Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:26,319
♪ Tell the men I'm coming ♪
2
00:00:26,402 --> 00:00:30,490
♪ Tell them count the days ♪
3
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:33,659
♪ I can feel the night passing by ♪
4
00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:54,722
Is that your phone?
5
00:00:54,806 --> 00:00:56,516
Um, no it's an Amber Alert.
It's nothing.
6
00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:57,934
Oh.
7
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:05,316
- Morning.
- Hello.
8
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,735
I did not expect
last night to happen.
9
00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:09,695
Me neither.
10
00:01:10,947 --> 00:01:12,907
But, like, you wanted it
to happen, right?
11
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,200
I had your consent?
12
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,453
- Yes, you had my consent.
- Okay.
13
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,207
That wasn't your first time, was it?
14
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,836
Me? God, no. No, I've sexed a lot.
15
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,671
Was it yours?
16
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,381
I hoped you could tell it wasn't.
17
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:29,882
Totally, totally.
18
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:31,759
Hey, if it's cool,
I think we shouldn't
19
00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:32,885
tell Leighton about this.
20
00:01:32,969 --> 00:01:34,887
Oh, definitely not.
21
00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:36,931
One time Bela made a comment
on your hot bod
22
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,809
and Leighton got so mad,
she snapped a pen in half.
23
00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:44,981
Well, then, it's settled.
We won't mention last night.
24
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,110
- Or this morning.
- This morning? I don't...
25
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:52,154
Oh, yes. Yes.
I'm a yes for this morning.
26
00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:53,573
Giddy up.
27
00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:55,324
I don't know why I said that.
28
00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:57,159
♪ You know the vibes
you know the vibes ♪
29
00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,911
♪ Switch up the ride
switch up the ride ♪
30
00:01:58,995 --> 00:02:00,413
♪ Don't take the price don't take ♪
31
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,039
Okay, tell us every single detail.
32
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,457
Leave out nothing.
33
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,001
I'm not gonna kiss and tell.
That's tacky.
34
00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,460
You're right.
Act it out with your food.
35
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:08,045
He's the sausage,
you're the tater tots.
36
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:09,714
All I'll share is this,
37
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,758
it is crazy how much better
sex is with Nico,
38
00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:16,137
a guy I just met, than
with a guy I loved like Max.
39
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,763
That's not crazy.
40
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,932
One's hot and one brought
a light saber when he visited.
41
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,059
So you're really not
gonna tell us anything?
42
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:26,939
His sex is amazing and
I can't stop thinking about it.
43
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:28,274
Boom.
44
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,734
That's my girl.
45
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,068
Now, describe his penis so
46
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:32,445
I can draw it out
like a sketch artist.
47
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:33,946
You really like him, don't you?
48
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:36,282
Yeah, I mean, he's nice
and funny and smart.
49
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:41,120
And, I don't know,
he, like, surprises me.
50
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,455
Who surprises you?
51
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,790
No, it's just this
cute meteorologist
52
00:02:44,874 --> 00:02:46,876
on my local news channel back home.
53
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,128
Your meteorologist surprises you?
54
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:51,297
Yeah, like, with his tie choices.
55
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,925
Morning, besties. I need a favor.
56
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:56,135
So you know how I didn't get
into any of the acapella groups
57
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,970
because they're all
super jealous of me.
58
00:02:58,054 --> 00:03:01,807
Well, hold on to your labes
because I started my own group.
59
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:03,643
And we're having a concert...
60
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,479
♪ Tomorrow ♪
61
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:09,023
Travis, I will never go
to an acapella show.
62
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:12,318
Well, you'll be at this one
because you wouldn't want
63
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,820
your intersectionality
to be called into question.
64
00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:17,448
Would you?
Okay, I'll see you there.
65
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,332
Hi, you have some
old workout jackets, right?
66
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:27,875
The women's center
is volunteering at
67
00:03:27,959 --> 00:03:29,710
a horse rehab farm and
I'm not about to have one
68
00:03:29,794 --> 00:03:31,754
of them nibble on
my Gucci quarter zips.
69
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,339
Oh, so you want to
give them one of mine?
70
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,675
Sure. Take the red one.
It's in the closet.
71
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,385
Thank you.
72
00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:48,187
What is this?
73
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,647
- Hey, babe--
- Oh!
74
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,023
That's like a team nickname.
75
00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,692
They just call me babe sometimes.
76
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,735
"You looked hot out there today.
Love, Dalton."
77
00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:57,363
Isn't Dalton one of your coaches?
78
00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:02,576
Leighton, I swear to God,
you cannot tell anyone.
79
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:06,497
Okay, but I may have had an affair
80
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,165
with my married assistant coach.
81
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,668
- Okay.
- Look, it was a mistake
82
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,337
and it's in the past.
Okay, but I need you to give me
83
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,880
your solemn word that you're not
84
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:17,216
- gonna say anything to anyone.
- My solemn word?
85
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,719
Dude, while I'm sure this
is considered some juicy stuff
86
00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:22,346
where you're from, I went
to a New York prep school.
87
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,639
I've been making out with bartenders
88
00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:24,765
since I was, like, 14.
89
00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,018
That's disturbing,
90
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,979
but it does make me feel
a little bit better.
91
00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,857
I don't know,
I've honestly been low key
92
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,151
depressed about this
for the past couple weeks.
93
00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:38,070
Do you want to hang out
and talk about it?
94
00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:40,072
I can bail on this
women's center thing right now.
95
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,658
Oh, no, that's nice of you
but you don't have to do that.
96
00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:43,909
Ah, it's too late.
97
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:45,536
I already used you as an excuse.
98
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,497
I told them my BIPOC roommate
was in crisis.
99
00:04:48,581 --> 00:04:50,166
Okay.
100
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:52,752
♪ Time stops,
do you feel the rhythm ♪
101
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:57,715
Hey, can you think of something
102
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,592
that rhymes with
Ansel Elgort's thick thighs?
103
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,469
I don't think I can.
104
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:04,263
I'm so in my head about this
final Catullan submission.
105
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,849
Not to be dramatic, but the six
pieces I submit tomorrow
106
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,977
will determine the rest
of my entire comedy career.
107
00:05:10,061 --> 00:05:12,897
Bela, your packet is so funny.
108
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,315
I liked every single piece.
109
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,317
Even the ones I didn't understand.
110
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:21,113
Damn, you and Nico
are texting non-stop.
111
00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:23,783
Yeah, but I have to put
my phone away and focus.
112
00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:26,035
I have a six hour shift at Sips
113
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:28,037
and so much homework to catch up on.
114
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,538
For the rest of the day,
115
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:30,956
I'm tuning him out
and I'm getting things done.
116
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,583
I'm sure you will.
117
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:44,386
I'm sorry I'm late.
I got locked out of my room.
118
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,598
And I forgot to lock it again.
119
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,433
I'll be back in 20 minutes.
120
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:52,645
The fuck?
121
00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:56,732
♪ So baby ♪
122
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:58,651
I have to help a friend
with something.
123
00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:01,320
I'll be back in 14 minutes.
124
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,495
My dorm is having an emergency.
125
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,081
I'll be back in eight
in a half minutes.
126
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:21,757
Oh, shit.
127
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,052
Are you kidding me?
When it comes to Chrises,
128
00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:28,973
it goes Pine, Hemsworth,
Evans, and hello?
129
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:33,144
Oh, sorry.
Do you see that guy over there?
130
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,981
His name's Canaan.
We kind of hooked up.
131
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,527
Whitney, that guy is so hot.
132
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,446
Okay, that is the kind of guy
that you need to be going for.
133
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,615
Not some townie doofus
who peaked in high school.
134
00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:48,993
He works at Sips with Kimberly.
135
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,327
Kimberly works at Sips?
136
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:51,871
I could've sworn she was a janitor.
137
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,290
Okay, look,
he's sitting down to eat.
138
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,168
Well, what are you waiting for?
Go talk to him.
139
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,794
I don't know.
140
00:06:58,878 --> 00:07:00,546
I feel like
I might need to take a beat
141
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,131
before jumping
into someone new.
142
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,757
No, no, no, okay rookie mistake.
143
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,384
The best way to get over
somebody is
144
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,929
to whore out with someone
hotter right away, like him.
145
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,473
Okay.
146
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,227
- Mm?
- Yeah.
147
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,400
- Hey.
- Whitney.
148
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,528
It's been a minute. Want to sit?
149
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,322
Yeah. Yeah.
150
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,740
Okay, but you will have to leave
151
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,158
when my cooler friends get here.
152
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,953
I can only submit six pieces,
153
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:34,580
so I need to pick the absolute best.
154
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,915
Uh-huh.
155
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,333
That's why I need
your honest opinion.
156
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,752
- Don't go easy on me.
- Uh-huh. Yup.
157
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:41,295
Hey, do you think we
should take a break
158
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,713
so you can give my packet
your full focus?
159
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,256
Are you kidding me?
160
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,925
I want to do both at the same time.
161
00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,843
You're so funny.
It makes me so hard.
162
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:49,595
All right, get back down there.
163
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:50,763
Do your thing.
164
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,765
♪ Touch in the moonlight ♪
165
00:07:56,018 --> 00:08:00,648
♪ Oh, oh ♪
166
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:03,275
Kimberly Edie Finkel, late again.
167
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:04,610
I'm very sorry.
168
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,278
Wait, how do you know
my middle name?
169
00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,863
Payroll purposes,
but don't change the subject.
170
00:08:07,947 --> 00:08:09,907
All right, you are on thin ice,
young lady.
171
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,784
Now grab that mop,
some of the theater kids
172
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,285
have been practicing
spit takes.
173
00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:14,954
And you're gonna clean it up.
174
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,288
Okay.
175
00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:19,291
So, um, why do you
keep on being late? Hmm?
176
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:22,169
I've kind of been,
like, with someone.
177
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,840
I knew it was because
you was fucking somebody.
178
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,634
Uh, sorry. Can I order?
179
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,636
Excuse me, we're gabbing here.
180
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,430
Is it who I think it is?
181
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:36,141
Is his dick made out of gold?
182
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,519
Yeah, it's Nico and it's amazing.
183
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,187
But it's all I can think about.
184
00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:42,147
And yesterday,
I skipped all my classes.
185
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:44,483
And I'm barely holding on
to a C in Econ.
186
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,235
- Econ with Professor Bennett?
- Yeah.
187
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,319
Just ask him for extra credit.
188
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:48,988
That's what I did last year.
189
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,698
And my B plus went to an A.
And I'm not just saying it
190
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,576
to brag about my grades,
although I'm quite bright.
191
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,494
Really? That would be so huge.
192
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,121
I'll ask him about it today.
193
00:08:57,204 --> 00:09:00,541
Does anyone have
an iPhone 4 charger?
194
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:03,419
- I'm sorry.
- No.
195
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,171
Great job getting your submission in
196
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,840
two minutes before the deadline,
Jeff.
197
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,174
I'll be reading it last.
198
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,426
Hopefully your take on Baby Yoda
199
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,177
is still fresh when I get to it.
200
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:15,389
Baby Yoda.
That shit is so played out.
201
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,682
Totally.
202
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,225
I wrote a piece
about Baby Shark, though.
203
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:19,977
And it's pretty biting.
204
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,479
All right, everyone.
205
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,023
Final submissions are now closed.
206
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,441
If anyone's late,
they're out of luck.
207
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,192
Thank you all for your hard work.
208
00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,028
Eric, the board, and I
are really looking forward
209
00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:30,487
to reading what you came up with.
210
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:32,489
And if we choose any new members,
211
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:33,782
tonight is gonna be tap night.
212
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,367
We'll come find you in your rooms
213
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:37,536
and whisk you away
for hours of traditions
214
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,955
that you cannot share
with anyone, ever.
215
00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:41,540
Including future spouses.
216
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,001
But, again, we probably
won't pick anyone.
217
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,629
We'll probably pick
between two and four people.
218
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,881
Evangeline, could you not--
219
00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:51,216
I will now take the submissions
and hold onto them
220
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,427
until the board can reconvene
to review them.
221
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:56,180
But straight off the bat,
I see some insane
222
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,058
and embarrassing font choices.
So way to go.
223
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,563
Hey, um, if we get picked,
224
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,815
can we finally see
the upstairs rooms?
225
00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:09,568
Want me to sneak you up right now?
226
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,111
Oh, shit yes. Yes.
227
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,654
Wait, you don't think
we'll get in trouble?
228
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,365
No one's coming back till 8:00.
229
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,783
Come on. Let's go.
230
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,304
I feel like it's
a compliment to get catfished.
231
00:10:37,388 --> 00:10:39,223
It means he must really like you.
232
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,100
I just don't understand
233
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,185
how you got catfished
by your cousin, again.
234
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,479
He just writes
such beautiful sonnets.
235
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,356
Ginger, we've talked about this.
236
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:50,901
You need to set boundaries
with Randy, your cousin.
237
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,861
Sorry I'm late.
238
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,614
You okay, Tova?
239
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,574
It's over between me and Beth.
240
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:58,992
What? What happened?
241
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,786
You two were such a cute couple.
242
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,830
We were supposed to go over
to her house for Thanksgiving,
243
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,998
and while her parents were cool
with her being a lesbian,
244
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,167
she thought that I might be
too much for them.
245
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,002
What? What would be too much?
246
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,630
I guess they've never met
someone who's non-binary,
247
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:15,384
- so Beth wanted me to fem it up.
- Oh, fuck that.
248
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:18,137
Hey, you might quickly want
249
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,139
to let us know what side you're on.
250
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:22,307
Tova's obviously.
251
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:24,351
Look, when I first had to come here,
252
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:25,602
I'll be real with you,
253
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,438
I kind of thought you all sucked.
254
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,441
Not for any identity reasons,
just personalities, you know?
255
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,651
- Mm-hmm.
- But then I got to know you.
256
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:35,154
And Tova,
I think you're pretty great.
257
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:38,157
You are almost too cool
to be here but, yet,
258
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,367
you still come here.
Which kind of makes you cooler.
259
00:11:40,451 --> 00:11:42,619
So this is Beth's loss.
260
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:44,496
Thank you, Leighton.
261
00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,957
Uh, Leighton, quick question.
262
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,877
You pointed at me when you were
talking about personalities.
263
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,337
No, no. No, I didn't.
It just looked that way.
264
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,548
Oh, okay. Great.
265
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,262
I would be happy
to offer extra credit
266
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,847
for helping me with my research.
267
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,682
It's actually pretty exciting stuff.
268
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,767
Here, take a look.
269
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:09,813
Oh, I love all this data.
270
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,608
So many columns
with information in them.
271
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:15,611
Yeah, this looks so cool.
272
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:18,030
Okay, well basically,
I just need help
273
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,991
with data calculations using
the blue binder's raw data.
274
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,534
The formula's in the green one.
275
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:24,745
The blue one, the green one.
Totally get it.
276
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,872
Well, I have a meeting
for the next few hours,
277
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,208
but when I get back I'll tell
you how my data forecast
278
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,627
changes in the oat milk
industry over the next decade.
279
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,796
- If you'd like that.
- Sir, I would love that.
280
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,592
Have fun with that data.
281
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,930
What the fuck am I looking at?
282
00:12:56,652 --> 00:13:00,239
Whoa, cool portrait.
Is that, uh, Rob Schneider?
283
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,699
Are you kidding me?
That's Sid Caesar.
284
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,910
He basically created TV comedy.
285
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,870
Nice. I'm surprised you know that.
286
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,707
Holy shit,
is that a real cue card from SNL?
287
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,417
Jude Law hosted that one.
288
00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:14,086
I can name the host
and musical guest pairing
289
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,338
of every episode of SNL
since the year 2000.
290
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,507
Okay, prove it.
291
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,050
Musical guest, Korn.
292
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,593
Eva Longoria hosted.
293
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:23,470
- Ludacris.
- You trying to trick me?
294
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:26,098
Ludacris? He hosted
and he was the musical guest.
295
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:28,684
Okay.
Who was the musical guest
296
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,770
- when the Rock hosted?
- My boy Dwayne,
297
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:34,356
AKA Maui the demi-god,
AKA the tooth fairy
298
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,441
has hosted five times
with musical guest,
299
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:39,278
George Ezra, Ray LaMontagne,
Andrew WK,
300
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,030
AC/DC, and Katy Perry.
301
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,617
I can do a good Stewie voice.
302
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,037
If you want to hear it.
303
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,542
I think I'm gonna head out.
304
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,711
Uh, thanks for bringing us up here.
305
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,421
Yup.
306
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,427
♪ You only live once
better turn it, turn it up ♪
307
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,971
♪ It's showtime that's all we know ♪
308
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:09,308
Yo, everyone. This is Whitney.
309
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:12,352
Baby senator. Welcome back.
310
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:15,480
The last time she was here,
she stood in the corner so long
311
00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:18,066
I thought she was
her mother's secret service.
312
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,693
That's Jayla.
313
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,112
Who apparently woke up
this morning and chose violence.
314
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,323
Can your mom introduce me
to Travis Scott?
315
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,992
Honestly, yeah. She probably could.
316
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,243
Sick.
317
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:29,786
- Can I get you a drink?
- Yes, please.
318
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:30,996
Okay.
319
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,623
Let's see what they left for us.
320
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:35,500
- Okay.
- Oh, this is wild.
321
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:38,920
Is this Canaan with a girl
in broad daylight?
322
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:42,424
Yeah, you should know, this guy
never introduces us to girls.
323
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,009
He just sneaks them
into his room at night
324
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,677
like some kind of sex Batman.
325
00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:48,180
Really? You're a sex Batman?
326
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,266
- No, no. That's not true.
- It is though.
327
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,186
What the fuck?
Who's playing a slow jam?
328
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,563
I thought this was a turn up,
not a wind down.
329
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,523
Yo, Nate, what's up with the music?
330
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,692
Are you staying for dinner?
331
00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:02,027
Because we're doing a nacho bar.
332
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,528
And I don't mean to brag,
333
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,030
but we go pretty hard
with the toppings station.
334
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,365
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no.
335
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,783
I actually have to leave in a bit
336
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:10,285
to go to an acapella show.
337
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:11,995
Oh, wait. Are you serious?
338
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:15,374
Yeah, no one should ever
have to go to an acapella show.
339
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,501
Unless you, like, love acapella.
340
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,920
Okay. I can tell I misrepresented
341
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,464
myself this morning, and while I am
342
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,049
somewhat okay with
being known as the girl with
343
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,760
the senator mom,
I am not okay as being known
344
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,136
as the girl who likes acapella.
345
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:31,223
I'm going against my will.
346
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,102
Holy shit,
this autograph wall is insane.
347
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,479
Oh, my God. Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
348
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,064
Are you kidding me?
349
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,691
I love this place so much.
350
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,067
Well, by midnight tonight
351
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,235
you'll know if you're in or not.
352
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,820
Don't remind me.
353
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:48,073
Look, the deliberations can get crazy.
354
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,742
But I'll just tell you,
I'm gonna vote for you.
355
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,746
I'm not sure Eric likes me enough.
356
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:57,207
Eric doesn't like anyone.
357
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,750
I'm his roommate and best friend
358
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,919
and he regularly calls me
a talentless hack.
359
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:04,172
You are though, right?
360
00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:05,674
Don't worry about Eric.
361
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,718
I'll convince him
you're worth a shot.
362
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,305
Holy shit. Is that Elaine Stritch?
363
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:13,807
She's the greatest of all time.
364
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,434
When did she come here?
Was it during her..
365
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,692
Hey, um, I don't, um...
366
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,152
It's okay. Everybody's gone.
367
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,446
No, I don't want
to do whatever this is.
368
00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,531
Seriously?
369
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,074
Yeah, I just...
370
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,409
Are we cool?
371
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,079
- Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah.
- Okay.
372
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,373
Great. Cool. Well, I'll see ya.
373
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:40,876
Thanks, thanks for
the wall and stuff.
374
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,841
You sure about this?
375
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,176
Yeah, he said he'd
be gone for hours.
376
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,345
♪ Show me love ♪
377
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,555
♪ Show me love ♪
378
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,849
This is hot.
379
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,684
Oh, my God.
380
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,728
Kimberly.
381
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:05,233
Sir, this is my fault and
I take full responsibility.
382
00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:09,446
If you want to report anyone,
report me, Chad Mickland.
383
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,156
Wait, is Nico a nickname?
384
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,033
Oh.
385
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:14,868
Professor Bennett, I realize
386
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,828
this was a horrible lapse
in judgement.
387
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,122
But I'm having a really hard
time in your class
388
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,791
and I'm so far behind.
389
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,167
So if you please could
just give me one more chance.
390
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,877
You've had plenty of chances.
391
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,421
You've arrived late to class,
you've missed assignments.
392
00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:29,007
- Now you made love on my desk.
- We were only kissing.
393
00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:30,550
He never took it out. Tell him.
394
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:32,010
I don't think that's gonna help,
395
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,553
but it's true,
it wasn't out yet.
396
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:34,930
It does not help.
397
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,432
Get out of here.
398
00:17:37,516 --> 00:17:38,850
Oh, okay. I'm going.
399
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:41,812
I would still love
to hear your thoughts
400
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,313
on oat milk futures, though.
401
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,273
Then you can listen to my TED Talk.
402
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,608
Got it.
403
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,366
- Hey.
- Hey.
404
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,076
How's it going
with you know who?
405
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,203
Actually, I kind of wanted
to talk to you about that.
406
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,038
I think I might
be a sex addict.
407
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,375
- I promise you, you are not.
- We had sex six times today.
408
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,086
- Okay, that's a lot.
- And it was almost seven,
409
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,712
but then a professor
walked in on us.
410
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,631
I'm sorry, what?
411
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,259
Everything I see makes me
think of having sex with him.
412
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:14,386
Like, have you noticed how phallic
413
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,096
the lampposts on this campus are?
414
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,681
I have not.
415
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,391
Okay, I'm here.
416
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,892
Can we take a quick photo for
proof and then we can leave?
417
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:22,769
I was thinking we would
cheer really loud
418
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:24,729
in the first song
and then just scurry out.
419
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,982
- I can do that.
- Hey, guys.
420
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,234
Hey, did you turn in
your submission?
421
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,694
Yeah, it's in.
422
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,153
Is everything okay?
You don't seem excited.
423
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,572
I don't know.
424
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,073
I'm just--I'm pretty sure
I'm not getting in.
425
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,741
You're probably just
being tough on yourself.
426
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:39,286
No, but it's fine.
Maybe it's even for the best.
427
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:44,666
Hello, everyone.
We are the AcaFellas.
428
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,586
And we are ready to rock you.
429
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:51,256
Oh, though, to be clear,
we only do pop covers.
430
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,216
Three, four.
431
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:59,431
♪ Havana, ooh, na na ♪
432
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:03,101
♪ Half of my heart is in Havana,
ooh, na na ♪
433
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,978
- Whoo!
- Yes!
434
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,939
♪ Havana, na na na ♪
435
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,816
Okay, he saw us. Now we can leave.
436
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,153
None of you ever let me do
anything this embarrassing.
437
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:14,821
♪ Havana ♪
438
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:17,198
♪ He didn't walk up
with the how you doin' ♪
439
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,660
Okay, Whitney is meeting up
with Canaan again tonight.
440
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:21,995
God, I love this.
441
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,496
I'm sorry.
442
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,373
Are you invested in
the happiness of someone else?
443
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:27,459
I do not know how
to process this information.
444
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:29,294
She's kind of cool.
445
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,629
And of the three of my roommates,
446
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,422
she's definitely the most normal.
447
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:36,134
And it turns out, I am pretty
good at giving dating advice.
448
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,970
You are for someone
who introduced me
449
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,473
as a business acquaintance
to a cashier.
450
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,600
Okay, look,I'm not a showy person.
451
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,644
I don't need to put on
a rainbow bathing suit
452
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,395
and run downthe street screaming,
453
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:49,522
"I have a girlfriend."
454
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:52,484
Oh, you have a girlfriend.
455
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:54,527
Yeah.
456
00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:58,740
No, I mean--I don't know.
457
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:02,827
Do I?
458
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:06,831
Yeah, you do.
459
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,875
Come here.
460
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:11,836
♪ Going so fast
every thought we had ♪
461
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,714
♪ Is coming undone ♪
462
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:18,051
♪ Falling behind
with everything we left ♪
463
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:22,889
Oh, shit.Baby senator's back, y'all.
464
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,182
Uh-uh, we're gonna have to
465
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,850
work on that nickname, loud girl.
466
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:29,020
Loud girl? Excuse me?
467
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:30,981
You know, actually,
I love that. I am loud.
468
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,025
- You are loud.
- Glad you came back.
469
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:35,610
Of course I did.
470
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:37,779
I spent the last two hours
thinking about one thing.
471
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:41,157
- Ditching Canaan for me?
- What? No.
472
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,534
Nachos.
473
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:45,120
Darius, no one would pick you
over Canaan.
474
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,329
That's insane.
475
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,762
Bela! Bela! Bela!
476
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:06,057
- Bela! Bela! Bela!
- Bela Malhotra,
477
00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:07,475
you've been tapped
by the Catullan.
478
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,103
- Do you accept?
- Yes. Yes, I do.
479
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,896
- Congratulations.
- You so deserve this.
480
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:15,191
Your packet was amazing.
481
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,861
I was dying reading your stuff.
482
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,572
You are an absolute genius.
483
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,407
We're so proud of you.
484
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,492
Yes!
485
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:30,081
♪ Shine ♪
486
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,083
Hey, let's not have sex tonight.
487
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,045
Okay, I was gonna say
the same thing.
488
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:37,047
- Really?
- No.
489
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:39,049
- Oh.
- It's all good.
490
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:42,927
Okay, other options.
We can watch TV.
491
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:45,096
- TV sounds good.
- Okay.
492
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,431
I can't stay late, though.
493
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,516
I have to study since I public sexed
494
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,810
my way out of an Econ credit.
495
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:53,438
If you need help with
that Econ grade, I can help.
496
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:57,817
Theta keeps copies
of midterms and finals
497
00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,861
that lazy professors
recycle year after year.
498
00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:01,905
So if you want to know
what's on Bennett's test,
499
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,281
it's right here.
500
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:04,866
You could borrow it if you want.
501
00:22:04,949 --> 00:22:06,993
No, no, I can't do that.
502
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,912
Cheating is, sort of, the antithesis
503
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:10,497
of everything I believe in.
504
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,958
All right. Whatever you want.
505
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:18,004
What I want is to go
back to your room, please.
506
00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:20,799
There's this new documentary on
507
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,342
factory farming
I really want to watch.
508
00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:25,970
Wow. First no sex
and now a farming doc.
509
00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:28,098
This night just keeps getting
hotter and hotter.
510
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,646
I'm one glass away
from getting Asian flush.
511
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:37,440
- You haven't had any yet.
- Exactly.
512
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,240
Um, girlfriend, should I ask why
513
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:47,492
a girl named Maya
is calling you at 1:00 a.m.?
514
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,911
Oh, my God, chill. She's just a friend.
515
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:52,205
She's actually coming to visit
in town this weekend.
516
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:53,998
To visit your vagina?
517
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:57,252
Maya is not a threat to you. Okay?
518
00:22:57,335 --> 00:22:59,379
She's my brother,
Nico's, girlfriend.
519
00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:23,296
Go to bed.
38255
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof