Original subtitles

Of course your charity film night

is going to be a success, Charlie boy.

- Good morning. - Morning.

I have run national events. I've run global events.

Well, you just need to make sure it's all organised at your end.

Yes, well, there is certainly a buzz around here.

Right. I would love to, but lam off on a five-mile hike.

Bye.

- Hi.

- Oh. All right. - Hi, Hodge.

Ooh, hello.

- More stuff for the film night? - No.

- I'm going rambling. - Rambling?

That's what people do in the countryside, they ramble.

I just wanna blend in. Hey, you should come.

- Fancy a walk'?

Yeah, all right.

- Shouldn't you get that? - No.

It'll just be Roy with some London PR nonsense.

Quite frankly, I'm done with all that.

Ah!

Ta-dah! How do I look?

Oh, hello. Who are you trying to impress?

There she is: the subject of this week's walk and talk

and your future home, Mary.

Carsely.

Where I've got this feeling I'm gonna be blissfully happy.

Originally a Saxon settlement, wasn't it?

You know your history.

People have lived here since the seventh century.

And isn't it true that Carsely is also famous for its cotton,

- if we're to believe Pevsner? - And lions.

- Lions? - All right, not lions.

But long-backed Cotswold sheep); things

used to live round here.

Much prized throughout Europe, apparently.

If we are to believe the beer mats in the pub.

Beer mats. Oh, you're funny, Tabitha.

Agatha. Are you coming to the film night, James?

Oh, course we are.

We wouldn't dream of missing your little event.

- We're bringing a picnic. - Indeed.

- Marvellous.

Sorry, mate, but we ain't budging.

Going nowhere. Comprendez?

You are meant to keep to the public footpaths

and have been given repeated warnings

to stay away from these crops. Five...

- Jessica! - For once, Jess, just leave it.

Definitely not worth dying for. Come on, Kirsty. Let's go.

Kirsty, you'll stand by me, won't you?

Ehm...

Sorry, Jess.

That's what's wrong with you people.

You think you own the bloody countryside.

Actually, I do.

Or at least this little bit of it, anyway.

Charlie Fraith. Gustav, put the gun down.

As you know from our copious correspondence,

there is an ancient right of way across your field

and we intend to use it.

And as you know, from my equally copious responses,

my crops have grown over any pathway.

Tough.

Couldn't we? I mean if it's OK with you, go round the edge?

Great. I've no problem with that, er...

Deborah. We've met once or twice in the village.

Debs. What is wrong with you people'?

We are doing this because of capitalists like him

eroding our basic human rights. Remember?

I thought we were doing it cos we liked walking.

- If net, where will it end? - The ether side of the field,

- if you go round the edge.

Patronising snob!

- ...two, one... - Gustav.

Jess, come on now. I really... Come on.

Call yourself a man! Can't you grow a pair for once?

- I'll be back. - Come on!

Get off!

That was a nice warm-up. When do we go on the real walk?

I can think of another way to warm up.

Is anybody there?

Did I, er...?

Have we]? This is my cottage, isn't it?

. Aggie, Gaming - Oh!

- What happened'? You look awful. - Why are you here?

I've been dumped. I had to get out of London.

- Is that my...? - You don't mind, do you?

No.

I am, however, a little curious about the elephant in the room.

Well, not exactly elephant, although, ehm, er...

Naked man sitting in the middle of my living room

with his chakras all over my designer rug. Ring any balls?

- B-Bells? - That's Khusan.

He's a naked yoga teacher. Comfort shag.

He doesn't say very much, does he?

And yet he's clearly not shy.

What's this?

It's a film event. I've been helping to publicise it.

Oh, I don't know.

I can't even find a man and yet you...

you find yourself a drop-dead gorgeous one

hung like a Hoover the second you get dumped.

- How is Juicy James, anyway? - As far as I know, he is fine.

Who's that hottie with him?

That'll be Mary Fortune, marking her territory.

A divorcée. She bakes, gardens and flirts

and not necessarily in that order.

- Agatha, you're a genius. - Oh, well...

Well done. I owe you.

Charles "Shagger" Fraith. Owns this place.

- Seems to like you. - No, he just likes the fact

that I've helped make this event and, therefore, him popular.

- There is a difference. - You're making your mark.

I'm trying.

I'm really trying.

Ladies, welcome to Barfield House.

- Thank you. - Help yourselves to a drink.

Thank you.

You look absolutely stunning. That dress is gorgeous.

This old thing? Don't be silly.

- Oh. - Cheers.

Cheers.

You didn't tell me this was his gaff.

- Does it really matter? - Obviously.

I almost didn't recognise you without your axe to grind.

- Would you like to look around? - Really? Could I?

We'll have to fumigate the place afterwards!

Hello. Hello.

Now I am going back walking again tomorrow,

whether you chickens are coming or not.

It's a point of principle.

Just let it go, will you?

We want to be able to enjoy our evening without you banging on.

What about you, Kirsty?

You're more of a rider on the edge of darkness, aren't you?

- What is it you do again? - Me'? Oh, nothing really.

Like Jessica and Jeff, I'm just a teacher.

- Physics. - But that's wonderful.

Ah, it's nothing, compared to all this.

Must be amazing to be pan of all this history and heritage.

Well, I suppose it does show what can be achieved

- with a little bit of effort.

It can get lonely though.

Sir, the film... it's about to start.

Have you ever seen The Ladykillers?

I haven't. What's it about?

It's one of the Ealing comedies, of course.

It's an interesting choice for Charlie Fraith to be showing.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Barfield

and our first charity film screening.

I hope there'll be many more. Enjoy.

Ooh, James!

Coming in for a quick one?

I bet you say that to all the girls.

Victim is Jessica Tartinck,

belonged to a group of ramblers from Dembley.

Farm labourer Joe Noakes found her first thing.

One word, Constable: alibi, checking them.

That's why I have a 100% strike rate with solving murders.

We've only had one, which Agatha solved.

Mr Noakes.

Where were you earlier this morning?

I was home, then here.

Did you see anything or notice anyone acting suspicious?

Sir Charles, arguing, like...

- Who with? - Her.

Right old ding-dong. Shouting and bellowing.

I left them to it and headed over to the other field

but couldn't find my spade, so came back

and that's when I found the body.

Anything else? Anything at all?

Aye.

I saw Sir Charles on the horizon.

Running, he was.

Fast.

What did I tell you?

No alibi.

No, but he did just place Sir Charles

behaving suspiciously

at the scene of the crime around the time of the murder.

I don't believe this. Ridiculous!

- Come on. - Look...

Of course I was running. I was out jogging.

Yeah. Save it for the judge.

- Ow! - Sorry.

- Ah, Agatha. - What?

This is a friend of mine from the church, Deborah Camden.

I need your help.

OK.

I think the police are making a terrible mistake

suspecting Charlie.

It's much more likely it was that manservant of his.

- He threatened us. - OK.

Well, that's very interesting, but where do I fit in?

That's my fault. I might have mentioned that you're...

- An expert in these matters. - Well, I wouldn't go that far.

But we so appreciated what you did before.

Charlie's only just been released, he's still a suspect,

but it can't have been him.

I need you to find out who really killed Jessica.

I can fill you in on who's who and what's what.

Will you'? For Charlie?

Please.

There's been a murder, Gemma.

No. No, I have not bumped off Mary.

Just get your tush over here right now.

Good morning.

- What's happened? - I've got another case

and you are gonna get me some background info.

- I've got to go to work. - Yes, you do, for me.

Where's Khusan?

Oh, no.

Oh, god.

Khusan! Khusan!

Oh, my God. - Khusan!

No, Khusan!

Put it away!

So this is Dembley and according to Deborah...

victim...Jessica Tartinck.

- Suspects...

...Charlie boy and his gun-wielding manservant Gustav.

Deborah's walker mates, which includes Jeff,

Jessica's boyfriend and two ladies

that work at the garden centre in Dembley: Kirsty and Alice.

And what about Joe Noakes'? Cos he found the body, didn't he?

Yeah.

Joe Noakes.

What'? We're just brainstorming. It's what we do in PR.

We just kick stuff around, think outside the box,

throw stuff at the wall, see what sticks...

You don't know where to start

No idea. You?

Well, in terms of the murder scene,

OK, there are two ways across the field

to where Jessica was killed. One towards the house there.

The other one going across where the crops are heavier.

So the killer could have easily come from the diagonal

and been hidden by the crops.

Which is good news for the salt pot...

Oh, er, Sir Charlie. Yeah.

- Means he could be innocent.

Hey! Where do you think you're going'? Where's my research?

Something of the campaigner, your Jessica.

Ancient rights of way, road protests, fracking...

You name it, she's banged on about it.

Oh, she must have made a lot of enemies.

Right, well, we have to speak to Sir Charles as soon as we can.

- Roy - Yes?

I need you to do digging on the rest of the ramblers for me.

- Fast. Mwah! Mwah!

Bye, Aggie.

Goodbye, Khusan.

Méfiez-vous de D'illusion de la connaissance.

Em-eff... Meffy what-what?

Hello. Remember me? Agatha Raisin.

- And you are? - Her cleaner.

That PR woman and her cleaner.

Ooh, James. What are you doing here?

- I could ask the same question. - I asked James to come over.

- I'm in a spot of trouble. - So I gather.

Deborah Camden asked me to investigate the murder.

Well, what can you find out that the police can't?

Well, heel marks for a start

Lets of them. New who would come out here in heels?

Any women visiting this morning, Charlie boy?

- No. - Well, we shall continue

- with our enquiries, then. - How exactly?

By thinking outside the box, James.

Throwing our brains against the wall and seeing what sticks.

You could always just get a good lawyer.

How about... Bit of a stupid idea...

How about you two go undercover to suss out the ramblers?

- We could do. - Why would we do that?

You haven't met them, have you?

They don't know who you are in Dembley.

So you could get Deborah to introduce you to everyone,

then, you know, steam on in, do the biz, Bob's your uncle.

What do you mean by, "the biz"?

- The investigating. - Right.

And you're right. It's a terrible idea.

Well, I've got to do something, James.

And if it's any help, I own a cottage in Dembley.

Oh. Thank you, God.

Here we are.

How long are you staying?

As long as it takes...

"to get Charlie eff the hook and find the killer.

I'll take the spare room.

Hi, Aggie, it's Roy.

What?

I think I got something for you.

It's about Jeff Benson.

- Well, I'm all ears.

I'll send it over right away.

Hiya, Jeff. Are you still up for meeting later?

It's OK, Kirsty.

I know you saw Jess after the film night.

Nothing happened.

Jeff, I promise.

Another word for you: "Stakeout".

Perfect view of the garden centre at 11 o'clock,

where two of our possible suspects are working.

And over there at... mmm, three o'clock,

the pub where the deceaseds boyfriend

Jeff Benson is hanging out.

Notice anything?

He's smoking a fag.

My trained eyes see something different.

A man in a pub in the middle of the day.

I'd say that was a sign of a guilty conscience.

Or a man lost because his girlfriend's just been murdered.

Ooh. He's on the move.

Deborah Camden's joining them too.

- They're all in on it. - Or...meeting for a coffee.

Jeff Benson's the one who...

- But what are they doing here? - Deborah will introduce us

as new friends that she's just met.

- Are you all set? - As I'll ever be.

Look, understated and natural, that's how we're playing it.

Low-key is my middle name, James.

Come along.

- Hi. - Hi.

Can I, er...introduce some friends of mine?

This is...

Mr and Mrs Lacey.

James and Agatha.

Or Aggie and...Jay Jay.

Yeah, we've just moved into the area

and there is nothing we like more than to ramble,

if you'll pardon the expression.

Yes, we've heard all about your group.

The campaigns. The rights of way.

L think we're probably finished with all that nonsense now.

Maybe we should carry on in Jess's memory.

The campaigns were led by a friend of ours.

- They were her thing. - Not her only "thing".

Have some respect.

I don't think you've picked the right moment, to be honest.

Our friend she went out on a walk and...was killed.

Oh. Oh, how awful.

Why did Jess go out on her own'? It just...

I'm just wondering, you know, with you being a group and all.

Can we not do this now'? I'm really not in the mood.

Of course. I think it's best if we leave you to it.

If you do decide to go out again, we'd love to join you.

- Aggie? - Yes.

Darling...

"Jay Jay"? What are you doing, saying we're married'?

What are you doing, making us leave?

The boyfriend was about to open up.

Yeah, and land a punch on you.

And don't get me started on the lipstick lesbians.

Alice and Kirsty. They're gay and they're an item.

Alice was wearing a rainbow bracelet

and she was not happy about Kirsty being nice about Jess.

Not now, Bill.

Jeff Benson...find out why he resigned from his job.

Where are we going'?

To wait for our saucy Sapphic sisters.

The Laceys seemed nice, didn't they?

I dunno. They seemed a bit odd to me.

There's something not right.

- I'll catch you up. - OK.

Hello again. I'm sorry if I put my foot in it in the café.

No. No, it's not your fault.

Everything's just a bit raw at the moment.

I'm sure. Well, I'm a good listener, if it's any help.

James.

What are you doing here?

Compost. In need of compost.

Was that Agatha you were with?

What? No.

Well, yes. Son of.

Which is it?

Just bumped into her. Fancy that.

Aha. Fancy. So you'll be free to join me

- for something to eat later? - What?

I mean... That would be great.

That must be hard, though.

You know, working together and being a couple?

Is it that obvious?

We don't like to shout about it.

The village isn't that understanding.

What happened the other night?

We went to Film Night and er... it kicked off afterwards.

But not about walking, ok?

No.

Jess, she ehm...

She made a pass at me.

She used her sexuality as a weapon.

No-one was safe.

Anyway, nothing happened, but...

...try telling the others that.

I erm...

- I should get back. - OK.

Come on. Pick up.

James, it's me.

I'm in the Wendy house.

I think I'm onto something.

Oh! Bill!

What are you doing, creeping around?

Who are you to talk?

What are you and James Lacey doing in Dembley?

- Posing as a married couple. - Why didn't you ask me'?

Oh, Bill! Just tell me about Jeff Benson.

School say he left by mutual consent.

Hm. Well, that's a PR phrase if ever there was one.

That means he did something bad.

Bill.

This is cosy.

Listen, we have got suspects with real motives.

Jess made a pass at Kirsty.

Really? - I know.

This place, it's a hotbed of seething sexuality.

Clearly I'm living in the wrong village.

Anyway, I don't suppose that would have pleased

either of their partners, Jeff er Alice.

Do I need a funny handshake, or can anyone come in?

Right... What's going on?

Uh-oh.

Police business!

- Deborah. - I do like this one.

You should try it on.

I don't think it's quite...

Wow.

Deborah.

Agatha, hi. I could use a second opinion.

What do you think of this one? Gorgeous or what?

Absolutely fabulous. Where are you going?

Charlie's got rid of that horrid Gustav and asked me over.

This could be my one-way ticket to becoming somebody.

Charlie's managed it. Why can't I?

Today, a physics teacher.

Tomorrow, Lady Fraith.

Lady Fraith?

That's a little bit of a leap, Isn't it?

No. No, tonight's the night.

- What, the]? - I think he's going to propose.

What?

Oh, whoa! Whoa! Hang on a sec!

Really?

L-I hope so. It's... It's all been such a whirlwind.

See, he's my first... real boyfriend.

Anyway, enough about me. How's the investigation going?

Eh, OK.

Why don't you tell me about your friends? Where did you all meet?

Through work. I got a job at the same school as Jessica and Jeff.

Mmm. Did you know she swung both ways?

Jess?

No way.

I had no idea.

Meow.

Meow. Meow.

Meow.

Meow. Meow.

Bill?

I ... thought I'd check on Hodge.

Oh, well, Aggie asked me to do that.

Missing Agatha, are you?

No. What's all this'?

Yeah, that's all the suspects at the scene.

Well, if you include this one.

- What's with the quote?

Yeah, Aggie thinks that's a gift from the gods, that.

Thank you.

Wife at home, is she'?

Yes. Yes, she is.

Did he say something about "wife"?

Wi-Fi.

Ah. Cheers.

Aaargh!

- Agatha? - Zip it, stranger.

And what do you think you're playing at, Jay Jay?

I've been slaving over a hot stove...

- Hang on. - ..cooking your dinner.

- Tell me what's going on. - You can tell this trollop

where to get off.

I'm not going to stay here and be insulted.

Good. Because you're not welcome.

You are in the wrong village.

Deborah, it's Jeff.

I've said I'm sorry.

OK? And I get that I may have over-reacted a little.

A little? I'm getting my stuff and leaving.

Don't be so ridiculous. Why would you do that?

I never said I would be here this evening.

You had no right to assume otherwise.

You are not my wife!

James? Charlie. Agatha is an absolute star.

I couldn't get you on the mobile.

So you know, the ramblers weren't sure about you

until Agatha kicked off in the pub.

Now they're convinced you're a married couple.

Tell her from me she's a great actress. Bye.

- Aggie! Watch out!

Have I died?

You had quite a shock.

Thank you for saving me.

Lowed you...

...for not realising that your stunt in the pub was an act.

Yeah.

You were faking, weren't you?

We need to find out who was driving the car.

I know who the car belongs to.

Come through. Thank you.

- It's Gustav's day off. - Ah.

- Coffee? - Lovely.

Thanks.

You've got your feet firmly under the table, haven't you?

- Did he go down on one knee? - Not yet.

How can I help?

I know you drive a Land Rover most of the time.

Do you still have that old Cortina'?

I can't bear to pan with it.

- Oh! Did you use it last night? - No. We were here all night.

- Why? - Does anyone else use it?

The keys are in the kitchen. Gustav sometimes takes it out.

Gustav?

No.

Hmm.

He usually goes shooting up the road on his days off.

Would you look at that?

Heels.

That's right, Bill. Shooting range near Barfield House.

Yes, of course. We'll leave you to it.

The police are heading over there.

- What's wrong'?

I just don't get it.

Why would Gustav try and run me over'?

Because you were onto him.

But that's just it, I wasn't.

Nothing had gone wrong with Gustav's plan,

so why risk breaking cover?

Maybe he cracked under pressure.

Doesn't really look like the cracking type.

Are you coming, or what'?

Pull!

What do you want?

I knew it was you. It had to be.

Come on, guys.

Put the guns down.

- I want justice for Jessica. - We all do.

- He threatened us. Warned her. - You were trespassing.

I said, "Put the guns down."

Where were you last night, when Sir Charles was with Deborah?

Leicester.

I promised Sir Charles's father I would protect him,

so I took my car and went to see where Deborah grew up.

To try and understand what she's up to.

Can anyone confirm that you were there?

Her parents can. They saw me, came out and told me to go away.

Well, if he didn't do it, who did?

Well, you could have, for starters.

Possibly jealous of Jess's voracious sexual appetite.

I didn't give a damn about them. It's a free world.

Really? Well, why did you leave your job under a cloud?

A pupil heard about Jessica's bisexuality

and mocked her for it.

She didn't give a damn, but l...l lashed out.

I made a mistake.

Defending her honour?

Jess was trouble all right, but she was my trouble.

She was everything to me and I loved her.

I didn't kill her.

I wouldn't lay a finger on her.

Jeff...put the gun down.

Nobody move!

Should we go back to bed?

Ehm, listen, I think we've had enough of that, don't you?

It's time to get serious.

Look, we...we've had our meaningless fun.

And now it's over.

Ok?

I'm sorry.

You think someone's framing Gustav?

I do. Sir Charles said he leaves his car keys in the kitchen,

so pretty much anyone could have taken them last night.

- The murderer being who'? - Alice is our main suspect now.

Jess made a pass at her girlfriend.

She knows we're sniffing around.

Maybe she stole the car and tried to run Agatha down.

Well, we'll bring her in.

Oh.

I saw your suspects table. You were one short by the way.

You were missing a monkey.

And I cracked your message from the gods.

"Beware the illusion of knowledge".

What does that mean'?

No idea. What was Bill on about? Monkeys?

Oh, my suspects table. He thinks I've missed someone out.

We just didn't include Deborah

because she's the one who asked me to investigate.

That's it.

Brake like that again, it will be.

- Which Way's Charlie's again? - That way.

But I'm very happy to walk.

Sex. Sex. It's all about sex.

Two hands on the wheel, please.

Deborah looked stunned when I mentioned Jessica's bisexuality.

I thought that it was because she didn't know about it.

But what if it was that she was more horrified that I did know?

But Deborah was with Charlie last night.

She could have snuck off. We're only down the road.

Yeah, but, as you said, she asked you to investigate.

To help get Charlie off the hook.

Come on!

I think she framed Gustav and totally underestimated me.

- No, no, no. Nd.!

Bloody road hog!

What do we do now'?

We ramble.

Charlie's in danger!

Why'? You said that Deborah thinks he's going to propose.

Yes, and you said that he wasn't about to any time soon.

And if he doesn't, hell hath no fury...

I'll give you "meaningless fun".

Bill, Barfield House now!

- Where's Charles? - There's been an accident.

I think he's killed himself.

Only he hasn't, has he, Deborah?

Something that Kirsty said.

"Jessica used her sexuality as a weapon"

and that, "Nobody was safe."

- You weren't safe, were you? - I don't know what you mean.

Kirsty was strong enough to resist Jessica's advances,

but you weren't, were you?

New girl in town.

An innocent, ripe for the taking.

What happened?

It...lt was just one night.

It had all been forgotten until I sat there after the film night

and told her I was gonna marry Charlie.

She laughed in my face.

Wondered what he'd think if he knew I'd slept with her.

- She was gonna tell him! - And you couldn't risk that.

This was my chance. This was my shot.

- I just wanted something more.

Can you understand that?

Yes, I can.

Ah, that's great news.

No, I'm really pleased to hear it.

OK. Speak later. Bye.

Well, the hospital's gonna keep him in overnight,

but Charlie is going to be fine.

And he says that he is eternally grateful.

So what about you and Mary?

I sent her some flowers.

Sorry if I... if I complicated things.

Ready to go?

Yeah.

Ready.

Hey. It's arrived.

Khusan's Naked Yoga video.

Are we doing yoga?

No, not doing it. Watching it.

- Oh.

Thank you.

- How was married life, then?

Over-rated.