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1
00:00:08,869 --> 00:00:09,082
♪ Sync By: YesCool ♪
@ www.addic7d.com @
2
00:00:09,686 --> 00:00:11,085
Hey, roomie.
3
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:12,863
Oh, Merry Christmas.
4
00:00:12,864 --> 00:00:14,392
I brought
you a Danish
5
00:00:14,393 --> 00:00:16,283
that some crazy pregnant lady
took a bite of
6
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,149
on the way down the hall
to your room.
7
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:19,977
Thanks.
8
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,378
You want to grab a seat?
9
00:00:21,379 --> 00:00:24,207
If I remember,
you do enjoy a lumpy futon.
10
00:00:24,208 --> 00:00:26,807
Ooh, you are 100%
naked down there.
11
00:00:30,338 --> 00:00:32,802
So I know it's weird we're not
spending Christmas together,
12
00:00:32,803 --> 00:00:36,002
but trust me, you don't want
to be here with my parents.
13
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,372
My dad was in Vietnam,
14
00:00:37,373 --> 00:00:40,408
and if my mom had been there
with him, we would've won.
15
00:00:40,409 --> 00:00:42,179
Hi, Mom.
Let me take your coat.
16
00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:43,747
Oh, thank you, honey.
17
00:00:45,516 --> 00:00:47,585
No, Mom, James
did not propose.
18
00:00:47,586 --> 00:00:49,786
Congratulations,
you just ruined Christmas.
19
00:00:51,222 --> 00:00:53,254
It's much better to
leave the introductions
20
00:00:53,255 --> 00:00:54,955
for a less stressful time.
21
00:00:54,956 --> 00:00:58,290
Like, say, for instance,
the day the baby is born.
22
00:00:58,291 --> 00:00:59,691
What are you doing?
23
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,992
Mom and Dad will be here
in T minus seven hours.
24
00:01:01,993 --> 00:01:03,528
Nothing's cooking,
the place looks like crap,
25
00:01:03,529 --> 00:01:04,428
Come on, get up.
26
00:01:04,429 --> 00:01:06,229
Get up.
All right.
27
00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:07,896
You, too. Come on.
28
00:01:07,897 --> 00:01:09,530
Oh, no time to be startled
by a penis.
29
00:01:09,531 --> 00:01:10,798
I have too much to do!
30
00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,603
I think you and Zack
doing separate Christmases
31
00:01:17,604 --> 00:01:19,404
is a brilliant move.
32
00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:22,708
And maybe this will be the
year that Nick bonds with Dad.
33
00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:24,410
Ho, ho, ho!
34
00:01:24,411 --> 00:01:26,112
I bring you gifts
35
00:01:26,113 --> 00:01:29,215
from a little place
I like to call my pocket.
36
00:01:30,217 --> 00:01:33,887
Half a matchbook,
some lint and...
37
00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:37,556
No, those are my testicles.
38
00:01:39,425 --> 00:01:41,559
Merry Christmas!
39
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,827
Merry Christmas.
40
00:01:44,762 --> 00:01:46,996
And happy Hanukkah
to you, Davis.
41
00:01:46,997 --> 00:01:48,164
Thank you.
42
00:01:48,165 --> 00:01:50,698
I'm ready to
roll, dude.
43
00:01:50,699 --> 00:01:52,834
So what exactly
are you guys doing?
44
00:01:52,835 --> 00:01:54,301
Zack and I have
a long-standing tradition
45
00:01:54,302 --> 00:01:56,770
Where I take him on a surprise
Christmas adventure.
46
00:01:56,771 --> 00:02:00,708
Three secret locations,
two handsome men,
47
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:04,178
one bench warrant outstanding
from last year's adventure.
48
00:02:05,046 --> 00:02:06,747
I'm in your hands,
Captain Hanukkah.
49
00:02:06,748 --> 00:02:08,416
You know the drill.
50
00:02:10,218 --> 00:02:13,721
Something dirty
about to happen?
51
00:02:13,722 --> 00:02:16,224
Only if you come with us.
52
00:02:16,225 --> 00:02:19,194
Okay, okay, okay.
53
00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:21,863
Enough uncomfortable
sex talk with my sister.
54
00:02:21,864 --> 00:02:23,966
It's okay if there's a little.
55
00:02:23,967 --> 00:02:26,368
Okay, we need to get
Zack's stuff
56
00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:28,303
out of his bedroom right now.
57
00:02:28,304 --> 00:02:29,437
What?!
58
00:02:29,438 --> 00:02:31,472
You promised me
you would tell Mom and Dad
59
00:02:31,473 --> 00:02:32,740
that Zack
lived here.
60
00:02:32,741 --> 00:02:33,941
What kind of
kooky Christmas
61
00:02:33,942 --> 00:02:36,310
have you got planned
for me, sister?
62
00:02:36,311 --> 00:02:38,912
I've got an extremely kooky
Christmas planned.
63
00:02:38,913 --> 00:02:41,381
And plus, as it turns out,
I did not do that.
64
00:02:41,382 --> 00:02:42,582
I did not tell them.
65
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:44,984
But you told them
you were pregnant
66
00:02:44,985 --> 00:02:46,552
and you told them Zack was 22.
67
00:02:46,553 --> 00:02:48,386
Why wouldn't you tell them
this detail?
68
00:02:48,387 --> 00:02:49,988
How's that gonna
make Zack look?
69
00:02:49,989 --> 00:02:52,256
Oh, Mom, Dad, this is
the father of my child.
70
00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:53,624
He was sleeping in a van,
71
00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:56,493
so I said, "Come, sleep on
the floor of a room of a baby."
72
00:02:56,494 --> 00:03:00,331
I'm just not doing any more
weird explanations.
73
00:03:00,332 --> 00:03:01,599
Where are we gonna
tell them he lives?
74
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,767
I don't know--
studio apartment?
75
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:04,802
Make it a loft.
76
00:03:04,803 --> 00:03:06,003
Okay, a loft.
77
00:03:06,004 --> 00:03:08,773
He can't afford
a loft, Billie.
78
00:03:08,774 --> 00:03:14,450
"I can't be anything without you. "
♪ Sync By: YesCool ♪
79
00:03:14,451 --> 00:03:18,795
@ WwW.addic7ed.com @
80
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:21,417
I can't believe that you didn't tell
them Zack lived here.
81
00:03:21,677 --> 00:03:24,145
I can't believe you didn't
tell them Nick was Canadian.
82
00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:27,783
You shut your mouth about that.
83
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,488
My girls!
Hi, Mom!
84
00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:35,591
Mom!
85
00:03:35,592 --> 00:03:36,793
Oh. Oh, God.
86
00:03:36,794 --> 00:03:38,328
Let me see you,
let me see.
87
00:03:39,696 --> 00:03:42,565
Oh! Hello, little baby,
it's your grandma.
88
00:03:42,566 --> 00:03:46,368
I won't judge how you
came into this world.
89
00:03:46,369 --> 00:03:47,536
Oh! Feel that.
90
00:03:47,537 --> 00:03:50,172
Baby's first eye roll.
91
00:03:50,173 --> 00:03:51,173
Eggnog?
92
00:03:51,174 --> 00:03:53,341
Well, it is Christmas.
93
00:03:53,342 --> 00:03:55,042
Hi, Daddy.
94
00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:56,978
Merry Christmas.
95
00:03:56,979 --> 00:03:58,146
Well, look at you.
96
00:03:58,147 --> 00:04:00,781
Doing things
all out of order.
97
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,418
Ew! Insulting me before
you even say hello.
98
00:04:05,187 --> 00:04:08,256
Hey, I think our cab driver
was a terrorist.
99
00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:10,191
Cab driver?!
100
00:04:10,192 --> 00:04:11,492
Nick was picking you up.
101
00:04:11,493 --> 00:04:12,827
I didn't see him.
102
00:04:12,828 --> 00:04:14,329
What?!
103
00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:16,164
Billie, where's Zack?
104
00:04:16,165 --> 00:04:18,167
Yes, when do we get
to meet Zack?
105
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:19,935
In the future.
106
00:04:19,936 --> 00:04:22,905
Zack's a chef, like I
mentioned in my e-mail,
107
00:04:22,906 --> 00:04:24,174
and the restaurant he works for
108
00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:25,909
is opening another place
out in Los Angeles.
109
00:04:25,910 --> 00:04:28,178
But I'm sure
he's wishing he was here.
110
00:04:28,179 --> 00:04:29,413
Do you think
it's messed up
111
00:04:29,414 --> 00:04:31,248
that Billie didn't want me
to meet her parents?
112
00:04:31,249 --> 00:04:33,450
Dude, you have more pressing
things to worry about.
113
00:04:33,451 --> 00:04:37,388
Like, for instance,
I am not that good a driver,
114
00:04:37,389 --> 00:04:39,557
and I'm driving your van.
115
00:04:39,558 --> 00:04:40,858
Now...
116
00:04:40,859 --> 00:04:42,059
back to the adventure.
117
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,028
The two wise men
were about to embark
118
00:04:44,029 --> 00:04:47,464
on a road trip through
the desert, on their way to...?
119
00:04:47,465 --> 00:04:48,565
Vegas.
120
00:04:48,566 --> 00:04:49,966
Oh, dude.
121
00:04:49,967 --> 00:04:52,803
If only the wise men
had that much gas money.
122
00:04:52,804 --> 00:04:55,606
Anyway... they stopped,
123
00:04:55,607 --> 00:04:58,042
and you'll never
believe who they saw.
124
00:04:58,043 --> 00:04:59,844
Is this headed
where I think it's headed?
125
00:04:59,845 --> 00:05:01,714
What's your favorite
Christmas movie
126
00:05:01,715 --> 00:05:05,985
starring Bruce Willis
and the dad from Family Matters?
127
00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,821
Die Hard.
128
00:05:07,822 --> 00:05:09,089
Nothing says Christmas
129
00:05:09,090 --> 00:05:11,592
like chucking a German
off a tall building.
130
00:05:13,328 --> 00:05:16,563
Silent night, my ass.
131
00:05:33,482 --> 00:05:33,515
Well, I'll be
the first one to say it.
132
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:38,487
It just doesn't feel like
Christmas without James.
133
00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:39,755
Yes.
134
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,390
I'll miss those
awkward back rubs
135
00:05:41,391 --> 00:05:44,360
you used to give him
in front of the Christmas tree.
136
00:05:44,361 --> 00:05:46,697
We all will.
137
00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:58,141
So how have things been going
since you broke up?
138
00:05:58,142 --> 00:06:00,409
It was difficult at first,
139
00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:01,844
but I'm okay now.
140
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,112
Yeah?
141
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,215
Oh, he was so rich,
he was so handsome.
142
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:09,784
I just don't think
you should be okay.
143
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:14,922
Would you like it better
if I said I wasn't okay?
144
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:17,325
Yeah, yeah, I think I would.
145
00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:19,427
Honey, where were you?
146
00:06:19,428 --> 00:06:20,495
I was so worried!
147
00:06:20,496 --> 00:06:22,297
I was at the airport.
148
00:06:23,665 --> 00:06:24,666
No, you weren't.
149
00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:26,167
You were late, so we took a cab.
150
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:27,969
No, but I wasn't late.
151
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,404
She saw me.
152
00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:31,539
Oh, was that you?
153
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:33,207
I wasn't sure.
154
00:06:33,208 --> 00:06:35,309
You waved to me.
155
00:06:36,344 --> 00:06:38,178
I had a sign.
156
00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:40,614
"Mr. and Mrs. Chase."
157
00:06:40,615 --> 00:06:42,148
She does that
to everyone.
158
00:06:42,149 --> 00:06:44,417
It's a holdover from
her pageant days.
159
00:06:44,418 --> 00:06:46,619
Oh, now, isn't that
just the darnedest thing?
160
00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:49,755
Edward, I told you
I thought that was Nick.
161
00:06:49,756 --> 00:06:52,591
Oh, 'cause there's
so many scams.
162
00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:55,027
Mom, people aren't always
trying to scam you
163
00:06:55,028 --> 00:06:56,596
or pull the wool over your eyes.
164
00:06:56,597 --> 00:06:58,098
Billie...
165
00:06:58,099 --> 00:07:00,501
What's this men's deodorant
doing in here?
166
00:07:00,502 --> 00:07:01,836
That's mine.
167
00:07:01,837 --> 00:07:04,405
Pregnancy. Stinky.
168
00:07:09,244 --> 00:07:10,745
Dude, why the long face?
169
00:07:10,746 --> 00:07:11,913
Ah, man, this is great.
170
00:07:11,914 --> 00:07:13,382
It's just,
I was kind of hoping
171
00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:14,816
to spend Christmas this year
with Billie.
172
00:07:14,817 --> 00:07:16,685
I feel you, dude,
but I don't think
173
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,654
they let pregnant chicks
onto shooting ranges.
174
00:07:19,655 --> 00:07:22,357
At least not
outside of Georgia.
175
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,426
So what do
the wise men do now,
176
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:25,660
bungee-jump into a whorehouse?
177
00:07:25,661 --> 00:07:28,629
No.
But noted for next year.
178
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:31,164
My friend,
we are about to step into
179
00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:33,400
the happiest place on Earth.
180
00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:38,839
You get to pick out
181
00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,909
any Christmas
tree on the lot.
182
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:43,510
It's a pot farm.
183
00:07:43,511 --> 00:07:46,211
Dude, that's not
how you say it.
184
00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:48,847
You say, "It's
a pot farm""
185
00:07:48,848 --> 00:07:51,250
Honey, we're gonna be
short one chair.
186
00:07:51,251 --> 00:07:53,018
You still keep the
extra one in the closet?
187
00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:54,620
No, no, no, no!
188
00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:58,891
Nick likes to stand.
189
00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:05,597
Weirdo.
190
00:08:08,401 --> 00:08:11,836
Not a lighter,
not a match, nothing.
191
00:08:11,837 --> 00:08:14,038
What's this?
192
00:08:16,441 --> 00:08:20,511
It's from Billie...
and "Unborn Baby No-Name."
193
00:08:20,512 --> 00:08:22,180
Oh, that's so sweet.
194
00:08:22,181 --> 00:08:24,715
Please make it be a lighter,
please make it be a lighter.
195
00:08:24,716 --> 00:08:29,386
Oh, they're cigars to hand out,
for when the baby's born.
196
00:08:29,387 --> 00:08:31,655
Great!
More things we can't smoke.
197
00:08:31,656 --> 00:08:34,792
"It's hard to find
the perfect present
198
00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:38,263
"for the man who gave me
the most amazing gift of all.
199
00:08:38,264 --> 00:08:41,266
I'm so lucky to have you
in my life."
200
00:08:46,774 --> 00:08:48,476
What do you do when you meet
201
00:08:48,477 --> 00:08:51,612
the coolest girl you're ever
gonna meet and you're only 22?
202
00:08:51,613 --> 00:08:53,147
Keep looking.
203
00:08:53,948 --> 00:08:57,117
I'm just kidding, man.
204
00:08:57,118 --> 00:08:58,486
I get it.
205
00:09:05,494 --> 00:09:07,394
Give me the nutcracker.
206
00:09:07,395 --> 00:09:09,797
And your nut.
207
00:09:15,437 --> 00:09:18,039
So, uh, about my new
business venture,
208
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,074
you know how hard it is to eat
yogurt when you're driving?
209
00:09:21,075 --> 00:09:22,408
No, hold on
just a second.
210
00:09:22,409 --> 00:09:24,443
Let me stop watching
this football game
211
00:09:24,444 --> 00:09:27,146
so I can talk to you
about yogurt.
212
00:09:29,682 --> 00:09:31,984
This is the longest
I've seen Nick stand next to Dad
213
00:09:31,985 --> 00:09:34,553
without hyperventilating.
214
00:09:34,554 --> 00:09:36,221
I know.
215
00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:38,324
I promised Nick
I would let him handcuff me
216
00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:40,726
if he would just talk to Dad.
217
00:09:41,828 --> 00:09:43,261
Keep going!
218
00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:49,601
This is a weird Christmas.
219
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:52,404
Billie... Billie?
220
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:55,441
I-I found a pair of men's
underwear in the hamper.
221
00:09:55,442 --> 00:09:58,378
Has there been a man here
that I don't know about?
222
00:09:58,379 --> 00:10:01,147
They're Nick's.
223
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:04,017
He does that every time
he comes over here.
224
00:10:07,623 --> 00:10:10,625
Weirdo.
225
00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,797
Thank you for
marrying Nick.
226
00:10:16,798 --> 00:10:18,666
You're welcome.
227
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:22,536
We are so getting
through this day.
228
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:26,105
"Congratulations, you
just ruined Christmas""
229
00:10:26,106 --> 00:10:27,406
I know!
230
00:10:27,407 --> 00:10:29,641
We turned what used to be
a horrifying family ritual
231
00:10:29,642 --> 00:10:31,644
into an uncomfortably forced
social gathering
232
00:10:31,645 --> 00:10:33,880
we can barely tolerate.
233
00:10:35,048 --> 00:10:37,149
It's a Christmas miracle!
234
00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:38,985
No... no, no,
this is all us.
235
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:40,520
We made this happen.
236
00:10:40,521 --> 00:10:42,322
I mean, as far as
Mom and Dad know,
237
00:10:42,323 --> 00:10:44,157
Zack is a reputable,
hot, up-and-coming chef
238
00:10:44,158 --> 00:10:45,993
living in a loft
far away in Los Angeles.
239
00:10:45,994 --> 00:10:47,061
That ain't no miracle, baby.
240
00:10:47,062 --> 00:10:49,865
That is all us.
241
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,334
Dude, I don't know
where this next place is
242
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:55,970
that you're taking me, but it
smells like old people in here.
243
00:11:06,683 --> 00:11:09,318
Wow, this is great!
244
00:11:09,319 --> 00:11:12,454
Zack made it all the
way back from L.A.,
245
00:11:12,455 --> 00:11:15,057
and he's covered in
holiday cheer...?
246
00:11:16,627 --> 00:11:18,127
It's mistletoe.
247
00:11:19,296 --> 00:11:20,996
In my day...
248
00:11:20,997 --> 00:11:23,566
they called that grass.
249
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:25,701
Yeah, I'm just going
to go change my clothes.
250
00:11:25,702 --> 00:11:26,902
Or-or-or-or
you're just going
251
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,870
to dust off the
clothes you have here,
252
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:31,039
'cause all your clothes
are at your place.
253
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,174
Ah, yes.
254
00:11:33,175 --> 00:11:34,375
That is true.
255
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:36,110
I forgot.
256
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:38,078
You forgot
where you keep your clothes?
257
00:11:38,079 --> 00:11:40,214
Follow me, follow
me, follow me.
258
00:11:40,215 --> 00:11:44,418
Well, I can see where Billie
gets her shapely legs.
259
00:11:47,388 --> 00:11:49,456
And her icy stare.
260
00:11:51,726 --> 00:11:55,797
Don't you love how Nick
isn't wearing any drugs?
261
00:11:59,168 --> 00:12:00,669
What are you doing here?
262
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:02,538
I don't know.
What am I doing here?
263
00:12:02,539 --> 00:12:04,140
Dude, you were getting
all sentimental in the van,
264
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,607
so I thought you wanted
to be here
265
00:12:05,608 --> 00:12:06,608
to spend Christmas with Billie.
266
00:12:06,609 --> 00:12:08,377
So, here she is.
267
00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:10,012
Merry Christmas.
268
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:12,380
And "God bless us...
269
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,249
every one."
270
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,483
Screw that.
271
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,451
We had a plan.
272
00:12:17,452 --> 00:12:18,619
Yeah, what part of the plan
273
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,987
involves all my stuff
being gone?
274
00:12:19,988 --> 00:12:21,221
The beginning part,
275
00:12:21,222 --> 00:12:23,422
where I told my parents
you didn't live here.
276
00:12:23,423 --> 00:12:25,791
Well, where did you
tell them I live?
277
00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:29,028
In a rent-controlled
studio loft.
278
00:12:29,029 --> 00:12:30,963
No elevator, but you don't mind
279
00:12:30,964 --> 00:12:33,099
'cause it's close to shops
and restaurants.
280
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,534
Oh, that's nice.
281
00:12:34,535 --> 00:12:36,702
I don't understand why
you would lie about me.
282
00:12:36,703 --> 00:12:38,137
I'm a good guy.
283
00:12:38,138 --> 00:12:39,471
I-I go to the doctors
appointments,
284
00:12:39,472 --> 00:12:40,706
I make you eat your spinach,
285
00:12:40,707 --> 00:12:42,508
I rub your Hobbit-like
pregnancy feet.
286
00:12:42,509 --> 00:12:43,643
I would think
287
00:12:43,644 --> 00:12:45,445
that parents
would be okay with that.
288
00:12:45,446 --> 00:12:48,949
Look, my mom had this vision
of my life where I'm married
289
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:51,986
and respectable and...
that's all blown to hell.
290
00:12:51,987 --> 00:12:53,688
And my dad is a retired Marine,
291
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:56,324
who does everything by the book,
and there is
292
00:12:56,325 --> 00:12:57,625
no book for this.
293
00:12:57,626 --> 00:12:59,761
So, I told a teeny,
tiny white lie,
294
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:00,796
which entailed me and Abby
295
00:13:00,797 --> 00:13:02,631
shoving all of your stuff
into a closet.
296
00:13:02,632 --> 00:13:04,200
Now, you
can go out there
297
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,768
and tell them the truth,
298
00:13:05,769 --> 00:13:09,238
or you can hop on the
parental deception train,
299
00:13:09,239 --> 00:13:12,141
which will be running
for another two hours.
300
00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,145
All aboard.
301
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,049
If that's what you want me
to do, I'll do it.
302
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:25,652
Also, I did not expect your dad
to look like an angry giant.
303
00:13:26,454 --> 00:13:27,555
Spread 'em.
304
00:13:29,524 --> 00:13:31,992
And we're back.
305
00:13:32,994 --> 00:13:34,561
I was just telling
Mom and Dad
306
00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:36,229
about Zack's cute
studio apartment.
307
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:38,799
Loft. It's a loft.
Loft. Loft.
308
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,500
ZACK:
Uh...
309
00:13:40,501 --> 00:13:42,335
Mr. and Mrs. Chase,
I'd like to start over.
310
00:13:42,336 --> 00:13:43,536
That was really
embarrassing.
311
00:13:43,537 --> 00:13:44,704
MRS. CHASE:
You know what?
312
00:13:44,705 --> 00:13:46,973
I say, sweetheart,
that we should just
313
00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:48,241
let bygones be bygones.
314
00:13:48,242 --> 00:13:50,910
Can I talk to you
in the kitchen?
315
00:13:51,812 --> 00:13:54,514
Will bygones be bygones
in the kitchen?
316
00:13:54,515 --> 00:13:56,416
Kitchen, kitchen,
kitchen, kitchen.
317
00:14:13,569 --> 00:14:15,136
Are those Figueroas?
318
00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:16,437
Uh, yeah.
319
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,707
They're a gift from a friend.
320
00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:19,808
Yeah?
321
00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:21,176
That's my brand.
322
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:23,545
Where can we go to smoke these?
323
00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:24,880
On the roof.
324
00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:26,015
Good.
325
00:14:26,016 --> 00:14:27,817
I wanted to talk
to you anyway.
326
00:14:27,818 --> 00:14:29,451
Alone.
327
00:14:32,055 --> 00:14:34,589
How about the stoop instead?
328
00:14:36,425 --> 00:14:38,592
Roof sounds good.
329
00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,767
Go up there with them.
330
00:14:47,768 --> 00:14:49,703
Oh, no, I...
I don't like cigars.
331
00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:51,938
They... they make me throw up.
332
00:14:51,939 --> 00:14:54,708
You go up there,
and you smoke a cigar,
333
00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:57,210
and you act
like a man.
334
00:14:58,646 --> 00:15:01,315
Dumped a rich,
handsome businessman
335
00:15:01,316 --> 00:15:03,817
for Dennis the gosh darn Menace?
336
00:15:03,818 --> 00:15:05,152
That's not how it went, Mom.
337
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:06,520
I dated James for three years.
338
00:15:06,521 --> 00:15:07,855
He didn't want to marry me.
339
00:15:07,856 --> 00:15:09,156
Oh, that's lazy talk.
340
00:15:09,157 --> 00:15:10,357
What?!
341
00:15:10,358 --> 00:15:13,360
So, what's
your story, Zack?
342
00:15:13,361 --> 00:15:15,629
Uh, well, you...
you already know
343
00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:19,200
about my rent-controlled
studio loft.
344
00:15:19,201 --> 00:15:20,968
No elevators, though.
345
00:15:20,969 --> 00:15:22,503
That's hard.
346
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,772
Hey...
I know you live downstairs.
347
00:15:24,773 --> 00:15:26,675
What do you think I am,
a moron?
348
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:29,144
I was hoping.
349
00:15:29,946 --> 00:15:31,346
And no one's going to put up
350
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,215
with that ruse,
unless they're really in love.
351
00:15:33,216 --> 00:15:35,083
I've been married 40 years.
352
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:37,119
Trust me-- I know.
353
00:15:52,135 --> 00:15:53,835
"Because I can't be there today.
354
00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:56,171
Love, Zack."
355
00:16:02,510 --> 00:16:04,044
"Mom...
356
00:16:04,045 --> 00:16:06,547
"Dad...
357
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:10,618
Unborn Baby No-Name."
358
00:16:12,655 --> 00:16:16,158
So... do you love
my daughter or what?
359
00:16:17,427 --> 00:16:20,363
Well, I'm lying
to a very large ex-Marine
360
00:16:20,364 --> 00:16:23,399
on top of a very tall building,
because she asked me to.
361
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,035
So, since you're not a moron,
362
00:16:25,036 --> 00:16:27,771
you probably already know
that I do.
363
00:16:29,074 --> 00:16:30,641
The way this whole thing
happened,
364
00:16:30,642 --> 00:16:33,177
I-I know it's not by the book,
but in a few months,
365
00:16:33,178 --> 00:16:35,146
I'm going to be the father
of your grandchild,
366
00:16:35,147 --> 00:16:37,281
and I'm going to be around
a long time,
367
00:16:37,282 --> 00:16:39,284
no matter what you think of me.
368
00:16:40,119 --> 00:16:42,187
You know what I think of you?
369
00:16:42,188 --> 00:16:44,589
I think you got balls.
370
00:16:45,524 --> 00:16:47,124
And I like the fact
that you're willing
371
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,727
to lie to me
to make my daughter happy.
372
00:16:51,663 --> 00:16:52,863
God.
373
00:16:52,864 --> 00:16:54,431
Why don't they just
make out already?
374
00:16:54,432 --> 00:16:55,933
Forget about them.
375
00:16:55,934 --> 00:16:57,567
Tell me about
your idea.
376
00:16:57,568 --> 00:16:59,435
Do you ever get stuck
in traffic?
377
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,870
Yeah, all the time.
378
00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:02,805
And do you ever want
to eat yogurt?
379
00:17:02,806 --> 00:17:05,141
Dude, get out
of my head.
380
00:17:06,810 --> 00:17:08,811
So, how was
it upstairs?
381
00:17:08,812 --> 00:17:10,079
It was great.
382
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,282
I got a lot of encouragement
about my automo-gurt.
383
00:17:12,283 --> 00:17:14,151
From Dad?
No, from Davis.
384
00:17:14,152 --> 00:17:15,653
Okay.
385
00:17:15,654 --> 00:17:18,622
Well, that's a step up
from nobody.
386
00:17:19,891 --> 00:17:22,727
James, would you
pass the yams?
387
00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:24,628
Oh, I'm sorry.
388
00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:25,929
You're not James.
389
00:17:31,970 --> 00:17:33,738
So, what do you do?
390
00:17:33,739 --> 00:17:37,241
The question is:
what do I don't?
391
00:17:38,176 --> 00:17:40,978
What the hell does that mean?
392
00:17:40,979 --> 00:17:43,347
What the hell
doesn't that mean?
393
00:17:46,784 --> 00:17:48,385
Um...
394
00:17:48,386 --> 00:17:51,454
I would like to apologize
in the form of a toast.
395
00:17:51,455 --> 00:17:54,123
An "apolog-oast",
if you will.
396
00:17:55,926 --> 00:17:59,494
Mom, Daddy,
397
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,396
I lied.
398
00:18:01,397 --> 00:18:02,964
Zack lives here.
399
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:05,266
He sleeps on a futon
in the nursery.
400
00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:08,203
I didn't want
to tell you
401
00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:10,505
because I was worried about
what you would think of me,
402
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,808
and I was worried about
what you would think of Zack.
403
00:18:12,809 --> 00:18:14,042
But none of that matters,
404
00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:15,677
because all that matters
is what I
405
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:19,647
and Unborn Baby No-Name
think of Zack.
406
00:18:19,648 --> 00:18:22,684
And we think
he's wonderful.
407
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:26,188
Zack, I can't wait
till next Christmas,
408
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,657
when we can hang these stockings
as a family.
409
00:18:28,658 --> 00:18:30,726
Then I can have
some real eggnog.
410
00:18:32,495 --> 00:18:35,831
And I hope that you forgive me
for lying to you,
411
00:18:35,832 --> 00:18:37,566
'cause Christmas
is all about forgiveness.
412
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:38,701
And ham.
413
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,369
Well, mostly ham.
414
00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:43,806
So, Zack, do you forgive me?
415
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,976
I'll do you one better
than that.
416
00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:59,321
What is happening?
What is happening?
417
00:19:00,156 --> 00:19:01,690
Oh, my God!
418
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:04,826
Dude, I'm way too high for this.
419
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,831
Billie...
420
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,568
I love you.
421
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,369
Will you marry me?
422
00:19:18,106 --> 00:19:19,240
Congratulations.
423
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,274
You just ruined Christmas.
424
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,780
This is so unexpected.
425
00:19:27,781 --> 00:19:29,449
My whole life,
I always wondered
426
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:31,284
what it would be like
to hear those words,
427
00:19:31,285 --> 00:19:33,520
and I just did,
and my head is spinning,
428
00:19:33,521 --> 00:19:37,124
and my ring
is a cigar band, and...
429
00:19:37,125 --> 00:19:39,093
I'm overwhelmed.
430
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,361
So am I.
431
00:19:40,362 --> 00:19:42,864
Okay, look, I've tried
to do what you want
432
00:19:42,865 --> 00:19:45,567
and keep boundaries
between us, but...
433
00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:47,269
I love you.
434
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,304
You're funny, and you're sexy,
435
00:19:48,305 --> 00:19:49,538
and you sleep down the hall,
436
00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:50,673
and you're carrying my baby.
437
00:19:50,674 --> 00:19:52,809
And I know
I don't make a lot of money,
438
00:19:52,810 --> 00:19:54,043
but I can sell some stuff,
439
00:19:54,044 --> 00:19:56,279
and I'm taking a course
on eBay right now to...
440
00:20:02,388 --> 00:20:03,988
Is that a "yes"?
441
00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:12,731
That's "I don't know."
442
00:20:13,499 --> 00:20:16,434
Can't wait for the "yes" kiss.
443
00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,329
It smells so woodlandy fresh
in here.
444
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:28,566
Do you have one of those
little air fresheners
445
00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:29,967
that looks like a tree?
446
00:20:29,968 --> 00:20:31,302
Yep.
447
00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:32,904
All right.
448
00:20:32,905 --> 00:20:35,273
Behold the invention
revolutionizing
449
00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:37,809
the mobile consumption
of fermented dairy:
450
00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:39,544
the automo-gurt.
451
00:20:39,545 --> 00:20:41,746
Okay, so once the cup
is in place,
452
00:20:41,747 --> 00:20:43,514
you simply push this button,
Yeah.
453
00:20:43,515 --> 00:20:45,249
and the spring-loaded arm
gently...
454
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:56,250
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455
00:20:56,300 --> 00:21:00,850
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