All language subtitles for The.Wisdom.Of.Trauma.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO-2
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:29,070
Our earliest experiences
being in the womb
2
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:32,073
form the template of
who we believe we are,
3
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,325
about how we see other people,
4
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,036
and our place in the world.
5
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:47,881
When I see human faces, I see beauty,
6
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,091
I see tremendous suffering
7
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:53,803
and enormous potential for transcendence.
8
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,522
A Greek playwright wrote
that the Gods created us
9
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:07,692
human beings so that we
have to suffer into truth.
10
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,402
Our job as human beings is to learn
11
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,780
from our suffering.
12
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,915
We don't have to keep
perpetuating pain for ourselves
13
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,958
and inflicting suffering onto others.
14
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,254
In working with so many other people,
15
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,631
I've learned that working
16
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:33,510
through trauma can teach us so much wisdom
17
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,013
and can reveal the
beauty of our existence,
18
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,475
that because of trauma,
you had lost sight of.
19
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,607
My name is Gabor Mate and
I'm a retired medical doctor
20
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,652
and these days I travel the world speaking
21
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:35,905
and teaching about child
development, health,
22
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:38,950
illness, stress and trauma.
23
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,912
And speaking about trauma is really part
24
00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,789
of the zeitgeist these days.
25
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:47,417
And I'm very passionate
about it for a simple reason:
26
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,880
because in 30 years or
more of medical practice
27
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,506
and of addiction medicine,
28
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,050
what I found was that the common template
29
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:59,345
for virtually all
afflictions, mental illness,
30
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:02,265
physical disease is in fact trauma.
31
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,355
And there's a wisdom in trauma
32
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:14,319
when we realize that our
traumatic responses and imprints
33
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,906
are not ourselves and that
we can work them through
34
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,657
and thus become ourselves.
35
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,636
Virtually every week there's a study
36
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,429
that more and more people are needing
37
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:45,016
or seeking help for mental health issues.
38
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,602
More and more youth are
diagnosed with anxiety,
39
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,730
many more kids are diagnosed
with the whole plethora
40
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,107
of childhood conditions, such as ADHD,
41
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,902
(Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).
42
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,739
Depression is rising,
youth suicide is rising,
43
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,491
addictions are rising.
44
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,909
Genuinely, it's an epidemic.
45
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:13,628
20% of youth or more are
now diagnosable with anxiety
46
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,296
according to all the recent studies.
47
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,215
That's one-fifth.
48
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,258
And those are all only people
49
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,969
who are sufficiently
anxious to be diagnosed.
50
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,971
We're talking about an epidemic.
51
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,395
- When you grew up in a
circumstance like I grew up,
52
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,438
you're waiting for
somebody to scream at you,
53
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,399
you're waiting for something to be thrown,
54
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,650
you don't know if you're going to eat,
55
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,318
you don't know if you're
going to be evicted.
56
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:40,989
So you're constantly anxious and stressed.
57
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,616
I used to think this was a rarity
58
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,118
but when I talked to people,
59
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:50,123
a huge number of people have
these traumatic experiences
60
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:54,210
as a child that carry,
they carry with them.
61
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,796
It's like a monkey on your back.
62
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,848
- Trauma is an overwhelming threat
63
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,349
that you don't how to deal with.
64
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:13,438
So trauma is not the bad
things that happen to you,
65
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,064
but what happens inside you
66
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,983
as a result of what happens to you.
67
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:28,953
- My father was shot and
killed on December 25th, 1999.
68
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,622
They found his body in
someone's front yard.
69
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,750
So essentially I didn't
have anybody to raise me.
70
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,169
So I was raised in the
juvenile court system.
71
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,464
I've lived on the streets
72
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,591
since I was 10-years-old by myself.
73
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,677
The law didn't scare me.
74
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:45,970
I mean, they could have locked me up,
75
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:46,929
I mean what's the difference?
76
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,598
Nobody out here is gonna miss me.
77
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:59,192
- My mother, alcoholic. Bad alcoholic.
78
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,818
My father, sex addiction.
79
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:06,532
His sex addiction ruined our whole family.
80
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,202
Cheating. Caused divorce.
81
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,878
I started heroin at 26.
82
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,174
That's what really destroyed me.
83
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,805
It just takes the pain away.
84
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,973
I tried building my dream so many times.
85
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,725
I don't really have a dream no more.
86
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:41,150
- So trauma fundamentally means
a disconnection from self.
87
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,652
Why do we get disconnected?
88
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,446
Because it's too painful to be ourselves.
89
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:48,825
That then becomes a lifelong dynamic.
90
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,035
I no longer know how
to deal with emotions.
91
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,206
It means that in relationships
when I feel a bit hurt,
92
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,458
I immediately withdraw
so I don't have to feel
93
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,877
those emotions that I
don't know what to do with.
94
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,297
So there's a disconnect.
95
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,383
It also means that when
I have a gut feelings,
96
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,592
I don't follow them.
97
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,055
So I create situations of risk for myself.
98
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:15,393
The trauma also affects
how our brains develop.
99
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:19,564
Certain key brain circuits
that have to do with
100
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,400
how we react and respond
and regulate ourselves,
101
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:26,571
how we handle stress, how we
interact with other people,
102
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,448
how much empathy and insight we have,
103
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,241
how much compassion we have.
104
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,202
These functions of the mid-frontal cortex
105
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,079
are limited and constricted by trauma
106
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:37,748
because we now know
that the brain develops
107
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,250
in interaction with the environment.
108
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,169
So the brains of traumatized children
109
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:44,005
don't look like the brains
of non-traumatized children.
110
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:47,842
- You can take it, please.
111
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,427
- I've had enough of your crap.
112
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,929
You're gonna start acting like a young man
113
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:53,264
instead of a toddler.
114
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,098
- As a matter of fact,
115
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,141
her ass is on punishment right now
116
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,560
and she ain't even gonna
go the fuck back outside.
117
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,145
- What the fuck are you doing?
118
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,521
Dad, I swear to god.
119
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,355
- No, no, wait.
120
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,315
- There's no other way for
121
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,774
you to learn this.
- Dad.
122
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,067
Please, stop.
123
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,365
- During your first 18 years of life,
124
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,745
if a parent or other
adult in the household
125
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:19,081
often or very often would swear at you,
126
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:23,503
insult you, put you down or humiliate you,
127
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,546
step inside the circle.
128
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:33,095
If a parent or other
adult in the household
129
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:35,890
often pushed, grabbed, slapped
130
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,894
or threw something at you,
step inside the circle.
131
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,649
If a parent or other
adult in the household
132
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:48,486
often or very often ever hit you so hard
133
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:53,115
that you had marks or were
injured, step inside the circle.
134
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:58,663
If you often felt that no
one in your family loved you,
135
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:01,332
step inside the circle.
136
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,334
Step inside the circle.
137
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,434
I think society got prison wrong
138
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:23,145
and they're seeing
what's wrong with people
139
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,147
instead of what happened to people.
140
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,818
Our mission at Compassion Prison Project
141
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,279
is to transform communities and prisons
142
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,030
with compassionate action.
143
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,492
An adverse childhood
experience is a terrible event
144
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:38,911
that continues to happen to a child.
145
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:43,291
And there's no way to know
when it's gonna happen again,
146
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,294
which puts the kid into
a hypervigilant state.
147
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,462
I have eight of those
aces, and when I found out
148
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,591
I have eight adverse childhood experiences
149
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,552
and that my behavior was a direct result
150
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,305
of the trauma that I
experienced in childhood,
151
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,181
it changed my life.
152
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,560
Men and women in prison, 64% of them
153
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,103
have six or more of those.
154
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,212
- Hi. Gabor.
155
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,380
- Monique.
- Monique?
156
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,214
Hi, Gabor.
157
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,053
I feel like I'm in a throne.
158
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,388
I wanna talk to you guys about why
159
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,848
you think you got addicted,
160
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,725
about what may have
happened to you as a child,
161
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,810
the way you saw yourself as
being deficient, somehow.
162
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,521
- I was kidnapped at 16 and sold off.
163
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:50,524
So that's a trauma and
that's just something that's
164
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,403
in my life that you
can't turn around, right?
165
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,738
- Kidnapped by whom?
166
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,826
- It was a taxi driver who
took me and a girlfriend
167
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,578
when we were 16.
- Okay.
168
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,122
- And held us
for six months in a motel
169
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,624
and sold off my virginity.
170
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,094
- And the police was looking
171
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,595
for you all that time, and...
172
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,640
- Well, my mom just thought
that I had run away from home,
173
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,892
so she didn't look for me.
- She didn't look for you?
174
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:25,726
- No.
175
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,478
- I really need your permission to
176
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,815
continue or not to continue.
- It's okay.
177
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,899
I give my permission.
178
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,278
- The taxi driver knew
exactly who to kidnap.
179
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,413
The predator can always tell
who is without protection.
180
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,292
Anybody hit you as a child?
181
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,585
- Yes, my father.
182
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,339
He would spank us and take a belt to us.
183
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,884
- Do you remember how that felt to you?
184
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:01,595
- Like I just remember the pain of it,
185
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,556
instead of thinking, oh, why?
186
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,724
Why did I deserve this?
187
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,393
I just remember the pain and the...
188
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,894
- And how long did that go on for?
189
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,896
- Well until I was approximately 16
190
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,648
and started fighting back.
191
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,650
- So, 10 or 11 years?
- Yeah.
192
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,484
- Okay.
193
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,403
Let's say you're the
mother of the five-year-old
194
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,281
and this five-year-old
is being hit with a belt,
195
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,991
and she's in pain.
196
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,325
She doesn't understand, you know,
197
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,119
she's just, it just hurts.
198
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,996
And it hurts emotionally
199
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,541
because this man who is supposed
to love me is beating me.
200
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,002
So when you're being hit like that,
201
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,712
there's only two possibilities.
202
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,839
My father is a bad person or hates me
203
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,800
or I'm a bad person.
204
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,972
So the only protection is to believe that,
205
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,143
oh, I'm not lovable.
206
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:50,811
Let's say you're the mother
of the five-year-old.
207
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:53,939
Who would you want that
five-year-old to talk to?
208
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,107
- Myself.
209
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,276
- Okay. Who did you talk to?
210
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,110
- Nobody.
211
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,029
- That's the trauma.
212
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,784
In other words, by the time
you were five-years-old,
213
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:08,245
you were completely alone.
214
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,291
What I'm suggesting really, Alicia,
215
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,335
is that your mother was traumatized, too.
216
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,837
Do you know anything about her childhood?
217
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,006
- Well, she was abused as a child as well
218
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,591
from an alcoholic father.
219
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,343
- See, she learned in her childhood
220
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,679
not to pay attention to her feelings.
221
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,264
That's the only way she could survive.
222
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:28,098
- Yeah.
223
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,099
- So the reason she didn't know it
224
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,226
was not because she didn't love you,
225
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,479
but because she herself
was shut down inside.
226
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,523
And that's what I'm saying,
227
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,607
it's multi-generational
228
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:37,900
- Mm-hm.
- Okay?
229
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,318
- It sucks.
- Yeah.
230
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,529
You can't pick out who's at fault here.
231
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,531
It didn't begin with anybody.
232
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:47,701
It goes on and on and on from
one generation to the next.
233
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,874
- We were talking about
the effects of slavery
234
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,919
on our behavior, and
I'll be honest with you,
235
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,921
I ain't agree with it
when I first heard it.
236
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,464
But then when he talked
about the discipline
237
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,050
I had a flashback of how
I used to get whipped
238
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:03,968
with a bullwhip.
239
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:05,928
Naked.
240
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,097
I hadn't put the two and two together,
241
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,517
but I realized, that's
how slaves were whipped,
242
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,018
because it was generational trauma
243
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,313
passed on from one
mother to another mother
244
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,858
to another mother and
then passed on to me.
245
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,986
I still got marks on my
legs and stuff behind that.
246
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,946
And I just remembered there
was no one I could run to.
247
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,489
No one that would help me.
248
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:27,575
And she just was telling
me how much she loved me
249
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,035
as she cried and she
beat me with a bullwhip.
250
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,470
- He's the best-selling
author of four books
251
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:51,765
published in 12 languages
sold on five continents.
252
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,686
Please welcome Dr. Gabor Mate.
253
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,191
- I actually wrote my speech out tonight,
254
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,111
which I don't usually do
but maybe of nervousness
255
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:06,572
in front of this group of strong women.
256
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,284
The truth is that guys
are afraid of women.
257
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,913
I don't know if you
realize that, but that's,
258
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,957
a lot of the stuff that we
do is totally out of fear.
259
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:17,791
Well,
260
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:23,505
When you felt bad as a
kid, who did you speak to?
261
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,343
When the pain is there and
there's no one to share it with,
262
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,304
and the child's got
very limited resources,
263
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,972
to deal with that, and what they do
264
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,099
is they disconnect from themselves.
265
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,769
When you disconnect from yourself,
266
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,395
you no longer have yourself.
267
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:39,813
You've lost yourself.
268
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,190
When we talk about trauma,
269
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:46,278
we usually think of something
terrible happening to a person
270
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,739
but that's not the only trauma there is.
271
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,282
As the other kind of trauma may not
272
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,494
have to do with terrible
things happening to you.
273
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,995
- Most people look at my childhood
274
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:57,039
and they're like: damn, you had an awesome
275
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:02,044
childhood, and because I had everything.
276
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:06,548
I come from upper, upper middle
class, you know, in Idaho,
277
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:10,511
and I got everything given to me,
278
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,763
but that was their way of parenting.
279
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:13,722
They'd give me everything.
280
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,058
So I'd shut up and wouldn't bug them.
281
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,893
They were too busy, they
were always working.
282
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,690
- So children don't get
traumatized because they get hurt.
283
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,400
Children get traumatized because
284
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,485
they're alone with the hurt.
285
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,028
- I'm a lifer inmate.
286
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,447
I'm here on a first degree murder.
287
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,616
I committed my crime
when I was 20-years-old.
288
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:36,704
And I asked myself what events in my life
289
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,789
brought me to the point
where I could think
290
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,749
that it's okay to take a human life?
291
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,752
And it had to do with a lot of
292
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,130
adverse childhood experiences.
293
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,966
My main one as to why I
started going downhill
294
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:52,469
was being abandoned by my father.
295
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,387
I looked up to him.
296
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,015
I wanted to be just like my dad.
297
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,975
He was my hero.
298
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,353
When I turned eight or nine-years-old,
299
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,399
he got deported to Mexico,
and that devastated me.
300
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,443
As a kid, my mom used to tell me,
301
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:11,405
Mi hijo, pray to God
that he will come back,
302
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,573
but he never came.
303
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,705
- A baby that you don't
pick up will actually die.
304
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,498
Even if you feed them and you change them
305
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,167
and look after them,
306
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,587
because they get overwhelmed
by their feelings
307
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,422
and they get over stressed.
308
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:33,427
And so the baby needs the
mother's and the father's brain
309
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:38,807
to regulate her own brain,
to regulate her emotions.
310
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,477
It's not just that you're overwhelmed.
311
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,645
It's also there's nobody
there to hold you.
312
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,736
There's a huge school of
thought in North America
313
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,322
that teaches mothers to
help their babies sleep
314
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,615
by ignoring their crying.
315
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,620
Nevermind the mother's milk,
316
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,081
the infant just wants to attach,
317
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,958
because the only way the infant
can attach is physically.
318
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:15,177
When he's not being held, he's
not being attached to them.
319
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,013
When that's done night
after night after night,
320
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,973
that's traumatic. And we're still telling
321
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,183
mothers to do that.
322
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,689
If you actually look
at genuine human needs,
323
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,526
if you connect the gut and
the heart and the soul,
324
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,236
then there's nothing more normal
325
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,780
than a child sleeping
in the arms of a parent.
326
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:45,707
So I've often thought about
the sources of my own issues.
327
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:49,002
An infant two months of age in Hungary,
328
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,589
when the Germans, the Nazis,
marched into the country
329
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,217
and they began to exterminate
the Jewish population.
330
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,302
So that was my first year of life,
331
00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,806
with a terrorized mother,
grandparents killed in Auschwitz,
332
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,183
a father away in forced labor,
333
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:08,188
antisemitism, the ever nearing
shadow of annihilation,
334
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,024
and ultimately a
separation from my mother.
335
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,278
I was a little short of one-year-old
336
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,114
when my mother had to
hand me to a stranger
337
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,615
in the ghetto of Budapest
338
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,412
and send me away to some
relatives in hiding,
339
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,165
so we didn't see each other for six weeks,
340
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,250
and she didn't know if
she would live or not.
341
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,460
In her diary she said: "this was
342
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,713
the hardest six weeks of her life."
343
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,801
That was the experience of the first
344
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,220
nearly year and a half of my life.
345
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,472
And sometimes I thought, well, gee,
346
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,600
I must have received a lot
of love at the same time
347
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,227
otherwise I'd be a lot more
crazy than I actually am.
348
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:51,732
For trauma to happen,
349
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,651
you don't need second World
War and you don't need racism,
350
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:55,861
you don't need genocide,
351
00:19:55,861 --> 00:20:00,240
and you don't need the privations of war.
352
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,369
You just need parents who are so alienated
353
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,496
from their own gut
feelings that they will let
354
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,874
their infants cry without picking them up
355
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,418
and that child is desperate
for a relationship.
356
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:12,419
That's all it takes.
357
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,390
- Well, hi.
- Hi Alison.
358
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,059
- Welcome.
- Hi, Gabor.
359
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,685
- Welcome, Gabor.
360
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:29,519
- Wow.
361
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,813
What a view.
362
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:32,814
- Thank you.
363
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:39,696
For me being a drug addict,
the deep down need to escape,
364
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:47,329
I think it's almost into
a more realistic place
365
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:51,500
than the insanity that we see,
the chaos we see around us.
366
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,586
I just wanted that place all the time.
367
00:20:56,713 --> 00:21:00,717
I can really talk for the
37 years I've been recovered
368
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:05,514
and have had slips in
the program, quote, AA.
369
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,515
- And what's the fear?
370
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,183
- Well, the fear is I'll be abandoned.
371
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,935
It's back with the homo sapiens,
372
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,062
I'll be thrown out of the cave.
373
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,189
- What is your fear of being abandoned?
374
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,774
- Well naturally that I'll die
375
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,027
unless I do all of the
stuff for other people.
376
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,989
- When you do all
the stuff for the people,
377
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,198
- Mm-hm.
378
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,284
- what are you doing to yourself?
379
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,952
- I'm abandoning me.
- Yeah.
380
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:27,869
- Yeah.
- Okay.
381
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,997
- Yeah.
- So you're actually enacting
382
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,582
your worst fear.
- Mm-hm.
383
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,796
I was the youngest of five,
very ambitious family,
384
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:41,466
very successful, except
everyone's an alcoholic.
385
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:43,927
I go in the bar, they're drinking.
386
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,264
There's no room for me.
387
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,933
It's like, oh, shut up Alison, shut up.
388
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,310
You're wrong. You're wrong.
389
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,854
So my job was to be wrong in the family.
390
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,026
I'll never forget my mother saying to me:
391
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,737
"I just don't understand you!"
392
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,822
And I was six-years-old and I thought,
393
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:07,326
my god, if you don't
understand me, I'm lost.
394
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,081
- Allow me to give you
another perception of you.
395
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,916
You're the one that more than others
396
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:17,919
absorbs all the pain and
stress in the family.
397
00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:22,883
And then you manifest it and
they can't stand seeing it.
398
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,052
So in exiling you, they're exiling
399
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,179
their own pain and stress.
- Right, right.
400
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:34,478
- As a child, we have
two fundamental needs.
401
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,067
One need that's with us since infancy,
402
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:43,445
and it's absolute and it's
not negotiable is attachment.
403
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,159
And so the other need
then is authenticity.
404
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,497
Authenticity, therefore, is
the connection to ourselves,
405
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:55,832
because without authenticity,
406
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,459
without a connection to our gut feelings,
407
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,920
just how long do you
survive out there in nature?
408
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,092
So authenticity is not some new age,
409
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:07,344
pseudo-spiritual concept.
410
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,805
It's actually a survival necessity.
411
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:21,108
What happens if in order to survive
412
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:24,277
or to adjust to your environment,
413
00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:26,488
you have to suppress your gut feelings,
414
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:28,407
you have to suppress your authenticity?
415
00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:32,702
So normal society does not allow anger,
416
00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,790
and the child who's
angry must be separated.
417
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:37,916
In other words, we have to threaten
418
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:41,253
his attachment to relationships,
on which is life depends
419
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,130
so that he can suppress his emotions.
420
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,632
Well that child, if he
learns the lesson well,
421
00:23:45,632 --> 00:23:47,551
will disconnect from their anger,
422
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,428
and then he's a sitting
duck for depression,
423
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,721
mental illness or for physical illness.
424
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,267
Okay, so kid is angry,
but how about helping him
425
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,727
move through the anger to
learn how to modulate it?
426
00:23:57,727 --> 00:24:00,647
Not to repress it, but to learn
to become friends with it.
427
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:03,442
We don't want people that are not angry.
428
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,110
We want people to know that anger
429
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,653
doesn't have to be destructive.
430
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,074
What were you pushing down
when you were depressed?
431
00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:13,994
- Anger.
- Right.
432
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,579
You were pushing down-
- Rage.
433
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,872
- You were pushing down your anger, right?
434
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:17,706
- Yeah.
435
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,543
- Can you see how
why for a six-year-old
436
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:24,504
it might be a really brilliant
idea to push down the rage?
437
00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:25,338
- Yeah.
438
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:26,173
- Why?
439
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,967
- For survival.
440
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:29,801
- Exactly.
441
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,013
You talked about your many failures.
442
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,599
I just want you to pick one.
443
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:39,352
- The fear if left on my
own, I won't get out of bed.
444
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,147
I've done that before.
445
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,527
- And you regard
that as a failure?
446
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:49,863
- Falling apart I
regard that as a failure.
447
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:50,989
- You regard that as a failure?
448
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:51,823
- Right.
449
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:52,782
- Okay.
450
00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:54,534
So your failure is that you got depressed
451
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,661
and as you put it, you fell apart.
452
00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:57,537
Is that the failure?
453
00:24:57,537 --> 00:24:59,164
- Yeah.
454
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,707
- Just identify the age that you
455
00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,626
first recall being depressed then.
456
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:08,256
- Probably about six or seven.
457
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:09,841
- How old are your kids now?
458
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,386
My oldest daughter is 33,
459
00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:17,224
my son is 30 and my
youngest daughter's 27.
460
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:18,058
- Okay.
461
00:25:18,975 --> 00:25:21,561
Choose one as a thought
experiment right now,
462
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:23,772
and I want you to imagine
them at age seven.
463
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,690
- Mm-hm.
464
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,359
- Let's say they get depressed.
465
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:33,615
Would you go to them and
say: "You are total failure?"
466
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:35,575
- Of course not.
467
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:37,077
- Why not?
468
00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:39,162
Notice you're calling yourself a failure?
469
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:44,376
I'm going to say something radical to you.
470
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,210
- Okay.
471
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,212
- The depression was a major success,
472
00:25:48,421 --> 00:25:49,256
not a failure.
473
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:52,467
Okay? Now I know that
sounds ridiculous, but-
474
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:53,885
- No, no. I'm listening.
475
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:56,972
You're telling me that having that pain
476
00:25:56,972 --> 00:26:00,600
showed me deeper inside of myself,
477
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,853
how I was abandoning myself.
- Precisely.
478
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:06,189
So maybe you want to stop
calling it a failure.
479
00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:07,607
- Mm-hm.
480
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,570
- You go through
your whole life like that
481
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,447
and see how everything that
you judge about yourself
482
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,491
actually served the purpose at the time.
483
00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:17,325
- Yeah.
484
00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:19,536
Yeah.
485
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:22,998
Mm-hm.
486
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:24,874
- Really, isn't it simple?
- It is simple.
487
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:31,423
- Gabor Mate, thanks very much
for coming on Under the Skin.
488
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,341
The reason I'm so excited to talk to you,
489
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:35,635
the reason that I believe
you're having such
490
00:26:35,635 --> 00:26:39,264
an important cultural
impact is because of your
491
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:43,435
rare compassion and insight
into the world of addiction.
492
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,520
When it was heroin, I would like have,
493
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,732
I would reflect. Well, after
I'd used and just go, right,
494
00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,400
this isn't for me, this has got to stop.
495
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,193
This is not a sustainable system.
496
00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:53,486
- You think you'd never need it anymore
497
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:54,821
'cause you feel complete.
- Mm.
498
00:26:54,821 --> 00:26:57,782
- And then comes the
remorse of what have I done?
499
00:26:57,782 --> 00:26:59,618
And then you say I don't need
to do to this ever again.
500
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,745
And then by the time I'm home,
501
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:02,871
I'm running back to the store again
502
00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,665
to get the next thing that I didn't buy.
503
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:08,877
In the life of every person
who's ever been addicted
504
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,671
and ever will be addicted,
there's always trauma.
505
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:18,386
An addiction is any behavior
506
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:21,514
that a person finds
relief in the short term
507
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:24,559
and craves but suffers
negative consequences
508
00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:26,227
and cannot give it up.
509
00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:27,062
There are so many addictions.
510
00:27:27,062 --> 00:27:30,857
Could be drugs, obviously,
alcohol, nicotine.
511
00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:33,568
Could also be sex, could be gambling,
512
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:36,404
could be shopping, could be eating,
513
00:27:36,404 --> 00:27:39,199
could be pornography,
could be the internet,
514
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:44,204
could be gaming, could be
work, could be relationships.
515
00:27:44,537 --> 00:27:46,539
That's what an addiction is.
516
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:54,756
First issue is not why the addiction
517
00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:55,840
but why the pain?
518
00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:14,401
In our society there are
two myths around addiction.
519
00:28:14,401 --> 00:28:15,902
The pernicious line is the belief
520
00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:18,279
that addiction is a choice
and that the decisions
521
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:19,781
that arise out of addictions
522
00:28:19,781 --> 00:28:23,034
are therefore a matter of
individual culpability.
523
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:25,286
And so therefore addicts for the most part
524
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:26,913
are punished for being addicted.
525
00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:29,833
Now the other belief around addiction,
526
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:32,293
but still misleading, is that
it's an inherited disease,
527
00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:34,462
it's a biological disorder of the brain.
528
00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:36,464
That belief is more humane,
529
00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:37,924
much more than the choice belief,
530
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:40,468
because at least if
somebody inherits a disease,
531
00:28:40,468 --> 00:28:42,595
they're not to be punished for it
532
00:28:42,595 --> 00:28:44,681
but they are to be provided
533
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,684
with treatment as with any disease.
534
00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:50,895
However, it's also
misleading because it ignores
535
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,689
why people really get addicted,
536
00:28:52,689 --> 00:28:54,983
which has got nothing to do with disease.
537
00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:58,278
It's among the normal
human responses to trauma.
538
00:28:58,278 --> 00:28:59,112
When people are suffering,
539
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:00,780
they want to escape their suffering.
540
00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:01,740
That's normal.
541
00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:31,311
- My name is Tuta Ponchiao Chi.
542
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:33,021
I'm 43-years-old.
543
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:36,232
I come from a family of
Thai restaurant owners.
544
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:38,777
I moved away when I was 14.
545
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,653
I was never good enough.
546
00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:43,072
I mean, I think if I had
parents who didn't really care
547
00:29:43,072 --> 00:29:45,992
and was lenient, no, I
don't think I would have
548
00:29:45,992 --> 00:29:49,204
really got right into it
and really got addicted.
549
00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:51,748
I might've just, you know,
tried it once or twice,
550
00:29:51,748 --> 00:29:54,793
but I think the pressure
was on from the upbringing
551
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:57,086
and having to feel like I had to achieve
552
00:29:57,086 --> 00:30:00,256
and be the best of what
I did, an A student.
553
00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:03,343
And so when I moved away,
I really wanted to prove
554
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:05,678
not just myself but to them that I was
555
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:06,888
more than what they saw.
556
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:09,974
You know, I did apply
to Stanford University.
557
00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:12,143
That was my number one choice.
558
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:14,187
I was disappointed I didn't get in.
559
00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:17,106
And San Francisco State
University was my second choice
560
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,943
and while there I did do the same things
561
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:21,903
that I was doing when
I was in high school,
562
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:24,823
playing for the NCWA, singing choir.
563
00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:29,911
With doing so many things,
pledging sororities
564
00:30:29,911 --> 00:30:32,121
and doing, being different club members,
565
00:30:32,121 --> 00:30:35,875
I'm saying I was just trying
to find my way in the world.
566
00:30:35,875 --> 00:30:38,378
And then I started to work
at the nightclubs here.
567
00:30:38,378 --> 00:30:41,339
And so I think that's
when I really evolved
568
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:42,924
because I wanted to do everything.
569
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:44,217
I wanted to go to school,
570
00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:47,470
I wanted to work, but I
needed to do homework as well.
571
00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:49,556
So the pressure was on then.
572
00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:52,058
So then it got into heavier drugs,
573
00:30:52,058 --> 00:30:53,643
so I needed the meth to stay up.
574
00:30:57,063 --> 00:30:59,899
- I think our society just
doesn't understand addiction.
575
00:30:59,899 --> 00:31:01,943
Without the addiction,
they felt incomplete,
576
00:31:01,943 --> 00:31:03,778
they felt this huge emptiness inside.
577
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:08,867
It's as if the addiction
was to complete themselves,
578
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:13,872
and to somehow temporarily
cover up the emptiness.
579
00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:19,460
Why the finger-pointing, why the judgments
580
00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:22,338
on a particular group of
people who are addicted
581
00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:24,340
who happen to use substances?
582
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:29,429
My first job that I ever had
as a physician in Vancouver
583
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:30,680
after I did my internship was actually
584
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,891
in the downtown east side of Vancouver.
585
00:31:32,891 --> 00:31:34,809
It's North America's most concentrated
586
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,395
and most dramatic area of drug use
587
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,148
where there's more people injecting
588
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:44,277
and ingesting and inhaling
all kinds of substances
589
00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:46,779
than anywhere else in the planet.
590
00:31:46,779 --> 00:31:49,866
And I go this old, broken down hotel
591
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:52,493
with cracking paint on the walls
592
00:31:52,493 --> 00:31:55,496
and there's strange
people walking in and out,
593
00:31:55,496 --> 00:31:58,166
and I felt totally at home right away.
594
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,710
And after two years, I
shifted my full-time work
595
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,003
to the downtown east side.
596
00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:05,465
So I worked there for 12 years.
597
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:11,095
They all had suffered
tremendous torment as children,
598
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,932
which also meant that their
addictions were extreme.
599
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:17,852
They were quite willing
to sacrifice love, life,
600
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:21,606
relationship, health
just for the next hit.
601
00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:24,067
They were that desperate
to escape from reality
602
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:26,361
because reality had been so cruel to them.
603
00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:30,073
We were dealing with people
with severe infections.
604
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,824
They would inject drugs.
605
00:32:31,824 --> 00:32:33,701
That would give them abscesses,
606
00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:36,913
not only in their skin or their muscles,
607
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:39,165
but also in their brains,
608
00:32:39,165 --> 00:32:42,585
in their spinal cord, in their joints.
609
00:32:42,585 --> 00:32:44,545
So they have to be hospitalized,
610
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,172
which is the only facility
where you can deliver
611
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,675
IV antibiotics several times a day.
612
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,551
But they were users, so there'd be
613
00:32:50,551 --> 00:32:52,887
always absconding from the hospital
614
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:55,556
and even using the IV
lines to inject through.
615
00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:57,725
So inevitably they would
be kicked out of hospital,
616
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:00,061
which means that their
life-threatening infections
617
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,145
would be untreated.
618
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,315
This is how I met Joey Carter.
619
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:08,236
I think I pushed him
across an intersection once
620
00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:09,612
in his wheelchair, maybe
that's the first time
621
00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:10,655
we actually met.
622
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,409
- And you helped me out and
you said, what are you doing?
623
00:33:14,409 --> 00:33:16,119
Enough's enough.
624
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:19,038
I'm going to admit you to CTC-R,
are you going to go there?
625
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,291
And I was like, well,
what about my addiction?
626
00:33:23,459 --> 00:33:25,795
And then you said, well,
what are you using?
627
00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:29,007
And I said, well, I've been
using morphine and m-eslon.
628
00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:31,551
I said, how many will you give me a day?
629
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,761
You said as many as you
have in your pocket.
630
00:33:40,309 --> 00:33:41,936
- By meeting people where they're at
631
00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:44,939
and treating them like human beings
632
00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:46,524
and not trying to change them
633
00:33:47,775 --> 00:33:50,611
actually opens up the possibility
634
00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,530
of transformation for them.
635
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,365
And Joey's a plain example.
636
00:33:56,325 --> 00:33:58,327
- 'Cause they had come
in like every four hours
637
00:33:58,327 --> 00:34:00,246
to give me my morphine.
- Yeah.
638
00:34:00,246 --> 00:34:02,749
- And I wasn't needing it.
639
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:04,625
I was saving it, right.
640
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:07,754
And I woke up and there is
like morphine all over the bed
641
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,338
and I thought it was in heaven.
642
00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:13,676
- I do recall your poetry,
643
00:34:13,676 --> 00:34:16,888
and you were a very, a very avid writer.
644
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:17,722
- Yeah.
645
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:19,474
- And you've shared some of that with me.
646
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:24,187
Is there one that, you know,
that you can recite now?
647
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:25,021
- Yeah.
648
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:26,981
It goes
649
00:34:26,981 --> 00:34:30,985
I misbehave when I crave to
push the venom in my veins.
650
00:34:30,985 --> 00:34:32,987
I lose all control of my inner soul
651
00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:35,114
and my demons hold the reins.
652
00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:38,451
I deceive whoever believes,
I twist their open trust.
653
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:40,661
With nefarious precision
and tunnel vision,
654
00:34:40,661 --> 00:34:42,789
I pursue the venom with lust.
655
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,123
With the desire so strong,
656
00:34:44,123 --> 00:34:46,793
I forget all bonds
hurting the ones I adore,
657
00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,045
And even though they love
me, they move on from me
658
00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:50,922
to let me fight my war.
659
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,757
Uncontrollable, I'm inconsolable,
660
00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:54,592
slowly I'm dying inside.
661
00:34:54,592 --> 00:34:56,511
A glutton of such, I've used too much,
662
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:58,096
now there's no life in my eyes.
663
00:34:59,013 --> 00:34:59,847
- Wow.
664
00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,777
I wanna talk to you guys
665
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,195
about why you think you got addicted?
666
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,697
Like, what did it do for
you in the short term
667
00:35:16,697 --> 00:35:19,117
that you wanted it,
like you appreciated it?
668
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,493
- The one thing that I've learned
669
00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:23,412
was gratification through sex.
670
00:35:23,412 --> 00:35:24,997
It would pay my rent,
it would pay my food,
671
00:35:24,997 --> 00:35:27,041
it would pay my clothes.
672
00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:29,127
But it was also feeling loved.
673
00:35:30,002 --> 00:35:31,212
- Feeling loved? Like...
674
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:34,298
- Having that desire for
somebody to care and-
675
00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:36,300
- And want you.
- Want you.
676
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:38,302
- I wouldn't be able to
have a sexual relationship
677
00:35:38,302 --> 00:35:41,556
if I wasn't using, because
I couldn't feel anything
678
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:43,099
towards the other person.
679
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,308
- It made you feel more alive?
680
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:46,853
- Yeah. It made me feel more in tune.
681
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,729
- Yeah.
- Yeah, like that's...
682
00:35:48,729 --> 00:35:51,065
And I used it to have feelings.
683
00:35:51,065 --> 00:35:52,150
- I didn't feel pretty,
684
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:53,526
I didn't feel like...
685
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:55,987
And as soon as I would
do a little bit of drugs,
686
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:58,406
my self-esteem would instantly go up.
687
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:03,411
- I did so much sports and
was on such a strict schedule
688
00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:08,166
that when I started to
use in like grade eight,
689
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:11,294
grade nine, like, I was free.
690
00:36:11,294 --> 00:36:12,336
- So freedom.
691
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,214
Sense of aliveness.
692
00:36:15,214 --> 00:36:16,883
Completion. Self-esteem.
693
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:20,761
These are all wonderful
things, aren't they?
694
00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,930
When they talk about
addiction being a bad choice,
695
00:36:22,930 --> 00:36:23,890
I say no, it isn't.
696
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:26,726
It's actually a solution to a problem.
697
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:33,107
If we understand that the addiction
698
00:36:33,107 --> 00:36:35,026
is not the primary problem,
699
00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:36,944
but really a response to trauma,
700
00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,947
then it becomes obvious that
in order to heal addiction,
701
00:36:39,947 --> 00:36:41,407
you have to heal the trauma.
702
00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:43,075
But it means that you see the wound
703
00:36:43,075 --> 00:36:44,410
that's driving that person.
704
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:58,674
Underneath that traumatized persona,
705
00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:00,927
there's the healthy
individual who has never
706
00:37:00,927 --> 00:37:02,762
found expression in this life
707
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:03,804
because they were never given
708
00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:07,725
the venue for expression,
never given the relationships,
709
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:09,644
in which they could, their all
710
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,562
authentic humanity could be expressed.
711
00:37:21,864 --> 00:37:24,700
Are we free? Are we conscious?
712
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:28,329
Are we making a decision
based on full awareness
713
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:32,833
or are we driven by unconscious dynamics
714
00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,544
that we've inherited or that we developed
715
00:37:35,544 --> 00:37:38,506
as a response to childhood trauma?
716
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:42,843
Well, insofar as we're not
conscious, we are not free.
717
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:52,603
We have then a social
structure that induces trauma
718
00:37:52,603 --> 00:37:53,854
in a lot of people,
719
00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:56,023
therefore it induces escapist,
720
00:37:56,023 --> 00:37:58,317
addictive behaviors in a lot of people,
721
00:37:58,317 --> 00:38:01,445
and those inner trends line up
722
00:38:01,445 --> 00:38:03,281
with how society looks
like on the outside.
723
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,992
So therefore all this
looks perfectly normal
724
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:07,076
and perfectly natural.
725
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,539
Fundamentally the message
is that with our minds
726
00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:12,456
we create the world.
727
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:17,461
So if I have a worldview that
the world is a horrible place,
728
00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:19,547
then I'm going to live in a world where
729
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:23,259
I have to be aggressive,
suspicious, competitive
730
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,303
and make myself as big as possible
731
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:26,929
so I don't get eaten up.
732
00:38:26,929 --> 00:38:29,598
So I have to be grandiose and cunning
733
00:38:29,598 --> 00:38:31,058
because that's the world I'm living in.
734
00:38:31,058 --> 00:38:33,394
And these are the people that our society
735
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:38,107
rewards with power.
736
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:54,248
- Do you think that the
inability of these individuals
737
00:38:54,248 --> 00:38:56,751
to manifest real change is a demonstration
738
00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:59,086
that what we have are deeply entrenched
739
00:38:59,086 --> 00:39:02,506
and traumatized systems
that are predicated
740
00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:06,344
on unconscious choices, unconscious drives
741
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:09,263
and that the system cannot and will not
742
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:12,641
alter itself from within
itself, but will sustain itself,
743
00:39:12,641 --> 00:39:17,646
and it's only sort of new,
radical ideas that can alter it?
744
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:19,982
- That's exactly what I'm saying.
745
00:39:19,982 --> 00:39:22,943
Large segments of the economy survive
746
00:39:22,943 --> 00:39:25,613
because people buy things that
give them temporary pleasure
747
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,615
but do them no good
whatsoever in the long-term,
748
00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:29,200
in fact are even harmful.
749
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,327
I mean, we're going so far
as to destroy the earth
750
00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:32,578
because of our addiction.
751
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,517
The disconnect from the body of the earth
752
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,477
really has to do with the
disconnect from our own bodies.
753
00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:58,145
The two are together.
754
00:39:58,145 --> 00:39:59,730
And the exploitation of the earth
755
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,857
as if it was something separate from us
756
00:40:01,857 --> 00:40:05,986
has a lot to do with
patriarchal domination.
757
00:40:05,986 --> 00:40:07,446
I mean, we talk about mother earth.
758
00:40:07,446 --> 00:40:09,281
Look what we're doing to mother.
759
00:40:09,281 --> 00:40:10,783
It's a mother hatred almost.
760
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:19,875
It speaks to a blindness and a passivity
761
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:23,295
which itself is a marker of
societal and collective trauma.
762
00:40:28,717 --> 00:40:31,178
Our schools are full of kids
with learning difficulties,
763
00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:33,848
mental health issues
that are trauma-based,
764
00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,516
but the average teacher never gets
765
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,268
a single lecture on trauma.
766
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:39,603
They're fundamentally working with
767
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,939
an essential lack of information.
768
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:45,651
I actually barely mentioned
the criminal justice system
769
00:40:45,651 --> 00:40:48,446
has no understanding or even acquaintance
770
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,197
with the concept of trauma.
771
00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:52,324
In fact, they often create policies
772
00:40:52,324 --> 00:40:55,327
that further deepen people's trauma.
773
00:40:55,327 --> 00:40:57,705
That these institutions
need to be informed
774
00:40:57,705 --> 00:41:01,500
of what trauma is and
how to respond to it.
775
00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,837
- I went between custodies of different
776
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:07,423
states and counties...
777
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:10,801
Since 18.
778
00:41:10,801 --> 00:41:13,596
I struggled with addiction
and they were sending me
779
00:41:13,596 --> 00:41:17,057
to these places to get
the help that you needed.
780
00:41:17,057 --> 00:41:18,893
I had nothing but the
authorities telling me
781
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:21,437
that it was my fault, my fault, my fault,
782
00:41:21,437 --> 00:41:22,646
because you're choosing this, you know
783
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:24,440
and I can't keep choosing it.
784
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,984
And you're supposed to trust
and believe in these people.
785
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:28,903
California industrialized prison.
786
00:41:31,238 --> 00:41:33,115
- Trauma doesn't know of color,
787
00:41:33,115 --> 00:41:35,117
trauma doesn't know of age,
788
00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:37,036
trauma doesn't know a tax bracket,
789
00:41:37,036 --> 00:41:38,579
trauma doesn't know any of these things.
790
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,040
Anybody can be traumatizing anybody.
791
00:41:42,374 --> 00:41:44,376
Symptoms of trauma:
792
00:41:44,376 --> 00:41:46,795
nightmares and night terrors.
793
00:41:46,795 --> 00:41:48,214
- Inability to love.
794
00:41:49,548 --> 00:41:51,342
- Addictive behavior.
795
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:52,801
- Insomnia.
796
00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:53,636
- Depression.
797
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:55,888
- Shame.
798
00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:59,016
- That's not who you are,
799
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,811
but it's a symptom of being traumatized,
800
00:42:03,854 --> 00:42:05,648
and we're here to heal each other.
801
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:10,027
We heal in community.
802
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:11,445
When I do these circles with anybody,
803
00:42:11,445 --> 00:42:15,115
when they see the extent of
childhood trauma in themselves,
804
00:42:15,115 --> 00:42:19,411
but also in the people
around them, it's a shift.
805
00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:23,499
It takes the othering out. It
actually brings a human in.
806
00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:27,086
And that, as a society,
is one of the imperatives
807
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,837
that we need to get to.
808
00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:29,964
We gotta start seeing each other
809
00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:32,633
for what happened to us and
not what's wrong with us.
810
00:42:57,908 --> 00:42:59,827
- My name is Romie Nottage.
811
00:42:59,827 --> 00:43:02,371
I am the senior director of San Francisco
812
00:43:02,371 --> 00:43:05,499
and social innovation for
Downtown Streets Team,
813
00:43:05,499 --> 00:43:08,294
and that is changing the lives of people
814
00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:11,672
who are currently homeless
through the dignity of work.
815
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,551
Labeling people as just drug addicts,
816
00:43:15,551 --> 00:43:17,303
like, it's deeper than that.
817
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:20,681
They probably at a younger
age have been reinforced
818
00:43:20,681 --> 00:43:24,310
that their value is not
as significant as others.
819
00:43:25,144 --> 00:43:29,273
The pain is the root cause of people
820
00:43:29,273 --> 00:43:31,358
trying to feel comfortable in this world.
821
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:35,404
Using street drugs is a method.
822
00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:40,284
It is a behavior to support
something that is uncomfortable.
823
00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:47,916
- I was homeless for about 15 years.
824
00:43:49,001 --> 00:43:51,128
It is a survival of the fittest.
825
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:56,383
I had three kids on the
street while homeless,
826
00:43:56,383 --> 00:43:59,011
walking around, no shoes,
selling drugs, doing drugs,
827
00:43:59,011 --> 00:44:01,013
hoping they would miscarry.
828
00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:02,931
All the babies came out with everything.
829
00:44:02,931 --> 00:44:05,851
Meth, crystal, cocaine,
everything you could think of.
830
00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:10,439
I did utilize those three moments in time
831
00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:14,193
where I had those babies to just rest up
832
00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:16,570
in a nice place and eat a hot meal.
833
00:44:16,570 --> 00:44:20,407
Just basically took a
shower those three times,
834
00:44:20,407 --> 00:44:23,577
'cause while I was homeless,
most of us don't shower.
835
00:44:23,577 --> 00:44:24,995
Maybe once a year, if that.
836
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:30,292
But I was lucky I had the same
foster mom, all three boys.
837
00:44:30,292 --> 00:44:32,795
Albert, Jetson and James are all thriving.
838
00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:34,254
They're very healthy.
839
00:44:34,254 --> 00:44:35,756
I did fight for them. Don't get me wrong.
840
00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:36,757
I did try to fight for them,
841
00:44:36,757 --> 00:44:39,468
but I wasn't ready to
give up the drug life.
842
00:44:41,845 --> 00:44:45,474
- It was fall, so it was the rain season.
843
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,644
I just remember that constant worry
844
00:44:48,644 --> 00:44:50,521
about where was I gonna go that night?
845
00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:52,564
Would I find shelter?
846
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:54,066
'Cause there's no where to go, right?
847
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,986
The people that did love
me just said you know what?
848
00:44:57,986 --> 00:45:01,031
We're not going to stand by
anymore while you kill yourself.
849
00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:02,324
We can't do it.
850
00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:03,534
It's hurting more.
851
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,203
We're dying a harder death than you are.
852
00:45:07,287 --> 00:45:09,373
And they just scattered from my life.
853
00:45:11,917 --> 00:45:13,377
I was utterly alone.
854
00:45:19,883 --> 00:45:22,219
- I've been in the city on the streets now
855
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,054
for four years.
856
00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:25,764
Went to college on my GI bill.
857
00:45:25,764 --> 00:45:27,891
I was in the army for a total of 11 years,
858
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:30,352
then I got diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin's lymphoma
859
00:45:30,352 --> 00:45:31,854
and I retired.
860
00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:35,566
My PTSD comes from experiences with
861
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:39,528
trying to beat this monkey
on my back, you know?
862
00:45:39,528 --> 00:45:42,322
I've had a beautiful home and vehicles
863
00:45:42,322 --> 00:45:46,368
and wife and kids and thrown
it all away for drugs.
864
00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:52,207
- So when you pass by someone
homeless on the street,
865
00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:55,002
that is such a painful world to live in,
866
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:57,963
and a very important thing
to do is acknowledge them
867
00:45:57,963 --> 00:46:02,634
and not pretending or literally thinking
868
00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:05,095
that no one's sitting right there.
869
00:46:05,095 --> 00:46:06,513
How are you doing?
870
00:46:06,513 --> 00:46:07,431
Hanging in there?
871
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:10,559
Had a rough sleep last night?
872
00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:12,352
You stay in the TL?
- I do.
873
00:46:12,352 --> 00:46:14,646
- Yeah, cool. How long have you been here?
874
00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:18,066
- I moved here from
Atlanta February the 7th.
875
00:46:19,485 --> 00:46:21,320
- The number one thing that people
876
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,781
who are experiencing
homelessness suffer from
877
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:25,365
is feeling looked down on.
878
00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:29,119
It's like people just passing by them,
879
00:46:29,119 --> 00:46:31,413
not acknowledging their experience.
880
00:46:31,413 --> 00:46:34,958
That forms an identity
that is internalized.
881
00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:38,587
Their sense of self has been attacked.
882
00:46:38,587 --> 00:46:41,548
Their dignity has been
completely reinforced
883
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:45,344
as non-existent every single day.
884
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:48,764
Humanization of homelessness
is where we need to start
885
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:51,308
because we're working with people,
886
00:46:51,308 --> 00:46:53,101
we're working with nervous systems,
887
00:46:53,101 --> 00:46:58,065
we are working with deflated
and traumatized senses of self.
888
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:05,280
To be honest, if I lived in that world,
889
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,907
I would want to use, too.
890
00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:08,408
It'd get me out of it.
891
00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:11,537
It'd make me feel not
like that for a minute.
892
00:47:16,542 --> 00:47:17,668
- Hey, Duane, you home?
893
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:20,671
It's Tessa.
894
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,844
Hey, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?
895
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:27,719
- I'm Tessa.
896
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:31,598
I'm a harm reduction specialist
at Abode Housing Services.
897
00:47:31,598 --> 00:47:34,560
I help people move through
the pain of their addiction
898
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,019
and regain dignity.
899
00:47:36,019 --> 00:47:38,689
So, oh my gosh, your place looks amazing.
900
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,817
I took this job because of
the harm reduction approach,
901
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,861
where people get housing.
902
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,445
You don't have an agenda.
903
00:47:45,445 --> 00:47:47,948
You must do this or that
in order to access housing,
904
00:47:47,948 --> 00:47:51,493
you're worthy of housing because
housing should be a right.
905
00:47:51,493 --> 00:47:55,122
When people get housed
after they've been outdoors
906
00:47:55,122 --> 00:47:58,917
for seven, 15, 25 years,
whatever the number is,
907
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:01,962
you're alone.
908
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:07,092
You don't have survival to do,
909
00:48:07,092 --> 00:48:09,177
so this is when I'm starting to see
910
00:48:09,177 --> 00:48:11,763
everybody's pain start surfacing
911
00:48:11,763 --> 00:48:14,391
and people are starting to have, you know,
912
00:48:14,391 --> 00:48:17,603
more challenges and emotional challenges
913
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:19,229
than they did out on the streets.
914
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:24,735
Dr. Gabor Mate, when
I found his teachings,
915
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:27,154
and specifically The
Realm of the Hungry Ghost
916
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:30,240
kind of changed my outlook in life.
917
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,575
I'm very dear to this work.
918
00:48:39,666 --> 00:48:43,879
- I'm Gabor's wife and I have
been for close to 50 years.
919
00:48:49,134 --> 00:48:52,763
I met Gabor in October of 1967
920
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:56,308
when I was a first year student at UBC.
921
00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:58,352
I saw in the student
newspaper that they were
922
00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:02,856
looking for cartoonists and I draw.
923
00:49:02,856 --> 00:49:06,818
I walked into the small
room and he's sitting there
924
00:49:06,818 --> 00:49:09,321
reading a book and I said:
925
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:11,782
"My name's Rae.
926
00:49:13,283 --> 00:49:14,368
I'm supposed to draw you.
927
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:17,371
Would you mind just sitting there?"
928
00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:19,247
This is it.
929
00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:25,003
I did this before I knew who he was,
930
00:49:25,003 --> 00:49:26,630
before I'd had a conversation.
931
00:49:27,881 --> 00:49:30,050
What a mysterious guy.
932
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:31,593
Dark, you know?
933
00:49:31,593 --> 00:49:32,761
Intense.
934
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,349
He was so interesting to me.
935
00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:42,938
- I've always been a rebel.
936
00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:47,025
I mean, in communist
Hungary, in grade six,
937
00:49:47,025 --> 00:49:49,403
my teacher wrote in my report card that:
938
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:52,990
you should watch it because
he incites the other students.
939
00:49:54,366 --> 00:49:57,744
But so that tendency to
resist arbitrariness,
940
00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:02,082
what I'm being told and
what the official line is.
941
00:50:02,082 --> 00:50:03,959
So I'm really not one for group-think,
942
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:07,796
and it really helps me
to see through all kinds
943
00:50:07,796 --> 00:50:11,174
of nonsense that people
accept without questioning.
944
00:50:14,344 --> 00:50:16,763
On a personal level, I'm
also a contradiction.
945
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:21,351
My longing is really a
sense of being excluded
946
00:50:21,351 --> 00:50:24,938
from something, and a
sense of impossibility,
947
00:50:24,938 --> 00:50:27,816
and I very easily go there.
948
00:50:27,816 --> 00:50:29,234
I mean, that is my baseline.
949
00:50:30,944 --> 00:50:33,196
- Very early in my meeting with Gabor,
950
00:50:33,196 --> 00:50:36,992
I saw clearly the light that he was
951
00:50:36,992 --> 00:50:38,744
and the dark that he was.
952
00:50:38,744 --> 00:50:42,956
So I saw brilliance and I saw real,
953
00:50:42,956 --> 00:50:45,500
I guess trauma is the word I'd use now,
954
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:47,002
but I didn't know then.
955
00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:48,045
To me it was dark.
956
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:50,964
And of course, by then I knew he was,
957
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:53,050
directly had been in the Holocaust,
958
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,887
but it was going to be my job to heal him,
959
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,263
to bring out that light.
960
00:51:02,851 --> 00:51:04,853
I really believe that
the purpose of marriage
961
00:51:04,853 --> 00:51:07,272
is to actually go back
to the original trauma,
962
00:51:07,272 --> 00:51:10,567
which comes from the family.
963
00:51:11,818 --> 00:51:14,154
I married a man who was
so much like my father.
964
00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:19,159
- My scientific interest as well
965
00:51:19,159 --> 00:51:21,286
has been having to deal with my own trauma
966
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,998
because in my 40s, I was a
very successful physician
967
00:51:24,998 --> 00:51:28,168
and I was a national columnist
for a Canadian newspaper,
968
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,087
and I was the head of the
palliative care department
969
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:31,630
at a major Canadian hospital,
970
00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:35,884
and I was depressed and alienated,
in a difficult marriage,
971
00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:38,053
and my children were scared of me
972
00:51:38,053 --> 00:51:40,305
and I didn't like being alive.
973
00:51:42,724 --> 00:51:44,684
- Well, there's just
nothing more frustrating
974
00:51:44,684 --> 00:51:47,354
to be in a situation, to see him out there
975
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:51,441
doing this amazing work, just
the healing and the wisdom
976
00:51:51,441 --> 00:51:54,236
and the support, and then come home
977
00:51:54,236 --> 00:51:59,241
and be completely exhausted, irritable.
978
00:51:59,991 --> 00:52:02,202
And then I get the negativity.
979
00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:12,796
I have to be me, I have to be authentic.
980
00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,050
My nervous system is so wired
981
00:52:17,050 --> 00:52:20,220
that if I'm not authentic
to myself, I'm sick.
982
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:21,429
I have a stomach ache.
983
00:52:21,429 --> 00:52:22,681
I can't sleep.
984
00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,224
I'm anxious.
985
00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:27,352
And it's usually here.
986
00:52:27,352 --> 00:52:29,688
It's usually something in this dynamic.
987
00:52:29,688 --> 00:52:30,689
- Yeah.
- Right?
988
00:52:30,689 --> 00:52:33,775
- When I would compulsively
shop for compact discs
989
00:52:33,775 --> 00:52:34,734
and lie about it.
990
00:52:35,610 --> 00:52:37,195
Rae would get neck aches.
991
00:52:37,195 --> 00:52:38,864
And after a while she figured
out if I got a neck ache,
992
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:39,781
this guy is lying to me.
993
00:52:39,781 --> 00:52:41,074
- He doesn't get away with anything.
994
00:52:41,074 --> 00:52:41,908
- Yeah.
995
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:51,209
- How are you, Gabor Mate,
not processing your trauma?
996
00:52:51,209 --> 00:52:52,043
- How am I not processing it?
997
00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:53,587
- Yeah, because like,
if you are not doing it,
998
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:54,963
that's like Steve Jobs going:
999
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:56,548
"I couldn't get my phone to work."
1000
00:52:57,424 --> 00:52:59,968
- That's another traumatized
person, by the way,
1001
00:52:59,968 --> 00:53:01,636
whose cancer is everything to do with
1002
00:53:01,636 --> 00:53:03,471
the childhood trauma that he experienced,
1003
00:53:03,471 --> 00:53:06,349
but that's another book and another story.
1004
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,351
- So you sort of are a
bit like in the Matrix,
1005
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:10,770
when Neo sees everything's
made out of numbers,
1006
00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:13,648
you look at people and you see
all their trauma and damage?
1007
00:53:13,648 --> 00:53:14,649
- That's what I see.
1008
00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:17,652
Until I realized that I was traumatized,
1009
00:53:17,652 --> 00:53:20,447
which really wasn't until
my late 30s and mid-40s,
1010
00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,908
and began to realize that it
didn't have to be this way,
1011
00:53:22,908 --> 00:53:23,867
that there were reasons for it,
1012
00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:25,660
and I started looking for those reasons.
1013
00:53:25,660 --> 00:53:27,871
So I started waking up
fairly late in life.
1014
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:31,333
I was a driven, workaholic doctor.
1015
00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:33,752
Now why was a driven workaholic doctor?
1016
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:34,961
Because the message I got as an infant
1017
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:36,171
is that the world didn't want me.
1018
00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:37,797
Now how do you deal with not being wanted?
1019
00:53:37,797 --> 00:53:39,466
You make yourself needed.
1020
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:40,675
So if you're traumatized
1021
00:53:40,675 --> 00:53:42,219
and if you don't think you're lovable,
1022
00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:43,970
my god, go to medical school.
1023
00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:46,056
Now they're going to
want you all the time.
1024
00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:47,557
When they're dying,
when they're being born,
1025
00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:50,727
every moment in between,
and that's highly addictive,
1026
00:53:50,727 --> 00:53:52,896
because you get the
validation all the time.
1027
00:53:56,274 --> 00:53:57,984
A lot of people that go into medicine
1028
00:53:57,984 --> 00:53:59,736
the last thing they want is
to be open and vulnerable.
1029
00:53:59,736 --> 00:54:01,154
In fact, what they want is the authority
1030
00:54:01,154 --> 00:54:02,948
of the white coat and the stethoscope.
1031
00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:05,283
And medical school is very hard on people.
1032
00:54:05,283 --> 00:54:06,534
You might look at it almost
1033
00:54:06,534 --> 00:54:08,662
as a selection process that weeds out
1034
00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,413
the people that are too vulnerable.
1035
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:14,918
The long hours, the deference
to unreasonable authority,
1036
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:19,256
the stress that you are
willing to subject yourself to,
1037
00:54:19,256 --> 00:54:22,300
and these are the people that,
like me, become physicians.
1038
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:25,178
So that selects out
against the vulnerable.
1039
00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:29,182
I went to medical school here at UBC.
1040
00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:33,687
At that time, we did not get
a single lecture of trauma.
1041
00:54:33,687 --> 00:54:36,106
We did not even hear the word.
1042
00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:38,858
They still don't hear the
word trauma in medical school.
1043
00:54:44,698 --> 00:54:47,117
So I've looked at the whole
range of human experience
1044
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:49,869
from birth to death because
I've worked in obstetrics
1045
00:54:49,869 --> 00:54:51,663
and I've worked in palliative care
1046
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:53,915
and everything else in between.
1047
00:54:53,915 --> 00:54:56,918
The modern medical paradigm in practice
1048
00:54:56,918 --> 00:54:58,753
separates mind from the body
1049
00:54:58,753 --> 00:55:01,006
and it separates the individual
from the environment.
1050
00:55:01,006 --> 00:55:03,133
So when you look at, there's an epidemic
1051
00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:04,634
of asthma right now in North America,
1052
00:55:04,634 --> 00:55:07,095
more and more people, kids
are being diagnosed with it,
1053
00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:09,514
it's all about, or largely about,
1054
00:55:09,514 --> 00:55:12,142
the increasing stress in our society.
1055
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:14,436
So it's a cultural manifestation,
1056
00:55:14,436 --> 00:55:16,980
and this is completely
missing in medical practice.
1057
00:55:18,064 --> 00:55:20,025
If you look at Black Americans,
1058
00:55:20,025 --> 00:55:22,694
Black Americans are more
likely to get prostate cancer
1059
00:55:23,611 --> 00:55:25,113
and more likely to die of it,
1060
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,198
and not because of a lack of medical care.
1061
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:30,994
Maybe there's something
about being a minority
1062
00:55:30,994 --> 00:55:34,164
in this particular culture
that is so highly stressful
1063
00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:36,791
that it deranges the immune system.
1064
00:55:36,791 --> 00:55:41,254
If you look at the asthmatic
Afro-American woman,
1065
00:55:41,254 --> 00:55:46,217
is that asthma a manifestation
of her own pathology?
1066
00:55:47,969 --> 00:55:50,472
Or is it reflecting a social malaise?
1067
00:55:51,514 --> 00:55:54,976
Which means the emotion,
whatever you've experienced,
1068
00:55:54,976 --> 00:55:57,729
probably suppressed rage or shame,
1069
00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,606
whatever you experience,
1070
00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:02,567
actually affects the
physiology of your lungs.
1071
00:56:03,651 --> 00:56:05,653
Medicine is very interesting that way.
1072
00:56:05,653 --> 00:56:08,323
If you go to a dermatologist
with an inflamed skin,
1073
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,449
what kind of cream are
they going to give you?
1074
00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:10,992
Anybody know?
1075
00:56:10,992 --> 00:56:12,660
Steroid cream, right.
1076
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:15,705
If you go to a rheumatologist
with an inflamed joint,
1077
00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:18,124
what medication are
they going to give you?
1078
00:56:18,124 --> 00:56:20,043
Steroids very often.
1079
00:56:20,043 --> 00:56:23,713
If you go to a lung
specialist with asthma,
1080
00:56:23,713 --> 00:56:25,632
what kind of inhaler are you going to get?
1081
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:26,549
Steroid.
1082
00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:28,009
If you go to a gastroenterologist
1083
00:56:28,009 --> 00:56:29,761
with an inflamed intestines,
1084
00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:31,554
what kind of medication are you gonna get?
1085
00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:32,347
Steroids.
1086
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,391
Now, what are steroids?
1087
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:36,017
They're copies of cortisol.
1088
00:56:36,017 --> 00:56:36,893
What is cortisol?
1089
00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:40,063
The stress hormone.
1090
00:56:40,063 --> 00:56:42,399
We're treating everything
with stress hormones.
1091
00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:45,318
Maybe it should occur to us
1092
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,403
that stress has something to do
1093
00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,238
with the onset of these conditions.
1094
00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:52,367
The fundamental problem is capitalism,
1095
00:56:52,367 --> 00:56:53,743
or I should say materialism.
1096
00:56:53,743 --> 00:56:56,037
As long as the research
is driven by the profits
1097
00:56:56,037 --> 00:56:57,539
of pharmaceutical companies,
1098
00:56:57,539 --> 00:56:59,666
what's going to drive the
education of physicians
1099
00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:02,544
except the profit motive of
pharmaceutical companies?
1100
00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:03,837
I mean, it's just obvious.
1101
00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:09,467
People have to be seen as automatons,
1102
00:57:09,467 --> 00:57:12,512
as beings without really emotional needs
1103
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:13,763
or spiritual needs.
1104
00:57:14,764 --> 00:57:18,309
As globalization and
globalized materialism
1105
00:57:18,309 --> 00:57:20,353
spreads throughout the world,
1106
00:57:20,353 --> 00:57:21,813
so there's auto immune disease
1107
00:57:21,813 --> 00:57:23,314
spreading throughout the world
1108
00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:26,151
in societies that hardly
even knew them before.
1109
00:57:26,151 --> 00:57:29,279
Diseases, whether mental or physical,
1110
00:57:29,279 --> 00:57:33,575
are normal responses to
abnormal circumstances,
1111
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:35,201
and what would be considered normal
1112
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:37,704
in this society is often actually insane.
1113
00:57:39,038 --> 00:57:42,000
In the most health obsessed
humans society ever,
1114
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,793
all is not well.
1115
00:57:43,793 --> 00:57:46,713
In the US, the richest society in history,
1116
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:49,174
fully half of the citizens
have a chronic disorder
1117
00:57:49,174 --> 00:57:51,384
such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
1118
00:57:52,594 --> 00:57:55,930
Illness is when part of an organism,
1119
00:57:55,930 --> 00:57:59,100
starts working against the overall benefit
1120
00:57:59,100 --> 00:58:00,435
of the organism.
1121
00:58:00,435 --> 00:58:02,353
So that say, in an autoimmune disease,
1122
00:58:02,353 --> 00:58:05,398
the immune system attacks
the host organism.
1123
00:58:05,398 --> 00:58:08,985
So a system that was designed
by nature to protect you
1124
00:58:08,985 --> 00:58:10,236
now it turns against you.
1125
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:15,783
Cell division, which is
meant to be coordination
1126
00:58:15,783 --> 00:58:16,910
with the needs of the entire organism,
1127
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:19,078
gets out of hand and
now you've got cancer.
1128
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:25,335
The search is always to find out
1129
00:58:25,335 --> 00:58:27,378
what's wrong with the individual cell,
1130
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:30,423
or how do you kill the abnormal cells?
1131
00:58:30,423 --> 00:58:33,927
So the treatment is restricted
to the biological plane.
1132
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:37,972
We either cut it out or we
poison it or we burn it.
1133
00:58:37,972 --> 00:58:39,933
That's our approach to treating cancer.
1134
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:45,063
Most chronic illness is a
way of the body saying no
1135
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:47,440
when the person suppress their no's
1136
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,067
in order to fit in.
1137
00:58:49,984 --> 00:58:52,820
I'm saying that when
the illness comes along,
1138
00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:55,490
we can just look upon it
as a nuisance to get rid of
1139
00:58:55,490 --> 00:58:57,283
and an enemy to fight,
1140
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:02,330
or we can say, okay, well, it's here now.
1141
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:03,331
What's the teaching?
1142
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,626
Which it doesn't mean that
we don't accept treatment
1143
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:10,588
or we don't do our best to heal,
1144
00:59:10,588 --> 00:59:13,007
but that, as part of that healing process,
1145
00:59:13,007 --> 00:59:14,634
we actually ask ourselves
1146
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:18,304
what does this mean about
my life and my relationships
1147
00:59:18,304 --> 00:59:21,015
and particularly about how I treat myself?
1148
00:59:21,015 --> 00:59:22,058
What is the teaching?
1149
00:59:28,064 --> 00:59:29,607
- My name is Tim.
1150
00:59:29,607 --> 00:59:31,818
I'm 51-years-old.
1151
00:59:31,818 --> 00:59:35,280
I was given a diagnosis of prostate cancer
1152
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,031
about a year and a half ago.
1153
00:59:38,324 --> 00:59:42,453
I actually had a full,
radical prostatectomy,
1154
00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:44,914
so that means the whole
removal of my prostate
1155
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:47,500
which was no walk in the park.
1156
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:50,503
It's quite a, quite an extensive surgery.
1157
00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:53,673
In October they did a bone scan
1158
00:59:53,673 --> 00:59:56,384
and found that there was multiple areas
1159
00:59:56,384 --> 01:00:00,638
in my spine, ribs and some pelvis
1160
01:00:00,638 --> 01:00:04,642
that the cancer had metastasized to,
1161
01:00:04,642 --> 01:00:07,478
which was devastating to me at the time.
1162
01:00:07,478 --> 01:00:09,606
There was no need for me
to have the operation.
1163
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:11,441
If someone has prostate cancer
1164
01:00:12,650 --> 01:00:14,986
and they have the prostate removed
1165
01:00:14,986 --> 01:00:16,404
but the cancer is still in their body,
1166
01:00:16,404 --> 01:00:19,324
then the surgery hasn't done any good.
1167
01:00:27,832 --> 01:00:31,753
There was no root cause
analysis of why I got it.
1168
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:36,215
What I soon discovered was
that everything was a band-aid.
1169
01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:41,346
- The average general practitioner
1170
01:00:41,346 --> 01:00:43,848
under the insurance programs
1171
01:00:43,848 --> 01:00:46,809
gets to see a person for 6 minutes
1172
01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:49,103
and a psychiatrist gets to
see them for 10 minutes.
1173
01:00:49,103 --> 01:00:50,521
What can you do in 10 minutes?
1174
01:00:50,521 --> 01:00:52,023
You can adjust medications.
1175
01:00:54,150 --> 01:00:55,860
And the average psychiatrist today
1176
01:00:55,860 --> 01:00:57,904
is not trained in psychotherapy.
1177
01:00:57,904 --> 01:00:59,947
They are trained in what's
called biological psychiatry
1178
01:00:59,947 --> 01:01:01,949
which fundamentally means
altering the biology
1179
01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:04,952
of the brain by handing out prescriptions,
1180
01:01:04,952 --> 01:01:07,288
which never get to the
heart of the problem.
1181
01:01:07,288 --> 01:01:10,208
So while I'm not dogmatically
opposed to medications,
1182
01:01:10,208 --> 01:01:12,877
in the contrary, I acknowledge
their value in my own life,
1183
01:01:12,877 --> 01:01:15,338
they are not the answer.
1184
01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:17,006
And at the very best they should be only
1185
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,634
as a stop gap measure until we get
1186
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:21,052
to work on the real issues.
1187
01:01:23,888 --> 01:01:28,226
Why this disease, why in
this person and why now?
1188
01:01:28,226 --> 01:01:29,727
Unless I answer those questions,
1189
01:01:29,727 --> 01:01:31,354
unless I ask those questions,
1190
01:01:32,188 --> 01:01:33,773
we can't talk about wholeness.
1191
01:01:34,607 --> 01:01:37,068
We can't talk about healing
in the deepest sense.
1192
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:46,536
- I grew up in a family with
a father who was very angry
1193
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:49,497
and never even realized it because for me
1194
01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,666
it was just natural and normal.
1195
01:01:51,666 --> 01:01:54,001
As a kid I didn't know any different,
1196
01:01:54,001 --> 01:01:56,295
and I was very scared.
1197
01:01:57,463 --> 01:02:02,218
Anytime I acted out in
anger, it always backfired,
1198
01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,053
so I could never express that anger.
1199
01:02:07,056 --> 01:02:10,893
So I decided to go more on
a healing journey myself
1200
01:02:10,893 --> 01:02:13,855
and try to find out what could I do myself
1201
01:02:14,939 --> 01:02:17,108
to be able to maybe cure this thing,
1202
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:19,944
or at least live longer, feel better
1203
01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:24,574
and address it at many different levels.
1204
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:26,200
So I turned to ayahuasca
1205
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:30,496
mainly because of the anxiety
1206
01:02:30,496 --> 01:02:34,375
and realizing like what's
a deeper spiritual reason
1207
01:02:34,375 --> 01:02:36,711
that I got this diagnosis?
1208
01:02:36,711 --> 01:02:39,756
Why did I get this cancer?
1209
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:42,925
I got more out of ayahuasca in one journey
1210
01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:46,679
than I probably did in five
years of psychoanalysis.
1211
01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:57,440
- What I know about ayahuasca
1212
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:59,233
in the healing of addiction,
1213
01:02:59,233 --> 01:03:02,195
ayahuasca being an Amazonian brew
1214
01:03:02,195 --> 01:03:04,572
which has got psychedelic qualities.
1215
01:03:05,656 --> 01:03:09,202
It can induce visions
and deep experiences.
1216
01:03:16,459 --> 01:03:19,253
So there was a ceremony here
led by a Peruvian shaman
1217
01:03:19,253 --> 01:03:23,132
and within half an hour of
having ingested the brew,
1218
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:26,511
it felt very much real,
it felt very much like me,
1219
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:30,890
but it was new because I
experienced a state of, um,
1220
01:03:31,974 --> 01:03:35,311
such deep love and gratitude such as
1221
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:37,480
I have not recalled experiencing before.
1222
01:03:38,439 --> 01:03:42,527
And I saw that my own addictive behaviors
1223
01:03:43,444 --> 01:03:46,072
were driven precisely
because I hadn't been able to
1224
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:48,741
experience that kind of love
and that kind of gratitude.
1225
01:03:49,700 --> 01:03:52,119
From that state, there's no need to look
1226
01:03:52,119 --> 01:03:54,789
for anything else outside of yourself.
1227
01:03:54,789 --> 01:03:57,542
And I also learned very shortly
1228
01:03:57,542 --> 01:04:01,128
that the ayahuasca has
the power to teach people
1229
01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:03,005
about their trauma,
1230
01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:05,007
to actually show them
what happened to them.
1231
01:04:05,007 --> 01:04:08,302
All of a sudden, oh yes,
this is what happened.
1232
01:04:08,302 --> 01:04:11,389
This is why I decided
that life is unbearable.
1233
01:04:11,389 --> 01:04:13,683
This is why I decided
that I wasn't lovable.
1234
01:04:13,683 --> 01:04:17,103
This is why I decided that
I had to soothe myself
1235
01:04:17,103 --> 01:04:19,981
from the outside because
there was no peace inside,
1236
01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:22,525
and immediately I sat down
and I worked with this.
1237
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,405
And once you start working
with one psychedelic
1238
01:04:27,405 --> 01:04:29,782
then you become aware that
there's a whole world out there
1239
01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:31,117
and there's a whole resurgence now
1240
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:35,663
in the healing powers of
psychedelic modalities,
1241
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:37,623
and so there are other substances.
1242
01:04:41,168 --> 01:04:44,505
The deep therapeutic
potential of psychedelics
1243
01:04:45,423 --> 01:04:48,426
resides in the fact that they get
1244
01:04:48,426 --> 01:04:49,844
the conditioned mind out of the way.
1245
01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:55,474
So people have access to
two aspects of reality
1246
01:04:55,474 --> 01:04:57,643
that they're usually not in touch with.
1247
01:04:57,643 --> 01:04:59,937
One is the deep trauma and
pain that they're carrying
1248
01:04:59,937 --> 01:05:02,273
that they can actually look at now,
1249
01:05:02,273 --> 01:05:06,485
and in an appropriate,
compassionate, safe context
1250
01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:09,947
they can experience
these troubled emotions
1251
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:13,743
and mind states without having to
1252
01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:17,496
be driven into insanity
or having to escape.
1253
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:20,333
If you're going to use psychedelics,
1254
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:22,501
it has to be combined with
1255
01:05:22,501 --> 01:05:25,129
very adept therapy at the same time.
1256
01:05:29,508 --> 01:05:32,094
So in my work with Tim tomorrow,
1257
01:05:32,094 --> 01:05:35,056
we'll be using one of these modalities
1258
01:05:35,056 --> 01:05:38,768
to see if he can be
guided deep into himself
1259
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,353
so that some answers may emerge
1260
01:05:40,353 --> 01:05:43,397
for the existential and life
issues that he's facing.
1261
01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:54,825
Hey, Tim.
- Hi, Gabor.
1262
01:05:54,825 --> 01:05:55,660
- Come on in.
1263
01:05:57,411 --> 01:05:58,955
How are you?
- Good, thank you.
1264
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,623
- You're all set?
- Yeah, I'm all set.
1265
01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:01,540
- Okay, come on in.
1266
01:06:04,877 --> 01:06:07,380
The medication will
take about half an hour
1267
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:08,214
to take effect.
1268
01:06:09,256 --> 01:06:11,300
When you're ready, just ingest it.
1269
01:06:13,094 --> 01:06:16,430
You've been diagnosed
with prostate cancer.
1270
01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:17,264
- Correct.
1271
01:06:17,264 --> 01:06:18,349
- And stage four
means that it's spread
1272
01:06:18,349 --> 01:06:19,684
to elsewhere in the body?
1273
01:06:19,684 --> 01:06:23,187
- Yes, it spread to bone.
1274
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:27,566
Places in my spine, pelvis and ribs.
1275
01:06:28,567 --> 01:06:31,153
- In my view of people that develop cancer
1276
01:06:31,153 --> 01:06:33,823
tend to be nice people
who are more concerned
1277
01:06:33,823 --> 01:06:36,909
with the emotional needs
of others than their own.
1278
01:06:36,909 --> 01:06:39,370
They have a hard time
expressing healthy anger.
1279
01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:40,913
And also they have this belief
1280
01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:43,290
that they must not disappoint anybody.
1281
01:06:43,290 --> 01:06:46,043
How do you feel when you perceive
1282
01:06:46,043 --> 01:06:49,255
that somebody is not seeing
you, is not listening to you?
1283
01:06:50,256 --> 01:06:54,176
- I felt very sad and probably a bit of
1284
01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:56,929
a tinge of anger there too, as well.
1285
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:57,763
Yeah.
1286
01:06:57,763 --> 01:06:59,557
- So how about
if we rephrase that?
1287
01:07:00,391 --> 01:07:01,809
- Aha, anger.
1288
01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:03,936
Yeah, yeah, I felt anger.
1289
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:05,021
- What do you feel in your body
1290
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:05,855
when you say those things?
1291
01:07:05,855 --> 01:07:06,939
Just check in with your body.
1292
01:07:06,939 --> 01:07:07,898
What's happening there?
1293
01:07:07,898 --> 01:07:10,151
- I feel a little bit energized from it,
1294
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:11,777
just to saying it, yeah.
1295
01:07:11,777 --> 01:07:12,653
Absolutely.
1296
01:07:12,653 --> 01:07:13,904
I feel a little bit more awake.
1297
01:07:13,904 --> 01:07:16,282
- So notice how you
deprive yourself of energy.
1298
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:17,450
- Mm-hm.
1299
01:07:18,617 --> 01:07:19,869
- Okay.
1300
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:23,956
- That makes me just really sad
1301
01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:25,207
just thinking about that.
1302
01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:41,474
Man it feels good to feel.
1303
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,101
But underneath that I just...
1304
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:46,896
Feeling this frustration.
1305
01:07:48,022 --> 01:07:50,024
Fuck, it's too much energy that
1306
01:07:50,024 --> 01:07:52,526
I've been holding on to contain that.
1307
01:07:52,526 --> 01:07:53,861
Like I'm pissed off
1308
01:07:53,861 --> 01:07:57,448
that I have to keep fucking
focusing on all this shit,
1309
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:58,699
working on myself.
1310
01:08:05,456 --> 01:08:06,665
I'm fucking tired of it.
1311
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:13,214
- So what is the thing that
you need to keep your mind off?
1312
01:08:15,466 --> 01:08:17,635
By trying to figure everything out?
1313
01:08:19,011 --> 01:08:22,556
- This little boy that
just wants to be loved
1314
01:08:23,891 --> 01:08:26,644
and accepted unconditionally...
1315
01:08:28,687 --> 01:08:29,522
He wasn't.
1316
01:08:31,232 --> 01:08:34,819
And so he's had to figure
out how to be accepted
1317
01:08:35,861 --> 01:08:38,114
and loved by others,
1318
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:39,573
and even my internal judge.
1319
01:08:43,410 --> 01:08:46,497
It was rough when I was angry.
1320
01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:56,006
- You can stop all this work,
1321
01:08:57,424 --> 01:09:00,094
just actually, just be
here and whatever there is.
1322
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:09,103
See, as long as you don't
allow the fear to be there,
1323
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:11,355
you're going to be always
working to get rid of it.
1324
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:16,360
That's what the work is all about,
1325
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:17,903
all the work that you're doing.
1326
01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:21,198
And then you're gonna keep working
1327
01:09:21,198 --> 01:09:24,285
to make yourself
acceptable and always nice
1328
01:09:24,285 --> 01:09:26,203
and dutiful and all that.
1329
01:09:30,457 --> 01:09:33,794
Or you could say, okay, the fear is there.
1330
01:09:33,794 --> 01:09:35,004
I'll let it be there.
1331
01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:37,089
I'm big enough to...
1332
01:09:37,089 --> 01:09:39,300
There's enough space here for it to,
1333
01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:43,345
to be a part of me.
1334
01:09:46,432 --> 01:09:48,934
- It just seems too easy.
1335
01:09:48,934 --> 01:09:51,228
- Yeah, it's gonna be a lot
more complicated than that.
1336
01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:05,576
I developed a method of
therapy or exploration
1337
01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:08,537
with people called compassionate inquiry.
1338
01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:11,832
The essence of which is the belief that
1339
01:10:11,832 --> 01:10:14,168
the truth is inside all of us,
1340
01:10:14,168 --> 01:10:16,253
we just have to ask the right questions
1341
01:10:16,253 --> 01:10:18,088
to help people arrive at the truth.
1342
01:10:18,088 --> 01:10:20,132
If that clenched jaw could speak,
1343
01:10:20,132 --> 01:10:21,258
what would it say now?
1344
01:10:27,348 --> 01:10:28,849
- I don't want this anymore.
1345
01:10:29,767 --> 01:10:30,935
- Okay.
1346
01:10:30,935 --> 01:10:33,771
What is the this that you don't want?
1347
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:37,233
- That's what I don't know.
1348
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:40,277
- Look, if you didn't
shut our mouth like this,
1349
01:10:40,277 --> 01:10:41,737
what is it that wants to come out
1350
01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:43,072
that we're not letting out?
1351
01:10:49,954 --> 01:10:50,996
- Rage.
1352
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,707
- Yeah. That is the inquiry.
1353
01:10:53,707 --> 01:10:55,042
How do you feel about that?
1354
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,671
- I think there's a few
feelings associated with that.
1355
01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:03,968
- I'm not buying that one.
1356
01:11:05,094 --> 01:11:06,845
How do you feel towards it?
How do you feel about that?
1357
01:11:06,845 --> 01:11:08,639
I'm a part of you. How
do you feel about that?
1358
01:11:08,639 --> 01:11:10,391
What comes up right now?
- Shame.
1359
01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:11,225
- Thank you.
1360
01:11:12,643 --> 01:11:15,145
What are you ashamed about? Do you know?
1361
01:11:15,145 --> 01:11:17,022
- That it is a weakness.
1362
01:11:17,022 --> 01:11:19,275
- And you must not be weak?
1363
01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:20,109
- Correct.
1364
01:11:21,110 --> 01:11:23,070
- Because if you're weak, then what?
1365
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:27,074
- I won't to be able to
take care of those I love.
1366
01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:31,287
- So you locate it and it's
here in the chest area.
1367
01:11:31,287 --> 01:11:33,122
Just put your attention on it right now.
1368
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:35,374
I mean, we're looking at this blockage
1369
01:11:35,374 --> 01:11:37,167
or sense of blockage, okay?
1370
01:11:37,167 --> 01:11:38,752
What does it want to say to you?
1371
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,214
- It's not a word. It's soothing.
1372
01:11:42,214 --> 01:11:43,465
- It's soothing?
- Yeah.
1373
01:11:44,508 --> 01:11:46,802
Desiring.
- That it's wanting soothing?
1374
01:11:46,802 --> 01:11:47,761
- Yeah.
1375
01:11:47,761 --> 01:11:50,222
- If you're in touch with this sense here
1376
01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:53,267
that you've just identified,
1377
01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:55,728
how familiar is it to you?
- Oh, very.
1378
01:11:55,728 --> 01:11:57,646
- How far does it go back?
1379
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:02,651
- Seven. That's when I lost my mother.
1380
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:04,903
But it was present before that.
1381
01:12:04,903 --> 01:12:05,738
- Okay.
1382
01:12:06,655 --> 01:12:08,532
- So what does it need from you?
1383
01:12:11,368 --> 01:12:12,369
- To be held.
1384
01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,412
- To be held?
1385
01:12:13,412 --> 01:12:14,246
- Yeah.
1386
01:12:14,246 --> 01:12:15,748
- Like your mother might've held you?
1387
01:12:15,748 --> 01:12:16,582
- Yeah.
1388
01:12:17,666 --> 01:12:22,296
- So when it arises,
my advice is don't try
1389
01:12:22,296 --> 01:12:25,174
and figure out how better to do your work
1390
01:12:25,174 --> 01:12:27,968
or how better to be
present or any of that,
1391
01:12:27,968 --> 01:12:30,262
or how will I fulfill my calling?
1392
01:12:30,262 --> 01:12:32,765
Your calling is really clear,
1393
01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:35,225
but this part of you guess what?
1394
01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:37,353
Needs to be here, heard and seen.
1395
01:12:40,397 --> 01:12:41,482
- All righty.
1396
01:12:41,482 --> 01:12:42,566
- Okay?
1397
01:12:42,566 --> 01:12:43,400
Yeah?
1398
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:44,526
- Mm-hm. That makes sense.
1399
01:12:45,444 --> 01:12:46,278
- That's good.
1400
01:12:47,529 --> 01:12:48,697
Any questions?
1401
01:12:49,948 --> 01:12:53,535
- I think I'm just supposed
to feel right now.
1402
01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:55,954
- Well, that's good.
1403
01:12:55,954 --> 01:12:57,456
That means you're paying attention.
1404
01:12:58,749 --> 01:13:00,709
He called you something.
1405
01:13:00,709 --> 01:13:01,543
- Monster.
1406
01:13:01,543 --> 01:13:02,336
- Oh yeah.
1407
01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:03,170
He called me monster.
- He called you monster?
1408
01:13:03,170 --> 01:13:04,463
- He's called me delusional.
1409
01:13:04,463 --> 01:13:06,673
- How do you feel when
he calls you a monster?
1410
01:13:06,673 --> 01:13:08,717
- I mean, I feel hurt.
1411
01:13:08,717 --> 01:13:10,260
I feel angry.
1412
01:13:10,260 --> 01:13:11,345
- Okay.
1413
01:13:11,345 --> 01:13:15,641
So what if I said to you,
you got beautiful green hair.
1414
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,060
How would you feel about that?
1415
01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:21,855
- I'd laugh, I wouldn't-
- Why would you laugh?
1416
01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:24,983
- 'Cause I knew my hair is not green.
1417
01:13:24,983 --> 01:13:26,276
- Uh huh.
1418
01:13:26,276 --> 01:13:27,903
What if I say you were a monster?
1419
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:35,828
- The feeling of the anxiety was so strong
1420
01:13:36,870 --> 01:13:40,207
that I wanted to end it.
1421
01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:42,126
- Anything familiar about any of that?
1422
01:13:44,002 --> 01:13:47,131
- Are you trying to go
back to childhood trauma?
1423
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:55,180
- Who, me?
1424
01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:58,142
You see that you developed a belief
1425
01:13:58,142 --> 01:14:00,436
that I can't be touched,
nothing can touch me.
1426
01:14:02,604 --> 01:14:06,150
Guess what happens when you get sick?
1427
01:14:06,150 --> 01:14:06,984
- Mm-hm.
1428
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:10,112
- That defense is now destroyed.
1429
01:14:11,613 --> 01:14:13,282
- Pow.
1430
01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:18,704
Wow.
1431
01:14:20,038 --> 01:14:22,499
- I ask people to tell
me some recent episode
1432
01:14:22,499 --> 01:14:24,960
when they're upset with
somebody in their lives,
1433
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,587
and something that
they're open to sharing.
1434
01:14:26,587 --> 01:14:28,464
So it doesn't have to be
anything sordid or anything
1435
01:14:28,464 --> 01:14:29,298
but just something, you know,
1436
01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:31,383
whether it's your spouse,
partner, the bus driver,
1437
01:14:31,383 --> 01:14:32,676
I don't care.
- Sure.
1438
01:14:32,676 --> 01:14:33,510
- A friend.
1439
01:14:33,510 --> 01:14:35,262
Okay, so what happened?
- You want me to describe it?
1440
01:14:35,262 --> 01:14:36,096
- What happened? Yeah.
1441
01:14:36,096 --> 01:14:39,808
- All right, there were a
number of issues in my home
1442
01:14:39,808 --> 01:14:43,437
and I had hired someone to do
these things while I was gone
1443
01:14:43,437 --> 01:14:45,147
and I came back and
none of them were fixed.
1444
01:14:45,147 --> 01:14:47,691
- Okay. And your emotional reaction was?
1445
01:14:47,691 --> 01:14:48,525
- Anger.
1446
01:14:48,525 --> 01:14:50,444
- Anything else besides anger?
1447
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:54,072
- I was disappointed.
1448
01:14:54,072 --> 01:14:56,241
- Disappointed is sadness.
1449
01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:58,076
- Let's go with that.
- Okay.
1450
01:14:58,076 --> 01:14:59,536
So I'm going to ask you a silly question.
1451
01:14:59,536 --> 01:15:00,913
What were you sad and angry about?
1452
01:15:00,913 --> 01:15:05,459
- Well angry that someone
had made commitments to me
1453
01:15:05,459 --> 01:15:07,711
and not fulfilled those commitments.
1454
01:15:07,711 --> 01:15:09,505
- What does that mean that they didn't
1455
01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,215
fulfill their commitments?
1456
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:16,220
- Uh, it meant that they
didn't care about me.
1457
01:15:17,596 --> 01:15:19,097
They didn't have that...
1458
01:15:19,097 --> 01:15:21,767
They disrespect me.
- So they didn't care
1459
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:22,809
about you and didn't respect you.
1460
01:15:22,809 --> 01:15:25,896
What kind of person doesn't
get cared or respected?
1461
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:26,730
- I don't know.
1462
01:15:26,730 --> 01:15:28,649
Someone who doesn't deserve
to be cared for or respected.
1463
01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:29,608
- Exactly.
1464
01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:31,693
Are there other reasons
why this other person
1465
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:33,820
might not have done the
work that has nothing
1466
01:15:33,820 --> 01:15:37,491
to do with him or her not caring about Tim
1467
01:15:37,491 --> 01:15:38,534
or not respecting him?
1468
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,035
So what other reasons might there be?
1469
01:15:40,035 --> 01:15:42,704
- Uh, he had a flight delay
1470
01:15:42,704 --> 01:15:44,915
and got caught on Puerto
Rico during a hurricane.
1471
01:15:44,915 --> 01:15:46,583
- Yeah, he's got ADHD.
1472
01:15:46,583 --> 01:15:47,417
- Yeah.
1473
01:15:48,293 --> 01:15:49,795
- And he can't follow through,
1474
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:51,880
and any number of possibilities.
1475
01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:52,714
- Yeah.
1476
01:15:52,714 --> 01:15:54,383
- Now, of all the possibilities
1477
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:56,343
that you've just outlined,
1478
01:15:56,343 --> 01:16:00,264
including that they don't
care about you or respect you,
1479
01:16:00,264 --> 01:16:02,099
which is the worst one?
1480
01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:04,685
- The one I immediately defaulted to.
1481
01:16:04,685 --> 01:16:06,478
- So let's notice something.
1482
01:16:06,478 --> 01:16:08,480
A, you, I should say we,
1483
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:09,815
'cause we're all like this,
1484
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,234
we don't respond to what happens.
1485
01:16:12,234 --> 01:16:14,152
We respond to our
perception of what happens.
1486
01:16:14,152 --> 01:16:15,654
- Right.
- Okay.
1487
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:16,697
That's what the Buddha said.
1488
01:16:16,697 --> 01:16:18,782
It's with our minds we create the world.
1489
01:16:18,782 --> 01:16:21,285
Number two, of all the
possible interpretations,
1490
01:16:21,285 --> 01:16:22,536
we choose the worst one.
1491
01:16:22,536 --> 01:16:24,204
Thirdly, what I just said isn't true.
1492
01:16:24,204 --> 01:16:25,122
We didn't choose it.
1493
01:16:25,122 --> 01:16:27,916
It's not like you went through
all these possibilities
1494
01:16:27,916 --> 01:16:28,875
and you said-
- Was a multiple choice
1495
01:16:28,875 --> 01:16:30,544
and I chose option D.
- Oh no,
1496
01:16:30,544 --> 01:16:32,796
he doesn't care about me
and he doesn't respect me.
1497
01:16:32,796 --> 01:16:33,630
You didn't do that.
1498
01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:35,299
Your brain jumped there
automatically, right?
1499
01:16:35,299 --> 01:16:36,216
My question is why?
1500
01:16:37,384 --> 01:16:38,260
First time in your life
1501
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:40,053
that you felt hurt and angry
1502
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:42,973
when you perceived somebody
didn't care about you
1503
01:16:42,973 --> 01:16:44,057
and didn't respect you?
1504
01:16:44,933 --> 01:16:46,351
- It's not the first time.
- Very good.
1505
01:16:46,351 --> 01:16:49,896
And most people I talk
to, it goes back way back.
1506
01:16:49,896 --> 01:16:50,981
- Yeah. This goes way back.
1507
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:51,815
- Into childhood.
1508
01:16:51,815 --> 01:16:52,858
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.
1509
01:16:53,692 --> 01:16:54,985
And that's what trauma is.
1510
01:16:56,069 --> 01:16:58,488
We don't respond to the present moment.
1511
01:16:58,488 --> 01:17:00,073
We respond to the past.
1512
01:17:00,073 --> 01:17:01,867
So who's the one that
doesn't care about you
1513
01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:03,035
and who's the one that doesn't think
1514
01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:04,953
you're worthy of respect?
- Oh, it'd be me.
1515
01:17:04,953 --> 01:17:05,787
- It would be you.
- Yeah.
1516
01:17:05,787 --> 01:17:06,955
- So that's the learning,
1517
01:17:06,955 --> 01:17:08,874
and that's the beauty of healing
1518
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:11,168
is that when you reframe things
1519
01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:14,338
and you actually see the
source within ourselves,
1520
01:17:14,338 --> 01:17:16,256
all of a sudden that's liberating.
1521
01:17:16,256 --> 01:17:17,758
Because guess what?
1522
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:19,926
If you're feeling that way
because this guy did this
1523
01:17:19,926 --> 01:17:22,596
or didn't do that, that
makes you a victim.
1524
01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:23,513
- Yeah.
1525
01:17:23,513 --> 01:17:26,058
- But if you see that you are the source,
1526
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:27,059
now you're powerful.
1527
01:17:32,230 --> 01:17:36,777
Can you have a vision of
society that incorporates
1528
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:40,614
the achievements of modern civilization
1529
01:17:40,614 --> 01:17:42,449
while at the same time still honors
1530
01:17:42,449 --> 01:17:44,576
the essence of human nature?
1531
01:17:44,576 --> 01:17:45,744
I think the answer is yes.
1532
01:17:45,744 --> 01:17:47,287
I know the answer is yes,
1533
01:17:47,287 --> 01:17:49,456
not that I expect to
see it in my lifetime.
1534
01:17:50,832 --> 01:17:53,710
We need trauma informed medical care,
1535
01:17:53,710 --> 01:17:56,088
trauma informed education
1536
01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:58,674
and trauma informed therapy.
1537
01:18:01,134 --> 01:18:05,097
- Everybody that has listened to a talk
1538
01:18:05,097 --> 01:18:07,766
or read his book always said to me
1539
01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:13,105
I don't feel like I'm
a bad person anymore.
1540
01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,566
I can see their heads higher.
1541
01:18:16,566 --> 01:18:18,485
Yeah, they're still using substances,
1542
01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:21,571
but something inside of
them is starting to change.
1543
01:18:21,571 --> 01:18:23,657
That's their shame is kind of dissipating.
1544
01:18:26,201 --> 01:18:30,122
- Without me stumbling
across his work, I tell you,
1545
01:18:30,122 --> 01:18:34,042
I tell you, I would've
been a different person.
1546
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:36,753
Personal childhood trauma is key
1547
01:18:36,753 --> 01:18:38,213
because once you understand that,
1548
01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:40,215
know you were a child
and you didn't have help,
1549
01:18:40,215 --> 01:18:42,968
and if it's about love them
why are we locking them up?
1550
01:18:44,386 --> 01:18:47,597
- Underneath that traumatized persona,
1551
01:18:49,349 --> 01:18:51,101
there's the healthy individual
1552
01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:53,353
who has never found
expression in this life.
1553
01:18:53,353 --> 01:18:55,605
If you see that, then
you're trauma informed,
1554
01:18:57,065 --> 01:18:59,651
it's not a question of healing the trauma
1555
01:18:59,651 --> 01:19:03,488
or of ever getting rid of
the memory of what happened,
1556
01:19:03,488 --> 01:19:05,615
but to help that person expand
1557
01:19:05,615 --> 01:19:08,076
so that there's space
for all those emotions.
1558
01:19:09,619 --> 01:19:12,497
- Dr. Mate, he allowed me to feel
1559
01:19:12,497 --> 01:19:15,917
that what I was seeing
was a humanistic crisis.
1560
01:19:15,917 --> 01:19:19,963
It was a human not being identified
1561
01:19:19,963 --> 01:19:22,007
in the light in which they deserve to be.
1562
01:19:22,966 --> 01:19:27,596
We as caretakers in this world
1563
01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:31,308
need to see the human in
front of us, not the problem.
1564
01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:32,642
We still have each other's numbers.
1565
01:19:32,642 --> 01:19:33,852
You'll call me?
- Yeah, yeah.
1566
01:19:33,852 --> 01:19:34,686
- Okay.
- All right.
1567
01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:35,520
Good to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you.
1568
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,230
I missed you.
- All right.
1569
01:19:37,230 --> 01:19:38,064
- Bye.
1570
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:40,650
How have you been?
1571
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,986
It cannot be a general construct
1572
01:19:42,986 --> 01:19:45,405
of this is how we're dealing
with people who are homeless,
1573
01:19:45,405 --> 01:19:47,240
this is how we're dealing with people
1574
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:48,784
who are are addicted to drugs.
1575
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:51,077
No, this is how we deal with Sarah,
1576
01:19:51,077 --> 01:19:52,662
this is how we deal with Jose.
1577
01:19:52,662 --> 01:19:54,623
This is how we are in relationship
1578
01:19:54,623 --> 01:19:57,709
to each and every person
experiencing trauma
1579
01:19:57,709 --> 01:19:58,919
within their lives.
1580
01:19:58,919 --> 01:20:03,799
That is what has been the
essence to his teaching for me.
1581
01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:05,217
Hi, who's this?
1582
01:20:05,217 --> 01:20:06,051
- Fang.
1583
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:08,261
- Hi Fang, how are you doing?
1584
01:20:08,261 --> 01:20:10,180
Fang, are you his little companion?
1585
01:20:13,642 --> 01:20:15,894
- When we start the journey
of being compassionate
1586
01:20:15,894 --> 01:20:19,064
with ourselves, not only
does it change ourselves,
1587
01:20:19,064 --> 01:20:21,817
it changes our communities
and our society.
1588
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,446
- Today I'm still healing.
1589
01:20:26,446 --> 01:20:28,698
I'm still healing from
my abandonment issues.
1590
01:20:29,574 --> 01:20:31,451
I'm a lifer inmate.
1591
01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,037
Being here today, witnessing all you guys'
1592
01:20:34,037 --> 01:20:37,874
traumatic experiences gives me motivation,
1593
01:20:37,874 --> 01:20:39,626
gives me inspiration to continue on
1594
01:20:39,626 --> 01:20:41,169
the path that I'm currently on.
1595
01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:47,467
- Every human being has a
true, genuine, authentic self.
1596
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:50,303
And that true, genuine authentic self
1597
01:20:51,304 --> 01:20:52,514
can never be destroyed.
1598
01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:56,268
- When people say you have
a second chance in life,
1599
01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,144
today I know what that means.
1600
01:20:58,144 --> 01:21:00,188
So I performed for the first time singing,
1601
01:21:00,188 --> 01:21:02,107
after not singing in 20 years.
1602
01:21:02,107 --> 01:21:04,568
So I performed in front
of over 400 people.
1603
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:05,819
That was a dream come true,
1604
01:21:05,819 --> 01:21:08,488
and I was able to reunite with my mother.
1605
01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:12,409
When God blessed me with this son,
1606
01:21:12,409 --> 01:21:14,536
my four-year-old boy Douglas,
1607
01:21:14,536 --> 01:21:16,538
I made a promise to
myself and I said, listen,
1608
01:21:16,538 --> 01:21:17,831
I want to be a mom.
1609
01:21:17,831 --> 01:21:19,040
I want to be a good mom.
1610
01:21:20,458 --> 01:21:22,127
The baby's dad is also with me.
1611
01:21:23,253 --> 01:21:24,462
He's my babysitter.
1612
01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:32,262
- I've been clean for the
last 10 and a half months.
1613
01:21:32,262 --> 01:21:35,348
'Cause you did, you made
a difference in my life.
1614
01:21:35,348 --> 01:21:36,892
- Thank you for being in touch.
1615
01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:45,108
# Through the mist and the pain #
1616
01:21:45,108 --> 01:21:48,153
# I've learned to maintain #
1617
01:21:48,153 --> 01:21:52,157
# There is no shame #
1618
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:55,160
# There is no shame #
1619
01:22:06,129 --> 01:22:11,134
- I am happy to say now
that through my own healing,
1620
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:14,888
after being off my medication
now for six months,
1621
01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,557
I've gone in remission.
1622
01:22:17,557 --> 01:22:20,894
The cancer is just not, is not growing.
1623
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:23,313
This is the first time in four years
1624
01:22:23,313 --> 01:22:26,316
where this has happened, so
this is absolutely amazing.
1625
01:22:31,196 --> 01:22:34,407
- It's been spiritual work for us both
1626
01:22:34,407 --> 01:22:36,826
and I've grown up in the relationship.
1627
01:22:36,826 --> 01:22:38,203
I've healed in the relationship.
1628
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:40,872
I'm still healing in the relationship.
1629
01:22:40,872 --> 01:22:43,416
To me this is an incredible love story.
1630
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:48,088
It's really inspiring how he's changed.
1631
01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:50,799
So as we've gotten older,
1632
01:22:50,799 --> 01:22:54,719
somehow we've gotten freer and younger.
1633
01:22:54,719 --> 01:22:56,096
We just get closer and closer.
1634
01:22:56,096 --> 01:22:57,597
It gets better and better.
1635
01:23:15,991 --> 01:23:18,785
- It's a dynamic, emergent process
1636
01:23:18,785 --> 01:23:22,205
of confrontation with the truth
that solutions will arise.
1637
01:23:26,835 --> 01:23:29,713
Trauma involves a lifelong pushing down,
1638
01:23:29,713 --> 01:23:32,424
a tremendous expenditure of energy,
1639
01:23:32,424 --> 01:23:35,677
into not feeling the pain.
1640
01:23:38,346 --> 01:23:42,559
As we heal, that same
energy is liberated for life
1641
01:23:42,559 --> 01:23:43,977
and for being in the present.
1642
01:23:45,603 --> 01:23:48,648
So the energy of trauma can be transformed
1643
01:23:48,648 --> 01:23:50,066
into the energy of life.
1644
01:24:10,295 --> 01:24:12,922
# You can see it in the cars #
1645
01:24:12,922 --> 01:24:15,300
# It's playing on the radio #
1646
01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:17,594
# It's written in the stars #
1647
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:20,096
# And living in me #
1648
01:24:20,096 --> 01:24:22,599
# You can read it in the cards #
1649
01:24:22,599 --> 01:24:25,060
# And hear it in stereo #
1650
01:24:25,060 --> 01:24:27,437
# It's a bullet in your heart #
1651
01:24:27,437 --> 01:24:31,357
# And a trigger in me #
1652
01:24:39,991 --> 01:24:42,368
# You can see it in the young #
1653
01:24:42,368 --> 01:24:45,205
# They saw it on a video #
1654
01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:47,290
# Loaded like a gun #
1655
01:24:47,290 --> 01:24:49,793
# It's aiming at me #
1656
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:52,420
# Everybody in the run #
1657
01:24:52,420 --> 01:24:54,756
# Talking on the telephone #
1658
01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:57,008
# Hurry up and have fun #
1659
01:24:57,008 --> 01:25:00,595
# 'Cause it's killing me #
1660
01:25:00,595 --> 01:25:04,974
# Over and over and over once again #
1661
01:25:04,974 --> 01:25:07,185
# They will find you #
1662
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,355
# You'll let them in #
1663
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:14,734
# Over and over and over once again #
1664
01:25:14,734 --> 01:25:17,070
# They will find you #
1665
01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:20,323
# Under your skin #
1666
01:25:20,323 --> 01:25:22,659
# The way that it's working #
1667
01:25:22,659 --> 01:25:25,078
# You know it's not working #
1668
01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:27,622
# The way things are going #
1669
01:25:27,622 --> 01:25:30,083
# Where are we going #
1670
01:25:30,083 --> 01:25:32,502
# What does it matter #
1671
01:25:32,502 --> 01:25:34,963
# It's mind over matter #
1672
01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:37,465
# When it's all over #
1673
01:25:37,465 --> 01:25:42,470
# Nothing is over #
1674
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:47,642
# Ooh ooh ooh ooh #
1675
01:25:47,642 --> 01:25:52,522
# Ooh ooh ooh #
1676
01:25:52,522 --> 01:25:57,443
# Ooh ooh ooh ooh #
1677
01:25:57,443 --> 01:26:01,447
# Ooh ooh #
1678
01:26:01,447 --> 01:26:04,284
# It's a devil in disguise #
1679
01:26:04,284 --> 01:26:06,494
# hidden in the media #
1680
01:26:06,494 --> 01:26:08,955
# It's a hunger in your eyes #
1681
01:26:08,955 --> 01:26:11,291
# It's feeding on me #
1682
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:14,127
# Everybody with their lives #
1683
01:26:14,127 --> 01:26:16,337
# Coming from the satellite #
1684
01:26:16,337 --> 01:26:18,715
# I'm walking on a wire #
1685
01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:22,051
# They keep following me #
1686
01:26:22,051 --> 01:26:26,556
# Over and over and over once again #
1687
01:26:26,556 --> 01:26:28,766
# They will find you #
1688
01:26:28,766 --> 01:26:31,978
# You'll let them in #
1689
01:26:31,978 --> 01:26:36,441
# Over and over and over once again #
1690
01:26:36,441 --> 01:26:38,735
# They will bind you #
1691
01:26:38,735 --> 01:26:41,863
# Under your skin #
1692
01:26:41,863 --> 01:26:44,199
# But the way that's it working #
1693
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,784
# You know it's not working #
1694
01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:49,370
# The way things are going #
1695
01:26:49,370 --> 01:26:51,831
# Where are we going #
1696
01:26:51,831 --> 01:26:54,083
# What does it matter #
1697
01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:56,753
# It's mind over matter #
1698
01:26:56,753 --> 01:26:59,172
# When it's all over #
1699
01:26:59,172 --> 01:27:01,716
# Nothing is over #
1700
01:27:01,716 --> 01:27:03,968
# The way that it's working #
1701
01:27:03,968 --> 01:27:06,554
# You know it's not working #
1702
01:27:06,554 --> 01:27:09,057
# The way things are going #
1703
01:27:09,057 --> 01:27:11,601
# Where are we going #
1704
01:27:11,601 --> 01:27:13,811
# What does it matter #
1705
01:27:13,811 --> 01:27:16,481
# It's mind over matter #
1706
01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:19,025
# When it's all over #
1707
01:27:19,025 --> 01:27:21,861
# Nothing is over #
1708
01:27:27,575 --> 01:27:32,580
# What does it matter #
1709
01:27:32,580 --> 01:27:35,917
# It's mind over matter #
1710
01:27:42,590 --> 01:27:45,927
# It's mind over matter #
130763
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.