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1
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,362
Oh! Cripes.
2
00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:11,948
Sorry.
3
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,828
We have to circle round.
4
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,455
Approach the escalator
from the east.
5
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,749
Remember what's at the top
of that escalator?
6
00:01:20,874 --> 00:01:24,294
Abercrombie.
Where they breed them.
7
00:01:24,419 --> 00:01:25,670
Okay...
8
00:01:27,631 --> 00:01:29,049
We're gonna run
to the brick wall,
9
00:01:29,174 --> 00:01:30,550
and then we're gonna
get on the escalator.
10
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:31,843
That's risky.
We'll be trapped.
11
00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:33,845
Hey, dudes, dudes, um,
12
00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:36,139
what's our position on online
matchmakers instead of the apps?
13
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,183
- Get over here.
- Bitch, please.
14
00:01:38,308 --> 00:01:40,602
My mother wants to sign me up.
She's desperate.
15
00:01:40,727 --> 00:01:42,270
Guys, can we please
talk about this
16
00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:44,064
when no one is trying
to kill us?
17
00:01:44,189 --> 00:01:46,066
Dating algorithms
are basically meaningless.
18
00:01:46,191 --> 00:01:47,484
There was a 2012 paper
19
00:01:47,609 --> 00:01:48,818
published by
Northwestern University
20
00:01:48,944 --> 00:01:50,362
that basically eviscerates
21
00:01:50,487 --> 00:01:52,989
- the very concept--
- Meta.
22
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,825
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Are we ready?
23
00:01:55,951 --> 00:01:57,953
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Great. Let's go.
24
00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:36,199
- Abort. Abort.
- Oh, bad choice, bad choice.
25
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,784
Abort. Abort.
26
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,668
Take as many
as you can with you.
27
00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:48,837
Gentlemen, it's been an honor.
28
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,673
Say hello to my little friend.
29
00:02:51,798 --> 00:02:53,049
Oh, bugger.
30
00:02:55,135 --> 00:02:56,469
Ugh.
31
00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:04,436
Next time, we need more people.
32
00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:06,521
That all you got, Dumbledork?
33
00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:07,981
Come on.
34
00:03:08,106 --> 00:03:09,524
Where are your Hobbitses now,
Gandalf?
35
00:03:09,649 --> 00:03:11,276
Dan?
36
00:03:11,401 --> 00:03:13,028
Kip.
37
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:14,446
- Hey.
- Hey.
38
00:03:14,571 --> 00:03:16,281
- How's it going?
- Oh, shit.
39
00:03:16,406 --> 00:03:18,783
Is that the same Dan
that ghosted you last week?
40
00:03:18,909 --> 00:03:20,285
It doesn't matter.
41
00:03:20,410 --> 00:03:22,037
Yes, it does. It's rude.
42
00:03:22,162 --> 00:03:23,914
Okay, okay, you're right.
I should have texted.
43
00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:27,500
But get this, our second date,
she asks,
44
00:03:27,626 --> 00:03:29,002
"Outside of the Marvel Universe,
45
00:03:29,127 --> 00:03:30,420
who could pick up
Thor's hammer?"
46
00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:33,506
I mean, come on.
47
00:03:33,632 --> 00:03:35,217
Next date you go on
with a guy,
48
00:03:35,342 --> 00:03:38,011
maybe keep that weirdness
tucked away a little bit better.
49
00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:40,305
- You know?
- Hey. You are dismissed.
50
00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:44,935
Fine. Whatever.
51
00:03:46,353 --> 00:03:48,230
- Come on, Zoe.
- Data.
52
00:03:50,065 --> 00:03:51,358
What?
53
00:03:51,483 --> 00:03:52,609
Data from The Next Generation.
54
00:03:52,734 --> 00:03:54,319
He could lift Thor's hammer.
55
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:57,405
Yes! Also, Ted Lasso,
but he'd do it by accident.
56
00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,698
Please.
57
00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,492
Two words: Superman.
58
00:04:00,617 --> 00:04:03,578
And Betty White.
59
00:04:04,663 --> 00:04:05,830
Neville Longbottom.
60
00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:07,207
Ah.
61
00:04:09,209 --> 00:04:11,044
Not worth it.
62
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,882
I feel sort of bad
killing you now.
63
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:17,842
Oh, no, that's okay.
64
00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:19,761
Death sounds pretty good
right now.
65
00:04:19,886 --> 00:04:21,263
All right then.
66
00:04:25,559 --> 00:04:27,644
♪ Turn it up, turn it up
Turn it up ♪
67
00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:30,313
♪ Turn it up
Turn it up, turn it up ♪
68
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,065
♪ Drink it up, shake it up
To the sound ♪
69
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:34,401
♪ Shake it on down
Break it on down ♪
70
00:04:34,526 --> 00:04:36,570
♪ Turn it up and down
If you want to ♪
71
00:04:36,695 --> 00:04:38,989
♪ Turn it inside out
If you need to ♪
72
00:04:39,114 --> 00:04:41,157
♪ Turn it up, turn it up
Turn it up ♪
73
00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:43,493
♪ Turn it up
Turn it up, turn it up ♪
74
00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:54,045
♪ Break it down
Listen to the bass, man ♪
75
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:55,672
♪ He don't say much ♪
76
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:57,007
♪ But when he does
Give a listen ♪
77
00:04:57,132 --> 00:04:58,884
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
78
00:04:59,009 --> 00:05:01,303
♪ Change it up
So we don't get sued ♪
79
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:08,560
Yeah, buddy!
80
00:05:08,685 --> 00:05:10,061
Thank you. Thank you.
81
00:05:10,186 --> 00:05:11,938
But the real thanks
goes to my family,
82
00:05:12,063 --> 00:05:13,815
who never, ever learned
how to knock.
83
00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:16,443
Hey, hey, do "Wonderwall."
84
00:05:17,444 --> 00:05:18,778
Oh.
85
00:05:18,904 --> 00:05:20,196
Here.
86
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,490
Thanks, Mom.
87
00:05:22,616 --> 00:05:24,784
- Sweetie.
- Okay, Mom...
88
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,495
You cannot keep doing
these all-nighters.
89
00:05:27,621 --> 00:05:28,955
I know, I know.
90
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,791
But you should
have seen the numbers.
91
00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,002
We doubled our users
in the last month.
92
00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:36,087
Well, then it's time
to hire someone.
93
00:05:36,213 --> 00:05:38,089
And it has to be from
outside the family this time,
94
00:05:38,215 --> 00:05:40,759
since Sarah's the only one
that doesn't work for you yet.
95
00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:42,677
Mom, I get it,
96
00:05:42,802 --> 00:05:44,554
and I will...
97
00:05:44,679 --> 00:05:46,264
I'll think about it.
98
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,183
Okay, well, it's...
99
00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:51,353
It's not just you
I'm worried about.
100
00:05:51,478 --> 00:05:54,189
If you slip up,
101
00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:55,899
the entire company
is at risk.
102
00:05:56,024 --> 00:05:57,359
I get it.
103
00:05:57,484 --> 00:05:59,194
Okay. I'm going.
104
00:06:00,362 --> 00:06:01,655
Thank you for the coffee.
105
00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:02,948
Sure.
106
00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:13,917
I got so tired
of swiping left, left, left.
107
00:06:14,042 --> 00:06:16,378
Those other apps
are all based on looks.
108
00:06:16,503 --> 00:06:17,837
Jones.
109
00:06:17,963 --> 00:06:20,298
I created for you a bride.
110
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,759
And we shall give it life!
111
00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:25,679
His sense of humor.
112
00:06:25,804 --> 00:06:27,556
Her plans and dreams.
113
00:06:27,681 --> 00:06:29,266
When you answer
the app questions,
114
00:06:29,391 --> 00:06:32,185
you really think about
who you are.
115
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,896
Your soulmate is out there.
116
00:06:36,648 --> 00:06:38,817
I promise.
117
00:06:39,943 --> 00:06:41,736
Hey, Jones.
118
00:06:41,861 --> 00:06:43,613
Your grape is out there.
119
00:06:48,535 --> 00:06:51,246
I promise.
120
00:06:53,999 --> 00:06:57,711
My soulmate, however,
apparently got lost.
121
00:06:57,836 --> 00:07:00,755
Although, if he really is
my soulmate,
122
00:07:00,881 --> 00:07:03,383
his watch would be synced
to the atomic clock.
123
00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:06,803
Bye, Jones.
124
00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:26,114
At least you didn't
have to deal with dating apps,
125
00:07:26,239 --> 00:07:28,158
where, I swear,
every third photo
126
00:07:28,283 --> 00:07:31,202
is some guy posing
with a fish he just caught.
127
00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:33,538
"I'd like to believe
there was someone special
128
00:07:33,663 --> 00:07:34,831
in your life once.
129
00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:36,958
And I'll find someone too.
130
00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:38,585
But maybe I'm just
old-fashioned
131
00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:40,587
and the world doesn't work
like that anymore."
132
00:07:42,714 --> 00:07:45,133
You're okay that I blog
about you sometimes?
133
00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:47,052
You'd tell me, right?
134
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:51,181
Oh. Check this out.
135
00:07:52,349 --> 00:07:53,725
I made it for you.
136
00:08:00,774 --> 00:08:02,359
I got to get my bus.
137
00:08:02,484 --> 00:08:03,818
See you.
138
00:08:12,452 --> 00:08:14,204
All I'm saying is,
139
00:08:14,329 --> 00:08:16,414
guys figure there's something
wrong with the other person,
140
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:19,251
While women assume there's
something wrong with us.
141
00:08:19,376 --> 00:08:22,045
No, I pretty much always assume
that I'm the problem.
142
00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:23,672
Yeah, well, in your case,
you'd be right.
143
00:08:23,797 --> 00:08:25,048
Hey, you know
what'd be awkward?
144
00:08:25,173 --> 00:08:26,550
If one of these guys
145
00:08:26,675 --> 00:08:27,884
reads about himself on
your blog.
146
00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:29,135
I have, like, three readers,
147
00:08:29,261 --> 00:08:30,470
and two of them are my mother.
148
00:08:30,595 --> 00:08:31,638
Dude, I read it.
149
00:08:31,763 --> 00:08:33,223
Don't read my blog, you creeper.
150
00:08:33,348 --> 00:08:36,059
Then don't put it
on the Internet.
151
00:08:38,228 --> 00:08:39,980
Ugh, Marco alert.
Banking in, port side.
152
00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:41,982
Marco's a douche.
153
00:08:42,107 --> 00:08:44,109
I can't believe they hired him
instead of promoting you.
154
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,570
I can. They were never
gonna promote me.
155
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:47,946
Why not?
156
00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:49,656
Uh, women's intuition.
157
00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:52,617
Years of watching men like Marco
take credit for my work.
158
00:08:52,742 --> 00:08:54,869
- There's a word for that.
- Patriarchy?
159
00:08:54,995 --> 00:08:57,497
I was thinking "dick,"
but sure.
160
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:02,168
- Interrupting?
- No. What's up?
161
00:09:02,294 --> 00:09:04,004
I need your help
with the Gemco presentation.
162
00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:06,756
Oh, you want me to run through
the technical content?
163
00:09:06,882 --> 00:09:08,008
No.
164
00:09:08,133 --> 00:09:09,342
I've got all that covered.
165
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:11,469
Presentation itself is superb.
166
00:09:11,595 --> 00:09:13,054
Are you sure?
167
00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:15,181
It's pretty advanced.
168
00:09:15,307 --> 00:09:16,766
I mean, the processing
requirements alone--
169
00:09:16,892 --> 00:09:18,184
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
170
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:19,686
Are you womansplaining this
to me?
171
00:09:19,811 --> 00:09:21,771
- Uh...
- That's not very woke, Kip.
172
00:09:21,897 --> 00:09:23,023
Am I right, guys?
173
00:09:27,777 --> 00:09:29,154
Look, I just need you
174
00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:30,864
to fix a virus on my laptop.
175
00:09:30,989 --> 00:09:32,657
Must have been infected
by a competitor
176
00:09:32,782 --> 00:09:34,034
trying to sabotage us.
177
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:35,660
But we can't fix it here,
178
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:37,412
because I can't risk
contaminating the network.
179
00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:41,499
So I need you to fix it tonight
from home.
180
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:45,086
I would do it myself,
but I've got a date.
181
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:46,630
Ooh!
182
00:09:46,755 --> 00:09:47,881
Okay?
183
00:09:48,006 --> 00:09:49,299
Superb.
184
00:09:49,424 --> 00:09:52,594
Well, I might have plans
tonight too.
185
00:09:56,723 --> 00:09:58,808
God, you're hilarious.
186
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:00,060
Boop!
187
00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:01,728
Yeah.
188
00:10:08,485 --> 00:10:09,861
Dickhead.
189
00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:12,739
Stain.
190
00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:16,076
Such a cretin.
191
00:10:20,205 --> 00:10:21,915
Hey.
192
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,709
Ready? Ready?
193
00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:27,087
You ready? You ready?
194
00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:28,922
But seriously,
how are you still coding
195
00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:31,007
all of I Promise by yourself?
196
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:33,051
Well, it's easy, I just,
you know, survive on popcorn,
197
00:10:33,176 --> 00:10:34,386
I sleep at my desk,
198
00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:35,887
and my application
for the monastery
199
00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:37,722
just arrived in the mail,
so, hey!
200
00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:40,684
Honestly, volunteering here
201
00:10:40,809 --> 00:10:43,311
is the only time
I actually get outside.
202
00:10:43,436 --> 00:10:45,355
Well, when you're hiring,
you know how to find me.
203
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:46,606
Thank you.
204
00:10:47,983 --> 00:10:49,401
Oh, I thanked you.
205
00:10:57,158 --> 00:11:01,079
I know a porn virus
when I see one, you sleaze.
206
00:11:04,457 --> 00:11:06,626
Uh... yup!
207
00:11:06,751 --> 00:11:08,461
Hmm. See?
208
00:11:08,587 --> 00:11:11,047
I am superb, Jones.
209
00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:12,841
And how about I put
a little picture
210
00:11:12,966 --> 00:11:14,384
of your gross search history
211
00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:15,886
in the middle
of your presentation, Marco?
212
00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:17,721
How superb would I be then?
213
00:11:25,312 --> 00:11:27,606
"I hope Mr. Lawn Chair Man
talks..."
214
00:11:27,731 --> 00:11:28,982
Oh, that's nice.
215
00:11:30,108 --> 00:11:31,484
"Come to church with us.
216
00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:32,819
There's so many nice men"?
217
00:11:32,944 --> 00:11:34,654
God, Mom.
218
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:37,115
"Is your poppy floppy?"
219
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,034
Gross.
220
00:11:41,244 --> 00:11:42,495
Hmm.
221
00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:54,925
Hmm. What do you think, Jones?
222
00:11:56,343 --> 00:11:57,552
Yeah.
223
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,095
That's a really bad idea.
224
00:12:00,138 --> 00:12:01,723
No, no, no, no, no, no!
225
00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,099
Ugh.
226
00:12:05,727 --> 00:12:08,688
Huh. "Would you share your
toothbrush with your lover?"
227
00:12:08,813 --> 00:12:10,232
Uh...
228
00:12:10,357 --> 00:12:11,524
I know where his mouth has been.
229
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:13,151
No.
230
00:12:14,736 --> 00:12:17,030
"Are you a good dancer?"
Seriously?
231
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:19,241
That's the second-most
important thing to catalog?
232
00:12:20,992 --> 00:12:22,953
"Have you ever had sex
in public..."
233
00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:24,496
Who are these people, Jones?
234
00:12:24,621 --> 00:12:26,414
It's disgusting.
235
00:12:26,539 --> 00:12:29,209
Hey, Jones, three no's.
It's like a drinking game.
236
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:31,878
"Have you been to a bar
this week?" No.
237
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:34,047
"Do you kill spiders
rather than carry them outside?"
238
00:12:34,172 --> 00:12:35,924
Never.
239
00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:39,052
Number 14. "Your romantic
partner is bitten by a zombie."
240
00:12:39,177 --> 00:12:41,471
Head shot immediately.
241
00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:43,598
"Would you rather
vomit on your hero
242
00:12:43,723 --> 00:12:46,643
or have your hero
vomit on you?"
243
00:12:46,768 --> 00:12:48,520
On me. On me.
244
00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:51,940
Nude beach.
245
00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:53,692
Sure.
246
00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:56,027
"Have you, uh...
247
00:12:56,152 --> 00:12:57,445
ever...
248
00:12:57,571 --> 00:13:00,282
Have you ever
been skinny...
249
00:13:00,407 --> 00:13:01,825
skinny dipping?"
250
00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:09,499
Question 500:
251
00:13:09,624 --> 00:13:11,918
Who ended your last
relationship?
252
00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:13,378
Don't lie to me.
253
00:13:13,503 --> 00:13:14,963
I hate you.
254
00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:19,092
Congratulations.
255
00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:20,343
Your matches will be sent
256
00:13:20,468 --> 00:13:22,137
within 24 hours.
257
00:13:37,694 --> 00:13:39,446
- What?
- Where the hell are you?
258
00:13:39,571 --> 00:13:40,989
Rideshare's on the way.
259
00:13:41,114 --> 00:13:43,700
- Mom?
- Yeah, it's your mom.
260
00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:46,411
Marco's Gemco presentation
starts in 20--
261
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:50,624
Correction, 19 minutes,
and you have his laptop.
262
00:13:50,749 --> 00:13:52,542
You're not his favorite person
right now.
263
00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:55,253
He's sniffing around your desk
like a rabid skunk.
264
00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,505
A driver's gonna be there
in one minute.
265
00:13:57,631 --> 00:13:59,090
Get down there now.
266
00:14:01,635 --> 00:14:03,053
Where is she?
267
00:14:03,178 --> 00:14:04,721
Yeah, yeah.
She's always late on Tuesdays.
268
00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,431
It's her day to babysit
during morning Mass.
269
00:14:10,101 --> 00:14:12,729
Bring it right over. I'll stall.
270
00:14:12,854 --> 00:14:14,940
Yeah. No problem.
271
00:14:43,385 --> 00:14:45,303
Make a hole!
272
00:14:45,428 --> 00:14:47,013
Oh!
273
00:15:01,486 --> 00:15:03,905
You are in control. Right?
274
00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:06,116
You are a goddess.
275
00:15:06,241 --> 00:15:08,076
He is nothing.
276
00:15:08,201 --> 00:15:12,581
He's a pimple on the butt
of a big baboon. Nothing.
277
00:15:18,253 --> 00:15:19,754
Now I'm not just saying this
278
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,591
to blow smoke up your behinds,
279
00:15:22,716 --> 00:15:24,885
but the new build truly is
one of a kind.
280
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,429
So, once we incorporate
the new code,
281
00:15:27,554 --> 00:15:30,223
we will have the fastest product
on the market.
282
00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:31,850
And with that processing speed,
283
00:15:31,975 --> 00:15:34,936
your ROI will be superb.
284
00:15:36,313 --> 00:15:37,772
Get the lights.
285
00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:47,073
He is so gonna write me up.
286
00:15:47,198 --> 00:15:49,200
No. You were terrific in there.
287
00:15:50,994 --> 00:15:53,246
Seriously, guys,
I don't know how to thank you.
288
00:15:53,371 --> 00:15:54,915
You can start
by brushing your teeth.
289
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,375
- Damn, girl.
- And you have keyboard scars.
290
00:15:57,500 --> 00:16:00,337
Guys, really?
291
00:16:00,462 --> 00:16:02,005
She's also got her T-shirt on
back to front,
292
00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:03,798
but she's still the best.
293
00:16:11,473 --> 00:16:12,933
Good night, Kip.
294
00:16:13,058 --> 00:16:14,517
Jeopardy!
Tournament of Champions?
295
00:16:14,643 --> 00:16:16,645
Yup. And Shirley's making tacos.
296
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,521
Ugh, you're living the dream, Meta.
297
00:16:18,647 --> 00:16:20,398
I am. I am.
298
00:16:25,779 --> 00:16:26,905
Oh, hey, Marco.
299
00:16:27,030 --> 00:16:28,156
How'd the presentation go?
300
00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:29,574
Superb!
301
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:30,825
No thanks to you.
302
00:16:30,951 --> 00:16:32,410
Inside voice, Marco.
303
00:16:32,535 --> 00:16:34,496
Inside voice.
304
00:16:35,538 --> 00:16:36,790
Right.
305
00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:40,377
No thanks to you.
306
00:16:40,502 --> 00:16:42,295
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
I'm superb.
307
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:43,922
Oh, really?
308
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:46,091
So your smut virus
just healed itself, did it?
309
00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:47,842
Great.
310
00:16:49,344 --> 00:16:51,012
Oh.
311
00:16:53,890 --> 00:16:55,141
Hmm.
312
00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:57,644
No.
313
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:02,941
Okay.
314
00:17:19,332 --> 00:17:20,750
A dog?
315
00:17:27,591 --> 00:17:29,551
That's it right there.
316
00:17:29,676 --> 00:17:31,678
That's the moment
I had my epiphany.
317
00:17:31,803 --> 00:17:33,805
Every time I get ghosted,
318
00:17:33,930 --> 00:17:35,724
Meta says there's nothing
wrong with me.
319
00:17:35,849 --> 00:17:37,642
But it's pretty hard
to maintain that position
320
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,519
when a whole-ass
matchmaking site
321
00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,897
rejects you as unmatchable.
322
00:17:42,022 --> 00:17:44,107
There were always signs.
323
00:17:44,232 --> 00:17:46,109
I mean, I played with Barbies.
324
00:17:46,234 --> 00:17:48,153
I just accessorized differently.
325
00:17:49,988 --> 00:17:51,781
Oh, my God.
326
00:17:51,907 --> 00:17:54,618
You're so weird.
327
00:17:54,743 --> 00:17:56,703
I had a sweet 16,
like everyone else.
328
00:17:56,828 --> 00:17:57,954
Mostly.
329
00:17:58,079 --> 00:17:59,497
Thank you!
330
00:17:59,623 --> 00:18:01,583
Who wants to play D?
331
00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:03,627
I know I'm not a real woman.
332
00:18:03,752 --> 00:18:05,503
My shoes don't hurt.
333
00:18:05,629 --> 00:18:06,796
I like math.
334
00:18:06,922 --> 00:18:08,673
I couldn't flirt if I tried.
335
00:18:08,798 --> 00:18:10,842
And for me, dressing up means
putting on mascara.
336
00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:14,679
Everything in my life
has told me that's not enough.
337
00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:16,514
That I'm not enough.
338
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,142
But I guess I never really
believed it before.
339
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,102
In their huge database,
340
00:18:21,228 --> 00:18:23,396
there wasn't one guy
who might like me?
341
00:18:23,521 --> 00:18:25,273
Really? Not one?
342
00:18:25,398 --> 00:18:27,734
Statistically,
is that even possible?
343
00:18:27,859 --> 00:18:29,653
"Read this blog."
344
00:18:29,778 --> 00:18:31,947
I don't know how to fix this
345
00:18:32,072 --> 00:18:34,074
without pretending
to be someone I'm not.
346
00:18:34,199 --> 00:18:36,534
Hmm. It's nice.
347
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:39,412
I feel seen.
348
00:18:39,537 --> 00:18:41,039
And look, I have a good job.
349
00:18:41,164 --> 00:18:43,166
A nice apartment.
I take my own trash out.
350
00:18:43,291 --> 00:18:44,834
I know how to use a plunger
351
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,253
and a comprehensive
set of power tools.
352
00:18:46,378 --> 00:18:47,504
Hell, yeah, we do.
353
00:18:47,629 --> 00:18:49,422
I don't need a man.
354
00:18:49,548 --> 00:18:51,341
It's just that maybe,
every now and then,
355
00:18:51,466 --> 00:18:53,510
I'd like to reach out
and find someone there.
356
00:18:53,635 --> 00:18:56,096
Reaching back.
357
00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:58,640
I don't care what
the I Promise people say.
358
00:18:58,765 --> 00:19:00,100
There is someone
out there for me.
359
00:19:00,225 --> 00:19:02,143
For all of us unmatchables.
360
00:19:03,436 --> 00:19:04,854
I promise.
361
00:19:11,069 --> 00:19:12,320
Hey.
362
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,368
And don't you forget it.
363
00:19:21,162 --> 00:19:23,456
Whoa, whoa. Quiet down.
364
00:19:27,627 --> 00:19:29,379
Wrong brother, Bonus.
365
00:19:29,504 --> 00:19:32,007
All hair and grooming questions
go to David and me.
366
00:19:32,132 --> 00:19:33,383
Have I taught you nothing?
367
00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:34,718
Dad told me
why you call me that.
368
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:36,469
It's a term of endearment.
369
00:19:36,595 --> 00:19:38,889
Everyone loves a surprise.
370
00:19:40,682 --> 00:19:42,684
And the parentals wonder why
you're still single.
371
00:19:42,809 --> 00:19:44,477
She's doing my nails later.
372
00:19:44,603 --> 00:19:47,522
Hmm. That's not all
we're doing later.
373
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:48,940
Hey!
374
00:19:51,484 --> 00:19:52,861
There we go.
375
00:19:57,866 --> 00:19:59,034
A blog?
376
00:19:59,159 --> 00:20:00,827
Who still blogs anymore?
377
00:20:00,952 --> 00:20:02,454
Just read it.
378
00:20:04,456 --> 00:20:05,624
This is unreal.
379
00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:07,167
My blog has, like,
20 comments.
380
00:20:07,292 --> 00:20:10,337
I usually have,
like, two.
381
00:20:10,462 --> 00:20:12,672
"Thanks, Kip,
for speaking for me."
382
00:20:12,797 --> 00:20:15,217
"I could have written this."
383
00:20:15,342 --> 00:20:17,594
"I'm crying as I write this."
384
00:20:19,054 --> 00:20:20,931
Oh, wow. It's up to 32 now.
385
00:20:21,056 --> 00:20:22,307
Look.
386
00:20:32,776 --> 00:20:34,236
Ruh-roh.
387
00:20:37,739 --> 00:20:40,825
♪ Staying in again
On a Saturday night ♪
388
00:20:40,951 --> 00:20:44,287
♪ I'm gonna settle on the sofa
And turn down the lights ♪
389
00:20:44,412 --> 00:20:48,124
♪ I got 900 channels
But there's nothing to see ♪
390
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:51,711
♪ No wonder everybody thinks
They should be on TV ♪
391
00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:53,713
♪ Oh ♪
392
00:20:53,838 --> 00:20:55,215
♪ We all want to be famous ♪
393
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:57,133
♪ Oh ♪
394
00:20:57,259 --> 00:20:58,843
♪ And be a face on the screen ♪
395
00:20:58,969 --> 00:21:00,554
♪ Oh ♪
396
00:21:00,679 --> 00:21:02,430
♪ Read our name in the papers ♪
397
00:21:02,556 --> 00:21:03,682
♪ Oh ♪
398
00:21:03,807 --> 00:21:07,519
♪ Everybody wants to be on TV ♪
399
00:21:07,644 --> 00:21:09,104
♪ Oh ♪
400
00:21:10,146 --> 00:21:11,273
♪ Oh-oh ♪
401
00:21:11,398 --> 00:21:12,857
♪ Oh ♪
402
00:21:14,025 --> 00:21:15,151
♪ Oh-oh ♪
403
00:21:15,277 --> 00:21:17,070
♪ Oh ♪
404
00:21:17,195 --> 00:21:18,321
♪ Oh-oh ♪
405
00:21:18,446 --> 00:21:19,739
♪ We all want ♪
406
00:21:19,864 --> 00:21:21,658
♪ We want to be famous ♪
407
00:21:21,783 --> 00:21:25,620
♪ We all want
To be like James Dean ♪
408
00:21:25,745 --> 00:21:28,039
So you believe
409
00:21:28,164 --> 00:21:31,668
just because you couldn't
find Mittens all night...
410
00:21:31,793 --> 00:21:34,588
Yes, she was abducted
by aliens.
411
00:21:34,713 --> 00:21:36,631
And they brought her back.
412
00:21:37,883 --> 00:21:40,385
- In time for breakfast.
- Yeah.
413
00:21:40,510 --> 00:21:44,139
Yeah, so there I was
making bacon,
414
00:21:44,264 --> 00:21:46,808
and she just came trotting in
415
00:21:46,933 --> 00:21:49,603
like she hadn't been MIA
all night.
416
00:21:49,728 --> 00:21:51,104
She looks at me differently.
417
00:21:51,229 --> 00:21:53,064
There's something
in her eyes, she...
418
00:21:55,317 --> 00:21:56,943
I can't explain--
You know what?
419
00:21:57,068 --> 00:21:58,904
There's this thing on her butt
I want to show you...
420
00:21:59,029 --> 00:22:00,196
Oh, and we are done.
421
00:22:01,865 --> 00:22:04,451
Thank you so much
to this week's guests,
422
00:22:04,576 --> 00:22:07,245
Kevin and Mittens.
423
00:22:07,370 --> 00:22:09,164
Now, before I go,
424
00:22:09,289 --> 00:22:12,125
I appreciate
all of the comments
425
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:14,711
about the I Promise sitch.
426
00:22:14,836 --> 00:22:17,172
If you're not following
the shenanigans
427
00:22:17,297 --> 00:22:21,676
of my soon-to-be-new-bestie
Kip Parsons, you should be.
428
00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:23,762
I'm gonna get her in here
to spill more tea with me,
429
00:22:23,887 --> 00:22:25,013
Annie Lee.
430
00:22:25,138 --> 00:22:26,389
Check back soon.
431
00:22:30,644 --> 00:22:33,647
Okay, you're getting tagged
in this over and over.
432
00:22:33,772 --> 00:22:35,106
This is huge.
433
00:22:35,232 --> 00:22:37,567
Then what are you still
doing here?
434
00:22:37,692 --> 00:22:40,320
- Call her, get her in here.
- Okay.
435
00:22:44,574 --> 00:22:46,368
Don't look at me like that.
436
00:22:50,705 --> 00:22:52,540
She's straight-up lying.
437
00:22:52,666 --> 00:22:54,125
No one gets rejected.
438
00:22:54,251 --> 00:22:56,169
I mean, I can't even find her
in the system.
439
00:22:56,294 --> 00:22:57,546
It doesn't matter.
440
00:22:57,671 --> 00:22:59,089
Hashtag "unmatchable"
is trending,
441
00:22:59,214 --> 00:23:01,883
and lying or not,
she has hit a nerve.
442
00:23:02,008 --> 00:23:05,262
Oh, this couldn't happen
at a worse time.
443
00:23:05,387 --> 00:23:07,097
We have to handle this carefully.
444
00:23:07,222 --> 00:23:09,307
There's nothing
malicious in her blog.
445
00:23:09,432 --> 00:23:12,185
This just doesn't feel like
some massive corporate plot.
446
00:23:13,728 --> 00:23:15,230
Dirk, call Frankie.
447
00:23:15,355 --> 00:23:17,357
Tell her we're gonna need
the office tomorrow.
448
00:23:17,482 --> 00:23:18,858
- Perfect.
- Whoa, whoa.
449
00:23:18,984 --> 00:23:20,485
You know,
just a radical idea here.
450
00:23:20,610 --> 00:23:22,571
Maybe we should just
invite her here
451
00:23:22,696 --> 00:23:25,907
and, um, tell her the truth.
452
00:23:26,032 --> 00:23:27,576
No, no, no, no.
We need to impress her.
453
00:23:27,701 --> 00:23:29,244
You mean scare her.
454
00:23:29,369 --> 00:23:31,871
Riley, you hired us
to make the tough decisions.
455
00:23:31,997 --> 00:23:33,373
Now let us make them.
456
00:23:33,498 --> 00:23:36,251
Yes, is this Kip Parsons?
457
00:23:37,878 --> 00:23:39,546
This is Ivy Detamore,
458
00:23:39,671 --> 00:23:43,717
chief legal counsel
at I Promise.
459
00:23:43,842 --> 00:23:46,261
They want to meet to clear up
any "misunderstandings."
460
00:23:46,386 --> 00:23:48,054
So, you go down there
and you smack the shit
461
00:23:48,179 --> 00:23:49,389
out of their lying asses.
462
00:23:49,514 --> 00:23:50,974
I'm not good
with confrontation.
463
00:23:55,729 --> 00:23:57,272
You'll be fine.
464
00:23:57,397 --> 00:23:59,566
You're like Saint Joan
at the Siege of Orleans.
465
00:23:59,691 --> 00:24:02,235
You know, you're not just
fighting for yourself anymore.
466
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,113
That's right, you're fighting
for all of us unmatchables, Kip.
467
00:24:09,784 --> 00:24:12,245
Hey, you're her.
468
00:24:12,370 --> 00:24:14,831
Hashtag "unmatchable."
I love it.
469
00:24:14,956 --> 00:24:18,877
Those ass-hats say they promise,
look at what they do.
470
00:24:19,002 --> 00:24:21,254
I literally cried
reading that.
471
00:24:21,379 --> 00:24:23,131
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
472
00:24:23,256 --> 00:24:24,716
Look at me.
473
00:24:24,841 --> 00:24:26,718
You don't see anybody
queuing up to date me?
474
00:24:27,802 --> 00:24:29,387
Oh, well...
475
00:24:29,512 --> 00:24:30,639
in the name of sisterhood,
476
00:24:30,764 --> 00:24:32,015
could you give me a pass?
477
00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:33,683
Get real.
478
00:24:36,061 --> 00:24:37,520
They killed Joan, didn't they?
479
00:24:37,646 --> 00:24:39,439
Burned her alive
at the stake?
480
00:24:39,564 --> 00:24:42,108
Oh, God.
481
00:24:42,234 --> 00:24:44,402
Yeah, it's not
a perfect metaphor.
482
00:24:44,527 --> 00:24:46,613
We need more people.
483
00:24:52,786 --> 00:24:54,412
Have you seen the retweets?
484
00:24:54,537 --> 00:24:56,081
She's like the digital Bachelorette.
485
00:24:56,206 --> 00:24:58,375
I've been promoting it everywhere.
486
00:24:58,500 --> 00:24:59,709
We need to get her in here.
487
00:24:59,834 --> 00:25:01,127
I've left six messages.
488
00:25:01,253 --> 00:25:02,504
Well, call her again.
Be her friend.
489
00:25:02,629 --> 00:25:04,297
She sure sounds like
she needs one.
490
00:25:05,382 --> 00:25:06,550
Raina?
491
00:25:06,675 --> 00:25:08,510
This story could launch me.
492
00:25:08,635 --> 00:25:11,805
And wherever I go,
you'll be right there with me.
493
00:25:12,806 --> 00:25:14,057
Now call her.
494
00:25:19,145 --> 00:25:21,273
Wait, your motto is "I promise,"
495
00:25:21,398 --> 00:25:23,984
and you told her
she was unmatchable?
496
00:25:24,109 --> 00:25:26,027
- It's Riley's fault.
- No, uh-uh.
497
00:25:26,152 --> 00:25:28,655
No, the code is perfect,
thank you.
498
00:25:28,780 --> 00:25:30,490
Well, you can end up
in the crapper on this one.
499
00:25:30,615 --> 00:25:32,701
She could sue you dry.
500
00:25:32,826 --> 00:25:34,619
She would have to prove
that she got rejected,
which she can't do.
501
00:25:34,744 --> 00:25:37,038
So without that,
the most she can do is,
502
00:25:37,163 --> 00:25:39,165
I don't know,
complain about us.
503
00:25:39,291 --> 00:25:42,252
Yeah, all over the Internet.
Which never dies.
504
00:25:44,212 --> 00:25:46,047
So why are you
bringing her here?
505
00:25:46,172 --> 00:25:47,966
To show her
we're the good guys.
506
00:25:48,091 --> 00:25:49,509
So in other words,
507
00:25:49,634 --> 00:25:51,136
you want her
to take the blog down.
508
00:25:51,261 --> 00:25:52,512
Pretty much exactly.
509
00:25:54,014 --> 00:25:55,265
You can leave that on, you know.
510
00:25:55,390 --> 00:25:56,641
Nah, our market research says
511
00:25:56,766 --> 00:25:57,976
that we're better positioned
512
00:25:58,101 --> 00:25:59,644
if people think
I'm straight and single.
513
00:26:02,314 --> 00:26:03,565
We live in weird times.
514
00:26:05,817 --> 00:26:07,193
Well, it's go time.
515
00:26:07,319 --> 00:26:09,154
So, we get the call she's here.
516
00:26:09,279 --> 00:26:10,947
From the lobby to here,
517
00:26:11,072 --> 00:26:13,408
you charm her with your
"I'm a sun god" shtick.
518
00:26:13,533 --> 00:26:14,868
You take her down
to the broker room.
519
00:26:14,993 --> 00:26:17,579
Show her a couple of computers, right?
520
00:26:17,704 --> 00:26:19,831
Ten minutes tops. She's out.
521
00:26:20,916 --> 00:26:22,083
All right, I'm gone.
522
00:26:22,208 --> 00:26:23,627
Careful she doesn't see you.
523
00:26:23,752 --> 00:26:25,462
Um, it doesn't matter, remember?
524
00:26:25,587 --> 00:26:26,755
She doesn't know who I am.
525
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,131
Still.
526
00:26:31,134 --> 00:26:32,344
Mr. Detamore
will be with you soon.
527
00:26:32,469 --> 00:26:34,054
Help yourself
to some water.
528
00:26:53,073 --> 00:26:55,992
Oh, hey. What are you?
529
00:27:03,208 --> 00:27:04,626
Huh.
530
00:27:09,214 --> 00:27:10,882
Puffer fish, huh?
531
00:27:13,802 --> 00:27:16,263
So is this your deflated state?
532
00:27:17,889 --> 00:27:19,140
You are so sweet.
533
00:27:20,642 --> 00:27:22,269
- Oh, I wouldn't do that...
- Ah!
534
00:27:25,105 --> 00:27:26,356
Oh, shit.
535
00:27:28,441 --> 00:27:29,901
Uh...
536
00:27:30,026 --> 00:27:31,570
- No!
- No!
537
00:27:31,695 --> 00:27:32,946
Should we grab him?
538
00:27:33,071 --> 00:27:34,739
- Hell no.
- Whoa.
539
00:27:34,864 --> 00:27:36,700
- Are you gonna faint?
- No. Are you?
540
00:27:36,825 --> 00:27:38,827
I don't think so.
541
00:27:38,952 --> 00:27:40,537
No!
542
00:27:40,662 --> 00:27:42,289
- Okay, what do we do?
- Uh, move the couch.
543
00:27:42,414 --> 00:27:43,665
Okay.
544
00:27:52,299 --> 00:27:54,467
Okay. Shh.
545
00:28:02,642 --> 00:28:03,894
Go!
546
00:28:05,353 --> 00:28:07,063
Oh, no. Oh!
547
00:28:21,411 --> 00:28:24,205
- Ah! Oh, uh...
- No.
548
00:28:24,331 --> 00:28:25,832
That was amazing.
549
00:28:25,957 --> 00:28:27,584
- You have such good reactions.
- Oh, thank you.
550
00:28:27,709 --> 00:28:29,794
- I hunt zombies, so...
- Do you get medical with that?
551
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,088
Absolutely.
We're a full union now.
552
00:28:35,467 --> 00:28:37,260
Um, Kip Parsons?
553
00:28:38,803 --> 00:28:39,971
There was a spider.
554
00:28:40,096 --> 00:28:41,223
It was sizable.
555
00:28:41,348 --> 00:28:42,515
I need a Band-Aid.
556
00:28:42,641 --> 00:28:44,142
Oh, of course.
557
00:28:44,267 --> 00:28:45,560
Right this way, please.
558
00:28:58,323 --> 00:28:59,699
Wow, huh?
559
00:29:01,493 --> 00:29:03,328
I mean, I know she almost
killed you, but...
560
00:29:04,454 --> 00:29:06,706
other than that... wow.
561
00:29:09,668 --> 00:29:11,545
So, this is my office.
562
00:29:11,670 --> 00:29:13,004
- Thanks for this.
- Oh, yeah.
563
00:29:13,129 --> 00:29:14,506
No, of course. Please.
564
00:29:14,631 --> 00:29:16,174
Uh, have a seat.
565
00:29:25,684 --> 00:29:27,018
Um...
566
00:29:28,937 --> 00:29:33,316
Look, I never expected
so many people to read my blog.
567
00:29:33,441 --> 00:29:34,776
I'm as surprised as anyone.
568
00:29:36,152 --> 00:29:37,821
Well, you put it
on the Internet.
569
00:29:37,946 --> 00:29:39,281
I put a lot of things
on the Internet,
570
00:29:39,406 --> 00:29:41,199
but no one
ever reads them.
571
00:29:41,324 --> 00:29:43,451
I guess...
572
00:29:43,577 --> 00:29:45,954
I guess I was just angry.
573
00:29:46,079 --> 00:29:48,498
I mean, unmatchable?
574
00:29:48,623 --> 00:29:51,126
Here's the thing that's really
curious about that.
575
00:29:51,251 --> 00:29:53,420
I checked with Development,
576
00:29:53,545 --> 00:29:55,714
and they assure me
there's no code in the system
577
00:29:55,839 --> 00:29:57,716
that rejects people.
578
00:29:57,841 --> 00:30:01,261
So, are you sure
you used I Promise?
579
00:30:03,597 --> 00:30:06,641
Well, unless you have
a doppelganger.
580
00:30:06,766 --> 00:30:08,894
I'm pretty sure.
581
00:30:09,019 --> 00:30:13,064
Yeah, but if you got rejected,
why hasn't anyone else?
582
00:30:13,189 --> 00:30:14,524
Well, I don't know
about anybody else.
583
00:30:14,649 --> 00:30:16,234
I only know about me.
584
00:30:16,359 --> 00:30:17,652
And besides,
how would I know
585
00:30:17,777 --> 00:30:19,529
that no one else been rejected?
586
00:30:19,654 --> 00:30:21,239
Because you told me?
587
00:30:21,364 --> 00:30:22,949
And if your code's so great,
588
00:30:23,074 --> 00:30:26,202
then how come
you haven't found love yet?
589
00:30:28,121 --> 00:30:31,082
Look, I'm just trying to clear
up any misunderstandings
590
00:30:31,207 --> 00:30:32,626
- that we have.
- I understand.
591
00:30:32,751 --> 00:30:34,419
I just think you have
a credibility issue.
592
00:30:34,544 --> 00:30:37,088
Because I have no reason to lie
and, well, you guys...
593
00:30:40,383 --> 00:30:41,843
You do.
594
00:30:45,388 --> 00:30:46,640
How about that tour?
595
00:30:48,016 --> 00:30:49,267
Sure.
596
00:30:49,392 --> 00:30:51,019
Great.
597
00:30:51,144 --> 00:30:53,104
So, yeah,
so this is it.
598
00:30:56,399 --> 00:30:58,193
These are your programmers?
599
00:30:58,318 --> 00:30:59,945
Sure, yeah.
600
00:31:00,070 --> 00:31:01,321
Those guys? Them?
601
00:31:01,446 --> 00:31:03,990
Uh, yeah. That's them.
602
00:31:07,744 --> 00:31:09,037
Thank you for your time.
603
00:31:11,331 --> 00:31:12,707
I hope we've resolved
any old feelings.
604
00:31:12,832 --> 00:31:14,626
And so you'll take down
your blog?
605
00:31:20,674 --> 00:31:22,592
Hey, man.
That went well, huh?
606
00:31:25,303 --> 00:31:27,472
I have no idea
what just happened.
607
00:31:42,612 --> 00:31:45,824
They say Google performs
six billion searches a day,
608
00:31:45,949 --> 00:31:48,660
but it only took me four
to prove something.
609
00:31:48,785 --> 00:31:50,412
I Promise is a pack of liars.
610
00:31:50,537 --> 00:31:52,664
Score! Retweet that.
611
00:31:52,789 --> 00:31:54,416
Already on it.
612
00:31:54,541 --> 00:31:56,126
Ironic,
since they just accused me
613
00:31:56,251 --> 00:31:57,919
of lying about being rejected.
614
00:31:58,044 --> 00:31:59,629
But that's what liars do,
isn't it?
615
00:31:59,754 --> 00:32:01,464
Go get 'em, Kip.
616
00:32:01,590 --> 00:32:03,258
You know that slick building
in the commercials?
617
00:32:03,383 --> 00:32:07,220
That's home to a brokerage firm
called Kaplan-Meyers.
618
00:32:07,345 --> 00:32:08,805
Meyers, coincidentally,
619
00:32:08,930 --> 00:32:10,473
is the maiden name
of Dirk's mother.
620
00:32:10,599 --> 00:32:11,975
Aren't search engines cool?
621
00:32:14,352 --> 00:32:16,605
Hashtag "unmatchable."
622
00:32:16,730 --> 00:32:19,900
It's not their building.
They just use it to look cool.
623
00:32:20,025 --> 00:32:22,903
They're lying about everything,
and here's the fun part:
624
00:32:23,028 --> 00:32:26,281
they didn't even get to know me
before rejecting me.
625
00:32:26,406 --> 00:32:28,909
If they had, they wouldn't
have tried to pass off
626
00:32:29,034 --> 00:32:32,037
a bunch of brokers
as programmers.
627
00:32:32,162 --> 00:32:34,539
Ties and headsets
on programmers?
628
00:32:34,664 --> 00:32:36,041
Not in this world, pal.
629
00:32:36,166 --> 00:32:37,459
Represent, bruh.
630
00:32:37,584 --> 00:32:39,127
Oh, her.
631
00:32:39,252 --> 00:32:41,046
- Oh.
- But the clincher
632
00:32:41,171 --> 00:32:42,881
was a glass statue.
633
00:32:43,006 --> 00:32:44,257
A huge honor, really.
634
00:32:45,634 --> 00:32:46,676
Employee of the Year.
635
00:32:46,801 --> 00:32:49,054
Lotus Corporation.
636
00:32:49,179 --> 00:32:50,805
Only problem is,
637
00:32:50,931 --> 00:32:53,099
as any self-respecting geek
could tell you,
638
00:32:53,225 --> 00:32:55,101
Lotus was bought by IBM in...
639
00:32:55,227 --> 00:32:56,519
1995.
640
00:32:56,645 --> 00:32:58,647
- '95.
- Duh.
641
00:32:58,772 --> 00:33:00,398
June 12, 1995, actually,
642
00:33:00,523 --> 00:33:03,318
for 3.5 billion
in a hostile take over.
643
00:33:03,443 --> 00:33:04,569
I believe it was a Monday.
644
00:33:04,694 --> 00:33:06,780
1995.
645
00:33:06,905 --> 00:33:09,699
"I doubt Dirk D. Detamore
was employee of the year at 8,
646
00:33:09,824 --> 00:33:11,993
as gifted as he may be.
647
00:33:12,118 --> 00:33:14,996
But that fourth search?
Yep, Francesca Meyers.
648
00:33:15,121 --> 00:33:18,291
Lotus Employee of the Year,
1992."
649
00:33:18,416 --> 00:33:20,961
Please make it stop.
650
00:33:21,086 --> 00:33:23,547
"So my question is,
do you trust your love life
651
00:33:23,672 --> 00:33:26,841
to someone who doesn't even
bother to get to know you?
652
00:33:26,967 --> 00:33:29,010
Me? I'll take my chances."
653
00:33:33,431 --> 00:33:34,683
What?
654
00:33:36,101 --> 00:33:37,811
"And while we're speculating,
655
00:33:37,936 --> 00:33:40,063
I think Dirk is married.
656
00:33:40,188 --> 00:33:42,232
But why hide it?
657
00:33:42,357 --> 00:33:44,150
I'd rather know he found love
658
00:33:44,276 --> 00:33:47,445
than to see underdressed models
hanging on him in every ad."
659
00:33:47,571 --> 00:33:50,323
I told you.
She doesn't miss anything.
660
00:33:50,448 --> 00:33:52,367
She's worse than Mom.
661
00:33:52,492 --> 00:33:54,494
- Hush!
- And she finishes with,
662
00:33:54,619 --> 00:33:57,664
"P.S., against all laws
of probability,
663
00:33:57,789 --> 00:34:00,584
if the cute guy
in the waiting room is reading,
664
00:34:00,709 --> 00:34:03,879
I'd fish-wrangle again
with you anytime."
665
00:34:06,172 --> 00:34:07,632
Did she say "cute guy"?
666
00:34:07,757 --> 00:34:10,510
Ow! What the actual hell?
667
00:34:10,635 --> 00:34:12,053
I can't believe
you hit on the chick
668
00:34:12,178 --> 00:34:13,638
trying to ruin
our company.
669
00:34:13,763 --> 00:34:15,724
How was I supposed to know
who she was?
670
00:34:18,143 --> 00:34:19,477
Oh!
671
00:34:21,271 --> 00:34:23,690
Knock it off! Right now!
672
00:34:27,736 --> 00:34:30,030
What is wrong with you?
673
00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:33,283
We are going to lose everything
that we have worked so hard for,
674
00:34:33,408 --> 00:34:36,077
and all because this silly girl
675
00:34:36,202 --> 00:34:40,165
thinks she has to express
everything she feels.
676
00:34:40,290 --> 00:34:45,295
You know, maybe a little legal
action would calm her down, hmm?
677
00:34:45,420 --> 00:34:47,047
You mean, sue her? For what?
678
00:34:47,172 --> 00:34:48,340
Slander.
679
00:34:48,465 --> 00:34:49,591
Libel, actually.
680
00:34:49,716 --> 00:34:50,884
Oh, yeah.
681
00:34:51,009 --> 00:34:52,219
I always get those backwards.
682
00:34:52,344 --> 00:34:54,554
You got to be kidding me, right?
683
00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:58,016
The Internet
is the written word.
684
00:34:58,141 --> 00:34:59,684
You can't just say
whatever you want.
685
00:34:59,809 --> 00:35:03,230
Well, yeah, you kind of can.
686
00:35:03,355 --> 00:35:05,440
Okay, well, then you give us
another solution.
687
00:35:05,565 --> 00:35:10,195
Um, we bring her here
and we tell her the truth.
688
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,155
Riley, no.
That's a terrible idea.
689
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,199
Not when we're trying to expand.
690
00:35:14,324 --> 00:35:15,951
And we can't risk having her
write about it.
691
00:35:16,076 --> 00:35:17,869
We'll sound like
a mom-and-pop shop.
692
00:35:17,994 --> 00:35:20,080
But we are a mom-and-pop--
693
00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:21,706
This is a family business.
694
00:35:21,831 --> 00:35:25,377
And since I'm in charge,
no legal action.
695
00:35:30,006 --> 00:35:31,883
Where are you going?
696
00:35:32,008 --> 00:35:33,927
To improve my mental state.
697
00:35:34,052 --> 00:35:35,303
- Come on, Sarah.
- Okay.
698
00:35:39,307 --> 00:35:42,686
Hey, Jones, what do you think
about a dog?
699
00:35:46,231 --> 00:35:48,275
Yeah, me too.
700
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:49,901
But maybe they're right.
701
00:35:50,026 --> 00:35:52,195
Maybe I should go look, hmm?
702
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,114
Get rid of it!
703
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,574
Get rid of it, get rid of it,
before he eats your hand.
704
00:35:55,699 --> 00:35:57,284
- Go get it!
- Nice one!
705
00:35:57,409 --> 00:35:59,911
- Fergus, come here.
- Why can't we adopt Fergus?
706
00:36:00,036 --> 00:36:01,997
- He's been here for, like, ever.
- You know why, stinker.
707
00:36:02,122 --> 00:36:04,457
What's Mom's one rule
about me taking you here?
708
00:36:04,583 --> 00:36:06,084
No stowaways.
709
00:36:06,209 --> 00:36:07,919
Exactly. Fergus, come here.
710
00:36:08,044 --> 00:36:10,088
- Come on. Come on.
- All right, ready?
711
00:36:10,213 --> 00:36:11,965
- Go get it.
- Nice one.
712
00:36:12,090 --> 00:36:13,758
Aw, good boy.
713
00:36:13,884 --> 00:36:16,428
So, like, why can't I throw
as far as you?
714
00:36:16,553 --> 00:36:19,139
Um, maybe it has something to do
with me being, like,
715
00:36:19,264 --> 00:36:21,266
super manly!
716
00:36:21,391 --> 00:36:23,894
Hi! Are you looking
to adopt a dog?
717
00:36:24,019 --> 00:36:26,855
- Because Fergus needs a home.
- Maybe. Yeah.
718
00:36:28,356 --> 00:36:30,066
- Hey.
- Hey.
719
00:36:30,191 --> 00:36:32,068
Do you remember, um...
720
00:36:33,778 --> 00:36:34,946
I'm not sure.
721
00:36:35,071 --> 00:36:37,073
Something about you seems...
722
00:36:37,198 --> 00:36:38,992
- Fishy?
-"Dolphin-ately."
723
00:36:43,538 --> 00:36:44,915
What does that mean?
724
00:36:49,002 --> 00:36:50,128
I have a hermit crab.
725
00:36:50,253 --> 00:36:51,504
- Cool.
- Yeah. Named Jones.
726
00:36:51,630 --> 00:36:53,340
He was my first pet.
727
00:36:53,465 --> 00:36:56,885
So a dog just feels like
this huge step
728
00:36:57,010 --> 00:36:58,303
up the commitment ladder.
729
00:36:58,428 --> 00:36:59,596
Yeah, I mean, well...
730
00:36:59,721 --> 00:37:01,264
Uh, I guess I work from home,
731
00:37:01,389 --> 00:37:03,058
so it's pretty easy.
732
00:37:03,183 --> 00:37:04,809
Oh, I wish
I could do that,
733
00:37:04,935 --> 00:37:06,269
but my boss,
he takes micromanagement
734
00:37:06,394 --> 00:37:08,021
to a whole new level.
735
00:37:08,146 --> 00:37:09,397
Oh, a nano-manager?
736
00:37:10,774 --> 00:37:12,150
A pico-manager.
737
00:37:12,275 --> 00:37:14,277
Hey, Riley, watch this.
738
00:37:14,402 --> 00:37:15,570
One, two, three.
739
00:37:17,530 --> 00:37:19,157
Oh, my gosh, that was amazing!
740
00:37:19,282 --> 00:37:20,992
She loves cartwheels.
741
00:37:21,117 --> 00:37:22,369
Mm.
742
00:37:25,455 --> 00:37:28,375
So are you, like,
a cool dad
743
00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:30,752
that lets his daughter call him
by his first name?
744
00:37:30,877 --> 00:37:32,879
What?
745
00:37:33,004 --> 00:37:35,298
No, no, no,
I'm like a...
746
00:37:35,423 --> 00:37:37,801
You know, a very cool
much older brother
747
00:37:37,926 --> 00:37:41,012
who is just happy
when his sister calls him
748
00:37:41,137 --> 00:37:43,473
by his actual name
instead of one of the thousands
749
00:37:43,598 --> 00:37:46,226
of kind of rude nicknames
that she has for me, so...
750
00:37:46,351 --> 00:37:47,477
Yeah, kids are brutal.
751
00:37:47,602 --> 00:37:48,853
Yeah.
752
00:37:52,732 --> 00:37:53,984
Hey, so...
753
00:37:54,109 --> 00:37:56,319
super awkward transition.
754
00:37:56,444 --> 00:37:59,322
Are you, uh, seeing anyone?
755
00:38:02,033 --> 00:38:03,451
Like an apparition?
756
00:38:03,577 --> 00:38:05,245
Or like a therapist?
757
00:38:05,370 --> 00:38:06,663
Or a boyfriend?
758
00:38:06,788 --> 00:38:08,415
Uh...
759
00:38:08,540 --> 00:38:10,041
Any. All.
760
00:38:10,166 --> 00:38:11,501
No.
761
00:38:11,626 --> 00:38:13,920
To all.
762
00:38:14,045 --> 00:38:15,380
Kind of a disappointment.
763
00:38:15,505 --> 00:38:16,882
If you saw ghosts,
that would be cool.
764
00:38:17,007 --> 00:38:19,009
So, uh, I don't know.
Maybe we could...
765
00:38:19,134 --> 00:38:20,260
We could, uh...
766
00:38:20,385 --> 00:38:22,470
Sometime, we could...
767
00:38:22,596 --> 00:38:24,097
- I don't know...
- Bus!
768
00:38:26,391 --> 00:38:27,767
Oh, uh, thanks.
769
00:38:29,561 --> 00:38:32,063
Please adopt Fergus next time.
770
00:38:32,188 --> 00:38:34,399
Yeah, I'll...
I'll think about it, okay?
771
00:38:34,524 --> 00:38:35,817
Um...
772
00:38:38,987 --> 00:38:40,238
Bye!
773
00:38:42,866 --> 00:38:44,951
Hey, what's wrong?
774
00:38:45,076 --> 00:38:47,579
I just-- I...
775
00:38:47,704 --> 00:38:49,080
I didn't get a chance
to ask her out.
776
00:38:50,498 --> 00:38:51,958
I know.
777
00:38:52,083 --> 00:38:54,461
It's because you have zero game.
778
00:38:54,586 --> 00:38:56,671
Now, you have to give it
back to her.
779
00:38:56,796 --> 00:38:58,340
Boom.
780
00:38:58,465 --> 00:38:59,799
Who are you?
781
00:38:59,925 --> 00:39:01,760
I'm your amazing sister. Period.
782
00:39:10,936 --> 00:39:12,270
Do you know her socially?
783
00:39:12,395 --> 00:39:14,105
What? It wouldn't
be appropriate.
784
00:39:14,231 --> 00:39:15,982
You heard it here first, folks.
Channel 8 news.
785
00:39:16,107 --> 00:39:17,359
This is Janine,
signing--
786
00:39:17,484 --> 00:39:19,277
What are you
doing tonight, Janine?
787
00:39:19,402 --> 00:39:21,363
Cut.
788
00:39:24,616 --> 00:39:26,368
Hey.
789
00:39:26,493 --> 00:39:28,578
Did Marco finally get arrested
for felony-level assholery?
790
00:39:28,703 --> 00:39:30,205
Not this time.
They're here for you.
791
00:39:30,330 --> 00:39:32,624
Oh.-Side door, LB's waiting.
792
00:39:32,749 --> 00:39:34,626
Great, I lost my badge again.
793
00:39:35,794 --> 00:39:37,546
She's just late.
794
00:39:37,671 --> 00:39:39,923
She does soup kitchen stuff
in the mornings.
795
00:39:40,048 --> 00:39:41,341
As if!
796
00:39:41,466 --> 00:39:43,218
What a scrote.
797
00:39:43,343 --> 00:39:45,136
And do you know Miss Parsons?
798
00:39:45,262 --> 00:39:48,181
Oh, absolutely, I know her.
She's like...
799
00:39:49,683 --> 00:39:51,768
She's like my assistant.
800
00:39:51,893 --> 00:39:54,479
His assistant?
That's it, I'm killing him.
801
00:39:54,604 --> 00:39:56,273
Wait, wait, wait,
this is the best part.
802
00:39:56,398 --> 00:39:58,692
Do you know her socially?
803
00:39:58,817 --> 00:40:00,443
Of course not.
We work together.
804
00:40:00,569 --> 00:40:02,612
It wouldn't be appropriate.
805
00:40:02,737 --> 00:40:04,155
- Ugh.
- Right!
806
00:40:04,281 --> 00:40:05,407
Like he hasn't tried to bone
807
00:40:05,532 --> 00:40:07,117
every girl in the office.
808
00:40:07,242 --> 00:40:08,702
Except, you know, you.
809
00:40:10,829 --> 00:40:12,289
- Yeah, it's taken.
- What, the whole thing?
810
00:40:12,414 --> 00:40:13,665
- Yeah.
- But there's a girl in there.
811
00:40:13,790 --> 00:40:14,916
Yeah, I know.
812
00:40:15,041 --> 00:40:16,459
Perhaps you should consider
813
00:40:16,585 --> 00:40:17,752
holding a press conference.
814
00:40:17,878 --> 00:40:19,504
No, no. Do a live AMA.
815
00:40:20,714 --> 00:40:22,173
- All right, I...
- What'd I say?
816
00:40:22,299 --> 00:40:24,384
- I have to go!
- Well, go to the fifth floor.
817
00:40:24,509 --> 00:40:25,927
The fifth floo--?
818
00:40:26,052 --> 00:40:27,345
I don't know
how to set up an AMA.
819
00:40:27,470 --> 00:40:29,306
I'll set it up.
Tomorrow, 9:00 a.m.
820
00:40:29,431 --> 00:40:30,724
In the conference room.
821
00:40:33,101 --> 00:40:36,021
- Sure.
- Okay, let's go.
822
00:40:36,146 --> 00:40:37,522
Oh, you're still here.
823
00:40:37,647 --> 00:40:38,940
- Thank God.
- You're safe now.
824
00:40:39,065 --> 00:40:40,233
I think we got most of them.
825
00:40:40,358 --> 00:40:41,610
Just watch your back.
826
00:41:08,053 --> 00:41:09,304
Good night.
827
00:41:11,890 --> 00:41:13,183
Okay.
828
00:41:23,068 --> 00:41:25,028
Riley?
829
00:41:25,153 --> 00:41:26,571
Kip. Hey.
830
00:41:26,696 --> 00:41:29,157
Um, hey, you left this
at the dog orphan--
831
00:41:29,282 --> 00:41:31,451
The, um, the shelter.
832
00:41:31,576 --> 00:41:32,786
Right. Thank you.
833
00:41:32,911 --> 00:41:34,663
Yeah.
834
00:41:37,249 --> 00:41:38,375
Oh.
835
00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:39,668
Was that your bus?
836
00:41:39,793 --> 00:41:41,753
- Yeah.
- Oh.
837
00:41:41,878 --> 00:41:43,171
Um...
838
00:41:43,296 --> 00:41:45,257
Are you doing anything?
839
00:41:45,382 --> 00:41:46,675
Like, right now?
840
00:41:48,051 --> 00:41:49,469
So, we're really leaning heavily
841
00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:51,179
into the fish thing, huh?
842
00:41:51,304 --> 00:41:53,348
It's the new VR aquarium.
843
00:41:53,473 --> 00:41:56,685
I thought it was topical.
Or tropical.
844
00:41:58,812 --> 00:42:03,233
Oh, well, we got, uh,
like two hours until they close.
845
00:42:03,358 --> 00:42:05,318
- So...
- That's a cool watch.
846
00:42:05,443 --> 00:42:07,362
It's synced to the atomic,
of course.
847
00:42:07,487 --> 00:42:09,573
It's binary? For real?
848
00:42:09,698 --> 00:42:11,825
Yeah, naturally.
849
00:42:14,786 --> 00:42:16,454
Sharks are so cool.
850
00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:18,290
They've been around
since the dinosaurs.
851
00:42:18,415 --> 00:42:20,166
Well, yeah, they
basically haven't had to evolve
852
00:42:20,292 --> 00:42:22,002
because they're, like,
perfect creatures.
853
00:42:22,127 --> 00:42:24,421
I know, even shark embryos
can sense danger approaching,
854
00:42:24,546 --> 00:42:26,006
and they stop moving.
855
00:42:26,131 --> 00:42:27,549
I actually
read this study
856
00:42:27,674 --> 00:42:29,009
where a scientist
followed a female shark
857
00:42:29,134 --> 00:42:30,343
for, like, 20 years.
858
00:42:30,468 --> 00:42:32,095
And they found
that they returned
859
00:42:32,220 --> 00:42:33,680
to where they were born...
860
00:42:33,805 --> 00:42:35,473
- To give birth.
- ...to give birth, yeah.
861
00:42:37,100 --> 00:42:38,643
- I'm a geek.
- Same here.
862
00:42:38,768 --> 00:42:41,104
Yeah, I have, like,
all these totally random,
863
00:42:41,229 --> 00:42:42,898
useless facts floating around
in my head,
864
00:42:43,023 --> 00:42:44,566
and then half the time
I can't even remember
865
00:42:44,691 --> 00:42:46,735
it's my mom's birthday.
866
00:42:46,860 --> 00:42:48,862
But that's boring. I'm boring.
Tell me more about you.
867
00:42:48,987 --> 00:42:52,240
Oh, no, I'm significantly
more boring.
868
00:42:52,365 --> 00:42:54,159
Well, I don't
believe that at all.
869
00:42:54,284 --> 00:42:56,870
I mean, for starters, you...
870
00:42:56,995 --> 00:42:58,455
You wrangle fish.
871
00:42:58,580 --> 00:43:00,332
Oh, that's true. Yeah.
872
00:43:00,457 --> 00:43:02,334
It's a gift.
A calling, really.
873
00:43:02,459 --> 00:43:04,878
And, um, and you don't drive,
874
00:43:05,003 --> 00:43:06,713
so you're, like, what,
a greenie?
875
00:43:06,838 --> 00:43:08,965
Not really.
My car got stolen.
876
00:43:09,090 --> 00:43:10,508
Oh, my God.
877
00:43:10,634 --> 00:43:11,968
Do you think the police
are gonna find it?
878
00:43:12,093 --> 00:43:13,803
Probably not.
It's been two years.
879
00:43:13,929 --> 00:43:15,805
Oh.
880
00:43:15,931 --> 00:43:17,682
It's just a whole thing,
getting a new car.
881
00:43:17,807 --> 00:43:19,267
Well, I mean, it could be easy.
882
00:43:19,392 --> 00:43:20,810
I actually have a CarMax app
on my phone.
883
00:43:20,936 --> 00:43:22,479
We can get you one
right now.
884
00:43:22,604 --> 00:43:24,606
They have all different
colors of cars now.
885
00:43:24,731 --> 00:43:27,359
You can get blue ones
and red ones.
886
00:43:27,484 --> 00:43:29,402
- You could do like a pink car.
- Wow.
887
00:43:29,527 --> 00:43:30,695
- Wow.
- Yellow.
888
00:43:30,820 --> 00:43:32,405
Wow, you know a lot
of colors.
889
00:43:32,530 --> 00:43:34,282
Yeah, well, it's like
a hobby of mine.
890
00:43:34,407 --> 00:43:36,326
It's just memorizing
different color names.
891
00:43:36,451 --> 00:43:37,702
- I have a weird hobby.
- What's that?
892
00:43:37,827 --> 00:43:40,580
I make templates
for windup toys,
893
00:43:40,705 --> 00:43:42,958
and then I upload them
so people can print them
894
00:43:43,083 --> 00:43:44,709
from their 3D printers.
895
00:43:47,295 --> 00:43:48,964
That is so cool.
896
00:43:52,425 --> 00:43:54,135
Thanks.
897
00:43:56,513 --> 00:43:58,348
Oh, puffer fish.
898
00:43:58,473 --> 00:43:59,599
Oh. There he is.
899
00:43:59,724 --> 00:44:01,434
Fang's cousins.
900
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:02,727
You know, because...
901
00:44:02,852 --> 00:44:04,020
Oh, that's--
902
00:44:04,145 --> 00:44:05,397
Oh, I see.
Yeah, no, that's--
903
00:44:05,522 --> 00:44:07,482
Well, we should maybe...
904
00:44:09,276 --> 00:44:11,361
- To commemorate.
- Okay.
905
00:44:11,486 --> 00:44:12,737
- To Fang.
- To Fang.
906
00:44:15,949 --> 00:44:17,659
Wow, this is a fancy car.
907
00:44:17,784 --> 00:44:18,910
Yeah, it's my brother's.
908
00:44:19,035 --> 00:44:20,704
It's a lot.
909
00:44:20,829 --> 00:44:22,706
- Okay, controversial question.
- Hmm?
910
00:44:22,831 --> 00:44:25,709
Episodes Four, Five, Six.
Luke or Han?
911
00:44:25,834 --> 00:44:27,335
Luke or Han what?
912
00:44:27,460 --> 00:44:29,045
Who's your dreamStar Wars guy?
913
00:44:29,170 --> 00:44:31,673
Sweet, earnest Luke,
or bad boy Han?
914
00:44:31,798 --> 00:44:33,592
Oh. Neither.
915
00:44:33,717 --> 00:44:35,051
What?
916
00:44:35,176 --> 00:44:36,469
Neither Han nor Luke
917
00:44:36,595 --> 00:44:38,221
is the perfect man
in OG Star Wars.
918
00:44:38,346 --> 00:44:41,641
That title undeniably belongs
to Chewbacca.
919
00:44:41,766 --> 00:44:44,436
Don't laugh.
920
00:44:44,561 --> 00:44:46,605
Okay, wait, so...
921
00:44:46,730 --> 00:44:47,981
Sorry, big, hairy Chewie?
922
00:44:48,106 --> 00:44:51,359
Oh, my goodness, yes.
923
00:44:51,484 --> 00:44:53,486
You know, he's loyal.
924
00:44:53,612 --> 00:44:54,988
Just turn up here.
925
00:44:55,113 --> 00:44:56,364
Oh, okay. So big, hairy, loyal.
926
00:44:56,489 --> 00:44:58,366
Which is why
you're looking for a dog.
927
00:44:58,491 --> 00:45:00,327
He's macho, but he's not afraid
to show his feelings.
928
00:45:00,452 --> 00:45:02,871
And he hates being away
from the people that he loves.
929
00:45:02,996 --> 00:45:04,789
Who just happen to be
of the male persuasion.
930
00:45:04,915 --> 00:45:06,750
- Which is fine...
- No way.
931
00:45:06,875 --> 00:45:09,002
- It's not a bad thing.
- Chewie? No.
932
00:45:09,127 --> 00:45:10,837
Chewie's totally straight.
933
00:45:10,962 --> 00:45:14,007
Uh, just turn up there,
and then it's another block up.
934
00:45:14,132 --> 00:45:16,176
And the best part
about Chewie?
935
00:45:16,301 --> 00:45:18,803
He wears nothing
except for that gun belt.
936
00:45:18,929 --> 00:45:20,764
Oh, a gun belt.
Now I know what I'm doing wrong.
937
00:45:20,889 --> 00:45:23,391
Mm-hmm.
938
00:45:23,516 --> 00:45:25,060
Who says you're doing
anything wrong?
939
00:45:27,354 --> 00:45:31,191
Oh, just, you know,
when I go on dates,
940
00:45:31,316 --> 00:45:34,653
uh, I just seem to always
do something wrong.
941
00:45:34,778 --> 00:45:37,113
Yeah. Me too.
942
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:39,991
My last date, I asked the guy
who, outside the MCU,
943
00:45:40,116 --> 00:45:41,785
could hold Thor's hammer.
944
00:45:41,910 --> 00:45:43,203
Easy. Janet from The Good Place.
945
00:45:45,413 --> 00:45:46,831
Oh, uh...
946
00:45:46,957 --> 00:45:48,416
Oh, there she is. Miss Parsons!
947
00:45:48,541 --> 00:45:50,085
Actually, no,
Can you go around the back?
948
00:45:50,210 --> 00:45:51,336
You need to go around the back.
949
00:45:51,461 --> 00:45:52,671
What's going on?
950
00:45:52,796 --> 00:45:55,048
Miss Parsons! Got it.
951
00:46:01,388 --> 00:46:02,973
Is there something
you're not telling me?
952
00:46:03,098 --> 00:46:04,432
No! Uh, well, yes.
953
00:46:04,558 --> 00:46:06,059
It's just...
It's embarrassing.
954
00:46:08,937 --> 00:46:11,273
Look, it was just a bad day
involving my bad boss
955
00:46:11,398 --> 00:46:12,524
and his bad habits.
956
00:46:12,649 --> 00:46:14,276
I blended up some margaritas,
957
00:46:14,401 --> 00:46:17,571
and before I knew it,
I signed up for online dating.
958
00:46:17,696 --> 00:46:19,573
Not the apps.
Just that I Promise thing.
959
00:46:21,074 --> 00:46:23,493
So you signed up drunk?
960
00:46:23,618 --> 00:46:25,996
Yeah. But that's not
the embarrassing part.
961
00:46:26,121 --> 00:46:28,039
Oh, I mean...
962
00:46:28,164 --> 00:46:29,708
- Just...
- No.
963
00:46:31,877 --> 00:46:35,547
The embarrassing part
is that they rejected me.
964
00:46:37,465 --> 00:46:40,051
Yeah. There I was going lower
than I thought I'd ever go,
965
00:46:40,176 --> 00:46:44,055
and then they said
I was unmatchable, so...
966
00:46:44,180 --> 00:46:45,932
And I got pissed off,
so I wrote a blog about it.
967
00:46:46,057 --> 00:46:47,434
And I didn't expect
anybody to read it,
968
00:46:47,559 --> 00:46:48,935
and then it kind of took off,
969
00:46:49,060 --> 00:46:50,478
and now the company's
calling me a liar.
970
00:46:50,604 --> 00:46:53,356
It's just all gotten
really ugly.
971
00:46:53,481 --> 00:46:55,984
It was like they knew me
and they still thought I sucked.
972
00:46:59,404 --> 00:47:00,530
Well, I...
973
00:47:00,655 --> 00:47:01,907
Yeah.
974
00:47:02,991 --> 00:47:04,242
It's weird. It's fine.
975
00:47:04,367 --> 00:47:05,702
I'm gonna do
an AMA thing tomorrow.
976
00:47:05,827 --> 00:47:06,995
and I'm gonna get everybody
977
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:08,330
to just stop talking
about it.
978
00:47:08,455 --> 00:47:10,373
I don't want
to talk about it anymore.
979
00:47:10,498 --> 00:47:12,959
You think I'm whacked.
980
00:47:14,794 --> 00:47:16,922
I think you're
a little whacked.
981
00:47:18,298 --> 00:47:19,549
And a little wonderful.
982
00:47:23,678 --> 00:47:26,139
You're really a nice guy,
you know that?
983
00:47:30,268 --> 00:47:32,270
Even if you think Chewie plays
for the home team.
984
00:47:35,190 --> 00:47:37,317
I had lot of fun
with you tonight.
985
00:47:37,442 --> 00:47:38,777
Me too.
986
00:47:48,161 --> 00:47:50,538
Crap. Uh, I got to go.
987
00:48:06,721 --> 00:48:07,931
Anything?
988
00:48:08,056 --> 00:48:09,933
I finally found her application,
989
00:48:10,058 --> 00:48:13,019
but I haven't found any record
that we actually replied to her.
990
00:48:13,144 --> 00:48:15,897
I've been through this
a hundred times.
991
00:48:16,022 --> 00:48:19,234
I thought we auto-checked
and sent replies to everyone.
992
00:48:19,359 --> 00:48:21,611
We did, and I'm telling you, we...
993
00:48:21,736 --> 00:48:24,114
We have no record of sending
a response to her.
994
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:26,032
A match report, nothing.
995
00:48:26,157 --> 00:48:27,909
Okay, but it's a computer, right?
996
00:48:28,034 --> 00:48:29,536
So all the info is in there.
997
00:48:29,661 --> 00:48:31,580
It's just a matter
of pulling it out, right?
998
00:48:31,705 --> 00:48:33,498
Thank you, Steve Jobs.
999
00:48:33,623 --> 00:48:37,168
Riley, just tell us.
1000
00:48:37,294 --> 00:48:39,546
Is it possible
she's telling the truth?
1001
00:48:39,671 --> 00:48:40,839
No.
1002
00:48:40,964 --> 00:48:45,260
No, I-I test everything,
every change.
1003
00:48:45,385 --> 00:48:47,345
There is a very slim chance
1004
00:48:47,470 --> 00:48:49,097
that she didn't receive
any response at all,
1005
00:48:49,222 --> 00:48:52,309
but there is no code in here
to reject her or anyone.
1006
00:48:52,434 --> 00:48:53,685
No way.
1007
00:49:01,401 --> 00:49:02,569
Guess what?
1008
00:49:02,694 --> 00:49:04,362
I'm doing an online talk thing
1009
00:49:04,487 --> 00:49:06,072
Probably gonna tank,
but I bought a new shirt
1010
00:49:06,197 --> 00:49:07,741
just in case.
1011
00:49:07,866 --> 00:49:10,118
What do we think? Hmm?
1012
00:49:10,243 --> 00:49:13,246
And I even put
some eye gunk on.
1013
00:49:13,371 --> 00:49:15,165
Huh.
1014
00:49:15,290 --> 00:49:18,251
But the big news
is I went on a date
1015
00:49:18,376 --> 00:49:19,961
with the fish cowboy.
1016
00:49:20,086 --> 00:49:22,631
I know. I know.
1017
00:49:22,756 --> 00:49:24,925
I really like him.
1018
00:49:25,050 --> 00:49:26,468
So...
1019
00:49:26,593 --> 00:49:28,386
All right, I gotta go.
1020
00:49:28,511 --> 00:49:30,680
Wish me luck.
1021
00:49:37,562 --> 00:49:38,939
Hey.
1022
00:49:40,023 --> 00:49:42,067
Oh, no one showed?
1023
00:49:42,192 --> 00:49:44,152
Yes.
1024
00:49:44,277 --> 00:49:45,695
Nobody cares.
1025
00:49:45,820 --> 00:49:47,072
As predicted.
1026
00:49:49,407 --> 00:49:50,825
What? What's so funny?
1027
00:49:51,826 --> 00:49:53,536
What don't I know?
1028
00:49:53,662 --> 00:49:55,330
It's because LB
set up a waiting room.
1029
00:49:55,455 --> 00:49:56,998
- They're all in there.
- How many people?
1030
00:49:58,291 --> 00:49:59,709
Five... hundred.
1031
00:49:59,834 --> 00:50:01,586
The maximum allowed.
1032
00:50:01,711 --> 00:50:02,837
Filled up over an hour ago.
1033
00:50:02,963 --> 00:50:05,131
No. Not doing it.
1034
00:50:05,257 --> 00:50:06,550
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I'm not doing it.
1035
00:50:06,675 --> 00:50:08,552
I don't want to do it.
1036
00:50:08,677 --> 00:50:09,844
That's too much.
I'm not doing it!
1037
00:50:09,970 --> 00:50:11,555
Breathe. You got this.
1038
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:13,974
I don't know
what I'm gonna say.
1039
00:50:14,099 --> 00:50:16,476
- Didn't you prepare something?
- No, I didn't prepare something.
1040
00:50:16,601 --> 00:50:18,895
I didn't think that far ahead, mentally.
1041
00:50:19,020 --> 00:50:20,564
What's that black shit
on your eyes, dude?
1042
00:50:20,689 --> 00:50:22,399
Shut up!
1043
00:50:22,524 --> 00:50:24,067
I can't do this alone.
1044
00:50:24,192 --> 00:50:26,695
Who says you're doing it alone?
1045
00:50:34,828 --> 00:50:36,079
Okay.
1046
00:50:37,205 --> 00:50:38,456
Okay.
1047
00:50:39,749 --> 00:50:41,543
- Let them in.
- All right.
1048
00:50:50,802 --> 00:50:52,053
I'm good.
1049
00:50:53,263 --> 00:50:54,681
She has a posse?
1050
00:50:54,806 --> 00:50:56,308
For a girl
who can't find a date,
1051
00:50:56,433 --> 00:50:57,976
she's got options.
1052
00:50:58,101 --> 00:50:59,936
They're her friends.
1053
00:51:00,061 --> 00:51:01,855
What? She told me about them.
1054
00:51:03,398 --> 00:51:04,649
Good morning.
1055
00:51:04,774 --> 00:51:06,902
Um, thank you for coming.
1056
00:51:11,698 --> 00:51:13,533
I'm sorry, I'm really nervous.
1057
00:51:13,658 --> 00:51:15,785
I didn't expect so many of you
to show up.
1058
00:51:15,911 --> 00:51:17,913
But, um, as my friends say,
1059
00:51:18,038 --> 00:51:19,789
when you put something
on the Internet,
1060
00:51:19,915 --> 00:51:22,834
you take your chances, right?
1061
00:51:22,959 --> 00:51:24,878
Um, I've had so many
wonderful messages
1062
00:51:25,003 --> 00:51:26,796
from so many of you.
1063
00:51:26,922 --> 00:51:30,634
Uh, I wish that I could just
match you all with one another.
1064
00:51:30,759 --> 00:51:33,887
But I came on here to say that,
thank you,
1065
00:51:34,012 --> 00:51:38,016
but I would like all of this
to stop now, okay?
1066
00:51:39,100 --> 00:51:40,352
Lots of hands up.
1067
00:51:40,477 --> 00:51:42,646
- What?
- Lots of hands up.
1068
00:51:42,771 --> 00:51:44,689
Oh. Oh.
1069
00:51:44,814 --> 00:51:47,734
Okay, uh, yeah. I'll take--
I'll take some questions.
1070
00:51:49,778 --> 00:51:52,447
Kip, Annie, from "Spill the Tea
with Annie Lee."
1071
00:51:52,572 --> 00:51:54,532
We would love to have you
on the show to interview.
1072
00:51:54,658 --> 00:51:56,868
No. Please stop asking.
1073
00:51:56,993 --> 00:51:59,871
It would be so good for your
blog's brand awareness, and--
1074
00:52:04,709 --> 00:52:06,294
Kip, what do you have to say
1075
00:52:06,419 --> 00:52:08,171
to all the other unmatchables
out there?
1076
00:52:08,296 --> 00:52:11,132
Uh, I guess to ignore
labels like that.
1077
00:52:11,258 --> 00:52:13,301
But have you given up on love?
1078
00:52:15,845 --> 00:52:17,764
No, um, I haven't.
1079
00:52:17,889 --> 00:52:22,435
Actually, uh, I met
an amazing guy this week.
1080
00:52:22,561 --> 00:52:26,022
So maybe love can find anyone,
1081
00:52:26,147 --> 00:52:28,483
even us unmatchables.
1082
00:52:30,110 --> 00:52:31,987
Kip, I love your blog.
1083
00:52:32,112 --> 00:52:34,531
I'm definitely
Team Unmatchable.
1084
00:52:34,656 --> 00:52:37,325
Can you tell us what I Promise
said in the rejection email?
1085
00:52:42,956 --> 00:52:46,960
You know what? I'd rather not
relive that particular moment.
1086
00:52:47,961 --> 00:52:49,421
Oh.
1087
00:52:49,546 --> 00:52:51,965
Kip, is online dating a scam?
1088
00:52:52,090 --> 00:52:54,467
Look, we are the online
generation, right?
1089
00:52:54,593 --> 00:52:57,846
We work, and shop, watch movies,
1090
00:52:57,971 --> 00:53:00,891
and express ourselves creatively.
1091
00:53:01,016 --> 00:53:03,727
Some of us
maybe a bit too much.
1092
00:53:03,852 --> 00:53:07,480
Uh, so I think that you can
find love online,
1093
00:53:07,606 --> 00:53:10,275
I just think you might want
to use a different company
1094
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,277
than I Promise.
1095
00:53:12,402 --> 00:53:14,321
Go.
1096
00:53:16,698 --> 00:53:19,200
Kip Parsons?
1097
00:53:19,326 --> 00:53:20,911
- You've been served.
- What?
1098
00:53:23,914 --> 00:53:25,498
It's a temporary
restraining order
1099
00:53:25,624 --> 00:53:28,793
barring you from discussing
I Promise or risk arrest.
1100
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:43,350
What did you do?
1101
00:53:44,726 --> 00:53:46,311
Riley, you said it yourself.
1102
00:53:46,436 --> 00:53:47,771
Either she believes
she was rejected,
1103
00:53:47,896 --> 00:53:50,148
or else she's a master liar.
1104
00:53:50,273 --> 00:53:53,109
In either case,
she's a very troubled girl.
1105
00:53:53,235 --> 00:53:55,570
And this is how you thought
you'd help her?
1106
00:53:55,695 --> 00:53:57,656
After I explicitly
asked you not to?
1107
00:53:57,781 --> 00:54:00,784
She's gonna destroy our business
if we don't stop her.
1108
00:54:00,909 --> 00:54:03,203
Dad ran the numbers,
and it's not good.
1109
00:54:04,287 --> 00:54:05,747
Let me ask you something,
1110
00:54:05,872 --> 00:54:07,874
since we're talking about truth.
1111
00:54:07,999 --> 00:54:09,542
When was the last time we once,
1112
00:54:09,668 --> 00:54:13,755
just once told her the truth
about who we are?
1113
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:15,048
About who I am?
1114
00:54:15,173 --> 00:54:16,716
Those were business decisions.
1115
00:54:16,841 --> 00:54:18,718
Well, when did we become
that kind of business, Dad?
1116
00:54:23,473 --> 00:54:24,724
No, you know what?
1117
00:54:26,351 --> 00:54:27,769
I started this company
1118
00:54:27,894 --> 00:54:29,479
because I was so tired
1119
00:54:29,604 --> 00:54:31,815
of working for shitty,
sleazy people.
1120
00:54:31,940 --> 00:54:33,900
And now here I am,
working with more--
1121
00:54:34,025 --> 00:54:35,694
Riley.
1122
00:54:35,819 --> 00:54:37,320
You're fired.
You're all fired.
1123
00:54:37,445 --> 00:54:38,780
Hey, hey, Riley, come on.
1124
00:54:38,905 --> 00:54:41,449
No, I'm serious.
You're fired. Go.
1125
00:54:41,575 --> 00:54:42,742
I mean it. Go.
1126
00:54:42,867 --> 00:54:44,119
Leave.
1127
00:54:53,211 --> 00:54:54,713
- Hey, Law Order girl.
- Hmm?
1128
00:54:54,838 --> 00:54:56,506
- Did you check your code in yet?
- Tomorrow.
1129
00:54:56,631 --> 00:54:58,550
I'm reading about
temporary restraining orders.
1130
00:54:58,675 --> 00:55:00,552
Is this your first?
1131
00:55:00,677 --> 00:55:02,178
Yes.
1132
00:55:03,763 --> 00:55:05,682
Are they really
gonna send me to jail?
1133
00:55:05,807 --> 00:55:08,685
Well, not if you avoid
saying "I Promise."
1134
00:55:08,810 --> 00:55:11,688
Which you could do by staying
in your cube and working.
1135
00:55:11,813 --> 00:55:14,149
Hey, dude, dude.
You got to get on Twitter.
1136
00:55:14,274 --> 00:55:16,818
If I wanted to listen to people
yell, I'd go visit my parents.
1137
00:55:16,943 --> 00:55:18,695
Look, look, look.
1138
00:55:18,820 --> 00:55:21,865
Some guy named Michael Rex
made a fan account for you.
1139
00:55:21,990 --> 00:55:24,618
Look, it has 92,000 followers already.
1140
00:55:24,743 --> 00:55:26,453
Michael Rex?
1141
00:55:26,578 --> 00:55:29,789
Oh, I dated this guy in college
for, like, five minutes.
1142
00:55:29,915 --> 00:55:33,752
You better hope he doesn't have
any indiscreet pictures of you.
1143
00:55:33,877 --> 00:55:36,713
- Ooh, does he?
- No! Jeez.
1144
00:55:44,304 --> 00:55:45,639
Are any of those important?
1145
00:55:45,764 --> 00:55:48,141
No, it's just guys
asking me for dates.
1146
00:55:48,266 --> 00:55:49,726
And they all send pictures.
1147
00:55:49,851 --> 00:55:51,561
Any decent ones?
1148
00:55:51,686 --> 00:55:53,855
You tell me.
1149
00:55:53,980 --> 00:55:55,774
- Oh!
- The hell's wrong with you?
1150
00:55:55,899 --> 00:55:58,985
You cannot show us some dude's
tackle without warning.
1151
00:55:59,110 --> 00:56:01,363
Oh, really? That's the sound
of every woman on the Internet
1152
00:56:01,488 --> 00:56:03,240
rolling her eyes.
1153
00:56:03,365 --> 00:56:04,950
Seriously, Kip,
you gotta delete those.
1154
00:56:05,075 --> 00:56:07,702
You can't have pictures
like that on your work computer.
1155
00:56:07,827 --> 00:56:09,746
Oi, oi. Pictures like what?
1156
00:56:09,871 --> 00:56:10,997
Nothing.
1157
00:56:11,122 --> 00:56:12,374
Are they naughty ones?
1158
00:56:12,499 --> 00:56:14,125
Ugh.
1159
00:56:19,548 --> 00:56:21,132
Are your 15 minutes up yet?
1160
00:56:21,258 --> 00:56:23,009
Marco, I never intended--
1161
00:56:23,134 --> 00:56:26,054
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1162
00:56:26,179 --> 00:56:27,973
You're not a victim.
1163
00:56:28,098 --> 00:56:29,307
You set this into motion,
1164
00:56:29,432 --> 00:56:31,560
and you kept it up
at every turn.
1165
00:56:31,685 --> 00:56:33,270
I don't know if you're doing it
to spite me,
1166
00:56:33,395 --> 00:56:34,521
or you just want attention.
1167
00:56:34,646 --> 00:56:35,772
I give up, Marco.
1168
00:56:35,897 --> 00:56:37,857
How is this possibly about you?
1169
00:56:37,983 --> 00:56:39,859
It is about me,
1170
00:56:39,985 --> 00:56:41,528
because we're releasing tomorrow,
1171
00:56:41,653 --> 00:56:44,072
and you still haven't checked in
your code for the build.
1172
00:56:44,197 --> 00:56:45,949
And that, sweetheart,
1173
00:56:46,074 --> 00:56:49,828
has everything to do with me
and my department.
1174
00:56:53,123 --> 00:56:54,666
You're right.
1175
00:56:54,791 --> 00:56:56,960
I'm gonna work all night.
I'll get it done.
1176
00:57:49,387 --> 00:57:51,014
Hey. What are you doing here?
1177
00:57:51,139 --> 00:57:53,225
Oh, I am taking you to dinner?
1178
00:57:55,894 --> 00:57:57,771
Ugh, 404. I have a deadline.
1179
00:57:57,896 --> 00:57:59,314
Come on, it'll be fast.
1180
00:57:59,439 --> 00:58:02,859
We can go get sushi.
1181
00:58:02,984 --> 00:58:04,778
You're over-embracing
this fish theme a little bit.
1182
00:58:04,903 --> 00:58:06,696
Please come out with me.
I just...
1183
00:58:06,821 --> 00:58:07,989
I'd love to talk to you,
1184
00:58:08,114 --> 00:58:09,950
and I'll bring you right back.
1185
00:58:10,075 --> 00:58:13,203
We'll get takeout,
and then... yeah.
1186
00:58:15,914 --> 00:58:18,124
Okay.
1187
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,134
Crap. You're married?
1188
00:58:28,260 --> 00:58:29,970
- No.
- Gay?
1189
00:58:30,095 --> 00:58:32,847
Ryan Reynolds confuses me,
but no.
1190
00:58:32,973 --> 00:58:35,058
Convicted felon?
1191
00:58:35,183 --> 00:58:36,685
Not convicted.
1192
00:58:39,688 --> 00:58:41,565
Oh, this is a friend-zoning
session, isn't it?
1193
00:58:41,690 --> 00:58:43,775
No. No, absolutely not.
1194
00:58:51,616 --> 00:58:53,952
Listen, just hear me out, okay?
1195
00:58:54,077 --> 00:58:55,745
Two years ago,
1196
00:58:55,870 --> 00:58:58,039
I quit my awful job
working with awful people
1197
00:58:58,164 --> 00:59:01,042
because I wanted
to start my own company.
1198
00:59:01,167 --> 00:59:03,420
And when I left my awful job,
1199
00:59:03,545 --> 00:59:05,297
I told myself
that from here on out,
1200
00:59:05,422 --> 00:59:06,882
I only wanted
to work with people
1201
00:59:07,007 --> 00:59:08,174
who were super talented,
1202
00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:11,011
but also ethical people, right?
1203
00:59:11,136 --> 00:59:14,264
So I hired my mom and dad.
1204
00:59:14,389 --> 00:59:17,100
And I hired my brother
and his husband.
1205
00:59:18,435 --> 00:59:19,936
And it was great.
1206
00:59:22,647 --> 00:59:26,651
But then today, I-I realized
we've become a company
1207
00:59:26,776 --> 00:59:29,070
that I hate.
1208
00:59:31,573 --> 00:59:32,866
And, um...
1209
00:59:34,242 --> 00:59:36,036
I fired everyone.
1210
00:59:36,161 --> 00:59:38,121
Whoa.
1211
00:59:38,246 --> 00:59:39,956
And the reason I'm telling you
this is because...
1212
00:59:40,081 --> 00:59:41,583
Oh, my God.
1213
00:59:44,461 --> 00:59:45,921
Hold on one second.
I'm sorry.
1214
00:59:47,714 --> 00:59:49,591
Hey, look,
I don't want to talk about it.
1215
00:59:52,677 --> 00:59:53,929
Which hospital?
1216
00:59:55,013 --> 00:59:56,431
Okay, I'm on my way.
1217
00:59:56,556 --> 00:59:57,974
Is everything okay?
1218
00:59:58,099 --> 01:00:00,143
Um, no.
1219
01:00:08,401 --> 01:00:10,987
Um, you can take the car
to get home.
1220
01:00:11,112 --> 01:00:12,739
No, it's okay.
I take the bus all the time.
1221
01:00:12,864 --> 01:00:14,491
Don't worry about it.
Get in there.
1222
01:00:16,117 --> 01:00:17,994
Oh, Riley. Riley.
1223
01:00:23,583 --> 01:00:24,918
Riley?
1224
01:00:31,091 --> 01:00:32,342
Riley.
1225
01:00:34,970 --> 01:00:37,055
The good news is that
she didn't have a stroke.
1226
01:00:37,180 --> 01:00:39,266
- They're still running tests--
- Riley.
1227
01:00:39,391 --> 01:00:41,184
What the hell is she doing here?
1228
01:00:41,309 --> 01:00:43,228
- Dad, she doesn't know.
- Hey, you dropped your phone.
1229
01:00:43,353 --> 01:00:44,563
Thanks. Um...
1230
01:00:44,688 --> 01:00:45,814
I think you need to leave.
1231
01:00:45,939 --> 01:00:47,232
You know what? Don't worry.
1232
01:00:47,357 --> 01:00:49,359
I'll-I'll-I'll just, uh...
1233
01:00:49,484 --> 01:00:51,570
- I'll explain it to you later.
- Okay.
1234
01:00:51,695 --> 01:00:52,988
I'll...
1235
01:00:54,322 --> 01:00:55,824
- I'll call you soon.
- Sure.
1236
01:00:55,949 --> 01:00:57,576
What are you doing here?
1237
01:00:58,577 --> 01:01:00,287
How's Mom?
1238
01:01:01,538 --> 01:01:04,040
Mom?
1239
01:01:04,165 --> 01:01:05,917
- Kip, I can explain.
- Mom?
1240
01:01:07,669 --> 01:01:09,337
- Oh, no.
- Kip, no, let me explain.
1241
01:01:09,462 --> 01:01:11,047
- This is...
- Oh, I'm so stupid.
1242
01:01:11,172 --> 01:01:12,924
- No, no.
- I'm so stupid.
1243
01:01:13,049 --> 01:01:14,801
Kip!
1244
01:01:14,926 --> 01:01:19,890
♪ I'll be always falling ♪
1245
01:01:20,390 --> 01:01:21,892
♪ Yeah ♪
1246
01:01:22,017 --> 01:01:26,980
♪ Only to rise
And fall again ♪
1247
01:01:28,690 --> 01:01:30,692
Kip. Hi.
1248
01:01:30,817 --> 01:01:32,652
I'm Raina from...
1249
01:01:32,777 --> 01:01:34,195
Spilling the Tea with Annie Lee.
1250
01:01:34,321 --> 01:01:35,614
Yeah, yeah, I know.
1251
01:01:38,575 --> 01:01:40,285
Are you my stalker now?
1252
01:01:42,913 --> 01:01:44,581
Look, she's doing
a show tomorrow...
1253
01:01:45,582 --> 01:01:46,958
Actually, today.
1254
01:01:47,083 --> 01:01:48,919
...and she is desperate
to have you on.
1255
01:01:49,044 --> 01:01:51,087
I have a restraining order
against me right now,
1256
01:01:51,213 --> 01:01:54,049
which is a sentence I never
thought I would say in my life.
1257
01:01:54,174 --> 01:01:58,345
But the result is, I will not
be spilling any tea.
1258
01:01:58,470 --> 01:02:01,765
Okay, but you don't have
to mention I Promise.
1259
01:02:01,890 --> 01:02:05,894
Just... just talk about
the challenges of finding love
1260
01:02:06,019 --> 01:02:07,604
as a woman in this digital age.
1261
01:02:07,729 --> 01:02:09,189
Raina, I'm not good
at this stuff.
1262
01:02:09,314 --> 01:02:10,732
I get really wound up,
1263
01:02:10,857 --> 01:02:12,609
and then I just say things
I don't want to,
1264
01:02:12,734 --> 01:02:14,736
and I get into a situation
I don't want to be in.
1265
01:02:14,861 --> 01:02:17,405
Yeah, and that's why
people love you.
1266
01:02:19,532 --> 01:02:22,702
Kip, you speak
so many people's truths.
1267
01:02:22,827 --> 01:02:25,413
They're listening.
You should use your voice.
1268
01:02:25,538 --> 01:02:26,790
Are those Croc earrings?
1269
01:02:28,750 --> 01:02:30,210
Yeah. I love Crocs.
1270
01:02:30,335 --> 01:02:32,254
Don't tell my boss.
She would kill me.
1271
01:02:38,343 --> 01:02:39,719
Okay, I'll make a deal.
1272
01:02:39,844 --> 01:02:42,389
I have a friend.
His name is Sanjay.
1273
01:02:42,514 --> 01:02:45,809
He is a really sweet guy
with a good heart.
1274
01:02:45,934 --> 01:02:48,436
You go for a coffee with him,
I'll do your show.
1275
01:02:52,899 --> 01:02:54,859
- Just coffee?
- Just coffee.
1276
01:02:54,985 --> 01:02:56,861
And if I check
offender databases?
1277
01:02:56,987 --> 01:02:59,489
Oh, my God, no.
Not there. I swear.
1278
01:03:00,782 --> 01:03:02,409
Deal?
1279
01:03:06,788 --> 01:03:08,123
Okay. Yes.
1280
01:03:08,248 --> 01:03:10,292
- Yes. Deal.
- Great.
1281
01:03:10,417 --> 01:03:11,751
Go home.
1282
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,507
- Hey, Kip?
- Yes?
1283
01:03:17,632 --> 01:03:20,594
What happened
to that nice guy you met?
1284
01:03:23,138 --> 01:03:24,472
Uh...
1285
01:03:28,768 --> 01:03:30,312
turned out he wasn't that nice.
1286
01:03:45,827 --> 01:03:47,120
Come on.
1287
01:03:48,455 --> 01:03:49,789
Come on.
1288
01:03:53,501 --> 01:03:54,961
You know, Jones,
in retrospect,
1289
01:03:55,086 --> 01:03:58,924
this has been the crappiest day
of my life.
1290
01:04:01,927 --> 01:04:04,679
But I know what you're thinking.
1291
01:04:04,804 --> 01:04:06,139
"Suck it up, Kipper,
1292
01:04:06,264 --> 01:04:08,308
and get me a grape."
1293
01:04:12,604 --> 01:04:13,855
Jones?
1294
01:04:16,816 --> 01:04:18,693
No, no, no, no, no.
1295
01:04:20,779 --> 01:04:21,905
No.
1296
01:04:23,281 --> 01:04:24,532
No.
1297
01:04:25,825 --> 01:04:27,244
Jones.
1298
01:04:58,191 --> 01:04:59,859
I can't believe you're not
going to fight this.
1299
01:04:59,985 --> 01:05:01,778
I missed the deadline.
1300
01:05:01,903 --> 01:05:03,238
We all miss deadlines.
1301
01:05:03,363 --> 01:05:05,073
There were naked guys
on my computer.
1302
01:05:05,198 --> 01:05:08,577
We all have naked guys
on our computers.
1303
01:05:08,702 --> 01:05:12,664
Look, my Internet presence
was becoming disruptive.
1304
01:05:12,789 --> 01:05:15,208
Come on, guys,
this was inevitable.
1305
01:05:15,333 --> 01:05:16,918
Marco read some management book
1306
01:05:17,043 --> 01:05:18,920
about getting rid
of the competition,
1307
01:05:19,045 --> 01:05:20,422
and I just gave him
a way to do it.
1308
01:05:20,547 --> 01:05:21,798
Because firing our favorite lead
1309
01:05:21,923 --> 01:05:24,509
is the best way
to rally the team.
1310
01:05:24,634 --> 01:05:27,304
Hey, Kip, you know,
I'm old enough
1311
01:05:27,429 --> 01:05:29,139
to have been there
for "fight the power"
1312
01:05:29,264 --> 01:05:31,391
and "stick it to the man."
1313
01:05:31,516 --> 01:05:33,393
Are you sure
about doing this show?
1314
01:05:33,518 --> 01:05:35,937
You know, you talk about
wanting this all to be over,
1315
01:05:36,062 --> 01:05:37,814
and then you turn around
and poke the bear again.
1316
01:05:37,939 --> 01:05:39,441
Well, Meta, I made a promise,
1317
01:05:39,566 --> 01:05:42,027
and there's nothing else
left to lose.
1318
01:05:42,152 --> 01:05:43,570
Look at me.
1319
01:05:43,695 --> 01:05:46,364
There's always more to lose.
1320
01:05:46,489 --> 01:05:48,658
Always.
1321
01:06:00,295 --> 01:06:02,339
Be nice to the replacement, okay?
1322
01:06:05,550 --> 01:06:06,927
And clean your desk
from time to time,
1323
01:06:07,052 --> 01:06:09,304
- for everyone's sake.
- I will.
1324
01:06:11,723 --> 01:06:13,808
A woman named Raina
will text you.
1325
01:06:13,934 --> 01:06:17,354
Go out with her.
Please wear matching socks.
1326
01:06:23,193 --> 01:06:25,862
I'm gonna miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
1327
01:06:27,739 --> 01:06:29,157
Ah, you'll be back.
You'll see.
1328
01:06:30,242 --> 01:06:32,577
So I'm just gonna say, uh,
1329
01:06:32,702 --> 01:06:34,454
"See you later, kiddo."
1330
01:06:57,352 --> 01:06:59,104
I got fired,
1331
01:06:59,229 --> 01:07:02,065
so I won't be able to see you
every morning anymore.
1332
01:07:05,527 --> 01:07:06,778
Okay then.
1333
01:07:08,697 --> 01:07:10,865
It's been really nice chatting
to you for all these years.
1334
01:07:10,991 --> 01:07:12,617
I mean,
I'm gonna come by when I can,
1335
01:07:12,742 --> 01:07:14,911
it just won't be every morning.
1336
01:07:23,503 --> 01:07:25,589
You know, right now would be
a really good time
1337
01:07:25,714 --> 01:07:27,674
for, like, a Yoda moment.
1338
01:07:27,799 --> 01:07:29,593
Or some advice?
1339
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:32,012
Anything?
1340
01:07:36,850 --> 01:07:38,101
Cool.
1341
01:07:47,861 --> 01:07:50,697
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
1342
01:07:50,822 --> 01:07:53,992
Now, I know you're upset
about me letting Kip go,
1343
01:07:54,117 --> 01:07:55,994
but I'm still your boss.
1344
01:07:58,663 --> 01:08:01,750
Giving me the Gandhi treatment
ain't a power move here.
1345
01:08:01,875 --> 01:08:04,044
I can fire you all.
1346
01:08:04,169 --> 01:08:06,713
You know, as soon as the next
release is out.
1347
01:08:06,838 --> 01:08:10,675
And, and, and you train
your replacements.
1348
01:08:14,012 --> 01:08:15,388
Guys?
1349
01:08:17,015 --> 01:08:18,475
Guys?
1350
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:21,645
Guys, look,
this is just childish.
1351
01:08:27,901 --> 01:08:31,154
Well, uh,
it's good we had this talk.
1352
01:08:31,279 --> 01:08:33,990
So... yeah.
1353
01:08:34,115 --> 01:08:36,785
Yeah, get back to work.
1354
01:08:36,910 --> 01:08:38,328
And you too.
1355
01:08:44,084 --> 01:08:47,045
Is calling me Gandhi racist?
1356
01:08:47,170 --> 01:08:48,838
I like how he said
he let her go,
1357
01:08:48,964 --> 01:08:51,758
like she was trapped and
he released her into the wild.
1358
01:08:51,883 --> 01:08:55,053
You fired her,
you bearded fruit bat!
1359
01:08:55,178 --> 01:08:57,097
Hey, your car got
a big trunk, right?
1360
01:08:57,222 --> 01:08:58,974
Um, ahem, hello.
1361
01:08:59,099 --> 01:09:01,226
Uh, is-- Is Kip Parsons here?
1362
01:09:01,351 --> 01:09:04,312
Nope. Not since they fired her.
1363
01:09:05,355 --> 01:09:06,481
She got fired?
1364
01:09:06,606 --> 01:09:08,275
Who are you?
1365
01:09:08,400 --> 01:09:10,527
My name's Riley Detamore.
1366
01:09:10,652 --> 01:09:13,863
I'm... Well, I guess
I'm kind of a friend...
1367
01:09:16,616 --> 01:09:18,535
Uh, nice chicken.
1368
01:09:18,660 --> 01:09:21,454
That's Grimaldi QR model?
1369
01:09:27,752 --> 01:09:29,880
We love meeting couples
who have found love,
1370
01:09:30,005 --> 01:09:32,716
but remember, not everyone
gets a happy ending.
1371
01:09:32,841 --> 01:09:35,677
- Stop fidgeting.
- Our next guest...
1372
01:09:35,802 --> 01:09:36,928
You look beautiful.
1373
01:09:37,053 --> 01:09:38,513
I feel awkward.
1374
01:09:38,638 --> 01:09:39,764
Graceful.
1375
01:09:39,890 --> 01:09:41,016
Dorky.
1376
01:09:42,392 --> 01:09:44,477
- Like a gazelle.
- Hmm.
1377
01:09:44,603 --> 01:09:47,230
Just remember, you're live.
Watch what you're saying.
1378
01:09:47,355 --> 01:09:49,107
Got it.
1379
01:09:49,232 --> 01:09:52,444
Please welcome my special guest,
Kip Parsons.
1380
01:09:52,569 --> 01:09:54,946
Oh, wait. Any bats in the cave?
1381
01:09:56,865 --> 01:09:58,825
All clear.
1382
01:10:01,036 --> 01:10:04,748
Thanks to Wild Mountain Chai
for providing us
with our tea today.
1383
01:10:04,873 --> 01:10:07,667
You can taste the mountain air
in every sip.
1384
01:10:07,792 --> 01:10:09,794
Oh, and please don't forget
to subscribe.
1385
01:10:11,463 --> 01:10:13,006
Kip, it's lovely
1386
01:10:13,131 --> 01:10:14,925
to finally put a face
to your name.
1387
01:10:15,050 --> 01:10:17,260
- Many of us unmatchables...
- She almost looks like a...
1388
01:10:17,385 --> 01:10:18,511
...feel like we know you already.
1389
01:10:18,637 --> 01:10:19,763
...like a girl.
1390
01:10:19,888 --> 01:10:21,014
How has this all been for you?
1391
01:10:21,139 --> 01:10:22,307
She looks beautiful.
1392
01:10:22,432 --> 01:10:23,683
Shut up.
1393
01:10:23,808 --> 01:10:25,393
- Guys, grow up.
- I bet.
1394
01:10:25,518 --> 01:10:27,938
You've gone from lowly
computer programmer
1395
01:10:28,063 --> 01:10:30,815
to woman's spokesperson
in a week.
1396
01:10:30,941 --> 01:10:32,776
Of course, as you know,
the dating service...
1397
01:10:32,901 --> 01:10:34,736
Which I cannot name.
1398
01:10:34,861 --> 01:10:36,863
...because they're taking
legal action against you...
1399
01:10:36,988 --> 01:10:39,449
Okay, you are ready to go,
but we have some things
to go over.
1400
01:10:41,243 --> 01:10:43,161
I'm sure you've heard
the rumors.
1401
01:10:44,371 --> 01:10:45,789
You can't actually prove
1402
01:10:45,914 --> 01:10:47,624
that the dating service
rejected you.
1403
01:10:47,749 --> 01:10:49,960
Uh, I could.
1404
01:10:50,085 --> 01:10:52,003
But why should I have to?
1405
01:10:52,128 --> 01:10:53,672
Well, see, you keep dodging
the question,
1406
01:10:53,797 --> 01:10:54,965
and that makes me question
1407
01:10:55,090 --> 01:10:56,424
whether it really happened,
1408
01:10:56,550 --> 01:11:00,679
or whether this
is a publicity stunt.
1409
01:11:01,805 --> 01:11:03,181
Publicity for what?
1410
01:11:03,306 --> 01:11:05,267
I'm-I'm...
1411
01:11:05,392 --> 01:11:06,768
I'm just a normal person.
1412
01:11:06,893 --> 01:11:08,562
I'm not trying
to sell anything.
1413
01:11:08,687 --> 01:11:10,438
But why would I Promise
come after you
1414
01:11:10,564 --> 01:11:12,190
unless they knew you couldn't
back up your claims?
1415
01:11:15,026 --> 01:11:17,153
You know why, Annie?
1416
01:11:17,279 --> 01:11:21,825
Big guys taking on the one
person telling the truth.
1417
01:11:21,950 --> 01:11:23,326
It happens every day,
1418
01:11:23,451 --> 01:11:25,120
and it's so easy
to hide behind lawyers,
1419
01:11:25,245 --> 01:11:27,455
and getting other people
to do your dirty work.
1420
01:11:27,581 --> 01:11:30,709
I'm standing here, alone,
talking about my experiences,
1421
01:11:30,834 --> 01:11:32,794
and I'm the one
going to court.
1422
01:11:32,919 --> 01:11:34,796
And she's off.
1423
01:11:34,921 --> 01:11:36,756
I mean, Dirk didn't serve me
those papers.
1424
01:11:36,882 --> 01:11:39,175
He knew where I was.
And his brother Riley,
1425
01:11:39,301 --> 01:11:40,719
he definitely knew.
1426
01:11:40,844 --> 01:11:42,262
But they were too afraid
1427
01:11:42,387 --> 01:11:44,222
to man up and face me.
1428
01:11:44,347 --> 01:11:46,308
You know what?
Just once, Annie, just once,
1429
01:11:46,433 --> 01:11:48,727
I would like to see someone
from that company say,
1430
01:11:48,852 --> 01:11:51,146
"Hey, we made a mistake.
We're sorry."
1431
01:11:51,271 --> 01:11:52,772
But they will never do that.
1432
01:11:52,898 --> 01:11:54,399
Because that's not
the kind of people they are,
1433
01:11:54,524 --> 01:11:56,568
and it's not the kind of company
I Promise is.
1434
01:11:57,944 --> 01:11:59,070
No. Stop!
1435
01:11:59,195 --> 01:12:00,655
Kip Parsons...
1436
01:12:02,949 --> 01:12:05,160
you're under arrest for
violating a restraining order.
1437
01:12:06,536 --> 01:12:08,246
Oh, no.
1438
01:12:08,371 --> 01:12:09,873
Did you know about this?
1439
01:12:11,625 --> 01:12:12,876
No, I...
1440
01:12:18,256 --> 01:12:19,549
I...
1441
01:12:19,674 --> 01:12:21,218
I don't know what to say.
1442
01:12:21,343 --> 01:12:22,886
I...
1443
01:12:23,011 --> 01:12:25,096
We're gonna end it here
for us today,
1444
01:12:25,222 --> 01:12:28,183
and I will report back once
I get to the bottom of this.
1445
01:12:28,308 --> 01:12:29,434
Wait.-I'm Annie Lee.
1446
01:12:29,559 --> 01:12:30,727
Aren't you supposed to explain
1447
01:12:30,852 --> 01:12:33,355
the discharge plan to me?
1448
01:12:34,898 --> 01:12:37,484
Figure it out yourself.
It's not that hard.
1449
01:12:37,609 --> 01:12:39,194
I promise.
1450
01:12:45,367 --> 01:12:47,035
Oh, my God, Annie.
1451
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:49,037
Where did the cops come from?
I-I didn't let them in.
1452
01:12:49,162 --> 01:12:50,538
I'm so sorry.
1453
01:12:50,664 --> 01:12:52,207
They were in my back room
the whole time.
1454
01:12:54,709 --> 01:12:58,088
Wait, you set this all up?
1455
01:12:58,213 --> 01:13:00,006
I knew she wouldn't be able
to keep her mouth shut.
1456
01:13:00,131 --> 01:13:01,550
I was counting on it.
1457
01:13:01,675 --> 01:13:03,552
Now I'm gonna go watch
my view count go up.
1458
01:13:45,468 --> 01:13:47,095
Y'all have fun now.
1459
01:14:07,782 --> 01:14:09,367
- I need to talk to her.
- Yeah, well,
1460
01:14:09,492 --> 01:14:11,161
only a lawyer can get in
to talk to her now.
1461
01:14:14,539 --> 01:14:16,041
Maybe it's time
she got a lawyer.
1462
01:14:25,717 --> 01:14:27,928
Funeral home's two doors down.
1463
01:14:28,053 --> 01:14:30,513
Uh, we're actually
Kip Parsons' attorneys.
1464
01:14:39,064 --> 01:14:40,315
Firm?
1465
01:14:45,320 --> 01:14:47,572
Dorkus...
1466
01:14:47,697 --> 01:14:48,907
Knapsack...
1467
01:14:49,032 --> 01:14:50,158
Ruffles...
1468
01:14:50,283 --> 01:14:51,660
and Crocs.
1469
01:15:05,465 --> 01:15:06,841
That's good.
1470
01:15:06,967 --> 01:15:09,678
You know, I call my ex
"the appendix."
1471
01:15:09,803 --> 01:15:11,638
He caused me a lot of pain,
1472
01:15:11,763 --> 01:15:13,223
gave me a few scars,
1473
01:15:13,348 --> 01:15:14,683
but once he was gone,
1474
01:15:14,808 --> 01:15:16,184
I figured out
I didn't need him anyway.
1475
01:15:18,144 --> 01:15:19,521
Okay, okay, I have one.
1476
01:15:19,646 --> 01:15:22,857
Chewbacca: straight or gay?
1477
01:15:22,983 --> 01:15:24,317
Straight.
1478
01:15:24,442 --> 01:15:25,610
- Yes.
- Oh, man!
1479
01:15:25,735 --> 01:15:27,487
And that gun belt?
1480
01:15:27,612 --> 01:15:29,114
- Come on, now.
- Damn.
1481
01:15:29,239 --> 01:15:30,907
That's what I said!
1482
01:15:31,032 --> 01:15:32,826
Kip Parsons?
1483
01:15:32,951 --> 01:15:34,369
- Yeah?
- Your lawyer's here.
1484
01:15:35,745 --> 01:15:36,871
What? I don't have a lawyer.
1485
01:15:36,997 --> 01:15:40,000
Well, now you got a whole firm.
1486
01:15:40,125 --> 01:15:43,044
Oh, my God, guys!
1487
01:15:43,169 --> 01:15:44,921
This has been crazy.
1488
01:15:45,046 --> 01:15:46,715
So, what's the plan?
1489
01:15:54,931 --> 01:15:57,058
- Meta...
- It's gonna be okay.
1490
01:15:58,435 --> 01:15:59,769
We'll, uh...
1491
01:15:59,895 --> 01:16:01,438
We'll wait outside.
1492
01:16:04,691 --> 01:16:05,859
Kip, we gotta get you
out of here.
1493
01:16:05,984 --> 01:16:07,110
Well, you put me in here.
1494
01:16:07,235 --> 01:16:08,445
No, it...
1495
01:16:08,570 --> 01:16:09,779
It was my parents.
It wasn't me.
1496
01:16:09,905 --> 01:16:11,907
And that's because
they were scared
1497
01:16:12,032 --> 01:16:13,158
and they didn't know you.
1498
01:16:13,283 --> 01:16:14,910
Oh, okay. And you do?
1499
01:16:15,035 --> 01:16:17,120
You're just like me.
1500
01:16:20,373 --> 01:16:22,208
- Kip, you got to believe me.
- Why?
1501
01:16:22,334 --> 01:16:25,212
Riley, you lied to me.
Over and over.
1502
01:16:25,337 --> 01:16:27,214
What I told you was true.
1503
01:16:27,339 --> 01:16:31,176
Okay, I used to work for this
super sleazy dating app company,
1504
01:16:31,301 --> 01:16:32,844
and I left to start my own
1505
01:16:32,969 --> 01:16:34,763
because I wanted to build
something with integrity.
1506
01:16:34,888 --> 01:16:38,225
So I coded everything,
you know, from the ground up.
1507
01:16:38,350 --> 01:16:41,019
And that's how I know
that you didn't get rejected.
1508
01:16:41,144 --> 01:16:42,520
And it's okay
that you made that up.
1509
01:16:42,646 --> 01:16:43,897
I didn't make it up!
1510
01:16:45,440 --> 01:16:46,983
I didn't make it up.
1511
01:16:48,235 --> 01:16:49,444
And if you think I made it up,
1512
01:16:49,569 --> 01:16:52,739
then you don't know me at all.
1513
01:16:55,408 --> 01:16:57,410
- Kip, I--
- I should have gotten the dog.
1514
01:16:59,162 --> 01:17:00,997
He would have been
more trustworthy.
1515
01:17:06,545 --> 01:17:07,754
Uh, there's been a mistake.
1516
01:17:07,879 --> 01:17:09,923
They're not on my side, so...
1517
01:17:15,804 --> 01:17:17,305
You fired them all?
1518
01:17:17,430 --> 01:17:20,684
I fired them all.
1519
01:17:20,809 --> 01:17:22,394
You think they'll be
at the hearing tomorrow?
1520
01:17:22,519 --> 01:17:24,062
Yeah. Probably. Oh, hey.
1521
01:17:24,187 --> 01:17:26,481
Oh, all right. Have fun.
1522
01:17:26,606 --> 01:17:27,983
You should have gotten
a smaller dog.
1523
01:17:28,108 --> 01:17:29,568
Yeah.
1524
01:17:31,194 --> 01:17:32,571
Remember when that used to be
1525
01:17:32,696 --> 01:17:34,197
your standard
placeholder error message?
1526
01:17:35,198 --> 01:17:36,950
Stack overflow.
1527
01:17:37,075 --> 01:17:38,326
Get a dog.
1528
01:17:39,619 --> 01:17:41,413
Null pointer exception?
1529
01:17:41,538 --> 01:17:42,706
"Get a dog."
1530
01:17:44,958 --> 01:17:46,585
Holy shit balls.
1531
01:17:46,710 --> 01:17:48,336
What?
1532
01:17:48,461 --> 01:17:50,213
Come on, I need your help.
1533
01:17:52,215 --> 01:17:53,633
Excuse me.
1534
01:17:59,014 --> 01:18:00,765
All rise.
1535
01:18:06,396 --> 01:18:09,482
The Honorable Judge Wilks presiding.
1536
01:18:13,820 --> 01:18:15,071
Be seated.
1537
01:18:18,825 --> 01:18:20,410
Well, I've got to be honest.
1538
01:18:20,535 --> 01:18:22,495
You know, I've been sitting
up here a long time,
1539
01:18:22,621 --> 01:18:26,416
and I don't believe I have ever
been quite this popular before.
1540
01:18:28,209 --> 01:18:30,212
Sir?
1541
01:18:30,337 --> 01:18:31,755
You ordering a pizza, sir?
1542
01:18:33,673 --> 01:18:36,968
I'll call you back.
1543
01:18:37,093 --> 01:18:39,512
Your Honor, we would like
to respectfully...
1544
01:18:39,638 --> 01:18:43,099
Settle down.
I know why we're here.
1545
01:18:43,225 --> 01:18:46,394
I read every little piece
of paper that you gave me.
1546
01:18:48,063 --> 01:18:49,898
Miss Parsons?
1547
01:18:50,982 --> 01:18:52,150
Yes, sir?
1548
01:18:52,275 --> 01:18:53,818
Sit down, please.
1549
01:18:55,737 --> 01:18:57,948
I'm thinking I should probably
explain how this all works,
1550
01:18:58,073 --> 01:19:00,408
as it appears that your counsel
1551
01:19:00,533 --> 01:19:02,202
may not be the finest
this city has to offer.
1552
01:19:03,995 --> 01:19:05,872
Temporary restraining orders
1553
01:19:05,997 --> 01:19:07,540
are issued ex parte,
1554
01:19:07,666 --> 01:19:09,709
which basically means
anyone can get one.
1555
01:19:09,834 --> 01:19:13,338
As for the other party--
You, in this case.
1556
01:19:13,463 --> 01:19:15,549
doesn't have much of a say.
1557
01:19:15,674 --> 01:19:17,842
But today is your chance
to convince me
1558
01:19:17,968 --> 01:19:22,097
that this restraining order
shouldn't be made permanent.
1559
01:19:22,222 --> 01:19:24,683
Whereas the folks over there
are gonna try to convince me
1560
01:19:24,808 --> 01:19:26,893
that they should.
1561
01:19:27,018 --> 01:19:29,062
Now I've read
all they had to say.
1562
01:19:31,022 --> 01:19:33,316
It sure sounds like
you've been mouthing off a bit.
1563
01:19:34,401 --> 01:19:35,527
Yeah.
1564
01:19:35,652 --> 01:19:37,195
I do that now.
1565
01:19:37,320 --> 01:19:39,114
I used to be nicer.
1566
01:19:39,239 --> 01:19:40,949
Sorry.
1567
01:19:41,074 --> 01:19:44,536
Well, why don't you
just scoot yourself up here
1568
01:19:44,661 --> 01:19:46,663
and tell me all about it?
1569
01:19:47,914 --> 01:19:49,165
Okay.
1570
01:20:01,636 --> 01:20:03,430
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
1571
01:20:03,555 --> 01:20:05,390
and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
1572
01:20:05,515 --> 01:20:07,183
- I do.
- Be seated.
1573
01:20:12,814 --> 01:20:15,650
Miss Parsons, you signed up
with an online matchmaker.
1574
01:20:15,775 --> 01:20:18,320
Yes, sir.
1575
01:20:18,445 --> 01:20:21,364
And in their advertising,
this dating service implied
1576
01:20:21,489 --> 01:20:23,700
they can find at least one man
to go to dinner with you.
1577
01:20:23,825 --> 01:20:25,702
- Correct?
- Well, they did more than imply.
1578
01:20:25,827 --> 01:20:29,164
Their company name
is literally "I Promise,"
1579
01:20:29,289 --> 01:20:31,917
and their slogan is...
1580
01:20:33,251 --> 01:20:35,629
Yes, sorry, sir.
1581
01:20:35,754 --> 01:20:39,674
Well, I think we all
agree so far.
1582
01:20:39,799 --> 01:20:44,179
But here's where
our paths diverge.
1583
01:20:44,304 --> 01:20:45,847
You say they rejected you.
1584
01:20:45,972 --> 01:20:48,183
But you have no proof.
1585
01:20:48,308 --> 01:20:50,185
And yet, you're still
talking about it,
1586
01:20:50,310 --> 01:20:52,854
despite the restraining order.
1587
01:20:52,979 --> 01:20:55,857
How was your night
in our fine facility?
1588
01:20:55,982 --> 01:20:58,151
Not my best, Your Honor.
1589
01:20:58,276 --> 01:21:00,111
Your Honor,
we did not ask the police
1590
01:21:00,237 --> 01:21:02,405
to arrest Miss Parsons,
1591
01:21:02,530 --> 01:21:04,741
and regret that she had to spend
the night in jail.
1592
01:21:04,866 --> 01:21:06,493
It's hard to imagine
1593
01:21:06,618 --> 01:21:08,370
who else would have
a vested interest
1594
01:21:08,495 --> 01:21:10,705
in seeing Miss Parsons
go through that ordeal.
1595
01:21:13,500 --> 01:21:15,919
I know who.
1596
01:21:16,044 --> 01:21:17,295
Sit your ass down.
1597
01:21:17,420 --> 01:21:19,214
And what is your name,
young lady?
1598
01:21:19,339 --> 01:21:21,299
Raina Suryanarayama.
1599
01:21:35,313 --> 01:21:38,108
And your role in this
twisted little drama is?
1600
01:21:38,233 --> 01:21:41,736
Well, I was Annie Lee's
assistant...
1601
01:21:41,861 --> 01:21:43,822
until yesterday,
when I quit.
1602
01:21:45,615 --> 01:21:47,701
She was the one who had
the police on standby
1603
01:21:47,826 --> 01:21:51,079
because she wanted Kip
to be arrested live.
1604
01:21:51,204 --> 01:21:52,956
And which one of you is Annie?
1605
01:21:56,751 --> 01:21:59,754
It's all about the followers, sir.
1606
01:22:01,882 --> 01:22:05,594
Bailiff, please escort Miss Lee
from my courtroom.
1607
01:22:05,719 --> 01:22:07,220
On what grounds?
1608
01:22:07,345 --> 01:22:09,222
Well on the grounds
that just you piss me off.
1609
01:22:12,475 --> 01:22:14,060
Bye-bye now.
1610
01:22:26,615 --> 01:22:30,285
♪ Ooh, ooh-hoo ♪
1611
01:22:32,746 --> 01:22:34,331
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
1612
01:22:36,958 --> 01:22:40,420
Miss Parsons, if we knew
what the message said,
1613
01:22:40,545 --> 01:22:43,131
then the folks at I Promise
say they would be happy to prove
1614
01:22:43,256 --> 01:22:45,091
that there's no rejection
message like that
1615
01:22:45,217 --> 01:22:46,760
in the system.
1616
01:22:46,885 --> 01:22:48,845
But since you can't tell me
what the message said...
1617
01:22:48,970 --> 01:22:52,974
I can tell you exactly
what the message said.
1618
01:22:53,099 --> 01:22:54,351
I thought you said
you deleted it.
1619
01:22:54,476 --> 01:22:55,602
I'll remember that message
1620
01:22:55,727 --> 01:22:56,895
until the day I die.
1621
01:22:57,020 --> 01:22:58,271
Well, let's hear it, please.
1622
01:23:04,736 --> 01:23:06,071
It's just really embarrassing.
1623
01:23:06,196 --> 01:23:07,822
Miss Parsons?
1624
01:23:07,948 --> 01:23:09,115
I'm gonna have to rule
against you.
1625
01:23:09,241 --> 01:23:10,617
Look, Your Honor,
1626
01:23:10,742 --> 01:23:12,535
I didn't do anything wrong here.
1627
01:23:12,661 --> 01:23:14,746
And this is just often
what happens with women.
1628
01:23:14,871 --> 01:23:16,039
You know,
everyone calls me a liar
1629
01:23:16,164 --> 01:23:17,290
because I told the truth.
1630
01:23:17,415 --> 01:23:19,084
I don't know what you...
1631
01:23:22,837 --> 01:23:24,589
I am sorry.
1632
01:23:24,714 --> 01:23:27,133
But I'm gonna have to ask you
1633
01:23:27,259 --> 01:23:30,053
to be honest just one last time.
1634
01:23:39,854 --> 01:23:41,106
"Unmatchable.
1635
01:23:43,233 --> 01:23:44,609
You're a nerd and a loser.
1636
01:23:46,444 --> 01:23:48,530
No one will ever
find you attractive.
1637
01:23:49,990 --> 01:23:51,658
Take our advice.
1638
01:23:51,783 --> 01:23:55,870
Give up on love and get a dog
so you don't die alone."
1639
01:24:01,334 --> 01:24:03,295
Damn.
1640
01:24:03,420 --> 01:24:05,005
Wait...
1641
01:24:07,883 --> 01:24:09,718
I Promise would like to drop
1642
01:24:09,843 --> 01:24:11,219
the restraining order,
Your Honor.
1643
01:24:11,344 --> 01:24:12,721
Miss Parsons
is telling the truth.
1644
01:24:13,847 --> 01:24:15,640
And you are?
1645
01:24:15,765 --> 01:24:17,434
Uh, I'm Riley Detamore.
1646
01:24:17,559 --> 01:24:20,770
I programmed
the I Promise system.
1647
01:24:20,896 --> 01:24:22,480
And the...
1648
01:24:23,815 --> 01:24:26,067
The message is real, Your Honor.
1649
01:24:27,944 --> 01:24:29,613
Oh, no.
1650
01:24:29,738 --> 01:24:31,197
- Keep talking.
- Well,
1651
01:24:31,323 --> 01:24:34,159
when I initially coded
the I Promise system,
1652
01:24:34,284 --> 01:24:37,495
I-I used myself
as a test subject.
1653
01:24:41,041 --> 01:24:42,584
That message, Kip...
1654
01:24:44,294 --> 01:24:45,879
it was meant for me.
1655
01:24:48,048 --> 01:24:49,716
I guess I just...
1656
01:24:49,841 --> 01:24:51,635
I forgot to delete the code.
1657
01:24:52,719 --> 01:24:53,970
And I didn't think of it
1658
01:24:54,095 --> 01:24:55,889
until Dennis reminded me
1659
01:24:56,014 --> 01:24:58,600
that the initial test response
was, "Get a dog."
1660
01:24:58,725 --> 01:25:02,062
And then I thought about us,
and-- And Fergus.
1661
01:25:02,187 --> 01:25:05,732
And I realized why you were
trying to get a dog
1662
01:25:05,857 --> 01:25:08,443
in the first place.
1663
01:25:08,568 --> 01:25:12,489
The reason why that message
never triggered is because...
1664
01:25:12,614 --> 01:25:17,410
no one ever signed up
that was like me.
1665
01:25:18,495 --> 01:25:19,746
You know...
1666
01:25:20,914 --> 01:25:22,165
weird, I guess.
1667
01:25:23,458 --> 01:25:24,709
Like me.
1668
01:25:26,336 --> 01:25:28,129
Until now.
1669
01:25:29,381 --> 01:25:30,507
Riley...
1670
01:25:30,632 --> 01:25:34,052
I'm so sorry, Kip.
1671
01:25:34,177 --> 01:25:36,304
You were telling the truth
the whole time, and I...
1672
01:25:36,429 --> 01:25:38,098
I didn't believe you.
1673
01:25:41,142 --> 01:25:42,811
Can you please forgive me?
1674
01:25:52,737 --> 01:25:53,989
No.
1675
01:25:56,324 --> 01:25:58,034
Miss Parsons...
1676
01:25:58,159 --> 01:25:59,369
Kip...
1677
01:25:59,494 --> 01:26:02,122
I'm the one who escalated this.
1678
01:26:02,247 --> 01:26:03,540
Not Riley.
1679
01:26:05,125 --> 01:26:08,628
Please don't hold a grudge
against my son.
1680
01:26:08,753 --> 01:26:10,171
I'm not holding a grudge,
Miss Detamore.
1681
01:26:10,297 --> 01:26:12,173
I'm trying to set a boundary.
1682
01:26:15,385 --> 01:26:16,970
You really hurt me.
1683
01:26:18,555 --> 01:26:21,474
So why would I give you
a chance to do it again?
1684
01:26:47,334 --> 01:26:50,295
As much as I would like
to see what happens next,
1685
01:26:50,420 --> 01:26:52,839
my job is to keep
this room moving.
1686
01:26:52,964 --> 01:26:55,258
So if no one
has anything else...
1687
01:26:55,383 --> 01:26:57,093
I'm gay!
1688
01:26:59,012 --> 01:27:03,016
And I'm married to David.
1689
01:27:04,976 --> 01:27:06,269
What?
1690
01:27:06,394 --> 01:27:08,146
Oh, come on.
How could you not know?
1691
01:27:08,271 --> 01:27:10,523
I went back in the closet
because I thought it would hurt
1692
01:27:10,649 --> 01:27:11,858
my brother's business
1693
01:27:11,983 --> 01:27:14,611
to have a gay,
married spokesman.
1694
01:27:16,112 --> 01:27:17,530
But Kip's right.
1695
01:27:17,656 --> 01:27:19,658
Truth matters.
1696
01:27:22,118 --> 01:27:23,912
And that's all.
1697
01:27:27,040 --> 01:27:28,291
I'm so proud of you.
1698
01:27:28,416 --> 01:27:30,502
Well, thanks for that,
my friend.
1699
01:27:30,627 --> 01:27:33,797
You have my sincere hope
that no one cares.
1700
01:27:33,922 --> 01:27:35,173
Anyone else like to share?
1701
01:27:35,298 --> 01:27:36,758
No?
1702
01:27:37,759 --> 01:27:39,219
Okay.
1703
01:27:39,344 --> 01:27:40,971
If there are no
further objections,
1704
01:27:41,096 --> 01:27:46,184
I am declaring the order void.
1705
01:28:02,284 --> 01:28:04,286
Sorry, Jones.
1706
01:28:04,411 --> 01:28:07,080
You were the best roommate ever.
1707
01:28:08,832 --> 01:28:11,084
Kip, come on. Please open up.
1708
01:28:11,209 --> 01:28:13,295
Go away.
1709
01:28:22,178 --> 01:28:23,722
Kip? Are you okay?
1710
01:28:23,847 --> 01:28:25,640
Open the door!
1711
01:28:26,641 --> 01:28:28,435
My crab, he's immortal.
1712
01:28:28,560 --> 01:28:30,437
Oh. What?
1713
01:28:31,855 --> 01:28:36,109
Jones died,
but now he's in there.
1714
01:28:36,234 --> 01:28:38,653
Well, was he just lying there,
like, out of his shell?
1715
01:28:38,778 --> 01:28:41,323
And did he just molt?
1716
01:28:41,448 --> 01:28:43,074
Oh. I guess so.
1717
01:28:43,199 --> 01:28:45,243
He's never done that before.
I thought he was dead.
1718
01:28:45,368 --> 01:28:47,329
See, he can't grow
in his old skin,
1719
01:28:47,454 --> 01:28:49,414
so he has to shed it.
1720
01:28:49,539 --> 01:28:51,750
Actually, fun fact
about hermit crabs--
1721
01:28:51,875 --> 01:28:53,293
I'm doing that nerd thing again.
1722
01:28:53,418 --> 01:28:55,795
I'll stop.
1723
01:28:57,547 --> 01:28:59,716
Jones, uh,
I am so proud of you.
1724
01:28:59,841 --> 01:29:01,009
That must have hurt
like a bitch.
1725
01:29:01,134 --> 01:29:02,510
You just do your thing in there,
1726
01:29:02,636 --> 01:29:04,095
and I'm gonna get you
something special,
1727
01:29:04,221 --> 01:29:05,931
like a real pineapple.
1728
01:29:07,599 --> 01:29:09,893
Okay, you can leave now.
1729
01:29:24,741 --> 01:29:25,992
Question 82.
1730
01:29:27,786 --> 01:29:30,538
Question 82 on the I Promise questionnaire.
1731
01:29:30,664 --> 01:29:35,168
"What's one thing
that you will always regret?"
1732
01:29:35,293 --> 01:29:38,004
You know, I felt a little weird
writing that question
1733
01:29:38,129 --> 01:29:39,548
because I didn't
have an answer for it.
1734
01:29:39,673 --> 01:29:42,467
I mean, I should floss more, but...
1735
01:29:43,802 --> 01:29:45,053
Anyway...
1736
01:29:46,054 --> 01:29:47,764
just...
1737
01:29:47,889 --> 01:29:50,058
now I'll have something I regret
for the rest of my life.
1738
01:30:07,909 --> 01:30:10,745
Also, the Immortal Crabs is the
name of my new calypso band.
1739
01:30:19,254 --> 01:30:21,006
And I haven't seen him since.
1740
01:30:21,131 --> 01:30:23,174
I'm not mad anymore.
I'm just...
1741
01:30:25,260 --> 01:30:28,013
I don't know.
I did all of that for nothing.
1742
01:30:29,806 --> 01:30:31,391
I lost my job.
1743
01:30:31,516 --> 01:30:33,059
My dignity.
1744
01:30:33,184 --> 01:30:34,477
My privacy.
1745
01:30:34,603 --> 01:30:35,896
And for what?
1746
01:30:40,358 --> 01:30:43,862
I've spent my life feeling like
no one really gets me.
1747
01:30:45,030 --> 01:30:47,741
Like I'm not enough.
1748
01:30:50,535 --> 01:30:51,828
But with Riley...
1749
01:30:53,580 --> 01:30:55,123
With Riley, I felt enough.
1750
01:30:59,502 --> 01:31:00,962
Then he's the one.
1751
01:31:04,716 --> 01:31:05,967
Hi.
1752
01:31:09,804 --> 01:31:11,389
You're enough, Kip.
1753
01:31:13,350 --> 01:31:14,684
The real question is...
1754
01:31:16,311 --> 01:31:17,562
Is he?
1755
01:31:21,900 --> 01:31:24,277
I guess I got to stop
tucking away my weirdness, huh?
1756
01:31:25,695 --> 01:31:26,947
Yes.
1757
01:31:29,241 --> 01:31:30,533
See if he can keep up.
1758
01:32:03,066 --> 01:32:04,359
Can we talk?
1759
01:32:18,999 --> 01:32:21,501
Let's go. Come on.
1760
01:32:21,626 --> 01:32:22,878
Come on.
1761
01:32:26,464 --> 01:32:28,884
- Hey.
- Hey.
1762
01:32:29,009 --> 01:32:30,719
Oh, my God! Is this Fergus?
1763
01:32:30,844 --> 01:32:32,721
Yeah. Someone--
1764
01:32:32,846 --> 01:32:34,347
I can't remember who.
1765
01:32:34,472 --> 01:32:36,683
suggested that I get a dog.
1766
01:32:39,519 --> 01:32:41,146
Too soon?
1767
01:32:50,280 --> 01:32:52,240
Kip.
1768
01:32:53,909 --> 01:32:55,827
So, this is it.
Corporate headquarters.
1769
01:32:55,952 --> 01:32:58,580
Also known as my house.
1770
01:32:58,705 --> 01:33:02,375
If you'll excuse us,
we have that appointment.
1771
01:33:02,500 --> 01:33:04,461
Right. We have to see that guy.
1772
01:33:04,586 --> 01:33:07,172
- What guy?
- Uh, about that thing.
1773
01:33:07,297 --> 01:33:08,840
Ahem.
1774
01:33:14,429 --> 01:33:15,805
Bye, guys.
1775
01:33:18,516 --> 01:33:21,144
Oh, they're not very good
at pretending
1776
01:33:21,269 --> 01:33:23,271
that they have
other things to do.
1777
01:33:23,396 --> 01:33:25,732
I feel-- I mean,
I'm embar-- I'm embar--
1778
01:33:25,857 --> 01:33:27,400
Oh, dear.
1779
01:33:27,525 --> 01:33:28,777
Yeah, uh...
1780
01:33:28,902 --> 01:33:30,987
Okay, now I'm really embarrassed.
1781
01:33:31,112 --> 01:33:32,906
Uh, Mom, I think that's...
1782
01:33:33,031 --> 01:33:35,408
Yeah, so, Mom, I think now
is probably a good time to...
1783
01:33:35,533 --> 01:33:37,869
- Um...
- Oh, I-I-I'm going.
1784
01:33:37,994 --> 01:33:39,287
- I'm going.
- Okay.
1785
01:33:42,749 --> 01:33:44,709
Can I show you my office?
It's kind of cool.
1786
01:33:44,834 --> 01:33:46,628
- Sure.
- All right, I'll show you.
1787
01:33:49,798 --> 01:33:51,675
So I took my own advice
and got a dog.
1788
01:33:52,676 --> 01:33:53,927
That's Odin.
1789
01:34:03,228 --> 01:34:04,604
You asked me here to talk,
1790
01:34:04,729 --> 01:34:06,773
so talk.
1791
01:34:10,277 --> 01:34:11,444
Um...
1792
01:34:14,614 --> 01:34:16,116
Kip, I-I didn't...
1793
01:34:16,241 --> 01:34:19,411
Kip, that message
wasn't meant for you.
1794
01:34:19,536 --> 01:34:21,830
I would never say anything
like that to you,
1795
01:34:21,955 --> 01:34:24,291
or anyone else.
1796
01:34:24,416 --> 01:34:26,001
But you did.
1797
01:34:26,126 --> 01:34:28,461
You said it about yourself,
and that's not okay.
1798
01:34:31,673 --> 01:34:33,133
[chuckles lightly
1799
01:34:44,978 --> 01:34:46,563
We hospitalized my mom.
1800
01:34:46,688 --> 01:34:48,189
Yeah.
1801
01:34:48,315 --> 01:34:49,941
We traumatized
an innocent fish.
1802
01:34:50,066 --> 01:34:52,068
Mm-hmm. I got fired.
1803
01:34:52,193 --> 01:34:53,945
I destroyed my company.
1804
01:34:54,070 --> 01:34:56,448
I got both served and arrested
live on the Internet.
1805
01:34:56,573 --> 01:34:58,158
We have a terrible record.
1806
01:34:58,283 --> 01:34:59,576
We're a dumpster fire.
1807
01:34:59,701 --> 01:35:03,622
But if there's any way
that we can...
1808
01:35:13,340 --> 01:35:16,927
In the end, I Promise did
match me with my perfect man.
1809
01:35:17,052 --> 01:35:19,012
The man I adore.
1810
01:35:22,098 --> 01:35:24,976
After the trial, Raina
and Sanjay got coffee together.
1811
01:35:25,101 --> 01:35:26,728
Then dinner.
1812
01:35:26,853 --> 01:35:28,230
Then breakfast.
1813
01:35:32,400 --> 01:35:34,110
I Promise did survive,
1814
01:35:34,236 --> 01:35:36,321
and eventually
Riley rehired his family.
1815
01:35:36,446 --> 01:35:38,657
Of course, under the condition
they will never send
1816
01:35:38,782 --> 01:35:40,408
another client to jail,
1817
01:35:40,533 --> 01:35:43,286
and that I Promise brand
wasn't skyscrapers
1818
01:35:43,411 --> 01:35:44,913
and supermodels,
1819
01:35:45,038 --> 01:35:47,123
but helping people find a home.
1820
01:35:47,249 --> 01:35:48,416
A family.
1821
01:35:48,541 --> 01:35:50,085
However they define it.
1822
01:35:50,210 --> 01:35:52,087
Riley also hired
his friend Dennis.
1823
01:35:52,212 --> 01:35:56,466
And Raina, who has them all
next-level organized.
1824
01:35:58,260 --> 01:36:00,053
It didn't take long
for my CEO to realize
1825
01:36:00,178 --> 01:36:03,098
who was actually doing all
the work Marco took credit for.
1826
01:36:03,223 --> 01:36:08,144
Soon after, Marco himself was
released back into the wild.
1827
01:36:10,605 --> 01:36:11,982
They offered me his position.
1828
01:36:12,107 --> 01:36:13,650
I accepted,
1829
01:36:13,775 --> 01:36:16,611
as long as they paid me
exactly one dollar more
1830
01:36:16,736 --> 01:36:17,988
than he made.
1831
01:36:25,662 --> 01:36:28,039
Riley became
an important member
1832
01:36:28,164 --> 01:36:30,250
of our zombie strike team.
1833
01:36:30,375 --> 01:36:33,295
And a few more
members joined too.
1834
01:36:33,420 --> 01:36:36,673
Business boomed after Dirk
made several TV appearances.
1835
01:36:36,798 --> 01:36:40,093
Apparently not that many people
come out, go back in,
1836
01:36:40,218 --> 01:36:41,803
then come out again
in a courtroom.
1837
01:36:42,804 --> 01:36:44,180
Love is love,
1838
01:36:44,306 --> 01:36:45,974
and we all need help
finding it.
1839
01:36:46,099 --> 01:36:49,311
"With that in mind,
please listen to these words.
1840
01:36:49,436 --> 01:36:52,230
From one unmatchable
to another.
1841
01:36:55,442 --> 01:36:58,111
Don't tuck away
your weirdness for anyone.
1842
01:36:58,236 --> 01:37:02,115
Someone is out there,
waiting for you.
1843
01:37:02,240 --> 01:37:03,575
And they will love you,
1844
01:37:03,700 --> 01:37:05,994
not in spite
of how you really are,
1845
01:37:06,119 --> 01:37:08,038
but because of it."
1846
01:37:09,164 --> 01:37:10,498
I promise.
1847
01:37:25,180 --> 01:37:27,265
♪ I see it in your eyes ♪
1848
01:37:29,643 --> 01:37:33,271
♪ It's where forever starts ♪
1849
01:37:33,396 --> 01:37:37,400
♪ Your love is like the sky ♪
1850
01:37:37,525 --> 01:37:41,404
♪ So wide and deep
And near and far ♪
1851
01:37:42,948 --> 01:37:44,950
♪ I want to be close to you ♪
1852
01:37:45,075 --> 01:37:49,037
♪ And feel my feet
Rising off the ground ♪
1853
01:37:50,413 --> 01:37:52,540
♪ I'm gonna hold on to you ♪
1854
01:37:52,666 --> 01:37:57,045
♪ Hand in hand
Here we go again ♪
1855
01:37:57,170 --> 01:38:01,424
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1856
01:38:04,636 --> 01:38:08,598
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1857
01:38:08,723 --> 01:38:12,727
♪ And I won't let go
'Cause the world is ours ♪
1858
01:38:12,852 --> 01:38:14,396
♪ Tonight ♪
1859
01:38:26,741 --> 01:38:29,369
♪ I see it in your smile ♪
1860
01:38:31,329 --> 01:38:33,915
♪ It's where forever starts ♪
1861
01:38:35,458 --> 01:38:39,254
♪ Your love is like a fire ♪
1862
01:38:39,379 --> 01:38:44,509
♪ Burning wide and deep
And near and far ♪
1863
01:38:44,634 --> 01:38:46,803
♪ I want to be close to you ♪
1864
01:38:46,928 --> 01:38:50,891
♪ And feel my feet
Rising off the ground ♪
1865
01:38:52,309 --> 01:38:54,477
♪ I'm gonna hold on to you ♪
1866
01:38:54,603 --> 01:38:59,316
♪ Hand in hand
Here we go again ♪
1867
01:38:59,441 --> 01:39:03,653
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1868
01:39:06,990 --> 01:39:11,161
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1869
01:39:13,997 --> 01:39:18,460
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1870
01:39:21,755 --> 01:39:25,759
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1871
01:39:25,884 --> 01:39:29,596
♪ And I won't let go
'Cause the world is ours ♪
1872
01:39:29,721 --> 01:39:31,306
♪ Tonight ♪
131564
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