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1
00:00:09,319 --> 00:00:11,691
- A tin of brown shoe polish, please.
- Right.
2
00:00:11,817 --> 00:00:13,115
I, er...
3
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,195
I don't suppose you carry hair restorer.
4
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:20,875
Well, technically, no,
but we do have alternatives.
5
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,318
Right, in that case, I'll just take
a tin of brown shoe polish, then.
6
00:00:25,035 --> 00:00:26,715
What, for growing hair?
7
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,555
- For my shoes.
- For your shoes.
8
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,355
You had me going there for a minute.
9
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,283
Cos I thought you were
going, you know, and...
10
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,435
Right, I'll just go and get a tin,
11
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:45,185
meanwhile I'll leave you to look at
the label on this pack of
12
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:46,795
almond slices.
13
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,915
Thank you very much, yes.
14
00:00:49,381 --> 00:00:52,977
Will that be the light tan or
the dark tan, sir?
15
00:00:53,103 --> 00:00:57,195
Cos I always think, if you're in doubt,
why don't you take one of each?
16
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,575
Dark.
17
00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:01,868
And the light tan for the lady of the house?
18
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:04,755
- You know, to surprise her?
- She would be.
19
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,044
Plus she'd think,
"What's he covering up?"
20
00:01:09,075 --> 00:01:11,182
OK, thank you very much, sir.
21
00:01:11,308 --> 00:01:14,218
Here we go.
There you are.
22
00:01:14,344 --> 00:01:19,235
- Now, is there anything else?
- No, thank you. One tin, dark tan.
23
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:20,856
- That's me done.
- Right.
24
00:01:20,982 --> 00:01:24,635
One tin, dark tan, no almond slices.
25
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,437
Correct, no almond slices.
26
00:01:28,161 --> 00:01:30,900
And I respect that decision, sir,
27
00:01:31,026 --> 00:01:35,319
though I am wondering if perhaps,
you, er, you know, you haven't heard.
28
00:01:35,445 --> 00:01:39,905
- Heard?
- Well, perhaps it's just a coincidence.
29
00:01:40,031 --> 00:01:42,093
Heard-heard what-what coincidence?
30
00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:46,469
Well, I have this regular, right,
almond slice customer, and he
31
00:01:46,595 --> 00:01:49,631
swears that they work,
32
00:01:49,757 --> 00:01:54,133
but I just think his hair would have
grown back naturally anyway.
33
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:06,004
Corrections & Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,690
This till is ill.
35
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,912
I've been telling you that for years.
36
00:02:40,038 --> 00:02:42,118
No, this is new.
37
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,439
It's caught something.
38
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,983
Yeah. It's hot.
39
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,755
It's got a temperature.
40
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,641
It's you that's going delirious.
41
00:02:52,883 --> 00:02:57,155
Lets just check to see whether it
works properly, then, shall we?
42
00:02:57,827 --> 00:02:59,125
All right?
43
00:03:15,305 --> 00:03:17,781
Can hardly drag itself back.
44
00:03:18,852 --> 00:03:20,109
'eck.
45
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,460
Here we go, here we go.
46
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,773
It's all right. OK.
47
00:03:38,154 --> 00:03:40,605
Soon have you back to normal.
48
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,380
Just tuck yourself up in this for a while.
49
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,134
Morning.
50
00:03:46,808 --> 00:03:50,265
Right, what am I having for breakfast
that you want to get rid of?
51
00:03:51,812 --> 00:03:54,235
Why is he strangling that till?
52
00:03:54,519 --> 00:03:56,595
It mustn't catch a chill.
53
00:03:58,361 --> 00:04:01,036
My Auntie Flory got taken by a chill.
54
00:04:01,466 --> 00:04:05,158
Don't come in here with your
tales of gloom, will you?
55
00:04:05,284 --> 00:04:08,256
One minute she were there,
then she were gone...
56
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,926
to Bridlington,
where she picked up this bug.
57
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:16,353
He said he were Brazilian,
but I reckon he came from Hull.
58
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,340
Any road, what's that old ice
cream van doing outside?
59
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,575
What can we be getting you this
morning, Gastric?
60
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,875
- The full English.
- Right, the full English.
61
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,648
Put his money in this tin, will you, Leroy.
62
00:04:37,636 --> 00:04:40,021
I'm letting the till have a lie in.
63
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,852
Ready?
Ta-da.
64
00:04:53,257 --> 00:04:55,828
- Well, what do you think?
- I'll have a choc-ice.
65
00:04:56,938 --> 00:04:58,896
No, come on, what do you think?
66
00:04:59,022 --> 00:05:02,244
Going to do her up and sell from her.
67
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,141
What, ice cream?
68
00:05:04,267 --> 00:05:07,664
Anything.
And we can use her for deliveries.
69
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,388
Leroy, you know that I trust you,
70
00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:19,392
and we've always been close,
71
00:05:19,931 --> 00:05:21,931
but I must ask you...
72
00:05:23,626 --> 00:05:25,035
where did you get the money?
73
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,185
- Yeah, I've got some money.
- Not from me you didn't.
74
00:05:28,864 --> 00:05:30,634
Certainly not from you.
75
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,157
It'll all be yours one day.
76
00:05:33,283 --> 00:05:36,252
Yes, and I decided not to wait, all right?
77
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:39,195
Look, I've been buying and selling
stuff on the internet,
78
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,290
and she wasn't all that expensive.
79
00:05:43,506 --> 00:05:44,986
I hope not.
80
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,915
I hope that you have not been ripped off.
81
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,785
Ripped off.
Had a good tutor, hadn't I?
82
00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:54,790
Well...
83
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,446
I say we gave up too early on
that macho thing.
84
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,875
We didn't do it right.
85
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,235
We lacked macho plausibility.
86
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,350
Aye, you know why?
87
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:13,355
We're a bunch of pussies.
88
00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:16,509
Is that fair?
89
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,804
It has plausibility.
90
00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:22,471
All right, maybe I'm being a bit harsh.
91
00:06:22,597 --> 00:06:27,024
You are. We're the guys who set off
to cycle round Britain.
92
00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:30,254
Aye, and we fell off at Rotherham.
93
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,336
We only did 12 miles.
94
00:06:32,462 --> 00:06:35,835
You were navigating. We shouldn't
have been anywhere near Rotherham.
95
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,579
It were windy.
The map were in me face.
96
00:06:38,705 --> 00:06:42,980
You think that's a problem?
I've got Mrs Featherstone in my face.
97
00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:45,275
We need to get back in the saddle.
98
00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:50,611
I made up me mind.
Nothing is going to shake my determination.
99
00:06:52,308 --> 00:06:54,588
If that's all right with the both of you.
100
00:06:57,677 --> 00:06:59,192
Here we go.
101
00:06:59,515 --> 00:07:03,790
We'll soon have you snapping back again.
102
00:07:08,647 --> 00:07:09,907
Granville?
103
00:07:10,426 --> 00:07:11,915
Hello, Mavis.
104
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,645
Hello, Granville.
105
00:07:14,023 --> 00:07:16,298
I thought you weren't speaking to me.
106
00:07:16,424 --> 00:07:18,477
What, you?
No, never.
107
00:07:18,603 --> 00:07:21,435
I thought maybe it was something I'd said.
108
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:27,074
You know me. Sometimes, before my brain
gets there, things have slipped out.
109
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,411
I've got shirts like that.
110
00:07:29,537 --> 00:07:32,915
If you're busy, if you've got
something on your mind, I can come back.
111
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:37,100
No, no, no, please, no.
You stay, I need you.
112
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,555
No, it's not you, it's me.
113
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,915
I'm having a bad-surprise day, that's all.
114
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,293
I mean, the till has got something nasty, and
115
00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:51,289
Leroy's gone and bought himself a van.
116
00:07:51,415 --> 00:07:54,161
Bought a van?
Is that bad?
117
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:57,794
Well, I mean, it's not like he's
offering customers discount.
118
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:02,346
No, no. He never said a word.
I wasn't even consulted.
119
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,783
You realise they're growing away from you.
120
00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:08,404
Shows initiative.
121
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:12,956
I'm the one that's supposed to show
initiative, though, aren't I, around here.
122
00:08:13,171 --> 00:08:16,710
Well, you always have with me.
123
00:08:16,836 --> 00:08:20,433
I'm hoping that that's not going to stop.
124
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,829
- Fish and chips tonight.
- Wear something nice.
125
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,993
Hey, what's this I hear about
your Leroy buying a...
126
00:08:32,119 --> 00:08:34,239
Out. Out.
127
00:08:34,365 --> 00:08:36,045
- Out?
- That way.
128
00:08:39,044 --> 00:08:41,234
Let him come in.
129
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,235
All right. You heard what the lady
said, come in.
130
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:51,007
That's more exercise than I've had all week.
131
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:03,435
Go look at some books.
Try to at least look like a customer.
132
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,635
I'm being asked to stop you coming here.
133
00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:10,177
But this is where you are. If I go somewhere
else, you're not going to be there.
134
00:09:10,303 --> 00:09:12,755
Pick up a book, open a book,
135
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,445
look intelligent.
136
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,840
Well, try.
137
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,515
- Have you found someone for Ruby?
- Working on several possibilities.
138
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,005
- Work faster.
- Can I pick you up for lunch?
139
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,458
Not in that Chinese thing.
140
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,830
On four wheels, in my new vehicle.
141
00:09:28,963 --> 00:09:32,785
Bet it's not an Audi.
Gerald's got an Audi.
142
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,113
Bet he doesn't have a built-in fridge.
143
00:09:36,223 --> 00:09:37,449
Go.
144
00:09:37,575 --> 00:09:39,324
And don't come here again this week.
145
00:09:39,892 --> 00:09:41,462
They're watching.
146
00:09:45,556 --> 00:09:48,187
Can I get you anything else, Mrs Rossi?
147
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,634
You can tell me what they're saying
about me, Granville.
148
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,355
- I know they talk about me.
- They talk about everybody.
149
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,422
I tell you, it's disgusting.
It makes my life
150
00:09:58,548 --> 00:10:00,783
much more interesting.
151
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,266
You marry one Italian, they never let it go.
152
00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:06,501
How did you meet him?
153
00:10:07,769 --> 00:10:10,763
It was my first time in Padua.
154
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,595
I only went for the frescos.
155
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,240
I know, I like their ice cream as well.
156
00:10:19,807 --> 00:10:21,715
Two cars just bumped in Bramwell Street.
157
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,726
You should have heard the language.
I'm surprised they get insurance.
158
00:10:25,852 --> 00:10:28,955
Well, if you can handle three
husbands in standard English,
159
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,315
there's no need for any more.
160
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,835
You've just got to close your ears
and think of the old days.
161
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,355
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
162
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:39,065
I think Granville will soon
be learning Italian.
163
00:10:39,191 --> 00:10:41,874
Mrs Rossi, in the shop, again?
164
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,835
He's not equipped for
anything not home-grown.
165
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,689
She is home-grown.
She was born here.
166
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,408
- Well, not around here.
- Well, Harrogate.
167
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,868
I mean, I'm not recommending it,
but it still counts.
168
00:10:52,994 --> 00:10:54,475
What do you care anyway?
169
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,841
Well, I think it should be of
concern to all of us,
170
00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:59,826
if you don't want your local shop
going all Roman orgy.
171
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,887
Well, does it look like it's
going all Roman orgy?
172
00:11:03,013 --> 00:11:05,657
He's already got spaghetti in.
173
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:10,055
- He's always had spaghetti in.
- Yes, but nobody ever bought it.
174
00:11:10,181 --> 00:11:11,425
Well I...
175
00:11:16,471 --> 00:11:18,122
Sorry to keep you waiting.
176
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:24,395
Get Ruby to the park.
3 o'clock.
177
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,472
You've aged since I last saw you.
178
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,944
Be kind to your elders.
179
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:31,041
You've got sharp teeth for a vegan.
180
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:33,115
What's happening at the park?
181
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,744
I've got three guys who are hopefully
interested in a date with Ruby.
182
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,401
You can't tempt her with one,
she's not going to want three.
183
00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:41,875
They just want to get a look at her,
and hopefully one of them
184
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,258
might join us for a meal tonight with Ruby.
185
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,369
Well, she won't put herself on
display for your cronies.
186
00:11:47,495 --> 00:11:48,915
She won't know.
187
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,045
I've arranged it that way.
188
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,741
Just get her to the park.
189
00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:00,208
Watch the paintwork.
190
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:03,256
And take those machines outside.
191
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:08,040
Unattended? Would you separate a
man from his machine?
192
00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:10,962
And what are you dressed in that rig for?
193
00:12:11,088 --> 00:12:13,768
The Tour de Yorkshire's passing today.
194
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,552
Don't tell me you two...
195
00:12:17,678 --> 00:12:20,795
If people jump to conclusions,
it's hardly our fault.
196
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,475
Did we say we were riding the
Tour de Yorkshire?
197
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,245
Excuse me, could we have your
autographs, please?
198
00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:31,394
There's no need to get cynical.
199
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,480
You do know you have to have
muscles like steel?
200
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,955
Yeah, well, we once fell off at Rotherham.
201
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,156
They used to make steel.
202
00:12:43,282 --> 00:12:44,952
It's connected, you see.
203
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,482
It's a wonderful world.
Everything's linked.
204
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,636
So, I catch my Eric coming out of
the bathroom in full Lycra,
205
00:12:58,762 --> 00:13:01,635
cycling helmet and a big number on his back.
206
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,355
- Which number?
- I don't care which number.
207
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,995
It's, why any number?
208
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,035
What's he doing with a number on his back?
209
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,039
- Maybe he's racing.
- In the bathroom?
210
00:13:13,524 --> 00:13:16,048
Why has he got full Lycra
211
00:13:16,174 --> 00:13:19,243
and a cycling helmet coming out
the bathroom? So I asked him.
212
00:13:19,369 --> 00:13:23,275
- What did he say?
- He said, "Have you seen me speedometer?"
213
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:28,532
Well, I'm looking at him, full
skin-tight Lycra, and I'm thinking,
214
00:13:28,658 --> 00:13:31,195
"Where's he going to put a speedometer?"
215
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:35,475
You know the Tour de Yorkshire will
be passing through, not far away?
216
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,432
- My Eric in the Tour de Yorkshire?
- Well, did you ask him?
217
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,724
No, you don't ask Eric for details.
218
00:13:43,876 --> 00:13:46,591
He has these, erm, fantasies.
219
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,718
But suppose he wins.
220
00:14:08,572 --> 00:14:11,917
It's only me.
Are you decent?
221
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,800
There you are.
222
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,955
Have you been drinking too much?
223
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,600
- I haven't touched it yet.
- Get me one. I need it.
224
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,920
How are you with strange women?
225
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,275
I seem to be getting lots of practice.
226
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,895
I believe that our local shop
is under threat.
227
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,395
I'm sorry to hear that,
it has a certain antiquated charm.
228
00:14:44,521 --> 00:14:47,075
Well, I intend to fight that threat.
229
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,463
I'll join you in that.
230
00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:51,955
Good. Now, her name is Mrs Rossi,
231
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,692
and I want you to find out what she's up to.
232
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,515
But I don't know the woman.
233
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,315
Well, get to know her.
Show her your smooth side,
234
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,663
be charming, sweep her off her feet
like you did me.
235
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,995
Or one foot anyway.
236
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,435
Delphine, I wouldn't know where to start.
237
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,995
Well, I'll give you a shove,
but remember, it is only the start.
238
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,857
I don't want you anywhere near
the finishing line.
239
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,710
Look, just come and sit down and relax.
240
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:28,351
Why... why... why you fussing me?
241
00:15:29,313 --> 00:15:31,528
You see something ain't right?
242
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,873
Was it the eye that gave it away?
No, I'm moments away from a heart attack, right?
243
00:15:37,999 --> 00:15:41,555
- Look, you can tell me, I'm strong.
- No, it's all right. No, sit down.
244
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,876
What you've got is something very simple,
245
00:15:44,002 --> 00:15:46,528
- and it's, well, very curable.
- You think?
246
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:51,133
Yes. Trust me,
I've done this many times before.
247
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:55,235
- But will it hurt?
- No, no, and you'll get instant relief.
248
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,551
There you are.
Blow this up, will you? Give it a good puff.
249
00:15:58,677 --> 00:16:00,777
You'll feel better.
250
00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:02,996
How far do I blow it?
251
00:16:03,122 --> 00:16:05,794
Until you've got rid of the obstruction.
252
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,127
What obstruction?
253
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,809
Well, you've got what we call,
erm, buyer's block.
254
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:18,315
You see, I've offered you three bargains
and you haven't bought a thing.
255
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,853
But I wasn't interested.
256
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,260
Yes, you've got what we call in the trade,
257
00:16:25,721 --> 00:16:27,556
commercial congestion.
258
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:34,080
Commercial congestion? You know,
I knew there was something wrong.
259
00:16:34,206 --> 00:16:35,406
I told my wife.
260
00:16:35,532 --> 00:16:39,555
It's a good job we found it early,
isn't it? Right.
261
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,971
OK, now, go and give that a good blow.
262
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,600
That's it, keep going.
That's it.
263
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,089
Just a bit dizzy.
264
00:17:02,215 --> 00:17:03,784
Yeah, no, that's good, that's a good sign.
265
00:17:03,909 --> 00:17:06,329
Good sign?
You think it worked?
266
00:17:06,455 --> 00:17:11,155
Well, let's see, shall we?
Put it to the test.
267
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,715
We'll see if you're unblocked.
268
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,077
Right.
269
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,579
Would you like to buy these for
the lady of the house?
270
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,702
Don't look at me.
No, no, no.
271
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,200
I'm not helping you any further.
272
00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:29,859
You're on your own now.
273
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,111
- I'll take them.
- Good.
274
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:47,246
Inside that van there are three suitable
males waiting to get a look at Ruby.
275
00:17:48,004 --> 00:17:49,990
That's sneaky.
276
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,382
You're going to grow up
to be a really tricky person.
277
00:17:54,977 --> 00:17:56,475
What happens when Ruby comes?
278
00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:00,337
Well, the one who fancies her the
most, he's going to come out the van
279
00:18:00,463 --> 00:18:03,511
and then me and you are going
to get them together.
280
00:18:06,233 --> 00:18:09,093
- You had to wear the hard hat?
- I forgot it was on.
281
00:18:09,219 --> 00:18:10,610
Do you wear it in bed?
282
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:14,018
Well, that's not something you're
ever likely to find out, is it?
283
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,555
- That is the nicest thing she's ever said to me.
- Take it off.
284
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,936
- Show your golden curls.
- I was going to take it off anyway.
285
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,675
I can't just barge in and
intrude on Mrs Rossi.
286
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:47,873
Well, just stand within reach.
Her type will pick you up on radar.
287
00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:50,193
Do we know that she even comes
in to the library?
288
00:18:50,319 --> 00:18:54,092
I'm told every day.
She's probably studying advanced grocery.
289
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:57,057
Whatever she's doing, it's not
really any of our business.
290
00:18:57,183 --> 00:18:59,355
Although I know that's never
much of a disincentive.
291
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,256
Well, I don't care, personally.
292
00:19:01,382 --> 00:19:03,630
It's the effect on the shop that worries me.
293
00:19:03,756 --> 00:19:07,735
He never changes the shop.
It's part museum.
294
00:19:07,861 --> 00:19:09,828
Don't fight me on this, Newbold.
295
00:19:09,954 --> 00:19:13,403
Do you really want to see it go from
boiled ham to pollo alle crema?
296
00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:17,456
There she goes.
297
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,075
Looks like she's studying
restoring old furniture.
298
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,496
Look at that walk.
299
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:28,401
Does that say "old furniture"?
To me that says, "mambo Italiano".
300
00:19:30,994 --> 00:19:32,431
See?
301
00:19:32,557 --> 00:19:35,819
So, once they've passed through,
302
00:19:36,987 --> 00:19:41,225
we'll join in on the end. Word will get back,
we'll get points for trying.
303
00:19:41,717 --> 00:19:44,675
- It's not like winning.
- No, it's not like winning.
304
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,020
But at least we will have failed
magnificently.
305
00:19:58,336 --> 00:20:01,712
You can't just walk up to the woman,
she'll think you're a sex pest.
306
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,417
On the other hand, you'd better
walk up to the woman,
307
00:20:04,542 --> 00:20:08,123
cos the one waiting outside is she
who accepts no excuses.
308
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,367
What do I say?
309
00:20:10,801 --> 00:20:14,401
"Don't be afraid, Mrs Rossi.
Look, no hands."
310
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,924
Er, Mr Newbold, isn't it?
311
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:24,432
- Yes.
- I've seen you with Mrs Featherstone.
312
00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:25,955
Inevitably.
313
00:20:26,337 --> 00:20:27,976
Is that how it feels?
314
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,462
No, no, I wouldn't say...
315
00:20:32,748 --> 00:20:34,635
You guessed.
316
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,360
What are you reading?
317
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,936
Fifty Shades Of...
318
00:20:39,062 --> 00:20:41,407
No. No, no, I didn't realise.
It was the first...
319
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,761
I just reached for...
320
00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:45,315
It's not Fifty Shades.
321
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:50,076
It's actually A Field Guide to British Fungi.
322
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,990
Well, thank heavens for that.
323
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,880
Don't you do it, just don't.
Get off.
324
00:21:08,382 --> 00:21:09,889
Can you do anything with this?
325
00:21:10,015 --> 00:21:12,963
- What effect are you after?
- Human.
326
00:21:13,089 --> 00:21:16,175
Shut up.
She hates it enough already.
327
00:21:17,435 --> 00:21:21,506
She's going on a blind date,
just as soon as we can find someone.
328
00:21:21,632 --> 00:21:24,745
- I bet he's foul.
- He won't be foul, will he?
329
00:21:24,871 --> 00:21:26,159
He will.
330
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,515
No, of course he won't be foul.
331
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,000
Just brave.
332
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:35,160
I went on one of those blind dates.
Finished up paying.
333
00:21:35,450 --> 00:21:37,565
Said he'd left his wallet at home.
334
00:21:38,060 --> 00:21:39,795
That sounds like him.
335
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,980
You've got good bone structure.
336
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,075
I'm going to give you the works.
337
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,892
Hey, what do you think of that?
338
00:21:49,235 --> 00:21:52,476
Just remember, it's all got to go
back under a hard hat in the morning.
339
00:21:58,659 --> 00:22:00,290
Hello, hello.
340
00:22:00,416 --> 00:22:05,435
Who's feeling better, then?
Right.
341
00:22:05,917 --> 00:22:07,795
Welcome back.
342
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,522
I don't think you'll need this any more.
343
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,875
Lets just check that you've got your
old snap back, shall we?
344
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,996
All right, wait a minute.
345
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,369
Yes. Ready?
346
00:22:25,961 --> 00:22:27,328
Yeah.
347
00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:34,545
Welcome back, thou kind and loving till.
348
00:22:35,247 --> 00:22:36,511
Yes.
349
00:22:38,997 --> 00:22:40,864
Good day to you, Mr Newbold.
350
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,520
Mr Newbold?
351
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,080
Attractive woman.
352
00:22:50,392 --> 00:22:52,048
Very pleasant.
353
00:22:52,642 --> 00:22:58,035
I knew you'd come round to her once you
got past thinking she were terrifying.
354
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,810
Terrifying?
No way.
355
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:05,924
Do you think it's too early for
sending flowers?
356
00:23:06,050 --> 00:23:07,835
I'd need your discretion, Granville.
357
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,881
This mustn't be leaked to you-know-who.
358
00:23:11,217 --> 00:23:15,649
Well, I'm afraid Mrs Featherstone
will know they've come from you.
359
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,235
Flowers for Mrs Featherstone?
360
00:23:19,964 --> 00:23:21,895
Pull yourself together, Granville.
361
00:23:23,036 --> 00:23:27,968
Flowers... for Signora Rossi.
362
00:23:32,747 --> 00:23:36,727
And now the excitement as the first
riders appear.
363
00:23:45,434 --> 00:23:47,423
I told you we were early.
364
00:23:48,033 --> 00:23:51,550
Do you know what that means?
We're in front.
365
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,945
They're not going to believe it back home.
366
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,475
She gave you some.
Hey.
367
00:24:06,637 --> 00:24:08,682
She gave you some.
368
00:24:09,021 --> 00:24:10,626
No problem.
369
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:15,503
This is food of the gods, Leroy.
370
00:24:15,629 --> 00:24:19,106
Mrs Alice Crowther's gravy.
371
00:24:28,523 --> 00:24:31,210
She won Gold at the Yorkshire Open
again with this last year.
372
00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:34,395
Yes. All right, you go and look
after the shop.
373
00:24:34,521 --> 00:24:37,253
I'm going to get this round to Newbold.
374
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,275
What's he going to eat it with?
375
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,292
A slice of bread.
376
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,475
Bread and gravy.
377
00:24:45,813 --> 00:24:49,073
Yorkshire's gift to gourmet cuisine.
378
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,988
And you're going to tell him it's
Mrs Featherstone's gravy?
379
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,400
Desperate times calls for
desperate solutions, lad.
380
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,301
This is Yorkshire nectar.
381
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:07,064
If we were wearing caps now, Leroy,
we would doff them.
382
00:25:09,799 --> 00:25:13,591
- Right. She wants her pot back.
- Right.
383
00:25:13,717 --> 00:25:16,197
Well, I'll heat this up and put
it in a hip flask,
384
00:25:16,323 --> 00:25:18,054
then you can take her pot back.
385
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,195
We were in the lead of the
Tour de Yorkshire.
386
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,435
So why can't we tell our
nearest and dearest?
387
00:25:31,809 --> 00:25:33,787
Stand by for this message.
388
00:25:33,913 --> 00:25:36,595
Hard men don't brag.
389
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,593
I always live by that.
390
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,515
But what if they talk in their sleep?
391
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,400
That could work.
392
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,155
You look after the shop,
I'll only be about ten minutes.
393
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:58,635
- If that's hot, put some gloves on.
- Yes, I know, I want it hot.
394
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,511
I want Newbold to get the full flavour.
395
00:26:04,034 --> 00:26:08,508
I want him to taste the gravy that
he'll never dare leave.
396
00:26:16,777 --> 00:26:20,946
I'm glad I caught you, Granville.
I'm here to offer my services.
397
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,151
- What, now?
- At any time.
398
00:26:24,277 --> 00:26:26,466
The offer is open-ended.
399
00:26:29,104 --> 00:26:30,924
Speaking of open-ended...
400
00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:33,755
why are you squirming, Granville?
401
00:26:35,003 --> 00:26:36,752
- Am I squirming?
- You're squirming.
402
00:26:36,878 --> 00:26:38,633
I know a squirm when I see one.
403
00:26:39,308 --> 00:26:41,162
Is it excitement, Granville?
404
00:26:41,545 --> 00:26:44,958
The two of us alone at last in a
confined space?
405
00:26:46,417 --> 00:26:48,564
You've gone rather red, Granville.
406
00:26:49,064 --> 00:26:52,675
- Yes, at both ends.
- I knew it.
407
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,600
I can tell the signs.
408
00:26:55,993 --> 00:26:59,366
Are you overheating, Granville?
409
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,315
- I am, Mrs Featherstone, I am. I'm overheating.
- I like that.
410
00:27:04,441 --> 00:27:07,229
I like that I have that effect upon you.
411
00:27:07,562 --> 00:27:11,662
Is there, is there anything
I can hold while you cool down?
412
00:27:13,139 --> 00:27:14,455
No, no, forget that.
413
00:27:14,581 --> 00:27:16,776
Why should I cool you down?
414
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,649
No, stay hot, Granville, and
together we will fight those women
415
00:27:20,775 --> 00:27:22,734
who have designs on you.
416
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,893
You're very flexible around the
hips for a man of your age.
417
00:27:38,633 --> 00:27:41,771
- Ruby.
- Now, don't say a word.
418
00:27:42,620 --> 00:27:44,340
You look gorgeous.
419
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,162
OK, you can say that.
420
00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:51,089
Come on, then.
421
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,995
I'm pinned there and she looks at me,
the Black Widow.
422
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:05,841
"What would you like at this moment?"
she asks me.
423
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,161
And she seemed surprised when I said,
424
00:28:08,287 --> 00:28:10,887
"I'd love to sit gently
on a raspberry ripple."
425
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,720
And when you need an ice cream,
where was he?
426
00:28:21,971 --> 00:28:24,331
Running his own van now.
427
00:28:26,201 --> 00:28:29,476
I'll have to watch it, he'll be taking over.
428
00:28:29,602 --> 00:28:33,571
Heh, not while I've got the mark
of a hip flask
429
00:28:33,697 --> 00:28:36,377
on this right buttock, he won't.
430
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:44,819
Corrections & Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
33552
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