All language subtitles for Boston Legal - 4x01 - Beauty and the Beast.en

Let me tell you something.

You two women couldn't be more
beautiful if you were paid for.

–Denny.
–What?

God, you're sexy.

Marry me.

How about a dance instead?

Then we can get married.

The alimony check is already cut.

He's certainly in his element tonight.

Are you?

I could be, with proper coaxing.

You know what I'd really like to do?

Tell me.

I would like you to take me
home and ravage me,

leaving me weak…

gasping for breath…

and pregnant.

what was that last part?

I want to have a baby.

Yours.

You live here?

No, no, no, don't be silly.

I have a big home in the 'burbs.

I just use this place in the city for quickies.

You make it sound so romantic.

Oh, we're so right
for each other, Cynthia.

I can feel it.

You're hot.
I'm in heat.

We're a match…

waiting to ignite.

Oh, Denny.

I have a career and my career
is very important to me.

–What do you do?
–Men.

Rich men.

Now don't get me wrong,

I went out with you because
I find you funny and attractive,

and I'm a huge sucker for power.

But…

if you want to have sex,

it'll cost you $5,000.
–$5,000?

What if you stayed a power sucker…
inside the car?

$2,500.

Here's $3,000.

You are so sweet.

Does that cost extra?

You're under arrest for violation
of Massachusetts general laws,

chapter 272, section 53a—
sexual conduct for a fee.

You have the right to remain silent.
–Oh, come on.

If you give up that right to remain silent,

anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to speak to an attorney
and have him present for questioning.

I even liked you.

–If you so desire and can't afford one…
–Change of plans, Jeffrey.

Take me to jail.

Here we go again.

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Boston Legal
Season 4 Episode 1

I can't believe she was
an undercover cop.

I should've known something was up
when she called me handsome.

Did you actually give her money?

Yeah.
It's entrapment, man.

You saw the way she was dressed.

My bet, I was targeted.

–Alan, Denny.
–Shirley.

Let me introduce Katie Lloyd.

She's joining us today.
She's fresh out of law school.

Very fresh.

That took all of one second.

Perhaps we can get
a cup of coffee later?

That took five seconds.

Well, well, well, Denny Crane.

What are you doing in my law firm?

It's not your firm, Denny.
I'm a senior partner. Remember?

Or has your brain shrunk
since we last met?

At that time, I believe
it was the size of a pea.

I see you've made a friend.
–We had a deal, Sack.

I stay out of New York…

you steer clear of Boston.

What's he doing here?
–New sheriff in town, Denny.

Here…
let me help you get settled.

What do you mean, “new sheriff”?

I'm the sheriff!
You've seen my spurs.

Hello.

Hello.

We'll talk about this later.

We'll talk about it now.

Okay, fine.
Go to my office then.

Fine.

Where is it?

–Very peppy here.
–Yes.

Uh, we apologize for any
temporary inconvenience,

but until the renovations are complete,
you'll be sharing an office.

Uh, Jerry Espenson, this is Katie Lloyd.

Nice to meet you, Jerry.

Hello.
Welcome. Hello.

Jerry graciously volunteered
to share his office.

Well, I'll let you get settled.

I believe we have a staff meeting
scheduled for 11:00.

Brilliant.

Oh!

Well, I should perhaps get organized.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

You're pretty.

Oh, you're very kind to say so.

And you seem so nice.

Thank you for that as well.

I'm not being forward.
Don't be alarmed.

It's just…

not all litigators are nice people.

Denise Bauer is nice,
but she's on maternity.

Brad Chase was nice.
Now he's gone.

I was beginning to think nice people
don't last long around here.

So I'm so happy to see another one arrive.

This was just assigned to us by the court.

Indigent client, old lawyer jumped in front
of a bus, now he needs a new one.

What is it?

It appears to be a strangulation.

I have a murder trial.

Any advice as to what I should do first?

Well, I suppose you should
first meet with the client.

He didn't sound very pleasant
as the police report read.

–No, he didn't.
–Can't say I want to meet him.

Arrested for what?

Ah, it was a conflict of interest.

I was involved with this cop who
was working on a case that I was…

involved with.
–Oh, dear God.

Alan will take care of it.

No, he will not.
I need Alan.

I'll get you somebody else.
–I don't want anybody else.

I don't care.
I need Alan.

Now please leave, and try not to
get arrested on your way out.

You said we'd talk about Carl Sack.

I lied.
Out. Now.

I did tell Denny I'd help him.

Here's the deal— I'm rich.

I soothe my guilt by making
various donations,

most recently one to Stanford
to the tune of $3 million.

I rescinded, and they're suing me.

You're being sued by Stanford.

My donation was earmarked to develop
technologies to combat greenhouse gas emissions.

I've since learned Exxon-Mobil
also made a contribution— $100 million.

Afraid the study's been bought?

I'm not giving them my money.

–So he's in charge of litigation?
–Apparently.

–What about Shirley?
–Evidently, she didn't want to.

Is he gonna reshuffle everything?
I hear he's a reshuffler.

Here he comes.

–Hello.
–Hello.

Uh, hello.

What's with the shifty eyes, son?

That wasn't nice.

Sorry.
I didn't mean anything.

Truth is, my favorite uncle
had eyes exactly like yours.

He liked to touch small children
in bad places.

Do you like that, son?

–He jumped in front of a bus?
–Evidently.

Is there anything you can
tell me about my client?

Well, you won't like him.

He's cuffed and shackled,
so you're okay.

We'll keep the other guard
in the corner.

–I appreciate that.
–If you need anything…

Hello, Mr Washington.

My name's Katie Lloyd.

I'll be filling in for Mr Rice,

who, uh, suddenly and tragically
passed away this week.

I'll be needing to be brought up
to speed somewhat and,

as such, shall be seeking
a continuance.

I anticipate being successful
in that endeavor,

but in the meantime, I'd like to ask you
a few questions, if you don't mind.

Lovely.

I expect there's more
where that came from.

You know… I rescued
a dog once from a shelter.

He bit me six times before
we went on to be fab friends.

–You asked to see me?
–Clarence. Yes, please. Come in.

I feel as though we got off on…

a wrong note.

Do you have any hobbies, son?

I'm not sure what you mean.

Well, some people golf.

Others go fishing.
Personally…

I like to google myself
in the privacy of my own home.

Do you ever google yourself, son,

you know, in those hard-to-reach places?

I still don't know what you mean,
and I'm finding you to be not very nice.

I never forget a face, Clarence.

And when I saw yours this morning…

you know, sometimes, in addition
to googling myself, I like to go on YouTube.

One of the current favorites is titled
“the dancing drag queen.”

My favorite part…
is coming up right here.

Now…

I realize I'm new here, son…

My friend Doris and me
entered a contest.

It's at King's Row Kenmore.

We've made the quarterfinals.

I see.

And the dress?

It's just…

something I do sometimes.

Clarence…

it wasn't my intent to come in here
and start barking directives,

but I'm going to need you
to withdraw from…

this competition.

What— what do you mean?

Son, we are in the business of law here.

A law firm has to be discreet,
conservative, reasonable… modest.

You're listed as a part-time
lawyer at Crane, Poole & Schmidt,

and we simply cannot have that…

associated with what we are.

But…

we're in the quarterfinals.

Yeah, but, Clarence, Boston is
a very small town. I'm sorry.

And if I refuse to withdraw?

You know, son…

I'm really hoping
people don't test me.

Alan.

Shirley.

Lorraine.

I suppose it was inevitable
we'd finally bump heads a bit.

You really should keep
your promises, Shirley.

Are you representing Stanford?

It's discourteous not
to extend a greeting.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was
distracted by your…

neck.

Will you relax?

Don't tell me to relax, Denny.

Telling somebody in an agitated
state to relax is like telling
a starving man not to be hungry.

She's an old girlfriend.
The town is full of them.

Not like her.

She has a neck it's long.

And she has eyes and… this neck.

Two necks?

Denny…

I had…

there is something
addictive about this woman,

and not, uh, necessarily
in a healthy way.

–I would, uh, lose myself around her––
–Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Listen to me.

We're friends, right?

I-I-I-I-I would do anything
to help you with your problems,

the same as you would do
whatever to help me with mine.

True?
–Yes.

I need you to get Gloria
to make my arrest go away.

And just like that,
we're on to your problem.

Alan, please. I could face jail.

Why are you out with
hookers in the first place?

Sex. What'd you think, cribbage?

Don't you find it a little
desperate, Denny? A little sad?

Let's face it— I'm not an attractive man, and
at my point in life, my options are limited.

Denny, you're very
attractive. Are you kidding?

Your face is…

robust, it has character.

You've got that twinkle in your eyes.

You're surprisingly firm.

You really think I'm attractive?

I do. You know I do.

May I cut in?

No, you may not.

Denny— you still do
answer to your name, right?

Yes, I do.

And I still run this place.

No, you don't. What's
more, you don't want to.

You just want to run around, drop
your pants, shoot people, date a hooker.

How's the mad cow coming?

Let's all pause while
you compose a comeback.

–Now you listen to me.
–Zing!

Every time somebody counts me
out of the game, I surprise them.

You understand me?

Not at all.

Surprise me.

Assistant District Attorney

Hello. Terribly sorry.

I'm, uh, my name's Katie Lloyd.

I'm from the law firm
of Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

I've just inherited the Joseph Washington
case and was wondering if I could
trouble you for a continuance.

I'm sorry, did you say
Crane, Poole & Schmidt?

That's right.

Figures.

May I? Get a continuance?
Just a-a wee one.

You can, though we only plan
to enter a plea. Second degree.

Oh, I see.

Um, was there a particular
sentence involved?

Life.

That would work well
for your side, I suppose.

So how much do you
know about your client?

The relationship's still young.

–And how old are you?
–25.

–Have you ever tried a homicide case before?
–Never.

–You ever tried any case before?
–Never.

Oh, where are my manners?
Talking about me.

Are you married? I beg your pardon.

Gloria.

I need—

What?

Oh, come on. I had a headache.

That's never happened to you?

After Denny called and said
he'd been arrested, I couldn't…

perform.

Was that the same headache this
morning, or a different one?

The same.

I think I'll have it as long as
these ridiculous charges are hanging
over Denny's aching head.

Now if we could make the charges
disappear, my feeling is, so would the headache.

Is that why you're here?

Because let me tell
you something, Alan—

Gloria, spare me the speech.

Denny's practically
family. This was entrapment.

It'll be an ugly trial, one which
you will be a part of as a witness.

It's in everybody's favor
to make this go away.

One of us here has
that power. It isn't me.

Interesting to find out
where your priorities lie.

So now we know.

Alan…

I still want that baby.

What do you mean, you can't do it?

The new head of litigation says I can't.

We're— we're in
the quarterfinals.

I know.

I don't— I don't
understand. It isn't fair.

Doris… cross-dressing…

the public still perceives
it as some kind of sickness.

Law firms…

It's all about image.

–We're in the quarterfinals.
–I know.

You can… do it without me.

Without you?

You know I can't go
on stage without you.

I was— I was only able to
leave my house 18 months ago.

I can't lose my job, Doris.

Okay.

There's a reason why I
gave the money to Stanford.

To get your niece in?

Besides that.

Given how much the government has
been co-opted by the oil companies,

I felt at least academic
research would be neutral.

But now —and this isn't
just happening at Stanford,

by the way— Berkeley was given $500
million by a leading oil company,

Princeton— do we think for a second these
contributions won't tilt these findings

or steer them?

Do you have any evidence
that they have?

Oh, yes. The dean put out a memo.

“We've been bought.”
What do you think?

I'd— I'd like to
see that memo, please.

Can you prove that anyone at any of
these universities has been bought,

as you like to call it?
–No.

Nor can we prove any elected
officials have been corrupted.

We're not talking about
the government here, Shirley.

This is a private entity, which
you pledged to give money to

in order to support
research that—

But I no longer trust
that research. Sorry.

A study to explore
alternative energy sources

essentially funded by an oil company…

would you swallow that?

“3-2-6-6-7— people
vs. Joseph Washington.”

Good afternoon, your honor.

Brad Chase for the commonwealth.

Good afternoon, your honor.
Katie Lloyd.

I'll be entering my appearance
on behalf of Mr Washington.

The parties are prepared to offer
a plea agreement at this time.

Mr Washington will agree to plead
guilty to murder in the second degree.

Both the commonwealth and the defense offer
a joint recommendation for a life sentence.

This is acceptable to you, Ms Lloyd?

It is, your honor. Thank you.

Mr Washington, you understand that
by pleading guilty you are admitting

to the charges of the
commonwealth's complaint,

alleging that on the
night of November 2, 2006,

you, with malice aforethought, raped
and murdered Annie Harris Rivers?

You further understand that
you most likely be serving

the remainder of your natural
life in maximum security prison?

Mr Washington…

I need a response from you.

Mr Washington?

Sir, if I don't get a verbal response
from you, I cannot accept your plea.

Counsel, have you spoken
to your client?

Yes, your honor.

One last time, Mr Washington,

do you understand and accept
the terms of this plea agreement?

The plea is rejected.

We'll have opening
statements Tuesday, 10:00 A.M.

Adjourned.

Your honor, I'm sorry.
I just got this case.

Might I get a continuance?
–No.

–Your honor, it would seem, in the
interest of justice––
–Justice?

Look back there, Mr Chase.

I don't have to tell you that
the husband of the victim has
shown up in this courtroom repeatedly

only to learn that the defendant has yet
again fired his lawyer at the last second.

Mr Washington's previous
attorney wasn't fired.

He jumped in front of a bus.

I don't care.

I'll see you Tuesday at 10:00.

What do you mean?
It's going to trial?

I thought they reached a plea.

Seems our client didn't reach it. Or, if so,
was unwilling to communicate as much.

Look, as much as I'd like to do
this, I've never tried anything.

And Brad Chase is the DA?

Hey, you!

–Is it, uh, Jerry?
–Yes.

Assist Ms Lloyd with her murder trial.

Okay.

I just got put on
a murder case. Murder.

Can you believe it?

You seem excited—
all of you.

What's wrong?

Sack… made me withdraw
from the singing contest.

What? How did he
even know about it?

Sorry.

Somebody took video and
put it on YouTube, so…

now I'm out.

But you're in the quarterfinals.

I know.

This Sack is a bad, bad
person. I don't like this Sack.

What about Doris?

She's… destroyed.

Tell Alan. He'll fix it.

Or tell Shirley.

I can fight my own battles.

Clearly you can't, Clarence.

I didn't mean it like that.

Tell Alan. He'll fix that sackhead.

Tell him.

Most of the tenants maintain
that you were an excellent
and very reliable custodian.

But several alluded to a possible
obsession you had with the victim.

One woman remarked that she
thought you invented maintenance
issues in Mrs Rivers' unit

just to get close to her.

Is any of this true?

Your semen was found
inside and on the victim.

I'm sure you've been told this.

Mr Washington, you must talk to us.

Mr Washington…

we will go in and fight very
hard for you, but you need to help.

May I speak with you a second?

Only if you can make it quick,
Clarence. I'm off to court.

Okay. I quit.

A little less quick.

I entered a singing contest
as Clarice with a friend.

We've made the quarterfinals.

Carl Sack found out, said cross-dressers
aren't commensurate with the firm's image.

He told me to withdraw or else.

I'm choosing else.

I thought… Clarice was on sabbatical.

She still comes out sometimes.

I entered the contest as her.

It's the only way I could
get on stage and sing,

but if I want to keep
going, I'll get fired.

So I decided I'd quit and
save everybody some time.

All right, look…

there is no way I would
let Carl Sack fire you.

Having said that, two
things can happen here.

I can fix this, or you can.

Your goal is to be a full-time
lawyer here, is it not?

Yes.

Well, then I would suggest you
go make your case to Carl Sack…

as you.

You asked to see us, your honor?

Yes. Thank you.

You'll be dropping the charges
against Denny Crane immediately.

Thank you.

There a problem?

The charges are valid.

No, they're not. I was there, counsel,
at least earlier in the evening.

I saw the officer's behavior
as well as her attire.

She cultivated any predisposition
on Mr Crane's part.

This is beyond entrapment.
You're done.

With all due respect,

your relationship with the
defendant's best friend—

Has no bearing whatsoever,

but it would certainly be called into
play should this case ever reach trial,

which would really piss me off.

And I don't think you really mean to
incur the wrath of a superior court judge,

especially one that
can be such a bitch.

You will drop it today before any further
investigation reveals Mr Crane to be a target.

Get out.

For the past 11 years, I've taught a
class at Harvard on oil and economics,

and I've focused
specifically on capture.

–Capture?
–Yes.

Big oil capturing academia.

It's already happened in the United
Kingdom, now it's happening here.

And they do this by donating money?

Yes. Their sponsorship has
some influence, obviously,

but what's even more dangerous is
that it's an insidious recruiting tool.

Oil companies are making their branding
visible to young, impressionable students.

And, by the way,

we've already seen some universities
actually tailor their course curriculum
to serve the industry.

But let's be fair. Some of these
courses are geared toward
reducing fossil fuel dependency.

Yes, but most of the
research is geological,

where to find new oil fields
and how to exploit them.

It's ridiculous.

Do you have any information as to the
pledge made by Ms Schmidt to Stanford?

No.

Do you have any opinion as to whether
a valid contract was formed here or not?

No.

You really can't win this, Alan.

The courts consider these
donations binding contracts.

People reconsider financial
pledges all the time.

And get sued.

Come on. Stanford doesn't want
the publicity of a trial here.

Make me an offer, and I'll go away.

If you want me to go away.

Oh.

I had a dream not too long ago
about… you in an elevator.

Really?

Was I going up or going down?

What are you doing?

Is it serious with this judge?

Lorraine, start the elevator.

You start it.

I'm not in a good enough shape for this.

For what?

You dropped your trial bag.

Did I?

You and I should not… be… doing…

a case together.

I agree.

We need to settle it, don't we?

Make me an offer.

Right in the elevator?

Yeah, I know.

I'm in a monogamous
relationship, for God's sake.

One founded very much on trust.

Alan, here's the thing about
monogamy— it only works if you cheat.

Please don't be glib, Denny.
I'm not at all happy about this.

I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

I'm checking on your flow.

I got weak stream syndrome.

You got nice velocity there.

Look at me.

That's not so bad.

Oh, please.

I've seen drip coffee percolate faster.

Denny, you're 75. It's fine.

Oh, see, that was good.

You're not just saying so?

You're a little red there.

Mm. It's ashamed.

Knows it's been bad.

What?

–What?

What do you mean, go with you?

Uh, I need to put a human face on it.

Well, why can't you put your face on it?

I will. I just want to add yours.

It'll help, Doris.

We can go right in to
see him… tomorrow.

What's going on?

We're gonna make our case with Sack.

“We”?

I'll do the talking.

How's the murder case going?

Horrible. The client left blood, semen,
fingerprints, and he won't talk to us.

Horrible!

I apologize for my coarse language.

Katie's gone back to try again,
but he won't talk. It's awful.

We go to trial in five
days, Mr Washington.

You need to talk to me.

The evidence is insurmountable—
your semen at the scene,

traces of her blood on your
locker, your confession,

which didn't exactly
advance our cause.

And if you don't cooperate
with us, then we'll have—

Aah!

Down! Down! Get down!

You should probably go, counselor.

No.

May we continue,
Mr Washington?

Please help my client up.

–You got him?
–Yeah.

You get one more chance,
Joe. Solitary's next.

All right. Mr Washington…

did you not commit this crime?

I asked you a question.

Did you not commit this crime?

You're innocent.

We were together
for about 6 months.

Secret— that's
the way she wanted it.

And the liaisons would always
take place in her apartment?

The night that she was
killed, you were there.

Uh, we got together around 5:00.

She was killed around 6:00.

It had to have happened
just after I left.

Her blood on your locker…

Somebody put it there.

Somebody had to have put it there.

But he confessed.

After 36 hours of sleep deprivation and
who knows what other kind of coercion.

Jerry, this is a man who's never
received a break from anybody.

Every lawyer he's ever had
has tried to plead him guilty.

He's just resigned
himself to being convicted.

Well, if he didn't do it, who did?

I haven't the slightest idea.

She was seeing a therapist.

If we can establish that she and Joseph were
having an affair— I'm gonna pay him a visit.

Katie, our client…
have you seen his priors?

I think he's innocent. I really do.

The idea that we would
contaminate our findings is as…

preposterous as it is offensive.

Well, if you're given, say,
$100 million by somebody,

don't you at least feel some
obligation to pay the piper a little?

Well, if by “pay the piper”
you mean fudge the science,

no.

I must admit, I know
nothing about this,

uh, research funding business.

In my line of work, if somebody
who should remain neutral

takes money from one of the interested
parties, we call that a bribe.

There is no quid pro quo whatsoever.

So these oil companies give you
money to find ways to put them
out of business because…

We don't ask what their expectations
are because they're not relevant.

Well, do you think maybe they're
doing this for the environmental good?

Objection. Counsel is
being very… naughty.

I would appreciate it if you
could stop with the little…

comments in there.

What comments?

“Naughty” and, uh, uh,
uh, well, n-naughty.

I was simply objecting to your cross.

Perhaps it was your
conscience saying “naughty”.

Or maybe your id.

You have a very active id, Alan.

I don't want to play, Lorraine.

But it's what I do. You
never complained before.

Forget it. Not a chance.

Uh… Mr Sack?

Clarence.

This is Doris Thumper.

You may remember
seeing her on the video.

I do.

You've got quite the voice, Doris.

Thank you.

Doris and I met in shyness
therapy three years ago.

She was borderline
agoraphobic at the time.

Wow.

You've made progress.

Yes.

This singing contest is maybe the
biggest thing that's happened to her.

Maybe me, too.

I've decided not to withdraw.

Have you?

If you choose to fire
me, that's your right.

Thank you.

Uh… I'm… not sure
why you came here.

Maybe it was to remake this
law firm into something—

Resembling a law firm?

I understand the decision to project
conservatism and reasonableness and modesty,

but Boston is full of those
firms. As is New York and…

well, I guess, every city.

The people I went to law school with
work at many of them.

They all have one thing in common.

They're not happy.

People here are.

Maybe because they're
not afraid of themselves.

One lawyer likes to purr and hop.

Partners and associates…

have sex with each other sometimes.

We've got two men who take
five minutes out of every single day

to celebrate their
friendship on a balcony.

Now how many people do you
know who actually do that?

I occasionally throw on a
dress, and I like to sing.

I don't want to be one of
those lawyers at other firms,

choking on… modesty
and reasonableness.

I'm surprised that you do.

If your mission here is to
make this into a normal…

law firm…

I really hope you fail…

for everybody's sake.

It's a valid
contract—

properly negotiated, both parties
were knowing, consenting, willing.

If she had wanted to place certain
restrictions on her donation

she certainly could have. She didn't.

Hello.

Now as for big oil getting involved
in research to combat global warming,

are we seriously against that?
My God.

For years, we've
been hammering them—

“You're a big part of the problem.

Be part of the solution.”

Now, thankfully, some of these
companies are trying to do just that,

and given that they're
billion-dollar companies,

if they want to join the fight
against greenhouse emissions,

that should make us,
well… orgasmic.

Are you not, just a little?

Let's look at what's
happened in Washington.

These huge, uh, corporations
that poison our drinking water,

foul our air, uh, lay waste to our lands

have discovered that instead of
trying to influence government,

better to simply become government.

And with a little help from a friend in
a very high place, they've done just that.

Over 100 top environmental posts

have been passed out to
representatives of polluting industries.

Can you fathom that, judge?

Don't you be asking me to fathom.

I am not a, uh, fathomer.

Almost every agency responsible

for protecting America from pollution

is now being headed up by somebody
from the pollution industry.

The fix is in.

How does this involve
Stanford university?

It involves a need in this
country for independent,

unbiased, uncorrupted
environmental research.

And since it's obviously
not coming from Washington,

academia is obviously our best,
if not our only hope.

And now it, too, is being
co-opted by big pollution.

The facts are that the oil industry

has systematically
campaigned to create doubt

as to the very existence
of global warming,

pumping millions of
dollars into think tanks,

consumer groups, media outlets,
uh, religious and civic organizations,

every penny aimed at diffusing
the concern over climate change.

Now they're privatizing
university research—

Berkeley, Princeton, now Stanford.

Do we truly want
our universities—

the breeding grounds for tomorrow's
leaders, innovators, visionaries—

do we truly want them climbing
into bed with the oil companies?

–Strange bedfellows.
–Lorraine, stop it.

Your honor, at some point,

a little common sense has
to prevail in this country.

We've started a war, in part for oil,

one we may never get
out of in our lifetime.

Of all the industrialized
nations in the world,

we're the biggest
contributor to greenhouse

gas emissions, and we
do the least about it.

We thumb our nose at the Kyoto treaty.

Our government actually censors
scientific reports from the E.P.A

and others, to edit out little
findings they don't like.

Even the, uh, democratic
presidential hopefuls

uh, don't talk about this because
they don't want to jeopardize

their campaign
contributions from big oil.

Big oil, big
politics—

do we all really intend to sit quietly

as they infiltrate
vital academic research?

Is that what we want?

Is that who we are?

May I ask just a couple of questions?

Certainly.

You did go to law school, right?

And you, Jerry, you've actually
practiced, I've been told.

You are a mean, mean man,

and I don't like what
you said to Clarence.

And I don't think you fit in here at all
because you're a mean, mean man.

Care to button that with a hop?

Okay, Jerry, I am a good
man, just a very poor wizard.

And unless either of
you happen to be wizards,

why aren't you pleading this case out?

I tried. Joseph wouldn't
answer the judge.

So she refused to accept the plea.

As far as I understand
it, Joseph wasn't speaking

because he was an uncommunicative beast.

Now he's talking. He trusts you.

So he should trust your recommendation
that he plead to second-degree murder.

There's only one problem.

He's innocent.

I beg your pardon?

He didn't kill that woman.

Ah. And you know this how?

He told me.

–Oh, he told you.
–Mean.

–What's going on?
–Great news.

The client has declared his innocence.

I'd appreciate you not being snide.

This goes to trial Tuesday, this Tuesday.

Oh, did I mention they have no defense?

Alan, you take over.

Me? What about Jerry?

Please. At a minimum,

we could use your involvement
to get judge Glo-glo recused,
that could buy us some time.

And, Katie, no offense, but
you're not ready for this.

I understand.

There is a suppression
hearing scheduled for tomorrow.

Shirley, I'm not ready for this.

You've tried cases on the fly before.

Not first-degree murder.
You say he confessed?

He did. That's what
we're trying to suppress.

And as for evidence?

Joseph was the last
one seen with her alive.

Uh, his semen was found on
her, her blood on his locker.

And he has a violent criminal past.

He's nothing but a
mean, mean man, this sackhead.

–What'd he do now?
–Oh, he's just mean and snide and smug.

I expect him to fire me any second.

I thought you quit.

Well, I'm giving him time to reconsider.

–What “reconsider”? From the way you
explained it, you said you quit. –Shh.

–I thought you quit.
–Told ya.

I thought maybe you'd change your mind.

You thought I'd change my mind?

So you really didn't quit?

Well, in that case, you're fired.

Oh, sorry.

First, I was kidding.

Second, if I were not,
you don't head-butt, ever.

You may keep your job, Clarence.

I thought about what you said. I agree.

People need to be embraced,

sometimes for their differences,
instead of being excluded.

We talk it. I suppose we should walk it.

Good luck with your contest.

Hug?

Uh, you're welcome
to come watch. 8:00.

Maybe next time.

Shame.

I can't believe you did that.

Oh, shut up.

I want to know why Carl
Sack was brought in here.

Because I need help managing things.

You got me.

Yeah, you're one of the
things I need help managing…

all your nonsense.

So how'd it go with the hooker?

–Oh, case was dropped.
–Great.

And… why the waders?

Well… I may not be
the lawyer I once was,

but I can still fish
circles around all of you.

And sometimes I just…

like to put them on and…

When…

when I was in high school…

I was captain of the debate team,

class president and miserable over
being cut from the cheerleading team.

So I…

I went out and bought my own outfit,

complete with pom-poms.

I would dress up and stand in front
of the mirror in the little skirt,

the white socks, the sweater.

It-it somehow
made me feel better.

And… then y-years after…

after I was a lawyer,

even a partner, if I was
feeling particularly low,

I would pull out that
costume and put it on.

You know, I used to do the same thing.

Without the pom-poms,
of course, but—

You are just determined not to let me
have a vulnerable moment, aren't you?

You want to hog them all to yourself.

Denny…

we're getting older.

We-we don't even fit in
our outfits anymore, but…

we're not over, not by a long shot.

You're not over.

Y-you know what used to make
me feel better than anything?

If it's sexual, I don't want—

No no no no,

it was back when we…

were “us”.

–You used to put your head on my—
–Denny!

I was gonna say “shoulder”…

That felt better than anything…

I remember you singing,
“You Are My Sunshine”.

Would you- would you do that, just
for a minute? Put your head on my shoulder?

Denny…

I just want to remember.

I don't think my neck
even bends, anymore.

Please…

Sure.

Oh, this feels... Would you put on
that cheerleader outfit just for a—

Don't push it.

“You are my sunshine...”

“my only sunshine… you make me happy…
when skies are grey… you'll never know dear...”

Mr Washington… Hello.

May I call you Joseph?

How about “chuckles”, then?

I realize you've formed a…

special bond with Katie.

She pulled a thorn from your
paw like Aesop's fable.

But this is the real world, and
she's never tried a case before.

I doubt very much yours can be
won, but if there's any hope…

it's not Katie Lloyd.

You're not right for me.

Why is that?

You think I'm guilty.

Mr Washington…

I have no idea if you're guilty,
and frankly, I don't care.

But here's the thing
about confessions and

leaving semen on a victim—

Your hand is on my knee.

That's either a threatening
gesture or sexual.

Either way, I'm not comfortable.

I know about the real world,
Mr Shore.

I lived my whole life
in the real world.

Katie Lloyd will be my lawyer.

I-is he out of his mind?

I'd suggest he plead
insanity, but I think he'd kill me.

So what happens now?

Well, they have the motion to
suppress the confession at 11:00.

I hope to get back for that.

Alan, he cannot trust his
life to Katie and Jerry.

All rise.

Be seated.

All right.

The case here presents very
complicated and challenging issues,

which I find to be extremely
complicated and, uh, challenging.

I don't know what Ms Schmidt thought
when she pledged her donation.

Truth is, I didn't understand half
of what was said by anybody.

Therefore, as a matter of law,

there's been no meeting of the minds.

Your honor, it's not your mind that
need meet up with anything.

Silence.
I am the decider.

And I have made my…

deciding act.

There is no binding contract.

Judgment in favor of Ms Schmidt.

The law wins out again, barely.

Alan, thank you.
Really.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Lorraine.

No hard feelings?

None…

I assure you.

Oh, please.

All right, Ms Lloyd, I'll hear from you.

Thank you, your honor.

May it please the court,

the prosecution seeks
to admit as evidence

an oral confession made by
our client Joseph Washington,

which confession, upon
information and belief,

was the product of a coercive,
involuntary and unconstitutional interrogation

lasting days in duration,
the entirety of which,

my client was without counsel present,
pursuant to his Sixth Amendment right.

Your honor, the suspect never asked
for a lawyer. In fact, he never said anything,

and the fact that his confession
was made after a protracted interrogation

does not make it involuntary.

May it please the court,

I would argue that sleep deprivation
constitutes physical discomfiture.

He was allowed to sleep.
He was left alone many times.

Never for more than an hour.

There was no bed.
Just a chair and a concrete floor.

90% of all confessions are
obtained in exactly this way.

A suspect is worn down.

It's an accepted form
of police practice.

That doesn't make it right.

If you read the text, Mr Washington
shouted out in frustrated defiance repeatedly.

His so-called confession
was a product of duress.

So why not just argue that to the jury

and let them weigh in
on the probative value?

Well, first of all,
once you say “confession,”

people just draw conclusions.

Second, your honor, with all due respect,

the only means we would have for
challenging the validity of the confession

is to put our client on the stand.

If we do that, they get to introduce
all his prior felonies,

which could be more prejudicial
than the confession even.

Look, I have no doubt that your client
was subjected to relentless pressure.

But it didn't rise to the point of coercion.

I'm going to allow the evidence
of the confession.

We'll see you all in division 16.

We'll be fine.

What if I forget to breathe?

We'll be okay.

I think you should go on first, Clarence.

No, we rehearsed it with you.

I know I shouldn't be seeing the girls before
their wigs and pasties are on, but here you go.

Alan, thank you.

You came.
–Of course I came.

This must be Doris.

Doris Thumper, Alan Shore.

–You look lovely.
–Thank you.

Shirley wanted to come,
but she had a dinner.

We're not going on.

Yes, we are.
Maybe.

We're afraid.

Well, of course you are.

How could you not be?
It's a contest.

Oh, if only you knew what I know.

–What do you know?
–That you're gonna be great.

That when the wig goes on and Clarice
comes out and Doris begins to wiggle,

you're gonna be spectacular.

What are you doing here?

Oh. Trying to acquire some
sort of comfort with this room.

It's even bigger than the last one.

I thought you were arguing
very well, right up to…

when you froze.

Jerry, the idea of me trying
this case is utterly ridiculous.

Do you think perhaps you could first chair?

I could, but…

there's a risk.

Sometimes jurors find me…

different.

Why?

Surely you've noticed,
I have a few odd tics.

Well, we all have our tics. Some are
just better disguised than others.

From what I see,

making Joseph Washington
seem human and, if possible, likable,

is our biggest challenge here.

The jury can't help
but be struck by your…

humanity and kindness.

They'll be rooting for you…

and, by association, perhaps him.

I will be right by your side.
Together we can do this.

But Joseph Washington's best chance
is if the face of our defense is you.

Clearly…

he seems to know that.

Okay, our third entry tonight is
a duet coming from two very sexy ladies.

Singing a song from the movie “Hairspray,”

please give a warm King's Row welcome
to Doris Thumper and Clarice Bell.

–Hey, you made it.
–Just in time.

I know none of the facts of this case,
I haven't even seen the police report.

But look— is that
a guilty man or what?

I mean, what kind of society would
presume this animal innocent?

Look at him.
Put me on the jury.

I'll vote to fry him before
the trial even starts.

And that reminds me…

Is this for real?

Most trusted name in news.

Do we really care if they
sizzle a little before dying?

Boo-hoo-hoo. We're talking about
the scum of the earth here,

and we're supposed to
make it pleasant for them?

Come on.

We're throwing them
to the wolves— Katie and Jerry.

Shirley, even if we did put more lawyers
on it, there's nothing they can do.

Carl… I need you
to tread more lightly.

This firm… it's not like
the New York branch.

I could always go back.

You know, Jerry?
He said I'm a poor fit.

I don't want you to go back.

You sure?

Sure.

What's the occasion?

I got so… inspired by Clarence's
performance as Clarice,

I decided to… whip out
my Lennon Sisters dress.

Should I put mine on?

It's not necessary,
I just thought I…

seize the silliness.

It's good for the heart, you know.

Meanwhile, they made the
semi-finals, Denny.

It was so… thrilling… for us,
for them, both of them. These two…

terribly shy people, basking
in the spotlight on a stage with…

everybody.

Forget it.

–I was just looking.
–Well stop looking!

I don't like being… objectified.

Did you know…

that Shirley Schmidt has
a cheerleading costume?

Sometimes she puts it on.

Really?

Can you imagine Shirley
doing a little cheer?

With a little pleated skirt?
And the white socks?

All of it.

Oh, my God.

I so often think how…
lucky we are

to have, as a senior partner,
Shirley Schmidt.

And now in a cheerleading outfit.

We're lucky. Period.

We live good lives.

Yes, we do.

Now, take your day for example.

Sex in an elevator.

Twice.

With a woman not your own.

Help save the environment,
fight global warming,

taking a rocking show after work,
and then…

throw on a dress as a nightcap.

And later I get to
close my eyes and think…

Of Shirley Schmidt.

In a cheerleading costume.

Oh, my God. The little pleated…

All of it.

We live… very good lives.

Indeed… indeed.

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Boston Legal
Season 4 Episode 1