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1
00:00:15,989 --> 00:00:18,125
Mrs Harper's got a new washer.
2
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,275
It gleams.
Looks space age, hi-tech.
3
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,075
We don't need a new washer.
4
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,235
Who said anything about us
needing a new washer?
5
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,355
Just cos I have to wind
a handle to work ours.
6
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,318
Well, it's good exercise, in't it?
7
00:00:34,444 --> 00:00:36,675
You see what a good parent I am?
8
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,892
I'm looking after your health.
9
00:00:39,018 --> 00:00:41,599
We'll never have petal white undies.
10
00:00:41,725 --> 00:00:45,523
Yeah, for all the action they get,
they're close enough.
11
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,044
Up, here comes a black cloud.
12
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,835
- Granville.
- No, will you let...?
13
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,475
Granville...
Granville...
14
00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:01,395
I had a funny phone call last night,
somebody breathing at the other end,
15
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,559
and immediately I thought of you.
16
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,840
No, it wasn't me,
I don't breathe at the other end.
17
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,675
I thought, "Has he finally finished
fighting the attraction between us?"
18
00:01:14,662 --> 00:01:18,955
Now, this person that called,
did he reverse the charges?
19
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,595
- No.
- Well, it wasn't me, then.
20
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,595
I'm not so sure.
21
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,355
Has, um...
Has Mr Newbold been in?
22
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,360
You could try at the library.
23
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,560
I think I'll try the library.
24
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,435
I think she's losing her grip on Mr Newbold.
25
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,635
No, don't say that.
26
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,955
He's the only thing
that keeps her away from me.
27
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,835
Yeah, well, you will keep making
those funny phone calls?
28
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,366
Hey.
29
00:01:49,998 --> 00:01:54,298
Corrections & Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,635
Well, at least it's not raining.
31
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,475
It's cold, it's miserable, it's early...
32
00:02:16,112 --> 00:02:17,675
but at least it's not raining.
33
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,115
Early?
34
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,635
You don't know what early is.
35
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,475
In my day, we had earlies
so early that you were late
36
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:27,761
even if you were on time.
37
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,195
Little bird tells me we're coming
to the end of that till.
38
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,475
I've seen some of your little birds.
39
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,835
They're not a good guide for basic
grocering, are they??
40
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,549
I'm having this vision of a replacement.
41
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:54,937
Something that's shiny, streamlined,
that works.
42
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,995
Will you keep your voice down?
43
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,275
What do you want to say
a thing like that for?
44
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,591
You know he's listening.
45
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,195
Watch my lips.
46
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,430
We need a new till.
47
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,518
I told you he were listening.
48
00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:17,826
It's all right, he didn't mean it.
49
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,428
Here.
50
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,130
Ha.
51
00:03:50,256 --> 00:03:52,773
You'll be ruining people's eyes
with that lot.
52
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,939
Hey, they pick their own,
so how come it's my fault?
53
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,577
Good day to you, Granville.
54
00:04:01,703 --> 00:04:04,383
And a good day to you, Mr Newbold.
55
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,760
These look... cheap.
56
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,674
They're from one of the premier
optical houses in Calamistan.
57
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,088
Calamistan?
58
00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:20,214
Isn't that a dirt-poor
barren stretch of rock and sand?
59
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,315
Or am I thinking of a life
with Mrs Featherstone?
60
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,715
No, no.
It's a dictatorship.
61
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,729
And people have been made
to change their prescription
62
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,434
in order to make their leader look better.
63
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,911
So, as a consequence, I am able to offer
64
00:04:36,037 --> 00:04:39,317
all their old ones at a bargain price.
65
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,595
How do these look?
66
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,075
Yes, very scholarly.
67
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,795
You'll be irresistible
to Mrs Featherstone in those.
68
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,600
Ye gods, they won't do.
69
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,516
What about these?
70
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,494
Yeah, but why are you asking me?
71
00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,996
You should be asking Mrs Featherstone.
72
00:05:00,122 --> 00:05:04,362
The days of my heeding
Mrs Featherstone's opinion are over.
73
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,560
Finito, Granville.
74
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,401
Now, I am looking for something...
slightly devilish.
75
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:16,702
A bit of a swashbuckler, man about town.
76
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,875
Have you buckled many swashes
in your time, Mr Newbold?
77
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,875
I mean to say...
78
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,035
is that really you?
79
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,854
It is now.
I'm off the hook, Granville.
80
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:32,420
I'm soon to be Featherstone-free.
81
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:39,059
Mr Newbold, look,
think about what you're giving up.
82
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,675
People look up to you
because you've been where
83
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,995
very few people have ever dared to go.
84
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,555
No, I haven't.
Thank goodness.
85
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,235
She's saving herself for Mr Right.
86
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,730
I sometimes think she has an eye on you?
87
00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:56,623
No, please.
88
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,170
Don't blow your chances,
cos you're almost there.
89
00:06:00,296 --> 00:06:02,555
You're up there with Antony and Cleopatra,
90
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,315
with Romeo and Juliet.
91
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,995
I could see it, it's...
it's Newbold and Featherstone.
92
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,874
Yes, yes, watch.
This is me blowing my chances.
93
00:06:14,189 --> 00:06:16,449
And it's all down to this book.
94
00:06:16,575 --> 00:06:19,793
Inspiring, Granville.
A genuine game-changer.
95
00:06:19,919 --> 00:06:23,075
Yes, but just think of all the games
that you'll be missing
96
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,524
in the future with Mrs Featherstone.
97
00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:29,435
I do, Granville, I used to lay awake
at night thinking about them.
98
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,823
Brought me out in spots.
99
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,782
That's how you know that she is the one.
100
00:06:36,908 --> 00:06:38,983
Strange, really.
101
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,915
I used to be afraid of the woman.
102
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:45,201
Not any more.
103
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,560
My new Bible, Granville.
104
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,647
Take Control Of You.
105
00:06:54,199 --> 00:06:56,434
Does Mrs Featherstone know about this?
106
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,057
She will..
107
00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:00,844
She will.
108
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,795
He wants to go camping.
109
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,188
For our holiday, he wants to go camping.
110
00:07:10,314 --> 00:07:12,408
Well, don't let him start wearing shorts.
111
00:07:12,534 --> 00:07:15,068
If I see one more pair of male legs
in shorts,
112
00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:16,909
I shall demand a tax refund.
113
00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:19,035
I think it's best not to look.
114
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,094
Like when you pass an accident.
115
00:07:21,220 --> 00:07:22,535
Tax refund?
116
00:07:22,661 --> 00:07:25,075
Shorts are not the Government's fault.
117
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,810
It's not often you can say that.
118
00:07:26,936 --> 00:07:30,225
Then whose fault is it?
You see all these male legs on show...
119
00:07:30,351 --> 00:07:32,675
You can't believe that their owners
have volunteered.
120
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,635
I think they're getting paid.
121
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,031
Well, who's going to pay for
men showing their legs?
122
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,672
The Government.
123
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:41,235
It's a sneaky form of birth control.
124
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,435
A woman takes one look
at the average male in shorts
125
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,835
and she never wants any more children.
126
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,125
He just wants to go camping.
He didn't say anything about shorts.
127
00:07:50,251 --> 00:07:53,555
If you go camping,
he'll be wearing shorts. They do.
128
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,682
There's something about tents that
lures them out of their trousers.
129
00:07:57,808 --> 00:08:00,563
There's some camping going off,
then, in Cooper Street.
130
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,283
And this is him who needs a soft mattress.
131
00:08:03,408 --> 00:08:05,563
Beware of soft mattresses.
132
00:08:05,688 --> 00:08:08,788
Men can spring at you
from the dips and hollows.
133
00:08:10,048 --> 00:08:12,163
Eric doesn't do springing.
134
00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:15,534
He comes up silently, like fog.
135
00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:24,288
How do these look?
136
00:08:26,128 --> 00:08:27,723
They look like glasses.
137
00:08:27,848 --> 00:08:29,883
What do you want from me, admiration?
138
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,683
Is it too much to ask
for a little reassurance?
139
00:08:32,808 --> 00:08:34,163
Do they suit me?
140
00:08:34,288 --> 00:08:36,803
At �3.50, I think
they're pretty suitable.
141
00:08:36,928 --> 00:08:39,363
Even if we do have to keep changing 'em.
142
00:08:39,488 --> 00:08:42,203
Hey, what is this I hear about you
going camping?
143
00:08:42,328 --> 00:08:44,163
What of it?
144
00:08:44,288 --> 00:08:48,019
You make it sound like I'm asking Kath
to walk down the high street half naked.
145
00:08:48,145 --> 00:08:49,780
They've got the road up.
146
00:08:50,088 --> 00:08:54,323
- Is that significant?
- It is, if she's walking down the high street.
147
00:08:54,448 --> 00:08:56,231
There's a diversion.
148
00:08:58,648 --> 00:09:01,243
Will you stop handling those glasses?
149
00:09:01,368 --> 00:09:03,283
You're going to smear the lenses.
150
00:09:03,408 --> 00:09:04,723
They're blurred anyway.
151
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:07,877
Look, just slide them down
to the end of your nose.
152
00:09:10,168 --> 00:09:11,243
All right?
153
00:09:11,368 --> 00:09:14,909
Now you look over the top for distance,
154
00:09:15,849 --> 00:09:18,889
and down through the lens for close work.
155
00:09:24,168 --> 00:09:26,043
Hey, that's better.
156
00:09:26,168 --> 00:09:28,123
It's working for me.
157
00:09:28,248 --> 00:09:31,003
There you are, bifocals.
158
00:09:31,128 --> 00:09:33,350
Where would you get that for �3.50?
159
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,871
What have you been buying?
160
00:09:45,997 --> 00:09:48,317
Things which will be good for this business.
161
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:55,643
Your modern, streamlined till.
162
00:09:55,768 --> 00:09:57,439
- You can take that back.
- Wha...?
163
00:09:57,565 --> 00:10:00,803
No, give her a chance, get used to it.
164
00:10:00,928 --> 00:10:02,498
Keep all your fingers.
165
00:10:02,624 --> 00:10:04,404
What about him?
166
00:10:05,328 --> 00:10:07,443
Come on, get real.
167
00:10:07,568 --> 00:10:08,843
Listen.
168
00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:10,603
Large display.
169
00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:12,163
Silent printing.
170
00:10:12,288 --> 00:10:14,648
SD card for data back-up.
171
00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,422
Look at it, man, it's beautiful.
172
00:10:18,688 --> 00:10:20,174
He don't like it.
173
00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:22,958
And how do you know that?
174
00:10:37,088 --> 00:10:39,243
Wives aren't built for camping.
175
00:10:39,369 --> 00:10:41,603
It's an evolutionary fact.
176
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:44,083
They've been developed for central heating.
177
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:48,001
They no longer need
a source of male heat in bed.
178
00:10:49,541 --> 00:10:51,602
I blame the duvet.
179
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:55,119
The duvet has done terrible damage
to the need for a cuddle.
180
00:10:56,688 --> 00:10:57,963
Cuddle?
181
00:10:58,088 --> 00:11:01,424
I've just narrowly escaped
the embrace of a python.
182
00:11:03,728 --> 00:11:07,603
I wish my mother-in-law would go
camping, instead of camping with us.
183
00:11:07,728 --> 00:11:09,803
I'm not taking your mother-in-law.
184
00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:11,923
I've already got my own bolshie female.
185
00:11:12,048 --> 00:11:13,483
Strong women.
186
00:11:13,608 --> 00:11:16,128
We seem to have a surfeit of strong women.
187
00:11:16,771 --> 00:11:18,851
I think it's the Pontefract cakes.
188
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:23,918
You have to be pretty sturdy
to face a Pontefract cake.
189
00:11:31,688 --> 00:11:34,963
Look, I know the world's not
listening, but here's me question.
190
00:11:35,088 --> 00:11:37,524
What exactly is wrong with camping?
191
00:11:38,128 --> 00:11:41,843
Uncomfortable, inconvenient, cold, damp...
192
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,848
Not with modern tents.
It's pure luxury.
193
00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:49,128
The great outdoors, underneath the stars...
194
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,363
zero distractions.
195
00:11:52,488 --> 00:11:54,323
Just the two of you.
196
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,843
Now I'm beginning to get
your thinking, yeah.
197
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:02,104
Do we gather that your wife
is not over enthused
198
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:04,014
with this camping scheme?
199
00:12:04,328 --> 00:12:08,283
They seem to have zero interest in
recapturing the playfulness of youth.
200
00:12:08,408 --> 00:12:10,563
Have you considered making the
decision for them?
201
00:12:13,288 --> 00:12:14,808
Asserting yourselves.
202
00:12:16,393 --> 00:12:17,913
Taking control.
203
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:32,939
- So, let him live in the new till.
- What? Plastic? No.
204
00:12:33,065 --> 00:12:36,426
This is genuine Sheffield steel.
205
00:12:37,168 --> 00:12:39,043
There's a glow in real steel.
206
00:12:39,168 --> 00:12:41,723
I mean, you can feel it.
207
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:45,008
I daren't feel it.
It's liable to bite your hand off.
208
00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:49,516
I can't be doing with these glasses.
209
00:12:52,088 --> 00:12:54,578
You said I could bring 'em back.
210
00:12:54,704 --> 00:12:58,803
No, no, keep your glasses on.
Madge likes you in glasses.
211
00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:00,123
She never said.
212
00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:01,843
No, they don't, do they?
213
00:13:01,968 --> 00:13:04,340
It's the way they look at you.
214
00:13:04,466 --> 00:13:06,163
Up, quick, put 'em back.
215
00:13:06,288 --> 00:13:08,132
What have you got that's frozen?
216
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:11,489
Who's been spreading a rumour like that?
217
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:17,038
We need something quick for a lunch
that's edible and not overpriced.
218
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,524
He's edible and not overpriced.
219
00:13:20,058 --> 00:13:22,003
What have you got for lunch?
220
00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:25,048
Well, have a look in the freezer.
221
00:13:28,288 --> 00:13:32,608
Why don't you go over to Madge,
smile and show her your glasses?
222
00:13:35,474 --> 00:13:36,794
Hello, Madge.
223
00:13:39,328 --> 00:13:40,928
Excuse me.
No...
224
00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:43,628
Madge.
225
00:13:45,987 --> 00:13:47,674
You're looking well, Madge.
226
00:13:51,528 --> 00:13:53,526
What are you blinking at?
227
00:13:55,128 --> 00:13:56,683
What's wrong with your eyes?
228
00:13:57,902 --> 00:14:03,323
- I...
- Tell her you're overcome by her charms.
229
00:14:03,448 --> 00:14:05,208
Right.
230
00:14:06,192 --> 00:14:08,467
I'm...
I'm overdone, Madge...
231
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:11,923
by your charts.
232
00:14:12,614 --> 00:14:14,203
What charts?
233
00:14:14,328 --> 00:14:16,205
You'll have to ask him.
234
00:14:18,008 --> 00:14:20,134
My fingers are freezing.
235
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,826
Look in there and see if you can
find some salmon en croute.
236
00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:27,368
Yes, all right.
237
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:29,733
I'm not eating that.
238
00:14:29,859 --> 00:14:31,483
Well, you've had it before.
239
00:14:31,608 --> 00:14:34,528
Well, nobody told me,
and I didn't like it then.
240
00:14:39,385 --> 00:14:41,420
My brown shoes have been moved again.
241
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:43,483
They're not where I like to keep them.
242
00:14:43,608 --> 00:14:46,337
My toast was slightly underdone
this morning.
243
00:14:46,878 --> 00:14:49,603
There's been some slippage in the
quality of your gravy of late -
244
00:14:49,728 --> 00:14:52,008
and we are going camping.
245
00:14:56,368 --> 00:14:59,322
- Just sit yourself down.
- Right.
246
00:15:01,328 --> 00:15:04,954
Now, you know this place is haunted,
don't you?
247
00:15:06,248 --> 00:15:09,723
I know there's this ruthless figure
that's always after your money.
248
00:15:09,848 --> 00:15:11,563
Yes.
249
00:15:11,688 --> 00:15:13,083
That's him.
250
00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:15,850
The one I'm thinking about's
nearer than that.
251
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:21,843
The trouble is, our Leroy doesn't
believe that he's still around.
252
00:15:21,968 --> 00:15:26,883
So you are going to help me
make him a believer.
253
00:15:27,008 --> 00:15:32,085
All you've got to do is to hide
and pretend to be the ghost.
254
00:15:33,328 --> 00:15:34,786
Why am I hiding?
255
00:15:35,448 --> 00:15:40,763
Well, because 's necessary
that Leroy doesn't see you.
256
00:15:41,297 --> 00:15:45,668
- All we need is your voice.
- I'm afraid that comes with the rest.
257
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:48,288
Why am I hiding from Leroy?
258
00:15:51,841 --> 00:15:54,635
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry.
259
00:15:54,761 --> 00:15:58,443
Let's just have a little rehearsal.
260
00:15:58,568 --> 00:16:02,000
All I want you to say is...
261
00:16:03,407 --> 00:16:05,883
"Take it away."
262
00:16:06,543 --> 00:16:09,208
I can do that.
I like takeaways.
263
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,283
Let's hear it.
264
00:16:15,450 --> 00:16:16,850
Take it away.
265
00:16:18,288 --> 00:16:20,868
No, no.
Put some feeling in it.
266
00:16:20,994 --> 00:16:25,252
We want it strange, eerie, otherworldly.
267
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:28,870
Take it away.
268
00:16:30,461 --> 00:16:32,682
That's not eerie, is it?
Not otherworldly.
269
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:34,568
That's hardly next door.
270
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,888
Wait a minute.
I've got an idea.
271
00:16:42,014 --> 00:16:43,294
Come up here.
272
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,934
Right.
273
00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:53,368
Put your head in their and say,
in a long, drawn-out way,
274
00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:56,352
"Take it away."
275
00:17:02,264 --> 00:17:04,824
Take it away.
276
00:17:06,385 --> 00:17:09,545
Yes.
Now we're getting somewhere.
277
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,962
Right.
Here we go.
278
00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:18,795
A nice bit of polish,
soon bring the colour up.
279
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:22,310
Yep, we will have you looking your best.
280
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,983
Good day to you, Mr Lucas.
281
00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:29,584
How's yourself and all the family?
282
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:30,909
We're not speaking.
283
00:17:31,777 --> 00:17:35,885
What, again?
Is that all the family, or just Mrs Lucas?
284
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:38,504
She's the worst.
She sides with them.
285
00:17:38,629 --> 00:17:40,344
I might as well live on my own.
286
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:43,835
Have you got any Carter's Little Liver
Pills left? I've just finished mine.
287
00:17:43,961 --> 00:17:46,504
How long have you had those?
288
00:17:46,629 --> 00:17:49,824
They went out of production in the 1960s.
289
00:17:49,949 --> 00:17:52,172
I know, but old Arkwright sold me
a whole batch of them
290
00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:55,211
he managed to find
in a warehouse in Upper Poppleton.
291
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,989
That batch.
292
00:18:00,269 --> 00:18:02,024
Dear, I don't know how much longer
293
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:04,384
I can live with Mrs Lucas without the pills.
294
00:18:04,509 --> 00:18:05,824
Don't worry.
295
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:07,949
Help is at hand.
296
00:18:09,229 --> 00:18:11,504
We'll soon put you on the right road.
297
00:18:11,629 --> 00:18:14,571
Here we are.
There.
298
00:18:14,989 --> 00:18:18,104
Doctor Proctor's Little Lover Pills.
299
00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:20,384
- You mean, Liver Pills?
- No, Lover Pills.
300
00:18:20,509 --> 00:18:22,349
Little LOVER Pills.
301
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:26,704
Trust me, tests have shown that
they're good for
302
00:18:26,829 --> 00:18:28,441
a happy liver as well.
303
00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:30,530
No label.
304
00:18:30,656 --> 00:18:33,744
I know, that is to save any embarrassment.
305
00:18:33,869 --> 00:18:38,064
It's the pharmaceutical equivalent of a...
306
00:18:38,189 --> 00:18:40,349
a plain brown envelope.
307
00:18:43,309 --> 00:18:44,883
Are they any good?
308
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:49,903
They'll be the best �5
that you've ever spent.
309
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,224
Let me put it this way.
310
00:18:52,349 --> 00:18:57,389
I shall be very surprised if you and
Mrs Lucas are not...
311
00:18:58,669 --> 00:19:00,975
speaking by tonight.
312
00:19:04,657 --> 00:19:07,426
Thank you very much, sir.
Do call again.
313
00:19:11,909 --> 00:19:13,964
Now, come in.
Sit down.
314
00:19:14,749 --> 00:19:18,228
And tell me how you've been
getting on after reading the book.
315
00:19:18,749 --> 00:19:20,447
Changed my life.
316
00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:22,224
I knew it.
317
00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:23,789
It's changing mine.
318
00:19:31,149 --> 00:19:32,349
Pass.
319
00:19:33,136 --> 00:19:34,491
What, nothing to report?
320
00:19:34,617 --> 00:19:37,252
I'll tell you what I've got to report...
321
00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:38,973
- I read the book.
- Good.
322
00:19:39,165 --> 00:19:42,024
- I absorbed the message.
- Me too.
323
00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:43,224
I was on message.
324
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:47,424
Excellent. And you felt the power
of regaining your manhood?
325
00:19:47,549 --> 00:19:50,024
I felt the power shooting up me spine.
326
00:19:50,149 --> 00:19:54,438
Mine did that. I could feel my macho
going ape.
327
00:19:54,564 --> 00:19:57,144
Yes, well, we might have to bring
it down eventually.
328
00:19:57,269 --> 00:19:58,849
Not be too brutish.
329
00:19:58,975 --> 00:20:00,184
No.
330
00:20:00,309 --> 00:20:02,210
I found myself shouting, "Yes."
331
00:20:04,309 --> 00:20:07,077
I wanted to salute something.
Me.
332
00:20:07,796 --> 00:20:10,149
I were like a raging bull.
333
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:14,639
And then you went home and faced her and...
334
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:18,429
The bull turned out to be a chicken.
335
00:20:19,789 --> 00:20:20,989
Cyril...
336
00:20:26,438 --> 00:20:28,337
I thought you'd be using it by now.
337
00:20:29,552 --> 00:20:31,504
You're determined not to use it, aren't you?
338
00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:32,864
No, it's not that.
339
00:20:32,989 --> 00:20:35,846
I was, but the message came down.
340
00:20:36,681 --> 00:20:38,249
"Take it away."
341
00:20:38,977 --> 00:20:40,424
You're just being stubborn.
342
00:20:40,549 --> 00:20:44,744
It's true, I were going to use it,
I went towards it like that,
343
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:47,424
and a voice said, "Take it away."
344
00:20:47,549 --> 00:20:50,144
I went, "Yeah."
345
00:20:50,269 --> 00:20:53,697
- I hadn't heard any voices.
- Well, I'm just telling you.
346
00:20:53,823 --> 00:20:55,629
Take it away.
347
00:20:58,829 --> 00:21:00,224
You did that.
348
00:21:00,349 --> 00:21:02,104
I don't yet know how, but you did that.
349
00:21:02,229 --> 00:21:05,026
- Did what?
- Come on.
350
00:21:05,949 --> 00:21:07,024
You heard the voice.
351
00:21:07,149 --> 00:21:09,387
No, I didn't hear any voice.
352
00:21:09,513 --> 00:21:12,344
- Well, I did.
- You did?
353
00:21:12,469 --> 00:21:16,144
He's talking directly to you now.
354
00:21:18,949 --> 00:21:20,984
Take it away.
355
00:21:24,749 --> 00:21:26,536
Go on, go and answer the shop.
356
00:21:30,473 --> 00:21:31,704
You....
357
00:21:36,749 --> 00:21:39,770
- How did I do?
- You were great.
358
00:21:39,896 --> 00:21:42,496
I thought we'd got Brian Blessed
under there.
359
00:21:43,949 --> 00:21:46,509
That's one to cross off me bucket list.
360
00:21:50,055 --> 00:21:52,290
Tell him, Eric, how it worked for you.
361
00:21:53,290 --> 00:21:58,424
Wha... Well, I went home, opened
the door, showed Kath me stony face
362
00:21:58,549 --> 00:22:01,107
and gave her a load of lip and now...
363
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,806
I'm wondering how long
it is before I dare go back home.
364
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,179
- I'm here, Wilburn.
- Have you missed me?
365
00:22:10,681 --> 00:22:12,561
Moment of truth for you, then.
366
00:22:14,589 --> 00:22:16,290
Our advice would be...
367
00:22:17,319 --> 00:22:18,767
don't fight it.
368
00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:22,987
There's no shame in surrendering bravely.
369
00:22:23,112 --> 00:22:25,632
There comes a time when one
has to make a stand.
370
00:22:26,672 --> 00:22:28,385
I only ask one favour.
371
00:22:29,272 --> 00:22:30,961
Pull me back if I get too hard on her.
372
00:22:32,771 --> 00:22:35,346
Sit down.
Relax.
373
00:22:35,472 --> 00:22:36,863
Back shortly.
374
00:22:38,112 --> 00:22:39,507
She's not staying.
375
00:22:39,632 --> 00:22:41,352
She's in for a surprise.
376
00:22:43,352 --> 00:22:44,828
She's leaving.
377
00:22:50,872 --> 00:22:53,307
Sit down, please.
There are things I have to say to you.
378
00:22:53,432 --> 00:22:56,547
In the kitchen?
Why have I been downgraded to the kitchen?
379
00:22:56,672 --> 00:22:59,427
It's as good a place as anywhere
to make my intentions clear.
380
00:22:59,552 --> 00:23:01,267
Wilburn...
381
00:23:01,392 --> 00:23:04,309
You romantic old dog.
382
00:23:05,432 --> 00:23:07,505
Would it not be more suitable in the lounge?
383
00:23:07,631 --> 00:23:09,147
- Mrs Featherstone...
- "Mrs Featherstone"?
384
00:23:09,272 --> 00:23:11,507
What am I, your weekly cleaner?
385
00:23:11,632 --> 00:23:13,907
- If you'd let me...
- Yes, of course I'll let you,
386
00:23:14,032 --> 00:23:17,144
once we've got all the legal bits in place.
387
00:23:17,472 --> 00:23:20,187
- Delphine....
- That's better, but you don't have to shout.
388
00:23:20,312 --> 00:23:21,267
I'm not deaf.
389
00:23:21,392 --> 00:23:22,707
Delphine, I will be heard.
390
00:23:24,392 --> 00:23:25,592
Newbold.
391
00:23:26,912 --> 00:23:30,958
- Newbold, this is... This is a revelation.
- Is it?
392
00:23:31,084 --> 00:23:34,564
Yes, I've always thought of you
as so timid, but now I see...
393
00:23:35,851 --> 00:23:37,926
We're the perfect match.
394
00:23:38,052 --> 00:23:41,487
Perfect match? No.
No, no, no, no...
395
00:23:41,613 --> 00:23:42,827
I'm a pussy.
396
00:23:42,952 --> 00:23:45,785
Nonsense.
You've just shown me your steel.
397
00:23:45,911 --> 00:23:48,667
I don't want to see it too often, mind.
Don't overdo it.
398
00:23:48,792 --> 00:23:51,581
- Right, now, where are you taking me?
- Where am I taking you?
399
00:23:51,707 --> 00:23:55,258
Yes, to celebrate this new-found
closeness in our relationship.
400
00:24:02,319 --> 00:24:04,067
You've got company.
401
00:24:04,192 --> 00:24:06,467
- They were just leaving.
- I thought she was the one...
402
00:24:06,592 --> 00:24:09,142
Don't leave on my account,
but if you must...
403
00:24:15,232 --> 00:24:17,915
"Take Control Of You".
404
00:24:19,050 --> 00:24:21,250
I think I might give that a try.
405
00:24:38,668 --> 00:24:40,187
Quiet.
406
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,627
You're supposed to be a spirit,
not clomping around
407
00:24:42,752 --> 00:24:44,667
in great big hobnail boots.
408
00:24:44,792 --> 00:24:48,638
- It smells musty in here.
- Keep your voice down.
409
00:24:49,352 --> 00:24:51,027
I thought you wanted a big voice.
410
00:24:51,152 --> 00:24:55,076
Yes, I do, but only when he comes
out of the bath
411
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:59,232
into his bedroom, which is right under here.
412
00:25:02,830 --> 00:25:04,786
Well, you sit there.
413
00:25:05,029 --> 00:25:07,384
I'll stick over here.
414
00:25:13,552 --> 00:25:16,347
This place feels like it could be haunted.
415
00:25:16,472 --> 00:25:19,907
He'll think so in a minute,
when we give him a scare.
416
00:25:20,032 --> 00:25:22,564
You're going to be terrifying.
417
00:25:23,157 --> 00:25:26,717
I want you to sound really scary.
418
00:25:32,844 --> 00:25:35,204
If you want scary, this is the place.
419
00:25:36,670 --> 00:25:38,186
Don't we need the torch?
420
00:25:38,312 --> 00:25:39,947
What do we need the torch for?
421
00:25:40,072 --> 00:25:42,827
- You know where your bucket is.
- It's down there...
422
00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:47,649
Did you hear that?
423
00:25:48,472 --> 00:25:50,248
Something went...
424
00:25:52,552 --> 00:25:54,907
Yes, that was me.
425
00:25:55,952 --> 00:25:57,752
It didn't sound like you.
426
00:26:10,712 --> 00:26:12,867
There was a woman found dead in an attic.
427
00:26:12,992 --> 00:26:15,529
Will you shut up?
I'm trying to....
428
00:26:15,850 --> 00:26:17,298
Will you shut up.
429
00:26:17,424 --> 00:26:19,427
You're not supposed to be scaring me,
430
00:26:19,552 --> 00:26:21,352
you're supposed to be scaring him.
431
00:26:27,432 --> 00:26:28,632
What was that?
432
00:26:30,352 --> 00:26:32,707
It's probably just the pipes.
433
00:26:32,832 --> 00:26:35,971
Don't give me pipes.
I heard it.
434
00:26:36,752 --> 00:26:38,707
Old houses creak, don't they?
435
00:26:38,917 --> 00:26:40,762
That wasn't a creak.
436
00:26:45,432 --> 00:26:47,582
There you go.
Three times.
437
00:26:48,312 --> 00:26:49,867
They always do that.
438
00:26:49,992 --> 00:26:52,147
- Who always does that?
- Spirits.
439
00:26:52,272 --> 00:26:54,107
They always knock three times.
440
00:26:54,232 --> 00:26:58,187
Me Auntie Mary, she were a medium,
she'd know that knock.
441
00:26:58,312 --> 00:27:02,587
Look, I'm not saying there is,
442
00:27:02,712 --> 00:27:06,442
but if, if there were somebody there...
443
00:27:07,832 --> 00:27:11,067
what would your Auntie Mary do?
444
00:27:11,192 --> 00:27:13,387
She'd ask it a question.
445
00:27:13,512 --> 00:27:19,227
All right, just to prove there isn't
anybody there, all right?
446
00:27:21,592 --> 00:27:24,227
If there is anybody there,
447
00:27:24,352 --> 00:27:27,983
please knock three times for "yes".
448
00:27:51,392 --> 00:27:53,227
It was Arkwright.
449
00:27:53,352 --> 00:27:54,867
It had to be.
450
00:27:54,992 --> 00:27:59,421
He doesn't like that new till.
I knew he wouldn't.
451
00:28:01,192 --> 00:28:02,907
That till's going back.
452
00:28:03,032 --> 00:28:06,203
I can't have him roaming the attic.
453
00:28:10,912 --> 00:28:13,432
Gastric left in a hurry.
454
00:28:19,112 --> 00:28:21,987
- Hello, Mavis.
- Hello, Granville.
455
00:28:22,112 --> 00:28:24,747
I gave salmon en croute the elbow.
456
00:28:24,872 --> 00:28:26,638
Do you fancy fish and chips?
457
00:28:26,764 --> 00:28:30,001
You do know how to tempt a person.
458
00:28:30,127 --> 00:28:31,907
That's something new.
459
00:28:32,032 --> 00:28:33,627
I never did before.
460
00:28:35,512 --> 00:28:41,272
Come inside. I've just got to make a
note that Gastric owes me for a bucket.
461
00:28:44,693 --> 00:28:49,293
Corrections & Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
34107
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