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1
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:09,753
[Laszlo laughs]
2
00:00:09,786 --> 00:00:11,423
Extraordinary.
3
00:00:11,456 --> 00:00:14,530
You will want
to get this on camera. Ha!
4
00:00:14,563 --> 00:00:16,466
Quickly. Gizmo!
5
00:00:16,499 --> 00:00:19,205
Gizmo? Gizmo, get up.
6
00:00:19,238 --> 00:00:21,443
-Yeah? Yeah?
-Where's Nandor?
7
00:00:21,476 --> 00:00:23,480
Um, I think he's, uh, indisposed
8
00:00:23,514 --> 00:00:25,552
at the moment, um,
in his bedroom.
9
00:00:25,585 --> 00:00:29,192
Ha, shaking hands with Rosie
Palmer and her five milkmaids.
10
00:00:29,225 --> 00:00:30,829
-What?
-What? Follow me.
11
00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:32,799
[Guillermo] Laszlo's still
the only one who knows
12
00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:35,505
I'm half-vampire and he's been
doing experiments to help.
13
00:00:35,538 --> 00:00:37,676
Happy to report that
there's been some progress.
14
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:41,082
My telekinesis
has gotten better.
15
00:00:43,386 --> 00:00:45,357
[grunts]
16
00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:47,562
Pretty cool, huh?
17
00:00:47,595 --> 00:00:50,635
I have discovered something
wonderful with the frogs
18
00:00:50,668 --> 00:00:52,438
-that I injected
with your blood.
-Wait,
19
00:00:52,471 --> 00:00:54,475
you-you did what with my blood?
20
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,618
-[chuckles]
-Why are they so hairy?
21
00:00:58,651 --> 00:01:00,387
Well, why are you so hairy?
Who cares?
22
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:02,458
-Now, bon voyage.
-What? No!
23
00:01:02,491 --> 00:01:03,694
Those poor frogs!
24
00:01:04,663 --> 00:01:06,700
[croaking]
25
00:01:09,773 --> 00:01:11,475
[Laszlo]
Shit.
26
00:01:13,547 --> 00:01:16,218
-Come on, little guy,
come on, you can do it.
-Shh!
27
00:01:17,421 --> 00:01:18,490
-Your turn.
-To do what?
28
00:01:18,524 --> 00:01:19,660
I want you
29
00:01:19,693 --> 00:01:21,162
to leap off that balcony.
30
00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:22,398
What?
31
00:01:22,431 --> 00:01:23,735
No, I'll break my legs.
32
00:01:23,768 --> 00:01:25,739
-Bullshit. You saw those frogs.
-Yeah.
33
00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:28,343
They were transformed
by your blood, they flew.
34
00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:30,413
Ipso facto, shithead...
35
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,886
...so can you.
36
00:01:32,919 --> 00:01:34,757
But what if I can't?
37
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,326
Yeah, but what if you can?
38
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:37,863
What if you can?
39
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:39,432
[chuckles softly]
40
00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:40,869
-That would be pretty cool.
-It would be
41
00:01:40,902 --> 00:01:43,240
very cool.
Now, I calculate
42
00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:45,244
we have exactly
two minutes before
43
00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:47,214
Nandor finishes
making pearl jam.
44
00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:49,653
-Right.
-So I'll see you at the bottom.
45
00:01:49,686 --> 00:01:51,757
As the actress said
to the bishop. [laughs]
46
00:01:51,790 --> 00:01:53,360
Come on, Guillermo.
47
00:01:53,393 --> 00:01:56,266
I believe in you
and I love you, Guillermo.
48
00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,536
Come on, Gizmo, let her rip.
49
00:01:57,569 --> 00:01:59,439
Launch yourself forward,
see what happens.
50
00:01:59,472 --> 00:02:01,744
-We should practice
closer to the floor first.
-No.
51
00:02:01,777 --> 00:02:03,313
No, no, no. You will never fly
52
00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:05,250
unless you need to. Panic is
53
00:02:05,283 --> 00:02:06,853
the secret ingredient.
Now, come on.
54
00:02:09,358 --> 00:02:11,396
[breathing shakily]
55
00:02:11,429 --> 00:02:13,333
Aah--
56
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:15,270
-[gasps]
-[chuckles]
57
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,642
I'm doing it! [laughs]
58
00:02:17,675 --> 00:02:19,345
-[Nandor] Guillermo?
-Yes, Master--
59
00:02:19,378 --> 00:02:20,949
-[screaming]
-[Laszlo laughing]
60
00:02:20,982 --> 00:02:23,621
-That's how we all learned.
-[Guillermo whimpering]
61
00:02:23,654 --> 00:02:25,759
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
62
00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:28,363
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪
63
00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:30,769
♪ They have no use
for your song ♪
64
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:33,508
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪
65
00:02:33,541 --> 00:02:36,445
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪
66
00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:40,922
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪
67
00:02:40,955 --> 00:02:43,728
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪
68
00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:45,999
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪
69
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:48,270
♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪
70
00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:50,508
♪ ♪
71
00:02:58,356 --> 00:03:00,695
-[Nandor] Oh, shit.
-[Guillermo whimpering]
72
00:03:00,728 --> 00:03:02,566
What is this screaming?
Is someone squeezing a snake?
73
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,835
Oh.
74
00:03:03,868 --> 00:03:06,306
-Fucking hell.
-[Nandor] What happened?
75
00:03:06,339 --> 00:03:08,443
Well, I don't know. I was in
the library. Don't look at me.
76
00:03:08,476 --> 00:03:09,746
Does it hurt?
77
00:03:09,779 --> 00:03:11,984
Because it looks
like it really hurts.
78
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:13,721
-Hey, boners.
-[Laszlo] What?
79
00:03:13,754 --> 00:03:15,424
Nice shiner, Colin Robinson.
80
00:03:15,457 --> 00:03:18,296
Hey, look at this dude.
81
00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:20,000
[Nadja] Someone's had
an interesting evening.
82
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,570
-Please help me.
-[Colin] Wow.
83
00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:23,340
What happened to dingus' foot?
84
00:03:23,373 --> 00:03:24,777
[Laszlo]
Who gives a fuck?
85
00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:26,246
Tell us what happened
to your blackened eye.
86
00:03:26,279 --> 00:03:27,616
Yes, was it fisticuffs?
87
00:03:27,649 --> 00:03:29,352
[gasps]
Did you get kicked by a donkey?
88
00:03:29,385 --> 00:03:31,256
Stop guessing
and stop grabbing me.
89
00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:32,726
This is the problem.
90
00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:34,663
Take it easy, summer breezy.
91
00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:36,767
[Colin] Every time
I go to drain someone,
92
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,405
they see my black eye
and want to know what happened.
93
00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:42,278
All of a sudden, I'm too...
G-damn interesting
94
00:03:42,311 --> 00:03:43,480
to drain anyone.
95
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,050
-What the fuck?
-[Nandor] Really?
96
00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:46,821
You think you are
too interesting?
97
00:03:46,854 --> 00:03:48,724
I know I am. I mean,
98
00:03:48,757 --> 00:03:50,662
this exact same thing happened
when I came back from Vietnam.
99
00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:52,599
[Nandor]
Whoa.
100
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:55,003
-You were in 'Nam?
-[Laszlo] Well, thank you
for your service.
101
00:03:55,036 --> 00:03:57,876
Colin Robinson, I had
no idea you were in the Army.
102
00:03:57,909 --> 00:03:59,580
Oh, I-I wasn't in the Army.
103
00:03:59,613 --> 00:04:01,282
About six years ago,
104
00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:02,719
I took a cycling trip
with Backroads.
105
00:04:02,752 --> 00:04:04,923
-[groans]
-On the third day, we found
106
00:04:04,956 --> 00:04:06,660
a dead body. In a tree.
107
00:04:06,693 --> 00:04:07,829
[Nandor]
No kidding?
108
00:04:07,862 --> 00:04:10,067
With an ox's asshole
109
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,639
around its neck like a necklace.
110
00:04:12,672 --> 00:04:14,610
-What?
-How did that happen?
111
00:04:14,643 --> 00:04:17,348
Some poor farmer and his ox
must've stepped
112
00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:19,085
on a decommissioned
land mine and...
113
00:04:19,118 --> 00:04:21,590
blew him up into the tree
and the ox's
114
00:04:21,623 --> 00:04:23,393
asshole must've
landed on his head.
115
00:04:23,426 --> 00:04:24,897
-[Laszlo] Good grief.
-Fascinating.
116
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,667
I wasn't expecting that ending.
117
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,871
[Colin]
See? It's the black eye-- makes
118
00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:30,608
-my stories too interesting.
-Do you think
119
00:04:30,641 --> 00:04:32,979
that your black eye also has
a very interesting story?
120
00:04:33,012 --> 00:04:36,486
Unfortunately, yes,
it's fucking remarkable.
121
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,556
[Laszlo]
But this is Colin Robinson.
122
00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:38,925
I mean, he can't have any more
123
00:04:38,958 --> 00:04:40,695
fascinating stories in him.
124
00:04:40,728 --> 00:04:43,968
Gee, you tell me.
A five-pound frozen block
125
00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:46,941
of shit and piss
fall off a plane, landing
126
00:04:46,974 --> 00:04:49,445
-on a 308 Ferrari
-[Nadja] No way.
127
00:04:49,478 --> 00:04:52,084
and blowing the sideview mirror
right into my kisser.
128
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:53,921
Well, fuck my old boots.
129
00:04:53,954 --> 00:04:55,758
Son of a bitch!
130
00:04:55,791 --> 00:04:58,531
-Frozen blocks
of pisses and shits?
-[Colin] Yes.
131
00:04:58,564 --> 00:04:59,967
-What will they think of next?
-[Guillermo moaning]
132
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,071
Guillermo, oi...
133
00:05:02,104 --> 00:05:04,375
No, fuck this,
I want to stay here
134
00:05:04,408 --> 00:05:06,112
and listen
to his wonderful stories.
135
00:05:06,145 --> 00:05:08,718
-Yes, me too.
-Guillermo is your familiar.
136
00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,889
I just went to get him
new trousers a year ago.
137
00:05:10,922 --> 00:05:12,391
It is your turn.
138
00:05:12,424 --> 00:05:14,128
Fine. Fuck it. Whatever.
139
00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:16,466
Okay, Guillermo,
stop lying around.
140
00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:18,604
Let's get that (speaks Greek)
of yours looked at.
141
00:05:18,637 --> 00:05:20,775
[Laszlo]
Come on, boys, to the lab.
142
00:05:20,808 --> 00:05:23,446
-Tell me more
about this ox's anus.
-[Guillermo] It really hurts.
143
00:05:23,479 --> 00:05:25,117
Okay already,
I said we're going.
144
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:27,121
Oh! Laszlo, my love,
145
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:28,758
did you just see a hairy frog?
146
00:05:28,791 --> 00:05:30,494
The only hairy frog
I'm interested in,
147
00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:32,832
my darling,
is the one between your legs.
148
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,001
It's not just a frog.
149
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,005
-It's the whole swamp.
-True.
150
00:05:36,038 --> 00:05:37,642
[laughs]
Come on.
151
00:05:37,675 --> 00:05:39,445
Off you go, my love.
152
00:05:39,478 --> 00:05:41,382
[door opens, closes]
153
00:05:41,415 --> 00:05:43,486
[whistles]
154
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,758
Where are you?
Come on, boy. [whistles]
155
00:05:45,791 --> 00:05:47,929
Come on, boy.
Where the fuck are you,
156
00:05:47,962 --> 00:05:49,566
you fucking frog?
157
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,770
Are either of you
allergic to penicillin?
158
00:05:51,803 --> 00:05:53,741
-No.
-What is that?
159
00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:55,545
Just ragweed
160
00:05:55,578 --> 00:05:57,448
-and chewing gum.
-Chewing gum?
161
00:05:57,481 --> 00:05:59,720
-How unusual.
-That is unusual.
-Guys, guys.
162
00:05:59,753 --> 00:06:01,489
You're literally killing me.
163
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:03,694
Right, let's crack on.
When I flick this switch,
164
00:06:03,727 --> 00:06:05,097
the lights will flash,
there'll be a horrible noise
165
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:06,700
and a terrible odor
166
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,103
as I transfer
the life energy from Nandor
167
00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:09,873
into Colin Robinson.
168
00:06:09,906 --> 00:06:11,910
Sorry, Laszlo,
I do have one question.
169
00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:14,015
-[Laszlo] Which is?
-Will it hurt?
170
00:06:14,048 --> 00:06:15,818
Pain like you've never known.
171
00:06:15,851 --> 00:06:17,822
And furthermore, if you're
overdrained, you could die.
172
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:19,025
Fuck this, I'm out.
173
00:06:19,058 --> 00:06:20,595
-What?
-W-Wait a minute.
174
00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:21,897
I'm starving.
175
00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:23,634
And you will be fed,
Colin Robinson.
176
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:25,705
But I think we should revert
to our original plan.
177
00:06:25,738 --> 00:06:28,109
-The original plan? Are you mad?
-[Nandor] I think
it's a pretty good plan.
178
00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:29,813
We cover your black eye
with makeup
179
00:06:29,846 --> 00:06:31,482
and make you boring again.
180
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,621
It does seem a lot simpler.
181
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:35,658
-Let's do that.
-[Laszlo] All right.
182
00:06:35,691 --> 00:06:37,529
-Cowards.
-[Colin] Makes sense.
183
00:06:37,562 --> 00:06:40,167
Turn your back on science
at your own peril.
184
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,937
-We'll take our chances.
Thank you, Laszlo.
-Yeah.
185
00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:43,908
[Guillermo] [grunts]
Seriously, Nadja,
186
00:06:43,941 --> 00:06:45,912
I don't need urgent care.
I can just sleep it off.
187
00:06:45,945 --> 00:06:47,716
Do you really think
I want to doing this?
188
00:06:47,749 --> 00:06:49,853
If it was up to me, I would have
just packed your ankle
189
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,690
in some mud made from fish piss
190
00:06:51,723 --> 00:06:53,159
and fed you some
pickled pig's ears.
191
00:06:53,192 --> 00:06:56,165
But, no, my husband
thinks a doctor is better.
192
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,604
[imitates Laszlo]
"Trust the science, my darling."
193
00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:00,073
-[spits]
-[Guillermo] I don't know
what's going on
194
00:07:00,106 --> 00:07:02,011
with my body right now,
but if a doctor finds out
195
00:07:02,044 --> 00:07:04,081
that I'm almost a vampire,
I'm a dead man.
196
00:07:04,114 --> 00:07:06,252
And if Nadja finds out,
it'll be worse, so--
197
00:07:06,285 --> 00:07:08,524
-[shrieks]
-Stop squirming, Guillermo,
we're very close now.
198
00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:10,160
No, you know what?
I feel a lot better.
199
00:07:10,193 --> 00:07:12,932
The vampire doctor is going
to fix your mangled foot.
200
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,870
What? You said
we were going to urgent care.
201
00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:16,674
Yes, Familiar Urgent Care,
silly.
202
00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:18,577
No. No, Nadja, no!
203
00:07:24,088 --> 00:07:27,529
Oh, just look at all
these people to feed from.
204
00:07:27,562 --> 00:07:30,033
I don't know, I kind of
feel like I want go home
205
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:32,972
-and take the train
to sleepy town.
-No!
206
00:07:33,005 --> 00:07:35,110
It would be a sleep of death.
207
00:07:35,143 --> 00:07:37,214
Just take a look
at all these losers, hmm?
208
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:39,085
[Colin]
Outdoor diners.
209
00:07:39,118 --> 00:07:41,189
-They do deserve it.
-[Nandor] Yes.
210
00:07:41,222 --> 00:07:43,093
-Great start.
-Uh, excuse me.
211
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,830
Hello.
212
00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:47,234
I notice you have a d...
Oh. Ooh.
213
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,071
-You got this.
-[Colin] Doggie bag.
214
00:07:49,104 --> 00:07:52,111
Interesting story
about how the...
215
00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:54,983
origin of the doggie bag
started.
216
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,956
It was actually a-- Ow!
217
00:07:57,989 --> 00:07:59,960
-[man] Oh, shit!
-[Colin] Son of a bitch!
218
00:07:59,993 --> 00:08:02,231
World War II, they would
219
00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:04,235
-take food home for their dog
-[woman] Did you see that?
220
00:08:04,268 --> 00:08:06,607
-instead of wasting it.
-[people chattering]
221
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,009
Don't look at me!
222
00:08:08,042 --> 00:08:09,746
This isn't interesting.
223
00:08:09,779 --> 00:08:11,115
What have you done?
224
00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:13,286
Someone ran over my foot,
shithead. It hurt.
225
00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:16,727
-Tell them to go away.
-Nothing interesting here.
Keep moving, please.
226
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,163
Stop filming me!
227
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,267
-Are you okay?
-No, I'm not okay.
-Shoo!
228
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,937
He needs privacy.
229
00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:24,108
-It is fine.
-[Colin] Nandor, take me home.
230
00:08:24,141 --> 00:08:25,578
I'm taking you home.
We're gonna go home.
231
00:08:25,611 --> 00:08:27,582
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
232
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,586
-No!
-[man] What the fuck?
That's the dude from Mad Men.
233
00:08:29,619 --> 00:08:30,988
Oh, for fuck's sake.
234
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:32,692
[man 2]
Oh, where's your martini, bud?
235
00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:34,261
-Hi.
-[Colin] You got to
be kidding me.
236
00:08:34,294 --> 00:08:35,832
[man 2] Damn, you
just got hit by John Slattery.
237
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:37,234
-That is crazy.
-What the heck happened?
238
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,838
You stepped off the curb
without even looking.
239
00:08:38,871 --> 00:08:40,708
What happened
is you ran over my foot!
240
00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:42,645
We really need to go.
My friend is not well.
241
00:08:42,678 --> 00:08:44,248
Let me drive you
to the hospital. I-I just
242
00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:45,785
played a-a doctor on a season
of The Good Fight.
243
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:46,887
They love me over there.
244
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,256
That was a really good episode.
245
00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:50,026
It doesn't even
really hurt that much
246
00:08:50,059 --> 00:08:51,763
-anymore.
-Well, I'll-I'll
drive you home, please?
247
00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:53,601
-It's the least I can do.
-You know what?
248
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,103
We will accept
your generous offer.
249
00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:56,707
-Yes, yes.
-What the fuck are you doing?
250
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:58,143
[man]
Hey, John, over here.
251
00:08:58,176 --> 00:08:59,746
We will be in that car alone
252
00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:01,617
with this gentleman
that owes you a debt.
253
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:03,119
Which you will collect
254
00:09:03,152 --> 00:09:05,123
by feeding.
255
00:09:05,156 --> 00:09:07,027
-Hmm?
-Yeah.
256
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:09,900
John Slattery coming to the aid
of the guy he just ran over.
257
00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:11,637
-Shotgun left.
-Fuck!
258
00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:13,674
-John Slattery, please.
-[man] You're a hero, John.
259
00:09:13,707 --> 00:09:15,310
-[man 2] One of the greats.
-[Colin] He's not
one of the greats.
260
00:09:15,343 --> 00:09:17,214
-He's a reckless driver.
-[man] You're a reckless
261
00:09:17,247 --> 00:09:18,651
-walker.
-Peasants, disperse!
262
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:19,820
-Begone!
-[man] He call us peasants?
263
00:09:19,853 --> 00:09:21,288
-[crowd groans]
-[man] Oh, rude.
264
00:09:22,124 --> 00:09:24,696
[Guillermo] Animal hospital? Why
are we-why are we going here?
265
00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,834
Ow! [grunting]
266
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:29,038
-[whispering] This is for pets.
I'm not a dog.
-Shh! Potato, "potahto."
267
00:09:29,071 --> 00:09:31,610
[normal volume] Um, yes, hello,
um, I've got a broken familiar.
268
00:09:31,643 --> 00:09:34,315
-So, you're gonna want
to go around that corner--
-Yeah, I've been here before.
269
00:09:34,348 --> 00:09:36,920
There is nothing to see here.
270
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:40,794
It is just a Doberman
with a floppy tail.
271
00:09:41,563 --> 00:09:43,066
-Hold on tight.
-Wait, where are we going?
272
00:09:43,099 --> 00:09:44,335
-Uh, through the wall.
-No, no stop!
273
00:09:44,368 --> 00:09:45,938
-That's a solid wall.
-No, it's not.
274
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:49,713
No. No! No!
[gasping] Okay.
275
00:09:49,746 --> 00:09:51,950
-That was kind of cool.
-It's just a common cold,
so there's gonna be sneezing
276
00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:54,990
and coughing and that
is gonna be a burden on you,
277
00:09:55,023 --> 00:09:58,797
so I have a recommendation.
And that is put her down.
278
00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:01,369
-Oh, gosh, you really think so?
-[doctor] Even if she recovers
279
00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:04,074
from this cold, she's...
280
00:10:04,107 --> 00:10:05,811
good God, she's, like,
almost 40.
281
00:10:05,844 --> 00:10:07,782
She might squeeze out
a few more good years,
282
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,686
but we're talking
quality of life.
283
00:10:09,719 --> 00:10:11,255
Okay, let's do it.
284
00:10:11,288 --> 00:10:13,092
No, fuck this. I'm out of here.
285
00:10:13,125 --> 00:10:14,996
Oh, calm, down, it'll be okay.
286
00:10:15,029 --> 00:10:16,365
No!
287
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,236
[Nadja]
Got a live one. [laughs]
288
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:21,008
-Thanks, guys.
-[doctor] Sedate him, Jack.
-No.
289
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:22,745
-[Nadja] Fantastic.
-[doctor] That's it.
290
00:10:22,778 --> 00:10:24,114
[Nadja] Aw.
291
00:10:24,147 --> 00:10:25,851
Sweet dreams, Guillermo.
292
00:10:25,884 --> 00:10:27,421
-[laughs]
-[doctor] Yeah, perfect.
293
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:30,093
[John]
You, uh, you okay back there?
294
00:10:30,126 --> 00:10:31,997
You look like shit.
295
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:34,401
Well, yeah, I mean,
you ran over my foot.
296
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:37,207
Sorry about all the cell phone
pictures and stuff.
297
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,844
You know, you would
that people in New York
298
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:40,715
would have seen
a famous actor before.
299
00:10:40,748 --> 00:10:42,384
It is quite all right,
John Slattery.
300
00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:44,756
You have our gratitude.
301
00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:46,760
[whispers] Drain him.
302
00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:48,898
[normal volume]
Do you find it, uh, difficult?
303
00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:51,002
What?
304
00:10:51,035 --> 00:10:53,106
Do you find it difficult
305
00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:55,110
being an older actor?
306
00:10:55,143 --> 00:10:57,147
Having to memorize lines?
307
00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:59,118
Especially
when you've been drinking.
308
00:10:59,151 --> 00:11:01,422
Slattery-- that's
an Irish name, right?
309
00:11:01,455 --> 00:11:03,727
Wait, s-say
that last part again.
310
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,765
What, "Slattery's
an Irish name"?
311
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:09,004
I mean, I personally
don't mind the Irish.
312
00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:12,144
But I just don't like it when
they try to sound intelligent.
313
00:11:12,177 --> 00:11:14,448
Huh, wow.
314
00:11:14,481 --> 00:11:17,387
I could listen
to you talk for hours.
315
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:20,260
-Exsqueeze me?
-I mean, not to what you're
saying, but to that accent.
316
00:11:20,293 --> 00:11:22,765
It's just so specific.
Where are you from?
317
00:11:22,798 --> 00:11:24,435
-Well...
-Wait, wait, wait,
don't tell me. Upper Midwest.
318
00:11:24,468 --> 00:11:27,040
For sure. Uh, Wisconsin?
319
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:29,044
But not eastern Wisconsin,
that would have more of
320
00:11:29,077 --> 00:11:31,148
a Germanic influence to it,
am I right?
321
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:33,821
Are you, like, prepping
for a role or something?
322
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:36,292
No, this isn't for a role.
I just love accents.
323
00:11:36,325 --> 00:11:38,229
People are just
walking stories, you know?
324
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:41,102
In all their fascination
and specificity.
325
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,304
You ever see
the movie Spotlight?
326
00:11:42,337 --> 00:11:45,076
About the Boston Globe reporters
327
00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:48,917
who uncovered the sexual abuse
coverup in the Catholic church?
328
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:51,055
-Yeah, exactly.
-No.
329
00:11:51,088 --> 00:11:53,059
Oh. Well, in that
I played Ben Bradlee, Jr.
330
00:11:53,092 --> 00:11:55,196
And that character begins
with the accent,
331
00:11:55,229 --> 00:11:57,802
because the real Bradlee
is from Boston.
332
00:11:57,835 --> 00:12:00,206
But he's an upper-crust guy.
333
00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:01,475
[Boston accent]
Not like some jamoke standing
334
00:12:01,509 --> 00:12:03,212
around Kelly's Tavern
335
00:12:03,245 --> 00:12:05,216
in, uh, Revere Beach,
you know what I mean?
336
00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:07,087
-Very good, John Slattery.
-[regular accent] Not bad,
right?
337
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,124
-But I was talking to him.
-Oh.
338
00:12:09,157 --> 00:12:11,062
[John]
You know, it's funny, I had this
babysitter when I was a kid.
339
00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:12,999
She was Irish.
Her name was Vivian.
340
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,337
But again, sorry for your loss.
341
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:17,441
She was just a familiar,
but thank you.
342
00:12:17,474 --> 00:12:19,813
It is kind of nice
to think of Cathy
343
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:21,482
on that rainbow bridge,
344
00:12:21,516 --> 00:12:23,319
doing stuff with
her familiar friends.
345
00:12:23,352 --> 00:12:26,058
Having spaghetti or whatever
it is they dream of doing.
346
00:12:26,091 --> 00:12:28,396
Well, they're
in a better place now.
347
00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:30,133
-Yes.
-[mutters] I wish I was.
348
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,872
-I'm looking for a Nadja.
-[normal volume] Oh, yes.
349
00:12:32,905 --> 00:12:34,976
-Please, can we go?
-Well,
350
00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:37,080
Guillermo's ankle
is healing up nicely,
351
00:12:37,113 --> 00:12:39,218
which is very unusual, so...
352
00:12:39,251 --> 00:12:42,257
just to be safe...
I say we put him down.
353
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:43,560
He could break that ankle again,
354
00:12:43,593 --> 00:12:45,397
he could break
the other ankle or
355
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,134
-he could just bitch a lot.
-Hmm.
356
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,004
Think we're just gonna
take him home.
357
00:12:49,037 --> 00:12:50,975
All right.
Well, that is your choice.
358
00:12:51,008 --> 00:12:52,979
-Yes.
-Oh, there's one more thing.
359
00:12:53,012 --> 00:12:55,518
The results of that blood work
came back and they're very odd,
360
00:12:55,551 --> 00:12:57,955
so I'm just gonna have it
retested, will not take long.
361
00:12:57,988 --> 00:13:00,861
I promise I'm gonna get you
out of here well before sunrise.
362
00:13:00,894 --> 00:13:02,097
[woman screaming in distance]
363
00:13:02,130 --> 00:13:03,499
[Nadja]
Now I'm thinking,
364
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,504
"They're going to
test him again?"
365
00:13:05,537 --> 00:13:07,240
What if they find
that Van Helsing muck
366
00:13:07,273 --> 00:13:08,577
in his blood? [spits]
367
00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:10,212
I'm going to have to
get him out of here.
368
00:13:10,981 --> 00:13:13,019
[Colin]
Why are we heading towards
369
00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:14,556
the Verrazzano Bridge?
370
00:13:14,589 --> 00:13:17,194
Uh, are you-are you
taking us to Brooklyn?
371
00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:19,431
[imitating Colin] Are you taking
us to Brooklyn? Are you...
372
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:20,901
[regular voice]
That-- It's really-- That's
a tough one. It's got kind
373
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,304
of a twang to it.
Say something else.
374
00:13:22,337 --> 00:13:24,141
I don't want to go to Brooklyn.
375
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,878
[John imitates Colin]
I don't want to go to Brooklyn?
376
00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:27,314
[regular voice] There's
a little bit of an uptalk there.
377
00:13:27,347 --> 00:13:29,151
[imitates Colin]
I don't want to go to Brooklyn?
378
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,253
-Can you let us out right h--
-[imitating Colin] Can you
379
00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:32,023
let us out right here, please?
380
00:13:32,056 --> 00:13:33,025
[regular voice]
You also have these interesting
381
00:13:33,058 --> 00:13:34,562
pauses in your speech, but
382
00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:37,200
I can't tell if they're regional
or uniquely you or...
383
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,904
It's just the most
interesting accent
384
00:13:38,937 --> 00:13:41,041
-I've ever heard.
-Okay, fuck this.
385
00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:42,879
[John]
I mean, where are you from?
I'm sorry, guys. That's kind of
386
00:13:42,912 --> 00:13:44,481
mean, right? I'm not trying
to make fun of you,
387
00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:45,618
I'm just trying to get it
in my head, you know,
388
00:13:45,651 --> 00:13:47,187
it's all about muscle memory.
389
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:48,624
Guillermo?
390
00:13:48,657 --> 00:13:50,594
Guillermo!
391
00:13:50,627 --> 00:13:53,199
Guillermo, why the hell
are you wearing a dress?
392
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,905
Hey, Nandor, you made it.
Hey, girl.
393
00:13:55,938 --> 00:13:57,340
Get your shit together,
we got to go.
394
00:13:57,373 --> 00:13:59,278
No, I want to lie down.
You know they gave me
395
00:13:59,311 --> 00:14:01,950
some relax and it's making me
feel very medicine.
396
00:14:01,983 --> 00:14:03,620
[speaks Greek]
They are testing your blood
397
00:14:03,653 --> 00:14:06,025
and they're going to find
your Van Helsing germs
398
00:14:06,058 --> 00:14:08,062
and whatever else you've
got going on in there and then
399
00:14:08,095 --> 00:14:10,200
-they're going to kill you,
so let's go!
-That sounds serious.
400
00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:11,903
Can I say something?
401
00:14:11,936 --> 00:14:13,941
-Nadja?
-What?
402
00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:16,613
I think you're wonderful
and I love-- Ow!
403
00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:20,186
You're a crazy bitch.
But I love you.
404
00:14:20,219 --> 00:14:21,957
You know who else I love
is Laszlo.
405
00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:23,660
But he's a horny little bitch.
406
00:14:23,693 --> 00:14:25,931
I also love Colin Robinson.
407
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:27,635
He's, like,
a little boring bitch.
408
00:14:27,668 --> 00:14:29,471
Like, he's like an LBB.
409
00:14:29,505 --> 00:14:32,344
But, you know, the one I love
the most is actually Nandor.
410
00:14:32,377 --> 00:14:34,582
-Because he's, like,
the queen bitch.
-[tapping on glass]
411
00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,218
-[Nadja exclaims]
-Is that crazy?
412
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,588
Hey. Who's that bitch?
413
00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:40,493
Wow, you are
such a miracle worker.
414
00:14:40,527 --> 00:14:42,598
He is back to a red, shiny,
415
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:44,636
fresh apple, so,
think we're gonna get
416
00:14:44,669 --> 00:14:46,238
-the ol' dog home now.
[chuckles]
-Yeah.
417
00:14:46,271 --> 00:14:47,508
I don't think
that's gonna happen.
418
00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:48,644
I have a question for you.
419
00:14:48,677 --> 00:14:50,380
Who turned him?
420
00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:51,983
Who what?
421
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,654
According to his blood,
422
00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:55,558
this familiar has been turned
into a vampire.
423
00:14:55,591 --> 00:14:58,396
Yes, it's early stages,
but he is well on his way.
424
00:14:58,429 --> 00:15:00,500
No, I'm sorry,
there's been a huge mistake.
425
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:03,105
Are you regretting turning him?
Because if you are,
426
00:15:03,138 --> 00:15:05,109
you should have thought
of that before you did it.
427
00:15:05,142 --> 00:15:07,013
-Guillermo?
-Yeah.
428
00:15:07,046 --> 00:15:08,382
-A vampire?
-Yes.
429
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,485
That thing?
430
00:15:09,519 --> 00:15:11,388
That loser is a vampire?
431
00:15:11,421 --> 00:15:12,959
Absolutely not.
432
00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:14,394
Have you seen how lame he is?
433
00:15:14,427 --> 00:15:15,664
Science does not lie.
434
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:17,033
Now, it must be recent
435
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:18,436
because he's still transforming.
436
00:15:18,469 --> 00:15:21,242
No one in our house
would do such a thing.
437
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:23,514
Well, then we have
a very big problem, 'cause
438
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,283
I'm gonna put him down.
439
00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:27,722
Well, you can't
do that because...
440
00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:29,424
He is our familiar!
441
00:15:29,457 --> 00:15:32,129
-You need to let him go.
-Get your hands off of me!
442
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,103
[exhales]
443
00:15:35,136 --> 00:15:37,542
Guillermo? Guillermo?
444
00:15:37,575 --> 00:15:40,180
Guillermo!
445
00:15:40,213 --> 00:15:41,983
Guillermo! Guillermo!
446
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,732
Guillermo!
Guillermo, snap out of it.
447
00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:51,703
They think you are
a bastard vampire
448
00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:53,105
And they're going to kill you.
449
00:15:53,138 --> 00:15:54,308
-Guillermo?
-[doctor] Come on, girl.
450
00:15:54,341 --> 00:15:55,744
Get out!
451
00:15:55,777 --> 00:15:57,447
Guillermo.
452
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,719
Guillermo? Hello?
453
00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:02,357
Sorry. [chuckles] Guillermo?
454
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:04,596
Guillermo?
455
00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:06,533
Nadja, hi.
456
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,236
What? You work here?
457
00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:09,706
Volunteer, actually.
458
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:12,177
It's a way of giving back.
459
00:16:12,210 --> 00:16:14,448
I mean, who rescued who, right?
460
00:16:14,481 --> 00:16:17,053
-Have you seen Guillermo?
-Guillermo?
461
00:16:17,086 --> 00:16:18,724
Oh, no, no, not here.
462
00:16:18,757 --> 00:16:20,661
This place is just for strays.
463
00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:23,232
-I have a family.
-Hey! Eat your chicken!
464
00:16:23,265 --> 00:16:25,470
-[whispers] He's not
gonna make it.
-I can hear you.
465
00:16:25,504 --> 00:16:27,608
Guillermo! Open!
466
00:16:27,641 --> 00:16:29,411
Guillermo.
467
00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:31,816
[Colin]
Uh, I don't...
think I can make it.
468
00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:34,354
[Nandor]
Of course you're gonna make it.
I know this is difficult,
469
00:16:34,387 --> 00:16:36,526
but you've got
to be strong, okay?
470
00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:40,366
I want you to go in here
and ask to use the toilet.
471
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:43,205
Then I want you to ask
for a sanitary wipe.
472
00:16:43,238 --> 00:16:44,776
Then I want you to ask
473
00:16:44,809 --> 00:16:46,746
when the last time
they cleaned the toilet.
474
00:16:46,779 --> 00:16:48,349
Then I want you to tell them
475
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,786
you're gonna take
a nice big shit, okay?
476
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:52,223
It's gonna buy you
a few more hours of energy.
477
00:16:52,256 --> 00:16:54,796
-Whoa! Get the fuck out!
-[Colin] Oh, fuck.
478
00:16:54,829 --> 00:16:57,500
-May I use your toilet?
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
479
00:16:57,534 --> 00:16:59,639
Yo!
480
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:01,643
It's my guy from TikTok.
481
00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:03,446
What?
482
00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:05,684
Whoa!
Nobody fucking move.
483
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:10,126
♪ Jump around... ♪
484
00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:11,596
[Nandor]
Colin Robinson, that's you.
485
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:13,399
-[Colin] Oh,
for crying out loud.
-Yeah.
486
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,169
[Nandor]
How did they make this
so quick? And the music?
487
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,573
Aah!
488
00:17:16,606 --> 00:17:18,242
[Nandor]
Nice shot.
489
00:17:18,275 --> 00:17:20,714
Thank you so much!
You saved my store!
490
00:17:20,747 --> 00:17:23,152
-He did?
-How clean's your toi...
491
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:25,390
-It's...
-No!
492
00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:27,193
Colin Robinson!
493
00:17:27,226 --> 00:17:29,398
-Guillermo!
-You can't be back here.
494
00:17:29,431 --> 00:17:31,402
Move!
495
00:17:31,435 --> 00:17:33,406
-Fuck off!
-[screams]
496
00:17:33,439 --> 00:17:35,544
-Guillermo!
-Hey, girl.
497
00:17:35,577 --> 00:17:37,815
Get off him!
Get away!
498
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,353
-He's mine!
-[grunting]
499
00:17:40,386 --> 00:17:42,457
[screaming]
500
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:45,296
Get off him! Get off!
501
00:17:45,329 --> 00:17:47,500
Shoo! Scram!
502
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,471
[whimpering]
503
00:17:49,505 --> 00:17:51,141
Now, what the fuck, man?
504
00:17:51,174 --> 00:17:52,812
This doctor tells me
you're almost a vampire?
505
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:54,882
Oops, I have a little secret.
506
00:17:54,915 --> 00:17:57,755
-Focus, Guillermo.
The truth now.
-[groans]
507
00:17:57,788 --> 00:17:59,826
Fine! Okay?
508
00:17:59,859 --> 00:18:03,232
I took my fate into my own
destiny and I had Derek do it.
509
00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:05,470
-[gasps]
-I paid him to do it.
He turned me into a vampire!
510
00:18:05,504 --> 00:18:07,207
Derek?
511
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:10,514
You could have been turned
by a legendary vampire,
512
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:14,221
and you gave it away to Derek?
513
00:18:14,254 --> 00:18:17,360
Nandor is going to rip your face
into a new asshole.
514
00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:19,197
Well, it doesn't matter,
does, it, 'cause these guys
515
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:20,868
-are gonna kill me anyways.
-Oh shut up, you dumb dick.
516
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,305
I'm not gonna let them kill you.
That is Nandor's privilege.
517
00:18:23,338 --> 00:18:25,309
-Now, come on, let's go.
-[door opens]
518
00:18:26,344 --> 00:18:28,315
I told you,
we need to put him down.
519
00:18:28,348 --> 00:18:29,752
That's not going to happen.
520
00:18:29,785 --> 00:18:31,355
He is coming with me,
521
00:18:31,388 --> 00:18:34,327
and his master
will decide how to kill him.
522
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,267
If we release an abomination
like that onto the street,
523
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,937
I'm gonna lose
my medical license.
524
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,208
[snarling]
525
00:18:41,241 --> 00:18:42,778
[Guillermo]
Nadja! Watch out.
526
00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:45,382
-[groaning]
-[grunting]
527
00:18:48,723 --> 00:18:50,225
[Nadja]
Help me, you load.
528
00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:53,800
-Oh, whoa.
-[gasps] Good one, Guillermo!
529
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,936
-Ow.
-Yes!
530
00:18:54,969 --> 00:18:56,673
Nice one.
531
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:58,476
-Ha!
-Watch out!
532
00:18:58,510 --> 00:18:59,845
[grunting]
533
00:19:01,381 --> 00:19:02,885
[hisses]
534
00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:04,622
[grunting]
535
00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:05,857
[Guillermo]
Don't touch her!
536
00:19:07,326 --> 00:19:08,295
No!
537
00:19:08,328 --> 00:19:10,366
[grunting]
538
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,437
[Nadja]
You're just a glorified vet.
539
00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:14,408
[grunts]
Guillermo!
540
00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:15,410
Nadja!
541
00:19:15,443 --> 00:19:17,380
[grunting]
542
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,585
Get away from her, you bitch!
543
00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:23,292
Oh!
[groans, grunts]
544
00:19:23,325 --> 00:19:26,465
[exhales]
[slurring] Thank you, Girerro.
545
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,705
Oh. I think I might've got a
little bit of poison in my face.
546
00:19:29,738 --> 00:19:31,509
Do I look okay?
547
00:19:31,542 --> 00:19:34,649
-Yeah. You look-- you look fine.
-Good.
548
00:19:34,682 --> 00:19:36,385
Now go and find your clothes
and I'll...
549
00:19:36,418 --> 00:19:37,955
[speaking unintelligibly]
550
00:19:37,988 --> 00:19:39,658
Let's go.
551
00:19:40,827 --> 00:19:43,733
Laszlo! Laszlo!
552
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,571
-What is it, man?
-Help!
553
00:19:45,604 --> 00:19:47,674
Quick, to the laboratory.
554
00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:51,716
-Laszlo, hurry. Please hurry.
-All right.
555
00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:53,553
Now, brace yourself, fellas.
556
00:19:53,586 --> 00:19:54,822
Turning the machine
557
00:19:54,855 --> 00:19:56,792
-on.
-[groaning]
558
00:19:58,763 --> 00:19:59,866
[coughing]
559
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,603
Is it working? Do you feel good?
560
00:20:01,636 --> 00:20:02,938
[coughing]
561
00:20:02,971 --> 00:20:05,811
It hurt at first,
but now I kind of like it.
562
00:20:05,844 --> 00:20:07,413
-Yeah.
-[groaning softly]
563
00:20:07,446 --> 00:20:09,685
What exactly is the purpose
of this machine?
564
00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:12,490
It's just a simple
energy transference device.
565
00:20:12,524 --> 00:20:15,496
I originally built it
to combat situational impotence,
566
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:17,902
or whiskey dick,
as you might call it.
567
00:20:17,935 --> 00:20:21,375
Oh, that makes sense,
'cause I'm getting a little
568
00:20:21,408 --> 00:20:23,045
tickle in my pickle.
569
00:20:23,078 --> 00:20:24,982
Well, that's an accident,
'cause I removed that aspect.
570
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,886
-Must be the vibrations.
-Could be.
571
00:20:26,919 --> 00:20:28,990
Or could be the smell.
572
00:20:29,023 --> 00:20:30,928
I really like
the smell of burning hair.
573
00:20:30,961 --> 00:20:31,996
What about you, Nandor?
574
00:20:32,029 --> 00:20:33,934
How are you finding it?
575
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,670
Oh, fuck.
576
00:20:41,582 --> 00:20:43,553
-[machine buzzing]
-Shit. Turning the machine off.
577
00:20:43,586 --> 00:20:44,589
[machine powers down]
578
00:20:44,622 --> 00:20:45,891
Reverse the process, Laszlo.
579
00:20:45,924 --> 00:20:47,628
Well, I can't.
It's too late, isn't it?
580
00:20:47,661 --> 00:20:49,498
-Look at him. Shit.
-[Nadja] [in distance] Laszlo!
581
00:20:49,532 --> 00:20:50,934
-Get fucking downstairs!
-Shit.
582
00:20:50,967 --> 00:20:53,707
Go ahead.
I'll reenergize Nandor myself.
583
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:54,876
-How?
-[Nadja] Laszlo!
-Well, if I can drain
584
00:20:54,909 --> 00:20:56,345
the energy from people,
585
00:20:56,378 --> 00:20:57,715
I sure as hell
can put it back in them.
586
00:20:57,748 --> 00:20:59,417
-Just go. Trust me.
-[Nadja] Get downstairs!
587
00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:00,821
-Coming, my darling.
-[Nadja] Don't you "darling" me.
588
00:21:00,854 --> 00:21:02,725
[Laszlo]
Would I be wrong
in sensing some...
589
00:21:02,758 --> 00:21:04,896
-[singsongy] Nandor? Hello.
-[Nadja shouting in distance]
590
00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:07,768
It's your boy, Colin Robinson.
591
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:12,410
But I'm going to tell you
my real name. It's...
592
00:21:12,443 --> 00:21:14,682
Arthur...
593
00:21:14,715 --> 00:21:16,084
Simon...
594
00:21:16,117 --> 00:21:17,487
Santino.
595
00:21:17,521 --> 00:21:19,926
But I-I had to change it
596
00:21:19,959 --> 00:21:22,631
because people would laugh
when they realized
597
00:21:22,664 --> 00:21:26,038
that the initials
spelled out "ass."
598
00:21:26,071 --> 00:21:27,440
[gasps]
599
00:21:27,473 --> 00:21:28,977
[weakly] Ass.
600
00:21:29,010 --> 00:21:31,448
Do you know who it was
that pointed that out to me?
601
00:21:31,481 --> 00:21:32,450
[weakly] No.
602
00:21:32,483 --> 00:21:34,689
It was my ex-boyfriend,
603
00:21:34,722 --> 00:21:36,425
-Davy Crockett.
-[exhales]
604
00:21:36,458 --> 00:21:37,928
At the Alamo.
605
00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:40,567
-Really?
-Yeah.
606
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,470
If-if you don't believe me,
607
00:21:42,504 --> 00:21:46,478
maybe this knife that Jim Bowie
gave me will convince you.
608
00:21:46,512 --> 00:21:47,981
[Nandor]
Ass.
609
00:21:50,452 --> 00:21:52,691
-[Laszlo] My darling,
you need to calm down.
-I mean, what the hell?
610
00:21:52,724 --> 00:21:54,996
-[shushing]
-We have a little two-faced
bitch, lying-behind-the-back
611
00:21:55,029 --> 00:21:56,966
vampire in the house
and my husband doesn't think
612
00:21:56,999 --> 00:21:58,603
-I need to know about it?
-Cool it,
613
00:21:58,636 --> 00:22:00,439
my darling.
I'm just trying to find a cure.
614
00:22:00,472 --> 00:22:01,709
All right? Now,
615
00:22:01,742 --> 00:22:02,745
if I can stop
the transformation,
616
00:22:02,778 --> 00:22:04,916
maybe Nandor can turn Gizmo.
617
00:22:04,949 --> 00:22:08,122
-You are a worthless piece
of big, wet skatá, Guillermo.
-Yeah.
618
00:22:08,155 --> 00:22:10,092
When Nandor finds out,
he's going to kill you.
619
00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:11,729
And then he's going
to kill all of us.
620
00:22:11,762 --> 00:22:13,032
-Mm.
-And then he's going
to kill himself.
621
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:14,502
-Then don't tell him.
-I'm not going
622
00:22:14,535 --> 00:22:15,871
to lie to my housemate
to cover up
623
00:22:15,904 --> 00:22:17,608
-your treachery. [spits]
-[Guillermo] Just give me
624
00:22:17,641 --> 00:22:18,610
a chance to make this up.
When I did this, I didn't--
625
00:22:18,643 --> 00:22:19,946
Finally. Well, well, well.
626
00:22:19,979 --> 00:22:21,549
You've been gone all night.
627
00:22:21,582 --> 00:22:22,651
What, you can't even call?
628
00:22:22,684 --> 00:22:23,987
Sorry.
629
00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:25,389
They tried to put me down.
630
00:22:25,422 --> 00:22:26,593
What? Why?
631
00:22:26,626 --> 00:22:27,995
What did the doctor say?
632
00:22:28,028 --> 00:22:29,497
[Laszlo]
Uh, uh, uh...
633
00:22:29,531 --> 00:22:30,834
[sighs]
634
00:22:30,867 --> 00:22:31,936
Yes?
635
00:22:33,138 --> 00:22:34,642
Guillermo is fine.
636
00:22:34,675 --> 00:22:36,579
Just your average weak-boned,
637
00:22:36,612 --> 00:22:38,082
-broken-foot familiar.
-[Nandor groans]
638
00:22:38,115 --> 00:22:41,188
I guess someone won't be
cutting a rug anytime soon.
639
00:22:41,221 --> 00:22:42,591
[Nandor]
Wait.
640
00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:45,563
Don't move.
641
00:22:46,632 --> 00:22:48,636
[shuddering softly]
642
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,511
-[grunts]
-[croaking softly]
643
00:22:52,544 --> 00:22:53,780
What...
644
00:22:53,813 --> 00:22:55,584
the hell...
645
00:22:55,617 --> 00:22:57,621
is this?
646
00:23:00,492 --> 00:23:01,562
Hmm?
647
00:23:02,698 --> 00:23:03,867
Frog?
648
00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:05,704
[Nandor]
Really? A frog?
649
00:23:05,737 --> 00:23:08,475
A frog that flies and has hair
650
00:23:08,509 --> 00:23:10,913
and looks kind of like you?
651
00:23:11,749 --> 00:23:14,220
Guillermo, do you think
I am an idiot?
652
00:23:14,253 --> 00:23:15,757
[whispers] Say no.
653
00:23:15,790 --> 00:23:16,793
[normal volume] No.
654
00:23:16,826 --> 00:23:17,995
[Nandor]
That's right.
655
00:23:18,028 --> 00:23:19,598
Because this is
656
00:23:19,631 --> 00:23:21,134
precisely what happens
657
00:23:21,167 --> 00:23:23,974
when a little birdy
sneaks into this house,
658
00:23:24,007 --> 00:23:26,679
fucks a mouse,
they have a child that grows up
659
00:23:26,712 --> 00:23:29,117
that then fucks a frog
that looks like you.
660
00:23:29,150 --> 00:23:32,725
[sighs] This is a direct result
of your slacking.
661
00:23:32,758 --> 00:23:35,664
We are not running
a fucking circus here.
662
00:23:35,697 --> 00:23:37,433
-[croaking softly]
-Yeesh.
663
00:23:38,235 --> 00:23:40,172
Give him to me.
664
00:23:40,205 --> 00:23:41,743
You may have fooled him,
665
00:23:41,776 --> 00:23:44,815
'cause he has the IQ
of a Russian toilet,
666
00:23:44,848 --> 00:23:46,819
but I know you're up
to something, aren't you,
667
00:23:46,852 --> 00:23:48,656
you little sneaky Pete?
668
00:23:52,531 --> 00:23:53,900
Okay, Colin,
669
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:55,537
-if I tell you something--
-[Colin] Psych.
670
00:23:55,570 --> 00:23:57,039
I couldn't give two squirts.
671
00:24:01,014 --> 00:24:03,151
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
672
00:24:05,590 --> 00:24:07,794
♪ It's in the blood ♪
673
00:24:09,998 --> 00:24:12,170
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
674
00:24:12,203 --> 00:24:13,272
♪ It's in the blood... ♪
675
00:24:13,305 --> 00:24:15,009
[frog] Gui...
676
00:24:15,042 --> 00:24:18,516
-ller... mo.
-Surely not.
677
00:24:18,549 --> 00:24:19,585
Gui...
678
00:24:19,618 --> 00:24:22,056
ller... mo.
679
00:24:22,089 --> 00:24:23,225
-[croaks]
-[laughs]
680
00:24:23,258 --> 00:24:24,260
Yeah.
681
00:24:24,293 --> 00:24:25,664
Carry on.
682
00:24:25,697 --> 00:24:27,032
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
683
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:29,972
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
684
00:24:30,005 --> 00:24:31,976
♪ It's in
the blood, man ♪
685
00:24:32,009 --> 00:24:34,013
♪ Get it or not ♪
686
00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,586
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
687
00:24:36,619 --> 00:24:39,592
♪ It's in
the blood, man ♪
688
00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:40,694
♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
689
00:24:40,727 --> 00:24:43,031
♪ Tell him or not ♪
690
00:24:53,018 --> 00:24:55,256
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure ♪
691
00:24:55,289 --> 00:24:58,028
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure... ♪
692
00:24:58,061 --> 00:25:02,003
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ You can tell
without knowing ♪
693
00:25:02,036 --> 00:25:04,240
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure ♪
694
00:25:04,273 --> 00:25:07,013
-♪ It's in the blood, man ♪
-♪ If you catch the cure... ♪
695
00:25:07,046 --> 00:25:09,017
♪ It's in the blood, man. ♪
696
00:25:09,050 --> 00:25:14,961
Captioned by
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