All language subtitles for Lajko.-.Cigany.Az.urben.2018

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There is a saying

it goes something like this:

"History is written by the victors."

I don't remember who said it,

but it's total bullshit.

History is written by quiet
and brave heroes.

Communist heroes.

On January 30th, 1934,

Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko

successfully spent seven hours

at twenty-two thousand meters.

If you want to go to space, first you
have to reach the stratosphere.

There is only one way to achieve that.

With the help
of the farmers collective.

- Can I jump, uncle Jenö ?
- Wait !

You can come now.

What happened to the Russians ?

Well, the comrades died gruesomely,

but, with proper preparation,

I think you can pull it off...

Maybe.

So, little shitbags,

that's the Dagger, that's the Crown
and that one is the Lantern.

Karcsi, Sanyi and Tibci.

If you don't behave yourselves,
I'll kick you so hard in the butt

you'll get to see
your constellation up close

a lot sooner
than God intended.

And me...

Where is my constellation ?

You were born on the hottest day
of the year, the 15th August,

in the month of the Star.

There, that one.

That's where you came from.

The belly of the sky,

like me.

One day you'll go back there.

One day we'll all get back there

and melt into one of the stars
of our constellation.

Even as a child,

Lajkó was only interested
in space travel.

He soon realized that the tin roof
of their house

an the neighbour's fertilizer

could be turned into
perfect little rockets.

Of course the work of the young genius
was not received too well.

Mary full of grace crap on you
right between the eyes !

But a true pioneer doesn't give up
at the first obstacle.

He keeps fighting
until he reaches his goal.

Lajkó !

What the hell are you
doing down there ?

You get shit all
over your best clothes !

Enough of this nonsense.

It's a shitter. Not a rocket.

You are a gipsy, boy !
And gypsies don't fly.

LAJKO
GYPSY IN SPACE

Of course even Lajkó
could not prepare for anything.

Antonov 2. This is the Kunmadaras
Air Force Base. Come in !

I order you to identify yourself
and land immediately.

Antonov 2, you're in military airspace
with a vaporizer plane.

Lajkó, you son of a bitch,
stop it now !

Dear comrade colonel,

as you know,
my son is a certified pilot

at the Red Slob collective farm
3rd Petöfi division.

What son, Karmazsin ?

All I see is a stinking gypsy !

In the eyes of comrade Lenin
we are all equal.

This was not the first,
but I swear, the last time we met.

A stupid vaporizer pilot.

I'm better than any of your men.

I'm telling you, son !

The October of '56
will make it to the history books.

Lajos Serbán,
the first communist in space !

Stratosphere.

Then the fourth communist there.

I'll be damned.

Good day to you, Lajos.

And you, uncle Jenö ? Here ?

Where else would I be
at this historical moment ?

We thought you were
hiding somewhere.

The boys are just about to set fire
to the Red Slob granary.

They wanted to lynch you,
but you weren't at home.

Lynch me ?
What are you talking about ?

The Revolution.
The people are revolting.

Why would the people want to revolt
when it's the people who rule ?

Don't ask them that, uncle Jenö.

Jeeez.

We have to get out of here, son.

Only you,
I have things to do up there.

Listen to me !

If we survive these horrible times,

I'll find you and I swear on our
father Lenin

I'll help you fly
all the way to Venus.

Marika, thank you for the heads up.

Lajos,
join the revolution.

I called you here for something
much more important.

I want you to take care
of Ignác for me.

- Of course, Lajos, but...
- Thank you.

But Lajos,
I don't know much about chemistry,

but don't you need some sort
of breathing device up there ?

I'll be damned.
You are so right.

Goodbye, Lajos.
And freedom for the Hungarian people !

Lajkó only forgot one thing.

The Red Army.

I hope the water feels nice.

Your kind can always use a good bath.

Two hundred.

- What did you say ?
- I was down for two hundred.

Are you kidding me ?

Pain is the best friend
of the cosmonaut.

Let's start again.

Who ordered the attack
against our friendly Soviet allies ?

I was heading to the stratosphere.

Comrade Tömpe,
do you know the joke

when the comrades of the Health
Ministry go to the gypsy slum ?

Yes, comrade Árbocz. I know it.

- How are the kids ?
- The little one has colic, but...

- I don't envy you.
- And you ? Are you still trying ?

Who ordered the attack
against our friendly Soviet allies ?

Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko.

Usishkin,

Vashenko

and Fedoshenko.

And who are these comrades ?

The first communists
in the stratosphere.

What ?

Forgive me for disturbing you,
Comrade Árbocz.

Yes, comrade Seszták,
what is it ?

Just a bit of paperwork,
comrade Árbocz.

We're filing records
with comrade Bárány and...

- I have a few questions.
- Right now ?

Comrade Bárány thinks
it's most important we do this now.

Last year forty-seven pliers broke

during your interrogations, István.

Water consumption, electricity bills,
dental equipment, chemicals.

Comrade Árbocz,

during your work hours
our department's expenses are at least

a hundred and fifty percent
above the average.

The average ?

Are you trying to tell me
my work is substandard ?

That I torture the enemies
of the state at a lower efficiency ?

Not me, the documentation.

And the documentation never lies,
dear comrade Árbocz.

What I am doing here is art !

I'm an artist. Do you get that ?

An artist !

An artist !

How long was I down ?

Move it !

Go !

Freshen up !

Lajkó ?

Virgin Mary pinch my ass,
what'you doing here ?

They'll hang me tomorrow.

We just met and they hang you ?

Tell me now, how many grandchildren
you made for me ?

I don't have any children.

And yer woman has big tits,
firm bottocks ?

Don't have a wife either.

The hell is wrong with you ?

Listen !

Come with me, I go in and out of here
like farts in a bean-eater.

This is my place.

You wanna die, son ?

Line up !

Grow a tumor in your liver
as big as the city council.

Come with me !
Tomorrow we eat dinner at home.

Karcsi's widow makes us jacket
meat with scraper.

We did not steal anything,

but a nail out of Jesus' palm

we did not steal anything,

but a nail out of Jesus' palm.

Put this on.

Not today, Serban.

Not today.

Come, Lajkó, sit down.

Comrade Bárány wants to have
a word with you.

Let me get some more light in here.

It seems

there has been a slight
misunderstanding.

Here is the state of affairs.

Comrade Árbocz spoke very highly

of comrade Serbán's endurance

that superseeds rats
both physically and mentally.

He says, and I quote:

"Even if I pulled all the teeth of this

little capitalist,
antirevolutionary worm,

he would still stare at me
with a pokerface".

But worms don't have teeth.

What a sloppy report !

You have to excuse lieutenant Árbocz.
He always liked mixed metaphors.

Comrade Serbán,
do you speak Russian ?

He reads and writes fluently !

Have you got a criminal record ?

Have you ever committed a crime ?

Yes. I killed my mother.

- I blew her up.
- Just a childhood accident.

Oh, yes. Here it is.

I guess it can happen to anyone.

And your father ?

My father ?

- You haven't killed him, have you ?
- No.

My father is very much alive.

Well then,

comrade Serbán you seem to be
the ideal candidate.

I am overjoyed to announce,

you will be the first man

to the glory of the Soviet Union
and its fraternal allies

to go to Space.

Space ?

That's what I said, no ?

Please talk to Comrade Seszták
regarding formalities.

I still have two executions today

and lunch is waiting
for me at home.

They would have told us
if they'd found him.

If they caught him ?

They take him to Recsk ?

We've closed the camp
there years ago.

Tiszalök ?

No camp there either,

only the working class
building the dam.

You should see it.

It will be magnificent.

We'll be at the border soon.

Let me in.

- What are you doing here, Flórián ?
- I followed you.

Jenö. Karmazsin.

Director of the Red Slob
farmer's collective

type 3 Petofi division.

Hello !

Flórián Serbán.

This boy flew right out
of my weiner here.

You're wanted by the police.

Oh, son, just tell me
when we get to Kecskemét, finally.

We are going to Baikonur.

Haven't heard of that.

But I've been to Bajaszentistván
as a boy.

The fish soup is great there.

And pussies !

So how far is this Bajakonur ?

Two weeks.

Two weeks ?

This train takes us to the future,
my dear comrades.

Well, this ain't no future.

It's the middle ages here.

Tiszaalpár is New York City
compared to this shithole.

Don't move !

What did you say ?

Stop !

If they find out, we'll be
court-martialled, bitches.

Do something with this fucking siren !

You're American spies.

Wait. Wait, please.

It says two persons.

The gentleman is the father
of the first Hungarian cosmonaut.

What are you looking at, heh ?

We expected only one escort.

What did the bush say ?

You might have to sleep on the floor.

Oh, back home we slept sevensome
in a bed half this size.

We'll be fine here.

If you don't snore. Or fart !

He's my dog.
Kudrjavka.

They wanted to send him to space
twice already. But I didn't let them.

He likes no one else. Only me.

Doesn't let anyone else touch him

Gagarin. Yuriy Gagarin.

Lajos Serbán.

You shouldn't wonder off
so far from the barracks.

Smoke is thicker than fog.

Remember that.

It's almost dinner time.

Come, Kudryavka !

What is it ? Are you coming ?

Come, darling.

Pirog !

It's worth it being a communist
just for this.

What would you like to eat ?

- Pirog will be fine, thank you.
- Drink ? Vodka ?

- Just water, if possible.
- Very good choice, sir.

For God's sake, Lajkó,
relax just for once in your life !

Dessert ?

There won't be an open
buffet up there.

I'd give anything to lose
my breath under such a bitch.

Hello there.

Darling !

- Are you a solider ?
- Helga is our other candidate.

We'll know soon
which one of you is going up.

There is another pilot ?

- One ?
- There's three !

Ilmar, our Estonian
counter-revolutionary.

Crafty like a wolverine.

And here's Timuzhin, from Mongolia.

Timuzhin mostly meditates.

According to the People's
party of Mongolia

we could even launch him naked
without a space capsule.

And Helga, she is our pet Nazi !

Hitler wanted to populate
the Moon with blondies.

Donkey.

Donkey.

I have a Donkey

named Ignác.

You are very pretty.

Everything ok, with you ?

I just thought now that we have
to compete with each other...

I don't compete with gypsies !

Good night.

What a lovely creature !

She was team leader
in the Hitlerjugend.

Good morning, soldiers.

I found out who is coming to rule
your little Olympics.

- Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev.
- Brezhnev ?

Yes.

- Did you say, Brezhnev ?
- I did indeed.

The secretary
of the Central Committee.

Some say he'll be
Khrushchev's successor.

We are writing history, son.

History...

Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev.

Oh those gorgeous eyebrows !

He loved cars and he loved to hunt.

But the real big game was
he himself.

Dear comrades,
my beloved friends.

Who wrote this shit ?

Alright, come on up here, comrade.

Wider

Well ! Nothing to see here.

I hereby open the tournament.

Long live Estonia !

Dismissed !

Excuse me !

What ?

Do you want to come and checkout
the rocket, sweetheart ?

- The rocket...
- Swine.

You're nothing to me
but a piece of soap,

you dirty cigan !

What a beautiful language !

You stole my notes, Flórián.

And what good it did to me !

Space.

Endless emptiness.

Still the biggest challenge
of your trip will be claustrophobia.

In the first round we'd like
to seem who is the toughest,

who is the fittest for a trip in space.

Helga, the strong ?

Laika, the calm ?
Or Timuzin, the unbreakable ?

Three heroes, three coffins,

but only one place
in the space capsule.

Let the race begin !

Yurka !

Who came up with this bullshit ?

- Many of us, comrade party secretary.
- What kind of tournament is this ?

What are we watching ?
Three stupid coffins ?

But space and claustrophobia...

Haven't you promised the games
would be more fun this year ?

I'll bet you my tooth
the German cow wins.

What ?

Check again. Please !

Maybe you were mistaken.

Maybe you see something
else this time.

I can only tell you the same.

Either you get rid of the kid
or he'll get rid of you.

Oh, come on,

these are coming out of you
like worms after rain.

So what if we let this one go ?

You'll be happy with the next one.

But first you said
it would fly like a bird.

You gave it a name ?

It would fly that's true.

But you wouldn't be here
to see that, girl.

Listen to me.
There are so many ways.

Yeast parsley brew,

grass palinka,

sourdough juice, castor-oil,

golden rye, bluerock water.

All right. You don't have to drink
anything if you don't want to.

Science is so advanced these days,
like you wouldn't believe.

There's lifting the dung barrow,

steaming down there with sea-grass,

stabbing with a spindle or a quill,

stuffing it with mugwart
or mauveroot.

I'd rather he killed me

than stuff some roots up my places.

Well my browed friend.
Which one do you choose ?

- What do you think ?
- The middle one.

You cheated, gypsie.

You cheated !

- How long was I inside, uncle Jenö ?
- Three days.

And the others ?

I lost ?

Water !

Nazdarovje !
Goatherb vodka from the Donec-basin.

Drink, sweetheart, you came in second.

And the Mongolian ?

Enough. It's over.

Are you sure he's not just meditating ?
He looks the same to me.

Only Lajkó and Helga stayed
in the race

but they just couldn't beat
each other.

One lap on the bottom.

- I don't get it.
- I can't swim.

Let me go !

Let go !

I can't swim.

I like that.

That's what I call entertainment !

Monkeyman,
you dine with me tonight.

If my father found out I was
having dinner with a gipsy

he would feed me cyanide.

It's been thirteen years
I've been prisoner of war.

I don't even know if Papa Josef
or my sisters are alive.

These russies haven't even told me
if the Third Reich still exists.

The good name Mengele

will be forgotten forever.

Papa Josef wanted breed
the perfect Aryan woman.

He got to ten,

but something was always missing.

Helga 1 had telepathic abilities,
but was afraid of spiders.

Helga 2 could beat anyone at chess.

Daddy created her
for the years of hiding.

There was a Helga who could fly,

but she had bad vision

so she got caught by an electric wire.

Then there was Helga
who did not feel pain,

poor thing was waiting
for father one day to come

standing on the hot stove barefoot.

Papa could not save her.

Then there was one who
didn't have to eat at all.

Well just a tiny bit,

but by the time daddy
figured this out,

it was already too late.

There was one created
for childbearing,

one for diplomacy

and one made to kill.

This last one turned out so good,

she killed the other two
and my sisters to come.

Thankfully dad had her put down
by the time she could get to me.

And me...
Papa created me to fly to the Moon.

But I...

I can't read a map.

I always get lost.

That's how the Germans found me.
I haven't seen them ever since.

Not papa Josef,

nor uncle Goebbels

or the others.

Helga,

will you be my wife ?

You better not touch me ever again !

Well, it went better than I expected.

Come on !

Move it !

Are you looking for something ?

Comrade Brezhnev's ring was stolen !

Laika, Helga.
Let's go !

This circus is over.

I hereby end the race.

But, comrade party secretary. We still
have a few wonderful challenges.

Find my ring first.

Who are we going to send up then ?

Alright.

Dear comrades,
I'm pleased to announce

the winner of the tournament is

no other than

Helga Mengele.

It's alright, son.

It's better this way.

What are you doing, hey ?

This is my ring.

I got it in '18 in Italy
when I shot a tank near Isonzo.

Hey, you got the wrong man.

Gypsy !

Madgyars.

Madgyars...

Madgyars.

You're a brave little nation.

Thank you very much.

Right, Lajkó ?

You gave Moscow quite
a fright in October, eh ?

A small country,

with a big dick !

And you, gypsy boy ?

Do you have a big dick, too ?

I think you've made a bad decision.

What's that, my dear ?

I said

you've made a bad decision.

I'm better than Helga.

Lajkó !

It's not easy

to loose.

Right, Volodya ?

Go for a walk.

You should have chosen me !

Or shall we help you ?

You wanna say something, now ?

I...

Well, what ?

We see everything that happens
in the skies.

Nothing escapes us.

Your manure based engines

surprised our engineers.

Is this why I'm here ?

No.

Because of this.

Are you married ?

I never found the real one.

Relax, relax.

Or maybe our Hungarian brother

doesn't like Soviet hospitality ?

It's just unusual, that's all.

But I like it a lot.

Have you ever had a Cuban ?

- What ?
- You have to run !

-Why ?
- This is all just an experiment.

There is no coming back.

Whoever goes up, dies.

You're lying !

They've already launched
five rockets.

- That can't be.
- Think about it.

We are all enemies of the regime.
A counter revolutionary.

A budhist monk.
A gypsy. And a nazi !

But there were others too.

We are all lab rats.

They need us,
so Gagarin can return alive.

Why are you telling me this ?

So you can escape.

It's not too late !

You can't go up.
You cannot die.

Monkeyman !

And how is this different
from a Mexican one ?

This is communist !

You're queer.

Relax. Relax.

it's just the two of us.

How ?

How did you find out ?

Well, it is quite visible,
you know.

And it was in your file.

I thought...

No problem.

Come.

- Let's pack.
- I'm staying.

What ?

I have to go up.

- You want to die ?
- I have business up there.

I have to apologise to someone.

Comrade party secretary,
the German woman...

- What about her ?
- She... escaped.

Helga is ill.

She is ill ?

Probably her heart.

Like dogs, if they are overbred.

Are we going home ?

I came to say goodbye.

I'm the one going up.

I was sure,
you'd do something stupid.

I'm sorry.

- What for ?
- For everything.

Are you saying goodbye
to me or your life ?

Nobody has returned, yet.

You know son,

I don't believe in the afterlife
and all that bullshit.

I think when you die,
you juts rot until you're wormfood.

Still...

Mum's hanky ?

If you happen to meet up there,

tell her...

Look...

Tell her I miss her...

...her cunt.

Very much.

I'll tell her.

Dear comrades, friends.

Yesterday evening brought
a change in my life,

in our life and in the life
of the great Soviet Union,

and its fraternal ally, Hungary.

We stepped on a new, common road

with our Hungarian fraternal allies

which will open up new opportunities
for the citizens of Earth, male

and female alike.

The Soviet Union embraces

its Hungarian ally
in these historic moments

and revives an old Russian
custom from its long-long sleep.

The symbol of respect,

mututal esteem

and love.

I now ask comrade Karmazsin

to join me.

You too, comrade.

- Or is there a problem ?
- No, not at all !

Then go.

Comrades ?

Let's do this right !

Kiss !

Laika, come here.

I wish you a safe return.

Comrade Karmazsin proceed.

I'm so proud of you, son.

Thank you, uncle Jenö.

Ignition system in order.

Rocket ready for launch.

Camera working.

Lair to Rabbit-6. Rabbit-6 come in !

Rabbit-6 here. Ready for launch.

Six ? Why Rabbit-6 ?

We've launched five already.

Five ?

And what happened to those ?

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

Start !

Hello my dear !

Mother,

I'm so glad you are here.

Do not tempt the Devil, son.

What are you doing here ?

This is it ?

Am I dead, too ?

Not yet.
But you're on the right track.

The cabin overheated.

Oxygen level decreasing.

If he has a pulse at least
we know he's alive.

My little shitbag !

What are we doing here, mother ?

Father sent this.

Good.

You have no idea what it's like
to have a runny nose in eternity.

Father told me to tell you

he misses...

He misses...

We don't have much time.

Now we have all eternity.

There must be a cigarette
here somewhere.

Thank god !

You can't stay.

You have business down there.

Down ?

In your world.

I don't want to go back.

- I don't want to leave you.
- Don't talk back, son.

It doesn't suit you.

- But...
- No buts !

Give me a kiss !

A proper one !

And now, you go back.

Down there ?

Down there.

It was your idea son.

You're the one that has
to live with it.

But it's reeking in here.

- Stop !
- Don't worry.

I'm a Soviet cosmonaut.

Gypsy.

No other pilot has ever

returned to Earth.

That is a great achievement.

Of course

we've always known

the first man in space

can only be a Soviet man !

Yurka !

Day by day we are getting closer
for you to go up there.

You'll be the first gnome in Space.

Did I promise you, or not ?

And then, the first gnome

on the Moon !

To Lajkó !

The first...

Gypsy in Space !

Laika !

You acted like
a real hero.

A Soviet hero.

But you aren't Soviet !

I trust you'll take

what's coming now

like a hero, too.

Leonid ?

What do you mean, dear Leonid ?

I just told him.

The first one in Space
has to be Soviet.

Take him.

Leonid !

This is an outrageous injustice !

I will not let anyone hide it
from the world what Lajkó did today.

- Let go !
- No !

Let go ! Don't make me send you
to the gulag, too.

The gulag ?

What did you think,

we'll let the first
communist hero in space

to be a stinking gipsy ?

What are you doing, you idiot ?

He attacked you.

- Uncle Jenö...
- Lajkó...

This is not the kind of decoration
one wants from the comrades, is it ?

Before I go...

I can't keep it inside anymore.

So...

I...

I love men.

I know.

How come ?

Even the blind can see it,
uncle Jenö.

Well...

All right then...

You have to fight,
uncle Jenö.

- You have to fight !
- I don't feel like I have to.

I've always dreamed
of a strong man...

Leonid.

You opened my eyes.

That kiss...

I know what you're thinking,
dear comrades.

I had the most beautiful funeral.

As I layed there enbalmed
in the ceremonial hall

of the Red Slob collective farm.

But this isn't my story

- What do you want ?
- I'm Lajos Serbán.

The first man in Space.

I order you to open this gate.

I don't care who you are.

I'm sorry.

Son ! You're alive !

Let's go !

Monkey Man !

Helga !

Well, enough of the romance.

On November 3rd, 1957

the great Soviet Union
became the first in history

to successfully send
a live creature to Space

a dog named Laika.

At least that's what they
teach you in school.

In reality there were many
others too.

Dogs, monkeys,

people

And Lajkó ?

Well, he could not have been happier.

I still don't believe
you've seen her up there.

But I did.

With my two eyes.

I even gave her the hanky back.

In our crapper ?

Did you apologize to her ?

I forgot.

You forgot ?

I forgot.

Maybe you should go back !

I forgot.

I forgot.

I forgot.

I forgot.

I forgot.

In memory of my father

and all the other quiet,
unknown heroes of the world