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♪♪
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Woman's voice: Wake up to your inner goddess.
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The power of the feminine is always within you,
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demanding you take control of your narrative
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and break the iron shackles of the patriarchy.
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Take it from me.
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I'm a witch, a mentor, a healer,
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a suburban shamaness, a spirit guide,
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and an artist.
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And an actress.
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♪ I will say it again ♪
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♪ 'Cause there's beauty in repetition ♪
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Arianna: My God.
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♪♪
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♪ And there's a beautiful end ♪
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♪ But my mind makes that decision ♪
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♪♪
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♪ And there's a girl in the mirror ♪
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♪ And a womxn on my shoulder ♪
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[ Blender whirring ]
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Joe: I'm just giving you fair warning --
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I will be telling Megan to step up her parenting tonight.
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Patrick: Babe -- No, I'm not gonna be the quiet husband
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on this anymore, okay? I'm not.
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Babe, go easy. Her and Mark are...having tension,
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and when you get passionate, things backfire.
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It's like that time in Cabo when she started
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calling you "Hurricane Joe." Who bought light tampons?
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And when it's about her kids --
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I said, which one of you bought light tampons?
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I did. Good morning, sweetie!
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I thought "light" sounded more comfortable.
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Oh, my God. No one uses them.
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They literally invented them
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to make you hate yourself for having a normal flow.
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How do you not realize this?
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Yeesh. Okay, big girl.
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I'll get you king-size next time.
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I'm so over this man bullshit.
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I'm suffocated by male energy. Are you?
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Do you know what my existence is like being the only woman ever?
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The toilet seat always up?
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My boobs scratched and bleeding
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'cause you don't wash my bras right
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and it makes the wires poke out?
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It's actually abusive.
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Sounds to me like now would be a great time
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for you to learn how to do your own laundry.
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How 'bout it?
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You're not listening. Which is also abusive.
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I'm trying to say I'm drowning in maleness.
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This is such interesting information to receive
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from the human life we have raised without thanks
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for 16 years.
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Joe: Mm. And FYI, you're not the only woman in the house.
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What about Harper?
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Dogs aren't women. That's so sexist.
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[ Scoffs] Okay, I think we can calm down with the s--
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"Calm down"?! You know who else was told to calm down?
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Rosa Parks, Hillary Clinton,
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and Kesha, just to name a few.
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I'm sorry my vagina is such a problem for you.
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I swear, if you don't let me have a girls' night sleepover --
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You can have a sleepover.
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You just interrupted my threat.
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I'm sorry. Finish your threat.
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Now you don't deserve it.
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♪ My girls don't trip, my girls keep winnin' ♪
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♪ My girls just keep on ♪
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♪ Gettin' braids to the floor ♪
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Shut up! We need to stop debating and decide our theme,
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or we will end up with a fiasco
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like last year's Garden of Eden.
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Under the Sea has the most decorating potential.
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Eric: But we can't let Winter Formal look like a kids' party.
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We'll Always Have Paris is sophisticated and -- and classy.
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But I think if we do --
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What if the slogan was "Get Eiffel Tower'd"?
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[ Laughter ] Oh, dude, that's sick.
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Can I finish a sentence, please? Yeah, obviously.
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Do we really want to be dancing in a fake version of a city
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known for snobs and bombings when we could be doing --
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Eric: I'm just saying, we're gonna have these memories
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for the rest of our lives.
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Sorry. Go.
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I -- But is Under the Sea really the experience
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we as leaders want to give to our school?
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[ Hip-hop music playing ]
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Is there a word for wanting to kill
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every man, boy, and male human being?
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I don't know. Progressive?
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Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
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Cooper: Hey.
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-Hey. -Oh, hey.
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Peace to you. Peace to you.
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And peace to you.
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Arianna: You good, D? Your frequency right now --
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Dash Alonzo! You've been summoned!
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A very special girl wrote a message for you
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but lost it in this pool of ping-pong balls.
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Can you find it?
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[ Plastic balls clattering ]
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♪♪
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"Winter Formal? Love, Malia."
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What do you say?
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Yes!
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[ Applause ] Naomi: Yikes.
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Everything's so embarrassing.
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I just hate this girls-ask-guys thing.
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I just wanna be the dance version of a pillow princess.
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Delilah: What's a pillow princess?
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Like when you're getting fucked and you just lay back
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and let him do all the work.
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'Cause if it was guys-ask-girls,
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Cooper obviously would have asked me by now.
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And it's so heteronormative.
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Also, why should women bear the whole burden of courtship?
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It was Eric Bass' idea. He really rammed it through.
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I bet he thought he was being feminist.
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I hate it when guys think they're being feminist.
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This is my whole point. Men suck.
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Like, it's an actual problem.
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Teacher: Three branches of government in America --
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legislative, executive, and judicial.
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Girl one: Dude, I heard Panda Express Girl goes here.
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Girl two: Actually? Who the fuck is it?
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I don't know. Avery didn't know either,
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but she said she heard it's someone at La Palma.
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But I'm like, how could it not be that girl at Katella?
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The one who fucked that Mexican dude,
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but then he bailed when she stuck her finger in his butt?
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What's "Panda Express Girl"?
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Apparently, some high-school girl randomly had a baby --
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Teacher: Alicia!
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The Supreme Court can overturn unconstitutional laws,
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and the Justices are...
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At. Panda. Express.
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...nominated by the president and confirmed by the Senate.
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Even though we have three branches...
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This is so bad. Do we tell her?
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No, not without the full tea.
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I think I should text Avery Kampfer right now.
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Delilah: Hey!
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-Hey, girl! -How's it going?
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What were you talking about?
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-Nothing. Sleepovaaahh. -Yeah.
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Ready to do spells and cultivate power tonight?
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Aww. Your purity. Don't worry.
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We won't tamper in anything too dark.
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We're just innocent, barely legal white witches.
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[ Chuckles ]
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How the fuck does white mean good?
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The whole world's so fucked up.
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♪♪
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Have you low-key been, like, a witch this whole time?
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So, I follow this one witch,
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then suddenly, my whole feed was all witches,
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but like, technically,
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I guess I've always been a witch deep down.
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This is just my coming out.
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Okay, pick one that speaks to you.
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[ Sighs ]
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♪♪
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Ooh, wow! Okay. No, that's you.
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High Priestess. So spiritual.
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Okay. Now...
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♪♪
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-Oh. Whoa. -Vibe!
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Okay, so, this to me is like you're over men.
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-Ooh. -You're a strong woman...
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Yes.
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...who wants to bond with other women. Yes!
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And then also, you're, like, super intense or whatever.
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Wait. What?
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[ Knocking, door opens ] Dude!
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Hey!
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You're all wanted in the dining room for Frozé Friday.
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Don't kill the messenger.
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Naomi, your mom's here, by the way.
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Mnh.
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Megan: Well, there was the real hurricane,
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and then there was the one we shared our very relaxing villa
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with, which was you, mister.
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Girls! Hi. Hi, hi.
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I want you to settle something for us.
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Oh, honey, I brought your retainer.
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So, which one would you rather have --
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overbearing parents who never leave you alone
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or parents who err on the side
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of staying out of their kids' private business?
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Staying out of our private business?
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A-ha! See?
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Why would I involve myself in my son's love life
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when he doesn't even want that?
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I will never understand those parents
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who just want to be their kids' best friend.
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That's not a parent.
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Joe: I'm not saying be Nathan's gal pal.
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I'm saying -- and believe it or not,
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I know a little bit about this --
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that he's testing his mother's support of his sexuality.
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Oh, please. You sound like my husband.
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Hey. I'm the proof. I am the living proof.
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Hey, girls?
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Which of these would you rather have --
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parents who are disapproving of who you are
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or parents who accept you no matter what? Hypothetically.
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I guess love you no matter what. Mm!
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Look. Okay, okay, Joe.
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I hear you. I do. I hear you.
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Arianna, your parents, they're supportive of you, right?
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You've never, say, wanted to get a belly button ring
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and your parents told you you could
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if you got straight A's,
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and then when you did, they backed out?
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Mom!
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What? Honey. We're all just talking.
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Well, safety is one thing. Identity is another.
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Megan: Safety. Right. I'm learning so much tonight.
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And, Patrick, these frozés are really so delicious.
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Patrick: Thank you. Do tell --
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when Nathan painted his nails
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and you weren't too thrilled about it,
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what type of concern was that? Also safety?
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Patrick: You enjoying this, girls?
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Megan: You know, your strategy here is just --
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I cannot embrace things that...
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are against how we think.
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Well, isn't that...us?
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What? No. No! Don't be silly.
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You're Patrick and Joe. [ Chuckles ]
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No, what I'm saying is --
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Naomi: Oh, my God!
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The darkness that had! Lighting sage immediately.
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Please!
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Can we just banish all parent and male energy forever?
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Starting now?
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Show us the way, witch.
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♪ If I give you my time and give you my space ♪
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♪ Know that that shit's not to waste, yo ♪
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♪ Still better know your place, yo ♪
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♪ I ain't slept good in days, yo ♪
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♪ On job runnin' up peso ♪
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♪ We smoke, too, why ain't you say so? ♪
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♪ I'm back on my bullshit ♪
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♪ You ain't seen no one like me ♪
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♪ Since Lauryn Hill back in the '90s, bitch ♪
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♪ Feeling myself, yeah, I might be, bitch ♪
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♪ Got an old soul and you know that ♪ Ohh! No!
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♪ Bet the olders make way for the '90s kid ♪
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♪ Please don't kill my high ♪
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♪ I been work nonstop, never tired, no ♪
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♪ That girl is on fire, you know ♪
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♪ I'm a parent in this ting, so I'm told ♪
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Did you just hear that?
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♪ Get back to you when I can, messages on read ♪
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♪ Ain't new to this shit, I been blessed ♪
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[ Gasps ]
259
00:10:05,014 --> 00:10:06,215
[ Vibrating ]
260
00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:08,016
How the fuck did that happen?
261
00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:09,852
How the fuck did this turn on?
262
00:10:09,852 --> 00:10:11,853
♪ Can't get my foot off your neck ♪
263
00:10:11,853 --> 00:10:12,987
Aah! [ Screams ]
264
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,455
♪ Go get a bag and invest ♪
265
00:10:14,455 --> 00:10:17,125
Ooh! Yes!
266
00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:19,259
♪ Looking like a bulletproof vest ♪
267
00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:22,696
Arianna: "We coven high.
268
00:10:22,696 --> 00:10:27,566
@TheYorbaLindaWitch."
269
00:10:27,566 --> 00:10:29,968
Bitch. Bitch.
270
00:10:29,968 --> 00:10:32,270
[ Birds chirping ]
271
00:10:41,677 --> 00:10:43,479
[ Phone unlocks ]
272
00:10:48,416 --> 00:10:50,519
You guys.
273
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,787
You guys!
274
00:10:51,787 --> 00:10:53,088
[ Both groan ]
275
00:10:53,088 --> 00:10:55,055
The Yorba Linda Witch followed me.
276
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,624
Other witches, too.
277
00:10:56,624 --> 00:10:57,858
My influence!
278
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,293
Whoa. How many?
279
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,529
Like 10.
280
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,831
Wow.
281
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,532
Shit.
282
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:08,133
This is like a sign.
283
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:11,403
The witch community wants this coven to happen.
284
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:14,772
We sent it into the world, and it came back times three.
285
00:11:14,772 --> 00:11:17,241
I don't know if this proves that.
286
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:20,911
And I think I started my period last night, so kill me.
287
00:11:20,911 --> 00:11:23,712
Ugh! Same.
288
00:11:23,712 --> 00:11:25,181
Wait. Same.
289
00:11:25,181 --> 00:11:26,882
No! Are we synced?
290
00:11:26,882 --> 00:11:29,118
Okay. That feels like a sign.
291
00:11:29,118 --> 00:11:30,485
This is so witchy.
292
00:11:30,485 --> 00:11:33,254
We have to do a spell, like, now.
293
00:11:33,254 --> 00:11:35,889
What if we did a love spell for you and Cooper?
294
00:11:35,889 --> 00:11:37,491
Oh, my God! Yes!
295
00:11:37,491 --> 00:11:39,927
I mean, not that I need one, but just to be super safe.
296
00:11:39,927 --> 00:11:41,328
That's a great idea.
297
00:11:41,328 --> 00:11:43,863
Maybe Dominique the Yorba Linda Witch
298
00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:46,732
can do it with us and teach us.
299
00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,700
You guys.
300
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,902
We're a fuckin' coven.
301
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:53,571
[ All chanting "Cooper" ]
302
00:11:53,571 --> 00:11:57,508
[ Dominique chanting "Cooper" on cellphone ]
303
00:11:59,276 --> 00:12:02,278
Holy shit. I felt that.
304
00:12:02,278 --> 00:12:05,381
Dominque: That was really potent work.
305
00:12:05,381 --> 00:12:09,351
I have such an intuition about this young coven.
306
00:12:09,351 --> 00:12:11,853
You're connected somehow.
307
00:12:11,853 --> 00:12:13,621
So now we just wait for the wax?
308
00:12:13,621 --> 00:12:17,824
We'll let that transfigure a few hours and then check back.
309
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,894
[ Sighs ] You three --
310
00:12:20,894 --> 00:12:23,762
You really should take
311
00:12:23,762 --> 00:12:25,931
one of my voice and movement classes.
312
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:27,032
[ Gasps ]
313
00:12:27,032 --> 00:12:29,001
-Ohh! Oh, shit! -Oh, fuck!
314
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:31,069
What's happening? What's going on?
315
00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:33,004
What's going on?
316
00:12:33,004 --> 00:12:34,939
[ Girls screaming ]
317
00:12:34,939 --> 00:12:37,074
[ Blowing ]
318
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:39,943
Um, so that pretty much
319
00:12:39,943 --> 00:12:41,510
feels like the worst sign I can think of.
320
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,112
Did everyone come into the spell
321
00:12:43,112 --> 00:12:44,480
with good and pure intentions?
322
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,382
So now what? Does Cooper fucking hate me now?!
323
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:48,016
Like, why the fuck did this happen?!
324
00:12:48,016 --> 00:12:50,151
Is any ill will being harbored
325
00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:51,586
or secrets being kept?
326
00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:54,088
It's my fault!
327
00:12:54,088 --> 00:12:56,023
I didn't come into it with pure intentions.
328
00:12:56,023 --> 00:12:58,225
I'm in love with Cooper. [ Gasps ] What?!
329
00:12:58,225 --> 00:13:00,226
We'll call you back.
330
00:13:00,226 --> 00:13:03,363
I'm so sorry. I feel so, so, so, so bad.
331
00:13:03,363 --> 00:13:05,365
I asked you like five times if you had feelings
332
00:13:05,365 --> 00:13:06,698
for Cooper, and you said no!
333
00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:08,567
I know! I know! I wasn't trying to be shady.
334
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:12,036
I just wanted you to be happy. I just care about you so much.
335
00:13:12,036 --> 00:13:13,604
And I'm a horrible fucking person.
336
00:13:13,604 --> 00:13:16,407
Please don't hate me. No, I could never hate you.
337
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:19,075
Just the whole reason I asked you about Cooper
338
00:13:19,075 --> 00:13:21,278
is I didn't want to stop you if you liked him.
339
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,812
Because I care about you.
340
00:13:22,812 --> 00:13:25,481
I really want you to date him. No, I want you to.
341
00:13:25,481 --> 00:13:27,950
I could never, ever when you feel like this.
342
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:30,118
Plus, you, like, laid out the groundwork.
343
00:13:30,118 --> 00:13:32,453
What we have here is way too important
344
00:13:32,453 --> 00:13:34,455
to let a boy get in the way.
345
00:13:34,455 --> 00:13:36,690
Especially one who doesn't shave his neck hairs.
346
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,325
[ Fingers snapping ]
347
00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:41,061
Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
348
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,995
Can we promise to be honest from here on out?
349
00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:44,630
No matter what? Even the bad stuff.
350
00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:46,399
We just tell each other?
351
00:13:50,702 --> 00:13:52,537
What?
352
00:13:55,372 --> 00:13:59,909
In the spirit of full honesty...
353
00:13:59,909 --> 00:14:02,345
we do have tea.
354
00:14:02,345 --> 00:14:05,547
A rumor did come to us concerning someone
355
00:14:05,547 --> 00:14:07,749
people call "Panda Express Girl."
356
00:14:07,749 --> 00:14:10,452
I guess people are operating under the belief
357
00:14:10,452 --> 00:14:13,654
that a high-school girl gave birth in a Panda Express.
358
00:14:13,654 --> 00:14:15,089
Wait. No. How? Did somebody --
359
00:14:15,089 --> 00:14:16,223
I don't know, but don't freak out,
360
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,757
because according to Avery Kampfer,
361
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:19,759
everyone thinks it's this girl Kennedy from Katella.
362
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:23,063
So there's no reason to even be upset at all.
363
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:24,463
We just thought, as sisters --
364
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:27,333
Fuck my life! Everything is over.
365
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,134
-No, I -- -If kids at school know,
366
00:14:30,134 --> 00:14:31,402
and then my parents are gonna know, and then --
367
00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:33,671
No one knows. No one's gonna find out.
368
00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:36,139
And even if your parents did find out, they're so cool.
369
00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:38,141
No, I know! It's just --
370
00:14:38,141 --> 00:14:40,110
It's just I don't want everything to change.
371
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,378
They'd feel so bad and be so worried.
372
00:14:42,378 --> 00:14:44,814
And then, also, why didn't I fucking tell them before?
373
00:14:44,814 --> 00:14:48,350
And then they'll also just see me as, like, that way,
374
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:50,352
and never not see me as that way.
375
00:14:50,352 --> 00:14:52,954
I'm sorry. I'm feeling just, like -- Like, this is not good.
376
00:14:52,954 --> 00:14:55,723
Like -- Like, we have to do something about this now.
377
00:14:55,723 --> 00:14:58,759
Like, this just -- this just can't happen!
378
00:14:58,759 --> 00:15:02,195
This can't get out! Can I say something? Can I say something?
379
00:15:02,195 --> 00:15:04,130
I, um...
380
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,698
I actually do think the magic is real.
381
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,001
Like, I just do, but even if you don't --
382
00:15:09,001 --> 00:15:11,236
No, I do. No, I know.
383
00:15:11,236 --> 00:15:14,972
I just think, like, call it magic or prayer
384
00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:16,507
or manifesting or whatever.
385
00:15:16,507 --> 00:15:18,441
Just, like, we need to put it out there
386
00:15:18,441 --> 00:15:20,076
to protect this secret.
387
00:15:20,076 --> 00:15:24,246
Yes. Definitely. Please. How do we do that?
388
00:15:24,813 --> 00:15:26,715
[ Bag crinkling ]
389
00:15:42,395 --> 00:15:46,732
And in terms of where to, like, do the spell?
390
00:15:46,732 --> 00:15:48,199
♪ You're the best of the best ♪
391
00:15:48,199 --> 00:15:49,868
♪ You're the crème de la crème ♪
392
00:15:49,868 --> 00:15:52,904
♪ And the more that you do, the better it gets ♪
393
00:15:52,904 --> 00:15:55,105
You good?
394
00:15:55,105 --> 00:15:57,207
I mean, this is weird. but good.
395
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,609
I'm glad we're doing this.
396
00:15:59,609 --> 00:16:03,379
And thank you. I love you guys.
397
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,314
Not to be the most cheesin' bitch on the planet,
398
00:16:06,314 --> 00:16:08,016
but just...
399
00:16:08,016 --> 00:16:13,320
I love you both so hard and long and deep right now.
400
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,423
I know we're all, like, emotional
401
00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:17,424
being back here or whatever,
402
00:16:17,424 --> 00:16:19,926
but I never thought I'd want female friends again
403
00:16:19,926 --> 00:16:22,896
after fourth grade when Lauren Silbey and Zoe Tassano
404
00:16:22,896 --> 00:16:26,031
told everyone I had AIDS 'cause my dads were gay.
405
00:16:26,031 --> 00:16:27,599
Ohh.
406
00:16:29,434 --> 00:16:32,470
You know what we can't do but would be so epic?
407
00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:34,305
Hmm? If we went to the dance,
408
00:16:34,305 --> 00:16:38,275
just us three, as a coven, no boys.
409
00:16:38,275 --> 00:16:40,777
I was literally just thinking that! We totally could!
410
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:41,977
Wait. Actually?
411
00:16:41,977 --> 00:16:43,212
Actually! Definitely!
412
00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:44,647
Oh, my God!
413
00:16:44,647 --> 00:16:46,148
I'm so in love with you two right now!
414
00:16:46,148 --> 00:16:48,283
Aah! I know!
415
00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:50,018
Wow. Fuck boys.
416
00:16:50,018 --> 00:16:51,486
Oh. Fuck boys. Oh, fuck boys.
417
00:16:51,486 --> 00:16:53,921
Yeah! Fuck boys!
418
00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:57,124
[ Music playing indistinctly over intercom ]
419
00:16:57,124 --> 00:17:00,359
♪♪
420
00:17:00,359 --> 00:17:02,595
You know that really pregnant girl at school?
421
00:17:02,595 --> 00:17:04,197
I feel like I should reach out to her.
422
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:05,697
I just feel like she could probably use a friend.
423
00:17:05,697 --> 00:17:09,534
I just know that she's about to go through a lot, you know?
424
00:17:09,534 --> 00:17:12,236
Even just, like, your boobs getting bigger
425
00:17:12,236 --> 00:17:13,537
or your fingers getting fatter,
426
00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:17,440
and all the stuff you don't even think of.
427
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,909
Actually, can we go bra shopping after?
428
00:17:19,909 --> 00:17:21,511
I need new ones. Yes.
429
00:17:21,511 --> 00:17:23,779
My dads keep ruining mine.
430
00:17:23,779 --> 00:17:29,151
♪♪
431
00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:34,522
♪♪
432
00:17:34,522 --> 00:17:38,158
You don't have to do this.
433
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:41,327
No, I know.
434
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,362
But I want to.
435
00:17:47,432 --> 00:17:49,033
Arianna: I'll say it.
436
00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:50,802
I feel bad for this rumor.
437
00:17:50,802 --> 00:17:54,271
'Cause it's going straight into the freezer like Dominique said.
438
00:17:54,271 --> 00:17:56,340
And not just any freezer.
439
00:17:56,340 --> 00:17:57,574
My dads' garage freezer,
440
00:17:57,574 --> 00:18:00,076
where it's gonna get fucking forgotten.
441
00:18:00,076 --> 00:18:01,777
Sorry about it.
442
00:18:13,787 --> 00:18:15,789
Okay, Delilah.
443
00:18:15,789 --> 00:18:19,192
State your intent for this protection spell.
444
00:18:21,828 --> 00:18:23,562
I just need this to work.
445
00:18:26,865 --> 00:18:29,300
And so it shall be.
446
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,202
Hands.
447
00:19:01,027 --> 00:19:03,696
[ Sobbing ]
448
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,522
[ Breathing deeply ]
449
00:20:02,345 --> 00:20:05,313
Can we go shop for bras now?
450
00:20:05,313 --> 00:20:06,648
No. Yeah.
451
00:20:06,648 --> 00:20:08,049
Unh-unh. Mm-hmm.
452
00:20:08,049 --> 00:20:10,318
This is all you, boo.
453
00:20:10,318 --> 00:20:12,086
Mm.
454
00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,287
[ Giggles ]
455
00:20:13,287 --> 00:20:15,623
That guy looks like your dad, D.
456
00:20:15,623 --> 00:20:18,291
Really? Yeah. Totally.
457
00:20:18,291 --> 00:20:21,461
Your dad's hot as fuck, by the way, and your mom, too.
458
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:23,795
Yeah. I'd watch them do stuff.
459
00:20:23,795 --> 00:20:25,497
Oh, God! Ew!
460
00:20:25,497 --> 00:20:26,798
Have you ever walked in on them?
461
00:20:26,798 --> 00:20:29,233
No! Stop! I hate this conversation.
462
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,269
'Cause I walked in on mine.
463
00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:32,670
Twice. No!
464
00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:36,239
Ugh!
465
00:20:36,239 --> 00:20:38,942
What?
466
00:20:38,942 --> 00:20:40,944
I just...
467
00:20:40,944 --> 00:20:42,444
Never mind.
468
00:20:42,444 --> 00:20:44,680
Wait, now you have to say it.
469
00:20:46,448 --> 00:20:49,050
I was just, like, looking at this,
470
00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:53,854
and I know it's just an ad, but it made me think.
471
00:20:53,854 --> 00:20:58,191
There are -- and I can't believe I'm saying this -- throuples.
472
00:20:58,191 --> 00:21:01,127
Like, they exist. There wouldn't be a word for it if they didn't.
473
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:04,096
And there was this amazing "Say Yes to the Dress" episode
474
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,598
with a throuple, and -- I don't know.
475
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,867
I was just, like, thinking about the Cooper thing.
476
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,468
Wait, what?
477
00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:12,202
I know. It's so stupid.
478
00:21:12,202 --> 00:21:13,904
No, what are you saying?
479
00:21:13,904 --> 00:21:17,840
Wait, are you saying -- How would that even work?
480
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,243
Would we be dating each other?
481
00:21:20,243 --> 00:21:23,312
No. We would just be, like...
482
00:21:23,312 --> 00:21:25,013
dating the same guy.
483
00:21:25,013 --> 00:21:26,615
I don't know. Like, alternate days?
484
00:21:26,615 --> 00:21:28,116
I don't know. Is that, like, so Mormon?
485
00:21:28,116 --> 00:21:29,350
Definitely.
486
00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:32,119
Or we could go on three-way dates,
487
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,922
which kinda sounds really fun, honestly.
488
00:21:34,922 --> 00:21:37,324
I know. It's like dating, but, like, with your best friend.
489
00:21:37,324 --> 00:21:40,427
That's so funny. And amazing.
490
00:21:40,427 --> 00:21:42,861
But, like, we can't do it, right?
491
00:21:42,861 --> 00:21:44,396
Well, I mean, would he even be into that?
492
00:21:44,396 --> 00:21:47,498
Well, he's straight, so it's like a fantasy come true, right?
493
00:21:47,498 --> 00:21:49,334
Ooh, us going on three-person dates,
494
00:21:49,334 --> 00:21:51,169
like, going to the movies together? Yes! I know!
495
00:21:51,169 --> 00:21:52,837
And he could sit in the middle. Oh, my God!
496
00:21:52,837 --> 00:21:54,037
What? What?
497
00:21:54,037 --> 00:21:56,239
And we can ask him to Winter Formal together!
498
00:21:56,239 --> 00:21:59,108
Ah! Yes! Wouldn't that be fun? That would be so cute!
499
00:21:59,108 --> 00:22:01,911
Um...
500
00:22:01,911 --> 00:22:05,480
I thought we -- we were going.
501
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,350
Oh. Right.
502
00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:10,285
Hmm.
503
00:22:10,285 --> 00:22:12,152
Oh, my God. Would you be mad?
504
00:22:12,152 --> 00:22:14,788
Do you hate this? I mean, this is just, like,
505
00:22:14,788 --> 00:22:16,590
kind of perfect and sisterly.
506
00:22:16,590 --> 00:22:18,958
But if you hate this, we won't do it.
507
00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:19,792
No.
508
00:22:19,792 --> 00:22:21,527
I mean, you should do it.
509
00:22:21,527 --> 00:22:24,896
Ooh. Really?
510
00:22:24,896 --> 00:22:26,365
Okay.
511
00:22:26,365 --> 00:22:29,100
Oh, my God. We have to ask him in, like, some crazy fun way.
512
00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:31,001
Obviously. Maybe we should do something to his car.
513
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:33,104
No puns, though. No puns. No puns?
514
00:22:33,104 --> 00:22:35,438
No puns.
515
00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:39,008
[ Door opens ]
516
00:22:39,008 --> 00:22:40,310
Patrick: Good night.
517
00:22:40,310 --> 00:22:42,644
Uh-huh.
518
00:22:42,644 --> 00:22:44,980
You know, could you maybe, just once,
519
00:22:44,980 --> 00:22:47,448
say, like, an actual good night?
520
00:22:47,448 --> 00:22:49,150
Like I'm an actual human being?
521
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:50,752
Sure, Dad, no problem.
522
00:22:50,752 --> 00:22:52,120
Oh, my God. What?
523
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,988
Nothing. It's my fucking period and my cramps,
524
00:22:54,988 --> 00:22:56,690
and you don't know anything about it.
525
00:22:56,690 --> 00:22:57,724
Joe, get the Midol!
526
00:22:57,724 --> 00:22:59,325
No, I don't want it.
527
00:22:59,325 --> 00:23:01,560
Just leave me alone.
528
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,929
[ Sighs ] But thank you for the Midol.
529
00:23:04,929 --> 00:23:06,898
No, she doesn't want it.
530
00:23:06,898 --> 00:23:09,901
Can you please just leave me alone?
531
00:23:09,901 --> 00:23:13,170
No. We actually can't. I'm sorry.
532
00:23:13,170 --> 00:23:15,472
It's like a parent thing.
533
00:23:15,472 --> 00:23:17,774
When you love your kid too much.
534
00:23:17,774 --> 00:23:20,676
It's just a rule.
535
00:23:20,676 --> 00:23:24,045
I really don't want to talk right now.
536
00:23:24,045 --> 00:23:26,248
Please don't make me.
537
00:23:26,248 --> 00:23:29,316
♪ Do you love us ♪
538
00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:31,385
Okay.
539
00:23:31,385 --> 00:23:37,323
♪♪
540
00:23:37,323 --> 00:23:40,727
♪ I know she's jealous ♪
541
00:23:40,727 --> 00:23:43,762
♪ I know she's jealous ♪
542
00:23:43,762 --> 00:23:46,298
♪ I know she's jealous but do you miss us ♪
543
00:23:46,298 --> 00:23:48,332
[ Sighs ]
544
00:23:48,332 --> 00:23:51,769
♪♪
545
00:23:51,769 --> 00:23:55,772
♪ Baby babe, still think about you ♪
546
00:23:55,772 --> 00:23:58,542
♪ 'Cause I love you ♪
547
00:23:58,542 --> 00:24:00,209
♪ I do ♪
548
00:24:00,209 --> 00:24:03,646
♪ So baby let me know how you feel about it ♪
549
00:24:03,646 --> 00:24:07,916
♪ 'Cause I love you ♪
550
00:24:07,916 --> 00:24:11,485
♪ And I can touch you like I never touched you before ♪
551
00:24:11,485 --> 00:24:14,054
♪ I promise baby ♪
552
00:24:14,054 --> 00:24:18,958
♪ If you can promise me back that you'll come back to me ♪
553
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:25,363
♪ And then never leave again 'cause I love you ♪
554
00:24:25,363 --> 00:24:29,834
♪ Do you love us, I know she's jealous ♪
555
00:24:29,834 --> 00:24:32,570
♪ I know she's jealous ♪
556
00:24:32,570 --> 00:24:35,271
♪ But do you love me still ♪
557
00:24:35,271 --> 00:24:36,906
♪ Do you miss us ♪
558
00:24:36,906 --> 00:24:39,809
♪ Do you miss us, yeah ♪
559
00:24:39,809 --> 00:24:42,511
♪ Baby, do you miss me still ♪
560
00:24:42,511 --> 00:24:45,080
♪ I know she's jealous ♪
561
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,748
♪ I know she's jealous but do you miss us ♪
562
00:24:46,748 --> 00:24:48,483
Delilah: I can't believe us.
563
00:24:48,483 --> 00:24:50,518
Sister wives for life, yo. [ Chuckles ]
564
00:24:50,518 --> 00:24:52,487
Um...
565
00:24:52,487 --> 00:24:54,087
What?
566
00:24:54,087 --> 00:24:57,090
I'm gonna make sure there are enough on the other side.
567
00:25:00,559 --> 00:25:03,162
Ooh. Can we get matching dresses or something?
568
00:25:03,162 --> 00:25:05,096
Like, not the same, but, like, in the same palette?
569
00:25:05,096 --> 00:25:06,231
Yes. I love it.
570
00:25:06,231 --> 00:25:07,665
Okay. Yay.
571
00:25:07,665 --> 00:25:09,767
Oh, he's coming. Arianna, start recording on your phone.
572
00:25:09,767 --> 00:25:11,001
Mm. On your phone.
573
00:25:11,001 --> 00:25:12,336
Okay, we --
574
00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:13,737
Surprise! Surprise!
575
00:25:13,737 --> 00:25:16,440
[ Chuckles ] Wow. What's -- What's all of this?
576
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,274
I don't know. Read the message.
577
00:25:18,274 --> 00:25:20,243
Um...
578
00:25:20,243 --> 00:25:22,478
"N + D."
579
00:25:22,478 --> 00:25:24,579
Who's asking me? We both are.
580
00:25:24,579 --> 00:25:29,183
And not just to the dance, unless you can't handle it.
581
00:25:29,183 --> 00:25:32,086
Are you guys pranking me?
582
00:25:32,086 --> 00:25:35,722
Uh, is -- this would be, like, a three-person thing?
583
00:25:35,722 --> 00:25:37,490
Yeah, a throuple. [ Laughs ]
584
00:25:37,490 --> 00:25:39,893
So, like, if we go to restaurants and stuff... And at movies...
585
00:25:39,893 --> 00:25:42,427
...we can just all three sit at the same table. ...you can just sit in the middle
586
00:25:42,427 --> 00:25:45,797
and, like, have the big popcorn. Wait, you haven't even said yes or no yet. So...
587
00:25:45,797 --> 00:25:48,099
Uh...absolutely.
588
00:25:48,099 --> 00:25:50,101
Aww, yay! Yes. Totally.
589
00:25:50,101 --> 00:25:52,236
Can you take pictures now? Ooh, yeah.
590
00:25:52,236 --> 00:25:53,970
Wait, stand in the middle. Yeah, like right here.
591
00:25:53,970 --> 00:25:55,805
Are we cute? Does my hair look weird?
592
00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:57,908
Yep. And nope. [ Camera shutter clicking ]
593
00:25:57,908 --> 00:25:59,642
Okay, can we take some of just me and D?
594
00:25:59,642 --> 00:26:01,810
Oh, yeah. Ooh, get on the car.
595
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:04,013
Yeah. Okay.
596
00:26:04,013 --> 00:26:06,514
We're insane, and I love it. No. Go away. Go away.
597
00:26:06,514 --> 00:26:08,783
Huh? Go away. We're taking photos.
598
00:26:08,783 --> 00:26:10,351
Naomi: I feel like this is gonna be a whole new
599
00:26:10,351 --> 00:26:11,752
golden age of our friendship.
600
00:26:11,752 --> 00:26:13,687
I mean, for all of us.
601
00:26:13,687 --> 00:26:16,989
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
602
00:26:16,989 --> 00:26:18,491
Okay, goodbye. I'm leaving.
603
00:26:18,491 --> 00:26:19,625
Okay!
604
00:26:19,625 --> 00:26:22,161
Adios, bitch! Love you!
605
00:26:22,161 --> 00:26:24,596
Ooh, do you guys wanna go get froyo?
606
00:26:24,596 --> 00:26:25,897
Ugh! Cooper: Hell yeah.
607
00:26:25,897 --> 00:26:27,933
Arianna Lewis-O'Farrell,
608
00:26:27,933 --> 00:26:29,900
you may not like ze French theme,
609
00:26:29,900 --> 00:26:32,002
but will you do me ze honor
610
00:26:32,002 --> 00:26:35,805
and go as my date to We'll Always Have Par-ee? [Paris]
611
00:26:35,805 --> 00:26:37,307
[ Voice breaking ] Seriously?
612
00:26:37,307 --> 00:26:40,577
You were the one who made it girls-ask-guys.
613
00:26:40,577 --> 00:26:42,044
What kind of messed-up guy thing
614
00:26:42,044 --> 00:26:45,180
makes you think the girl you talk over every day in class
615
00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:49,417
wants to get nasty and take couples pics with you?
616
00:26:49,417 --> 00:26:55,021
I swear, every boy on this dying planet is a fucking parasite!
617
00:26:55,021 --> 00:26:58,757
And every girl who puts a boy in front of her friends
618
00:26:58,757 --> 00:27:01,026
is diseased.
619
00:27:01,026 --> 00:27:09,233
♪♪
620
00:27:09,233 --> 00:27:11,935
♪ I've been bleeding out the cheek, dripping on my seat ♪
621
00:27:11,935 --> 00:27:13,770
♪ Wincing 'cause my muscles been defeated ♪
622
00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:15,172
♪ I've been losing liters ♪
623
00:27:15,172 --> 00:27:17,006
♪ Kitty left her gripper marks on me ♪
624
00:27:17,006 --> 00:27:18,341
♪ Smelled a whiff of weed ♪
625
00:27:18,341 --> 00:27:20,142
♪ Hungry as the niggas in the D ♪
626
00:27:20,142 --> 00:27:21,477
♪ They be ready wheelin' ♪
627
00:27:21,477 --> 00:27:23,578
♪ Posture of a pastor with his sheep ♪
628
00:27:23,578 --> 00:27:24,913
♪ Planting hella seeds ♪
629
00:27:24,913 --> 00:27:26,581
♪ No nomadic shepherd heard of me ♪
630
00:27:26,581 --> 00:27:28,083
♪ Flowers hella sweet ♪
631
00:27:28,083 --> 00:27:30,084
♪ County left me wading through them weeds ♪
632
00:27:30,084 --> 00:27:32,386
♪ Growing underneath, swinging off a tree ♪
633
00:27:32,386 --> 00:27:33,754
♪ Funny group of three ♪
634
00:27:33,754 --> 00:27:36,422
♪ Wiser than a raptor with no teeth ♪
635
00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:40,093
♪ Ain't it funny how it be? Funny how it be ♪
636
00:27:40,093 --> 00:27:43,261
♪ Can't you feel the beat? ♪
637
00:27:43,261 --> 00:27:46,465
♪ Bumping into me, baby, don't you leave ♪
638
00:27:46,465 --> 00:27:48,933
♪ Rocking with your feet, claws ♪
639
00:27:48,933 --> 00:27:52,836
♪ Lips, locked, tick-tock, tea ♪
640
00:27:52,836 --> 00:27:54,871
♪ Where'd you leave them hair rolls? ♪
641
00:27:54,871 --> 00:27:58,841
♪ Tint pose, ten toe treat ♪
642
00:27:58,841 --> 00:28:01,710
♪ Rocking them stilettos ♪
643
00:28:01,710 --> 00:28:05,046
♪ They be walking in stilettos ♪
644
00:28:05,046 --> 00:28:07,782
♪ Scrapping in the metal ♪
645
00:28:07,782 --> 00:28:11,718
♪ Rocking them stilettos ♪
646
00:28:11,718 --> 00:28:15,055
♪ Run a dungeon ♪
647
00:28:15,055 --> 00:28:19,825
♪ Sunken I might scream while lunging ♪
648
00:28:19,825 --> 00:28:22,927
♪ Lungs thin, green limbs ♪
649
00:28:22,927 --> 00:28:25,263
♪ Tearing up this new skin ♪
47099
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