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1
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,360
Wait a moment.
2
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,000
Now, yeah.
3
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,040
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER
4
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,600
BACON STREET
5
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,840
This is Belén.
6
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,760
She was my best friend until five
years ago when she lost her marbles
7
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,960
and dumped me to focus
on a career
8
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,480
as an advertising model and actress.
9
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,560
She thought she was going to be
an angel for Victoria's Secret,
10
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,040
and she ended up being
the Carrefour pajama model.
11
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,160
We haven't seen each other
since then.
12
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,560
So I don't know
what she's doing here now...
13
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,880
and I don't care.
14
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,720
And this is Hache, as in H Bomb.
15
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,640
They called her that at school
because she was always fat.
16
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,160
She preferred that
to her own horrible name,...
17
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,240
Herminia!
18
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,360
...inherited from her grandmother
along with her lousy metabolism.
19
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,200
We were inseparable.
20
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,040
We shared everything.
21
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,080
Until we reached an age
when you can't share everything.
22
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,000
Will you open the fucking door!
23
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,520
This chav is making my head pound
24
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:53,920
and I can't sleep!
25
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,040
Madam, it's 11 o'clock.
26
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,240
Shut up.
27
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,040
What are you doing
with my sweatshirt?
28
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:06,840
What are you talking about?
29
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,640
You've got a lovely apartment.
30
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,600
Who did you bump off?
31
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:43,840
Your fucking mother.
32
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,440
Wow, you've still got them.
33
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,560
-What?
-The sneakers.
34
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,960
Yes. I hang them
on the electricity wire in the street
35
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,800
so people know drugs are sold here.
36
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,360
-You're crazy.
-And you're a shithead.
37
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,400
-Moron.
-Halfwit.
38
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:21,920
-Ass face.
-Turd.
39
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,400
-Slug.
-Haemorrhoid.
40
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,600
Fucking cow!
41
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,160
Christ! I've got a game!
42
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,000
You're a disgrace to the profession.
43
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,080
Excuse me?
44
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,120
I've been doing this for 30 years and
I've never seen anyone move worse than you.
45
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:07,400
But sure, what can you expect
from one cow inside another?
46
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,480
Are you a dickhead
or what's your problem?
47
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,160
I've been Cobi and Curro. Ok, girly?
48
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,280
Suck on that!
49
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,320
-Suck on this!
-What's that?
50
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,560
Come one, come here!
51
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:19,960
Get the fuck over here!
52
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,520
What are they doing?
53
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:32,760
What are you doing?
54
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:34,440
Stop!
55
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,760
-C'mon, get up, dirtbag! Get up!
-Leave her alone!
56
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,080
-You smell bad!
-C'mon, c'mon!
57
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,720
-What are you saying?
-What are you doing?
58
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,840
But it was her!
59
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,320
Fucking bitch!
60
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,480
Fuck!
61
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:53,800
Hache?
62
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,240
Fucking shitty parrot!
63
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:02,120
Come on, forget it.
64
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,200
Have you seen "Ghost"?
65
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,280
Excuse me?
66
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,880
I was asking
if you've seen the film "Ghost".
67
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,520
Yes, I saw it ages ago, why?
68
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:17,600
I don't know,
69
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,720
watching you put on the cast
70
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,920
reminded me of
that really erotic image
71
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,760
of her at the potter's wheel
and the ghost comes up behind her.
72
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,240
It wasn't a ghost, it was her husband.
73
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,520
But at that point
he was in ghost mode.
74
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,280
Yeah, the mode all guys are in.
75
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,640
Whatever.
The thing is, I was watching you,
76
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,880
and I think
you'd be good at "potterying".
77
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,000
Potting.
78
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,480
That's what I said.
79
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:42,520
Can I touch it?
80
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,040
Alright.
81
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,160
I always wanted to do this.
82
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,520
-You're still such a nympho.
-What do you mean?
83
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,960
Shit, that number with the nurse,
you scared him.
84
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,680
Come off it. I was joking.
85
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,400
Yeah, right,
many a true word is spoken in jest.
86
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,240
You're still annoyed
about that, aren't you?
87
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:10,960
About what?
88
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,040
Hache, I know I screwed up.
And I'm really sorry.
89
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,400
That's why I stayed away,
I couldn't look you in the eye.
90
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,880
I have no idea
what the fuck you're on about.
91
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,720
Don't you know why
I stopped coming round?
92
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:21,800
Sure,
93
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,680
you got all full of yourself
with the fashion thing
94
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,920
and in that world it isn't cool that
your best friend is a fatty from Parla.
95
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,760
-Fuck, you really think that's why?
-Why else?
96
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,560
But...
97
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,800
Anyway, as I was saying,
do you remember Pilas?
98
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,240
Of course.
99
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,120
Last month he married
his Italian boyfriend.
100
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,280
What?
101
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,200
Look, I don't get any of this.
102
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,440
What do you mean,
Italian "boyfriend"?
103
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,120
What do you expect. That's what happens when
you're out of the real world for five years.
104
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,320
What's Pilas got to do with it?
105
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,480
Look,
weren't you crazy about Pilas?
106
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,840
-Yes.
-Well, I screwed him.
107
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,040
But he's a fag!
108
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,640
Yes, but back then he wasn't.
109
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,960
No wonder he switched.
110
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:09,680
Obviously...
111
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:12,800
That's why you stayed away?
112
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:14,560
Of course.
113
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,880
And you didn't call me,
so I thought you'd found out.
114
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,240
I can't believe this.
115
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,000
What a day.
116
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,560
All this time I've felt terrible
117
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,960
because it was
one of our golden rules.
118
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,880
Yeah,
like I've never broken that rule...
119
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,120
What do you mean?
120
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,760
-Who with?
-Like I'm going to tell you...
121
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,880
Had you two been together long?
122
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,640
Almost a year. In fact I moved to
this neighbourhood for him.
123
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:00,480
This neighbourhood is cool.
124
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,280
How did you know I lived here?
125
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,960
I rang your sister.
126
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,200
-What was his reason for breaking up?
-A classic.
127
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,880
He told me he was lost
and needed to find himself.
128
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,120
He was finding himself
with the Chinese girl.
129
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,960
-Which one? Pablo's sister?
-No, shit.
130
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,640
A real Chinese girl, she sells beer
at night in Malasaña.
131
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:20,640
Are you serious?
132
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,200
Deadly serious, I'm still in shock.
133
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,480
How does he talk to her?
They barely speak Spanish.
134
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,240
I don't know how he does it,
but he's with her.
135
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,760
The best part
is that the cheapskate
136
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,280
haggled to get cheaper beer.
137
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,720
You knew her?
138
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,760
-Sure, we always bought beer from her.
-Fuck...
139
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,680
Lately I get the feeling
that everything breaks on me.
140
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,280
My heart, the ceiling in my flat,
my arm...
141
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,600
Look, the laughing cow is crying now.
142
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,040
Why are you crying?
143
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,080
Shit, it's called emotional support.
144
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:58,960
God, what a fucking set-up.
145
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,520
Is anything more humiliating than being the
mascot for a basketball team that never wins?
146
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,680
HAEMORRHOIDS? LET NOTHING STOP YOU!
RECTAL CREAM
147
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:14,920
Yes.
148
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,920
-Your neighbour listens to Britney Spears?
-All the time.
149
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,040
Wow!
150
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,240
These pills are just like Mitsubishis.
151
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,360
But they don't get you as wasted.
152
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,000
Is that for me?
153
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,760
-Yeah, so you can take the pill.
-I don't want that.
154
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:45,880
Why?
155
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,440
Water from the bathroom tap doesn't
taste the same as from the kitchen.
156
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,680
It tastes horrible.
157
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,640
-Water is water everywhere.
-Fill it in the kitchen.
158
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,280
Fuck, you're as manic as I am.
159
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,320
God, I'm feeling so down.
160
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,000
If only everything in life
was as easy as putting on weight.
161
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,160
I can't get him out of my head.
162
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,040
You should take him off Facebook.
163
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,280
With break ups,
our inner Inspector Gadget kicks in
164
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,280
and you never forget him.
165
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,720
He isn't on the social networks.
166
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,000
What do you mean?
167
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,080
Christ!
Then you were with a real fruitcake.
168
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,360
A bit, yeah...
169
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,600
I was a gogo dancer in La Central,
170
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,600
one of the coolest clubs
in the Levante.
171
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,600
I did some ads there too,
172
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,520
but the big thing was that I got on
the reality show "Gandía Shore".
173
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:29,600
Gandía what?
174
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,040
Gandía Shore.
175
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,080
-I've never heard of it.
-It was really famous.
176
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,040
How long were you on that?
177
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,840
It doesn't matter.
The main thing is that I was on it.
178
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,160
-I passed a casting of 1,000 people.
-You got expelled first, right?
179
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:46,480
I'm not surprised.
180
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:47,880
Hey, don't be like that.
181
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,400
Anyway, I blew it everything
and now I'm back in Parla
182
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,320
and living with my parents,
but they're never at home.
183
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,480
That statue seems to be looking at me.
184
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,320
I felt like that when I found it.
185
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,280
-You found it?
-Yes, in the street.
186
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,160
It was dumped that same day I was.
187
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,440
I felt sorry for it and brought it home,
so we'd keep each other company.
188
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,000
Come on, let's look at our future.
189
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,960
-Teletext still exists?
-Sure.
190
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,200
It's the only place
where I trust the horoscope.
191
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,600
It's always, always right.
192
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,880
PISCES
193
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,120
"This week you will reencounter
a friend from the past.
194
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,240
Try to make peace.
195
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,880
The stars are in your favour.
196
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,600
Venus is in your sign
and you will probably
197
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,560
find the love of your life at a party.
198
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:42,200
So don't miss any."
199
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:44,960
Holy shit! You see?
200
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,240
Hang on, we'll look for yours.
201
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,360
TAURUS
202
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,800
"You've been under a black cloud
for a while.
203
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,000
Dear Taurus,
204
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,520
this year you aren't going
to have any good bullfights,
205
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,320
and if you do they won't be able
to carry you out shoulder high
206
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,480
because you've gained a few pounds,
207
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,480
so the best advice I could give you
208
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,120
is to go on a diet immediately."
209
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,080
I'm going to order pizza.
210
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,520
-My, my, what a black eye!
-Now you're a poet?
211
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,040
-What happened?
-It's a long story.
212
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,160
Come on in.
213
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:22,640
Shut the door.
214
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,600
-Fuck, does it hurt?
-I'm on drugs.
215
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,120
This friend's new, isn't she?
216
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:30,920
No. She's second-hand.
217
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,000
I only I brought a bit of oregano.
I've got a big order tonight.
218
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,040
-Do they all have pepperoni?
-Sure, as usual.
219
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,640
But I'm vegetarian now.
220
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,840
Fucking hell!
221
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,920
What do you call a vegetarian
who goes back to eating meat?
222
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,000
What?
223
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,320
Someone who's lost their veg-inity.
224
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,240
Just kidding. Aren't you going to
introduce me to your friend?
225
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,320
Sure.
226
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,720
Johnny, Belén. Belén, Johnny.
227
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:54,240
Nice to meet you.
228
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,600
You're the first Johnny I've met.
What's Johnny short for?
229
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,920
Nothing, My name's actually Julián.
230
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,280
Johnny is because when I was little
they called me Johnny the Kid,
231
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,400
after the movie.
232
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,640
Wasn't that Billy the Kid?
233
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,560
Was it? Then I don't know.
234
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,720
-I gotta go, I'm late.
-Where are you going?
235
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,600
The delivery I told you about.
There's a huge party tonight,
236
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,480
the Malasaña Fest.
You could come.
237
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,200
Yeah,
like I'm in the mood for parties.
238
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:16,720
Why not?
239
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,200
You're seriously asking me?
240
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,920
It's the best thing we could do.
241
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,160
Have you seen me?
I look like Kung Fu Panda.
242
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,760
Hache, cheer up and come along.
243
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,960
Loads of graffiti people are coming.
244
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,400
It's going to be a blast.
245
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,680
No way I'm going to a party
looking like this.
246
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,880
I'm not a criminal,
more like a messenger.
247
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,400
If that's being a criminal,
arrest the postman...
248
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,240
Excuse me, ladies.
249
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,840
-You mean us?
-Yes, yes, you.
250
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:09,880
You came in the wrong way.
251
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,400
You have to come in that way.
252
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:13,600
What way?
253
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,280
There.
254
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,120
You came in through the exit, you have
to come in where it says "Entrance".
255
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,040
Are you serious, man?
256
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,280
But we're already inside.
257
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,360
Yes, but you came in
through the exit.
258
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,840
-So what? There's no one there.
-But there could be.
259
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,920
So come through the entrance
now that there's no one there.
260
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,600
Fuck, it's worse
than the Santiago Road.
261
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,040
First, let's go to the washroom
for a preventive piss.
262
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,320
Very good.
263
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,320
Fucking keys...
264
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,600
Do you know why I came?
265
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,240
-To piss.
-No, fuck...
266
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,320
I mean why I came
precisely today to see you.
267
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,400
No, why?
268
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,480
Because life was sending me signs.
269
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,040
-Traffic signs?
-What?
270
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,880
Forget it. It was a bad joke.
271
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,280
Yesterday I was in the bathroom
at a club when suddenly...
272
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,560
I don't believe it.
273
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,480
You'd better believe it. You weren't
expecting this blunderbuss, eh?
274
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,840
And today's the 7th of the 3rd,
except five years later.
275
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,360
Don't tell me
that's not a coincidence.
276
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,960
Mega coincidence.
Help me pull up my panties.
277
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,760
I'm coming.
278
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,280
Excuse me, two shots, please.
279
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,440
Cool party, huh?
280
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,080
He was cute, but he had spit
at the corners of his mouth.
281
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,280
And with the neon lights
you see it even more.
282
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,800
I don't know if it was a good idea
to come. Hache, it's the best idea.
283
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,040
Hold my keys for me, will you?
284
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:08,800
To the good old days!
285
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,000
You've got the hots.
286
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,160
-What are you talking about?
-Come on, a bit.
287
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,080
It's funny he's wearing a sweatshirt
with the ghost from Pac-Man.
288
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,720
See? It's a sign that
you have to eat him up.
289
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,280
Cut out this "signs" stuff.
290
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,240
Come on, another shot.
291
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:39,880
Come on. Here's to...
292
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,800
To never seperating again.
293
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,440
Sorry.
294
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,520
I'm going to take a look around,
I won't be long.
295
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,080
-Come on!
-What happened to your arm?
296
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,240
I was doing judo.
297
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,960
My pals played a joke on me
and switched the wooden board
298
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,040
for a steel one.
299
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,880
-Seriously?!
-No.
300
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,080
Fuck, I actually believed you.
301
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,800
Best decision I've ever made.
I even notice it on my skin.
302
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,400
And, if you think about it,
303
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,480
is it a pig's fault
that it was born a pig?
304
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:11,560
Sure.
305
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,320
I was a total veggie for a while,
306
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:17,080
but my iron levels dropped
so I gave it up.
307
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,400
Do you mind?
308
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,640
You wouldn't have a tooth pick,
would you?
309
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,320
Girls usually carry everything
in their bags.
310
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,080
It's the one thing I don't have.
311
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,640
I've had some meat stuck in my teeth
since yesterday and I can't get it out.
312
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,200
This might do it.
313
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,320
Great.
314
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,280
Which vowel do I laugh with?
315
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,640
Yes, do you laugh
with "a" or with "e"?
316
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,240
If it's with "a",
it's like this: ha ha ha...
317
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,400
If it's with "e",
it's like this: he he he...
318
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,400
I'm a laughter therapy monitor.
319
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,320
The vowel you laugh with
shows your personality.
320
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:14,960
How interesting.
321
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,840
Yes. I got into this profession
because my girlfriend left me.
322
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,320
Out of curiosity,
why did she leave you?
323
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,840
It was all very sudden.
324
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,880
One day she came home
and said she'd become a lesbian.
325
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,120
And I'm obviously not one.
326
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,400
Excuse me,
can I get some water, please?
327
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,280
Thanks.
328
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,440
The most disgusting thing
just happened to me.
329
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,800
Fuck, give it a rest.
I don't know why the hell I came.
330
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:14,880
What's wrong?
331
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,800
You vanish in a puff of smoke
the first chance you get, as usual.
332
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,280
You were chatting someone up,
333
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,280
so I checked out the market.
334
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,360
Chatting someone up?
I trod on his foot...
335
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,480
Hello.
336
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,400
Excuse me, I was staring
because your face rings a bell.
337
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:30,920
Have you got piles?
338
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,200
-What?
-I said, have you got piles?
339
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,280
I mean, if her face rings a bell,
340
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,400
it's probably because you saw it
on a tube of haemorrhoid cream.
341
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,440
She's the girl of the box.
342
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,400
I'm going to get a drink.
343
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,880
-Fuck, you scared me!
-Jesus, Hache. It's me, Johnny.
344
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,120
-What the hell are you doing?
-Getting camouflaged.
345
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,640
-Have you seen Belén?
-No, but I'd like to.
346
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,600
Yeah, you're looking real cute.
347
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:54,800
Unbelievable.
348
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:56,920
You'll never fucking change.
349
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:03,840
-Need a stamp?
-What?
350
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,760
-In case you come back in.
-Oh, no.
351
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,640
Excuse me, can you take our photo?
352
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,560
And get the sign in too.
353
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,480
Best friends forever!
354
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:22,880
Thanks.
355
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,080
Fuck, I left her here.
356
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:35,800
Do you see her?
357
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,360
-I don't know her.
-Oh, right...
358
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:39,880
She's dressed like you.
359
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,680
In a jacket, but with Pac-Man
instead of the ghost.
360
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,320
That's why you have to meet,
because it's a sign.
361
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,640
Why don't you call her?
362
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,240
My battery ran out
just as she was calling me
363
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,840
and I don't know
her number by heart.
364
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,720
Will you wait here
in case she comes back
365
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,800
while I go look for a charger?
366
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,360
Listen, I'll give it a miss.
367
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,880
We've been here for a while
and my girlfriend's waiting for me.
368
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,240
Excuse me,
have you got a phone charger?
369
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,440
No.
370
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,640
Excuse me,
have you got a cigarette?
371
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:18,520
Thanks.
372
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:23,960
Shit, my keys!
373
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,240
-The mobile you are calling...
-And your phone's off, you bitch!
374
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:42,760
Excuse me,
375
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,440
have you got a phone charger?
376
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:46,640
What iPhone do you have?
377
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,760
I've got an Alcatel.
378
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,360
An Alcatel.
Do they still make them?
379
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,600
-Yes, I bought mine last year.
-Really? Was it expensive?
380
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,000
Very. Almost 80 euros at MediaMarkt.
381
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,080
Yes, that sure is expensive.
382
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,360
Hey, forgive me for asking...
Where did you buy that jumpsuit?
383
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,720
I love it.
384
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,560
Do you? It's from Bershka.
385
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,640
There'll be some left,
there were loads of them.
386
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,280
-And on sale.
-Great, I'll drop by.
387
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,320
But it's real leopard, right?
388
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,400
Yeah, made with
your mother's fucking skin.
389
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,800
My God, where did she come from?
390
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,480
From Chavland.
391
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,160
Hey! Where are you going?
392
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,360
I need to go back in after all.
393
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,960
-Where's your stamp?
-You just saw me go out.
394
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,280
I'm sorry, without the stamp
you can't go in.
395
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,320
-Then put it on me now.
-No, you get it when you go out,
396
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:38,920
and you went out.
397
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,720
Look, let's pretend that
I'm coming for the first time.
398
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,360
-Admission is free, isn't it?
-Until midnight,
399
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,720
then you have to pay 10 euros.
400
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,760
-But it's 12:02.
-Exactly. It isn't midnight.
401
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,040
Fine, whatever you say.
402
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,640
I'm off the hook, I rap so fine,
403
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,840
to Malasaña Fest
I dedicate this rhyme,
404
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,120
I nailed it this time.
405
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,440
Belén López Contreras, give me my goddam
keys and do as you fucking please!
406
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,000
Jesus, Hache,
I've found you at last.
407
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,320
I looked all over for you,
I thought you'd left.
408
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,640
What are you saying?!
You hung up the phone.
409
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,480
The minute you see a guy
you leave me on my own.
410
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,480
My battery ran out.
I wanted him to meet you.
411
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,880
But when I looked around,
I couldn't find you.
412
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,360
That's a lie, as big as a house.
413
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,760
I know you'd drop your panties
for any fucking louse.
414
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,680
I haven't done anything terrible
to you.
415
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,000
You say you're my best friend, but
all you do is look after your end.
416
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,080
I came back into your life,
but you're such a shrew,
417
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,320
you didn't even ask me
"How are you?"
418
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,760
You think
you're the queen of the party,
419
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,240
but the truth is
you've got nothing but me.
420
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,040
At least I don't have to work as a cow,
but of course for that you need
421
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,480
a figure like a sow.
422
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,600
Are you calling me a fatty, slut?
423
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,280
No. I'm calling you a slut, fatty.
424
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,520
What you have, girl,
is the face of a pig.
425
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,720
Everything you say is stupid
and I don't give a fig.
426
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,440
You've always thought me dumb,
you never gave a shit.
427
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,640
When I backed off
you didn't even notice it.
428
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,560
You went off and dumped me,
you didn't want me near.
429
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,000
And now you're crawling
back presuming I'll be here.
430
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,360
You're not the same.
You've got a bitter mug.
431
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,720
I said that I was sorry...
Should I crawl like a slug?
432
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,520
I wanted you with me.
I'm fucked up and in pain.
433
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,520
But you're just up
to your old tricks again.
434
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,840
Fuck, Hache, I'm sorry.
What can I say for all this to end?
435
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,640
You needn't say anything...
my friend.
436
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,560
Did you really want to introduce us?
How old are we? Fifteen?
437
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,200
Yeah, but you were
so pissed off, I thought:
438
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:22,680
"She needs is a good screw
to calm her down".
439
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:24,760
But I'm not like you.
440
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,200
Bitch.
441
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:29,120
By the way,
442
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,000
what the hell were you doing
inside the kebab stall?
443
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,720
Were you blowing that Arab?
444
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:33,880
Hey, that's enough, eh?
445
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,040
They were the only ones who had
a charger for my fucking phone.
446
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,440
And if I wanted to charge it,
I had to be inside the stall.
447
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,320
You can imagine the meat stink
I had to put up with, just to find you.
448
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:44,720
Quit complaining.
449
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:45,960
Poor little thing.
450
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:47,640
You're the worst.
451
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,280
That one's cool.
452
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:54,560
Yeah. Some foreigner did it.
453
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,040
But mine is the best.
454
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,080
I've missed you.
455
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,040
Same here.
456
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,040
I think I'm still a bit drunk.
457
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,120
I'm not surprised.
458
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,400
Alcohol and medication
makes for hell-ucination.
459
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,320
Please, let's not start rhyming again...
460
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,680
Fuck, I've been waiting
half an hour!
34214
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