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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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00:00:48,028 --> 00:00:50,861
When you live on a tiny island
like Manhattan...
2
00:00:52,799 --> 00:00:56,997
...the odds of bumping into the one
who broke your heart are incredibly high.
3
00:00:59,106 --> 00:01:02,769
The odds of bumping into him
when you look like shit are even higher.
4
00:01:18,258 --> 00:01:21,785
After a break-up,
certain streets, locations...
5
00:01:22,028 --> 00:01:24,155
...even times of day are off-limits.
6
00:01:24,898 --> 00:01:29,096
The city becomes a deserted battlefield
loaded with emotional land mines.
7
00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:34,097
You have to be very careful where
you step or you could be blown to pieces.
8
00:01:39,579 --> 00:01:41,513
Get your coat, Anne Frank,
we're going out.
9
00:01:41,581 --> 00:01:44,311
- I'm really not in the mood.
- Coat on. Body out.
10
00:01:44,451 --> 00:01:46,316
- Where are we going?
- It's a surprise.
11
00:01:46,386 --> 00:01:49,048
Only if it's nowhere I can run into him.
12
00:01:49,156 --> 00:01:52,922
When do you think you're gonna be
getting out of this hostage situation?
13
00:01:53,026 --> 00:01:54,254
Am I wrong?
14
00:01:54,394 --> 00:01:56,692
Don't listen to her, it's only been a month.
15
00:01:56,897 --> 00:02:00,424
It takes half the total time you went out
with someone to get over them.
16
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:02,798
I always like a math solution
to any love problem.
17
00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:05,702
It's the break-up rule.
You and Big only went out for a year.
18
00:02:05,772 --> 00:02:08,206
She's got five more months
to get over him.
19
00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:10,505
Cut your losses and get back in the game.
20
00:02:10,577 --> 00:02:13,102
When Eric and I broke up,
I got over him right away.
21
00:02:13,246 --> 00:02:15,407
I don't really remember it being like that.
22
00:02:15,749 --> 00:02:16,807
Eric who?
23
00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:19,181
Eric, asshole I dated a couple of years ago.
24
00:02:19,252 --> 00:02:20,412
That Eric.
25
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,513
Miranda called Eric the love of her life
until he left her for another woman.
26
00:02:24,591 --> 00:02:26,388
Now, she almost never mentioned him.
27
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,553
You can't push yourself into feeling good.
28
00:02:28,628 --> 00:02:33,292
The only way to get over somebody is
to feel really bad, cry to your girlfriends...
29
00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:37,460
...and to replay what you hated about him
over and over in your head all day.
30
00:02:37,537 --> 00:02:39,266
That sounds about right.
31
00:02:39,372 --> 00:02:41,670
You're too dressed up
for where we're going.
32
00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:46,678
I'll risk being overdressed vs. The chance
of meeting Big looking the way I feel.
33
00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:49,772
The first meeting is the worst,
you never know how to act.
34
00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:51,681
Then there's the vomiting.
35
00:02:53,487 --> 00:02:57,116
If Big had any class,
he would've moved away. I was here first.
36
00:02:57,190 --> 00:03:00,159
You're giving him too much power.
You broke up with him.
37
00:03:00,227 --> 00:03:02,661
Right, and that makes me what, happy?
38
00:03:03,096 --> 00:03:04,085
Taxi!
39
00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:07,861
Amazingly, Samantha was still
with James. A monogamous relationship...
40
00:03:08,034 --> 00:03:11,492
...for a woman whose bedroom
was busier than Balducci's on a Saturday.
41
00:03:11,771 --> 00:03:13,864
You lovebirds...
42
00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:19,310
How are the most beautiful women
in Manhattan?
43
00:03:19,479 --> 00:03:21,413
If we see them, I'll ask.
44
00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:24,341
Have a fun day.
45
00:03:24,451 --> 00:03:27,386
Don't let anything bad
happen to my princess.
46
00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:29,682
I love you.
47
00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:34,891
God, everything is going so great.
48
00:03:35,562 --> 00:03:39,965
Me, James, and his tiny penis:
We're one big happy family.
49
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,930
After two months,
despite all his sweetness and charm...
50
00:03:43,436 --> 00:03:47,497
...Samantha still hadn't quite accepted
James's shortcomings.
51
00:03:48,942 --> 00:03:52,173
When Miranda said,
"Get back in the game," she meant it.
52
00:03:52,312 --> 00:03:57,443
Forty minutes and a $55 cab ride later,
we found ourselves at Yankee Stadium.
53
00:03:57,784 --> 00:03:59,115
Who wants another?
54
00:03:59,319 --> 00:04:01,344
Miranda was a fan of the Yankees.
55
00:04:01,454 --> 00:04:05,857
I was a fan of being able to smoke
and drink at 2:00 p.m. Without judgment.
56
00:04:05,992 --> 00:04:07,653
Beer!
57
00:04:08,028 --> 00:04:09,620
Do they have hot cocoa?
58
00:04:09,829 --> 00:04:12,059
Coming up to bat, the new Yankee.
59
00:04:12,232 --> 00:04:15,167
Just up from the Minors, single. So cute.
60
00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:19,970
I can barely see him.
Why are we sitting all the way up here?
61
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,771
It's the only place I can smoke without
Giuliani putting me away for 10 years.
62
00:04:23,843 --> 00:04:25,333
These seats suck.
63
00:04:25,445 --> 00:04:28,710
This hot dog sucks. My entire life sucks.
64
00:04:28,915 --> 00:04:31,475
Your life doesn't suck.
You have a man who loves you.
65
00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:32,575
Love!
66
00:04:32,686 --> 00:04:36,349
I don't think you ladies understand
the seriousness of my situation.
67
00:04:38,391 --> 00:04:41,326
How would you like to make love
to this every night?
68
00:04:41,561 --> 00:04:43,028
Is it kosher?
69
00:04:44,864 --> 00:04:47,856
Don't make me laugh. It's tragic.
70
00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:50,400
Can we try and get into the game
for a second?
71
00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:53,505
C'mon! Show us what you got.
72
00:04:53,607 --> 00:04:55,598
Last year this guy was Mr. September.
73
00:04:55,742 --> 00:04:58,142
He hit ten home runs in nine days.
74
00:04:58,511 --> 00:05:00,308
Ball! Good eye!
75
00:05:00,981 --> 00:05:02,642
Way to watch them.
76
00:05:02,749 --> 00:05:05,513
He batted.373. He drove in 47 runs.
77
00:05:05,652 --> 00:05:07,483
His on-base percentage was.410.
78
00:05:07,621 --> 00:05:10,317
As Miranda went on
about the new Yankee's stats...
79
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,551
...I couldn't help wondering about my own.
80
00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:15,459
Ten years playing in New York.
Countless dates.
81
00:05:15,528 --> 00:05:19,555
Five real relationships. One serious.
All ending in break-ups.
82
00:05:19,699 --> 00:05:24,534
If I were a ballplayer I'd be batting...
Whatever really bad is.
83
00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:28,636
My God! Here it comes!
84
00:05:33,513 --> 00:05:35,276
You got it!
85
00:05:37,984 --> 00:05:41,044
Do you know what the odds
of catching a fly ball are?
86
00:05:41,154 --> 00:05:44,385
I didn't. I couldn't help wondering
if they were any higher...
87
00:05:44,457 --> 00:05:46,789
...than finding a relationship
that would last.
88
00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:51,225
Three innings, four beers and one
shameless flash of my press pass later...
89
00:05:51,464 --> 00:05:55,423
We waited outside the locker room
to get my ball signed by the new Yankee.
90
00:05:55,669 --> 00:05:56,829
Good game.
91
00:05:57,303 --> 00:05:59,430
Did you see that bulge?
92
00:06:00,373 --> 00:06:01,635
He was wearing a cup.
93
00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:04,104
His cup runneth over.
94
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,645
It's official, you're drunk.
95
00:06:12,819 --> 00:06:15,310
I'm not drunk, I'm sedated from my pain.
96
00:06:15,422 --> 00:06:18,255
She's allowed to be drunk,
she's going through a break-up.
97
00:06:21,327 --> 00:06:24,057
Excuse me. Huge Yankee fan.
98
00:06:24,164 --> 00:06:27,156
We don't mean to bother you
but my friend caught your ball.
99
00:06:28,501 --> 00:06:29,525
This is her.
100
00:06:29,903 --> 00:06:30,961
I'm her friend.
101
00:06:31,638 --> 00:06:33,606
We were wondering if you'd sign it?
102
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:37,004
- That foul ball to the upper deck?
- Yes. I mean...
103
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:39,608
Yes. If it's not too...
104
00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:43,838
I'm a huge Yankees fan. I'm a lawyer.
105
00:06:44,017 --> 00:06:45,814
If I don't sign it, you'll sue me?
106
00:06:46,019 --> 00:06:48,613
No. I don't know why I said that.
107
00:06:48,722 --> 00:06:50,280
No problem, give me the ball.
108
00:06:50,356 --> 00:06:51,789
Give him the ball.
109
00:06:55,261 --> 00:06:57,286
- Could you hold these?
- Sure.
110
00:06:57,664 --> 00:07:00,792
- You a Yankees fan, too?
- No, I came for the beer.
111
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,332
I think baseball's a little dull.
112
00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:05,804
- What do you do?
- She writes a column.
113
00:07:05,872 --> 00:07:07,464
A sex column.
114
00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:10,504
- Nothin' dull about that.
- You'd be surprised.
115
00:07:11,077 --> 00:07:13,102
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
116
00:07:17,183 --> 00:07:19,014
He's so cute.
117
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:22,110
I'm gonna ask him
to the Dolce & Gabbana party.
118
00:07:22,288 --> 00:07:23,550
What?
119
00:07:25,492 --> 00:07:26,823
No, really, you can't.
120
00:07:28,728 --> 00:07:30,355
Yankee!
121
00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:38,529
I don't know if it was the beer
or the fact that I was holding his ball.
122
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:41,938
Something gave me the strength
to ask the new Yankee out.
123
00:07:42,742 --> 00:07:45,176
No. This is not fair.
124
00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:47,610
This is not the way
this is supposed to happen.
125
00:07:47,847 --> 00:07:50,179
Why? You told me
to get back in the game.
126
00:07:51,384 --> 00:07:55,445
With some balding C.P.A.
Or other boring rebound guy.
127
00:07:55,588 --> 00:07:57,852
Nobody rebounds with the new Yankee.
128
00:07:57,991 --> 00:08:01,427
Maybe I'm the new Carrie.
Let's blow this hot dog stand.
129
00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:07,165
Samantha, let's go.
130
00:08:09,335 --> 00:08:12,395
She knew it was risky,
but a day of watching big men...
131
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:16,338
...swing their big wooden bats
proved to be too much for Samantha.
132
00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,109
She told herself
there's no harm in just looking.
133
00:08:31,825 --> 00:08:33,156
Can I help you?
134
00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:45,297
As my ballpark cheap beer buzz wore off...
135
00:08:45,505 --> 00:08:48,770
...I began to worry
about the ramifications of my day.
136
00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:50,608
Was Charlotte right?
137
00:08:50,777 --> 00:08:54,645
Were we supposed to get over an ex
in a slow, painful way?
138
00:08:54,781 --> 00:08:59,081
Or should we ignore all the bad feelings
and throw ourselves back in the game?
139
00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:03,082
In a world where leaving each other
seems to be getting more frequent...
140
00:09:03,489 --> 00:09:05,184
What are the break-up rules?
141
00:09:05,558 --> 00:09:07,788
Whatever you do, man, don't cry.
142
00:09:08,061 --> 00:09:12,521
'Cause if you do get back together again,
then, you're the guy that cried.
143
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:17,167
Don't call or see him
'til three months have passed...
144
00:09:17,237 --> 00:09:20,400
...and you've lost the weight
you put on while breaking up.
145
00:09:20,506 --> 00:09:23,703
Give her whatever she wants,
but don't sign a motherfucking thing.
146
00:09:24,711 --> 00:09:27,202
Change your name,
change your phone number.
147
00:09:27,347 --> 00:09:30,441
Change your job. They're all bums.
148
00:09:31,684 --> 00:09:33,345
You got a problem?
149
00:09:34,354 --> 00:09:36,822
Friday night, the Dolce & Gabbana party.
150
00:09:37,056 --> 00:09:39,217
The new Yankee was 10 minutes late.
151
00:09:39,392 --> 00:09:41,383
I was running 20 behind.
152
00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:50,531
I was reaching
for my favorite necklace when...
153
00:09:51,804 --> 00:09:55,501
I thought I'd destroyed all the evidence,
but there it was.
154
00:09:55,575 --> 00:09:57,770
We'd taken it with a disposable camera...
155
00:09:57,844 --> 00:10:01,143
...before it ever dawned on me
that we could be disposable as well.
156
00:10:01,447 --> 00:10:05,281
It was then and there I created
my own very first break-up rule...
157
00:10:05,818 --> 00:10:09,686
Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy
and you look happy.
158
00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,286
The party was a complete home run.
159
00:10:16,429 --> 00:10:18,590
All the fashion heavy-hitters were there.
160
00:10:23,369 --> 00:10:25,496
Charlotte was dating Paul Ericson...
161
00:10:25,638 --> 00:10:29,005
...the V.P. Of a major recording label's
classical and jazz division.
162
00:10:29,242 --> 00:10:30,766
Having a good time?
163
00:10:31,044 --> 00:10:34,343
You won't believe it.
This guy's never heard Miles Davis.
164
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:36,707
I don't really like that jazz stuff.
165
00:10:36,883 --> 00:10:39,909
I'm gonna give you our
Best of Miles Davis CD.
166
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:41,681
His stuff will change your mind.
167
00:10:41,754 --> 00:10:44,985
His concentration and emotion
in the phrasing...
168
00:10:45,325 --> 00:10:46,849
It's fucking magical.
169
00:10:46,926 --> 00:10:49,520
He was handsome, smart, eclectic.
170
00:10:49,662 --> 00:10:51,562
The perfect match for Charlotte.
171
00:10:51,898 --> 00:10:53,456
Except for one minor snag.
172
00:10:53,566 --> 00:10:58,299
The authenticity of Miles' timbre
is gonna blow you away.
173
00:10:58,571 --> 00:11:02,940
The fusion revolution changed
the entire concept of contemporary music.
174
00:11:04,277 --> 00:11:08,680
There we were, two single gals
out on the town with our ballplayers.
175
00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,490
What's wrong?
176
00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:23,324
I thought I saw...
177
00:11:23,596 --> 00:11:25,723
- Where?
- No, it wasn't him.
178
00:11:26,632 --> 00:11:28,099
Do you think he'll be here?
179
00:11:28,368 --> 00:11:30,700
I don't know, I hadn't thought about it.
180
00:11:30,937 --> 00:11:32,632
Break-up rule number two...
181
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:36,740
Lie. It's a lot easier than admitting
that's why you invited the new Yankee...
182
00:11:36,809 --> 00:11:39,642
...and why you maxed out your credit card
to buy the dress.
183
00:11:41,814 --> 00:11:45,375
When Mr. Big never made an appearance,
I decided to make the best of it.
184
00:11:45,585 --> 00:11:48,213
I actually got to know
a little about this new Yankee.
185
00:11:48,354 --> 00:11:49,514
His name was Joe.
186
00:11:49,622 --> 00:11:52,489
So, Joe, the new Yankee...
187
00:11:52,859 --> 00:11:55,191
How'd you like your first fashion party?
188
00:11:55,528 --> 00:11:57,257
It was kind of cool.
189
00:11:58,498 --> 00:11:59,590
What?
190
00:11:59,899 --> 00:12:01,594
Nothing. It's just...
191
00:12:01,968 --> 00:12:03,265
"Kind of cool."
192
00:12:03,536 --> 00:12:05,265
You're very succinct.
193
00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:08,930
Are you making fun of me?
194
00:12:09,008 --> 00:12:10,475
A little bit.
195
00:12:12,311 --> 00:12:14,370
You're kind of cute.
196
00:12:15,281 --> 00:12:17,340
You're kind of cute, too.
197
00:12:22,588 --> 00:12:25,250
And there, in the shadow of my island...
198
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:28,154
...just four weeks out
of my last relationship...
199
00:12:28,327 --> 00:12:31,490
...I let the new Yankee get to first base.
200
00:12:32,331 --> 00:12:36,825
Our Saturday morning ritual... coffee, eggs,
and a very private dish session.
201
00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:39,028
Today our dish wasn't so private.
202
00:12:39,138 --> 00:12:40,696
You're on page six.
203
00:12:41,841 --> 00:12:45,299
"Hot Yankee Joe Stark on the town
with New York columnist...
204
00:12:45,378 --> 00:12:47,312
"...and 'sex-pert', Carrie Bradshaw."
205
00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:49,109
It's a proud day for me.
206
00:12:49,215 --> 00:12:52,878
That dress just paid for itself.
Big is gonna see this and die.
207
00:12:52,952 --> 00:12:54,476
I don't want him to die.
208
00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:57,453
Cut the shit, it's me.
You're using that Yankee.
209
00:12:58,491 --> 00:13:01,460
Everybody has got to look
at my new Palm Pilot.
210
00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:04,325
- It's amazing.
- This is so great.
211
00:13:04,397 --> 00:13:07,798
The first time Big sees you,
you look great and you're with the Yankee.
212
00:13:08,067 --> 00:13:11,127
Why are we still talking about him?
He hurt her.
213
00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:12,933
He's out of the picture.
214
00:13:13,005 --> 00:13:14,973
Let's talk about something else, okay?
215
00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:28,116
I have a problem with my boyfriend.
216
00:13:28,254 --> 00:13:30,188
I'm gonna go get the check.
217
00:13:31,891 --> 00:13:34,985
I don't know really quite how to say this,
but he's always...
218
00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:36,886
...touching his...
219
00:13:37,096 --> 00:13:38,893
Balls. I know, Carrie told me.
220
00:13:39,198 --> 00:13:42,429
It freaked me out.
I didn't know what the hell was going on.
221
00:13:42,502 --> 00:13:44,060
I still don't. What is?
222
00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:47,897
I don't know but it's constant.
He can't seem to leave them alone.
223
00:13:47,974 --> 00:13:49,908
He and every other guy on the planet.
224
00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:52,206
They always try to pull our attention there.
225
00:13:52,278 --> 00:13:53,370
"Look what I got."
226
00:13:53,446 --> 00:13:55,573
I don't get it. He's from a good family.
227
00:13:55,648 --> 00:13:58,242
He went to Brown. Why is he doing that?
228
00:13:58,451 --> 00:14:01,045
- Does he have low-hangers?
- Is that a patented phrase?
229
00:14:01,187 --> 00:14:03,712
Sometimes they hang so low,
they get in the way.
230
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:06,090
I heard Nick Nolte had a ball lift.
231
00:14:06,159 --> 00:14:08,457
I don't know how long they are.
232
00:14:08,961 --> 00:14:13,421
You've been dating for three weeks
and you haven't seen his balls yet?
233
00:14:13,699 --> 00:14:16,065
Get with the program.
234
00:14:16,235 --> 00:14:18,294
But why do men do this?
235
00:14:18,437 --> 00:14:21,668
How would they feel if we stood around
in public touching ourselves?
236
00:14:21,774 --> 00:14:22,900
They'd love it.
237
00:14:23,075 --> 00:14:24,508
What are we talking about?
238
00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:26,407
Charlotte's boyfriend's balls.
239
00:14:26,879 --> 00:14:27,868
Seriously?
240
00:14:28,014 --> 00:14:30,448
- They're too long.
- She's just guessing.
241
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:33,077
Okay. That's it.
242
00:14:33,352 --> 00:14:34,649
I'm out of here.
243
00:14:35,121 --> 00:14:37,021
All we talk about anymore...
244
00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:41,557
...is Big or balls or small dicks.
245
00:14:41,994 --> 00:14:45,896
Why do four smart women
have nothing to talk about but boyfriends?
246
00:14:46,699 --> 00:14:49,930
It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
What about us?
247
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:53,534
What we think, we feel, we know... Christ!
248
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,668
Does it always have to be about them?
249
00:14:58,511 --> 00:15:02,470
Give me a call when you're ready to talk
about something besides men for a change.
250
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:08,086
In the case of Miranda Hobbes vs. Silly
women everywhere, the verdict was in.
251
00:15:08,421 --> 00:15:10,321
Guilty as charged.
252
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:13,652
After breakfast,
Charlotte and I went shopping.
253
00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:15,691
Break-up rule number three...
254
00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:19,924
Until emotionally stabilized,
enter no stores.
255
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:24,698
Later, Samantha and James were
about to enter the seventh inning stretch.
256
00:15:26,405 --> 00:15:30,739
When I arch my back, I want you to lift
that ass and really give it to me.
257
00:15:31,043 --> 00:15:34,911
Rather than quit mid-season,
Samantha decided to attack her problem...
258
00:15:35,081 --> 00:15:37,948
...with the gusto of a seasoned coach
training a rookie.
259
00:15:38,284 --> 00:15:41,310
Go, go, lift. Lift that ass.
260
00:15:41,787 --> 00:15:43,846
Give it to me!
261
00:15:47,393 --> 00:15:50,658
A good coach encourages and motivates.
262
00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:52,960
You are so hot.
263
00:15:54,033 --> 00:15:57,127
Fuck me. You hot stud.
264
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:03,238
A good coach disciplines and criticizes.
265
00:16:03,409 --> 00:16:06,003
No. What are you doing back there?
266
00:16:06,212 --> 00:16:07,270
Let's go.
267
00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:08,903
And like every good coach...
268
00:16:09,081 --> 00:16:12,073
...she passed on the benefits
of her years of experience.
269
00:16:12,285 --> 00:16:13,684
Baby, I'm close.
270
00:16:13,853 --> 00:16:15,787
Get up here and slide inside of me.
271
00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:19,413
Hurry, slide, slide, slide!
272
00:16:23,462 --> 00:16:27,956
Then, at the bottom of the ninth try,
with two balls and two strikes.
273
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:31,498
The coach had no choice,
but to bring in a pinch hitter.
274
00:16:33,105 --> 00:16:34,504
What's that?
275
00:16:35,107 --> 00:16:36,768
It's my vibrator.
276
00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:39,170
I thought it would be fun.
277
00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,846
I think just us might be more fun.
278
00:16:42,281 --> 00:16:44,408
That's not a problem, is it?
279
00:16:49,088 --> 00:16:51,056
But there was no joy in Mudville.
280
00:16:51,190 --> 00:16:53,658
Mighty Samantha had struck out.
281
00:16:56,929 --> 00:17:00,797
But a little further uptown,
the ball game was just getting started.
282
00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:04,062
I have a present for you.
283
00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:07,061
I thought you just gave me one.
284
00:17:12,578 --> 00:17:14,205
I was at Barneys today.
285
00:17:17,783 --> 00:17:18,715
Here.
286
00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:22,385
Charlotte had decided a possible solution
to her problem...
287
00:17:22,488 --> 00:17:25,514
...might be as simple as briefs vs. Boxers.
288
00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:28,650
The salesman said
that these were the very best.
289
00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:31,196
They're like the Wonderbra for men.
290
00:17:31,297 --> 00:17:33,857
They give good support,
something about the pouch.
291
00:17:35,901 --> 00:17:38,768
We haven't even made love
and you're out shopping for me?
292
00:17:38,871 --> 00:17:39,860
Slow down.
293
00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:41,437
It's not like that...
294
00:17:41,674 --> 00:17:42,663
It's what?
295
00:17:44,043 --> 00:17:48,446
But Charlotte couldn't bring herself
to tell him the problem was foul balls.
296
00:17:48,714 --> 00:17:51,274
This is too fast. Way too fast.
297
00:17:51,517 --> 00:17:54,611
First comes the underwear,
then you move in.
298
00:17:54,754 --> 00:17:57,780
And then the next thing I know,
you hate my music.
299
00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:00,923
"sighs",
and that was that.
300
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,720
He broke it off after only three weeks.
301
00:18:03,929 --> 00:18:08,195
Charlotte, true to form,
was over him in exactly a week and a half.
302
00:18:09,268 --> 00:18:12,635
Whenever Miranda was feeling stressed,
she went for a long walk.
303
00:18:12,805 --> 00:18:15,330
She'd lose herself in the places and faces...
304
00:18:15,408 --> 00:18:18,002
...and whatever was bothering her
would somehow lift.
305
00:18:18,144 --> 00:18:20,704
But today, she would have no such luck.
306
00:18:21,781 --> 00:18:24,909
I really thought he liked me.
Why didn't he call me?
307
00:18:26,185 --> 00:18:29,245
Just when Miranda decided
she was the only woman in New York...
308
00:18:29,321 --> 00:18:32,119
...with any real perspective on men...
309
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,854
There he was. Eric Asshole.
310
00:18:37,296 --> 00:18:38,991
The former love of her life.
311
00:18:39,098 --> 00:18:42,431
Walking hand and hand
with the woman he left her for.
312
00:18:56,916 --> 00:18:59,646
Somewhere between playing
the Royals and the Red Sox...
313
00:18:59,785 --> 00:19:03,186
...the new Yankee found a minute
to teach me some dugout pastimes.
314
00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:05,585
One, two, three, toss.
315
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:07,481
Shit.
316
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,085
If you don't get this,
we don't move on to spitting.
317
00:19:10,162 --> 00:19:11,322
Hold my beer.
318
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,768
- Back, back, back.
- Sorry.
319
00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:20,470
Break-up rule number four...
320
00:19:21,307 --> 00:19:24,401
Never stop thinking
about him even for a moment...
321
00:19:24,743 --> 00:19:27,439
...because that's the moment he'll appear.
322
00:19:28,347 --> 00:19:31,407
As he made his way through the crowd,
I felt calm.
323
00:19:31,617 --> 00:19:34,177
I had accomplished
the perfect first meeting.
324
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,812
I looked good, I felt good,
and I was with the new Yankee.
325
00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:38,979
Surprise.
326
00:19:39,325 --> 00:19:41,122
Look at you...
327
00:19:41,827 --> 00:19:43,055
I've been...
328
00:19:43,829 --> 00:19:45,729
- How've you...
- Good, good, good.
329
00:19:47,399 --> 00:19:50,163
- Sorry. This is Joe Stark.
- I know who he is.
330
00:19:50,336 --> 00:19:52,395
I'm a big fan. Good luck this season.
331
00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:53,869
Thanks.
332
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,635
I saw your picture in the paper.
333
00:19:57,877 --> 00:19:59,777
You never looked better.
334
00:20:25,804 --> 00:20:27,635
You want another round?
335
00:20:38,117 --> 00:20:40,278
Some buddies are at a bar on Bleeker.
336
00:20:40,419 --> 00:20:42,216
- How about it?
- Sure.
337
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:55,460
I'm sorry.
338
00:20:57,303 --> 00:20:59,828
I'm really sorry, it's not you. This is...
339
00:21:00,739 --> 00:21:02,536
This is really embarrassing.
340
00:21:02,908 --> 00:21:05,468
- I'm sorry. I'm really embarrassed.
- You're okay.
341
00:21:05,644 --> 00:21:07,578
I don't think I'm okay. I just...
342
00:21:07,947 --> 00:21:10,438
I just cried in your mouth.
343
00:21:11,183 --> 00:21:13,549
I just... I can't...
344
00:21:15,454 --> 00:21:17,786
I'm not ready.
345
00:21:18,524 --> 00:21:20,685
That guy in the bar...
346
00:21:22,661 --> 00:21:24,424
That suit guy.
347
00:21:25,364 --> 00:21:26,831
I better go. Sorry.
348
00:21:26,899 --> 00:21:28,890
- You want a ride home?
- No, please.
349
00:21:28,968 --> 00:21:31,801
Don't pay any more attention to me.
Just go, please.
350
00:21:32,204 --> 00:21:36,106
Go to that bar thing.
I'm just gonna get a cab, all right?
351
00:21:37,476 --> 00:21:40,274
Please. Will you just go?
352
00:21:42,514 --> 00:21:44,209
All right, then I'll go.
353
00:21:58,497 --> 00:22:01,125
But I didn't go home. I couldn't.
354
00:22:01,233 --> 00:22:02,530
I went to a pay phone.
355
00:22:02,601 --> 00:22:03,966
It's me.
356
00:22:04,403 --> 00:22:06,462
Hi, listen.
357
00:22:07,206 --> 00:22:09,731
I know things are really weird
between us right now.
358
00:22:10,175 --> 00:22:11,870
But I really need to talk.
359
00:22:12,277 --> 00:22:13,403
Can you...
360
00:22:13,612 --> 00:22:17,173
Will you meet me at our place
in 15 minutes?
361
00:22:18,517 --> 00:22:19,745
Okay.
362
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,547
I saw Big.
363
00:22:56,889 --> 00:22:58,857
And I completely fell apart.
364
00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:01,922
I know you want me to be over him...
365
00:23:02,094 --> 00:23:03,186
I'm a jerk.
366
00:23:04,196 --> 00:23:06,528
That's my stuff. It's not you.
367
00:23:09,068 --> 00:23:10,763
I saw Eric on the street today.
368
00:23:11,537 --> 00:23:13,061
And I hid.
369
00:23:13,605 --> 00:23:15,197
After two years.
370
00:23:17,376 --> 00:23:19,241
I forgot how hard it is.
371
00:23:20,312 --> 00:23:22,576
Just take all the time you need, okay?
372
00:23:34,259 --> 00:23:35,453
These are cold.
373
00:23:37,229 --> 00:23:38,218
So?
374
00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:45,625
And finally,
the most important break-up rule...
375
00:23:45,804 --> 00:23:49,501
No matter who broke your heart
or how long it takes to heal...
376
00:23:49,775 --> 00:23:52,835
...you'll never get through it
without your friends.
399
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:08,000
Translation And Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
400
00:24:18,000 --> 00:25:20,000
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