All language subtitles for Modern Family S10E06 On the Same Paige

I don't remember buying

these fresh peaches.

Aah!

Apologies, Serge.

My wife, Claire,
seems to have forgotten

that I'm holding office hours

for my Intro to Real Estate
class here at home.

So, when I walked
to the laundry room

10 minutes ago in my bra...

That was kind of
perfect, actually.

I had just made a point

about how buildings
from the early '70s

were holding up
surprisingly well.

So maybe I'll...

Yeah.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

All right,
see you in class, buddy.

What a great kid.

That's why I chucked it all for
a life in academia, Claire.

It's a special feeling

knowing that there's a young man
walking around out there

who you helped mold,
who you can be proud of.

Hey, Dad.
Hey. You know?

You're up early.

What are you talking about?

I hugged you
from behind earlier.

You know, I said, "I don't
remember buying this six pack."

Then you did that funny
Eastern European accent...

"I don't want trouble.

I just want to learn."

Should we be concerned
about group-molesting Serge?

And aren't you at the minimum
number of students

before they cancel
your class?
Not to worry.

Serge worships me, and the rest
of the class is super solid.

Plus, it's the last day
to drop classes anyway.

Oh, speaking of that,

I'm thinking about
dropping history.

How come?
It's not really exciting me.

Plus, we've got
this huge paper due today

that I haven't quite
finished starting.

It's on the Monroe Doctrine.

The Monroe Doctrine?

Oh, no.

Junior year history class,

I wrote the perfect paper.

Strong thesis,
impeccable supporting arguments.

I quoted from the letters
of a White House footman

who recalled Monroe
calling to him from the bath,

"Beauregard,
fetch me my breeches.

We have a doctrine!"

I got a "C."

Oh, so you agree
with that grade, huh?

Don't patronize me.

Captions by VITAC...

♪♪

Mmm. The food
at the club

has gotten so much
lighter and healthier.

We had a run of angina attacks,

so we had to go heart-healthy.

We said goodbye to
our social chairman, Herb,

and our butter fountain
in the same weekend.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey, Mr. Pritchett.

I'll take this
when you're ready.

Thank you, Maria.
Oh, Maria,

that's a beautiful name.
That's why it's often sung.

But you're not going to...

♪ Ave Maria

And curtain. Okay, they just
started letting gays in here.

Don't make them regret it.

You might also
wanna tell Sharona

to steer clear
of the table.
Yes.

Yeah, well, I should
probably save my energy

for my performance
tonight anyway.

Oh, darn. Gloria and I
have tickets to, um...

Um...

Don't worry, Jay.
It's... It's not for you.

Oh, good. I didn't know where
I was going with that.

Tonight is a fundraiser
at Lily's school.

We're, you know,
raising money for the kids.

A night of song and sketch.

All the dads
are performing. Well...

most of the dads.

Proud of you, son.

Ah, it's not a complete victory.

I still have to watch it, so...

Thanks for
breakfast, Dad.
Hey,

I love spending time
with you two!

Every month I've gotta burn off
a minimum at the club,

and literally,
everybody else I knew was busy.

That's also why I give
a lot of birthday presents

from the pro-shop.
You know, mugs

and visors that say
"Kiss My Putter,"

"Talk Birdie To Me."

Quality items. Everybody wins.

So, if you're not rushed,

you should treat yourself
to our spa.

You know, get a couple of, uh...

a couple of standard treatments.

Oh, well, you're so generous.

Might I say you look
very handsome

in that shirt
we gave you for Christmas.

They also make it in
"Queen's coral"... oh, no.

Did I spoil your birthday?
Sounds like you might.

Oh.

What's so funny?
Oh, it's just that

I've been e-mailing
this mom at school.

We both volunteer together.

You... You e-mail?
It's harmless. Listen.

"Hey, Jay, enjoyed laughing
around the planetarium with you.

Your jokes were
out of this world."

Hm, okay.
So, if it's so harmless,

I'm sure Gloria knows
about this flirty quipstress.

Don't make something
out of this.

Oh, my God.
Oh!

That's why he's
wearing the shirt.

Because it makes
your blue eyes pop.

I'm not letting you magpies
dirty this up.

Oh, uh...

"Park by the swings

so I can help you
carry stuff in."

"Park by the swings

so I can help you
carry stuff in."

You're sullying this,
and I'm leaving!

Okay, well, say "hi"
to your girlfriend.
She's not my girlfriend.

The only reason
we're paired together

is because our kids are
in the same reading group.

Oo-ooh!

Damn it!

I love when we "ooh."

We used to do that all the time,
and then we stopped.

Why?
I don't know.

Joe!

Why did I find your eye patch

in the garbage?
I don't know.

Were you throwing away
another parking ticket?

Okay, you have to put it on.

Why?
My lazy eye is fixed.

Okay, I'm over here,

and it's only one more week.

And you look tough,

like a little warlord.

Oh, that's Liam's mom.

See you after school.

Okay, papi, but promise me

that you're going
to wear the eye patch

the whole day.
I will.

I can't believe
you don't trust me.

Two days ago,

I caught you trying to copy

a $20 bill in the printer.

Dad says I get to pick
what we watch on TV

when I start
making my own money.

Go to school.

If you guys are ready,

me and Julio will get started.

Oh, by any chance, did you guys
meet down by the schoolyard?

♪ Me...
No... No. Okay.

Ohh.

Oh, that's the spot.

Ohhh, yeah.

Oo-o-ooh!

Now I'm remembering
why we haven't had

a couples massage
since our honeymoon.

Aruba.

That's not where we went.

That's the noise he made.

Arrruuuubaaaa.

Cam, could you just...

just... shh.

I'm sorry.
Thank you.

Ohh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna call it.

Mm?
Mm-hmm. Nope.

What happened?
Was he forward?

No, I just can't relax with
you making these noises.

Well, I can't relax
without making the noises.

Which is why I'm leaving.
Thank you, Julio,

and I'm sorry.
I-I didn't catch your name.

It's Aweema-weh.

Good luck
to you both. Okay.

Oh, Luke! Honey, hi.

Hey, Mom.
Everything all right?

Of course. I just felt
like making a stop

by the hallowed halls
of community college.

What's with the police tape?

Oh, some frat guys decided

to drive the dean's office
to Burning Man.

Okay.
Well, anyhoo,

since we're here,

before you drop
that history class,

could you possibly turn in
an old paper of mine?

I would love to get
a second opinion on it.

Sure,

but you know you just did
something weird

and I didn't ask
a single follow-up question?

Yeah.

You owe me one of those.

How'd you even get
an old paper on a thumb drive?

It was easy.

Ish.

The old paper
was on an old format,

but it was a simple matter

of stringing a couple
of old machines together

to get what I needed.

All right.

Yes, I have been accused
of having

a little problem
with perfectionism...

♪ It's working

but I also have
a little problem with injustice,

much as a certain U.S. President
had a little problem

with European Imperialism.
Yes!

Of course when a man does it,
it becomes a doctrine.

And when a woman does it,

she's hysterical.

I hope you guys
like counting 'crows.

Es-crows, that is.

It had become
a familiar sound...

My 18 devoted students
laughing as one.

Only something
was different this time.

It sounded like 17.

Could it be that I had
a wobbler in my midst?

Sure enough, Paige Stevens

was going through
the course catalog.

If I lost her, I'd be below
my minimum and lose the class.

For the sake
of those 17 dreamers,

I had no choice
but to unleash the Dunphy charm.

Paige Stevens.
Present.

Oh, we already did that part,
and you nailed it.

I read your essay last night.

Whom did you study
privately with?

I'm sorry?
Come, now, Paige.

Your insight,
your grasp of the vernacular.

W-Was it Freemont?

Or perhaps one of the Europeans?

Scharfenbrugen?

- No.
- Oh, of course not.

He lives as a recluse. He hasn't
taken students in years.

I'm simply saying

that your raw instincts

may be the best thing
to happen to real estate

since the allowing
of split commissions in 1994.

Didn't you tell us it was...

Can we for one moment

have a break
from the Serge show?!

Just promise me that
in a few short years

when you become
the next Fred Dunham,

that you'll come visit us?

Do you really think...

I don't think.

I know.

From there,
it was a bit of flattery,

a dash of encouragement,

and Paige was turned.

So, if I could paraphrase

what our star pupil
just pointed out,

sometimes it's just a matter

of finding
the "dupe" in "duplex."

And there it was again,

that sweet music...

18 people laughing.

I'll see you all next week.

Definitely.

Oh, and I am holding
office hours at my house,

so feel free
to come by any time.

Oh, cool.

Oh, you...

Uh, Paige.

"Mrs. Paige Dunphy"?

Curses.

I'd over-wooed my wobbler.

Oh, hey.

Are we still on
for dinner tonight?

Yeah, I can probably get us in

to the late seating
at my grandpa's country club.

Can you hold off
'til 6:30?

Actually, I thought

maybe I could come over
and cook for you.

Awesome.

Hey, there's
my favorite class dad!

Oh, hey.
Hey.

Tie my apron, will you?

My pleasure.

Uh, not my...
Not my pleasure, of course.

That sounds weird,

and I'm not a weird man.

Mitch and Cam got in my head.

I'd had a perfectly innocent
relationship with the fun mom,

but then they got me
feeling all guilty.

Suddenly I couldn't mention
one thing in that school

without it sounding
like a double entendre.

Nap time?

Fun zone?

Juice box...

I got some nice tomatoes.

Oh, yep.

Did you
spill something?
Huh? No.

I'm just working
hard on this pizza.

Guess I ought to take this off.

Boy, feels naked without it.

You ever feel that way?
Naked?

I really wanted to trust that
Joe was wearing his eye patch,

but after finding it
in the garbage,

I had to make sure.

I didn't want him
to mess up his vision.

I think it's a big problem
in this country.

Everywhere I look,
there are men with googily eyes.

Let's take a selfie

for the school newsletter, so...

Flash those baby blues.

Did you preheat my oven?

Not on purpose.

Well, that was quite a little
snitfit back there.

Were you trying
to embarrass me, or...?

Mm, is that even possible?

The singing in the restaurants,

your Herbal Essence audition
during the massage?

You know, you're the one
who should be embarrassed.

I am. Isn't that what
we're fighting about?

Look at you.
You can't even put on

your boxer-briefs
in a men's locker room

without your little
terrycloth shame skirt.

It's called modesty, Cam.

Can you please just
keep your voice down?

Yeah, yeah. You know what?
Well, it's all

part of the same thing.

You know, I'm not embarrassing.

You're the one that's just
embarrassed by everything.

That is crazy...

Ow.

This seems
worth it.
I'm fine.

No, you're not,
and it's affecting all of us.

You're constantly
shushing Lily and me,

scolding us just
for living out loud.

Can we please have
this conversation later?

No, we can't,
because I'll be busy

performing in
Fathers' Follies...

Something else you're
too self-conscious to do.

You're missing out
on life, Mitchell.

You need to take off
your shackles.

Let people see

who you are.

I've had enough...
The wandering eye, the lies.

Why was I so nervous?
I had done nothing wrong.

Sure, I engaged in
some friendly e-mail banter.

I guess I realized blue shirts
make my eyes sparkle.

Might have done a few push-ups
in the parking lot

before the pizza party,
but that's for everybody.

He's trying
to make a fool of me.

Sonia, I have to go.

Where have you been all day?

I see what
you're implying. Fine.

Her name is Laura,
she means nothing to me,

and the only reason
my wedding ring is off

is 'cause I was afraid I would
lose it in her dough.

I'm sorry.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Couple of e-mails.
Harmless stuff.

"Park by the swings so I can
help you carry stuff in."

These are what
you're worrying about?

There's nothing there.

Yeah, Mitch and Cam
were implying

there was something
weird going on.

That's crazy.

She's, like, 35 and gorgeous.

Exactly.

Although, I don't think
you read that e-mail

the on way
it could have been read.

I mean, it could've gone,

"Park by the swings

so I can help you

carry stuff in."

Sounds like she knows
about your bad back.

Jay, there's no harm
in a little flirting,

- especially you.
- What is that supposed to mean?

You're a good man. You have,
like, a built-in alarm system.

It keeps you in the right path.

Then why did you shoot me
that look at school?

It was meant for Joe.

I worry that he doesn't
have your strong conscience.

I worry that he has
my family genes

where we can lie
and lie and lie and lie

without feeling
one ounce of guilt.

Y-You don't lie to me,
though, do you?

Never.

Here he is now.
I'll bet he comes in here

and apologizes for lying.

Yeah, if he's like
one from your family.

But if he walks in here
all easy-breezy

pretending that he didn't
do anything wrong,

he's 100% Ramirez,

or whatever our real name is.

Hey, buddy.

I'm sorry, okay?!

I lied about wearing
my eye patch,

and that's only the beginning!

I lied about how my bike broke.

I never walk Stella.

I tie her to the treadmill.

The last three teeth
I put under my pillow

were Tic-Tacs.

I'm a terrible boy.

Oh, good.

He's weak like you.

Thank you, Tiffany's dad!

And now, please put
your hands together

for Lily, Harper, Zack,
and Danielle's dads...

The Bees Knees!

Go, Dad!
Woot, woot!

I was the only dad
in the audience.

It was just me and a bunch
of women and children.

I felt like a coward
on a life boat.

I mean, Cam was right...
I-I was missing out.

Hey, Bob.
A quick favor to ask.

If you don't think
Harper would mind,

do you think maybe I could
wear the bee costume?

Take it. I'm in the show
later anyways,

playing bass
with the Grateful Dads.
Oh.

Then good, yeah.

Oh, my God.
I'm so proud of you!

Thank you.
Thank you!

And now we'd like
to take a moment

to remember
our beloved lunch lady,

Mrs. Penny Miller.

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe you did that!

That was amazing!
Oh, stop it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa! No!

Oh, God.

Did we learn nothing
from the gloves?!

Sorry. No.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I got it. I got it.

I got it.
I got it. I got it.

For starters,

my grandmother's ravioli.

It looks amazing.

I've been saving some
occasion wine in my room.

The grape character on the box
is saying "Mamma Mia!"

so it should
go well with Italian.

Hello, Professor.

I, uh...

I see you took me up on that
open-door policy I mentioned.

Oh, I'm not here
for office hours.

This is a date.
Of course.

I've heard things like this
happened to Paul McCartney

at the height
of his Beatles fame.

It was a classic
fatal-attraction situation.

I had to do two things.

One... get through
the next 10 minutes

'til the deadline to drop
my class had passed

by distracting her
with light banter

and enjoying her Tuscan cooking,
and, two...

Check to see if she had beaten
and restrained Claire.

I'm not coming on too strongly,

am I, with this dress?

Oh. No.

Lovely.

I'm really nervous
about my cooking.

If a guy doesn't eat every bite

of my grandma's ravioli,

I go nuts.

Well, we certainly...

don't want that to happen,

do we?

Now, uh...

where are you from?

Originally.

I would say Italy,

but there's no accent,

so, obviously,
that's not the case.

Oh, Luke, Luke.

Luke, any word on
my Monroe Doctrine paper?

Oh, actually, I decided

not to drop that class,

so it didn't feel right
turning it in.
Huh.

But something funny did happen.

I had your paper open
on my computer.

Paige saw it
and thought it was mine.

She made some
really good changes.

Changes?
Yeah, well,

she cut to the chase
in a few places,

cleaned up the ending.

She's a history major, you know.

Get it.
Mom, I'm...

kind of in the middle
of a dinner date.

Are you?
By now you might be

in the middle of a movie
or a board game.

We all know how obsessed
she is with changing things.

Go get the paper, Luke.

Oh, good, you're okay.

I'm not that okay.

I'm not a fan of this Paige.

She's got some nerve.
So you're aware.

Oh, I'm aware. I'm aware
that she has no problem

putting her grubby,
little paws all over

something that doesn't
belong to her.

I can see
you're upset.
I am.

I'm upset because
I basically took

the most boring thing in history

and made it interesting.

She thinks she can just come in
here and just make it hers.

No.
Feels a little hurtful,

but she is my student,
and I have a lot at stake here,

so can I please
just handle this myself?

You didn't miss much
with the ravioli.

The showstopper is my branzino.

It smells great.

We don't get to have
fish around here.

My dad hates it.

Well, this one's
a family recipe,

so if you don't like it,

I'll pretty much
have to drop you.

Well...

let's not have

any of that

crazy... talk.

Two minutes to deadline.

I couldn't let her
drop my class!

Now

back...

to where you're from.

Encino.

Oh.

Damn it.

Mom, don't be mad at her.
She was just...

No, she made it better.

What was I thinking
with this sentence?

"The esteemed barrister's
argument was as layered

as the cuffs on
his after-dinner breeches"?

That is the third time
I mentioned breeches.

What was I going through?

Can I go now?
Yeah.

Oh, wait, honey.

I like this girl for you.

She deserves better
than boxed wine.

Haley keeps a nice bottle
under her bed.

You really seemed to like that.

Oh, yeah.
I could
make another one,

but it would take a while.

Let's see.
It's 7:00 now...

Oh, thank God.

Paige, we have to talk.

I-I may have sent some signals
I didn't mean to send.

Nonetheless,
some of your behavior

has been a little
inappropriate, frankly,

kind of disrespectful
to my wife.

Oh, wait, hang on.
Hang on.

I changed my mind about that.

I am not mad at you.

All you did was take
an interest in something

that I should have dropped
25 years ago.

Um, Claire.
And can I say something else?

I'm all in favor
of this relationship.

Claire?
I don't want to jinx it,

but I think you could be

exactly what he needs.

I know, he may look like a man,

but, honestly, in a lot of ways,

he's still just a little boy.

Complete mess in the bedroom.

Although, here's a tip for you.

He actually does respond well
if you stay on top of him.

So, you're okay with...
Absolutely.

As a certain U.S. president
once said,

"Let the era
of good feelings commence."

Oh, my God!
This is the best day ever!

Oh!

Huh.

Huh.

So, it turns out Paige was
only making dinner for me

so she could
get close to my dad.

I am sorry, buddy,
but I did warn everyone

about the Dunphy charm.

It's also a little interesting

that Paige's Realtor dad
abandoned the family

when she was 12.
Seems irrelevant.

He also dabbled in magic.

Now we're just having
two separate conversations.

Did you know her last
three boyfriends were 50?

Maybe spend a little less time
with your nose

in that psych book and a little
more time being sexy.

Ah, ah, ah.
You'll get this back

when your homework is done.

Joe, what is this?

Just some notes
from my friend Hannah.

Friend? This doesn't sound
to me like that.

This is very flirty.

Let me see that.

"Dear, Joe, want to share
half my Fruit Roll-Up?"

Well, this is just
kids being kids.

Ay, don't be a fool.

"Dear Joe, wanna share

half my Fruit Roll-Up?"

That's a different spin on it.

Where's that voice been?

Try this one.

"It was so fun
running at recess."

"Randy's rash
is really gross."

Maybe we should go upstairs.

Watch your movie, Joe.