Original subtitles

♪ Don't let it bother you when things go wrong. ♪

♪ If you're glum, just hum and some good luck will come along. ♪

♪ Don't let it bother you If now and then. ♪

♪ You may stumble, never grumble count from one to 10. ♪

- ♪ A frown is a smile upside down. ♪ - ♪ So turn that frown upside down. ♪

♪ And smile and sing, oh la la la. ♪

♪ Don't let it bother you if skies are gray. ♪

♪ Learn to grin and take it on the chin then everything will be Ok. ♪

Oh, it's no use Guy, mine has housemaid's knee.

Don't be discouraged Egbert.

I think you show distinct tendencies towards terpsichorean excellence.

You think so really?

Well, you know, as a matter of fact my inner soul is always...

yearned to express itself in the dance.

- If you were I, what would you do? - Stick to law.

Spoken like a real native, you recognize it?

No.

- Well monsieur. - Oh, yes.

Oh my, Guy this is an expensive place here.

Guy, in the excitement of changing my clothes on that...

train I must've left my wallet in that other suit.

Egbert, what would you do without me?

I mean to say...

I've been in America for the past several months with my friend here.

Just passing through Paris on our way to London, we're taking the boat tomorrow.

I am the proprietor, what can I do for you?

Well, I'm afraid we'll have to mail you the amount of the check.

Well monsieur, I do not know you.

This gentleman's father is Sir Frederick Fitzgerald, the distinguished London attorney.

- Yes, and I'm a lawyer too. - You monsieur?

My friend here is Guy Holden, the American dancer. Musical...

comedy and whatnot, certainly you heard of Holden.

Oh yes, I've heard of Guy Holden.

Bu, monsieur, have you any means of identification?

Well, you see, we...

Left them in the other suit. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Well, I...

I have it, I have it.

Look here old chap...

if my friend dances like Guy Holden that proves he is Guy Holden, doesn't it?

Go ahead Guy, dash them off a bit of a minuet or a polka or a schottische or something.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm on my vacation, I'm not going to do any dancing.

I heard they make you wash dishes in Paris.

There you are.

- That means nothing. - Then you try it.

Suppose you do over there.

With all these people around?

Well, if you are Guy Holden people should not disturb you.

No.

French cooking must make the dishes very difficult to wash.

Guy, never mind.

Mr. Fitzgerald. Mr. Fitzgerald.

Mr. Fitzgerald.

Mr. Fitzgerald.

Who is it? What's the matter? What do you want?

- Mr. Fitzgerald? - Yes.

- Mr. Pinky Fitzgerald? - Yes.

Pinky? Oh, that's the first time I heard that one.

It must be from Father, he's always called me Pinky.

Ever since I was a golden haired little tot paddling about...

the ancestor's home in pale-pink pajamas.

What do you want? Oh, yeah, tip that boy, will you?

Read that for me, I'm all involved here Guy, please.

- Thank you guvnor. - Right you are.

Yes, it's from your father, he says...

Leaving for Scotland, stop. Take charge of office in my absence, stop.

Good, father is placing everything in my hands.

But I haven't finished yet, he also says...

But don't do anything, just sit.

Let me see that.

Why Pinky, evidently you've been in charge of the office before.

Excuse me sir, can you help me in section D sir?

- What is it? - I can't do a thing with her sir.

- Who? - The lady in section D sir.

She's an American and you know how these Americans are sir.

- When you finish, look after that gentleman. - Yes sir.

Will you gentlemen come with me please?

Excuse me madam, I'm the chief inspector, anything I can do for you?

You most certainly can.

This man wants to mess up my trunks...

after I carefully packed all the lovely things I bought in Paris.

I'm very sorry madam, but we have to inspect all luggage for dutiable merchandise.

And now madam, how much did you pay for this?

That? Oh no, how much did I pay for that?

I know I paid an awful lot. Oh, but I shouldn't be telling you that, should I?

- Where did you buy it? - Where did I buy it? Now, let me see.

What was the name of that town?

- Paris? - Paris? No, no, it wasn't Paris.

Lyons?

No, no, it wasn't Lyons but you're getting warmer.

- Nice? - Niece, yes, that's who I'm waiting for.

- What? - Yes, my niece Mimi.

I sent her a cable to London and told her to meet me here.

- Where is she? - I'm sure I don't know madam.

This is the only other place she might be Miss.

Oh, there she is. Thank you very much.

- Hortense. - Mimi, dear.

How are you? Oh, you look perfectly marvelous.

Yes, don't I?

Oh, this is my niece Mimi. You know, I told you about her.

The poor thing has had her life all mixed up...

but I come over expressly to straighten it all out for her.

Madam, we would appreciate it if you straighten this matter out first.

Oh, what is it you want me to do?

You come with me and we'll make a declaration of all your purchases.

Everything is so Topsy-turvy.

Mimi dear, will you put those things in while I lock this trunk?

- These? - Yes please.

And would you be good enough to hold this for me? Thank you.

- You have a nice trip? - Oh, had marvelous kid, I do adore Paris.

It's so much like Chicago that I enjoyed every minute of it.

It's such a relief when you're traveling to feel that you never really left home at all.

I shouldn't be long dear, come along men.

Porter. Porter.

- Oh porter. - Sorry, I'm busy ma'am.

Porter.

Oh porter, porter.

Porter.

Porter, porter.

Porter.

I beg your pardon, can I be of any assistance?

Why...

Oh yes, my, my aunt is in the inspector's office, would you call her for me?

Oh yes, indeed.

- Thank you. - With pleasure.

- You're an American, aren't you? - Yes.

- So am I. - So is my aunt.

You know, the one you were going to call for me.

Oh yes.

Is there anything special you want me to tell her?

Well, you might tell her that my dress is caught.

Oh, your dress is caught.

My, my.

- Locked. - Yes.

- And you want me to call your aunt? - Yes.

You know, a third party might spoil this.

- Porter. Oh, porter. - Porter, porter.

There's no reason why I can't handle this myself.

You know, I pulled a cat out of a well once when I was a boy.

Let me see...

- Maybe I should've called your aunt. - Well...

Oh, I'm awfully sorry, please take this.

Oh, please forgive me.

I'm living in London, where can I return this to you?

Oh, I'm stopping in London too. May I save you the trouble and call for it?

I rather you wouldn't.

Well, here's my address.

I'll be waiting to hear from you.

- You didn't say goodbye. - No, I didn't.

Well, that's wonderful, that means I'll see you again.

Alright, I'll pay it, but I want to know how every cent is spent.

Oh, here you are Hortense, I just had the most embarrassing experience.

- A man tore my dress off. - My goodness, anyone we know?

- Hortense? - Here you are madam.

Oh, for me? And I do adore fruit baskets.

Oh, isn't he generous, but you've shouldn't been so extravagant.

After all, we just met, you know.

Not bad, not bad at all. Have you time for an encore?

- Sorry guvnor, my time is too valuable. - Oh, so sorry.

Don't you want ask me who sent that sir?

Oh I see, the play spirit. All right, tell me, who sent it?

The young lady gave me 3 shillings sir and asked me not to tell.

Oh yes, I see. And asked me not to tell.

- Guy. - Yeah?

- Package for you. - Package?

- Yeah. - Oh, that's my raincoat.

- That must be her handwriting. - Oh let me see, I used to study handwriting.

- Yeah. - Oh, it's very neat.

Yes, the Os and the As are open, that means extravagance.

Oh, look at the way she crosses her Ts, that denotes temper.

And she makes little circles instead of dots.

Oh that's dreadful, it's an unfailing sign of vanity, yes.

Of course, don't let me discourage you. I...

Guy, what is the matter with you? You seem to be under some sort of a spell or something.

- I am, for the first time in my life. - Oh?

What you looking for?

- Where's the note? - Oh, no note.

- No note? - No note.

- Well, did you talk to the messenger? - I certainly did.

And he said that she asked him not to tell where it came from.

I wonder if she resented my tearing her skirt.

Well, I wouldn't be at all surprised, that's the usual reaction.

- What you do that for? - She couldn't move.

Sounds very unsporting of you Guy, really.

Well, you don't understand. You see, she, it's an accident.

- It usually is, what's her name? - I don't know.

- Where she lives? - I don't know.

My, what an interesting romance.

I was in hopes that she send some note of...

thanks with this raincoat along with her address.

Well, without having the prophetic powers of a seventh son...

I would hazard that she doesn't want to see you anymore.

Well...

I'm going to rush off to the office.

What you going to do Guy?

Going to start looking for her, I'll find that girl Egbert, if it takes me from now on.

Well, it shouldn't be difficult. After all, there are only 3 million women in London.

♪ It's just like looking for a needle In a hay stack. ♪

♪ Searching for a moonbeam in the blue. ♪

♪ Still I got to find you. ♪

♪ It's just like looking for a raindrop In the ocean. ♪

♪ Searching for a dewdrop in the dew. ♪

♪ Still I got to find you. ♪

♪ I'll roam the town in hopes that we'll meet. ♪

♪ Look at each face I pass on the street. ♪

♪ For sometimes I hear the beat of your feet. ♪

♪ But it's just imagination. ♪

♪ Oh, it's like looking for a needle In a haystack. ♪

♪ Still I'll follow every little clue. ♪

♪ Because I got to find you. ♪

♪ It's just like looking for a needle In a haystack. ♪

♪ Searching for a moonbeam in the blue. ♪

♪ Still I got to find you. ♪

♪ It's just like looking for a raindrop In the ocean. ♪

♪ Searching for a dewdrop in the dew. ♪

♪ Still I got to find you. ♪

♪ I'll roam the town In hopes that we'll meet. ♪

♪ Look at each face I pass on the street. ♪

♪ Sometimes I hear the beat of your feet. ♪

♪ But it's just imagination. ♪

♪ Though it's like looking for a needle In a haystack. ♪

♪ Still I'll follow every little clue. ♪

♪ Because I got to find you. ♪

Hello, hello. I've been looking for you.

Wait me a minute.

Please stop, I want to talk to you.

Isn't it peaceful here?

Would you mind moving your car, or don't you want it anymore?

Yes Guy, it is peaceful, isn't it?

What a shame, two perfectly beautiful cars, in a moment, the air will be full of fenders.

Wait, would you mind hitting it just about there?

That cigarette lighter never did work anyway.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Porter, porter.

Can't do it, I guess I'm too economical.

Now there, can I offer you something?

Frosted chocolate, Cointreau, Benedictine, marriage?

Oh, what was that last?

- Benedictine. - No, after that.

Oh, marriage.

You always propose marriage as casually as that?

It's nothing casual about it, I'd given a lot of sincere thought.

As a matter of fact, I lost sleep.

Do you realize that I spent the last two weeks looking for you?

Didn't you get your coat all right?

Yes, but I missed something.

Some little note telling me where I could get in touch with you.

You know, I got to know something about you.

Whether you're happy, what flowers you like, your favorite books and music.

Look, when do I see you again?

Won't you please tell me where I can get in touch with you?

You can't.

I'm staying with friends, old friends.

You'd be much too upsetting. I wouldn't know what you going to do next.

Well, if you won't give me your phone number, here's mine.

Just wasting paper.

I thought you were economical.

That's better.

May I go now?

All right. But you will try and call me tomorrow, won't you?

I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting every day.

And then I'll rest up at night so I can wait some more.

I say old chap, you mind letting us through here?

Oh rather, right you are, cheerio.

Right you are, sorry. Awfully sorry, folks. Right.

I bought this in a sporting goods store.

Wait, you didn't tell me your name.

Mimi.

Mimi?

Mimi.

I'll tell Mr. Fitzgerald you're here Mrs. Ditherwell.

Thank you very much.

Hortense, it's hopeless. I don't know why we're here.

Oh darling, Egbert is a very old friend of mine.

Oh, he doesn't know much about law, his father who's the brains.

You know, all of his family spent their entire lives at the bar.

Dear Egbert, he was nearly my third husband.

He would've been two, but he suddenly left for India on an elephant hunt.

I wonder why he preferred to hunt elephants when he could've married me.

I'm sorry Mrs. Ditherwell, Mr. Fitzgerald doesn't seem to recall your name.

Why, what you mean, he doesn't?

Oh, of course, I've been married again. He wouldn't know me as Ditherwell.

That was my third husband, my last.

Now, let me see. What name did Egbert know me by?

Hortense darling.

I didn't marry in 1929 or 30.

That was the year of the crash and men didn't know whether they had money or not..

Well, well, I tell you just what you say. You say peanuts, he'll know.

- Peanuts? - Yes.

You know, the association of ideas.

Peanut, elephant, elephant hunt, me.

- I'll tell him peanuts madam. - Yes.

- Yes, yes, yes. - She said to say peanuts.

Oh, did she? Well, tell her I don't want any.

She also mentioned something about India, elephant hunting.

Well, that makes it, peanuts, India, elephant hunt.

That doesn't make sense. Horte...

Oh, no. No, it couldn't be, tell her I'm not here.

Tell her I'm in conference. Tell her I'm out of town.

Egbert, darling.

Oh darling. Oh, you mustn't mind him, he's so impetuous.

You do look wonderful and look just the same.

The same sweet smile and the same dear little eyes.

- I want you to meet my niece, Mrs. Glossop. - Mrs. Glossop.

- How do you do Mrs. Glossop? - How do you do Mr. Fitzgerald?

- Glad to know you. - Thank you. Well, yes. Sit down.

- Sit down. - Yes, thank you.

I'm here professionally Egbert.

This poor little thing is married, unhappily married. Now, isn't that criminal?

Oh, it's no crime to be married, just shows a weakness...

on the part of men that women take advantage of.

- Oh Egbert, are you proposing to me again? - No, no, no.

- Mrs. Glossop I presume, has a problem. - Yes, I have.

There are so many things in connection with it that I hardly know where to begin.

Oh, well...

Sit down Egbert, I'll tell him all about it.

You see, she's been married two years and she's scarcely ever seen her husband.

In fact, she never hears from him unless he wants some of her money.

I met him at school, he was one of my instructors.

- Yes, he's a geometrist. - Oh, a geometrist.

- No darling, a geologist. - Oh, a geologist.

Well, all right, a geologist, what difference does it make? It's all the same.

- You know, rocks and things. - Oh? Oh, he threw them?

No, he digs them, he digs them.

Well, have you asked your husband for a divorce?

Repeatedly, but he refuses to even discuss it with me.

Well of course, you understand that obtaining a divorce in England...

is a very difficult thing, unless the husband agrees to grant it.

Oh Egbert, I didn't know you like dolls.

He always had the mother instinct.

Ladies, as your legal adviser, I would suggest that we resort to a...

- Thingamajig. - Fragrante delicto.

- Why? Yes, yes, of course. - Yes, yes.

You know, I had one at my second divorce.

Yes, of course Mrs. Glossop...

the details are very simple.

A seaside hotel and...

Mr. Fitzgerald, I'll do anything you say and leave the further details to the two of you.

Oh, I think really it would be much better for me if you remained.

No, no, run along dear, I'll fix everything.

Thank you Mr. Fitzgerald and I feel very comfortable in your hands.

Oh really? Well, Mrs. Glossop I'll work my brain to the bone for you.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Now, right down to business.

- Oh, Egbert. - I mean the hotel.

I know a very nice one just opening at Brightbourne, it's the hotel Bella Vista.

Oh Bella Vista and so easy to remember. I had a cook named Bella once or was it a Masseur?

Well anyway, I'll have my niece drive down and she'll meet you there...

tomorrow at the Hotel Maryland.

No, no, no, that wasn't it, was it?

But it had something to do with a girl's name.

Perhaps you better take this with you.

Oh, the Bella Vista, of course. That's what I said in the first place, isn't it?

Oh, goodbye Egbert, you know, divorces make me so sentimental.

Don't you wish it was ours?

Yes miss.

I understand miss.

- Who was it, a man or woman? - A lady sir.

- Did she give you a message? - Yes sir.

Well, what is it, what is it? Tell me.

It's no use getting excited sir, it was the wrong number.

Well, get everything ready. Hurry, hurry. I'm leaving for the seashore immediately.

What's the matter? Did another woman propose to you?

Yes, sort of. No, no, no, no. I got a case.

- Case of what? - Oh dear, a divorce case.

With my father out of town, this is my big opportunity, I'm going to handle all myself.

That will be good.

- Yes, hurry man, pack my things. - And Mr. Guy's also sir?

Oh, good heavens, what's he got to do with it?

Of course, a splendid idea Guy, you got to come along too.

Change will do you good, you look a little liverish.

It isn't liver sir, it's love sir.

I, I can't leave London. I'm waiting for a telephone call.

Guy, you're not pining for that girl?

Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine.

Men just suffer.

Guy, she hasn't called you in over a fortnight.

It's perfectly obvious that she's not interested.

You pulled her gown, she pulled your leg.

- Maybe you're right. - Of course.

You know Eggy, I never waited two minutes...

for a girl in my life and here I waited two weeks for this one.

- Where we going? - To Brightbourne, a marvelous hotel.

To the Hotel Mabel, the Margaret, the Nellie...

Oh, confound that woman, why did she had to come back into my life?

Oh, it doesn't make any difference, come along Gay, the change will do you good.

Sea air, sunshine, gaiety, girls.

♪ You're my type of a shy type of a beau dear. ♪

Beg pardon?

- ♪ So let's do things. ♪ - Oh, really?

- ♪ I'll teach you a few things. ♪ - You talking to me?

♪ Now, who said just what you said for I know dear. ♪

- No, no, I've been reading, look here. - ♪ I'm not bashful I'm mashful and pashful ♪

Beginning to sense that.

♪ When you're near I feel so let's play housey ♪

♪ Oh, you make me feel so Mickey Mousey. ♪

For a well-known lawyer, at a place like this...

♪ You're sweet and so agreeable and I feel so gosh-oh-geeable. ♪

♪ Do warm me or I'll freeze and let's k-nock k-nees. ♪

♪ You are so bill and coo-able and I'm so I-love-you-able. ♪

♪ Come cuddle closer please and let's k-nock k-nees. ♪

Is a sort of a game?

- ♪ They say make hay while the sun shines. ♪ - Agricultural term.

♪ So let's, oh, let's make hey-hey-hey while the moon shines. ♪

♪ My heart's so tick-tock-tick-able, your lips are so lipstick-able. ♪

♪ You know your ABCs so let's knock knees. ♪

Guy, never mind.

♪ It's so incomprehensible, it doesn't seem quite sensible. ♪

♪ And yet I like it, please, let's knock knees. ♪

♪ It's almost hoi polloi-able and yet it's quite enjoyable. ♪

♪ Oh, I'm full of rhapsody. ♪

Too many people here.

♪ Tripping, skipping, lightly bounding. ♪

- ♪ Stop it, knock it. ♪ - ♪ Really, this is most astounding. ♪

- ♪ It makes one feel so thrill-able. ♪ - ♪ Well, we exhausted every syllable ♪

- ♪ I crave frivolity ♪ - ♪ I got one, let's k-nock... ♪

♪ Let's knock knees. ♪

♪ Let's knock knees. ♪

Oh, hello now.

Thank you, thank you. Well, I've been looking all over for you.

- Just dancing. - Oh, is that what it was?

Oh, it's a marvelous place, isn't Guy?

Remind me to come down here the next time I want my constitution undermined.

I think it's wonderful.

Oh, what is the matter with you? Are you still moping over that same girl?

- Why, the world is just full of girls. - I know, I know, but not like her.

She's music, she's the buzzing of the bees in clover.

She's the rustle of the leaves in the trees.

She's water lapping on the shore.

Yes, she sounds like a series of strange noises to me.

Well, cheer up Guy, cheer up.

- You may chance across her again some time. - I know I will.

And when I do it won't be chance. Chance is the fool's name for fate.

What was that last? Chance is the fool's name for fate?

Guy, that's marvelous. Where did you get it?

Where I get it? It's just a line from my last show, that's all.

It's wonderful, make a good title for a song, don't you think?

♪ Chance is the fool's name for fate, my lad ♪

Chance, Do you mind if I use it? Come in handy you know, to shoot into a conversation.

Go ahead, spring it on your father. It may encourage him about you.

Chance is the fool's name for fate, I'll have to remember that.

I love the place.

Oh, if Father could only see with what eclat I am...

upholding the professional dignity of the firm.

Guy, I'm going to stay here and wait for my client.

Without me Egbert, I'm going to my room, I'll see you later.

Well, I'll be here.

Pardon you, you rang sir?

Who, me? Why, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?

Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.

Well, bring me, let me have a, a...

There, there, you see? Your figure of speech is made me forget entirely what I wanted.

Could it have been that you required crumpets?

No, no, no. I never ring for crumpets.

Would you be the kind of man who ring for a toasted scone?

Scone? Well now? No, no, try me again.

Well then, can you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?

Oh, what an acid thought, please.

No crumpets, no scones, no gooseberry tart.

Well, that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac, doesn't it sir?

Of course it does. I knew it would.

You know, I hate to leave you like this. You, torn with doubts and...

me with my duty undischarged.

Oh well, cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.

Was it animal or vegetable sir?

No.

Well, that leaves us mineral, don't it sir?

Now sir, was it a bit of half-and-half?

A nogging of ale, a pipkin of porter...

a stoup of stout or a beaker of beer?

Tea.

Tea? Well, isn't it a small world sir?

- Hello Mrs. Glossop. - Oh hello Mr. Fitzgerald.

Well, well, well. All ready for graduation day?

Oh hello Egbert.

Oh no, it can't, Oh, it is, it's a stowaway.

I thought you might forget something so I came down to help you.

So good of you, yes, yes.

Now Mrs. Glossop...

before you register I'm very anxious to have just a few last words with you.

- Last words? - Yes, if you don't mind, right here.

Thank you. Now...

- Now... - Oh Egbert.

Pardon.

Now...

I have come to the conclusion that at all to expedite matters it will be necessary for...

someone to discover you with someone other than your husband.

Just as a matter of form, of course.

Oh Hortense, I don't think I can go through with this.

Now, don't be silly, get it over with. Think of Cyril Glossop, think hard.

I knew that would do it.

Good. Now, the young man is on his way here.

You understand of course that it wouldn't be technically correct for me to introduce you.

Therefore, he will present himself to you.

Oh then, we'll need a password. It's too mysterious and wonderful.

Well, I have the password, I have it.

The young man will say to you, chance is the fool's name for fate.

Shakespeare?

Nothing of the kind. It's a little thing of my own.

Chance is the fool's name for fate.

Good. That's just it, yes.

Now, it will be necessary for you to have a name.

A name, of course, yes. So your name will be Mrs. Green.

Green, I do adore green.

And you know, the oculists say it's very soothing to the eye.

Oh Egbert, are you coming with us?

Why, Hortense. Oh my, no. You can't remain with her.

This is supposed to be a clandestine affair.

You can't have a clandestine affair between three people.

Oh, that's what you say.

By, by any chance, are you Mr. Tonetti?

Io sono arrivato, Io sono pronto, Rudolfo Tonetti at your service.

Yes. Well, I am Mr. Fitzgerald.

Mr. Fitzgerald? Oh, I am delightful.

I shouldn't doubt it old man, I shouldn't doubt it.

But don't you think that a corespondent ought to come to work quietly?

Let's have more repose and less Rigoletto.

I am ready for action and I will do a first class job.

Well, don't be too determined about it.

Remember, the lady in question is very sensitive and you must treat her accordingly.

Bene, whichever way the wind, she is blowing, that is the way I sail.

- Yes. Well, sit down. - Pard me, your, your tea sir.

Your life Mr. Tonetti must be full of excitement.

Full of excitement and full of danger.

- Oh, yes, of course, from the husbands. - No, from the ladies.

- Oh, how interesting. - But Tonetti, he know what to do.

Yes, sometimes the lady and I have the conversations...

sometimes I play the concertina, sometimes I play the solitaire...

but mostly I practice my singing.

At home, my wife she do not like me to sing.

Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.

You bet.

You're absolutely sure Mr. Tonetti that my client will be safe?

Oh signor, with me strictly business.

My slogan, your wife is safe with Tonetti, he prefer spaghetti.

Now, listen.

- I'll give you the password. - Yes.

When you see the lady you must go to her and say...

chance is the fool's name for fate.

- Chance is the foolish name... - For fate.

The fool's name for fate.

Oh yes. Well, tell me please, what she mean?

Well, you have to have some method. You have to, when you, who?

Oh, never mind, never mind what it means, just say it.

- Yes. - Now Tonetti, remember...

I want delicacy, tact, assurance, finesse.

I have brought everything.

And now, and now, con permesso, I go inside to make the telephone call...

to tell my wife I am safely arrive.

Arrivederci.

Fate is no fooling, no.

Chances are a foolish. Oh, scusi please.

Taking the name of a foolish...

Pardon ma'am, can I be of service?

I doubt it.

Let me have the menu, I'm waiting for my niece.

What have you?

Crumpets ma'am.

Oh, that's too bad, isn't it. Does it run in the family?

Begging your pardon ma'am but that's very whumsical.

What?

Very whumsical ma'am. You know, like Sir James Barrie.

- You mean whimsical, don't you? - In a manner of speaking, yes ma'am.

Why not whamsical then?

Pardon ma'am, whumsical is much more whimsical than whamsical.

You know, you're beginning to fascinate me and I resent that in any man.

I'm sorry.

Oh, hello darling, I was just going to order.

- I really can't eat a thing. - But you must eat.

After all, you can't have a divorce on an empty stomach.

What's the matter?

You look as though you seen your husband.

It's Guy Holden, the man I told you about.

What you suppose to have you done? Sent out invitations for this affair?

Oh, I didn't know he was here. Oh, he mustn't see me.

Mimi. Mimi.

Mimi.

I've been chasing after you, you mustn't run like that.

- Why not? - It's bad for my health.

What are you doing here?

- Same as you. - What?

I came down here looking for pieces of my heart.

Oh no. Mimi, you know what I've been doing?

Thinking of you, longing for you, waiting to hear from you. I haven't left my telephone.

Well, as I remember it, you gave me a London number.

Well, I had to come down here just overnight.

A little business.

Oh yes, I saw quite a few of them in bathing suits this afternoon.

Oh no Mimi, nothing like that.

Oh, why didn't you at least just leave some message for me?

- I did. - You did?

But they said that you've left London.

- Mimi, you did call, that's wonderful. - I'd better leave now.

Oh, please don't go, it's going to be grand here.

They're having a Gala night on the esplanade.

It's usually pretty terrible.

I know, but just think what it'll mean to miss seeing it.

It's worthwhile staying down here just to miss it.

- Please don't ask me to stay. - All right, I won't.

Don't go, I've so many things to say to you.

♪ Like the beat, beat, beat of the tom-tom when the jungle shadows fall. ♪

♪ Like the tick, tick, tock of the stately clock as it stands against the wall. ♪

♪ Like the drip, drip, drip of the raindrops when the summer shower is through. ♪

♪ So a voice within me keeps repeating, you, you, you. ♪

♪ Night and day you are the one. ♪

♪ Only you beneath the moon and under the sun. ♪

♪ Whether near to me or far ♪

♪ It's no matter darling where you are, I think of you night and day. ♪

♪ Day and night, why is it so? ♪

♪ That this longing for you follows wherever I go ♪

♪ In the roaring traffic's boom, In the silence of my lonely room ♪

♪ I think of you Night and day. ♪

♪ Night and day, under the hide of me. ♪

♪ There's an oh such a hungry yearning burning inside of me. ♪

♪ And its torment won't be through. ♪

♪ Till you let me spend my life making love to you, day and night, night and day. ♪

Cigarette?

I still don't know what you're doing down here.

I came down with my aunt.

Isn't that a coincidence. I'm here with my aunt too, aunt Egbert.

Egbert?

Yes, Egbert Fitzgerald, lawyer friend of mine, we're down here on a case.

Aren't you ever going to stop running away from me?

When two people are destined to come together as we are, there's no use in struggling..

Do you believe in that kind of destiny?

Of course I do, in these things there's no such a thing as chance.

Chance is the fool's name for fate.

You? You?

Me?

- Why yes, of course it is. - So you're the man I've been waiting for.

None other.

I'll be waiting for you in my room, 216, at midnight.

My dear, it's 12 o'clock. I feel just like New Year's Eve.

Good luck to you.

Oh don't leave me, I can't bear to face him.

He seems so different.

Oh, there's nothing different about any of them except the neckties.

Him, of all people.

Well, aren't you even astonished?

Me? Astonished? I haven't been astonished since I was 8.

And mind you, I wasn't precocious just moderately intelligent.

I'll give him the most miserable night of his entire business career.

A locked door between us.

You seem to be going to a lot of trouble for a man you hate.

Could anything be more degrading?

Well, after all, my dear a corespondent must be something of an artist.

He, he has to have a sense of balance, you know. Rather like a mountain goat.

Well, I think I'll look up Egbert, the poor darling must be lost without me.

Oh, you needn't run away. I knew you were coming here.

- You knew? - Of course, I'm Mimi's aunt.

I know, but I have relatives myself.

- This isn't exactly old home week, is it? - Well, nothing is ever done without me.

- You're not planning to be there. - Well, of course not.

Oh, just a moment please, you see...

I don't know Mimi very well, I wish you please tell me something about her.

Well, I'll let her tell you. After all, if she has to keep you here...

she'll want something to talk about, won't she?

- Keep me here? - Well, she has to.

- Say, which one of us is crazy? - Oh well, it's not me.

You know, all of this is a bit of a shock to me.

Well, your being here is a bit of a shock to Mimi too.

Yes, but it's, it's Mimi's own doing.

Well, I think it's much better to have this settled now, at once.

And then the poor girl can start a new life.

A new life?

Brand new, she's going to make a clean sweep of the old.

- I see. - Yes, yes and you're the broom.

I'll be right out.

I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

Mimi.

Mimi, there's something I want to get straight in my mind.

Yes?

At first you were so shy and so reserved...

- and then this evening you were... - Well, what was I?

- Lovely. - Was I?

- Yes, but that's not what I'm trying to say. - Well, what are you trying to say?

Well, I'm trying to describe the shock, see...

Well, that negligee is charming, charming.

- From Paris, isn't it? - You ought to know.

You've probably seen plenty of them.

- Well, a few, of course. - Of course.

Oh, but never one like that.

- Oh, Mimi... - Stay where you are.

What?

Keep away from me.

Now, will you please keep your distance and I'll keep mine, I want you to sit there.

What's the matter with it?

Now, we're going through with this in a dignified silence.

I really prefer it.

Warm, isn't it?

Do you mind if I recite capitals?

What?

Capitals of states, North Dakota, Bismarck. Wyoming, Cheyenne.

Ohio, Columbus. It's lots of fun. I used to do it as a boy.

I don't care what you did as a boy.

Oh, I did nothing as a girl so there goes my childhood.

- Oh, Mimi... - Keep your place.

Oh, scusi, one moment please.

Give me a name for chance and I am a fool.

- Captain, Captain. - Oh, maybe I'm a mistake.

Signora.

Fate is a foolish thing to take chances with.

So are you.

Oh scusi, you are not the lady.

- Stay where you are. - Oh, Mimi I...

I mean to say, I, I thought that after the few lovely moments we had together that...

How can you have the impudence to speak of that now?

But I suppose it's just the callousness of your kind.

- My kind? - Don't think you fooled me for a moment.

I knew what you were all along. I knew how you made your living.

Oh, I'll admit I'm not proud of it, but I hope to do better someday.

And in the meantime it does bring me in a decent income.

Some people will do anything for money.

Oh, it's not as bad as all that. After all, I do bring pleasure to thousands of people.

Thousands?

Yes, tens of thousands.

I bring romance to tens of thousands of shop girls, servant girls,

- stenographers. - You might spare me Mr. Bluebeard.

Oh, Mimi, if I would...

- Are you expecting someone? - Why, of course, but not till morning.

- Who is it? - Hortense.

I better get out of here.

I have something very, very important to tell you.

Oh, dear, if I only could remember what it was.

- It was something about that man. - What man?

Oh yes. Are you sure you have the right one?

Well, he gave me the password.

Well, I met a man downstairs and he said fate is a foolish thing to take chances with.

So I said, so are you. Then he said, you're not the lady.

Maybe he said, you're not a lady.

I don't know, my darling. I was so upset I can't be sure.

Oh, wouldn't it be too awful if I made a mistake?

Go and ask him.

But I'll have to confess that I'm married and why I'm here.

Well, don't ask him then but find out everything you can.

But until I'm sure, well, how shall I treat him?

I don't know. Be feminine and sweet, if you can blend the two.

I really must go and find Egbert again and tell him all about this.

You don't think Egbert is hiding from me, do you?

- May I run along now? - Must you go just yet?

Won't you come in and sit down for a while?

I didn't do so well in here.

Well, of course, if you rather stay out there.

Guy, do you think it was fair not to tell me something of your work?

Well, I've been trying to forget about it.

Well, how did you get started in your career?

Oh, I was started by a very well known actress.

And the thousands and thousands came later, I see.

Oh well, in a way yes, you see, she encouraged me from my very first step.

- Very first step? - Yes.

Dance step, I'm a dancer by profession, you knew that, of course.

You mind?

Why no. No, I'm glad. I'm glad.

You know, you're the most emotionally unstable girl I've ever met.

Scusi lady. I am fate to take foolish chances with.

Tonetti?

Tonetti.

I cannot find the lady. I give everywhere the passwords and everywhere I get the slaps.

Oh, I don't. Oh, by Jove. I forgot to tell you the lady's name.

It's Mrs. Green, she's in room 216.

Oh, Si, Si, signore, scusi.

And listen, no more prowling around this hotel like a hyena.

And be sure the lady doesn't leave her room before morning.

Tonetti, he stays, do and die, until the detective, she arrive.

That's right, and when the detectives get... Oh my word, I forgot all about the detectives.

Detectives or no detectives, Tonetti, he gets paid. Tonetti, I am here.

Well, I'll rush up to London.

Yes and I'll bring the detectives first thing in the morning.

Oh, dear.

- Egbert. - Detectives, what?

Where were you going?

Why? I'm, no. I was just thinking, I was looking for you.

Yes and I've been looking for you. I've something very important to tell you.

- But not now, I got to rush to London. - No, but I must tell you now.

Yes, well, what is it? What is it? What is it?

Well, that's just it. I can't remember what it is.

Egbert, you're so tempestuous. You drive everything right out of my head.

I'm sorry, but I can't wait.

- Well, I'll, I'll go to London with you. - What?

And maybe it will come back to me by the time we get there.

Besides, you mustn't ride alone at night.

I'll bet you say that to every man you marry.

- Oh, Egbert. - Oh well, come along dear, come along.

- Aren't the shadows on the sand lovely? - Yes they are, lovely.

And the light on the water.

The edge of the cloud crossing the moon.

Look, it's coming out.

Look Guy, it's coming out.

It came out.

Oh, isn't it beautiful?

It's a honey.

I wonder what causes that peculiar effect.

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Mimi, who is that man that just went into your room?

Man?

I saw a weird looking individual go in there.

How many men did you invite here tonight?

Mimi, are you married?

- What? - Is it your husband?

- Husband? - Yes, husb...

- Oh, scusi, please, scusi. - What are you doing here?

Chances are that fate is foolish.

Will you please stay here just a minute?

- It's, it's no one. - No one?

Mimi, who is it? What's he doing here?

Well he, he's here on business.

Business?

- Oh, let's go back and look at the moon. - Not until I throw him out.

Oh, no, no, no. You mustn't. Oh, you can't.

Well, then please tell me who he is.

Well, he...

- I am married. - You married?

To a geologist.

Oh then, then it is your husband.

Oh, no, no, you see, I'm not really married. That is, I won't be very long.

I'm getting a divorce right away and he's here to help me get it.

Wait a minute.

Mimi, are you the women whose divorce Egbert Fitzgerald is handling?

And you thought I was your corespondent?

Oh, but now how could you possibly think a thing like that?

- Well, you said the right words. - What right words?

Oh, scusi, please, scusi.

Fate is the foolish thing, take a chance.

Are you the corespondent?

Rudolfo Tonetti, at your service.

- You are no longer needed. - What?

I am taking your place.

Are you a union man?

- Are you hired by Mr. Egbert too? - Oh, Mr. Tonetti, you don't understand.

This gentleman isn't here to take your place, he isn't going to stay.

- How do you do need me signora. - Nothing of the kind, you're intruding.

- Get out of here, will you? - But, Guy...

Think I'm going to leave you with a strange Italian? He might be a tenor.

Si, Si, signore, listen.

I was wrong.

- I'm going to throw him out. - Oh, but Guy.

But I have a contract and I sue for damages.

First for my ear, second for my honor

- and third... - Quiet please, both of you.

This is my affair, I'm, I'm here for a divorce and Mr. Tonetti must stay.

Well, if he stays, I stay. I feel crowded but that's life.

Scusi, at last my call, she come. Scusi, please. I answer.

Hello? Oh, hello, hello, Maria.

Six times I call you and you are busy.

Gives always, buz, buz, buz. Yes, the busy signal.

Yes, yes, I'm all right.

No, blond.

Just a blond.

Scusi signora, but I talk to the wife. She want to know all about the lady.

Yes.

Yes, kiss the kiddies for me.

What?

What? Maria.

Maria, who is that speaking to you?

What?

No, no da vero, non e posibile.

What you think?

My little son Rodolfo only 9 years old and already his voice is changing.

Good night, sweetheart.

You stay, you do not stay. Tonetti does not care.

But no monkey business.

And the lady must not leave the room while Tonetti is on the case.

You mean we're prisoners?

Come on, you don't think I'm going to take the lady away from you?

- I will see that you do not. - That's awfully nice of you.

Oh, scusi, maybe you like to play some three handed bridge?

- No, thank you. - No?

Not a bit.

All right, then I go inside and play some solitaire.

And please remember not to leave, I watch.

- Guy, I don't want to drag you into this. - Oh, but I want to be in it, from now on.

You know, I don't think it's going to be so bad being to kept you prisoner here.

Hello, hello.

That doesn't sound like the prisoners' song to me.

It's not a bad tune, what is it?

The newest thing here, called the Continental.

The Continental?

I like it.

It's the second thing I found I'd like to take back home with me.

You know the words?

♪ A beautiful music. ♪

♪ Dangerous rhythm. ♪

♪ It's something daring The Continental a way of dancing that's really ultra new. ♪

♪ It's very subtle The Continental because it does what you want it to do. ♪

♪ It has a passion The Continental ♪

♪ An invitation to moonlight and romance, it's quite the fashion The Continental. ♪

♪ Because you tell of your love while you dance. ♪

♪ Your lips whisper so tenderly. ♪

♪ Her eyes answer your song. ♪

♪ Two bodies swaying The Continental and you're saying Just what you're dreaming of ♪

♪ So keep on dancing The Continental for it's a song of romance and of love. ♪

♪ You kiss while you're dancing. ♪

- Not a bad idea. - ♪ It's continental, ooh, it's continental ♪

♪ You sing while you're dancing, your voice is gentle and sentimental. ♪

♪ You stroll together arm in arm. ♪

♪ You nonchalantly glide along with grace and charm. ♪

♪ You will find while you're dancing. ♪

♪ That there's a rhythm in your heart and soul... ♪

♪ A certain rhythm that you can't control ♪

♪ And you will do the Continental all the time. ♪

Oh, can't we go down there and join the fun?

But what if our jailer should catch us?

Oh, I forgot all about scusi please.

- What is it? - An idea, an idea.

Is this one of those?

I think I know how we can get out of here without our friend Tonetti missing us.

This is something I used to do as a boy.

- I don't care what you did as a boy. - What you did as a boy, I know.

This might work.

Look, you got me cutting out paper dolls.

Oh, I see. Well, I'll go change.

- That's cute. - That's beautiful, come on.

Look Mimi, there he is.

♪ Beautiful music, dangerous rhythm. ♪

♪ It's something daring The Continental, a way of dancing that's really ultra new. ♪

♪ It's very subtle The Continental because it does what you want it to do. ♪

♪ It has a passion The Continental, an invitation to moonlight and romance. ♪

♪ It's quite the fashion The Continental because you tell of your love while you dance. ♪

♪ Your lips whisper so tenderly, her eyes answer your song. ♪

♪ Two bodies swaying The Continental and you're saying just what you're thinking of. ♪

♪ So keep on dancing The Continental for it's the song of romance and of love. ♪

♪ You kiss while you're dancing The Continental, The Continental. ♪

♪ You sing while you're dancing, your voice is gentle so sentimental. ♪

♪ You'll know before the dance is through... ♪

♪ That you're in love with she and she's in love with you. ♪

♪ You'll find while you're dancing there's a rhythm in your heart and soul. ♪

♪ A certain rhythm that you can't control and you'll do the Continental all the time. ♪

♪ Dukes and lords of noble station love the new sophistication of the Continental. ♪

♪ In a Belgian hall room In the Monte Carlo ballroom you'll see the Continental. ♪

♪ In a Paris bistro crowded with Apache... ♪

♪ You shall see the Continental in the best French fashion. ♪

♪ Spain and Italy, Transylvania Norway, Sweden and Romania do the Continental. ♪

♪ On the dikes of Zuider Zee the wooden shoes have found the key to Continental. ♪

♪ It's like a fever, it's like a plague swept all Europe from Moscow to The Hague. ♪

♪ You kiss while you're dancing. ♪

♪ The Continental, the rhythm is driving you wild. ♪

♪ The Continental, a meter that isn't so mild. ♪

♪ You sing while you're dancing. ♪

♪ His voice is gentle, it thrills you the touch of his hand. ♪

♪ The Continental a meter that you understand. You'll know before the dance is through. ♪

♪ That you're in love with her and she's in love with you. ♪

♪ You'll find while you're dancing... ♪

♪ That there's a rhythm in your heart and soul a certain rhythm that you can't control ♪

♪ The Continental, the Continental. ♪

♪ The Continental. ♪

He's gone, come on.

- Now, why did you do this? - I wanted to be sure of you.

Oh, signore.

- Who is this? - How do I know? This isn't my racket.

- You've been through these things before. - Oh I know, but you upset my entire routine.

- Find out who it is. - Yes.

- Who is it? - It's the waiter sir.

- It's the waiter. - Ask him what he wants.

- What you want? - Breakfast.

Breakfast, what shall we do?

Give him his breakfast. No, wait a minute.

- Oh Mimi. Oh Mimi. - Yes?

Ah, there's a waiter out here who says he wants breakfast.

What?

Well, that's what he says, the poor fellow may be hungry.

Clown, that's our breakfast, I just ordered it.

- That's our breakfast Tonetti. - I open it.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- You rest comfortably? - Oh yes, indeed.

- Put that right here. - Yes. May I?

Mr. Tonetti, you sit there.

And Guy, you sit there.

You know, I'd like to have breakfast with you every morning.

Yes? Thank you.

I hope you'd like what I ordered.

You know, I've never had breakfast with two gentlemen before.

I've tried it, it's no fun.

Now, now, when the detectives arrive we must be very careful.

Oh, I hope they don't arrive too soon.

I've grown to like both of you tremendously.

It's so sweet.

- Oh Guy, Guy, you better hide. - Let Tonetti hide.

She's right, you'll ruin all, go.

Guy please, you want me to be free, don't you?

Alright, I'll hide, but please call if you need me.

Yes, yes, go ahead.

- No, not over here. - Where?

Over there, anywhere, just stay...

Coffee ma'am.

I thought it best to keep it hot for you.

- Guy. - Yes dear.

It's all right, it's just the waiter with the coffee.

Waiter, the next time you knock, let's have some sort of signal, like this, will you?

I can't be dashing in and out of here coffee or no coffee.

Oh I see, you want a knock each time, I understand.

Tell me, the gentleman in this case is a scientist, is he not?

A very distinguished scientist in his own field.

A fossil among fossils, a geologist.

- Oh, pardon, are you discussing geology? - Always and again.

If you'll excuse me sir, I have an unnatural passion for rocks.

Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Oh no sir, it's a wonderful thing, geology sir.

You know sir, geologically speaking, this little island of Great Britain is...

500 million and 3 and one-half years old?

How do you know it's exactly that old?

Professor Brown told me it was 500 million years old when I first met him that was...

was three and a half years ago.

- Who's that? - Professor Brown.

- Professor Brown? - He's a geologist.

Him and his wife stopped at the last place I worked.

You know sir, it was Professor Brown who told me that this seacoast around here...

is really an igneous intrusion?

You know, you're somewhat of an igneous intrusion yourself.

Oh, thank you sir.

No to return the facts...

Is that the way you want me to knock sir?

- Yes thank you, thank you. - Thank you.

I see, thank you very much.

Oh, what a day is this going to be.

- Well, Mrs. Glossop. - Hello, Egbert.

Quiet please. Oh Guy, what are you doing here?

Oh Egbert, that's what I've been trying to remember to tell you about.

- Oh, was it? - Yes.

This is my Mimi.

Oh really? Well, this is my finish.

- Tonetti, if you have bungled this job... - But no, scusi, signor, please, scusi.

Guy, you got to get out of here. You're just messing up the whole thing.

- You've brought the detectives? - Better than that.

Oh, I pulled a supreme coup, a masterpiece.

I'll bet this will be good.

I have brought Mr. Glossop.

- My husband? - Yes.

- The husband? - The husband is coming.

Stop, Guy shut up, you got to get out of here.

- No more hiding. - Oh please Guy, you promised.

All right, I'll hide.

But please call if you need me.

- Call anyhow. - Yes, I will.

Mimi, it was my idea to have your husband here, wasn't it clever of me?

Oh, Hortense, why did you do that? Something terrible is liable to happen.

Courage, courage, I don't think he'll shoot.

Shoot? Is somebody going to shoot? Let's wait for the shooting.

Shoot? Mr. Egbert, never, never I've had to come in contact with a husband before.

I don't think it's fair to ask me to do so now. Look, where are the detectives?

Look, I demand the detectives, it's in my contract.

I'm sorry old man, I can't do anything about that now, he's probably on his way up here.

Do something, do something, look amorous. Look amorous, Tonetti look amorous.

- Hortense look, never mind. Come on. - Yes Egbert.

Well, this is too much for Tonetti.

Oh, quick, quick, what shall we do?

Well, Mr. Egbert said try to look amorous, see, like this...

Oh, you just look sick.

Well, let's try this.

Come in.

Pardon madam, I hope I knocked the right way.

- Now you spoiled everything. - I'm sorry sir, I came for the dishes.

Oh well, the dishes can wait.

- Can't we do something with him? - Yes here, go quickly there please..

Yes, hide him.

- In the bedroom? - Yes, yes, hurry, hurry.

- Yes, hurry. - Oh no sir, please...

- Hi waiter. - How do you do sir?

- You hiding too? - Yes sir, they shoved me in here either.

Now, once more.

Come in.

Oh, Cyril...

Who is this fellow?

This is my husband.

Oh, how do you do? I'm so very pleased.

You haven't answered my question.

I must confess, he's my...

This object?

No, I don't believe it. My dear child, he's nothing to you.

He has all the earmarks of a hired corespondent.

That is not true. She love me and I love she.

Mimi, you amuse me. I never believe it with him.

This, this hairdresser?

Guy, Guy.

I'm sorry to ask you to do this, but will you kiss me?

I'm not sorry.

Bravo, bravissimo.

And who pray is this new Lothario?

After the divorce, we're going to be married.

What divorce?

Why, aren't you going to divorce me?

Why no my dear, I'm going to forgive you.

Forgive her.

Enough of this nonsense.

Now Mimi, you pack up your things and come home at once.

At once I tell you. Why, you're just a little lamb who's strayed.

And you sir, are just an ineffectual little puppy.

At last, I got my chance to throw somebody out.

Oh, no, no Guy, you mustn't, please.

Pard me ma'am. May I go now? I got my work to do.

- Yes, yes, go ahead. - Why, how you do, Professor Brown?

Professor Brown?

Well, how are you professor, if you don't mind my asking?

Oh, is this your dear old friend, the rock thrower?

Yes sir, that's him.

That's ridiculous., he doesn't know what he's talking about.

- I never saw this man in my life. - Oh, come professor.

Don't you remember all those sheer little chats we used to have about rocks?

You and me and, and your wife?

No, I do not.

And would you know the professor's wife if you saw her?

Why, of course I would sir.

Am I Mrs. Brown?

No ma'am, you're Mrs. Green.

Well, strike me pink.

You see, Mrs. Brown, she was French. She couldn't speak a word of English.

Why, Buster Brown, this is most unfossilish of you sir.

I got to catch a train.

- Let me pass sir. - I will not sir.

- Let me pass I say. - Never sir.

Well, well, what happened? Did it work?

Did it work? Meet the future Mrs. Holden.

Oh now. Oh, I told you, I told you. Father will be so proud of me.

- Egbert and I are going to be married too. - Yes.

Why darling, why, what's the mat...?

We were married last night, on our way back from London.

Last night? Were we?

Why, of course sir, we were. Darling I forgotten about it.

Isn't it wonderful? I'll tell you what we'll do.

We all hurry back to London and have a big celebration.

Oh, scusi, scusi, I'm also very good at parties.