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[theme music playing]
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[woman on TV] Place the mixtureevenly in the pan…
3
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[toilet flushes]
4
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So you know those fake Nikes
I put on up eBay?
5
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,400
-Yeah.
-I sold them for 50 bucks
6
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,160
to a guy who lives down the road.
7
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:26,680
-Oh, no way.
-Yeah.
8
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:30,160
I dropped them off myself, but I still
charged him postage, the dog.
9
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,600
-Does he know they're fake?
-Yeah, probably.
10
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,240
-Did you put it in the ad?
-No, why would I do that?
11
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,840
How does he know they're fake?
12
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,920
Anyone who pays 50 bucks for
new shoes knows they're fake!
13
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,000
He could've thought
he was getting a bargain.
14
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,000
It's bad luck for him, then, isn't it?
15
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,520
I wanna go back to the markets.
Wanna come?
16
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,680
What for?
17
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,880
I want to get more boxes of shoes to sell.
18
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,160
Since when did you become a scam artist?
19
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,480
I'm not a scam artist.
20
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:59,200
You're selling illegally imported shoes to
people who think they're real, illegally.
21
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,120
-You're a scam artist.
-Yeah, okay.
22
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,560
Crime is a very slippery slope, you know.
23
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,160
It starts out small,
24
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,680
like not scanning the plastic bags
at checkout.
25
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,160
And then there you are,
three months later,
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00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,840
sucking dick for cigarettes.
27
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:12,880
Of course.
28
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,520
For once, I show some initiative
and actually do something with myself
29
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and you just tear me down!
30
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You tear my dreams down
like I'm on Australian Idol.
31
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,000
Thanks for the support!
32
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I can support you, but from a distance.
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From a distance?
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Yeah, from a distance, because
I don't associate with criminals!
35
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-Really?
-Yeah.
36
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:33,720
Well, I don't associate
with law-abiding, boring fuckwits.
37
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What are you doing?
38
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,800
I learned how to make
burger bun bread. Want to try some?
39
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Why's it red?
40
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'Cause it's got beetroot and meat in it
41
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so you don't have to fill it.
42
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Ah, that's a good idea.
43
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Listen, the guy I sold the shoes to
left me feedback.
44
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Can you pull it off for me?
45
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Okay.
46
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"Fake scam artist."
47
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-Delete it! Delete it!
-I can't!
48
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,880
-What do you mean you can't? Delete it!
-I can't! There's a whole process!
49
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,600
Okay, fuck it.
At least I got his money, the dog.
50
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,760
-Nah, man, you didn't.
-What are you talking about?
51
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,320
Something called buyer protection
automatically refunded the buyer.
52
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Buyer protection?
What type of stupid shit is that?
53
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:24,880
Help me put these up, then.
54
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,480
-You can't.
-Johnny.
55
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I'm serious.
56
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,240
As of now, your feedback rating
is 100% negative
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which means no one's
buying fucking shit off you.
58
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You couldn't give away the shoes now.
59
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,480
So wait a minute.
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You're trying to tell me that gronk
has both my shoes and my money
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00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,040
and now, because of bad feedback,
I can't sell shit,
62
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and there's nothing I can do?
63
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:46,960
There is one thing.
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00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,480
The buyer can reverse the feedback
if he wants to.
65
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,640
What are you gonna say?
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00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,920
I'm just gonna have a friendly chat,
it'll be nothing.
67
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,520
What are you gonna chat about?
68
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,320
We need a plan so things don't escalate.
69
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,480
Okay.
70
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,040
I knew it! This is the slope
I was talking about.
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00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,200
We're going down the slope
72
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,040
-and I can see it in front of me.
-Shut up!
73
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,000
Shut the fuck up!
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00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,960
There he is.
75
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,720
The scumbag's wearing the shoes, as well.
76
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,880
Hey! Hey, mate!
77
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,120
-Mark, is it?
-Yeah, why?
78
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,000
Yeah, mate, listen, I'm Superwog
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00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,440
and I actually sold you
the shoes you've got on.
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00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:33,720
Okay, what do you want?
81
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,520
Well, you see, the thing is,
you left me bad feedback.
82
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-Yeah?
-Yeah.
83
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,440
You wrote "fake scam artist."
84
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,480
Yeah. These are fake
and you're a scam artist.
85
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,960
No, I'm not. What did you think you
were getting for 50 bucks, you gronk?
86
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,520
I thought I was getting an authentic
pair of shoes at a bargain price.
87
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,480
Really? You didn't think that
maybe they were so cheap,
88
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-they had to be fake?
-Not at all.
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00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:59,600
I rely, as all customers do,
on the contents of the item description
90
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,640
and nowhere did you specify
they were fake!
91
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,760
Okay, look, you know what?
There's been a misunderstanding.
92
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,320
You've got your refund, so can you
just reverse the negative feedback?
93
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,520
That would completely defeat
the purpose of the feedback system,
94
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,680
which is designed to protect people
from scam artists like yourself.
95
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,920
So, no, I will not be retracting anything.
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00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,920
-Give me my shoes, then.
-No.
97
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,560
-Give me my fucking shoes back.
-No chance.
98
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,560
-Yeah?
-Yeah. And guess what?
99
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,960
After my run, I'm going straight
to the Department of Fair Trading
100
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,840
to get your arse a cease and desist
letter, you lying piece of shit.
101
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,360
Ahhh! Help! Help!
102
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Ahhh! Get off!
103
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You bloody dog!
104
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-Dog! Dog! Give it back!
-[groaning]
105
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,080
Help! I'm being robbed! I'm being robbed!
106
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,280
I'm being robbed!
107
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,080
Johnny, get the other shoe!
Get the other shoe!
108
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,320
What's going on?
109
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,440
You're both under arrest
and you'll be charged.
110
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,680
What about the other guy?
He stole my shoes!
111
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,040
He didn't steal anything.
112
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,600
As far as I'm concerned,
five witnesses are saying
113
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,440
that you concussed the poor bloke
with a counterfeit shoe!
114
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,200
Look, please, I'm not a criminal.
This whole thing was a mistake.
115
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,120
Let me go.
116
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,240
You're both being charged
with attempted robbery
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00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,200
and the sale of counterfeit goods.
118
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,000
Please, I'm begging you! I fell down
the slippery slope of crime!
119
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,360
-I warned him!
-Please, I'm sorry, forgive me!
120
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,200
-I'll never do this again!
-Shut up!
121
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,640
Please! I don't want to be
one of those guys with a squeegee
122
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,560
cleaning car windscreens for coins!
123
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,200
Will you shut the fuck up?
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For Christ's sake.
125
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,800
The shoes you were trying to sell
126
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are part of a huge fake shoe ring
127
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,520
run by a bloke we've been trying
to pin for years.
128
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,720
Now, if you two
are willing to go undercover
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00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,800
and help us take him down,
130
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,480
we'll let you walk.
131
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,640
What?
132
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,640
We need your help to catch the boss.
133
00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:01,000
Like 21 Jump Street, we go undercover
in order to catch a criminal?
134
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,280
Yeah!
135
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,400
What the hell? I'm not a snitch.
136
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:08,560
I'm no snitch either, but if it's for the
good of the community, then that's okay.
137
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,000
No! What, we're going to turn
on all our brahs, just like that?
138
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,360
Fuck that! I'm a street thug.
139
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,520
No copper gonna force me to do shit.
140
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,200
But, I mean, if it helps regulate
the shoe industry…
141
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,000
We aren't snitch dogs, do you understand?
142
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,480
Are you boys sure about that?
143
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,240
Fucking oath, brah. [laughs]
144
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,080
I think what he's trying to say is…
145
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,680
Youse can all get fucked! [laughs]
146
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,800
[laughs] Bob!
147
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,520
Who's that?
148
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,840
Say hello to your new cellmate, boys.
149
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,960
[both] Okay. Okay. Okay. we'll do it!
150
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:46,880
Jesus!
151
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,840
This is the Head of Operations,
Detective Max Patter-- Patterson.
152
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,440
-Max?
-Morning, men.
153
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:56,720
What are you doing here?
154
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,520
As of now, you will refer to me
as Detective Patterson,
155
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,360
Head of Covert Operations.
156
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,280
Head of Covert Operations?
157
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,120
You're the manager at the drive-through!
158
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,440
How did you become Head of Operations?
159
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,280
-You work at the drive-through?
-No, I don't.
160
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,320
Yes, he does. Stop lying,
Max, your resume's a burger!
161
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,040
Okay. Okay. I do, but it's only
on Thursday nights.
162
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,360
And he's shit at his job, too.
163
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,560
-All his burgers are angled.
-Hey, shut up!
164
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,320
Brah, he can't even salt chips properly.
165
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,440
Enough!
166
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,920
All right, now give them their missions.
167
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,320
I'll leave it with you.
168
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:32,200
Now, underworld fakes dealer Ming
is one of the country's most-wanted men.
169
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,800
He supplies the entire country
with fake shoes.
170
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,720
Any brand, you name it, he supplies it.
171
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,520
-What's with the picture?
-What?
172
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,080
I can't even see the guy's face.
Where did you get that from?
173
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,600
I got it from his LinkedIn profile.
174
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,320
That's the best you could do?
175
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,440
-The photos are tiny on LinkedIn.
-Did you try Google Images?
176
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:52,280
You do realize Microsoft Paint
allows you to expand and add sharpness?
177
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,480
There's so many easy tutorials on YouTube.
178
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,840
I can email you the picture file,
if you want.
179
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,240
I'm not giving you my email,
you fucking gronk.
180
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,480
What's the point of this pinboard, then?
What's the point of it?
181
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,640
There's no point, eh?
182
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,200
Will you let me finish, God damn it!
183
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:09,440
Now, the final stage of operation
will begin at 1300 hours.
184
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,800
It'll be lunch with Ming
at yum cha, Chinatown.
185
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:17,440
All we need for you to do is record
him accepting a 5,000-pair order.
186
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,280
-That's it?
-Yep, that's it.
187
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,800
-Do I bash him?
-No.
188
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,600
-Do I get a baton?
-No.
189
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,720
Did you know "yum cha"
actually means "to drink tea"?
190
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,680
You want us to have a conversation?
191
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,640
-That's right.
-But to be honest,
192
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,679
I don't go to yum cha to drink tea,
I go there for the food.
193
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,360
Fuck you, can I get
a pair of handcuffs, at least?
194
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,360
[Max] No!
195
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,440
Now, the operation has a codename.
196
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,120
It's called…
197
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,360
Operation Ping Ming.
198
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,160
[both snicker]
199
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,120
-What's so funny?
-Ping Ming?
200
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,960
Who came up with that?
I bet you did, didn't you?
201
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,200
[laughs]
202
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,640
Hey, shut up, stop laughing!
Everyone liked the name,
203
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:55,960
they all thought it was good.
204
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,440
Yeah, it's good 'cause
it's fucking stupid.
205
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,960
Well-done, Max. That's great.
206
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,440
Go on, get out of here.
207
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:03,840
Just get out.
208
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,560
Go on, get out now!
209
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,560
Superwog, Johnny, mate,
it's so great to meet you guys.
210
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,720
-How's it going?
-Getting there.
211
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:16,800
Take a seat.
212
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,800
Now tell me, before we get down
to business, have you had yum cha before?
213
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,080
-Yeah.
-Great, what's your favorite dish?
214
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,680
-I like prawn dumplings.
-Chicken feet.
215
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,840
-Are you serious?
-Yeah, I'm a big fan.
216
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,720
I love feet and jelly foot.
217
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:31,920
All right.
218
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,200
Yeah, brah, he even loves el gung.
You know the el gung?
219
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,280
Oh, yes.
220
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,040
I'm a regular, so I can do that.
221
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,400
Thanks, man!
222
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,680
So, Ming, I'm just curious,
how did you get into the business?
223
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,120
-What, selling fake shoes?
-Yeah.
224
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,560
I don't like the fact that
only rich people
225
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,840
get to enjoy the feeling
of wearing brands.
226
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,120
I wanna give that to those less fortunate.
227
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,080
I want to give everyone that feeling.
228
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,080
But I bet with all the money you make,
229
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,640
you must have yachts, prostitutes
and watch cockfights?
230
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,800
No, I run a charity to help immigrants
get into the workforce.
231
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,600
Oh, yeah, what type of workforce?
232
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,280
Car rebirthing, fraud,
you know, all the good stuff?
233
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,640
No, like laborers, accountants,
even some lawyers.
234
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:17,440
Look, I know better than anyone else
that crime's a very slippery slope.
235
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,560
And it's often the people who don't have
a choice that need the most help.
236
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,880
Aunty, aunty.
237
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:26,880
Uh…
238
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,440
-Thank you.
-No, that's okay.
239
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,960
-Thank you so much!
-It's all right, it's all right.
240
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,440
-We can't do this.
-What?
241
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,400
-We can't fucking do this!
-Why not?
242
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,720
Because he's too nice.
243
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,000
What about the mission?
244
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,840
I don't know about the mission,
but I know that guy's not a criminal.
245
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,960
All people, no matter how nice
they are, become cunts.
246
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,560
It's just a matter of time!
247
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,080
He just tipped the yum cha lady 50 bucks.
248
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,920
This guy is not a criminal,
he's fucking Asian Robin Hood!
249
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,800
This morning, I was a free man,
baking burger bread,
250
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:59,200
and now, thanks to you,
I'm working for the fucking police!
251
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,280
So you're going to go back to
the table and finish this fucking job,
252
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,280
whether you like it or not!
253
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,120
More fresh prawn dumplings for you guys.
254
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,720
-Thanks for that.
-For dessert, what do you like?
255
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,160
-I wouldn't mind a custard puff.
-Custard puff.
256
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,280
Sorry, are you okay?
257
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,440
Yeah, I'm all right, it's just…
258
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,920
-What?
-It reminds me of my son.
259
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,520
I miss him so much.
260
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,800
What happened to him?
261
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,120
He's a sweatshop slave in a shoe factory
262
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,640
run by international fakes dealer
Big Wang.
263
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,520
And he's got my wife, too.
264
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,480
Big Wang? Is that his real name?
265
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,840
Nah, man, it's an alias.
266
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,280
-Why?
-What do you mean why?
267
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,360
'Cause he's hung like a fucking horse.
268
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,040
I was born in China.
269
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,320
I was a child shoe slave for 12 years.
270
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,840
Then I escaped to Australia,
got away from it.
271
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,120
And then a few years back, my wife goes
on holiday and Big Wang finds out.
272
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,480
He enslaves her and my children
as vengeance.
273
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,920
-And that's why you do what you do?
-Yep.
274
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,480
To save enough money to pay Wang off.
275
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,320
Anyway, sorry to bring the mood down.
What brings you two to me?
276
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,720
-What the fuck is this?
-What?
277
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,520
There's two hours of, quite frankly,
very friendly conversation.
278
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,640
Because he's the nicest
bloke I've ever met in my life!
279
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:08,840
What are you on about?
280
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,800
I've got enough intelligence
reports to fill up this room.
281
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,160
Really? Do you have enough
intelligence reports
282
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,040
to know that his wife and children
are fucking slaves?
283
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,800
Huh? Or that the guy we should be
after is actually Big Wang?
284
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,240
Do you even know who the fuck Big Wang is?
285
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,080
Mission Ping Wang is for
the international crimes unit.
286
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,840
It's got nothing to do with us.
287
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,800
There is no way in hell I'm helping
you put Asian Robin Hood in prison.
288
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,600
So put me on another mission.
289
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,760
You're in no position to tell me
how to do anything!
290
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,360
Now, you will finish this mission!
291
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,520
What are you going to do? Pistol whip me?
292
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,000
You're a bitch, brah.
293
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,720
You can't do shit, anyway,
because human rights.
294
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,280
Human rights, brah!
295
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,560
Okay, okay. Look.
296
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,280
I need to nail this mission if I'm gonna
get promoted for good, okay?
297
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,680
You're still on probation?
298
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:55,720
Yes, I am.
299
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,640
All right, I don't want to insult you,
300
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,560
but I can assure you,
it's back to burgers for your arse.
301
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,200
Now, you're going to take
this suitcase of money
302
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,720
and you'll make the order tonight.
303
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,160
Suitcase? That's only in the movies,
you dumb arse.
304
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,800
Brah, you're fucking embarrassing
yourself now. Stop.
305
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,040
Okay, that's how you want to play it,
is it?
306
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:19,040
Allow me to introduce you
to your new cellmates. Bob?
307
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,800
-These are our cellmates?
-You bet.
308
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,440
-All four of them?
-Yep.
309
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,760
How big are the cells?
310
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,280
-Tell me.
-Uh…
311
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,360
-How many inmates per cell?
-I believe it's two per cell.
312
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,920
Two per cell. So how the fuck can
they all be my cellmates, then, huh?
313
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,480
Where did all their tops go?
Did they lose them?
314
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,160
Or did Max over here
tell you to take them off,
315
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,440
so it looks like you're
about to gangbang us?
316
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,080
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I thought so.
317
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,600
Wow, so not only are you sexually
objectifying them,
318
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,040
but you're reinforcing
the negative presumption
319
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,120
that none of them respect sexual consent.
320
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,160
-Sorry, what?
-Not only are you eroding
321
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,840
their emotional
and psychological wellbeing,
322
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,920
but you're also ruining any hope they have
of becoming rehabilitated citizens.
323
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,640
-Yeah, yeah.
-He's right.
324
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,280
Yeah, so, Max, you can take Ping Ming
and shove it up your arse,
325
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:10,800
'cause we're not doing shit.
326
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,200
Okay, okay. We'll ping Ming!
We'll ping Ming, all right, Max!
327
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,520
Where did you learn all that?
328
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,240
I watched a documentary
on prisoner rehabilitation.
329
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,600
All right, let's just get this done.
330
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,720
-Yeah.
-Focus, focus.
331
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,560
-Hey.
-Hey! Come in!
332
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,080
Welcome. Take a seat.
333
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,360
Wow, nice place.
334
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,520
All this to yourself, huh?
335
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,880
No, no. It's a refuge for homeless people.
336
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,240
Really?
337
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,840
-[screams]
-[yells]
338
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,680
Look, Ming, I don't wanna muck around.
339
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,760
We came here to push the button
on a very big shoe order.
340
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,400
How many you want? 50?
341
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,760
-Nah.
-500?
342
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,760
We want 5,000
of your best fake shoes, Ming.
343
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,920
-Are you kidding?
-Nah. 5,000.
344
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,320
Wow.
345
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,960
You guys are really something.
346
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,080
Here I thought you were
just business partners, but now,
347
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,280
I call you my friends.
348
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,640
Okay, thanks, Ming.
Anyway, time for us to go.
349
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,320
Do you realize what you're doing here?
350
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,560
This order's going to free my son
and wife from slavery.
351
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,600
That's why you're doing it, isn't it?
352
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,160
Don't worry, you don't have to say.
353
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,040
I could feel the goodness in your hearts.
354
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,680
In fact, I've been waiting to tell you.
355
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,640
I want you both to be
the godfathers of my son.
356
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,400
Okay, for fuck's sake!
I can't do this anymore!
357
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,840
-What's going on?
-We're working for the police.
358
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,280
-What?
-We had to. The police made us do it.
359
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,960
They threatened us with Bob.
They're blackmailing us!
360
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,240
-So you betray me?
-Ming, it's not like that!
361
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,320
But I loved you! I loved both of you!
362
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,000
-I loved you, too!
-[distant banging]
363
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,600
I loved you. You're one
of the nicest guys I've ever met.
364
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,600
I want to develop our relationship.
365
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,720
-No! You hate me!
-We love you!
366
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,040
-Ming, please, I love you!
-No, you hate me!
367
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,000
-No, I love you!
-You hate me!
368
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,520
Okay, now listen to me.
369
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,600
I am not giving you my consent, okay?
370
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:19,120
I will not accept touching, groping,
or any form of physical harassment,
371
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,560
even so much as a suggestive comment
and I'll go straight to prisoner affairs.
372
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,400
We're just here to thank Johnny.
373
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,920
-Thank Johnny?
-Yeah, Johnny.
374
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,760
You're a fucking legend, mate.
375
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,120
-I am?
-Yeah.
376
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,680
Do you know how hard it is to be
constantly treated as a sex object?
377
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,720
No one has ever stood up for our
emotional and psychological health
378
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,320
the way you did
and it's boosted our self-esteem.
379
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,600
Yes, we may have committed crimes,
380
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,680
some petty and some fucked-up ones,
381
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,840
but none of us are rapists.
382
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,400
In fact, every single one of us
383
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,320
respects the sanctity of consent,
female or male.
384
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,920
-Unless you do want to go.
-No, we're okay.
385
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,560
-Are you guys sure?
-[all] Yeah, yeah, we're sure.
386
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:05,119
All right, then. Just putting it
out there, but that's your choice.
387
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,520
As for you, Ming, we know about
all the good that you do.
388
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,200
And for that, we give you respect.
389
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,960
And, Superwog,
390
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:17,200
we heard about the concussion you
gave the buyer over bad feedback.
391
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,440
What a piece of shit you are.
392
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,920
-Yeah, yeah, I know.
-Now, listen up.
393
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,240
You fellas have no hope of trying
to argue that Max made you do it.
394
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,120
You're going to need to come up
with a strong counterargument.
395
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,240
So, as a thank-you, we've decided
396
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,240
to all put in our monthly cigarette money
towards the best QC in the country.
397
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:44,120
Now, did you order 5,000 pairs
of the best fake shoes?
398
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,160
-Yes, I did.
-[gallery murmurs]
399
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,800
-Why?
-To construct a large art installation.
400
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,760
[QC] An art installation?
401
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:59,680
So I suppose you could tell us
what your artistic intention was?
402
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,800
To comment on the state of brands
in modern society.
403
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,760
Is there a plan for this art installation?
404
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,920
Oh, yes, exhibit 13A, Your Honor.
405
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,680
[audience gasps]
406
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,480
The swirl represents
the slippery slope of crime
407
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,200
and asks the viewer to think
about the role of brands
408
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,520
in our money-obsessed world.
409
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,600
That's bloody marvelous!
410
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,280
This is clearly a lie.
411
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,640
If that was true, why did you rob
and assault the buyer?
412
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,200
That was actually research
for my art installation.
413
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,680
By hitting him over the head with my shoe,
414
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,200
I was protesting against
modern corporate brands
415
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,080
and the damage they do to people's minds.
416
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,680
Intriguing.
417
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,200
I find the defendants not guilty
418
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,240
of selling counterfeit goods or robbery
419
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,960
and hereby declare Max
unfit for work as a detective
420
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,480
or even the police force, in general.
421
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:01,600
In fact, you're fired
from the drive-through as well.
422
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,240
-What?
-[audience cheers and applauds]
423
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,920
[laughs]
424
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,560
This is bullshit!
425
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,880
[shouting angrily]
426
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,680
-[grunting]
-[laughing]
427
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,120
[inaudible]
428
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,440
[theme music playing]
429
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,040
It's even got an egg in it.
430
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,280
No, I'm all right, man,
I don't want that shit.
431
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,840
-Hey listen, the glass…
-[both laughing]
432
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,640
-Get back, brah, I'll fucking…
-[Max shouting angrily]
433
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,560
I'll break you.
434
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,240
[all laughing]
435
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,840
What, so you betray me?
436
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,560
[Superwog] No, Ming, please…
437
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,480
[all laughing]
34527
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