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1
00:00:05,892 --> 00:00:07,476
-Are we still getting married?
-Yeah, yeah, of course.
2
00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:10,684
You put me in a hospital once.
Please don't do it again.
3
00:00:11,434 --> 00:00:12,351
Have a good trip.
4
00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:15,518
BELINDA: What did Sally and
Nigel get up to in that bedroom?
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,767
I like to believe that
Sally didn't enjoy it.
6
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:19,559
And what do you really believe?
7
00:00:19,642 --> 00:00:21,101
-I think she really enjoyed it.
-Okay.
8
00:00:21,351 --> 00:00:23,226
I can't stop thinking about
the other night.
9
00:00:23,309 --> 00:00:24,892
I guess we made
a really big mistake.
10
00:00:25,268 --> 00:00:26,725
Well, I, um... (STAMMERING)
11
00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:28,767
The thing with Sally
is I love her.
12
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:30,309
MICK: Think she's just
shitting herself 'cause
13
00:00:30,393 --> 00:00:31,309
she's gotta get married.
14
00:00:31,892 --> 00:00:33,892
She's gonna be imprisoned
for the rest of her life. (CHUCKLES)
15
00:00:34,226 --> 00:00:35,850
-Do you fancy me?
-What?
16
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:37,309
-Do you?
-Would you let me go?
17
00:00:37,393 --> 00:00:39,518
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
18
00:00:40,434 --> 00:00:43,059
-(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
-(YELLS INDISTINCTLY)
19
00:00:43,351 --> 00:00:45,351
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
20
00:00:57,518 --> 00:01:00,393
(Scottish-style music playing)
21
00:01:13,434 --> 00:01:14,600
Wow.
22
00:01:14,684 --> 00:01:17,934
-What is this place?
-It's where stars stay.
23
00:01:20,059 --> 00:01:21,934
Emma:
Thanks, Pedro.
24
00:01:29,184 --> 00:01:31,226
(music continues)
25
00:01:38,059 --> 00:01:40,059
(harp playing)
26
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,393
-Oh, my God, it's amazing!
-Wow.
27
00:01:42,476 --> 00:01:44,226
Oh, my God.
Look at it. Look!
28
00:01:44,309 --> 00:01:47,850
It's incredible.
Come look in the bathroom.
29
00:01:47,934 --> 00:01:49,725
Let me see,
let me see!
30
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:50,934
So beautiful.
31
00:01:51,017 --> 00:01:52,976
Oh, let's have a bath.
32
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,393
Why don't we have like
a really sexy bath?
33
00:01:55,476 --> 00:01:57,809
We could just
have a look around first.
34
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:00,309
(phone chimes)
35
00:02:00,393 --> 00:02:02,684
(patio door opens)
36
00:02:10,101 --> 00:02:13,017
-Oh, my God.
It's amazing. -Look at these petals.
37
00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:14,976
Look!
38
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:16,725
Oh, my God,
that's so sweet.
39
00:02:16,809 --> 00:02:18,934
It says,
"For the Honeymooners."
40
00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,850
Oh, God,
that's really posh champagne, Em.
41
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,101
-We totally deserve it.
-Do you think it comes with the room,
42
00:02:24,184 --> 00:02:26,850
or do you think
if you open it, you have to buy...
43
00:02:26,934 --> 00:02:28,642
-pay extra, or...?
-Please stop worrying.
44
00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:30,059
It's really
unattractive.
45
00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:32,518
-(cork pops)
-(Emma yells, laughs)
46
00:02:33,226 --> 00:02:34,809
-God.
-Shit.
47
00:02:34,892 --> 00:02:36,600
This feels
so amazing.
48
00:02:36,684 --> 00:02:40,309
♪ My beautiful bride
My beautiful bride ♪
49
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:43,184
♪ Cheers to my
beautiful bride ♪
50
00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:45,476
Cheers. Okay. Um.
51
00:02:47,226 --> 00:02:48,518
Both:
Mmm.
52
00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:53,684
Sorry, I'm just--
I'm a tiny bit worried
53
00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:55,767
because the room
costs, like,
54
00:02:55,850 --> 00:02:58,600
-17,000 pounds a week.
Is that right? -Amazing, yeah.
55
00:02:58,684 --> 00:03:02,101
And you're not working,
and I don't have... that.
56
00:03:02,184 --> 00:03:04,142
Just please, don't make this
all about fucking money.
57
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:07,351
The food is meant to be
out of this world. I mean, I just...
58
00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:10,017
Well, what I've done,
um, so I've just got...
59
00:03:10,101 --> 00:03:14,101
You know, some basics.
I've got tomatoes, bread, cheese and stuff.
60
00:03:14,184 --> 00:03:15,393
This?
61
00:03:16,184 --> 00:03:18,309
I'm not eating
bread and tomatoes on my honeymoon.
62
00:03:18,393 --> 00:03:20,934
And I don't want to be
cooped up here like some fucking gypsy.
63
00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:22,059
Sorry, but,
you know...
64
00:03:22,142 --> 00:03:24,642
Heston Blumenthal
is the chef here.
65
00:03:24,725 --> 00:03:27,642
If you eat fish here,
which I am definitely going to do,
66
00:03:27,725 --> 00:03:30,976
they catch it fresh
from the loch, bring it to the table,
67
00:03:31,059 --> 00:03:33,600
flapping,
and then gas it right in front of you.
68
00:03:33,684 --> 00:03:36,642
-God, that sounds horrible.
-I think it sounds really sexy.
69
00:03:36,725 --> 00:03:37,767
-Do you?
-Yeah.
70
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:38,767
Okay.
71
00:03:39,309 --> 00:03:41,642
Come on, please.
Let's have a posh dinner tonight, babe.
72
00:03:41,725 --> 00:03:43,725
The thing is,
I'm just feeling really tired.
73
00:03:43,809 --> 00:03:45,476
-Yeah.
-Feeling quite tired,
74
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,434
so, maybe you should go
and get a massage or something.
75
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,600
So you don't want
a massage?
76
00:03:50,309 --> 00:03:51,976
No, I'm good.
Have a massage.
77
00:03:52,059 --> 00:03:54,268
-No, 'cause I've got
something better. -I'm just really tired.
78
00:03:54,351 --> 00:03:57,600
No, no, no.
This'll wake you up. This'll be great.
79
00:03:59,268 --> 00:04:01,767
I think I got a bit caught.
No, that's all right.
80
00:04:03,017 --> 00:04:04,642
Em, honestly,
I'm really, really tired.
81
00:04:04,725 --> 00:04:08,850
Is that okay?
Yeah. You ready? Just touch it.
82
00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:11,518
I just want to have
some bread and cheese and maybe a cup of tea
83
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,351
and we can
watch telly. Is there a tea--?
84
00:04:13,434 --> 00:04:16,309
-There's probably
tea and coffee. -I don't want to watch telly.
85
00:04:16,642 --> 00:04:18,559
Just pull my cock,
please.
86
00:04:20,976 --> 00:04:22,725
-Hi, there.
-Hi.
87
00:04:22,809 --> 00:04:25,101
I've got, um,
a table for two booked.
88
00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:28,518
It's Mrs. and Mrs.
de Florentier-Wentaugh.
89
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,142
-Okay.
-Yeah, just got married. (laughs)
90
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:36,476
Um... oh, my God,
that buffet looks amazing.
91
00:04:36,892 --> 00:04:38,142
Um, with the buffet,
is it, like,
92
00:04:38,226 --> 00:04:41,268
an all-you-can-eat,
sort of, Harvester-type?
93
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,518
Uh, just help
yourselves.
94
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,559
Help yourselves. Great.
And then if you're still hungry,
95
00:04:45,642 --> 00:04:48,142
-you just keep
going back, is it? -That's fine, thank you.
96
00:04:49,226 --> 00:04:51,309
(shells clanking on plate)
97
00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:07,309
(shells clanking)
98
00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:12,809
(sighs)
Okay.
99
00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:16,309
It's just the
hors d'oeuvre, so...
100
00:05:16,393 --> 00:05:17,559
God.
101
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,142
Just go back and get
and eat as much as you want.
102
00:05:20,226 --> 00:05:21,767
So, I think we should try
and keep going back
103
00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:23,600
(quietly):
before the other people get stuff.
104
00:05:23,684 --> 00:05:26,059
-It's quite a lot.
-Yeah.
105
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:29,850
-Nice, though. Cheers.
-I'm really not hungry.
106
00:05:30,309 --> 00:05:32,393
-What?
-I'm just not very hungry.
107
00:05:32,476 --> 00:05:34,518
Well, you have
to eat it.
108
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,434
-What do you mean?
-You have to.
109
00:05:37,518 --> 00:05:40,309
-I don't have to.
-Well, otherwise, I'm gonna to have to eat both of them,
110
00:05:40,393 --> 00:05:42,684
'cause they
get really angry.
111
00:05:43,184 --> 00:05:45,184
'Cause they're
Scottish.
112
00:05:46,892 --> 00:05:48,476
Why are you being
so sulky?
113
00:05:48,559 --> 00:05:50,393
It's so much seafood.
114
00:05:54,059 --> 00:05:56,226
(knife squeaking)
115
00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:03,767
(squeaking increases)
116
00:06:05,809 --> 00:06:07,892
(rhythmic squeaking
continues)
117
00:06:11,184 --> 00:06:12,725
(digging noise)
118
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:14,809
(frustrated sigh)
119
00:06:14,892 --> 00:06:16,725
Smells really horrible.
120
00:06:18,725 --> 00:06:19,850
Wow.
121
00:06:19,934 --> 00:06:21,559
(bagpipe playing)
122
00:06:25,976 --> 00:06:27,600
(arrhythmic clapping)
123
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,642
(snapping)
124
00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:38,268
(whispers):
What are you doing?
125
00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:46,725
-Come on.
-No.
126
00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:48,017
-Come on!
-No.
127
00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,434
We're just married.
128
00:06:49,518 --> 00:06:51,017
-Please, I don't want to.
-Come on.
129
00:06:51,101 --> 00:06:52,351
-I don't want to.
-Sal. Sal!
130
00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:54,767
-I don't--
-Sal! Come on!
131
00:07:03,059 --> 00:07:05,892
(bagpipe music continues)
132
00:07:10,559 --> 00:07:13,101
(soft lounge music)
133
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,684
My name is
Peter Fontessa.
134
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:27,809
Helping your food
go down.
135
00:07:27,892 --> 00:07:30,142
-Do you want any of those clams?
-No, I'm good.
136
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,434
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
137
00:07:37,518 --> 00:07:38,934
(discordant sounds
from keyboard)
138
00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:42,684
-I just got married.
I'd really love to do... -(clattering)
139
00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,559
a song for my wife.
140
00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:46,393
Um, it's for my bride.
141
00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:49,268
It's A minor, G major,
F sharp minor.
142
00:07:49,351 --> 00:07:50,351
Yeah, I just have
a set list.
143
00:07:50,434 --> 00:07:51,393
It'd be amazing
on the guitar.
144
00:07:51,476 --> 00:07:53,393
I have a set list
which I...
145
00:07:53,476 --> 00:07:54,976
F minor, D.
146
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,476
Record again.
What record?
147
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:59,142
Hi, guys. This is
a bit spontaneous...
148
00:07:59,226 --> 00:08:02,059
-(Peter muttering)
-Um, it's just the way I roll.
149
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:05,268
-So, um, I would really love...
-(Peter muttering)
150
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:07,434
to sing a song
for you guys.
151
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:10,934
I'm an actress and a singer,
and so many things, but...
152
00:08:11,017 --> 00:08:16,351
most of all, I just want
to dedicate this to my beautiful new wife.
153
00:08:16,434 --> 00:08:18,184
Take it away, Peter.
154
00:08:18,268 --> 00:08:20,559
(romantic guitar melody)
155
00:08:25,684 --> 00:08:32,142
♪ I lay you down on sheets
of silk, oh, lassie girl ♪
156
00:08:33,017 --> 00:08:39,393
♪ Your skin is soft
as summer milk, oh, lassie girl ♪
157
00:08:41,226 --> 00:08:44,642
♪ Hair entangled
Lips entwine ♪
158
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:50,559
♪ I worship at your
downy shrine, oh, Lassie girl ♪
159
00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:56,268
♪ The mountain glen
reflects the moon ♪
160
00:08:56,351 --> 00:09:00,017
♪ The bedding time
cannot come too soon ♪
161
00:09:00,101 --> 00:09:06,268
♪ I'll ride you
through the hay and the heather ♪
162
00:09:06,351 --> 00:09:11,725
♪ Sally forever ♪
163
00:09:14,268 --> 00:09:16,226
(softly)
Sally.
164
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:22,684
♪ Thrump-pa-ti-ta tum ♪
165
00:09:22,767 --> 00:09:26,101
♪ Dum pa ti tum ♪
166
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,017
♪ Pum pa ti pum ♪
167
00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:33,101
♪ Oh dam pa ti dum ♪
168
00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:37,476
♪ Ba ba ba bum ♪
169
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:41,642
(guitar continues softly)
170
00:10:03,017 --> 00:10:05,268
(guests chattering)
171
00:10:07,226 --> 00:10:08,559
-(stumbling)
-Sally: Ow!
172
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,184
-Man: Oh. Hey.
173
00:10:11,934 --> 00:10:13,725
-Let me help you.
-Sorry.
174
00:10:13,809 --> 00:10:16,559
You all right?
Looked painful, that.
175
00:10:16,642 --> 00:10:18,809
Thank you.
I'm just a bit clumsy.
176
00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:20,934
You all right?
You look a bit teary.
177
00:10:21,017 --> 00:10:22,725
Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah, thank you. Sorry.
178
00:10:22,809 --> 00:10:25,226
All right. You sure
you're gonna be all right?
179
00:10:25,309 --> 00:10:27,226
-Upstairs. Yeah.
-Thank you.
180
00:10:27,309 --> 00:10:28,809
All right.
181
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:34,809
(door opens)
182
00:10:35,226 --> 00:10:38,809
(sing-song):
Where's my beautiful wife?
183
00:10:39,518 --> 00:10:41,518
-Hey, baby.
-Hey.
184
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:46,101
Hey. I got you some clams,
in case you got hungry in the night.
185
00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:47,476
Oh, no. I'm fine.
Thanks.
186
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,642
Okay. Well, they're there
if you need them.
187
00:10:49,725 --> 00:10:53,393
-Em, I...
-It's so amazing here.
188
00:10:53,476 --> 00:10:55,809
Yeah. Emma, I, um...
189
00:10:57,017 --> 00:10:59,184
Hi.
(giggles)
190
00:11:00,351 --> 00:11:03,184
Sorry.
Um, I called the...
191
00:11:03,268 --> 00:11:05,976
bank to ask
them to extend my overdraft.
192
00:11:06,059 --> 00:11:08,850
And, um, they said
that you called them?
193
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,684
-Did you call them?
-I don't think so, no.
194
00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:14,101
Well, it's just
they said you did. And, um...
195
00:11:14,184 --> 00:11:17,017
And that you'd
extended it by 12,000 pounds.
196
00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:19,892
You just never
let it go, do you? (laughs)
197
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:28,434
-What's wrong?
-You smell, um... You smell like fish.
198
00:11:28,518 --> 00:11:31,309
Yeah, I was just
eating a giant fish buffet.
199
00:11:31,393 --> 00:11:33,309
Should I go clean my teeth?
200
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:34,892
Maybe, yeah.
Would that be okay?
201
00:11:34,976 --> 00:11:37,393
Yeah, sure.
And then we can get sexy.
202
00:11:39,934 --> 00:11:42,142
I won't be long.
203
00:11:42,226 --> 00:11:43,642
(door slams)
204
00:11:43,725 --> 00:11:46,226
(Emma vomiting)
205
00:11:48,892 --> 00:11:50,642
(door opens)
206
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:52,268
(Emma sighs)
207
00:11:52,351 --> 00:11:54,809
So...
where were we?
208
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:56,976
-Were you just sick?
-Yeah. I feel much better.
209
00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:59,476
Em, just, sorry.
I think I'm a bit tired.
210
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:01,434
-Em...
-What do you mean?
211
00:12:01,518 --> 00:12:02,767
I feel tired.
212
00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:05,934
You can't do this, sweetie.
Not on our marriage night.
213
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:10,976
-Sorry.
-'Cause when you're married, you kind of have rights.
214
00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:14,850
-Yeah?
-Okay. It's just...
215
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,934
-(vomiting)
-(Sally gasps)
216
00:12:18,268 --> 00:12:20,518
-Oh, God!
-(Emma muttering)
217
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,393
-I don't feel very well.
-(Sally gasping)
218
00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:24,184
Oh, my God.
219
00:12:24,268 --> 00:12:26,101
(retching)
220
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:30,600
(gasping)
221
00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:33,850
Oh, that feels better.
(sighs)
222
00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:36,268
(whimpers)
Oh, God!
223
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:39,892
-(Emma gagging)
-(door slams)
224
00:12:40,976 --> 00:12:42,767
(birds chirping)
225
00:12:44,767 --> 00:12:48,684
(Emma sighs)
Oh. Oh, God.
226
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,309
Oh, that was
a rough night.
227
00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:53,476
I feel so ill.
(groans)
228
00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:58,434
Ah! Oh. Oh, God!
229
00:12:59,476 --> 00:13:01,184
Oh, God.
Sorry.
230
00:13:01,268 --> 00:13:04,268
-Oh, Emma.
-Sorry, can you take the sheets off?
231
00:13:04,642 --> 00:13:06,600
Oh, God!
232
00:13:06,684 --> 00:13:08,184
Oh, my God.
233
00:13:08,268 --> 00:13:09,809
So sorry.
234
00:13:09,892 --> 00:13:12,809
-It's not your fault.
-Does it smell at all?
235
00:13:13,809 --> 00:13:16,142
Yeah. Yeah.
236
00:13:16,476 --> 00:13:20,642
There's all tentacles,
and bits of claw.
237
00:13:20,725 --> 00:13:23,476
-Didn't you chew anything?
-I was just really hungry.
238
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,226
How is that
on the picture?
239
00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:27,976
I just thought
everything was the toilet.
240
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,434
Come back.
Snuggle in with me.
241
00:13:32,518 --> 00:13:36,101
-Em, I'd really love to--
-We need a sexy cuddle.
242
00:13:36,184 --> 00:13:38,809
I'd love to do that,
but it stinks, Em,
243
00:13:38,892 --> 00:13:41,351
and it's making me
feel quite, quite weird.
244
00:13:41,434 --> 00:13:43,642
Look, why don't I
take the sheets,
245
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,642
get some fresh air,
try and find a nurse.
246
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,518
-Do I look okay?
-Yeah.
247
00:13:49,017 --> 00:13:51,976
-Yeah, you look good.
-Thank you.
248
00:13:57,142 --> 00:13:59,476
How's your shins?
(laughs)
249
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:01,809
Um, yeah.
Fine, thanks.
250
00:14:02,351 --> 00:14:05,184
-A shame about the weather.
-Yeah.
251
00:14:05,518 --> 00:14:08,559
-Rubbish, isn't it?
-Scotland, I suppose.
252
00:14:08,642 --> 00:14:10,351
Well, we're, uh...
253
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:14,142
We're gonna grab
a pair of lattes and some sticky buns.
254
00:14:14,226 --> 00:14:16,809
-Oh, are you?
-Do you fancy joining us?
255
00:14:16,892 --> 00:14:18,393
Oh, no, I don't
want to intrude.
256
00:14:18,476 --> 00:14:22,226
-Oh, you wouldn't be.
We're people-people. -Yeah.
257
00:14:23,351 --> 00:14:26,226
-Great. Thank you. Yeah.
-After you.
258
00:14:26,725 --> 00:14:27,850
See...
259
00:14:29,184 --> 00:14:31,850
I just love coming here.
To get bumpin'.
260
00:14:32,226 --> 00:14:35,184
Maybe choc sprinkles
and what not.
261
00:14:35,268 --> 00:14:36,976
-Do you?
-Yeah.
262
00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:40,309
People assume I'm like,
craggy and natural,
263
00:14:40,393 --> 00:14:42,476
but we all like
to look good, don't we?
264
00:14:42,559 --> 00:14:44,184
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
265
00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:47,059
I mean, you just
had your boobs done, hadn't you?
266
00:14:47,725 --> 00:14:49,518
No, I haven't.
267
00:14:49,725 --> 00:14:52,226
Oh, sorry.
You mean your mum?
268
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,476
Eileen's my wife.
269
00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:59,393
-We're on our honeymoon.
-Oh, I'm really sorry.
270
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:03,600
That's all right.
That's why I'm piling up on the carbs.
271
00:15:03,684 --> 00:15:06,101
-Keeping you up all night, eh?
-Yeah, yeah.
272
00:15:06,184 --> 00:15:07,934
(both laugh)
273
00:15:08,268 --> 00:15:09,642
(chuckling)
274
00:15:09,725 --> 00:15:11,767
Listen, we're, uh...
275
00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:14,393
We're going horse riding,
if you fancy a gallop.
276
00:15:14,476 --> 00:15:18,059
I've never
done it before, actually. Do you ride a lot?
277
00:15:18,142 --> 00:15:20,059
-Yeah, I've done a bit.
-Yeah.
278
00:15:20,142 --> 00:15:22,642
-You know.
-Yeah. That sounds really fun.
279
00:15:22,725 --> 00:15:25,684
-(coughs)
-You all right?
280
00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:27,142
-Are you gonna come,
Eileen? -Yes.
281
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,600
She's a good rider.
Oh, you know.
282
00:15:29,684 --> 00:15:31,934
-(Sean laughs)
-(Eileen giggles)
283
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:38,725
God, Emma.
You've done it again, have you?
284
00:15:38,809 --> 00:15:42,642
-Are you feeling any better?
-No. Much worse, actually.
285
00:15:42,725 --> 00:15:44,850
Nurse was really concerned.
286
00:15:45,142 --> 00:15:46,892
She looked at
all these poos,
287
00:15:46,976 --> 00:15:51,892
and then when she was here,
I did this really, really long one,
288
00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:54,226
and she just ran
out of the room.
289
00:15:54,309 --> 00:15:59,101
-Where have you been?
-Sorry. My battery died.
290
00:15:59,809 --> 00:16:02,184
And then I just,
there was this really sweet old guy,
291
00:16:02,268 --> 00:16:04,393
and, um,
just had some food.
292
00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:06,725
So you've just been spending
the last five hours
293
00:16:06,809 --> 00:16:08,309
with some old weirdo?
294
00:16:08,393 --> 00:16:12,268
He wasn't that old,
or weird. He was an actor.
295
00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:16,017
-He's an actor.
-Yeah. Somebody... Bean?
296
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,976
-Mr. Bean?
-No, um, maybe Sean?
297
00:16:20,351 --> 00:16:21,600
-Sean Bean?
-Yeah.
298
00:16:21,684 --> 00:16:24,017
Oh, my God.
That's...
299
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,434
Well, just get him 'round.
300
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:30,767
Well, I don't really think
this is a good scenario to meet Sean Bean.
301
00:16:30,850 --> 00:16:31,934
Do you?
I mean...
302
00:16:32,017 --> 00:16:34,184
Oh, but you can spend
the dime with him.
303
00:16:34,268 --> 00:16:36,268
Look, we just
had a sticky bun and a latte.
304
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:38,434
You've really
shown a really,
305
00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:42,017
really sinister side
to yourself on this honeymoon.
306
00:16:42,559 --> 00:16:44,059
Selfish.
307
00:16:45,351 --> 00:16:48,351
-Aren't you?
-Sorry. Yeah.
308
00:16:48,434 --> 00:16:49,684
Well, just invite him
over now.
309
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,351
I want to see him.
I want to meet Sean Bean.
310
00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:52,684
-What, now?
-Yes.
311
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:55,059
Really?
I mean...
312
00:16:55,518 --> 00:16:57,600
-I don't know if this
is the place to... -Why are you mocking me
313
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,642
when I've had all these
poos flying out of me?
314
00:17:00,725 --> 00:17:03,767
I'm not mocking you,
I'm just wondering if this is the best scenario.
315
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:06,101
Well, just put the duvet
over them.
316
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:09,684
-Invite him 'round.
-Okay.
317
00:17:10,642 --> 00:17:14,809
Eleanor:
Thanks for coming in, guys. So, just to explain...
318
00:17:14,892 --> 00:17:17,642
I'm acting head
until Deborah returns.
319
00:17:17,725 --> 00:17:18,892
Is it true that
Debbie's in rehab?
320
00:17:18,976 --> 00:17:20,476
I'm not prepared to comment.
321
00:17:20,559 --> 00:17:22,393
-So that's a yes, then.
-If there are no more questions...
322
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,393
-(phone buzzes)
-What about the wheelchair?
323
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:28,351
My consultant, Rajiv,
told me, I, um...
324
00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:30,142
I have a condition.
325
00:17:30,226 --> 00:17:33,142
BIID.
It means in essence,
326
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:36,642
my brain wants me
to be a paraplegic.
327
00:17:36,725 --> 00:17:38,809
So basically,
you were lying
328
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,017
when you said
that your legs didn't work.
329
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,600
My disease told me
that they didn't work.
330
00:17:43,684 --> 00:17:45,226
What about Sally?
Is she coming back?
331
00:17:45,309 --> 00:17:46,518
Eleanor:
It's unlikely.
332
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,142
Not until
Deborah's assault charge is processed.
333
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:51,684
I don't think any of us
would feel safe around Sally
334
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:54,434
knowing she was capable
of something like that.
335
00:17:54,518 --> 00:17:57,476
What, so Deborah's
accusing Sally of...
336
00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:59,434
-assaulting her?
-Very much so.
337
00:17:59,518 --> 00:18:02,725
She almost took a chunk
out of Deb's vulva
338
00:18:02,809 --> 00:18:04,351
in a botched attempt
to win the promotion.
339
00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:07,559
This is bullshit.
Deborah assaulted Sally.
340
00:18:08,393 --> 00:18:10,101
Po-tay-toes,
po-tah-toes.
341
00:18:10,184 --> 00:18:12,434
(heavy metal music playing)
342
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,101
(cell phone chimes)
343
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,934
-Jesus!
-How can you fucking show your face?
344
00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:43,142
What?
345
00:18:43,226 --> 00:18:46,101
I saw you brown-nosing
Sean by the horses!
346
00:18:46,184 --> 00:18:47,892
I am dressed up
and ready to go
347
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:50,059
and I want
to meet Sean.
348
00:18:50,142 --> 00:18:51,809
Tonight. I want us
to go for dinner. Okay?
349
00:18:51,892 --> 00:18:54,642
Em, sorry. I'm just,
I'm feeling really tired.
350
00:18:54,725 --> 00:18:57,434
-Why are you doing this to me?
-Seriously, Emma.
351
00:18:57,518 --> 00:19:01,142
-Like, I'm really worried
I've got your thing. -Oh, Christ.
352
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,976
(sighs)
353
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:05,684
I'm sorry. I just think
354
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:07,767
we're in a really, really
difficult place right now.
355
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:10,809
-You mean Scotland?
-No. Emotionally.
356
00:19:10,892 --> 00:19:13,059
I think we need to just
release some pressure.
357
00:19:13,142 --> 00:19:15,226
Em, I really, really
don't want to have sex.
358
00:19:15,309 --> 00:19:17,142
-I'm not talking about sex.
-I'm tired.
359
00:19:17,226 --> 00:19:18,892
I'm not talking
about sex.
360
00:19:18,976 --> 00:19:21,600
Why do you have to cry
every time?
361
00:19:21,684 --> 00:19:22,976
-Okay?
-Okay.
362
00:19:23,059 --> 00:19:25,101
Look, Belinda taught me
this thing
363
00:19:25,184 --> 00:19:28,684
where you just shout
really abusive stuff to the other person,
364
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:31,309
and it really helps
to puncture the toxic balloon
365
00:19:31,393 --> 00:19:32,892
that's built up
between them.
366
00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:35,809
So, for example,
"I hate you."
367
00:19:36,226 --> 00:19:38,434
-Yeah?
-That's awful. I don't... I'm mean, I'm just tired.
368
00:19:38,518 --> 00:19:40,725
No, no, no, no, no.
Seriously, it'll be really, really good for you.
369
00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:42,268
It's so freeing.
370
00:19:42,351 --> 00:19:44,059
So, I'll start.
371
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,976
I'm just saying stuff
to you like,
372
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:49,809
I fucking hate you.
You fucking cunt. Okay?
373
00:19:49,892 --> 00:19:51,434
-Okay.
-Bitch.
374
00:19:51,518 --> 00:19:53,226
-Yeah. Get it?
-Yeah, I get it.
375
00:19:53,309 --> 00:19:57,476
Okay, so I just need you
to try and do the same, okay?
376
00:19:57,559 --> 00:20:01,184
Just say something like,
"I fucking hate you, you disgust me,
377
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:05,559
"I can't stand you,
I hate you, you're worthless."
378
00:20:05,642 --> 00:20:07,725
-You know, that kind of thing.
-I fucking hate you.
379
00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:11,351
-Bigger.
-I fucking hate you so much! I can't stand you!
380
00:20:11,434 --> 00:20:16,059
You're fucking worthless!
You disgust me. Fuck off!
381
00:20:17,226 --> 00:20:19,017
(sobbing)
382
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:21,725
(door slams)
383
00:20:21,809 --> 00:20:23,725
(Sally sobbing)
384
00:20:30,934 --> 00:20:34,351
Sally's voice:
I fucking hate you so much. I can't stand you.
385
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:38,309
You're fucking worthless.
You disgust me. Fuck off!
386
00:20:38,393 --> 00:20:39,268
Mate...
387
00:20:40,518 --> 00:20:43,226
It's not looking good.
She's gone psycho.
388
00:20:44,017 --> 00:20:46,268
You want to come down
to Picasso's with me and Tonny, then?
389
00:20:47,017 --> 00:20:48,850
Cheer yourself up?
390
00:20:48,934 --> 00:20:50,850
-(sighs) Could do, yeah.
-Yeah?
391
00:20:50,934 --> 00:20:52,184
-Yeah.
-Could, uh...
392
00:20:52,268 --> 00:20:55,017
...get one of those
big pizzas you like.
393
00:20:55,101 --> 00:20:57,600
-Hawaiian?
-Yeah. A big Hawaiian.
394
00:20:57,934 --> 00:20:59,976
Hey, Tonny's
got a sister. She's single.
395
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,642
-How old is she?
-Don't worry about it. Sixty-five.
396
00:21:02,725 --> 00:21:04,976
She doesn't look it.
She looks older.
397
00:21:05,393 --> 00:21:09,725
But, you know, sort of woman
you'd just be perfect for. Honestly.
398
00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:12,934
-Let's do that Hawaiian.
Let's do it. -Stick a pineapple on it.
399
00:21:13,017 --> 00:21:15,309
That's what
she likes, apparently.
400
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,934
Yeah.
(groans)
401
00:21:18,017 --> 00:21:20,934
-Thank you so much
for this, David. -That's great.
402
00:21:21,850 --> 00:21:26,725
I mean, I just thought
I should get some new photos for my dating profile.
403
00:21:26,809 --> 00:21:29,476
I've always loved
Puss in Boots.
404
00:21:29,559 --> 00:21:32,309
Something fun,
but powerful.
405
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:34,809
Oh, yeah.
That's great.
406
00:21:35,642 --> 00:21:38,809
Yeah. Amazing no one's
snapped you up, already.
407
00:21:38,892 --> 00:21:42,101
There was someone
at the office, but I don't know...
408
00:21:42,184 --> 00:21:44,767
I felt he just
couldn't see past the chair.
409
00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:47,518
-Do you still need the chair?
-It's complicated.
410
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:51,892
But today,
my legs are playing ball.
411
00:21:51,976 --> 00:21:54,976
That's great.
That's really lovely.
412
00:21:55,684 --> 00:21:58,850
That's nice.
That's really...
413
00:22:00,393 --> 00:22:02,684
Oh, God, yeah.
That's good.
414
00:22:03,059 --> 00:22:04,476
(grunts)
415
00:22:04,559 --> 00:22:06,142
(both moan)
416
00:22:06,226 --> 00:22:07,476
Both:
Ah!
417
00:22:07,559 --> 00:22:09,184
Push it!
418
00:22:09,393 --> 00:22:11,725
Push it!
(groans)
419
00:22:11,809 --> 00:22:13,351
(sighs)
That's great.
420
00:22:13,434 --> 00:22:16,059
Well, on the days
you do need the chair,
421
00:22:16,142 --> 00:22:18,017
I'd be more than
happy to...
422
00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:21,393
...push a big,
powerful puss around town.
423
00:22:21,476 --> 00:22:24,559
Oh, but...
What about you and Jemima?
424
00:22:24,642 --> 00:22:26,518
You'll be busy
with the baby.
425
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,351
No, that withered
on the vine.
426
00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:31,393
Not the baby,
but turned out not to be mine.
427
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:33,518
I'm so sorry, David.
428
00:22:34,476 --> 00:22:37,017
Anyway, maybe with
this leg...
429
00:22:37,101 --> 00:22:39,184
Okay. Oh, how?
430
00:22:39,268 --> 00:22:41,393
Over there.
(grunts)
431
00:22:41,476 --> 00:22:44,351
Now, maybe...
Yeah, clutch the tree.
432
00:22:44,434 --> 00:22:47,309
Yeah, put your hands
behind your back, and clu-- That's it.
433
00:22:47,393 --> 00:22:49,393
Yeah, that's it.
Lovely.
434
00:22:49,892 --> 00:22:52,976
Clutch it hard.
That's it.
435
00:22:53,059 --> 00:22:55,892
Clutch.
Clutch!
436
00:22:57,059 --> 00:22:58,767
-Clutch!
-Oh!
437
00:22:58,850 --> 00:23:00,268
-Eleanor: Oh!
-David: Yes!
438
00:23:00,351 --> 00:23:01,393
Oh!
439
00:23:01,476 --> 00:23:02,850
-Yes!
-Oh!
440
00:23:02,934 --> 00:23:04,226
-Yes!
-Oh!
441
00:23:04,309 --> 00:23:05,809
-Yes!
-(grunts): Oh!
442
00:23:05,892 --> 00:23:07,184
-Yes.
-(groaning): Ah!
443
00:23:07,268 --> 00:23:08,351
-Ah!
-Ah!
444
00:23:08,434 --> 00:23:10,142
-David: Ah!
-Eleanor: Oh!
445
00:23:10,226 --> 00:23:11,268
Oh!
446
00:23:11,351 --> 00:23:13,600
That's good.
That's lovely.
447
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:15,642
Oh, just...
Oh.
448
00:23:19,101 --> 00:23:22,476
God, you look terrible.
Like a ghost.
449
00:23:23,976 --> 00:23:27,725
(sighs):
Oh, God. Where's Sean?
450
00:23:27,809 --> 00:23:29,101
I don't know.
451
00:23:30,268 --> 00:23:32,850
Sean:
Uh, a table booked for a Mr. Bean.
452
00:23:32,934 --> 00:23:34,184
Why are you
being so sulky?
453
00:23:34,268 --> 00:23:36,976
-(vomits)
-Emma: Oh, God!
454
00:23:40,017 --> 00:23:41,476
Sean:
Yeah. (groans)
455
00:23:41,559 --> 00:23:42,684
Oh, Sean.
456
00:23:42,767 --> 00:23:45,518
Hi, I'm Emma de Florentier.
I'm an actress.
457
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:46,518
Hey.
458
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,892
-Nice to meet you.
-God.
459
00:23:48,976 --> 00:23:51,767
That's Sally's sick, Sean.
That wasn't me.
460
00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:53,642
Well, you're not having
a very good time.
461
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:56,434
-Horrible.
Sorry, Sean. -Uh.
462
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:59,767
Sally, you should
really go to bed. That's disgusting.
463
00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:01,268
It's okay.
464
00:24:01,351 --> 00:24:03,642
Don't matter anyway,
because Eileen's having a lie-down.
465
00:24:03,725 --> 00:24:05,476
-Is she?
-She's a bit tired, yeah.
466
00:24:05,559 --> 00:24:07,892
-Hope you feel better.
-Thank you.
467
00:24:07,976 --> 00:24:10,059
-Sorry about that, Sean.
-Is she all right?
468
00:24:10,142 --> 00:24:12,226
Yeah, she's got a lot
of problems.
469
00:24:12,309 --> 00:24:15,642
She actually pooed
the bed the other night, as well.
470
00:24:18,142 --> 00:24:19,809
-Did she?
-It's just...
471
00:24:19,892 --> 00:24:21,642
one of her things.
It's, uh...
472
00:24:23,101 --> 00:24:25,600
Sorry. Yeah.
Is Eileen lying down?
473
00:24:25,684 --> 00:24:28,642
She's just tired.
She's, you know, when it gets to this time...
474
00:24:28,725 --> 00:24:30,351
-She's that age.
-She's knackered, yeah.
475
00:24:30,434 --> 00:24:32,393
Do you like
older women?
476
00:24:32,476 --> 00:24:34,393
-Yeah.
-'Cause I'm...
477
00:24:34,476 --> 00:24:36,725
...quite old.
Probably older than you think I am.
478
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,476
Look about 33, 34,
or something?
479
00:24:39,559 --> 00:24:42,476
Yeah, it's kind of,
if you double that, you're kind of closer.
480
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:45,850
-Sixty-eight?
-Just off. Just off. I'm 69.
481
00:24:45,934 --> 00:24:47,600
-You're not.
-Yeah.
482
00:24:47,684 --> 00:24:49,559
You're joking. God,
you look really good...
483
00:24:49,642 --> 00:24:52,101
-to keep in good shape
like you are. -Oh, thank you.
484
00:24:52,184 --> 00:24:53,684
-You really are.
-Thank you, Sean.
485
00:24:53,767 --> 00:24:54,850
-Congratulations.
-Well, you, too.
486
00:24:54,934 --> 00:24:56,600
Get off.
Thanks, yeah, I'm all right.
487
00:24:56,684 --> 00:24:59,767
-You look amazing.
-Just trying to get along. You know what I mean?
488
00:24:59,850 --> 00:25:02,184
Could I give you
my show reel?
489
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:06,393
-Um, is that something
you could watch? -Yeah.
490
00:25:07,767 --> 00:25:10,142
-'Cause I'm an actress,
I forgot to say. -Oh, are you? Right, well...
491
00:25:10,226 --> 00:25:13,059
I can't promise
I'm gonna watch it tonight,
492
00:25:13,142 --> 00:25:14,434
'cause, you know,
Eileen...
493
00:25:14,518 --> 00:25:17,142
Do you mind if you do
watch it tonight?
494
00:25:17,725 --> 00:25:19,642
-Do I... mind?
-It'd be great if you could,
495
00:25:19,725 --> 00:25:21,809
-just 'cause I'd love
to work with you... -Okay. Yeah.
496
00:25:21,892 --> 00:25:24,434
-and kind of
get that ball rolling. -Maybe when I get back. Um.
497
00:25:24,518 --> 00:25:26,934
Maybe. I'd better
check on her actually,
498
00:25:27,017 --> 00:25:30,518
'cause she's been asleep
for about... four hours.
499
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,725
Oh, God,
I hope she's not dead.
500
00:25:31,809 --> 00:25:33,268
So I'll go and see
if she's all right.
501
00:25:33,351 --> 00:25:35,268
-All right.
-What are you doing now, Sean?
502
00:25:35,351 --> 00:25:37,393
-I'm just checking on--
-What room are you in?
503
00:25:37,476 --> 00:25:41,767
Um, God, I can't remember.
Probably on my key card.
504
00:25:41,850 --> 00:25:44,309
-Do you want me
to come up with you? -No, it's all right.
505
00:25:44,393 --> 00:25:45,809
Just in case
Eileen is dead?
506
00:25:45,892 --> 00:25:48,309
Just a bit of time,
best bet. Bye.
507
00:25:48,393 --> 00:25:49,892
Okay. Bye.
508
00:25:51,059 --> 00:25:54,351
Nurse:
Okay. So it's not food poisoning,
509
00:25:54,434 --> 00:25:56,101
and your
glucose levels look fine,
510
00:25:56,184 --> 00:25:58,809
so, I think it's probably
just the pregnancy.
511
00:25:58,892 --> 00:26:01,434
-What?
-It's just the pregnancy.
512
00:26:02,767 --> 00:26:05,476
-You didn't know?
-Oh, my God.
513
00:26:05,559 --> 00:26:07,600
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
514
00:26:07,684 --> 00:26:10,268
-Oh, my God.
-This is good news?
515
00:26:11,017 --> 00:26:12,976
I don't know.
Are you sure?
516
00:26:13,059 --> 00:26:15,600
-I'm sure.
-I can't believe it.
517
00:26:16,142 --> 00:26:17,642
That's mad.
518
00:26:18,976 --> 00:26:20,892
-Oh, my God.
-Are you okay?
519
00:26:21,725 --> 00:26:23,101
(Sufjan Stevens' "The Hidden
River of My Life" playing)
520
00:26:23,184 --> 00:26:26,309
♪ Supposed the world
was not informed ♪
521
00:26:26,393 --> 00:26:29,809
♪ By real estate
or power lines ♪
522
00:26:29,892 --> 00:26:33,434
♪ The hidden river
of my life ♪
523
00:26:33,934 --> 00:26:36,226
♪ Pursued by love ♪
524
00:26:37,976 --> 00:26:41,642
♪ The whispering stone,
the valley ford ♪
525
00:26:43,434 --> 00:26:45,518
Doctor:
Okay. Pop Mum on the couch
526
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,559
and have a little look
at what's going on, okay?
527
00:26:48,642 --> 00:26:51,600
Well, you have
the degree of urethral pouting
528
00:26:51,684 --> 00:26:53,476
I'll expect
in a woman your age.
529
00:26:53,559 --> 00:26:55,600
-Quite an eager clitoris.
-Hmm.
530
00:26:56,309 --> 00:26:59,059
Does it normally
poke out like that?
531
00:26:59,559 --> 00:27:02,684
-I think it just depends
what time of day it is. -Uh-huh.
532
00:27:03,226 --> 00:27:05,101
Nice and meaty vulva.
533
00:27:05,184 --> 00:27:08,017
A little tight and dry
around the opening.
534
00:27:08,101 --> 00:27:10,226
Not great for birth,
so I would recommend
535
00:27:10,309 --> 00:27:12,059
you do some
stretching exercises.
536
00:27:12,142 --> 00:27:13,850
Do you mean like Pilates
or something?
537
00:27:13,934 --> 00:27:17,142
Uh, more manual
manipulation to...
538
00:27:17,226 --> 00:27:18,434
widen the vulva.
539
00:27:18,518 --> 00:27:19,934
I can show you now,
if you like.
540
00:27:20,017 --> 00:27:22,600
Sandra, can you pass me
the vaginal brush, please?
541
00:27:22,684 --> 00:27:24,351
Does it have to be now?
542
00:27:28,684 --> 00:27:32,600
Now, I would recommend
you have a good old wax before D-Day.
543
00:27:32,684 --> 00:27:35,892
You've, uh... quite a hefty
thicket down here, so.
544
00:27:36,142 --> 00:27:38,850
Baby won't be able
to see the wood for the trees, as it were.
545
00:27:38,934 --> 00:27:40,518
Okay. Right.
546
00:27:40,684 --> 00:27:43,434
Gonna go in dry.
Just going to insert my thumbs
547
00:27:43,518 --> 00:27:44,850
into your vagina.
548
00:27:44,934 --> 00:27:48,101
and scoop 'round
and down.
549
00:27:48,184 --> 00:27:49,850
Around and down.
550
00:27:50,226 --> 00:27:55,393
Just to help coax
the vulvic mouth into a big, wide scream.
551
00:27:56,309 --> 00:27:57,518
I just keep...
552
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,101
pummeling my thumbs
along the perennial bridge,
553
00:28:00,184 --> 00:28:02,351
traveling back and forth
between
554
00:28:02,559 --> 00:28:04,976
anus, pudenda.
555
00:28:05,059 --> 00:28:08,017
Anus and puddy.
Anus and puddy.
556
00:28:08,725 --> 00:28:10,268
Anus and puddy.
557
00:28:10,767 --> 00:28:12,059
Anus and puddy.
558
00:28:12,892 --> 00:28:14,476
Anus and puddy.
559
00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:17,059
Anus and puddy.
Anus and puddy.
560
00:28:17,142 --> 00:28:19,393
Anus and puddy.
Anus and puddy.
561
00:28:19,684 --> 00:28:22,226
Anus and puddy.
Anus and puddy.
562
00:28:23,017 --> 00:28:26,101
Anus and puddy.
Anus and puddy. Anus and puddy.
563
00:28:26,184 --> 00:28:27,600
Anus and puddy.
564
00:28:27,850 --> 00:28:29,809
Make it nice and stretchy,
565
00:28:29,892 --> 00:28:32,184
for baby's big bonce.
566
00:28:33,559 --> 00:28:35,476
Emma:
So what else did you want to get?
567
00:28:35,559 --> 00:28:38,892
Um, I thought we should
get a feeding cushion.
568
00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:41,767
-You're not gonna
breast feed, are you? -Yeah.
569
00:28:41,850 --> 00:28:44,600
I just want
these boobies to stay as mine.
570
00:28:44,934 --> 00:28:48,518
Baby want the milk.
(kissing noises)
571
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,767
Baby want mamma milky.
572
00:28:50,850 --> 00:28:52,809
These are my boobies.
573
00:28:55,809 --> 00:28:58,268
-Hey.
-Hey.
574
00:28:58,725 --> 00:28:59,934
Hi.
575
00:29:00,767 --> 00:29:02,226
Bloomin' heck.
576
00:29:03,850 --> 00:29:05,393
-Sally.
-Hi.
577
00:29:05,476 --> 00:29:06,976
Uh, this is Sally.
578
00:29:07,059 --> 00:29:08,309
Uh, Angela.
579
00:29:08,393 --> 00:29:11,600
Sally. I used to work
with Sally. Um...
580
00:29:11,684 --> 00:29:13,684
-a long time ago.
-And Emma.
581
00:29:13,767 --> 00:29:15,809
-I'm Emma.
-Angie.
582
00:29:15,892 --> 00:29:17,476
-Hi, Angie.
-Hi.
583
00:29:18,934 --> 00:29:22,684
-You look different.
-Thanks. I feel different, yeah.
584
00:29:22,767 --> 00:29:25,184
-Are you transitioning, or...?
-(Nigel laughs)
585
00:29:25,268 --> 00:29:29,642
Uh, well, if going from sad
to blissful is transitioning,
586
00:29:29,725 --> 00:29:31,184
then, yes,
I'm transitioning.
587
00:29:31,268 --> 00:29:33,017
Angie:
We're nesting, so...
588
00:29:33,101 --> 00:29:34,934
Oh, my God,
you're pregnant, as well!
589
00:29:35,017 --> 00:29:38,017
Not yet, but, um...
you're making me broody.
590
00:29:38,393 --> 00:29:42,725
-(laughs) Yeah.
How many months is that? -Sally: One.
591
00:29:42,809 --> 00:29:45,226
-Oh, um, eight.
-Eight. Right.
592
00:29:45,309 --> 00:29:48,184
-Emma: Yeah. Getting there.
-(Sally laughs)
593
00:29:48,268 --> 00:29:49,850
-Nigel: Nearly there.
-Emma: Yeah.
594
00:29:49,934 --> 00:29:52,892
Well, congratulations
on the final stretch.
595
00:29:52,976 --> 00:29:55,184
-Been nice, and take care.
-Sally: See you again...
596
00:29:55,268 --> 00:29:57,767
Nigel:
See you down the road apiece.
597
00:29:57,850 --> 00:29:59,393
Let's get together.
All of us.
598
00:29:59,476 --> 00:30:01,309
Yeah, what about next week,
or something, or... ?
599
00:30:01,393 --> 00:30:04,393
Oh, now. In the cafe?
I'd love a snack.
600
00:30:04,476 --> 00:30:06,059
-Well...
-We've gotta go.
601
00:30:06,142 --> 00:30:09,184
You just had a snack,
didn't you? Some... packet of yum yums.
602
00:30:09,268 --> 00:30:12,892
-Food police.
-We can't really, now.
603
00:30:14,017 --> 00:30:15,559
-Cheers.
-Emma: Cheers.
604
00:30:15,642 --> 00:30:17,226
(clinking)
605
00:30:22,684 --> 00:30:25,101
So, uh, how did
you guys meet?
606
00:30:25,184 --> 00:30:28,309
Well, Nigel walked
into my yoga class,
607
00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:31,642
and I was like,
"Hello. I'm having me some of that."
608
00:30:31,725 --> 00:30:32,767
(laughter)
609
00:30:32,850 --> 00:30:34,600
That's weird.
'Cause you always said
610
00:30:34,684 --> 00:30:38,101
you hated yoga.
It's real bullshit.
611
00:30:38,184 --> 00:30:40,351
And everyone
who did yoga is a twat.
612
00:30:40,434 --> 00:30:43,184
-Why are you saying this now?
-I just remember. It's funny.
613
00:30:43,518 --> 00:30:45,892
Um. Yeah.
Well, I've changed.
614
00:30:46,934 --> 00:30:50,017
-Okay.
-Love can change anybody.
615
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,642
They're so skimpy
with the chips here.
616
00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:54,101
I'm gonna go get
myself some more.
617
00:30:54,184 --> 00:30:55,850
-Would you guys like any?
-Sally: No, thanks.
618
00:30:55,934 --> 00:30:57,268
Okay.
619
00:30:58,351 --> 00:31:01,351
She seems really sweet.
Likes her food.
620
00:31:01,434 --> 00:31:03,725
Yeah. Yeah, she's
a great cook, actually.
621
00:31:03,809 --> 00:31:08,059
Lots of really interesting
recipes from Hi-mal-ayas.
622
00:31:08,142 --> 00:31:10,268
-Emma: Have you been
to the Hi-mal-ayas? -Not yet,
623
00:31:10,351 --> 00:31:12,309
-but we're planning a trip.
-Sally: Do you mean the Himalayas?
624
00:31:12,393 --> 00:31:14,351
-Yeah, that's how Western
people say it, yeah. -Sally: Okay.
625
00:31:14,434 --> 00:31:17,393
-That's how
Westerners say it. -Love me me chippies!
626
00:31:17,476 --> 00:31:19,767
-(Angie giggles)
-Emma: That should keep you going.
627
00:31:19,850 --> 00:31:21,476
It's kicking, Em.
628
00:31:21,559 --> 00:31:24,351
-You okay?
-Oh, you okay?
629
00:31:24,850 --> 00:31:27,017
(Emma gasps)
Our baby!
630
00:31:27,101 --> 00:31:30,809
I don't mean to pry,
but I have these friends.
631
00:31:30,892 --> 00:31:33,976
They're-they're lesbian, too.
632
00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:36,559
And they've been trying
to have a baby,
633
00:31:36,642 --> 00:31:39,767
but they can't get IVF
on the NHS.
634
00:31:39,850 --> 00:31:42,309
How did you guys
do it?
635
00:31:42,393 --> 00:31:43,850
We didn't need IVF.
636
00:31:43,934 --> 00:31:47,142
-Sally is super, super fertile.
-Angie: Okay.
637
00:31:47,226 --> 00:31:51,809
She's got, I mean,
so many eggs it's almost embarrassing.
638
00:31:51,892 --> 00:31:54,518
So it was just a question
of getting sperm, really.
639
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,725
We just got a donor.
640
00:31:58,684 --> 00:32:00,434
-Emma: Yeah.
-Hmm.
641
00:32:00,518 --> 00:32:03,642
Oh, like, like
someone you know?
642
00:32:03,725 --> 00:32:05,934
-I feel a bit sick.
I think I've had too much... -Angie: A friend, or...
643
00:32:06,017 --> 00:32:08,351
-Sally: I've had
too many chips. -Not a friend.
644
00:32:08,434 --> 00:32:10,476
Sally:
I think I might be sick.
645
00:32:10,559 --> 00:32:12,934
-I think maybe we should go.
-Nigel.
646
00:32:14,309 --> 00:32:15,767
(chokes)
647
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,767
I should have told you,
but, you know, it was before... It's fine.
648
00:32:22,850 --> 00:32:25,600
It's fine.
Of course it's not fine!
649
00:32:25,684 --> 00:32:27,268
Before me and you.
Before I knew you.
650
00:32:27,351 --> 00:32:29,684
So you forgot to tell me
you got someone pregnant?
651
00:32:29,934 --> 00:32:32,725
I was a sperm donor
and I didn't know that...
652
00:32:32,809 --> 00:32:34,976
You didn't know
you gave somebody your sperm?
653
00:32:35,059 --> 00:32:36,684
-Did you have sex?
-Yeah, they had sex.
654
00:32:36,767 --> 00:32:39,393
It was like a David Attenborough
documentary, if anything.
655
00:32:39,476 --> 00:32:41,309
We mated,
that's all.
656
00:32:41,725 --> 00:32:43,934
(dishes, silverware clattering)
657
00:32:47,184 --> 00:32:48,976
Nigel, we're going.
658
00:32:49,226 --> 00:32:51,017
(heavy metal music playing)
659
00:32:54,226 --> 00:32:56,393
Nigel:
Sally. Sally!
660
00:32:56,476 --> 00:32:58,059
-What's happening
with those messages? -What are you talking about?
661
00:32:58,142 --> 00:32:59,393
Why were you
sending me those messages?
662
00:32:59,476 --> 00:33:01,226
-I haven't.
-Telling me that you hate me.
663
00:33:01,309 --> 00:33:02,600
-I haven't.
-You can't stand me.
664
00:33:02,684 --> 00:33:04,434
-I don't. What, no!
-Telling me to fuck off.
665
00:33:04,518 --> 00:33:06,976
-Why did you send it?
-Oh, God. Emma must have recorded me.
666
00:33:07,059 --> 00:33:09,101
-She made me say...
-What? Recorded you?
667
00:33:09,184 --> 00:33:10,351
(engine revs)
668
00:33:10,434 --> 00:33:12,268
I wanted to see you.
I'm pregnant.
669
00:33:12,351 --> 00:33:14,434
I know you are,
but is it even mine?
670
00:33:14,518 --> 00:33:15,684
Well, yes, of course it is!
671
00:33:15,767 --> 00:33:18,809
-(tires screeching, honking)
-Jesus Christ!
672
00:33:18,892 --> 00:33:20,767
-You trying to kill me?
-I didn't even see you!
673
00:33:20,850 --> 00:33:23,101
You didn't see me?
I'm standing here with a basket!
674
00:33:23,184 --> 00:33:24,518
-(Emma screams)
-See that?
675
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,268
-Oh, my God!
-Nigel!
676
00:33:26,351 --> 00:33:28,101
-Ow!
-You're a sorry cunt. Do you know that?
677
00:33:28,184 --> 00:33:31,393
You're insane.
You're responsible for this.
678
00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:35,309
-You're controlling her.
-Emma: You're trying to fucking kidnap my wife!
679
00:33:35,393 --> 00:33:37,226
Nigel:
Your wife? That's a laugh.
680
00:33:37,309 --> 00:33:39,976
-She's your hostage!
-Emma: She's my wife!
681
00:33:40,059 --> 00:33:42,309
-Angie: Don't take... no!
-(engine revs)
682
00:33:42,393 --> 00:33:45,518
-Get in the fucking car!
-I don't want to.
683
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,142
Emma: I'm gonna
kill myself properly this time!
684
00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:49,518
-(crashing)
-(engine revving)
685
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:51,059
Ow!
686
00:33:54,559 --> 00:33:57,184
(both moaning, grunting)
687
00:33:57,268 --> 00:33:59,725
-(cell phone buzzes)
-(rhythmic grunting)
688
00:34:00,226 --> 00:34:02,351
-(both panting)
-(cell phone buzzing)
689
00:34:03,850 --> 00:34:06,309
(Eleanor screaming)
Don't stop! Don't stop!
690
00:34:06,393 --> 00:34:09,393
It's Sally.
I have to take this. Please.
691
00:34:09,892 --> 00:34:12,809
(both panting, grunting)
692
00:34:12,892 --> 00:34:14,684
David:
Hello, Mouse? (groaning)
693
00:34:14,767 --> 00:34:16,767
-(David groaning)
-(Eleanor yelling)
694
00:34:16,850 --> 00:34:19,476
-(Eleanor panting)
-(David moaning)
695
00:34:19,559 --> 00:34:21,268
(labored breaths)
696
00:34:21,351 --> 00:34:25,226
Stop. Oh, no,
I'm done. I'm done.
697
00:34:25,309 --> 00:34:28,393
-No, you're not.
-I've had it. (groaning)
698
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,767
(both panting, grunting)
699
00:34:36,767 --> 00:34:38,725
(groaning)
700
00:34:38,809 --> 00:34:40,767
(moans):
Oh.
701
00:34:41,268 --> 00:34:43,850
-Nigel: Sally.
-Nigel.
702
00:34:43,934 --> 00:34:45,850
Hey. You okay?
703
00:34:45,934 --> 00:34:48,393
-I'm so happy you're here.
-It's all right, darling.
704
00:34:48,476 --> 00:34:52,017
-I didn't leave you
those messages. -I know. I know.
705
00:34:52,101 --> 00:34:53,600
(sighs)
706
00:34:54,142 --> 00:34:55,725
I love you.
707
00:34:55,809 --> 00:34:57,142
I love you.
708
00:34:59,142 --> 00:35:01,434
(screams)
709
00:35:01,518 --> 00:35:03,976
Excuse me?
Is there a...?
710
00:35:08,268 --> 00:35:10,309
♪ ♪
711
00:35:14,976 --> 00:35:16,934
(clanging)
712
00:35:17,017 --> 00:35:18,809
-(pummeling)
-(pained grunt)
713
00:35:19,476 --> 00:35:20,518
(grunts)
714
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,600
-(smacking sounds)
-(Emma grunting)
715
00:35:24,809 --> 00:35:26,976
-(smacking)
-(crashing)
716
00:35:27,642 --> 00:35:29,017
(tumbling)
717
00:35:33,976 --> 00:35:37,809
Sally:
Oh, my God. Emma?
718
00:35:39,476 --> 00:35:41,934
-Emma, what happened?
-It's okay.
719
00:35:42,017 --> 00:35:44,017
Don't worry about me.
720
00:35:44,309 --> 00:35:47,268
-Are you okay?
-(shuddering)
721
00:35:47,351 --> 00:35:49,850
-What happened to you?
-It's Nigel.
722
00:35:50,476 --> 00:35:53,767
-What?
-I was downstairs with a huge bunch of flowers.
723
00:35:53,850 --> 00:35:56,393
Really expensive ones.
I don't know if he was jealous
724
00:35:56,476 --> 00:35:58,518
'cause obviously hasn't
got you anything.
725
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,725
(gasps)
And he just smashed the bouquet,
726
00:36:01,809 --> 00:36:06,309
like, stabbing me
with the roses in my face and my eyes.
727
00:36:06,393 --> 00:36:08,684
-Slashing the thorns
across my skin. -What?
728
00:36:08,767 --> 00:36:12,809
And then he got his keys out
and he was just, like, slashing and slashing me.
729
00:36:12,892 --> 00:36:15,934
I tried get away from him
but he kept punching,
730
00:36:16,017 --> 00:36:17,934
punching,
punching.
731
00:36:18,017 --> 00:36:19,684
(gasps)
732
00:36:20,767 --> 00:36:23,017
-Nigel.
-What are you doing here?
733
00:36:23,101 --> 00:36:25,017
He's a psychopath.
734
00:36:25,101 --> 00:36:26,809
He's like Fritzl.
735
00:36:26,892 --> 00:36:30,142
He's like Hitler
with a bigger mustache.
736
00:36:30,226 --> 00:36:32,809
I think you need
professional help.
737
00:36:32,892 --> 00:36:35,184
Sally:
I'm sorry, I just...
738
00:36:35,268 --> 00:36:37,559
I don't think
I like you very much.
739
00:36:37,642 --> 00:36:42,184
You don't mean that.
That's not true. You do like me.
740
00:36:42,268 --> 00:36:44,767
-Why would you not like me?
-Nigel: Well, because you're insane.
741
00:36:44,850 --> 00:36:46,809
What is there
not to like about me?
742
00:36:46,892 --> 00:36:48,892
(Sally groaning)
743
00:36:50,142 --> 00:36:52,101
It's okay. It's all right.
It's going to be all right.
744
00:36:52,184 --> 00:36:55,476
-Come on. We should go.
We should go. -Get off me.
745
00:36:55,559 --> 00:36:58,434
I can deliver it.
I can do it. I can do it.
746
00:36:58,518 --> 00:37:00,642
-Nigel: Emma!
-Emma: We've got to get away from him.
747
00:37:00,725 --> 00:37:02,850
-I've got to get you
out of here. -Nurse!
748
00:37:02,934 --> 00:37:04,600
-Please!
-No!
749
00:37:05,059 --> 00:37:08,351
You heard what she said.
She doesn't want you here.
750
00:37:08,767 --> 00:37:11,767
-You don't want me?
-Nobody wants you.
751
00:37:13,434 --> 00:37:15,892
(acoustic version of T'Pau's
"China in Your Hands" playing)
752
00:37:18,642 --> 00:37:20,892
(both screaming)
753
00:37:23,434 --> 00:37:25,434
(shrieking)
754
00:37:28,268 --> 00:37:30,559
(screaming continues)
755
00:37:31,268 --> 00:37:33,850
Nigel:
Someone call fucking security!
756
00:37:33,934 --> 00:37:39,976
♪ Oh, hands move
and heart beat on ♪
757
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:49,600
♪ Now life will return
in this electric storm ♪
758
00:37:51,518 --> 00:37:54,600
♪ A prophecy for a fantasy ♪
759
00:37:54,684 --> 00:38:01,809
♪ The curse of a vivid mind ♪
760
00:38:04,142 --> 00:38:10,017
♪ Don't push too far
your dreams are china in your hand ♪
761
00:38:11,684 --> 00:38:16,101
♪ Don't wish too hard because
they may come true ♪
762
00:38:16,184 --> 00:38:20,017
♪ and you can't help them
You don't know... ♪
763
00:38:20,101 --> 00:38:21,600
(laughing)
764
00:38:22,351 --> 00:38:25,476
-Is that her milk eyes?
-Her milk eyes?
765
00:38:25,559 --> 00:38:27,809
-Yeah.
-(both laugh)
766
00:38:28,309 --> 00:38:30,351
-Like milk teeth?
-Yeah, they fall out,
767
00:38:30,434 --> 00:38:32,725
and then they get
the proper eyes a bit later on.
768
00:38:33,101 --> 00:38:35,309
Their full-grown eyes.
769
00:38:36,976 --> 00:38:38,725
(cooing)
770
00:38:43,142 --> 00:38:47,684
Sometimes I feel
like she's haunting the house.
771
00:38:48,226 --> 00:38:51,226
Is that weird?
Like she's still here.
772
00:38:51,725 --> 00:38:53,809
She's not here.
She's in a facility
773
00:38:53,892 --> 00:38:55,268
and she's being looked after
774
00:38:55,351 --> 00:38:58,017
and she's not
gonna get out for a while, so...
775
00:38:59,017 --> 00:39:00,184
-Okay?
-Yeah.
776
00:39:00,268 --> 00:39:03,976
And we're here, and we've
got little Mickie.
777
00:39:06,017 --> 00:39:08,892
-And it's all gonna
be all right. -Yeah.
778
00:39:09,184 --> 00:39:10,892
(baby fussing)
779
00:39:14,059 --> 00:39:16,934
She looks slightly
like Mick.
780
00:39:17,017 --> 00:39:20,642
She does look like Mick.
She looks really like Mick.
781
00:39:20,725 --> 00:39:23,559
Nigel: Is there anything
you need to tell me about Mick?
782
00:39:23,642 --> 00:39:25,892
(ominous music playing)
783
00:39:25,942 --> 00:39:30,492
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