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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET
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We told you, you cannot get the
refrigerator door all the way open
3
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,640
before the light comes on.
4
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,960
So that's why
you called us here, Al?
5
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,760
No! I signed us up for the Northside
Kickball Classic this weekend.
6
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,840
And Shayla is sponsoring our team!
7
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:35,600
What's Shayla?
8
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,960
Uh, Shayla's my store. Duh!
9
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:42,040
No, not "duh".
X-E-L-A spells Shayla?
10
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,560
I didn't know you could say it.
11
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,360
I thought it was a four-letter
Celtic symbol for "failure".
12
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,920
LAUGHTER
13
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,240
Stop. C'mon! Guys! It'll be fun.
14
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,040
Plus, it's great advertising.
15
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,560
I mean, that bakery for dogs
sponsored a team,
16
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,120
and it really helped their business.
17
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,680
Until the recession hit and they
realised it's a bakery for dogs.
18
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,280
They closed, All Dogs Go To Evans?
19
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,080
Well, we have
a really busy weekend, Al.
20
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,640
I'm getting my hair done, and my
book club is doing a brunch crawl.
21
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,480
I will be observing
the live birth of a baby calf.
22
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,520
I know it might sound stupid,
but I started going to church.
23
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:19,120
Guys! This could be our last chance
to do something all together.
24
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,400
Next year,
Brad and Jane could have a baby.
25
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,160
Aww! Aww!
26
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:22,920
No! No!
27
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,000
Dave could go out of business.
He might not even stay in Chicago.
28
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,280
Why would I leave Chicago?
29
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,080
Max could be dead
or presumed missing.
30
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:29,880
Or presumed dead.
31
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,880
And Penny'll probably be divorcing.
32
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,960
(GASPS) Thank you!
33
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,760
You bet. So come on, please! Please!
34
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,280
Oh, I'm getting a call. Sorry.
35
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,560
Hello?
36
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:40,840
It's Pretty Please.
37
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:41,840
Let me talk to her!
38
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,640
What?
39
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,720
HELLO! (LAUGHS) Hey, Pretty Please.
40
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,280
No, you're cute.
Girl, what you up to?
41
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:53,080
Oh, still asking people
to play kickball? OK.
42
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,960
Guys, this bitch is like a dog
with a bone. I think we gotta play.
43
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,880
All right, if you guys want me to be
the lovable, gruff player/manager...
44
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:06,960
Nobody wants you to be that.
45
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,960
...then we need to talk salary.
46
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,720
I'm willing to work
for league maximum,
47
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,320
cos there's no way
you are getting Max for the minimum.
48
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,840
There'll be warm beer in the dugout.
49
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,880
OK, throw in a lifetime of memories
I can cherish now and always
50
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,760
and you got yourself a manager.
51
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:34,040
Guys, look what I found
for the big game - my old eyeblack.
52
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,560
Take that, sun.
53
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,640
I got nature's eyeblack right here.
Melanin, baby.
54
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:39,400
It's what makes me brown.
55
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,440
Dave, I got to talk to you.
56
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,960
As the team's
self-appointed player/manager,
57
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,360
I got to let you know I'm dropping
you down to the six-hole, champ.
58
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,640
I'm kicking six? That's last.
I should be kicking clean-up.
59
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,200
Have you forgotten
that my right foot
60
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,1000
is a half-size bigger than
my left - size eight, bitches?
61
00:02:53,1000 --> 00:02:56,520
No-one is questioning
your freakish feet, Dave.
62
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,120
It's just you haven't been the same
since the incident.
63
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,360
You went 0 for 33 after that.
64
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,440
Something happened up here,
you haven't been able to kick since.
65
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,200
You got a bad case of the yips,
hammy.
66
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,480
Like when Chuck Knoblauch
couldn't throw
67
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,840
or Wang Chung tried to have fun
the following night.
68
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,080
Yips don't lie, hammy.
69
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,080
You got yips, hammy.
70
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,640
I'm over that!
That was a long time ago, hammies.
71
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,480
Whoa, Dave... Dave! Racist.
72
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,520
Face it, you're prone to the yips.
73
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,040
Remember when you forgot the words
to Gangsta's Paradise?
74
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,840
You still can't perform a eulogy.
75
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,680
You should be worrying about you.
All you do is bunt.
76
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,520
You're damn right I do.
I love a big bunt, all right?
77
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,080
I play kick-moneyball,
and I get on base every time.
78
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,560
It's all about numbers, baby,
79
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,680
and the numbers say I'm kicking
1,000. People call me Bunt Cake.
80
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,720
No-one calls you that.
81
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,960
Nobody calls me
82
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,520
the guy who defuses situations
with unexpected compliments,
83
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,840
but that doesn't mean it's not true.
Dave, have your fingers lost weight?
84
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,080
Thank you for noticing.
85
00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:00,240
Yeah, man, they're lean and mean,
especially for a guy with the yips.
86
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,560
All right, you know what?
It's ridiculous. That is ridiculous!
87
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,600
LAUGHTER
88
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,680
You can't get the yips in kickball.
89
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,200
Oh, yeah? David, then kick this.
90
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,760
What? Max!
91
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,280
That's a bowling ball!
92
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,560
♪ Yi-yips!
93
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,360
(BOTH) # Yi-yi-yi-yips!
94
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,880
I'm actually getting pumped
for kickball.
95
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,680
It is a great place to meet guys.
96
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,480
Last year, my friend Cory
97
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,840
collided at home plate
with this really cute catcher.
98
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,360
She still can't see colours
and he has a titanium knee,
99
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,680
but they're getting married!
100
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,720
Oh, cute!
101
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:32,960
So cute!
102
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,760
Jane, what's wrong with your car?
103
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,840
Oh, routine maintenance. Boring
car stuff, intake manifold, whatnot.
104
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:42,920
Hey, Jane, first game's
at ten tomorrow. Here's your jersey.
105
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,000
Good on you for hyphenating.
106
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,040
What, you're playing kickball
for their team?
107
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,080
I'm sorry.
I signed up with them months ago,
108
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,160
and when I commit, I stay committed.
109
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,960
What about that Guatemalan kid you
stopped sponsoring after a month?
110
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,800
When I send $25,
I expect a letter, Adolfo.
111
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,360
OK, come on, quit them.
Join us. It'll be fun!
112
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,400
Oh, no.
113
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,920
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
114
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,520
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
115
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,560
You see, I like to win,
116
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,120
so I'm taking my talents
to Southside Kaz's Auto Body Shop.
117
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,240
That is cold-blooded, LaBlonde Jane.
118
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,520
Typical Ruthless Jane.
119
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,560
Just like when we were kids
120
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,880
and you stole my spot on
Baboo the Green Monkey Funky Hour.
121
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,680
And the last little poacher to get
to join us for the Baboo Boogie,
122
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:29,720
Alex Kerkovich!
123
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,040
Yay!
124
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,320
Oh, Jane, I wish we both coulda won.
125
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,160
Yeah, me too. Oh, well.
126
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,920
Come on up here, Alex!
127
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,760
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me, Alex!
128
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,840
Let's boogie!
129
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,400
I remember that!
You took your prize trip
130
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,200
and you contracted
that flesh-eating strep bacteria.
131
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,960
That should've been
my flesh-eating strep bacteria.
132
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,760
But it's all good, Jane.
You play for your auto-body team.
133
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,880
But Team Xela is gonna have fun.
134
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:57,880
And we're gonna win!
135
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,160
Oh, silly Alex.
136
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,400
Wins are for winners.
137
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:07,320
So, uh, are you in a bad mood now,
or can we still go and try on wigs?
138
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,880
I'm not great.
139
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:09,920
Hm.
140
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,280
♪ "The Stars and Stripes Forever"
141
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,400
♪ "The Stars and Stripes Forever".
142
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,280
Play ball!
143
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:33,080
Hello, Chicago,
144
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,680
and welcome to the first day of the
annual Northside Kickball Classic.
145
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,1000
I am Duckie Blenkinship.
146
00:06:39,1000 --> 00:06:42,760
Fun fact - two teenagers locked me
in that Porta Potty last year.
147
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,560
I've seen it all, folks.
Duckie has seen it all.
148
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,640
All right, everybody,
this is what we do.
149
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,960
We're gonna start
with some light stretching.
150
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,960
That will be followed
by some heavy losing,
151
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,760
which will then be followed
by some even heavier drinking.
152
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:58,400
Come on, Max, I think
we could win this whole damn thing.
153
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,200
My right fielder's
in six-inch heels.
154
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,280
My kickball shoes
make me look like a lesbian!
155
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,320
I got this guy over here. I can't
tell if he's practising his kicking
156
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,920
or gently nudging that thing
to make sure it's still alive.
157
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,920
My third baseman's priorities
are way out of whack.
158
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,480
Which eyeblack should I choose,
159
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,760
Ebony Heat or Midnight Storm?
160
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,560
Face it, Jane was
the only good player on this team,
161
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,600
and she crap-damn bailed on us.
162
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,960
Look at that traitor.
163
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,480
I hate her.
164
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:29,360
Those long, lithe legs just sticking
out of those teeny-tiny shorts,
165
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,680
just teasing. I'm gonna hate her,
like, five times tonight.
166
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:34,400
Guys, I'm talking about sex.
167
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,200
Got it.
168
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,760
Well, at least we got Scotty.
169
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,920
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
I was getting juiced up.
170
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,480
Mango and orange.
171
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,320
Also doing steroids.
172
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,080
For my thyroid condition.
173
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,360
And for strength.
174
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,600
Cos of my weak spine.
175
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,400
Cos I do too many steroids.
176
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,520
Ooh, sunflower seeds!
These are good roughage.
177
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,240
Swallowed a plastic bag
I'm trying to pass.
178
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,080
(DUCKIE) Bottom of the fifth,
and Team...
179
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,880
I don't know how to say this,
folks. Exceller?
180
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,000
...Is two outs away from being
knocked out in the first round,
181
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,560
much like I got knocked out
by that teenage girl
182
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,920
when I politely asked her if her dog
could quit biting my hands.
183
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,680
Here we go.
184
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,440
'Here's the pitch.'
185
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,560
Strike two!
186
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:24,040
Time-out.
187
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,120
'Oh, another swing and a miss,
and that is strike two.'
188
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,680
Dave, you're 0 for 4,
you've left seven men on base.
189
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,240
This pitcher's got my number, man.
190
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,080
What did we talk about, huh?
Visualisation.
191
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,920
You see the ball, you kick the ball.
192
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,960
See the ball, you kick the ball.
193
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,240
See the ball, kick the ball.
194
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,280
'Rose steps back in after a pep talk.
The pitch...'
195
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,920
And Dave Rose is down on strikes.
196
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,480
Grab some bench.
197
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,520
And Team Seelo
is down to their final out.
198
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,320
Well, we had a good run.
199
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,600
Actually, we had no runs.
Where are we getting pizza?
200
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,720
Amici's. I overheard in the men's
room that's where everyone's going.
201
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,760
That was me in the men's room!
I love Amici's!
202
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:09,600
Guys, stop it! We still have
a chance. Max, you're the manager.
203
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,120
You're supposed to inspire.
204
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,120
I got nothing left.
205
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,960
Dare it out. Brad, I still haven't
heard anyone chant "Bunt Cake" yet.
206
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:16,720
No-one chants that.
207
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,520
But they could.
208
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,360
Penny, you came here to met guys.
I don't see no ring on that finger.
209
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,120
(GASPS)
210
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,960
Dave, you can still get over
your yips. We've got one out left,
211
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,040
and we will win this,
because we're a team!
212
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:29,560
You didn't do me.
213
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,080
Shut up! I'm gonna go out there
and I'm gonna start a rally!
214
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,120
Come on!
215
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,960
It's Kerkovich at the plate.
The pitch...
216
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,560
It's out of here!
217
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:47,960
Unbelievable, folks, a gigantic
home run from a child-sized woman.
218
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,760
Very impressive for a chubby!
219
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,080
Dave Rose...
220
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,160
He is terrible!
221
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,920
And Penny Hartz...
222
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,800
And Team Zazou wins.
223
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,840
Wow, what a comeback!
224
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:21,240
Yeah! We did it! Yeah!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah!
225
00:10:24,1000 --> 00:10:26,320
You might not suck!
226
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,040
Left foot, right? Left, left...
227
00:10:55,1000 --> 00:10:57,480
Yesss!
228
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:01,320
And Team Zazou wins 11-5,
229
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,400
and they're just one win away
from the championship game.
230
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,480
That was so amazing today!
231
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,040
Yep, I managed
a hell of a game out there.
232
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,080
OK, game ball time. OK, bring it in.
233
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,600
And the game ball goes to...
234
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,920
Max, for managing
a hell of a game out there.
235
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,1000
Oh, looky, looky,
it's Jane-edict Arnold.
236
00:11:18,1000 --> 00:11:19,800
Hello, Jane.
237
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,040
Hello, Newman.
238
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,880
I don't know if you've heard,
but we got game. Kickball game.
239
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:28,720
Looks like we're meeting
Kaz's Auto Body in the semifinals.
240
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,240
The kickball semifinals.
241
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,560
Classic battle, good versus evil,
Bulls versus Pistons,
242
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,160
My Aunt Michelle versus hepatitis B.
243
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,240
And we got moves
you don't even know about.
244
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,280
I know your one move. Bunt.
245
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,280
They call me Bunt Cake.
246
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:45,880
Man, no-one calls you that!
247
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,680
Anyway, you're only as good
as your weakest link.
248
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,720
I'm talking about yipsy-kye-ay
motherfailure over there.
249
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,280
See the ball, kick the ball.
250
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,560
See the kick, kick the Penny.
No, David!
251
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,360
Ohhhh! Good luck with that.
252
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,680
Yeah, don't worry
253
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,480
about my team, Jane, all right?
Cos we're a team.
254
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,280
We stick together.
It's called loyalty.
255
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,080
You don't know nothing about that.
256
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,120
Nothing!
257
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,120
We gotta cut that sad motherfailure.
258
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,440
You're damn right we do.
259
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,960
But you gotta do it. He's used
to hearing crap from you.
260
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,520
You got it.
261
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,360
Yo, team-mates! You ready to throw
another W up on the board today?
262
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,920
(IMITATES STEAM TRAIN)
263
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,800
Choo-choo! Next stop, championship.
All aboard!
264
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,320
M-Slice!
265
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,320
B-Rad! Big A!
266
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,640
Weird S...
267
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:32,680
P-Dog!
268
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,720
And Lance Briggs!
269
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,560
That's the name on my state ID.
I don't drive. It's too dangerous.
270
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:42,360
What is Chicago Bears linebacker
Lance Briggs doing in our dug-out?
271
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,360
Listen, Dave...
272
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:43,920
D-Town.
273
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,680
Dave. Lance works out at Brad's
Pilates gym.
274
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,760
That's how I keep the cord tight.
275
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:49,240
Heard that.
276
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,320
No, you didn't.
277
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,120
We asked him to join the team, bud.
278
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,680
So that means we're gonna have to
replace somebody, buddy.
279
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,720
Ouch! That's some harsh barley.
280
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,1000
But what's good for the gander
is good for the geese.
281
00:12:59,1000 --> 00:13:02,040
Sorry, Scotty,
you're pretty weird anyway.
282
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,040
Oh, it's not me, Doug.
283
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,400
Dave. Well, if it's not Scotty,
then who...
284
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,000
Ohhh! It's me, isn't it?
285
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,800
Dave,
we just can't get eliminated now.
286
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,840
Bunt Cake's gotten addicted
to people calling him Bunt Cake.
287
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:15,360
No-one calls you that.
288
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,920
But they will.
289
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,200
Sorry, but it's not gonna be me.
290
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,760
You know, I haven't hooked up yet,
and I'm mad horny, son!
291
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,800
Ooh, I'll do stuff to you.
292
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:24,840
Please no.
293
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,880
Look, guys, have I been in a slump?
Yes.
294
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,680
Is Lance Briggs a superior athlete?
Doy!
295
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:34,280
Does he have
the body of a Greek god? Amen!
296
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,800
But the point is, Lance...
297
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:39,640
would it be weird if I asked you
for your autograph right now?
298
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,520
I usually only give these to sick
kids, but... you look in bad shape.
299
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:51,440
(DUCKIE) 'Well, here we are, the score
is 5-4, Kaz's Auto Body in the lead.'
300
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,000
Coming to their final out
of the tournament,
301
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,080
Team Zoola's last hopes
rest on Alex Kerkovich,
302
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,360
who'll be facing up
against Jane Kerkovich-Williams.
303
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,680
Wow, they're sisters.
304
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:03,960
'I just found that out.'
305
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,040
Hashtag-WhoKnewTheyWereSisters!
306
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:19,840
Baboo! That should be my T-shirt.
307
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,880
(BABOO ECHOES) T-shirt... T-shirt...
Alex... Alex... Kerkovich...
308
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,920
Ruthless. Just ruthless.
309
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,960
'Wait, that's a fair ball!'
310
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,280
You're out.
311
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,600
'Oops,
she didn't see that pitch coming!'
312
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,920
And that's the ball game, folks!
313
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,720
'Kaz's Auto Body
are going to the championship game!'
314
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,800
And I got to see female belly
315
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,640
for the first time since my wife
moved into the second bedroom.
316
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,400
Ooh, Baboo the Monkey.
I loved that show.
317
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,760
Hey, Lance Briggs, shut it!
318
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,360
Come on, even though it's over,
I don't want to see any long faces.
319
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,200
We're Team Xela.
We got to pick our chins up.
320
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,480
Max, are you crying?
321
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,480
Yeah. Turns out
there is crying in kickball.
322
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,560
God, I hate losing.
I hate it so much. It sucks!
323
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,880
And I hate being humiliated by Jane.
324
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,440
Unless it's on my terms.
With a safe word.
325
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,520
And I screwed over Dave.
326
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,760
I mean, what did Lance Briggs
even do for us?
327
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,480
Well, Robbie Gould, the Bears kicker,
also goes to my gym.
328
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,040
What?
329
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,760
Oh, I should've asked him, huh?
330
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,840
No, no, no, this is on me.
331
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,920
It was supposed to be about fun,
and I got drunk on winning
332
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,720
and I forgot what was important,
and now it's all over.
333
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,480
It's not over.
334
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,200
(ALL) What?
335
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,800
You guys are playing Ivanov
in the championship.
336
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,600
Kaz's got disqualified for
corking their sneakers with steel.
337
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,200
Uhhh! If you can't trust
an auto-body shop, who can you trust?
338
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,200
I turned them in to the league.
339
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,320
Really? But you said you wanted to
"Taste the sweet nectar of victory",
340
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,920
because you were, "Pretty sure
it'd taste like blood. Human blood."
341
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,920
Oh, it so does.
342
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,560
But I wanna be ruthless with you,
not against you.
343
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,080
Awww! Yay, Team Xela
is back together.
344
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,400
Yay, I said Xela right!
345
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:14,680
Look, Dave, I feel terrible
about this Lance Briggs thing,
346
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,440
so I made you apology soup.
347
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,520
Is it the same recipe as, "I'm sorry
you saw my mom naked" soup?
348
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,520
Yep, corn chowder.
349
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,360
I get it. You guys wanted to win.
350
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,880
Yeah, but I realised
that it's not about winning.
351
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,200
It's about having fun
with your friends.
352
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,480
So I want you to come back tomorrow
and play.
353
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,520
I can't do that.
354
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,840
You're that mad? Look, I don't have
time to break out the soul cooker
355
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,960
and make apology pork loin
with a side of super-sorry glaze.
356
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,200
I just don't have the time.
357
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:43,040
I'm not mad. Kickball is about
friendship. I want my friends to win
358
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,600
so I'm gonna let Scotty play for me
tomorrow.
359
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,920
But I will be there supporting
my team like a total badass.
360
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,960
Really?
361
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,240
High five.
362
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,040
Let's try it again.
363
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,320
I got a piece of it.
364
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,720
Yikes.
365
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,800
It is the fifth and final inning,
folks. Ivanov Nail Salon
366
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,120
leads 3-0.
367
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,400
We're one out away from finishing
this year's championship.
368
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:48,480
Team Shammy has Kerkovich
on second and Hartz on first.
369
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,040
And that brings up
Brad Williammmmmmmmzzz!
370
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,920
(TEAM CHANT) Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
371
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,720
Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
372
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:57,240
I'm here!
373
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,520
Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
374
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,080
All right, you guys, come on.
I gotta concentrate.
375
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,360
Jeez!
376
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:04,880
I'm notched at this point.
377
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,440
Now, in a page from the Bambino...
378
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,560
he is calling a home run...
379
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,840
No, wait, in a page from no-one,
he is calling a bunt.
380
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,920
In my 36 hours
of covering kickball, folks,
381
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,520
I've never seen anything
so confusing.
382
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,080
Here's the pitch.
383
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,200
Oh, my God, he didn't bunt,
384
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,240
he kicked a single!
385
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,800
Oh, my God! It's the exact
same result as a bunt!
386
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,360
But it feels so much better!
387
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:39,880
Bases loaded!
388
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,520
Right, Scotty, you got this,
go bring 'em home.
389
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,360
You got the right guy, Max.
I despise Soviets. You know why?
390
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,920
Because they rendered every
single one of my old globes obsolete.
391
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:51,640
OK, go get 'em.
392
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,760
Ohh, my weak spine!
393
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,280
Ohhh, my weak knees!
394
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,040
I need steroids!
395
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,880
Time-out. Who you got?
396
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,440
Hey!
397
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,440
What?
398
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,920
Can you do this for me, D-Town?
399
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,280
Yeah. Nope. No. Yeah. No, I can't.
400
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:13,200
Dave, listen,
stop blaming yourself for hitting me.
401
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,760
It was an accident!
It'd be hardnot to hit me.
402
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,480
Look at this melon!
403
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,080
Even Tim Russert would be, "Damn,
girl, your head's all swelled up!"
404
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,080
It's so big!
405
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,120
All right, all right. That's enough.
406
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:27,480
Look, just stop putting
so much pressure on yourself, OK?
407
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,520
Kick it, don't kick it -
just have fun.
408
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,080
Yeah!
409
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,360
Thanks, guys.
410
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,200
Let's do this.
411
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,760
Dave Rose?
412
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,520
But he's terrible!
413
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,320
Right, come on, baby, big kick!
414
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,160
The tension here is high.
415
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,720
All right, here's the pitch.
416
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:20,640
We won!
417
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:25,040
And it's over! Ivanov wins
the Northside Kickball Classic!
418
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,080
They lost.
419
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,120
Why are they celebrating?
420
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,480
An inexplicable
celebration from Team Shayla.
421
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,1000
Sorry, folks, I must be drunk.
I said their name wrong.
422
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,840
Perhaps is moral victory.
423
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,960
(SOBS)
424
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,400
Do you ever see stuff in the stars?
425
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,720
Sure do.
See right there, under Ursa Minor?
426
00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:01,120
I see a wide receiver running
a slant as we drop into cover two.
427
00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:02,120
Oh, yeah!
428
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,120
Mm-hm.
429
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,440
What about up there?
430
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,760
Oh, right there?
Just above Orion's Belt?
431
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,600
I see an H-back in spread formation.
432
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,320
He's about to run a checkdown.
433
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,680
What do you see?
434
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,480
I see a puppy.
435
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,280
We are so in sync.
436
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,800
Agreed.
437
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,440
(THEY BOTH SIGH HAPPILY)
438
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,103
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