All language subtitles for The.Nanny.S04E10.720p.HMAX.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV_track3_eng

♪♪ You're the light of love ♪♪

♪♪ You're the light ♪♪

♪♪ Of love ♪♪

Yes! Bravo! Bravo!

Oh, this benefit will make
a fortune for Broadway Cares.

With Roslyn Kind singing

and her sister Barbra
Streisand hosting the event--

Which is not why we hired you.

Well, I haven't exactly gotten
around to calling Barbra yet.

BOTH: Why?

Well, she hasn't given me
her new number.

But I do a great
impersonation of Barbra.

Although, personally, I think
for years she's been doing me.

[PLAYING PIANO]

♪♪ To find the way
of your heart ♪♪

♪♪ Sometimes you must
say goodbye ♪♪

♪♪ And trust that time
will take you where ♪♪

♪♪ Your greatest visions lie ♪♪

Barbra? Barbra? Barbra?

♪♪ Shine your light ♪♪

♪♪ A smile deep down
inside of you ♪♪

♪♪ It is waiting there ♪♪

♪♪ Just to guide you through ♪♪

♪♪ You're the light of love ♪♪

- ♪♪You're the light ♪♪
- [DOORBELL RINGS]

[CONTINUES RINGING]

♪♪ Of love ♪♪

Barbra, Barbra, Barbra!

Barbra's sister.

Close enough. Same DNA.

Nanny Fine, you are
drooling on Roslyn's shoes.

It doesn't matter.
They're my sister's.

Take them off! Take them off!

Nanny Fine!

This nut isn't working
with us, is she?

Oh, good heavens,
no, no, no.

She takes care
of my children.

Hi.

Why don't we all go
into Maxwell's office?

- Good idea.
- Yeah. That's better.

More intimate. It's got the
little couch and everything.

Tell me where Barbra lives
and no one gets hurt.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

- Hey, Fran.
- Shh!

My mother can't hear
Barbra Streisand's sister.

Well, if you'd stop chewing.

I need to talk to you
about a personal problem.

Honey, you're at that age,
you should be talking
to your butler.

No, wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

Your father's telling
hisPirates of Penzance
What's up?

Well, I like this girl,
Julie, but she just wants
to be friends.

How am I gonna get her
to make a deeper commitment?

You're asking me?

Oh, Fran, I've had it.

Dad is obviously not getting me
a car for my birthday.

So I figured out a way
to win one.

Miss Trans Am contest?

Oh, honey, I am not letting you
enter some contest

where you parade around
in some skimpy outfit

so a bunch of men could
stare at you like you're
a piece of meat.

No, ma'am.

Not me. You.

Oh, how sweet!

Listen, all you have to do
is win the talent portion

drive a five-speed Trans Am
through an obstacle course

and be between the ages
of 18 and 25.

Oh, well, that lets me out.

I can't drive a stick shift.

Oh, you can't?

Mm-mm.
Nobody in my family can.

I think it's in the Torah
or something.

Well, maybe my dad could teach
you on his Porsche.

Oh, no. What am I saying?

He would never help you
win a car for me.

Uh, you know, Maggie,

I've seen your father
drive his Porsche.

Believe me, he's nobody to teach
anybody how to drive a stick.

I beg your pardon?

We're in.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, this entire thing
is ridiculous.

Maggie is far too young
to have a car.

Mr. Sheffield, you know,
I understand you're a foreigner

and that's why I cut you
slack when you wear dark socks
and sandals.

But in this country,
when a girl turns 17,
she gets herself a car.

Unless you come
from my neighborhood.

Then it's a car
or a nose job.

I got the car.

Ms. Fine, why don't you
just get her one of those
Remington Steele

Lady Schick things
you get everyone else?

Are you kidding?
She's like a daughter to me.

Besides, you always get her
expensive stuff. Now, I can.

Oh, Ms. Fine, what you give
my children, you can't put
a price on.

And yet you find six bucks
an hour sufficient.

Oh, Ms. Fine, go into third.

You've gotta feel it
when it's time to shift.

Do I have to squeeze
your leg every time?

I guess I'm a slow learner.

There you go.
That's the way.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Wait, wait, wait,
where you going?

- Why are you turning off?
- Oh, Loehmann's.

Warehouse. Mothership.

No, no. Just--
just-- just drive.

All right. All right.

No more distractions.

Shifting.

Beautiful, babe.

[CAR PHONE RINGING]

Yello.

Oh, here, would you just--

Just put both hands
on the wheel.

Hello. Oh, C.C., hold on.
I'm gonna put you on speaker.

Maxwell, great news.
Barbra Streisand called.

Oh, I'm putting
you off speaker.

You touch that button
and I'll kill us both.

Barbra's agreed to host
the benefit,

but only if we do it
at her house in the Hamptons.

Oh, my God. I can't
believe I'm going
to Barbra's house.

- No, you're not.
- This is the most
exciting day of my life.

- No, it's not.
- Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
how can I ever thank you?

By looking that way. Look out!

- [SHRIEKS] Oh!
- [TIRES SCREECHING]

Stop! Stop!

Oh, my God.

Oh, I think I hit something.

No, I-- uh, it's all right,
Ms. Fine, it was, uh--

it was just a piece of rubbish.

With bunny ears and
a little cotton tail?

No. No. No.

I saw it quite clearly.
It really-- It was--
It was nothing.

C.C.:No, no, no.
I know that sound.

Nanny Fine killed
a wittle wascawy wabbit.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, I can't believe
I killed an innocent rabbit.

Oh, Nanny Fine,
you must feel horrible.

Oh, I do.

Oh, you know what you need?

Some comfort food.

[C.C. LAUGHS]

Now, Ms. Fine,
it's not your fault.

Sometimes horrible
accidents happen.

Exhibit A.

You really shouldn't
feel so bad.

It's not as if rabbits
are an endangered species.

They spend their entire lives
mating and reproducing.

Oh, great. So not only
did I kill an animal,

but I killed one with a
better social life than mine.

Ms. Fine, you have to move on
with your life.

Now, let me ask you.
What would Barbra do
if she killed an animal?

First, she'd fire her chauffeur.

And then she'd write a
beautiful ballad about it.

Marvin Hamlisch would arrange.

And then she'd do the duet
with Julio Iglesias.

You know, to pick up
the foreign market.

[SIGHS]

- I feel better.
- Mm. Thattagirl.

I am going to win
this Miss Trans Am contest

and make my platform
animal rights.

I am going to speak out

for all the little creatures
that no one cares about.

Exhibit B.

ANNOUNCER:Welcome to the auto
show at the Nassau Coliseum.

You know, B, you didn't
have to come with us.

Hey, I love cars.

Fran, shouldn't you be getting
ready for the contest?

We don't have time
to meet Miss America.

Honey, I was Miss Subways.
It's a professional courtesy.

Oh, if word got out that I was
here and I snubbed her?

Forget about it. It could
start a whole inter-pageantary
incident.

- Tara.
- Hi!

Fran Fine, Miss Subways,
1980--

Uh... '90.

Oh, it's always nice
to meet another pageant winner.

- Oh.
- What was your platform?

Uh, 59th and Lex.

We two have so much in common.
I mean, we're both title holders

and, well, you can't get
married for the duration
of your reign

and I can't get married
for the love of God.

I assume you're here
for Miss Trans Am contest.

Oh, is it that obvious?

Absolutely.
Good luck to you.

Oh, no. Fran's the one
in the contest.

Oh. Good luck to you.

Meanwhile, I voted
for Miss Kentucky.

Moving into our final round,
the driving competition

and our current leader,
Fran Fine.

[APPLAUSE]

This is so sexist.

I mean, what do women
in swimsuits have to do
with selling cars?

Sir, I think we've produced
one too many revivals ofMame.

Ms. Fine, start your engine!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SHRIEKING] Oh! Oh!

[SCREAMS]

Oh, Fran, don't feel bad
about not winning me the car.

I just love
my new Wet/Dry Lady Schick.

No. No. Really. Look.

It's great.

Oh, honey, you're so sweet.

But aren't your friends
disappointed that you
didn't get a car?

Uh... I don't have
any friends anymore.

Come on, Ms. Fine,
let's go for a drive.

You know what they say,
when you fall off a horse,

you gotta get right back on.

Oh, I'm Jewish.
The closest I ever get

to a horse is Polo
at Ralph Lauren.

You'll drive us
to the Paramus Mall.

We'll tear buttons off
things and get an extra
ten percent discount.

No, I can't.

You have to drive again,
Ms. Fine.

No. I mean, I've been barred
from the Paramus Mall.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
it's okay.

Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.

I've decided to get therapy.

How are we feeling today?

I'm afraid we're going to have
to cancel our appointment.

I have a date coming over.

That's how you therapists
keep us coming back.

You make us more bitter.

Come on, Maxwell, we have a lot
of work to do for the benefit.

Don't mind me, Nanny Fine.
I'm just passing through.

[WHISTLES "THE BUNNY HOP"]

Hop, hop, hop.

Oh, come on, Ms. Fine,

I can't stand seeing
you like this.

Can't you just forget
what happened and get on
with your life?

Well, if you're gonna cuddle
and touch me every time
I'm depressed,

I gotta tell you,
this is pretty much
my mood for a while.

Oh, come on, there must
be something I can do
to cheer you up.

Isn't there some favorite place
you'd like to go?

No. Nothing's giving me a buzz.

How about Barbra
Streisand's house?

Oh, would you do that?

Of course, Ms. Fine.
Anything for you.

Oh, this is like a dream come
true, I'm so excited!

Pack your bags and get out.

Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you,
Ms. Streisand.

Oh, no, that's way too formal.

Nice knowing you, Babs.

No. That's way too familiar.

Oh, I've got such a shtuk
in my gadehrum.

Oh, you know, that's perfect.

This is gonna be a disaster.

First, we have to shake
three bus loads of Fines
trailing us.

Come on, C.C.,
leave Ms. Fine alone.

This is a very important night
for her.

Ms. Fine, your hair is looking
particularly big tonight.

Well, yours would, too,
if you had a camcorder
hidden in it.

Kidding! Would you relax?

I am not going to embarrass you.

I'm on a pilgrimage
to meet my spiritual leader.

- What?
- Oh, my stomach is killing me.

It must be that pâté Niles made.

Well, we're going
to Barbra's house.

She's a sister.

She'll have Tagamet,
Mylanta, Pepcid AC.

Don't worry.

No. I'm serious, Ms. Fine.
I'm sweaty.

I'm starting to shake.

I'm gonna have to pull over.

Yeah, we'll pull over.
In her driveway.

Now, floor it.

C.C., you're gonna
have to drive.

Oh, that's a good idea.
C.C., you drive.

Don't even stop the car.
Just switch. Switch.

Maxwell, you know
I can't drive a stick.

It's no good. I've got
to get out, get some air.

No. We'll drive
with the windows open.

So it's a little dewy.
I'll frizz for my queen.

Nanny Fine, Nanny Fine,
Nanny Fine.

You drive a stick.

No. I can't. I can't.

I know. You put it
in neutral, I'll push.

I shoved my mother up a hill
in San Francisco once.

This is just a small
foreign car.

Nanny Fine, Maxwell
and I are producing this
for Broadway Cares.

And I don't care if Broadway
cares if I'm not there
to get the credit!

I can't. I can't!

♪♪ Can it be that it was
all so simple then ♪♪

Stop it!

♪♪ Or has time rewritten
every line? ♪♪

[CRYING] I'm not gonna
see my Barbra.

Oh, my God. Forgive me.

Nanny Fine,
Roz swore me to secrecy

but James Brolin is gonna
propose to Barbra tonight.

You'll know before Mary Hart.

[GASPS]

Get in! You'll puke
in the Porsche!

[♪♪♪]

So, what was she like?

Did you actually get to talk
to Miss Streisand?

Uh-huh. I told her,

"I love you, my queen."

And she said,

"Put those boots
back in my closet."

Well, it was a banner night
for both of us.

You got to meet your idol and
overcome your fear of driving,

- Mm-hm.
- while I got a safety pin

and worked that little
string through Mr. Sheffield's
sweat pants.

And I've got you to thank for
getting over my fear of driving.

It never would've happened

if you hadn't fed Mr. Sheffield
that rancid pâté.

I'm highly offended.

Why? Because I called
your pâté rancid?

No. That you'd think
I'd actually take the time
to make it.

I buy it, peel off the label,
and slap it on a plate.

I haven't even
done that in months.

Well, then, why would he say
he got sick?

Why would he fake it?

Oh, that sweet man.

Do you know what he did for me?

Threw up on Ms. Babcock?

No. That would have been for me.

No. He pretended to be sick
to force me to drive.

Oh, he was showing
his love for me

by acting like
he was nauseous.

Did you know how
he felt about me?

Did I know? For four years,
I've been hinting to him,

I've been hinting to you,

I've been hinting to him
to hint to you.

Why do you think I don't have
enough time to make pâté?

[♪♪♪]

Mr. Sheffield,
I know what you did.

Oh, well, Ms. Fine,
James and Barbra insisted
we go out for a drink.

I couldn't find you.

I'm not talking about that.

You what?!

Gotcha.

[LAUGHING]

Let's get back
to what you were saying.

I know that you pretended
to be sick to get me to drive.

I'll tell you,
it is just so adorable

how you can't really express
the way you feel.

Like all the times that you yell
and scream at me

when in reality,
you want to hug me.

Well...

And all those times
that you fired me,

in reality...

...you want to kiss me.

All right.

When you told me you loved me
and you took it back,

- when in reality--
- No. Actually, that I meant.

I hate you.

No, you don't.
You really want to hug me.

Okay. I'm busted.

Tell me, Ms. Fine,
just out of curiosity,

how did you know
I was faking?

Oh, Niles spilled the beans.

Now, now, I'm just saying I'm
surprised that Barbra called you
out of the blue

and invited you
back to her house.

What don't you get?

We share the same heritage.

We both have
a distinctive voice.

I had an Andre Agassi poster
in my room.

She had Andre Agassi.

It just seems very bizarre
to me, that's all.

She's a very private person.
I can't imagine what she wants
with you.

Look, we just hit it off.
In fact, she said she was
gonna come right over,

but I said, "Don't bother.
We'll come to you."

Oh, wait, let me get my purse.

Goodbye, gorgeous.

I suppose she's gonna want
this purse back, too.

Listen, all you have to do
is win a talent portion...

- Yeah.
- ...drive a-- drive a--
Bleah!

Okay. Listen, you're
in two movies of the week.

You're overworked
already this week.

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

But in this country,
when a girl turns 17,
she gets herself a car.

Unless you come from my
neighborhood, then it's
a car or a nose job.

I got the nose job--

Oh!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Not.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]