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1
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,078
(Lisa grumbles)
2
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,251
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,174 --> 00:00:18,355
- (school bell ringing)
- _
4
00:00:20,262 --> 00:00:21,344
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,479
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,565
D'oh!
7
00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:26,566
(tires screeching)
8
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,184
(grunts)
9
00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:30,153
No! Not there!
10
00:00:30,188 --> 00:00:31,655
Anywhere but there!
11
00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:33,440
- Oh, a museum?
- _
12
00:00:33,525 --> 00:00:35,358
(Marge grunts)
13
00:00:37,696 --> 00:00:39,029
♪ ♪
14
00:00:43,318 --> 00:00:45,122
(plays discordant notes)
15
00:00:45,154 --> 00:00:46,036
(gasps)
16
00:00:47,573 --> 00:00:48,989
(moans)
17
00:00:49,075 --> 00:00:49,907
(groans)
18
00:00:56,415 --> 00:00:57,748
(belches)
19
00:01:06,092 --> 00:01:07,558
Hmm.
20
00:01:16,756 --> 00:01:20,591
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪
21
00:01:20,643 --> 00:01:23,260
(crows cawing)
22
00:01:23,346 --> 00:01:25,596
(dramatic music playing)
23
00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:47,451
Ooh! I'd like a slice.
24
00:01:57,179 --> 00:01:59,463
(both laughing)
25
00:01:59,515 --> 00:02:02,132
Hey, hey! What time is it, kids?
26
00:02:02,184 --> 00:02:04,602
KIDS: Product tie-in time!
27
00:02:04,637 --> 00:02:05,853
That's right!
28
00:02:05,938 --> 00:02:08,806
I'm introducing a new line
of candy so delicious
29
00:02:08,891 --> 00:02:11,859
that the Krusty Corporation
board of directors
30
00:02:11,944 --> 00:02:13,944
will stop threatening to oust me.
31
00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:15,696
(drum roll)
32
00:02:15,781 --> 00:02:18,032
Presenting Krustaceans!
33
00:02:18,117 --> 00:02:20,618
They look like shrimp,
they taste like candy,
34
00:02:20,653 --> 00:02:22,152
and they're organic!
35
00:02:22,238 --> 00:02:24,154
Uh... "Clown eats snack"?
36
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,073
Uh-oh, this could get ugly.
37
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:30,077
What do you know. They're actually good!
38
00:02:30,162 --> 00:02:31,745
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
39
00:02:31,831 --> 00:02:35,382
Hey, hey, kids, Krusty won't
be needing the spit bucket!
40
00:02:35,468 --> 00:02:36,333
(laughs)
41
00:02:38,170 --> 00:02:40,304
Mmm! They are good.
42
00:02:40,339 --> 00:02:42,172
How did you get them so fast?
43
00:02:42,258 --> 00:02:43,724
I'm a Krusty Prime member.
44
00:02:43,809 --> 00:02:46,176
$75 a month, but it's worth it.
45
00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:52,016
What? Tibor's getting a corner office?
46
00:02:52,101 --> 00:02:55,519
Oh, yeah, yeah, Tibor got
promoted to senior VP.
47
00:02:55,571 --> 00:02:57,021
(groans)
48
00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:58,856
CARL: Cooling tower views,
49
00:02:58,908 --> 00:03:00,991
two chairs for two visitors.
50
00:03:01,027 --> 00:03:03,277
LENNY: A picture of a
nondescript lighthouse.
51
00:03:03,362 --> 00:03:06,113
CARL: Oh, my God, what is he
getting out of that mini fridge?
52
00:03:06,198 --> 00:03:07,865
It's filled with mini-colas!
53
00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:10,034
LENNY: Wow, he looks like a
giant drinking that thing.
54
00:03:10,086 --> 00:03:12,703
I was in line for that job,
and I lost it to someone
55
00:03:12,788 --> 00:03:15,539
who barely speaks English.
It's humidifying.
56
00:03:15,591 --> 00:03:18,175
HOMER'S VOICE: Well, then why the
hell don't you do something about it?
57
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:19,510
Huh? Who said that?!
58
00:03:19,545 --> 00:03:22,129
Me! (grunts)
59
00:03:22,214 --> 00:03:22,963
Who are you?
60
00:03:23,049 --> 00:03:24,598
I'm your ambition.
61
00:03:24,684 --> 00:03:26,717
How come I never met you before?
62
00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:30,270
I've been locked up for 30 years
by Apathy and Alcoholism!
63
00:03:30,356 --> 00:03:31,855
(both groaning)
64
00:03:31,891 --> 00:03:34,558
Now, Homer, Tibor is no better than you.
65
00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:36,527
He just dresses nicer.
66
00:03:36,562 --> 00:03:39,229
I guess I could dress a little better.
Probably.
67
00:03:39,315 --> 00:03:42,483
That's the most ambitious
thing you've ever said.
68
00:03:42,568 --> 00:03:46,537
Guys, is there something
wrong with the way I dress?
69
00:03:46,572 --> 00:03:50,040
No. If you're a typewriter
salesman in 1953.
70
00:03:50,076 --> 00:03:53,744
Also, for a guy, you show
way too much cleavage.
71
00:03:53,829 --> 00:03:57,965
Hey, these two have gotten me
out of so many traffic tickets.
72
00:03:58,050 --> 00:04:00,000
Look, man, if people think
your clothes are outdated,
73
00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:01,418
they'll think you're outdated.
74
00:04:01,504 --> 00:04:03,170
Lenny wears suspenders.
75
00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:05,389
Correction: I rock suspenders.
76
00:04:06,842 --> 00:04:07,891
Ah, Tibor.
77
00:04:07,927 --> 00:04:09,560
There's my go-getter.
78
00:04:09,595 --> 00:04:12,763
Thank you, Witch of the Mountains.
79
00:04:14,433 --> 00:04:16,934
(band plays upbeat
music, audience cheers)
80
00:04:16,986 --> 00:04:18,402
Tonight we have with us
81
00:04:18,437 --> 00:04:20,237
a distinguished senior journalist
82
00:04:20,272 --> 00:04:22,773
for another installment of our
pointless Internet sensation:
83
00:04:22,858 --> 00:04:24,742
Talking Heads Sing Talking Heads.
84
00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:26,326
Kent Brockman, everybody!
85
00:04:26,412 --> 00:04:27,695
(Talking Heads music playing)
86
00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:29,163
And you may ask yourself...
87
00:04:29,248 --> 00:04:30,447
How do I work this?
88
00:04:30,533 --> 00:04:32,116
And you may ask yourself...
89
00:04:32,201 --> 00:04:33,951
Where is that large automobile?
90
00:04:34,036 --> 00:04:35,786
And you may tell yourself...
91
00:04:35,838 --> 00:04:37,705
Okay, that's it.
92
00:04:40,926 --> 00:04:42,626
(band plays upbeat
music, audience cheers)
93
00:04:45,097 --> 00:04:47,131
Speaking of once-in-a-lifetime
experiences, Kent,
94
00:04:47,183 --> 00:04:48,966
I understand you have
a fascinating story
95
00:04:49,051 --> 00:04:50,634
about your time in Basra.
96
00:04:50,686 --> 00:04:53,804
Well, Jimmy, I was embedded
with the 98th Airborne.
97
00:04:53,856 --> 00:04:55,939
My lullaby was the thwap-thwap-thwap
98
00:04:55,975 --> 00:04:57,608
of the blades of a Chinook.
99
00:04:57,643 --> 00:04:59,309
I was in the 98th Airborne.
100
00:04:59,395 --> 00:05:00,894
I don't remember him.
101
00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,613
I don't even remember what I said
102
00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,314
at the start of this sentence!
103
00:05:04,366 --> 00:05:06,116
Out there, everyone was equal.
104
00:05:06,152 --> 00:05:08,118
I was "Brock," the pilot was "Bama."
105
00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:09,319
Was he from Alabama?
106
00:05:09,371 --> 00:05:10,988
He was from America, Jimmy.
107
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,207
To me, it was just another
day at the office.
108
00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:15,826
Only this day, the office was
a burning piece of metal
109
00:05:15,878 --> 00:05:18,245
where an RPG just took out the pilot.
110
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:21,048
So I grabbed the joystick and
guided that wounded bird
111
00:05:21,133 --> 00:05:23,834
down onto a container ship...
which was sinking.
112
00:05:23,919 --> 00:05:26,336
I bailed it with my helmet
and guided her home.
113
00:05:26,422 --> 00:05:27,838
(audience cheering)
114
00:05:30,092 --> 00:05:31,675
That didn't happen, man!
115
00:05:31,727 --> 00:05:34,478
Oh, you Iraq War vets
are always complaining.
116
00:05:34,513 --> 00:05:36,096
(mocking): "That didn't happen."
117
00:05:36,182 --> 00:05:39,433
"The temperature was 125."
118
00:05:39,518 --> 00:05:41,902
"The U.S.O. show was Rob Schneider."
119
00:05:41,987 --> 00:05:46,240
"American objectives have been,
and remain, incomprehensible."
120
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:48,525
Wah-wah-wah.
121
00:05:51,030 --> 00:05:52,112
MARGE: Dinnertime!
122
00:05:52,198 --> 00:05:54,448
(humming)
123
00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:55,949
No junk food!
124
00:05:56,035 --> 00:05:57,951
We're at the dinner tables.
125
00:05:58,037 --> 00:05:59,953
KENT BROCKMAN: This is
Kent Brockman with a...
126
00:06:00,039 --> 00:06:01,705
humble apology.
127
00:06:01,791 --> 00:06:04,792
(dramatic kettle drum plays)
128
00:06:04,877 --> 00:06:06,460
You know, we in the news business
129
00:06:06,545 --> 00:06:08,879
like to report the story; we
don't like to be the story.
130
00:06:08,964 --> 00:06:11,348
That's what I said to Nelson
Mandela atop the Berlin Wall,
131
00:06:11,383 --> 00:06:13,717
but... No, I didn't. That's the problem!
132
00:06:13,769 --> 00:06:15,219
Now you're not eating.
133
00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:17,638
I can't eat when I'm
watching the spectacle
134
00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:19,189
of an imploding celebrity.
135
00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:20,891
We have lip-quiver, people.
136
00:06:20,976 --> 00:06:23,477
I'm sorry to report to
you that over the years,
137
00:06:23,562 --> 00:06:24,978
every interesting thing I've done is,
138
00:06:25,064 --> 00:06:26,480
in fact, a complete lie.
139
00:06:26,565 --> 00:06:28,232
I did not land a Chinook helicopter.
140
00:06:28,284 --> 00:06:31,535
I did not see bin Laden die, or
even see the movie about it.
141
00:06:31,570 --> 00:06:33,737
Now that I've apologized,
my station has assured me
142
00:06:33,789 --> 00:06:35,405
that it has full confidence...
143
00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:38,408
These were the last words of
disgraced anchor Kent Brockman
144
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,410
before he was escorted out by security
145
00:06:40,462 --> 00:06:42,329
and replaced by me, Arnie Pye.
146
00:06:42,414 --> 00:06:44,047
This reporter promises
147
00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:46,917
to restore our news
department's credibility.
148
00:06:47,002 --> 00:06:50,637
In our top story, corporate
taxes are too high.
149
00:06:50,723 --> 00:06:53,223
Geez, I'm really gonna
miss Anderson Cooper.
150
00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:54,925
That wasn't Anderson Cooper.
151
00:06:54,977 --> 00:06:56,593
Oh, thank God.
152
00:06:56,645 --> 00:06:58,812
I'm not licked yet...
not as long as I've got
153
00:06:58,898 --> 00:07:01,231
a cell phone and a place to sit.
154
00:07:02,935 --> 00:07:04,101
Company car.
155
00:07:04,153 --> 00:07:05,319
(tires screech)
156
00:07:07,406 --> 00:07:10,324
Marge, I think I may
have to get new clothes.
157
00:07:10,409 --> 00:07:11,775
(whispers): At last!
158
00:07:11,861 --> 00:07:14,077
It's time for me to project the image
159
00:07:14,113 --> 00:07:16,780
of a powerful, self-reliant man.
160
00:07:16,866 --> 00:07:18,949
Will you take me shopping after school?
161
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,585
Sure. And after that, maybe you could...
162
00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:24,087
oh, I don't know, lose a little weight?
163
00:07:24,123 --> 00:07:26,957
Marge, no, don't get
greedy, don't get greedy.
164
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:31,295
Sweetheart, I'm always happy
to temporarily lose weight.
165
00:07:31,347 --> 00:07:32,629
Oh...
166
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,433
So, this app is called Smothr.
167
00:07:36,468 --> 00:07:39,436
Lets my mom keep a
healthy eye on me 24/7.
168
00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:42,723
Milhouse, you're overexcited.
169
00:07:42,808 --> 00:07:44,308
You're going to get a bloody nose.
170
00:07:44,393 --> 00:07:46,310
I will not!
171
00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:47,644
See?
172
00:07:47,696 --> 00:07:49,947
Hmm. I call these num-nums
173
00:07:49,982 --> 00:07:52,149
because they make my fingers numb.
174
00:07:52,234 --> 00:07:54,484
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
175
00:07:54,570 --> 00:07:56,703
Why are the only ingredients here
176
00:07:56,789 --> 00:07:59,740
"water, fun and hydrogenated chuckles"?
177
00:07:59,825 --> 00:08:01,742
Hey, Krusty makes quality products.
178
00:08:01,827 --> 00:08:04,077
Incoming!
179
00:08:04,163 --> 00:08:06,330
Mm, let me try one of those candies.
180
00:08:10,836 --> 00:08:12,886
I shared a meal with Lisa.
181
00:08:12,972 --> 00:08:15,839
It's halfway to a kiss.
182
00:08:15,925 --> 00:08:16,924
Now I kissed Lisa.
183
00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,842
No one kissed Lisa!
184
00:08:18,928 --> 00:08:20,644
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
185
00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:23,096
Hmm, I don't think candy
should give me a tingling
186
00:08:23,182 --> 00:08:24,598
in my left arm.
187
00:08:24,683 --> 00:08:26,400
I'm gonna prove to you that Krusty
188
00:08:26,485 --> 00:08:28,602
is a good clown with nonlethal candy.
189
00:08:28,687 --> 00:08:31,321
Hey, Otto-man, can you take us
to the food processing district?
190
00:08:31,357 --> 00:08:32,489
No way, Bartman.
191
00:08:32,524 --> 00:08:33,857
Hey, Otto, I just remembered,
192
00:08:33,909 --> 00:08:36,326
we have a field trip to the
food processing district.
193
00:08:36,362 --> 00:08:37,861
Oh, man, we're late!
194
00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:39,496
(tires screech)
195
00:08:43,202 --> 00:08:46,036
FRANK SINATRA: ♪ This town ♪
196
00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:48,005
♪ Is a lonely town ♪
197
00:08:50,376 --> 00:08:52,376
♪ Not the only town... ♪
198
00:08:54,046 --> 00:08:56,129
You're a very lucky lady.
199
00:08:56,215 --> 00:08:57,848
(laughs)
200
00:08:57,883 --> 00:08:59,299
(humming)
201
00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:00,851
Hmm? (groans)
202
00:09:00,886 --> 00:09:03,053
Hmm.
203
00:09:03,105 --> 00:09:04,938
(grunting)
204
00:09:09,228 --> 00:09:11,611
Really? You're thwarted by a shirt?
205
00:09:11,697 --> 00:09:12,646
Never!
206
00:09:12,731 --> 00:09:14,031
This is so exciting...
207
00:09:14,066 --> 00:09:16,400
with my Homie in a haberdashers.
208
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:19,152
My husband needs a complete makeover.
209
00:09:19,238 --> 00:09:21,738
Well, thank you, lady
with the beehive hair.
210
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:26,243
Ooh, intimate but heterosexual.
211
00:09:30,299 --> 00:09:31,665
CLERK: Here you are, pal.
212
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:34,251
(moaning): Oh! Oh!
213
00:09:34,303 --> 00:09:35,752
Homie?
214
00:09:35,804 --> 00:09:37,971
Oh, baby, you had the same idea I did.
215
00:09:38,057 --> 00:09:39,389
Mmm!
216
00:09:39,425 --> 00:09:41,758
This wasn't my idea, but... (gasps)
217
00:09:41,844 --> 00:09:43,260
Oh...
218
00:09:45,347 --> 00:09:48,398
(chuckles) They all think
they're the first ones.
219
00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:53,270
Wow. Ready for the corner office.
220
00:09:53,322 --> 00:09:55,906
I feel like Mrs. Mad Men.
221
00:09:55,941 --> 00:09:58,275
Now let's get you rung up, lard-ass.
222
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,277
- What did you call me?
- Uh, Lord S.
223
00:10:00,362 --> 00:10:01,361
Oh.
224
00:10:03,615 --> 00:10:05,582
Well, we've got a nice-
looking couple here.
225
00:10:05,617 --> 00:10:07,417
Walk away, Marge, just walk away.
226
00:10:07,453 --> 00:10:09,669
I'm holding my sharpest key.
227
00:10:09,755 --> 00:10:11,671
Wait, Homie. It's Kent Brockman.
228
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:13,757
The man who betrayed our trust.
229
00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:15,792
I'm producing my own news content now.
230
00:10:15,878 --> 00:10:17,761
Could you spare a few sound bites
231
00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:19,629
(chuckles): for this rudderless anchor?
232
00:10:19,681 --> 00:10:21,882
Forget it. We only like
newspeople we can trust.
233
00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:23,767
So no newspeople!
234
00:10:23,802 --> 00:10:25,635
Oh, well, I have bigger problems.
235
00:10:25,721 --> 00:10:28,188
Can't afford toothpaste, so
tonight my teeth will have...
236
00:10:28,273 --> 00:10:29,890
film at 11:00.
237
00:10:29,975 --> 00:10:31,975
OTTO: Adios!
238
00:10:32,027 --> 00:10:34,194
Don't worry, Krusty's favorite number
239
00:10:34,279 --> 00:10:36,146
is how many jokes he's written.
240
00:10:40,486 --> 00:10:41,985
♪ ♪
241
00:10:42,071 --> 00:10:44,071
Wow! Hydroponic gardening.
242
00:10:44,156 --> 00:10:46,239
Organic fertilizer.
243
00:10:46,325 --> 00:10:48,658
Maybe I was wrong about Krusty.
244
00:10:52,831 --> 00:10:56,166
(groans) This candy is
reeking with chemicals!
245
00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:58,502
Just once I'd like to be wrong.
246
00:10:58,554 --> 00:11:01,171
Well, from what I read in your
diary, you're rarely right.
247
00:11:01,256 --> 00:11:02,639
(groans)
248
00:11:02,674 --> 00:11:04,641
We've got to get these samples analyzed.
249
00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:07,094
Bart, do you think we'll
get out of here safely?
250
00:11:07,179 --> 00:11:09,096
I think the guard's no problem.
251
00:11:09,181 --> 00:11:10,230
(snores)
252
00:11:10,306 --> 00:11:11,722
(robotic voice): Z, Z, Z-Z-Z.
253
00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:12,732
(snores)
254
00:11:12,818 --> 00:11:14,768
Z, Z, Z-Z-Z.
255
00:11:14,853 --> 00:11:16,686
(snores) Z, Z, Z-Z-Z.
256
00:11:16,738 --> 00:11:17,854
Here comes our ride.
257
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,022
(bicycle bell dings)
258
00:11:19,074 --> 00:11:20,574
I called UberKid.
259
00:11:20,659 --> 00:11:22,025
(Eastern European
accent): Please get in.
260
00:11:22,077 --> 00:11:24,828
You want bottled water? Mints? Take.
261
00:11:24,863 --> 00:11:26,863
Your accent is so interesting.
262
00:11:26,915 --> 00:11:28,532
Where are you from?
263
00:11:28,617 --> 00:11:31,662
Uh, small town in Latvia.
You don't know it.
264
00:11:31,687 --> 00:11:32,954
Well, I'd like to hear.
265
00:11:33,188 --> 00:11:35,431
Why do you have to make
friends with everyone?
266
00:11:40,664 --> 00:11:43,241
(sighs) So much great work for naught.
267
00:11:43,266 --> 00:11:45,800
Kent, as your agent, I promise
we will find you something,
268
00:11:45,885 --> 00:11:47,468
or so help me, we will drop you.
269
00:11:47,554 --> 00:11:48,853
That's a promise.
270
00:11:48,938 --> 00:11:51,856
Well, could you, uh, get me on Fox News?
271
00:11:51,941 --> 00:11:53,891
Would you be willing to
call yourself a liberal
272
00:11:53,977 --> 00:11:55,443
and lose every discussion?
273
00:11:55,478 --> 00:11:57,061
Every single one?
274
00:11:57,147 --> 00:11:58,730
Okay, you've already asked
too many questions.
275
00:11:58,815 --> 00:12:00,198
The offer's dead.
276
00:12:00,283 --> 00:12:01,149
(sighs)
277
00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:03,818
♪ Empower your horse ♪
278
00:12:03,903 --> 00:12:05,653
♪ Right through the sun ♪
279
00:12:05,739 --> 00:12:08,656
♪ Blast a rainbow light from
your empowerment gun. ♪
280
00:12:08,708 --> 00:12:10,708
So, you're gonna get this to Katy Perry?
281
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:12,160
I never said that.
282
00:12:12,212 --> 00:12:14,545
Hey, guys. Notice anything different?
283
00:12:14,631 --> 00:12:16,497
Whoa, whoa, impressive!
284
00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:17,749
Italian?
285
00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:19,000
Oh-ho. Better.
286
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:21,135
Connecticut! (chuckles)
287
00:12:21,171 --> 00:12:24,222
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go
into old man Burns and say,
288
00:12:24,307 --> 00:12:27,141
"Here is a leader of men... and women."
289
00:12:27,177 --> 00:12:28,726
'Cause that's what you have to say now.
290
00:12:28,812 --> 00:12:30,478
High five, man!
291
00:12:30,513 --> 00:12:33,648
Why do we call it "high five"
when we only have four fingers?
292
00:12:33,683 --> 00:12:35,183
You know, I've always wondered that.
293
00:12:35,268 --> 00:12:36,484
FRINK: Oh, what have we here?
294
00:12:36,519 --> 00:12:38,436
Uh, Lisa, these vials
295
00:12:38,521 --> 00:12:40,571
are filled with formaldehyde.
296
00:12:40,657 --> 00:12:42,573
Formaldehyde! Do you understand?
297
00:12:42,659 --> 00:12:44,025
Do not imbibe!
298
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:46,194
Check. No imbibing.
299
00:12:46,246 --> 00:12:50,114
Bart! Imbibing is eating,
and formaldehyde is poison.
300
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,034
Oh, you take all the fun
out of eating poison.
301
00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:55,253
You're just an apologist for Krusty.
302
00:12:55,338 --> 00:12:57,371
I am not a paid apologist for Krusty!
303
00:12:57,457 --> 00:12:59,090
I didn't say "paid."
304
00:12:59,175 --> 00:13:01,542
Got to go. I'll see you in the future.
305
00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:03,211
(mechanical humming)
306
00:13:03,263 --> 00:13:05,630
Uh, that's just my bathing suit dryer.
307
00:13:05,715 --> 00:13:07,465
I, uh... yes.
308
00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:09,383
(groaning)
309
00:13:12,555 --> 00:13:14,605
Sorry, kid, not
interested in your story.
310
00:13:14,691 --> 00:13:16,107
Krusty's our biggest star,
311
00:13:16,192 --> 00:13:18,059
and formaldehyde's our biggest sponsor.
312
00:13:18,111 --> 00:13:20,394
I'm gonna have to go off the grid.
313
00:13:34,794 --> 00:13:37,078
All right, Kent Brockman.
Welcome to BizzFad.
314
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:38,830
We are so crunched.
315
00:13:38,915 --> 00:13:41,215
(chuckles): Well, the
crunching is mutual.
316
00:13:41,251 --> 00:13:43,885
"The crunching is mutual"?
What the hell does that mean?
317
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,920
Well, I know that the media has changed,
318
00:13:45,972 --> 00:13:49,006
but this old newshound can
still find his way home.
319
00:13:49,092 --> 00:13:51,425
Okay...
320
00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:54,095
I thought I might do a piece on
all the crazy ice cream flavors
321
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:55,096
they have these days.
322
00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:56,430
Bacon? Really?
323
00:13:56,516 --> 00:13:57,648
(chuckles)
324
00:13:57,734 --> 00:14:00,101
Kent, I like it. I do.
325
00:14:00,186 --> 00:14:02,270
But we just went bankrupt.
326
00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:04,272
Uh, people, people, you're all fired.
327
00:14:04,324 --> 00:14:06,607
But, seriously, it's
been a great four days.
328
00:14:06,693 --> 00:14:07,825
Thank you.
329
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,932
Uh, gentlemen, I suggest
we ramp up production.
330
00:14:11,957 --> 00:14:17,044
I have a few suggestions
right here in my pocket.
331
00:14:17,337 --> 00:14:19,620
Do it, Homer! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
332
00:14:19,706 --> 00:14:21,505
(gasps) Are you Lust?
333
00:14:21,591 --> 00:14:23,374
No. Lupus.
334
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:24,342
(shrieks)
335
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:26,627
Huh? Huh? Huh?
336
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:28,846
(chuckles) Hey, fatso,
337
00:14:28,932 --> 00:14:31,215
I'd close that tent flap
before the mosquitoes get in.
338
00:14:31,301 --> 00:14:32,216
(chuckles)
339
00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:33,467
What the...?
340
00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:35,469
I thought you would like it.
341
00:14:35,521 --> 00:14:38,022
Actually, I think you
should take this tarp
342
00:14:38,107 --> 00:14:40,274
back to the baseball
stadium you got it from.
343
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:42,193
In case there's a rain delay.
344
00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:44,862
(chuckles) I did not
see that coming, sir.
345
00:14:44,948 --> 00:14:46,314
Off you go, Simpson.
346
00:14:46,366 --> 00:14:48,115
Never seek to better yourself again.
347
00:14:48,151 --> 00:14:50,568
I'm just going to shove my foot
on your back for emphasis.
348
00:14:50,653 --> 00:14:52,737
Yes, sir. I understand.
349
00:14:52,822 --> 00:14:55,573
But could you try not to
get my new jacket dirty?
350
00:14:55,658 --> 00:14:56,958
Sorry, but no.
351
00:14:58,294 --> 00:14:59,460
Well done, sir.
352
00:14:59,495 --> 00:15:01,329
Now your turn, Smithers.
353
00:15:01,414 --> 00:15:02,997
I never thought you'd ask.
354
00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:08,552
So, why do you want to give
the story to Brockman?
355
00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:10,972
Because the best thing you
can do is offer a lifeline
356
00:15:11,007 --> 00:15:12,807
to a person with no hope.
357
00:15:12,842 --> 00:15:14,058
Here I am!
358
00:15:14,143 --> 00:15:15,309
Sorry, not you.
359
00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:16,894
Thank God!
360
00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:18,846
Well, how do you know
where Brockman will be?
361
00:15:18,932 --> 00:15:20,348
To find a fallen man,
362
00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:22,850
you must visit the scene
of his highest peak.
363
00:15:22,936 --> 00:15:25,353
When he reported on the flood of '09.
364
00:15:27,073 --> 00:15:30,324
My career and these flood waters
crested at the same time.
365
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,360
This is Kent Brockman blowing a sad song
366
00:15:32,445 --> 00:15:33,778
on his beer bottle.
367
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:36,113
(playing sad tune)
368
00:15:38,084 --> 00:15:41,085
Mr. Brockman, we've
uncovered a huge story!
369
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:44,705
And we need a real newsman
to break it wide open.
370
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:49,377
(sighs)
371
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:50,761
A real newsman, eh?
372
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:52,213
Then you've come to the wrong corner.
373
00:15:52,298 --> 00:15:53,431
What do you mean?
374
00:15:53,516 --> 00:15:54,715
Oh, I'm through.
375
00:15:54,767 --> 00:15:56,300
Now, please, let me just go out
376
00:15:56,386 --> 00:15:59,303
with my remaining dignity intact.
377
00:15:59,389 --> 00:16:02,056
This is Kent Brockman thinking
dark and suicidal thoughts.
378
00:16:02,416 --> 00:16:03,782
It's quiet here in the gutter.
379
00:16:03,807 --> 00:16:04,723
Very quiet.
380
00:16:04,748 --> 00:16:06,285
Well, it was.
381
00:16:06,739 --> 00:16:08,864
_
382
00:16:08,903 --> 00:16:11,287
Okay, who would like to start today?
383
00:16:11,322 --> 00:16:14,824
Anyone? Anyone?
384
00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:16,709
Oh, come on.
385
00:16:19,463 --> 00:16:21,831
In three, two...
386
00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:23,165
I'm here live at the support group...
387
00:16:23,251 --> 00:16:24,500
Our top feeling today...
388
00:16:24,552 --> 00:16:26,669
This just in: I'm sad.
389
00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:28,671
(slurring): You know,
I'll be tooling around,
390
00:16:28,723 --> 00:16:33,225
and I'll just constantly lapse
into my elocution exercises.
391
00:16:33,311 --> 00:16:36,011
"A Lockheed L-1011 landed safely
392
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,681
in Bogalusa, Louisiana, after an alert."
393
00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:39,765
Oh, I've been there.
394
00:16:39,851 --> 00:16:41,317
- Too true.
- Courage.
395
00:16:41,352 --> 00:16:44,153
Kent, you're looking
unusually thoughtful
396
00:16:44,188 --> 00:16:45,688
and silent for an anchor.
397
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,356
You know, I thought I'd come to terms
398
00:16:47,408 --> 00:16:50,109
with life off the news
cycle, and then, bang,
399
00:16:50,194 --> 00:16:52,361
I was offered a scoop on a platter.
400
00:16:52,413 --> 00:16:54,113
(slurring): Well, did
you leap on that lead
401
00:16:54,198 --> 00:16:56,081
like a lion on a lemur?
402
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:59,869
I passed! As in, "I
am a thing of the..."
403
00:16:59,954 --> 00:17:02,338
Dan Rather, do you have
something to contribute
404
00:17:02,373 --> 00:17:04,840
besides this delicious
homemade Bundt cake?
405
00:17:04,876 --> 00:17:05,958
Mmm.
406
00:17:06,043 --> 00:17:07,793
Kent, why are you doing this?
407
00:17:07,879 --> 00:17:09,795
Why did you get into this business?
408
00:17:09,881 --> 00:17:12,264
Money, women, free coffee. The usual.
409
00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:16,268
Sir, if you please, these days,
a bona fide uncorrupted story
410
00:17:16,354 --> 00:17:18,637
is rarer than a snake with sneakers.
411
00:17:18,723 --> 00:17:21,390
It's harder to find than a
yellow-fronted bowerbird.
412
00:17:21,442 --> 00:17:22,892
Jump on it, hoss,
413
00:17:22,944 --> 00:17:25,277
and ride till Gramma
churns the buttermilk.
414
00:17:25,363 --> 00:17:27,696
That's when the barn dance starts.
415
00:17:27,732 --> 00:17:28,697
What is that feeling?
416
00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,733
Is it integrity?
417
00:17:30,818 --> 00:17:32,568
♪ ♪
418
00:17:36,574 --> 00:17:38,374
Good to see ya, buddy. I'm in!
419
00:17:38,409 --> 00:17:40,576
Anybody got eyeliner and pancake makeup?
420
00:17:40,628 --> 00:17:41,794
Take mine, brother.
421
00:17:41,879 --> 00:17:44,079
Works great on Mediterranean skin.
422
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:47,800
It's from my personal
line, Rather Handsome.
423
00:17:47,885 --> 00:17:51,470
Well, Marge, I was humiliated by Mr.
Burns, it's true.
424
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:54,840
But, to me, this is nothing
more than a temporary setback.
425
00:17:54,926 --> 00:17:58,010
Good for you, Homie. I'm proud of you.
426
00:17:58,095 --> 00:18:00,229
Hey, Homer Simpson is not deterred
427
00:18:00,264 --> 00:18:01,931
by a footprint on his suit.
428
00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:03,265
It'll come out, right?
429
00:18:03,351 --> 00:18:05,901
- I don't know.
- (shrieks)
430
00:18:05,937 --> 00:18:08,604
Homer, I have a 12-step
plan for your success.
431
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:11,857
Step number one: get in a 12-step plan.
432
00:18:18,616 --> 00:18:21,450
(grunts) This is an opportunity!
433
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:23,002
(screams)
434
00:18:23,087 --> 00:18:25,037
I think I'm going to Moe's.
435
00:18:25,122 --> 00:18:26,422
(tires screech)
436
00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:27,957
Krusty, we have evidence
that your product
437
00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:30,376
is laced with toxic additives.
438
00:18:30,461 --> 00:18:32,177
Yeah. So why you bothering me?
439
00:18:32,263 --> 00:18:34,680
LISA: Because your tasty
little treat did this.
440
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,265
(whirring)
441
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:39,351
I made the doctor cry.
442
00:18:39,437 --> 00:18:41,971
They told me the paralysis
would be temporary!
443
00:18:42,023 --> 00:18:43,305
Five years, tops.
444
00:18:43,391 --> 00:18:45,140
Seriously, come on,
445
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,526
that kid wasn't going anywhere anyway.
446
00:18:47,611 --> 00:18:51,113
It looks like this clown could
not formalde-hide the truth.
447
00:18:51,148 --> 00:18:53,315
(chuckles) This is Kent
Brockman, saying...
448
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:54,817
No! I'm gonna sing Beatles songs
449
00:18:54,902 --> 00:18:56,652
so you can't afford to show this video!
450
00:18:56,737 --> 00:18:58,954
- A-one, two, three, four!
- Too late!
451
00:19:00,624 --> 00:19:01,957
Well, you're back on top, Kent.
452
00:19:01,993 --> 00:19:03,826
And now for a once monthly feature we do
453
00:19:03,911 --> 00:19:04,994
called Serious Question.
454
00:19:05,079 --> 00:19:06,161
(horn honks)
455
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,746
Tell us, how did you get this story?
456
00:19:07,832 --> 00:19:09,164
Well, it's funny, actually.
457
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,166
I was trapped in a burning building...
458
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,969
(gasps) Is he really gonna
take all the credit for this?
459
00:19:14,005 --> 00:19:15,421
Don't ask me.
460
00:19:15,506 --> 00:19:16,922
The last newsman I could trust
461
00:19:17,008 --> 00:19:20,509
was that bigamist, Charles Kuralt.
462
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,811
It was a burning building
called my career.
463
00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:24,480
Thank God I had help.
464
00:19:24,515 --> 00:19:27,099
Lisa Simpson, you deserve to
be on this couch with me.
465
00:19:27,184 --> 00:19:29,234
But because I don't lie anymore,
466
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,687
I have to say I didn't fight
too hard when they said no.
467
00:19:31,772 --> 00:19:33,572
Hmm. Is that enough?
468
00:19:33,657 --> 00:19:35,157
Are you kidding?
469
00:19:35,192 --> 00:19:37,693
You got Hollywood's highest honor:
470
00:19:37,745 --> 00:19:40,820
shared credit, no money.
471
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:44,493
I've been informed that
this is my last newscast
472
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,185
as anchor of the Channel 6 News.
473
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:49,282
Before I go, I'd like to get
a few things off my chest.
474
00:19:49,307 --> 00:19:52,008
I've made out with Kent's daughter.
475
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,510
The grown-up one!
476
00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:54,727
Are you almost through?
477
00:19:54,813 --> 00:19:56,596
In a hurry to fail again, Kent?!
478
00:19:56,681 --> 00:19:58,848
No, it's just I've been off
the air for six weeks,
479
00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:00,150
and it was torture.
480
00:20:00,185 --> 00:20:01,684
Sometimes I'd watch Bill O'Reilly
481
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:03,903
and pretend it was an older,
stupider version of me.
482
00:20:03,989 --> 00:20:05,688
Go ahead. Take your chair.
483
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,857
Do what you do best.
484
00:20:10,412 --> 00:20:13,246
Tonight's lotto numbers: six, 17, 42,
485
00:20:13,331 --> 00:20:15,331
45 and 83!
486
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,417
I'm back!
487
00:20:17,461 --> 00:20:20,172
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34320
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