All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S04E19.720p.HDTV.ReEnc-Max

You will not believe what happened
at laser tag last night.

People freaked out
because a creepy man

in a suit wouldn't leave
their kids alone?

Well, yeah, pretty much.

Come on!
You want it?!

My shoulder!

Come on.

Stinson,

my office! Now!

Crap.

Disorderly game play,

three counts of shoving,
and now this!

Stinson, you're a liability!

I know I don't play by your
precious rules, McCracken,

but, damn it, I get results!

Look,

you're a good laser tag player.

Maybe the best I've ever seen.
But...

one of these days,
you're gonna get someone hurt.

Maybe even yourself.

You just forgot
what it's like out there.

You've had your fat ass stuck
behind that desk for too long.

That's it!
You're out of here, Stinson!

Hand in your gun and your ID badge!

With pleasure.

Please don't do this.

This game is all I got.

And I've almost got enough tickets
for the remote control helicopter.

Please.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

But I'm gonna give you
one last shot.

But so help me,

if you so much as step
one toe out of line,

you're gonna be playing Duck Hunt
in your mama's basement

so fast it's gonna make
your head spin.

Now, get out of here!

You won't regret this.

That's it, Stinson.

You're banned for life!

Traduction : MiniBen314,
Kabaka et Lino72

Synchro : Mickeyte

Relecture : MiniBen314
Transcript : yetts.net

How I Met Your Mother
4x19 - Murtaugh

par la "Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com

I can't believe you got
kicked out of laser tag.

- What are you gonna do?
- What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

I'll tell you what
Ted and I are gonna do.

We're gonna break in after hours

and TP the place.

We are too old
to cover a place in toilet paper

just because they won't let you
play laser tag. And for that matter,

I'm too old for laser tag.

Ted, laser tag knows
no age restrictions.

Kind of like stripping
in the Midwest.

Whatever.

I'm adding laser tag
to the Murtaugh List.

- Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
- What's the Murtaugh List?

The Murtaugh List
is something that came into being

around the time I turned 30.

It all started with your
Uncle Marshall's beer bong.

When we were in our early 20s,
every time we had a party,

that beer bong came out.

And around the time we turned 30,

same thing.

Of course, in our early 20s,
the next day would go like this.

But by the time we were 30,
the next day would go like this.

Then one day, in the throes
of the worst hangover of my life,

I realized there was only one person
in the world that I could relate to,

Detective Roger Murtaugh,
played by Danny Glover

in the '80s noir masterpiece
Lethal Weapon,

known for his oft-quoted
catchphrase,

- I'm too old for this...
- Stuff.

He said,
"I'm too old for this stuff."

It's sad to admit,
but as you get older,

there's just certain things
you can't do anymore.

That's why I have this list,
so I never make the mistake

of thinking that I can still
pull an all-nighter.

I'm too old for that stuff.

Or eat an entire pizza
in one sitting.

I'm too old for that stuff.

Or hang posters on your wall
without frames.

Riggs.

Riggs!

I'm too old for that stuff.

By the way, how good is
Lethal Weapon?

I don't know.
It's kind of a rip-off.

Old guy paired up with a young,
renegade cop. Sound familiar?

Mackleroy and LeFleur.

Don't tell me you guys have never seen
Mackleroy and LeFleur.

It's the greatest Canadian
action movie of all time.

Mackleroy is a young,
renegade Mountie

whose horse was just killed
by evil Americans,

while LeFleur, he's grouchy, old,
African-Canadian partner,

just bought a cozy ice fishing shack
in northern Alberta...

I got to go.

Bye, baby.
Have fun at practice.

Practice?

Is he doing that one-man band thing
again? 'Cause that was a bummer.

Actually, Marshall had just
taken over as coach

for Lily's kindergarten
basketball team.

He thought it'd be fun,
but Lily saw it as something more...

dad practice.

Oh, my gosh! Orange slices.
That is so sweet.

- What are you doing here?
- I couldn't resist.

I wanted to see Coach Marshmallow
do his thing.

Hey, kids,

who wants to knock off early and
have some of these here orange slices?

Well, you can't!
Because oranges are for winners,

and you little turds
haven't even made a single shot yet!

You're embarrassing yourselves,

you're embarrassing Miss Aldrin,
and worst of all,

you're embarrassing me!
That's it!

Suicides! Baseline! Now!

Run.

There is not a single thing on here
that you are too old to do.

In fact, if you did everything
on the Murtaugh List,

I'd call that a pretty fun weekend.

You are not 18 anymore.
If you did everything on that list,

you would die.

- That wasn't a challenge.
- Challenge accepted.

In the next 24 hours,

I'm going to do
every single thing on this list.

And after I do,

you will TP the laser tag place
with me.

And if you can't do it?

I will spend three hours listening
to you talk about architecture.

You have got yourself a deal.
Robin, will you do the honors?

A gentleman's agreement!

All right, chumps, let's do this.

You really want to make this bet
with him? You know how he is.

Robin, there is some pretty
tough stuff on that list.

I mean, do you really think
Barney's gonna get his ear pierced?

"Get ear pierced." Check.

All right, I'm off to go do laundry
at Mom's house.

You guys mind if I crash
on your futon tonight?

- We don't have a futon.
- Put it over there, boys.

- What's going on?
- It's on the Murtaugh List.

"Crash on a friend's futon
instead of getting a hotel room."

I am too old for that stuff.

What's going on with your ear?

Looks like the inside of a
jack-o'-lantern on November 3rd.

What, this?

Just a little infecsh.

Nothing a young guy like me
can't shake off.

Plus, "Put off going to the doctor,"
on the list.

Hold on.

Go for Bar...

Keep running!

You know what's funny, is I was
supposed to come here to teach them...

Do not

stop running!

This whole time,

they've been the ones
who are teaching me.

That's not running!
That's falling!

The next morning, Barney woke up
on the futon in our living room.

Check.

"Drinking shots with strangers."

Check.

You okay, Barney?
It looks like you hurt your back.

Just rocking a party hunch.

I like it.

Closer to my booze.

To youth.

Can I get a straw?

I must say,
there's something admirable

about the way Barney
wants to stay young at heart.

I mean, who wants to get old?

This guy.

Life is a meal
and old age is the dessert.

I spend so much of my time
worrying about the future.

Where's my career going?
Who am I gonna marry?

But when you're old,
you don't worry,

'cause all that stuff's
already happened.

Plus, you get to wear comfy shoes
and a chair takes you

up and down the stairs,
it's perfect.

That's not perfect. That's pathetic.

You can't just jump to the end.
The journey is the best part.

I used to feel that way, too, but,

you'll understand
when you're a little bit older.

Marshall, can you try
not to pick on the kids today.

I'm not picking on the kids, Lily.

I'm picking on the culture
of losing around here.

I got to get them in shape if they're
gonna win that game tomorrow.

Win?

We don't keep score.

- What?
- We don't keep score.

You don't keep s...

What's the point of playing if you
don't keep score? How do you know...

Lily, what were you doing
with this team before I got here?

I was coaching them.

That's it, my little angels.

You're all luminous wonderful
beings of light.

What's the score?

It's all tied up at fun to fun!

Because that's the point of playing...
to have fun.

The point of playing

is to win the trophy.
And if you don't know who's winning,

who gets the trophy?

Everyone.

It's a participation trophy;
everyone gets one.

It's like you're speaking Chinese
to me right now.

- Hi, this is Barney.
- And Robin.

We can't answer the phone
right now because...

- He's watching sports and I'm...
- Probably out shopping.

Leave a message and we'll call you
back just as soon...

as... we... can!

"Leave an annoying two-person message
on your answering machine."

Check.

Probably gonna cost me
some dates but it's okay.

Barney,
your ear's starting to smell.

It's good.

I hate to send it back, but

you did describe the Turkey
as extremely lean, and

well, you tell me.

All right. That's it.

- We have our own list.
- What?

This is a list of things
you're too young to do.

Go out and do each one of these things
and then tell me

you still want to be an old man.

Remove "colonoscopy"
and "Have sex with an old lady,"

and this is a cakewalk.

New stakes, then.

If I can finish your list
before you finish mine,

you have to come with me
to TP laser tag and

you have to buy the toilet paper.

And none of that biodegradable crap.

I want it up there forever.

Fine, but if I finish
your list first,

it's a six hour survey of early 20th
century American architecture and

you can never do anything
on the Murtaugh List ever again.

- It's for your own good.
- You, sir, have got yourself a deal.

A gentleman's agreement!

Marshall, they're in kindergarten.
This isn't how you teach basketball.

Sure it is.
It's the way I learned.

Are you kidding me?

What kind of sociopath
taught you this way?

Come on, Dad. I'm tired.

Sleep is for winners.

You can go to bed
when you score a basket.

I'm trying.

Let's give you
two points for trying.

But negative two points
for having a great big head.

My father gave me no quarter

and I asked for no quarter.

I totally got to call that guy.

Keep stretching!

"Put on reading glasses." Check.

"Yell at neighborhood kids."

My pleasure.

What the hell happened to you?

I just had a very minor
"blew out my knee and

it hurts like hell" incident.

- How did you blow out your knee?
- We...

"Helped someone move out
of a sixth floor walk-up

in exchange for pizza and beer."

Or we... helped someone rob
a sixth floor walk-up.

They were in a big hurry
and left all the pictures behind.

Whatevs, it counts.

Now, I am off to
"Dye my hair a funny color,"

and then we are going to,
"Go to a rave."

4:00!
Supper time.

So, your dad was tough on you.

That stinks,
but you don't have to be like him.

You can learn from his mistakes.

Mistakes?

Scoreboard.
The guy nailed it, okay?

He taught me how to be a winner.
That's what I'm teaching these kids.

And, for that matter, that's what
I'm gonna teach our kids someday.

Okay, that's it.

This is not how we're gonna
raise our kids!

And this is not how you're
gonna coach this team!

At tomorrow's game,
if you are anything less

than a teddy bear stuffed with
cotton candy and rainbows,

I will silent treatment your ass
into the ground!

You'll think the time I found
your Internet search history

was a freakin' picnic!

Are we clear?!

- There are many different philo...
- Are we clear?!

Yes, ma'am.

You know, what's ironic
is that now...

Just call Ted.
I want to go home.

I'm calling him.

But it's 4:30 in the morning.
He's not going to be awake.

Up at 4:00...

Check.

- Is he answering?
- I haven't dialed yet.

Please hurry, Robin.

Perfect.

"Take forever to answer the phone."

Come on, Ted.

Someone gave me some aspirin
and I don't think it was aspirin.

Check.

So, I know that I have been
a little tough on you

for the past couple days.

And...

I apologize for that.

So today, we're not gonna worry
about winning.

We're gonna go out there and...

have fun.

Kids, over the years,
your Uncle Marshall has told

and retold the story of this game
hundreds of times.

And in reality,
the kids on that other team

were probably only a grade older.

But, in telling
and retelling the story,

they came to look like this.

Way to let them score that easily.

Now you're sitting down.
Awesome.

Addison, it's not soccer.
You don't kick the ball!

Unless that's something that you think
is fun, in which case,

great job having fun.

That was a foul, wasn't it, Ref?

My name's not Ref. It's Kenny.
And watch your tone.

No tone, Kenny.
Great job, Kenny.

Thanks a lot, Kenny.
See you later, Kenny.

All right, Barney.
As your manager,

I'm throwing in the towel.
This bet is over.

Your ear looks like a free Danish
at a continental breakfast.

No. One thing left.

"Beer bong."

Coming right up.

Oh, I...

found these weird Russian beers
in the basement.

Russian beers?
I'll take a brewski.

Brewski.

Get it?

Yeah, it's...

It's a little warm.
Hope that's not a problem.

Okay. No, don't...

All right, Ted.
You win. I hate this.

I hate all of it.

My back is killing me.

Everyone at the rave
thought I was a narc.

My ear hurts so bad

I can hear it...

I can hear my own ear.
Think about that.

My clothes... What is it...
What am I... Get this stuff off of me!

Ted, I'll pay you double
for your finest suit.

Here's...

30 bucks.

And throw in the shoes.

You win, Ted.

I'll never do anything
on the Murtaugh List again.

I'm too old for this stuff.

You know, Barney,

last night, I went to bed at 8:00
because it was on the list, and

I couldn't sleep because...

Well, it was 8:00.

So I decided to watch Lethal Weapon.

And then, when I still couldn't sleep,
I watched Lethal Weapon 2.

And then I watched 3.

And then, halfway through
Lethal Weapon 4,

is when it occurred to me...

Murtaugh kept saying,

"I'm too old for this stuff,"

but every time he'd say it,

he'd turn around,
make another movie,

and do more stuff.

I guess what I'm saying is...

Screw being old.

Let's go TP laser tag, huh?

And then the hospital.

Great job, guys.

At least we're not keeping score,
right? No idea what the score is.

Could be 53 to zero.
Could be some other score.

It's 53 to zero.

What are we doing wrong, Coach?

You know what?
You're not doing anything wrong.

It's great that you guys are losing,

because in life, it doesn't matter
how much effort you put in,

or how hard you try,

people will just give you things.

Like diplomas and jobs
and promotions.

So, it doesn't matter what you do
out there, as long as...

as long as you have fun.

At that point, because they didn't want
to fight in front of the kids,

your Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily had
one of their telepathic conversations.

- Don't you give me that look.
- Lily, I can't take it anymore!

- Your way of coaching is crazy!
- Stop yelling at me!

Sorry.

But can I please

do it my way?

Fine...

but I'm going to do it my way, too.
I'm getting my guitar.

I don't know if it was
Marshall's tough attitude,

Lily's gentle encouragement, or some
magical combination of the two,

but in the second half of that game,

that ragtag group
of little firecrackers...

Got beat down even worse.

In fact, according to
your Uncle Marshall,

in the second half,
the other team got even taller.

And one of them
turned into a Teen Wolf.

There is a Teen Wolf on the court!

That can't be legal.

I know the Teen Wolf looks
different, kids, but

try to make sure he feels included.

How is that not traveling, Kenny?!

You are killing me!
You are absolutely killing me!

Watch it, Coach,
or you'll get a technical.

I am begging you
to give me a technical.

When the final horn mercifully blew,

the score was,
by Marshall's estimate,

118 to nothing.

And even though
they didn't win anything,

everyone, even the coach,
got a participation trophy.

I understand if you don't want it.

I love it.

I just... I worked so hard. It feels
good to be appreciated for my effort.

I know, baby.

Maybe... your way
is not totally stupid.

Thanks.

Your way is totally stupid.

You have been a pain in my ass
ever since you joined this club.

But damn it...

If this ain't some of the finest
TP work I've ever seen.

You're reinstated...

- Effective immediately.
- Really?!

Hell, no!

I'm calling the police!

Grown-ass man with pink hair
throwing toilet paper.

You've got to be kidding me.
I'm too old for this...

stuff.

He said "stuff".