All language subtitles for boston.legal.s03e13.dvdrip.xvid-wat

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:05,401 - Previously on Boston Legal. - Why do you smell of sex? Is it Brad? 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,099 - Did you tell anybody? - How could he possibly know? 3 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,938 - What? - This time I detect both Brad and Jeffrey. 4 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:14,502 - What happened with Sandy? - She just didn't like me that way. 5 00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,013 There will be women who do. 6 00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:19,552 If Bethany's out, I am hugely available. 7 00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:22,018 - Can I take you to dinner? - Actually, I'm getting on a plane. 8 00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,521 - Where are you going? - Hawaii. 9 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:25,215 - Is it my mother? - Yes. 10 00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,623 I hope I didn't hurt her. 11 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,924 Oh, tell Bella she better watch her back. 12 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,801 - Denny! - Bella! 13 00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:49,407 - You look blue. - I've been attacked by vicious terrorists! 14 00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,313 - Terrorists? - Ecoterrorists! 15 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:55,787 You need to go to court and get me a restraining order, Denny. And I want it done today. 16 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,255 Bella, you look blue. 17 00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:03,159 I am blue. The C.O.T.A., Coalition Opposed to the Testing of Animals- 18 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,163 They've been after me for years. 19 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,755 - Why? - My company. 20 00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:09,835 I own Plum Cosmetics, makeup for the robust woman. 21 00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:12,404 - I don't use them. - I can tell. 22 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:15,770 They claim we experiment on animals to test our products. 23 00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,241 - Do you? - Well, of course we do! 24 00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,676 We have to ensure the makeup is safe, for God's sake! 25 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:25,080 I have just had enough of these psycho animal-loving liberal thugs! 26 00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:28,443 Damn. 27 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,853 - Denny, give me the gun. - It's mine. 28 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:36,453 - Hey! - I want you both to get them. 29 00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:39,589 I'm unavailable, Bella. I apologize. 30 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,667 Why not? 31 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:45,033 Because I have more fun things to do than represent you, that's all. 32 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,834 - Such as? - Uh, root canal. 33 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:51,775 Maybe I could stick something really sharp in my eye, the simple pleasures. 34 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:55,211 I want you and the other name partners of this firm representing me. 35 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,010 I'm not representing you, Bella. 36 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:01,178 - Denny! - One moment, cupcake. Shirley? 37 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:05,621 Shirley, when the woman is unhappy, the man is rarely satisfied. 38 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,125 I'll let you play with my gun. 39 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:12,960 Your gun goes off too prematurely for me, Denny. It always has. 40 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:06,175 Vanessa, you're wearing a yellow dress. 41 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:09,278 - How could you tell? - It's lovely. 42 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,084 Thank you. 43 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:17,056 Could we get you to put your tongue back in your mouth there, soldier? 44 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:21,396 Thank goodness we have you, Brad, to keep track of our tongues. 45 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,595 Would you like a list of all the places mine has been this week? 46 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,638 Perv. 47 00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:30,402 Brad, not to start up trouble, but you're not the only one. You do realize that? 48 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:33,877 - What are you talking about? - I'm sure you can figure it out. 49 00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:39,474 You're not the only one. 50 00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:55,757 I just got off the phone with the D.A.'s office. 51 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,098 - They picked up a Mr. - - Steinkellner. 52 00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:02,971 Yes. And while he is officially denying that C.O.T.A. Painted you blue... 53 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,941 the coalition condones and supports it... 54 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:07,239 thinks you look good in a primary color... 55 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,281 and is, in fact, calling for a second coat. 56 00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,475 They're not gonna stop until I'm dead. 57 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,950 You need to do something. Now! 58 00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:18,655 I feel a wintry frost blowing my way. 59 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,750 Okay, I'll try to set up a meeting. 60 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:25,763 In the meantime, maybe you could either try to talk her off the ledge or push her over. 61 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,493 I heard that. 62 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,364 She's jealous 'cause I've aged better. 63 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:35,806 Bella, maybe those people aren't protesting your cosmetics so much as you being you. 64 00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:40,271 You might keep in mind that should I marry Denny... 65 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,280 I'll have a stake in this firm. 66 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:46,785 Unless someone manages to drive that stake through your heart, small target that it is. 67 00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:49,354 You want to adjourn to the powder room? 68 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:52,583 Bella, I'm the senior partner in a law firm. 69 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:56,992 I sit on the board of directors of a university, two museums and a hospital. 70 00:04:57,096 --> 00:05:01,897 L- I consider myself an intelligent, civilized and dignifiied person. 71 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:06,062 All of which is to say that if you and I were to adjourn to the powder room... 72 00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,800 I would kick your over-the-top ass. 73 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,404 I'm aroused. 74 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,233 - May I speak with you? - Sure. 75 00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:39,537 I was thinking about what you said... 76 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:45,271 about how there will be women out there who like me for me. 77 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:48,575 I said that? 78 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,672 I'm kidding. 79 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:53,684 Of course those women are out there. 80 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:56,983 Lots of women, Clarence. 81 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,558 I was wondering- 82 00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:03,425 Whether you might be one of them. 83 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,542 Gee, I wonder where Clarence could've gone? 84 00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:20,908 Huh. 85 00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,913 Take off the bag, Clarence. 86 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:31,580 - Am I fired? - No, you work for me. 87 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,660 I'm willing to quit, if it affects your decision. 88 00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:40,164 I don't want you to quit. 89 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,427 And I'd love to go out with you. 90 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:47,837 - Really? - Really. 91 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:55,273 I need to go to the bathroom right now. 92 00:06:58,384 --> 00:07:00,784 Men's room, Clarence. 93 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,588 Um, M-Mr. Crane? 94 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:16,998 Um- My name is Matthew Steinkellner. 95 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,003 You wanted to see me? 96 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,005 You're the man who attacked Bella? 97 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,201 No. I-I-I've never attacked anybody, okay? There must be some mistake. 98 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,676 You made it, son. 99 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,679 Here's a piece of advice. 100 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,181 Your group needs to stop targeting Bella Horowitz. 101 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,152 I say this not only out of concern for her life, but for yours. 102 00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:38,314 Okay. I-I'm sorry. That sounds like a threat. 103 00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:41,222 I mean, is that legal for attorneys to make threats like that? 104 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,693 Here's another piece of advice. Always have your lawyer with you. 105 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,696 That way, when I deny having said something... 106 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,130 which I typically do, you'll have a witness. 107 00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:51,135 Well, actually- 108 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,698 I will mop up the courtroom floor with you, you fat old man. 109 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,801 What's going on here? 110 00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:01,903 Well, well, well. Princess Hideous. 111 00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:04,574 She's representing the man who painted you blue. 112 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,652 You got a problem with that? 113 00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:09,084 Bethany, no matter what our differences, sweetheart... 114 00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:13,056 I certainly never brought you up to represent terrorists. 115 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,151 This has nothing to do with who I'm defending, queenie. 116 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,787 This is about who I'm going after. 117 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,560 Come on, Matthew. 118 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,345 Good morning. Good morning. 119 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,437 Where's Shirley? Denny? 120 00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,448 - They just left for court. - What's going on? 121 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:40,917 What is going on is your presence is hereby requested- 122 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:46,458 Check that- required at our office costume party this Thursday night. 123 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,924 A costume party? 124 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:51,258 I have taken the liberty ofhiring a consultant... 125 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,298 for the purpose of improving office morale. 126 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:56,197 Evidently, costume parties are gold. 127 00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:58,930 Moreover, I want each of you to dress up... 128 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:03,737 as somebody whose values or strengths you like to imbue yourselves with. 129 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:07,142 Where's the fun in that if we all come dressed as you? 130 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:11,205 The point is to reveal a little of yourself to your coworkers. 131 00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:14,377 And I am serious about this. I want you all to make an effort. 132 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,920 This is so high school. 133 00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,547 As opposed to you and Jeffrey slugging it out in the men's room? 134 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:19,784 - I won. - Did not. 135 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,382 - Shut up. - There's some morale. 136 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:25,260 You will all be there in costume, no exceptions. 137 00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:27,594 That is all. 138 00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,235 - Denise, can I ask you something? - Sure. 139 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,398 You sleeping with anybody else? 140 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,600 First of all, that's a personal question. 141 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,768 - You're sleeping with me, so I thought I should- - Shh! 142 00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:42,979 You and I have an arrangement. No exclusivity. 143 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,276 Fine. But there are safety concerns. 144 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:47,147 You can assume that any sex I am having is safe. 145 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,153 Not that I'm having any separate and apart from you. 146 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,155 - Are you sleeping with somebody- - I'm not having this conversation. 147 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,851 I will not be made a fool of. Are you sleeping with somebody else in this office? 148 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,155 If you no longer want to sleep with me, that's fine. 149 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,129 I'll miss it. But I'm not answering these questions. 150 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:07,997 He may deny that he did it, but he's behind it. 151 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,974 His little group has been harassing me and my company for years. 152 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:14,945 And now, he's hired my own daughter to further aggravate me. 153 00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:17,982 Objection. I agreed to aggravate you for free. 154 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:22,612 Hold on. I don't allow people to play out family problems in my courtroom. 155 00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,520 Just what is it you want from me? 156 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,527 I want a restraining order keeping that man's flock of protestors away from me. 157 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,530 They carry their placards outside my corporate headquarters. 158 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,998 They say that we kill and torture animals. 159 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,729 They verbally assault anybody going in or out of our building. 160 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:41,637 I'm losing business. I'm losing clients. 161 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:44,369 I'm losing employees. I mean, enough is enough. 162 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,002 Thank you, Bella. 163 00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,415 She's all yours, my little friend. 164 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:59,985 The truth is, you do kill and torture animals, do you not? 165 00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:02,287 We test our products on animals, yes. 166 00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,886 But it is to save human lives. 167 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,022 Oh. You're a humanitarian. 168 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,567 Hold on just one second. 169 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,669 - Are you a midget? - Are you an imbecile? 170 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:16,867 - O-Objection! - Sustained. 171 00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,877 - Your company uses rabbits. - Like many do. 172 00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:22,413 You lock them in stocks so that just their heads stick out. 173 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:26,611 You clip their eyelids open and pour chemicals into their eyes... 174 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,914 while they're left there for two weeks... 175 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:33,890 to experience ulceration, bleeding and massive iris deterioration. 176 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,620 Your Honor, the rabbits like it. 177 00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:41,289 Do you not subject these animals to excruciating pain? 178 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,801 The rabbits, which are from the rodent family... 179 00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,372 do experience some discomfiture. 180 00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:50,931 But once again, it is to save human suffering. 181 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:54,103 And what's human suffering to you? Going without blush? 182 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,875 - Objection. - Overruled. 183 00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:58,472 - Objection. - Sustained. 184 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:03,317 Sometimes, the rabbits break their own necks trying to escape. 185 00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:07,324 You're saying that my client doesn't have the right to protest that? 186 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:10,452 You're saying you do all this to be humane? 187 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:17,559 Well, I guess people can justify all types of bad behavior... 188 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,570 can't they, Bella? 189 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:25,233 It's getting ugly. 190 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,835 Denny Crane ugly. 191 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,718 So what gave you the nerve to ask me out? 192 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,794 - Oh, I don't know. - Yes, you do. 193 00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:46,888 Well, it seemed we both have a lot in common. 194 00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:50,992 - Such as? - Well, we both kind of have shells. 195 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,003 Mine's Clarice or Oprah. 196 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:58,634 Yours-You just have a regular old hard shell to protect yourself. 197 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:05,609 - Who hurt you? - Nobody. 198 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,845 I'm just a tough New York broad. 199 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,887 Who hurt you? 200 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,060 Well, for starters, my father. 201 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:22,198 - He abused you? - Not sexually, but physically. 202 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:26,465 And you're the first person I've ever told that to. 203 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,234 Outside of a few who charge by the hour to listen. 204 00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:33,868 - Who hurt you? - Oh, I don't remember. 205 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,847 My mother says I was bullied in preschool. 206 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,818 I either blocked it out or I just don't remember. 207 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,719 I do remember I grew up with a lot of imaginary friends. 208 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:49,022 - Mmm. - I never felt lonely alone, but with people- 209 00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:51,688 - Do you stay in touch? - I'm sorry? 210 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:55,763 With your imaginary friends? 211 00:13:55,868 --> 00:14:01,602 - Uh, well, some. We have reunions. - Ah. 212 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:04,708 Am I too weird? 213 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,412 You're just weird enough. 214 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,385 - It's Coho, isn't it? - I beg your pardon? 215 00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:21,755 You're having sex with Jeffrey Coho. 216 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:26,628 The only part of my sex life that is any of your business is the part that involves you. 217 00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:30,759 - Just tell me if it's him. - Denise, everything all right? 218 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,236 You look a little overextended. 219 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:55,884 I'm sure there's a long, very complicated answer, but what is your problem? 220 00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,429 You're right. 221 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:05,731 It's a... long, very complicated answer. 222 00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:24,845 I had a wonderful time. He's a great guy. 223 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,858 - Isn't he a little tender for you? - I like tender. 224 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,860 - Just because I'm not doesn't mean- - Hey! 225 00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:32,260 You got a sec? 226 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:36,061 - I guess. - Listen, I realize we're not exactly friends. 227 00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,363 Yeah. I was hoping to make progress at the costume party. 228 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:41,337 - Yeah. Could you step into the closet? - Excuse me? 229 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,635 I want to have a conversation in private. Just step into the closet. 230 00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,767 I didn't know you were out of the closet, Brad. 231 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:54,214 Are you and Denise having intimate relations? 232 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,550 - Why would you ask me that? - Are you? 233 00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:59,818 - Are you? - Matter of fact, I am. 234 00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:05,360 - Answer my question, please. - I will not answer your question. 235 00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,893 Do you know what wildfire ink is, Jeff? 236 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:12,698 It's a chemical used to find certain evidence under ultraviolet light, Brad. 237 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,366 You get a gold star. It also lights up when it's mixed with certain types of oils... 238 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,342 some of which are very difficult to get off your hands. 239 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:23,006 Excellent. I'm sure that would be very interesting... if I cared. 240 00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:25,515 I rubbed some of those oils on Denise's hands. 241 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,819 Excuse me? 242 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:32,357 This is a portable ultraviolet light. 243 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,154 - Do you have anything you'd like to tell me? - Only that you're insane. 244 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,387 I'm gonna turn off the light to the closet. 245 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,987 Let's see if Denise's hands have been anywhere near you. 246 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,192 I take that back. You're really insane. 247 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,514 This is awkward. 248 00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:09,427 - You don't like animal testing. - COTA is against animal cruelty of any kind. 249 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,224 - You paint people blue. - But somebody else beat us to Bella. 250 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:14,731 The protests at my client's company. 251 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,768 - That was us. - You throw blood on people wearing furs. 252 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,394 Uh, it's- It's dye. But point taken. 253 00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:22,906 - People wearing synthetic furs. - Well, they promote the fashion. 254 00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:24,771 - People who eat meat. - Slaughterhouses. 255 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:25,809 - Leather. - An animal's hide. 256 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,469 - Wool. - Same. 257 00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:28,739 - Football. - Skin of a pig. 258 00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:30,872 - Cancer research. - Oh, come on! 259 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,213 This case doesn't involve cancer research. 260 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:36,412 She tortures rabbits to make a better mascara. 261 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,990 What the hell is going on here? 262 00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:42,117 What's going on is that we're both in love with the same man. 263 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:45,663 - It's not you, Judge. - I am not in love with him. 264 00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:48,824 Silence! I'm very confused. 265 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:57,739 Know what bothers me about this case, Denny? 266 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,738 - That you've come between a mother and a daughter. - I know. 267 00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:04,441 It was always such a fantasy. 268 00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:09,287 - You've got the power to settle this, you know? - I don't think so. 269 00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:13,552 Bella would sue me for malpractice if I counseled her to drop the case now. 270 00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,253 - Why? - 'Cause I'm getting ready to drop Bella. 271 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:18,693 Really? But she's so sweet. 272 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:21,425 I can't shake Bethany. 273 00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,832 Maybe it's that tight little ass... 274 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,498 those big breasts, normal size head. 275 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:31,940 Why is it men become such fools over the normal size head? 276 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,842 I'm getting ready to drop the big one for the little one. 277 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,707 It's gonna get ugly, Shirley. 278 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:41,980 - Denny Crane ugly. - Mm-hmm. 279 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,122 Now I'm intrigued. 280 00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:55,432 So? What's the answer? 281 00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:09,213 When I was a sophomore in high school... 282 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:12,579 I attended my very first dance. 283 00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:18,220 There was this girl... 284 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,917 standing across the dance floor... 285 00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:25,327 wearing a yellow dress. 286 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:28,524 She was so beautiful. 287 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:36,103 I didn't have the courage to ask her to dance. 288 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:41,441 Perhaps for fear of the long, lonely walk back across the gym floor after being refused. 289 00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:46,940 I finally willed myself to go ask. 290 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:53,355 And then, suddenly, she was gone. 291 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:59,260 In a... fleeting second, she must've left. 292 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:04,702 I began to imagine what she must've been like. 293 00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,703 Her laugh, certainly her kiss. 294 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:11,105 I still know exactly what that feels like... 295 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:15,611 though I've never felt it. 296 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:26,151 She's been a figment for... 29 years... 297 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:34,099 an imagined standard by which all other women seem to have fallen terribly short. 298 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:40,628 How would they not, after I've individualized her... 299 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:45,904 with every quality I so long for? 300 00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:52,415 I've never met the girl in the yellow dress. 301 00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,419 Seeing you, I guess it just- 302 00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:10,157 Here I am revealing a little of myself even before the costume party. 303 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,797 How dare you? Rubbing me with chemicals? 304 00:21:39,898 --> 00:21:43,231 When I choose a restaurant, I like to know who else eats there. 305 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,826 Whoo! Way to a man's heart. 306 00:21:45,937 --> 00:21:49,168 You ever tried blindsiding him in the kidneys? 307 00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:55,511 Bella, we're supposed to be in court. Denny's already left. 308 00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:58,014 Yes. I-I was hoping to grab you for a second. 309 00:21:58,116 --> 00:22:00,311 - By the throat? - Ick. Too much dead tissue. 310 00:22:00,419 --> 00:22:02,819 What do you want, Bella? 311 00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:13,526 I think you probably know I don't like you. 312 00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:16,499 There have been signs. 313 00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:21,504 Well, the reason is because I've always known how much Denny loved you. 314 00:22:22,741 --> 00:22:25,175 He never loved me that way. 315 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:28,735 But I seem to be making progress. 316 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:33,807 Anyway, Denny holds you in a light that- 317 00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:38,856 Well, Shirley, it's this simple. 318 00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:40,891 Denny still seeks your approval. 319 00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:47,696 I would be forever grateful if... you would approve of me. 320 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:54,305 I love him, Shirley, more than anything. 321 00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:02,945 - You have got to be kidding me. - I'm sorry, Ms. Simms. 322 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:06,643 But the New York Yankees take pride in being very humorless. 323 00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:08,811 I say that off the record of course. 324 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,115 I simply cannot allow you to display their logo without approval... 325 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:14,886 - for which I'll need a written request. - What's going on? 326 00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:17,723 - This little peanut somehow found out- - My name is Mr. Prig. 327 00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:23,563 This Mr. Prig somehow found out that I got a Yankees costume for our party. 328 00:23:23,668 --> 00:23:25,761 He's threatening to enjoin me from wearing it. 329 00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:27,805 We take ourselves very seriously. 330 00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:29,931 What if I do wear it? 331 00:23:30,041 --> 00:23:32,737 Well, now that you have notice, we could avail ourselves of punitive damages. 332 00:23:32,844 --> 00:23:34,812 And I'm a very punitive little Prig. 333 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,807 Look here, you little gnome. 334 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:40,646 You need to busy yourself with something important. 335 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:44,347 Like buying up the best players on the free agent market so you can win championships. 336 00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:46,424 Keep your pompous asses all buffed. 337 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:49,050 Allow your fans to feel good about themselves... 338 00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:53,962 even though most of'em can't spell and have mug shots. 339 00:23:58,870 --> 00:24:02,306 What did I say about Clarice coming here? 340 00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:04,705 Sorry. He seemed to be picking on you, and she just took over. 341 00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:08,109 I don't want her to take over, as your boss and especially as your girlfriend! 342 00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:11,343 What? 343 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:16,114 Are you-Are you my girlfriend? 344 00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:18,018 Um- 345 00:24:22,828 --> 00:24:27,197 My client isn't protesting against a doctor trying to cure AIDS here. 346 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:31,360 He isn't singling out a hunter trying to provide food for his family. 347 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:34,564 He's going after a billion-dollar cosmetics company... 348 00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:37,540 that tortures rabbits in the name of makeup. 349 00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:40,736 There are all kinds of alternative testing methods... 350 00:24:40,846 --> 00:24:43,815 and thousands of ingredients that can be safely used to make the same products... 351 00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:46,247 without hurting animals. 352 00:24:46,351 --> 00:24:50,219 Revlon does it, Avon, Clinique. 353 00:24:51,356 --> 00:24:55,053 But not big Bella. She just doesn't care. 354 00:24:57,162 --> 00:25:01,098 We try to pass ourselves off as a compassionate people, Your Honor. 355 00:25:01,199 --> 00:25:06,728 We prioritize kindness as one of the most important values to instill in our children. 356 00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:08,738 Integrity is another. 357 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:13,675 Where is either in making animals suffer in the name of our personal vanity? 358 00:25:13,778 --> 00:25:18,909 At some point, people have to stand up and say, "This is wrong. " 359 00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:23,113 That man and his coalition stand up every day. 360 00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:27,555 My God, the question can't always be, "How much money do we want to make?" 361 00:25:27,659 --> 00:25:30,253 It should be, "Who do we want to be?" 362 00:25:32,631 --> 00:25:34,963 We're a funny people, Your Honor. 363 00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:39,730 We have all these feel-good movies about animals, whether it be Old Yeller... 364 00:25:39,838 --> 00:25:44,241 or saving the whales, or penguins marching off to wherever they march to. 365 00:25:44,342 --> 00:25:46,742 I must admit I didn't get my academy screener on that one. 366 00:25:46,845 --> 00:25:51,305 And every May, we drink mint juleps and dress up in fancy clothes... 367 00:25:51,416 --> 00:25:53,407 and wear silly hats... 368 00:25:53,518 --> 00:25:58,546 as thoroughbreds are led out like royalty for the Kentucky Derby. 369 00:25:58,657 --> 00:26:01,319 My God, we treat them with such reverence. 370 00:26:01,426 --> 00:26:03,894 Never mind that a two-year-old thoroughbred's bones... 371 00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:07,226 aren't fully developed enough to withstand such a pounding. 372 00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:10,665 And we certainly don't talk about how after they stop competing... 373 00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:12,669 many racehorses are slaughtered. 374 00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:16,605 - Does she kill horses? - No, she doesn't, Judge. 375 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:20,508 - Then what's your point? - My point is... 376 00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:23,706 despite our proclaimed love of animals... 377 00:26:23,815 --> 00:26:27,114 they really exist for our amusement, our pleasure. 378 00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:31,985 Whether it be the caged ones in zoos, the cooked ones on our plates... 379 00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:35,582 the ones we make sick so we don't have to be. 380 00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:39,494 Ms. Horowitz thinks that we should draw the line somewhere. I agree. 381 00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:43,466 But at vanity? This is America the beautiful- 382 00:26:43,568 --> 00:26:46,401 Land of the breast, cheek, and hair implants... 383 00:26:46,504 --> 00:26:49,166 where we surgically suck fat from our guts... 384 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:52,505 cut open our faces and stretch them halfway up to our crowns... 385 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:55,011 inject our lips with collagen. 386 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:57,946 During the holidays, we give gift certifiicates for laser peels. 387 00:26:58,049 --> 00:27:00,882 I can see you've had yours. 388 00:27:00,986 --> 00:27:05,013 And makeup? Ha! Dear God in heaven, makeup is how we pull it off. 389 00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:07,717 Without it, my client would look likeJerry Lewis. 390 00:27:07,826 --> 00:27:11,728 I still don't know what the hell you're talking about. 391 00:27:13,798 --> 00:27:18,428 I'm simply saying that we, as a people... 392 00:27:18,536 --> 00:27:20,527 as a nation, like to feel pretty. 393 00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:23,199 It's who we are. 394 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:27,108 And if it means a few young rabbits have to sacrifice their lives... 395 00:27:27,212 --> 00:27:30,978 well, they and their families can take heart because they did so for their country. 396 00:27:32,617 --> 00:27:35,245 Because when you think about it... 397 00:27:35,353 --> 00:27:40,052 all we can really hope for at this point is to save face. 398 00:27:55,106 --> 00:27:57,336 Did that help? 399 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,371 - She tanked it on purpose. - I did not tank it. 400 00:28:04,482 --> 00:28:07,246 That speech was against me. 401 00:28:07,352 --> 00:28:09,411 Why didn't you tell me she was a communist? 402 00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:13,480 - I thought you knew. - Alan, coming to the party tonight? 403 00:28:13,591 --> 00:28:16,856 You know how I relish the chance to try out a new frock. 404 00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:19,088 There's a rumor you'll be in mine. 405 00:28:19,197 --> 00:28:22,360 Mmm, I would love that. Size 8? 406 00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:26,233 Alan, you will not dress up as me tonight. 407 00:28:26,337 --> 00:28:28,965 Shirley, we've been instructed to choose somebody we admire. 408 00:28:29,074 --> 00:28:31,872 That leaves you and Dog the Bounty Hunter. 409 00:28:31,976 --> 00:28:34,536 You will not dress up as me. 410 00:28:34,646 --> 00:28:38,138 Alan, you've got to help me dump Bella. 411 00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:41,150 I'm not good when it comes to breaking up with women. I'm too soft. 412 00:28:41,252 --> 00:28:44,085 - Denny, you shoot people. - I thought of that. 413 00:28:44,189 --> 00:28:46,487 But it would be illegal... except in Florida. 414 00:28:46,591 --> 00:28:49,651 You're going to have to dump her yourself. I'm sorry. 415 00:28:49,761 --> 00:28:52,594 Alan, at least help me win back Bethany. 416 00:29:03,308 --> 00:29:05,299 I didn't mean to embarrass you. 417 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:07,605 I just really needed to know. 418 00:29:08,947 --> 00:29:11,347 Why? 419 00:29:11,449 --> 00:29:15,977 Because- Of all people, why him? 420 00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:21,449 Actually, he's a pretty decent guy, Brad. 421 00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:32,200 Denise, I don't think I'm modern enough to handle this friends with benefits thing. 422 00:29:32,303 --> 00:29:35,864 So I think I'm just going to have to beg out of this arrangement. 423 00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:43,710 - Okay? - Okay. 424 00:30:07,605 --> 00:30:09,835 First of all, I will say for the record... 425 00:30:09,941 --> 00:30:13,308 I don't believe in all that moisturizer... 426 00:30:13,411 --> 00:30:16,346 Botox, fountain of youth "poopycock. " 427 00:30:16,447 --> 00:30:18,677 Please, Judge. How else could you look like you do at a hundred? 428 00:30:18,783 --> 00:30:20,250 Uh- 429 00:30:20,351 --> 00:30:25,015 I am ordering Mr. Steinkellner and his coalition... 430 00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:28,889 to stay at least 100 feet away from Ms. Horowitz- 431 00:30:28,993 --> 00:30:31,393 the regular size one. 432 00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:34,897 As for protesting at her place ofbusiness... 433 00:30:34,999 --> 00:30:38,025 if it's a public area, he may do so. 434 00:30:38,136 --> 00:30:41,663 - Yes! - This is still a moderately free country. 435 00:30:41,773 --> 00:30:43,707 Adjourned. 436 00:30:45,310 --> 00:30:47,005 I am not happy. 437 00:30:47,111 --> 00:30:50,342 Well, they won't be able to paint you blue, Bella. 438 00:30:55,486 --> 00:30:59,946 - L-I- I've got something to say. - What's going on? 439 00:31:00,058 --> 00:31:05,189 Uh, you once said that if it wasn't over for Bethany and me... 440 00:31:05,296 --> 00:31:08,060 you wouldn't, uh, want- 441 00:31:10,001 --> 00:31:13,630 Bethany isn't over for me. Not in my heart. 442 00:31:16,574 --> 00:31:19,134 Well, Denny, she hates your guts. 443 00:31:19,244 --> 00:31:21,269 Yeah. 444 00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:25,213 But the thing is, uh, I don't hate hers. 445 00:31:26,584 --> 00:31:28,484 Oh. 446 00:31:31,756 --> 00:31:33,724 Well... 447 00:31:33,825 --> 00:31:38,125 if, uh, my daughter's in your heart... 448 00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:41,756 it's, uh, not a mother's place to- 449 00:31:43,001 --> 00:31:46,164 Oh, I'm sorry, Bella. 450 00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:51,975 I know you won't believe this, but... 451 00:31:52,076 --> 00:31:54,943 I actually do place her happiness above my own. 452 00:31:58,850 --> 00:32:01,910 I wish you both the best. 453 00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:11,594 Please don't hurt her, Denny. 454 00:32:22,740 --> 00:32:24,799 I didn't have to shoot her. 455 00:32:31,249 --> 00:32:33,149 So you won. 456 00:32:34,185 --> 00:32:37,052 - Still undefeated. - And Bella? 457 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:40,022 She took it like the man she is. 458 00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:43,787 And now comes the tough part. 459 00:32:45,063 --> 00:32:48,055 Denny, under what pretext is Bethany coming in? 460 00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:51,499 Well, I told her I had a settlement offer in lieu of an appeal. 461 00:32:51,602 --> 00:32:55,663 I really think you're capable of handling this yourself. 462 00:32:55,773 --> 00:32:58,173 - Mmm. - Just speak from your heart. 463 00:32:58,276 --> 00:33:01,643 It's just that it's been so long since I've done that. 464 00:33:04,082 --> 00:33:05,982 What's the offer? 465 00:33:09,754 --> 00:33:11,722 Bethany... 466 00:33:13,291 --> 00:33:17,284 this is not so much about settling the case... 467 00:33:17,395 --> 00:33:19,761 as it is settling you and me. 468 00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:22,833 - What are you talking about? - I dumped your mother. 469 00:33:22,934 --> 00:33:24,902 You dumped Bella? 470 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,996 'Cause I can't get over you. 471 00:33:29,107 --> 00:33:32,599 - Too little, too late. - Bethany. 472 00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:37,838 We all make mistakes. 473 00:33:37,949 --> 00:33:41,510 Too often, people are judged by those mistakes. 474 00:33:41,619 --> 00:33:45,749 I think the true measure of a man lies- 475 00:33:52,163 --> 00:33:57,533 lies in his willingness to right his wrongs. 476 00:34:04,509 --> 00:34:07,307 I love you, Bethany. 477 00:34:07,412 --> 00:34:11,781 So, will you join me in a party tonight? 478 00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:13,976 Costumes. You'll have fun. 479 00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:20,054 And you can pretend that you still like me. 480 00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:51,821 Shirley! 481 00:34:52,857 --> 00:34:56,816 You won. I'm, uh, surprised, to be honest. 482 00:34:56,928 --> 00:35:01,262 Well, rabbits are part of the rodent family. 483 00:35:01,365 --> 00:35:03,458 Who are you supposed to be? Phyllis Diller? 484 00:35:03,568 --> 00:35:06,128 I'm Albert Einstein. Who are you? 485 00:35:06,237 --> 00:35:10,333 Diane Sawyer. You were expecting Bill O'Reilly? 486 00:35:10,441 --> 00:35:15,003 Paul, at first I thought this was a stupid idea. But I gotta tip my hat to you. 487 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:17,104 Jennifer Aniston? 488 00:35:17,215 --> 00:35:19,706 Hello. Isn't it obvious? 489 00:35:19,817 --> 00:35:21,648 Well, the prop was a giveaway. 490 00:35:23,888 --> 00:35:27,380 - Well, well, well, well, well. - Oh, my God. 491 00:35:27,492 --> 00:35:30,655 Denny, it's supposed to be someone you admire. 492 00:35:30,761 --> 00:35:34,162 Anybody who can blast his friend in the face and get him to take the rap for it... 493 00:35:34,265 --> 00:35:36,028 my kind of citizen. 494 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:39,069 Oh, damn thing. 495 00:35:39,170 --> 00:35:43,539 Uh, Denny, th-there's a rumor that you're gonna be showing up with an old flame tonight. 496 00:35:43,641 --> 00:35:46,633 I did. 497 00:35:46,744 --> 00:35:50,544 - Danny DeVito, right? - You got a problem with that? 498 00:35:51,883 --> 00:35:54,875 "To infinity and beyond!" 499 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:58,183 Dick Cheney, Buzz Lightyear- 500 00:35:58,289 --> 00:36:00,723 - All the super heroes. - Indeed. 501 00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:04,852 I must say, Shirley, being in the Lennon Sisters' dress was a thrill... 502 00:36:04,962 --> 00:36:07,863 but this- this is the pinnacle. 503 00:36:07,965 --> 00:36:11,526 I expressly asked you not to dress up as me. 504 00:36:11,636 --> 00:36:13,831 - Which is why I dressed as the doll. - Oh. 505 00:36:13,938 --> 00:36:16,805 "To infinity and-" 506 00:36:21,312 --> 00:36:24,577 - Take off that costume, sport. - You take yours off. 507 00:36:24,682 --> 00:36:26,616 I'm Buzz Lightyear here. Ask anybody. 508 00:36:26,717 --> 00:36:29,618 - I've always been Buzz. - Take it off. 509 00:36:32,456 --> 00:36:34,117 - Hey! - I've had enough of him! 510 00:36:34,225 --> 00:36:36,887 Now you two are not gonna ruin this party. Take it outside. Both of you. 511 00:36:36,994 --> 00:36:39,053 - After you. - Okay. 512 00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:41,358 Outside. Go on now. 513 00:36:48,472 --> 00:36:52,067 - Care to dance with me, child? - Oh, no. 514 00:36:52,176 --> 00:36:55,373 What? Who doesn't admire Oprah? 515 00:36:55,479 --> 00:36:58,744 Maybe I should have come as Tom Cruise. 516 00:36:58,849 --> 00:37:00,749 We can go home and jump on your couch. 517 00:37:00,851 --> 00:37:02,648 I didn't buy that the first time, honey. 518 00:37:02,753 --> 00:37:05,517 - We dancing? - I'll dance with Clarence. 519 00:37:05,623 --> 00:37:08,490 He's in here. Hold me tight enough, you'll feel him. 520 00:37:08,593 --> 00:37:11,323 Wow. Let's go. 521 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:21,231 Good idea, Paul. 522 00:37:21,339 --> 00:37:24,103 People seem to be very festive. 523 00:37:24,208 --> 00:37:26,904 Well, thank you, Alan. 524 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:31,147 What's it like being Shirley? 525 00:37:32,183 --> 00:37:34,083 The thong is a little uncomfortable. 526 00:37:36,187 --> 00:37:38,155 Ah. 527 00:38:08,419 --> 00:38:10,319 Don't be leading now. 528 00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:12,321 It's always Oprah's show, honey. 529 00:38:12,423 --> 00:38:14,983 Sorry. 530 00:38:16,093 --> 00:38:21,895 Clarence, no Oprah for a second, okay? 531 00:38:23,267 --> 00:38:27,670 - Please? - Okay. 532 00:38:30,341 --> 00:38:33,367 I really like you. 533 00:38:33,477 --> 00:38:35,604 I like you too. 534 00:39:23,627 --> 00:39:26,619 So it's a yes with Bethany? She's back? 535 00:39:26,731 --> 00:39:30,132 Mmm. She's still mixed. 536 00:39:31,669 --> 00:39:34,638 - But- - Well, was she at all tender tonight? 537 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,702 About what you'd expect from Danny DeVito. 538 00:39:42,179 --> 00:39:44,079 Rule of thumb, Alan. 539 00:39:44,181 --> 00:39:47,582 The way to a woman's heart is not through her mother's privates. 540 00:39:47,685 --> 00:39:50,381 I'll write that down. 541 00:39:53,758 --> 00:39:57,285 Anyway, um, Bethany is gone for the night. 542 00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:02,965 You're not getting in this outfit. 543 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:05,661 We could go for a quiet drink somewhere. 544 00:40:05,770 --> 00:40:08,330 We're having a quiet drink right here. 545 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:17,313 I'm driving you absolutely crazy, aren't I? 546 00:40:20,618 --> 00:40:24,816 If you had any idea how you look- 547 00:40:29,226 --> 00:40:31,126 Shirley was the one, Alan. 548 00:40:32,663 --> 00:40:36,861 One night while making love, she recited Proust to me. 549 00:40:36,967 --> 00:40:39,492 - Did you understand it? - Not a word. 550 00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:42,037 I thought she was possessed. 551 00:40:42,139 --> 00:40:44,403 You're not Buzz! I'm Buzz! 552 00:40:44,508 --> 00:40:47,534 - Look at those two. - I'm Buzz Lightyear! 553 00:40:48,579 --> 00:40:50,479 I'm Buzz! 554 00:40:50,581 --> 00:40:53,311 Love us or hate us, there's no other place like us. 555 00:40:53,417 --> 00:40:55,351 Here's to that. 556 00:40:57,655 --> 00:40:59,816 Forget it. 557 00:41:01,158 --> 00:41:03,058 Just one dance. 558 00:41:04,562 --> 00:41:06,655 Let me waltz down memory lane. 559 00:41:10,134 --> 00:41:13,467 - One dance if you'll drop it. - Fine. 560 00:41:16,907 --> 00:41:20,172 And you better respect me. 561 00:41:31,789 --> 00:41:34,724 Do I really remind you of Shirley? 562 00:41:37,962 --> 00:41:39,930 Except some of the lumps are in the wrong place. 563 00:41:40,030 --> 00:41:42,225 The lump you refer to is your own. 564 00:41:53,611 --> 00:41:57,240 Lmagine people looking out their window seeing Dick Cheney and Shirley Schmidt... 565 00:41:57,348 --> 00:42:00,044 dancing on the balcony. 566 00:42:00,150 --> 00:42:02,050 What must they be thinking? 567 00:42:02,152 --> 00:42:06,213 Well, if they're regular viewers, they know by now anything goes. 568 00:42:08,392 --> 00:42:10,292 Yes, it does. 569 00:42:20,671 --> 00:42:23,162 - Is that a rental? - Shut up! I had it first! 570 00:42:23,274 --> 00:42:26,175 You look like an idiot! 571 00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:29,041 Take it off! 572 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,541 You stinker! 47640

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.