All language subtitles for Grand.Crew.S01E09.1080p.WEBRip.x265.Hi

You know, I've been thinking

about doing a dry
month, zero alcohol.

Oh, cool.

My friend did a dry month,
and he won the lottery.

I mean, there's no correlation,
but maybe there is.

I think I'll do this dry
month with you, you know,

to get my tolerance down so I
can get drunk quicker again.

- Oh, that's smart. I'm sold.
- Count me in, too.

You know what? I'm
gonna start right now.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- This is happening.
- Good-bye.

Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys!

One of our vendors
just gave us VIP passes

to go their vineyard
in Santa Barbara,

which means we can drink all
day nonstop this weekend.

You in?

[sighs]

- Another wet month, it is.
- Yeah.

I love alcohol!

♪ Whoop, whoop

♪ Grand crew

♪ Grand crew, grand crew

- ♪ Wine and tapas
- ♪ Wine and tapas

- ♪ Ooh, yeah -
♪ Wine and tapas

♪ You know I got it
- ♪ Wine and tapas

Whew, I am loving these views.

We in a screen saver, y'all.
The simulation is real.

Mama mia, I feel like I'm
in the hillsides of Italy.

Ray Liotta.

This place screams romance.

Baby, you trying to
get married again

under that beautiful
tree over there?

Absolutely, and we
can consummate again

right by that nasty
tree over there.

What makes a tree nasty?

Me and my wife going ham on it.

- Why'd I even ask?
- Hi, everyone.

I'm Jessica,

the master winemaker here
at Sunset Rose Vineyards.

The owner said to make sure
you were well taken care of,

so we're gonna start you off

with a tasting of six
of our finest wines.

How does that sound?
- Six wines for free?

That sounds great to me.
They are free, right?

Yes.

Well, then that sounds
great, just like I said.

Starting off with refreshing
sparkling Cuvée Papou.

It's bright on the
palate and perfect

for a day like today... enjoy.

Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]

Mmm, this poo-poo tastes good.

Oh, it feels like
fireworks in my mouth.

Plow, plow, plow, plow!

This tasting is just the start

of what they have here on site.

You guys got my email with the
itinerary I planned, right?

- Uh...
- Went to my spam folder.

I'll be honest.

I'm just trying to
chill, so I ignored it.

Hey, no worries. I don't
need anybody else to join.

This is my first
vacation in six years,

and ever since I renegotiated
my contract at work,

I've got a whole
new outlook on life.

I'm finally out of my head.

That's great, so why
didn't you invite Talia?

I said I'm out of my head,
not out of my damn mind.

We've only been on two dates.

Bringing her would
have caused a split

in the date-time continuum.

- What's that, now?
- It's a complex model

that takes the three
dimensions of space

and combines them with the
fourth dimension of time

in a relationship.

Simply put, one single trip
away to a vineyard is equal

to about 22.675 total dates,

and that's just moving
things way too fast.

Anthony, maybe you're
doing all this mental math

because you just
don't like Talia.

It's good you didn't bring her.
- No, hold up. I like her.

It's just always best
to proceed with caution.

Anthony's right to be
thinking this through.

All: What?
- What, Noah?

What's with that reaction?

You never think
in relationships.

You said the scarecrow was
the least-relatable character

in "Wizard of Oz" because
he wanted a brain.

Well, he's my favorite
character now.

I'm trying to be more mindful

ever since I've been in therapy.

I'm all about
slowing things down,

you know, and just
using my head.

I never thought I'd see the
day, but this is awesome.

Me and my boy Noah
are both head cases.

- Hey.
- What?

That's somebody who uses
their head while dating.

That's not what head case means.

But it should be.

Heads are smart, and
cases are strong.

That's why us true thinkers
are taking the word back.

- Yes, sir.
- And you know what?

I would like to join
my fellow head case

on one of his excursions today.

You got room for two?
- Do I have room for two?

I have room for seven.

- I'm good.
- That's a nah for me, dog.

They don't get us.

Both: Mmm, yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum,

yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[laughs] Okay, so
this one is good,

but I think my
favorite is the...

Both: Zinfandel.
- Yes, oh, my God.

And your favorite
is probably the...

Both: Pinot.
- Yes!

[laughter]

Damn, you guys are suddenly,
like, the strongest bond

in the whole group.

Ha! If we're talking
strong bonds,

Kristen and I are married.

Here they go, getting
competitive again.

I'm sorry, y'all. I did not
mean to light this match.

Not everything has to be
a competition with us.

Right, it's not a competition

because we are clearly the
strongest relationship here.

- Exactly.
- So how would you all like

to head to our
private testing room

to sample some of
our reserve wines?

I like the sound of that.

I just got one tiny
follow-up question.

It's also free.

And that's why you
my girl, Jessica.

That sounds fun, but we have
our first activity to get to...

Tour of the vineyard.

Hey, Noah, you still
down to tag along?

You know it, dude.

Us head cases got
to stick together.

[dog barking]

Hey. Oh, where
did you come from?

[enchanting music]

♪

I'm so sorry.

- Hi, there.
- Hi.

Sorry about him.

He can be a rascal.
Come on, Must-Love.

Wait, your dog is
named Must-Love,

like "Must Love Dogs"?

Yeah, it's a silly name, I
know, but I love that movie.

Yeah, so do I.

Well, I guess he
found his heart again.

Yep. It was bound to happen.

Anyway, I got to get going.

Anthony, shall we?

- For real?
- Of course.

Cool dog. See you.

Bye.

So this one is our
2015 estate Syrah,

one of our trademark wines
from one of our best vintages.

Oh, okay. See, this,
this one is, um...

free.

Ooh, what are those
wines over there?

Oh, that is our Cab Franc.

We make a very limited
amount every year,

and it's our
highest-quality grape.

It's essentially our grand cru.
- Can we drink it for free?

Thank you, Nicky, for asking
the questions I'm dying to ask.

Unfortunately, no.

It's one of our most expensive
and exclusive bottles.

Now, is this the
all-you-can-drink price?

Well, it's a celebratory wine,

which would make the perfect
gift for a couple like you two.

Oh, we're not a couple.

No, we're stronger
than a couple.

We're best friends.

Best friends is not as
strong as a married couple.

So you two just got
married. Well, congrats.

We have been married
for eight years.

Yes, that's enough.

We clearly have the
strongest bond here.

- Mm-hmm.
- And we're going to prove it.

Prove it how?

The way anyone
proves anything...

A competition amongst friends.
- Ooh, this could be fun.

Oh, no, that doesn't
sound like fun.

There's nothing in it for us.

Yeah, why would we
want to play this game?

Losers buy the winners the
fancy Grand Cru bottle.

Oh, I'm intrigued now.
I want that bottle.

- Fay?
- Say less.

I'm in, too, but
only as the host

because I have no investment
in who wins whatsoever.

[chuckles] Well, great.

I'm going to get you
guys some supplies.

Supplies?

Yeah, we're driving
distance from LA,

so we host a lot of
different events,

and I'm just glad
this one sounds

like it's not a sex party.

It's not a sex party, is it?
- No, it's not.

But I would like to be added

to your upcoming
events mailing list.

Please and thank you.

I got to say, man,

I'm surprised you didn't ditch
me back there for dog girl.

Never that. I'm not
trying to force anything.

All head, no heart.

Both: Can't lose.
- [chuckles]

I had my doubts,

but you really about
this head case life.

Hey, now, that is correct.

And, look, I know
the probability of me

and dog girl having an
actual connection is nothing.

We're calling her "dog
girl" for a reason...

Because me running into her

was a freak occurrence,
nothing more.

Hello, and welcome to the tour.

I'm your tour guide,
and my name is Simone.

Oh, it's you.

Hi.

Okay, two freak
occurrences, nothing more.

I'm good.

So now we're walking
through our vines.

Now, the grapes are the most
important part of the wine.

Although the wine
may change over time,

the grapes on this vine

will always be what
defines the wine itself.

Well, I actually
have a question.

How do you know when a
grape's ready to be picked?

Well, they get
pretty thick, Noah.

And how do you know
when a grape's... thick?

Well, you have to
squeeze it, of course.

Let me show you.

Now, you have to be
gentle but not too gentle.

How does that feel?

Pretty thick.

This grape feels
like it's gonna pop.

I'd like to know when
a grape is thick.

All right, so that
concludes the tour.

Thank you all so
much for coming.

Hey, you, I hope you
enjoyed yourself.

Oh, absolutely.
You were great.

I learned a lot about wine,

and I got hints of intelligence
and charisma from you.

Oh, really?

Because I got hints of
tall and handsome from you.

Oh, so am I just some
eye candy, nothing more?

Yeah, that's it. [laughter]

I, um, actually just
got off the clock.

Would you be interested

in getting a drink with
me before I leave today?

Oh, um, I would love to,

but, you know, me and my
boy got a full itinerary.

What's up next, Anthony?

Grape stomping, but
you don't have to come.

You know, I could do enough
stomping for the two of us.

I can't let my boy stomp alone.

Simone, you get it, right?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Friends that stomp
together last forever.

Hey.

But, uh, let me
give you my number

in case you ever want to
meet up again sometime.

Cool.

Oh, snap, you live
in Santa Barbara.

I-I'm in LA.
- Right, right, of course.

Well, I guess there
can't be another time.

Yeah, well, it was
great to meet you.

It was a fantastic tour.

Peace. [chuckles]

All right, let's get started.

The name of the game
is The Perfect Pair,

where couples compete
and drink wine.

I'm your host, Sherman Jones,
and that's how you sip it.

- Huh?
- It's my new catchphrase.

You'll grow to love it.

So here's how the
game will work.

I will ask you personal
questions about your partner.

The couple that gets
the most answers correct

will win the very
expensive bottle of wine

and be crowned the perfect pair.

Now, who's ready to pop that...

- Cork.
- Yes.

Now you're getting it.

Wyatt and Kristen jump
off to an early lead.

Both: What?
- Those aren't the rules.

I'm the host of the
show. I make the rules.

And do you want to
get on my bad side?

Or do you want to...

- Pop the cork.
- And we're all tied up.

Let's get started.

Okay, this question
is for Nicky.

What is your partner's
favorite food?

- A BLT, hold the L and T.
- [grunts]

Correct, but you could have
just said "bacon sandwich,"

and that's how you sip it.

Kristen, what is your
partner's greatest regret?

- That he didn't learn Spanish.
- It's true.

I never paid attention
in Ms. Wendell's class.

Oh, everybody should know
a little bit of Spanish,

and that's how you sip it,

or, should I say,
así es cómo lo bebes?

Fay, what is your
partner's favorite animal?

- The moray eel.
- Yes.

It's the penis of the sea.

That is how you sip it.

Okay, Wyatt,

what is your partner's
worst childhood memory?

Her Aunt Lisa's tragic death.

She had so much left
to give the world.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to take it there.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's okay. I processed it.

Okay, then, Well,
that's how you sip it.

[laughter]

Welcome, gentlemen.

Now, the key to
grape stomping is...

Stepping up and down on the
grapes so the juice comes out.

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Enjoy.
- Thank you.

Bro, you and Simone seem to
have some real chemistry.

You're aware of that, right?

Yeah, I mean, she was very cool,

but that was just
a good conversation

with a nice tour guide.

With that logic, I'd be just
as likely to have chemistry

with Helen over there.
- Not interested.

You're a little too tall for me.

But I do like the calf
muscles on your friend here.

Okay, Helen, can you
give us a moment?

Look, Noah, I know you've grown
a lot over this past year,

but there's a chance that
maybe you overripened.

Overripened? You calling
me a raisin, bro?

Yes, I am. You're
a damn raisin.

Okay, so what if I am, okay?

Raisins are a nice, sweet treat.

Are you hearing
yourself right now?

Raisins are terrible.

They ruin everything,

and you're about to
ruin this moment.

Look, I'm sorry to say this,

but maybe you're
not a head case.

[gasps] You don't mean that.

- I do.
- Oh, no.

Remember what Simone
said on the tour?

No matter how much
the wine changes

during the aging process,

the grapes' core
attributes remain the same.

And you're a grape
that loves love.

Okay, but what if my grape
keeps getting crushed?

It always does.
- Crushing grapes

is the only way to
make wine, brother.

Look, I know you've
had issues in the past

with chasing love 24-7,
but you've done the work.

And I can't believe
I'm gonna say this...

You need to listen
to your heart.

Oh, my God, you're right.

My heart has been screaming
out for Simone all day.

Oh, what was I thinking?

The problem was,
you were thinking.

Why did I think I
should be thinking?

Thinking is dumb.
I'm gonna call her.

Yes.

Oh, no. Her number's gone.

It must have fallen out
of my pocket somewhere.

You don't think it's...
- In the grapes?

Yes, I definitely do.

Oh.

Okay, we're all tied up and
on to the final question.

First one goes to Kristen.

Who does your partner
secretly want to smash?

That's easy...
the Pine-Sol lady.

She was the spokesperson
for polishing wood.

It's official. Young
Wyatt was a freak.

And older Wyatt
is even freakier.

You're even freakier.

Hey, stop that right now
before I dock you both points.

Nicky, same question
goes to you.

Who does your partner
secretly want to smash?

Ooh, Anthony.

What? Both: What?

- What?
- Final answer.

Wait, wait, wait. Fay,
you want to smash Anthony?

No, my answer is Frasier
from the show "Frasier."

It is Dr. Crane all day.

I have no idea where Nicky came
up with this Anthony thing.

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean,
it's kind of obvious.

You got to admit... ever since
you guys went on that hike,

you look at him like this...

Oh, oh.

- Ooh, that's how you sip it.
- I don't like him.

- Double-sip it.
- Fay, you are sweating,

and we all know that
you sweat when you lie.

Triple-sip it.

You're all sweating.
It's hot in here.

Quadruple-sip it.
Both: Shut up, Sherm!

I'm sorry, but this
game finally got good.

Guys, I can break the tension.

None of this matters,
because Nicky was wrong,

which means that Kristen
and I won the game.

Not so fast. Just because
Fay doesn't want to admit it

doesn't mean that I was wrong.

In fact, Sherm should give us
the win, because this is proof

that I know Fay better
than she knows herself.

That's ridiculous. That is
clearly not in the rules.

Hold up. I make the rules,
and the number-one rule

has always been
follow the drama.

If Fay admits to liking
Anthony, they win.

Both: What?
- Huh?

Drama!

[grunts] The number has to
be in here somewhere, man.

No hands in the grapes.
You're making the juice dirty.

But we can stomp on
them with our bare feet?

Feet are for
grapes, and hands...

Well, you look like a man
who knows what hands are for.

Okay, so we have to
find this piece of paper

using just our feet.

- We got this, my dude.
- Okay.

♪ Oh, baby

[sultry R&B music]

♪ What's your phone number?

♪

♪ I'm crazy

♪

♪ Call me Willy Wonka

♪

Oh, I got it. I
got it. Both: Yes.

And...

I can't read it. The
grapes ruined it.

Unless... hold on. No,
you're right. It's ruined.

Okay, folks, a quick recap
for those just joining us...

If Fay admits to liking Anthony,

then her and Nicky win the game,

along with this fancy bottle
of wine that is so expensive,

I'm too afraid to
even pick it up.

This game is corrupt.

Fay can just lie and
say that she likes him.

Okay, I now see the flaw
in this... Wyatt is right.

There is no way to prove it.
- Thank you.

Unless we search through
all of Fay's stuff.

Both: What?
- Maybe we find a love letter

or some other sexually
charged paraphernalia.

I don't know. I'm figuring
this out on the fly.

No, no, no, no. There's
no need to search.

I know how to prove it.

If Fay doesn't like
Anthony, she will not mind

if I text him something raunchy
from her phone right now.

- Ooh, that's spicy.
- That is not spicy.

That is stupid, and you're
not texting him from my phone.

Why not?

If I texted Sherm, "Hey, let's
hook up," I wouldn't care

because everyone would
know it's a joke.

- That ain't funny.
- It's pretty hilarious.

I think it's funny,

and I barely spend
time with you guys.

Okay, that's enough banter
from the contestants.

Fay, we need an answer right
now... the timer is running out.

- Timer?
- Yes, I started one

for the tension.

It's a simple yes-or-no
question for the win.

Fay, remember, nobody
likes a dirty liar.

So do you like Anthony?

[dramatic music]

♪

No, I don't.

Well, then that means that
Wyatt and Kristen are...

♪ The perfect pair

And that's how you sip it.

I knew it would catch on.

Hey, Jessica, we done
with your nasty sex room.

Yes, okay, thank you.

Well, apparently the vineyard
won't give me her number

because apparently desperate
men call for it all the time.

- Damn. I'm sorry, man.
- It's actually okay.

I mean, yes, it would
have been very cool

to connect with
a beautiful woman

who talks about grapes
like they're sex.

- That was kind of crazy.
- I know, and I loved it.

But I think all the work

I've been putting
in has paid off.

You know, I'm not
furiously Googling,

"Beautiful, Black wine
tour guides near me."

That's the growth.

Now, is it wrong if I was
Googling that for you?

Nah, that just means
you're a good friend.

So what's next on itinerary?
- Nothing.

I think we're done for the day.
- What? Why?

Did the vineyard cancel
cornhole tournament?

Man, I was about to ball out.
- What?

No. Your plans changed.

Noah!

Simone?

Simone.

[enchanting music]

♪

Now, I'm not a
rom-com guy like you,

but shouldn't you be
meeting her halfway

with this running stuff?

Oh, snap, you're right, but
she's so close... it's too late.

Noah, there you are.

Simone, what are you doing here?

Well, I couldn't leave
without seeing you again.

I know this might sound crazy,

but I feel like we
had a connection.

That doesn't sound crazy at all.

I feel the same way.
- [chuckles]

So how about that drink?

How about my lips
drink your lips?

Oh, I am so sorry.
I'm nervous.

Oh, no, no. No, it's
fine. I am, too.

Let's drink. [both chuckle]

Oh, seems like love
is really in the air

between vineyard
employees and guests.

Helen, you're a beautiful woman,

and you deserve the best,
but this can't happen.

Congrats to the perfect
pair. [Kristen chuckling]

Hey.

Hey, I'm sorry I lost
us that fancy bottle.

Oh, you have nothing
to apologize for.

I'm the one who put you on
the spot, and I was wrong.

- Except you weren't.
- I wasn't.

[deep voice] I like him,
and I want to smash him.

[mocking deep voice] Oh,
no. What was that voice?

[normal voice] I don't know.

I haven't had a crush
in a really long time.

I love this. This is so
cute. You got to tell him.

What? No way. What
if I'm not even sure?

Anyway, if I am sure,
we're such close friends,

our first date would
be, like, date 50

according to the
date-time continuum.

Oh, you're using
his nerd-ass logic.

You like him more
than I thought.

I do, but it doesn't matter

because he's dating
that Talia girl.

Listen, he said it himself.

He's trying to
keep things casual.

That's why he didn't
bring her on this trip.

You're gonna regret it if you
don't tell him, won't you?

[electronic cover of Pixies'
"Where Is My Mind?" ]

And then Helen was all like,

"You can't put your
hands in the grapes,"

but it turns out I
didn't need my hands.

All I really needed
was my heart.

Oh, that's so sweet.

That is sweet.

And she seemed to sincerely
enjoy the corny-ass way

you told that story, as well.

- I did.
- Incredible.

Well, actually,

we had a pretty wild
day, too, right, Fay?

Oh, really? Do tell.

Yeah, it was eventful.

Actually, do you mind
coming to the bar with me?

I wanted to talk to
you about something.

- Talia.
- Oh, no, it's not about her.

No, Talia, she's here.

So sorry. Traffic was a
mess. Am I late for dinner?

No, actually, it's
perfect timing.

Yeah, perfect.

Definitely. So what
brings you here?

- I invited her.
- Oh.

Yeah, I was inspired
by my boy Noah.

That is so cool.

- That is so cool.
- [chuckles]

Wait, uh, Fay, what did
you want to tell me?

Right, um...

Wyatt wants to make love
to the Pine-Sol lady.

For real?

Oh, wait, no, I get it, the
wood polishing, et cetera.

And that lemon scent?

I mean, sometimes you got
to get the house clean

before you can get
it dirty again.

[laughter]

I am so glad everyone gets it.

So I hope you're all
enjoying your dinner.

It was great hosting
you all today,

and I was told that
this very special bottle

of our vintage Cab Franc
belongs to you two.

Thanks, but, actually,

this bottle belongs
to Nicky and Fay.

On us.
- Huh?

Y'all won the competition
fair and square.

- Thank you.
- What do you say?

Should we pop
that... all: Cork?

- That was beautiful.
- That was beautiful.

But I think we should
wait to open it.

What? No. I want
to get fancy drunk.

I hear that,

but I was thinking every great
vintage gets better with time.

Imagine how much better
it'll be if we wait.

Maybe it'll be a year
from now, maybe longer,

but when we finally open it,

it's gonna be great...

really, really great.

- Cheers to that.
- Clink-clink.

All: Clink-clink!

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

[jazzy music]

♪

Yah.

- Not a doctor.
- Shh.