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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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My friend Miranda was dating
Thomas John Anderson...
2
00:00:51,074 --> 00:00:53,235
an up-and-coming
New York playwright.
3
00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:58,504
Oh, God. Oh God. Oh God! - OH GOD!
4
00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:02,745
That was wonderful.
5
00:01:02,819 --> 00:01:05,583
Things were great
except for one thing.
6
00:01:05,655 --> 00:01:07,589
I'll be right back.
7
00:01:08,925 --> 00:01:10,916
Immediately after sex...
8
00:01:10,994 --> 00:01:13,360
he'd hop out of bed and shower.
9
00:01:26,643 --> 00:01:29,669
- Be right back.
- Night after night, the same thing.
10
00:01:37,287 --> 00:01:38,879
- I'll be right...
- Yeah.
11
00:01:38,955 --> 00:01:41,981
She decided to confront Thomas John
Anderson as soon as he dried off.
12
00:01:47,297 --> 00:01:52,291
- So, what's with the showers?
- What do you mean?
13
00:01:52,369 --> 00:01:54,894
You always get up and shower
right after we're done.
14
00:01:54,971 --> 00:01:57,439
I'm starting to feel like it's me.
15
00:01:57,507 --> 00:02:01,466
No, it's not you.
It's just...
16
00:02:01,544 --> 00:02:04,138
- What?
- It's just a habit I have.
17
00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:07,706
Growing up, the nuns told us
sex was a sin.
18
00:02:07,784 --> 00:02:11,811
So I just got into the habit
of taking a shower after I...
19
00:02:11,888 --> 00:02:13,321
you know, came.
20
00:02:13,390 --> 00:02:14,982
Oh, the nuns.
21
00:02:15,058 --> 00:02:19,154
Miranda suddenly realized
she was dating "Catholic Guy."
22
00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:23,222
So you thing the water serves as
a retro baptism kind of thing?
23
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,234
Beats me. If I'd known
he was Catholic...
24
00:02:25,302 --> 00:02:27,236
I never would've gone out
with him in the first place.
25
00:02:27,304 --> 00:02:30,171
- They should make them wear a sign.
- Single people in New York...
26
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,868
rarely ask about their dates'
religious backgrounds...
27
00:02:32,942 --> 00:02:36,207
for the same reason they don't ask
the number of former sex partners:
28
00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:38,509
- Too scary.
- I mean, he's a rational...
29
00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:41,880
Iogical guy
in every respect but this.
30
00:02:41,951 --> 00:02:44,181
Clean. You forgot clean.
He's a clean guy.
31
00:02:44,254 --> 00:02:48,247
Leave it to me to find the only
religious guy left in Manhattan.
32
00:02:48,325 --> 00:02:51,317
New York is a city
filled with places to worship.
33
00:02:51,394 --> 00:02:53,328
But it recently dawned on me...
34
00:02:53,396 --> 00:02:56,365
the only time I ever heard
anyone mention going into one...
35
00:02:56,433 --> 00:02:58,298
was for a singles mixer.
36
00:02:58,368 --> 00:03:01,599
Are relationships
the religion of the '90s?
37
00:03:02,672 --> 00:03:04,833
Having been raised in the church
of "be nice to people...
38
00:03:04,908 --> 00:03:06,842
and don't talk
with your mouth full,...
39
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:09,401
I decided to check out some more
traditional religious types...
40
00:03:09,479 --> 00:03:11,413
in their natural habitat.
41
00:03:11,481 --> 00:03:14,973
As I watched people leaving church,
I was amazed at how they looked.
42
00:03:15,051 --> 00:03:18,452
Valentino, Escada,
Oscar de la Renta.
43
00:03:18,521 --> 00:03:22,321
What is it about God and fashion
that go so well together?
44
00:03:22,392 --> 00:03:26,123
And suddenly, there he was
wearing Armani on Sunday.
45
00:03:27,097 --> 00:03:28,496
Mr. Big.
46
00:03:29,332 --> 00:03:31,266
I admit it was kind of a shock.
47
00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:34,098
Up until that moment, I thought
he only believed in the Yankees.
48
00:03:41,544 --> 00:03:43,478
Hello there, churchgoer.
49
00:03:45,815 --> 00:03:48,716
- What are you doing here?
- Research.
50
00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:52,243
I'm doing a column on closet
Presbyterians. You know any?
51
00:03:52,322 --> 00:03:55,450
Actually, I'm an atheist,
but don't tell the minister.
52
00:03:56,259 --> 00:03:57,692
Who's the mystery woman?
53
00:03:59,396 --> 00:04:00,363
My mother.
54
00:04:01,731 --> 00:04:04,996
- I take her to church every Sunday.
- Really?
55
00:04:06,069 --> 00:04:09,800
I'm so loving that.
How come you never told me?
56
00:04:09,873 --> 00:04:12,364
Well, you write every Sunday, so...
57
00:04:12,442 --> 00:04:15,878
So every Sunday... church.
58
00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:18,004
Right.
59
00:04:21,451 --> 00:04:23,817
I've got 20 minutes
before my racquetball game.
60
00:04:23,887 --> 00:04:26,355
- Why don't we have coffee?
- I can't. I'm on deadline...
61
00:04:26,423 --> 00:04:29,415
and this cappuccino
just kicked in, so...
62
00:04:30,393 --> 00:04:31,655
So?
63
00:04:36,599 --> 00:04:37,964
God bless.
64
00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:40,161
It was one of those awkward
relationship moments...
65
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,431
where you feel like you know
nothing about the person...
66
00:04:42,505 --> 00:04:45,167
you thought you knew
everything about.
67
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:47,175
He goes to church
with his mother?
68
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,336
- That can't be good.
- Don't listen to her.
69
00:04:49,412 --> 00:04:52,006
A man who cares about mother
makes a wonderful husband.
70
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:54,447
- I think it's sweet.
- All religions are sweet...
71
00:04:54,517 --> 00:04:56,849
until you get to that
shower-after-sex phase.
72
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,185
- Is he still doing that?
- It's amazing he has any skin left.
73
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,986
Have you tried
taking a shower with him?
74
00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:05,186
I'm afraid he'll pull out
garlic and a cross.
75
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:08,128
So, which church
does his mother go to?
76
00:05:08,198 --> 00:05:12,396
- Park Avenue Presbyterian.
- It's one of the best on the East Side.
77
00:05:12,469 --> 00:05:14,937
What, are you rating churches?
Is there a Zagat guide for that?
78
00:05:15,004 --> 00:05:17,905
Four stars, great bread,
disappointing wine selection.
79
00:05:17,974 --> 00:05:21,068
The thing is, I'm dying
to meet his mother.
80
00:05:21,144 --> 00:05:22,509
Can you imagine?
81
00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:25,946
Getting on the good side of his
mother is like closing the deal.
82
00:05:26,015 --> 00:05:28,813
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- It's about time.
83
00:05:28,885 --> 00:05:31,183
I just had a five-hour lunch
with James.
84
00:05:31,254 --> 00:05:33,085
Five-hour lunches.
I remember those.
85
00:05:33,156 --> 00:05:35,886
Ladies, I have an announcement.
86
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,393
- Please don't laugh.
- What?
87
00:05:39,462 --> 00:05:41,521
- I'm in love.
- What?
88
00:05:41,598 --> 00:05:44,226
Samantha uttering
those words to us...
89
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,234
was an event as unfathomable...
90
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:48,998
as Moses parting the Red Sea.
91
00:05:50,473 --> 00:05:52,498
It all started
a couple of weeks ago...
92
00:05:52,575 --> 00:05:55,009
on a particularly blah
Wednesday night.
93
00:05:55,078 --> 00:05:57,808
Samantha decided to treat herself
to a night of great music.
94
00:06:02,252 --> 00:06:04,914
I couldn't help but notice
how you move to the music.
95
00:06:04,988 --> 00:06:07,252
It's beautiful.
96
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,257
Well, I love jazz.
97
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:11,993
That's pretty clear.
98
00:06:12,061 --> 00:06:14,393
Are you a musician?
99
00:06:14,464 --> 00:06:16,091
Yeah.
100
00:06:16,165 --> 00:06:18,292
Trapped in the body of a lawyer.
101
00:06:18,368 --> 00:06:21,166
Well, we won't tell anyone.
102
00:06:22,071 --> 00:06:24,005
May I join you?
103
00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,072
Sure.
104
00:06:31,414 --> 00:06:35,043
After they closed the jazz joint
they walked and talked for blocks.
105
00:06:35,118 --> 00:06:37,552
You have to at least
try one of the glazed.
106
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:39,554
It's a little bit of heaven.
107
00:06:41,925 --> 00:06:45,326
Heavenly.
And I never thought I'd get there.
108
00:06:45,395 --> 00:06:48,364
Why not?
An angel like you?
109
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:54,030
And then Samantha did something
rather shocking for a first date...
110
00:06:54,103 --> 00:06:56,037
she didn't ask him home.
111
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,174
Thanks, James.
112
00:06:59,242 --> 00:07:02,439
I had a wonderful time.
113
00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:04,446
Can I see you again?
114
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,315
I'd love that.
115
00:07:09,686 --> 00:07:12,120
And with that one touch,
Samantha...
116
00:07:12,188 --> 00:07:14,588
who was never a believer
in relationships...
117
00:07:14,657 --> 00:07:16,750
suddenly became a convert.
118
00:07:16,826 --> 00:07:20,455
I'd totally given up on the idea
that you could actually talk to men.
119
00:07:20,530 --> 00:07:22,691
- Don't spread that around.
- Before James...
120
00:07:22,765 --> 00:07:25,700
all my conversations
consisted of two sentences...
121
00:07:25,768 --> 00:07:28,566
"give it to me" and "go home."
122
00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:30,572
And I owe it all to Charlotte.
123
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,803
Me? What did I do?
124
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,810
All that bullshit you spout...
125
00:07:35,878 --> 00:07:38,472
about not sleeping with men
right away actually paid off.
126
00:07:38,548 --> 00:07:42,314
If I'd fucked James already,
who knows where we'd be.
127
00:07:42,385 --> 00:07:44,546
Wait. You haven't had sex yet?
128
00:07:44,621 --> 00:07:45,645
Soon.
129
00:07:46,489 --> 00:07:48,184
You know...
130
00:07:48,257 --> 00:07:50,817
I think he's someone
I could actually marry.
131
00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:54,996
Samantha, that's great.
132
00:07:55,064 --> 00:07:58,500
The idea that Samantha could possibly
get married before she did...
133
00:07:58,568 --> 00:08:01,002
shook Charlotte's beliefs
to the core.
134
00:08:01,070 --> 00:08:03,038
She took some drastic action.
135
00:08:03,106 --> 00:08:05,404
She made an appointment
to see Noanie Stine...
136
00:08:05,475 --> 00:08:08,171
psychic to the stars
and a cosmic connection...
137
00:08:08,244 --> 00:08:11,407
who lived in a brownstone between
Central Park West and Columbus.
138
00:08:11,481 --> 00:08:13,745
- Is this you and Madonna?
- Yeah.
139
00:08:13,816 --> 00:08:16,182
We go to the same Cabala class.
140
00:08:17,954 --> 00:08:19,751
Now...
141
00:08:19,822 --> 00:08:24,054
pick three cards, face down
with your left hand.
142
00:08:24,794 --> 00:08:27,456
Charlotte had heard about Noanie
through a sorority sister...
143
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:30,624
whose marriage she had
very accurately predicted.
144
00:08:32,301 --> 00:08:35,532
Now, is there one question
in particular?
145
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:38,472
Well, no.
146
00:08:38,541 --> 00:08:40,008
Just...
147
00:08:40,076 --> 00:08:42,135
There is.
148
00:08:42,211 --> 00:08:44,145
When will I get married?
149
00:08:47,216 --> 00:08:49,912
"Ace of wands." Prosperity.
150
00:08:51,888 --> 00:08:55,346
"Nine of cups."
Strength and independence.
151
00:08:57,060 --> 00:09:00,461
"The Hanged Man."
A new awakening.
152
00:09:00,530 --> 00:09:03,465
You're a strong,
independent woman...
153
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:06,900
with great success in your future,
but I do not see marriage.
154
00:09:08,738 --> 00:09:11,229
- Excuse me?
- I don't see it.
155
00:09:12,575 --> 00:09:15,339
- What?
- I don't see marriage.
156
00:09:15,411 --> 00:09:19,370
Well, how can you just
say that like that?
157
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:23,844
I mean, what about my feelings?
158
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,378
Honey, I'm a psychic.
I'm not a shrink.
159
00:09:27,457 --> 00:09:29,925
So, who is the fabulous mother
in the hat...
160
00:09:29,992 --> 00:09:33,189
and when do I get to
go to church with you two?
161
00:09:33,262 --> 00:09:35,856
You want to go to church?
162
00:09:35,932 --> 00:09:38,366
You say that like I'm
the antichrist or something.
163
00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:42,828
It's just I never thought of you
as the church type.
164
00:09:42,905 --> 00:09:45,965
Oh, really?
What type am I?
165
00:09:46,042 --> 00:09:49,739
The incredibly beautiful
and intelligent type.
166
00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:53,173
What religion are you?
167
00:09:53,249 --> 00:09:56,844
I'm no one religion in particular.
I'm open to all.
168
00:09:56,919 --> 00:09:59,581
- Kind of like a 7-Eleven?
- Come on.
169
00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:03,648
I want to go to church with you and
your mommy. How about this Sunday?
170
00:10:03,726 --> 00:10:07,560
Well, it's just
a private little thing...
171
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:10,463
my mother and I do,
just the two of us.
172
00:10:18,341 --> 00:10:20,309
You want to go
to the Caribbean next week.
173
00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:22,810
Sure. I'll go pack my jet ski.
174
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:26,144
No, I'm serious.
We could both use a vacation.
175
00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:29,844
The sun, the sand, you and me.
You waiting on me.
176
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:32,786
- Can you get away?
- Yeah, but I can't afford it.
177
00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:35,221
I'll tell you what.
I'll buy the tickets.
178
00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:39,193
When we get to St. Barts,
you can buy me one big margarita.
179
00:10:54,043 --> 00:10:57,103
Wait. I want to hold you.
180
00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:59,648
- I'll be right back.
- Stay here a second.
181
00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:05,680
Isn't this nice? Us together?
182
00:11:05,755 --> 00:11:08,087
Yeah.
183
00:11:08,157 --> 00:11:12,560
I'm just gonna go jump in the shower,
and then, boom, I'm all yours.
184
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:15,222
There's nothing sinful about sex.
185
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,595
Oh, really?
186
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:22,399
Well, thanks for clearing that up.
187
00:11:22,471 --> 00:11:25,167
And what is that?
The gospel according to Miranda?
188
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:27,869
And next you're gonna say
that God made the body...
189
00:11:27,944 --> 00:11:31,004
and if God made the body and sex
is an expression of that body...
190
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,016
how could anything made by that
God-made body be considered sin?
191
00:11:35,084 --> 00:11:36,915
Well, yeah.
192
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,211
It's a miracle! I'm healed!
193
00:11:40,289 --> 00:11:42,223
You're free to go work
with the lepers now.
194
00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:44,225
I guess this means
I'm not going to hell.
195
00:11:44,293 --> 00:11:47,091
Great news! Thank you, Miranda.
196
00:11:47,163 --> 00:11:50,030
Thank you
for saving my immortal soul.
197
00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:51,999
In her effort to help...
198
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:56,368
Miranda had accidentally detonated
some kind of Catholic guilt bomb.
199
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,665
I'm gonna go take a shower.
200
00:11:59,742 --> 00:12:02,506
When I come out, I'd kind
of like it if you weren't here.
201
00:12:03,246 --> 00:12:04,577
You got it.
202
00:12:04,647 --> 00:12:07,411
Six months later,
that exact same speech...
203
00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:09,849
would find its way into
Thomas John Anderson's...
204
00:12:09,919 --> 00:12:12,786
hit Off-Broadway play
Shower of Shame.
205
00:12:15,758 --> 00:12:17,123
Meanwhile, downtown...
206
00:12:17,193 --> 00:12:19,787
Samantha was preparing
to see God.
207
00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:25,800
I know it's only been
a couple of weeks...
208
00:12:25,868 --> 00:12:27,859
but I love you, Samantha.
209
00:12:27,937 --> 00:12:29,871
I love you too.
210
00:12:37,046 --> 00:12:40,015
Oh, honey,
I can't wait any longer.
211
00:12:40,082 --> 00:12:42,778
Just unzip and get over here.
212
00:12:55,231 --> 00:12:57,426
Okay, I'm ready.
213
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,593
Put it in.
214
00:12:59,669 --> 00:13:02,365
It is in.
215
00:13:02,438 --> 00:13:05,874
Samantha said a little prayer
that he was kidding.
216
00:13:05,942 --> 00:13:07,375
He wasn't.
217
00:13:09,478 --> 00:13:14,074
Sunday morning. A time for rest.
A time for relaxation.
218
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:16,516
A time for spying.
219
00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:19,213
The plan was simple.
Just get a look at the mother...
220
00:13:19,288 --> 00:13:21,222
then Miranda and I
would go for eggs.
221
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:24,225
Look at how crowded it is.
What a sham.
222
00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:27,820
Will you lighten up? It's a Presbyterian
church, not a Catholic one.
223
00:13:27,897 --> 00:13:31,389
Catholics, Episcopalian,
Buddhists, Shakers, Quakers.
224
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,163
All the same, all designed
to fuck up our sex lives.
225
00:13:34,236 --> 00:13:35,669
Here, pray.
226
00:13:36,839 --> 00:13:38,238
There they are.
227
00:13:38,307 --> 00:13:40,036
- Where?
- Right there.
228
00:13:40,109 --> 00:13:43,340
As I watched Mr. Big standing
quietly next to his mother...
229
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,306
tall, proud, respectful...
230
00:13:47,383 --> 00:13:50,079
I think I fell a little bit
more in love with him.
231
00:13:50,152 --> 00:13:51,346
Let us pray.
232
00:13:52,455 --> 00:13:55,117
- We come together...
- We're out of here.
233
00:14:08,437 --> 00:14:11,065
Here they come.
Let's make a break for it.
234
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,971
No, they saw me.
I have to say hello.
235
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:15,010
I can't pray and run.
236
00:14:15,077 --> 00:14:16,237
There they are.
237
00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:19,147
Go. I'm fine.
238
00:14:23,552 --> 00:14:25,952
Aren't you the young lady
who made all that noise?
239
00:14:26,022 --> 00:14:28,422
Slippery gloves.
240
00:14:28,491 --> 00:14:30,254
- 'Morning.
- Good morning.
241
00:14:30,326 --> 00:14:33,022
- It's a lovely church.
- Yes, isn't it?
242
00:14:33,095 --> 00:14:37,429
- Don't you think it's lovely?
- Mother, this is my friend Carrie.
243
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,560
I searched her face
looking for the light of recognition.
244
00:14:42,438 --> 00:14:43,871
But there was nothing.
245
00:14:45,674 --> 00:14:48,973
I'm going to say good-bye to the pastor.
It was lovely meeting you.
246
00:14:52,114 --> 00:14:53,479
"My friend Carrie"?
247
00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:55,813
You show up at church
after I asked you not to.
248
00:14:55,885 --> 00:15:00,117
Are you testing me? Why all the
interest in meeting my mother?
249
00:15:00,189 --> 00:15:02,885
- Has she even heard of me?
- She doesn't need to meet...
250
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,357
another girlfriend.
251
00:15:07,596 --> 00:15:09,530
I didn't mean...
252
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,091
I mean...
253
00:15:12,168 --> 00:15:14,966
I'll introduce you
as my girlfriend when I'm sure.
254
00:15:17,106 --> 00:15:21,008
Look, I have to do things
on my time frame.
255
00:15:21,077 --> 00:15:22,601
"Time frame"?
256
00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:24,612
We've been going out for months.
257
00:15:28,451 --> 00:15:31,215
I really don't know
what else to say to you.
258
00:15:31,287 --> 00:15:34,450
We'll get there. You just
have to have a little faith.
259
00:15:34,523 --> 00:15:38,084
- "Faith"?
- Yeah. Look.
260
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,594
In a couple of days we're going on
vacation. We can talk then.
261
00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:42,597
Right now, I've got to get
my mother home. Okay?
262
00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:44,826
Well, go.
263
00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:47,768
Just go.
264
00:16:04,253 --> 00:16:05,686
Move over.
265
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:13,284
I didn't leave.
266
00:16:13,362 --> 00:16:15,762
You didn't seem fine.
267
00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:18,299
He introduced me to his mother
as a friend.
268
00:16:20,402 --> 00:16:23,667
She never heard of me.
269
00:16:23,739 --> 00:16:25,673
That isn't a good sign.
270
00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:30,440
- Maybe they're not that close.
- Don't lie. You're in a church.
271
00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:37,985
I can't get inside.
272
00:16:40,222 --> 00:16:42,281
I don't know what else I can do.
273
00:16:44,793 --> 00:16:47,125
Late that night
in the Church of Disco...
274
00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:49,357
Stanford invited everyone he knew...
275
00:16:49,431 --> 00:16:51,899
to a party to introduce
a new fragrance...
276
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,662
Fallen Angel.
277
00:16:58,707 --> 00:17:00,641
Also, he wanted to show off
his new boyfriend...
278
00:17:00,709 --> 00:17:02,734
Allanne.
279
00:17:04,547 --> 00:17:07,778
Isn't this fun? It's like hell
with a cover charge.
280
00:17:07,850 --> 00:17:10,216
Carrie, this is Allanne.
281
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,880
- Hi. Nice to meet you finally.
- You too.
282
00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:17,687
Did I tell you that Allanne
designed the Fallen Angel bottle?
283
00:17:18,527 --> 00:17:20,085
Yes. Congratulations.
284
00:17:20,162 --> 00:17:23,154
Thank you.
Excuse me for a second.
285
00:17:23,232 --> 00:17:25,257
I just saw someone
I want to say hello to.
286
00:17:30,906 --> 00:17:32,874
You know what we did today?
287
00:17:32,942 --> 00:17:37,811
We shopped for Deco
cabinet handles for his armoire.
288
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,372
I turned into one of those
couples we hate and I'm loving it!
289
00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:44,078
Stanford and Allanne
worshiped the same God...
290
00:17:44,153 --> 00:17:45,745
style.
291
00:17:45,821 --> 00:17:48,984
You all excited for the big vacation?
292
00:17:49,058 --> 00:17:51,322
I don't know.
I can't help feeling...
293
00:17:51,393 --> 00:17:55,124
like it's some sort of consolation prize
for not letting me in his life.
294
00:17:55,197 --> 00:17:57,825
What is going on
with you two?
295
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:01,631
- We're not in the greatest place.
- What happened?
296
00:18:01,704 --> 00:18:04,070
He wouldn't introduce me
to his mother.
297
00:18:08,744 --> 00:18:10,905
Thanks.
298
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:13,073
Skipper. Hi.
299
00:18:13,148 --> 00:18:16,379
It seems Stanford had invited
everyone in his Rolodex.
300
00:18:16,452 --> 00:18:19,080
I was hoping I'd see you here.
301
00:18:19,154 --> 00:18:21,816
I've been totally thinking
about you since we broke up.
302
00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:23,824
- You have?
- Totally.
303
00:18:25,527 --> 00:18:27,188
You look great.
304
00:18:27,263 --> 00:18:30,721
Thanks. So do you.
305
00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:33,199
Miranda looked at Skipper.
306
00:18:33,269 --> 00:18:35,328
The months apart had shed
a new light on him.
307
00:18:35,404 --> 00:18:40,171
Actually, they'd shed a new light
on his shower-free feelings about sex.
308
00:18:40,242 --> 00:18:43,609
Later that night, the three of us
tracked Samantha to the ladies' room...
309
00:18:43,679 --> 00:18:45,943
to get the lowdown
on her love life with James.
310
00:18:46,015 --> 00:18:47,949
Here you are. We've been
looking for you everywhere.
311
00:18:48,017 --> 00:18:51,453
So, how is everything?
312
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,715
She means have you and James
done it yet?
313
00:18:55,557 --> 00:18:56,489
And?
314
00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:01,286
- It's nice.
- I'm so happy for you.
315
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:07,696
Sweetie, what is it?
316
00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,203
Nothing.
317
00:19:14,877 --> 00:19:17,141
What's going on?
Why are you crying?
318
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,604
James has a small dick.
319
00:19:20,783 --> 00:19:24,048
- It's not the end of the world.
- It's really small.
320
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,814
- How small?
- Too small.
321
00:19:25,888 --> 00:19:27,947
- Size isn't everything.
- Three inches?
322
00:19:28,023 --> 00:19:30,082
- Well...
- Hard?
323
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,758
- Is he a good kisser?
- Who the fuck cares?
324
00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:37,731
His dick is like a gherkin!
325
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,769
I feel so terrible.
Listen to me. I'm a bad person.
326
00:19:40,836 --> 00:19:44,203
Don't beat yourself up. You had certain
expectations and you're disappointed.
327
00:19:44,273 --> 00:19:46,207
Why? Why?
328
00:19:46,275 --> 00:19:49,244
Why does he have to have
a small dick?
329
00:19:49,311 --> 00:19:52,280
- I really like him.
- I thought you loved him.
330
00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:56,750
- We've all been there.
- That's for sure.
331
00:19:56,819 --> 00:19:59,947
I was once with a guy the size of one
of those little miniature golf pencils.
332
00:20:00,022 --> 00:20:03,048
Couldn't tell if he was
trying to fuck me or erase me.
333
00:20:05,861 --> 00:20:08,728
I'm sorry. It's just... It's funny.
334
00:20:08,797 --> 00:20:10,731
Let's not lose perspective.
335
00:20:10,799 --> 00:20:14,235
- There are ways to work around this.
- I don't want to.
336
00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:17,363
I love a big dick.
I love it inside of me.
337
00:20:17,439 --> 00:20:20,169
I love looking at it.
I love everything about it.
338
00:20:21,810 --> 00:20:23,334
When I blow him, it's like...
339
00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:26,372
nothing.
340
00:20:27,816 --> 00:20:31,343
- Can you talk to him about it?
- No.
341
00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:34,048
It's the only thing
we can't talk about.
342
00:20:36,492 --> 00:20:41,156
- What am I gonna do?
- How is he with his tongue?
343
00:20:44,733 --> 00:20:48,863
Charlotte left us all behind, telling
us she had another party to go to.
344
00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:54,932
She took a cab to a part of town
never mentioned in the New Yorker.
345
00:20:55,010 --> 00:20:56,534
Will I ever get married?
346
00:20:59,982 --> 00:21:02,382
I call the power of all the saints.
347
00:21:03,118 --> 00:21:05,245
St. Lazarus.
348
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,880
St. Rosa. Send me your guidance.
349
00:21:09,191 --> 00:21:11,125
Send me the truth.
350
00:21:13,829 --> 00:21:15,626
Send me an answer.
351
00:21:26,675 --> 00:21:28,108
No yolk.
352
00:21:28,177 --> 00:21:30,805
What does that mean?
353
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,944
You'll never be married.
354
00:21:35,184 --> 00:21:37,778
You are cursed.
355
00:21:37,853 --> 00:21:42,381
But do not worry.
For $100 dollars, we can remove it.
356
00:21:48,163 --> 00:21:52,429
The entire way home, Charlotte berated
herself for being so foolish.
357
00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:54,435
She simply refused
to give in to the idea...
358
00:21:54,503 --> 00:21:56,403
that she would never get married.
359
00:21:56,472 --> 00:21:57,496
Sorry.
360
00:21:57,573 --> 00:22:00,667
All she had to do was keep
believing, and it would happen.
361
00:22:04,379 --> 00:22:06,609
It was 3:00 a.m.
In the Church of Disco...
362
00:22:06,682 --> 00:22:09,947
and Miranda couldn't believe
what she was about to say.
363
00:22:10,018 --> 00:22:13,476
- You want to spend the night?
- The night? The whole night?
364
00:22:14,690 --> 00:22:17,056
Yeah, the whole night.
365
00:22:20,629 --> 00:22:23,689
- I knew we'd get back together.
- You did?
366
00:22:24,766 --> 00:22:25,994
Yep.
367
00:22:26,068 --> 00:22:30,129
Every night I'd light a candle
and say a little prayer.
368
00:22:30,205 --> 00:22:32,173
You're a freak.
369
00:22:33,542 --> 00:22:37,342
Samantha tried desperately to believe
that love was stronger than sex.
370
00:22:39,214 --> 00:22:41,148
Why are you crying?
371
00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:44,251
I'm just so happy.
372
00:22:49,758 --> 00:22:53,250
I stayed up all night
questioning my faith in faith.
373
00:22:53,328 --> 00:22:56,161
I mean, hadn't I had faith
in us all along?
374
00:23:01,837 --> 00:23:03,930
Faith that all the withholding
would stop.
375
00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:08,468
Faith that he's say "I love you."
376
00:23:08,544 --> 00:23:09,909
Let's go!
377
00:23:09,978 --> 00:23:12,378
Hey, hurry.
We're gonna miss the plane.
378
00:23:13,982 --> 00:23:16,644
Wait, wait.
Put them down a second.
379
00:23:16,718 --> 00:23:18,652
Just put them down.
380
00:23:23,525 --> 00:23:24,719
What?
381
00:23:26,428 --> 00:23:28,726
I need a sign.
382
00:23:28,797 --> 00:23:32,733
I mean, you told me
to have faith, but, see...
383
00:23:32,801 --> 00:23:36,430
I'm kind of losing mine, so...
384
00:23:36,505 --> 00:23:38,439
I need a sign.
385
00:23:38,507 --> 00:23:42,409
What, like in those old religious
movies? A voice from above?
386
00:23:43,378 --> 00:23:44,936
Just tell me I'm the one.
387
00:23:47,382 --> 00:23:50,647
You don't have to tell your mother
or the whole world, just...
388
00:23:53,622 --> 00:23:55,556
Just tell me.
389
00:24:11,206 --> 00:24:13,140
I can't do this.
390
00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:22,045
Just get in the car. Please.
391
00:24:23,251 --> 00:24:24,684
I can't.
392
00:24:26,488 --> 00:24:28,422
I love you, but I can't.
393
00:24:33,962 --> 00:24:35,896
So that's it?
394
00:25:05,327 --> 00:25:07,727
After he left, I cried for a week.
395
00:25:09,931 --> 00:25:12,798
And then I realized I do have faith.
396
00:25:12,868 --> 00:25:15,632
Faith in myself.
397
00:25:15,704 --> 00:25:18,332
Faith that I would one day
meet someone...
398
00:25:18,407 --> 00:25:21,433
who would be sure
that I was the one.
399
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:39,000
Translation And Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
400
00:25:49,000 --> 00:26:53,000
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