All language subtitles for Haskovy povidky ze stareho mocnarstvi (Miroslav Hub+ícek . Oldrich Lipsk+Ż, 1952)

HASEK'S SHORT STORIES
FROM THE OLD MONARCHY

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First short story
SOUP FOR POOR CHILDREN

About the last Prince Robert,
of the Mechlinsky family line,

who could not do without charity...

Ya, signal.

Ready.

Finish!
The water roars already.

I beg you, Robert.
- I have to, at least once.

Even my ancestor be charitable.

My momma on her death bed, she say:

You, Robert, be so kind.

Ya, just for momma I have to!
At least once!

I make the soup institute here.

Suppeninstitut f�r Schulkinder.

I alone will cook soup for children.

Don't do it!
- I will cook!

I alone will cook for that...
that poor rabble!

For God's sake!
It is not worthy of a prince!

No one be teaching me!

I am human, yes!
I be humanist!

I cook soup for the little vermin
with dignity worthy of a prince!

You...
you all be surprised once!

Franz!
Franz!

Quick! Quiet! Hurry!

Children, quiet!
Stand in line!

Stand nicely.
Anny, you go to the right, quick!

One behind the other.
Back, come on!

Hush! Blow your nose,
clear your throat!

Hush! Not a sound!
Stop!

Charlie Malina!
Joseph!

Pazourek! His Highness!
- Attention!

Welcome, welcome,
dear prince,

on the land of your inheritance.

Glory, glory to the prince,

who takes care of needy kids.

Sole glory, glory to the prince,

for he cares for needy kids.

Master prince, master prince,

we are singing ever since.

Master prince, master prince,

we are singing ever since.

Hurray!
Hurray!

Long live the Prince!

Kind children.

Eh...

You be happy.

Eat soup.

And be joyful,

that I cook you.

You children remember

that I be your princess.

You..., er I..., er Your...,

it..., I...

Hurray! Hurray!

You, you children, children.

Today I be the best
monument for you..., I...

You make yum, yum

from first and good soup

and I alone potato you.

Ya. But...

But pray for me to God.

Thank you your Highness

for your great offers.

Thank you, thank you, thank you

for visiting your children.

Master prince, master prince,
master prince, master prince...

Now what to do with it, Mayor?

What, what? We're not going
to sweat over this vermin. Let's go!

Pazourek, you'll finish the soup!

Teacher!

Children will help.
- At once.

What are you staring at, rascals?

Peel the potatoes!
And make it snappy!

What masquerade is this?!

Give me the gloves!

Do you think you're going
to play these jokes on me?

Malina boys, over here!

Come on, hurry!

Give me a dime!

And you too.

Do you know what that was?
That was a fine.

I caught you picking poppy heads
yesterday. And you go an stir!

And you go and get me a pint of rye.

For the soup.

Jeepers, the Prince is coming.
Charlie, the Prince is coming.

Damn it!
- What is going on you nitwit!

Where be my children?!
Where he hides them?!

And where be my soup?
- I humbly...

I humbly report...
- Pigsty!

I humbly report, that the soup
is cooked as ordered.

So, show me,
what soup I potatoed.

At once!
- Max!

Max, come here!
Massage, massage.

Geezer! Rotten old geezer!

Not that hard!
Just tickle it.

All right, good, good.

Ya, ya, all in order again.

Pazourek!
Heavens, who eat the soup?

At once!!!

So, come on!

So faster, faster.

So faster, faster.

Hmm, my soup.

My soup, ya.

Good! Ya.
Very good, very good.

I cook it well.

Ya, potatoed it well.

Hmm.

Ya. Bravo, bravo, Pazourek.

That soup be very tasty.

But, something missing.

I don't think anything's missing.
- Something missing.

Something not in it.
- I thing there was enough of that.

But wait,
we must make better.

No more potatoing for me!

What happened?
- I report that it is horrible!

If they ate it, Higness,
they would surely croak.

Municipal Office in Mejdlovary

It is reported to general attention,
that the last police officer

is now deceased and buried accordingly.

Persons who would like to be the
constable, must submit a written report

until August 31 st to the
Mejdlovary Municipal Office.

Must be well preserved, Roman Catholic
and after military service.

Locals are preferred.
All will be decided during the meeting.

Municipal Office in Mejdlovary
Balek, the Mayor. Machlicek, the Deputy.

Second short story
MUNICIPALADMINISTRATION MEETING

Five hundred and twenty two,
philosopher.

Five hundred and twenty three,
teacher.

Five hundred and twenty three,
teacher.

So I say, Mayor, will it be me?

Five hundred and twenty four,
of course it'll be you, shepherd.

Only you and the parish clerk applied.

Why did he apply?
Is church not enough for him?

He had a quarrel with reverend,
as he refused to give him anything

from the funeral
of the old egg farmer Svejcova.

In anger he filed an application.
- What an ungodly.

He can't be a constable!
- Five hundred..., don't confuse me!

Five hundred and twenty nine,
again a philosopher.

You're facing a strong opponent
in the parish clerk, shepherd.

The Deputy will support him
against the reverend.

Mayor!
Mayor, I'll throw in a beer.

I'll give the Municipal Council a keg.
Will I be the constable?

Shepherd, you're not
of the dumbest sort.

Damn it, we could have
decided immediately.

You will be the constable!

I will be the constable!

The Mayor will have a hard time
with the new constable.

He won't last till elections.

From the shepherd

Pear brandy.
Do you have money, Deputy?

You'll just have to put it on the tab.

Not a chance. I won't.

I told you, Mary,
no drinks until he pays!

Without money, Deputy,
I can pour it down your hat.

I'll show you, spreading the word
that I won't be the Mayor anymore!

That I won't last until next
elections.

Besides, I have a constable already.
I know well that our committee.

Surprised, aren't you?

From the parish clerk

I forgot to tell you that
the parish clerk also gave a keg.

That can't be, it's impossible.
- What can't be?

When one gives, then
it works, but if both give,

how can the committee decide fairly.

This is impossible, this has
to be stopped.

G'day. Clerk, you gave
a keg to the committee!

I did not.
- Rubbish, did you apply?

I did.
- The shepherd too!

Holy Mary.
- And he gave a keg!

So I said to the Mayor that you
have given as well. - Thank God.

You'll pay for it at once.
And all will be in order.

You'll be a constable. If something,
I was never here, understand?

Clerk, was the Deputy here?

No, he wasn't.
- Did you give the committee a keg?

I did so.
- Clerk, take it back.

No, no.
- Reverend, talk some sense into him.

Clerk...

I would forgive you the farmer,
reverend,

but I won't forgive that you won
five quid from me in poker.

My application stands.

How shall we decide?

Well, God's will be done.

Finally you are coming.

I'm coming. But you're going,
and I'd like to know where?

To visit my mother, she bought me
a dress material in the city.

I see...
I'll show you a dress!

I'll show you your mommy!

Poacher!

Mayor.

Mayor!

Mayor!!!

Quit yelling!
- I'm yelling on my own premises!

Hands off, you poacher!

Damn, Machlicek,
will you carry on pushing me?

If I am a poacher,
then you're a fornicator!

What?

You think I don't know
about you and Mary!

Everytime she's with you,
I go hunting.

You fornicate and I poach.
It's fifty-fifty for both.

You poacher!
- You fornicator!

Thank God, that you're home.

You needen't have worried today.

I baged a couple of freaks.

Yes, but those don't go
with our humble potatoes.

Why aren't you eating, Vince?
- You know he's like that.

He's the fastest one of them,
always eats everything.

All right, you go there too. Go!

Where are they? The Mayor's gone,
the barmaid's gone and the pub's open.

If it wasn't for the reverend,
I would pour me a drink alone.

Indeed, I'm also thirsty
as a camel crossing desert.

But property of others
is untouchable

and all that remains,
is to stock up with holy patience.

Damn you're a slouch!
- I'm not silly to drag it.

Just to let you know, Mayor, I'm
going to sue you for trespassing!

I'm doing the same to you for Mary!
- Give me a rest.

Awoman is free
while a doe is a theft.

Wait till the beans are spilled.
You won't last till elections.

You wouldn't do that.
- Yes, I will.

You wouldn't do that to me.
- I will do it!

I'd forget your debt in my pub
if you'd keep quiet.

All right, you forget the debt
and today drinks on the top.

All right.
Tonight's on the house.

And for the entire week
it will be on the house!

You're going to ruin me completely!
- I will spill the beans!

All right then, the entire
week's on the house.

And you write off the debt,
right before my eyes!

Ah, they're all here.
- About time!

Two, four, six, eight,
ten, eleven beers.

Twelve and a shot for everyone,
it's completely on me tonight.

So, here we are boys.

Mary!

Go and draw twelve beers!
- Mother sends her regards.

Dear all,
today it should be decided,

who will be the municipal constable
in our village.

Over five hundred applications came in,

five hundred and thirty one exactly,
because it was a public tender.

Half the applicants
are graduated law students,

about a hundred are philosophers

and fourty nine requests
came in from graduated teachers.

From where? - That differs, teacher.
- Thank you.

And the rest are graduates
of business colleges.

But those are not locals,
so they're out of the question.

This is good for nothing.
- What's good for nothing?

These applications here.
All foreign and educated people.

They're out of the question.

Who's for?
Thank you.

Who's against?
Put down that hand.

I have a question, what do we do
with these applications?

I'd take them to the shop
and use them to pack cheese.

Who's for?
AII!

That's worth it, over five hundred
papers and envelopes.

And all intelectuals.

I swear that through faithful behaviour,
I shall become trustworthy.

And in this you pack the cheese!

Twelve rounds!
And all on me again.

And make it snappy.

We have two locals. Mainly shepherd
who knows his way with brutes.

So I think that...
- And a parish clerk!

He speaks Latin!

But the shepherd
gave the committee a keg.

So, it's clear,
it'll be the shepherd!

But the parish clerk also gave.
We promised it to him too.

They both visited me and I promised.
- What?

So, it's the shepherd then.
- It will be the parish clerk.

Shepherd!
- Parish clerk! - Shepherd!!!

Parish clerk.
Another round for all! On me.

What is it?

I'd like to file an application,
if I may.

What? What application?

As a constable,
I'd be a bit better off.

We have a constable already.

I would also kindly give a
keg, now that we're here.

You heard it,
we have a constable!

I'd like to report that somebody
trampled my oats by the forest.

You may leave, Simpler.

We accept your application. At least
you witness that we're not corrupt.

All gave freely, willingly and equally.
So, it's fair. - Right.

That's great.
- Now what?

I think we should sleep on it.

What an idea. Right.
It is always better to sleep on it.

It's all your fault!
- What? My? You, you...

I'll show you!

I'll still do something about
that constable.

He'll see!
- You're both...

Indeed. Three kegs!

But we have space for one constable
only and not for three.

Therein lies the rub.

Rub's within the fact that
the Deputy is a scoundrel.

He says the same
about you, Mayor.

Let him to say.
I'll get him once anyway...

What's that?
- A goose!

Good day all.

I met reverend and I asked him

who will be the constable?
He said that the smartest one.

So, that's not me, I said. And he said
that I have to prove that.

To win the favour of God
and of the Municipal Authorities.

So I ran home, took a knife and
right now I'm winning your favour.

There you go. I tell you, the shepherd
will be the constable and that's it.

Praise the Lord's glory.

Damn it, men,
what are you thinking?

What if somebody came in here?

Jeepers, geese again.
- Wild.

Not anymore. They're quite calm now.

We don't have any
domestic geese, you know.

You corruptionists! You scoundrels!
Get out of here at once!

I was getting worried that
it would be a corruption.

But because all gave almost the same,
then it is no corruption at all.

Neighbours, go to the kitchen,
we're having a committee meeting here.

Please, Mary, Mrs. Mayor,
give them something.

Reheated goose is good for nothing.

And you, with the applications,
may stay here.

Sit over there.

Mrs. Mayor.
- Not a chance! - Come on!

I'd be too jolly.

Let's start then.

We are to decide, which of the
applicants present will be

the protector of public order.

It's a pity though that
all three are worthless.

One has eighteen points and
the others have twenty without...

Without two!
- I know, I know.

It's a pity such scoundrels want
to become constables in Mejdlovary.

We thus have to choose one
of these three urchins.

I'd kindly ask them to stand
when being talked about!

Dear all,

I'm quite surprised the Mayor
started from this end.

It is quite necessary to remind
the constable-to-be,

that as a municipal constable he must
have a sense for the law

and justice!
- Excellent!

Therefore he cannot be afraid
or offended in any way.

That shouldn't matter to him.

Mayor or a farmer,
because he's under oath.

He's saying about you
that you're scoundrels.

Prove that at least one of you,
if chosen as the constable-in-charge,

will remain impartial, that it's not
the individual that matters, but...

...the law and justice.

Shepherd, slap the Mayor

who has insulted you,
as the future constable!

Clerk, slap the Mayor.

Respect the majority!

Simpler, slap the Mayor.

And don't be afraid.

Neighbours, this is
an impartial person!

He must be the municipal
constable! Who's for? AII!

All right, the Simpler has been
chosen to be the municipal constable.

Simpler!

As your superior I order you,
to slap the Deputy twice!

At your service, Mayor.

At your service, Mayor.

Third short story
MR. TENKRAT'S TROUBLES

Tells the tale of an honourable
citizen, Councillor Banzeta

and of the difficulties he had
experienced for his benignity.

Help me.

Quiet!
- You see.

One lives not from yelling.

But from food, drink and fourty winks.

So!

Come in!

Excuse me please for intruding,
Syrovatko, please.

Syrovatko is my name.

I came to ask you,
on behalf of our company,

whether Miss Matylda

could drive out with us
for an afternoon trip.

Yes, that's Mr. Syrovatko.

Everyone says that he's a kind person.

An a great official,
right, Mr. Syrov?

Yes please, of course.
Certainly.

If the dear parents would allow,
I would like to invite Miss...

I hope it won't end like
the last time, Matylda!

Please.

If so, then be home before eight.

I would not like to reheat the dinner.

It is not polite to come back late, girl
can easily become a talk of the town.

Indeed. I'm an honourable
man and not a villian.

Villain or not, just bring her
back safe!

Child, just remember that you have only
one youth and my golden character.

We know that.
A golden character.

Joe, that Syrovatko
seems decent, right?

There you have it.
Ten o'clock. Ten o'clock!

They've closed the house. But
I'll make that Syrovatko run for it!

It's all your fault.
I wouldn't let her go.

It's all in vain now.
She's not coming back.

I'll punish her!
Give me that dinner.

Poor Matylda. Something
must have happened to her.

Maybe she broke her leg.
Or drowned.

I only wish she doesn't lose that
most valuable she has from me.

Joey's here.

What are you looking at, rascal!
Off to bed at once! Beat it!

And off to sleep! Run! Hurry!

You know, Betty, I feel kind of faint
from it all.

That slut! That tramp!

Come on, Betty, don't get upset.
Remember:

For one beautiful...

...look from you.
- You savage!

I would give a...

Do not get scared, Ma'me.
- Jesus Christ!

Matylda is afraid to come home.
- Mr. Syrovatko!

The nerve you have, you dandy!
Now you keep her! Good riddance!

Joe, what are you saying! What
good riddance? Where is Matylda?

What have you done with her?
- Can't you speak?!

I... I am, I mean I can...

I will explain everything at once.

I'm an honourable man, but caught
by a storm, a hailstorm, cats and dogs.

The train broke, the water took
the bridge, so we were forced

to stay overnight. The hotel is...
- Hotel!

A small one really.
- You lecher!

Return her as clean as she was!

That I cannot do.
- Jeepers.

Miss Matylda is somewhat

soiled with mud after the trip.
- You shameless, shameless person!

Taking no pity upon our
beautiful flower.

Calm down, your ladyship,
I assure you

that I've slept somewhere else and
Matyl..., Miss Matylda also...

I've hear that before! We're not stupid,
we're experienced in hotels!

Joe!
- Understand?

Regarding Matylda and myself,
I'd like to note that

our trip was on friendship base...
- Thank you for such a friendship!

I grew out of such friendships!
- Kneel!

Kneel!

Mr. Syrovatko, before these innocent
children swear

that you will marry Matylda after
what has happened!

That I cannot.

I'm already married.

What?
- And divorced.

All right!
- And now I'm married again.

I also have a couple of kids.
Come to me.

As adorable as these.
- Do not touch my children!

Stand up! And, goddamnit,
off to school!

Daddy, mommy, forgive me,
it's not us, it's the trip.

Mr. Syrovatko is an honourable man
and has manners.

And he slept in another room.
And it was for the first and last time.

I'll show you first and last.
What about Mr. Darda last year?

And the professor who visited us. He
gave Joey a globe and then took it back!

What was that! - Jesus, Joe.
- What? - Pull yourself together!

So I see that we got
to know each other.

We know who's who.
Excuse me, may I?

I'm an honourable man, please,
allow me to... Excuse me.

My regards, your ladyship.
My respects.

Quarter of an hour only.

Councillor. Your Honour,
Councillor, snack time.

Yes, yes, yes.

His Majesty's Supreme Councillor
J. Banzet

What I wanted to say,
Your Honour, Councillor.

That Mr. Tenkrat
is an exemplary person.

Works diligently, from dawn to dusk.

He's so kind, one hardly notices him.

And no promotion or bonuses.

Hm, that's fishy.

It's better than that last time,
where did you get it?

Do you like it?
It's from the locals, Your Honour.

So, he's a real do-gooder,
this Mr. Tenkrat.

You'll see for yourself, Honour,
what a do-gooder he is.

No worries Mr. Tenkrat, chin up and
tell it all to the old man.

But...
- You should have told him time ago

and not wait until
those on top remember.

So, hurry, hurry,
while he's in a good mood.

What's on your mind, Mr. Tenkrat?

Hmm, you have a very neat
handwriting.

Just the interpunction should lean
more to the right, Mr. Tenkrat.

I shall do so next time.

For ten years, Councillor, I've
been faithfully serving State Offices

and I dare to ask for a promotion.

I'm doing so out of financial reasons.

It's not my fault, but of those
you previously served under.

And besides, what's ten years
in life of such a young man.

Your Honour, Councillor, I've been
thinking of starting a family.

Afamily?

I would not advise that, dear friend.

Do you know what a family is?
Do you know what children are?

Do you know what a wife is?
Yoke, trouble!

I speak from my own experience,
you know?

Your Honour, Councillor, despite this,
I was recently skipped

by the chemist's and forester's sons.
- Enough! No critique!

Criticising your superiors will not
get you anywhere!

I did not intend that,
Your Honour, Councillor.

I don't know Mr. Tenkrat,
what to do with you.

But I...
- You may leave.

Your Honour, Councillor,
snack time.

Yes, yes, yes.

Karpisek,
throw in a bit more coal.

Getting cold.

The summer was beautiful.
But now the winter reigns.

People walk around
dressed like eskymos.

I almost failed to recognize
and greet Miss Matylda yesterday,

as she was so packed in clothes.
She was walking with some dandy.

Ayoung one, but very elegant.

And how they were snuggling up
and smiling at each other.

Well, that's youth. Youth knows
how to overcome winter.

Betty.

I knew it was going to end like this.

Not that!

Tramp!
- Joe, this will be the death of me!

Shut it! Wasn't I telling you so?
It's all your fault, so shut up!

Daddy...
- And you too!

None of this is of my doing,
it's all Mr. Syrovatko.

Joe, I'm going to faint.
You leave me alone!

She isn't my daughter, she's a tramp.
- You see this?

Mommy, it's so hard to fight back
sometimes. - Hush!

You! Oh my.

So, what now? This can only
be fixed by some nitwit.

Prepare, move, marry and promote.

Mr. Tenkrat, do you
by any chance have a match?

I don't.
- You don't.

I hope that you're also not busy
and that you'll join my little walk,

which is always very good
after hard work.

I will be honoured, Councillor.
- You're conscientious officer

and you fulfill all wishes
of your superiors.

Neverthelss, you're in the age when
one faces many of life's distresses.

And one needs to be careful.

Where do you live, dear friend?

At Mrs. Pazout's place.
- At Mrs. Pazout's place.

That's the young widow that makes
bodices. You surely like her, right?

You don't? Then it is
vital that you move out.

Such a woman wants to seduce, catch
and confine you. You have to go, sir.

But Mrs. Pazout is an excellent cook.

I get two rolls for breakfast and
on Sunday we have a pork stew.

And that's exactly the thing
she wants to seduce you with.

Move to my sister-in-law,
the honourable widow Mrs. Krauthauer.

Well, I'll arrange everything myself.

A bodice maker!
This wouldn't do, Mr. Tenkrat.

Acceptable? - I'd like...
- Well, agreed.

Once you've moved,
I'll introduce you to my family.

Joe, offer some cake.

Would you like a cigar?
- No, thank you.

Well, our Matylda,
she's a real master chef.

Yes, Miss Matylda...

One can see that right away.

Eat some cake,
Mr. Tenkrat, Johnny.

My husband says so many
wonderful things about you.

Mr. Tenkrat likes walks,
Mr. Tenkrat, what an officer.

Mr. Tenkrat likes dough food.
All the time only Mr. Tenkrat.

Right, Joe?
- Yes, yes.

What? You don't like it?

I do. I'd perhaps take
this piece home with me.

Just eat it. Matylda
will pack you another one.

What is it?
- Calm down!

Calm, calm!

I'll never like him. Looks like a
moron. - You'll get used to it.

You don't have to like him.
I also didn't like daddy at first.

I began five years after wedding.
And don't show him he's a moron.

Mommy! Matylda!

Mommy!

Mr. Tenkrat has just asked
to marry Matylda.

Children, I knew it!
I saw it on you right away.

So, Matylda?

She's moved to tears.

Your Honour, Councillor,
and your ladyship.

Don't call me that,
Johnny, call me mom.

And call my husband...
- Dad!

So, Your Honour,
Councillor, daddy and...

Gracious mother!

Hopefully it won't be a disgrace again!
- Don't worry, this one won't escape!

Matylda Banzet and Jan Tenkrat
hereby announce

that their marriage shall be blessed.

I already thought that
you're going to spoil our joy.

Who would say that such little hair...
Well, keep calm, keep calm.

That's what the doctor says.
Fortnight in bed did not suffice.

Shut up, woman!
Why hesitate, right?

Matylda will take care.

She's been praying for you and
surely her prayer healed you.

Every time she visited you, you
were smiling, despite your ailment.

What's wrong?

Hullo, what's that?

Come on.

Well, the letter of appointment
awaits the very last signature,

in the afternoon, after the wedding,
I'll finally signed it myself.

You'll rest till afternoon and after
the wedding you'll be back in the bed.

So, hurry, hurry,
today's your big day,

sonny, I brought you everything

from tie to tailcoat.
Oh! What is it now.

Everything's in the best order.
Perfect shirt.

I'll get the flowers and
I'll be right back, sonny.

There.

And be ready, sonny,
I'll be back soon. Ready, ta-ta!

Excuse me for being forward,
Mr. Tenkrat, but I think it's time

to give you a little surprise,
which I've prepared for you both.

But do not tell on me!

Nice, right?

There's plenty of time for such things.
- You joker!

Plenty of time he says!
Don't hide it.

I know everything.

And I'll be the godmother,
so just that you know.

I'm coming. I'm coming!

So, I'm here already!
Is my sonny-in-law ready?

Sonny-in-law ready?
Rea...

Sonny-in-laaaw!

Na Zavadilce Pub

Welcome.

What a beautiful day, right?

Beautiful. I'd like two sausages
with onions. - As you wish.

It's really beautiful today.
- It is.

Bugger off! Don't bother
the gentleman by begging.

Leave them alone,
to rejoice with me.

And give each of them a portion.

As you wish.

Dear colleague, we congratulate
on your wedding

and on your promotion made
by the Councillor for your efforts

by two levels at once.

So, Mr. Tenkrat?
- I shouldn't have asked for promotion.

Don't blaspheme.
Everyone envies you

and your lady is a beaut. Look!

I looked already.
- He fixed it well.

Such a noble family.
- And Councillor is pampering him.

So, Johnny, hop, hop,
to be home soon!

Well, let's ride!

Friday
The Committee is arriving!

Fourth short story
REBELLION OF CONVICT SEJBA

Depicts the lack of understanding for

good will and patience of His Majesty's
Austrian Prison administration...

Yup, they're here already.

I most respectfully welcome
the honourable committee.

Please, please.

And I welcome the Regional
Councillor especially.

Thank you, Prison Governor.

We'll do everything to make you feel
at home in our prison.

Are the church services taking place?

Oh.
- Do you maintain them?

That's why we're on time.

Our services are famous.
We couldn't do without them.

Our singers make other jails
turn red with jealousy, yes, yes.

There's a triple murderer and
his singing praises the Lord!

But perhaps we could have
a small refreshment first.

If I may ask.

It's better to listen to the Lord's
word with a full stomach.

Well, why not.

Those that steal goods,

is loved by the cops.

Cop, cop, coppers

and two golden pieces.

Hey, Joseph, do you
want to oversleep today?

Get up, Joseph, stop
sulking like a small kid!

Come on, Joseph.

I've made my decision.

If there is no extra dumpling,
there will be no altar boy!

Nothing's for free.
- Nothing will happen to you.

You're giving the service some sense,
they should give you something for it.

I'm prepared for anything!
- I commend that, Sejba.

Now go play the sheepfold,
to get a little morning stretch.

Sejba, get to the chapel and
prepare everything for the mass!

I said, Sejba, off to the chapel
and prepare the mass!

I'm not going, warden.
They took my extra dumpling

and when they need me,
I'm good enough.

I'm not doing the altar boy!

Sejba, think of what you're saying.

I'm not going and that's it!
- You shall be reported!

So I shall be reported.

That's a rebellion.

So it's a rebellion.

Thank God.

And now we can listen to Lord's word.
- Yes, yes.

What's going on? What happened?
- The service will not take place.

Sejba doesn't want to be the altar boy
and we have no-one else.

What do you mean he doesn't
want to? That scoundrel must!

What a nonsense! And mainly today.
Where are you going?

Away.

No service.

That's what you get for those savings,
you wanted to report to the committee.

You mean, Sejba's dumpling?

Yes. You said Sejba gets a dumpling
each time he's an altar boy.

And one dumpling costs His Majesty's
Austrian Prison four pences.

So, within last two years, Sejba
consumed eight pounds.

Sejba will not get a dumpling.
That's what you said, Mr. Governor.

And Sejba won't get any dumpling!
Come! Bring him over here!

The service will go ahead. I beg you,
go and distract them for a while.

Come on. Wait.

Here, take these bottles there.

They want to hear the Lord's word,
so tell them something.

You're the one to do it!
Go on, go on.

You rat, how dare you tell me
that you won't do the altar boy?

You will do it, otherwise
you'll get solitary confinement!

I won't do it for free.
- You'll do the altar boy!

I won't! - Quiet.
- I won't. - You will.

Or I'll have you locked up.
- So have me locked up.

I'm jailed for bread, so I might be for
dumplings too. I will not do it!

Take him to solitary confinement!

I'll show you a dumpling.
- Come! - Quiet!

And I will not!

So, what's with the altar boy?
Councillor checked his watch twice.

That scoundrel. He does not
want to be an altar boy.

Please, reverend, do something.

That's bad. That's bad.

I told you that it won't
run smoothly.

Well, I'll speak to Sejba myself.

Well?

Take some bottle over there
and give it to them.

And I should be saving.

No, reverend, I won't do
the altar boy.

Listen, Sejba, what
Thomas Kempensky says.

Oh Lord, let not the man
listen to falsity.

But provide him with the proper
self-knowledge.

Let him believe not in himself,
but solely in You,

oh the gracious one, the infinite one.

Lead him...
Lead him to serve You willingly.

How about it, Sejba?

And Thomas says nothing
about dumplings? - Sejba!

If not, I don't do the altar boy.

Sejba, Sejba, you don't care
about salvation of your soul.

I don't know how I can save you from
all hellish tortures after all this.

The demons will burn you
with their fiery tongues.

Godamnit to hell, Sejba!
- Let them burn, I'll warm up a little.

We want to go to church!
We want to go to church!

All of a sudden,
such devoutness.

I know them, they hope to find

a cigarette stub in the corridor.
Quiet! - Do you hear, Sejba?

Your inmates want to refresh
their souls in the chapel.

And you're preventing them.
Do you understand your mortal sin?

I also want to go
to the chapel, reverend.

But I won't do the altar boy
for free, that's for sure.

Listen, Sejba, after the holy mass,
ask the Governor for forgivness

and he'll surely give you
a dumpling or a piece of bread.

After the mass? - Yes.
- Not a chance. I'm not that stupid.

Moreover, I'll accept no bread.
- Why don't you trust me, Sejba?

Reconcile and trust.

Bread is a gift from God. It's not nice
to tremble in disgust over it.

Perhaps you, reverend, like bread.

Perhaps even more than dumplings,
but I can't stand bread anymore.

And I'll tell you since when.

It all started, when I'd gladly
do anything

for hard and dry bread crust.

Get up! Get up!

What's this?
This is no bedroom!

Where am I to sleep?
I don't have a dime.

Don't be proud of it!
You'd be ashamed, you scoundrel!

And take the papers with you!

Let it be, you villain!
Thief!

Amal, stay here!
That would be the end of it!

Thief! Catch him!

Thief! Apprehend him!
Catch him! Hold him!

Enough!

I hereby criminate the accused,

who explicitly declared

that he wouldn't let the shopkeeper
out of his hands alive,

if it wasn't for the loss of strenght
caused by substantial blood loss.

It's an individual capable of anything.

He confesses that in despair
he wanted to take his own life.

Thus you can see that he was able
to kill absolutely anybody!

Cunningly, he had not eaten
for three days,

in order to claim that he stole
the bread out of hunger.

Accused, why are you waving
your hands? I'm warning you!

Was I supposed to get killed?
Hang me for that then.

The bencher can then use my gallows
rope as a belt for his trousers.

Honourable Chairman, I hereby
declare that this individual

has no business among decent people!

Due to the kindness of the law,
defendant may express as he sees fit.

Don't you see that through his word
regarding the Chairman's pants,

he's trying to win the favour of the
jury, using his sick gallows humor?

Don't you see that he's grasping
at the last straw?

Chairman's pants...
- Talking about Chairman's pants

is immoral!
- Pants are not immoral.

Those sitting in them are immoral!

Trying a person for a piece of bread!
The entire judicial system is immoral!

From bailiff to hangman!
That's why... - Enough!

I deprive you of your say.

What is so amusing?

What if we really hang you?

You should think about God.
Rather than grimacing.

Lord above never gave me anything.

Grandpa died of hunger, grandma
was seduced by a police constable.

And God did not help them either.

I hereby ask for the right to prosecute
the defendant for blasphemy and for

insult to military, as it's known,
constable belongs to a national guard.

The constable wouldn't abuse
defendant's grandma,

if he only knew
what grandson he will have.

Order!

Call in the witness, Mr. Mrazek
the builder. - Yes sir.

Order in the courtroom, or else
I'll have it vacated.

Mr. Mrazek,

what can you add to the character
of the defendant?

I never had a good impression
from Mr. Sejba.

He's an illegitimate son and he
even wanted a salary raise once.

There you have it!
An individual capable of anything!

And also, he drank rye brandy
on the construction site!

Especially in winter.

I couldn't drink cognac, becuase
I don't have the money of a builder.

If you had the money,
you'd drink it anyhow!

Quiet!
Are you in the theatre?

Thank you, witness.

Defendant,

is that the bread?

Here we have a photography
of Mr. Just.

Who, in the meantime,
died of a stroke,

while celebrating a silver wedding,
after eating and drinking too much.

Defendant, do you recognize
the deceased one?

Yes, but when I held him by the throat,
he seemed much older.

Quiet!

Quiet!!!

This hearing is over and I must add,

that pros and cons will be
justly weighed.

You don't have to weight them, bread
weighed a kilo and Mr. Just eighty five.

Quiet!

Quiet!

So, for a cob loaf,

that I didn't even taste,

I got three years in prison.

Here I get a dumpling for
playing the altar boy.

And I won't do without it.

Sejba, Sejba, you're
an irreformable scoundrel.

First you steal and almost kill
an honest tradesman!

And now, when you've food to eat,
you're refusing to be the altar boy.

And all for some dumpling!

Sejba, you don't appreciate
the benefaction you have here.

Benefaction.

Be it anyhow, no dumpling is no
altar boy for you or the Governor.

Lord will exclude you from the ranks
of His beloved sons!

Since you're refusing to serve Him.

Surely, the Lord has no interest
in criminals like me.

No dumpling, no altar boy.

Whole my life I struggled
for a mouthful without the Lord

and I'll do without Him also now.
- Sejba, I beg you.

Come and be the altar boy.

Just promise me that I'll get a
dumpling. Otherwise not.

All right, I promise you a dumpling.

Sir, I would now ask you
to shake my hand.

Aword of honour,
a dumpling for a mass.

The warden and the Lord above
are the witnesses.

So, how is it?

Thanks to made agreement,
the rebellion of convict Sejba is over.

Thank God, reverend.

It's up to us then to forgive
the sinners.

And therefore I gave him my word
that he'll get the dumpling.

How could you? Before we release Sejba,
it will cost us hundred dumplings!

Yes. One for each mass.

And further five golden pieces.
- God, how come?

For years I've been carrying
the fond hope in my soul.

Three gold pieces for preaching
are simply too little.

I'm sure that you'll now see
to it that I get a raise.

And what if I don't?

Then I'll also have to start rebellion.
- You'll not do that!

Oh yes.

Where are you going?

Where are you going!!!

The holy mass is off.
- That's extortion!

That's a mutiny!

Goddamnit to hell, reverend,
be sensible.

You'll have the five golden pieces.

But it's give and take,
my honourable sir.

If by coincidence the Councillor
would suspect some irregularities,

you will talk him out of it.

He is after all an obedient son
of the Holy Church.

Dear son, it is our duty
to help our fellow men.

The service may start.

Gentlemen, the service may start.

Keep your comments to yourself.

Wine, wine, oh sweet wine,

we're hungry again.

We're hungry again.

THE END