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1
00:00:02,847 --> 00:00:06,949
Kids, this is the story of the
cab ride that changed my life.
2
00:00:07,306 --> 00:00:08,758
I know it sounds crazy,
3
00:00:08,858 --> 00:00:10,830
but for all I know my life
would be very different
4
00:00:10,865 --> 00:00:12,930
if I had taken, say...
5
00:00:13,029 --> 00:00:14,492
that cab.
6
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,169
Or that cab.
7
00:00:17,994 --> 00:00:21,936
God knows what would have happened
if I had gotten into that cab.
8
00:00:25,622 --> 00:00:27,098
I took this cab.
9
00:00:27,464 --> 00:00:29,416
And it changed my whole life.
10
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,646
But first,
we need to back up a little.
11
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,318
Is there any beer in the fridge?
12
00:00:43,516 --> 00:00:44,666
It's 10:00 in the morning.
13
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:45,834
Grab me one?
14
00:00:47,406 --> 00:00:50,098
So... something bad
just happened.
15
00:00:51,663 --> 00:00:53,628
Stella and I were out
having breakfast.
16
00:00:54,774 --> 00:00:56,670
So, my sister broke up
with her boyfriend.
17
00:00:56,876 --> 00:00:59,172
Well, I can finally say it.
I hated that guy!
18
00:00:59,376 --> 00:01:02,019
Everything out of his mouth is,
"I'm a vegan.
19
00:01:02,124 --> 00:01:05,672
"Fish feel pain.
I'm never constipated."
20
00:01:05,776 --> 00:01:07,110
The guy's an idiot.
21
00:01:07,215 --> 00:01:10,643
Actually, she's marrying him.
I just wanted your honest opinion.
22
00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:14,314
He's actually a really nice guy.
I think there's a wisdom to...
23
00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:19,192
Anyway they pick a date so, uh,
24
00:01:19,297 --> 00:01:21,265
you want to come with me,
so that we can laugh our asses off
25
00:01:21,367 --> 00:01:23,856
as we watch him walk barefoot
down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo?
26
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,703
- Yeah, sure. When is it?
- First weekend in November.
27
00:01:27,419 --> 00:01:30,664
Is that the something bad?
That she invited you to a wedding?
28
00:01:30,869 --> 00:01:32,725
Six months from now.
As in...
29
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:35,046
we'll be together
six months from now.
30
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:38,255
Do you guys remember Barney's whole thing
about making plans in a relationship?
31
00:01:38,981 --> 00:01:40,175
Fourth row.
32
00:01:40,383 --> 00:01:43,806
Ted, no. You're violating
the date-time continuum.
33
00:01:44,342 --> 00:01:46,666
You never make plans with a girl
further in the future
34
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:48,540
than the amount of time
you've been going out.
35
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,287
You've been dating this girl for,
what, two weeks?
36
00:01:50,392 --> 00:01:53,239
No, you're not taking her
to a Springsteen concert in January.
37
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:59,030
By that time you won't even remember
this Robin girl's name.
38
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:02,149
Man, I love Springsteen!
39
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,622
He's like the American Bryan Adams.
40
00:02:07,038 --> 00:02:08,293
But Barney had a point.
41
00:02:08,398 --> 00:02:11,300
As soon as she started talking about
the wedding, it freaked me out.
42
00:02:11,878 --> 00:02:13,713
Oh, that sounds like so much fun.
43
00:02:13,928 --> 00:02:16,691
So I get to look forward
to it for six months.
44
00:02:17,127 --> 00:02:19,012
Which is twice as long
as we've been dating.
45
00:02:20,798 --> 00:02:23,223
I'm sure your daughter Lucy
will come so it'll be like a...
46
00:02:23,329 --> 00:02:24,734
a family trip.
47
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:28,343
Our first trip
as our funny little family.
48
00:02:28,451 --> 00:02:30,404
So that... that'll be super-exciting.
49
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,035
Oh, boy.
50
00:02:32,502 --> 00:02:35,205
Man, they crank up the heat
in these places.
51
00:02:36,731 --> 00:02:37,997
What's going on, Ted?
52
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:40,335
We need to talk.
53
00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:43,045
- Oh.
- "We need to talk?"
54
00:02:43,153 --> 00:02:46,388
There's only two situations where
you say that to someone and
55
00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:49,297
unless you're pregnant,
it sounds like you broke up with her.
56
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:51,219
Yeah, I did.
57
00:02:52,704 --> 00:02:54,139
So how did she take it?
58
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:58,108
I'm only trying
to be honest with you.
59
00:02:58,215 --> 00:02:59,438
You know, Ted.
60
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,240
- I have to go to work.
- Stella, can we just...
61
00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:03,029
I don't want to leave it like this.
62
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,650
No, Ted, it's okay.
63
00:03:05,096 --> 00:03:06,262
We're good.
64
00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:11,491
Look, I know it sounds rough,
65
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:13,873
but Stella's a mom.
I have to be responsible.
66
00:03:14,317 --> 00:03:15,862
If I'm having these feelings now,
67
00:03:15,968 --> 00:03:17,293
what if they don't go away?
68
00:03:17,399 --> 00:03:20,093
What if they just get worse and
worse and six months from now,
69
00:03:20,198 --> 00:03:23,043
I break up with her over
tofu salmon at her sister's wedding?
70
00:03:23,608 --> 00:03:27,002
I can't do that to her. And I definitely
can't do that to her daughter.
71
00:03:27,777 --> 00:03:29,934
It sucks, but I'm being
the good guy here.
72
00:03:32,101 --> 00:03:33,766
This is the right decision.
73
00:03:34,151 --> 00:03:36,137
Which brings me back
to the cab ride.
74
00:03:40,549 --> 00:03:43,007
Hello, may I speak
with Marshall Eriksen?
75
00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:44,017
Hey, guys.
76
00:04:44,499 --> 00:04:45,396
Jell-O?
77
00:04:47,451 --> 00:04:50,135
How I Met Your Mother 3x20
- Miracles -
78
00:05:03,274 --> 00:05:05,238
Can you believe this?
You're totally fine.
79
00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:08,661
No, I'm not fine. I made
the biggest mistake of my life.
80
00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:12,412
I want Stella back. I've left her
like ten messages, but her phone's off.
81
00:05:12,515 --> 00:05:15,659
She's at that arcade
Kiddie Funland with her daughter.
82
00:05:16,426 --> 00:05:18,643
Please. Let me go
to Kiddie Funland.
83
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:22,232
You can say that all you want, buddy,
but you're not getting any morphine.
84
00:05:22,435 --> 00:05:24,643
No, I'm serious.
I got to get out of here.
85
00:05:24,937 --> 00:05:27,071
You're not going anywhere
until we get the tests back.
86
00:05:27,176 --> 00:05:28,354
You could have internal bleeding.
87
00:05:28,476 --> 00:05:30,454
Your brain could be all full of blood.
88
00:05:30,556 --> 00:05:32,745
Think that's good for it?
It ain't.
89
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:34,325
This sucks.
90
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,325
- This sucks. This sucks.
- Are you...
91
00:05:36,430 --> 00:05:38,164
are you kidding me?
92
00:05:38,268 --> 00:05:41,635
You walked away from
a car accident without a scratch.
93
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:44,125
A miracle took place today.
94
00:05:44,231 --> 00:05:45,217
Here we go.
95
00:05:45,832 --> 00:05:47,215
You don't think this was a miracle?
96
00:05:47,419 --> 00:05:49,667
There's no such thing as miracles.
97
00:05:49,772 --> 00:05:52,765
March 2006, MacLaren's Bar.
98
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:56,477
- That's terrible. That's in!
- Gentle. Gentle.
99
00:05:57,332 --> 00:05:58,349
Here we go.
100
00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:03,918
Bravo. Cheers...
101
00:06:11,835 --> 00:06:15,000
- No... way.
- That did not just happen.
102
00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:16,951
Am I dead?
103
00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:18,951
Am I dead?
104
00:06:19,185 --> 00:06:20,489
Miracle!
105
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:25,170
A pencil went up Barney's nose,
and you call it a miracle.
106
00:06:25,376 --> 00:06:27,492
Well, do you have a better
explanation for it?
107
00:06:27,598 --> 00:06:29,931
A drunk jackass
with a box of pencils?
108
00:06:30,136 --> 00:06:32,342
A drunk jackass called "God!"
109
00:06:32,447 --> 00:06:35,042
And a box of pencils called "destiny!"
110
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,524
Speaking of Barney,
I should give him a call.
111
00:06:38,987 --> 00:06:40,545
Why? We're not friends anymore.
112
00:06:40,648 --> 00:06:42,736
You'd want to know
if this happened to him.
113
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:45,615
Go for Barney.
114
00:06:45,819 --> 00:06:48,747
Hey, Barney. Listen,
I have something to tell you.
115
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:51,345
Oh, boy, here we go.
116
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,548
I've been waiting for this one.
You talked to Robin.
117
00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:55,276
She told you
what's under the hood
118
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:57,178
and you want to take it
for a spin yourself.
119
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,089
Not even if you
boiled it in detergent.
120
00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:02,257
It's about Ted.
121
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,339
Ted? Ah ah, ah ah.
122
00:07:04,444 --> 00:07:07,999
My former best friend Ted who I
asked you never to mention to me again?
123
00:07:08,104 --> 00:07:08,890
Yeah.
124
00:07:09,065 --> 00:07:12,260
He's been in a car accident.
He's at Saint Anthony's hospital.
125
00:07:12,363 --> 00:07:13,478
Everything's...
126
00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:16,660
No, I understand.
127
00:07:16,763 --> 00:07:19,819
You've got that important thing.
128
00:07:19,925 --> 00:07:22,119
Okay. Oh, of course...
129
00:07:22,226 --> 00:07:24,650
I'll tell him you love him.
Okay.
130
00:07:24,756 --> 00:07:26,520
Suit up!
131
00:07:26,627 --> 00:07:28,960
He is always saying
stuff like that!
132
00:07:29,476 --> 00:07:30,922
- He hung up, didn't he?
- Yeah.
133
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:32,884
See, I told you.
We're not friends anymore.
134
00:07:34,979 --> 00:07:36,733
My best friend need me!
135
00:07:40,378 --> 00:07:41,654
What did he say?
136
00:07:43,449 --> 00:07:44,474
A hundred and thir... What?
137
00:07:44,791 --> 00:07:46,623
You... Ah, come on!
138
00:07:47,069 --> 00:07:48,364
I'm coming, Ted.
139
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,485
So, what made you change
your mind about Stella?
140
00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:54,447
Well, I was in the cab,
141
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:55,984
and the car was coming at me,
142
00:07:56,589 --> 00:07:58,657
and you know how they say
that your whole life
143
00:07:58,755 --> 00:08:00,774
flashes before your eyes
in a near-death experience?
144
00:08:00,870 --> 00:08:01,712
It doesn't.
145
00:08:02,364 --> 00:08:03,737
You don't see everything.
146
00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:05,589
Just the things you love.
147
00:08:09,313 --> 00:08:10,639
I realized in that moment that
148
00:08:10,742 --> 00:08:14,258
Stella is the most important thing
in my life and I have to get her back.
149
00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:15,679
Miracle!
150
00:08:15,882 --> 00:08:19,071
Very sweet.
Very romantic.
151
00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:20,680
Not a miracle.
152
00:08:21,016 --> 00:08:25,150
July 1999.
Kennedy Airport.
153
00:08:26,386 --> 00:08:27,650
So, did you enjoy...
154
00:08:29,295 --> 00:08:30,123
Amsterdam?
155
00:08:30,856 --> 00:08:33,171
No. Nothing illegal.
156
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:35,043
Just a paintings.
157
00:08:35,578 --> 00:08:38,913
All right, Bob Marley.
Let's have a conversation.
158
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:44,772
Shift change.
159
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:51,594
Oh, Amsterdam.
160
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,563
All right.
161
00:08:54,332 --> 00:08:56,227
Float on through, brother.
162
00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:02,238
Miracle!
163
00:09:03,602 --> 00:09:06,486
Don't you go into the light!
Don't you do it!
164
00:09:07,362 --> 00:09:10,489
Hey, Mosby,
you got a visitor.
165
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,810
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
166
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,091
Can you guys, uh,
give us a minute?
167
00:09:27,617 --> 00:09:29,842
Stella, before you say anything...
168
00:09:30,246 --> 00:09:32,560
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
169
00:09:33,366 --> 00:09:36,191
- Can we just forget about...
- It's forgotten.
170
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:39,032
Is this your chart?
171
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,341
Okay. Uh-huh.
172
00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:44,652
Everything looks good.
173
00:09:45,950 --> 00:09:47,574
I think you can handle it.
174
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:48,705
Handle what?
175
00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:54,164
Aww!
176
00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:56,623
This morning he dumped her and now
177
00:09:56,731 --> 00:09:59,137
she's dry-humping him
on a hospital bed.
178
00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:01,157
- Miracle!
- Yeah,
179
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:03,244
you know, I bet
if you call up the Vatican,
180
00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:06,225
they will tell you that most of their
certified miracles involve dry-humping
181
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:07,027
so.
182
00:10:08,372 --> 00:10:12,017
April 2008.
Lily's kindergarten classroom.
183
00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:15,298
You're gonna go in there
and beg for your old job back?
184
00:10:15,402 --> 00:10:17,780
That's crazy.
You hated it there.
185
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,910
I know, the job market
is just really bad right now.
186
00:10:22,513 --> 00:10:23,790
Hey, kids,
187
00:10:23,893 --> 00:10:26,621
who wants Uncle Marshall
to get his old job back?
188
00:10:29,276 --> 00:10:31,831
They'll cheer for anything
if you say it like that.
189
00:10:32,226 --> 00:10:33,119
Kids,
190
00:10:33,224 --> 00:10:36,500
a super tanker spilled
five million gallons of oil
191
00:10:36,608 --> 00:10:38,803
off the coast of Alaska
this morning!
192
00:10:43,447 --> 00:10:44,611
Hello, Marshall.
193
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:47,123
Mr. Hewitt, I came here to apologize.
194
00:10:47,708 --> 00:10:50,314
I'm going to go grab some more glue.
Will you watch them for a sec?
195
00:10:50,418 --> 00:10:51,434
Of course.
196
00:10:52,729 --> 00:10:56,183
Leaving Nicholson, Hewitt, and West
was a huge mistake,
197
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,743
and I can see that now.
So...
198
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,205
who wants to see the big guy
put on these tiny hats?
199
00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:07,255
My behavior was disrespectful.
200
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:08,877
It was unprofessional.
201
00:11:09,182 --> 00:11:10,856
I'm a pilgrim.
202
00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:13,447
I know it looks like
I have a tiny hat,
203
00:11:13,653 --> 00:11:17,386
but in reality, I have
an abnormally large head!
204
00:11:19,773 --> 00:11:22,558
I was going through a stressful time.
205
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:24,308
I wasn't getting enough sleep.
206
00:11:24,614 --> 00:11:28,410
Fourscore and seven years ago,
207
00:11:28,684 --> 00:11:32,070
I had a great, big giant head!
208
00:11:33,656 --> 00:11:35,599
I had just bought an apartment, and
209
00:11:35,705 --> 00:11:39,251
there were some problems. I don't
want to bore you with the details.
210
00:11:39,455 --> 00:11:45,501
I only regret that I have but one
giant head to give for my country.
211
00:11:48,318 --> 00:11:50,972
Sir, if you could just see your way
into giving me one more chance,
212
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,555
- I promise...
- Marshall.
213
00:11:52,827 --> 00:11:54,804
I'm willing to give this
a second chance.
214
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:58,102
I remember my first years
as an attorney.
215
00:11:58,779 --> 00:12:02,096
Why, I don't know how many hours
I spent. I don't think I ever left...
216
00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:03,803
Oh, my God!
217
00:12:03,909 --> 00:12:05,267
I have lice.
218
00:12:05,471 --> 00:12:07,565
Those little bastards
gave me lice.
219
00:12:07,672 --> 00:12:09,846
God, it itches.
Don't scratch it.
220
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,446
You'll look like a fool.
You'll never get your job back.
221
00:12:13,312 --> 00:12:16,107
You can scratch,
but just make it subtle.
222
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,196
Okay, that's not working.
223
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,436
Oh, sweet,
sharp corner of the desk,
224
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:23,658
how I long to rub
my infested scalp against you.
225
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,720
- You okay, Eriksen?
- Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good.
226
00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:35,988
I am good.
Continue.
227
00:12:37,004 --> 00:12:40,422
Mind over matter.
There are no lice in my hair...
228
00:12:40,836 --> 00:12:43,801
laying eggs,
burrowing into my scalp,
229
00:12:43,906 --> 00:12:46,230
eating their way all the way
down to my brain!
230
00:12:46,337 --> 00:12:47,740
I have lice!
231
00:12:47,845 --> 00:12:51,794
"Lice"?! Lice! Get out!
Get out of my office!
232
00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:55,901
We've got lice!
Everybody out of the building.
233
00:12:56,807 --> 00:12:58,963
If it weren't for the lice,
I would have gotten my job back,
234
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,943
and I would have been
working there when,
235
00:13:01,049 --> 00:13:04,515
two weeks later, the Securities and
Exchange Commission came a-knocking.
236
00:13:05,038 --> 00:13:09,257
God sent those lice to my head
like he sent the locusts to Egypt:
237
00:13:09,491 --> 00:13:12,006
to liberate me
from corporate bondage.
238
00:13:12,109 --> 00:13:13,105
Miracle.
239
00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:15,768
Hey, guys.
240
00:13:16,152 --> 00:13:19,865
I'm just so glad you and Ted
are back together.
241
00:13:20,301 --> 00:13:22,658
Wait, um, what do you mean
"back together?"
242
00:13:22,951 --> 00:13:26,079
Well, you know,
since you guys broke up.
243
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:30,288
What? Oh, no. It was just a
small fight. That wasn't a breakup.
244
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,421
Was that a breakup?
Did he think that was a breakup?
245
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:36,629
What?
246
00:13:37,796 --> 00:13:39,239
Son of a bitch!
247
00:13:44,465 --> 00:13:47,019
That was a breakup. Wasn't it?
You broke up with me.
248
00:13:47,617 --> 00:13:48,310
Yeah.
249
00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:50,983
I didn't know that was a breakup.
250
00:13:51,255 --> 00:13:52,341
Are you kidding?
251
00:13:52,447 --> 00:13:54,754
I said, "I feel awful."
You said,
252
00:13:54,856 --> 00:13:56,823
"We're good."
Then you got up and left.
253
00:13:57,028 --> 00:14:00,425
Yeah, I said, "We're good,"
as in "We're good."
254
00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:03,035
Like when the waiter comes around
and asks if you want any more muffins,
255
00:14:03,139 --> 00:14:04,395
and you say, "We're good."
256
00:14:04,499 --> 00:14:07,875
Exactly, and I took that
"We're good" to mean
257
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:10,876
you didn't want any more
metaphorical relationship muffins.
258
00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:13,137
This is crazy.
259
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,047
Forget about all that.
That was a whole
260
00:14:15,151 --> 00:14:17,586
life-changing car accident ago.
261
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,557
I love you.
I don't want to break up.
262
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,495
But you did.
You did want to.
263
00:14:22,602 --> 00:14:23,938
If you had
those feelings once,
264
00:14:24,041 --> 00:14:25,377
then you're going to have
those feelings again,
265
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:26,818
and you're going to keep
on having them.
266
00:14:26,924 --> 00:14:29,566
And I can't count on that car
to hit you every time you do.
267
00:14:30,122 --> 00:14:30,988
What are you saying?
268
00:14:32,082 --> 00:14:33,239
I'm saying...
269
00:14:33,342 --> 00:14:34,848
you wanted your breakup,
270
00:14:35,132 --> 00:14:37,017
- you got it.
- What?! Stella, wait!
271
00:14:37,124 --> 00:14:39,870
No, you know what, Ted?
We're good.
272
00:14:48,015 --> 00:14:50,761
So you broke up with her
and she didn't know it.
273
00:14:51,365 --> 00:14:52,261
Apparently.
274
00:14:52,366 --> 00:14:54,850
And you actually said,
"I want to break up?"
275
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:57,411
No, of course not.
Who says "I want to break up?"
276
00:14:57,516 --> 00:14:58,783
That's a horrible thing to say.
277
00:14:58,988 --> 00:14:59,731
Well, that's true.
278
00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:06,513
- Hello?
- Hi, Ted Mosby?
279
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:10,196
We have you listed as the
emergency contact for Barney Stinson.
280
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:12,675
What is it?
281
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,375
What it was was this.
282
00:15:22,042 --> 00:15:24,336
I made it.
I made it!
283
00:15:32,894 --> 00:15:34,067
Dude, I...
284
00:15:34,171 --> 00:15:36,858
I can't believe you ran
all the way up here.
285
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:40,029
Jeez. Flatter yourself much?
286
00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:42,560
What an ego on this guy.
287
00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:45,520
Um, I was up in this part
of town because
288
00:15:45,626 --> 00:15:49,539
I had to attend a very important
international business meeting.
289
00:15:50,454 --> 00:15:54,513
If you're here to come
crawling back, just save it.
290
00:15:54,616 --> 00:15:56,922
I'm doing awesome without you.
291
00:15:57,426 --> 00:16:01,034
Even better now, 'cause I can play
the sympathy card with the females.
292
00:16:01,138 --> 00:16:05,513
And BTW, there's one bone
downstairs that ain't broken.
293
00:16:06,309 --> 00:16:10,025
Marshall, you know
what I'm talking about.
294
00:16:10,479 --> 00:16:11,602
Up top!
295
00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:14,985
Are you sure?
296
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:17,403
Yeah, dude. Why do you think
I had them set it this way?
297
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:19,736
Okay.
298
00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:25,846
Worth it.
299
00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:30,666
Barney, you, uh...
300
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,398
You could've died.
301
00:16:35,983 --> 00:16:37,967
Ted, I'm sorry I broke the Bro Code.
302
00:16:38,071 --> 00:16:39,429
No, I'm sorry.
303
00:16:42,105 --> 00:16:43,849
Ted, can we be friends again?
304
00:16:44,293 --> 00:16:47,341
Barney, come on, we're...
we're more than friends.
305
00:16:47,753 --> 00:16:49,130
We're brothers.
306
00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:53,831
- You're my brother, Ted.
- You're my brother, Barney.
307
00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:57,881
Did you hear that, Marshall?
We're brothers now.
308
00:16:57,986 --> 00:16:59,831
Marshall's my brother, too.
309
00:16:59,938 --> 00:17:01,911
We're all brothers.
310
00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:04,984
Yeah, but I'm your
best brother, right?
311
00:17:05,268 --> 00:17:07,732
And that's how your Uncle Barney
and I buried the hatchet.
312
00:17:07,838 --> 00:17:10,262
It got pretty mushy and
embarrassing after that.
313
00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:11,475
Let's skip ahead.
314
00:17:11,789 --> 00:17:13,183
I had to look away because
315
00:17:13,288 --> 00:17:15,412
if I watched what
the paramedics were about to do,
316
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,023
I would have passed out.
317
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:19,144
Then they took out this electric
318
00:17:19,251 --> 00:17:21,714
blade thing and I kept thinking,
319
00:17:21,819 --> 00:17:24,217
"This isn't happening.
This isn't happening."
320
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,146
Oh, my God.
What did they cut?
321
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:30,526
My suit.
My beautiful suit.
322
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:36,868
But you're alive, and, and Ted's alive.
This is amazing!
323
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:39,669
Two miracles in one day.
324
00:17:42,404 --> 00:17:43,788
What is the matter with you?
325
00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:45,840
How can you possibly
be this cynical?!
326
00:17:46,045 --> 00:17:47,020
You want to know?
327
00:17:47,124 --> 00:17:48,469
You really want to know?
328
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,029
Fine.
329
00:17:51,123 --> 00:17:52,361
When I was a kid,
330
00:17:52,646 --> 00:17:55,429
I had this dog,
Sir Scratchawan.
331
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:59,149
Anyway, Sir Scratchawan
got really old,
332
00:17:59,255 --> 00:18:00,872
so my parents decided
to put him down.
333
00:18:01,525 --> 00:18:04,622
It was the
toughest day of my young life.
334
00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,482
Good-bye, Sir Scratchawan.
335
00:18:06,965 --> 00:18:07,902
I love you.
336
00:18:10,428 --> 00:18:12,091
And when they
took him to the vet,
337
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:14,785
he told them that earlier
that very day,
338
00:18:14,888 --> 00:18:17,092
he had learned about
an experimental procedure called
339
00:18:17,198 --> 00:18:19,935
a canine/testudine
cerebro-xenograft.
340
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,875
- Ever heard of it?
- No.
341
00:18:22,048 --> 00:18:24,694
Well, it saved
Sir Scratchawan's life.
342
00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:26,175
He lived another seven years.
343
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,306
Miracle.
344
00:18:27,471 --> 00:18:30,676
Except for one... kind of big
side effect from the surgery.
345
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,557
Sir Scratchawan!
Welcome home!
346
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,685
He turned into a turtle.
347
00:18:39,942 --> 00:18:41,899
I know. It's weird, right?
348
00:18:42,392 --> 00:18:44,736
Apparently, a very
common complication from
349
00:18:44,843 --> 00:18:47,220
canine/testudine cerebro-xenografts.
350
00:18:48,012 --> 00:18:50,618
And he didn't seem to remember
any of his old tricks.
351
00:18:52,634 --> 00:18:54,748
Go get it, Scratchy.
Go get it!
352
00:18:55,316 --> 00:18:58,301
Go get it! Get it!
Go get it, Scratchy.
353
00:18:58,504 --> 00:18:59,552
Go get it.
354
00:19:02,714 --> 00:19:05,682
- How long was it before...?
- Longer than I'm proud of, Lily.
355
00:19:06,296 --> 00:19:07,763
Longer than I'm proud of.
356
00:19:09,557 --> 00:19:12,633
And that's when I realized
miracles ain't real.
357
00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:14,674
Excuse me.
358
00:19:17,079 --> 00:19:18,362
Mosby, you're still here?
359
00:19:18,469 --> 00:19:20,783
Your tests came back, like,
an hour ago. You're fine.
360
00:19:21,169 --> 00:19:22,672
Are you kidding me?
Why didn't you tell me?!
361
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,153
I'm sorry.
362
00:19:24,257 --> 00:19:26,523
I guess it was rude of me to keep
resuscitating that guy
363
00:19:26,628 --> 00:19:28,245
with a rake sticking out of his chest.
364
00:19:29,838 --> 00:19:31,705
I have to go right now.
Barney, I...
365
00:19:32,069 --> 00:19:33,177
Go.
366
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:36,107
Run, Ted. Run.
367
00:19:37,019 --> 00:19:38,848
If there's anything I've taught you
over the years, it's...
368
00:19:38,952 --> 00:19:40,256
Barney, he left.
369
00:19:42,372 --> 00:19:44,398
Hey, Ted said that
right before the accident,
370
00:19:44,503 --> 00:19:47,498
his life flashed before his eyes.
You know, all the stuff he loves.
371
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:49,326
- Did that happen to you?
- Oh, yeah.
372
00:19:49,433 --> 00:19:50,980
I know what he saw: boobs.
373
00:19:51,082 --> 00:19:52,967
- Scotch.
- And money.
374
00:19:53,073 --> 00:19:54,777
- Suits.
- A suit of money.
375
00:19:54,885 --> 00:19:57,408
A suit of boobs.
A giant boob
376
00:19:57,513 --> 00:19:58,988
wearing a suit of money.
377
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:02,040
And the boob is lactating scotch.
378
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,639
I guess that's pretty much
everything you love, right?
379
00:20:07,536 --> 00:20:09,152
Yeah, pretty much.
380
00:20:11,416 --> 00:20:15,111
Kids, a lot of weird, random things
have happened in my life,
381
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,533
but that car accident is one
of the few I'd call a miracle,
382
00:20:18,638 --> 00:20:20,454
not because of what happened,
383
00:20:20,559 --> 00:20:22,724
but because of what happened next.
384
00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:25,925
Hi.
385
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:28,273
Hi.
386
00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:29,724
Can I talk to you?
387
00:20:30,460 --> 00:20:31,613
Okay.
388
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,765
I got you this orange kangaroo.
389
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:41,268
Thanks.
390
00:20:42,970 --> 00:20:45,046
So I've been thinking
about what changed
391
00:20:45,152 --> 00:20:46,898
from the moment
I broke up with you
392
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,736
to the moment I knew
I wanted you back. And, um,
393
00:20:51,172 --> 00:20:53,667
I think I finally figured out
what happened.
394
00:20:53,773 --> 00:20:57,060
Your cab got T-boned
by a jackass on a cell phone?
395
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,358
I changed.
396
00:21:00,205 --> 00:21:02,140
I'm ready to give you
what you need.
397
00:21:02,775 --> 00:21:04,221
That's why I spent
ten minutes on the
398
00:21:04,325 --> 00:21:08,822
damn claw machine trying to get
the big, fake diamond ring.
399
00:21:08,926 --> 00:21:11,412
But all I could get
was this orange kangaroo.
400
00:21:11,727 --> 00:21:13,103
Diamond ring?
401
00:21:15,728 --> 00:21:17,183
Will you marry me?
30165
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