All language subtitles for The Escape Artist 1982

Yes, may I help you?

I'd like to see
the city editor, please.

Is it about a job?

No. I have a story for him.

What about?

Well, I'd... I'd like to tell him myself.

- What you got?
- I'd like to issue a formal challenge

- to the police department.
- Yeah?

I'd like to be locked up
in a solitary cell,

chained and handcuffed, no guard,

and I'll set myself free
within an hour.

I haven't heard of an escape artist

since before the days
of flagpole sitters.

Okay, let me see
the soles of your feet.

And the other one.

Scully, use my cuffs, huh?
Thank you.

Give me the other one.

Open your mouth.

Now, stick out your tongue.

Lift it up.

Show me your teeth.

When was the last time
someone broke out of here?

Never.

Nervous, Danny?

All right. Get inside.

Haven't you got
some leg irons or chains?

He looks like he's in scout camp.

At least some more handcuffs, then.

- For chrissake, Fritz.
- Okay, Scully.

Put on the leg irons.
And double-cuff him too.

Got any other hot ideas?

You want him strung upside down?

All right. Now, this is a felon cell...

...double-locked,
like an old maid's back door.

All right. Everybody out.

The deal is, he's totally alone, Fritz.

One hour.

I know this all seems
like a publicity stunt.

And you're probably wondering
how I got all these people

to lock me up like this.

But you see, my father
was Harry Masters,

the greatest escape artist
in the world after Houdini.

He could open any lock
without a key...

... disappear and reappear.

I guess when you're
really good at escapes,

you figure you
can get away with anything.

They say he became a crook

and died trying
to escape from this jail.

But you can't believe
anything they say,

because this whole town's corrupt.

And the mayor
of this town is a crook.

I know, because I got mixed up
with his crazy son Stu,

and I'm gonna help him
out of a jam

by breaking out of jail. And...

Wait a minute.

I better start this at the part where
I escape from my grandmother's.

My whole family
keeps trying to get away.

After my father died,
my mom ran away from home,

leaving me here stuck
at my grandmother's.

But I'm getting out of here to go
join my aunt and uncle's magic act.

At least it'll be a start.

Then I'm ready for the big time.

All I need is a chance.

And here they are, folks:

Burke and Sibyl.

Two minds with
but a single thought.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

The human mind has a wisdom

that we have now
only begun to understand.

We can see the invisible,
can hear the invisible.

What it has taken scientists
thousands of years to discover...

...every generation
have always known.

Sibyl.

What is it?

Green pillbox.

A green pillbox.

Is that correct, madam?

That is correct.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Have you ever been separated from
a close friend in a crowded room?

Say, man, whose side are you on?

I'm in Burke Smith's act.
I'm a plant.

- To go home.
- You a houseplant, man?

Or you good outdoors too?

It's time to go home.

C, R, seven, one, seven,
one, zero, eight, zero.

Red and white.

The left-hand upper drawer.
First cousins.

Hello, Danny.

Danny.

Danny.

Ladies and gentlemen.

These spirit messages
come through once in a while

by way of the TV antenna
in her head.

And now, getting back to reality.

Ladies and gentlemen,
there is a small card on every table.

Now, we'd like for one person
at each table...

My aunt really could read minds.

But when she did,

it messed up the mental act
and pissed off Uncle Burke.

Now, if you don't have pencils,
the waiters do.

Where are we going later?

You're going in Jack's Chevy...

...to the beach,
and you'll wish you hadn't.

- Now, cut it out, honey. Just hold on.
- I don't like to see girls go wrong.

- We all hate to see girls go wrong.
- Well, she's good.

- She doesn't have to...
- Sibyl!

Now, let's leave the fortunetelling
to honest people.

Well, I heard those answers
coming yesterday.

And right now, I can hear
tomorrow's. So who needs it?

Ladies and gentlemen,
we beg your pardon.

You see, my wife's mind
is a delicate instrument.

And like all fine instruments,

it needs adjustment
from time to time.

Yes.

Trying to keep her under wraps
for years. Now, would you like to say

- a polite good night to the audience?
- Good night, dear.

Though some people
will be shocked

by my wife's natural appearance.
But after tonight's performance,

I don't think anyone
will be particularly surprised.

Hi, Danny. Danny, what are
you doing here, you cute thing?

Aren't you Aunt Louise?

I used to be Louise. Now I'm Sibyl.

The amazing Sibyl.

Careful of the steps, honey.

Oh, you. Come here, you cute thing.
Where'd you get that jacket?

It makes you look like one of the boys
in the band. How'd you like our act?

Well, things got
a bit confusing at first.

- I am so glad to see you.
- But I liked it.

- You know, you're like your father...
- Sibyl!

Sibyl.

What were you trying
to do out on that stage?

Honey, listen. It's Danny.
See, it really is Danny.

Yes. I see Danny.

How are you, Danny?
Now, come on. Let's get out of here.

Sibyl's okay.

But I'll tell you something:
Burke's a jerk,

and I frankly don't feel
too related to him.

Here, Uncle Burke.

Pick a card.

Okay. Look at it.

Put it back.

All right, are you sure you saw it?

I am sick of those pick-a-card tricks.

Well, okay then.

I'll show you a trick with...

...six cards.

Three of them are black.

And three of them are red.

Black, red, black, red,

black and red.

But when I turn them over,
all the blacks are together

- and so are the reds.
- Oh, that's swell.

Oh, that's oil and water.
Everybody does that trick.

Let me show you
the eight-card variation.

It's a lot harder with eight cards.

Red, black, red, black,

red, black, red, black.

Red, black... You paying attention?

Red, black...

...red, black, red, black.

This side is red.

And so is this side.

And these are all...

- Black.
- No.

These are the four kings.

My stars. That was really wonderful.

You've really been
doing your homework, huh?

The world is full of guys
that can pick up a deck

and put it down without spilling it.

What's your next step, kid?

My next step's up. I'm going up.

I came out of the sticks
because this is up.

Yeah...
But what's it up?

Just because you
can do a couple of tricks,

doesn't mean you got it made, kid.

How do you know
what else he can do?

You never heard of a child prodigy?

It doesn't take everybody
a whole lifetime

to learn the tricks
of the trade, you know.

I know what he's got in mind.

Kid, did anybody ever
tell you about your father?

- He was an escape artist.
- Yeah.

A pretty good one too.

But he always had
to be up on everybody.

Harry was a wise guy.

Harry was a real man
and a great artist.

And don't ever forget it.

What about the bright side?

Let's use him in the act,

if we still have one
by the time he learns.

Is that what you wanna do, kid?

I'd be very good at it. And...
And I'd do anything you told me to.

Okay.

Now, I'm gonna tell you the truth.

You see, we can't even afford
to let you visit with us.

Not for long anyway.

Here's the card you picked.

The old card-in-the-wallet trick.

The old card-in-your-wallet trick.

The wonder boy.

You got him.

It's all there.

- Here you go.
- Thanks, honey.

Look, we gotta call his grandmother
and let her know that he's here.

And that we're gonna...

- Have you got that number?
- Burkie, let him stay a little while.

- He's part of the family, honey.
- Yeah, yeah. Your family.

Probably end up
just like his old man.

- What's wrong with that?
- Look, Sibyl. I'm telling you

that one of these days he's gonna
end up in a card game somewhere

and try out some of the
amateur stuff he's been...

And somebody's gonna get...

Somebody's gonna get mad
and break his head open.

Gee, Burke, you're
really jealous, aren't you?

Look, I just don't wanna see another
version of his old man around here.

Listen, Burke...

- special.

Sibyl, would you please...

Say the magic word.

How's that?

Say the magic word.

I don't know the magic word.

It's "Open sesame."

Open sesame.

Something for you?
Fool your little friends?

What's the use
of fooling your friends?

You think you have any,
you're just fooling yourself.

Do you write your own patter?

You should ask me whether or not
I fool my relatives or strangers.

Well, how about relative strangers?

Them too.

You know, I bet you keep them
on their toes up at the debate society.

Say, listen, I've got something here

that I think you
just might be interested in.

Yeah. Houdini used to do this one.

It's...

...King Tut.

No. That's not quite
what I had in mind.

- See, my father was Harry Masters.
- Yeah?

Listen, you know anybody in town
who can

rip a base
or deal a good second?

Slow down, boy.

I haven't been in pots and pans
very much,

but it wouldn't take me too long.

Say the magic word.

Say the magic word.

Let me handle it.

- Watch how I serve the customers.
- Well, now, wait a minute.

Say the magic word.

Open the goddamn door.

Don't let this guy
know that I'm here. Okay?

- He's nutty as a fruitcake.
- No, sir.

It's "Open sesame."

Push the button
or I'll kick the door in.

Hi.

Something for you?
Fool your friends?

Where's the boss?

Hey, Stu,
look at all this junk, will you?

Well, when the boss isn't here,
I'm the boss.

Maybe I can help you.

Yeah, I'd like some ice cubes
with flies in them.

Well, how many you want?

I'll take six dozen.

I gotta check.

These things are a riot. I'll put them
in my father's drinks. He'll go crazy.

Oh, Stu. You're such a jokester.

Yeah. These are
great ones, the flies.

Do you have the beetles
or the spiders?

- Yeah.
- How about some rubber rats?

Mister, we've got everything.

Do you seriously think I'm here
to look at insects in ice cubes?

I'm the Humane Society in this town.

I wanna see you
make some canaries disappear.

We've gotten reports
that you guys kill those birds.

And I want you
to show me otherwise.

Pleasant surprise.
You know, Stu,

your father told us
that if you came around,

that we didn't have to
take it from you anymore.

He said, in fact, we don't even
have to talk to you anymore.

Now, he says if you
give us any trouble,

that we're supposed
to call the police department.

You're not supposed to hold
a rabbit by the ears either.

But did that ever stop any of you guys
from pulling them out of hats?

Hey, Stu, let's pretend
like I'm a rabbit.

I wanna know how you idiots
make a canary disappear,

and I don't have 25 years
to figure it out.

Look, Stu.

Phone. I'm calling the police.

Sir, the magician switches
the live bird with the stuffed one.

So why would anybody
wanna kill the bird?

Ask a turkey on Thanksgiving.

Hey, Stu.

Slide it in here a second.
I wanna show you a little trick.

Look. Don't play
with the illusions, girlie.

In fact, don't touch
anything in the store.

I'll be glad to demonstrate
anything you want.

You can tell this guy's been
in and out of the nuthouse.

You know who he is, don't you?

He's the mayor's son.

Stu, somebody's always saying
"stop."

Let's go drive fast
and get another drink.

- Okay. We'll go get a drink.
- Excuse me, mister.

I don't normally deal with
the walking wounded, but if I may,

let me show you
the signed-card-to-wallet effect.

- Who's this kid, for God's sakes?
- Pick a card.

- So you're another prestidigitator?
- Get it?

Put it back.

- Stu, magic is boring.
- Yeah.

- You're a jerk.
- Jerk?

Don't you know
any other good words?

Move with the times, boy.

Why don't you leave the kid alone
and just get out of here.

You wanna know what you need?

You need to be educated.

I've had a lifetime of education, pal.

Here, I'll pass along
one of my educations.

What does a steamboat
do in the harbor?

- Tie up.
- What a jerk.

Why don't you go home now, Stu,

and come back some time
when you're in a friendlier mood.

I'm feeling perfectly fine
and friendly.

You know, you're
just like your old man.

You think you can
get away with anything.

Now get out of here, please.

- And don't come back.
- All right. I'm getting out of here.

- Okay?
- Excuse me.

Well.

We got little Lord Fauntleroy here,
and the spectacle is disgusting.

I'd like to apologize.

I apologize for my remarks.

All right.

His Honor would like
to speak to you.

- It's about the wallet.
- Hi, Dad.

Hi, sonny.

What's happening?

Well, where's my wallet?

Oh, yeah.

Sam told me about it.

Well, Sam here, he said...

...you told him.

- That right?
- Yeah.

Oh, well. Maybe it was
somebody else.

I've been talking to a lot of people.
You know how things get around.

- Nice to see you, Dad.
- Nice seeing you.

Look...

...let me try to explain
to you what happened.

You see, l... I put the wrong
money in that wallet by mistake,

you know, out of Sam's safe.

It's not the spending kind.

Nothing that anybody
would wanna use now.

What'll it be?

Okay, I'd like a cup of coffee
with a side of milk and eggs, please.

I like them over easy.
What about you?

That's the way I like them.

Okay.

Could I have a milk, Charlie,
and eggs over easy?

Hocus-pocus, huh?

- I work at the Toucan Club.
- Oh, yeah?

I've heard about that place.
What do you do, sweep?

- Sweep?
- Yeah. You sweep up?

No.

I'm putting together an act.

Aren't you a little young
for that sort of stuff?

I happen to be looking
for an assistant.

Would you, by any chance, know
any friends who might be interested?

Well...

...what about me?

I think I can handle that.

Well, maybe you can.

Ever seen one of these?

No.

Listen.

My mother gave it to me.

- Can you break a hundred?
- No way.

You're crazy. You know that?

You know, after you get off work,

I know where they make popcorn.

And they got
this great new invention.

They call it "the movies."

Well...

...I work till about 10.

Come on by.

My name's Sandra.

Where's the wallet, kid?

It was just a joke.

They were trick handcuffs.
All you had to do

- was flip the little button...
- Hey.

Relax.

I got mad, you know.
You punched me in the nose.

It wasn't even a fair fight to...

- begin with.

Keep it quiet, kid.

We're gonna have a little...

...employment insurance
interview here, kid,

and I don't wanna
shock the neighbors.

- Come on. Come on.
- What's going on?

What's all that junk?

Tools for fixing watches.

- Hey, you remember the time...?
- Hey, Vernon.

Where is it?

Where's what?

You already got all my other stuff.
What else do you want?

You heisted my wallet.

Now, while things are pretty calm
and reasonable,

would be a good time to give it back.

You think this is funny, eh? You think
we're rehearsing a play here, huh?

I'll tell you how funny this is.

It will kill you.

You'll disappear like a canary,

and there'll be a vacant seat
in the glee club.

- I don't know what you're referring to.
- In plain language, I'll kill you.

Understand that?

- Are you kidding, Stu?
- Shut up.

My old man's a crook.
That money is hot.

And if you try to spend any of it
you're gonna get a real-life, close-up,

Technicolor view of enough
FBI men to start a big law firm.

- What?
- Never mind.

Hey.

That's the first I heard of that.

Vernon.

I'm talking to people one at a time
here, so let's not have any heckling.

I'm sorry you're in trouble.

Look, it's not whether you win or lose,
it's how you play the game.

And so far, you've been playing this

like chapter eight
of Bomba, the Jungle Boy.

I don't enjoy threats.

I don't enjoy hurting people.

Sometimes I wish I did, because
it would be a cheap way to get kicks.

- Yeah, well, if you try anything, I'll...
- You think I'm kidding, do you?

Listen, I've been known to go
berserk for a lot less than this.

So quit playing dumb
and give it back. Okay?

Help...!

I'm cutting out.

Come back here.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Don't you ever
try a stupid trick like that.

Stupid, huh? What if he had
time to hide it somewheres?

- I was thinking.
- You, thinking?

Look.

Now, look, I'm the kid. Right?

Right? Now, there are
these tough guys.

You see, I'm getting
shoved through. Right?

Now, I'm really worried as hell.

Now, I know... I know that
in two minutes I'm gonna get frisked.

So, what do I see?

That's pretty good.

It's not a bad evening's
entertainment, is it, kid?

Come in.

What the hell?

I'm sorry, ma'am,

but we can't have
any interruptions right now.

- Oh, my.
- Hi, there. You looking for Burke?

I heard somebody holler, so I brought
over a drink. That's usually it.

The kid just had a little trouble
tripping over himself, that's all.

What's going on?
Leave the boy alone.

I bet he's got it on him.

- Where is it?
- Vernon.

- I know you've got it.
- Don't mind us, lady.

It's a little late in the day. By midnight,
you'd be downright embarrassed.

I just bet I would.

Don't spend it all in
one place, Danny boy.

Hey, I know you. You're the
mayor's son. Shoo! Beat it!

- Get out of here.
- This is the last...

Hold on a minute.
You should take care of yourself.

I am taking care of myself.

Hey, kid!

Hey! Hey, you! Come here.

Where'd you get that outfit?

My uncle let me borrow it
in case I got a job.

I thought you were
coming by earlier.

I got held up by a business meeting.

I'll bet you it was funny business.

I could really use an assistant.

We'll start slow.
And after I saw you in half...

Saw me in half?

- That'll be the day.
- You won't get hurt.

- Do you use a real saw?
- Of course.

It would have to look natural.

Come here. I wanna
show you something.

- Okay, you gotta be really quiet.
- Okay.

- Is it okay if we're in here?
- No. But here we are.

Oh, my!

This is all my father's stuff.

What do you do with all this stuff?

Use it in an act.

See, that's my father in the middle,
that's Uncle Burke on the side,

and that's Aunt Sibyl on that side.

Danny.

You know, my father died
trying to escape.

- How?
- Well, they tried to keep it from me.

I guess they were afraid
I might follow in his footsteps.

He was the greatest escape artist in
the whole world. After Houdini.

Hey, do I get to say:

"Ladies and gentlemen"?

Yeah, but not yet.

You know, escape is only good
when it looks dangerous.

Now?

Ladies and gentlemen.

Burke. It's Danny.

It really looks dangerous.

What the hell's going on here?

Oh, my God.

Come on, Danny.

Danny.

Come on.

What are you doing?

Listen, honey. Why don't you
stop trying to escape.

Let's try doing something normal.

Like what?

Oh, stealing tuxedos.

I don't know. Why don't you
ask that girl out to the movies.

She's a real cute girl.
You promised her, didn't you?

You know what we could do?
We could go grocery shopping.

And you and I could argue
about whether or not

you'd have
crunchy peanut butter, or...

...smooth peanut butter. Maybe you
could forget to make your bed.

Then I'd get mad at you.
You know, we could...

...be a real family. What do you say?

Burke doesn't wanna
have anything to do with me.

Don't be silly. He just talks
like that to everybody.

It doesn't mean anything.
That's just his way.

Yeah. Well, he hated
my father, didn't he?

Harry just did things really good.
It made people mad.

You know what you're doing
is really dangerous.

You could get hurt.

Did you ever tell my father that?

That he might die?
Or even try to stop him?

You could die, Danny.

I know you see things.

But if you just stop talking about
them, maybe they won't happen.

You know, Harry was the very best
that there ever was, and he died.

But I have to do the things
my father could do.

If you promise me...

...you'll be really careful...

...I promise you I'll try not
to see what's gonna happen.

Well, here we are.

Hey, where's Stu? Thought you
said Stu was gonna be here.

Oh, jeez.

He's in the restaurant.

Hey, look, kid.

I'll settle for half. No questions.

Half of nothing.

Hey.

Come back here, sonny.

Come back here.

Hey, sonny.

Hi. We're having a banquet.
Grab a lobster.

- I want a job.
- I see.

Did you spend all
the other money already?

I told you the truth.

Well, what kind of a job do
you think you can do for me?

I can do anything.

Vernon.

I tried to drag him in here, Stu, but
he got the keys out of my pocket.

He threw them away. I've been
looking all over the place.

What keys?

- Not my keys?
- Yeah.

You'd better find them.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself,
making my friend look bad?

Search him.

Right.

Stu, what happened to the rest
of the honored guests?

Some people are a little slow in
showing up sometimes, you know.

Business, the heat.

Just this kind of stuff.

Okay.

That's it.

What's this stuff?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

These are picklocks, aren't they?

Some of them.

Do you know how to use this stuff?

Yeah.

How do you feel
about breaking the law?

- Which law?
- Well, like:

"Do unto others before
they can do it to you."

I'm not mad at anybody in particular.

How about city ordinances
and federal statutes

and international embargoes?

I don't know what those are.

Well, okay. I'm gonna put it
in a simpler way for you.

How about don't step on the grass,
don't shoot cows,

don't sink the Coast Guard.
Stuff like that?

I've stepped on the grass.

I see.

Does that mean you've
got an open mind?

One end's open.

One end's...!

One end's open.

I really like you, kid. I do.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

We're gonna go downtown
and see about this.

You see that Caddy out there?

Yeah.

Go warm it up for me.

Well, I'll be damned.

- Vernon.
- Yo.

- Isn't this a high-security lock?
- That's what they said.

Or did you put in
a Mickey Mouse lock

- and hold out a little on the bill?
- Come on, hey, Stu.

What are we doing here, Stu?

All right, boy.

Everything you see is locked.
I like to lock up.

And I don't like to keep
too many sets of keys around,

which is a mistake when Vernon's on
the job, because now we have none.

But, anyway, it's all yours.

If you can get through that one,
you'll find a set of files,

a locked desk
and a war-surplus safe.

And I think the john's locked too,

just in case somebody
tries to crawl up the drainpipe.

How much am I gonna get paid?

How do I know what to pay you
until I know what you can do?

Open it.

Stu, are we all gonna sit around
and watch him pick locks all day?

Why don't you get
some drinks, okay, honey?

Thank you.

For God's sakes, I can't
open it that fast with a key.

Ap駻itif?

What?

Can I clear the room, you know,
for, like, two minutes?

You know, I always seem
to talk my way into something

that I'll have to get myself out of.

Stu's hired me to open the safe
in his father's office.

It's not quite what I had in mind.

You're under arrest.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- I thought I recognized your voice.
- Well, I thought you did too.

I missed you at the banquet today.

Oh, yeah. Something came up.

In case you didn't know it yet,

your father says nobody
has to even listen anymore.

This is our water
commissioner, Freddie,

who's in charge of polluting everybody
when he's not on vacation.

I'd like you to meet Freddie Jones.

He's the best left-handed
high school quarterback

this state's ever produced.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm trying to persuade him

that our college would have
a lot of advantages.

I'd definitely think about it.

Give Harding a close look.

Those big state universities
don't pay as much as they used to.

- Yeah, that's right.
- How much do you weigh?

- Ninety-eight pounds, sir.
- He grew three inches this summer.

He's like a snake
out there in the gridiron.

I see.

Smells like voters in here.

There you go.

- Hi.
- Hi, Stu.

Where's Sam?

You know where he is.
He's in his office.

Stu.

No.

You're not supposed to be in here.
You know that. Nobody is.

Stu, stop! Stu.

If you do this, I'll have
to call upstairs. Honest.

Don't you know who this is?

Don't you read the back part
of the papers?

This is Freddie Jones,
state president of 4-H.

Well, that's nice.

I just wanted to show him where they
hide the bodies when they cool off.

Oh, Sam.

I heard you were
in the building, baby.

Take a good look at this kid.
He'll scare the hell out of you.

- I don't get scared anymore.
- No? Take a good look.

A completely honest kid. He's the one
who found my old man's wallet.

We're taking it in to return it.

If you have that wallet,
you'd better turn it over.

Now, wait a minute.

I figure a 10-percent reward
would be good enough to put

a clean-living kid like Freddie through
his first year of embalming school.

Yeah, yeah. All right.

Mind if I see the wallet?

Seeing is believing, eh, Sam?

I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.

I don't believe you.

So get out of here.

It's back to the nuthouse, baby.

Well, I don't like this.

Just keep your mouth shut
and learn something.

Well, it's just a little confusing.

Well, you've gotta expect
a little confusion,

especially when you're
causing it yourself.

Yeah, but you make
everybody mad at you.

Yeah, sure. Listen. This place would
melt down into grease if I didn't.

Why do you think they use
a lot of marble in city halls?

Because it doesn't absorb stink.

You don't have to clean it
unless you wanna show off,

and it keeps people worried
because it looks like a bank.

I see Sam brought the good
news upstairs. We're expected.

No, not today. By appointment only.

Have any trouble getting
your motorcycle in the elevator?

What the hell kind of duty
are you supposed to be on?

Stu, go downstairs
and out the front door,

or I've got orders to cool you off.

Hey, I'm bringing the
first double Eagle Scout

in the whole goddamn country,
a local boy, to meet the mayor.

So, what's the matter?

I don't know.

It's okay, Al. Let them in.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

And here we have
the mayor's office.

Marble fireplace, sofas,
antique clock.

And here, watch closely. The safe.

And there's the mayor himself.

Well, sonny, what's the latest, huh?

I brought along your
successor, Fred Jones.

He's gonna be mayor on the
Jaycees Government Day next week.

Well, isn't that nice?

The water commissioner told me that
you were touting some football player.

Football player?

Which one of the
Jones boys are you, son?

The last one, sir.

Oh, well, that's good.

You stick to football.

See, Stuart here never
played football, and look at him.

Some people just
don't like to play ball, Dad.

Yeah.

And Sam, you know,
the city treasurer?

He has the idea
that you found my wallet.

For God's sake,
Sam needs a hearing aid.

Stuart?

Stuart? Come here.

I wanna talk to you.

Stu?

Come over here, sonny, will you?

I wanna talk to you. Come.

You see, the way l...

You know, sometimes you
remind me of the little boy.

Listen.

The way I understand it...

...this thing can cut
everything off a little short.

Matter of fact, it can cut it
right down to the nub.

So be a good boy
and give it back, huh?

I am a good boy, Dad.
He's a good boy too.

You're a bad boy.

Look, the wallet was
on the table in my room.

You were in the room.

Now, the wallet is not there
anymore, so where is it?

Well, maybe somebody
put it in the washing machine.

What do you think, kid?

Could you hold down the job?

Keep the citizens lined up

with their hands going in and out
of their pockets at regular intervals?

You like insulting me
in front of your friend, huh?

It makes you real happy to do, huh?

Get out! Get out!

Why don't you just stay down, Dad.

And give the party machinery
a nice long rest?

This is it, boy. That is the last straw.

- That is the last one.
- Yes?

- Now.
- Now?

- Yes, right now!
- Oh.

Now, you listen to me, Stuart.

You got something of mine, see.

So I'm gonna give you a chance...

...to rest and take it easy...

...until you remember
what you did with it, eh?

Now, I don't want any reports,
no report sheets,

no reporters, no nothing.

I'll call Fritz in a minute.
You can use this elevator here.

What about the kid?

I don't know about the kid.
Let Fritz find out about him.

If I had your wallet,
I'd never give it to you.

I might give it to the FBI,
along with the rest of my files.

Is that so?

Well, let me
tell you something, sonny.

Sometimes when
little boys make up stories,

they have to be locked up in their
rooms. Now, get him out of here.

Get him out of here before I kill him!

If you work me over, I'm gonna...

- Stop that!
- I'm warning you.

Out!

I'm warning you. Anybody works
me over, I'm gonna really...

You gonna what?
I want both your mouths shut

between here and the jail, or else.

You used to be my friend.

Shut up.

You used to cook
Chinese food for me.

I said, shut up.

- If you give me any trouble...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's when I got the idea
to make the challenge.

All I have to do is get out of jail,
make my way back

to the mayor's office,
open his safe and get away.

How would you say an escape artist
is different from just plain folks?

Well, he does what people
wish they could do.

And if he can't,
he makes it seem like he can.

Ever tried to escape
from anything tough before?

- Sure.
- How'd it make you feel?

Fine.

All right.

Everybody out.

The deal is, he's totally alone, Fritz.

One hour.

Okay. I'll be back to get you
in an hour, kid.

Your clothes are across the hall.

Good luck.

You don't see me, do you, Scully?

No, Fritz.

Come out here now.

Take a good look.

I have to do a lot of things
I don't like in this job.

I don't mind that so much.

As a matter of fact, his old man
would come downstairs and get him...

Now, I don't know what
your connection is with that nut,

but if you know anything
about a bunch of hundred dollar bills,

you better start talking.

I did a little checking.

I don't know what you've heard,
but your old man was a petty crook.

They didn't shoot him in here,
you know.

He got as far as the kitchen,
which isn't bad for a country boy.

But don't you even try to escape.

In a little while, the reporters
will be back to take your picture

and write down your comments
on the virtues of bragging.

Think about hundred dollar bills.

Says you're supposed to sign this.

Okay.

You ever heard of anybody
who tried to break out of here?

Oh, yeah. Guys try to get out
all the time.

Come on.

Come on. I got reporters
coming back in a few minutes.

Okay, come on.

Okay, you'll be safe in here.

It'll be in all the papers.

Boy, are they gonna be surprised
to find you in here.

- Got your keys?
- Yeah, let's get this over with.

- Did you find the wallet yet?
- No, sir.

- What about the kid?
- We got him locked up.

Tell you what, Al. You tell Fritz
to send someone over

to Stu's apartment and look for it.

Okay.

Do whatever you have to do
to find it.

Good night, sir. We'll take care of it.

Good night.
See you tomorrow.

Oh, boy...

Now what?

I don't know.

I don't have the key.

Well, Fritz will have it.

Come on.

Now, what am I holding up,
besides the show?

The seven of diamonds.

Yes.

Now, would you like to say a nice
good night to the audience?

Good night, everybody.

Now, my dear,
shall we show them our secret?

Yes.

I've been trying to keep her
under wraps for years.

Some people may be shocked

by my wife's real appearance.

But after tonight's performance,
I don't think anyone would be

particularly surprised.

Danny, watch out for Stu.

Goodbye, Danny.

The amazing Sibyl.

Wake up.

You put the wallet in the safe?

You really did it.

I don't know how you did it...

...but you did it.

Look what your dad did
to your apartment.

I looked.

What's a couple of shiners
between friends?

I kept my eyes open and did more
or less exactly what you told me to.

I figure you owe me 80 bucks,
whatever time it is.

Yes.

Did I tell you to call the cops?

Did I tell you to call the cops?

No, but who else was gonna do it,
the Humane Society?

Don't use my own jokes on me, kid.

No, it's bad manners.

Bad, bad manners.

It was just a game.
I didn't wanna turn him in.

I did it because I could do it,
and there's nobody else could.

You did it for me, you little creep?

Now they won't give him his booze
and cigars and whipping boys.

You did it.

And I'm gonna cut you up.

Yeah, well, you wanted to do it
but you couldn't.

Yeah, I wanted to do it.
He's my father.

You kill your father and I'll kill mine.

You're a good boy.

You got talent.

And you did do some of the things
that I asked you to.

Potentially, you're a phenomenon.

Are you still my employee?

Are you?

I don't wanna get sliced up.

Oh, I just get mad sometimes,
you know.

I wasn't really gonna hurt you.
I just wanted to scare you a little bit.

Yeah. You managed that just fine.

Yeah.

Yeah, I sure did, didn't I?

Here.

Here's the money I owe you.

Now, come on out and get a bonus.

I'm gonna get my car

and I'm gonna knock this box
into the next precinct.

That's a federal offense.

You're a federal offense if I ever...

How is my old man
ever gonna forgive me now?

Ouch.

Hi.

- You're having a little trouble?
- No.

You drop something in there?

I just mailed a letter.

A le...? That wasn't any letter.

To my mother.

You having a little talk
with somebody?

What's your number, officer?

I don't believe I've seen you before.

Be polite this time of the morning.
Because if you get wise,

I'll shut that other eye for you.

All right.

You're not gonna believe this.

There's a kid in the box.

In here?

That's right. Open it
if you don't believe me.

You put a baby in there?

No, I didn't put a baby in there.

Danny?

Hey, Danny, will you
say something?

Danny? I tell you, there's a kid
in the mailbox.

He opened it and got in it.

And he's wanted by your goddamn
chief of detectives, Fritz Haas.

- Hey.
- You can't do that.

Hey, wait a minute.
Don't you know...?

Hey.

Don't you know who l...?

- Okay.
- What?

All right. Okay.
All right.

- Stay still. Stay still.
- Okay. I'm still, I'm still.

Don't you see I'm holding still?

What do you wanna do that for?

Stay still.

Okay, okay.

Don't you read the papers?
Keep up, for God's sake.

I'm famous for being the wrong guy.

I tell you, there's a kid
in the mailbox.

- In here?
- Yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

Good night, Danny boy.

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