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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:23,531 --> 00:00:26,367 [Peppy instrumental music] 3 00:00:37,172 --> 00:00:40,790 You may not know me. I'm Big Enos Burdette. 4 00:00:42,219 --> 00:00:44,461 This is my son, Little Enos. 5 00:00:44,930 --> 00:00:49,426 Believe me, you put Enos Burdette in the capitol building in Austin... 6 00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:52,723 Holy... Is that who I think it is? 7 00:00:53,023 --> 00:00:56,557 If that ain't John Coen, then I'm the Incredible Hulk. 8 00:00:56,651 --> 00:00:58,478 Bomb bay doors open. 9 00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:02,945 [Man screaming in Spanish] 10 00:01:05,077 --> 00:01:06,737 Bombs away! 11 00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:17,457 [Horses neighing] 12 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,709 [Laughing jubilantly] 13 00:01:22,388 --> 00:01:25,592 Daddy, this bullshit has got to stop. 14 00:01:25,684 --> 00:01:27,842 [Singing] "Do you know 15 00:01:27,936 --> 00:01:30,687 "You are my sunshine?" 16 00:01:30,772 --> 00:01:34,770 She asked so sweet and tenderly 17 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:38,478 I reckon if I spend a few more million, I'd have this election sewed up. 18 00:01:38,572 --> 00:01:41,906 You better. You only raised $80 at that last benefit dinner. 19 00:01:41,993 --> 00:01:44,485 I delivered the Statler Brothers, didn't I? 20 00:01:44,580 --> 00:01:46,370 [Airplane engines humming] 21 00:01:47,916 --> 00:01:49,079 Are you ready, Son? 22 00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:52,702 Nobody shit-bombs a Burdette and gets away with it. 23 00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:55,335 I'll tell you one thing. When I'm elected governor... 24 00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:57,583 I'm gonna pass a law that damn fools like that... 25 00:01:57,677 --> 00:01:59,504 can't fly over other people's property. 26 00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:02,762 Let it fly, boy! Let it fly! 27 00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:04,298 Shit! 28 00:02:07,019 --> 00:02:09,345 [People screaming in terror] 29 00:02:15,028 --> 00:02:19,941 Enos Burdette, your fat ass will not warm the governor's chair... 30 00:02:20,035 --> 00:02:22,491 if I have to spend every goddamn dime I got! 31 00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:27,623 GOVERNOR: Candidates for governor of Texas? 32 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:33,124 Why don't you boys try something a little more your size? 33 00:02:33,216 --> 00:02:37,214 If I had my choice, I'd endorse one of the Dallas cheerleaders... 34 00:02:37,304 --> 00:02:39,795 before I'd back either one of you... 35 00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:41,808 turkeys! 36 00:02:42,518 --> 00:02:44,806 Now, get out of my sight! 37 00:02:50,444 --> 00:02:52,103 [lntercom buzzes] 38 00:02:56,283 --> 00:02:57,315 What is it? 39 00:02:57,409 --> 00:02:58,987 SECRETARY: It's Silisbey, Governor. 40 00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:02,743 GOVERNOR: Silisbey, I told you before. I will now tell you again. 41 00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:06,793 Go to Pier 23 in Miami. 42 00:03:06,878 --> 00:03:11,540 Pick up crate number 1444, and deliver its contents... 43 00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:15,466 to the Republican National Convention in Dallas in nine days. 44 00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:18,259 No, you fool, nine days! Nine! 45 00:03:19,725 --> 00:03:24,223 That crate is a very special gift from me to the Grand Old Party. 46 00:03:24,314 --> 00:03:27,398 It'll be your ass if it's not there in time. 47 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:31,894 Just get me crate number 1444. 48 00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:37,865 -Son, come on. Come on, Son. -Where we going, Daddy? And why? 49 00:03:37,954 --> 00:03:40,824 We're going to the governor's office, by way of Miami. 50 00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:44,459 [Cheerful country song] 51 00:03:55,098 --> 00:03:58,882 Well, if I can keep it on the ground when I put that hammer down 52 00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:02,642 Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin' 53 00:04:02,730 --> 00:04:06,349 I've got my 10 in the wind Let it all hang out again 54 00:04:06,443 --> 00:04:10,061 'Cause how you gonna win if you ain't tryin'? 55 00:04:10,531 --> 00:04:14,196 Well, we're all back together and we're burnin' up the road 56 00:04:14,285 --> 00:04:17,489 And that old sheriff's out there doggin' us again 57 00:04:17,581 --> 00:04:20,747 He thinks he's really got it cookin' Plans to do a lot of bookin' 58 00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:26,038 Only trouble, he keeps looking' where we've already been 59 00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:30,177 So if I can keep it on the ground when I put that hammer down 60 00:04:30,261 --> 00:04:33,879 Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin' 61 00:04:35,726 --> 00:04:38,642 [Cheerful country instrumental music] 62 00:05:02,297 --> 00:05:03,956 CLEDUS: Fred, I know you're nervous... 63 00:05:04,048 --> 00:05:06,919 but if you can hold them burger bits down for one more lap... 64 00:05:07,011 --> 00:05:09,335 me and you gonna be $20,000 richer! 65 00:05:10,013 --> 00:05:12,801 ANNOUNCER: On to the white flag, with one lap to go. 66 00:05:12,975 --> 00:05:15,514 [Cheerful country song resumes] 67 00:05:37,377 --> 00:05:39,784 ANNOUNCER: Coming down. Look at that straightaway! 68 00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,922 Look at that! 69 00:05:42,131 --> 00:05:43,923 [Truck tire bursts] 70 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,556 ANNOUNCER: Truck's demolished, but he's gonna walk away. 71 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:02,444 Looks like he's all right. 72 00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:05,445 Big Iron coming down to the finish. 73 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,818 The Jimmy General out in front at the end of 200 miles. 74 00:06:08,912 --> 00:06:11,913 All bunched up and coming down to the finish line... 75 00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:14,833 your winner will be Cledus Snowman. 76 00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,457 [Spectators cheering excitedly] 77 00:06:24,262 --> 00:06:28,971 Fred, did you ever see a check that big? I'm gonna use that and get you a face-lift. 78 00:06:29,142 --> 00:06:30,767 BIG ENOS: Snowman, see you a minute? 79 00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:31,967 [Cledus exclaims worriedly] 80 00:06:33,188 --> 00:06:35,977 CLEDUS: Folks, I want you to meet Big Wart and Little Wart. 81 00:06:36,065 --> 00:06:37,311 [All laughing] 82 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,652 You be careful, Snowman. Us Burdettes don't take kindly... 83 00:06:40,738 --> 00:06:42,612 to a slur on our family name. 84 00:06:42,699 --> 00:06:45,735 I'm sorry. I thought you two was a slur on your family name. 85 00:06:47,078 --> 00:06:49,237 Snowman, we didn't come here to fight. 86 00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:50,991 He's smarter than he looks, ain't he? 87 00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:54,499 Look, we got us a business proposition. We gotta find the Bandit. 88 00:06:54,586 --> 00:06:56,459 I figured you was looking for the Bandit. 89 00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:58,042 LITTLE ENOS: You know where he is? 90 00:06:58,132 --> 00:07:00,209 That depends on how hard somebody's looking for him. 91 00:07:00,301 --> 00:07:04,798 -We're looking mighty hard. -I mean hard, like in hard cash. 92 00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,975 $100,000? US? 93 00:07:08,978 --> 00:07:13,059 You want his phone number, MasterCharge number or the colour of his Jockey shorts? 94 00:07:13,149 --> 00:07:14,773 I mean, I can... 95 00:07:14,858 --> 00:07:19,486 CLEDUS: You don't have to take my picture. I'll go home and sit on your dresser. 96 00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:22,064 Look, time's a-wasting here, Snowman. 97 00:07:22,159 --> 00:07:25,277 You want to breed or listen to my proposition? 98 00:07:26,122 --> 00:07:29,906 Bring Fred, the truck and anything else that looks nice down to the pit. 99 00:07:29,999 --> 00:07:33,833 CLEDUS: I appreciate you two dropping by and trashing up my moment of glory. 100 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,796 You want the money or the glory? 101 00:07:35,883 --> 00:07:38,455 I'd like to have them both, but I got this problem. 102 00:07:38,551 --> 00:07:41,672 Let me guess. You don't know where the Bandit is? 103 00:07:41,764 --> 00:07:44,634 We got us a winner. Yeah, my mind went blank. 104 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:47,430 Let me jiggle your memory bank a little bit. 105 00:07:47,519 --> 00:07:48,896 $200,000? 106 00:07:50,023 --> 00:07:52,145 Well, the clouds are parting a little. 107 00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:56,562 -$200,000. You take it or leave it. -Would you believe I just got total recall? 108 00:07:56,655 --> 00:08:01,363 Here's the deal. You go down and pick up this package on a Miami dock... 109 00:08:01,869 --> 00:08:04,278 and deliver it to the governor of Texas. 110 00:08:04,372 --> 00:08:06,329 -The governor of Texas? -That's right. 111 00:08:06,416 --> 00:08:08,076 Strictly legit. 112 00:08:08,168 --> 00:08:11,038 -And you're Wilt Chamberlain. -That's right. 113 00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:15,377 Listen, this whole thing is legal. I'll stake my reputation on that. 114 00:08:15,467 --> 00:08:16,926 His, too. 115 00:08:18,595 --> 00:08:23,139 -That makes me feel a whole lot better. -There's one thing bothers us. 116 00:08:23,518 --> 00:08:26,970 We heard talk of the Bandit slipping. 117 00:08:27,064 --> 00:08:31,014 "Gone into the shithouse" is the exact phrase we heard. 118 00:08:31,109 --> 00:08:34,525 May I tell you boys something? He is in better shape now... 119 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,772 than he's ever been in his life, trust me. 120 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,608 [Soft country song playing] 121 00:08:41,246 --> 00:08:42,622 [Belching] 122 00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:19,536 Hey, Bo. 123 00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:26,835 CLEDUS: Bo, you all right? 124 00:09:28,256 --> 00:09:30,628 Cledus, you've gotten taller. 125 00:09:30,717 --> 00:09:34,002 CLEDUS: Yes, and you've gotten drunker. This place looks like a shithouse. 126 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,587 BANDIT: Want to sit down? Sit there. CLEDUS: Come on, Bo. 127 00:09:36,681 --> 00:09:38,758 CLEDUS: What've you got on? Come on, here. 128 00:09:39,894 --> 00:09:42,564 BANDIT: Is that you, Cledus? CLEDUS: Yeah, it's me. 129 00:09:42,647 --> 00:09:45,766 BANDIT: You dropped my watch. CLEDUS: I know it. Come here. 130 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,311 CLEDUS: Sit down. 131 00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:50,773 BANDIT: Your timing is just rotten. CLEDUS: Look. 132 00:09:50,864 --> 00:09:52,144 [Belches] 133 00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:57,320 CLEDUS: I'm gonna make us a lot of money. $200,000. Look. 134 00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:00,909 $200,000. 135 00:10:00,999 --> 00:10:04,833 Big and Little Enos are out there, and they got $200,000. 136 00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:08,456 CLEDUS: I need you to be straight for three minutes. Can you manage... 137 00:10:08,549 --> 00:10:10,708 That's good enough. Come on. 138 00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,919 CLEDUS: Come here. $200,000. 139 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:17,550 But you've got to be straight for two minutes. That's all I need. 140 00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:19,719 Want a picture of me? Only 50 cents apiece. 141 00:10:19,813 --> 00:10:21,520 -You can have one for nothing. -Hello. 142 00:10:21,606 --> 00:10:25,853 CLEDUS: Fellows. No. Get back in here. 143 00:10:26,445 --> 00:10:29,565 BIG ENOS: When we get in there, let me do the talking. 144 00:10:29,656 --> 00:10:30,736 [Knocking on door] 145 00:10:30,825 --> 00:10:33,151 Okay, fellows. Come on in. 146 00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:42,584 Now, he's meditating. Don't talk to him much. 147 00:10:43,088 --> 00:10:45,923 Don't run off, Bandit. This is a sweet deal. 148 00:10:46,008 --> 00:10:50,087 $200,000 just to bring a package from Florida to Dallas. 149 00:10:52,223 --> 00:10:53,303 [Belching] 150 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,764 That's what I said: $200,000. 151 00:10:59,731 --> 00:11:01,605 I don't think he's interested. 152 00:11:01,692 --> 00:11:06,235 -What does it take to keep this man erect? -A different set of figures. 153 00:11:07,031 --> 00:11:09,071 How much more do you want? 154 00:11:12,828 --> 00:11:15,498 Four. $400,000. 155 00:11:16,415 --> 00:11:18,244 You got it. Is it a deal? 156 00:11:18,335 --> 00:11:19,795 [Bandit groaning] 157 00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:20,993 [Cledus stuttering] 158 00:11:21,088 --> 00:11:23,246 I'll check with him. 159 00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,958 [Bandit continues groaning] 160 00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:30,094 -Got a deal. -Okay. Don't get up, Bandit. 161 00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:32,470 I gotta go now, but I'll see you back in Texas. 162 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,011 -And here's the number of the crate. -Wait a minute. 163 00:11:36,105 --> 00:11:37,480 [Bandit groaning] 164 00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:40,020 He wants to say something else. 165 00:11:40,110 --> 00:11:41,769 [Bandit grunting] 166 00:11:42,028 --> 00:11:43,225 CLEDUS: Right. 167 00:11:44,823 --> 00:11:49,034 If he doesn't get at least half the money, he may become very violent. 168 00:11:49,119 --> 00:11:51,527 Give him the money, Little Enos. 169 00:11:58,004 --> 00:12:00,163 I'd like to kick his ass just once. 170 00:12:00,256 --> 00:12:02,214 BIG ENOS: Come on. Let's go. 171 00:12:05,095 --> 00:12:07,502 [Cledus laughing triumphantly] 172 00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:12,184 LITTLE ENOS: He's overdue for a good butt-kicking. 173 00:12:13,061 --> 00:12:14,521 Look at that. 174 00:12:14,605 --> 00:12:17,690 Do you realize we can start a bank? 175 00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:22,312 That's more money than I've seen in one time in my life! 176 00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:25,481 [Bandit sniffling] 177 00:12:28,036 --> 00:12:32,081 CLEDUS: You're crying. We got the money. What are you crying... 178 00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:36,918 I was just thinking about Frog. 179 00:12:41,885 --> 00:12:45,006 I really wish it could've worked for you two. 180 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,757 [Bandit belching] 181 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,641 I'm ready! 182 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,268 Don't hurt the money. 183 00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,608 I don't need anybody! 184 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,019 Okay. 185 00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:04,064 You think I ain't ready, son? You just watch my smoke. 186 00:13:08,999 --> 00:13:12,284 Daddy, come on. You're gonna be late for my wedding. 187 00:13:13,086 --> 00:13:15,660 [Sinister instrumental music] 188 00:13:19,469 --> 00:13:21,211 Sumbitch. 189 00:13:22,555 --> 00:13:26,090 LADY: Good morning, Sheriff. BUFORD: Good morning, nice lady. 190 00:13:26,727 --> 00:13:30,226 You must be mighty proud of that wonderful son you got. 191 00:13:30,313 --> 00:13:32,057 Let me tell you something. 192 00:13:32,148 --> 00:13:35,316 Junior's nothing but a big mound of tick turd. 193 00:13:35,694 --> 00:13:39,858 Imagine. Trying to marry that floozy for a second time. 194 00:13:41,076 --> 00:13:44,825 You know, if Junior is able to get up in the morning... 195 00:13:45,412 --> 00:13:47,951 tie his shoelaces and take a pee... 196 00:13:48,041 --> 00:13:51,875 -I'm not proud. I'm amazed. -I declare. 197 00:13:51,962 --> 00:13:55,829 I didn't realize this floozy was the same one as the last one. 198 00:13:55,925 --> 00:13:59,876 But I do remember all that trouble, that poor child being abducted... 199 00:13:59,971 --> 00:14:03,055 and taken off by that handsome devil, Bandit. 200 00:14:03,224 --> 00:14:05,348 [Hemo-gauge beeping fast] 201 00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:08,183 [Buford chanting] 202 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,771 [Beeping slowing down] 203 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,695 [Beeping stops] 204 00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,813 Sheriff, is that your radio acting up? 205 00:14:18,908 --> 00:14:22,492 No, that ain't my radio. It's my hemo-gauge that's beeping. 206 00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:25,285 This hemo-gauge and that exercise... 207 00:14:25,374 --> 00:14:29,455 was invented in a monastery by a couple of Tibetan monks. 208 00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:31,374 They live in Newark now. 209 00:14:31,465 --> 00:14:35,877 And just lucky enough, I saw the advertisement in Screw magazine. 210 00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:39,172 So I sent away for it. Cost me $19.95. 211 00:14:39,305 --> 00:14:42,806 LADY: That's just wonderful, Sheriff. I guess that makes it easier for you... 212 00:14:42,894 --> 00:14:45,894 to deal with that business about your daughter-in-law to be... 213 00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:50,441 running off with that gorgeous, handsome Bandit. 214 00:14:50,527 --> 00:14:52,436 [Hemo-gauge beeping fast] 215 00:14:52,738 --> 00:14:54,528 [Buford chanting] 216 00:14:55,866 --> 00:14:57,609 [Beeping slowing down] 217 00:14:57,911 --> 00:14:59,024 JUNIOR: Daddy? 218 00:14:59,119 --> 00:15:01,445 Come on. You're gonna be late. 219 00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:04,785 Sumbitch. 220 00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:09,536 PASTOR: My dear friends, you have come together in this church... 221 00:15:09,632 --> 00:15:12,501 so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love. 222 00:15:12,592 --> 00:15:13,755 [Phone ringing] 223 00:15:13,844 --> 00:15:15,254 PASTOR: Excuse me. 224 00:15:18,766 --> 00:15:20,011 PASTOR: Hello? 225 00:15:20,268 --> 00:15:22,308 PASTOR: But, sir, this is a wedding. 226 00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:24,518 All right, just a moment. 227 00:15:26,107 --> 00:15:28,433 It's for the bride-to-be. It's long distance. 228 00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:29,772 JUNIOR: Carrie? 229 00:15:30,528 --> 00:15:32,022 It's for you. 230 00:15:32,906 --> 00:15:35,279 Junior, I don't think I should take it right now. 231 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:38,155 You gotta take it. It's long distance. 232 00:15:38,455 --> 00:15:39,736 Right. 233 00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,207 CARRIE: Hello? 234 00:15:47,423 --> 00:15:49,001 Yes, it is. 235 00:15:49,675 --> 00:15:52,212 Cledus, hi! How are you? 236 00:15:52,303 --> 00:15:54,096 I'm good. 237 00:15:54,181 --> 00:15:57,181 Look, Cledus, I'm a little busy right now. 238 00:15:57,768 --> 00:15:59,511 Who's in trouble? 239 00:16:00,646 --> 00:16:02,769 Oh, him. 240 00:16:02,857 --> 00:16:05,063 Yeah, sure. I remember him. 241 00:16:06,193 --> 00:16:07,392 Help? 242 00:16:08,987 --> 00:16:10,946 CARRIE: Why should I help him? 243 00:16:11,324 --> 00:16:13,067 What good reason? 244 00:16:13,368 --> 00:16:15,989 $50,000? That's a good reason. 245 00:16:16,413 --> 00:16:19,698 Yeah, right. I'll be right there. 246 00:16:22,545 --> 00:16:25,297 Junior, do you love me? 247 00:16:25,382 --> 00:16:28,002 JUNIOR: Sure, Carrie. CARRIE: Good. 248 00:16:28,593 --> 00:16:31,511 'Cause maybe then you'll understand and you'll wait for me. 249 00:16:31,596 --> 00:16:36,260 When I get back, I'll have enough money for that brand new milking machine you want. 250 00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:39,721 Good! And maybe someday we can buy a cow. 251 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,720 Right. 252 00:16:45,362 --> 00:16:46,773 Not again. 253 00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,732 [People murmuring softly] 254 00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:50,698 [People exclaiming] 255 00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:53,905 Now, just where do you think you're going? 256 00:16:54,746 --> 00:16:56,620 The Bandit needs me. 257 00:16:56,832 --> 00:16:58,160 [Hemo-gauge beeping fast] 258 00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,828 [Buford chanting] 259 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,589 And you better recharge your beeper. 260 00:17:15,645 --> 00:17:18,811 Damn! I thought I was supposed to go with her. 261 00:17:20,442 --> 00:17:23,016 Well, I said it before... 262 00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:26,276 and I'm gonna say it again. 263 00:17:26,449 --> 00:17:31,490 There ain't no way that you could come from my loins. 264 00:17:32,580 --> 00:17:35,831 I'm going home and kick your mama in the butt. 265 00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:40,876 -Okay, where's the rest of it? -You found them all, massa. 266 00:17:48,848 --> 00:17:49,962 Yeah. 267 00:17:50,057 --> 00:17:53,557 You know what I think about your big training program? 268 00:17:53,645 --> 00:17:57,939 CLEDUS: J-O-A-K, joke. That's what I think. BANDIT: I'm in better shape every day. 269 00:17:58,024 --> 00:18:02,237 If Big Enos could ship that package of his to Texas behind a team of mules... 270 00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:03,980 it'd beat us at the rate we're going. 271 00:18:04,073 --> 00:18:06,743 BANDIT: Just 'cause I started shaking, you're falling to pieces. 272 00:18:06,826 --> 00:18:09,614 Shaking? You've got the DTs so bad... 273 00:18:09,705 --> 00:18:12,373 you could thread a sewing machine with it running. 274 00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:13,737 CLEDUS: Thanks. I'll take that. 275 00:18:13,834 --> 00:18:16,076 I don't know why you sent for her. I don't need her. 276 00:18:16,169 --> 00:18:18,163 You don't need anybody, but she's coming. 277 00:18:18,255 --> 00:18:20,663 CLEDUS: Why don't you admit you're glad she's coming? 278 00:18:20,758 --> 00:18:23,427 You'll need all the help you can get to get in shape... 279 00:18:23,552 --> 00:18:25,591 to make this run, anyway. 280 00:18:27,349 --> 00:18:29,472 Well, that's about enough. 281 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,138 CLEDUS: How many is that? BANDIT: One. 282 00:18:31,228 --> 00:18:34,146 -You did one yesterday. -I know, and it hurt. 283 00:18:34,231 --> 00:18:37,268 Do you think maybe you could squeeze two out of your body... 284 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,230 -without having a coronary? -I could try. 285 00:18:42,197 --> 00:18:45,153 She never was that much of a help, anyway. 286 00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:47,119 [Groaning] 287 00:18:47,371 --> 00:18:50,325 I just figured out why my album didn't sell. 288 00:18:50,416 --> 00:18:52,455 It was the wrong selection of material: 289 00:18:52,543 --> 00:18:54,665 BANDIT: The Bandit Sings Cole Porter. CLEDUS: Listen. 290 00:18:54,754 --> 00:18:58,040 If you think the girl was having a good time, look at that. 291 00:18:58,132 --> 00:19:00,291 Hell, she had to get in line to see you! 292 00:19:00,384 --> 00:19:02,343 She left me when the going got tough. 293 00:19:02,429 --> 00:19:03,543 CLEDUS: Hold it. 294 00:19:03,639 --> 00:19:06,675 I distinctly remember that when the going got good... 295 00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:09,008 it was Bo's big ego that busted everything up. 296 00:19:09,103 --> 00:19:12,519 Remember what I told you? I said, "If you ever lose that girl... 297 00:19:12,606 --> 00:19:15,229 "you're gonna wind up being a booze-head ex-superstar... 298 00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:20,230 "and every time you come up for air, you'll have a can of beer in your hand." 299 00:19:20,449 --> 00:19:22,738 -That's ridiculous. -Yeah? 300 00:19:23,202 --> 00:19:25,076 CLEDUS: Would you... Give me the beer! 301 00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:27,202 CLEDUS: You're gonna keep drinking that stuff... 302 00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:30,492 your belly's the size of a number ten washtub. 303 00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:36,001 You know what? I hope I'm there when they do the autopsy on your butt... 304 00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:39,791 'cause your kidneys gotta look like the air cleaner on a KW. 305 00:19:39,886 --> 00:19:44,763 Besides, me and you together couldn't scrape up six people to be your pallbearers. 306 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,638 That's a long walk to make by your... 307 00:19:52,151 --> 00:19:54,357 Somebody left this up here. 308 00:19:57,448 --> 00:19:59,357 I'm gonna put it back. 309 00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:04,362 [Car approaching] 310 00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:08,285 Bo, she's here. 311 00:20:18,221 --> 00:20:19,679 [Romantic pop song] 312 00:20:50,547 --> 00:20:52,706 -Hi, Frog. -Hi, Bandit. 313 00:20:54,718 --> 00:20:57,007 -You're shaking. -I'm cold. 314 00:20:58,849 --> 00:21:02,099 I thought maybe you were nervous about seeing me again. 315 00:21:02,186 --> 00:21:03,514 I'm cold. 316 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:08,108 It's been a long time since I've seen you, six or seven months. 317 00:21:08,192 --> 00:21:09,522 I don't know. 318 00:21:09,610 --> 00:21:13,905 It's more like eight months, four days, and six and a half hours, but I'm not sure. 319 00:21:14,699 --> 00:21:17,369 After we broke up, where did you go? 320 00:21:17,911 --> 00:21:19,868 -To pieces. -Yeah? 321 00:21:19,955 --> 00:21:21,781 CARRIE: And then I went to New York. 322 00:21:21,874 --> 00:21:25,374 I started dancing again. I got this fabulous job in a rock musical. 323 00:21:25,461 --> 00:21:28,166 Is that where you got those clothes? 324 00:21:28,882 --> 00:21:32,666 -What's wrong with these clothes? -Nothing, if you're in a rock musical. 325 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,924 CARRIE: I wouldn't talk if I were you. You look like "The Gay Caballero." 326 00:21:38,726 --> 00:21:42,475 -Let's not fight. -I don't want to fight, either. 327 00:21:42,564 --> 00:21:44,437 CLEDUS: Miss Frog, remember me? 328 00:21:44,523 --> 00:21:45,803 CARRIE: Cledus! 329 00:21:46,901 --> 00:21:48,146 CARRIE: You skinny old bone! 330 00:21:48,235 --> 00:21:50,905 CARRIE: My God, the man has no meat on him whatsoever. 331 00:21:50,990 --> 00:21:53,660 You ever seen a fat racehorse, mama? 332 00:21:53,950 --> 00:21:56,868 -Do you know how glad I am to see-- -Hey. 333 00:21:58,206 --> 00:22:01,372 BANDIT: What is this? CARRIE: Cledus, you didn't tell him? 334 00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:04,128 No. Frog, I forgot. 335 00:22:06,966 --> 00:22:10,584 CARRIE: I was getting all set to marry Junior again when I got your call. 336 00:22:10,677 --> 00:22:14,757 You didn't waste much time dilly-dallying around with another bunch of people... 337 00:22:14,849 --> 00:22:16,047 did you, once we broke up? 338 00:22:16,143 --> 00:22:19,059 You were dilly-dallying around when we were still together. 339 00:22:19,144 --> 00:22:22,230 Hey, kids. Will you just knock it off? 340 00:22:22,316 --> 00:22:25,899 The important thing is we're back together again, right? 341 00:22:27,029 --> 00:22:29,486 Yeah, he's right. 342 00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,987 Let me make myself perfectly clear. 343 00:22:33,077 --> 00:22:36,328 While there is a certain amount of physical attraction between us... 344 00:22:36,415 --> 00:22:38,906 and even some residual affection, due to nostalgia... 345 00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:41,670 my one and only reason for being here is money. M-O-N-E-Y. 346 00:22:41,754 --> 00:22:45,170 So let's get started whipping your ass into shape. 347 00:22:45,258 --> 00:22:46,456 [Cledus chuckles] 348 00:22:47,343 --> 00:22:48,837 She still loves me. 349 00:22:49,387 --> 00:22:52,672 [Comical instrumental music] 350 00:23:59,631 --> 00:24:02,751 [Comical instrumental music continues] 351 00:24:30,206 --> 00:24:33,871 Damned if you ain't ready for the Kentucky Derby, son! 352 00:24:35,504 --> 00:24:38,707 CLEDUS: Forty-eight. We ain't got but four days left. 353 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,080 CLEDUS: Forty-nine. 354 00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:42,039 Fifty. 355 00:24:42,260 --> 00:24:44,135 Texas is a long ways. 356 00:24:47,975 --> 00:24:50,099 You're getting pretty good. 357 00:24:50,186 --> 00:24:52,393 BANDIT: I got to quit this soon... 358 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,897 or I'm gonna end up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger. 359 00:24:55,984 --> 00:24:57,775 I'm glad we're gonna get out of here. 360 00:24:57,862 --> 00:25:00,483 I'm afraid this luxurious lifestyle is gonna grow on me. 361 00:25:00,573 --> 00:25:03,942 Slight problem there. I ain't got no wheels. 362 00:25:05,036 --> 00:25:08,701 I'm the only man in the world that drank up a Trans-Am. 363 00:25:08,916 --> 00:25:11,916 Can you imagine Roy Rogers selling Trigger for a six-pack? 364 00:25:12,002 --> 00:25:13,081 No. 365 00:25:13,169 --> 00:25:16,125 -Think he's ready, mama? -I think he's ready. 366 00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:19,500 -You see, we have got a surprise for you. -What? 367 00:25:19,594 --> 00:25:22,630 -We've got a surprise for you. -Yes, big surprise. 368 00:25:22,722 --> 00:25:25,760 -lf you will just kindly step outside. -Right outside, here. 369 00:25:25,850 --> 00:25:29,137 We got something we'd like to show you. Come on. 370 00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:34,477 Son of Trigger. 371 00:25:34,694 --> 00:25:36,402 [Bandit exclaims in surprise] 372 00:25:37,196 --> 00:25:39,025 BANDIT: You shouldn't have done that. 373 00:25:39,116 --> 00:25:41,156 Pretty, ain't it? I didn't do it all by myself. 374 00:25:41,243 --> 00:25:43,236 -Mama helped me a little. -What did you do? 375 00:25:43,329 --> 00:25:45,701 I traded Junior's car in on it. 376 00:25:45,872 --> 00:25:47,249 [Chuckling excitedly] 377 00:25:50,461 --> 00:25:52,289 -Black is beautiful. -Expensive, too. 378 00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:54,337 -But worth it. -Yeah. 379 00:25:54,424 --> 00:25:56,132 Where was that you said we were going? 380 00:25:56,217 --> 00:25:59,384 -Where do you think we need to go? -Miami. 381 00:25:59,762 --> 00:26:02,884 [Slow country song] 382 00:26:03,517 --> 00:26:08,475 Ride, country cowboy, ride 383 00:26:11,109 --> 00:26:16,270 The open highway is your range 384 00:26:19,450 --> 00:26:23,152 Ten-four little buckaroo 385 00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:26,450 And happy trails to you 386 00:26:27,502 --> 00:26:32,164 Ride, country cowboy, ride 387 00:26:34,677 --> 00:26:38,544 Now you're the Bandit on the run 388 00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:42,466 Not a bad guy just havin' fun 389 00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:45,142 Still ridin' hard 390 00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:49,144 Beneath those western skies 391 00:26:50,652 --> 00:26:54,520 If there's an ambush up ahead 392 00:26:54,740 --> 00:26:58,608 And you see smokey's lights flashin' red 393 00:26:58,912 --> 00:27:02,495 Remember Trigger and me will be 394 00:27:02,582 --> 00:27:05,667 By your side 395 00:27:06,837 --> 00:27:12,080 So ride, country cowboy, ride 396 00:27:15,471 --> 00:27:17,927 Bet that smokey can't handle the legendary Bandit... 397 00:27:18,016 --> 00:27:21,598 just driving along at old double nickel. 398 00:27:21,686 --> 00:27:25,020 CARRIE: Maybe he doesn't know who the legendary Bandit is. 399 00:27:25,608 --> 00:27:26,639 Doubtful. 400 00:27:26,734 --> 00:27:29,819 I'm what you call your "basic famous." 401 00:27:29,904 --> 00:27:32,146 CARRIE: "Basic famous." WOMAN: Bandit! 402 00:27:32,281 --> 00:27:34,773 WOMAN 1: Hey, Bandit! Hi! 403 00:27:34,867 --> 00:27:36,493 [Women exclaiming excitedly] 404 00:27:37,245 --> 00:27:39,652 -Gotta be careful of women like that. -Yeah? 405 00:27:39,747 --> 00:27:41,787 They start off, they just want your autograph. 406 00:27:41,875 --> 00:27:45,079 Next, they wanna tear your clothes off. Then they want your body. 407 00:27:45,171 --> 00:27:48,126 -You're kidding? -No, I wouldn't kid about a thing like that. 408 00:27:48,215 --> 00:27:50,754 You don't joke about people taking your clothes off. 409 00:27:50,843 --> 00:27:53,169 No. Golly, it must be hard. 410 00:27:54,056 --> 00:27:56,726 -What? -Being a superstar. 411 00:27:57,559 --> 00:27:59,682 I'll tell you something. Sometimes it's hell. 412 00:27:59,770 --> 00:28:01,395 CARRIE: Is it? BANDIT: Yeah. 413 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,148 I don't know. You feel like a freak. 414 00:28:04,233 --> 00:28:05,645 Probably. 415 00:28:07,279 --> 00:28:09,651 You know, I've been thinking... 416 00:28:09,949 --> 00:28:12,948 and I'd rather just have your autograph. 417 00:28:13,034 --> 00:28:16,202 -As opposed to what? -Ripping your clothes off. 418 00:28:16,288 --> 00:28:17,450 Why? 419 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,207 I've seen you with your clothes off, remember? 420 00:28:22,210 --> 00:28:24,120 Of course I remember. 421 00:28:24,505 --> 00:28:26,379 It ain't no big deal. 422 00:28:37,685 --> 00:28:41,684 WOMAN 1: I swear I'm gonna break the camera, with my hair in rollers like this. 423 00:28:41,774 --> 00:28:43,850 Hell, it's worth it... 424 00:28:43,943 --> 00:28:46,731 getting your picture took with a living legend. 425 00:28:46,822 --> 00:28:50,901 CARRIE: Bo, it's awful hot out here. BANDIT: I'll be right with you, honey. 426 00:28:50,993 --> 00:28:52,867 Take your time. I understand completely. 427 00:28:52,953 --> 00:28:55,658 I think I'd like one of those pictures for myself... 428 00:28:55,747 --> 00:28:58,322 wallet-size, with a glossy finish, the scalloped edges. 429 00:28:58,417 --> 00:29:00,494 I wanna remember this moment forever. 430 00:29:00,586 --> 00:29:02,460 MAN: Hold still. Say "cheese." 431 00:29:02,548 --> 00:29:04,623 ALL: Cheese. BANDIT: Thank you. 432 00:29:05,926 --> 00:29:07,753 -Bye, gals. -Thanks. 433 00:29:08,637 --> 00:29:10,428 WOMAN 2: I could die right here. 434 00:29:10,514 --> 00:29:12,591 CARRIE: Bye! WOMEN: Bye, Bandit! 435 00:29:12,725 --> 00:29:14,350 [Car engine starting] 436 00:29:14,436 --> 00:29:15,811 [Tires screeching] 437 00:29:15,896 --> 00:29:18,647 [Upbeat country instrumental music] 438 00:29:28,659 --> 00:29:31,329 BANDIT: Howdy. GUARD: What do you boys need? 439 00:29:31,413 --> 00:29:36,122 We're here to pick up a crate. Do you have a crate number 1444? 440 00:29:36,210 --> 00:29:37,490 Got it right here. 441 00:29:37,585 --> 00:29:41,038 Right in between number 1443... 442 00:29:41,132 --> 00:29:43,800 -and 1445. -Good place. 443 00:29:44,552 --> 00:29:47,339 You want to go down to the first building on the right... 444 00:29:47,429 --> 00:29:48,710 and hook a left. 445 00:29:48,806 --> 00:29:51,214 -First dock on the left. -Right. 446 00:29:52,018 --> 00:29:56,230 -No, left. You wanna go down here-- -Sir? 447 00:29:56,315 --> 00:29:58,355 That's all right. We'll find it. Thank you. 448 00:29:58,442 --> 00:30:01,645 Okay, that's all right. Hold it, boys. 449 00:30:02,488 --> 00:30:04,231 I can't let you take that crate. 450 00:30:04,324 --> 00:30:07,028 -What do you mean? -I just checked my records... 451 00:30:07,119 --> 00:30:10,569 and that crate's quarantined for another three weeks. 452 00:30:10,664 --> 00:30:13,914 Quarantined? You mean, the crate's got the measles or something? 453 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,281 You gotta be kidding. 454 00:30:15,378 --> 00:30:17,951 Ain't no place in the security business for kidding. 455 00:30:18,048 --> 00:30:22,092 Just hold on there a minute, chief. Let me explain something to you. 456 00:30:22,176 --> 00:30:25,510 We have to have that crate in Texas in three days. 457 00:30:27,308 --> 00:30:31,388 -Hell, I suppose you could take the crate. -Great. 458 00:30:31,478 --> 00:30:36,520 But it's just that you'll have to leave what's in it here for three weeks. 459 00:30:38,445 --> 00:30:42,442 As I told you, it's been quarantined for three weeks. 460 00:30:48,998 --> 00:30:51,489 CARRIE: Bo, would you keep your hands to yourself? 461 00:30:51,585 --> 00:30:52,960 [Bandit shushing] 462 00:30:53,044 --> 00:30:56,294 BANDIT: Hurry up. The sun's coming up. 463 00:30:56,507 --> 00:31:00,968 Creeping around in a warehouse. We're going to jail, that's where we're going. 464 00:31:01,053 --> 00:31:03,627 -I'm going home. -Turn the damn light on. 465 00:31:03,723 --> 00:31:05,799 CLEDUS: I ain't got the light. CARRIE: I got it. 466 00:31:05,892 --> 00:31:08,134 Give me the light, would you? 467 00:31:08,228 --> 00:31:10,185 BANDIT: Find the number. CLEDUS: I can't get-- 468 00:31:10,313 --> 00:31:13,349 -Is burglary always this much fun? -Find the number on the crate. 469 00:31:13,441 --> 00:31:16,978 CLEDUS: I'm looking. There ain't no numbers! Here's a number. 470 00:31:17,070 --> 00:31:19,313 CARRIE: "1442." BANDIT: All right. We're getting close. 471 00:31:19,407 --> 00:31:20,734 BANDIT: Come on. 472 00:31:21,450 --> 00:31:24,784 CARRIE: Wait, here. "1445." We're hot. 473 00:31:24,871 --> 00:31:27,789 BANDIT: Well, it's gotta be-- CLEDUS: Hey, here it is. 474 00:31:27,874 --> 00:31:30,246 CARRIE: "1443." BANDIT: Give me that. 475 00:31:30,335 --> 00:31:33,870 BANDIT: "1443." "1445." 476 00:31:33,963 --> 00:31:36,502 -You see, 1444 should be right here. -Bo? 477 00:31:36,591 --> 00:31:37,967 [Carrie whistling softly] 478 00:31:38,052 --> 00:31:40,377 BANDIT: What? CARRIE: Shine the light up there. 479 00:31:40,554 --> 00:31:43,046 [Suspenseful instrumental music] 480 00:31:44,475 --> 00:31:48,059 BANDIT: "1444." 481 00:31:49,814 --> 00:31:52,816 ALL: Oh, shit! 482 00:31:54,445 --> 00:31:57,649 You mind telling me how come they paint the number of our crate... 483 00:31:57,740 --> 00:31:59,566 up here on the side of the building? 484 00:31:59,659 --> 00:32:02,826 Well, it's a crate acting like a building. 485 00:32:02,912 --> 00:32:04,656 I was afraid you were gonna say that. 486 00:32:04,748 --> 00:32:08,366 You wanna tell me something? How we gonna get that thing on the truck? 487 00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:11,580 -Have you seen the size of this crate? -Yeah. 488 00:32:12,548 --> 00:32:14,790 It's gonna take one hell of a forklift. 489 00:32:14,884 --> 00:32:17,339 Tell you right now, I won't be able to keep up my end. 490 00:32:17,428 --> 00:32:22,554 Enos said it would fit in the truck. The man's a chronic liar. I'm alone. 491 00:32:23,602 --> 00:32:26,473 BANDIT: Listen, hold the light. CLEDUS: Hold the light? 492 00:32:27,397 --> 00:32:29,771 CARRIE: For goodness' sake. It's just a crate. 493 00:32:29,859 --> 00:32:31,686 [Elephant trumpeting] 494 00:32:33,863 --> 00:32:36,271 [Bandit exclaiming] 495 00:32:38,535 --> 00:32:41,026 [Comical instrumental music] 496 00:32:46,085 --> 00:32:47,330 Shamu! 497 00:32:51,883 --> 00:32:53,045 [Boxes thudding] 498 00:32:53,134 --> 00:32:55,091 Let's go check for the bones. 499 00:32:55,762 --> 00:32:57,838 CARRIE: Probably broken every bone in his body. 500 00:32:57,931 --> 00:32:59,046 CLEDUS: Hey, Bo? 501 00:33:03,896 --> 00:33:06,103 CLEDUS: Come on. Quite a ride, huh? 502 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,941 She caught me off guard, or I would've rode her the full ten seconds. 503 00:33:10,028 --> 00:33:14,654 Bo, that was incredible. You saved my life. It was totally unselfish. 504 00:33:15,158 --> 00:33:17,994 It weren't nothing. I saw the elephant coming for you... 505 00:33:18,077 --> 00:33:20,914 so I jumped in front of you, pulled you out of the way-- 506 00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:23,287 CARRIE: The elephant hurt her foot. 507 00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:25,784 CLEDUS: Then the elephant what? CARRIE: I'm sorry. 508 00:33:25,879 --> 00:33:29,580 CARRIE: Look. She hurt her foot. BANDIT: Who gives a turkey about her foot? 509 00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:31,168 I could've broke my back in there. 510 00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:32,375 CARRIE: Sweetheart. 511 00:33:32,469 --> 00:33:34,343 CARRIE: You hurt her foot. BANDIT: I didn't! 512 00:33:34,430 --> 00:33:35,461 CARRIE: You did. 513 00:33:35,556 --> 00:33:39,341 All it was, was this little splinter which was stuck in her foot. 514 00:33:40,478 --> 00:33:41,510 BANDIT: Easy, girl. 515 00:33:41,604 --> 00:33:43,644 -Cute couple, aren't they? -Yeah, they are. 516 00:33:43,732 --> 00:33:47,314 Kind of reminds me of my Aunt Charlotte. Smells like her, too. 517 00:33:47,403 --> 00:33:48,481 How rude. 518 00:33:48,570 --> 00:33:50,776 Now, Charlotte, don't you listen to any of that. 519 00:33:50,863 --> 00:33:52,822 Now that you've got a hold of Charlotte-- 520 00:33:52,907 --> 00:33:55,577 I don't have a hold of Charlotte. She's got hold of me. 521 00:33:55,661 --> 00:33:57,986 Whatever. Why don't you both mosey to the truck... 522 00:33:58,081 --> 00:34:00,406 get on, we'll get out, and won't get into trouble. 523 00:34:00,500 --> 00:34:02,457 Let go of me, Charlotte. 524 00:34:02,544 --> 00:34:04,002 Thank you. 525 00:34:04,086 --> 00:34:07,539 BANDIT: Open the door, Cledus. CLEDUS: Okay. I'd like to see this. 526 00:34:07,632 --> 00:34:12,093 CARRIE: I'm coming, too. I'm behind the whole troop here. 527 00:34:12,180 --> 00:34:14,006 CARRIE: Bringing up the rear, so to speak. 528 00:34:14,099 --> 00:34:17,467 BANDIT: Move out. Move it out! Come on, Charlotte. 529 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,185 BANDIT: Come on. 530 00:34:20,605 --> 00:34:22,397 Steady. 531 00:34:24,818 --> 00:34:26,691 Now, let's see here. 532 00:34:31,242 --> 00:34:32,985 You got any ideas? 533 00:34:33,370 --> 00:34:34,828 Well? 534 00:34:35,622 --> 00:34:39,288 Sure. I could just tell Charlotte to get in the truck. 535 00:34:39,377 --> 00:34:41,286 -Good. -Do that. 536 00:34:42,755 --> 00:34:45,506 Charlotte, get in the truck. 537 00:34:45,591 --> 00:34:48,130 BANDIT: Go on. Get in your house. 538 00:34:48,219 --> 00:34:51,802 BANDIT: Come on. Get in your house. Good girl. That's a girl! 539 00:34:53,851 --> 00:34:57,268 How the heck are we ever gonna get her out of there? 540 00:34:58,314 --> 00:35:01,101 I'm just gonna tell her to turn around. 541 00:35:02,275 --> 00:35:05,443 He's just gonna talk a little elephant there. 542 00:35:05,739 --> 00:35:08,942 BANDIT: Charlotte, turn around. Come on. 543 00:35:09,909 --> 00:35:13,030 Turn around, babe. Come on. Yeah. 544 00:35:13,329 --> 00:35:16,035 [Comical instrumental music] 545 00:35:17,126 --> 00:35:19,249 [Bandit laughing excitedly] 546 00:35:19,879 --> 00:35:22,915 I can turn them on, but I can't turn them off. 547 00:35:24,008 --> 00:35:25,753 [Tires screeching] 548 00:35:30,558 --> 00:35:33,475 [Sinister instrumental music] 549 00:35:38,066 --> 00:35:39,145 Hi, Buford. 550 00:35:39,234 --> 00:35:42,021 BUFORD: Hello, you handsome sumbitch. 551 00:35:42,529 --> 00:35:43,810 Hi, Junior. 552 00:35:43,906 --> 00:35:46,361 -Hi, Carrie. -Shut up, you shit. 553 00:35:47,159 --> 00:35:49,400 You barrel of monkey nuts. 554 00:35:51,164 --> 00:35:53,120 Well, as you can see, Bandit... 555 00:35:53,206 --> 00:35:55,615 I got my piece in my hand. 556 00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:59,459 BANDIT: You got your what in your hand? BUFORD: Don't get funny, Bandit. 557 00:35:59,549 --> 00:36:02,252 If you make one move, I'm gonna put a hole... 558 00:36:02,342 --> 00:36:05,261 right between those gorgeous brown eyes. 559 00:36:05,346 --> 00:36:07,219 I don't think you're that good a shot. 560 00:36:07,306 --> 00:36:08,884 BUFORD: Are you kidding? 561 00:36:08,974 --> 00:36:10,967 Do you realize that at one time... 562 00:36:11,060 --> 00:36:15,106 I won the marksmanship championship award... 563 00:36:15,190 --> 00:36:18,191 from "Swollen Groin" Gatsell? 564 00:36:19,277 --> 00:36:20,652 I don't believe you! 565 00:36:20,738 --> 00:36:23,656 Do you see those three lights over there? 566 00:36:23,908 --> 00:36:25,948 BUFORD: Watch this. 567 00:36:28,455 --> 00:36:30,115 That's pretty good shooting. 568 00:36:30,206 --> 00:36:32,614 But I'd really be convinced... 569 00:36:32,751 --> 00:36:36,202 if you could shoot that weathervane over yonder. 570 00:36:36,296 --> 00:36:38,420 That's a baby-piss shot. 571 00:36:40,551 --> 00:36:42,841 That was good shooting. I gotta admit that. 572 00:36:42,928 --> 00:36:46,344 Of course, them targets weren't moving. Now... 573 00:36:46,433 --> 00:36:48,970 He's only got two more shots. Give me the bottles. 574 00:36:49,060 --> 00:36:52,347 BUFORD: Give me your gun, Junior. BANDIT: Just to make you feel at home... 575 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,642 I'm gonna throw up a couple of bottles of prune juice. 576 00:36:55,734 --> 00:36:58,901 We're running with a crazy man. You know that? 577 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,532 Are you convinced now? 578 00:37:05,621 --> 00:37:08,823 I'm convinced that you is out of bullets. Bye-bye! 579 00:37:09,082 --> 00:37:10,577 Give me your gun. 580 00:37:10,668 --> 00:37:13,205 Hang onto your ass, Fred. Here we go again. 581 00:37:13,503 --> 00:37:15,412 [Tires screeching] 582 00:37:17,091 --> 00:37:19,334 [Gun clicking] 583 00:37:36,739 --> 00:37:39,490 Why didn't you have your gun loaded? 584 00:37:39,574 --> 00:37:42,990 JUNIOR: When I put bullets in it, Daddy, it gets too heavy. 585 00:37:43,078 --> 00:37:44,572 [Hemo-gauge beeping fast] 586 00:37:44,663 --> 00:37:46,206 Shut your ass! 587 00:37:46,915 --> 00:37:49,621 And that goes for the two monks, too. 588 00:37:50,462 --> 00:37:52,751 CLEDUS: Do you see him anywhere? 589 00:37:52,839 --> 00:37:57,087 BANDIT: No, but he'll be along, just like death and taxes. 590 00:37:59,222 --> 00:38:02,804 He didn't get away from me. I let him escape. 591 00:38:03,433 --> 00:38:06,389 You see, what I'm doing is playing with him... 592 00:38:06,479 --> 00:38:08,851 like a cat plays with a mouse. 593 00:38:09,941 --> 00:38:13,940 The mouse jumps this way, and I grab him with my paw. 594 00:38:14,028 --> 00:38:17,861 The mouse jumps that way, and I grab him with my paw. 595 00:38:18,284 --> 00:38:21,155 And then finally, I squash his ass! 596 00:38:24,999 --> 00:38:26,873 -You're the Bandit, ain't you? -Yeah. 597 00:38:26,959 --> 00:38:29,036 You're early, cowboy. This is just a practice. 598 00:38:29,128 --> 00:38:30,410 Game isn't till tomorrow. 599 00:38:30,506 --> 00:38:33,589 We're big fans and wanna get good seats. You with the Dolphins? 600 00:38:33,675 --> 00:38:37,211 No. I'm with the world champion Pittsburgh Steelers. 601 00:38:37,430 --> 00:38:39,221 -Bradshaw with you? -Of course. 602 00:38:39,306 --> 00:38:41,347 Coach doesn't let us go anywhere without him. 603 00:38:41,434 --> 00:38:42,465 Thanks a lot. 604 00:38:56,409 --> 00:38:58,532 TERRY: Hi, Bandit, Frog. CARRIE: Hi, Terry. 605 00:38:58,619 --> 00:39:00,861 -I need a favour. -You always do. 606 00:39:01,247 --> 00:39:03,821 -You still got your ranch in Shreveport? -You bet. 607 00:39:03,917 --> 00:39:06,243 I don't have to tell you who that is. 608 00:39:07,212 --> 00:39:08,790 TERRY: Buford T. Justice. 609 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,132 -Could you hold him up for a while? -Be glad to. 610 00:39:12,218 --> 00:39:13,926 -Hey, Joe! -Yeah? 611 00:39:14,846 --> 00:39:16,505 Tackle that car. 612 00:39:21,854 --> 00:39:24,475 BANDIT: Thanks, Terry. TERRY: You owe me, Bandit. 613 00:39:24,565 --> 00:39:26,973 BUFORD: Get out of there, you sumbitch... 614 00:39:27,068 --> 00:39:30,271 or you gonna have a penalty flag hanging out of your ass! 615 00:39:30,363 --> 00:39:31,525 Really? 616 00:39:31,614 --> 00:39:33,653 -Hey, Daddy, that's-- -Shut up. 617 00:39:33,742 --> 00:39:36,861 I know how to handle these bubble-butts. 618 00:39:36,953 --> 00:39:40,785 If you don't get out of the way, I'm gonna run right over you. 619 00:39:40,875 --> 00:39:42,950 That's been tried before. 620 00:39:43,377 --> 00:39:47,838 But your possibility for success is extremely remote. 621 00:39:47,924 --> 00:39:50,296 He's like all the other jocks: 622 00:39:50,511 --> 00:39:53,262 big, but dumb as a stump. 623 00:39:53,846 --> 00:39:56,053 [Buford screaming] 624 00:39:58,727 --> 00:40:00,636 [Car creaking] 625 00:40:01,189 --> 00:40:06,314 BUFORD: I knew this would happen as soon as they started that busing shit! 626 00:40:09,405 --> 00:40:11,612 Snowman, are you back there, son? 627 00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:13,858 My mirrors are empty... 628 00:40:14,161 --> 00:40:16,071 and so is my fuel tank. 629 00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:18,453 If we don't pull over and get me some go-go juice... 630 00:40:18,541 --> 00:40:20,414 we gonna be in a heap of trouble. 631 00:40:20,502 --> 00:40:21,747 What do you think? 632 00:40:21,837 --> 00:40:24,920 If you're telling me you're out of gas, we are in deep shit. 633 00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:26,335 Why didn't you fill up? 634 00:40:26,425 --> 00:40:28,134 BANDIT: See what I see? CARRIE: Yes. 635 00:40:34,767 --> 00:40:36,724 CARRIE: My stars, what is that? 636 00:40:36,810 --> 00:40:39,099 BANDIT: I can run over him, get you an alligator bag. 637 00:40:39,189 --> 00:40:40,386 CARRIE: I don't want one. 638 00:40:40,481 --> 00:40:41,893 BANDIT: How about a belt? CARRIE: No. 639 00:40:41,984 --> 00:40:43,526 BANDIT: Shoes? CARRIE: Nope. 640 00:40:47,072 --> 00:40:50,406 [Cheerful country instrumental music playing loudly] 641 00:40:56,541 --> 00:40:57,739 Howdy. 642 00:41:00,044 --> 00:41:01,504 [Bandit whistles] 643 00:41:07,845 --> 00:41:09,719 You always this busy? 644 00:41:09,847 --> 00:41:10,962 [Music stops] 645 00:41:11,098 --> 00:41:12,510 Hell, yes. 646 00:41:12,892 --> 00:41:17,271 I had three cars and a motor home, all here at the same time, last April. 647 00:41:17,355 --> 00:41:18,849 -You're kidding? -Nope. 648 00:41:18,941 --> 00:41:23,235 Of course, that was Easter weekend. Always picks up around then. 649 00:41:24,655 --> 00:41:28,404 This kind of high-pressure business will give you ulcers. 650 00:41:29,035 --> 00:41:32,903 This place reminds me of a roadhouse I knew in Texas, called Hamburger Dan's. 651 00:41:32,998 --> 00:41:35,952 -Ever hear of it? -Let's cut the shit and get down to business. 652 00:41:36,043 --> 00:41:38,664 -I ain't got all day. -Yeah. 653 00:41:40,048 --> 00:41:41,457 Got any diesel fuel? 654 00:41:41,549 --> 00:41:45,547 If I had any more diesel fuel, they'd make me join that OPEC. 655 00:41:46,304 --> 00:41:48,841 I'll let you get back to work now. 656 00:41:50,016 --> 00:41:52,342 [Cheerful country instrumental music playing loudly] 657 00:41:52,436 --> 00:41:56,185 -I guess you want me to pump it myself. -lf you want any. 658 00:42:05,533 --> 00:42:06,908 Snowman... 659 00:42:07,785 --> 00:42:09,909 you're not gonna believe this. 660 00:42:09,997 --> 00:42:12,203 You're gonna come up on a sign that says: 661 00:42:12,292 --> 00:42:14,616 "Diesel fuel. Last chance. Turn left. " 662 00:42:14,711 --> 00:42:18,791 Roger. Got my 10 hung out in the wind, looking for your sign. 663 00:42:18,882 --> 00:42:22,416 By the way, when we get there, do you mind if we check on our passenger? 664 00:42:22,510 --> 00:42:25,547 I ain't heard anything in a while. Could be in a lot of trouble. 665 00:42:25,639 --> 00:42:26,967 You grip? 666 00:42:27,641 --> 00:42:29,052 [Charlotte trumpets] 667 00:42:29,978 --> 00:42:32,730 CLEDUS: Damn, she ain't right. CARRIE: How's Charlotte? 668 00:42:32,813 --> 00:42:37,725 I don't know anything about elephants, but something's bothering the old girl. 669 00:42:37,818 --> 00:42:42,196 CARRIE: I wish we could get a hold of a vet. CLEDUS: Fat chance of that out here. 670 00:42:51,876 --> 00:42:53,916 BOB: Hey, anybody in that crapper? 671 00:42:57,925 --> 00:43:01,258 -How does he know whether she's sick? -I guess he felt her nose. 672 00:43:01,346 --> 00:43:04,429 BANDIT: I'll tell you what it is. It's just motion sickness-- 673 00:43:04,891 --> 00:43:06,716 CLEDUS: What would you do without Snowman? 674 00:43:06,809 --> 00:43:07,888 Why? What'd you do? 675 00:43:07,977 --> 00:43:11,476 -Remember seeing an ambulance come by? -Is that what that was? 676 00:43:12,232 --> 00:43:14,640 -Inside that ambulance, Miss Carrie-- -Was a vet. 677 00:43:14,734 --> 00:43:18,779 No, it was a doctor. But we might get him to look at Charlotte. 678 00:43:18,864 --> 00:43:20,940 CLEDUS: Do you reckon? CARRIE: I reckon! 679 00:43:22,743 --> 00:43:24,736 BANDIT: Howdy. FREDERICO: Buon giorno. 680 00:43:24,829 --> 00:43:27,617 BANDIT: You a doctor? FREDERICO: Not yet, but I'm working on it. 681 00:43:27,707 --> 00:43:30,792 I got my green card. My license pending. 682 00:43:30,878 --> 00:43:33,120 Salute! A la bella donna! 683 00:43:33,214 --> 00:43:35,787 -You're Italian? -Natio. 684 00:43:35,883 --> 00:43:40,842 My name is Dottore Frederico Carlucci. But you can call me Doc. 685 00:43:40,972 --> 00:43:42,346 [Patient groaning in pain] 686 00:43:42,431 --> 00:43:43,630 Stay. 687 00:43:43,725 --> 00:43:44,969 [Shushing] 688 00:43:46,937 --> 00:43:48,431 Swamp fever. 689 00:43:48,731 --> 00:43:50,356 It's no catching. 690 00:43:50,441 --> 00:43:52,184 In Italy we don't have. 691 00:43:52,276 --> 00:43:54,186 You know what I know about swamp fever? 692 00:43:54,278 --> 00:43:55,442 [Mimics fart] 693 00:43:56,990 --> 00:43:58,400 What's your problem? 694 00:43:58,491 --> 00:44:00,317 You know anything about sick ladies? 695 00:44:00,409 --> 00:44:03,993 Plenty. I was the leading gynaecologist in Pompeii. 696 00:44:04,164 --> 00:44:06,038 Population, 23. 697 00:44:06,125 --> 00:44:08,663 Well, we have a lady who we think is very sick. 698 00:44:08,752 --> 00:44:11,873 She's back down here in the truck. Would you mind looking at her? 699 00:44:11,965 --> 00:44:13,080 Well, I'm... 700 00:44:13,174 --> 00:44:15,048 BANDIT: Appreciate it. I know you're eating. 701 00:44:15,135 --> 00:44:16,165 I was just-- 702 00:44:16,260 --> 00:44:18,717 BANDIT: I know. We really appreciate it, though. 703 00:44:18,805 --> 00:44:21,213 Okay. Let me take a look. 704 00:44:21,642 --> 00:44:22,673 Stay. 705 00:44:23,644 --> 00:44:25,802 FREDERICO: Here we go. CARRIE: Get your bag. 706 00:44:26,021 --> 00:44:29,306 Doctor, it's very nice of you to take time out of your busy lunch. 707 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,354 Listen, when somebody's sick, you gotta stop eating. 708 00:44:32,446 --> 00:44:34,319 That's the Hypocritical Oath. 709 00:44:34,405 --> 00:44:36,980 Doc, there's something we haven't told you about this patient. 710 00:44:37,075 --> 00:44:40,360 -She's not the normal-size patient. She's... -Big. 711 00:44:40,454 --> 00:44:44,748 Big? Big don't make no difference. I got one customer, Anna Maria Teresa. 712 00:44:44,833 --> 00:44:48,038 FREDERICO: We call her Two-Tonne Tessie. She's built like a brick-- 713 00:44:48,129 --> 00:44:49,328 [Charlotte trumpets] 714 00:44:49,421 --> 00:44:51,380 [Frederico exclaiming in terror] 715 00:44:51,466 --> 00:44:52,925 Please! 716 00:44:55,595 --> 00:44:58,680 -Remember the Hypocritic Oath. -The Hypocritic Oath! 717 00:44:58,765 --> 00:45:01,304 BANDIT: She's a sweet elephant. Come on. CARRIE: Very sweet. 718 00:45:01,393 --> 00:45:02,591 No, please. 719 00:45:03,020 --> 00:45:04,848 [All chattering] 720 00:45:05,773 --> 00:45:08,976 FREDERICO: Mamma mia! When you say big, you no fool around. 721 00:45:09,277 --> 00:45:12,730 FREDERICO: She's bigger than Two-Tonne Tessie. I tell the truth. 722 00:45:12,823 --> 00:45:16,951 I was gonna take her temperature, but I need this. 723 00:45:17,119 --> 00:45:19,029 [Frederico exclaims in Italian] 724 00:45:19,455 --> 00:45:21,863 She's so nice. What a beauty! 725 00:45:21,958 --> 00:45:23,832 CARRIE: Then you can help her? FREDERICO: No. 726 00:45:23,918 --> 00:45:26,540 I told the truth. I'm no elephant doctor. 727 00:45:26,630 --> 00:45:29,501 I am the leading gynaecologist in Pompeii. 728 00:45:29,591 --> 00:45:31,299 She got teeth. 729 00:45:32,594 --> 00:45:34,468 I tell... 730 00:45:35,264 --> 00:45:39,725 give her 800 aspirin and call me in the morning. 731 00:45:40,728 --> 00:45:43,101 Doctor, can't you do something to help her? 732 00:45:43,190 --> 00:45:46,357 No, I really can't. I wish I could, but I'm working. 733 00:45:46,443 --> 00:45:48,317 I'm in that ambulance! 734 00:45:48,404 --> 00:45:50,112 Wait! Bob! 735 00:45:51,032 --> 00:45:53,439 My goodness, Bob! Wait for me! 736 00:45:53,533 --> 00:45:55,990 You son of a... I'm in a swamp! 737 00:45:56,996 --> 00:45:58,159 Bob! 738 00:46:10,678 --> 00:46:14,214 Listen, Lone Ranger, can I pop a ride with you guys? 739 00:46:14,308 --> 00:46:16,799 -Sure. -Thank you so much. You going to Miami? 740 00:46:16,893 --> 00:46:19,515 In a roundabout way. We're gonna take the scenic route. 741 00:46:19,605 --> 00:46:21,265 The scenic route. Beauty! Okay. 742 00:46:21,356 --> 00:46:23,265 FREDERICO: I look on... BANDIT: Charlotte. 743 00:46:23,359 --> 00:46:24,438 Charlotte. Yes. 744 00:46:24,527 --> 00:46:25,855 Show him the living accommodations. 745 00:46:25,945 --> 00:46:26,976 FREDERICO: Appreciate it. 746 00:46:27,070 --> 00:46:28,186 CARRIE: I'll get your bag. 747 00:46:28,323 --> 00:46:31,075 FREDERICO: If you no give me ride, I'll be stuck here... 748 00:46:31,450 --> 00:46:34,120 [Pleasant instrumental music] 749 00:46:37,374 --> 00:46:40,625 BANDIT: That a girl. In the house, Charlotte. In the house. 750 00:46:40,711 --> 00:46:42,834 BANDIT: That's it, in the house. 751 00:46:43,506 --> 00:46:45,962 -In the house? -In the house. 752 00:46:47,218 --> 00:46:50,006 FREDERICO: Okay. I gonna go. 753 00:46:52,182 --> 00:46:54,804 FREDERICO: Okay. It dark in here. 754 00:46:55,268 --> 00:46:58,519 CLEDUS: There's a light switch over to your right, Doc. 755 00:46:58,940 --> 00:47:00,102 Okay. 756 00:47:01,818 --> 00:47:04,902 Now that we've got the medical staff on board, let's haul ass. 757 00:47:04,987 --> 00:47:08,606 CLEDUS: One of these days, I'm gonna write a book about you. 758 00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:10,072 FREDERICO: Open. 759 00:47:10,453 --> 00:47:12,244 FREDERICO: Okay. Good. 760 00:47:12,371 --> 00:47:14,410 [Truck engine starting] 761 00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:18,417 [Wheezing] 762 00:47:25,343 --> 00:47:26,886 [Patient screaming] 763 00:47:34,270 --> 00:47:36,558 [Sinister instrumental music] 764 00:47:37,649 --> 00:47:40,567 Hey, Daddy, look at that big, ugly alligator. 765 00:47:40,652 --> 00:47:43,938 That reminds me. I gotta call your mama tonight. 766 00:47:45,491 --> 00:47:49,988 You know, Daddy, I like this place. All the gators and snakes and stuff. 767 00:47:50,079 --> 00:47:52,405 Why don't we move down here? 768 00:47:52,748 --> 00:47:57,496 -Why don't you move down here? -No, Daddy. I ain't never leaving home. 769 00:47:57,587 --> 00:47:59,296 That's a promise. 770 00:47:59,757 --> 00:48:03,754 Don't you ever threaten your daddy like that again. 771 00:48:04,596 --> 00:48:05,759 What's that, Daddy? 772 00:48:05,847 --> 00:48:09,594 BUFORD: That must be one of those new Japanese sports cars. 773 00:48:14,189 --> 00:48:16,515 -Howdy. -Swamp fever! 774 00:48:18,359 --> 00:48:20,105 Swamp fever! 775 00:48:20,528 --> 00:48:21,989 Swamp Fever? 776 00:48:22,490 --> 00:48:26,192 Damned if I know where it is. I'm new around here myself. 777 00:48:27,454 --> 00:48:28,617 Help! 778 00:48:29,288 --> 00:48:33,288 If I wasn't in high pursuit, I'd have that bum and his Sukiyaki bicycle... 779 00:48:33,377 --> 00:48:37,077 in the clink, for driving on the wrong side of the road. 780 00:48:38,382 --> 00:48:40,671 [Peppy country song playing on stereo] 781 00:49:01,240 --> 00:49:02,521 How about you, Bandit? 782 00:49:02,659 --> 00:49:04,403 CLEDUS: Got them ears on, son? 783 00:49:05,870 --> 00:49:07,412 Yeah, Snowman. Come on back. 784 00:49:07,498 --> 00:49:10,914 Look two doors behind you and tell me what you see. 785 00:49:15,715 --> 00:49:17,874 Damn! That son of a bitch never gives up! 786 00:49:17,967 --> 00:49:20,838 Yes, but if you'd like to see a bit of heaven, turn around... 787 00:49:20,929 --> 00:49:25,056 'cause Big Bulldog Joe Klecko is driving that Pete parked right on your backdoor. 788 00:49:25,142 --> 00:49:26,685 CLEDUS: Right, Joe? 789 00:49:26,769 --> 00:49:28,098 Hi, Joe! 790 00:49:28,396 --> 00:49:29,937 Howdy, Bandit. 791 00:49:30,858 --> 00:49:33,893 I'll leave this in your hands, Snowman. We're coming around. 792 00:49:33,985 --> 00:49:37,152 Roger. We'll break for that, Big Bulldog Joe Klecko. 793 00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,315 JOE: [On CB] You got the Bulldog. Kick it back. 794 00:49:39,408 --> 00:49:42,527 CLEDUS: See if you can delay that County Mountie at your backdoor. 795 00:49:42,619 --> 00:49:43,699 JOE: 10-4. 796 00:49:43,788 --> 00:49:45,496 It's the Bandit. 797 00:49:46,458 --> 00:49:48,534 [Car horn honking] 798 00:49:49,418 --> 00:49:52,171 Hey, you big piece of turkey dump! 799 00:49:52,380 --> 00:49:56,129 BUFORD: Get that mess the hell out of there! JOE: You talking to me? 800 00:49:56,217 --> 00:49:58,294 Yes, I'm talking to you! 801 00:49:58,387 --> 00:50:00,795 I'll see if I can get it in gear. 802 00:50:03,726 --> 00:50:04,970 [Truck crashing] 803 00:50:05,061 --> 00:50:07,433 Wait a minute! Hold it! 804 00:50:08,272 --> 00:50:10,266 Wait a minute! 805 00:50:10,901 --> 00:50:14,899 You do that once again, and I'm gonna take you apart... 806 00:50:14,988 --> 00:50:16,648 piece by piece. 807 00:50:23,122 --> 00:50:25,744 [Hemo-gauge beeping fast] 808 00:50:30,715 --> 00:50:32,339 JOE: Badge is crooked, sir. 809 00:50:32,717 --> 00:50:35,291 [Hemo-gauge beeping intensifies] 810 00:50:38,222 --> 00:50:41,390 [Hemo-gauge beeping slowing down] 811 00:50:42,352 --> 00:50:44,179 Much obliged. 812 00:50:47,273 --> 00:50:49,065 JUNIOR: Who was that, Daddy? 813 00:50:49,152 --> 00:50:52,271 I don't know, but the circus must be in town. 814 00:50:52,363 --> 00:50:53,395 [Warning bell ringing] 815 00:50:53,490 --> 00:50:55,114 Hang on, Junior. 816 00:50:56,408 --> 00:50:59,280 -Daddy, the bridge. -I can make that easy. 817 00:51:11,717 --> 00:51:14,338 -I tried to tell you, Daddy. -Shut your ass. 818 00:51:14,429 --> 00:51:16,718 -Now, get out and push. -Daddy, I... 819 00:51:16,806 --> 00:51:18,799 Get out and push. 820 00:51:20,769 --> 00:51:22,348 JUNIOR: Okay, but... 821 00:51:22,438 --> 00:51:23,683 [Junior screaming] 822 00:51:26,567 --> 00:51:29,106 MAN 1: It looks like we've got a decision to make. 823 00:51:29,195 --> 00:51:30,606 MAN 2: Yeah, it does. 824 00:51:30,698 --> 00:51:32,987 -Heads up, tails down. -You got it. 825 00:51:34,618 --> 00:51:36,611 MAN 1: This one's for you. 826 00:51:42,001 --> 00:51:44,492 [Hemo-gauge beeping fast] 827 00:51:46,881 --> 00:51:48,756 [Hemo-gauge beeping intensifies] 828 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:55,054 BANDIT: Would you look at that? They love me in Ole Miss, too. 829 00:51:55,140 --> 00:51:56,385 Hi! 830 00:51:56,475 --> 00:51:57,970 [Girls screaming excitedly] 831 00:51:58,393 --> 00:52:00,352 [Singing Italian song drunkenly] 832 00:52:01,773 --> 00:52:03,433 [Charlotte grunting] 833 00:52:11,658 --> 00:52:13,781 Snowman, you got your ears on? 834 00:52:13,870 --> 00:52:16,539 BANDIT: Anything happening with Charlotte? CLEDUS: Negatory. 835 00:52:16,622 --> 00:52:20,834 Ain't much with Charlotte. You don't reckon the doc got squashed, do you? 836 00:52:21,586 --> 00:52:24,292 CLEDUS: Come on, ring my phone. BANDIT: We'll stop here. 837 00:52:25,507 --> 00:52:29,885 CLEDUS: Giving Doc a mercy stop every 1,000 miles ain't asking too much, is it? 838 00:52:29,970 --> 00:52:32,676 BANDIT: But we're not gonna make this a habit. 839 00:52:36,895 --> 00:52:39,054 [Frederico muttering in Italian] 840 00:52:39,355 --> 00:52:42,855 FREDERICO: You drive crazy! CARRIE: Is Charlotte all right? 841 00:52:42,942 --> 00:52:45,944 She's okay, but I need air. 842 00:52:46,822 --> 00:52:48,448 Give me a break. 843 00:52:48,533 --> 00:52:50,691 FREDERICO: Where are we? CLEDUS: On our way to Texas. 844 00:52:50,785 --> 00:52:53,158 Texas? Is that near Miami? 845 00:52:53,996 --> 00:52:56,618 FREDERICO: Her nose cold. BANDIT: It's very close to Miami. 846 00:52:56,709 --> 00:52:59,081 Yes, that's good because I gotta go to Miami. 847 00:52:59,169 --> 00:53:02,953 FREDERICO: You understand? I've got a lot of patients there. I'm no real doctor. 848 00:53:03,049 --> 00:53:05,503 But I do operations on the side. 849 00:53:06,010 --> 00:53:07,635 A lot of sick people need me. 850 00:53:07,720 --> 00:53:11,848 It would be no good if I leave, because I got the swamp fever... 851 00:53:11,933 --> 00:53:14,768 a lot of them got a rash, different things like that. 852 00:53:14,854 --> 00:53:19,480 I tell you the truth, they need me. They gonna be fine. Don't you worry. 853 00:53:20,568 --> 00:53:22,442 Pardon me. All right, take it easy. 854 00:53:22,528 --> 00:53:26,990 I'll give her a nice examination soon as she gets her nose out of my crotch. 855 00:53:27,075 --> 00:53:30,990 We'll leave the elephant on the truck. Give her an examination while we drive. 856 00:53:31,079 --> 00:53:34,080 No, it's no good. No room for the stirrup. 857 00:53:34,166 --> 00:53:38,413 -You don't understand. We're in a big hurry. -Bo, it's a living creature! 858 00:53:38,504 --> 00:53:43,416 CLEDUS: That's right. She'll mean very little to us if we get to Texas and she's dead. 859 00:53:43,509 --> 00:53:45,835 All right, I'll bring her off. 860 00:53:46,513 --> 00:53:48,055 FREDERICO: Excuse me. 861 00:53:48,807 --> 00:53:53,102 Snowman's always had a heart. Cares about something other than himself. 862 00:53:54,188 --> 00:53:58,731 BANDIT: Well, at least you aren't mad at me. Come on, sweetheart. 863 00:54:00,611 --> 00:54:02,653 Daddy, I got to pee-pee. 864 00:54:02,781 --> 00:54:06,115 -Swallow it. I'm busy. -But, Daddy, I got to go. 865 00:54:06,827 --> 00:54:08,986 You're just like your mama. 866 00:54:09,412 --> 00:54:14,158 Your mama can't drive more than two miles before she's gotta take a squirt. 867 00:54:20,217 --> 00:54:22,126 Hurry up. Give it a fast shake. 868 00:54:22,802 --> 00:54:24,796 Well, what do you think? 869 00:54:28,017 --> 00:54:30,009 She's something else, I tell you. 870 00:54:30,102 --> 00:54:33,638 FREDERICO: Okay, I gotta look down your throat. Open. Say "Ahh." 871 00:54:35,651 --> 00:54:36,895 For goodness' sake. 872 00:54:36,985 --> 00:54:40,437 -What happened? -My ring! Oh, geez! 873 00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:44,158 I need a tongue depressor about this big. 874 00:54:48,289 --> 00:54:49,948 JUNIOR: Daddy? 875 00:54:51,501 --> 00:54:53,245 JUNIOR: My zipper's stuck. 876 00:55:12,607 --> 00:55:14,232 Get in the car, Junior. 877 00:55:14,317 --> 00:55:18,481 JUNIOR: But, Daddy, my zipper's stuck. BUFORD: Get in the car, Junior! 878 00:55:18,572 --> 00:55:20,067 [All sniggering] 879 00:55:20,158 --> 00:55:24,287 -Daddy, my fly's still open. -Let me tell you something, Junior. 880 00:55:24,620 --> 00:55:27,456 If you ever embarrass me like that again... 881 00:55:27,540 --> 00:55:29,415 I'm gonna get an axe... 882 00:55:29,500 --> 00:55:32,705 and you're never gonna have to open your fly again. 883 00:55:33,380 --> 00:55:36,583 He loves me. He loves himself. 884 00:55:37,093 --> 00:55:40,379 He loves me. He loves himself. 885 00:55:40,972 --> 00:55:43,297 -He loves me. -Hi. 886 00:55:44,476 --> 00:55:47,051 [Soft instrumental music] 887 00:55:47,771 --> 00:55:49,480 I brought you a present. 888 00:55:49,565 --> 00:55:51,393 -You're kidding? -No. 889 00:55:54,028 --> 00:55:57,314 -Is it gonna blow up in my face? -It's my record. 890 00:55:59,910 --> 00:56:02,484 We only pressed 75 of them, but... 891 00:56:02,912 --> 00:56:05,284 Well, I wanted you to have one. 892 00:56:05,665 --> 00:56:08,122 You probably saw them at the KMart, you know. 893 00:56:08,210 --> 00:56:12,588 They gave them away to everybody that bought anything over 25 cents. 894 00:56:13,300 --> 00:56:17,049 -I've still got 74 of them. -I think it represents you well. 895 00:56:17,846 --> 00:56:19,969 I mean, Frank Sinatra sang My Way... 896 00:56:20,057 --> 00:56:23,676 and you sing Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial. 897 00:56:24,979 --> 00:56:26,177 Cruel. 898 00:56:28,358 --> 00:56:29,769 Yeah, I know it. 899 00:56:29,859 --> 00:56:33,311 When I'm around you, I don't like the way I sound. 900 00:56:36,033 --> 00:56:39,117 Probably the way I used to act makes you act that way. 901 00:56:39,202 --> 00:56:40,449 That's right. 902 00:56:41,038 --> 00:56:44,324 Oh, God. Sometimes I hate the way I sound around you. 903 00:56:45,376 --> 00:56:48,876 Maybe it's because of the way you used to treat me. 904 00:56:50,131 --> 00:56:52,207 [Both chuckling softly] 905 00:56:53,552 --> 00:56:56,044 CLEDUS: Hey, Frog, Bandit! Charlotte's sick. 906 00:56:56,139 --> 00:56:58,345 -Charlotte's sick. Let's go. -Wait a minute. 907 00:56:58,432 --> 00:57:02,217 Sometimes I think you like that elephant more than you do me. 908 00:57:03,145 --> 00:57:05,185 Hang on to that thought. 909 00:57:06,233 --> 00:57:09,020 Doctor, what's the matter with Charlotte? She all right? 910 00:57:09,111 --> 00:57:13,026 I think you're gonna be very happy. Charlotte's fine... 911 00:57:13,657 --> 00:57:16,409 and I hope the bambino fine, too. 912 00:57:16,494 --> 00:57:19,199 BANDIT: The what? FREDERICO: The bambino. Baby! 913 00:57:19,872 --> 00:57:21,996 -Did he say "baby"? -He just said "baby." 914 00:57:22,083 --> 00:57:26,378 -Why did you say "baby"? -Because la signora Charlotte is pregnant. 915 00:57:27,173 --> 00:57:31,171 -Gonna have a little baby elephant. -No, you gonna have a big baby elephant. 916 00:57:31,261 --> 00:57:34,094 -Who did it? -Don't look at me. 917 00:57:34,180 --> 00:57:35,592 Probably another elephant. 918 00:57:35,682 --> 00:57:38,600 -I know that, but when? -Long time ago. 919 00:57:38,893 --> 00:57:42,643 -When is she gonna have the baby? -Any days, any minutes. 920 00:57:43,565 --> 00:57:45,439 Shit! What are we gonna do? 921 00:57:45,525 --> 00:57:48,860 CLEDUS: We better keep our eyes peeled. BANDIT: For what? 922 00:57:48,946 --> 00:57:51,354 For the biggest goddamn stork you ever seen! 923 00:57:51,450 --> 00:57:53,442 Big stork! With the... 924 00:57:54,077 --> 00:57:57,612 FREDERICO: American joke, right? BANDIT: That's not funny. 925 00:57:58,290 --> 00:58:02,205 We'll take this elephant in the truck, and we'll drive to Dallas with her. 926 00:58:02,294 --> 00:58:03,919 CARRIE: Bo, pooh! BANDIT: What? 927 00:58:04,255 --> 00:58:06,627 We're not gonna move Charlotte anywhere. 928 00:58:06,716 --> 00:58:08,875 BANDIT: Honey, you probably don't realize this. 929 00:58:08,968 --> 00:58:13,880 In Dallas, they have the greatest elephant doctors. Ain't that right, Cledus? 930 00:58:13,974 --> 00:58:16,381 CARRIE: Why don't we ask this doctor? What do you think? 931 00:58:16,476 --> 00:58:20,012 You think we should we move Charlotte or let her rest or what? 932 00:58:21,231 --> 00:58:24,648 The lady gonna have a baby. She no can be move for 24 hours. 933 00:58:24,736 --> 00:58:26,480 BANDIT: What? FREDERICO: Make it 12. 934 00:58:26,946 --> 00:58:30,150 I'll load her up right now. Come on. We're running out of time. 935 00:58:30,241 --> 00:58:31,737 -Bo. -What? 936 00:58:33,662 --> 00:58:34,825 BANDIT: What? 937 00:58:35,623 --> 00:58:39,751 God, I've missed you. I've missed you so. 938 00:58:41,169 --> 00:58:46,082 It's a little hard to get reacquainted going 110 miles an hour. 939 00:58:46,426 --> 00:58:49,711 So what could be wrong spending the night... 940 00:58:49,929 --> 00:58:52,552 CARRIE: under the stars together? BANDIT: Nothing. 941 00:58:53,768 --> 00:58:56,554 BANDIT: You mean, just you and I, alone? CARRIE: Together. 942 00:58:56,854 --> 00:58:58,847 What's going on? 943 00:58:58,939 --> 00:59:02,440 -What's going on? -Well, I would say that she's in love. 944 00:59:02,527 --> 00:59:05,444 Of course, the fat ones always did go for Bo. 945 00:59:06,532 --> 00:59:09,616 She's jealous. Pregnant ladies always act funny. 946 00:59:09,701 --> 00:59:10,982 What am I gonna do? 947 00:59:11,078 --> 00:59:14,282 It's important not to upset her. She's got to be very calm. 948 00:59:14,374 --> 00:59:15,454 Keep her calm. 949 00:59:15,542 --> 00:59:18,626 CARRIE: Get her nice and calm. Then later tonight, you and I... 950 00:59:18,711 --> 00:59:20,751 BANDIT: Later on, I'll... CARRIE: Yeah! 951 00:59:21,674 --> 00:59:24,794 [Whispering] Later on, I'll meet you. Okay? Later on. 952 00:59:24,885 --> 00:59:28,254 Yeah. I'll keep the blankets warm. Just keep her calm. 953 00:59:28,848 --> 00:59:32,300 BANDIT: Charlotte, look. This isn't gonna work out because... 954 00:59:32,393 --> 00:59:35,728 physically we're not the right size for each other. 955 00:59:35,814 --> 00:59:37,723 BANDIT: You know what I mean? 956 00:59:40,277 --> 00:59:42,899 [Slow country song] 957 00:59:46,158 --> 00:59:49,278 Spend the night in Charlotte's bed 958 00:59:49,371 --> 00:59:52,704 It might get cold in Charlotte's web 959 00:59:54,793 --> 00:59:58,162 A satin rose that's growin' wild 960 00:59:58,256 --> 01:00:03,380 Charlotte holds more secrets than the night 961 01:00:04,429 --> 01:00:07,798 She spins and weaves her magic spell 962 01:00:07,891 --> 01:00:11,177 Her body speaks what words can't tell 963 01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:16,315 I'm the moth she's the flame 964 01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:21,109 In a town that's all too quick to smear her name 965 01:00:22,323 --> 01:00:27,200 But I'll take the likes of Charlotte and her kind 966 01:00:29,414 --> 01:00:34,622 Small-town talk don't matter now that Charlotte's mine 967 01:00:35,755 --> 01:00:40,418 It may be true that other men have found her vain 968 01:00:42,136 --> 01:00:47,013 But I'm the one who's caught in Charlotte's web 969 01:00:48,644 --> 01:00:53,888 It may be true that other men have found her vain 970 01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:59,439 But I'm the one who's caught in Charlotte's web 971 01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:04,441 Charlotte's web 972 01:01:04,912 --> 01:01:07,747 Charlotte's web 973 01:01:08,249 --> 01:01:11,036 Charlotte's web 974 01:01:13,839 --> 01:01:15,119 Well, Fred... 975 01:01:15,757 --> 01:01:19,125 Iooks like somebody up there must like us, boy. 976 01:01:21,263 --> 01:01:25,048 Hey, Bandit, I ain't seen a smokey now for hours. 977 01:01:25,267 --> 01:01:28,719 CLEDUS: Looks like we got it clean and green all the way to Louisiana patch. 978 01:01:28,813 --> 01:01:31,933 CLEDUS: What do you think? Come on. BANDIT: Knock on wood, son. 979 01:01:32,984 --> 01:01:35,273 CLEDUS: You know what I'll do with my share of the money? 980 01:01:35,362 --> 01:01:36,477 Cute. 981 01:01:36,571 --> 01:01:39,608 I'm gonna get my wife and kids something they always wanted. 982 01:01:39,742 --> 01:01:42,233 I'm gonna send them on a trip to Hawaii. 983 01:01:42,996 --> 01:01:45,949 Snowman, you're so crazy about your family? 984 01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:49,492 Are you crazy or something? I ain't going with them. 985 01:01:51,630 --> 01:01:54,334 [Sinister instrumental music] 986 01:02:00,306 --> 01:02:01,931 Break for the Bandit. 987 01:02:02,017 --> 01:02:06,180 Guess who just snuck around my backdoor and is knocking on yours? 988 01:02:07,189 --> 01:02:08,647 Hello, Buford. 989 01:02:08,732 --> 01:02:10,772 Hello, you big lollipop. 990 01:02:11,152 --> 01:02:15,102 Guess who's driving right up your alimentary canal? 991 01:02:16,324 --> 01:02:20,025 Elementary is about as far as you got in school, isn't it, son? 992 01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:23,369 Tell you what. As long as we're talking about elementary school... 993 01:02:23,457 --> 01:02:26,208 why don't we play Follow the Leader, bumble-butt? 994 01:02:26,292 --> 01:02:29,164 Well, I'll follow, but you certainly ain't my leader. 995 01:02:29,255 --> 01:02:30,997 Come on, fat boy. 996 01:02:31,632 --> 01:02:34,798 -Daddy, I like to play Follow the Leader. -Shut up, you shit. 997 01:02:34,885 --> 01:02:36,962 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 998 01:02:37,054 --> 01:02:41,847 I hate to tell you this, but you're going the wrong way on a one-way street. 999 01:02:43,938 --> 01:02:45,183 JUNIOR: Turn left here, Daddy. 1000 01:02:48,024 --> 01:02:49,899 Hold it! Wait. 1001 01:02:50,528 --> 01:02:52,485 That's easy for you to say. 1002 01:02:52,822 --> 01:02:54,732 JUNIOR: Straight ahead, Daddy. 1003 01:02:57,494 --> 01:02:58,988 We're closed. 1004 01:03:02,875 --> 01:03:04,998 JUNIOR: Make another right, Daddy. 1005 01:03:05,294 --> 01:03:07,750 BANDIT: Oh, boy. A roller coaster. 1006 01:03:14,930 --> 01:03:17,338 JUNIOR: Turn left right here, Daddy. 1007 01:03:22,563 --> 01:03:26,312 -Damn, I love amusement parks. -You are an amusement park. 1008 01:03:27,818 --> 01:03:30,357 [Fast-paced country instrumental music continues] 1009 01:03:31,406 --> 01:03:33,695 JUNIOR: Now turn right, and we'll be in the clear. 1010 01:03:33,784 --> 01:03:36,406 -A thrill a minute. -That's about how long it lasts. 1011 01:03:36,495 --> 01:03:38,572 That was below the belt. 1012 01:03:50,093 --> 01:03:51,754 [Tires screeching] 1013 01:04:16,622 --> 01:04:18,533 "Make a left turn, Daddy. 1014 01:04:19,083 --> 01:04:22,251 "Make a right turn, Daddy. We'll be in the clear." 1015 01:04:23,255 --> 01:04:24,832 You moose twit. 1016 01:04:27,343 --> 01:04:29,217 [Singing] Bye-bye, baby 1017 01:04:30,388 --> 01:04:32,926 Sir, I am the owner of this... 1018 01:04:34,309 --> 01:04:36,846 [Stuttering] Of this mess, and-- 1019 01:04:36,936 --> 01:04:39,724 What are you trying to tell me? I'm in hot pursuit! 1020 01:04:39,814 --> 01:04:42,389 I would like to say just one thing. 1021 01:04:45,029 --> 01:04:46,523 We're closed. 1022 01:04:47,864 --> 01:04:51,448 Get in the car, Junior. We're surrounded by a mental case. 1023 01:04:51,871 --> 01:04:54,112 TROOPER: That's correct, Sheriff Justice. 1024 01:04:54,206 --> 01:04:56,993 The Bandit just entered Louisiana. 1025 01:04:57,168 --> 01:05:00,038 You're here at a monumental moment. 1026 01:05:01,213 --> 01:05:03,919 I'm gonna call my kin for help. 1027 01:05:04,717 --> 01:05:07,090 I'm calling my brother Reggie... 1028 01:05:07,178 --> 01:05:10,299 and I'm calling my brother Gaylord. 1029 01:05:10,723 --> 01:05:14,556 They've been in law enforcement for over 20 years. 1030 01:05:16,063 --> 01:05:18,686 Get me Quebec, Canada, on the phone. 1031 01:05:19,233 --> 01:05:22,603 -Canada? -Yes, up north. 1032 01:05:26,992 --> 01:05:29,530 BANDIT: How much I owe you, my man? MECHANIC: $24. 1033 01:05:30,662 --> 01:05:32,905 You take a personal check? 1034 01:05:32,999 --> 01:05:35,619 Just making a joke. $24, huh? 1035 01:05:36,876 --> 01:05:39,036 Here you go. $25, keep the change. 1036 01:05:39,130 --> 01:05:41,206 MECHANIC: Can I ask you a question? BANDIT: Sure. 1037 01:05:41,299 --> 01:05:45,000 You wouldn't be the guy they call the Bandit, would you? 1038 01:05:45,261 --> 01:05:47,339 -The one and only. -Bandit. 1039 01:05:47,431 --> 01:05:51,263 Now that you've graced my humble establishment, I'll take this opportunity... 1040 01:05:51,351 --> 01:05:53,558 -to tell you something. -Go right ahead. 1041 01:05:53,645 --> 01:05:57,016 If I was making a list of the great assholes of the 20th century... 1042 01:05:57,107 --> 01:05:59,185 you'd be in the top five. 1043 01:06:00,738 --> 01:06:04,522 -Hey, wait a minute. -Bo, even Bambi has enemies. Let's go. 1044 01:06:04,616 --> 01:06:09,445 Listen! Let me tell you something. I'm practically an American folk hero. 1045 01:06:09,831 --> 01:06:12,700 Ask some of my fans. To know me is to love me. 1046 01:06:12,792 --> 01:06:15,034 You know, I just made a correction on my list. 1047 01:06:15,127 --> 01:06:17,797 BANDIT: Yeah? MECHANIC: You're in the top two assholes. 1048 01:06:19,090 --> 01:06:20,751 How about I give you my poster? 1049 01:06:20,843 --> 01:06:23,464 BANDIT: Me in the Trans-Am going up the World Trade Centre. 1050 01:06:23,553 --> 01:06:25,382 Buzz off! I'm busy. 1051 01:06:26,306 --> 01:06:30,555 God damn it! I'm one of the most beloved grassroot folk heroes of America. 1052 01:06:30,644 --> 01:06:33,136 Hey! Get out of here, you weirdo. 1053 01:06:33,231 --> 01:06:37,645 Listen to me. Little kids love me. Parents love me. Everybody loves me. 1054 01:06:37,736 --> 01:06:41,105 Come on out here and love me, or I'll kick your little skinny ass! 1055 01:06:41,198 --> 01:06:43,985 CARRIE: Excuse me. Hi. How are you? Good to see you. 1056 01:06:44,076 --> 01:06:47,660 Get a hold of yourself. You're not exactly baseball and mom's apple pie. 1057 01:06:47,747 --> 01:06:50,915 -The man has a right to his opinion. -Who does he think he is? 1058 01:06:51,001 --> 01:06:54,618 You ought to ask yourself that question. Have a nice day. 1059 01:06:55,839 --> 01:06:58,211 I'm telling you, people love me! 1060 01:07:06,601 --> 01:07:10,385 BANDIT: What's wrong? CLEDUS: We got a problem. Talk to the doc. 1061 01:07:13,776 --> 01:07:15,234 What's the matter, Doc? 1062 01:07:15,319 --> 01:07:16,600 [Frederico speaking in Italian] 1063 01:07:16,695 --> 01:07:19,862 She no can go. She gonna start the labour. 1064 01:07:20,450 --> 01:07:24,115 -Maybe we need to get her off her feet. -Exactly. That's the problem. 1065 01:07:24,204 --> 01:07:26,493 In there she bounce around. Too much danger. 1066 01:07:26,582 --> 01:07:28,954 She just wants a little attention, that's all. 1067 01:07:29,043 --> 01:07:31,997 We'll load her on the truck and get going. Come on, let's go. 1068 01:07:32,088 --> 01:07:34,923 Of course, we load her up on the truck and let's go. 1069 01:07:35,008 --> 01:07:37,214 La signora Charlotte can do anything she wants. 1070 01:07:37,302 --> 01:07:41,300 FREDERICO: Put her on the truck. Sure, take the baby and go bada bing, bada bong. 1071 01:07:41,388 --> 01:07:44,058 It don't make no difference to you... 1072 01:07:44,143 --> 01:07:47,144 Lone Ranger of the United States of America. 1073 01:07:49,232 --> 01:07:52,897 FREDERICO: I tell one thing, I no gonna be responsible. 1074 01:07:54,779 --> 01:07:57,020 [Speaking in Italian] 1075 01:07:59,243 --> 01:08:01,569 What's the matter? Don't you understand English? 1076 01:08:01,662 --> 01:08:05,909 He said you can't be bouncing her around. She's gonna have a baby. 1077 01:08:06,251 --> 01:08:08,789 Don't you understand $400,000? 1078 01:08:09,003 --> 01:08:12,586 This is the last chance we're ever gonna have. $400,000! 1079 01:08:12,673 --> 01:08:16,423 I understand, and I'd like to have my share of the $400,000. 1080 01:08:16,512 --> 01:08:19,217 But I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it. 1081 01:08:35,574 --> 01:08:38,112 [Sentimental instrumental music] 1082 01:08:38,453 --> 01:08:40,860 Bo, it isn't the money, is it? 1083 01:08:41,956 --> 01:08:45,740 You want to make this last run so you can be famous again. 1084 01:08:45,918 --> 01:08:50,083 Be the old Bandit, come driving in there and be everybody's hero? 1085 01:08:51,801 --> 01:08:55,799 I know you. You don't want to hurt this elephant. I know you. 1086 01:09:01,394 --> 01:09:04,728 I don't want to hurt the elephant. I really don't. 1087 01:09:07,067 --> 01:09:10,233 It's just maybe my last chance to be somebody. 1088 01:09:14,075 --> 01:09:16,317 Bo, everybody is somebody. 1089 01:09:19,122 --> 01:09:20,153 Yeah. 1090 01:09:20,248 --> 01:09:22,656 Hey, we were just thinking. 1091 01:09:22,752 --> 01:09:25,954 Maybe we have been working too hard, you reckon? 1092 01:09:26,046 --> 01:09:29,167 We'll go into town, have some wine, women, and song. 1093 01:09:29,258 --> 01:09:30,966 A little pasta fagioli. 1094 01:09:31,344 --> 01:09:34,299 ANTHONY: This your elephant? BANDIT: Yeah. Who's that? 1095 01:09:36,058 --> 01:09:38,181 BANDIT: You live around here, kid? 1096 01:09:38,686 --> 01:09:41,258 Across the track, on the good side. 1097 01:09:41,521 --> 01:09:44,274 -What's your name? -My name is Anthony T. Townes. 1098 01:09:44,358 --> 01:09:46,516 My name is Bandit Darville. 1099 01:09:47,570 --> 01:09:50,275 -I guess you've heard of me, huh? -Nope. 1100 01:09:51,074 --> 01:09:53,744 Well, I'm kind of famous. 1101 01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:56,159 ANTHONY: Rich? BANDIT: I'm working on it. 1102 01:09:56,623 --> 01:09:59,242 How would you like to watch him for a while? 1103 01:09:59,333 --> 01:10:01,824 You won't believe this, but I'm very busy. 1104 01:10:01,918 --> 01:10:05,122 BANDIT: Oh, yeah? ANTHONY: But I could be persuaded. 1105 01:10:06,132 --> 01:10:09,086 ANTHONY: Tell me, how much does the elephant weigh? 1106 01:10:09,177 --> 01:10:11,503 The elephant weighs about four and a half tons. 1107 01:10:11,596 --> 01:10:13,969 Could you pay me by the pound? 1108 01:10:14,891 --> 01:10:16,766 Cute, isn't he? Cute. 1109 01:10:18,646 --> 01:10:22,062 -What kind of music you got here in town? -Rhythm and blues. 1110 01:10:22,149 --> 01:10:24,521 BANDIT: Rhythm and blues? Wow. 1111 01:10:24,611 --> 01:10:27,102 BANDIT: How do you like Country? ANTHONY: Country sucks. 1112 01:10:27,197 --> 01:10:31,065 He hates Country. Isn't there anybody in town sings Country? 1113 01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:33,449 There's this cat, name of Don Williams. 1114 01:10:33,537 --> 01:10:37,866 My second favourite singer in the whole world is Don Williams. 1115 01:10:39,210 --> 01:10:44,038 We'll go to town, listen to Don Williams and be back. You watch this elephant. 1116 01:10:44,132 --> 01:10:46,124 BANDIT: If anything happens to the elephant-- 1117 01:10:46,218 --> 01:10:48,923 I know. You're gonna feed me to him. 1118 01:10:53,309 --> 01:10:55,882 [Sinister instrumental music] 1119 01:10:56,271 --> 01:11:00,020 You know, Daddy, I don't think the Bandit's really bad. 1120 01:11:00,525 --> 01:11:04,440 I think the trouble is he just got in with real bad company. 1121 01:11:05,197 --> 01:11:06,656 Bad company? 1122 01:11:07,950 --> 01:11:10,488 Let me tell you something, Junior. 1123 01:11:10,703 --> 01:11:14,537 When you raid a cathouse, you take the piano player, too. 1124 01:11:15,793 --> 01:11:18,710 [Upbeat country song playing] 1125 01:11:32,519 --> 01:11:34,725 [All cheering] 1126 01:11:35,104 --> 01:11:36,268 [Frederico whistles] 1127 01:11:36,356 --> 01:11:40,105 Thank you. Folks, I'd like for you all to know... 1128 01:11:40,528 --> 01:11:43,861 that we have an honest-to-goodness celebrity with us here tonight. 1129 01:11:43,947 --> 01:11:45,573 Some folks might hate him... 1130 01:11:45,659 --> 01:11:48,576 but I know there's a bunch of us that really love him. 1131 01:11:48,661 --> 01:11:53,240 You all welcome the world's biggest show-off, the Bandit. 1132 01:11:53,793 --> 01:11:56,284 [People cheering] 1133 01:11:59,757 --> 01:12:03,043 I think I know how you feel about things, Bandit. 1134 01:12:03,219 --> 01:12:06,670 I'd like to dedicate my new song to both of you all. 1135 01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:19,267 [Singing] Be my love, be my friend 1136 01:12:19,779 --> 01:12:23,563 Help me grow, help me bend 1137 01:12:24,284 --> 01:12:27,950 Understand, now and then 1138 01:12:28,623 --> 01:12:31,457 When I do wrong 1139 01:12:32,751 --> 01:12:36,833 It's for you that I try 1140 01:12:39,050 --> 01:12:42,918 -What are you doing? -I was writing a little poem about you. 1141 01:12:44,013 --> 01:12:46,302 -Can I see? -I'll show it to you. 1142 01:12:47,017 --> 01:12:48,392 Okay. 1143 01:12:50,688 --> 01:12:54,389 WILLIAMS: [Singing] High on a hill standing alone 1144 01:12:55,026 --> 01:12:58,776 I'll tell the world everything I've done 1145 01:12:59,447 --> 01:13:03,197 Raise my hand, testify 1146 01:13:03,911 --> 01:13:06,199 My love is real 1147 01:13:07,707 --> 01:13:11,920 The doc said we gotta take the weight off Charlotte's legs. 1148 01:13:12,211 --> 01:13:16,874 So, I figured out if I built this net and took the weight off her legs... 1149 01:13:16,966 --> 01:13:20,384 that we could just tool on down the road to Dallas. 1150 01:13:21,638 --> 01:13:22,802 Fine. 1151 01:13:25,518 --> 01:13:29,516 [Singing] So be my love, be my friend 1152 01:13:30,272 --> 01:13:34,058 Help me grow, help me bend 1153 01:13:40,826 --> 01:13:42,071 BANDIT: Hey. 1154 01:13:42,370 --> 01:13:43,948 -Where you going? -New York. 1155 01:13:44,038 --> 01:13:45,617 -Why? -Because you're not there. 1156 01:13:45,707 --> 01:13:47,534 What's the matter with you? 1157 01:13:47,627 --> 01:13:51,873 You punch your friend, yell at the doctor who looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy... 1158 01:13:51,964 --> 01:13:56,674 play hootchy-koo with me, and all the time you're trying to make this run work. 1159 01:13:56,761 --> 01:14:00,344 BANDIT: I'm not trying to figure it out. I figured out how to make it work. 1160 01:14:00,431 --> 01:14:03,387 -And I'm gonna make this run work! -That is it for you! 1161 01:14:03,477 --> 01:14:06,097 You have had it! You're hooked. You're a fame junkie. 1162 01:14:06,187 --> 01:14:08,393 They should give you intravenous feedings... 1163 01:14:08,482 --> 01:14:11,020 of People magazine and National Enquirer headlines. 1164 01:14:11,110 --> 01:14:14,728 And if you're a real good boy, they'll give you a Tonight Show enema. 1165 01:14:14,822 --> 01:14:15,985 What is the matter? 1166 01:14:16,074 --> 01:14:18,612 If you weren't so dumb, they'd put you on Cross-Wits. 1167 01:14:18,702 --> 01:14:20,943 What is the matter with you? 1168 01:14:23,916 --> 01:14:25,458 You know what? 1169 01:14:26,127 --> 01:14:29,793 When I first met you, I think you really liked yourself. 1170 01:14:30,464 --> 01:14:31,960 I liked you. 1171 01:14:33,218 --> 01:14:35,543 And you did what you did best. 1172 01:14:37,096 --> 01:14:41,142 -What, show off? -Yeah. You did it so good, you got famous. 1173 01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:45,439 Then you had to do more and more until you were doing what you didn't do best. 1174 01:14:45,523 --> 01:14:48,607 And now I don't think you even have any fun. 1175 01:14:48,860 --> 01:14:51,315 I'm not having any fun right now. 1176 01:14:51,405 --> 01:14:52,898 Neither am I. 1177 01:14:54,908 --> 01:14:57,400 I hope you like yourself someday. 1178 01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:03,995 Good-bye. 1179 01:15:04,793 --> 01:15:07,546 [Sentimental instrumental music] 1180 01:15:28,778 --> 01:15:30,688 BANDIT: You know, Charlotte... 1181 01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:34,113 I don't wanna see you get hurt. 1182 01:15:35,536 --> 01:15:40,115 I don't wanna see you start drinking either. It's not a good thing to do. 1183 01:15:40,208 --> 01:15:42,034 I'm weak. I admit it. 1184 01:15:42,126 --> 01:15:45,045 I'm a weak person. I need other people. 1185 01:15:46,465 --> 01:15:48,623 Don't turn your back on me. 1186 01:15:48,968 --> 01:15:50,378 I need you. 1187 01:15:51,053 --> 01:15:53,545 I need somebody to care about me. 1188 01:15:54,057 --> 01:15:55,634 Not that much. 1189 01:15:56,893 --> 01:16:01,021 BANDIT: Look, I came up with this thing. You think this was a good idea? 1190 01:16:01,106 --> 01:16:04,689 BANDIT: Look. I got your legs up off the floor and everything. 1191 01:16:05,152 --> 01:16:08,485 BANDIT: What do you say, guys? CLEDUS: Bo, you're drunk. 1192 01:16:10,075 --> 01:16:14,155 BANDIT: Is it gonna work, Doc? FREDERICO: Yes, Lone Ranger, it'll work. 1193 01:16:14,245 --> 01:16:16,535 FREDERICO: Good thinking. BANDIT: Thanks, Kemo Sabe. 1194 01:16:16,623 --> 01:16:20,157 BANDIT: Okay, let's get rolling. FREDERICO: Come on. I help you down. 1195 01:16:20,293 --> 01:16:21,457 Okay. 1196 01:16:23,297 --> 01:16:26,250 CLEDUS: What about the bottle, Bo? BANDIT: What about it? 1197 01:16:28,053 --> 01:16:31,837 Daddy, I can't wait to meet Uncle Gaylord and Uncle Reggie. 1198 01:16:32,974 --> 01:16:36,558 CLEDUS: [On CB] Bandit, I hate to upset your stomach by mentioning this name... 1199 01:16:36,645 --> 01:16:40,940 but do you realize it's been a few miles since we've seen Buford T. ? 1200 01:16:41,025 --> 01:16:42,733 BANDIT: I don't miss him. 1201 01:16:43,027 --> 01:16:45,732 [Adventurous instrumental music] 1202 01:16:47,032 --> 01:16:48,573 That's nice. 1203 01:16:48,991 --> 01:16:50,190 [Charlotte trumpets] 1204 01:16:52,746 --> 01:16:55,949 Where the hell are they? They should be here by now. 1205 01:16:56,042 --> 01:16:58,614 GAYLORD: Hello, Buford, you old sugar. 1206 01:17:03,633 --> 01:17:05,211 Is that you, Gaylord? 1207 01:17:05,302 --> 01:17:08,089 GAYLORD: You bet your little bellybutton it is. 1208 01:17:14,228 --> 01:17:17,645 -Did you bring the troops with you? -I sure did. 1209 01:17:17,731 --> 01:17:20,305 Well, that's fine. Now, where the hell is Reggie? 1210 01:17:20,401 --> 01:17:22,892 I think I hear him coming now. 1211 01:17:23,239 --> 01:17:25,909 [Ramona singing opera song] 1212 01:17:33,666 --> 01:17:35,576 [Both singing] 1213 01:18:16,797 --> 01:18:20,961 Sergeant Reginald Van Justice reporting for duty. 1214 01:18:21,053 --> 01:18:24,634 Well, ain't that nice? But have you got the men with you? 1215 01:18:24,723 --> 01:18:28,056 They're in position and stand at the ready. 1216 01:18:32,021 --> 01:18:33,481 Say, you know something? 1217 01:18:33,565 --> 01:18:37,397 This is the first time in 20 years we've all been together. 1218 01:18:37,486 --> 01:18:41,070 -Why don't we all take a picture? -That's a good idea. 1219 01:18:41,199 --> 01:18:43,488 BUFORD: Junior, get the camera out of the car. 1220 01:18:43,577 --> 01:18:45,072 GAYLORD: Come on, P.T. 1221 01:18:49,834 --> 01:18:51,114 Everybody ready? 1222 01:18:51,209 --> 01:18:54,414 -Say cheese, Ramona. -Let's go. 1223 01:18:55,380 --> 01:18:56,757 That's it. 1224 01:18:56,884 --> 01:19:00,928 All right, men! Let's mount up and cut out! 1225 01:19:01,596 --> 01:19:06,223 BANDIT: [On CB] Son, if we keep humping all night, we'll be in Dallas by morning. 1226 01:19:06,976 --> 01:19:08,601 BANDIT: We're finally in Texas. 1227 01:19:11,232 --> 01:19:12,608 [Sinister instrumental music] 1228 01:19:12,816 --> 01:19:15,390 [Upbeat country instrumental music] 1229 01:19:18,865 --> 01:19:23,029 Hey, Bandit, we got you-know-who on my backdoor one more time. 1230 01:19:25,956 --> 01:19:30,998 BUFORD: [On CB] Say, Bandit, if you make a left turn on this next dirt road... 1231 01:19:31,921 --> 01:19:36,335 then your ass is gonna be grass, and I'm gonna mow it. 1232 01:19:36,426 --> 01:19:39,428 You ought to put some Preparation H on your lips, Buford... 1233 01:19:39,512 --> 01:19:42,003 cause you're talking out of your you-know-what. 1234 01:19:42,099 --> 01:19:46,560 BUFORD: This is the left, Bandit. Now, are you gonna take that challenge or not? 1235 01:19:46,645 --> 01:19:48,519 BANDIT: Come on, fat boy. 1236 01:19:49,899 --> 01:19:51,274 [Tires screeching] 1237 01:19:52,902 --> 01:19:55,903 BANDIT: Snowman, keep on hoofing it down the road. 1238 01:19:56,323 --> 01:20:00,071 Buford thinks he's suckering me into something, but it ain't gonna happen. 1239 01:20:00,161 --> 01:20:04,075 We're both going out into this desert, but only one of us is coming back. 1240 01:20:04,165 --> 01:20:05,825 You hear that, Buford? 1241 01:20:05,917 --> 01:20:07,993 Are you ready, Gaylord? 1242 01:20:08,336 --> 01:20:11,955 We are ready with charge akimbo. 1243 01:20:12,341 --> 01:20:14,250 Are you ready, Reggie? 1244 01:20:14,343 --> 01:20:17,427 We are prepared for combat. 1245 01:20:17,680 --> 01:20:19,968 And are you ready, Bandit? 1246 01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,889 I was born ready, lard ass. 1247 01:20:27,399 --> 01:20:30,317 Just take a little look up to your right. 1248 01:20:32,571 --> 01:20:35,441 BUFORD: Now, take a little look up to your left. 1249 01:20:35,574 --> 01:20:37,118 [Tense instrumental music] 1250 01:20:37,368 --> 01:20:39,693 BUFORD: Now, take a look behind you. 1251 01:20:40,288 --> 01:20:43,539 I'm about to crush your walnuts. 1252 01:20:45,001 --> 01:20:47,789 I'm about to get my walnuts outta here. 1253 01:20:48,047 --> 01:20:49,920 [Car engine roaring] 1254 01:20:50,508 --> 01:20:52,167 Let's roll them. 1255 01:20:52,468 --> 01:20:54,260 [Both singing opera song] 1256 01:20:58,016 --> 01:21:00,887 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 1257 01:21:19,789 --> 01:21:23,538 Snowman, I got me some serious trouble here, son! 1258 01:21:23,878 --> 01:21:26,084 And I ain't kidding this time. 1259 01:21:26,173 --> 01:21:29,007 I got wall-to-wall County Mounties and Mountie Mounties. 1260 01:21:29,092 --> 01:21:32,129 BANDIT: Maybe a hundred of them. This may be more than I can handle. 1261 01:21:32,220 --> 01:21:36,053 Listen to me, and you listen good. Make the delivery. 1262 01:21:36,141 --> 01:21:38,549 You just hang on. We'll be there in a minute. 1263 01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:40,886 Do as I say. Deliver them goddamn goods. 1264 01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:42,604 BANDIT: I'll catch up with you later. 1265 01:21:42,690 --> 01:21:44,481 You know what you're talking about. 1266 01:21:44,567 --> 01:21:49,360 But just in case you don't, Snowman's gonna be standing by. Roger. 1267 01:21:49,615 --> 01:21:52,320 [Dramatic instrumental music] 1268 01:22:06,008 --> 01:22:09,007 Come on, Trigger! Don't let me down now. 1269 01:22:15,852 --> 01:22:18,224 Buford, I hope you got group insurance... 1270 01:22:18,313 --> 01:22:21,765 'cause I'm about to spread some iron all over this goddamn desert. 1271 01:22:21,858 --> 01:22:26,521 Don't worry about that. I got my whole ass in good hands. 1272 01:22:27,782 --> 01:22:29,821 King Kong ain't got hands that big. 1273 01:22:30,909 --> 01:22:33,780 [Dramatic instrumental music continues] 1274 01:22:36,332 --> 01:22:38,788 [Triumphant marching band music] 1275 01:22:39,794 --> 01:22:44,088 Snowman, you damn fool! I told you to haul ass and get outta here! 1276 01:22:44,633 --> 01:22:47,588 CLEDUS: And I told you that when we set out to do a job together... 1277 01:22:47,678 --> 01:22:49,137 we do it together. Roger. 1278 01:22:49,222 --> 01:22:53,218 I don't care about your skinny little ass, but what about Charlotte? 1279 01:22:53,309 --> 01:22:55,800 CLEDUS: Don't worry about her. They got a ringside seat. 1280 01:22:55,895 --> 01:22:58,517 CLEDUS: Tell me, how many trucks do you see? 1281 01:22:58,983 --> 01:23:01,652 I see one, unless I've been drinking. 1282 01:23:02,152 --> 01:23:04,822 CLEDUS: Hey, boys! Do it to it! 1283 01:23:05,197 --> 01:23:08,365 [Triumphant marching band music continues] 1284 01:23:16,836 --> 01:23:19,540 Then I must be commode-hanging drunk... 1285 01:23:19,629 --> 01:23:22,334 'cause I swear I see a ton of trucks. 1286 01:23:29,516 --> 01:23:33,134 JUNIOR: Hey, Daddy, what's that? BUFORD: Holy shit! 1287 01:23:39,611 --> 01:23:43,194 CLEDUS: Welcome to the world's biggest game of chicken, boys. 1288 01:23:43,281 --> 01:23:44,561 Shit. 1289 01:23:50,830 --> 01:23:53,618 Hang on, boys! The army's coming! 1290 01:23:54,084 --> 01:23:56,837 [Thrilling instrumental music] 1291 01:24:08,017 --> 01:24:11,468 PLOWBOY: This is the Plowboy. I got me one lined up! 1292 01:24:22,867 --> 01:24:25,405 Excuse me, sir. Your ass is on fire. 1293 01:24:25,494 --> 01:24:29,907 Bet you'll be glad to get back to Canada and stick it in the snow. 1294 01:24:35,588 --> 01:24:37,996 DRIVER 1: Not bad driving for a couple of Mounties! 1295 01:24:38,091 --> 01:24:39,918 DRIVER 2: Yeah, but look up ahead! 1296 01:24:45,642 --> 01:24:48,678 BANDIT: Seminole, you got your ears on? SEMINOLE: I copy. 1297 01:24:48,769 --> 01:24:51,343 BANDIT: I want you to dump that boy in the garbage. 1298 01:24:51,439 --> 01:24:54,440 SEMINOLE: That's exactly what I had in mind, Bandit. 1299 01:25:01,575 --> 01:25:02,904 [Whoops] 1300 01:25:03,327 --> 01:25:06,530 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 1301 01:25:08,417 --> 01:25:10,410 [Truck horn blaring] 1302 01:25:10,628 --> 01:25:13,581 DRIVER 3: Hey, Roadrunner, you hungry? TROOPER: Why do you ask? 1303 01:25:13,672 --> 01:25:17,290 DRIVER 3: Just move towards me. We'll have us a Mountie sandwich. 1304 01:25:22,974 --> 01:25:25,429 [Comical instrumental music] 1305 01:25:34,821 --> 01:25:37,774 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 1306 01:25:47,417 --> 01:25:49,456 [Charlotte trumpeting] 1307 01:25:49,962 --> 01:25:52,120 Brake for that, short boy! 1308 01:25:52,215 --> 01:25:54,967 You're too old to play in the hay! 1309 01:26:00,431 --> 01:26:03,006 DRIVER 4: Now that we've got them, what will we do with them? 1310 01:26:03,102 --> 01:26:05,938 DRIVER 5: Hell, there's a parking lot right here! 1311 01:26:12,111 --> 01:26:14,519 BANDIT: Three out of four ain't bad. Where you taking them? 1312 01:26:14,614 --> 01:26:17,188 DRIVER 6: How about the dump? BANDIT: Good thinking. 1313 01:26:18,702 --> 01:26:20,694 Junior, the way things look... 1314 01:26:20,788 --> 01:26:23,825 I'm beginning to be deeply concerned. 1315 01:26:24,290 --> 01:26:25,490 [Truck horn blowing] 1316 01:26:25,584 --> 01:26:27,791 CLEDUS: Fred, this one's for you, my boy. 1317 01:26:27,879 --> 01:26:29,622 Look out, Junior! 1318 01:26:34,637 --> 01:26:37,045 -Are you all right, Junior? -Yeah. 1319 01:26:37,140 --> 01:26:39,132 You would be, you shit. 1320 01:26:39,683 --> 01:26:42,601 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 1321 01:26:45,982 --> 01:26:47,976 Way to go! Take it to him, son! 1322 01:26:52,990 --> 01:26:54,484 Whoa! 1323 01:27:04,128 --> 01:27:06,665 How do you like that, turkey shit? 1324 01:27:08,215 --> 01:27:11,999 Snowman, I've had about as much fun as I can handle for one day. 1325 01:27:12,094 --> 01:27:14,087 How about showing me the way outta here? 1326 01:27:14,179 --> 01:27:16,932 All right. Roger. Jump on my tailgate, Bandit. 1327 01:27:17,016 --> 01:27:19,424 I know where the front door's located. 1328 01:27:23,691 --> 01:27:25,683 [Whooping] 1329 01:27:29,154 --> 01:27:31,443 Look at that pile of cars, Daddy. 1330 01:27:31,532 --> 01:27:34,450 Looks like they bombed a drive-in movie. 1331 01:27:50,220 --> 01:27:52,971 [Comical instrumental music] 1332 01:28:06,737 --> 01:28:11,649 He don't know it, but he's going down a dead-end road, that dumb dickey. 1333 01:28:12,493 --> 01:28:16,623 JUNIOR: Look, Daddy. Uncle Gaylord and Uncle Reggie are right behind us. 1334 01:28:16,999 --> 01:28:18,457 [Sniggering] 1335 01:28:18,542 --> 01:28:21,543 I got him boxed in like a turtle's pecker. 1336 01:28:21,629 --> 01:28:25,329 There's a gully on the right and on the left and a mountain in front of me. 1337 01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:27,880 You want to tell me about that front door again? 1338 01:28:27,970 --> 01:28:30,757 Hey, brother truckers, the Bandit's worried. 1339 01:28:30,848 --> 01:28:34,596 He wants to get out of here. Are you ready? Hello! 1340 01:28:35,519 --> 01:28:38,354 [Truck horns blowing incessantly] 1341 01:28:40,024 --> 01:28:42,562 [Suspenseful instrumental music] 1342 01:28:44,320 --> 01:28:45,815 Fred, don't look. 1343 01:28:51,786 --> 01:28:53,745 [Whooping victoriously] 1344 01:28:59,920 --> 01:29:02,328 He ain't the only daredevil. 1345 01:29:06,929 --> 01:29:07,961 [Laughing] 1346 01:29:08,055 --> 01:29:09,846 You guys give great bridge. 1347 01:29:09,932 --> 01:29:12,887 That was beautiful, drivers. I owe you one. 1348 01:29:12,977 --> 01:29:14,935 Good numbers to you and the Bandit. 1349 01:29:15,021 --> 01:29:16,680 Say roger, Fred. 1350 01:29:16,772 --> 01:29:17,887 [Fred whining] 1351 01:29:21,862 --> 01:29:24,483 BUFORD: [On CB] You're not getting away from me, Bandit. 1352 01:29:24,573 --> 01:29:27,408 And I'm still in hot pursuit. 1353 01:29:27,868 --> 01:29:31,783 BANDIT: I copy that, Buford. But I hear your pursuit ain't that hot. 1354 01:29:31,956 --> 01:29:34,413 [Comical instrumental music] 1355 01:29:35,585 --> 01:29:37,293 Give me your handkerchief. 1356 01:29:37,379 --> 01:29:39,835 -What? -Give me your handkerchief. 1357 01:29:48,642 --> 01:29:51,180 -What is it? -A little fly shit. 1358 01:29:52,603 --> 01:29:54,263 JUNIOR: Daddy, look out! 1359 01:29:54,815 --> 01:29:56,392 [Tires screeching] 1360 01:30:01,781 --> 01:30:04,865 JUNIOR: Daddy? BUFORD: Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking. 1361 01:30:05,702 --> 01:30:07,944 What are you thinking about? 1362 01:30:13,043 --> 01:30:14,371 Retiring. 1363 01:30:15,297 --> 01:30:17,419 Snowman, how's your patient? 1364 01:30:17,839 --> 01:30:21,007 CLEDUS: She ain't doing too good. Doc says she's in labour. 1365 01:30:21,094 --> 01:30:25,922 Bo, I ain't asking you. I'm begging you. There's a place here. Let's pull over. 1366 01:30:26,016 --> 01:30:28,055 BANDIT: 10-4. CLEDUS: Attaboy! 1367 01:30:38,571 --> 01:30:43,032 It's one of those guys from the park. Pay him off. Get him outta here. 1368 01:30:43,117 --> 01:30:45,656 Please, get my bag. Hurry up! 1369 01:30:46,038 --> 01:30:47,615 Bring my bag! 1370 01:30:49,375 --> 01:30:51,000 What the hell's going on here? 1371 01:30:51,084 --> 01:30:54,039 -We're having a baby. -This is a wildlife preserve. 1372 01:30:54,129 --> 01:30:57,415 What better place to have a baby elephant than a wildlife preserve? 1373 01:30:57,509 --> 01:30:59,549 -You get your elephant-- -$100. 1374 01:30:59,636 --> 01:31:01,629 -You get your people-- -$200. 1375 01:31:01,722 --> 01:31:03,798 -And you get the hell out of here. -$300. 1376 01:31:03,933 --> 01:31:05,759 -$400. -You're right. 1377 01:31:06,477 --> 01:31:10,974 What better place to have a baby elephant than in a wildlife preserve? 1378 01:31:17,822 --> 01:31:19,317 What a putz. 1379 01:31:19,826 --> 01:31:22,316 [Pleasant instrumental music] 1380 01:31:34,382 --> 01:31:35,758 [Monkey chattering wildly] 1381 01:31:35,842 --> 01:31:37,337 [Frederico laughing happily] 1382 01:31:37,427 --> 01:31:39,421 FREDERICO: Snowflake, Bandito! 1383 01:31:41,975 --> 01:31:45,224 FREDERICO: Hey, cowboy! Look, Lone Ranger. 1384 01:31:45,310 --> 01:31:49,641 It's a boy! First I seen the trunk. 1385 01:31:49,942 --> 01:31:52,432 BANDIT: All right, we've got six hours. 1386 01:31:52,611 --> 01:31:55,067 [Frederico exclaiming in Italian] 1387 01:31:55,198 --> 01:31:58,399 Let's cut the Bambi shit. Load her on the truck and get going. 1388 01:31:58,492 --> 01:32:00,533 FREDERICO: No. Lone Ranger, no can be. 1389 01:32:00,620 --> 01:32:04,368 FREDERICO: The bambino troppo delicate. It cannot be removed from the mama. 1390 01:32:04,457 --> 01:32:07,127 All right, we'll take the mama and the baby. 1391 01:32:07,210 --> 01:32:10,330 We'll put them both on the truck and go to Dallas. 1392 01:32:11,214 --> 01:32:13,670 When you give birth to a 200-pound elephant... 1393 01:32:13,801 --> 01:32:16,374 you don't wanna go for a ride. You wanna go... 1394 01:32:16,470 --> 01:32:19,008 BANDIT: She's strong as an ox. FREDERICO: She is strong. 1395 01:32:19,098 --> 01:32:21,305 She gotta wait till she strong like an elephant. 1396 01:32:21,392 --> 01:32:24,395 Bo, I know how much you need the money. 1397 01:32:25,062 --> 01:32:26,723 CLEDUS: Who doesn't need the money? 1398 01:32:26,815 --> 01:32:30,065 CLEDUS: But let's don't do it this way. It ain't decent. 1399 01:32:30,736 --> 01:32:34,401 If you're through preaching, Reverend, we're moving out. 1400 01:32:34,532 --> 01:32:36,275 No, I ain't going. 1401 01:32:36,701 --> 01:32:38,860 And you ain't going either. 1402 01:32:40,413 --> 01:32:44,329 You just let your alligator mouth overload your jaybird ass. 1403 01:32:47,545 --> 01:32:49,871 Doc, I thought I loved him too much to do that. 1404 01:32:49,965 --> 01:32:51,424 I guess not. 1405 01:32:57,848 --> 01:33:00,055 You know I can take your head off, don't you? 1406 01:33:00,143 --> 01:33:02,931 And you know that's exactly what you're gonna have to do. 1407 01:33:03,022 --> 01:33:07,234 What is the matter with you two idiots? You act like she's human. 1408 01:33:08,653 --> 01:33:11,109 [Sentimental instrumental music] 1409 01:33:41,314 --> 01:33:42,593 I'm sorry. 1410 01:34:06,258 --> 01:34:08,381 I like myself now, Carrie. 1411 01:34:11,346 --> 01:34:14,847 I found out there's something more important than me. 1412 01:34:15,602 --> 01:34:19,053 I found out there's nothing more important than us. 1413 01:34:20,356 --> 01:34:22,515 I didn't take Charlotte to Dallas. 1414 01:34:23,359 --> 01:34:25,603 -You didn't? -No. 1415 01:34:25,737 --> 01:34:29,023 -What about Big Enos? -Let him get his own date. 1416 01:34:31,619 --> 01:34:34,156 -What about the money? -I blew it. 1417 01:34:36,707 --> 01:34:38,582 We still can make it. 1418 01:34:41,672 --> 01:34:44,079 CARRIE: We? BANDIT: Give me a chance. 1419 01:34:46,970 --> 01:34:48,465 [Sighs thoughtfully] 1420 01:34:48,847 --> 01:34:51,254 -Have you got over $1? -Yeah. 1421 01:34:51,807 --> 01:34:54,050 CARRIE: Cash? BANDIT: Yeah. 1422 01:34:54,894 --> 01:34:56,686 That's enough. 1423 01:35:01,570 --> 01:35:04,239 You know what? We're gonna have a problem. 1424 01:35:04,322 --> 01:35:07,027 Charlotte's gonna be awfully jealous. 1425 01:35:07,742 --> 01:35:10,031 I want to show you something. 1426 01:35:18,045 --> 01:35:19,837 [Exclaims joyfully] 1427 01:35:19,964 --> 01:35:23,168 Charlotte had her baby! You're a wonderful person! 1428 01:35:23,259 --> 01:35:26,177 CARRIE: Charlotte! Look what you did! 1429 01:35:26,263 --> 01:35:27,673 Hi, guys! 1430 01:35:28,599 --> 01:35:33,095 Look at the baby. Charlotte, what a good girl you are. 1431 01:35:33,187 --> 01:35:34,598 [Upbeat instrumental music] 1432 01:35:34,689 --> 01:35:37,892 BANDIT: Charlotte, is it all right if Frog and I get hitched? 1433 01:35:38,066 --> 01:35:40,558 [Trumpets in assent] 1434 01:35:40,778 --> 01:35:44,480 You see? It's better than the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. 1435 01:35:45,450 --> 01:35:48,535 Well, Bo, what do we do now? 1436 01:35:49,662 --> 01:35:53,198 I think we ought to go back to doing what I do best, show off. 1437 01:35:54,127 --> 01:35:56,534 That's a 10-4, good buddies. 1438 01:35:57,380 --> 01:35:59,918 -Shut up and get in the truck. -Okay. 1439 01:36:00,925 --> 01:36:03,713 [Upbeat instrumental music continues] 1440 01:36:27,872 --> 01:36:29,413 [Ominous instrumental music] 1441 01:36:29,499 --> 01:36:32,072 BUFORD: You're not getting away from me, Bandit. 1442 01:36:32,169 --> 01:36:36,914 I'll chase you in hot pursuit to the ends of the earth! 1443 01:36:37,007 --> 01:36:39,130 You sumbitch! 1444 01:36:42,554 --> 01:36:44,843 [Cheerful instrumental music] 1445 01:36:45,391 --> 01:36:49,437 I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off. 1446 01:36:50,355 --> 01:36:52,348 CARRIE: When do we get started? 1447 01:36:52,441 --> 01:36:56,273 BANDIT: When do we get started? CARRIE: That's my line. 1448 01:36:56,361 --> 01:36:59,362 CARRIE: You say, "Whenever you like." BANDIT: Whenever you like. 1449 01:36:59,740 --> 01:37:02,528 BANDIT: Keep it rolling. This is good stuff. CARRIE: I like this. 1450 01:37:02,619 --> 01:37:06,284 I'll tell you what. We're gonna go in town, we're gonna listen to... 1451 01:37:06,372 --> 01:37:09,159 Let's do that again. I'm screwing up. You keep it rolling. 1452 01:37:09,251 --> 01:37:11,208 He's doing great. I'm... Here we go. 1453 01:37:11,295 --> 01:37:14,130 BANDIT: You didn't waste any time dilly-dallying around... 1454 01:37:14,215 --> 01:37:15,626 with other people when... 1455 01:37:15,717 --> 01:37:18,385 BANDIT: I'm gonna pick that up again. I got it. It's okay. 1456 01:37:18,469 --> 01:37:20,675 BANDIT: Damn, that son of a bitch never gives up! 1457 01:37:20,971 --> 01:37:23,594 That's right. Now what do I say? 1458 01:37:23,683 --> 01:37:26,554 BANDIT: 71, take two. CARRIE: 71, take two, camera B! 1459 01:37:27,061 --> 01:37:28,640 CARRIE: Oh, my clicker won't work. 1460 01:37:28,731 --> 01:37:30,059 MAN: Marker. 1461 01:37:30,399 --> 01:37:34,397 Tell Gregory Peck that he needs to do this for me. I forgot the...line. 1462 01:37:34,487 --> 01:37:36,645 I'll tell you one thing, though. 1463 01:37:36,739 --> 01:37:39,231 I am holding up my endorsement... 1464 01:37:39,534 --> 01:37:42,286 until one or the other of you can... 1465 01:37:42,371 --> 01:37:44,908 I'm what you call your household legend. 1466 01:37:44,998 --> 01:37:47,953 Your basic legend. Your basic famous. 1467 01:37:48,086 --> 01:37:49,828 I'll just say that line again. 1468 01:37:49,921 --> 01:37:51,628 BANDIT: Get in the truck! 1469 01:37:52,674 --> 01:37:55,591 I'll tell her again. Get in the truck! 1470 01:37:56,302 --> 01:37:58,841 BANDIT: Charlotte! Hop in the truck. 1471 01:37:59,181 --> 01:38:00,723 Hop! 1472 01:38:01,558 --> 01:38:04,264 BANDIT: In the house. CLEDUS: Don't push the truck. 1473 01:38:04,396 --> 01:38:06,637 In the house, Charlotte! 1474 01:38:06,856 --> 01:38:08,849 You're pushing the truck to Georgia. 1475 01:38:08,942 --> 01:38:10,734 Come on. 1476 01:38:10,819 --> 01:38:13,488 That's right, you old fart. Go the wrong way. This way. 1477 01:38:13,571 --> 01:38:16,358 MAN 1: Here we go. Pick it up. MAN 2: Hold it. Steady. 1478 01:38:16,450 --> 01:38:19,700 BANDIT: If I was Clint Eastwood, you'd say, "Pick Clint up." 1479 01:38:19,786 --> 01:38:22,871 BANDIT: Doctor, why don't we just keep driving to Texas... 1480 01:38:22,957 --> 01:38:25,994 and you give her an examination up in the truck? 1481 01:38:26,086 --> 01:38:30,249 Oh, Jesus. I'm missing my wife so bad! 1482 01:38:30,339 --> 01:38:31,502 [All laughing] 1483 01:38:33,719 --> 01:38:37,135 Do you wanna...him while we got him down here? 1484 01:38:37,557 --> 01:38:40,843 I was the leading gynaecologist in Pompeii. 1485 01:38:42,770 --> 01:38:44,561 [Film crew laughing] 1486 01:38:44,772 --> 01:38:47,478 Snowman! I've had about it all's... 1487 01:38:47,818 --> 01:38:49,063 You dumb Indian. 1488 01:38:49,153 --> 01:38:51,110 Fred, just relax, son. 1489 01:38:51,406 --> 01:38:53,777 It ain't nearly as bad as it looks. 1490 01:38:54,366 --> 01:38:56,774 Get up in there, you son of a bitch! 1491 01:38:59,790 --> 01:39:02,659 Get in there, you silly son of a bitch! 1492 01:39:02,750 --> 01:39:06,037 BANDIT: You got any diesel fuel? OWNER: If I had any more diesel fuel... 1493 01:39:06,129 --> 01:39:08,917 I'd have to join that APEC, OPEC. 1494 01:39:09,757 --> 01:39:11,466 BANDIT: I'll give it to you again. 1495 01:39:11,552 --> 01:39:15,004 Do you realize I won the marksmanship award? 1496 01:39:15,265 --> 01:39:17,174 Your father's ass! 1497 01:39:17,350 --> 01:39:20,435 FREDERICO: [Stuttering] Longer than three months and your mother's ass. 1498 01:39:20,519 --> 01:39:22,098 FREDERICO: But shorter than three years. 1499 01:39:22,231 --> 01:39:25,729 Sure, put her in the truck. Bounce the "raby" around. 1500 01:39:26,819 --> 01:39:29,392 Don't make no difference. Put her in the truck. 1501 01:39:29,488 --> 01:39:32,608 Bounce the "raby" around... Your mother's ass. 1502 01:39:34,828 --> 01:39:38,991 Sure, la signora Charlotte can do anything she wants. 1503 01:39:39,082 --> 01:39:41,954 Put her in the truck. Bounce the "raby"-- 1504 01:39:42,045 --> 01:39:43,953 -Your mother's ass. -Keep it rolling. 1505 01:39:44,046 --> 01:39:45,754 This lady gonna have a baby... 1506 01:39:45,839 --> 01:39:48,295 and not gonna be moved for 24... 1507 01:39:48,384 --> 01:39:51,421 DIRECTOR: Cut it. CARRIE: I think we should ask this doctor. 1508 01:39:51,512 --> 01:39:55,297 Do you think we should move Charlotte or let her rest or what? 1509 01:39:55,392 --> 01:39:59,009 I can't stand it! I'm sorry. 1510 01:39:59,104 --> 01:40:00,647 Okay. Come on. 1511 01:40:00,814 --> 01:40:01,929 Now. 1512 01:40:03,443 --> 01:40:06,112 Well, why don't we ask this doctor here? 1513 01:40:06,195 --> 01:40:10,193 Do you think we should move Charlotte or let her rest or what? 1514 01:40:11,034 --> 01:40:13,360 The lady gonna have a baby-- 1515 01:40:13,454 --> 01:40:16,074 FREDERICO: Cut it. DIRECTOR: All right. Save it. 1516 01:40:16,164 --> 01:40:19,534 We'll start doing what I do best. We'll show off. 1517 01:40:20,253 --> 01:40:23,337 CARRIE: When do we get started? BANDIT: Whenever you like. 1518 01:40:24,340 --> 01:40:26,001 CARRIE: Is now too soon? 1519 01:40:26,843 --> 01:40:27,958 No. 1520 01:40:28,178 --> 01:40:31,133 It's all shit. Let's print the first one. 1521 01:40:32,305 --> 01:40:38,767 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 123554