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One, yeah.

One of them.

One.

Original.

I don't quite know
what's going on here.

Are they all deaf?

Can... you can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Hello?

No.

They're all deaf.

Thanks a lot.

Brilliant.

It's good.

Good idea.

What, to have a deaf KFC?

Well, yeah, 'cause why not?

You know, I don't come
in here for a chat.

You come in here for
food, fast food.

I'm taking it'll be even faster 'cause
they're not chatting behind there.

***

***

You know, it's quick.

It's there in front of you.

Point, bang, done, out.

It's amazing, isn't it?

I mean, with technology, most of it,
you don't really use it, do you?

It's kind of like a toy.

Seeing them use it sort of
makes you realize it's a good

invention, video calling and
picture messaging, but when

Ricky sends me a picture,
it's that sort of thing.

So, this is what I'm saying.

We don't sort of use it properly.

They've got a proper use.

Do you know what I mean?

I'd say that's the most annoying
thing about being in this place,

just being hassled all the time,
no matter where you are, no

matter what time of day it is.

They're just constantly
hassling you.

Deaf lad sort of tapped me on the
back, gave me a bit of paper.

Couldn't read it 'cause
it was all in Arabic.

And pointed, just said
it's a charity thing.

And I went and gave him
100 Egyptian pounds.

So he got 12 quid off me.

He didn't even look that happy.

I'll be spent by the
end of tonight.

Spent a load of time with
some deaf people in KFC.

They were nice.

I don't know if he was deaf.

That's the thing with
that one, isn't it?

It's not like all the other disabilities,
where you can go, "is he lying?"

You know, you can see if someone's got a
leg missing or are blind or something.

But with him...
"Oh, that's terrible.

Here you go.
Have some money."

Me mum's the same.
I think that's who I get it off.

With that said, she walked up to
some fella

who she thought was a big-issue seller

who stood there with
the magazine like that in his hands.

She walked up.

She said, "it's all right.
You can keep the magazine."

Gave him a quid.

Turns out that was just a fella
stood outside, going places with

a holiday brochure in his hand.

He kept it.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hi.

Yeah. Hi, mate.

How's it going?

Yeah, but I seen that.

I went to the millennium dome.

I saw... it's all the same stuff.

Go on.

It's just not the
sort of night at all.

It's just not the sort of
entertainment thing to do for me.

It's nice going down any river on
a boat, but I'd do it in the day.

At night it's pointless.

You can't see anything.

And it's that thing that's like, you
know you're there for a couple of hours.

There's no getting away from it.

So they could do anything
once you're on there.

[ Egyptian music plays ]

Had some entertainment, someone
whizzing 'round and 'round and 'round.

He starts off... he's got, like, a quilt
around him, and he starts spinning.

And it was only that he'd been spinning
for about three minutes, and I thought,

"actually, it's pretty difficult.

He's just been spinning.

He'll be getting dizzy in a bit."

And it went on for ages.

It's not the sort of thing you have
to watch whilst he's doing it.

You just glance
over now and again.

"Oh, he's still going."

And I'm having a bit of turkey.

Bit of a waste of energy, though.

It would have been good if, at
the end, he said, "and thanks

to, you know, Terry.

He's been whizzing 'round, and
because of that, that energy

he's created is at
the oven working.

We've got more food," or just
something to make it seem more

impressive than it was.

But the colors and that were good, and
he sort of kept the room quite cool.

You know, it's quite hot in there.

So you got him wafting
about, creating a draft.

[ Cellphone rings ]

[ Speaking Arabic ]

[ Laughter ]

I didn't know what was going
on with the comedian.

I mean, jokes, anyway.

Even if he spoke English, humor's
different everywhere you go.

[ Speaking Arabic ]

[ Laughter ]

It was a terrible night.

I mean, I hated it.

It's not my sort of
thing at all, that.

When I got up and was dancing...
'cause I did it just 'cause I

thought, "well, I'm here now, and Ricky
and Steve don't want me to do it.

They know I hate it."

So I thought, "I might
as well enjoy it."

So I got up and had a dance.

[ Egyptian music plays ]

And she told me that, you know, I was
the best dancer she'd ever seen.

Not bad, is it?

Traffic's horrendous.

[ Sighs ]

Just... like, it's not
just the traffic.

It's just beeping.

But it just seems to be like
people letting onto each other

at 4:00 in the morning.

Now go home.

What are you doing?

So, I reckon I've had about... I
reckon I've had about an hour's kip.

I mean, that's somewhat
like an Egyptian.

No one's walking.

Everyone seems to be in a car
at all hours, just beeping.

[ Horns honking ]

It's not enough, is it?

It's not enough to say something's
amazing just 'cause they're old.

'Cause you can get an old person
who's done that all their life.

He wouldn't go, "I'm amazing."

He'd go, "no [Bleep]"

So age shouldn't really
make something special.

I'm not worrying about who built them,
'cause it was ages ago, really.

When I first bought me first house,
I didn't go, "who built it?"

I want to know, is it safe?

Is it structurally sound?

Is it haunted?

Whoa!

What's the rush?

It's been here for 4,000 years.

What's he doing?

Aah! Me ass!

This is mental.

Just a lot of [Bleep]

You don't normally see
any of this, do you?

You don't see that
many buses there.

It looks like it's right in the
middle of, like, a nice desert...

But it isn't, is it?

It's just a building site.

I'm half tempted to... I mean, it's
not even bits of old pyramid, is it?

You've got all sorts of...
you've got bricks here from,

like, council houses and that.

It's literally just people have brought
all [Bleep] And dumped it here.

It's actually like "planet
of the apes," isn't it?

Barren.

It's like a little
tornado, isn't it?

You don't see that in
the brochure, do you?

[Bleep] Old nappy
whizzing through the air.

Tend to leave that out.

You see, I've always
wanted to see a tornado.

That is on me wish list before
I die, 'cause it's natural.

It's a natural thing
that I don't understand.

If that was like a little housing
estate, you'd go, "yeah, any will do."

Are they all the same size?

The design actually is
a bit odd, isn't it?

'Cause the square footage, the
floor size, is massive, but the

upstairs bit is tiny.

The great pyramid was built by Atlantian
survivors with extraterrestrial help.

And they built the pyramid with
the help of sound, because sound

was used very much in Atlantis.

Well, Andrew and Seija were just saying
that they use the pyramids at night.

They just nip in there to do
some meditation, what have you.

So they said I can go with them,
but I've got to learn to do some

meditation first.

So they've just given
me some words to learn.

Once I've done that, they
said they'll tap me in.

So, that seems fair
enough, doesn't it?

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

They're washing up
before we do this.

Leave the washing up, Seija.

It's spoiling the mood a bit.

Leave this.

Yeah.

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

If you open that door, I
just put those there.

This is madness.

Gandhi wouldn't have washed
up before he starts.

[ Loud prayer plays ]

Can't escape noise in here.

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

How long's this gonna go on now?

Couple of minutes.

Two, three minutes.

It's five times a day.

You might as well
finish the washing up.

No rush with the
washing up, Andrew.

I tell you what, I bet they
don't show you 'round the

property 'round here at certain
times of the day, do they?

No, probably not.

When you're buying a place.

"Come on.

We've got to get going quick."

"Why?

Just let us go."

You buy it, this kicks off.

Unbelievable.

That was a little bit
weird, wasn't it?

But I liked it.

Do you know what I mean?

I'm into that sort of weirdness.

Plus, it means that I'm actually
gonna go inside a pyramid tomorrow.

It's all worth it.

Got another mossie bite there.

It's well itchy, that one.

I think it's that same mossie.

...The cleaners.

They haven't shown
their faces still.

I don't think they
are going to now.

I can't see the point.

It's like a game of jenga that's
got out of hand, isn't it?

Pretty high up, isn't it?

I took a little bit of it, a
little bit of the pyramid.

Have a look.

Got a little piece.

I don't think you meant to.

It was loose.

I didn't chip it off.

It was loose anyway.

It's better than the tut
that you buy, isn't it?

It's better than, you know,
buying a little Egypt fellow on

the back of a camel.

But it's weird, isn't it?

You're allowed to just
wander about on them.

If this was at home,
there's no way.

This would all be roped
off, wouldn't it?

Wouldn't be allowed
anywhere near it.

It's not treated like a wonder.

It's just like a man-made
mountain, isn't it?

[ Chanting ]

I'm just with Andrew
and Seija again.

They're gonna teach me some more
chanting before we go in the pyramid.

[ Chanting continues ]

I don't know what's going on in her
head, but, you know, I like her.

I think she believes in all the
energy thing that she's going on

about, you know.

I want to believe it.

It would be nice if something
happens, or, you know, if I

feel like a bit of
a, "what's that?"

We'll see what happens.

[ High-pitched chanting ]

It's times like this when I think, "you
know, I used to have a proper job.

What am I doing?"

This is it, then.

I'm actually going inside
a pyramid, which is good.

I didn't even know you
could go in them.

I just thought they were
like a solid structure.

Do you know what I mean?

Just a load of blocks.

But you can go in them.

So, pretty exciting, isn't it?

We are now in the center of our
planet, an ancient power point.

[ Chanting ]

I wasn't happy about, you
know, getting in there.

I'm not good in small
spaces, anyway.

You know what I mean?

I just was thinking,
"I don't like this."

[ Chanting ]

There was a dead body in there.

Yeah.

I've got in somewhere where some...
All them injections I had, it'll

be all right.

It'll cover me for that, won't it?

[ Chanting ]

I mean, it was all right.

You know, nothing
happened, did it?

You know, I got a little bit of a twinge,
but I just think that was a cramp.

I don't know.

She seems fed up, really,
that I didn't get anything.

But there's no point
pretending, is there?

That's sort of humoring her.

[ Chanting ]

I'll tell you what it reminded me of...
me going to a wedding with Suzanne.

She likes going to weddings.

I hate going.

And it was like I went, I did
it all for her, but because I

didn't enjoy it, I still get a
moaning at the end of the night,

and it was a bit like that.

I did all that for her.

And it was pretty comfy.

I mean, you know,
compared to the Windsor.

I tell you what, I could probably
get me head down in there.

[ Horns honking ]

It's not funny, is it?

What?

Well, I've been living
next door to this.

Did Ricky put me in
that one on purpose?

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is the room
Michael Palin was in.

***
but I don't think it does.

***

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