All language subtitles for Ucastnici.zajezdu.2006.720p.HDTVRip.rus.cze

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We'll be late, dad. Are you trying
to draw attention to yourself?

They're all swindlers.
They just want to take your money.

Can you tell me the last time
a travel agency ripped you off?

A week for 9,500 crowns per person.
Highway robbery!

May I remind you that it's my treat?

It's getting cloudy.

It's gonna pour.

If it rains at the goddamn beach
the whole vacation is screwed.

If you're in the woods you can
pick mushrooms, but at the beach?

How can you pick
mushrooms in the rain?

In a raincoat, of course.

Plastic raincoats are so noisy. Even
the mushrooms would hear you coming.

Šarlota,
what are these canning jars for?

For shells.

Aha, for shells.
I think one will be enough.

-And this?
-That's for moths.

You think moths will be
a problem at the beach?

That's a diving mask.

Darling, do you think a lady
your age needs a diving mask?

You can see wonderful things
with a mask.

-Really? -Yes.
-Even after a hip operation?

Is this a geriatric convention,
or what?

It's possible to 'love thy neighbor'
abstractly or from a distance,

but almost never from close up.

-Who said that?
-Dostoevsky.

I guess you really don't read,
do you?

-Get a load of that beachcomber.
-What a freak!

But their daughter turned out well.

-Did you take a Dramamine
so you won't get sick? -Yes.

I already told you,
but you just don't listen...

Young man, isn't your bag
a bit small for a week's vacation?

I don't think I'm missing a thing.

See that, mom?

God, faggots!

Look at those homos
licking each other!

-I hope they aren't coming.
-Of course they are.

Think they're going to Antarctica?

No way, they want fun in the sun.

I hope the kids
won't catch anything.

-My god, what could they catch?
-You don't know? -Don't go overboard.

How could the kids catch anything
if they never come in contact?

-Right, no contact is the key.
-Don't worry, mom, I'll see to it.

Hey, what about her?

Take her to her dorm;
I think it's the hostel.

Wake her up if you need directions.

-Finally! -We thought fame
had completely turned your head.

-I need you to help me avoid women.
-Is that all we're good for?

-Is everyone here?
-Now there is.

Wow...

-Lord save us.
-Just you. We've seen the light.

Good afternoon, I'd like
to welcome everyone to the tour.

My name is Pavlina,
but all my friends call me Pamela.

First, some practical info:
your seats are fully adjustable.

Use the little lever-thing
on your right or left side

to adjust your seat
to a reclining position.

During the journey, the drivers
will be happy to provide coffee,

tea, juice, mineral water,

and of course, gentlemen,
beer, Becherovka...

-What do you talk about with those
girls? -I just listen to them.

...drink two quarts of liquids per
day whether you are thirsty or not

because thirst
is not a deciding factor.

Now I'd like to introduce
our two drivers.

They'll be keeping vigil over you
during the journey:

Karel, who is now driving,
and Karel.

That's right,
both our drivers are named Karel.

And this Karel, who is now
taking a mandatory break,

would like to say a few words.

Thank you.

Just a few important directives:

-First, we're people, not animals.
-That is important.

I'm curious about you all.

Many people leave food lying around:
pork chop bones, etc. Right, Karel?

We got a wastebasket for that, and
we empty it every stop. Understood?

Understood!

Next point:
Karel and I stop every three hours.

If anyone has to wee-wee
before that,

come tell us. We won't rip
your head off, we'll stop.

Please, all it takes is dialogue.
Understood?

Understood! We should hold it
and not wee-wee on the seats.

Third and most important.
As you know, Karel and I

can make you coffee,
tea, instant soup, no problem.

We just want you to return
the brown cup holders immediately.

-What brown cup holders?
-The brown ones with the handles.

Go ahead and pitch
the soft white ones.

But, and I emphasize this,
please return the brown cup holders

to me or Karel immediately
after you're done. Understood?

Understood!

You think it's funny, huh?

But if we don't get
the brown cup holders back

you'll be drinking
from hot, white plastic cups.

-And that's impossible.
-They understood.

-I bought you a paper.
-What for?

-To read.
-Since when do I read the paper?

I'd love to read
but I don't have anything.

-OK, so I forget to pack your book.
-Sure, no big deal for you.

Luckily, I decided
to rely on myself. Yet again!

-Sure, go ahead and sigh.
-You promised not to argue.

-We aren't arguing at all, are we?
-Course not.

I'm just amazed that after 25 years

your father doesn't know my habits.
For example, I never read the paper.

Damn!

-I need to get up.
-What?

-I need to get up!
-But no one's standing.

I've been sitting too long.

-I promise to kill myself at age 60.
-Menopause starts 10 years earlier.

-You can get hormones for that.
-But where are you gonna get a guy?

-Like some, girls?
-No, thank you.

Here...

What's wrong?

Are you sick?
Why didn't you take Dramamine?

-Should I ask them to stop?
-Too late for that now.

God, thanks!

-Can I do anything?
-Just don't think I'm disgusting.

I told you to take Dramamine.

Miss, just a moment!

-A lack of fluids can cause disease.
-That's what I say.

Like something?

Why are you staring?
Do you want an autograph?

No, I'm past puberty.

But who should we get to know?

A tough question in this panopticon.

-What'll it be?
-Three Fernets?

No, I'll have coffee,
and I promise to return the holder.

Don't believe him.

Just now he stuck a pork chop,
bone and all, in the seat back.

You think it's funny, but we've
already lost two cup holders, right?

Three, Karel... Already three.

That's me in the mountains.
This is at the civic center in 1949.

Wow, what a fox you were!
So beautiful.

So they said...
This is Jiøí, my husband.

-Handsome. -What?
-I said he was handsome!

Yes. He died seven years ago
of prostate cancer.

I'm sorry.

We met
on August 5, 1952 at 10 AM.

It was on a romantic beach.
Helga and I are going there.

-Šarlota! -What?
-Don't bother the young lady.

-She's not bothering me.
-Can't you see she's ill? -Is she?

Please, can you move somewhere?

It's a terrible sound, huh?

I don't care about that.
I just can't pee in front of anyone.

-Don't worry about it. It happens.
-Really?

-I must be a problem on this trip.
-We both got a problem.

Want to know a secret?

We're not the only ones.
All of them got a problem.

We all have problems.

What's wrong?

What happened?

-Stop crying and tell them.
-I...

-She lost her passport.
-You lost your passport?

-Her trip's over.
-Where do you keep it?

-Was it in your purse?
-I don't know.

You must know.

-Ms. Šarlota, was it in your purse?
-Yes.

-When did you last have it?
-A month of Sundays ago!

-Don't cry... Can I have a look?
-Yes.

-It'll be fine.
-Thank you.

-You looked in the wrong place.
-Oh, lord!

-Hey, just rise above it all.
It's no big deal. -I'm trying.

My dad dances the samba
when he's drunk, and that's worse.

-But that's absolutely normal.
-Even when there's no music?

It's getting late and I have
a little surprise for you.

Many of you
are getting ready for dreamland,

but it's no good
going to sleep without a lullaby.

So I'm going to sing you one

that I wrote myself.

She's really serious.

Want some?

I think our guide may put
undue stress on my organism.

...the birds have flown,

Your head in my lap
feels so right...

-How long, Karel? 15 minutes?
-I don't know, 15 seems short.

I'd give them 20. There's always
a long line at the ladies' room.

So you think 20?

Okay, we'll give them 20.

But, Karel, we could easily
just give them 15, no problem.

But they won't make it.

Or how about giving them 25?

25? That's crazy!
Isn't it too much, Karel?

As you wish, but you know how it is.

Give them 20 and you
end up waiting for half the bus.

Then you lose authority.

You're right. Let's give them 25
and skip the hassle.

Well...

-Sure, give them 25.
-Okay, 25.

-You gonna piss?
-Yeah.

-Are you a homo too?
-No!

Then why are you pissing in a stall?

It... It doesn't work...
I can't in front of people.

Just like I said: you're a fag.

When you see another guy's dick
you get a boner, so you can't piss.

Bull! I don't get a boner.

You do, it's just inside.
You don't even know about it.

It blocks your piss tube...

so you can't piss.

I guess so.

Are you asleep?

-Not at all.
-Sorry,

but I was looking
at the passenger list...

Is it really you?
Are you that famous singer?

I just wanted to ask
if you liked my lullaby.

In terms of its genre,
it was very pretty.

Really? I really admire you,
but I could never write such songs.

-Who knows? -You think so?
-Sure. If someone helped you.

-He seems pretty nice.
-Who? -Max. And he's modest too.

-He doesn't act like a star at all.
-Well, he's only got one hit.

At his age that's a success.

-He sang last year at our company
Christmas party. -So you know him?

He got drunk
and passed out under a table.

-I don't think he remembers me.
-Like to put on some makeup?

Fine, but don't be surprised
if you remain alone.

Let's go...

Let's go!

Would you kindly tell me
what you were doing?

-I was showing Jiøí the truck stop.
-Oh, really? You were showing Jiøí?

No, you were showing
a crumpled photograph.

-I know; sorry.
-You looked like a hungry beggar.

I had the feeling Jiøí and I
were here on our honeymoon.

50 years ago?

The highway wasn't even here,
let alone the truck stop.

-Really?
-You're driving me nuts...

Jarda, he touched the kids!

Who? Come off it;
they're sound asleep.

-He touched Zuzka.
-Who?

-That fag.
-Come on... -The older one.

Nonsense.
Why would a fag touch a girl?

Relax, mom. If he touched Jakub
I'd do something quick.

What are you so upset about?
Go to sleep.

-What a vacation...
-Just relax.

We'll make things nice
and you'll see what fun we have.

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

How many are we missing, Karel?

Give it to me straight.

Five....

I just don't get it.

Karel, are you sure you told them
to return the cup holders?

Over and over again.

I just don't get it
because we keep telling them.

You know we told them, Karel,
right from the start.

I know.

So tell me why
they don't return the holders.

Karel, I just don't know.

It's embarrassing. I'm letting
a famous singer carry my bags.

I'm just terrible, aren't I?

-Of course not, you're very nice.
-You're incredibly nice!

-Let me help you with that.
-Thanks.

You're my hero.

I hope there's a nudist beach.

We paid too much
to just look at mom all week.

Jarda, you're such a jerk.

That's too much.

Exposing yourself in public
at that age should be illegal.

I'd pass a constitutional amendment.

It's enough that we have
to watch her dentures slipping.

F.

Try an F.

-See, it's better.
-Thanks.

No thanks necessary.
We'll just take a percentage.

I'm in music too. I teach piano.

Well, we know who to ask
if we ever need anything.

-Hi.
-Hi. -Hi.

-Look at those thighs! What hams!
-Let's go swim. -I just got out.

-Not long enough. Come on!
-Jolana too. -No, she just got here.

What comes to mind
when you hear the word 'vacation'?

-I think of liposuction.
-I think of the sea and stuff.

From now on, I'm afraid,
we'll all be thinking 'tour guide.'

Is everyone here?
You're so quick.

Anyone wanna swim?

-Boring...
-Boring? This is the first day.

Exactly.
I dream of the beach all year,

but I don't know what to do
when I get here.

-Or don't you agree?
-No.

Should we take off our tops?

Here...?

No way!

-Wanna play catch?
-In this swelter?

How are we gonna last till evening?

Divide time up into short intervals
like in Mann's The Magic Mountain.

It still seems too long.

Did you read
Thomas Mann's The Magic Mountain?

600 pages about a German
consumptive? No thanks.

I bet you haven't read
about that Danish neurotic either.

I think his name is Hamlet.

I don't read that much.
I'd rather live than read.

-Anything wrong with that?
-No, if you weren't a lit student.

-Her too.
-You know her? Incredible.

You know the biggest stars,
and here you are with me.

It just seems so funny, you know?
I just can't get used to it.

You will.

-What're you doing?
-Trying to kiss you.

Kiss me? Why?

Bad judgment.

-See that?
-Perfectly. -She slapped me.

I hope you haven't
sexually traumatized her.

I thought slapping
was reserved for old-time movies.

But that's exactly where Pamela
belongs. Haven't you noticed?

She's somehow
out of our time and space.

I thought artists saw
more deeply that we mere mortals.

Nonsense! They are as enslaved
to their libidos as the rest of us.

-Speak for yourself.
-You're the exception, right?

Max? Maxie?

I'm ignoring that silly goose.

I admit
that it may look rather ridiculous.

On the contrary, it's a great idea.

It was Šarlota's idea,
and it's quite practical.

One can't sit around
in wet bathing suits at our age.

You can imagine the consequences:
a burning bladder infection.

Darling, I think
we can all imagine it quite well.

Ladies, allow me
to invite you for a liqueur.

-Gladly, how kind of you.
-And I can show you my snapshots.

-A lofty juniper...
-A policeman scarfed a sausage...

A juniper tall as me.

Jump it now, my darling,

Your legs stiff at the knee.

I don't have a chance,

I just love to dance.

My lad, I must forget...

Of course I didn't run away!
I know the studio's been paid for.

It's gonna rock. A hit, I promise.

You'll get it all back.

May I?

Ignác told me
you need a lullaby to fall asleep.

Yeah, Ignác...

-Isn't it true?
-Unfortunately, it is.

I often have problems sleeping.

-What the heck are you doing?
-What the heck am I doing?

I'm trying to make love to you.
But if you're not here for that,

then explain what you're doing
half-naked in my room at night.

You should be straight with me
and stop flirting.

But I just wanted to sing to you,
to give you sweet dreams.

-God, he's drowning.
-Some Italian.

-Italian? No, French.
-Italian; look at his dark hair.

Didn't you hear his telltale 'r'?
French.

You'd have a telltale 'r' too
with your mouth full of water.

-Why would a Frenchman be here?
-Like us; he's on vacation.

-Trying to argue?
-You're trying to argue.

-We promised, so stick to it.
-You see?

-See what? See what?
-It's you who can't stick to it.

-How am I not sticking to it?
-With your incessant snide remarks.

-For example?
-Let's drop it.

-Sure! You've run out of arguments.
-Hey, let's not talk anymore.

-Do they always argue like that?
-Yes,

-but worse since dad got fired.
-Fired for drinking?

The opposite:
he started drinking because of it.

He still hasn't told my mom,
and it's been six weeks.

Every morning
he pretends to go to work.

He's ashamed.
He feels like he's failed.

Don't be down,
unemployment is liberating.

You're unemployed by conviction,
but I'm not: I want to work.

-It's humiliating.
-Well, if that's how you look at it.

For me, it's only humiliating
because my boyfriend supports me.

But given the choice between
self-respect and waking at 7 AM,

-I'll take sleep.
-I was long at work by 7 AM.

-My god, when did you wake up?
-At 4:45.

32 years and four months,
five days a week.

You should demand compensation.
That was forced labor.

Come on, you get used to it.

32 years and they kicked
me out in a minute. Can you imagine?

No.

Hey, he's not bad.

I can overlook
your ignorance of German lit,

but an affair with a lifeguard...?

He's not just a lifeguard;
he has some attractions.

No doubt.

-And he's got a hard on. Really!
-Oh, please!

He must have overdosed on ArginMax.

-This beats The Magic Mountain.
-That is The Magic Mountain.

Why does the deaf one of us snore?

And they say
God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Well?

-Nothing.
-You see?

Like I said, it doesn't excite you.
You're a homo.

-Petr, does it hurt?
-What?

You know... When...

When someone sticks it in?
No, not if it's lubricated.

Lubricated?

-Yeah, with ointment.
-What ointment?

-Don't worry, it'll be fine.
-I'm not worried. -No?

Watch this!

Well? Prove you're a man!

I'll go nuts
if all we do is just lie here.

Your trouble is that you can't stand
the company of your own thoughts.

Such people are
immature, incomplete individuals.

By your leave,
I'm just fine with my own company.

All I'm saying is I'm bored.

-What are you looking at?
-Nothing.

So, which one did you choose?

Jakub, Zuzana... Let's go!

-Let's go!
-No, we wanna play!

Get going!

Game over.

-That was wonderful! Did you see?
-What?

-Me on the tube.
-Sorry, no.

-But we went right past here.
-I must have dozed off.

-So, did he have a hard-on?
-No.

First the lifeguard...
What's his name?

-Rocco.
-Now the beachcomber.

Two catches in one day.
Congratulations.

I'm not chasing anyone.
He sat by me.

-And what did he have to say?
-Nothing much.

He rambled on about work
and tried to be funny.

Totally boring.

Come on, Alena, open up.

Let me in immediately!

Open up by the time I count three
or I'll break the door down!

One...

Two... Two and a half...

Two and three-quarters...
Alena, stop making a fool of me!

You gotta drink from these cups:
someone stole the cup holders. Miss?

Tried to be funny, eh?

How about a joint?

You've got to be kidding me!
You took that across the border?

Relax, honey, will you?

Who now?

Mom sent me.

Her book can't be very good
since she noticed you were gone.

Let her read on.

Married 30 years. Can you imagine?

-No.
-Know what the strange thing is?

Despite all the fights,
I just wanted to make her happy.

"Employment Opportunities"

Rocco!

Irma, you're not drinking.

Here's to vacation.

I can't,
my dad would kill me if he saw.

Give me some too!

Don't you think I know how
to hold it? I grew up in the '60s.

Watch out for him: my dad actively
took part in the sexual revolution.

-You're fabulous.
-Fabulous, super!

-A little fat, but fabulous.
-No, just fabulous.

It's getting late and I have
a little surprise for you.

...The eyes of the stars
twinkle at night,

The wind has died,
the birds have flown,

Your head in my lap
feels so right...

-Beautiful, huh?
-Yes.

Can I ask you something?

Are you looking for a casual lover
during your summer vacation...?

One can never have enough lovers.

I'm serious. Maybe you'd be
surprised what a good lover I am.

You can even talk to me.

I will consider
your splendid offer.

Bull. Admit it: you can't even
imagine sleeping with me.

Can't we talk about it tomorrow?

Fine.
Won't you at least kiss me?

Can I ask you something? Where did
fabulous, ironic Jolana go?

To sleep.

She kissed her parents
and went to bed to regain strength

and re-become fabulous Jolana,
reeking with self-irony.

The other one is here now,
the real one.

I admit I prefer the first.

I'm going to bed.

Do you know how it is?
Being an ugly girl?

Try to imagine it sometime.

-I don't have sex without a condom.
-And with one?

With one? Yeah.

Do I have to put it on?

I'm serious!

What?

Condom!

Rocco!

-Not sleeping? -No one
could sleep with all your racket.

-Me either, without a lullaby...
-You're making fun of me too?

Why didn't you say it was bad?

I wrote new lyrics.
Would you read them?

-Sure, tomorrow.
-Now?

-Is it better?
-Yeah, a bit.

Gentlemen, I've got... I've got...

I have a little favor to ask.

Irma?

Irma?

Miss Irma!

- Morning.
- Did you sleep at all? We didn't.

I'm surprised you can eat
after a night like that.

But he's an artist. They're tough!

Sorry, everyone!

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Don't worry, I promise
not to bother you. - Sit.

You hoped I wouldn't
be here this early, eh?

But that's exactly why
I came so early.

We think the same;
I noticed that before.

I think I owe you an apology.
I'm truly ashamed about last night.

It was entirely distasteful of me;
try to forgive me.

- I've been up thinking since 5 AM.
- No reason to apologize to me.

It's true, my shame began at 6:30,
but it seems I have more reasons:

Disturbing the peace,
alcoholism and drug abuse,

contributing
to the delinquency of a minor...

I should apologize and...

- And?
- Like to go for a swim?

They found him on the shore
like a beached whale.

The crabs were already at him.

- Going somewhere?
- For a swim with Max.

Well! Please, use your head
and don't wear that bikini.

Thanks for the advice.

- Where are you going?
- For a trip.

- Does dad know about it?
- Him?

Must you both always be so spiteful?

That's why I'm going;
to have one peaceful day.

You should have seen him
when he was twenty.

We made love
five times a day sometimes.

Ten years later I was fantasizing
about someone else.

Mom...

Belmondo,
or this apprentice at the butcher's.

Marriage.

Know what's so strange?

The whole time I just thought
about how to make him happy.

Šarlota, darling,

you really must decide where
you met your wonderful husband.

Was it...

Was it Koper or Bertoki?

Koper, Koper...

Bertoki, Bertoki, Bertoki!

Koper...

No, Bertoki, Bertoki...

Straight! Straight!

- Max! Could you put lotion on me?
- No.

- Why not?
- Because we're going swimming.

You met Jiøíi here?

My dear,
I'd never have thought it of you.

Maybe we're underestimating her.

Put that picture away!
Was it here or not?

I don't recognize it.
Our beach was completely different.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

Ours had a view of a rocky slope.

So let's go find a rocky slope.

Pervert!

Jarda, there's a pervert!

Help! Jarda! Catch that pervert!

It looks like
my little ones have a problem.

Kids!

- Here you go, miss. You pervert!
- Can you tell me what happened?

Politely speaking, this young man
masturbated in front of my wife.

- That's terrible. Right here?
- Of course not, it was in the water.

Yuck! I'm finding out too much
about you all. Aren't you ashamed?

A passionate diver, eh?
Passionate, yes, but no diver.

What's so funny about this, Jarda?

Do you know
how I felt when I saw him?

Humiliated,
a mere object of male lust.

Hi, what's going on?

They caught
a dangerous voyeur and onanist.

- What? I wasn't even here.
- The one with the snorkel.

- Castrate him! Lynch him!
- Just hold on! I have a suggestion:

We'll let him go if he promises
never to do it again, okay?

Do you promise?

- I promise.
- Oh, no, that didn't count.

Say it so everyone can hear.

For god's sake,
leave the poor guy alone.

You mean sex maniac.

You think we should just let him
beat off in front of our kids?

So what if he beat off?
Don't you?

Okay, raise your hands
if you beat off.

Come on, you hypocrites.

We queers call this coming out.

- This isn't necessary. - Yes it is!
Raise your hands, masturbators!

What's wrong with you?
It's amazingly cathartic.

- Bravo!
- This is too much.

- Okay, just so the young lady
won't think I'm a wimp. - Jarda!

That's enough, isn't it?
This isn't my idea of fun at all.

This isn't supposed to be fun,
Pamela.

That's great, Jarda.
So you aren't going to do anything?

- How could he do it?
- He got excited, so what?

Here, in front of people?

I'm mad at you, too, Max.
You think it's so funny.

- Is sex all you ever think about?
- Not me.

You most of all!
What happened to romance?

What do you mean?
Candles and flowers?

What's so funny?
There's nothing wrong with that.

- I happen to love roses.
- Which color best?

Red or pink?

That's enough!
Give me that camera!

- Give it to me!
- Why?

Gonna selling them
to some crappy tabloid, or what?

I apologize...

- Sorry.
- Everything okay?

- Want me to massage the front, too?
- Aren't you worried about tabloids?

- No.
- But I am. I can see the headlines.

I have to protect my reputation.

But thanks for the lotion.

Dad! Look at these hams!

- Anything wrong?
- Please, forgive me.

Her memory played a trick on her.
That happens at our age.

She says she met her husband here,
but on a beach in Italy.

Oh, no!

It's bad news, but at least
she doesn't want to go to Italy.

Stop scowling.
So what if I picked him up?

Nothing you do surprises me.

No need to rush it...

Where the hell are they?

- What's he saying?
- I think he's looking for the diver.

- That pervert?
- Yeah, he's got his dinner.

He's not a pervert,
and his name is Vladimír.

- Know what occurred to me?
- You'd like to do it again?

No... That you could
move in with me.

- What?
- You could give up your cubbyhole.

I'm not much thrilled
about paying the exorbitant rent.

And I could clean out
that big work room for you.

You'd be much more comfortable,
and we'd always be together.

It'd be nice, wouldn't it?

Yeah, sure...

Almost like being married.

Yeah.

- Hi.
- Hello.

It's like the sky to them.

We just see the sea
as flat and blue.

But underneath
it's a completely independent world.

Perhaps far bigger
and richer than our own.

Can they jump? Dolphins can jump.

They're like sea astronauts.

Good choice, Max.
Red roses are Jolana's favorite.

She'll be so pleased.

Hi.

- Where's your boyfriend?
- That's what I'd like to know.

- Can I ask you something?
- Sure thing.

- What's that ointment called?
- What ointment?

- The one you use for...
- Hey!

- Miss, I'm going to need your help.
- What happened?

- My boyfriend is missing.
- Where?

- What's wrong?
- Ignác disappeared.

- What do you mean? - He's nowhere
around, doesn't answer his phone.

- We should call the consulate.
- Oskar, don't panic, he'll turn up.

- You know Ignác.
- Yeah, he does crazy things.

Do you think he swam to the other
shore to have it out with the pope?

You laugh, but last week
he jumped off a moving train.

- Moving?
- Yeah, on our trip to Moravia.

- But why?
- There wasn't a dining car.

- Going somewhere?
- Out with a friend.

Really?
Someone actually asked her out?

Yep, it's true.
Someone asked her out.

Unbelievable...
In spite of her hams.

- Someone pretty famous.
- You could say that.

- You're going like that? - You know
men. He'll just rip it off anyway.

- Say hi to Max.
- And don't get drunk.

- You look nice.
- Thanks.

You too.

This is a pretty street.

- How did you know I liked Malvasia?
- You always have it with dinner.

You are a good observer.

Sorry, I didn't mean it like that.

Vladimír, how come
you're on vacation alone?

I actually planned to go
with someone but it didn't work out.

And I was already
looking forward to going.

Maybe I thought
she'd come in the end.

Anyway, she knew the departure date,
but as you can see...

- That's why you have a double room.
- Yeah.

- When did you split up?
- February. - In February?

- How long were you together?
- Three weeks.

I'm nuts, aren't I?

No, you just have great persistence.
You don't see that anymore.

I know I'm nuts. She always said
I was weird, like a Martian.

What's bad about that?
I like science fiction.

Really?

Me too.

- Did he call?
- No.

- Maybe he just needed a break
from vacation. - You mean from me.

- Stop exaggerating.
- Know what he told me?

- He switches partners every 3 years.
- That's nonsense.

We've been together 39 months;
he's three months overdue.

- My head's aching.
- Like a pill?

No, I have some Tiger Balm.

Ow, it's burning! Mommy!

Our little dork put Tiger Balm on
his wiener and butt. God knows why.

You urgently need to shower?

- What? Are you depressed?
- Yeah, depressed.

Come on, gentlemen!
Must I scold you on our last night?

Beautiful women all around
and you're making them wait?

Get up and get out there
on the dance floor.

Come on, squeezebox,
before it fills up!

Have you been taking ArginMax,
you stud?

May I have this dance?

- You know how to dance? - I can
manage most of the basic steps.

Are you sure? I don't want some
klutz stepping on my feet.

She has varicose veins.

- I'll dance with you.
- He asked me, my dear.

What are you waiting for?
Help a lady up.

Isn't this getting a bit monotonous?
Don't you know how to spin?

Yes. I avoided it.
God forbid that I would step...

Fine, fine...

I hope
you sing better than you dance.

Me too.

What a show...

Teatro mundi.

Didn't you ever realize you were
part of the spectacle? Never?

Even while lying on the beach
and thinking so deeply?

- Got varicose veins?
- No, just hemorrhoids and gonorrhea.

But your legs are okay?

Then let's dance.

A noble humanitarian deed?
First Helga and now even me.

Mom will talk about this for years.
I bet she already bought us rings.

- And they say I can't dance!
- Lf we're going to do that again,

I'll need to takes some Dramamine.

You know,
I love women with a sense of humor.

Is that why you spend
all your time with Pamela?

- Who did I give roses to?
- Were they really for me?

I have to tell you something.
I got fired.

- I know.
- What? Since when?

The first day.

- Did Jolana tell on me?
- No, I realized it myself.

How?

I've known you for 30 years,
and you're a terrible liar.

Why didn't you say anything?

I was waiting for you to speak.

What have you all been taking
while I was gone?

- Where have you been?
- Gone. - I noticed.

You didn't tell me.

You're impossible,
unreliable, thoughtless...

True, but that's why you love me.

Lovely.

Something to put under glasses.

So we won't ruin our table at home.

And now a little surprise!
It's ladies' choice!

Stop scowling and come on.

Let's go show the 96% majority.

You're a bastard.
But you're right. I do love you.

I love you too.
Just stop blubbering.

May I have this dance?

Will you dance with me?

You'll be fine.

You see? You're great.

- Is he still there?
- Yeah, he's becoming a real pain.

He doesn't realize
he's already played his part.

I can understand.

Such an abrupt end
must be hard to take.

Screw it!

- I don't like this song at all.
- No one forced you to read it.

- Why write about such things?
- What things? - Vulgar, ugly things.

Because I want to tell the truth.
And life can be ugly.

No, life is beautiful.
Only an idiot can't see that.

What about tonight?
It's so beautiful.

Sing about beautiful things,
just like I do.

Max!

Max, don't run away from me!

How would you sing
about this beautiful night?

Be still.

- How many times
did you see Star Wars? - Five.

- And Mars Attacks?
- Just once; it was dumb.

Did you know my single room cost
almost twice as much as your double?

It's discrimination against
single people. They're afraid of us.

- And Alien? How many times?
- Which one?

Doesn't matter.

- How about the first one?
- I saw it six times.

- Wow! And the second?
- Three times.

But once on video,
so it doesn't count.

- Number three?
- Three: 4 times, and four: 3 times.

- And you?
- Which one?

- Three and four.
- I didn't see them.

- Not even once?
- No.

- I only saw the first one.
- How many times?

- Once.
- Only?

You wanna watch me undress?

You can watch me
and get yourself off.

I wouldn't mind.

On the contrary.

What do you think I'll be doing?

I raised my hand
down at the beach too.

We'll enjoy it. Both of us.

You like to watch; so what?

People do all kinds of things:
They get pierced everywhere,

burn themselves with wax,
dress up in latex...

You just like to look.
What's the big deal? It's natural.

No? Sorry. By yourself?

Touch me if you want to.
I'm touching myself too.

Would you like the mask?

So it'll be like in the sea?

Put it on.

I'll swim.

I'm swimming...

See how beautiful it was?

I'd like to eat you up, babykins.

Call me babykins again
and I'll break your microphone.

Irma?

- Morning, Jolana.
- Morning.

- I wanted to thank you.
- For what?

For taking us here.
I could stay another week.

- We're just about broke.
- I could wash up or wait tables.

You, who managed a department,
would work as a waiter?

A boss or a waiter: Does it
really matter? At least something.

- A good vacation, eh?
- The kids had a good time.

Strip when we get home
and I'll start the laundry.

When we get home
I'm drinking a decent beer.

I'll do the kids stuff first
so they'll have something to wear.

You can't even call this beer;
it's barely better than piss.

I'll just wash it on warm;
their stuff isn't that dirty.

Don't tell me you like this beer.

I'll shake the sand out first
so it doesn't clog the filter.

I can't stand you!

What was that about?

He even had two queens.

Thanks.

- Burning the midnight oil, eh?
- Excuse me?

- Ah, of course, a gentleman
never tells. - I'm sorry?

Yes, we were out late.

Maxie, do you also help
younger ladies with their bags?

Twelve. More than ever before.

Have them prepare for inspection:
Backpacks, suitcases, fanny packs...

- I'm not playing the fool for
anyone. - Of course, Karel.

Strip!

Naked!

- Come on, Karel, naked?
- Move it!

Don't anyone give me any shit!

Did you hear the man?

Relax, Karel.

- But why the diver?
- He's thoughtful.

He seems like someone who'd help me
carry my bag of vomit through life.

Jolana, I'm serious.
Doesn't it seem a bit random?

Yes, but all my unrandom plans went
awry. It's time for something new.

But can't you do better?

- Want to hear the truth?
- Of course.

I can't be picky.
We both know it, mom.

We should finally admit it.

Saying goodbye to the sea?

- Why so mad?
- My parents are dorks and I'm gay.

How do you figure?
I mean the second one.

- That's nonsense. Petr doesn't know.
- What if he does?

Come with me.

We could go play catch tomorrow.

- At the field?
- Sure.

- In uniform?
- Lf you want.

- Sure.
- Okay.

I'm looking forward to it.

Well, are you gay or not?

You see?

Hurray, it works!

Hurray, it works!

Max! Maxie! We're going, babykins!

Come help me get them on the bus.
Come on, hurry!

Okay, I wrote a new song
to pass the time so we won't be sad.

And even a pretty famous songwriter
liked it a lot.

I made copies of the lyrics
so we could sing it together.

Don't tell me love
is simply worthless.

The wind, that mystic...

Oh, my god! It can't...

It isn't possible! Šarlota!

Oh, my god!

Šarlota!

It can't be!

- Ms. Helga?
- Oh, my god!

- Ms. Helga, is something wrong?
- Oh, no! Šarlota... Oh, no!

You think she...

Šarlota, what will I do.

I lost my passport.

- You just looked in the wrong place.
- No, no, no...

- Here it is.
- Darling, you're going senile.

Great. Okay, everyone!
And a one, and a two!

Don't tell me love
is simply worthless.

The wind, that mystic,
is in the know.

He hunts, hunts for love
in a hedgerow.

Alone, there's nothing
I can do 'bout love.

Does love seem kinky,
make you wanna?

It cures your sunstroke
na na na...

The world could cuddle
on my tummy,

And come so near, near, near.

It's just a cage I fear, fear,
so near, so near.

Don't tell me love
is simply worthless.

The wind, that mystic,
is in the know.

He hunts, hunts for love...

Subtitled by John Brent

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