Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Yeah.

No, I'm the same way.

Yeah, no.

I'm just, I'm just glad to be here.

I'm glad to see you too. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yup.

So I think it was last year,

but it could have been two years ago.

But there was a huge problem in China

with the watermelon supply.

Basically watermelons started spontaneously combusting.

So because of that there was a huge shortage,

and like the cost of melons went up.

But that's the reason that I don't eat Chinese fruit.

I basically try to stay away from things

that blow up on their own.

China is amazing.

I don't like watermelons anyhow, so it's fine with me.

When I was in the United States, I was, uh, I was...

...just everything, everything

wasn't working out too well for me.

And basically, for somebody without a

proper college education,

Or all the fucking paperwork or whatever...

the fact that I'm a genius

really didn't make a difference

uh, when I was trying to get a job.

And I was thinking,

"How could I kill myself?"

Like, "How could I actually do it?"

Like, I didn't want to kill myself,

I wanted something to kill me.

Just happened to be

in the middle of the road at 2 in the morning...

uh, wearing black, something like that.

And right then,

I got a call from my friend.

And my friend

offered me a chance to come to, come to China.

What was he doing?

iPhone? Fake iPhone 3G?

Yeah, this is Jimmy Van Horn?

of Big Horn Global?

Yeah, I just wanted to follow up.

We talked prior in an email about...

Remember Spesh hooked me up

...and he said he got your info through

Johnny Mai Thai? And uh...

Uh, no, I have everything here now.

We've gone through the R&D phase,

We've relocated our company to China.

There was not a lot of information about it before,

But for proprietary reasons, I, uh, you know...

...wanted to reveal it in a, uh... bread crumb

...trail method, that uh, as I referred to it.

You're actually developing it in China,

...like, you're trying to get it manufactured in China?

and I just moved over here, and then the other...

But... you have a prototype?

Yeah, yeah. I have two prototypes.

And you have the design?

Right. I have a basic design, I have more of a functional prototype...

Then in the spiritual world, that there are products that, that, you know...

But I think at that point

you have to work with like, priests and shamans..

...and that sort of thing,

...to get them to the point that they can start manifesting physical reality.

Before you can go to the next step,

which is trying to market that.

If you really want to make money,

there's other opportunities.

Literally, if you walk down the street,

it would be almost impossible to not make money...

...if you have $20,000 that you want to invest.

For online purposes, it would open..

By connecting... until we can connect with them, we don't know what they need.

Because I mean, it's the same thing... I can do it a cheaper way...

Because you could go to Africa, right?

And you could set them up on the Internet, too, right?

Get a big factory, and then just load it full of laptops, cheap laptops...

And have everybody looking online.

It's about the same value,

because the people that are looking

are obviously not going to buy a product or service.

So it's the same as if you have dead people.

So it would be actually cheaper

just to go to Africa and set that up.

And I have a friend in Africa

that can help set that up for you if you want to do that.

Uh, this area here is my favorite,

because there's less white people.

So I mean, why come to China?

And you'll say like, "Oh, I'm from America."

They say, "Oh, no no no, we have a contract with America."

Each store, each little stand is a factory.

Each floor has about 10,000 factories.

There's 50 floors.

I don't know what any of this shit does.

Do you need to?

No, not at all, man.

I've got people to do that for me, you know?

So it's not about buying, like, this one piece.

He wants to sell you like, 200,000 pieces.

The dealings are very grey.

Know what I mean?

You don't want your shit to get ripped off, right?

You don't do everything in the same place.

Because nobody knows what the fuck they're building.

So basically you just have to trust them?

You have to have 100% trust.

How do you establish that? Or how do you figure who-

I have a... I have a personal, I can personalize it.

I have a personal vested interest in this.

I happen to have a grandmother that is deceased.

I have used this to communicate

directly with, with my grandmother.

Um, in America we refer to it as our Nana.

Um, it was my Nana

The personal relationship that you have,

could you, could you demo this for us?

Right now?

Would you be able to?

Um.. It's got the 9 volt battery in there, right?

It's... yes, yes, yes, it's already, like...

Basically you have to be in certain places, like...

There is a certain, um...

We've got a great signal in here, actually.

Oh, no, I understand that.

But there's a certain geographic reference point...

It just basically has a little more...

I'd love to see, I'd love to see how the product works.

Yeah, yeah yeah.

Could you just turn it on for us?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

It's uh, the key to remember

that there's not some specific demographic.

There is the great unifier in the world, is death.

And this...

OK, so...

...communicator...

so do you have a lead investor on the cap table?

The deal's already syndicated,

you've got a lead investor who says...

We have committed and preliminary committed

that we're dealing with.

It's tertiary, in that regard, which is why I'm here.

If I had everything in place

then I wouldn't be needing to talk to anyone such as yourself.

But we have, we have it...

So you need financing?

Yes.

OK. Well, what is the rollout plan?

Are you Kickstarting?

Um, Kickstarting, that is one...

Who's your influencer?

Um, there are multiple influencers

and one agitator.

And violator, um...

So we have that in place.

But let me just say, it's a high-stakes influencer.

Where I come from, we have a phrase that is uh

"These will sell like the hot cakes."

You mean, "sell like hot cakes,"

not "sell like the hot cakes?

Exactly.

It's like a breakfast dish that is round and sweet.

Yeah, I know, I'm from Cleveland, Ohio.

I know what hot cakes are.

We have diners.

Clearly we're speaking the same language.

Wait.

Was that racist?

No! No, no no.

Pancakes are for everyone.

And as far as I'm concerned here,

we are in a post-racist...

Things in Shenzhen have changed

quite a bit in the last couple years...

So the good news is there are

high net worth individuals,

...people that will invest in these sorts of devices

who are sort of doing it for fun.

They're just recreationally investing

in random projects that they have...

...very little expertise in.

And there are people who can

exclusively connect you with that kind of capital.

We uh... we had a name for them, right? They're...

I've heard that term.

Yeah, my friend Bob Grainger

is the one that's got me up to speed with everything here.

Do you guys know him?

Yeah, we know Bob.

Yeah, he's the one that got me out here...

I wouldn't be over here

if I wasn't willing to put it on the line...

...if I wasn't willing to put my own money

into the R&D.

I know you put your money where your mouth is.

...for a product where it hasn't been imagined yet. And so...

I've got to foresee in the future

that this is something that is viable.

But I gotta put it in to a package.

We've got to sell the whole thing.

We can't, I can't pitch them just one thing.

We've got to pitch them a whole ton of things.

Well yeah. I'm going to... and here's the thing.

It took me two years to get where I'm at

And I am at a substantially excellent place right now.

I'm going to microwave you,

I'm going to fast track you in.

This one party,

you're going to meet 100 of the most influential

12 year old billionaires in China.

We're going to pitch our products.

They don't even care if they work.

Let me tell you something.

There are three rules in China:

...be young and youthful, and totally interesting.

Don't be an old curmudgeon shit bag.

Don't fall in love with a beautiful hooker.

Thank you, nice to meet you all.

I'm just so glad that all of you can meet.

This is a very auspicious moment.

I've been here 11 years and eaten a lot of heads.

...gives you a way into people's heads...

freedentures.com features decent dentures

at the perfect price

Need dentures, don't want to pay an arm and a leg?

Need to get your message out into the world?

And they feel so good!

I'm wearing them right now and they feel

incredibly natural to me.

- Wow. - Mmhm.

We've already got a million dollars invested.

We're wondering if you'd be

willing to come in for that second million

as a joust.

A jouster.

OK. I think, I think we can handle that.

Fantastic.

Yeah.

Fantastic.

I think that's spectacular.

Thanks Jimmy and Bufus.

Oh yes!

Jimmy! Jimmy!

Jimmy! Jimmy!

Can you tell us a joke?

Yeah. I used to give a Japanese speech.

At the end of the speech, I say,

"Thank you very much."

And the teacher say,

"No, you should say in Japanese."

So I come again,

"Sank you very much-ie"

Can you hear another joke?

Please! Please!

It was very hard for me to grow up,

because my mom loves me...

...and she beats me a lot.

And when my grandma look at this,

she would say, "Stop it!"

"My turn!"

"Stop it! My turn!"

Sounds like my Grandma!

Q-zone, and then 0 on zingot?

So that's just the breakdown in there.

So let me just show you where,

of what, that little bit...

Now you take that, you multiply it exponentially

once we create these communications.

The way we do it is with a couple interfaces.

One is a portable device.

Using EMF frequency,

electromagnetic frequency,

...that is the tracking unit

by which we are able to measure

the presence of a ghost.

And then this helps port

between spiritual and material world.

...port connectivity.

I'm sure everyone has a dead grandparent

that they want to talk to.

I can communicate with my grandmother?

Finally.

With this one?

Yeah, yeah.

If she wants to communicate with you.

Fantastic.

If you know, if your one company could

produce the electronics,

...the other company could produce the plastic.

Um...

We did.

You could? You could?

Because there's a lot of opportunities.

Yeah.

And then, I think we can upgrade

the materials of those ones.

Looks beautiful, looks good.

Of the outside.

I love it.

I think I need to take some picture?

Do any other research?

Uh, that sounds great!

Yeah. I think this better.

- OK, OK. - Do you want me to pose?

Would you mind? Would you mind?

Sure, I want to get this business going!

OK.

Well, smile again!

Yeah.

OK, thanks!

It's good you got the product and the owner.

That's good, Jimmy. Thank you.

I got your product.

We now resume our regular programming

You are crazy!

You look like you went through a time machine, man!

Isn't that true?

And the hair?

I'm back!

I look like I'm 40!

I'm 68 years old!

68 years old.

Grizzly short cut. Oh my God.

They don't... you know, you can't have dip here.

I know!

It's a life sentence!

You told me!

20 to life per can!

$40k in bitcoin!

This was not easy.

This was not easy, but

I wasn't going to come without it, though.

I knew my delayed life plan was over buddy.

What, sit around wait for retirement?

Sit around and wait for a better world in Heaven?

That's bullshit.

30 years ago, this was a fishing village.

People throwing hemp nets in,

and catching little minnows.

You know?

Now...

Now it's the biggest city in the world.

iPhone, GoPro, FitFit, smart beds.

You know?

And now you and I are here

to play in this forgotten playground.

America's dead.

It's such a relief to finally be out of there.

I know how you feel.

I had no life in America.

I had nothing.

You know?

I was lonely, depressed

I probably would have killed myself.

If I hadn't come here, and...

I just, you know, part of me,

I get real down thinking I wasted all that time.

No! No, no no no.

And then with you...

You're my hero for standing here right now.

Johnny Mai Thai really believes in you, man.

And obviously, you know, I appreciate the support from him.

From you, and from everyone.

I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have made it out here otherwise.

And I, and I recognize that.

Should we get the concept together?

Yeah.

So 2D is okay, so we can actually extrude

the 2D from the 3D?

Yeah.

I think we need to try 2 or 3 prototypes...

Yeah.

Got to do that to make sure the size is OK.

Yeah, and we need to do consumer testing

with those prototypes, too.

Make sure we're getting

the results we want.

Especially those biometric results.

So 2 or 3 prototypes, I think?

Is better.

Yeah.

So the colors, we still can't do the colors.

Mhm?

Yeah.

So people feel very serene

when they're actually in the bath

with the gargoyle watching them.

Yeah, that would be good.

Yeah, because this is international

there is no such thing as international law,

...so to speak.

We set up business arbitration,

in someplace that's kind of like a middle ground.

So usually Hong Kong?

If there's anything wrong,

you two can talk it out there.

Yeah.

Without the long and lengthy process

of using a justice system that nobody really...

It's not really set up to do...

to iron out the wrinkles...

...in business relationships.

Right.

This I agree with. Yeah.

Totally agree.

But thank you so much for taking the time

to meet with us.

Really appreciate it.

Thank you.

And is there anything you guys want to do

while you're here in Reno?

Is there...?

Uh, I think...

Play gun?

Oh, with guns?

I mean, Reno is the capital of guns.

But we are Chinese, so we don't know...

Oh, we can totally make that happen.

We don't point to scare, we don't point to intimidate.

We point to kill.

- Okay? - Okay.

So when you're out hunting today?

You know, if you see something, go ahead.

Fuck!

If I could make a suggestion, y'all...

I'd load up one of those explosive bullets.

As you bring it in, from the back right here...

And then slide it in.

We definitely got him.

It's okay.

He saying something, I don't know what he's saying.

He's like answering my question

with a question or some shit.

But I think we're close.

Hougie Town is the only place that pays you

to just show up and be a fuckup!

I got my shit together!

I'm not kidding you when I tell you that.

I'm going to turn your $40k into $2 million dollars.

I'm being smart about revealing it,

so just... if you don't mind,

Oh, I'm not going to tell anybody shit!

We're 600 miles from the epicenter of this

factory, in Mongolia.

It's just emitting plumes and plumes of smoke.

But that smoke is comprised of

billions of little smartdust cells.

It's a microprocessor,

but on the subatomic level.

But you get used to it.

You start to crave it.

So this happened a little while ago

in the north of China.

And, just out of nowhere,

this huge population of giant gerbils just appeared.

Not just like regular gerbils,

but giant fucking crazy Chinese gerbils.

They started devouring the landscape,

just eating everything in their path.

So what they did is they started a

breeding farm of eagles.

They, I mean, to get them to just go faster

they were using growth hormones...

...and crazy shit.

And they had trained them to

go after gerbils.

What they didn't count on was how

ferocious these fucking gerbils were.

And in the end the gerbils won.

Just slaughtered the eagles.

And so the Chinese,

as determined as they are, they found another solution.

And what it ended up being is that

in the US, at the same time...

...assisted suicide was becoming a thing.

I mean, it was becoming legal.

WoonSen?

Life on earth is beautiful and short.

What happens after we die?

The usefulness of a window is not in the frame

but in the empty space that lets the light through.

The usefulness of a cup is not merely in the clay

but in the empty space that holds the coffee.

Nothing is something.

Like trying to be somebody is being nobody.

And vice versa.

Introducing Ghoster,

the world's first transdimensional communication device.

So at the same time, in the US

suicide was becoming kind of fashionable.

It was becoming legal.

And so a Chinese company

had come up with a cyanide pill

like pre-packaged, ready-to-go,

and it had a US flag on it.

And the issue was when it got to the US customs authorities

they said, you know...

...it just, that wasn't going to happen.

So they had sent the whole shipment back.

So the Chinese

used this to their advantage

and they loaded up planes packed with these cyanide pills.

And they laid them out

over the wasteland.

But at this point,

the gerbils had already consumed everything in their area.

And they were moving south.

For the cities.

And so now, in the north of China,

there's a strip of land 60 miles wide

...and a thousand miles long,

just littered with these little cyanide pills

with the US flag on them.

Do you pay your taxes?

And I mean, the gerbils are still out there

it's still an issue.

They're just devouring everything.

There's still people trying to figure out

where they even came from.

Quite dangerous with animals or people?

Animals or people?

Both?

Both. Yeah.

What kind of animals?

The pig, I think the wild pig.

Oh, wild pig?

Yeah.

Really?

Ah, okay.

Wild pigs?

I'm so excited to, you know, to be...

and I'm glad, you know, you guys liked the products.

You guys think it's very doable?

Yeah.

Hey, Bob!

Hey, how are you?

I'm fine.

Good to see you.

Hey.

Hey.

It's pretty awesome, man!

It's pretty awesome, right?

Hey, so is Spesh going to be there?

Yeah.

We're going to meet him.

Crazy Andrew coming too?

Crazy Andrew is definitely coming.

I know Crazy Andrew is more of a definite

than Spesh is.

Were they excited when you were telling them about it?

They're floored by it.

Dongguan Dean, there's Dongguan Dean,

Billy Dammit

all the kids are going to be there.

The biggest thing that I'm most excited about though

is Johnny Mai Thai sent Laser Fox down.

That's how excited he is.

Everybody's down for what you're doing,

and we're all here to back you up.

Hey! Hey, hello!

So good to see you!

This is my boy Jimmy!

Jimmy, I want you to meet the

Balloon magnate of all of China.

All of China.

We're here to follow up on that thing I was talking about!

When you think of balloons,

you think of this man right here.

King of Balloons.

You know how we're gonna get the money out, right?

All the money these little billionaire kids give us?

a little thumb drive thing

I'm going to shove it up my ass, take it across the river.

At the same time, maintain a proprietary

a sense of proprietary integrity.

Only when I was trying...

When I was asking Bob.. about.. uh

what you guys do...

Welcome.

I think you're looking at a double jouster

I swear to God you're looking at 4 million dollars

Not kidding? Shit.

I've never seen them so excited

Did they tell you...?

Yes! I would be so fucking jealous.

If Johnny Mai Thai felt the way about you

that he felt about me,

if I wasn't involved in this deal?

I would have been freaked out!

Right! Don't you remember the Somerset Maugham volume?

It came in three parts!

I'm willing to say, I think this birthmark is a blessing.

Mitochondrian DNA

You see that?

Let's say 'happy birthday' to mankind, motherfucker!

Hey brother I got something for ya.

What?

So, I'm so excited to be here.

It's not only my birthday,

but the birthdate of my new corporation, Big Horn Global.

A new paradigm is upon us!

The usefulness of a window is not in the frame,

but in the empty space

that lets the light and holds the coffee

And nothing is something.

Boo!

Everything in the world is a metaphor...

Do you know why it's better than this?

Because it's after-party, you know?

After party!

There's somewhere, you're going to be like, "Uh,"

You're going to be like, "Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah."

This is like a police car in the United States.

I'm stuck in prison.

Are you OK? Are you alright?

Everything gonna be...

Take... show me... you feel this?

You orgasm how many times already?

Oh ten times.

Oh my goodness.

Just from touching your index finger.

You see this?

I can't help it.

It's been so long since I've been in the joint.

You know what dude? You know what?

You're going to knock me out?

"I do not understand why prostitution is illegal.

Why should prostitution be illegal?

"Selling is legal, fucking is legal."

"Why isn't selling fucking legal?"

Daisy Duke.

Chinese version of Daisy Duke.

If I had known that everything was hinging on the speech,

I mean, I could have prepared it differently.

But no one told me...

they just said to make a few words about it...

All you had to do was say your name.

I got up

You got up, in your flag suit...

Yeah...

And you offended everyone.

the DJ started playing,

and clearly it was just meant to be a party environment

So the DJ is your boss?

No, but it's like... you know, how

it was obviously not part of the agenda.

I didn't know about the speech,

I didn't know about all the other stuff you guys, you know,

paid for, you know, the Hummers...

No, you. You paid for that.

You... paid for that.

No, Bob said you had that covered.

Fuck your bitcoin.

Your 40,000 didn't even cover security.

You had 200 Russian models there.

I didn't ask for 200 Russian models!

You don't throw a party for triad investors

without 200 Russian models, you idiot.

There weren't any investors there. I didn't, I didn't see any.

You were put in front of them.

You know what you did with that? You fucked it!

I think what Donny is trying to say is

the optics were extremely bad.

That was all the money I had, I put everything into that.

I did everything I was asked to do leading into it.

And you seemed fine with that at the time and now you're...

What are we getting at?

Are, are you guys... are you guys not interested in Ghostr anymore?

To be honest,

I didn't realize until just now you were serious about it.

I assumed it was fake.

Like all of Bob's products.

I don't...

need you vamping me out and thinking you're the man

because you're the first monies in, alright?

We have a long history

and I've put a lot of trust in you with this,

and I need you to follow through.

If something happened to you,

I hope you're doing okay and I apologize.

But there is a lot at stake here.

I'm on standby.

Now more than 17 million dollars worth of bitcoin,

the online digital currency, has been stolen

in the 2nd largest hack of its kind.

Hong Kong based bitcoin exchange, BitFinex

said it has suspended trading after a

security breach where 120,000 bitcoin

have been stolen from the platform globally.

And looking at how the digital currency is managed, over 20%...

Bob, Ghostr's been CTRL-C'd in Wahshanbei,

it must have been brain drained between phase 1 and 2.

This is like the 5th message I have left for you.

I just called Tax Ninja

and he didn't even know where you were.

It's hitting the critical point now.

I have nothing left.

I need your help on this,

because I'm not going to last long if I don't get this worked out.

Calm down.

How did you know it was knocked off.

It's not a very unique box.

I'm positive. I don't know what else...

there's no other way.

No, you're not sure.

Who did you give the design file to?

Bob. Well, Bob saw it because he's been walking me

through the whole process, and then at the dinner...

Whoah whoah whoah. What do you mean dinner?

Yeah, but there was no other way...

that was the only way to get introduced to Vincent, through the dinner.

Do you have enough money for a hotel, or...

where you at for money?

I've been doing everything out of the Bighorn Global account

and it's pretty much drained.

You want me to make some calls?

If you can get a hold of Bob I'd appreciate it,

if you could get a hold of Vincent.

I, everyone has iced me out right now.

Alright. Hang tight.

Let me make some phone calls and I'll get right back to you.

Get back to me soon, though.

I was in the metro

and it was really hot and sweaty day.

This guy just grabbed my shirt and sneezed into my shirt.

And he just looked at me like,

"Yup, I just sneezed, I just sneezed on your shirt."

And we had to sit there, standing next to each other,

like just staring at each other face to face,

like 3 inches away from his face.

Just for like 15 minutes until we got to the next stop.

He just didn't care.

But didn't that guy end up becoming your best friend?

The guy who sneezed on your shirt?

You said you exchanged numbers, became friends.

He just can't stand human beings,

to which I can totally relate to.

And he had a factory of 500 people replaced to machinery.

Didn't you tell me he fired all of them except for one guy?

Yeah, he walked me in

and he showed me the guy's office, it was empty.

He looked down, he was really depressed,

"I couldn't get rid of him."

"Because he's the guy that makes the machines."

Happens every year in China.

Betrayal Season.

It's kind of like Thanksgiving for Americans or

Christmas for the Irish.

This is sweaty betrayal.

Sweaty betrayal season.

Everybody comes out to betray you at the same time.

It's a community effort.

Don't know what causes it, but it's areal thing.

You will get fucked in July.

Uh, so I'm a little preoccupied

with pulling penises out of my ass right now.

Would you say that?

So let's just get through this phase,

so I can get back to what I was doing before,

which is just fixing everything for everybody.

Is that what I said yesterday?

You said it at some point.

Then it's kind of classic.

They're going to do a meeting tomorrow.

You want to go make some money?

What's involved?

Showing up, but I mean, it's like really good,

really good money.

I'm talking to you about like real money.

No no, it's just that...

And it's not like fucking it off,

because that would be fucking massively destructive, right?

No, no no no no, no...

They're looking for Americans to get involved?

Well, they're looking for the best people

that they can find to get involved. Right?

And they have the money to back it up, so you can take it...

I've heard that, yeah.

I mean, it's legitimate. It's like a fucking meeting, you know?

No, that's how... I mean...

No, I mean, but yeah, just...

No no, that's... I would, that's super

I like long-distance running,

and swimming, and traveling,

you know, to other countries and other places.

So that's what brought me here.

You know, the desire to see other things and other places.

I moved here.

So permanently, yeah. Yeah, relocated.

I do, I swim a lot.

We have a pool party.

Oh, pool party! I would, yeah yeah...

Yeah, anything you need.

I'm ready to dive in.

I will work my fingers to the bone.

So yeah, I have a lot of energy. I have a lot of energy.

Can I ask you a very personal question?

I like girls. So yeah.

Oh, you are straight.

OK, yes.

So we might want to change your energetic cowboy look

into a very energetic, maybe sporty look.

Maybe you know, slim fit, polo shirts...

Sneakers?

Yeah, yeah. Very sunshiney and sporty look to match their products

Are you okay with it? Because for marketing campaign,

young people especially...

Yeah, no I think that's good.

They have product team,

they have marketing team, and marketing campaign,

and also social medias.

So they like international faces.

I had an idea for a crane!

Just basically can work on four buildings at once,

it's like a quatro-crane? So you can build

this building over here...

and this building here, here, and here.

We could quadruple civilization in

like, 25 years with that shit.

You think that's a good idea?

You like that idea?

Hi!

How you doing?

Ready?

Oh, I like this pink color.

Yeah, wonderful.

Can I see your teeth? Smile, please?

Smile?

Yeah, yeah yeah.

Ah, let me see.

Oh, oh, no no no.

uh listen

So whenever you want to smile,

just smile like this.

Closed mouth?

Yes! Oh, wonderful, that's much better.

You should tell the story of "you"

but without any words.

Show exciting,

but without any emotion.

That's very important. Right?

OK.

Cool.

I understand.

This is what I normally do,

this project I'm putting together.

No no no no no no no.

No, he's fine.

You are not here for social, OK?

No no...

Yeah, you understand?

I understand, this was after we were done, so it was once we...

You do your job, that's it.

Remember. That's all for today.

You can't do it, man. You just can't do it.

You guys have to look deep within yourselves

and realize we're all part of the same ecosystem.

Fear has two meanings:

forget everything and run,

or face everything and rise.

The choice is yours.

It's very easy to use, right?

It's very easy!

Sell this shit. Don't play.

What I'm doing? What you told me to do!

No, I'm doing everything you want!

I'm letting everyone know!

I thought you were fine-

You've broken this shit, man.

You've broken the fucking shit.

I want to tell you that we hired you for the hove board product

because we thought you are a product guy.

And we expected you to...

we expected you to at least do some introduction

of the functionality of the product.

Yes well, Carrie, then it is your responsibility

to give me the parameters which within to work,

so then I can thrive-

with what this character is supposed to deliver.

I was under the impression

that all I was supposed to do was smile and wave.

Well, we're clear right now, right?

That's your job, it's not the thing you should do,

it's the thing that you have to do, right?

So I want you to understand that.

We don't get paid.

If we don't get paid, you are not getting paid.

So we can still pay you a KFC coupon...

This isn't sustainable.

I don't eat meat on bones.

Here's what we're going to do.

Please repeat.

I, Jimmy, will take my dick out of my ass...

They have such particular expectations

of what you're wanting to get out of this.

I specifically managed this meeting, because

out of all of the homeless foreigners in this country,

you managed to be the only one that looks like a cowboy.

That's the only reason that you got this opportunity.

This isn't an opportunity!

Peddling a bootleg Segway isn't an opportunity!

I'm an entrepreneur, Spesh.

I need to talk to Johnny and I need to talk to him now.

Spesh?

You know, you try to be nice.

This is all been very very friendly, very very nice.

And then there's the threshold,

and then over that it's just satanic hatred...

of everyone.

No, no, that's mine!

But where was this made?

Because I designed it.

Alright, how much is that?

- $380? - Yeah.

Will you give me 200?

Look, just because I'm not part of a particular ecosystem

doesn't mean I can't be fully integrated.

Why can't you help me get fully integrated?

Johnny's supposed to be the lead on this,

his name is on the term sheet.

I've known that guy my whole life.

Why am I talking to you about how to see him?

Johnny Mai Thai doesn't like to be disturbed,

he really respects his privacy

and he likes it when other people follow suit.

I can't get cut off from every elite founder in China

just because I flubbed a speech at a Guanxi event...

He's not responsible for anyone.

None of us.

Spesh, I need to see Johnny Mai Thai,

and I don't need you to be an intermediary.

This is crazy.

I've known this guy my whole life, the fact that he is the lead on this?

I mean you can't even give me a straight answer at this point?

I can't be kept in a vault like this.

The guy is intricately invoked with this,

why do I have to go through you?

This is ridiculous.

Why can't you just give me his number

and tell me where he is?

You want to see Johnny Mai Thai?

You really want to see Johnny Mai Thai?

I'll tell you exactly where he is.

About 1600 miles north of here,

there's a brand new city built to be

the biggest city in the world,

except it's totally empty, only 25 people there.

That means there's only 25 lights on at night.

One of those lights is Johnny.

Goodbye, shit head.

I've been getting into poetry,

D.H. Lawrence.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself

a small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

I literally repeat that in my head over and over and over,

on repeat.

Because the problem is just humanity,

I just don't like other people.

The vast majority of other human beings that we cohabitate with

are sociopaths or zombies, you know?

People that will betray you.

If this can actually work, right?

If I can get to a zen-like state,

if there's a way in your mind

that you can visualize people as trees

or people as rocks,

where I can just interact with people

at the very moment that I need to interact with them,

then erase them from my memory,

and erase them from my thought processes,

for the rest of my life,

then I would be willing to cooperate,

then I'd be willing to participate in life.

I would stay for a while, stay for good.

I have no problem with the Earth,

I just have a problem with all the people on the Earth.

One room, please.

Wha-what?

One room?

In case these can work?

Do you know,

Excuse me.

But Johnny Mai Thai?

Here, prepare to be civilized.

Hello?

Hi, Jimmy, it's Carrie.

Hi.

Spesh told me that you might be in Northern China

in Dong Sun district.

Is that true?

I'm in Ordos, yeah.

Well, we were actually contacted by a client

very near there that needs a white guy.

Is it possible for you?

What is it?

It's performing at a ceremony.

It could be good for you because

these are more country people clients.

They're not used to seeing white guys.

You can maybe use your own authentic strange weirdness way to do that?

You actually going to pay me this time?

Well, it's not up to me. It's upon you.

It depends on you.

I said there are many people,

and the people, you need to show yourself.

- Your name is Randy, not Jimmy. - Okay.

You remember that?

You are a film star, and you are a cowboy.

How do you this is really important.

- Do you know the song? - Yes.

Promise that.

Yes, I promise.

If you lose this, I will lose my job

and I will lose my life.

Do you remember that?

Yes. Yes, okay.

Are you ready?

Yes. Yes, okay.

- If you're ready, just go. - Okay.

♪ Here comes the bride, ♪

♪ all dressed in white ♪

♪ Here comes the groom ♪

♪ Doo doo doo, doo doo doooooo. ♪

Thank you.

Who the hell on Earth cannot finish one song?

Even a kid can finish one whole song.

I don't know the lyrics,

and I wasn't told that that's what I was singing.

That's bullshit!

You are ruining my reputation.

I'm really upset right now.

And as well as my client.

If you can't sing or talk or entertain,

at least you can do is show some authentic emotions,

emotions, emotions!

We keep telling you, emotions!

What do you mean authentic emotion?

You don't know what emotion is?

Something that connects to people,

and it's country people

that's your main target,

that's why we hiring you.

You know what?

Shame on me hiring you

to show us something

but you did not do it.

I don't go halfway with this sort of thing, Carrie-

- Stop! Stop!

- Enough, Jimmy, stop! - Everything I've given is 100%

Stop, stop! Stop!

You leave the country, Jimmy.

- Deported! Deported! - No, no, no, Carrie please.

- D-E-P-O-R-T, Deported! - It doesn't have to come to that.

It doesn't have to come to that.

...much worse!

You go away.

I think you know what I mean.

Goodbye Jimmy.

Wearing a white suit and penny loafers and spelunking hat.

Nice to walk on a clean hard floor, isn't it?

Nice to just walk on in, right?

Because our doors are always open?

Jimmy...

You know my wife, Joanna...

Ronny...

Cousin Ronny from Cameron Parish

This is Jimmy.

My best friend.

From Port Arthur.

Go on and have a seat.

What happened to your face?

You ever get the one where

a ghost flies through you,

slaps your hand down on your carrot

fixes your car

and tells you to date some woman

and marry her

and calls you a motherfucking stupid fucking asshole

bout every time you try to pass a rearview mirror

on your way to the motherfucking cemetery, bruh?

You ever get like that?

No.

Me, I guess I got one of 'em real bad

and now you're lookin' at it

3000 years ago, if you heard a voice

that said kill your dog,

kill your mama

that wasn't a crazy voice,

that was the voice of God

and you obeyed it immediately

and now you gotta ask yourself

what voice are you listening to?

I'm not a poet,

I'm an entrepreneur.

How'd it go with the...

...the one that Father Regard used to say

at Thanksgiving mass?

Ended up in your video, bruh.

The usefulness of a cup is not in the clay

but in the empty space that holds the coffee.

The usefulness of a window is not in the frame

but in the empty space

that lets the light through.

Nothing is something.

That's why trying to be somebody

is trying to be nobody

and vice versa.

I call that message zero.

Better start being nobody prontissimo.

Me I know what you went through back home.

I know what they did you

That's why I told Bobby and them

pull out all the stops.

Make him a king.

Sorry we couldn't do enough for you, bruh.

It ain't for not trying.

Transit, commerce, leisure-

is what IT creates!

Travel, making purchases, and relaxing-

is what IT demands!

And IT demands that you participate!

Baby!

Come with me

See you around, Johnny.

Hey, Jimmy.

That's a gift,

when you don't know who you are,

or why you're doing it...

you put that on.

Not sure if you caught it,

but my name is Ronny.

So here's what you're going to do:

You're going to take the road

that you came in on, back.

The road will lead you to a new development

on the east end of Kanbashi

Kanbashi. Say it back to me so I know you're listening.

Kanbashi.

You will meet Xiao Zhou,

he'll be with a camel.

I suggest you give him a gratuity

or gift of some kind.

He would appreciate that.

He will give you the camel.

You will take the camel and lead it

gently to the east.

There you will find the new condominiums.

What do I do then?

I don't know, I never worked for those guys.

Tss, tss, tss, tss.

Come on!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay.

Thank you. Thank you.

Bye!

This was your last message of the day,

freedentures.com.

Every man a king.

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