All language subtitles for BostonLegal.5.09.KillBabyKill_FQM.EN

Ooh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't see you there.

How may I help you?

Uh, I'm looking for, uh, Carl Sack.

–I'm Carl Sack.
–You're Carl Sack?

At your service. Full service.

Um, I've seen photographs
of Mr Sack and—

I look shorter in
person, and fatter and…

Hello, Denny.
–I'm Carl Sack.

He's got the mad cow.
It makes him think he's Carl…
–I'm Jenny Pratt.

Yes. Um, let's go to my office.

Okay.

There were a dozen eyewitnesses,
and they all tell the same story.

Dwayne Willis was brought
in a little before 9:00 p.m.

They strapped him down on the table

and hooked up the two
I.Vs, one in each arm.

The first drug is supposed to render
the condemned man unconscious.

It didn't.

It was now 10 past 9:00.

The drugs had been going into
him for nearly ten minutes.

That's when officer Holt started
getting worried.

More time goes by.

Willis has been hooked up to
the drip for 20 minutes now.

He's still conscious.

An argument breaks out.

The tech wants to pull the
I.Vs out and try again.

Another guard says no,
just increase the dosage.

And then Willis starts thrashing around.

His chest is heaving.
He is gasping, choking. It's horrifying.

And Holt says, “do something”…

But nobody knows what to do.

Willis has been hooked
up for a half-hour now.

He's not even unconscious.

He's gagging and thrashing,

and that's when Holt just snapped.

He fired one round into Willis' head.

Willis died instantly.

He's charged with murder two,

but the D.A. is willing to
knock it down to manslaughter,

only Holt won't take the deal.
–Ms Pratt…

–Jenny.
–There must be many lawyers in Virginia

who could do this.
–Yeah, I need an advocate
who can speak forcefully

against the death penalty itself.

Jenny, whatever one's feelings
are on the death penalty…

–For it.
–…it's moot here.

Your client… carried
out a death sentence,

albeit in a unique fashion.
–But the legal issue is also unique.

I mean, is it even possible

to murder a man who's being executed?
–Double homicide. Happens all the time.

A double homicide is when
two people are killed, Denny.

What's your point?

Listen, Jenny, I'm not s—

Carl, Virginia is a swing state,

and I've always wanted to swing.
–Denny.

Carl, we need to bond. Hell,
man, this is our last season.

If there's one thing
I've learned in life,

it's never, ever say no to a road trip.

Boston Legal 5×09
Kill, Baby, Kill
QA, sync improvements: ΤΖΩΤΖΙΟΥ

I just couldn't watch
him suffer anymore.

If I had to do it over
again, I'd do the same thing.

–You only fired the one shot?
–Yes.

We could go with defense of others,
but since you went into the room

to participate in executing
the man, I don't think that—

I didn't go in to torture him.

Mm. Another approach, uh, would be
a version of diminished capacity.

You were overcome with compassion…
–In Virginia?

Moreover, your years
of witnessing executions

could have taken a mental toll.

I'm not arguing that.

Um, how about… Simple
temporary insanity?

You saw a man suffering.
You snapped. You w—

No, I knew exactly what
I did while I was doing it.

I'd do it again.

We don't have a lot to go with here.

I won't say I was insane.

You want us to just cut him loose?

You make it sound as if
he's strung up somewhere.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
–Mr Sack, uh, you're a stranger here.

I knew it. They plan to
play the stranger card.

Aren't we all brothers, my friend?

–This is a very serious matter.
–Yes, it is.

So I thought perhaps we
could be serious for a second.

You don't mean to tell a
jury of your fellow Virginians

that shooting a man

the Commonwealth was in
the process of killing

was murder or manslaughter
or in fact any crime at all?

–It was a crime, according to the law.
–Understood,

but a D.A. has discretion
whether to charge, do they not?

–Good ones do.
–Well, he looks good.

–He looks great.
–Best I've seen.
–Me, too.

Look… I am not
dismissing the charges.

He is going on trial for murder.
–You're not my brother anymore,

which I believe leaves me free
to have sex with your sister.

We try to make our cases fun.

–I can't thank you enough for seeing me, Alan.
–Please.

So I hear you've become
quite the busy man these days, huh?

Big lawyer.

A celebrity of sorts?

–Oh, well, no.
–Well, you look great.

–Thank you.
–You know, I always figured you
to age fat and bald.

Well, I was lucky enough

to stave off the evil that so ages men.

–Which is?
–Marriage.

What's up, Martha?

Well, unfortunately,
I was fired from my job.

A very good job, I might add.

I was district sales manager
for a software company,

in line to become
regional sales manager.

Now I know that this
may be hard to prove,

but I think I got fired
because I voted for John McCain.

My boss and I, we got into this
big fight over the election.

And as soon as I told him who
I voted for, he just got this look
of disgust on his face, as…

Not entirely dissimilar to the expression
on your face at the moment.

But anyway, uh, so he fired me.

Did he, uh, give you a reason?

No. No, they don't have
to give a reason anymore.

They're advised by their
labor lawyers not to.

But I know it was because
I voted for McCain.

I can feel it in my bones, Alan.

And the prisoner started
gasping for breath

and moving around on the table.

–Is that uncommon?
–It's happened before.

No two lethal injections ever seem
to go exactly the same way.

There was a lot of
screaming and yelling.

Officer Holt became very… upset.

Then he suddenly pulled out his gun
and shot the prisoner in the head.

Are you familiar with the
case Emmett v. Johnson?

I've heard of it.

Something like lethal
injection is cruel and barbaric.

Something like.
According to briefs filed in that case,

Virginia's method in particular
carries a greater risk

of inflicting pain than
the method used in Kentucky,

which the supreme court approved.
–Our methods are substantially the same.

The briefing includes evidence
that members of the death team,

including, I assume, you,
don't understand how the drugs work,

don't know how to
properly administer an I.V.

and don't know how to
correctly observe the inmate

during the execution to determine
if anything is going wrong.

That's… That's an
argument in a lawsuit.

There's another argument on the
other side. Why don't you read that?

Oh, I'm sure there is. Are you aware
that a prominent medical society

has found Virginia's method of
execution unacceptable?

I know doctors have an
issue with the death penalty

in general, so it wouldn't surprise me
if some physicians' group said that.

Neither would I, except the group
I'm referring to happens to be

the American veterinary
medical association.

Some vets have banned your
lethal injection protocol

because the method
Virginia uses on humans

is considered too barbaric to be
used on cats and dogs.
–Objection.

The A.V.M.A. has said that
their report was misinterpreted.

Sustained.

Mr Sack, this case is not about
the legitimacy of the death penalty.

And if that's where you're coming from,

you can tuck in your little tail
and head on back to Massachusetts.

Your honor, I'm very
proud of my home state…

Home of the Red Sox, the Patriots, Mitt.

–We take our laws here in Virginia
very seriously, sir.
–Do you take this case seriously?

Show of hands. Because,
you know, it is a bit silly.

–Objection.
–There's a man on trial here
for trying to kill somebody

the state was already killing.

If anything, my client
accomplished the death penalty.

–Mr Sack…
–…the legitimacy of which I certainly
would never question,

particularly in Virginia.
–Your honor!

Oh, how about torture?
Are we for that?

–I'm warning you.
–Because this man was being tortured,

that's why my client pulled the trigger…
–Objection, your honor!

–Order. Order! Order!
–Objection!

To spare horrendous suffering!

Get control of the
room, will you, judge?

Bailiff.

Blanks. What's his problem?

How'd you even get the gun
in the courtroom?

Oh, please.

–Denny… What are you doing?
–Will you relax?

Like I said, firstly, it was blanks,

secondly… this is Virginia.

My approval rating went up in that room.
I'm a hero to those people.

I couldn't be more popular if
I got kids to smoke cigarettes.

Carl, don't leave me here.
I can't swing in here.

Alan's way more fun.

–I appreciate you making the time to see me.
–Oh, sure.

Well, actually, my lawyer
told me not to see you,
but I never listen to him anyway.

No, you certainly didn't bother to consult
with him before firing Martha.

–Nice try.
–Why did you fire her, Mr Feldcamp?

It wasn't working out.

–How so?
–Oh, hard to say. You know, as an employer,

you sometimes get a
feel for an employee,

and with Martha… Hard worker,

but she was never gonna
make the next step,

and in this company, you
either move up or you move out.

Martha's of the impression
that you fired her

because she voted for John
McCain in the election.

She's mistaken. Look, I
voted for McCain, all right?

Martha simply wasn't working out.

There must be a reason
you didn't think she was working out.

If I have to depose you to
force an answer, I can do so,

but you seem to be
rather forthcoming.

Why not just tell me now?
–Okay.

She's stupid.

And as for evidence of her stupidity?

Oh, God, I could cite many.

–Cite one.
–She voted for Mccain.

You said you voted for him.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I did.

I voted for him because I like
his policies on nuclear energy,

because I believed he'd make

a better commander in
chief in times of war,

because I trusted his experience.

But Martha voted for Mccain because
she found Sarah Palin to be… spunky.

So you admit you fired her
because of who she voted for.

No, I fired her because she is stupid.

Look, I got a bad feeling
about her, you know?

It's plain and simple.
–I'm starting to get a bad feeling about you.

Well, then it's lucky for
me that you're not my boss.

Look, are we done?
–No, I'm afraid we're not done.

Rather, it seems we're just beginning.

Look, Mr Shore, I fire
people all the time,

and some of them go on to sue me.

This is an at-will employment here.
It's my will.

So if you want to file a lawsuit,
join the club.

Oh, I'm not a member of
any club, I assure you.

I tend to stick out. I don't mind.

It makes me more memorable.
You'll remember me, Mr Feldcamp.

Mm. Yeah, don't let the
door hit you on the way out.

First is sodium thiopental,
which is a barbiturate.

Next comes pancuronium bromide,

a muscle relaxant that
paralyzes the diaphragm

and thus stops breathing.

Then potassium chloride is injected,

and that stops the heart.
–But that's not what happened here.

–Not exactly.
–What did happen?

Well, the technician who
started the I.V. on the prisoner

missed the vein in one
arm, and in the other arm,

he stuck the needle
through the prisoner's vein

and into his muscle tissue.
–Do you know of other botched executions

using the lethal injection method?
–There have been too many to list.

This is something that
should be done by doctors,

but doctors refuse to do it on ethical grounds.
–But, I mean, to be fair,

in most instances where
lethal injection is used,

the condemned man just sort of
drifts off to sleep without incident.

It's more likely that
the paralytic agent

simply prevents prisoners
from communicating.

In fact, they could be suffocating,

suffering excruciating
pain during the procedure.

They're just unable to scream.

How many of these
so-called botched executions

occurred in Virginia?
–One.

And the supreme court
has approved the method

of lethal injection used in
the Commonwealth of Virginia?

–And we know they're such sticklers.
–Mr Sack, I will hold you in contempt.

And the supreme court has
not approved prison guards

shooting condemned prisoners
in the head, have they?
–Has anybody asked them?

Now look, we all know things went
wrong here. That's not the point.

I will repeat, the question here is,

do we simply give
prison guards the right

to just whip out their
guns and blast away?

Well, thank you, your honor,
for framing the issue
in such a neutral and impartial way.

–Why do you need my help?
–Well, I don't probably.

It's just Denny's out of town and…
–Will you give up, ever?

I have no one to share private
thoughts with tonight on the balcony.

Shirley, this man Feldcamp…

The unfettered, smug arrogance…

He could almost make
Rudy Giuliani seem humble.

Come on. It'll be fun.

He really fired her
because of how she voted?

Well, he's claiming it's stupidity,
but yes, I think he did.

–And what exactly would my role be?
–Why do you say it with such distrust?

Because I can smell a dog on the sniff.

Don't be ridiculous. You're almost
old enough to be my mother

or one of my mother's friends…

The one who used to
sunbathe naked by the pool.

So you want to march
into court tomorrow,

the two of us side by side,
and fight for a woman who…

Who voted for John McCain.

He all but admitted to me, your honor,

that he fired her because
she voted for John McCain.

He made no such admission.
The basis was her stupidity.

Yes, and the evidence
of that was her vote.

Look, they got into a big political
debate three days before—
–During which, the plaintiff

further displayed a
complete lack of intellect,

which prompted my client—
–Because she didn't share

your client's political point of view.
–My client voted for Mccain.

Your honor, my client is a republican
who was happy with Ms Headly's vote,

but nonetheless, could not ignore
that she was… Well, dumb.

–How dare you?
–Ms Headly.

–He just called me dumb and stupid.
–Ms Headly.

Mr Davidson, as I read the affidavit,

it does seem like she was fired
for her political opinions.

Free speech is not a
right in the workplace.

People are hired for their opinions
and perceived intellect.

That's why we have interviews,
to determine whether we like

what comes out of their mouths.
–Listen, the fact is, this woman did get hired,

and then she was discharged
for exactly as you say, your honor,

her political opinion.

All right, I want to hear
Ms Headly on the stand,

and I want to hear
exactly how this went down.

Let's go.

It seemed like…

I don't know, like…

Like it had gone past
the point of torture even.

I just… I couldn't
watch him suffer anymore.

So I, um…

I took him out.

Did you stop to think, sir,

that you were breaking the law by—
–No, no, no, no, no.

All I could see was
a person suffering,

just way beyond the point of…

It was inhumane.

Somebody had to do something.

I yelled at the others, but
they just stood there, so…

It just wasn't right.

You decided all by yourself
to take a human life.

No, the… the man
was dying anyway,

I made the decision
to be humane about it.

I see. I've prosecuted two doctors
who made the same decision.

They had terminal patients in agony,
so they decided to hasten their deaths.

In fact, I believe your family
faced a similar situation.

You had an aunt who was dying
of ovarian cancer. Am I right?

–Yes.
–And there were those in your family

who wanted to put her on a morphine drip

to speed things up because
she was suffering so.

Is that true?
–Yes.

What was your position
there? Do you remember?

–I was against it.
–You thought it was murder, didn't you?

You told your mother and the doctor,

“only God gets to make that call.”

Do you now amend that to “God
and correctional officers”?

We got into this huge
argument on nuclear energy.

I'm against it, and he's for it.
Now that argument somehow got replaced

by some brouhaha on the war.
I'm against it, and he's for it.

And that segued into taxes,

and he doesn't think
he should have to pay any,

and I said to him that if he—
–So you had a lot of political differences?

Yes. Yes.

Well, then the very next day,

after I did inform him
that I voted for Mccain,

he called me a complete idiot.

Uh, Mr Feldcamp called you an idiot?

–A complete one.
–And then what happened?

Well, not long after that,
he walked into my office

and he fired me.

Have you ever had
any yearly reviews

with respect to your
employment with Mr Feldcamp?

Yes.

How'd they go?

Okay. He said I could perform better
and he said sales could be higher.

But in this economy?
Come on. You know that.

It's bad everywhere. I mean, it's, like,

the number one problem
in this country right now.

So you consider the economy
to be the number one problem

in the country?
–Yes, I do.

Mm. If I may ask, how does John McCain's
economic policy differ from Barack Obama's?

Taxes…

And, um…

Well I'm not exactly sure
what else, to be honest.

Well, if you consider it to be
the number one problem in the country…

Look, even despite how they
all say they'll be different,

they all do the same thing once
they get elected. You know that.

You were an ardent
Hillary Clinton supporter,

were you not?
–Yes, I was, proudly.

And according to your coworkers,
you crossed over to Mccain

primarily because of Sarah Palin.
–Yes.

Because her policies were
consistent with Hillary's?

Because I was impressed with her.

And because she strikes
me as a real American,

which is what this country needs.

And you liked her spunk.

And the country needs spunk, too, yes.

Another Saturday night

I don't have a good
feeling on this one, Denny.

Virginia is not being nice to me.

A little constructive criticism?

–Okay.
–You're not very good.

Thanks for keeping it constructive.

Well, you're making this
a referendum on the death penalty.

You gotta get it through that
liberal, democrat skull…

Americans love the death penalty.

–We do?
–Yeah, especially these parts.

Hillary and Obama, you
know those pinko-heads

couldn't really be pro-death penalty,
but they claim they are…

and in fact, almost everyone
who runs for president

miraculously is for the death penalty.

Why? 'Cause this is the U.S. of A.
Death penalty rules.

Flip the switch, ready,
aim, fire, turn up the gas…

It's who we are as a people.

Hell, you… you heard it at
the Republican convention.

Kill, baby, kill.

It's our mantra, Carl.

I thought republicans were pro-life.

That's for babies. Criminals we kill.

You're going about this ass backwards.

The argument you want to
make to the jury is this…

That, uh, uh, Willis guy,

he wasn't dying the
way he was supposed to.

After receiving the injection,
the bastard refused to choke out.

So our client finished him off.

Job done, game over, bang.

Preston Holt, American hero.

Kill, baby, kill.

♫ Some good ole boys having some fun ♫

Ahh.

Do you think…

Martha and Sarah and Joe the…

Is he an electrician?

Plumber, unlicensed.

Are… are they the real Americans?

Not necessarily.

I think that's what
this election just proved,

that real Americans aren't
just rural and white.

The portrait of real Americans
has been redrawn in this election.

Real Americans are of all
ages, races, ethnicities.

They live in cities and apartments
as well as… farms.

I… We have a president-elect

who fits into no category or demographic
whatsoever other than he's an American.

God, I wept that night.

Did you?

No, I just… watched and watched and…
Didn't want the night to end.

I already miss Sarah Palin, though.
She was fun while she lasted.

I hope they let her keep the wardrobe.

I still have to say though,

as heartened as I am by the
election and by America…

What?

–Martha's a little bit of an idiot.
–Shirley, almost 47% of this country

didn't vote for Obama,

perhaps because they disagreed
with him on the issues,

which is fine.

But some, no doubt, because
they thought he was Muslim

with terrorists on his speed dial,

and others because
th-they were convinced

he was not only socialist,
but even worse, a bad bowler,

and others still
because they simply loved

those cream-colored jackets
Sarah may have to give back.

But there's one thing all
those idiots have in common.

–What?
–They still get to vote.

What?

Sorry.

Just looking at you under
a gently lit sky with…

Sharing the same oral
fixation Denny and I…

Is it a little game, Alan,

or… or are you really
sexually attracted to me?

I'm sexually attracted to you.

I'm in my 60s.

Well, first of all, you're beautiful.

And second, your
intellect is… dazzling.

And third, I've seen the naked
pictures of you. –Oh, right.

Let's not discuss the
cheerleader outfit.

So if I…

If I wanted to go there,
you'd go there?

In a second.

Oh, if only Obama had picked
you as vice president…

What a world we'd have then.

Look… I can see the defendant's point.

The man was dying anyway.
What's the big deal?

Well…

What about the doctor
or the hospice worker

who wants to speed the
death of that cancer patient

dying in agony?

Or what about the nurses
who opt to withhold treatment

from those severely retarded infants

who only face a lifetime of misery?

We don't go down that path.

We don't start measuring
the quality of people's lives

to decide whether or not they live.

The defendant took the
law into his own hands

and murdered somebody.

Nobody gets the right to do that.

Whether the person is on death row,

whether a person has a day left to live,

an hour or even a minute…

You don't get to shoot somebody.

That's the law.

That's the law…

Because of a presumed
sanctity of human life?

That sanctity was off the table here.

The life was being
executed by the state.

Uh, forgive me, but you know
what I think is really going on

is this man doesn't
like capital punishment,

and he's trying to
bring scrutiny upon it.

It's the only possible explanation.

If he can get you to say
this execution was wrong,

well, that's one step from saying,

“gee, maybe executions are wrong.”
–That's ridiculous.

More ridiculous than accusing
a man of murdering someone

who was being executed?

Let's not kid ourselves.
There are those out there

trying to get rid of capital punishment.

And I would suspect
they have to be tricky

because they know we the people
are overwhelmingly for it.

We the people know the death penalty

is one of the things
that makes America…

well, America.

Not many countries have it, you know?

We're… we're the only
westernized country left.

And it's not easy being
in the company of Iraq,

China, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Sudan.

And I'll admit, the reasons for
abolishing capital punishment

are compelling.

It costs us hundreds
of millions of dollars,

up to six times more
than life imprisonment.

It doesn't seem to deter crime.

Murder rates are actually lower
in non-death-penalty States.

It's well-known.

Canada's homicide rate fell 40%

after they abolished the death penalty.

We botch executions a lot.

Medical evidence now shows

that even when they
go off without a hitch,

the executed suffer
perhaps excruciating pain.

There are many reasons to do
away with capital punishment.

But we don't because, let's face it,

the death penalty? It's
who we are as a people.

We're an eye-for-an-eye
kind of nation,

and we don't have to apologize for it.

Listen, if somebody killed my son…

We believe in executing murderers.

It's… Justice.

The only thing my client did here

was carry out the state's mission.

It makes no sense to be prosecuting him.

The only conceivable
explanation is that this man

is insidiously trying to bring
scrutiny on the death penalty

because he secretly… is against it.

No, look, as I said to
her lawyer over there,

I like Martha Headly. Nice lady.

But my God, sales is about selling,
it's about relating to people.

She doesn't even read the newspaper.
–Well, George Bush doesn't read the paper.

I'd never hire George
Bush. Would anybody?

And yet you voted for John
McCain, who supports—

No, no, no, no, no. This
is not about politics.

This is about being smart or not smart,

and she is the latter.
–But, Mr Feldcamp, to be fair,

you're basing your conclusion
on her political opinion.

No, what I'm saying

is that whatever your
opinion is about anything,

at least be able to defend
it, and failing that, articulate it.

Martha's never been
the brightest bulb in the tanning booth,

but when she talks politics,
I, you know, I just cringe.

I go, “how can I have a person
like that working for me?”

Well, guess what. My
company. I don't have to.

Do you make all your employees
defend their political beliefs?

Not all my employees launch into them.

But had she defended hers better, she might—
–Look, look, look, for 16 months,

she just went prancing around

talking Hillary,
Hillary, Hillary, Hillary,

and then she railed
against Obama's inexperience

all throughout the primaries,

and then out comes some
moose hunter from Alaska.

She knows nothing about Sarah Palin

or about John Mccain. What
does that say about her?
–Sarah?

–No.
–Hillary?

Her! What does it say about a person

who can be so arbitrary, so fickle?

And this is about stuff she
actually felt strongly about.

I'll tell you what it
says. She is an idiot.

You know, let somebody else hire her.

I don't think it'll be you.

How dare you let him go off on me

like that in a courtroom.

–I didn't let him go off.
–Yes, you did.

He was bellowing that I was an idiot,

and you just sat there, and
so did you… Of all people.

Now wait. What's that supposed to mean?

It means that it was blatant sexism.

And I expected more from
a person of your caliber.

–Now hold on here.
–Is that the kind of lawyer you are?

Is that the kind of woman?

Honey, the sexist in all this is you.
–Me?

Yeah. You claim to be a staunch
Hillary Clinton supporter.

You… You walked into that booth

and voted against everything
Hillary stands for, and why?

Because the republicans
added to their ticket

someone they referred
to at the convention

as “the hot chick.”
–Oh.

So you just sit quiet and let
me get brutalized on the stand…

I sat there for two reasons.

First, there was no valid
objection to be made.

And second?

You are an idiot.

At-will employment means
exactly that, your honor.

At the employer's will.

Certainly, we can't fire
anybody for race or ethnicity.

But, well, intellect or
a person's lack of it?

Bosses fire people
all the time for that.

But, Mr Davidson,

to fire someone for their
political opinion is still—

Your honor, if I may, that's
one way to look at this.

The other way… Are
we saying that stupidity

can never be grounds for discharge

when it's cloaked in political content?

He's the boss. It's his company.

So as long as he stays within the law,

he gets to hire and fire who he wants.

The unassailable right to vote

is the core principle of any democracy.

And people have the
right to cast their ballot

for whomever they
want… For good reasons

or for bad reasons or
for no reason at all.

Let's face it, your
honor, we as a nation

are horribly uninformed
when it comes to politics.

Approximately one-third of
the people in this country,

people of voting age,

couldn't tell you the name
of our current vice president.

Now admittedly, some of
us like to block it out, but

even so, only two in five
adult Americans

know we have three
branches of government.

And Mr Feldcamp expects his employees

to actually know the
political issues of the day?

Well, today our news programs

consist solely of sensational headlines

and sound bites.

People forego newspapers for the internet,

where instead of relying
on credentialed journalists,

they turn to these bloggers…
Sort of entry-level life-forms

that intellectually have yet to
emerge from the primordial ooze.

This is how we've gotten
the elected officials we've gotten

We've never really cared
about issues. Come on.

We're more concerned with how Hillary
looks in a pantsuit,

or whether Barack can bowl.

We don't always go for
the best or the brightest.

We elect the guy we'd most
like to have a beer with

or the gal we'd most like to
feel up in the back of the car.

Now I certainly wouldn't
pick my airline pilot that way

or my accountant or doctor,

but for my president, so often, it's,

“give me the blue-collar,
lunch-bucket, good ol' boy

who fits in best at
the pancake breakfast.”

The problem with Mr Feldcamp,

and forgive me, I hesitate
to say this about anybody,

but he's an elitist.
–Objection.

I realize that's much worse
than being called stupid.

Mr Shore, let's stay on message.

The message is, we vote for who we like.

It's as simple as that. We
don't need to have a reason.

It's as simple as that.

The founding fathers did
not form a meritocracy.

This is a democracy. We can
be as stupid as we choose.

We're Americans. We're
as simple as that.

All right. Look…

I don't like it.

But just as we don't get into

why a person voted
the way he or she did,

nor do we get into

why a boss terminates
somebody in an at-will.

Whoa, whoa, wait. It
sounds like I'm losing.

Your motion for injunctive relief
is denied.

If she wants to sue for
lost wages, I can't stop her.

But we're done here.
We are adjourned.

I'm sorry, Martha.

You didn't try hard enough.
That's what happened.

I'll be suing you next.

I never liked you.

She seemed much more fun in high school.

Oh, well.

Shirley, in anticipation of winning,

I booked a little celebration
dinner at the Ritz.

The restaurant that comes
equipped with private rooms

should we have too
much celebratory wine.

Shirley, one's life is a sum
of his or her experiences.

Okay, Alan.

Oh.

With Denny's permission.

What? Why do you need…

Because I do.

Till then…

I'll be waiting.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

We have, your honor.

How say you?

“In the matter of the
Commonwealth of Virginia

”vs. Preston Holt

”on the charge of murder
in the second degree,

”we find the defendant

not guilty.”
–Oh.

The court thanks you for your service.

The defendant is free to
go. We are adjourned.

--Thank you, Mr Sack.
--You're welcome.

--I wasn't exactly sure of your strategy there, but…
--Not to worry. Neither was I.

Thank you, Mr Crane.

You're welcome, son.

Do you think it's odd that
when running for office,

having an ivy league education
is considered a liability?

No.

You don't?

No, a Harvard grad took us into Vietnam,

a Yale grad bought us Iraq.

We've learned our lesson.

Denny… Between you and me,

do we really think he made it
through Yale? --With a little help.

Denny, there's…

something a little…

well, delicate, I've been
meaning to discuss.

What?

Well, they say as a man… ages,

he eventually sits alone
with nothing but his memories.

I'm concerned that…

Well, with the…

Mad cow,

you could possibly be robbed
of your memories in the end.

And what a horrible thing,

not being able to even
recollect the things…

That brought you your most profound joy.

Making love to Shirley…

How sad if one day…

You weren't able to remember

all the… wonders of Shirley,

how she… smelled,

how she tasted, how…

I was thinking…

If that day ever came,
and you no longer…

it would be great if I
could tell you about it

to help you remember.

Maybe I should make
love with Shirley once,

just so I'd know—
--You're pathetic.

Exploiting my mad cow

just so you could get in the
sack with Shirley? --All right.

I can't believe you just did that.

Waltzing me down mad cow lane
where there's no memory lane

just so you…
--All right.

Here's where your logic failed, Alan.

First of all, I'll never
be alone because I got you.

Secondly, I could never forget

what it was like to be with Shirley

because there was a magic there
that no man could ever forget.

In fact, there's a chance

that it'll be the last
memory I'll have in the end.

It could be the only thing
I'll talk about in the end.

All day long…

Every day…

I'll tell you about it.

I'll tell you…

How we moved together as one

one night on the beach in Nantucket…

How her breasts were as soft

and as pure as a baby's behind.

--You really are cruel.
--Yes, I am.

Cruel enough to shoot you if
you so much as look at Shirley.

I need a new woman to objectify.

What do you think of Sarah Palin?

Oh, those pouty lips…

And the… those down-to-earth,
slutty good looks…

I've got two things to
say about Sarah Palin…

Right here, right now.

Do you think we're sexist?

Why you're asking?

Just wondering aloud.

What about Shirley and Sarah together?

Here's the ticket.

Who wouldn't vote for that?