All language subtitles for La.Graine.2023.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Let's go see a movie instead.
I think it's best.

Yeah, excellent idea.
Or how about a raclette diner?

- Let's do that!
- Do you have the machine?

Yeah, Sure.
Cut the crap and stay put.

- I have no idea how to do this.
- They won't bite you.

They might but you'll love it.

- Good evening.
- Oh, a comic, welcome.

C'mon! Thank you!

- Another total moron!
- Yeah... One per night, the usual.

Hi precious, how are you?

- Let's go, I'm scared.
- Take it easy.

I love this atmosphere.
C'mon, let's go.

Good evening.

Nope. Sorry...

You guys lost?
Are you looking for the toilets?

No, we're not lost.

We're here to score.

My cousin, not me.

- She's your cousin?
- Yeah...

That's why we're here.

She's one of ours!

Here's your welcoming gift.

It's going to be okay.
We've all been there.

Thanks.

Nice.

I'm not doing all the work!
What's your type?

I don't know!
This is my first time, remember?

You must have an idea?

- Yeah!
- Stay still, she's making a move.

She's making a move?

They're women.
They never make the first move.

- It's going take a while.
- And then it'll speed up.

- In 2 months, they'll move in together.
- Just like that?

That's quick.

Damn it! The only one I like isn't free.

- Nobody's waiting for me.
- I've been waiting for you.

No, hands off, Sabine.

- There you go!
- No, stop it.

Not her, okay.
You got a free drink, stay a bit.

I don't want to!

Sorry.

Can I buy you a drink to make up for it?

That's sweat but she can't make a drink.

I'd get out the mini umbrellas,
but you guys only drink beer.

Nadege, we'll have a Pina Colada.

Ah yeah! Adventurer.

Optimist.
I don't put people in boxes.

- Lucie!
- Your friend is thirsty.

- Can you bring that to Cecile?
- Yeah.

- Are you seeing someone?
- No.

I just ended a long relationship...
With a man.

So, you drank cocktails
in after work bars?

Can't we choose the wrong life anymore?

Yes... but not twice.

Cecile. Let me introduce you to...

Ines.

Yep, goodbye, Ines.

Let's get the hell out of here.

You know what?
Get a cab, I'll be right there.

- A cab...
- Yeah.

There you go.

Trust me, don't drink that.

OK, give me your number,
I have a good memory.

06 23 98 20 12.

You're never gonna to call me.

I can sense great adventures for us.

4 years later...

What are you in for?

- Extortion.
- Funds?

No. Sperm.

What?

Is that the new business?

That didn't exist in my time.
And does it sell well?

A fortune.

So...

Tell me all about it.
I'd like to learn more.

There's nothing to tell.
We wanted a child.

And you were missing something...

THE SEED

A few days earlier...

Hello! I'm Ines.

- Did you find easily?
- Yes, the directions were clear.

We were late due to a street protest.

Oh, I'm sorry. What was it for?

It's for climate, to protest
against the Richard law.

Politicians and syndicates agree.
It's a historical moment.

- Lucie. She's a journalist.
- Hi, nice to meet you.

Hello. Was a journalist...

Now I write articles for luxury perfumes,
they stink but pay well.

- And you?
- Me?

I'm on a prenatal parental leave.

Let me show you the bedroom.

Oh right!

We refreshed the room a bit
since the website picture.

It's only temporary.

I promise.

Here it is!

It looks nothing like the picture at all.

Yes, it's the new feng shui.

I haven't heard of it.

Feel free to use the music box
to fall asleep faster.

It's a bit scary, uh...

Can we bring the beds together?
It's our wedding anniversary.

Congratulations...

I'll let you guys settle in.

They criticized the decoration, again.

They criticized the decoration
of the room.

You did get a little too excited, right?

No. Sorry, if I expected that
the 4th try would work.

We need to put some stuff
in the basement, okay?

Are you out of your mind!

What kind of a message are we sending
to the baby if we undo his room?

To have a baby, we need money.
To have money, we need bookings.

And the comments are starting to
make it obvious that

the "charming room in the heart of Paris"
is now a nursery.

Are they kidding me!
Can you hear that?

- What?
- What!

They're fucking in the baby's room!

- We could too.
- Do I look in the mood

with two perverts next door?

It's like people eating popcorn
in movie theatres.

If you eat some too,
it stops annoying you.

I said no!

It's unfair, if we were heterosexual

you'd be all over me to get pregnant.

No, I really want them to stop.

No! Fuck!

We can't afford bad comments anymore!

- I don't care.
- No, wait a second.

They're done.

- You sure?
- Shh!

That didn't last very long.

Come on...

Come over here...

My little grumpy.

Let's warm up! Ladies...

Sorry...

Who the hell put the bar over there!

It's a challenge to pass between
lesbians and draft beer.

Tom! It's good to finally meet.
I've heard a lot about you.

- Do you know my name?
- No.

That's normal. Your frontal lobe is not
connected to your brain yet.

Thanks, Ines.
Can you avoid traumatizing my stepson?

Okay, I'll handle this.
I'm gifted with kids.

Come here.

You win, man.

- Impressive.
- Yep.

- Where is she?
- There, with the Paris Saint-Germaine.

- Isn't that her ex right here?
- Yeah.

I know we're not supposed
to like her, but she's quite...

She's hot.

No. She looks like a horse.

- Not at all!
- Yes, she does.

Once you see her up close
you'll want to give her an apple.

- Thanks.
- Hey!

I didn't know you liked them depressive.

She's not depressive,
she's just tired, that's all.

And how's your wife going?

Great, she's right there.
Taking care of the kids.

- What kids?
- Well, our kids.

What?

First try. The Scandinavian power.

Ridiculously expensive
but extremely effective.

And how did you call them?

Volvo and Gravlax?

Yeah, not bad. But no.

You're jealous, right?

- Me?
- Yeah.

- Well, no.
- Yes.

Not at all, really.

- I've heard you've been trying too.
- Yeah.

So? Where did you go?

Belgium.

- What?
- In Belgium.

Ah yeah...

Not bad. A parking lot for France.
Good idea.

- How many tries?
- Five.

- How many?
- You're a pain! You need statistics?

I remember when you made fun
of those who couldn't go out

because they didn't have a babysitter.
Maybe it's for the best, right?

You're right. I didn't desire a child.
It really came with true love.

OK, ladies, we're going to start.

- I don't like you either.
- Well, great.

- Yeah, great.
- Girls, we're gonna go.

Heads or tails?

- Heads.
- Heads.

Show some respect, please.
Once again.

Tails.

- Tails.
- Okay, never mind...

So, it's tails.

- Heads.
- Heads, yeah.

Heads.

What happened?

They all had babies?

Look how happy they are.

I want them to die.

I frankly don't get this obsession
you have with kids.

I've had one for six months
and I want to give him back.

Even his mom wants to give him back.
We're exhausted. That's how it is.

He thinks I'm the trash can man.

There's a trash can nearby but no,
here, take my trash.

- Are you done yet?
- I swear you can't even imagine.

It's my right to be a trash can, damn it!

Yeah... Sorry.

When's the next try for trash can life?

- It's imminent.
- Alright.

Wait! This kid has a mom.
Don't steal him!

- It's snack time.
- That's evil, attract him with sweets.

That's kidnapping 101.
Great, doing good.

- Are you hungry?
- Yeah...

Don't worry, it's going to be ok.

Thanks for lending me your car.

My pleasure. But take care of it,
it's my baby.

So, drive slowly and be very careful.

Anyway, I have to take it real slow
for the sake of the nesting.

To make sure everything
stays hooked and such.

Does it really work?

Well, no, it's bullshit.

The train tickets were too expensive.

They warn you at the last minute
you can't anticipate on anything.

- And now we're flat broke.
- Does Ines know?

No, I don't want her to worry.

What happens if it doesn't work?

We'll have to stop for 2 years.

- 2 years?
- Yeah, to save enough money.

She won't be able to wait 2 years.

- I know.
- She'll go insane!

She even tried to steal my son.

- She's not going well.
- I know, thanks, I live with her.

- Don't worry.
- It'll be fine.

- I hope.
- Here she is.

Your vehicle is ready, ma'am.

Perfect air suspension, ultimate comfort
to optimize the... nesting?

Exactly.

- It's still much longer than by train.
- I know.

She convinced you with her theory.

It's the truth. We've failed due to the
Thalys train. That Damn egg killer!

Alright.
Don't do anything crazy, okay?

Relax, we're going to a clinic
in Brussels, not to Ibiza.

- I really miss Ibiza.
- What?

- Nothing. I love you.
- I love you too.

Me too. Time to go! It's a long ride.

C'mon... All in.

All in.

That's weird, we know everybody.

Excuse me, were you here
last time also?

- So, it didn't work for you? Again?
- Lucie!

Yes, we were here.
And it hasn't worked yet.

Conceiving a child is a mystery of life.

It's something we can't control.

It will come when it will come.

If we leave it up to destiny
we won't do much.

Excuse me!

You ok? What are you doing?

The Buddhist monk pissed me off!

This place needs Scandinavian power!
Watch me!

How come they all get pregnant
in Denmark and not here?

I don't get your point.

Belgians are too laid back.
Look around. I can feel it.

In the Nordic countries

They have high standards
and work ethics.

Here in Belgium,
it's compromise land.

Can I help you?

Yes, you can.
We've failed five times

and we need you to review
the whole protocol.

I see you're under
a hormonal stimulation.

No, I'm not!

A woman raises her voice, it's hormones?
She's the one carrying the child.

I see, concerning the protocol,

we will select straws from a donor
who looks like you...

Wait a minute, that's not precise.
Who is "we"?

Who selects the straws? A bartender?

No, it's not a bartender.

It's Mr Peeters,
the director of the clinic.

Mr Peeters?
Never heard of him before. Why?

Because you never asked.

Ok. What does he look like?

It reminds me a story about a doctor
inseminating his own sperm.

- Is that happening here?
- Mr. Peeters would never do that.

If you say so.
Can we meet him now?

No, he's very busy.

With all the money we've spent
he can take time for us.

- I'm sorry he's very busy.
- No, wait...

- Miss Ines Finch?
- Yes, that's us. Let's go.

They're hiding something from us.
I'll be right back.

No, don't do your journalist thing.

I'll be three minutes.
Don't get inseminated, close your legs.

Miss Finch?

- Should we wait for your wife?
- She'll be right there.

It's pretty weird it didn't work before.

- With such a beautiful uterus.
- Yeah, I get that often.

- Huh?
- I get that often.

That's all in.

What the hell are you doing?

Shit!

Oh, fuck, no!

- Hello.
- What's wrong with him?

Stop!

Hi Elodie!
If it fails you're not the problem.

There you go.

Wait!

The ovarian follicle is doing well.
They're ready to be fertilized

and that's perfect.

It's perfect.

- Can you zoom in more?
- No, we can't.

Stop right now!

- What's wrong with you?
- Sorry.

- He dilutes the sperm.
- What?

Him!

Leslie, leave us a moment, please?

Thank you.

- They're really weird.
- Yeah.

Thank you, Leslie.
The door is in front of you. Go now.

As you must've noticed,

- this is a huge misunderstanding.
- You dilute the sperm with water!

It's the procedure to defrost the sperm.
I didn't invent it.

Wrong! I saw tutorials online
so don't bullshit me!

Sorry, I don't understand.

No wonder it doesn't work.
He dilutes the sperm with water!

So, I'm not the problem?

Thanks.
I'm gonna lose her because of you.

I don't have a choice,
that's what you don't understand!

- What do you mean?
- Sperm shortage!

We're out of stock! No one's giving sperm,
and everyone wants it!

- So, at some point comes the rub.
- That's your excuse

for giving false hope
to desperate couples.

The problem is people like you
just can't accept "no".

You put them out the door, they come
back through the window or the chimney.

I'm being stalked by people
who don't want to be on a waiting list.

They even deliver chocolates at my home.

That's not an excuse.

I'm leaking this investigation,
you deserve to go to prison!

Wait a minute!
I'm ovulating like crazy here,

so, don't let me down, okay?

Yeah...

Before we report you,
I want your best sperm right now.

But I don't have any.

You diluted everything?

Yeah.

You don't have anything pure?

No. Well... Yes, but it's...

But what?

I have excellent sperm left, but...

- Great!
- ...it comes from donors who...

... are dead.

- You take sperm from corpses!
- No, not that, I...

You're jumping to conclusions.
One of my colleagues

has retired and closed down his hospital

and he sold his semen to me.

- Is that good sperm quality?
- Excellent quality.

I don't want sperm from a dead donor!
I have my limits!

But if it's well-kept,
It's better than this old pastis.

- It's well-kept.
- It's weird!

It means that it's somebody
from another time, like the 50s,

he must be paternalistic,
racist and homophobic.

Can homophobia be
genetically transmitted?

Impossible.

Listen, I have nothing else to offer.
Take it or leave it.

You're going down, Mr Peeters.
That's it.

Give me a second. I need to
think this through. I'm a fast thinker.

I have something that might help you.

But If I do not a word about
what was said here.

No, impossible, it's unethical.
I'm a journalist, so...

- What do you have in mind?
- What? No!

Yes, we said all in.

Okay, but this is outrageous.

I'm ovulating for 48 hours.

That's fantastic.

What's your plan to avoid the headline:
the sperm scam of the century?

- I'll give you a sperm donor right now.
- That's not enough.

We want the best sperm of Belgium.

You'll get the best sperm of Belgium.

This being said, what is good sperm?
Sperm is sperm.

No. The best sperm will be the one

who gets my test positive in 10 days
with four blinking bars.

It hasn't fallen on deaf ears.

- Great.
- We'll go straight to the source.

CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF LOUVAIN

That's the source?

You'd prefer a prison maybe?

I didn't say that.

Girls, I'll tell you secret.

In my field, I've been compared
to Mr. Coffee.

For two reasons.

The first: we both have
the same conception of life.

I want what's best for my clients.

Just like him. For his coffee,
he wants the best grains.

It's out of the question to work on
broken or dehydrated grains.

I want the same thing. I want quality,

over-quality even premium-quality.

The best of the best, the holy grail.
You'll find it here.

This place is a five-star sperm bank.

It's quality sperm, well-educated,

it's good-family and vigorous sperm.
This sperm knows where it's going!

Before you dilute it.

Well, technically expresso or lungo

the quality stays the same.

You need to understand that.

- Hi.
- What's up?

Look, it's the guy from the clinic.

Stop holding hands, girls,
we don't need this kind of attention.

Hello! How's it going?

Everything ok?

Here's the sperm hunter!

Did you find guys to choke the chicken?

Start finding your wiener first
and we'll talk after.

I don't feel enthusiasm.

That's not the point.
The problem is

they're daddy's boys.
We want scholarship students.

You should look at the shoes.

You can tell a lot with a pair of shoes.

Look.

Hi Norbert!

Still not interested by a free check-up
at the clinic?

Would help for a sports guy like you.

And you could afford more
than junk for lunch.

No, thank you, Mr Peeters,
I don't feel like jerking off in a cup.

That's what you do every day at home.

Yeah, at home, not in a cup.

Let's continue our little tour.

Antonin!

- Michel! How are you?
- Alright, boss.

- What can I get you?
- I'll have a Submachine Gun

with a spicy samurai sauce. There.

He made me hungry.

- You'll have some too, right, girls?
- No.

- You can share one for two.
- No.

- It's on me.
- No!

Make it large fries for them,
and put the sauce on the side.

We want one bicki, one samurai,
one barbecue, one andalouse,

and the dallas double dose.

Okay, coming right up.

Get someone to replace you 5 minutes.
I need to talk to you.

Alright, no problem.

Tell me.

I wanted to officially tell you

that you're going to integrate
the clinic's program.

- Really?
- It's official.

But before, I need you to help my friends.

Sure, no problem.
I'm entering the clinic's program?

- It's official.
- I've been waiting this for so long!

Bye-bye reaking fries.

Why has he been waiting for so long?
I thought you were out of stock.

It's due to administrative procedures

which are extremely long in our sector.

And my spermiogram wasn't good.

It's good you tried again.
I was sure it was a mistake.

I don't keep my phone next to my balls,
I eat organic

and I never wear tights
or synthetic underwear.

Anyway, I'd say...

Setting us up with a loser, seriously?

You don't want us to have a child?

We are out of sperm!
In what language do I have to speak?

Bullshit! Sperm is everywhere!

A man produces between 100 and 200
million spermatozoids per day.

So just around us, there must be
a billion of them.

So, stop telling me there's no stock.

Exactly.

- Where's your student bar?
- Just over there.

C'mon, Lucie, let's go!

Yeah... I really need to get drunk.

- To find a donor.
- Of course.

- Who's going to bring me home?
- Wait for us in the car.

- We won't be long.
- Yeah, you wish!

Where did you find these two?

You're a real champ!

Say hello to the spermatozoids.

Let's split or we'll scare them off.

Are you okay?

I'm the one scared now.

I'll take this one, he looks like you.

- Not even close.
- Yes, he does!

No.

No, I'm sorry, it's impossible

to want kids in a world
where everything is collapsing.

You want a child to experience
the end of the world?

Humans, resources.
More humans meaning less resources.

What do we do without resources?

I'm not against it,
but I'm totally drunk, so...

Getting it up seems complicated.

We could do it on a weekend
or a morning very quickly...

But on a Monday.

‘Cause from Tuesday on I drink.

So, you're not the mother?
I mean, the real mother.

How's the baby going to call you?

Since... Will it be Madame?

It might be better if I'm the father.

No, you don't need to.

How will you do on Father's Day?

I jumped off the bridge, just like that.

- Oh no!
- Yeah.

- Lucie! He agrees!
- To do what?

To be our donor.

Oh yeah...
Because it's you, he agrees.

You can watch, if you want.

- Watch what?
- The intercourse.

- What?
- He means the donation.

For there to be a donation,
there must be an intercourse.

There may be...

But we don't have to.

- Absolutely not!
- No? How do we do it then?

- You come with us to the clinic!
- No, that's a pain.

I have a room just around the corner,
so we can go there chill,

we do our thing,
bam and that's it.

Bam...
Wait a minute, you didn't get it.

She's a lesbian.
She doesn't sleep with men.

You're really lesbian?

What did you tell him?

Not even in a pot of jam?
You don't need to come to the clinic

- and it's done.
- What's the plan here? Seriously?

You want my sperm right in the middle
of the MeToo era,

and the hashtag “squeal on your pig”,
“Not All Men”, yeah actually, all men!

What if you accuse me of rape?
With my DNA all over the place?

You said yes for sex without condoms.

I did, yes.
But that's worth taking the risk.

Take a look around. Only fishwives!
A real livestock farming!

- Alright, let's go.
- No, he's just kidding.

- No, he's not.
- Ladies...

- Yes, I was just kidding.
- Shh...

Really disappointing!

He looked like you...

So?

Who gets cute falls into the choucroute.

I did my part of the job here.
I'd like to go home now.

You're not going anywhere.

If you leave, we go to the cops
and it's over for you.

Meeting the donors is too disappointing.

I want to go back to a proper clinic
with vials and numbers, so, let's go.

It's 5pm now.
There's nothing more I can do.

I could find you a hotel or a campsite,
but that's all.

No. We stay with you.

- We can sleep at your place.
- No, that's impossible.

- Why is that?
- Because... What will my wife say?

You don't seem to understand.

Your wife is the smallest
of your problems right now.

If I agree to do it,

there's one prerequisite.

Regarding the incident
earlier this afternoon...

- We burry it forever, okay?
- Promise.

- Promise?
- Hum.

Promise. There we go.

- Promise?
- Yeah, it's...

That's all we have. Changing clinics
means a setback of a year.

One more dirty trick and I take him down.

What?

Nothing...

Alright already...

There, the white portal on the right.

Nice house you bought
with all our failures.

It's not a castle either.

I sure hope not. I hate royalty,
they're mean people.

I would point out to you
that there were no failures

before all of France came to Belgium
to get inseminated.

It's not my fault French people
take 15 years to vote laws.

Belgians are pioneer for sure.

Yes, we're pioneers.
Same-sex marriage in 2003.

Assisted Reproductive Technology
for lesbians in 2007.

Just saying, not here to judge.

Your laws pass easily here,
you don't have a government!

We don't have people

hitting the streets systematically
to protest each time they disagree.

"My rights and my freedom
and this and that..."

That's typically French, I'm sorry.

- We all think that.
- We are not bootlickers at least.

- Right?
- I'm no bootlicker either.

Alright, shall we go?

What are you gonna say to your wife?

I'll do the talking.
She likes me on my pedestal.

- Daddy!
- My darlings!

What's up? Calm down!

Hey little scoundrel!

- Who are they?
- It's nothing, just friends.

Mom, Dad's home.
Come we finish the game.

- I'm here, Poppet!
- Me too!

- Hello.
- Hi.

- This is Ines and Lucie.
- Ines, Lucie.

Nice to meet you, Ines, Lucie.

I forgot to tell you about it.

I created a new VIP program
at the clinic.

That's great! What is it?

Uh... How to explain this...

It's not really easy to explain
in just a few words.

It's a sort of a hosting platform

for our clients
to stay with the inhabitant.

- Great!
- To really make...

And who will they be staying with?

I was thinking, for VIP's,
of our home sweet home.

- Woah!
- If you agree, of course.

Yes, of course! Welcome.

- Thank you.
- Good choice choosing the VIP program.

- We'll take good care of you.
- It's true.

Cookie, check in the spare room
if there's everything they'll need.

Put some bottles of water
on the night tables, towels...

I'll add two more plates for dinner.

- I hope you like "chicon"?
- Yeah...

Have a seat in the living room.
I'll be right back.

- Spare room.
- Cookie.

What is "chicon"?

This is very pink.

Are you sleeping here?

- Yes.
- Will you read me a story?

With pleasure.

- What's your name?
- Max.

- And you?
- Adrien.

- Will you show me your room?
- Yes!

Let's go!

Melted cheese is amazing.

Try it.

Tell me about this VIP program.
What did you set up?

Did the Flemish clinic inspire you?

Hell no!

Oh dear, excuse him.

It's still hard on him,
but his right-hand man

got poached by this clinic
a few months ago.

It's a shame. These people
shitted in my pipe literally.

His departure wasn't against you,

it's hard to say but
he got an offer he couldn't refuse.

Oh! There we go?

- Mom, it slipped!
- It's okay, Sweetie.

Please forgive him,
he's still in the learning process.

He must experiment to be independent.

No problem.

You could cut it for him.

No. He needs to be independent.

- Is that Flemish clinic good?
- No, it's fucking crap, really.

Cookie, I've already told you
"ego is not your amigo".

It's a great clinic.
It's Michel's big competitor,

but not as good, of course.

I'd say different,

less familiar, more at the cutting edge.

What do you know?

You work in reproductive technology now?

No, but I still talk to Charles.

I can't believe it.

He keeps calling me
for you to forgive him.

You're a sell-out.

Anyone else wants "chicon"?

No, not after such a treason.

No, thank you.

Good. Keep some space for dessert,
a delicious "dame blanche".

- Great!
- Yes, "dame blanche"!

Help me out, boys.

Don't even think about it.

Oh yes, we're thinking about it.

No.

It's a definite no.

Look at this new rich clinic.

Money, money.
That's all they think about.

Who puts palm trees in Belgium!
What a disgrace.

Michel! How nice to see you!

Please, don't overdo it.

Oh, Michel...

- Hi, ladies.
- Hello.

Hello.

I still got the knife stuck in my back.

I can't even sit on a chair.

It drives the knife deeper.

I have to sit on stools.
Because of you.

- I hope you're happy.
- Stop it.

I feel so bad that I hurt you.

And how's the clinic? Still the King?

Oh yeah, it's going great.

- We're entering the stock market.
- Great news! So are we!

Congrats.

Well... we're not. You are?

Yes.

Sorry to interrupt this intense
homecoming reunion, but...

Yes, sorry.
Thanks for trusting me with your niece.

I had no choice.
I don't want family drama.

Thank you, uncle,
for taking such good care of me.

Let's go, then.

- Michel, are you coming?
- No, I'm sure you stole all my ideas.

I don't want to see. I'll wait here.

Go ahead.

Follow me.

"Follow me"...

I feel poor, is that normal?

I'll leave you with our hostess
She'll take you to your advisor.

Thanks. Is there any nurses
in here, with white blouses

and posters about endometriosis
for example?

We avoid everything too medical
to focus on pleasure instead.

Good job.

I must return to the lab.
Call me if you need anything.

- Thank you very much.
- My pleasure.

Hello, my name is Anja and
I'll be in charge of you today.

Do you want to leave your coats?

- No.
- Yes.

Thanks. I can offer you
a Maca-based herbal tea from Peru.

It's a plant coming from South America
with fertilizing properties.

- No, I'm fine.
- Maybe later.

Alright. Here's a refreshing towel

with rose hydrolat from Damascus.

Yes... So, this is a spa.

We're in a hurry. Can we see
the person in charge of inseminations?

Yes, of course.

Thanks.

Follow me.

What the fuck is this guy...
Give me a break.

Here's your welcome cocktail.

How indecent.

Where is the respect?

That's crazy.

So, who's bearing the child?

- It's me.
- Great choice.

It could've been me,
we're almost the same age.

I wasn't thinking age.

Have you seen our online catalogue?

No, we didn't know there was one.

Usually, we're being promised
a donor who looks like me.

- That's what you want?
- Yes.

Yes, that he looks like Lucie.

But he will never look like Lucie.

Babies always look like their dads

so they wouldn't get killed by them.

To reassure them about their manhood,
my wife didn't fuck someone else.

Lucie, you won't kill your baby
if he doesn't look like you.

Of course not!
Seeing the price it cost!

Since you have no idea, the best program
for you is "Celebrity lookalike".

- Celebrity lookalike.
- What's that?

We have a lookalike specialist
who matches donors with celebrities.

Do you have Brad Pitt?

Why Brad Pitt?

Because he looks like you.

Yeah, true... The eyes and...

Of course, we have him.

There.

Sorry, but that's "Brad Puke".

That's really rude.

Of course, it's not a carbon copy,
but they have the same jaw.

We're not choosing a donor
according to his jaw, that's nonsense!

Sorry, it's just new to us.

Let me know when you know what you want.

Listen, it's very simple...

We want a healthy donor
no taller than six feet and a half,

whose ancestors don't carry trauma's
from generation to generation.

Especially not a Scorpio.
Blond with blue eyes is perfect.

You see when you want!
I can work with that.

So... he was just bought...

He... No, he won't do...

This one took 5 minutes and a half.

- That's fast.
- Yes.

- I have a perfect one!
- Really?

But we're almost out,
he's selling like hotcakes. Look.

His picture...

His curriculum, a handwritten letter,

plus your child can meet him
when he comes of age. You want him?

Hurry up, he can be bought online!

Yes, we want him, straight away!

Put him in the shopping cart!
No one can take him, right?

You have to pay quickly.

- He's in the shopping cart?
- Yes, for the next 5 minutes.

Alright! Give her our card.

Yes, but we don't even know
how much it costs.

It's a minimum of two shots,
so that'll be 8000.

The counselling is a gift
because you're Charles' friends.

The insemination procedure
will cost you 2000 euros extras,

which makes us a total of
10 000 euros. I also accept cash.

10 000 euros?

- The price of quality.
- Alright, I got that.

This is super expensive!

All in!

Your code, please?

- The code?
- Yeah right.

- He is still in the shopping cart?
- Yes.

Alright. How much time have we left?

4 minutes 15 seconds.

3712.

Thank you.

Card declined.

- I thought we had another try?
- Yes...

At H&M, not at Dior.

Do something.

I'll call someone.

Is he still in the shopping cart?

Hey! What you're doing? Come here!

No answer.

- Can we pay in ten times?
- We don't do credit.

- Do you take social security card?
- I don't know what that is.

- So, you can't do anything?
- Yes I can.

I can also take American Express.

Your talkie-walkie doesn't give you
the right to mistreat me!

It's vulgar violence!

Mr. Peeters, so we meet again!

Next time, make sure to find
more convincing spies.

It's obvious they don't want a child.

- What?
- Don't worry about me.

- Next time, I won't be sending you spies!
- Then what?

You'll see.

- I will...
- I'm sorry.

You're hurting me.

- Your donor was just bought online.
- No!

I'm leaving because I decided to leave!
You rotten low level asses!

You're out of your mind!

- You didn't get what you want?
- Not even close!

- It's too expensive.
- Stop saying it's because of money!

- So, what is it then?
- Look at yourself!

Nobody is good enough,
there's always something!

It's hard enough!

It's not because it's difficult
that we should accept anything!

This clinic is scandalous!

They're playing on people's fears
to justify its disgusting eugenics!

- For once I agree with Mr. Peeters.
- Stop hiding behind your morals!

- Each time we fail you seem relieved.
- That's not true!

Yes, it is! You're scared.
You see a donor and you freak out!

Even a picture or a resume scares you.

I feel oppressed.

So, is it done?
Nature is doing its work?

Nature is a total bitch.

Thanks for everything, Mrs. Peeters,
but we're leaving.

No, I counted you for lunch.

That's very kind,
but we're not hungry.

Yes, you are. Help me out,
you're not leaving on an empty stomach.

- What can I do to help?
- Who cares about the food.

Tell me, what's happening?

- What do you mean?
- Don't take me for a fool.

My husband has not been himself,
for months now.

Your wife doesn't look very well.
What's going on?

It's been complicated,
we lost the donor.

What do you mean?

It's a long story.
It's not your husband's fault.

We thought we could replace him,
with the waiting lists and all...

There's no more stock, right?

Yes.

I knew it! Michel doesn't talk to me.
Always staying on his pedestal.

I knew something was wrong.
He can't sleep, he hardly eats.

He's so generous.
He hates letting people down.

But without a mobilization
from public authorities

and a strong campaign
for sperm donations,

he can't make it.

Yes, that's right.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

Things are pretty tense with Ines.
She thinks I'm afraid of donors.

- Is it true?
- No, not at all.

He can't take my place anyways.

The child, however, it's another story.

She has such a strong desire for it.

I fear she'll stop caring about me,
even that I'll disappear.

It'll change everything. But your love
will grow even stronger, believe me.

She reminds me of myself
when I was young.

I wanted a child so badly.

Follow me, I'm missing something.

Every month, I was desperate
when my periods came.

Yet I did everything right.

The gynecologist's analysis was good.

And we were going at it...

When I tried to tell him
he might be the problem,

I knew I wouldn't get anywhere.

It was impossible for him to accept.

I knew he wouldn't succeed at his job
if he knew he was sterile.

He'd never have this career.

It all became very difficult.

It was all about that.

Tensions, disappointments, fighting.

I cried a lot.

I even considered leaving him.

That's what I don't want to happen.

When a friend came to me
with the name of someone

who helped women like me.

Anyways,
that's how I became a mother

and stayed with Michel,
the man of my life.

Ines!

Ines, wake up!

Where are you going, Adrien?

Where the king goes alone.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not telling you
about the money.

Sorry I yelled at you.
I can't even earn a living.

The dodgy Airbnb thing
pays as much as my articles.

Maybe...

I'm tired, Lucie.

I know.

- I have a solution.
- You do?

- Which one?
- See those wonders, Max and Adrien?

Don't tell me Mr. Peeters
offered his sperm!

Are you out of your mind?
Not at all!

Because they're not his.

He's sterile.

Mrs. Peeters said she made them
with a sort of a Robin Hood.

Yes!

But Robin Hood stole from the rich
to give to the poor.

He's loaded and he gives to the poor.

- For free.
- For free?

- Why does he do that?
- I don't know.

- To fight injustice.
- Is he still alive?

Yes, he's still active.
He's six years older.

He must have a hundred kids.

What do we care!
We don't live in Brussels.

I have a good feeling
About this Robin Hood.

Is it ok with your morals and ethics?

You won't act like a journalist?

I just resigned.

And I'm officially announcing

I'm giving up my morals and ethics.

Are we okay?

Does Mr. Peeters know?

Don't know.
He freaks me out with his axe.

It was bullshit at the clinic the

"killing kid that is not my own thing".

- You okay, Dad?
- I'm fine.

- I love you, my son.
- I love you too, Dad.

What are you waiting for?
Go ahead, you won't find better!

Excuse me, is the classroom upstairs?

- Yes, it's upstairs.
- Okay, thanks.

Perfect. Slowly, at your own rhythm...

- Look, it's him.
- Sit back up.

- How do you know?
- He's wearing tights like Robin Hood.

Sit up and take a deep breath.

Let's go.

And release.

Namaste.

- Thanks, Bo.
- See you next week.

- Excuse me... Hello.
- Hi.

Are you Bo?

Yes.

Cool. We've heard about you.

That's nice.

Since you're Robin Hood

and we are poor.

Really poor.

It is for a donation?

- Yes!
- There!

Alright.

You want to be mothers, right?

- Yes.
- Fantastic.

It's the best job in the world.
You know that?

- Yes...
- That's what people say and it's true.

It's a lot of work.

But the feeling of it...

It's...

Small creatures who love you.

Nice.

Because they're small at first
and then...

They grow up.

It's incredible. Bravo.

- How does it work?
- Yeah...

You see Happy, my assistant.
You say:

"I want an appointment, Happy."

- It's urgent now.
- We have to do it now.

It's a present desire?

You go see Happy and say:

“Happy, it's urgent."

You tell him, "Happy...

it's urgent."

"It's now, Happy, it's now."

Yeah, just like that?

You can't miss him.
He's at the herbal tea bar.

- Alright, great!
- Thanks.

Congrats.

You're doing a wonderful thing.

Are you Happy?

Yeah and you?

I am Happy.

Hi, Happy. Happy too.

It's urgent.
We need a donation from Bo today.

Today is not possible.

- In the evening then.
- Not possible.

You know, Bo is not a machine.

Sure, but he just said yes.

Bo says yes to everybody,
That's why he hired me.

So...

The soonest I have for you

would be November 3rd.

Are you kidding me?

I never laugh, except when
I practice laughter yoga.

Bo said okay for today.
It's an emergency.

Bo doesn't know his schedule.

I'm his schedule, understand?

The next time slot is November 3rd.

Chiron will be in Aries

and the gibbous moon will be in decay,
That's a great date.

Who cares!
Can't we get a time slot for today?

Sorry but that's impossible.

He's busy with Premium Plus members.
There's nothing I can do.

What's this Premium Plus bullshit?
We need to pay, is that it?

No, are you kidding? Of course not.

No, with Bo, it's free.
But they're regulars, you know?

I want to see Bo right now.

He went for tea at his parents' house.

He went through the staff entrance.
Missed him by a hair.

- Then call him?
- I can't, I'm sorry.

You don't have the Privilege card.

So, you don't have access
to his cell phone number.

What's that Privilege card now?

Are you interested with November 3rd?

I'm starting to get demands.

Never mind, forget it.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I don't know that feeling.

I'm warning you we're not giving up.

I'm tired of all these people.

But you liked Bo, right?

Yes. He was pretty kind.

- No one is taking our dream.
- Our dream?

Yes, our dream.

Let me search for his parents' address.

Piece of cake.

What?

Nothing, I found it.

- Let's go?
- Yeah.

Let's go.

Where is it?

- The countryside.
- Like a farm?

That's it. A big farm.

That's a chic farm.

You know, with the support
from the EU nowadays,

farmers get big amounts of money.

- Stop your bullshit, it's a castle.
- You think so?

- Hello?
- Hi, it's Amazon. I have a delivery.

It's gonna be fine.

- I have a bad feeling.
- Don't show it.

Aristocrats are like horses,
they can smell fear.

It's gonna be fine.

Who are you?

Leonora, it's okay.
I'll take care of it.

Go get lost.
Go play in the attic.

What?

- We met at the studio earlier.
- Why are you here?

For the donation.

- What? No way.
- Baudouin, what about the drinks?

I'm coming, mama!
They don't know what I do. Go!

- Your name is Baudouin?
- Yes.

You have kids all over Belgium
and they don't know?

You must leave right now.

- Hello, Ladies.
- Hello, Madam.

Baudouin, introduce me.

Absolutely... Yes...

Well... Mama.

- Very pleased.
- Pleased to meet you. I'm Lucie.

- Very pleased.
- I'm Baudouin's girlfriend.

And this is Ines

who came to visit me.
She's my cousin.

His girlfriend? Please, come in,
What are you doing outside?

No. She just brought me a paper.
Thank you, lovey-dovey, really.

Baudouin, please, who raised you!
Who raised you?

- Please, enter, ladies.
- Thank you.

Yes, lovey-dovey.
He's shy, that's why.

Thank you.

We are so happy to meet you, Lucie.

Baudouin, you mysterious boy.

We wanted to be discreet.
We're not married yet.

You sound so traditional, how cute!

- Are you French?
- Yes.

That's why.

They're still so uptight in the ass.

Bigger royalists
than the king they don't have.

Mama, don't act cool.
You're obsessed with your lineage.

No, I'm not.

Daphne, please have some charcuterie.

No, that's enough!
She gained 10 pounds and cellulite

with this "how to have a boy" diet.
It's not working as you can see.

Baudouin, I need grandchildren.

Boys preferably.
To perpetuate our family name.

She's right, Baudouin.
Your mom needs grandchildren.

Why did we invite lesbians
at Granny's birthday?

Leonora, please!

It's not because they wear big shoes
that they are lesbians.

Darling?
Can I see you in private, please?

Of course, lovey-dovey.

You'll have grandchildren soon enough.

I hope you like charcuterie, Lucie.

You are out of your mind!

That's your assistant's fault.
He bullshitted us. We can't wait!

I'm grateful,
he keeps crazy women like you away.

I'm not crazy, I'm desperate.

So, you get the right to come here
and lie to my mom?

- I'm calling the police.
- No, seriously...

I beg you! Mrs. Peeters told us
that you were an amazing man.

A Saint!

- She said that?
- Yeah.

- She didn't say that.
- Yes, she did.

- Alright, go on.
- Godlike.

There. A God almighty.

More?

The galaxy. You...

- Yeah...
- Yes.

She even said, "It's God."

- She said, "It's God"?
- Yeah. Word for word.

Yes.

Yes, but... God... in my own way.

- In my own way, it's true.
- Exactly.

Alright, I'll do it.
Only because I like Mrs. Peeters.

But once it's done,
you get the hell out, alright?

Thank you.

Thank you!

So, Baudouin is dating your cousin?

Yes.

That's funny, because Leonora
always had an excellent gay-dar.

- Right, honey?
- Yes.

I am never wrong.

What's a gay-dar?

- That's a radar for gays, dad.
- Oh, that's handy!

What I need is a deer-dar.

You know what a deer looks like.
It doesn't pretend to be a doe.

But the radar would find it.

To get it out of the woods.

What's this obsession with gay people?

On my birthday, on top of things.

- Talk about war while you're at it.
- You're right, mama.

Let's talk about something joyful.
Baudouin is finally back on track!

Lucie seems nice.
A bit short, but...

She's hungry.

Who wants to come to feed the dogs?

- Me!
- Alright! Let's go, little minxes!

No, dad, they'll lose a hand
for heaven's sake!

And you? Are you coming, Ines?

That's kind, but I love my hands.

What a surprise.

That's a shame.

Please excuse me,
I'm just going to check on them.

No, leave them alone.

You're right.
I'll go to the restroom instead.

Yes, that's better.

Leonora will show you.

A gay-dar.

It's right here.

What is it, Leonora?

Nothing.
The lady said to leave her alone

and she locked herself up
in Baudouin's room.

She said the word "threesome"
and the letters S and M.

S and M, or B, D, S, M?
Focus, Leonora, it's important.

Don't worry, my darling.
I will go for them.

But when I'm back,
I want you to take care of

my birthday cake and my gifts.

C'mon, Bo. You're driving me crazy!
You turn me on!

You're so handsome, Bo!
You are the God!

Yes, it's so good! I love it!

No one has ever done that!
It's so good!

Oh! You're...

- What the fuck!
- Close the door!

We have a soldier problem!

What? It's not easy to get it up
when I'm being forced.

Forced?

No, it's just his mom is downstairs.

So, I'm helping out.

Because we're on Granny's bed.

With Grandpa watching.

You think it's easy?

It's a matter of seconds.
Let him do his thing.

After, we jump out the window
and get out of here.

You're out of your mind.

The whole family is downstairs,
there's the dog, the guns...

You can't do that.

Stop talking about his family.
That's precisely why...

Anyways, let's get back at it.

What about porn?

What's your thing? Pregnant women?

That's disgusting!
What's your problem?

No, what's your problem?
You told me to give up my morals.

So, it's all or nothing? That's insane,
We need your morals back.

Not a chance,
we've never been this close!

That's good. Keep going.
Keep fighting, it turns me on.

- It's working.
- Shut up!

Look at yourself.
We have to stop this.

- No, this is all in.
- It's nothing but a loser.

- It's all in yes.
- What will we tell the child?

That we milked a poor guy
like some vulgar cow?

That's not good for the child's karma!

Karma? Says the girl ready to sleep
with some college guy!

College, yeah, that's good...

- Stop being jealous!
- I'm not jealous!

I am sick of your moods
and your hormones!

- My hormones!
- Hormones, yes!

Baudouin?

Mama!

- Go get a squeegee!
- Mama!

- You killed mama?
- No, she just passed out.

- We really need a squeegee now!
- Dad, thieves!

Thieves!

Fuck, Lucie!

Mama!

Dad!

This way, dogs!

Here they are!

Dyke hunt!

So, if I got this right,
you needed a squeegee?

All of this is a real love killer.

You should take a cat.

The real love killer is to sacrifice
everything for someone

who considers you less than a baby
who doesn't exist yet.

Seriously, reconsider the cat idea.

You two crazies from the castle
are free to go.

- You okay?
- Great.

Is this what you call a round-trip?

What going on?

So, I'm your valet now?

Great flat. Pretty room, perfect
for a naughty romantic getaway.

You know why it's not working?

The story will never work for you.

Because it's not what
your parents told you.

And frankly, your princess story,

conceived under an olive tree
in the south, under the moonlight.

That's probably not true.

Your parents are like anyone else.

They were drunk on the hood of a car
outside a nightclub.

Grow up for God's sake!

I'll stop oppressing you.

Hi.

- You want a white discharge?
- Make it three.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

- Cleaning up.
- Spermatozoids live for 30 minutes.

- I'm not a psychopath.
- I don't know.

I said not to do anything crazy!
And it all ends up in jail.

- It's not my fault. She has no respect.
- No. That's not the Lucie I know.

- You're defending her now?
- No, I'm not.

When you left, Lucie would've done
anything to have this kid.

It's too hard, I can pass on a fairy tale
but all I get is war.

I'm fed up with you.
Yes, it hurts!

I don't know how to help you,
but that's how it is.

When you're at war you don't
get rid of your best lieutenant.

When you go up north
you don't dodge your sherpa.

- In a storm, you keep the pilot!
- Okay, I got it!

Hear me out.
You're ruining your life for a kid.

Look at yourself.

You stopped having a life.

You're out of a job.
You stopped building anything.

You're losing the woman of your life.

I get it, you can leave now.
I ruined everything.

No, I'm not going anywhere.
I will never give up on you.

Stop self-sabotaging.
Move on with your life.

Where is the bravest girl I've ever met?

And where is Lucie?

I don't know.

Where could a desperate lesbian go
on a Saturday night,

Who thinks her wife will love
an unborn baby more than her?

- Hi, Ines.
- Hey. Is she here?

Yes, she's here. Come in.

Wait, it's way too crowded.

Code red.

Code black shit.

What the hell? Why is Lucie
with Camilla Parker Bowles?

- I screwed up.
- I'm still available.

Still no, Sabine.

- Turn the music down.
- You sure?

Yeah.

Excuse me, I have a message.

I don't know if there're
any lesbians in the room.

This is not easy.

We deconstruct ourselves,
we reconstruct ourselves...

But never forget
that we do it all for love.

I'm telling you this because...

I love a person so much
I wanted us to be a family.

The system crushed us to the point

that I forgot that love initiated
the whole quest in the first place.

And...

That person is here tonight.

I want to ask her to forgive me.

And as it's us two above all,

I want to ask her if she'd marry me.

It's a yes!

Dyke drama.

The best drama.

Excuse me...

For those who don't know me,
I'm William,

the best man and cousin of Ines.

Lucie, well done.

So, Lucie, Ines, I'm so happy

to be with you and to share
this quite magical moment,

celebrating your love, it's nice.

Ines, I was always
extremely jealous of you

and your capacity to make decisions,
not always easy ones,

never giving up on happiness.

Jealous of this extraordinary world
that Lesbistan is.

Jealous that you found your queen,

that you abandoned me
like an old ratty sock.

You better enjoy every minute
of your marvelous love.

Because she is... she is great.

Then I stopped being jealous
the day you decided to be moms.

I wasn't jealous at all.

My feelings of jealousy
turned to helplessness

watching how distraught you were
faced with bureaucracy,

faced with cornelian choices
conditioned by money.

I wasn't jealous anymore,
I was angry I couldn't help.

I was lucky to plan this wedding
with your girlfriends

who lead me to understand,

that I could help if I wanted to.
That we could help.

We should've done this
a long time ago, but...

This is today so...

I can donate and I will donate...

Not for you, for obvious reasons
of six-toed children.

But the good news for our friends

and the friends of our friends,
they will never again

have to wait, ruin themselves,
hope, then despair...

And finally give up. Never again.

So, we'll help the way we can.

I can donate too.

I can donate too.

I can donate too.

I can help too.

I can donate too.

I can donate too!

I don't know you
but I can donate too.

This is a great story to tell a child.

It's a great article.