All language subtitles for royal.pains.s01e01.dvdrip.xvid-reward

(GRUNTS)

PLAYER: What's up?

Time!

HANK: No pulse.

All right. Call 911.

I need those
two gym bags
right now.

I want some ice from
those coolers, okay?
And move it.

Here you go.
Thank you.

Ice. Ice.
Bring it in.

Okay, I need
to ice his crotch,

his armpits
and his scalp.

Thank you. Pits.

He can't breathe.

All right, come here.

I want you to keep
pumping just like this.

Okay?

Thank you.

HANK: Reaching in. Lifting.

All right,
he's breathing.
He's breathing.

Ambulance will be here
in 10 minutes.

Okay, we don't
have that long.

All right.
Who's got an SUV?

HANK:
Straight back.
Straight back.

Smooth and steady, fellows.
Smooth and steady.

Here we go.
All the way back.

HANK: Go.

HANK: Let's go. Let's go.

DR. WOLF: What are you
doing here, man?

Aren't you
off today,
Dr. Lawson?

I was. Status
post cardiac arrest.

Got his pulse back
and opened his airway.

NURSE: Did you really use
gym bags for immobilization?

Yeah. Can't wait
to tell him

some sweaty boxers
saved his neck.

Here you go, Doctor.
Thank you.

Thready pulse.

HANK:
Here, I got it.

O2 sat 80.
BP 100 over 60.

Draw up 5 of Versed
and 150 of sucs.

Dr. Lawson?

Paramedics bringing
in a 68-year-old
with a STEMI.

When?
Now.

Thank God
you're on.

We have Mr. Gardner
over here.

The Mr. Gardner?
Yes.

All right.
I'll be right there.

Oh, Mr. Gardner
is a friend.

We don't keep
friends waiting,
Dr. Lawson.

Okay. Let's have
a look, then.

Tube him.
You got it, Hank.

All right, guys.
Let's get him
to the cath lab.

Let's go.
Let's go.

Prep nitro drip
and titrate to pain.

I'll get started
on the cath.

Type and screen him
for two units
packed cells.

Going for
the femoral artery.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

Threading the femoral artery.
No obstruction.

Eight French catheter,
over the wire. Weak dilator.

And into the femoral artery.

And there's
the blockage.

You can finish up.
I'm going to go out.

You got it.

He's stable.
He just needs
an angio.

Dr. Wolf,
how's the kid?

The EKG shows
a third-degree AV block.

He was unresponsive to meds.

I placed an external pacer,
but I'm not getting capture.

What's his BP?

Hovering around
60 systolic.

All right.
He needs
a wire, stat.

Whoa. The priority
is Mr. Gardner.

You'll see him
all the way through.

Gardner is stable.

His BP is up.
His sat is 98%
on two liters.

The S-T segments
are normalizing
and his pain is gone.

So, how about today
we save two for
the price of one?

Let's go.

Dr. Lawson. Dr. Lawson!

Wow. Thanks.

After a long day
of life and death,

there is nothing
more reassuring

than the sight of the
world's most beautiful girl.

If I had a nickel.

Come here.

Settle down,
Dr. Desperate.

I know that look
in your eyes.

It usually leads
to skipping a meal.

Hmm.

We skip apps
and dessert.

We order apps
with the entrees.

Cold apps only,
no BlackBerries.

Done and done.

All right. Decide now,
so I can get the check.

You don't own
this body yet.

But I nailed
the down payment, right?

Yeah, you did.

Let's go give that
long day of yours
a happy ending.

I have a confession to make.

I will hear
your confession.

I always wanted
to marry a doctor.

Everything seems
to be falling
into place for me.

For us.

Maybe life is
supposed to go
according to plan.

Yeah. Man plans,
God laughs.

Don't you think that
every day for us

is better than
the one before it?

The ones that end
like this.

(PHONE RINGING)

I'm not...

Mmm, Hank.

(SIGHS) No.

Dr. Lawson.

(SIGHS)
All right.

Yeah. Hello?

I recognized
Mr. Gardner's
level of blockage,

I knew it had
to be relieved,

and I was confident

he would be successfully
angioplastied and survive.

Barring any bad luck.

Well, bad luck
rained and poured,
didn't it?

While you had
our senior CT surgeon
in another room.

To help me
try to rescue
a crashing patient.

I made a judgment call.

You made a mistake.
A fatal one.

And it's a shame,
Dr. Lawson,

because we all know
you're the most
talented physician

this emergency
department has seen,

and your star
was only on the rise.

Was?

If I were you,
I'd find a good lawyer

and a great place to hide
for the next 25 years.

Maybe by then, you'll
be completely forgotten

and you can come back
and try again.

KEVIN COSTNER ON TV: Hey, Dad?

You wanna have a catch?

I'd like that.

(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)

(DOOR OPENING)

Hey.

I'm always
here for you.

I just ask
for my guy space.
That's all I ask for.

Hank?

WOMAN ON TV:
Guy space?

You know
what today is?

It's Monday.

It's Thursday.

Okay. So?

You gave yourself
30 days.

You gave me 30 days.

You agreed to it.

What do you
want me to do?

You know what
I want you to do.

Nikki, I can't make
a new job appear
out of thin air.

Yeah. No one can.

That's why we...

That's why we search,
apply, interview.

It's a proven technique.

Yeah. I've tried it.

The Gardner family
managed to pull
a few strings

and have me blackballed at
every Level I trauma center
in New York.

Oh.

What about a Level II
or a Level III?

Thanks to all
these lawsuits
and countersuits,

no institution
will touch me.

I can't get work
as a school nurse.

Just remember one thing.

You put us here.
Not me.

You're the one who
let a billionaire
hospital trustee die

on your day off.

I mean,
Jesus Christ, Hank.

This is not
what I signed on for.

I wanted to spend on
florists and caterers and
photographers, not attorneys.

(SIGHS)

I think we need
to postpone.

I'll see your postponement
and raise you.

(EXHALES)

I saved the kid.

You've hashed
and rehashed every
excruciating detail

of this nightmare
over and over again,

but the one thing
you never mention

is that I saved
the goddamn kid.

If anyone asks,
that's why we
called it off.

(SCOFFS)

Since the day
I met you, Hank,

you have never been able
to accept the things
you can't change.

Right.
That's why we
called it off.

I'll send Rebecca
to get my stuff.

Don't even think
I'm splitting

the cancellation
costs with you.

Yeah, just
add the bills
to my stack.

(WOMAN CHATTERING ON TV)

(DOOR SLAMMING)

MAN ON TV: And the best part?
No more dirty clean-up.
It takes care of itself.

(CHATTERING ON TV)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Partay.

(SIGHS) Nikki left.

Yeah. Yeah,
I heard that.

It's, uh...

It's hard to believe
she would run away
from all this.

Okay. What do
you want, Evan?

I want to get
you out of here.

Yeah, well,
I can't right now.

Yeah. Clearly,
you're swamped.

You really need
to get out of
this apartment

and get some
fresh air, bro.
In Brooklyn?

Honestly,
it smells so bad.

It smells like a moose
had sex with a bucket
of Chinese food in here.

Like, musty.
And you kind of look

like Jesus and
Patrick Dempsey
had a child

and that child grew older
and then got really sick.

That's weird.
I'm not going anywhere.

Okay. Look. Look.

This trip is going
to get you back on
your feet. I promise.

Trip? What trip?

Are you kidding?

To the Hamptons.

I've been telling you
about this all month.

Yeah, and all month,
I've been saying,

"No way."

I thought you
meant "no way" like,
"No way!"

I haven't meant it that way
since I was 10.

How much fun
did we have then?

I'm not going.

Okay. Hank?
Listen to me.

Look.

It's Memorial Day
weekend. Okay?

It's the first weekend
of the summer.

The biggest parties
in the universe

are happening out there
for the next four days.

I'm not going.

I happen to have an in
to the rager tonight
in Sagaponack.

Thing's supposed
to be epic.

The guy's flying in ice
from Antarctica just
for the cocktails.

Obviously. I mean,
where else are you going
to fly in ice from?

The sushi rolls are
going to be filled with
southern bluefin tuna

and, like,
diamond chunks.

People are
going to be eating,
and people are like,

"Oh, God!
Oh, it's worth it!

"Oh, yeah, let's
have a diamond fight!

(CHUCKLES)
"A diamond fight!"

Like, supermodels
are going to be

mud-wrestling
over us, Hank.

It's going to be insane.

Okay, you know what?
That really actually
does sound good.

And no. Not going.

You know what?
You're coming.

I already have us booked in
the very last hotel suite
in the Hamptons.

And it's fit for a king.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Evan, I am broke,

unemployed, depressed,
disillusioned and alone.

Are you texting
while I'm talking?

Hmm? I can do both.

Why would I
want to spend
tonight partying

with a bunch of people
whose biggest problems
revolve around

whether or not to send
their Yorkshire terriers
to therapy?

Hell, give me
one decent reason.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
I'm going to
give you two.

You're all out of booze.

Oh.
Two,

Netflix froze
your account.

As your brother,
but also as
your accountant,

I'm advising you
to donate this thing
to science

and just take
the write-off.

Okay. How bad's
traffic going to be?

(LAUGHS)

You mean how good.

HANK: All right,
this is offensive.

EVAN: This is
the best thing I've
ever seen in my life.

Just relax into it.
Let it take you in.

Find a center.
Thank you.

(WOMAN CHATTERING)

Oh, my God.

No, no, no!
Look. No, no, no.
Look, look.

I need you to
book me VIP tables
at La Playa and Dune,

as well as
Pink Elephant. Okay?

It's called club hopping,
not club stopping.
All right?

And make sure
that the real estate is
current A-list this time.

Make it happen. God!

(GIGGLING)

Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. I'm sorry.

I just... You know,
having a lot of
money sometimes...

I mean,
it's good sometimes,
but sometimes...

(EXCLAIMS)
It drives you so crazy.

You out here
all weekend?

Uh, every last
drop of it, uh-huh.

North or south?

What's that?

North or south
of the highway?

Oh, right.
Yeah, of course.

Uh, south.

Do you own or rent?

Renting right now.

Oh.
So...

Which Hampton?

West Hampton.

You mean
Worst Hampton.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Worst Hampton?

(CHUCKLES)

I'll see you later.

Well, that went well.

So, take a right.

All right.

Whoa, that is
a cool house.

You know what's so much fun
when you're driving
in the Hamptons

and you've been
in your house
for three weeks?

What's that?
Check this out.

Okay. That's
not funny.
Just trust me.

That's not funny.
Just trust me.

Fit for a king, huh?

Uh, I didn't say
which country.

How are you?

Dude, they
can't even vote.

What? What?

That's just wrong.

Partay.

Tonight is the party.
It's going to be historic.

And that's why
I don't even plan on
sleeping here tonight.

I want to get taken in
like a stray puppy
on a rainy night.

(WHIMPERING)

Maybe Brangelina
will adopt you.

(LAUGHS)

What's my favorite
sport, Hank?

Extreme social climbing?

Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks.
Enjoy your shift.

Whose, uh...
Whose place is
this exactly?

Boris.
Boris who?

He's, uh, some German duke
and like, a trillionaire.

Everyone just
calls him Boris.

So follow my lead.

What do you mean?
Just act like
we're invited.

Well, you said
we are invited.

Uh, I said
I have an in.

Well, how good
of an in?

I can't really speak
to that definitively
right now.

By the way,
my name is Wilhelm.

Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to Shadow Pond.

(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
Oh, yes. Hello, Shadow Pond.

Wilhelm Friedrich
Von Schmidtsberg.

Schmidtsberg?
Schmidtsberg.

Of Niedertaufkirchen,
of course.

Und my security, Johann.
Johann, say hello.

(LAUGHS)
He's new.
He's new.

(BOTH SPEAKING HEBREW)

I'm sorry.
The name again, please?

Wilhelm Friedrich
Von Schmidtstein.

Sorry. I thought
it was Schmidtsberg.

Yes. Well, it was.

Until the Prussian
Hohenzollerns took
control of Berlin in 1881.

1871.

You were there?

Uh, you have some
identification, please?

But of course.
Identification, yes.

Thank you.

(EVAN SIGHS)

I'm sorry, sir.
Enjoy your evening.

EVAN: Boris has 312 cousins
back in Deutschland.

He knows maybe
four of them,

but he puts them
all on a permanent
guest list,

just in case
one of them pops in
during a visit.

Wait. So,
how did you
become Wilhelm?

I made a few calls
to the consulate.

I studied the dynasty's
genealogy on the Web.

And then I chose the only
name I had even a shot
at remembering.

Right. And the
fake German ID?

Puerto Rican guy
I know in Queens.

Okay. Do me a favor?

Yeah.
Never speak to me again.

Uh, hold
that thought.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)

Still mad at me?

Bro, this is where
God would party.

If he could get in.

You want to hear
something interesting?

Sure.

For the first time
in a long time,

uh, you're smiling.

I love that shirt.

I love that shirt.

I love that shirt.

I love this shirt.

Is it from Lagerfeld's
new summer collection?

Believe it or not, Costco.

Costco.

Costco.

Seriously.
Yeah.

What kind of plane
do you have?

And please,
tell me it's yours.

I am so over
fractional ownership.

Right. I have no money,
no job, and my Saab
is older than you.

(CHUCKLES) Wait.

Oh.

So, how did you
get in here?

My friend is
Bavarian royalty.

Honey. This is
the Hamptons.

Everybody is royalty.

Thanks for the tip.

WOMAN 1: April?
WOMAN 2: Quick, quick,

something's wrong
with April.

(APRIL COUGHING)

You all right, April?
You're gonna
be all right.

It's all right.

Clear. Clear.
Dr. Silver here.

When are you damn kids
going to learn how
to hold your drugs?

Boris' concierge doctor.

Start with some Oxy,
then a little crystal,

rip a few lines,
and chase it all down
with champagne.

"Heaven salad"
you kids call it, right?

What? April
doesn't do drugs.

Why? Because she
says she doesn't?

News flash, pretty boy.

Most drug addicts
are also liars.

Sorry, April.
We've got to get this
straight into your system.

(APRIL GASPING)
Doctor.

You may have misdiagnosed.

Oh, really?
Who are you?

Just a concerned observer.

(CHUCKLES) Oh. Well,
I observe nausea,

photosensitivity,
disorientation,

and a few other
tell-tale symptoms
of an opioid overdose.

What are you observing?

The same symptoms that you are
plus a couple you're not,

like her miotic pupils
and SLUDGE toxidrome.

(SCOFFS)

(APRIL GASPING)

It's a chemical
nerve agent.

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

(COUGHING)

(SIGHS)
Stethoscope, please.

(APRIL COUGHING)

Have you been
with her all night?

Yeah, pretty much.

Okay. Tell me
everywhere you've been.

Uh, we were in the
walk-in fireplace...
HANK: Mmm-hmm.

...downstairs in
the recording studio...
Right.

...out in the
botanical garden.

The garden.
What did you do there?

Uh, nothing. She was
smelling flowers.

Insecticide.

See, the problem
with assuming the worst
about people, Dr. Silver,

is that it lets you
stop searching for culprits.

Okay. You got
any atropine
in the fancy case?

(APRIL MOANING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Light, please.
Thank you.

All right.
Now we need to get her
to a hospital.

You. Call 911.

No. Thank you. No.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(WHISPERING)
You can punch out
for the night, Doctor.

Thank you.

No paramedics.

You mean no cops.

Aren't you
a doctor?
Yes.

But only a doctor.
She needs a hospital.

Hamptons Heritage Hospital?
The place is a taco stand.

For anything
more advanced
than a Band-Aid,

we'd have to get her to
Stony Brook or Manhattan.

What does she need?
The second half
of the antidote.

There must be
some way to help her

and help me.

I would be
doubly grateful.

All right.
Look out.
Look out.

I got this
from here, guy.

Who are you?

I'm a lifeguard.

Are you board certified
in clinical toxicology?

Huh?
Help me get
her up, Baywatch.

HANK: Get her
a pillow, please?

Your bodyguards outside.
What about them?

High-priced,
former Mossad.

Okay. Do they have
Mark I kits?

Enough to save
everyone in this house.

Baywatch, go tell them
I need the auto-injector
from a Mark I kit.

Go fast. Go now.

Where do you
practice, Doctor?

Nowhere. My last
hospital fired me

for letting
a rich patient die.

(SCOFFS) Bureaucracies.

I find the skilled amongst us
are better off left to their
own devices. Yes?

(DOOR OPENING)

Here.

All right.
Here we go, sweetie.

(HANK GRUNTS)

(COUGHING)

Hello, April.
She's going to
be fine, right?

HANK: She should still be
taken to a hospital,

whether it serves
Mexican food or not.

You can't just shoot her up
and put her to bed.

(MOANING)

My head hurts.

And my throat.

A result of your
Linda Blair impersonation.

(SIGHS)

Thanks. Here,
you should drink
some water.

Mmm.

Now, look.
You've been asleep
up here for an hour,

but you still need
to take it easy.

Mmm.

You're the one
that saved me?

Well, the lifeguard
helped out, too.

Who are you?

I'm Hank.

Hi, Hank.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)

You always keep
a detox kit around
for the occasional OD?

For the protection
of my guests.

Ah. For the
protection of
your privacy.

So, I gather
you're Boris.

Boris Kuester
von Jurgens-Ratenicz.
Hmm.

You'd be informal
about it, too. No?

(LAUGHS)
Yeah. I'm Hank.

Hank.

Have a seat, Hank.

Uh, you know what?
It's a pleasure
meeting you, but...

I wanted to
thank you.

Yeah. No sweat.

And compensate you
for the trouble.

Oh, yeah. Look.
I can't accept that.

A pro bono
concierge doctor?

Concierge doctor?

Private physician for hire?

All the rage
amongst us elite folk.

No, I was just
in the wrong place
at the right time,

and I was ethically
obligated to intervene.

But you should have
called the girl
an ambulance.

Life isn't
always simple.

Well, death is.

Sit down, Hank. Please.

You're quite right.
My privacy is sacred to me,

and I can't afford
any unwanted attention
this summer.

The last thing I need
is a Page Six sensation
on the first weekend.

But something told me truly
she was in better hands
with you.

Where are you staying?

Some theme park
in Worst Hampton.

Stay in my guest cottage
for the summer.

It will be vacant shortly.

Yeah, no.
I'm only out here
for the weekend.

Well, if you
extend your stay...

(DOOR OPENING)

Bye, Hank.

EVAN: And then
I could tie it up
in a package for you.

(EVAN LAUGHS)

Hey! Oh, my God!
Where have you been?

Working.
Dude, wait.

Hey.

Hey. I'm out
of here, Wilhelm.

What do you
mean? Whoa!

Dude. You can't
leave right now.

I'm on the verge
of having a Roman orgy

with the entire cast
of Gossip Girl.

Good. They can
drive you back to
the motel after prom.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, hey.

The heroic doctor.

Nice work in there.
Thanks.

Uh, I'm sorry.
Did you need a ride?

Oh, no, no. Thanks.
I have one.

My car.

(LAUGHS) Ah.

And a nice
basic car it is.

Well. Out here,
basic is special.

Yeah. I think so, too.

So, I see you're
the other person who
bought it in this color.

Yeah, you know. They offered
to throw in free hubcaps,
and I just caved.

Okay. Well,
I'll see you around.

Okay.

Hey, don't go running
any red lights.

May get pinned on me.

I need one last look
at my cousin's castle.

What the hell is that?
What's what?

There's a briefcase
in the backseat.

This isn't yours?
Uh-uh.

"The Doctor."
Well, that's you.

(CHUCKLES)

"My gratitude
is non-negotiable.
With regards, Boris."

Well, this could
have some serious
tax implications for you.

This is a real
bar of gold, Hank.

Dude, what were you
up to in there?

EVAN: (IN GERMAN ACCENT)
Yeah, that's good,
that's good, that's good.

Better in bed, yes.

Oh, oh, oh,
danke, baby. Yeah.

Oh, well, if you're
wearing a T-shirt,
it will never work. Yeah?

Evan.
Just take your
shirt off. Danke.

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Take your shirt off.

Evan, shut up.
Take your...
Take your shirt...

Just take your shirt off.
Take your shirt off.

Evan! Oh. What are...
Shh. Okay, relax.
Just relax.

Would you
get out of...

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

But it's already warm here.
Go. Go to your bed.

It's already...
Go to bed.

All right. God.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(EXCLAIMS)

What... Hello?

MAN: Hello. Hank?

Uh, yeah?

I have an emergency.
Could you come over
immediately, please?

Wait, I'm sorry.
Who is this?

You don't know me.
My name's Mr. Bryant.

I'll text you the address.
Please hurry.

It's a matter
of life and death.

(STAMMERS)

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

TUCKER: Uh, so,
thank you so much again, Pete.

You are my man.
Have a good day.

Hi. I'm Hank.

I guess
your dad called?

Mr. Bryant?
Yeah.

Well, Dad's not
here right now.

I'm Tucker Bryant,
and I called you.

Well, you don't
sound like the guy.

Right. Oh, right.

(IN DEEP VOICE)
How about now?

Oh.

I'm sorry.
I had no choice.

How did you
get my number?

Well, when my dad
took off this morning,

he left this list of
emergency contacts.

And it says, "Medical
emergency, Dr. Silver.
Concierge Doctor."

But then that's crossed out,
and it just says "Hank"
and your number.

Uh-huh. Okay, so...

Your dad's out of town
and you totaled his Ferrari.

Uh, yeah, but let's avoid
the Billy Joel jokes.

He lives within earshot.

Uh, this isn't my blood.

It's my girlfriend's.
Can you come inside?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

And who is Dad?
Marshall David Bryant IV.

Never heard of him.

Yeah. Uh, well,

that's 'cause this is
my great-grandfather's
money he spends

collecting all those toys.

HANK: Who's your
great-grandfather?

TUCKER: Marshall
David Bryant II.

Never heard
of him, either.

Ever use a blender?
Yeah.

You're welcome.

Uh, Doctor.

Are we gonna do this?
Yeah.

Babe, the guy's here.

Perfect.

Because I already
found out what's
wrong with me.

I've got an epidural hematoma,
a thoracic spine fracture,

a sternoclavicular
dislocation, and obviously,

some likely
internal bleeding,
but that's just so far.

Okay. Libby, chill.

Chill?
Yeah.

How the hell am I supposed
to chill, Tucker?

Can't you see that
I'm officially dying here?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
EVAN: Yeah, okay, okay.

What? What? God. Okay.

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Okay! All right.

Dude!

You're killing me!

How is it you can
remember the name of
every bone in the body

but you can't remember
to take your key?

I'm still asleep, right?

Um, I'm looking for Hank?

Not if it's my dream,
you're not.

Who are you?

Um, I'm Evan R. Lawson, CPA.

AKA, I'm
Hank's brother.

You're related
to Hank? Really?

Yeah. Thanks.

So, where is he?

He is, uh...
I don't know
where he is.

Could I take
a message for him?

For the first time in
my life, I may actually
be in love with a guy,

and you want me to
just relay that info to him

through his half-nude,
number-crunching
little brother.

It's just a bit awkward,
don't you think?

I think, yeah,
that would be 100%
socially unacceptable.

Um...

You know Hank
saved my life?

I heard if it
wasn't for him,

that concierge hack
would have killed me.

Uh-huh.

I just need to
give him his jacket
and say thank you.

Uh-huh.

Well, you know that,
as his brother
and accountant,

I am actually legally
empowered to accept your
thanks on his behalf.

You don't look
very empowered.

Can I give you
the grand tour?

No. I'll just
wait here.

Okay. That's, uh...

(EXHALES)

You can stay as long
as you want.

Let's be clear.
I'm here for Hank.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Got it.

Good.

So, I'm going to go
and take a few
cold showers then.

See you.
Okay.

(CELL PHONE CLICKING)
Sorry.

Just got to send that
to everyone I've ever met.

See you in a sec.

So that tree
came out of nowhere.

Actually, it came
out of the ground.

Yeah, but did it have
the right of way?

This is so not funny.

You wanted to go
for the ride.

I wanted Pinkberry, Tucker.

You said you could
drive that thing,

and I don't know.
Thank you.

(STAMMERING) I guess
it was too much
car for you, baby.

Do not emasculate me, Libby.

She's fine,
right, Doc?

Uh, yeah.
Let's have a look.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Okay. Does that hurt?

Yes.

And that?

Yeah.

Okay. And that?

Take a guess, McWeenie.
McWeenie?

I have fibromyalgia, right?
What?

It's a disorder marked
by the presence of
chronic widespread pain

and tactile allodynia.

Yeah, no. I know what it is.
Patients also
typically present

with debilitating fatigue,
abnormal sleep architecture,
cognitive dysfunction,

anxiety, depression.

Do you see what
I'm dealing with here?

Yeah.

You don't have
fibromyalgia.

Oh, my God.

You're going to
tell me that nothing
is wrong with me.

I hate when
doctors do that.
Every single day.

Oh, no. There's something
wrong with you, all right.

Thank you.
I think he's being
facetious, babe.

Do not patronize
me, Tucker.

Are you guys
really only 16?

I told her she doesn't
have anything.

Actually, she does.
TUCKER: What?

It's an increasingly
common condition called
cyberchondriasis.

I so knew it. I knew it!
The whole time,
I totally knew it.

Oh, my God.
Is it degenerative?

(CRYING)

(EXHALES) All right.

So, April...
April? Right.

Let's talk turkey.

Fine. Call Hank.

Uh, I don't have
his number.
Bull.

That's correct,
and since we have
time together right now,

tell me about
your colleagues.

I prefer
the European, you know,
runway bulimics, myself,

but I also feel very
strongly that the
girl-next-door, like,

glamour-model types,
they need love, too.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hank?
Already?

Who are you?

I'm Divya.
Divya Katdare.

And?
And I'm looking
for Dr. Hank?

Note to self,
become a doctor.

Sorry. I didn't mean
to upset you.

Cyberchondriasis?

Cyberchondriasis?
How could that
not upset me?

That sounds awful.
I mean, what is it?
Just tell me.

Is it neurological?
Lmmunosuppressive?

Say it's not
dermatological.

You can take anything,
but just not my complexion.

Right.

Cyberchondriasis is
an obsession with
researching health online.

Symptoms include excessive
time spent on WebMD, NIH,
and NOAH Health.

That's it?
HANK: That's it.

You're just
a cyberchondriac.

A rabid cyberchondriac,
I'm afraid.

But, uh, it's nothing
that will kill you.

(STIFLING
LAUGHTER)

Sorry.

Okay. Uh, let's let
the good doctor be
on his way now, Libby.

Wait. I have
more complaints.

My uvula dangles really longer
than most people's.

She's a handful,
but all the best
ones are, right?

So, thanks for
coming over so quick.

Listen, we should
hang out sometime.

We could fly
model planes.

Where do you do that?

In the backyard,
where Dad lands
his chopper.

Yeah. I'm only here
for the weekend, pal.

Oh. Too bad.

Uh, Dad would
have liked you.

Yeah. And I'd like
to know how he
got my number.

I mean, I just got out here.

Word travels pretty fast
in the Hamptons.

You know what?
Let me have a look
at that leg.

Oh, no. I'm solid, man.
I'm just a bit banged up.

But what would be
mighty fine of you

is if we could keep
this whole little episode

on the DL?

(LAUGHS)
You don't think
Dad will notice

the Ferrari Challenge
out front

that looks like
it's been through your
great-grandfather's invention?

Uh, no.

He's at his
Saint-Tropez beach house
for the next 10 days.

I have plenty of time.

That's a
half-million-dollar piece
of hand-assembled machinery.

Ten days is plenty
of time to repair it?

No, not repair it.
Replace it.

Aren't there, like,
70 in the world?

Uh, yeah, but I only
need to buy one.

Look. What Dad
doesn't know
won't hurt him,

and you can't really
put a price on not hurting
your old man, right?

I mean, this is what
trust funds are for.

Mmm. Sorry.

I don't sell my silence.

Are you going
to snitch on me?

Not if no one asks,

but I'm not going to lie
for a kid who risks lives,

all in search
of a few ounces
of frozen yogurt.

Overhyped frozen yogurt,
I might add.

LIBBY: It's not
overhyped, dude.

It's a tart, refreshing,
fat-free snack that offers 10%
RDA of calcium per serving.

Yeah, dude.
Don't punk
the Crackberry.

She'll light your ass
up like a Christmas tree.

Hey, look. I need
to give you a once-over.

No, you don't.

(GULPS)
Tucker?

Hey. I've got you.
I've got you.

Tucker? Tucker?

(GROANING)

HANK: Tucker? Tucker?
LIBBY: Tucker?

LIBBY: Oh, my God.

(GASPING)

Tucker. Oh, no.
It's okay. It's okay.

Why didn't you tell me
you're a hemophiliac?

Dude, my chest
is killing me.

Where's your
factor Vlll supply?

Bottom drawer
next to my aquarium.

Okay. Libby, go.
Okay.

Just try to keep
calm, Tucker.

(GASPING)

Stay with me, pal.
I can't breathe.

Stay with me.
Tucker, stay with me.
Tucker, stay...

Tucker?

All right.
The jugular's up.

Muffled heart sounds.
Minimal pulses.
Damn, it's a Beck's.

What's happening to him?

Beck's? What do
you mean, Beck's?

He probably
contused his heart

and bled into
the pericardial sac.

What are you
talking about?

His heart is
being squeezed

and not circulating
blood to his brain.

He needs the fluid drained,
but because of his hemophilia,

I could kill him
trying to save him.

Please, Hank,
you have to save him.

It's Tucker.

Okay. I need
a bottle of vodka,

a very sharp,
pointed knife,

a BIC pen,
a sandwich baggie
and some duct tape.

Sandwich baggie,
duct tape.

Who are you, MacGyver?

All right. Go.

Incising subcostally.

Opening into
the subxiphoid area.

Blunt dissecting
towards the pericardium.

Okay. Okay.
All right.
I'm there.

(CRYING)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Now, pray he's
started clotting.

Opening the pericardium.

He's bleeding.
Hank, he's bleeding.

Oh, my God.
We're killing him.
We're killing him.

Tucker...
Wait.

Wait.

Okay, he's clotting.
He's clotting.

Give me the pen.

Okay.

Tape. He's doing great.
He's clotting.

(SOBBING)
Yeah.

Okay. Good. Good.
It's okay.

(GASPS)

It's okay.

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
Tucker.

Just take it easy, pal.
Just take it easy.

(GRUNTING)
LIBBY: Tucker.
Hi. You're...

What did you do to me?

He saved you.
He saved you.
That's what he did.

And Libby helped out
big-time.

(LAUGHS)

Libby, now
call 911.

The Hamptons Heritage?
No way, man.

Dad calls it
the local cemetery.

Okay, well,
we have to get you
somewhere quick.

What would Dad
suggest we do?

Go into my wallet
and get the little
black card

that says
American Express on it.
HANK: Okay.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

He's really okay?
He isn't in pain?

Hemophiliacs live
in pain, Libby.

He'll be okay.

Good times.

This way, miss.

I should meet you
at Mount Sinai.

No. You really
don't have to.

You're an unaccompanied minor.

Yeah. Almost always.

I'm used to it.

All right.

Hey.
(LAUGHING) Yo!

How has your
morning been?

I've never worked harder
during a vacation
in my life.

That's amazing.
I had the exact
same morning.

Where you
going there, bro?

Back to the city
for some R and R.

What if I told you
I had two beautiful women
in the bathroom right now,

and they came here
just to see you?

Yeah, Ev. Sure.
If that's true,

I will stay
the rest of the weekend.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Ladies, Hank's home!

APRIL: Oh.

So, you remember April.
She's here to thank you
for saving her life.

And this is Divya.
She's here to
apply for a job.

(LAUGHS) Uh...

Okay. Let's go
one at a time.

So, what you're
suggesting is...

I'm not suggesting.
I'm insisting.

We need to see
more of each other.

I don't think that's
such a good idea.

Why not?

Your judgment
is still clouded.

It has never
been clearer, Hank.

Listen. These feelings
you think you have...

Who here knows more
about my feelings?

I do.

Oh, really?
How is that?

Because this isn't
an emotional issue.
It's a medical one.

It's called
Nightingale syndrome.

What's that?

It's where a patient
in critical care

develops an emotional
dependency on his
or her caretaker.

I don't have
Nightingale syndrome.

Prove it.
How?

Don't see me
for a month.

If you still have
your feelings then,
we'll talk.

Are you here
all summer?

No. Just for
the weekend.

(LAUGHS)
Well, you're not making
this very easy on me.

Sorry. Next!

The doctor will
see you now.

Divya?

Divya, Divya, hold on.

What's wrong?

HANK: Well, I think
we skipped a part.

Oh? Which part?

The part where you
tell me what the hell
is going on here.

I'd like to be your PA.

My PA?
Physician assistant.

Why would I need one?

All concierge doctors
have a PA.

I am not a concierge doctor.

Uh, what's a
concierge doctor?

It's the doctor
of the future.

It's the newest
accessory of the rich.

It's how we
all did it once.

You know,
the folksy neighbor,

walking up
to your door with
a little black bag.

Right. But now,
it's a former department chair

from Mayo
or Mass General or UCLA,

rolling up in an SUV
with portable X-ray,
ultrasound and EKG gear.

It's doctors on demand.

What's so wrong
with that?

Nothing. Nothing.
It's just...

(CHUCKLES)
It's not what I do.

Well, what
about April?
I was a bystander.

What about
Tucker Bryant?

How could you
possibly know...

I got a call
while you were
talking to April.

(CHUCKLES)

It's the Hamptons.

Yeah. Word travels fast.
I know.

Look, two freak occurrences.

I have not set up shop
in the Hamptons.

I know. And I guess
what I'm saying is,
why not?

Wait a minute.

So, you've been
here for 24 hours,

and you already
have a bar of gold
in your nightstand...

It's chocolate.
The maid puts it
on your pillow.

No, no, no.
It's gold.

And you're chasing
away supermodels.

Like, imagine
what we could do
if we actually tried.

We? Who's we?

Hank, you're up
to your eyes in debt

with no income
to service that debt,

and your bills
back in Brooklyn,

they're stacking up
like buckwheat pancakes.

You got a better
career plan?

I took the liberty of doing
some back-of-the-envelope
calculations.

A rough estimate of
the emergency-medicine market
out here during the season,

and a practice model
of services and fees.

With virtually
no capital outlay,
conservative pricing,

and relying strictly
on word-of-mouth
and referrals...

You could bank
some nice coin here.

Dude, I really
like this girl.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Aren't you
going to get it?

Would you...
That's my...
Doctor's office.

How can I help you?
WOMAN: I'm looking for...

(LAUGHING)
Excuse me.
You're not my...

Of course. Of course.
One moment, please.

For you.
(STAMMERING)
I have no...

It's an emergency.

Hello?
Dr. Hank? Thank God!

No, no, no. Look.
You don't understand.

Okay. Okay.
Okay, Ms. Newberg?

I don't even know what
happened to you, but I...

Right away.
No... I... No...

No, I am not
taking...

No, do not text me
the... Hello?

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Well, my car
has GPS

and a few other things
that may come in handy.

Shotgun.

You really
came prepared.

Core wound care.
Home diagnostics.

Infusion IV.

Why does a PA
drive around with
them in her trunk?

Well, they
were on sale.

Divya.

Look. I want to show you
all I can bring to the table.

I mean, besides
my work ethic,

my knowledge of
the Hamptons,

my relationships
with the locals...

Your superbly
well-toned figure.

Don't objectify me,
sidekick.

Uh, this is it.

This is what?

The address
that woman gave Hank.

No, no, no.
There has to be
a mistake.

No. No.
This is it.

This is where
Mrs. Newberg
is stranded

in desperate need of
medical assistance.

I guess we can
leave the toys
in the car.

Evan, that includes you.

DIVYA: A little
faster, Doctor.

I'm coming.

(WOMAN COUGHING)

You think one
of these people
is Ms. Newberg?

MS. NEWBERG: (SHOUTING)
I've been waiting here
for more than 45 minutes!

Never mind.
Mmm-hmm.

MS. NEWBERG:
No, I will not fill out
any more forms!

DIVYA:
General admissions
is this way.

And there she is,
in the fur coat.

This is ridiculous!
I demand to see
the administrator!

Will you please
stop screaming,
Ms. Newberg?

Oh, joy.
Can't wait
to meet her.

Oh. That Ms. Newberg.

You know her?

Of her.
They call her
Newparts Newberg.

MS. NEWBERG:
Are you even
listening to me?

Uh, Ms. Newberg?

Are you
the administrator?
No, I'm Hank.

Oh, good.
I hear wonderful things.

Great. This is Divya.

I'm his physician assistant.

She's not my
physician assistant.

I need your help, Hank.

Ms. Newberg,
you're in a hospital.

No. This is
not a hospital.

It's not?
It's a socialist conspiracy.

Apparently, if you're not
holding your dismembered
leg in your hand,

you don't require treatment.

There's a line based
on medical necessity,

and you belong
at the back of it.

Lines are
for the citiots.
What's a citiot?

It's what we
call you people

who come out
just for the weekend.

Thank you. Ms. Newberg,
what's your emergency?

I've got a flat tire.

Okay. I'm not AAA.

No.

A flat tire.

Oh.
Dear.

I spent the entire off-season
on this project.

I waited months to debut
these two saline gems on
the beach this weekend,

and I wake up
this morning, and...

(SPITS) Flat tire.

That's a shame.
But it's not my area.

In fact, I shouldn't
have even come here.

Look, the good news is,
you'll be fine.

The saline is harmless,

your body will
simply absorb it.

Just wait your turn

and the ER staff here
will take good care
of you, I'm sure.

Hank, let's help her.
No.

You must.
I'm sorry.

Please.

I can't go around
looking like this
in the Hamptons,

like some
high-society
circus freak.

What am I supposed
to do with this?

Hang beach towels
on this thing?

I mean, they're supposed
to come in pairs.

I have no privileges
at this hospital.

In fact, me even standing
here consulting with you

is probably 12 different
kinds of illegal.

And I have no equipment
or facilities of my own.

Well, I can get us
everything we need.

Well, your assistant
seems very confident.
She's not my assistant.

Offer to pay
him generously.

Divya!
He needs the money.

I'll pay any amount.
That's not the point.

I'll pay enough money
to make it the point.

Ms. Newberg...
I don't take "no"
for an answer.

Take it or leave it.
It's my answer.
Have a great day.

Can I be of
any help here?

You already had
your chance.

Nice to see you
again, Ms. Newberg.

This is Hank,
my private physician.

I'm not her
private physician.
We kind of met...

Jill Casey.
Hospital administrator.

Hank Lawson.
Uh, between jobs.

Nice to meet you,
Dr. Lawson.

Can we confer a moment
one on one, please?

Yeah. Sure.

He's very selective
about his clientele,
but I think he likes you.

So, you're the new
concierge doctor
in town?

No, no, no.
No, I'm not.

I can explain this.

No. Don't. In fact,

I just want to thank you
for taking that frequent
flyer off our hands.

You do?
Yeah.

She storms in here
every time one of her,
uh, renovations goes awry,

and she expects
to leapfrog over
dozens of people

with staph infections
and skull fractures,
chest pains...

Well.
You know what comes
into an ER, I'm sure.

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

So, you gonna
fix her flat tire?

Like I'm AAA.

When I said
consultation,

I was thinking some place
a little more private.

Well, you don't
mind, do you?

I've just got a couple
of things I've got
to pick up in town.

Besides, I'm not shy.

(LAUGHS)
Oh, right.

So, come on.
Let's cut to
the chase, Hank.

Okay. Okay.
Hey. Where are
you going?

Saline,
not silicone.
Right.

Single-lumen?
Yes.

Volume?

Um, 900 ccs.

850 is the maximum
you can buy without
going to the custom market.

I don't do anything
half-assed, dear.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Uh, excuse me
a moment, please.

(EXCLAIMS)

Yes, Mother.

Yes, I'll be
at the polo match
with you and Father.

(SPEAKING HINDl)

So, she didn't
buy off the rack.

Look. Assuming you
could even find us
a place to do this,

where the hell
are we going to
get custom parts?

It would take time.

Time she'd spend
walking around

like a high-society
circus freak.

Symmetry is
the key to beauty.

Hey. You have
some local anesthetic
and a needle in the car?

I do.

Okay, there is
the opposite solution.

I don't follow you.

If we can't refill
the flat tire...

We can just flatten
the other one.

It will even her out.

Oh, we can do that
procedure anywhere.

In the comfort
of her own home.

She's not going to
like this one bit.

I know.

Absolutely.
Absolutely.

Ms. Newberg?

We've got
some good news

and some bad news.

Well, I think
the procedure went
very well, Ms. Newberg.

You look incredible.

Just as CFO of HankMed,
I need a billing address.

Bill me in Manhattan,
Palm Beach, Aspen...
Anywhere but here.

This is my sanctuary.

Got it.

Hank. Darling.
Wonder man!

(MS. NEWBERG LAUGHS)

Although I did waste
an entire winter of
self-beautification.

But you're out
of the circus.

I'm out of
the circus.

And another satisfied
HankMed customer.

HankMed?

I would be so delighted
if you all came to my
beach party tonight,

the one I thought I was
going to have to cancel.

No, thank you.
I appreciate it, but...

I love beach parties.

It's weird.
Like, I think about them
when I'm not even at them.

Perfect.

EVAN:
We make a hell
of a team, too.

CFO of HankMed?

Yeah. HankMed. Has kind
of a ring to it, right?

I have time until
next tax season,

plus the social
perks of this job
should be killer.

I'd like to discuss
my title, Hank.

There are no titles.

There is no team.

There is no HankMed.

I'm sorry, guys.
I just don't think
I can do this.

So, where does
that leave us?

At goodbye.

Hank.
Nice meeting you, Divya.

Hank, Hank,
Hank, Hank.

Yeah. You, too.

(SIGHS)

Hey.

Okay, how do I look?

You look like
an Olympic swimmer
from Queeristan.

Is that a good
or a bad thing?

You're not really
going to go like
that, are you?

Too much?
Way.

Okay. I suspected that.

Come to the
party, okay?

Come on. It's an evening
with Newparts Newberg.

Like, how exclusive
does that sound?

Consider me excluded.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

What are you going
to do here?

Relax. Think.

Okay. Cool.
Well, think hard.
Or not too hard.

Whatever is better for me.

But just so you know,
as your brother
and accountant...

Get out

or you'll cease
to be either one.

Bam. I love you.
I like you.

Have fun with
your thoughts.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Dude, you're killing me.

How is it you can penetrate
a heavily guarded castle

and not your own motel room?

Hey.
Hey.

Um, I'm sure you're
wondering how
I tracked you down.

No, I stopped wondering
that out here.

Well, I hope
I'm not intruding.

Actually,
Ms. Newberg came by.

She has a goiter
the size of Montauk.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, Dr. Lawson,
I wanted to...

Hank. Hank.

Hank.

Um...

You know,
I know a place
down on the beach.

Do you want
to grab a bite?

JILL: Everybody
loves Chewy's.

Yeah, I know.
It looks good.
The best.

Here you go.
Thanks.
Thanks, Chewy.

Thanks.

So, tell me about
this little enterprise
that you're building.

Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.

I haven't actually
decided to build
anything, yet.

Can I ask you
something?

As medical professionals,
do you think we are
who we care for?

You know, we're not
all movie stars
and moguls out here.

We do have some
ordinary folk

like busboys
and plumbers,
electricians...

HANK: Yeah. I saw
the contractor with
the lower back injury...

Yeah.
...and the older woman with
the asthmatic bronchitis.

The kind of people that
keep this place running.

If it weren't for them,
the VIPs wouldn't be able

to tell the difference
between East Hampton
and East Newark.

(IN NEW JERSEY ACCENT)
Hey. Easy on Jersey.

Oh. Uh... That was me
being easy on Jersey.

Oh!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Anyway, you know,
they're mainly the people
that come into my ER

'cause, well, I mean,
they get sick and
injured, too. But...

Right.
None of that matters.

The only thing that matters
at the end of the day is
that these people need help,

and if I don't
help them, who will?

Exactly.
Not your old boss
in Brooklyn.

My grad school has
a tight-knit alumni network

and I asked around.

Huh, I guess you can't
escape your past.

Yours won't follow
you for too long.

What do you mean?

Well, the kid was obviously
the sicker patient,

and to have
a cardiac tamponade
during an angio

is kind of like
having your gas tank explode
when you're filling her up.

You triaged
by the book.

It was bad luck,
not a bad call.

How could you possibly...

Thank you.

And if I were the hospital
administrator there,

I would have had your back
all the way.

Yeah. And you would
have been fired, too.

Gladly,

because I think
what happened to you
is unacceptable, Hank,

and we need to
change the things
that we can't accept.

Yeah. Yeah,
that sounds about right.

So, what were you,
a nice normal girl,

doing at a party
like that last night?

I'm raising money
for a local free clinic.

Oh.
Yeah. And Boris has
been very generous.

Oh.

So, you know
where to find me.

Well, I know
where you work,
what you drive,

where you go for clams.

I mean,
I guess I could
go back to Chewy's

and just kind of,
you know, sit there,
waiting for you,

but it might
take a while.

And now you have
my number.

Hey, it's Hank.
How are you feeling, pal?

TUCKER: Good as new,
thanks to you.

Glad to hear
that, Tucker.

They may release me
tomorrow, actually,

but they said
I'll need follow-up.

All right. Well,
when your dad
gets back next...

Actually, uh...

Actually, he
extended his trip.

By how much?

Uh, the rest
of the summer.

Oh.

Well, I extended
mine, too.

So give me a call
when you get back.

Great. So you can
do my follow-up?

And so we can,
you know,

fly your model planes
in the backyard.

Sounds great, dude.
Can't wait.

Okay. Bye.
Later, man.

Ah-ha!

The good doctor.

What a pleasant surprise.

What can I
do for you?

So, I was wondering
about that possible
vacancy you mentioned.

Yes?

Your timing
is impeccable,

Hank.

(SIGHS)
Feels like all
people do out here

is knock on
each other's doors.

The only thing
knocking here, Hank,
is opportunity.

(DOOR OPENING)

Dr. Hot Shot.

Those observant
eyes of yours,

you'd better keep
them open wide,

'cause you ain't
seen nothing, yet.

(LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT)