All language subtitles for How.To.with.John.Wilson.S03E02.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH

(mellow music playing)

John Wilson:
Hey, New York.

In a city this crowded,
it's important that everyone

maintains good
personal hygiene.

You don't always have time
to do it at home,

so sometimes, you have
to do it on the go.

While some might find
this behavior offensive,

public grooming is actually
the ultimate sign of respect

for your fellow New Yorkers.

It makes it more comfortable
to live close to one another

and lets your neighbors know
that you really care about them

and their well-being.

While most of your body
is relatively easy to reach,

the hardest part to clean
has always been your ears.

Historically, people have
always used cotton swabs

to clean their ears, but,

apparently,
this has never been

one of the recommended
uses on the package.

And they even say
not to do it.

Right there.
It's in fine print.

You can risk serious injury

by cleaning something
the wrong way.

So you should probably just
find something else to do with,

uh, with your Q-tips

instead of putting them
in your head.

Hey! No!

But, if you don't have

a safe method
to clean them out,

you might not have any way

of knowing
what's happening in there.

And after years of
neglecting the problem,

there's really no telling
what might be inside.

So, instead of letting things
get out of hand

or losing your cool,

hang in there, baby,

and I'll show you
how fun and easy it is

to finally figure out
the right way to

clean your ears.

To make sure you're heading
in the right direction,

you should try and consult
a specialist

who has sophisticated
technology

to get you all cleaned out.

You know, it sounds
like you probably have earwax.

Um, that's the most common cause
of what you're describing,

-but let me take a look,
and, uh, we'll see what you got.
-John: Okay.

Doctor:
I've been in this practice
since '99.

John:
That's when the, uh,
"The Matrix" came out.

(doctor laughs)

John:
Have you seen one like this?

Doctor:
Yes, (laughs)
I've seen ones like this.

♪♪

John:
There's a bunch
of stuff in there,

and it all comes out
in a big, sticky mess.

(John grunts)

Doctor:
Come on, baby. (laughs)
It's coming out.

(sighs)

-(John laughs)
-Alright.

John:
And when you're
finally finished,

you really do feel
a major improvement.

It kinda feels like
you've just landed

after taking
the longest plane ride
you've ever taken,

and you begin
to notice sounds

-in a way you never did before.
-(loud typing)

Cool.

-(wind blowing)
-(bird chirps)

-(squirrel squeaks)
-(leaves rustling)

(squeak)

Oh, Paulie,
it's so nice to see you!

-You look different.
-You look different!

(car honks)

-(street noise)
-I gotta call Bagel Boys.

I gotta call
my graphic designer.

I gotta call my video guy.

I'm swamped right now.
I'm rammed. I'm rammed!

Oh, my God, every time I go
to Rockefeller Center, Valerie,

I can't help but remember
when I had my, uh...

-Valerie: The gallbladder?
-Uh, my gallbladder issue.

And when I look
over to the corner,

-I see my friend
getting his ass kicked.
-(siren wailing)

He's getting kicked in the face.

And I run over,
and I grab that kid,

and as I grab that kid,

another one of their guys
steps up from the side

and cuts my face open
with a razor blade

from the middle of my forehead,

just coming down to my neck,

just missing my carotid,

and cutting my ear
in half as well. And...

-(playing trumpet)
-John: It's all
really exciting at first...

-(popping)
-...but after a few days,

the pleasure
begins to wear off...

(loud scraping)

...and all the sounds
of the city

finally start to get to me.

-Lying fucking buses!
-(cars honking)

Damn you!

Another fucking
express bus?! Ah!

(loud hammering)

(tires screeching)

(grating laugh)

Woo! Woo!

(train screeching)

(siren wailing)

(plane roaring)

(marching band playing
"Addams Family" theme song)

(quiet creaking)

John:
So, if the sound outside
is getting to you,

you can always just retreat
into your apartment

where it's usually
really quiet.

One of your only neighbors
in the building next door

is a nice old lady who barely
makes any noise at all.

You really like living
next to her.

But, one day,
she sold the building

and moved down to Florida.

When they were cleaning it out,

you finally got to see what was
going on in the basement

where a tenant of hers
had been living,

who apparently, uh,
liked to collect stuff.

Oh, my God.

Landlord:
And this is after I packed
over 150 bags for her,

so she could bring them
to her storage unit.

-John: Oh, my God.
-Landlord: And I can't even get
to the back beyond--

There's a bathroom back there
that's so disgusting,

you'd throw up
if you looked at it.

John:
Pretty soon,
construction workers

started doing a gut renovation
of the entire building.

-(knocking)
-John: Which quickly
turned your apartment...

-(scraping, banging)
-...into one of the noisiest
places you've ever lived.

-(erratic knocking)
-John: It seems like they're not
gonna stop anytime soon.

-(clattering)
-John: And you wonder
how other New Yorkers

-deal with problems like this.
-(banging)

(loud music, party chatter)

John: It-It's like this
every single weekend?

(scoffs)

(loud music,
party chatter continues)

John:
How long do you think
you'll be able to kind of...

tolerate living here?

(tenant speaking)

-John: You're moving
next weekend? Really?
-(laughs) Yeah. Yeah.

(quiet street noise)

(lock clicks)

(footsteps)

-John: I'm John. Yeah.
-Alex: Hey, nice to meet you.

-John: Okay, go ahead.
-(subway whirring)

Yeah, so this is my bed
where I sleep every night.

and this is the, uh,
Myrtle Broadway station.

(loud rumbling)

(Alex speaking)

John:
Do you think it's a little
cheaper because of the noise?

-Definitely.
I do feel like we got lucky.
-Mm-hmm.

John:
So, they can see us just
as well as we can see them?

Alex:
Oh, yeah. Definitely.

John:
He knows I'm filming him.

-(quiet birds chirping)
-(wind rustling)

(running footsteps)

-Hi. How's it going?
-John: Hey, I'm John.
I'm, uh, with HBO.

-(laundry running)
-Living in New York,
there's things, you know,

you have to compromise
with your neighbors.

Um, but, shortly after,

this couple below us moved in,

and it's been very difficult

because they were
having parties.

They're just trying
to celebrate, you know--

-Their-- Yeah, their...
-They're celebrating.

...their child's
1-year-old party at 1:00 AM.

-(laughs)
-Like, that's, that's just...

-What? (laughs)
Just doesn't make sense.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-It was his first birthday.
-(baby babbling)

Right, Skylo? It was
your first birthday,

and we just had
some music going.

-(baby babbling)
-And we couldn't believe it.

-(continues babbling)
-John: About what?

They called the cops.

When they asked me
to end at midnight,

I was honestly pretty
surprised that, you know,

someone close to our age
would be going to bed then.

-I, I never have gone to bed
at that, at that hour.
-(slapping)

John:
Do you, do you have any, like,
the music you like to play?

-Yeah, we can play
you something.
-John: Okay.

-(loud house music playing)
-Yeah, this is loud enough
that they can hear it.

If it was after maybe
12:30 or 1:00,

they would probably go ahead
and write a text to me, like--

I think this is loud enough.

I don't know, I just want
the world to be more of people

who will, you know,

be able to sleep through noise,
and so we can live--

I mean, this is Brooklyn.
This is New York.

Like, we're not
in the middle of,

you know, your own property.
We all have to coexist.

-Husband: 'Kay.
-And why should the people
who are, you know...

who want the quiet
always prevail?

-John: Mm.
-Well, we, we've also had
some suggestions

that might help on their end.

Um a lot of people find
that a noise machine

or even a fan helps a lot
to dim things out.

I wanna create
permanent magical culture,

which is basically creating--

'Cause one of the, the main
signatures of Burning Man,

-why people love it...
-(banging)

-John: Mm-hmm.
-...is because you have...

-(banging continues)
-...it's like you run it--

It's all like synchronicity.

It's like you meet--
you run people--

-Yeah, okay, fine.
Bang on the table. Go.
-(bang)

John:
Are you gonna bring Skylo
to Burning Man next year?

-Husband: No.
-John: Oh.

Skylo would enjoy
Burning Man a lot. A whole lot.

But, the health considerations

-are too unpredictable.
-John: Hm.

Mostly noise, to be honest.

(coughing)

John:
Is he sick?

Husband:
He is sick.

(Skylo babbling)

John:
That's nice.

Maybe it's hard to agree

on what a reasonable
amount of sound is.

And everyone has
a different definition.

When you look around the city,
it seems like the people

who are the loudest
are having all the fun.

And you rarely get rewarded

for not making
any noise at all.

♪♪

When I make love,
I barely make a sound.

(whirring)

John:
This is because I lived
with at least five roommates

-for around a decade.
-(dispenser clicking)

John:
I trained myself to become
completely stealth

because I-I knew how well

they could hear me
through the walls.

Even though it felt good
trying to be considerate,

my romantic partners
were always the ones

to pay the price.

And I always wished
I could have cared less

and made the sounds
my body wanted to make.

(broken dryer
whining, grinding)

(winding down)

John:
But, the brakes on your car

started to make
an awful sound recently.

(brakes squeal loudly)

John:
And people started to yell
at you on the street.

John:
Sorry.

You would normally
feel bad about it,

but maybe you, you,
you can embrace it.

It seems like as long
as sound is in motion,

it's okay in New York City.

-(trumpeting)
-(crowd chanting)

John:
And as long as the noise
is coming from your car,

it should be fine.

(car horn continuously honks
"The Godfather" theme)

-(horn stops)
-John: Wow.

Does anyone ever get
annoyed by the horn?

-No, they love it.
-John: Okay, cool.

-So what do you call this thing?
-They call it a hail cannon.

John:
Would it have any practical
application back here?

Cannon Man:
If you wanted to, like,

get all your leaves
off the trees at one shot,

and if you don't
like your neighbors,

you could just
shut them up, too.

John:
Is Jersey a good place,
like, for this or--

Cannon Man:
New Jersey sucks. Yous guys
should stand back a little bit

-when we do it, so...
-John: Okay.

-Cannon Man: Ready?
-John: Wait, hold on.
What are you gonna--

(explosive bang, whirring)

-Ready?
-(explosive bang)

(explosive bang)

-Ready?
-John: Yeah.

(explosive bang, whirring)

-Not bad there.
-John: Yeah, not bad.

Cannon Man:
My neighbor across the street
called the cops

and, uh, said
his kids were afraid of it.

So, why don't you come here
and talk to me like a man

instead of doing that shit?
So, it is what it is.

People are just
too sensitive nowadays.

-(quad bike idling)
-John: Hey.

-(hail cannon blasts)
-Hey, man. Are you his neighbor?

-Hey--
-(loud revving)

-John: Hey, man.
-Yo.

You know, he would shoot it off
during the day,

-which was perfectly fine.
You know, we had no issues.
-(cannon blasts)

Got to the point where he would
shoot it off at nighttime,

and when he's at nighttime,
you know, it's just,

it's disrespectful for all
the kids that are sleeping

and everything,
you know what I mean?

So now-- And then actually,

after a few times,
he started shooting it,

it actually damaged the inside
of our house a little bit.

-Cracked our walls
and stuff like that.
-(cannon blasts)

-John: Oh, really?
-Yeah.

(quad bike revving)

(Cannon Man speaking)

-John: Oh, yeah.
-It's, it's just...

-John: Oh, that's annoying?
-Yeah.

♪♪

John:
It seems like no matter how
much you justify your noise,

it'll always affect
someone else.

And once one neighbor starts,

it'll keep escalating
back and forth forever,

forcing you to invent new ways
to claim your territory.

-Ready?
-(fire whooshes)

John:
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!

Cannon Man:
Pretty hot, isn't it?
Praise his name!

(whooshing)

Alright.

(Cannon Man groans)

John:
So, you went online

and ordered some brake pads.

And in the meantime,

you talk to other New Yorkers
about what else irritates them.

And it seems like sound
wasn't the only issue

affecting their mental health.

This is a meter,
and what I do with it,

I, I can check where
I can breathe freely.

This is basically measures
the dust particles.

Upstairs, it was 50.

Here, it's four times more.

This is a manslaughter amount
of particles to be in.

If you know
the particles are 400,

I-I-I'm panicking.
I wanna get outta here.

Before that, I would be
sitting like this dude.

John:
Sorry.

-(street chatter)
-(soft music playing)

-John: So this is a Macy's--
-Five!

John:
Oh, wow.

John:
So what's the reading
in the GameStop?

Uh, HEPA filters are
doing their jobs.

John: Okay, sorry.
We were just-- Okay.

I have also ADD. I'm kinda
consistently aggressive,

so it's all definitely
pointing out

to that one specific area.

-Pollution.
-John: Okay.

5G Person:
You know, a lot of the times
when people don't mind

a lot of the noise,
to the pollution,

to, you know, things like 5G,

um, they usually
are sociopathic.

I've, I've known those people,
um, you know, who have told me

that they were, um, diagnosed
with sociopathy.

-John: Hm.
-Um, sociopath.

You know, they had been locked
up in prison for 30 years.

Serial killers I've met,
believe it or not, um...

John: Who were
the serial killers you've met?

Yeah, I mean, two,
like, one I was with,

and then the other, um,

that did work
for the government. Yeah.

John:
Wait, you-you dated
a serial killer?

Yeah. Yeah.

So, like, he worked for,
um, like, a trading firm here,

like, during the daytime.

And then, of course, the night
was like a different life.

John:
Wait, sorry. (stammers)
Got hung up on this.

Can you talk about what they did
without saying their names?

I mean, everything
from assassination to, um...

um, like, everything
in, like, the deep blue sea.

-Yeah.
-John: What does that mean?

Um, the underworld.

-(construction noise)
-John: Here, let me close this.

-(noise muffles)
-John: Um...

See? Immediately,
right when the window closes...

-Like, the brain?
(laughs) The waves.
-John: Yeah.

5G Person:
I do get away to
a few places to detox.

I can promise anybody that
the feeling is so different,

and it's like detoxing
from energy.

♪♪

John:
Maybe the reason
everyone is

at each other's throats
in New York,

is because of all the
toxic stuff we're exposed to.

You have had
a bad headache recently.

You're also pretty sure
your hairline is receding.

And... (clears throat)

you've been feeling
a bit more short-tempered.

So, maybe it would be good

to detox. For once.

You looked up the place

that the one lady
told you about,

and it seemed pretty nice.

They call it the Quiet Zone

because there's no cell service

or Wi-Fi allowed for miles

so that
this giant radio telescope

can operate
without interference.

That ends up attracting
a, a bunch of people

who are sensitive
to all this stuff.

(coughing)

You were curious if
people really did
feel healthier there.

And maybe everyone
gets along better

in a less polluted environment.

-Driver: Hey, get the fuck
out of the way!
-Piece of shit!

-Driver: Go fuck your mother!
-Fuck you!

-Driver: Your mother!
-(spits) Bitch!

John:
So, you get in your car
and take the long drive

out to the Quiet Zone.

(speaks quieter)
The-- The Quiet Zone.

(mellow music playing)

-(car rumbling)
-(brakes squeal)

John:
The air felt really
good out here.

And it felt like your headache
was already getting better.

(insects chirp)

John:
They were right
that there really was

no cell phone service,

and instead of just scrolling
on your phone,

you-you just talk to a few of
the people you found in town.

(brakes squeal)

John:
Is everyone pretty
neighborly here?

We do definitely
have a way of life.

You know,
people come in here, we...

have boxes for credit.

-John: Wait, really?
-Yeah.

So, these are for individual
people in the community,

-and we have it sorted by name.
-John: Oh, that's cool.

-And, like, if you take it out,
it's just pieces of papers.
-John: That's so cool.

It doesn't matter where I
go here. They're my neighbors.

The day I moved here,
one of my neighbors said,

"Uh, you just moved in.
You probably haven't had time.

-I'll mow your lawn
for you today."
-John: Oh yeah?

-And the other one
brought me a pie.
-John: Oh, wow.

You even drove over
to the observatory,

and they, uh, they offered to
give you a tour.

(burps) Sorry.

They were even doing
some routine maintenance,

which meant you actually
got to witness them cleaning

one of the biggest ears
on the ent-- the whole planet.

This is kind of like the
biggest, like, ear in the world.

-Biggest eyeball
in the world! Yeah.
-John: Eye-Eyeball? Okay.

You realized you hadn't
really prepared
any good questions

about the telescope,

so the tour was,
uh, pretty short.

-Uh, I just rewatched
that movie "Contact."
-(radio beeping, chatter)

-John: Uh, what have--
-Can I turn off my radio?

-John: Oh, yeah, sure.
-I just-- I'm sorry about this.

John:
You were still curious about
the electrosensitive people

who moved here to get away
from 5G and Wi-Fi and stuff.

So, you arranged to meet up
with a lady named Diane,

who lived deep in the woods
with her husband, Bert.

Bert:
So, all this is about
electrosensitivity

and conferences been to.

Bio-initiative Report
and so forth.

John:
So, what is that?
What, what is that thing?

Bert:
That's how you can determine
if you're electrosensitive.

John:
But is it actually, like, do you
find it's actually quiet here?

-Generally, yes.
-John: Hm.

Occasionally, a car
might drive by,

-and I feel the, uh, cell phone.
-John: Hm.

You know,
it gave me a headache.

No, just about
no bald people here.

-John: Oh, really?
-(laughs) Yeah.

John:
Yeah, I've had, I've had
kind of a headache

in the city recently.

You think--
You think I would feel better

if I moved out here?

Um, well, yeah.

There are a lot of people
that come here

that, supposedly,
they are sensitive,

-but I feel, in my opinion,
I think they're faking it.
-(beep)

-(beep)
-John: What's that?

-Diane: That's a smoke detector.
-Bert: Smoke detector in
the other room needs a battery.

John:
I can do, I can do it for you.

-Bert: I appreciate that
very much, John.
-John: Yeah, of course.

You were surprised to hear
that Diane thought

anybody would fake
a condition like this,

even though they take it
very seriously.

But, maybe the community

was just trying to protect
the paradise they have

from invaders like you.

So, you went to get
a second opinion

from another electrosensitive,
uh, person nearby.

Are there any electrosensitives
that you don't believe,

or that you feel like are
embellishing at all?

Well, everybody embellishes.
It's human nature.

We all exaggerate.

If you read anything
about psychology,

nobody tells
completely the truth.

We all embellish, okay?
And our memories are imperfect.

In terms of,
like, hypochondriacs...

(sighs) no.
Why would you come here?

People leave their families.
They leave their jobs.

They, you know, they leave
their comfortable situations,

and they come here
and live in an area

which is hard to live in.

-John: Mm-hmm.
-It's hard living here.

Nobody's gonna do that,
you know?

John:
Well, uh, yeah, I was just--

I was just thinking
of that just 'cause

when I was just talking
to Diane, she,

she said that she didn't
believe some people.

She feels like some people
were faking it.

That's her problem.

Did you, did you and Diane
have a falling out or...?

No, I think Bert and I
had a falling out

because he started shouting
at me, and he said,

"We don't like you.
You're too argumentative."

And we also had
a big argument about Roundup,

which he insisted you can drink.
It was perfectly safe.

-John: Wait, the weed killer?
-The weed killer, yeah.

John:
Wait, but Bert argued
that you could drink Roundup?

Yeah. Mm.

John:
So, what's the electrosensitive
community like?

Clover:
Well, it's not, as I say,
it's not really a community.

I'm lonely, and it's hard to
deal with most of these people.

There's a few
that are my friends

because it's a give-and-take.

I-- They help me, I help them.

You know, they're honest.
They don't-- Yeah, so...

But most of the people I don't
find that I like to deal with.

They'll be friendly to you
and then they'll scorn you

and they won't even talk to you.
I find that very hurtful.

♪♪

John:
It seems like even
in ideal conditions,

it's still really hard to avoid
friction between neighbors.

She told you about a property

where a bunch of other
electrosensitives,

uh, lived in cabins.

And you found a lady
who was actually moving out

because the conditions
in the Quiet Zone

still weren't good enough.

They retrofit tiny houses,

which is almost like
a tiny mansion,

-for people who are sensitive.
-John: Wh-Where in the country?

Um, right now, they're in Utah.

John:
Oh, okay. So you're gonna
move to Utah after this?

I am going to
try out this house

because every single wire
is shielded.

John:
So, is this
your heating unit here?

Andrea:
No, I have no heater
except the wood.

-John:
Oh, it's only wood. Okay.
-Yeah.

Because I hate to say
Walt is a slumlord,

but that's another story.

-John: Walt is like--
-He owns all this land
and the property,

-and fixes nothing.
-John: Right. Really?

-That’s a shame.
-I had to put screens
on the windows.

He wouldn't do it.

-John: Oh, really?
-The oven went off.

It could-- I--
It wouldn't... go.

And from the Wi-Fi that
comes in with my neighbor...

John:
The list was very long,

but you were curious
about why, uh, her landlord

would rent to people with
so many specific demands

if he, uh, if he
wasn't prepared
to accommodate them.

And then when she took
you out to her car

to show you where she sleeps
when the Wi-Fi gets too bad,

-her landlord
actually drove by.
-So, this goes up--

-John: Now, is that Walt?
-Oh, yeah.

John:
Oh.

And after you said
goodbye to her,

you secretly went up
to his place

to get his perspective
on the whole situation.

(door creaking)

John:
Wow. This is a beautiful spot.

Walt:
This in itself should have
a soothing effect

-on most any type...
-(birds chirping)

...of ailment you might have.

-Or think you might have.
-John: Yeah.

Walt: Not enough.
Gotta be something else.

They're a moving target.

One thing you get done today,

you know, there's
something else tomorrow.

The, the issue of electricity
comes first,

but then, they have dust.
They have smell.

They have mold.
There's other issues.

And, and once you get
one solved,

it'd, be... (stammers)

that doesn't mean
that it's all over.

You've gotta deal with
something else the next day,

and it goes on and on.
It makes it difficult.

This hot tub that I have,

it's this outside
hot tub right here,

this lady that
rented it from me,

she stayed in there
as much as 24 hours

to block off rays

that were coming to her
from someone else.

They look different.
They act different.

Uh, they're
difficult to deal with.

But, that doesn't mean
the problem

is gonna go away.
At some point,

this issue has got
to be addressed,

'cause we don't
see it decreasin'.

We see it increasin'.

John:
Wait, so your...

your Wi-Fi is like,
your Wi-Fi is
password protected.

-Yeah.
-John: Who's gonna steal it,
you know?

I-I'd like for them people
to steal it. (laughs)

The only thing I gotta
watch in here,

I got a 21-year-old house cat.

-John: Oh yeah? Okay.
-And she can't get out,
so she should be alright.

Walt:
That's a heat pad.
That's electric.

-John: Oh, that's nice.
-(cat meows)

Walt:
Oh yeah, you want
your picture taken, Lodge?

She--

But she wants that heat pad,
and bitches about it

if she don't get it.
She throws a fit.

John:
Aw. Hello.

Walt:
Yeah, she's a good cat.

John: Oh, wow.
You got a noise machine here.

-Is that what this is?
-Walt: What's that?

-John: That's a noise machine.
-Walt: Yeah.

John:
What, what do you got
the noise machine for?

Walt:
Well, that's my wife.
When she comes home,

she gotta have that thing.

John:
Really? Even though it's, like--

Why does your wife need
a noise machine?

They want, they want noise.
They don't want it real quiet.

Otherwise, you can't sleep
without that noise.

I mean, you're supposed to be
able to sleep the other way.

Gotta be quiet. Well, not here.

Sometimes, when Rita comes home,
bless her heart,

she turn that thing on.
It aggravates me,

but, you know,
I can live with it.

(gentle music playing)

John:
I guess even if you do manage

to find a quiet place,

it might not stay quiet
for very long.

-(brakes squeal)
-You know how to get
to the highway?

Alright.

So, maybe you should try

getting used to the stuff
that bothers you.

Otherwise, you may just be
on the run forever.

Because no matter
how far you move away,

the one noise
you'll never escape

is the one in your own head.

And if you love
something enough,

a little noise is
a, a small price to pay.

♪♪

So, if you do ever
muster up the courage

to make sound in bed,

just make sure that you have
something to cover it up with

that everyone will love.

(car horn honks
"The Godfather" theme)

(horn continues)

(loud street noise)

(subway screeching)

(blaring siren passing)

(jackhammer rattling)

(alarm blaring)

(cacophony, horn continues)

(John muffled)

(silence)

("Mellow Landscape"
by Mike Vickers playing)

♪♪