All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S01E08.The.Relationship.More.Populated.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

Previously on "You Me Her"...

Dean Weinstock.Might I have a word?

Weinstock is retiring
as dean

and he's recommending me
as his replacement.

We have as serious
fucking Lori problem.

Lori has just accepted a seat

on the prestigious
Hamilton School Alumni Board.

How much ass-kissing
can you squeeze into three days,

Assistant Dean Trakarsky?

Emma:
I've been working crazy hours

on this huge pitch for a --
a fancy new theater

at The Hamilton School
where Jack works.

I thought
we could play hooky.

We have jobs to go to.

Nina: What are you?

I'm just
[crying] their booty call?

Emma: H-How does she
realistically fit into our work,

our jobs, our lives?

Why aren't we just walking
away from this?

-Mom?
-What was that?

Did you hear that?

Sorry. Think I must have
butt-dialed you.

Sweetheart, I-I don't know
what you think heard --

You mean the part about Izzy
not being your niece,

or the part
about you guys paying her

to have pervy,
three-way sex with you?

We got some negotiating to do,
don't we?

No.

Yeah.
Oh, yeah. [ Laughs ]

No, no, no.

[ School bell rings ]

Shh. Breathe.
You got to breathe.

This is not happening.It is happening.

It is happening.Please tell me it's not.

And you got to
breathe through it.

Breathe in and out.

No. Breathe.
I'm breathing.
This is horrible.

You're not.
You're talking.

You got to breathe through it
and get yourself together.

Get yourself together, Jack.
Stop.

Hey, you guys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Yes?You might not know this,

but I am a very ambitious
young woman.

In addition to class president,

I think I should also be
captain of the soccer team.

M-Maybe we can come up
with, like,

um, a more realistic
arrangement, you know?

Something like shoes.

Really?
Women love shoes.

Wow, misogynistic much?

But I don't hate the idea.

Maybe we'll do a shoe
of the month thing, too.

Before I forget,
fuck you, Ava!Oh.

Noted.Honey, honey, honey, honey.

No, no, no, that's not --
that's not helping.

Let's, you know -- Okay,
let's take a quick recap.

The presidency thing is gonna
be hard, to be honest.

Because people don't like you.No one likes you.

Your name is Ava
for Christ's sake.

It absolutely screams
superiority complex!

Really?Yeah, really.

Honey.
Oh, my God.

That's not fair, honey.

[ Crying ]

Oh.

I think we
overstepped our --

Oh, God. No.
No, no, no, no, no.

No, you have friends.
You have friends.

Ava, it's such a pretty name.I should know better.

I'm sorry.
That was really inappropriate.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, man.

I am kidding!

Oh! Oh!

Everybody knows the dean
throws away the ballots

and picks
the class president.

We're teenagers.

We'll vote for whoever promises
beer in the vending machines

and designated
pot smoking areas.

Okay, let's say
hypothetically

I could deliver
the presidency?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you kidding me?

Where is this gonna end?
Next thing you know,

you'll be doing her homework.

Honey.
Oh, my God.
You have the best ideas!

Okay. You know what?Oh, my God, honey!

Whoa! Whoa!No, no.

No, no, no, no.
Stay back, stay back.

That is not the answer
right now!

Put that do--
Put it down!

Are you okay?I'm fine.

Okay, what we need
is to focus on solutions.

Presidency.
Work it out.

Okay. The soccer thing's
gonna be difficult.

I'll be honest.
Can you even kick?

I am an A/B student,

and I need the extracurrics
to get into Berkeley.

[ School bell rings
in distance ][ Cellphone chimes ]

Oh, I got to scoot.

We got a deal...

Dean Trakarsky?

Don't do it.
Don't do it.

Jack.
Jack, do not do it.

Do not do it.
This is a mistake.

Do not -- Don't do it.
Don't do it.

Yeah. Great.

Can't wait.
Yep, me too.

Anyway, bye-bye,
super freaks.

Are you serious?

♪♪

Girl: Hi, Mr. Trakarsky.

Hi, girls.

Weinstock:
There they are!

And now he's here.

Uh, Dean Weinstock, thank you
so much for you support.

I-I-I was so nervous.

Well, it didn't show.
You were fantastic.

You should be proud,
Trakarsky.

I am super proud, always.As opposed to ashen and weird.

No, um, yeah. You know,
I've been going through --

There's a lot happening
right now with my stomach.

I've, you know --

You know, I'm always
tellin' you, I have that thing.

Yeah. Yeah.
And that's why.
In like here.

Yeah.
Yeah, I got a --

Emma, we want you to do
something special

and distinctive.

Really?
Are you serious?

That -- That's amazing!
Thank you.
Wow.

It won't be official until the
Alumni Board approves it, but...

Wha--
Sor-- Sorry?

The Alumni Board?

Yeah, the Alumni Board.Our -- Our Alumni Board?

Yeah, it's just a formality.
It's nothing to worry about.Hey, Mr. Trakarsky.

Oh, oh, I-I didn't realize.Hello. Yes, the ones we both --

Honey, we both need to be
approved by the Alumni Board.

Wow, that's --
that's an extra step.

Are you two okay?

Can we go in together,
get, like, a two-for-one?

[ Laughter ]

Apart from this one's deformed
GI tract, you're okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow.

No, we're just so excited.We are more than okay.

So much on
the horizon for us.

I mean, yeah. It's --
And look at this day.

I mean,
the sun is shining.

[ Both screaming ]

What the fuck
are we gonna do?!

Fuck me!
God!

Oh, my God.Short term, let's just
get some vodka.

Yeah.
Right?

Yeah.
[ Sighs ]

I love you.
We're gonna get through this.

Mm-hmm.

But I'm almost certainly
gonna have to kill that girl.

Right.
Wait, what?

♪♪

Professor: So, what we're gonna
ask you to do

is e-mail your topic choice
tomorrow.

Or PJ -- either of the TAs.

And then we will okay it.

Really?
Every fucking day

you can clearly
see me coming,

but I have to ask you
to move your legs?

Really? Every fucking day
you show up 10 minutes

before class ends
just to scam notes?

Professor:
And think outside the box.

Now...for the, uh...

Um, okay, this time I'm dressed
like a horny sorority girl,

and, um...nothing?

[ Sighs ] Wow.

I am so shocked.

Older dudes pay you to dress
like cheerleaders

and sorority girls?

Jaw on ground, mind blown,
nothing makes sense anymore.

Are we good?
Good.

What are you doing?
What is that?

Nothing.

What is going
in that increasingly

disturbed
little mind of yours?

Is that
some kind of list?

I have some
shopping to do.

Oh, well,
it's about time.

I'm always the one schlepping
off to the grocery store,

making sure
that we don't starve.

Do you honestly think
I'm leaving class early

to buy bagels
and Count Chocula?

And spicy ramen?

No.
But I love you.

Talk to you later.

So, for everything decided
before that point

will be accepted.

Anything after that point...

Hey, cutie, I was wondering
if I could --

And here we go.Oh, blow me, Bill Gates.

Not an insult,
Phi Gamma Stupid.

♪♪

So, this is us now.
These are our people.

Polygamous lushes.
Did not see that coming.

What are we gonna do
about Izzy

now that we have
this whole Ava problem?

I say we jump
right in, enjoy it.What?

We're getting
blackmailed anyway.

Right, so we just

invite her over
and write a new check.

Finish out the four weeks.

Mm.

Nina: Oh, my God.
Mr. Gasmer?

Nina!

I almost
didn't recognize you.

You look so...young.

I've been working out.
Went vegan.

Jack: Sit her down.
We sit Izzy down, right?

Be like, "Izzy, we've gotten
way off track here, okay?"

I'll be right back, Mr. Gasmer.
Just sit.

Everything okay?Sit.

Okay. Stay.

So she's got
to recognize that...
Totally.

...and it's different
from her other clients.

Well, hey, Uncle Jack.

Oh, shit.

Aunt Emma? You, uh --
You're pretty hot,

you know, for a woman
of a certain age.

I'm pretty sure I don't qualify
as a woman of a certain age.

I'd say that I'm surprised
to see you two here,

but [chuckles] I'm not.

Yeah, see, this is where all the
desperate suburban 30-somethings

go to convince themselves
that they're still cool.

Listen, we've had
one motherfucker of a bad day.

And I'm seriously on the brink
of losing my shit right now.

So I seriously suggest that
you consider shutting your --

Hey, honey, honey.
This is Nina.

This is Izzy's roommate.

The one who walked in
on your husband

and your mutual girlfriend
the other day.

But I -- I understand

that you guys have since
crossed that threshold together.

Well, everybody
knows everything.

We can't keep fucking
anything quiet.

Whatever.
Izzy really digs you guys.

Wait. What?
She likes us?

Did she say that
to you, or...

She likes him, or she likes me,
or she likes both of us?

Tell her -- Tell her --
Just what exactly what she said.

Well, was --
Me?
Me a little bit more?

Shitheads, focus.

Yeah, what are your intentions
with my girl Izzy?

'Cause she came really upset
this morning.

And I'm not convinced
that it's in her best interest

to continue seeing you guys.

She was upset?So convince me.

Well, you know what?
We -- We're not --

We don't have time or the energy
to convince anyone of anything.

So why don't you just go back
to your client, okay,

before I tell the manager
that, you know,

you're hooking at his bar.

[ Chuckles ]
Uh, I'm a escort

like your girlfriend,
not a hooker.

It's just...It's very blurred.

What is she doing?I am confused.

Hey, Billy.

Does she work here?I don't know.

The manager
of this old-person utopia

is one of my best clients.

No, thank you.Drink.

Uncle Jack...
Yes.

...if you try and jump my shit
one more time,

this is gonna end
really poorly.

Is that clear?Jump?

I'm not trying to jump.
I'm not trying to do anything.

Listen, I don't know
what your thing is --

Look, guys,
I'm just a loyal friend

who held Izzy
while she cried this morning.

We wrestled really hard,
but then we hugged it out again.

Sounds complicated.

Just shouldn't have said
the thing about the wrestling.

Look, my point --
my point is,

is that I'm gonna
be the one

putting the piece of Izzy back
together after you guys move on.

So what's the deal?

Are you guys really
breaking up with her?

No.No.

No, we can't break up with her.
We were never really with her.

Bullshit.
And you know it.

Mnh-mnh.
No, it's true.
We -- We -- We don't --

We just, you know --
We want to put it --

We're all on the same team here.
We're all on the same team.

We are, you know -- We're going
back to the beginning.Fuck you.

We're putting it back
and making it

a finite business arrangement.Finite business arrangement.

I could maybe
get behind that.

Really?Write the check.

Stop fucking around.

♪♪

Okay. So, just so I'm clear
on what you're asking of us.

You want us to cover for you
for the duration

of this deranged program
that you're on.

And that's it?
It's over after that?

Yep.

I mean this is
Hawthorne Heights, right?

It's not some sex commune.

Okay, but are there really
sex communes?

They're all
sex communes, yes.

When you hear commune, you don't
even need the sex part.

That's all they're doing
is sex.

I mean,
we have kids, you know?

Everybody
in the neighborhood has kids.

That's why you come
to this neighborhood.

You have kids.
You settle down.

You pump 'em out,
you know?

That -- I'm sorry.
That's insensitive.

You're working on it.
It's gonna happen.

It's definitely gonna happen
for you two, I believe it.

[ Clicks tongue ]Okay. Okay. Move on now.

Okay.Nah, it's okay.

We just let it get away from us
a little bit, to be honest.

We mistook it for something
it never really could be.

Okay, but, Em,
you are pressing reset, right?

You're putting it back to
a 4-week business arrangement?

[ Scoffs ]

Like,
writing a new check?

Yes, exactly.

Yeah. We say Izzy went back
to Syracuse with her mother,

who -- who's my sister.

Yeah. I'm sure
this murky gumbo of bullshit

won't come back to haunt you
in any way, shape, or form.

Okay.

All we have to do
is lie our asses off

for the remainder
of the contract, right?

Yep.
That's good practice.

You know, in a few years,
we're gonna have to lie

to our own kids and tell them
we never smoked weed

or ate shrooms like
they were dried fruit.

Though there is one other
disturbing new twist.

Ava Matherfield knows,
and she's blackmailing us.

Ava knows?Yep.

And you want us
to help you kill her?

Why does it always circle back
to murder with you two?

This neighborhood's
going to hell.

That's what's happening here.
Going right to hell.

Nice. Let's get this going
before the hangover kicks in.

[ Chuckles ]
Said the spiraling alcoholic.

[ Sighs ] I don't know.
Every-- Everything I type

makes us sound like dicks,
you know?

It's like nothing nice

ever comes after
"from this point forward."

Yeah, but we've got to --[ Knock on door ]

Hey.
Hi.

You're here!

Yeah. Sorry.

Whoops.Wearing pajamas.

I am.

Is that a tent?It is.

We were actually
just texting you.

Oh, what does it say?

Nothing.

It's -- We can just tell you now
because you're here.

Is it, uh, you guys
are breaking up with me?

Uh, well, s-see,
that -- that's the thing.

No, I get it.
I do.

Just from what she said?
Her four words?

Yeah, I was bad, um...
Whatever, I was a --

I was a bad third.
I moved way too fast

and I scared the shit
out of you guys.

So now you're retreating

and you're trying
to reinstate the ground rules

and probably make it
into a four-week

uh, business
arrangement again.

Is that -- Is that...
Am I -- Is that close?

Um, in the general
zip code, yeah.

Damn.
It's a gift.

I brought some things.

Just hear me out.

You know what?
Just...

Wow. You're like Mary Poppins'
way cooler granddaughter.

We're gonna do something
other than sex.

We're gonna hang out together,
but we're gonna do it here

and not in the daylight,
where you could face

the scorn of your peers
or lose your boring jobs.

Uh, we built
some serious momentum

going in
the other direction.

Okay, so, uh, after tonight,

if you still feel that way,
then I will leave,

and you will
never see me again.

But I'm not gonna
take your money.

It's all or nothing.

Well...

she's here.

Right, before we do
any of this,

I just want to make sure
we're all on the same page.

Nope.

Tonight, we are going
to fuck pages, fuck boundaries,

fuck parameters,
fuck all of it.

We're just gonna
fuck our fear.

Fuck our fear?
Yeah.

We ready?Yeah.

We're gonna start here.

[ Sighs ]

This is a very,
very good pizza.

Not your
Hawthorne Heights shit.

So I'm gonna need
you to warm this

to precisely 172 degrees
Fahrenheit.

It's part of the plan?

Yes. Yes.
And after that,

I'm gonna need both of you
to get into pajamas.

Nothing sexy.
No lingerie, Jack.

Just PJs, okay?

Okay.
I guess you're the boss.

Good. I'm glad
we finally realized that.

Heads up.

And I highly suggest
that you split that,

'cause it's very strong.

I feel like things
are about to get weird.

They are, 100%.

[ We The Ghost's "Come Down"
plays ]

♪ To the floor, to the floor

♪ I can't dance anymore Wicka-wick-wick!

♪ I know you like my soul I can fly!

[ Laughs ]

♪ Baby, take my hand

♪ Let's get out of this room

♪ Let's go somewhere quiet

♪ Somewhere
it's just me and you ♪

♪ And knock knock,
baby, let me in ♪I can fly!

♪ I don't wanna be your friend Aah!

♪ I wanna take you places

♪ That you ain't never been

♪ And knock knock,
is anyone home? ♪[ Beatboxing ]

♪ Light's out,
but I see your glow ♪

♪ Don't wanna feel that pain,
wanna skip that game ♪

♪ Oh, here we go

♪ You're so fly

♪ You've got me so high

♪ So high I don't wanna come Going down.

♪ I don't wanna come down

♪ You've got me so high

Izzy: Oh, my God!
[ Laughs ]

♪ J-Just don't make me
come down ♪

♪ Just don't make come down [ Coughs ]

♪ Oh, oh,
just don't make come down ♪

And this holy nectar

is commonly
known as ranch.

And you may dip freely.

It's a pizza-gasm.

We're starfish
on a beach.

Yeah.

But we're still
people, right?

♪ And throw away the key

♪ Oh, knock knock,
baby, let me out ♪

Oh, God.It's so good.

Is it?She's so flexy.

-Oh!
-Oh!

[ Laughter ]

♪ DJ Jack, my rhymes
are incredible ♪

♪ I think it's about time
that we have another edible ♪

Seriously, guys,
do we have another edible?

This is so good.

Nothing's ever gonna
be this good again.

♪ Just don't make come Wicka-wick.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.

♪ J-Just don't make me
come down ♪

Go lower, go lower,
and lower and lower and lower.

♪ Oh, oh,
just don't make come down ♪

That's amazing.
I don't know what it is.

♪ Ooh, ooh,
just don't make come ♪

♪ J-Just don't make me come

♪ J-Just don't make me
come down ♪[ Beatboxing ]

Am I crazy to think we could
get a recording contract?

♪ Down Do something to this.

♪ Don't make me come down Ow.

♪ Just don't make me come It's okay, I got it.

♪ J-Just don't make me come

♪ So high Izzy: Go, Jack.
Go, Jack. Go, Jack.

♪ You've got me so high Go, go, go, Jack.

♪ So high I don't wanna come

♪ I don't wanna come down

♪ You've got me so high

Upside-down guillotine!

♪ So high,
just don't make me come ♪

♪ J-Just don't make me come

♪ Knock knock,
baby, let me in ♪

♪ I don't wanna be your friend

♪ I wanna take you places

In the name
of all that is holy,

what the fuck
are we gonna do?

All the pizza's gone.

Oh.

Did you eat it all?

I'm sorry.

I'm coming down now
and realizing

how stunningly dumb
this conversation is.

I know.
It is so dumb.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Gasps ] Who the hell is that?Who is that?

Who is that?Man:
You know I can hear you guys.

[ Knocking continues ]Oh, no.

I'm pretty sure
that I heard them say...

It's the police!

"10-4, call the K-9s.
They have drugs."

Calm down, people.
I am not the police.

[ Whispering ]
We have drugs!

I'm the pizza man.

And you are obviously
very, very high.

We are so high.

Izzy: Shh!I ordered pizza.

You ordered pizza?

Everywhere.
Pizza.

♪♪

I love you.
I love you so much.

Do you know that?
I love you.

Ma'am.

Uh, here you go, man.

Come on, babe.
Pizza.

Come on, Em, let go
of the pizza man.

I'm so sorry.

♪ Just take me high

♪ 'Cause I'm losing my breath

♪ Little I have left Izzy: This is nice.

Best night ever.

♪ You got me harrowing

♪ In all this tension

♪ When you're caught
of your leap? ♪

Told you.

♪ Ohh, when we arrive Maybe this is doable.

♪ Yeah, we arrive The road less traveled,

the relationship
more populated.

♪ You follow the lights

Why does it
have to be scary?

♪ You spinning me round
and round and round forever ♪

Maybe it doesn't.

♪ Whenever I am this time
for worse, for better ♪

♪ Let's see how fast this thing
can fly ♪Just to be clear,

this is you inviting me
to move in?

♪ Right through the night

♪ This love is sky

And now this is happening.
Fuck, I did it again.

Sweetheart, I-I think
we need to talk.

Don't do that.
Don't do that.

Don't talk to me
like I'm a child, okay?

I'm already

trying to will myself
to just disintegrate.

[ Whispers ]
Should we say something?[ Whispers ]
I don't know what to say.

Okay.

I'm gonna sit up
and we'll just --

we'll just rewind
to right before I said anything

about permanent cohabitation,
okay?

Ready?

Here I go.

Why do you guys
keep making me feel this way?

I'm sorry.

I'm just -- I'm --
I'm actually confused.

Did you think
this was permanent?

'Cause...

it can't be.

What?

This --
This can't work.

And the longer we try,

the messier
it's gonna get.

This is real.

I know that you guys feel this
just as much as I do.

Right?

You can't honestly sit here
and say that I'm fucking alone.

I'm not crazy.
I'm not.

Izzy, no one
is saying you're crazy.

Fuck you guys!

I mean, we have careers.
We have neighbors.

I mean, we can't just
bring you home to --

to introduce you
to the parents.

As what?
That's like...

This -- This --
This is not a commune.

This is Hawthorne Heights.

We're trying to have a baby,
for God's sake.

So you're afraid?
Is that it?

Of course
we're fucking afraid.

We have something
at stake, Izzy.

We have stuff to lose.

You're at a different place
in your life.

How the fuck did we let
this happen?

It's not worth it.
It isn't, you know?

I -- It's...

I can't do this.

Izzy, please.

[ Sniffles ]
I can't do any of this,

any version of this.

Izzy, just sit down
for a second.

You don't need to run
out of here.

Izzy.

[ Sobbing ]

You don't deserve me.

Izzy.

Izzy.

Come on. Let's all just
settle down and...

In like a week or a month,

you're gonna realize
how bad you fucked up.

Because you were afraid.

What the fuck
just happened?

I think we just
broke up with Izzy.

And then she
broke up with us.

[ Sniffles ]

It's okay.
Don't cry, please.

It had to happen.
We knew it had to happen, okay?

Should we go after her.

I don't know.

What do you mean
you don't know?

I don't know what to do.

Stupid, stupid,
stupid Trakarskys.

Fuck.

♪♪

Go.

Ah.

♪ I've been waiting
on the proper time ♪

♪ I was hoping
that you'd take my line ♪

♪ Make it pure
and make it still ♪

♪ You will, you will, you will

♪ All mine

♪ You were saying,
"When you know, you know" ♪

♪ When we were walking
in the year's first snow ♪

♪ Hushed white in Alpenglow