All language subtitles for The.Nanny.S04E09.720p.HMAX.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV_track3_eng

[♪♪♪]

Where's the camera?
Where's the camera?

What do you need to
take a picture of?

Well, I'm off to make
the keynote speech

at the Theatre Guild.

Miss Babcock,
you can't go like that.

Nanny Fine, I will be speaking
to Broadway impresarios.

But I will seek
your fashion expertise

next time I'm dancing in a cage.

You don't need your coat.
It's not cold.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, God. That's not fair.

That was gonna be
my Christmas card.

Oh, now, cheer up, Niles.

You know, there are people out
there with real problems

that don't even have
a reason to live.

FRAN: Oh!

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.

Fran, you're never
gonna believe this.

- I am standing,
talking to you...
- Yeah. Yeah.

...in size-six pants.

Oh, my God.

Val, you haven't been a size
six
since you were 6.

I know. I know.

Oh, Miss Toriello,
that's not a six. It's a
nine.

Oh... Fudge Brownie
or Rocky Road?

What do you mean "or"?

Fran, Fran, listen.

A bunch of my girlfriends
are getting tattoos
this Saturday...

- Yeah?
- ...and now, I need you
to help with Dad.

Oh, sure, honey.

I'll invite him
for a nice romantic dinner,

candlelight, champagne,
lobster, soft music.

And then
you think he'll go for it?

Well, he better.
'Cause I'm running out of
ideas.

- Oh, you mean about the
tattoo?
- Yeah.

Oh, no, honey,
you ain't getting a tattoo.

- Oh, but, Fran.
- Honey,

as long as I am living
under your roof,

you'll do as a say.

Fran, what is the big deal?

You got a tattoo
when we were in high school.

You have a tattoo!

My daughter has a tattoo.

SYLVIA: I'm gonna kill myself.

I'm gonna stick my head
in the oven and kill myself.

Are these crab cakes done?

- Val!
- Sorry.

♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ in one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪

♪♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ when everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

My daughter has a tattoo.

I'm gonna be sick.

Niles, quick,
get me something bubbly.

Club soda?

You got any Hershey's syrup?

Of all the shmucky things
that you did as a kid,

nothing compares to this.

Fran, you have broken my heart.

You've shattered my dreams.

I don't even want to live.

Hey, pokey,
how long does an egg cream take?

When did you do this?

Remember when Val and I
were going to Hadassah

to audition
forJesus Christ Superstar?

Which, incidentally,
should have been a clue.

["SHE'S A MANIAC"
BY HALL AND OATES PLAYING]
♪♪ She's a maniac, maniac ♪♪

♪♪ On the floor ♪♪

♪♪ And she's dancing
like she never danced before
♪♪

You know, Fran,
these tattoos are permanent.

I mean,
what if you and Danny break up?

Val, he said he loves me.

I'm not gonna be with someone
that says he loves me

and then takes it back.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Either of you AB positive?

- No.
- No.

Sorry!

Whoa,
I gotta lay off the
espresso.

So, you got ID?

- No.
- No.

You gotta buy some,
or I can't tattoo you.

Okay. Oh, good.

- Here.
- Ten bucks.

- Here.
- Okay. Oh, thanks.

Want a beer?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Let me see your ID.

Good.

Okay.

- All right.
- Look, you got Charles and
Di.

- Yeah.
- Gee, I hope that comes off.

I have a very bad feeling
about that marriage.

Val, you're so stupid.

Where's he going
with those big ears?

Yeah, man, I hope you're right.

I'm still sore from turning
Sonny into Gregg Allman.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

How could you do this
to your family?

Would you like some more,
Sylvia?

What, did we just meet?

Where was I?

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

How could you do this
to your family?"

It really loses something
in the Gentile translation.

You know, this time you
haven't
just defied your mother.

This time you defied God.

If you have a tattoo,

you can't be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

And unless you have it removed,
consider yourself disowned.

Ma.

You know, this has nothing to
do
with you and me.

[NILES CLEARS THROAT]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Come on, Niles.
Obviously, you're dying
to tell me something.

So, what is it?

It's a secret?

You promised not to say a word.

Two words.

It's a person. Who is it?

The Thompsons' butler?

Miss Fine!

What about Miss Fine?

What? Just tell me.

Just tell me, Niles, or you're--

- She has a tattoo.
- Miss Fine has a tattoo?

She does?

Oh, such keen hearing.

And look, she brought
a newspaper. Good girl.

Niles, don't you think
it's time you came up
with some fresh material?

Something I haven't heard.

How about,
"Can you stay the night?"

Oh, Niles, when do you have time

to come up with
these clever retorts?

It must be that half hour

between scraping pigeon poop
off the stoop

and fighting shower fungus.

So, Miss Fine has a tattoo, eh?

Oh, I'm shocked.
How out of character

for Nanny Fine to do something
cheap and vulgar.

Shameful.
I-I wonder where it is.

Well, obviously, on a part of
her body hidden by clothing.

Oh, well, let's see.
That narrows it down to,
what, Niles, about 2 inches?

Well, I remember the tattoo
being higher on your tush.

It was, Val.

Come on, Fran,
please talk to Dad for me.

I mean, you remember
when you were 17, right?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, it was a very good year.

Better not be that good for you.

- Mr. Sheffield.
- Miss Fine.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine. Thanks.

Let me ask you something.
How do you feel about tattoos?

Oh, well, Miss Fine,
seeing as you asked,

as a matter of fact,
I am a little intrigued.

by the idea of painted flesh

hidden on some part of a body...

reserved only
for that special someone
to...

Well, you know-- Well, I'm...

Tattoos are okay in my book.

Thanks, Daddy.

- What was that?
- Ah...

Well, you just gave
your daughter
permission
to get a tattoo.

What? I'd never let Margaret
get a tattoo.

Well, you just said
you loved tattoos.

Miss Fine,
I was talking about on you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Fran, how can you stand there
like that,

with the door wide open?

Mr. Sheffield could walk by
and see you.

Not if you don't move, Val.

I just found out
that he is really turned on

by a certain little tattoo.

Oh, that guy
fromFantasy Island?

Excuse me, Miss Fine.

Have you talked to Margaret
about that tattoo business?

Yeah, I talked to her.
It's all under control.

FRAN: Don't worry about it.
It's taken care of.

MAXWELL [THINKING]:
Where the hell is it?

My God,
bloody Waldo's easier to
spot.

Is there anything else
I can do for you?

No, no, no. Absolutely nothing.

No, I'll just
be getting off-- Along.

Wow! The guy is obviously
so turned on by you.

What's taking him so long
to make a move?

Hey now, he's afraid that the
kids will suffer

if it doesn't work out.

He is just so afraid of change.

Why do you think I stay 29?

It's for him.

Fran, if you think this
tattoo
is your secret weapon,

how come you made
a doctor's appointment

to take it off your butt?

Oh, that's just
a consultation, Val.

The only thing
I'm getting off my butt is
Ma.

This baby is staying.

Now, what is it about a tattoo
that guys find such a turn-on?

It's very erotic, Val.

I mean, you know,
it's the lure of the
forbidden.

You know,
it's like when we date a guy

and suddenly we find out
he drives a Sara Lee truck.

- Oh, yeah.
- Same thing.

Yeah, I got it.

Dr. Roberts,
could you make me look like--?

Nope.

But they do have a new procedure

that freezes the muscles
in your face

so you'll never get lines.

So I'd never be able
to smile again?

That's right.

- You married?
- No.

- You rich?
- No.

What have you got
to smile about?

Don't worry.
He's a very good surgeon.

Although, I didn't care for way
he lifted Aunt Lottie's boobs.

Well, on the bright side,

now she doesn't have to wear
shoulder pads anymore.

- Um, Doctor?
- Yeah?

You know, we're here to find
out
what you can do about this.

This is much more serious
than I imagined.

Oh?

This thing is cracked.

[LAUGHS]

So, what exactly is the problem?

Can you remove that tattoo?

I can take it off next Tuesday.

Well, wait a minute.

Is it gonna scar?
Is it gonna hurt?

Yes. And, ouch.

Fran, if you keep that tattoo,

you can't be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

It's either a bruisedtuchis,

or spending all of eternity
without your family.

Can you make it bigger?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Val, I just love
this new bathing suit I got.

You think Mr. Sheffield
will be able

to see my tattoo in this?

Fran, he'll be able
to see your liver in that.

I just gotta figure out
an excuse to wear it.

Oh, wait. There's a four-day
weekend coming up.

Oh, oh, kids! Kids!

- Come down here.
- Wait a second.

Won't Mr. Sheffield
be a little suspicious,

you suddenly planning a trip?

No. He worries
when I'm not working him

for a free vacation.

- Kids.
- Fran, what's up?

- What's going on?
- Where's your sister?
Gracie!

Fran, she's down the street.

- She's not gonna hear you.
- Oh.

What is it, Fran?

Hi, honey.

There's a four-day weekend
coming up.

- Where should we go?
- The Hamptons.

- Skiing.
- Horseback riding.

Bermuda it is.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, Miss Fine, this is
the perfect place

- for a family vacation.
- Mm-hmm.

Here's tattoo-- I mean, to you.

MAXWELL [THINKING]:
My God, I hope
she didn't hear that.

FRAN [THINKING]:
And is this
gonna be a piece of cake.

You know, Mr. Sheffield,

Brighton and Maggie
are gonna be at the disco

for at least another hour.

So that'll give us
a chance to talk...

you know, about the kids,
the house.

FRAN [THINKING]:
Did I remember to wax?

We're on vacation, Miss Fine.

A little time alone together
will give me a chance

to see a side of you
I haven't seen.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

I think you've seen
just about all my sides.

Only your good side, Miss Fine.

I've yet to see your backside--

Bad side.

So you've done wonders
with the children.

I'm amazed at how Brighton

is really applying himself
this year.

I have to say,
I was a little concerned

about his math grades.

Yeah, well, you know,
it was very wise

- to hire a tutor.
- Oh, yeah.

FRAN [THINKING]:
Yada, yada, yada.
We're drifting.

Gotta get this puppy
back on track.

Oh, boy, I'll tell you,
it is so humid here.

How about a swim?

FRAN [THINKING]:
And we're there.

Great idea. You know what?

I'll go change into
my bathing suit,

I'll tuck Gracie in,
and I'll be right back.

FRAN [THINKING]:
Watch me work this walk.

Oy! That's a turn-on.

Well, good night, sweetie.
Sweet dreams. Love you.

- Fran.
- What?

You know I can't sleep
when we're on a trip.

Will you sleep with me?

FRAN [THINKING]:
Right words, wrong
Sheffield.

Okay, honey.

Why don't you just rest.
Maybe you'll get sleepy.

- Sleepy yet?
- Nope.

Will you be for 10 bucks?

How about a story?

Oh, honey,
it's getting really late.

- I'm not gonna sleep
unless--
- Okay. Here's the story.

About a man named Jed,
a poor mountaineer.

- Fran. Fran.
- Barely kept his family
fed.

You gotta get a life.

I'm trying.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

Why don't you
just close your eyes?

Okay. Shh.

- Fran.
- Yeah?

Will you promise me
you'll stay with us forever?

Honey, I'm counting on it.

Sometimes I worry
that everything's gonna
change.

Um, well, you know, sometimes
a little change is a good
thing.

- No, it's not.
- Why?

'Cause if you don't like
it,
you can never go back
the way things were.

- But what if you do like
it?
- What if you don't?

Well, what's it to you?

MAXWELL [THINKING]:
Oh, God, what am I doing?

This is a test, isn't it?

Yeah. You want to see
if I can control myself.

Well, I'm going to
prove something to you

once and for all.

I can't.

Oh, Miss Fine.

Why aren't you in your
thong--?
I mean, thuit--

Bathing suit?

You know, I really
didn't feel like changing.

Um... I don't think
it's the right time

for us to take a swim.

Right. Right.
I-- Yes, I understand.

How about now?

Actually, I was thinking
of maybe playing

a nice friendly game
of Ping-Pong.

Ah. Yes, Ping-Pong. Right.

- Safe.
- Fun.

- Ready?
- Mm hmm.

Oh, you.

You.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Wow.

Whew!

- Chinese or Italian?
- Both.

Thank you.

Fran, I know
you're still in pain

from getting
your tattoo removed.

But I'm still getting one
when I turn 18.

Well, not if you wanna be
buried
next to your husband

in a Jewish cemetery.

Well, I'm not Jewish.

Honey, don't be so selfish.

You know I live vicariously
through you.

- Oh, you want your doughnut?
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, isn't it ironic?

Every doughnut I touch
ends up on my hips.

Oh, Ma. How sweet.

You brought me
a chocolate chip Danish

to ease my pain?

Ah... yeah.

Sweetheart,
I'm so glad you took my
advice.

Now you can be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

Otherwise, we would have had
to dig a hole in the backyard.

Next to Booboo the cat.

Ma, Booboo didn't die.
He ran away.

Ah... yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]