All language subtitles for The.Benchwarmers.2006.720p.BluRay.DTS.x264-CtrlHD

Throw it here.

Come on, Nelson,
throw it in here!

Yeah! You almost had it!
I get one more?

Strike three!

Here comes Gretchen with the...

Come on, Gretchen.
Over here.

Here you go.
There it is.

Gretchen, you almost had it.

Dang it.
Nice throw.

It's all right.
I got a ladder. I'll get it.

Actually, just tell
Mrs. Donnelly it's on the roof.

And she can get it
whenever she wants.

Oh, That's good thinking, Clark.

I'll just have 80-year-old
Mrs. Donnelly

climb on her roof
to get her paper.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Clark. Hey.

Y... I was kidding.
You can't do that.

All right, fine.

Here, give her one of these.

This is yesterday's paper.

Well, at least it's
not on the roof.

Clark, don't pick your nose
in front of me, please.

I'm not picking,
I'm scratching.

What are you scratching,
your brain?

Yeah, because it's huge.

Aw! Chain break!
Not now.

I have 86 houses left.

Can you fix it?

Gus, what should I do
with this?

Uh, I'd flick it.

Nelson leans
in and gets his sign.

Here comes a fastball.

Swing and a huge miss

by Gretchen Peterson.

Hey, losers.

We have a practice
scheduled here.

You gotta go.

I thought your practice
was at 4:30.

It is. But we wanna have
a practice before our practice.

Oh, okay.

Can we hit with you?

No, you suck.

Why don't you go home and

build your science projects.

Look, there's room
for all of us.

W-we'll just play catch
off to the side.

Listen.

We have a game tomorrow,

and there's only one field
to practice on.

So... beat it!

Maybe this is a sign
you should get a car.

My mother said
I should hold off

getting my license
for one more year.

You know...

just to make sure my reflexes
are fully developed.

Stop it!
Hold him, Kyle.

Troy, I think he wants some of
your famous beef stew.

- Beef stew! Beef stew!
- Stop it!

Beef stew! Beef stew!
Beef stew! Beef stew!

No, no, no, no.

No. Stop it.

Oh!

Hey!
Get off him!

Later, fart face.

Yeah, you'd better run.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Do you need us to call
your parents or something?

It actually...

didn't taste as bad
as you'd think.

Nelson, wait!
Let's just go to my house!

Oh, I love beef stew.

Why do kids have to be
so fricking cruel?

You know, I haven't been
on an actual field

in almost 20 years.

I've never even been on a field.

If I tried, the kids
in my neighborhood

would spit loogies
on my forehead.

That's awful, Clark.

Baseball's America's pastime.

That's like saying
you've never had apple pie.

You've never had apple pie?

Well, my mom said
it would give me diarrhea.

That's ridiculous.

You have to try it
at least once.

Diarrhea?

No. Baseball.
It's the best.

Hey. Let's come back here
later and hit some balls.

Uh. Can I bring
Richie?

He's never played either.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
bring Richie. Let's say 4:00.

All right.

Hold on.

My mom's sending me
a text message.

No way!

We're having macaroni tonight!

That means garlic bread.
Yes!

Awesome.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

I rented this movie
on your recommendation,

and it's nothing but a lame
story with lesbian sex scenes.

And you didn't like it?

I watched it with my parents.
It was very uncomfortable.

Come on. It's kind of hot.

No, it's not.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna recommend this:
Haunted Slumber Party.

It's actually
a pretty decent film.

No lesbian sex scenes?

I think there's two.
You're a pig.

Hey, Richie, are you off yet?

Uh, easy. I can't leave
this second, Clark, all right.

I don't get to work
for an hour a day

like you, paperboy.

Gus wants us to hit
some baseballs with him.

Clark, we don't play baseball.

I told Gus we'd
be there, Richie.

And if we don't go,
that makes me a liar.

And that's not what I'm about.

Not now, not ever.

All right, Daytime Emmy.

Hey, Marty, I'm gonna
split early, all right?

I don't even know who you are.

Bros before ho's, dude.

Hey, Liz, honey,

do you know where I packed
my baseball mitt?

No idea.

Hey, Gus, if we conceive
this month,

we would have the baby
in January.

Wouldn't it be fun to have
a New Year's baby?

I can't find it.

January also has a higher
percentage of it being a girl.

I found it.

I found it.

I found my mitt, Liz.
It was in the old trunk.

Be serious.
This is important.

My ovulation peaks
at 6:00 tonight.

All right, honey. I love you.
I'll see you later.

I gotta run.
Remember, Gus, 6:00.

Ahh.

You gotta keep your eye
on the ball.

Oh, you just think of that?
You're an amazing coach.

Just focus.

You'll be fine.
Just watch me.

With this vest,
it's hard to swing.

It's tight, you know.

Quit picking your nose, Clark.

Let's go.

Look alive!
Coming to you.

Ow.

You just lost your membership
at Video Spot!

Dang it.

Hey, mister. We have
this field reserved.

You and your friend
were the ones

picking on that kid today.

So? You douche bags
have to get off this field.

Where's your coach?

None of your business.

We have practice here,

so go, ho!

Hey, well, no coach,
no field. Sorry.

Leave our field, or you'll
pay the consequences!

What is this,
Children of the Corn?

I... I'm gonna call the cops.

We are cops.
We're Navy SEALs.

Navy SEALs aren't cops.
Aren't you our paperboy?

I'm undercover.

All right, you cocky jerks,
you want the field so bad?

We'll play you for it.

But there are nine of us

and three of you.

So you should beat us
no problem.

What are you, scared?
No.

Yeah, chicken.

I'm gonna go ask our team.

This is a bad idea.
They look tough.

I saw that demon boy laying beef

in some nice kid's
mouth earlier today.

Heh-heh. Clark used to
get beef

laid in his face all the time.

Oh, and you didn't?

I got wedgies.
That's different.

It's cooler.

We'll do it.

Time to meet your makers.

Makers of what?
Poop?

Coming down!

Ball's in.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Get your position down.

Troy, strike this loser out.

- Strike!
- Nice one, Troy.

Don't swing if it's not
in the strike zone.

Where's the strike zone?

Strike two!

- Right there.
- Nice. Two strikes.

Strike.
Three, you're out!

- Three.
- What did you expect? Yeah.

- Pfft.
- What a loser.

Sit down, spaz.

That kid's throwing heat.

Heat, schmeat.

One out!
Gonna be two outs!

Hey, I bet you're
a real good catcher.

Of doughnuts, in your mouth.

Strike!

Don't chop at it.
It's not a sword.

You're not a sword.

Come on. Heave.
Strike two.

Oh, that's ugly, man.

Strike out, video boy.

Come on now.

Strike three!

What?

I caught it.
You're out.

But I ticked it.
It hit the bat.

You're still out.

You're still fat.
I ticked it!

Whoa, I ticked it.
Gus, you see that?

Way to make contact
on that one.

Oh, yeah.
You know what?

I was trying to get under it
to rip it into left

and to throw them off,

but the dog barking threw me.

What dog?
He's gone. He ran into the bushes.

It's cool now. All right,
go, go, Gus. Come on!

Let's get rid of these dogs.

- Strike him out quick.
- Get this guy out.

Move in.

You're going down, shorty.

- Guy's got nothing.
- Give him a fast one.

Ho!
All right, Gus! Awesome!

All right!
Yeah!

Whoa.

Way to stretch him.

Woo! Yeah!

He just did that steroid-free.
What's steroids?

Something that makes
your pee-pee smaller.

There must be steroids
in macaroni.

Let's go.

Nice!

He got a lucky hit.

- Here we go.
- Batter up.

Batter up!

Ah.

Ho-ho.
- Strike!

Ow! Not so fast.

You're supposed to catch it
with your glove, not your face.

Ya-yeah!

I don't need lip from you,
son of Satan.

- We're still in the thing.
- It's okay. Next time.

Yeah.

You're out!

You're out!

Strike three, you're out!

Come on, Troy, he can't hit you.
Come on.

Yes!
Yeah, Gu...! Are you okay?

No way!

- It's over!
- Yes!

Yah!
Three, you're out!

Gus. Sorry.
Shoot.

Get another homer for us, Gus.

Yeah, smack it in the butt.

Whatever that means.

Nah, I'm gonna keep
this one in play.

Give the infield a workout.
It's 17-0.

What an idiot.

Come on, Troy.
Destroy him!

Strike him out.
Strike this loser...

Come on, Kyle, are you okay?

- What happened?
- Get up.

Hey, get him up.

Ball's still alive, chumps.

Dude, he's gonna score.

Should somebody call 411?

No, he's fine.

He got the wind
knocked out of him.

What's that noise?

Get him!

I think he just got the wind

knocked back into him.

Gus, why didn't you play
in high school?

You're incredible.

Um, the whole bully thing,
and jocks.

I just didn't
wanna deal with it.

Those butts!

You could've gone
to the Super Bowl.

Yeah, that's the past.

Hey, Richie,
where's your brother?

Howie! Come out here.
The guys are here.

Is he still dealing
with that agoraphobia?

Yeah, dude. He hasn't left
the house in six months.

Hey. There he is.

- Hey, Howie.
- How's it going, buddy?

Hey, guys. How did
hitting the balls go?

We played an actual game
against real people.

You should have
been there. It was classic.

All these punk teenagers
are like, "Get off our field."

And we're like,
"We'll play you for it."

And we did.
And we beat 'em.

I hit a foul, dude.
It was sweet.

Ha-ha.
It was awesome.

You gotta videotape it
next time, so I can see.

Buddy, just come with us.

Huh. No. No.

It's not that scary.

And you could use
a little sun. Trust me.

Outside, bad.
The sun, scary.

It's not...
He's not my friend.

He wants to hurt me.
He wants... Safe room.

I know. Sun, bad.

Is you cuckoo.
All right.

You know the best part about
winning a baseball game?

What's that?
Going to Pizza Hut to celebrate.

Richie?

Oh, yeah.
Okay, buddy.

Ooh, is that apple juice?
No.

Honestly, you have, uh,
real natural athletic skills.

You could be a terrific
ballplayer, buddy.

You know, when you throw it
to me, and I catch it...

not with my face,
but with the glove

Mm-hm.
...I like it.

I am starting to get the fever.

Dude, this chick is so hot.

What's going on?

Nothing. Just
refilling the bar.

I love salad.

Yeah, it's...

good, and good for you.

I love salad.

That was some Barry White shit.

Very smooth.

Yeah, I work it when I have to.

How's "Ms. Pac-Man"
treating you?

That red ghost
is kicking my balls.

Yeah, that's them, Uncle Jerry.

Richie Goodman

and Clark Reedy?

What were you losers doing
on my ball field today?

- Clark was. I was at home.
- They were with me.

We were just hitting balls
and having fun.

These kids showed up,
and we scrimmaged them.

That is priceless.

Clork the Dork

and Richie Bitchy
playing baseball.

Why is that so funny?

Because they're retards.

They should stick
to what they know best:

boogers and dingleberries.

You stay away from my field,

or I'll have my 12-year-old
nephew kick your ass.

Nice meeting you, Fairy Jerry.

What was that?

Well, you gave Clark
and Richie nicknames.

I thought I'd give you one.

Fairy Jerry.

Oh, really?

Really.

Okay, Gus.

Gus...

Gus Bus.

What?

That's you. Gus Bus.

Wow, that was
a brutal comeback.

Let's go, guys.

I don't think I'll ever
recover from that.

Man. Whoo!

You stay off my field.

Heh. Stay away
from the fairy dust, Jerry.

Oh.

"Gus Bus"?
Shut up, Troy.

It was the coolest, Gus.

I've never seen anybody
stand up to Jerry like that.

I knew guys like that
where I grew up.

They think they can do
whatever they want.

I just wanted to say
that was great,

the way you put Jerry McDowell
in his place.

That was no big deal.

Well, unfortunately
for all of us...

Jerry's in charge
of the baseball league

for the entire county.

Hey.

Are you the kid that
got farted on earlier?

Yes. This is
my son, Nelson.

He's become quite
the fart magnet

for the neighborhood bullies.

I also get a healthy smear
of animal turds twice daily.

When I was your age,

Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket
of dog poop on me.

His son just did that
to me last week.

I tried to talk to
Jerry about it.

He just laughed
and gave me a titty twister.

Guys like that don't realize
the damage they're causing.

I couldn't agree more.

Yeah.

Eww!

Uh, by the way,

thanks for hitting Kyle Wilson

in the chest with the ball,

and then letting me rip one
right in his mouth earlier.

I-It was one of
the best days of my life.

This car is so radical.

Looks just
like K.I.T.T.

from the show Knight Rider.

It is K.I.T.T.
from Knight Rider.

Wh...

Watch this.

Allow me
to introduce myself.

I'm K.I.T.T.

Who are you?

Oh...

I'm just one of those nerds
who grew up...

to make billions.

Maybe I'll see you guys around sometime.

It was a pleasure
to meet you all.

Easy, Mel.

Whoa.
Whoa.

I have yet to perfect
the peel-out.

It was fine.
No, no, no.
That was cool.

Bad.
Chicks were checking you out.

Try not to destroy me
completely, Mel.

Ah! Ow!

Hey, honey, I'm home.

Where have you been?

I... I was with
Clark and Richie.

I am on an ovulating schedule.

You were supposed to be here
at 6:00. Remember?

I thought you meant
Central Mountain Time.

Did you mean
Pacific Standard Time?

Why would you think
I meant that?

Because you're from Colorado.

Don't you, um, ovulate
according to where you're born?

Gus, that's just weird.

So from now on,

it's Pacific Standard Time.

Pacific Standard Time. Okay.

I'm all over that, baby.
I'm sorry. I love you.

Check out this mitt.
It's all black.

I look like a Borack warrior

from the Captain Mighty series.

Well, get a load of Mega Mitt.

Hey! Hey! What the...?

Watch it.

Clark? Richie?

I hardly recognize you clowns

without the underwear
on your head.

Brad. Wow,
you have really

not slimmed down.

Oh. Eat me.

So I heard from Jerry you tools
think you're athletes now.

I didn't know "athlete"
had three syllables.

"A-tha-lete."

That's "ama-za-zing."

You think you're hot shit
because you know words.

Hey, Brad, why don't you
be a stud

and point us toward
the register.

Or "register-er."

My team practices today at 5.

Swingby if you she-men
wanna lose.

Ho-ho-ho. You can't
handle the truth!

Bring it!
Suck it!

Oh.

Gus!

Gus!

He can't hear us.

Oh! Gah!

Ow. Ah.

Hey, fellas.

You okay, Richie?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Just... purple nuts.

Gus. we just had a run-in
with one of our old bullies

over at the sporting
goods store.

What happened?
He said we're still wussies,

and he challenged
the three of us to a game.

Don't know if
you can leave work.

Course I can leave work.

I'll mow this lawn later.
Let's take this guy down.

I think I'm gonna puke.
Grab my arm.

Bobby, this one's
coming for you.

Focus and give us
a double play now.

Let's go.
Turn two.

Thattaway. Good job.

Well, looks like
the Three Muske-queers

decided to show up.

Everybody, get your
butts in here.

It's time for us
to scrimmage some losers.

Yeah, we got
a "scrim-im-age ."

Come on.

Durrr.

How the hell will this work
with three guys?

We got a pitcher,
a catcher and a fielder.

No, you've got
a retarded paperboy,

a gay video clerk

and a smelly midget.

You wanna dance?
I'll dance on your face.

Dance? We'll beat
your ass.

Death to you.
Titty twister!

My wife's the only one who'll
get to twist these man-titties.

I just know you guys better...

Better come ready to play!

Gus is the new Jet Li.

Bring it on!

Hey, Dad, come down
to the field, quick.

Ow!
Strike one!

Ow!
Strike two!

Strike three!

Hey!
What? It slipped.

Strike three!

Hey!
What are you laughing at?

He told me a joke.

Let's go, Richie!
Oh, yeah.

Hey, Dad,
come here. Look.

You might wanna throw a fielder

up in those mountains,
in case...

ka-bang.

What you got?
Strike!

Pulled something.
Used to run track.

Come on, Richie.

Strike two!

Nah, I didn't swing at that.

Can't count it.

Strike three!

Could you tell him
to slow it down?

Did you tell him?

Ah!

Here you go, Clark.
Thanks, Nelson.

You're welcome.

Whoa!

Home run!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Did you see that?

All right, you hit another homer!
Oh, yeah!

Howie! He just hit
a home run!

Whoo! Whoa!

Strike one! Strike two!
Strike three!

Can I get you a tennis racket?!

No!

Bravo, gentlemen. Bravo.

Great game.

Hey, thanks, Mel.

Say, guys,

I have this sensational idea
I wanna run by you.

Ar-are you free
for lunch tomorrow?

Uh, you know,

I usually take lunch
from 12 to 4:30,

so if it's in there
I could handle it.

Tomorrow is egg salad day,

but... I guess I could
double up on lunch.

Gus, what do you think?

One sounds good.
Great.

I'm at 501 Shmegmer Street.

See you then.

See you, Nelson.
Bye.

See you, Nelson.
Bye, guys.

What do you think it's about?

Dude, you're in trouble.

Hey.
No way.

You're definitely busted.

I didn't do anything.
I swear!

Huh. Ugh!

- Whoa!
- This is it?

I always wondered
who lived here.

I just thought it was
Clay Aiken or something.

Who goes there?

Ha!
That is so cool!

Hey, it's Gus, Clark and Richie.
We're here to see Mel.

You may enter.

Thanks, Darth.

"Thanks, Darth."

This place is sick, yo.

This house must cost
a zillion dollars.

Two zillion, actually.

Hey, Mel.

This place is incredible.

Thank you, Gus.

Gentlemen, welcome to
Chateau Shmegmer.

Shall we adjourn to
the food quarters?

Gentlemen...

make yourselves at home.
Whoa.

Yoda. R2!

Number 7.

Lunch is ready when you are,
Mr. Carmichael.

Hey, Number 7.

Don't touch me!

Gentlemen, let's eat.

Sit wherever you please.

Gentlemen, order any
kind of sandwich you'd like.

Number 7, thank you.

I'll have
a peanut-butter-and-jelly

sandwich...
with mayonnaise.

Ta-da!

Whoa.

Can I have tuna fish
and Skittles...

and pudding skin on wheat,

with the crust cut off?

I guess so.

That was radical.

All right, I got a crazy one
for you, Number 7.

I'd like a turkey on white...

Oh.

He's good.

So, what's on your mind, Mel?

Gentlemen, it is time

we brought this cause
into the public eye.

What cause?

The cause of the benchwarmers.

The kids who warm the bench,

while the others get to play

and have all the fun.

Now, all of us here
in this room

have been excluded
from athletic activities.

And now our kids are going
through the same tomfoolery.

N-now, Richie,
do you have any kids?

Never had a date.

Clark?

Never spoke to a girl.

Gu...

Gus?

Uh, my wife and I are
kind of working on it.

Well...

when you do have them...

you will know how painful
it is to see them sad.

Bonjour, dudes.

Hey, Nelson.
Hey, Nelson.

How's it going?
There's my man.

Son.
Yes.

You, uh... You have
a little smear

of something on your cheek.

From a dog or a cat?

I think it's a goat.

Number 7,
some assistance, please.

Thanks, Number 7.
You're my best friend.

As you are mine, Nelson.

That's so cool.

Ha, ha, ha.

Now, this is why I wanna start

a round-robin
tournament

with you three incredible men
playing against all

the notoriously mean-spirited
teams of the state.

But why us three?

Because you know what it
feels like to be left out.

You're three grown men who never
got to play baseball

because you were weird and
smelled, and sat when you peed.

Okay, the last one was just me.

But you get my point.

But why would any of these teams
agree to play

in this tournament?

Ah...

For the prize.

Whoa.

Whoa.

It's incredible.

An official-size
stadium, modeled to scale,

after all the greatest
ballparks in America.

It's like Wrigley, Fenway
and Yankee Stadium.

Nelson and his buddies

have set up several
websites devoted to your team.

You can go on Nerdly.net,
TheBenchwarmers.org,

or Please-stop-with-the-shit-
tossing-it's-getting-old.com.

Mel, w-why don't you
just build a stadium

for Nelson and his buddies,

and keep everybody else out?

Because, Richie,
that won't solve anything.

Yeah, Clark.

If we can beat them
at their own game,

then kids like Nelson and
his buddies will get respect.

We'll do it.

Come on.

Benchwarmers on three.

One, two, three.

Benchwarmers!

Excuse me, can I get a napkin?

I spilled my ice cream.

On the counter.

Excuse me, sir.

Are you Gus Matthews?
Eh. Ooh. Uh.

Sorry. I spit a lot
when I speak.

The people despise me for it.

Uh, people spit.

I mean, I... I spit
when I talk sometimes too, you know?

My name is Sammy.
They call me Sammy Sprinkler.

Pleased to meet you, Sammy.

I'm Gus.
Gus Bus.

Hey, if I come to a game,

can I be your scorekeeper
and statistician?

Certainly.

Yes!

All right.
See you later, Sammy.

You're the man, Gus.
Peace out.

All right.

Who was that boy?

Oh, I'm just seeing

if he might be interested

in babysitting our triplets
in a year or so.

Why are you spitting on me?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

This is idiotic.

Are these guys serious about
this benchwarmer crap?

It sounds like it.

I'm not playing
in this stinking thing.

Guys, if there weren't
nerds in the world,

who would we throw crap at?

No doubt.

But what if we don't play,

and they win it?

They'll probably build
some weird nerd spaceship

and fly it to...
To Planet Booger or something.

I don't know.

Now, guys,

it's one-game
elimination.

They're as good as done.

You know what?
You're right.

Let's strap it on,
and beat these three geeks,

and win us a new stadium.

Let's get it on!

Dude, this green one is sweet.

Oh, all right.
Okay.

Whoa.

We have a crowd, you guys.

Excellent!

Holy crap. What is
she doing here?

Who is it?

It's that salad chick
from Pizza Hut.

She's so hot, it's sick.

Hey, she's with me.

You wish.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

How you feeling?

I just destroyed
that Porta-Potty,

but I'm feeling better.

Who did this?

Ew.
Ew.

Sorry!

Oh.
Listen.

I got a gift for you.

Whoa!

Never had my own
uniform before.

Well, we can't have a team
without uniforms, right?

I'm never taking this off.

This is the coolest thing ever.

This is the first game
of the tournament.

Now, let's go
out there styling.

Yeah!

Nelson, you showed

some serious
bat-retrieving

skills last game.

What do you say about being

"the Benchwarmer"
official batboy?

Uh... I...

I...

That means yes!

All right!
All right.

What are we waiting for?

Let's kick some hairless ass!

I had hair on my ass
before I could walk.

This is it, kids.

The Benchwarmers' quest
for a stadium

is about to begin.

Karl's!

Karl's Auto
Body, the bad guys,

have just taken the field

in our exclusive
internet podcast

of Benchwarmers baseball.

First to bat, Richie Goodman.

Fingers crossed.

Come on, Richie.

Easy out here.
Let's go.

The pitcher pitches...

Strike!

I ticked it.

I ticked it again.

Strike!

Ha-ha.

Nice try, son.

Whoo! Just fouled two in a row
in front of salad girl.

Nice.

Next up to bat...

Clark Reedy.

All right, Clark.
Here we go. You're the man.

Those squirrels
are definitely out.

Oh!

Oh.

That's my Miata!
Kill him!

Hey, break it up!

Why is this happening?

Come on! Snap his femur!

Richie! Help me!

Help me!

Mommy! Uh-huh-huh!

Come on, Gus.

We need it.

You can do it.

Big hitter.
Big hitter.

Ho, ho! Ho!

Home run!

Yeah!
Yahoo!

Strike!

Strike!

Another one!

Oh, my God!

Strike!

Strike!

Oh.

Gus Bus! Gus Bus! Gus Bus!

Gus Bus! Gus Bus!
Gus bus!

This can't just be about me.

I gotta get these guys
more involved.

Look alive, Clark!

I wanna go home.

No. We need you,
buddy.

No, you don't.
I'm awful.

Come on, now.

Let's go, Tommy!

This one's coming
right to you, Clark.

It's up! Clark!
Clark!

Clark, look out!

Attaboy! Good job!

All right.
Good throw!

Use your mitt, son,
not your head!

Hm?

Get it in here, pal!
Get it in here.

Hold, hold, hold, hold.
Good job.

Hey, Gus. Come on.
Let's end this.

Two outs. Strike this kid out,
like before.

A home run
here would tie it up,

and could knock the Benchwarmers
out of the tournament.

There we go! Nice!
Go! Run!

Make the play, Clark!

Clark, go!

Ah!

Pick up the ball!

Run! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Hey.

Richie! Incoming!

What did you say?
Ho!

There we go! Nice! Go!

Richie, get the ball!

The ball?

Ho!

Behind you!

You're out!

Yeah!

What are you doing?!

Yes!

Hey.

Ah!

I'm sorry, honey.
We had another game today,

And I... I pulled a muscle
sliding into second base.

You gotta be kidding me.

It's all right, I was safe.

Gus. We're trying
to start a family.

I can't do it by myself.

Well, I would hope not, uh,

because that would make you
a hermaphrodite.

We don't want that.

I'm glad this is a big joke to you.
What?

Honey, I was just
having a little fun.

Come on. Don't go.

Gentlemen, yesterday's
performance was phenomenal.

All the online chat rooms

are exploding with enthusiasm.

Hey, Mel.

Why aren't we out
practicing on the field?

Well...

I thought we could have
kind of a secret practice.

Maybe become more
well-rounded as a unit.

Nothing much.

Hitting, running,
throwing, catching.

Yeah, Clark.

Ha, ha, ha.
I heard you stunk.

Shut up, Number 7.

You shut up.

I'll kill you.

I want you guys to meet
an old friend of mine,

who knows a thing or two
about baseball.

Ready when you are, buddy!

Is that Mr. T?

Dude, it's
Dr. Dre.

No, no.

That's ReggieJackson.

Yeah, no. I don't know.

Mr. October! Five hundred
and sixty-three home runs.

Twice World Series MVP,

where he spanked
four consecutive home runs.

Three of them on three pitches.

Reggie bar and I met at
tuba camp when we were kids.

Ho-ho. Look at that.

No. No way.

That's you, Reggie?

Why is that so funny?

I was a cute kid.

Oh. Absolutely.

Uh... You're like
a young Denzel. I mean...

I didn't know Denzel played Urkel.

Reginator and I went through
some tough times together

with bullies and
being picked on, and whatnot.

I can't stand that stuff.

Drives me crazy!

Oh.
Crazy!

Easy, buddy.
Easy.

Anyway, I told
Reggie-Reggie-Oxen-Free

we're having problems
with our fundamentals,

and he agreed to come
and help us run some drills.

Isn't that great?

We'll do the same drills
that I did

when I was a kid
learning to play baseball.

All right.

Hey, so whose house is this?

Shh.

This is to teach you speed.

How is standing here
gonna teach us speed?

What are you doing?
Where's he going?

Hey. Run.
Why? Wh... Oh!

Don't go.

- Reggie, you're nuts!
- Guys?

Go, go.
Go!

Who in the hell is it?!

I was freaking sleeping!

Nobody messes with me.

I will rip your throat out!

Do you hear me?!

And I will find you!

You're in the bushes!

Yah!

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!
Go back to sleep!

Ow. Ow!

Come on, guys, let's go.
Come on. Run.

Run, run.

Whoo!

Who's there?

You'd better run,
you smart alecks!

Who is it, Brad?

Ah, just a bunch of punks...

who better watch their backs!

Relax, smarty pants.

Let's finish the massage.

Brad have a pool?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I... I guess
you're right.

Oh, you little devil.

I'm gonna get you.

Nightmares.

This next drill, boys,

is for your catch-
and-quick-release skills.

All right.
Hah.

Hot potato!

Ooh! Ow, oh, oh, oh.

No! Ah, ah,
ah, ah!

Excellent, Clark.

Clark, let it go!

Throw it!
Get rid of it!

Come on, let it go!

Release!

Release! Release!

Ooh. Ow.

Ooh. W-wha...?

Uh... Ooh.

Um, sorry.

Oh, dear.

Ah. Well...

The final drill is
for hand-eye coordination.

Hit it, Mel!

Oogaty-boogaty-boogaty!

Let's go racing!

Ohh!

Look at that!

Excellent!
That's insane.

Yeah, baby!

You got it, buddy. Oh!

That's my friend!

Whoa!
Oh, Reggie.

Give me the bat.

Gus Bus! Gus Bus!

Gus Bus! Gus Bus!
Gus Bus!

Thattaway to go.

Don't fall.
Come on!

You got it. You can do it.

Hit it, baby!

Man, you can do it.

You can do it.

Let me see it.

Ahh!

Clark, you're lucky
I'm a billionaire.

The score is all tied up.

The bottom of the sixth.

This is the Benchwarmers
closest battle yet.

Ow!
Strike.

All right, Clark.

See the ball, be the ball.

- Oh!
- Strike two!

Clark just made contact.

With his own head.

Grab real tight and concen...

Whoa!

Hey! Shee.

Better distance that time.

Thanks.
Yeah.

Richie's coming up.

The Benchwarmers really
need a hit here.

All right, Richie, here we go.

She's way out of your league.

What's that?

You're probably
a 39-year-old virgin.

Women don't think
that's too cute.

Shouldn't you be at home,

like, combing your doll's hair?

Shouldn't you be at home
blowing a doll up?

Because that's the only action

a tool like you
is ever gonna get.

Ugh.

Take it out on the ball,
not his head.

Mm!

Ho!
Yeah!

Run! Run!

Move your ass, Richie!

Huh. Ahh.

Run, Richie, run!

You got it! Way to run!

Come on. Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Slide if you have to!

He's rounding
third and heading for home!

Bring it, dork.

Oh.

Oh!
Ha-ho!

Touch home plate!
Touch home plate!

Richie, touch home!

Safe!

He scores! Benchwarmers win!

It's a miracle!
It's a miracle!

Whoo! I ain't
no virgin now.

To home runs, beyotch!

Benchwarmers win a close one

on Richie's first home run

in the history of the universe.

We'll see you in game three.

Excuse me.
I never hit it.

Can we have your autographs?

Are you serious?

- What?
- Yeah, you can.

All right.

Write my name
right here on the ball?

Uh, you see that home run?
Tell your sister about it.

Wait. Do you need
my address too?

Oh, you guys are
making some noise.

This is music to my ear hair.

My dad has ear hair.
It's pretty scary.

Wait. Is "badass"
one or two words?

- That's pretty good.
- Just the beginning.

How do they keep winning?!

These guys are a bunch of
turd nuggets!

Who wants to wrestle?

I'm in.

All right.

I'm good.
I'm good.

Gotcha.

Howie, listen to me.

They're not gonna kill you.

They're dropping off
the cookies I ordered.

They look very aggressive.

Think they want to beat me up.

Trust me, you'll be fine.

Just take the Thin Mints
back into the apartment.

That's our food for the week.

Fine. You can eat
the Thin Mints

at my funeral, Richie.

Hot. Hot.

Hot sun.

Huh. Cookie.

Sun, bad. Sun, bad!

Excuse me?

Hey.

Are you okay?

How you doing? Yeah.
It's, uh... Wrong pipe.

No biggie.
Um, what's going on?

Um... Just returning
these movies.

Oh. Hey. Well,
I'm the management.

So I'm gonna waive
the late fee.

Oh. They're
not late.

But thank you.

Oh. Well, anything
you want

in the store is free too, so...

I'm Sarah, and this is
my brother, Jarrett.

He's a huge fan of yours
and the Benchwarmers.

Oh, wow. Cool.

Thanks for cheering
us on. Uh...

Hey, what does "beyotch" mean?

Oh. Uh...
That's, uh...

That means, uh,
"good game" in Swedlandia.

Well, we'll let you
get back to work.

Oh. Okay.
But, uh...

Eh, maybe I'll see you
at another game, hopefully?

Yeah.
Definitely.

All right.
See you, Jarrett.

Beyotch yesterday.

Marty, what do you think
of my future wife?

I smell cinnamon rolls.

Oh, I smell cinnamon rolls too.

Gentlemen, check it out.

Whoa. Nerd
headquarters.

Never felt more comfortable
in my life.

Hey, guys. Take
a gander at these.

We made your own
baseball cards.

- Get out of here.
- Oh! Give me that.

Cool.
Let me see this.

What?

They got statistics.

I hit 30 home runs.

Ha-ha. I got
11 foul ticks.

I have 20 eyes-closed
strikeouts,

five broken windshields
and six dead birds.

I'm freaking awesome.

Now, listen up.

Brookdale and Candia
both advanced today.

So we have to beat them
to make it to the semifinals.

Unfortunately, it is
on their own home turf.

So we're gonna have to hit
the road for a few days.

Did you say Brookdale?

Yeah, aren't you
from Brookdale?

Yeah.

Oh, that's great.
All right.

We'll have a big
welcome-home party for you, Gus.

No!

I mean, um,
i-it's all right. I...

I lost contact
with everybody there.

Wait, so we're
staying overnight?

Does my mother have to sign
a permission slip?

Uh, no. But we will
have to change your diaper.

Seriously, it's been
three days.

Sweetheart, I just found out

I have to leave town this week

for a landscaping convention.

You never mentioned
a landscaping convention before.

I know. This is
the first one.

My ovulation schedule
has been delayed three days

because of
the full moon anyway,

so... it's okay.

Hey, Gussie.

Imagine if we had a boy first,

and he grew up to be smart

and sweet and handsome.

Or imagine he's only
3 feet tall.

And everybody in the school
calls him Midget Boy or Yoda.

And then, just for fun,

they throw him into
a bunch of bowling pins

and laugh until they pee
all over themselves.

Were you Midget Boy or Yoda?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Just make some room, honey.
I gotta take a leak.

Oh, my God, you're not kidding!
Gus, stop it!

Mel is officially insane.

Oh, my God.

Right?

Gus, how sick is this?

It sleeps five, and
it's got Playstation.

Yeah, and check out the fridge.
It's full of sweets.

I'm already on
my third candy bar.

Oh, man.

Mm. Mother would not
approve of this.

That's creepy.

Ow!

What the hell is that?

That's just Howie.

Howie?

You left the house.
Good for you.

Richie told me about the killer
in the neighborhood.

He's killing anyone
named Howie.

That's my name.
That's my name.

We'll just go with it.

Nelson!
Hey, there he is.

Let's go, boys. We gotta
be in Candia by 2:00.

Oh, FYI:

This team we're playing today

is notorious for egging
comic-book conventions.

Destroy them!

Oh, Howie. You're a freak.

Edgar, let's get
this Gus Bus on the road.

It's Game three.

Benchwarmers vs. Standard Fence
at Candia City Park.

Are we here?
Losers!

I think we are.

It's the sixth inning,

and the Benchwarmers
are down by one run,

with Clark Reedy up on deck.

Clark... hold the bat.

Wait. Why?

Good. Really good.
What are you doing?

Oh. I see.
It's gonna be great.

Hey, Richie.
I look like a mummy.

God, it worked!
Clark got a hit!

Awesome!

The other way!

Come on, run it out!

Let's go! Yeah!

And Richie scores!
That ties it up, four to four!

Whoo! I made it!
I made it! Yeah! Yeah!

Clark...
bend down.

What the heck was that?

Excellent.
I mean, come on!

What a moron!

Huh? Ahh!

Ha... Ho!

The ball gets
away from the catcher!

Gus goes to second!

Go! He missed it!

Hey! What the...?

Let go!

Go, Gus, go!

You got it!
Come on, over here! Third!

I got it. I got it.
You got it. You got it.

Get the ball!
Get the ball! Home!

Get up!
Get up!

Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Yeah!

Ooh, it burns.

Oh. It burns.

Hot.

Hot. It burns.
It burns.

And the Benchwarmers
win it, 5-4.

Look at all these people.
We're like the Beatles.

Or Wham!

Get your
Benchwarmers' souvenirs.

Slide rules,
pocket protectors, pennants.

Everything you need.

Welcome to
Brookdale for game four.

Benchwarmers baseball
is on the internet.

Coach Bellows, Gus Matthews
from the Benchwarmers.

Shake hands
and have a good game.

All right.
Gus Matthews. Sounds familiar.

You from around here?

Uh, no.

I grew up on, uh,
the North Pole.

Uh, not even close to here.

And here's the pitch.

It's a high fly ball!

Oh.

Bad news.
The Benchwarmers are behind, 2-0.

Gus is up. Clark's on third.

Gus! Gus! Gus!
Gus! Gus! Gus!

And he smacked that one.

Oh.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

No.
Relax.

This game is all tied up.

Yeah.

Richie hit
a four-footer.

Let's go, Richie!

Run it out! Run! Run it out!

Get there! Run it out!

Get there! He's safe!

He's safe! He's safe!

Way to go!
Run it out!

He's rounding third.

Richie scores!

Uh-oh. Clark overran
third base.

Safe!

Yeah!

Richie! Richie! Richie!

Too high.

Bad idea. Call 911!

That was a close one.
Benchwarmers, 3-2.

Brookdale Glass is shattered.

Hey, could we
please leave, Mel?

What? Oh.
Yeah, sure.

Gus!

Gus. Maybe this'll
relax you.

Fresh off the presses
of The Daily Shmegmer.

Oh, we're on the front page.
No way.

"Benchwarmers Get Hizzot

and Rizoll
Into Semi-Fizinals."

Mel, if my wife sees this,
I'm totally busted.

Do not fret, my good man.

Number 7 is covering
Clark's paper route.

Problem solved, Gus.

Welcome to the semifinals
of Mel's tournament.

Only Wayne's Hardware stands
between the Benchwarmers

and the final game.

Meanwhile, the nerd fans

are attempting
their first wave ever.

Hey, Jerry, what's going on?

Who's this?

I wanted you guys
to have a little edge today,

so I brought my friend, Carlos.

He is from
the Dominican Republic,

and he is one incredible
ballplayer.

Carlos. That's great.

Uh... how old are you?

I am 12.

More like 1200.

Check my birth certificate.

He's legit.

You're kidding.
This is green crayon.

Papi. Papi.

Silencio, mijo.

That's your kid?

Well, anyways, look,
thanks a lot, Jerry,

but my team kicks ass.

I think we'll be fine.

Well, he's here
if you need him.

I need a refill.

You need to go to
an AA meeting.

No, really.
I need a refill.

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Here. Hold this.

Look, a vampire.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Strike three!

It's a hit parade!

Time out!

It's about time. Go. You're in,
you're in. Give me that.

Come on, hombre.
We need mucho home run-o's.

Ohh!

Whoa. Dude,
you smell like beer.

You look like beer.

Hey. Who the hell's
this guy?

Sorry.

Is he on your roster?

Uh, yeah, of course.

He wasn't feeling well earlier,
so I couldn't play him.

Mi tummy es sick-o.

This guy's 50.
He's got a mustache.

Not according to birth
"certifico."

He's got documentation. Come on.

Play ball!

Get out of here, baby!
Get out of here, baby!

Yeah!

Oh, shit.

Howie. Listen.
Take this money,

go buy beer and tequila,
and come right back.

He'll go. Don't be scared.
I don't wanna do that.

No, no.
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.

Nelson.

You're all right.

Strike three!

You gotta step in
the batter's box.

I'm gonna kill your family.

Yes!

Ohh!

Yeah!
Gone!

Looks like the Gus Bus
is out of gas.

I got it!
I got it!

Let's go! That's what
I'm talking about! Like that!

It's the third inning,

and the Benchwarmers
cling to a one-run lead.

Your hair is like a waterfall.

Mm. Thank you.
Mm.

Carlos.

Who say my name?

This is a present
from the Benchwarmers.

You're really good
at baseball. Awesome.

Gracias, albino.
Now get lost!

Two outs and the
Benchwarmers hanging on, 6-5.

Qué!

Go, go, go!
Gus, go!

Safe!

Yes!
Yes! He did it!

He did it!
He did it!

No way! God!

What?

He was out!

Ow. My hand. Agh.

Top of the sixth.
Benchwarmers leading, 7-5.

That looks rough, dude.
Is it broken?

It's not broken,

but I definitely can't pitch.

Richie, can you pitch?

Hell, no, dude.
I can't even catch.

My vote is to have Clark
the new pitcher.

Wait. Why me?
Because you throw newspapers.

You have to have
some kind of arm.

Come on, come on.
Let's go, guys.

Clark, we have no other choice.

Wh... What are you gonna do?

I'll play the outfield.

I can still catch pop flies.

I'll try.

I wonder if Clark
ever pitched before.

Nope.

Come on, really burn it in.

Yeah.

Ball three.

Come on.

Ball four. Take your base.

Two-run lead.
Bases are loaded.

And Carlos is coming up.

One run scores.

The tying run scores.

Here comes the lead run.
And he is...

Out!

Oh, my God!
What a play!

We go to the
bottom of the last inning,

and it's all tied up.

Carlos...
we need tres more outs

to go into extra innings.
Mm-hm.

Is that beer?

No, it's Gatorade, honky.
Just give me the ball.

The Benchwarmers
need to get something going

against Carlos,
because he's unhittable.

It's a live ball! Run it out!
Clark, run it out!

Yes!

Cheap-o hit-o,
bicicleta.

Maria...

why did you leave me, uh?

Letting a 12-year-old drink
like that is disgusting.

Here we go,
Richie, here we go!

Ball!

Come on, ump.
He's ducking the ball.

Here we go,
Richie, here we go!

Take your base.

Gus is up.
And here's the pitch.

Safe!

Who...?
Hey. Who's on deck?

Oh. Damn!

Oh, no. They don't have
anyone else.

They have to forfeit.
What?

You have any reserve players?
No.

What about that guy over there
eating sun block?

He's never played before.

That's not my problem.
He's got a uniform on.

Hey.

Either he plays,
or you forfeit the game.

Play ball!

Last inning,

the winning run's on third,
and it's all up to Howie.

Look at this freak.

Son, son. You have to get
in the batter's box.

Someone get his sword.

Here you go, Howie.

Take this.
Nelson. Nelson.

Get up there and take a swing.

Look at all those albinos.

Wait till he pitches
the ball, retard.

Strike!

They should let him
use his sword.

Maria!

No.

Come on, weird guy!

Whoo!

Weird guy!
Weird guy! Weird guy!

Weird guy!

Oh.

Oh!

Take your base.

Oh, my God!
Oh, God!

No way! We win! We win!

Amazing!

Hey, you have to
touch first base, kid.

Come on. Come on,
come on. Come on.

Howie, hit by the
pitch, forces in the winning run

and sends the Benchwarmers
to the finals.

That's game.

Hey, hey.
Whoo-hoo!

Carlos, you're drunk!

Hey, hey.

We're here with Richie Goodman

of the Benchwarmers.

How do you feel
after that big win?

Hey, what can I say?
Baseball's in my blood.

Hey, could I, uh,

give a shout-out
to my main salad girl

at Pizza Hut?

I like... salad.

Guys, can you believe this crap?

I'd like to beat his ass,

just like I did
back in the diz-ay.

Are they any good?

The only guy that's good
is that guy there.

This is Gus Matthews,

the heart and soul
of the Benchwarmers.

Gus Matthews?

So were you bullied as a kid?

Ah, the bully thing
affected my life pretty huge.

And I just wanna tell
all you kids

that messing with other kids
can really do a lot of damage.

What? That guy
damaged

more kids than anybody I knew.

He made my life hell
growing up.

But you're twice his size.

You could crush
that little puke.

He didn't do
the physical warfare.

He played
the psychological card,

by attacking your weaknesses.

I started losing my hair
when I was 9 years old.

He jumped all over it
with the mean nicknames.

Eight Ball, Bowling Ball...

uh, Kojak, Mr. Clean,
Cream of Wheat Guy,

Scatman Crothers.

The Black Uncle Fester.

How about the Black Bodybuilding
Charlie Brown?

That's a good one.

He used that too!

Oh, don't cry, buddy.

I think your hair's
the bomb, yo.

It looks great.
Doesn't it, guys?

Yeah.

Really, brothers?
Yeah.

Sure, Daddy Warbucks.

I would've never have thought
that was a wig.

If I was blindfolded.

Whoa.

We got a problem?

Why don't you punch me
in the face as hard as you can.

Pour some honey on me.

Let me see you get really mad.

Anyway,

uh, at least I left there
with my sanity.

He actually teased
this one midget boy

in our neighborhood
league so bad,

the little fella
up and quit baseball

and went into the loony bin.

Guys, we gotta tell Jerry.
He's gonna love this.

- Definitely.
- Yeah.

Really?
Well, thanks, Cassandra.

What's the score now, Mel?

Well, Jerry's Lumber
just won, 5-2.

That means our town
gets the stadium!

You mean,
Nelson and his buddies will,

because we'll kill those guys!

Wicked!

Number 7, shakes all around!

Yes!

I gotta take a leak.

Down the hall,
12th door on the right.

Last night, we did a story
about the Benchwarmers...

Hey, check it out.
...a team of three grown men

who were excluded
from baseball as kids,

and who are now making up
for lost time.

Hello, Gus.
This is the urinal speaking.

A chemical analysis
of your pee shows you'd better

stop eating all that fast food,
or you're going to die.

We have just been given
evidence that one of the men,

Gus Matthews, is not the man
he's been saying he is.

Hey, no shake for me.

The toilet said so.
Yeah.

Gus Matthews was easily
the biggest bully in Brookdale.

Well, you weren't the nicest
kid in school either, Steven.

I hate everybody!

What a baby.

But he's right. I was
their principal back then,

and Gus was
in my office constantly.

I remember he especially
picked so hard on one kid,

that the poor boy
had to be institutionalized.

That's really too bad.

Those guys inspired
a lot of really nice kids.

This is Kathy Dobson
from Channel 9 news.

You were a jerk

just like the rest
of the kids who mess with me?

I made a mistake, Nelson.

I wish I could
take it all back.

I can't believe
I looked up to you.

I don't know what to say, guys.

I'm sorry.

Let's party.

Not now, Number 7.

Is that why you don't
wanna have kids, Gus?

Do you feel you don't
deserve a happy family

because of what you did
in your past?

I'm afraid that
if we have kids,

they're gonna get picked on
without mercy

because karma will be
catching up with me.

Sweetheart, you are wrong.

Life's about learning lessons.

I can't just learn
a lesson and move on.

Look, that little boy

that I picked on
when I was a kid,

he didn't ever move on.

I bet he'd be able to move on

if you said you were sorry.

Can I help you?

Marcus, honey.

What is it, Mother?

I just finished another
peanut butter sculpture.

It's a pterodactyl.

Oh, that's nice.

Uh, you have a visitor, dear.

But I don't know anyone.

It's Gus from grade school.

No!

Don't come down here!

No. No!

Marcus.
No, don't come down!

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

No. Don't touch me!

Please, hear me out.

Just give me a chance.

Marcus, stop trying to
cast spells.

Marcus...

Stay away!

Look. Marcus,
I want to apologize

for all the nasty things I did
to you when we were kids.

I'm not here to mess with...

No! You're lying to me
like all the other times.

You are denied entry.

I'm sorry, from
the bottom of my heart.

I was stupid, Marcus.

Get out of my basement!

You're a bad, bad man!

Go! Get out!

Look, I didn't expect you
to forgive me. I mean...

Look, I know because of me

you were never able to feel

what it was like to play ball

or be part of a team.

So...

I wanna give you
my hat, Marcus.

Because even though
you didn't know it...

you are the heart and soul
of this squad.

I'll see you around, buddy.

Start here.

You've got 24 hours.

What, are you serious?

If you build it...

nerds will come.

And keep it under a billion.

It's all I've got...

on me.

Excellent!

Okay, people!

We got 24 hours
to build us a ballpark!

Can we do it?!

Yeah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, cool.

Are you kidding me?

Look at this.

Dude, this place is huge!
Oh, wow.

Swings!

We'll go on the swings later.

Slide.

That's right, there's a pool.

We'll all go in after.

Oh. I forgot my floaties.

We're here live in Greenfield
for the big game

between the Benchwarmers
and Jerry's Lumber.

The Benchwarmers were
recently rocked by scandal.

Let's see what the fans
have to say.

Excuse me. Sir.

What do you think of
the accusations against Gus?

His soul will perish
in the fire pit

of the underworld.

I love it!

There you have it.
The fire pits.

Not a good time.

Around the horn.

We could still win this thing.

Wha...? How?

If we use the Force.

Let's try not to be
too geeky, Clark.

The Force is powerful,
my young Padawan.

He's right.
It is.

Hey, guys.

I know I'm not
on the team anymore...

but I just wanted you
to know that

I'm here to support you.

Because you'll always be
my best friends.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Shmegmer Park,

and the final game
of Mel's Tournament

of Little Baseballers

and Three Older Guys.

Homo!

Hey. Check out
the little gnome.

Play ball!

Can I say something?

Yeah, I guess so.

Hand me the mike, please.

I can't reach it.

Hello, everyone.

My name is Marcus Ellwood.

Or better known
as Dragonmaster784.

Or Yoda! Or Midget Boy!

It is true...

I ended up in an institution
as a child from...

From Gus bullying me
all the time.

And he made my life
miserable for years.

To be honest...

I thought I would
never stop hating him.

But then yesterday...

he came to visit me
in my basement.

And as I cowered
in my peanut butter fort,

he apologized to me.

And I could hear the sadness
in his voice.

This nerd makes me
seem like Rambo.

I don't think so.

John Stamos?

Warmer.

And then moments
after my old nemesis left...

I saw a hat
on my stuffed moose.

The hat of a Benchwarmer.

A Benchwarmer begging
for a new start, just like me.

And so many of you.

He shouldn't get a new start!

I'll never forgive
the kids who picked on me!

Young one...

life is too short
to harbor hatred.

Do you remember episode
number 38 of Dungeon Wars?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The golden elves forgive
the great giants

for destroying their village,

even though the giants
made the elves' life hell.

The elves realized
the giants were tortured too.

Uh-huh.
Yeah.

He's a modern-day Yoda.
Yeah, yeah.

I mean, not his looks,

but his philosophy stuff.

Actually, his looks too...
His looks a little bit too.

Yeah.
Yeah.

And so, I forgive
my new friend, Gus,

as all of you should.

Look at all the joy and hope

he's brought to all of us.

He has more than paid his dues.

Yeah. Yeah.

Go, Gus.

Come on, Marcus!

Thank you, Marcus.

Get up here.

Hey.
Thanks.

Buddies for life.
Thanks.

Aww...

I want a little man too.

Here you go.

- Oh!
- Aw.

Aww...

You know, me and the guys
have been

playing all these games,

not for revenge.

We did it to show that everyone

should be allowed
to play baseball

and have fun.

All right!

Right on!

And that is why...

Clark, Richie and I

will not be playing
in the game today.

What?

Instead, our team will consist

of a bunch of kids

who've never known
what it's like

to play in front of a crowd

or to be cheered on.

Let me tell you,
it's an awesome feeling.

So, please, put your nerd

and jock hands together,

and welcome to the field
the new Benchwarmers!

Woo! Yeah!

Hey!
Hi!

All right.

Now, lastly, let's
make some noise

for your new
third-base coach...

Marcus Ellwood!

Yeah!

Is he all right?

For years I thought
the sun was a monster.

I'm here to tell you
that it's not a monster.

Okay.
It's not a monster!

Yeah.
You're all right.

Hey. Take him
in the shade.

All right.
Let's have some fun!

Hey, everybody,
it's Clark and Richie, and we're...

We're standing in
for Gretchen and Mitchell.

And we're gonna get
things going right now.

Big deck.

Whoa! He got it.

- Oh!
- Oh, no!

Oh.

Ah... A-and he's okay.

Oh, hey!
That's my helmet!

That's my helmet!

It's all right, buddy!

Nice try, Sammy!

Oh, my God. I just saw
your head for the first time.

Ee.

Let's give a round of applause

for little Sammy Sprinkler.

He missed it,
and people are cheering.

Yeah, and his coach
didn't even yell at him.

That's pretty cool.

And here comes
our leadoff hitter

with a familiar tape job.

Gretchen, I know why
you're taping your hands.

I also know why there's...

three squirrels that won't be
attending this game today.

Strike! Strike!
Strike!

Well, there's a strikeout.

That's okay!
Good try! Good try!

Good going, Gretchen.
Yeah!

All right,
next up it's Jarrett.

If you know Jarrett, you know
his sister works at Pizza Hut.

She's right over there.

Hi.

Another strikeout.

And a strikeout.

Strikeout.

Strikeout. Strikeout.
Strikeout.

And a strikeout.
Whoa. Yeah!

I think we got a free stadium!

We're beating
them in strikeouts.

And you're also beating them

in boogers picked,
so we got that.

Good game.
Drive home safe tonight.

On the yellow brick road.

God, he's a dick.

Oh, he got all of that one.

Back, back, back, back, back...

Spaloosh!

In the pool!

Good hit, Kyle.

Yeah.

Nice one, Kyle.

Go, Kyle.

Well, it's 42 to nothing

as we head into the last inning.

And it looks like
the Benchwarmers

will go down without a fight.

Hey. What are you
smiling at?

I-I don't know. I guess
how much fun they're having.

Wipe the smile off your face,

or I'll wipe it off for you.

You got three more outs.

You blow this shutout,

you won't play on a team
next year, you got it?

Get out there and annihilate
those stinkweeds!

Let's go!

Come on, let's do this!

Woo!

Strike one!

Hang in there, son!

Come on, Nelson!

Strike two!

Come on, strike out this loser!

You know what?

You're the loser.

Time!

What's up, buddy?

Hey, Nelson.

I'm gonna throw you one
down the middle.

What does that mean?

It means choke up
on the bat a little

and swing away.

The ball's gonna be right there.

Hey, thanks.

I can help with your
social studies homework later,

if you need it.

Sounds good.
I suck at social studies.

Okay, guys, follow my lead.

Whoops! Butterfingers.

He got a hit!

Come on! Go, go!

Oh, my God!

Why are you kicking it?!

Go, go!

Keep going!

Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!

Run!

Come... Come on!

Go! Go! Go home!
Go! Go! Go home!

Go, go, go!
Go, Nelson!

Nelson, get at the plate!

Yes! Woo!

Slide! Slide!

Safe!

Yeah!
Yeah!

We did not get shut out!

Woo!

Yes! Woo!

Yes! Oooh!

Yes! Woo!

What is going on?!
What is going on?

Let go of me!
Nerds!

You put me down!
What is going on?

Ahh! Ahh!

Ahh!

Ta-da!

Can I let you in on a secret?

Sure.

I've never actually, like...

totally 100 percent
kissed a girl before.

And, uh, I was wondering if...

you would be my first one.

I would like
nothing more than that.

Rea...?

Clark!

You kissed a girl before I did?

This is way better
than macaroni.

Oh. Mm.

I'm not afraid
of the sun anymore.

That's good, buddy.

How's the moon treating you?

Not a fan.

Hey, Gus.

The new Benchwarmers

are gonna need a
coach next year.

What do you say?

I'd be honored, Mel, but...

I might be a little busy
getting my family started.

Actually, honey, it's...

already been started.

Really?
Mm-hm.

Hey, everybody!

I'm gonna be a dad!

Way to go, man!

That's quite an ovation.

You wanna hear
an even bigger one?

The reason she's pregnant

is because I went
all the way with her!

Ahh!

That's so great.

What does "all the way" mean?