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1
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:03,730
What are you doing?
2
00:00:03,731 --> 00:00:06,729
Oh, I like to fill up
each little waffle hole
3
00:00:06,730 --> 00:00:09,230
with syrup.
4
00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:10,820
Really?
5
00:00:10,821 --> 00:00:13,819
This is gonna be happening
for the rest of our lives?
6
00:00:13,820 --> 00:00:16,030
Well, how do you do it?
7
00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:23,580
Ha. You missed three holes.
8
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:26,000
Hey, you guys.
9
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:27,669
Two coffees to go, please.
10
00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:29,839
Hey, Adam, I'm heading downtown
11
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:30,999
to a sports apparel warehouse.
12
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,009
A buddy of mine works there,
and he hooks me up.
13
00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:34,800
You got any requests?
14
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:37,179
I could use
a new hooded sweatshirt.
15
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:38,140
You got it.
16
00:00:38,141 --> 00:00:40,099
Might be slightly irregular.
17
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,100
Slightly. Yeah.
18
00:00:41,101 --> 00:00:44,769
The last t-shirt you got from
that guy gave you a rash.
19
00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:47,019
We don't know
it was the t-shirt.
20
00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:49,729
I was in several
hot tubs that week.
21
00:00:49,730 --> 00:00:52,490
See you guys later.
22
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:56,029
Hey, what's up, Kong?
23
00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:59,909
Whatever it is that makes you
feel safe enough
24
00:00:59,910 --> 00:01:02,909
to call me names like that...
25
00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:04,500
shouldn't.
26
00:01:06,870 --> 00:01:08,879
Hey. Nice outfit, 9 to 5.
27
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:14,379
You're certainly dressed to make 70% of
what a man in your position would make.
28
00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:16,839
You should know.
29
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,140
You're 70% of a man.
30
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:23,099
Oh, that backfired nicely.
31
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:25,429
All right. Scootch.
32
00:01:25,430 --> 00:01:26,889
I got a question, you guys.
33
00:01:26,890 --> 00:01:30,559
Do you think I'm... pale?
34
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,769
Yes.
35
00:01:31,770 --> 00:01:33,229
You're almost clear.
36
00:01:33,230 --> 00:01:35,779
Why do you ask?
37
00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:38,359
Because there's
a school near the news stand
38
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,159
where I usually buyThe Times.
39
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:40,910
You read thePost.
40
00:01:40,911 --> 00:01:43,539
Well, can I just tell the story?
41
00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:46,659
Anyway, there's a new teacher
looking over recess,
42
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,579
and as you know
from my MySpace page,
43
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:50,959
I have a thing for teachers.
44
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,629
You have a thing for all women.
45
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:57,089
Not all. Okay, all.
46
00:01:57,090 --> 00:02:01,009
Anyway, so today,
we make a little eye contact.
47
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:02,559
She gives me the little smile.
48
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,809
And I walk over
to break-a the ice-a,
49
00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:10,899
and some, you know, jerk
starts insulting me out of nowhere.
50
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:11,730
It threw off my game.
51
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:14,399
Okay, well who was it?
Another teacher?
52
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,989
No, I don't think
it was a teacher.
53
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:17,490
No?
54
00:02:17,491 --> 00:02:20,159
Uh, the principal,
the custodian.
55
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,370
No, it was... it was a punk.
56
00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:25,990
A punk?
57
00:02:25,991 --> 00:02:29,369
What? One of the children?
58
00:02:29,370 --> 00:02:31,330
Was he bigger than you?
59
00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:34,499
What? It's a valid question.
60
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:39,429
Look, I'll give you
he was small-er-ish.
61
00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:42,429
But quite mean.
62
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,349
He called me things.
63
00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:47,599
Like Milk Face.
64
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,599
Albino Boy.
65
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,100
Casper.
66
00:02:50,101 --> 00:02:56,230
Said the pigment factory called,
and my application was denied.
67
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,569
Pigment factory.
That's a good one.
68
00:02:58,570 --> 00:02:59,360
He could have also said,
69
00:02:59,361 --> 00:03:04,370
"Hey, look it's a little
powdered donut hole."
70
00:03:04,990 --> 00:03:07,699
That was a sweet pep talk.
Thank you.
71
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:12,830
I feel so much... the same.
72
00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:18,419
♪ How many ways
to say I love you ♪
73
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:19,969
♪ How many ways ♪
74
00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:23,389
♪ To say that I'm not scared ♪
75
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:26,049
♪ With you by my side ♪
76
00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:28,519
♪ There is no denying ♪
77
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,770
♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪
78
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,609
- Hey, Jeff.
- Hey, Adam here?
79
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:44,619
No, he's helping Russell
deal with a bully.
80
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:48,039
My money's on the bully.
81
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,499
Nice sweat suit.
82
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:54,749
You look like you should be hanging outside
the meat store with Paulie and Silvio.
83
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:55,879
Thanks.
84
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,549
Here's Adam's sweatshirt.
85
00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:59,339
No face hole on the hood.
86
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,549
Other than that, it's perfect.
87
00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:02,799
Hey, uh, while I have you,
88
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,259
will you help me put the
couch back on the rug?
89
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:08,350
Yeah, sure. Glad to help.
90
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,569
Oh, what happened?
91
00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:18,649
Ah, nothing.
92
00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:21,739
It's just a little twinge
in my shoulder.
93
00:04:21,740 --> 00:04:22,490
Oh, I'm so sorry.
94
00:04:22,491 --> 00:04:25,159
Let me massage it,
see if I can loosen it up.
95
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:25,700
I...
96
00:04:25,701 --> 00:04:29,989
I'm not a big
people-touching-me guy.
97
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:32,409
I studied massage.
I know what I'm doing.
98
00:04:32,410 --> 00:04:35,919
Ah, still. Touching.
99
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,789
Come on. I insist.
100
00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:41,840
Okay, sure. Give it a shot.
101
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:45,379
Oh, here's the problem.
102
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:47,009
There's a knot in your trapezius
103
00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:49,309
that's putting pressure
on a nerve.
104
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:50,349
Oh...
105
00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:52,519
I think it's loosening up there.
106
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,889
Yeah, the knot's disappearing.
107
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:55,850
So's the tension.
108
00:04:55,851 --> 00:04:59,149
If you ever get tired
with graphic design,
109
00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:01,359
you could do this for a living.
110
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,279
Well, I did work
for a physical therapy clinic
111
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:07,739
for a summer after college,
and... oh!
112
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:10,160
What? Oh, no.
113
00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:23,839
All right, well, uh,
the rug looks great.
114
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,719
Wow.
115
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,300
Wow, yeah. I gotta go.
116
00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:33,020
I hope you feel better!
117
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,439
Thanks for coming.
I appreciate the support.
118
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,479
No problem. I don't know what
Jennifer's talking about.
119
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,819
You're bigger
than all these kids.
120
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:49,159
Again, thanks for the support.
121
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,569
Ooh, there she is.
122
00:05:50,570 --> 00:05:51,869
Oh, man.
123
00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:53,619
I never had a teacher
that looked like that.
124
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,369
Yeah, me neither. With
any luck, I'm about to.
125
00:05:56,370 --> 00:05:58,670
The coast is clear. Let's go.
126
00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:08,550
Ah, if it isn't
Snow White back for more.
127
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:10,719
That's him?
128
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:11,550
He's adorable.
129
00:06:11,551 --> 00:06:13,469
What's your name, little guy?
130
00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:14,849
Who are you, his girlfriend?
131
00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:17,479
Very funny.
Yeah, I'm his girlfriend.
132
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,769
You're pretty enough. What did you
use in your hair? Two cans of mousse?
133
00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:23,479
No.
134
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,109
A dime-sized dollop of gel.
135
00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:26,399
The recommended amount.
136
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,989
What? Do you keep it
in your purse?
137
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:30,449
With the rest of your
makeup and lotion?
138
00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:31,869
Oh, ka-zing.
139
00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:33,739
Look, I don't have a purse
or makeup.
140
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:37,659
And I only use lotion because
I have combination skin.
141
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:39,409
A combination of girl and sissy.
142
00:06:39,410 --> 00:06:43,419
Puh-pow! Burn. Sizzle.
143
00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:44,170
I saw that one coming.
144
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:47,169
This is a great diversion.
I'm gonna talk to the teacher.
145
00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:50,379
Hey, check out how long
his eyelashes are.
146
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,719
Whoa, do you use mascara?
147
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,009
You lashes are thick
and pretty like a girl's.
148
00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:57,429
Are not.
149
00:06:57,430 --> 00:07:00,730
Yeah, that's what you are.
The Maybelline Girl.
150
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:03,810
Ba-Boom!
151
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,779
Hey.
152
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:16,949
Hi.
153
00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:17,999
You okay?
154
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,000
With what?
155
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,419
You're holding your neck.
156
00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:25,749
It's nothing. Just a twinge.
157
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:26,500
How did it happen?
158
00:07:26,501 --> 00:07:30,299
Out of nowhere.
Caused by nothing.
159
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:31,220
Okay.
160
00:07:31,221 --> 00:07:32,379
I know what you're up to.
161
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,969
- You do?
- Oh, yes I do.
162
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:36,849
You're trying to get me
to rub your neck.
163
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,519
'Cause every time I do,
164
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,230
somehow it leads to sex.
165
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,849
You figured that one out.
166
00:07:43,850 --> 00:07:47,689
Yeah, it wasn't exactly
The Da Vinci Code.
167
00:07:47,690 --> 00:07:50,279
It's all right. I don't mind.
168
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,070
It's our little dance.
169
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:54,779
Let's skip the prom and go
straight to the back of the limo.
170
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:56,239
- Come on.
- Wait.
171
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,489
Hold on. I, uh...
172
00:07:58,490 --> 00:07:59,450
I can't.
173
00:07:59,451 --> 00:08:00,949
Oh, why not?
174
00:08:00,950 --> 00:08:02,749
I, uh...
175
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,040
I feel dirty.
176
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,919
Yeah, me too.
177
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,299
No, no. I just...
178
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:10,959
Yeah, I need to take a shower.
179
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,589
Me too. Come on.
180
00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:15,390
I can't.
181
00:08:15,391 --> 00:08:17,679
You playing hard to get?
182
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,679
Really. No. Audrey, I said no.
183
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,770
Listen, it's just that
no means no.
184
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,949
Oh, you're using the elevator?
185
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,990
Taking the stairs.
186
00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:41,289
Jeff, what...
187
00:08:41,290 --> 00:08:42,539
He is acting so...
188
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,170
Oh, I left the stove on fire.
189
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:54,550
Who is it?
190
00:08:54,551 --> 00:08:59,759
It's Audrey. The person whose
face you just slammed the door on.
191
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,679
I'm sorry. I didn't
see you behind me.
192
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,270
Yeah, I was yelling, "Hey, Jen."
193
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,979
What the hell is going on?
194
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:11,519
Jeff is acting super-weird.
195
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:12,480
You are acting weird.
196
00:09:12,481 --> 00:09:13,489
What... what's going on?
197
00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:16,859
So, Jeff didn't tell you
about the thing?
198
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,279
No. No, he didn't.
Why don't you?
199
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,950
This is funny.
You're going to laugh.
200
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,449
I like to laugh.
201
00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:28,789
Okay, earlier Jeff helped me
lift the couch back onto the rug.
202
00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:30,089
It's the rug I got
at ABC Carpet.
203
00:09:30,090 --> 00:09:32,499
I asked you to look at it
because we're friends.
204
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:36,220
Have been for three years.
Rich history together.
205
00:09:37,430 --> 00:09:38,929
Not laughing yet.
206
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:42,509
Okay, Jeff hurt his neck.
I massaged it.
207
00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:43,889
- He felt much better.
- So?
208
00:09:43,890 --> 00:09:49,860
Well, he felt so much better,
he gave me a standing ovation.
209
00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:53,030
Without standing up.
210
00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:56,029
Oh, wait... what?
211
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:57,819
I used to do
therapeutic massage.
212
00:09:57,820 --> 00:09:58,949
This happened all the time.
213
00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:01,279
I don't think it's a good time
214
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,079
for you to brag about
how good you are.
215
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,000
No, no.
216
00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:06,499
It's a physiological response.
217
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,419
Completely innocent
and accidental.
218
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:09,579
I was hoping Jeff
would tell you,
219
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:12,669
and it would be worked out,
and I wouldn't be involved.
220
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:13,550
Oh ho ho, you're involved.
221
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:17,589
You got involved the second
you started rubbing my husband.
222
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:18,380
Only because his neck hurt.
223
00:10:18,381 --> 00:10:22,549
You don't think I was really trying
to make a move on him, do you?
224
00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:26,019
No, no, I don't.
I'm just... mad.
225
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,849
Why didn't he just tell me?
226
00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:30,979
He probably didn't know
how to bring it up.
227
00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:31,980
Yeah, yeah.
228
00:10:31,981 --> 00:10:35,070
I guess he needs
your help for that.
229
00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:39,279
Sorry, still kinda mad.
230
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:39,780
Look...
231
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,109
I'm sure he's just embarrassed.
232
00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:45,079
He's probably trying to figure
out how to tell you right now.
233
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,539
Yeah, probably.
234
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:49,409
I'll give him
a chance to be honest.
235
00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:50,919
How are you gonna tell Adam?
236
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,499
Same way I always
break bad news to him.
237
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,880
Naked.
238
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,609
Hey, Gigantor.
239
00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:16,610
I'm glad you're here.
240
00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:18,239
I could use a little
man to man talk.
241
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,109
And fortunately,
you're a little man.
242
00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:24,569
Ah, the empire strikes back.
243
00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:25,370
Hey, help me out here.
244
00:11:25,371 --> 00:11:26,489
I'm meeting this teacher
for coffee.
245
00:11:26,490 --> 00:11:30,709
I'm trying to decide which shirt color
would make me look the least pale.
246
00:11:30,710 --> 00:11:34,169
What do you think?
Ash, slate, or ecru?
247
00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:37,169
I'm going to change the topic
now.
248
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:38,629
You get massages, right?
249
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:41,799
Say no more. Listen...
250
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,639
Her name's Katya.
251
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,349
From Russia with love.
252
00:11:45,350 --> 00:11:49,180
Tell her the man with
the golden gun sent ya.
253
00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:53,479
No, no. I was just wondering
if while getting a massage,
254
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,230
you ever...
255
00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:57,319
Chubbed up.
Yeah, all the time. Why?
256
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,979
So, it's normal.
257
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:02,649
Who's to say
what's normal in this world.
258
00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:06,199
But where did you get it?
And did you get a card?
259
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,159
It wasn't at a massage place.
260
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,409
It was, uh...
261
00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:14,369
Ah, you trailed off there
mid-sentence.
262
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:17,089
Didn't finish your thought.
I'm intrigued.
263
00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:20,419
Look, you work with that.
I don't know if I can tell ya.
264
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:21,799
You don't wanna tell me anything
265
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,510
when in fact you've
just revealed everything.
266
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,679
I can now deduce
that you got excited
267
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,890
when you got a massage
from Adam.
268
00:12:32,890 --> 00:12:33,939
It was Jennifer.
269
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:37,559
Duh, yeah, my second guess.
270
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:38,360
If you tell anyone,
271
00:12:38,361 --> 00:12:40,399
I'm gonna punch my fist
through your chest,
272
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,649
spin you around my forearm
like a pinwheel.
273
00:12:43,650 --> 00:12:49,329
That's terrifying,
yet somehow beautiful.
274
00:12:49,330 --> 00:12:51,079
I got a knot in my shoulder.
275
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,749
And Jennifer offered to help.
276
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:55,079
And then she rubbed it. And...
277
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,419
Mmm... ba-boing!
278
00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:02,299
Yeah. Ba-boing.
279
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:02,800
So whatever.
280
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,469
You got the hots
for your friend's wife.
281
00:13:04,470 --> 00:13:07,469
It's not that. Now I feel
awkward around Jennifer.
282
00:13:07,470 --> 00:13:09,049
I feel guilty around Audrey.
283
00:13:09,050 --> 00:13:10,639
I feel like I cheated on her.
284
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,429
But you didn't.
You had no intent.
285
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:14,889
You had a tent, but no intent.
286
00:13:14,890 --> 00:13:16,559
I'm just going to tell Audrey.
287
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:20,149
- Sure, if you wanna be selfish about it.
- How's that selfish?
288
00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:23,489
Nothing happened, and
Audrey doesn't know anything.
289
00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:24,320
But you feel guilty about it
290
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:28,659
so you tell Audrey, she feels
bad so you can feel better.
291
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,779
Ergo... selfish.
292
00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:32,369
How do you know all this stuff?
293
00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:36,039
Proud Cosmo subscriber
since '93.
294
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,419
It's like having
the other team's playbook.
295
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:40,420
Fine, I'm not gonna tell her.
296
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:43,049
I gotta figure out a
way to get rid of this guilt
297
00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:44,839
because it's making me tense.
298
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:45,760
Well, I'd rub your shoulders,
299
00:13:45,761 --> 00:13:49,720
but I don't think the bottom
of this table could take it.
300
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:56,520
Oh, hey.
301
00:13:56,521 --> 00:13:58,349
I have something to tell you.
302
00:13:58,350 --> 00:13:58,940
Hold on.
303
00:13:58,941 --> 00:14:02,189
I've got something
important to ask.
304
00:14:02,190 --> 00:14:03,480
Okay.
305
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:06,819
Do you think I'm pretty?
306
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,529
If you're gay, tell me now
307
00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:11,159
because I do not
wanna go through that again.
308
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,739
Go through what again?
309
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,829
Nothing. It doesn't matter.
What's your issue?
310
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:16,660
That bully.
311
00:14:16,661 --> 00:14:19,369
That bully that teased Russell,
he called me pretty.
312
00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:23,209
Yeah, he said I had thick,
pretty lashes like a girl.
313
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:26,630
He said the Miss America
contest called, and I was in.
314
00:14:27,510 --> 00:14:29,549
That's a good one.
315
00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:32,929
Why are you
letting the kid get to you?
316
00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:35,179
Because. Guys don't want
to look pretty.
317
00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:37,639
They want to look rugged
and tough.
318
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:38,640
You know, and...
319
00:14:38,641 --> 00:14:42,229
Maybe a little deformed.
320
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:42,730
Yeah.
321
00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:45,939
You're not pretty.
You're handsome.
322
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:47,359
Ruggedly handsome.
323
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:51,780
Like a lumberjack.
Or Ryan Seacrest.
324
00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:55,449
You know what
I'm gonna do? Honey?
325
00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:56,659
I should break my nose.
326
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,159
No, you shouldn't.
327
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,710
My nose, my rules.
328
00:15:01,670 --> 00:15:04,919
Anyway, what was that thing
you wanted to tell me?
329
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:05,959
Oh, well...
330
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,299
Maybe we should
go in the bedroom.
331
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:11,430
This is funny.
You're gonna laugh.
332
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,100
Hi.
333
00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:21,349
Hey, you're back.
334
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:22,519
Yeah.
335
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,319
Look, I'm sorry I ran out
of the apartment before,
336
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,029
but, um, I have an explanation.
337
00:15:29,030 --> 00:15:31,109
- You do?
- Yes.
338
00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:33,279
I'm so glad.
339
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,489
Well, you're going to be
even gladder
340
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:38,369
because I ran out
to buy you this.
341
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:39,749
Diamond earrings.
342
00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:42,169
Two of them.
343
00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:44,419
Whoa, those are beautiful.
344
00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:47,249
What did I do to deserve these?
345
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,669
Or what did you do?
346
00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:54,549
Nothing. Just 'cause I love ya.
347
00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:55,759
I'm glad you like them.
348
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,179
That makes me feel good.
349
00:15:57,180 --> 00:16:00,429
I'm gonna go get a beer.
350
00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:01,390
Sure you want a beer?
351
00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:05,060
Wouldn't you prefer
a nice, stiff drink?
352
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:09,400
Maybe some hard liquor.
Straight up.
353
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:13,699
Well played.
354
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,069
You got the diamonds first.
355
00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:16,949
I don't care about the diamonds.
356
00:16:16,950 --> 00:16:19,579
Then can I return them?
357
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:20,200
What do you think?
358
00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:22,619
I think they're
going to look very nice on you
359
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:24,749
and really bring out
the sparkle in...
360
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:28,169
Let's just do this.
361
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:29,170
Yes. Yes, let's.
362
00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:31,879
You know this whole thing
could have been avoided
363
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,299
if you didn't try to hide it.
364
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:34,469
I didn't try to hide it.
365
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:36,549
It was gone by the time
I got home.
366
00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:40,019
I mean the fact
that you hid that...
367
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:40,810
You know what I mean.
368
00:16:40,811 --> 00:16:43,349
By not telling me,
it made you look guilty.
369
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:43,940
I felt guilty.
370
00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:46,649
That's why I didn't let you
have your way with me.
371
00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:48,769
Oh, well, you are lucky
you didn't.
372
00:16:48,770 --> 00:16:49,859
Why? Why?
For bachelorette parties
373
00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:53,109
you've gone to those Chippendales
shows and gotten all worked up.
374
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:58,279
And I was happy to finish what
those hairless, oily freaks started.
375
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,619
Yes, yes, but those
hairless, oily freaks
376
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,209
were not our friends
from the building.
377
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:08,420
I don't know. Carlos in 5A
is suspiciously smooth.
378
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,049
Look, all you had to do
was be honest.
379
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:12,919
You should know
you can tell me anything.
380
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,299
You would have been fine if
I walked in
381
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,549
and said, "Look what the
cute neighbor girl gave me"?
382
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:19,509
Now she's cute?
383
00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:21,929
No... You just said I could
tell you anything.
384
00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:23,979
Yes, but don't be
stupid about it.
385
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:27,149
That's my point.
I can't tell you everything.
386
00:17:27,150 --> 00:17:29,359
You can tell me
everything I should know.
387
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:30,270
If it's going to upset me,
388
00:17:30,271 --> 00:17:32,319
and it's not important,
then don't tell me.
389
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,609
I thought that's
what I was doing here.
390
00:17:35,610 --> 00:17:38,199
Yes, but I found out.
391
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,280
How is that my fault?
392
00:17:41,030 --> 00:17:43,949
Just don't let
other women rub you.
393
00:17:43,950 --> 00:17:45,369
Done.
394
00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:46,790
Fine.
395
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:51,249
Are you gonna keep the earrings?
396
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,589
Oh, yeah.
397
00:17:52,590 --> 00:17:57,260
Easily the most expensive
erection I've ever had.
398
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,179
If it makes you feel any better,
399
00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:00,969
it had nothing to do
with Jennifer.
400
00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:02,389
The same thing happens to me
401
00:18:02,390 --> 00:18:05,979
when I'm riding on a bus
on a bumpy road.
402
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:07,519
I do feel better.
403
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:14,070
In fact, I was actually disappointed
when they repaved 9th Avenue.
404
00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:23,989
All right, pal.
Jennifer told me what happened.
405
00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:27,909
Now let's step outside
and settle this like men.
406
00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:31,000
If you could, aim for my nose.
407
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,339
Ow!
408
00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:39,680
Thank you.
409
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,219
Let's see what this
little bully has to say now.
410
00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:46,349
Oh, yeah, we're looking good.
411
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:49,060
Very good.
412
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,689
Wow, where do I start?
413
00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:57,899
Yeah?
414
00:18:57,900 --> 00:18:59,569
Not so pretty now, am I?
415
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:02,529
No, but you will be
when your nose job heals.
416
00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:03,869
Who are you, Ashlee Simpson?
417
00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:07,449
For your information,
I got this from a man.
418
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,459
Oh, so you like it rough?
419
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:14,589
- Ka-zing.
- What are you laughing at, Pumpkin Face?
420
00:19:14,590 --> 00:19:15,919
- Oh.
- Willy Wonka called.
421
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,590
He said he needs
his chocolate stirred.
422
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:21,049
He said you're
an Oompah Loompah.
423
00:19:21,050 --> 00:19:22,759
I've seen the film.
424
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,049
You know what,
I feel sorry for you.
425
00:19:24,050 --> 00:19:27,519
I think if you had any friends,
you wouldn't be over here
426
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:28,060
making fun of us.
427
00:19:28,061 --> 00:19:31,979
I was just voted most
popular in my class, jackass.
428
00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:33,689
Prove it, jackass.
429
00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:35,900
Russell?
430
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:41,569
Miss O'Brien, the orange man
called me a bad name.
431
00:19:41,570 --> 00:19:43,739
It's bronzer.
432
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,869
Russell, what is the matter
with you?
433
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:47,239
He's just a child.
434
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,369
He started it.
435
00:19:48,370 --> 00:19:50,959
I don't care who started it.
You should leave.
436
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,079
- What?
- And see a doctor.
437
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,040
You may have hepatitis.
438
00:19:58,380 --> 00:20:00,049
Ka-zing.
439
00:20:00,050 --> 00:20:02,340
Ka-pow.
440
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:08,720
Happen yet?
441
00:20:08,721 --> 00:20:11,269
Not yet.
442
00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:12,389
Come on.
443
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:15,399
Don't start pressuring me.
444
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,399
Wait, I have an idea.
445
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,149
Ninth Avenue line.
446
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:22,359
Next stop, Times Square.
447
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,619
That's the stuff.
Now gimme a pothole.
448
00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:27,950
There you go!
31182
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